Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're listening to
the Evolved Men Podcast, episode
number 17.
A lot of men pride themselveson being low-maintenance they
don't ask for too much, theykeep to themselves and they
handle their own problems andnever make a fuss.
But here's the truth.
What if we often calllow-maintenance is actually
(00:23):
something else entirelyEmotional disconnection.
It's shutting down your needs,because somewhere along the line
you learn that having needsmade you weak or a burden or too
much to handle, and while itmight feel like strength, it's
actually costing you connectionto yourself, to your
relationships and to yourleadership.
(00:44):
Today, we're going to pull thatapart, reconnect you to what
you actually need and talk aboutwhy owning it might be the most
courageous thing that you'll dothis year.
I'm Corey Baum, founder of theEvolved Men Project and this
podcast.
I help men lead themselvesboldly, build real confidence
(01:06):
and live with purpose.
This podcast isn't aboutwearing a mask or playing the
strong, silent role just becausethat's what you think
leadership looks like.
It's about being fullyconnected to yourself and to the
people around you and to whatmatters most, because the kind
of man who knows what he needs,owns it and acts on it is the
(01:30):
kind of man who actually makesan impact.
What's up, man?
So for a long time I would havedescribed myself as low
maintenance.
I didn't ask for much, I didn'twant to be a burden.
It was something you know.
If there was something that wasbothering me, I'd I'd keep it
(01:51):
to myself and just figure it outon my own, and it sounded like
independence, right.
But in reality it was.
It was disconnection.
I remember times inrelationships where I convinced
myself that I didn't needanything, right, whether it was
more time together or moreclarity, more affection, because
(02:13):
asking felt risky, right, whatif it made me seem needy?
What if it caused conflict?
And so I'd keep quiet and tellmyself that I was fine, right,
and that I would just powerthrough.
But the truth is is that Iwasn't just fine right, I was
(02:35):
just disconnected from my ownneeds.
And that disconnection cost me.
It made me harder to connectwith, even for the people that
were closest to me, and it leftme feeling unseen, not because
others didn't care, but becauseI never gave them a chance to
(02:56):
actually show up for me.
And it wasn't in justrelationships, right, even in
friendships or in leadershiproles, I'd avoid asking for help
or sharing what it was that Ineeded to be my best.
I even thought, that being thatI was like being easygoing, but
in reality I was just makingmyself smaller.
(03:19):
So it took me a long time toreally realize that strength
isn't about needing nothing,that it's about being honest
enough to admit what you needand courageous enough to ask for
it.
So today's episode is aboutbreaking one of the most
(03:39):
celebrated myths in masculinity,and that's that being low
maintenance is a strength.
Because the truth is, if you'vetrained yourself to need
nothing, then you've alsotrained yourself to disconnect
from your emotions, from yourrelationships and from your own
truth.
And you can't lead yourself oryour family, or anyone else for
(04:04):
that matter, from a place ofdisconnection, because when you
ignore your needs long enough, afew things start to happen you
stop noticing them altogether.
You start feeling restless andresentful or checked out,
without even knowing why thepeople around you can't give you
(04:27):
what you need because you neveractually tell them what it is
that you need.
And this isn't just aboutrelationships, right?
This is about life.
If you're unwilling to own whatit is that you need, then
you're going to keep living onlike this half power all
throughout your life, waitingfor people to read your mind or
(04:50):
hoping that being easy willsomehow get you where you want
to go.
So the real strength is stayingconnected to your needs, to
your boundaries and to yourvalues and then having the
courage to act on them.
That's where leadership starts.
(05:12):
So somewhere along the way, alot of us learn that having
needs made us weak.
Right, we picked up the message, either directly or indirectly,
that a real man should be ableto handle everything on his own
right, and for some of us itcame from our family.
(05:34):
Maybe every time that youbrought something up that was
bothering you, you got hit withwell, don't be so sensitive.
Or maybe you learned that earlyon that other people's needs
took priority over your own.
So you figured out how todisappear into the background to
avoid causing any trouble.
(05:54):
Others learned it in, you know,maybe sports or the military,
or in your workplace.
Or in your workplace you gotthe message that showing that
you were tired or confused oroverwhelmed meant that you
couldn't hack it.
So if you kept your mouth shutand just swallowed the
(06:15):
frustration and told yourselfthat you were fine, and over the
years that pattern became partof your identity, that I'm just
low maintenance, I don't needmuch.
I just roll with it.
And on the surface it can evenlook like a strength, calm and
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self-sufficient, unshakable, andpeople will admire that because
you're easy to be around.
But here's the truth when youdisconnect from your own needs,
you disconnect from yourself,and when you disconnect from
yourself, you can't fullyconnect with anyone else Not
your partner, not your friends,not your kids and definitely not
(06:58):
the men that you're trying tolead.
So it starts showing up insubtle ways.
Right, you tell yourself thatyou're fine when you're not.
You agree to plans that youdon't want to be a part of
because it feels easier thansaying no.
You avoid conversations thatyou'd have to admit that you
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want more.
Right, from a relationship,from your work, from yourself.
Maybe you go without thingsthat would make your life better
Rest or clarity, you know.
Challenge, whatever it might be, because asking feels like too
much and the cost.
(07:41):
Over time, you lose touch withwhat you actually want.
You start living in a kind ofemotional gray zone.
Right, not angry, notdevastated, just doled out.
Right, you stop actuallyfeeling truly alive, and I've
seen this in my own life.
Right, there were times that Ithought that I was just
(08:03):
easygoing.
Right, but what I was reallydoing was shrinking, right,
whether it was in relationships,right, I wouldn't bring up that
I needed more time together ormore clarity about around where
we stood In leadershipsituations.
I wouldn't ask for help or setboundaries, I just I try to
(08:24):
handle it all quietly, right.
And the irony is is that peoplecan't meet needs that you never
share.
So the shift starts withsomething simple, but not always
easy, and that's admitted,right.
First, to yourself what youactually need, and not in like a
dramatic flip the table oversort of way, not with like a
(08:49):
laundry list of demands, butjust in a grounded, honest
check-in, right, actually askingyourself hey, do I need more
time alone to recharge?
Right, more space to maybecreate more connection with my
partner?
(09:09):
Do I need a clear expectationsin a friendship or a work?
Right, do I need to feel morerespected, more challenged or
more value?
Because when you name it,something changes and you stop
playing in defense of your ownlife, right, you stop silently
(09:30):
hoping that other people willread your mind and you start
taking responsibility for yourown alignment.
And, yeah, sure, I get it.
It's uncomfortable at first,right, Especially when you've
worn this low maintenance like abadge of honor for years.
It might feel selfish, right,it might feel like you're asking
(09:50):
for too much, but here's thetruth this isn't neediness, this
is leadership, because the manwho can own his truth, who can
voice it clearly and stand by it, is the man that people can
trust.
And when you start living fromthat place, right, you notice
(10:11):
something surprising that thepeople who truly value you don't
resent it right, they'reactually grateful for it,
because now they can actuallysee you, they know how to
support you.
Right, and they can trust thatwhen you say like, oh man, I'm,
I'm good, I'm doing good, right,that you actually mean it.
(10:32):
And when you say something onthe other side of that, when you
say like, hey, man, I, I needsomething, they know that it's
real.
And that's not being highmaintenance, that's being
connected, and connected menchange things, starting with
themselves.
So let's slow this down for aminute and turn the mirror back
(10:57):
towards yourself.
If you've worn thislow-maintenance sort of thing as
a part of your identity, I wantyou to ask yourself when was
the last time that I clearlyexpressed something that I
needed, not hinted at it, nothoped that someone would pick up
(11:18):
on the signs, but actually saidit out loud Think about the
different areas of your life, inyour relationships, right, are
you getting the time, theintimacy, the clarity that you
want?
Or have you been quietlysettling because you don't want
to be too much, right?
(11:39):
So in your friendships, arethere things that you wish that
you did together?
Maybe there were topics thatyou wish that you could talk
about, support that you wishthat you had, and if so, why
haven't you asked In your workdo you have what you feel like
(11:59):
you need to thrive, theresources, the feedback, the
room to grow, or are you tellingyourself to just be grateful
and make do?
Now here's the harder questionwhat's the cost of not voicing
those needs?
Because every time that youswallow them, you're teaching
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yourself two things.
One, you're teaching yourselfthat your needs don't matter,
and number two is that it'seasier to stay disconnected than
to risk being seen, right.
So I want you to picture oneneed, just one, that you've been
(12:44):
going without.
Maybe it's more rest, maybeit's more creative time, maybe
it's more clarity in arelationship, right?
Whatever it is, I want you toname it out loud, or in a
journal, or someone that youtrust.
And, when you do, notice whathappens inside of you, because
(13:06):
even before anything changes onthe outside, something shifts
internally.
You've stopped pretending thatyou don't need anything and
you've started stepping backinto a connection with yourself.
So here's the reframe You'vebeen told that needing nothing
(13:28):
is a strength, but the realityis it's not that.
It's survival.
Real strength is about beingconnected enough to know what
you need and courageous enoughto own it.
Because when you hide yourneeds, to own it.
(13:51):
Because when you hide yourneeds, you shrink, but when you
own them, you lead.
So here's your challenge forthe week I want you to pick one
thing, just one, that you'vebeen quietly going without, and
I want you to name it and thenshare it with someone who can
actually help you get it met.
And that might mean asking yourpartner for more quality time.
That might mean telling afriend that you'd like to see
(14:14):
them more often.
It might mean telling your teamthat you need more clarity
before you move forward.
You don't need to justify itright.
That's the thing.
You don't need to over-explain.
You simply need to own it,because every time that you do,
you're sending a message back toyourself that I'm a man whose
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needs matter.
I'm a man who leads fromconnection, not from
disconnection, not fromdisconnection.
So if this episode hit home, ifyou've been wearing this low
maintenance mask right like abadge of honor, but realizing
that it's been keeping youdisconnected, this is exactly
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the kind of work that I do withmen every day.
Right, we strip away the oldconditioning, we reconnect you
to what you truly need and wehelp you build the courage and
skill to voice it, withoutfeeling guilty or selfish or
that you're asking for too much.
If you're ready to make thatshift, book a free discovery
(15:20):
call with me atEvolveMenProjectcom all of men
projectcom no pressure, just areal conversation about where
you're at and what's what's beenholding you back and how to
start showing up more connectedin every area of your life.
And if this episode gave yousomething to think about, share
it with a friend right, Followthe show, leave a five-star
(15:43):
review and let's keep spreadingthis message to more men who are
ready to lead from connection,not disconnection.
So here's what I want you toremember Needing nothing doesn't
make you stronger, it makes youinvisible, and that's sometimes
even to yourself, and that'ssometimes even to yourself.
(16:05):
When you stay disconnected fromyour own needs, you cut off the
very fuel that makes you abetter partner or father or a
friend and a leader.
But when you have the courageto name those needs, you stop
living on half power right.
You become a man who shows up,fully present and grounded and
(16:27):
worth following.
So this week, stop pretendingthat you don't need anything and
pick one thing and own it andwatch how it changes you, not
just the way that you feel, butthe way that you lead.
Thanks for listening to theEvolve Men podcast.
Lead with connection, lead withcourage and I'll see you next
(16:51):
time.
Hey, before you go, thispodcast is just the surface.
The real work happens insidethe Evolve Men Brotherhood.
This is our private communityof men committed to leading
themselves boldly, buildingconfidence and sharpening one
another in the fire.
Registration officially opensDecember 1st and we kick off our
Brotherhood calls together,beginning in January 2026.
(17:14):
But you can get on the listtoday and be the first to claim
your spot If you're tired ofgoing to life alone and you're
ready for true accountability,support and connection with men
who get it head toevolvemenprojectcom.
Slash brotherhood.
Don't just listen.
Step into the brotherhood.
I'll see you inside.