Choosing Your Experience Whatever The Circumstances

In the last episode, I introduced an ancient Greek word: prohairesis. This is translated as the faculty of choice or volition or will. And this, according to Epictetus, is the essence of who we are as individuals experiencing the world. The self, in other words, is the faculty of choice.

Now, what can we do with that? Let's find out.

Hey there. It’s me, Kore. And you're listening to Exercising Self-Control: From Fitness To Flourishing.

Most people blame their circumstances for the experience they're having in life. It makes sense on the surface. Check in with friends, family, co-workers and you’ll hear the same formula: external circumstance = experience.

For example, being stuck in traffic is frustrating. Public speaking is nerve-wracking. Poverty is embarrassing. Running is boring. Receiving criticism is stressful. You've probably heard some of those. It's as if the experience is inherent in the circumstance, but that's not true. Not everybody stuck in traffic is frustrated. There are public speakers excited to stand at the podium. Some people choose to live in poverty on purpose and with pride. Many people love running. You get the idea.

What's missing from the common formula of external experience = experience is our volition. We forget, are unaware, or we refuse to acknowledge that we are making a choice in the context of the circumstance.

Once again, from Epictetus, “It isn't the things themselves that disturb people, but the judgments that they form about them.”

So a more accurate formula would be external circumstance + our choice = our experience. That's the power of exercising self-control.

You can even think of self-control as choice-control. Because remember, according to Epictetus, the self can be considered the faculty of choice. In other words, we exercise our ability to choose and interpret the circumstances differently to create a different experience. Hopefully one that's more consistent with our highest values and our most important goals.

Why is this important?

If our experiences are determined by our circumstances, we'd have to change our circumstances to change our experience.

The Peripatetic school founded by Aristotle claimed that a certain level of health, a certain level of wealth, and a certain level of reputation actually are necessary for a good life. Once again, what if we’re born with or develop health challenges? What if our social network is limited? What if the economy isn't very good at the moment? According to Aristotle, and most people agree, a good life would then be impossible. Aristotle is describing a pretty bleak picture for many of us. At least one that can seem very daunting.

Here's something else. Invincibility as a consistent state of being is for the mythical Stoic Sage. I talked about invincibility in the last episode. [ How To Make Yourself Invincible ] This is not physical invincibility, but the invincibility of having choice regardless of the circumstances. Even within the realm of choice, the invincibility of the Stoic Sage is not an ideal to be achieved, but an aspiration toward which we can direct our effort.

So even though only the Sage chooses invincibility in every moment, we do have the option to choose invincibility in any moment. That opportunity is there. Our circumstances no longer need to dictate how we experience life. The excellence we choose to live will be our standard and our path. If we step off the path or find ourselves stumbling off the path, we'll acknowledge it was either our choice to do so or it was a mistake. We made an error in judgment, not blaming the circumstances. And then we'll acknowledge our responsibility for getting back on the path over and over and over again when, not if, we do step off the path or stumble.

So, depending on our highest values and most important goals in the moment, we'll choose to be happy, self-disciplined, calm, courageous, organized, compassionate, focused, or whatever is appropriate, regardless of the circumstances. With enough practice, we'll be able to maintain this mindset in more and more moments of choice. As a result, we'll be able to go into almost any circumstance with the best mindset possible as a matter of choice.

Circumstances that would have triggered emotional distress, ruined our plans, or otherwise would have us abandoning our standard of personal excellence can now be handled with skill. We'll deal with it and get back on the path. And that'll happen quicker, sometimes immediately.

That's it for today. Catch you next time.

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