September 16, 2025 • 35 mins
In this vulnerable bonus episode, I'm sharing the hardest month of my third pregnancy—battling severe anxiety and depression while navigating morning sickness, parenting struggles, and feeling completely overwhelmed as a mom of two expecting her third baby.
This isn't the polished, faith-filled message I usually share. This is me in the trenches, feeling like I'm failing at everything—from parenting my strong-willed four-year-old to managing daily tasks while battling mental health struggles. After going off my anxiety medication when I discovered this surprise pregnancy, I found myself in the darkest place I've been in years, wondering if I was capable of raising the children God had given me.
Whether you're struggling with pregnancy anxiety, wrestling with medication decisions, or feeling like you're failing as a mom—this episode is a raw reminder that God's grace truly is sufficient in our weakest moments.
In this episode, I share:
🤱 My honest struggle with anxiety, depression, and feeling like a failing mom
💊 The difficult decision to go back on medication (Zoloft) during pregnancy
🙏 How my community rallied around me in my darkest moment
✨ Finding a Christian counselor and the importance of professional support
💕 Why "people, prayers, and pills" became my lifeline through this season
Scripture Shared: "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." – 2 Corinthians 12:9 (ESV)
Mentioned in this episode:
📖 "Jesus and Your Mental Health" - book mentioned by Rebecca Maxwell, LMFT
✨ Christian Mama Birth Prep Library - Free birth prep tools, cervical ripening methods, worship playlists & more
📱 "Not By My Strength" 30-day devotional - A faith-focused devotional designed specifically for pregnancy.
📚 Childbirth Education Course - Learn the stages of labor, comfort measures, and labor positions all with a faith-focus!
💛 Work with Me 1:1 - Personalized pregnancy and birth support that integrates faith and evidence-based care, including virtual coaching, doula support, and comprehensive childbirth education.
📸 Follow me on Instagram @faitoverfearbirthdoula
If this episode encouraged you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a friend who might need to hear she's not alone in her struggles.
Let's keep choosing faith over fear, even in our darkest seasons.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey there, mama.
Thanks so much for joining me onFaith Over Fear, the Christian
Pregnancy and Birth podcast.
I am Natalie Portman.
I'm the host of this podcast,and in case you have missed the
last month or so I have beentaking a little bit of a break
as I have been navigating myfirst trimester of my third
pregnancy, and I wanted toactually, instead of releasing
(00:23):
just another episode, I wantedto pause and release this bonus
episode as a way to just recapthis last month.
And honestly, I have reallydebated whether or not to share
what all has been going on thislast month because it's been
really difficult for me.
But I have just, been through alot and I really wanted to share
(00:45):
my heart with you so that itmight be an encouragement to
you, maybe not in thisparticular season that you're
in, but maybe one that you'll bewalking into one day and the
Lord has been just showing me alot through two Corinthians 12,
nine, and it says, but he saidto me, my grace is sufficient
for you, for my power is madeperfect in weakness.
(01:09):
Therefore, I will boast all themore gladly of my weaknesses,
that the power of Christ mayrest upon me.
And that's really been whereI've been at because I have just
felt like in, in such a place ofweakness, this first trimester
has been extremely difficult onmy physical body, just feeling
so nauseous and so tired andreally unmotivated.
(01:34):
Honestly, just every single taskfrom just taking care of my kids
to work has been really hard forme lately in this first
trimester.
And another huge part in allthis struggle has just been
mental illness.
I have been dealing with a lotof anxiety and depression and
(01:55):
that's been really hard to walkthrough.
I.
I've had a couple seasons ofanxiety and depression in my
life.
It started in college and thenhas, I've had maybe a handful of
just really strong seasons ofmental health illness.
And I, as a Christian, it's hardto categorize that because you.
(02:19):
Are like, you just want to bewell in your mind with, you
wanna honor the Lord with allyour strength with all your
mind, with all your soul.
And I just have felt so weak inmy mind that when I am having
parenting issues, Ellie's at a,she's four and she's just at
(02:39):
such an age where.
She's constantly testing me andBrian, and she's so smart and
she's so strong-willed, andthose are beautiful things.
But at the same time, it's beenreally hard for me to learn how
to navigate this parentingseason, and it's made me feel so
(02:59):
insufficient and as like such afailure as a mom to then be
pregnant again with a third andfeeling like.
I don't know what in the worldI'm gonna do when I then have
three children that I'm tryingto parent.
And Daniel's getting to the age,he's one and a half now, and
(03:21):
he's, getting into his, showingof his strong will, which is
again, not a bad thing, butwhenever I feel so weak to be
able to just carry out the, justday to day, getting her to
school, taking care of Daniel.
Just all the things.
It's just been really hard forme and I.
(03:44):
I have constantly over the lasthandful of your couple years
especially have felt just theenemy, really attack me with
things like, you're such a badmom.
Who do you think you are to bepregnant again?
Who do you think you are toraise these children?
And obviously when I say thatout loud, it's very evident to
(04:08):
me that is the enemy.
But when I'm in a dark m.
Mental place.
That feels true.
It feels really true to me thatI am such a horrible mom that I
don't know who I am to thinkthat I should be speaking words
into anybody because I am soimperfect but then the Holy
(04:30):
Spirit, comes in and is just ofcourse you're not perfect.
Of course, you are weak to doall the things that I've called
you to in and of yourself.
And so that's why I wanted toshare this bonus episode as just
an encouragement to you.
If you've ever been in that spotof feeling completely
ill-equipped for what the Lordhas called you into.
(04:55):
And to just remind you, as I amconstantly needing to remind
myself in this season that theLord's grace is sufficient and
his power is going to shine inour weakness.
And I get to boast not in myaccomplishments, in my feelings
that.
(05:15):
I am enough, but I get to boastin the Lord that he has already
done it all for me.
And and there's a level ofgiving that over to him on a
momentary basis.
Like it's so much more than evendaily, like it's momentary where
I give that to him and I say,this is all I've got, Lord.
(05:39):
And I know that you're gonna domore with this because it's for
your glory that I'm doing thesethings rather than I'm gonna do
this perfectly because this willsay something about me and this
will be a reflection on me.
And that's really hard for me.
I, that, that's not my defaultto go there.
(06:00):
I.
I really struggle, I guess withmy pride in how my performance
informs how I feel about myself,because I feel like if I'm not
doing things correctly,perfectly for my family, for the
business, that I'm running forthe podcast, then I am letting
not only myself down, but otherpeople, and then ultimately
(06:23):
letting the Lord down and allthose things are not true.
When I really think about it.
So anyway, all of that kind ofopener to say yeah, I really
debated whether or not to shareall this with you, especially if
you're a client of mine, ifyou're working with me right
now.
Because I didn't wanna make mystruggles a burden on you as
you're navigating this seasonyourself and many of you
(06:45):
probably are, going through yourown stuff.
So I didn't want to lay this onyou.
But at the same time, just as asister in Christ, I did feel
like the Lord was calling me todo that.
Just to, be really transparentand that if you have this
illusion that I am.
Just, this wonderfulfaith-filled person all the time
like that is so not true.
(07:06):
I really struggle.
And I need to be reminded of thegospel.
I need to be reminded of theLord's.
Provision and his faithfulnessin my life, just every single
moment of every day because I soeasily forget it.
And I default into going into, Ineed to make this work mode.
(07:26):
And that is anti gospels.
That is me trying to earn arighteousness that I could never
earn.
And yeah, just wanted to lay thefoundation there.
Yeah, so over the last month orso just been dealing with some
really intense anxiety anddepression.
I've had just personally areally hard year.
A lot of death in my family and,with a friend of mine just
(07:50):
recently lost her newborn andit's just been a lot for me to
just navigate this grief in myown heart and watch other people
go through it.
I have also recently watchedsomeone close to me go through a
suicide attempt and that hascompletely shaken me to my core,
watching that person go throughthat, and it's made me realize.
(08:15):
How capable we are to do, tocarry out darkness when our mind
is gripped with with darkness.
So I've just struggled in thisseason to know.
The depth of what I'm capableof.
And there were just a couplenights recently where I was
(08:39):
going to bed and feeling likedarkness might like literally
swallow me up, that the voicesof condemnation were so strong
for me.
That I might I thought I mightactually die.
And I don't know if you've everhad a dark night of the soul
(08:59):
like that.
But it's terrifying.
It is absolutely terrifying tolay your head down and be like,
Lord, I don't even know if I canwake up from this because it
feels so deep and dark, and.
I pray you've never felt that,but if you have, like I have
been there and I realized thatnight that I cannot do this on
(09:26):
my own.
And so I wanted to share withyou some of the things that the
Lord has put in my life and justto encourage you to maybe seek
out these things as well in yourown life if you're currently
struggling with that, if youknow someone who's struggling
with that or just to keep thisin your back pocket in case you
run into this season yourself.
But the first was getting peoplein my life to.
(09:50):
Be aware that I was strugglingthe way that I was.
And so the night that I wasfeeling that way, I was talking
with Brian about it.
But I was in such a bad mentalplace.
Like it wasn't like I was justsharing these things.
But I did not feel.
I did not feel ready or preparedto like, turn from that, if that
(10:11):
makes sense.
The next morning I woke up and Iimmediately texted my mom and my
sisters and my disciple group,the ladies in my disciple group,
and I just told them like, Hey,I am not okay.
I just kinda shared some of thestuff, like just feeling this
really deep darkness in my mind.
(10:31):
These are some of the things I'mhearing.
These are some of the things I'mfeeling.
Will you just please be prayingfor me?
And the response that I got wasjust overwhelming.
The words of encouragement thatI received, the.
The prayers, just the number ofwomen that were saying, I'm on
my knees right now, praying foryou, Natalie just overwhelmed
(10:54):
me.
And I also knew that I didn'tneed to be alone that day.
And so I called my mom and Isaid, Hey, can I come over after
I drop Ellie off at school?
And so Daniel and I went andjust hung out at her house.
So I just wasn't alone.
And we talked a little bit and Iwas like, I need to today.
(11:16):
Book a counseling session.
And so I by the grace of God, mymidwife suggested a counselor to
me.
So I reached out to her officeand like just asked point blank
Hey, is there anyone who is aChristian counselor?
And and so I found a Christiancounselor.
(11:37):
Who does virtual visits so thatI can, do the virtual visits
when the kids are sleepingnapping during the day.
And also wanted somebody whoaccepted my insurance.
And so by the grace of God,found this counselor that met
all three of those virtualChristian and accepted my
insurance for those sessions,and I booked a session with her
(11:58):
that afternoon.
And that was such a blessing tobe able to just open up to
somebody.
When I was in a very raw placeand had been meeting with her
weekly since then.
And just the improvement that'shappened with that has been just
such a blessing.
(12:18):
So that was a big piece, wasreaching out to my community,
reaching out to a counselor.
And then, my disciple group was,they were just, were so sweet.
Not only with words ofencouragement, but also one of
the ladies made us.
A dinner and another one cameand dropped it off and just hung
out at our house.
And just those just small thingsseemed so, so big to me and just
(12:43):
made me realize I am not alonein this.
And many of them also justopened up about the places that
they have been.
In their mental health over theyears.
And that just was such anencouragement to me because I
think that's one of the thingsthat the enemy does is he makes
you feel like you are the onlyone going through.
Whatever you're going through,and it is so not true.
(13:06):
I, man, I wish I had the versein front of me, but it talks
about how Jesus had been temptedin every way as us, and he knows
on a human level, everystruggle.
That we've dealt with, and howbeautiful is that?
To know that the Lord, whobasically only knew the perfect
love of the Father and of theHoly Spirit and the glory that
(13:30):
is due him in heaven.
Came to earth and justexperienced the brokenness in
every possible way.
But especially in just like themental, emotional ways that we
experience brokenness here, thathe is familiar with that and he
empathizes with us in that.
That was a really beautifulthing to, to come across in
(13:51):
scripture And then another thingthat, this kind of segues into
is just being in community withgod's people, God's word.
And coincidentally, my churchhas been going through a series
of going through Elijah's lifeand they had an entire.
Sermon dedicated to mentalhealth, and it happened to be of
(14:13):
course happened.
The Lord is so perfect in histiming.
The week that I was goingthrough this deep darkness was
the week that we were going overmental health and suicide.
And we had a licensed mental,counselor come up to the pulpit
and share just clinical wisdomand encouragement.
(14:34):
And she actually wrote a bookcalled Jesus and Your Mental
Health, and I'll share that inthe show notes.
But that book I started readingit and just pray that, just
further encourages my heart andmy mind as I.
Battle this, and I pray that itdoes the same for you.
And then I went up andanticipating that was gonna be
(14:55):
the sermon that week'cause theyhad been, informing us that was
coming up.
But I asked my disciple groupahead of time, will you come and
pray for me?
And just weeping, snotting mess,go up to the altar and just have
so many powerful, strong men andwomen.
Praying over me and Brian.
And my former disciple groupleader comes up to me and she's
(15:20):
praying for me too.
And I would love to be like, ohyeah.
And then from that moment on,everything's just been perfect.
Of course it has not but justwhat the Lord.
Did in that moment was, again,solidify that I am not alone.
That there are so many peoplethat love me that see me not as
(15:40):
perfect, not as, someone who hasit all together, but someone who
is broken, who wants to bringthat brokenness to the Lord
because I know that he is thegreat physician, that he is the
one that will ultimately heal methis side of glory and
permanently, forever.
In heaven and in glory with him.
(16:01):
And I've, I shared it in thefirst bonus episode where I
informed everyone of thepregnancy and everything, but
that the Lord has just beenspeaking over me.
I will provide.
And again, that has just beenringing true because I, I,
again, have just been feeling soinsufficient in and of myself.
And so the Lord has just beencontinually reminding me.
(16:23):
I will provide.
And so that has really been ananchor in this season of
darkness where I have justmisplaced my trust in myself
instead of placing it in thevery, very capable hands of the
Lord.
And then another piece in all ofthis is considering medication.
(16:45):
So one of the things that I wasdoing prior to becoming pregnant
was I decided to go on an SSRIfor anxiety and depression.
And that had helpedtremendously.
I, like I mentioned we, we gotpregnant unexpectedly.
And so I unexpectedly felt likeI, I needed to get off of that
(17:08):
medication.
And so the moment I found out Iwas pregnant, I reached out to
my primary and just said, Hey,how can I wean off of this
medication?
So that took about a month todo, and as soon as that was all
out of my system, that's reallywhen my mental health started
tanking.
And also was about the time,like the peak morning sickness
(17:29):
and fatigue and all that wassetting in.
So it was just everything wascoming in, crashing down on me
all at once.
And so I.
Reached out to my OB GYN becauseI established care with an ob,
and then I switched to amidwife.
But I, had conversations backand forth about being put on
something like Zoloft, an SSRI,which has been well studied for
(17:52):
pregnancy and breastfeeding.
And long long story short, Iwent back and forth tirelessly,
lot of tears, lot ofconversations and just felt like
that was gonna be the rightdecision for me to go on that
medication.
And it came with a lot ofconversations too with my
(18:16):
midwife because she had concernsabout how baby would do during
the delivery.
There were some studies that shewas reading showing how baby
could potentially have a hardtime breathing after the birth.
And of course that gave me a lotof pause and concern.
Before starting the medication,and again, after a lot of
(18:38):
conversations with my OB and mysister who's has a nursing
background, she was sending medifferent, yeah, just like
studies and things showing, howZoloft affects the pregnancy,
the birth, the postpartum, andagain, just felt like the Lord
was calling me to move forwardwith taking the medication.
(18:59):
And, I in general, like to avoidmedication like even.
Tylenol or anything like, I justI really tried to avoid
medication if at all possible.
And so it was a hard decisionbecause it felt, it still feels
contrary to what my normal modeis.
But when I see these medicationsas a common grace that the Lord
(19:23):
has given us and also as apotentially life-saving
medication.
I feel like it's worth it.
And so that's where I felt, theLord was leading me for this
particular season.
And so if you are also in thatplace and you're contemplating
taking a medication for anxietyand depression likely Zoloft
(19:45):
would be what would beprescribed to you because again,
it's the most well studied forthis kinda season.
But, prayerfully consider it,talk about it with your
providers with anyone you know,in your friend circle or family
circle that has taken it.
And I'm also willing and happyto talk with you about it too
just to share my heart andinsight on it.
(20:07):
But yeah, so just, go into that.
Decision with a lot ofpreparation and then ultimately
just trust the Lord with wherehe's leading you.
And I think for some of you thatwill not mean medication and for
others of you that willabsolutely mean medication.
And just being sensitive towhere the Lord is leading you
(20:27):
specifically is my word ofencouragement.
When in regards to medication?
Yeah, so for just a littlephrase that my church uses a
lot, the Lord can use peopleprayers and pills and in my
case, we are covering all thebases.
We're doing all the things rightnow, people, prayer and pills
(20:48):
and, and I have definitely seenthe Lord over these last couple
weeks just lifting me out ofthis deep darkness.
I.
Before would feel so overcome.
Overwhelmed when we would havean issue with behavior, at home
with the kids or when somethingwould just go wrong in my mind
(21:11):
about something in the day.
And I can just see how I've beenable to navigate things with so
much more grace, not only for.
Others in my life, but formyself.
And that's been one of thehardest things is just realizing
how harsh I am with myself.
That's something that I'mworking a lot through in
counseling.
Is, just this inner critic thatI have, if you're familiar with
(21:34):
the Enneagram, I'm the type one.
And the classic sign of theEnneagram type one is an inner
critic that is there.
And it's telling you, I willprotect you.
I am here to point out all yourflaws so that no one else can
hurt you, and so that you, cando well in this life.
But the problem with the innercritic, is that it is so
(21:57):
critical and so everything I do,I never feel like it's enough.
I never feel like it's perfectenough.
And if it is perfect enough, itis extremely fleeting feeling.
And I just always feelinsufficient and everything that
I do and everything that I am,the way I look the way I am
perceived by other people, andthat is crushing.
(22:19):
Yeah.
And absolutely unattainable.
And so just the journey oftrying to, again, shift my
self-worth away from what othersthink of me.
And then more importantly, whatI don't think of myself.
There's a part that I can'tremember which book.
Again, I'm just like blanking onall the biblical references
here.
(22:39):
But there's a part in somethingthat Paul wrote where he talks
about how he doesn't care what.
He's talking to other people, Idon't care what you guys think
about me, but I also, I don'tthink what I think about me.
And when I read that, I go, wow,that's freedom, because I feel
like.
If I could just let myself offthe mat, if I could just
(23:00):
relinquish the, just the liesand the standards that I put on
myself, man, I could be so muchmore free than where I am.
And if that's you, if youresonate with that, I feel you,
sister, because it is crushingto be put under, just these
impossible standards in allaspects of your life, all the
(23:20):
time.
And so I know that is notsomething that comes from the
Lord, that is not a a placewhere he wants us to be.
Because it ultimately is eithercondemnation or pride that it
leads us to.
And then the Lord recently hasbeen reminding me of just the
season when.
I just had Ellie and she was, anewborn and just like really
(23:43):
young.
And I remember that time and Iwas very happy, but there was a
lot of pride in that happinessbecause I felt like, look at me.
I did my unmedicated hospitalbirth.
I'm breastfeeding my child she'sthriving.
She's so smart.
Look at what all the things thatI have done and I think back to
(24:05):
that time, and I think, yeah, Iwas happy, but it was because of
just the circumstantialsituation I was in where I felt
like here was my standard.
I met the standard.
So I am good.
I am good, not.
The Lord is so good because hehas allowed me to.
(24:26):
Birth my child unmedicated andin the hospital and continue to
breastfeed her and look how muchshe's thriving.
I just took so much of thatresponsibility on myself.
And so it puffed me up withpride.
And then now here I am on theother side and I look at my life
and I think, I wish I was.
More patient as a mom, I wish Idid not have these blowups on
(24:51):
Ellie when we, get into fightsover the most ridiculous things.
And I wish I was happy.
I wish I fully, 1000% enjoyedevery moment of being a mom and
because I, I am not there.
So the verdict is in, and I havefailed, and so therefore I am a
terrible mom and I have failedas a mom.
(25:13):
And I hope you hear me.
Like obviously I that's notright.
Like both sides of those puffingmyself up with pride or
deflating myself withcondemnation because I haven't
met the standard.
Like both of those are ditchesthat I'm falling in and trying
to walk that fine line of.
The Lord does give me so muchgrace and mercy in this life,
(25:38):
but I cannot be fully and finelyresponsible for every outcome
that happens in my life.
There is a level of stewardshipand me wanting to honor and
glorify the Lord with whateverhe's given me, but at the end of
the day.
The outcome is not fully up tome.
And that's something that I haveto remind myself of momentarily
(25:59):
because I forget it instantly.
Like I will tell you all thisright now, and then later on
today, I'm gonna forget what allthat I've said right here.
And I'm going to just defaultswitch back into condemnation or
pride.
And it's really hard because,the problem with the living
sacrifice is it keeps coming upoff the altar and walks away.
And so if you find yourself inthat place where you're just
(26:21):
like, I need to like, justconstantly die to myself, die to
the messed up, broken thinking,the thought patterns, all the
things, all the ways that I haveeither self justified and puffed
myself up with pride or.
Where I just continually failand feel like I am never enough
and I'm just, I'm always justsuch a failure of a mom or a
(26:46):
wife or a friend or a daughteror whatever patterns you have
found in your life as I ampraying this over myself, but
I'm praying over you to justbreak those chains those just.
Dark thought patterns and waysof thinking in the name of Jesus
because it is, it's so dark.
But anyway, all that to say, Ijust I'm praying for you in this
(27:08):
season as well as I justdesperately would would ask for
you to pray for me as well.
That the remainder of thispregnancy would not be marked by
perfection in my parenting.
In my health, in the birth, inall of those things, like my
(27:28):
worth would not be in thosethings and those circumstantial
things that are mostly out of mycontrol, but that.
I would seek the Lord and hisgoodness and his faithfulness,
and I would seek him that Iwould become closer to him, that
I would love him more deeply,that I would trust him more
(27:50):
deeply and that I would realizein my heart of hearts that he is
sustaining me, and I would stop.
Trying to place that on myselfbecause clearly when I do that,
I crumble because I was notbuilt for that.
That is not what we were builtfor.
And so I would love to leavethis encouragement with you.
(28:13):
I'm gonna say it again, secondCorinthians 12, nine.
But he said to me, my grace issufficient for you, for my power
is made perfect in weakness.
Therefore, I will boast all themore gladly of my weaknesses,
that the power of Christ mayrest upon me.
(28:34):
And I think one of the otherbeautiful things you think about
the beatitudes and it saysBlessed are the poor in spirit.
And that's the season I feltlike I've been in.
I feel like I have been so poorin spirit, but that's where the
Lord is like, awesome.
You're empty.
Let me fill you up becausebefore, when you're, when you
(28:56):
feel like you're full onyourself and you're full on
thinking I've got this, I can dothis.
And it's not that the Lord iswanting you to think so poorly
of yourself, that you can't getthrough life, but you can't get
through life without him.
And so I, I pray that the seasonyou are in, I pray so fervently.
(29:18):
In my own season right now, thatthe Lord would just continually
show up and show out and show mehow weak I am in and of myself,
but that he is so much greaterin my weakness.
So I pray that for you as well,and I would love to just close
(29:39):
out this episode by justspeaking a prayer over you and
honestly myself too.
So let's go to the Lord andprayer.
Father God, I want to lift upthe mama who's listening right
now, and she's just feeling theweight of anxiety pressing down
on her chest or just darknessfrom depression that's just
(30:01):
clouding her heart and her mind.
Lord, you see her in the middleof the night when she can't
sleep.
When her mind is racing aboutfears about her her pregnancy,
her children her marriage, orjust her future, Lord, you see
her.
And even when she feels likeshe's failing everyone herself
(30:23):
when just simple tasks feeloverwhelming and she's just
wondering if she's enough.
Lord, I just pray that you wouldwrap her in your arms and remind
her that she is not alone in herstruggle.
That you are near to the brokenhearted and you have not
forgotten her in this darkseason.
I pray that you would give hercourage to reach out for help,
(30:45):
whether that's calling on afriend or counselor, talking to
a doctor or just, texting afriend.
Lord, I just pray that you wouldhelp her to see that seeking
support is not weakness, butit's wisdom.
And Lord, I just ask that youwould quiet the lies in the name
of Jesus, that she is tellingherself that she's not a good
(31:06):
mom, that her children would bebetter off without her, that
this darkness will never end.
I pray that you would replacethose whispers with your truth,
that she is fearfully andwonderfully made and that you
have.
Good plans for her life and thatweeping may endure for the
night, but joy comes in themorning.
(31:28):
So Jesus, I just ask that evenwhen her circumstances feel
impossible, when anxiety feelslike way too much to bear when
depression makes everything feellike a mountain that needs to be
climbed.
Lord, I just pray that you wouldremind her that our hope is not
found in ourselves.
It's also not found in perfectmental health, but Lord Jesus,
(31:50):
it is found.
In you because you are perfect.
And I just pray that you wouldhelp us, remind us that our hope
is in what you have alreadydone.
Lord Jesus, you have already wonvictory over sin and death and
darkness and.
You have secured our future, andI just, I know that you're
(32:11):
preparing a place for us wherethere will be no more tears, no
more weeping, no anxiety, nodepression, but until that day.
Sustain her with your grace.
Let your power be made perfectin her weakness.
Help her to find rest, not inher own strength, but in yours.
Lord Jesus, victory is hers inJesus, and not because the
(32:37):
battles here are over, butbecause the war has been won.
And so I pray this all in theprecious name of Jesus.
Amen.
So thank you for bearing with mewith this bonus episode, hearing
My Heart and what the Lord hasbeen doing this last month.
Really hard, dark place for me.
But the Lord has just been sogracious to be faithful to pull
(33:01):
me out of it through people andprayers and pills and I just
pray that the Lord would meetyou.
Wherever you're at.
And I love you and I'm alwayshere for you and some of you
have even reached out to me overlike Instagram and different
things, and I just love justyour words of encouragement, how
the podcast has been blessingyou.
(33:23):
And, i'm just so thankful forthis community that the Lord has
given me to just speak life intoand that, as beautiful as this
season is, obviously there's alot of darkness that can come
with this season as well.
So I hope I didn't, darken yourday if you were having a good
day.
But for those of you that arestruggling or know someone who's
(33:44):
struggling, I pray that thisepisode is an encouragement to
you.
And I'm just gonna continue topray for you, and I would just
love, love, love your prayersfor me as well as I navigate
this season.
But we will catch up next weekwhere I will be releasing a new
episode.
So I will catch you next week.
Bye-bye for now.
Hey there, mama.
Thanks so much for joining me onFaith Over Fear, the Christian
Pregnancy and Birth podcast.
I am Natalie Portman.
I'm the host of this podcast,and in case you have missed the
last month or so I have beentaking a little bit of a break
as I have been navigating myfirst trimester of my third
pregnancy, and I wanted toactually, instead of releasing
(00:23):
just another episode, I wantedto pause and release this bonus
episode as a way to just recapthis last month.
And honestly, I have reallydebated whether or not to share
what all has been going on thislast month because it's been
really difficult for me.
But I have just, been through alot and I really wanted to share
(00:45):
my heart with you so that itmight be an encouragement to
you, maybe not in thisparticular season that you're
in, but maybe one that you'll bewalking into one day and the
Lord has been just showing me alot through two Corinthians 12,
nine, and it says, but he saidto me, my grace is sufficient
for you, for my power is madeperfect in weakness.
(01:09):
Therefore, I will boast all themore gladly of my weaknesses,
that the power of Christ mayrest upon me.
And that's really been whereI've been at because I have just
felt like in, in such a place ofweakness, this first trimester
has been extremely difficult onmy physical body, just feeling
so nauseous and so tired andreally unmotivated.
(01:34):
Honestly, just every single taskfrom just taking care of my kids
to work has been really hard forme lately in this first
trimester.
And another huge part in allthis struggle has just been
mental illness.
I have been dealing with a lotof anxiety and depression and
(01:55):
that's been really hard to walkthrough.
I.
I've had a couple seasons ofanxiety and depression in my
life.
It started in college and thenhas, I've had maybe a handful of
just really strong seasons ofmental health illness.
And I, as a Christian, it's hardto categorize that because you.
(02:19):
Are like, you just want to bewell in your mind with, you
wanna honor the Lord with allyour strength with all your
mind, with all your soul.
And I just have felt so weak inmy mind that when I am having
parenting issues, Ellie's at a,she's four and she's just at
(02:39):
such an age where.
She's constantly testing me andBrian, and she's so smart and
she's so strong-willed, andthose are beautiful things.
But at the same time, it's beenreally hard for me to learn how
to navigate this parentingseason, and it's made me feel so
(02:59):
insufficient and as like such afailure as a mom to then be
pregnant again with a third andfeeling like.
I don't know what in the worldI'm gonna do when I then have
three children that I'm tryingto parent.
And Daniel's getting to the age,he's one and a half now, and
(03:21):
he's, getting into his, showingof his strong will, which is
again, not a bad thing, butwhenever I feel so weak to be
able to just carry out the, justday to day, getting her to
school, taking care of Daniel.
Just all the things.
It's just been really hard forme and I.
(03:44):
I have constantly over the lasthandful of your couple years
especially have felt just theenemy, really attack me with
things like, you're such a badmom.
Who do you think you are to bepregnant again?
Who do you think you are toraise these children?
And obviously when I say thatout loud, it's very evident to
(04:08):
me that is the enemy.
But when I'm in a dark m.
Mental place.
That feels true.
It feels really true to me thatI am such a horrible mom that I
don't know who I am to thinkthat I should be speaking words
into anybody because I am soimperfect but then the Holy
(04:30):
Spirit, comes in and is just ofcourse you're not perfect.
Of course, you are weak to doall the things that I've called
you to in and of yourself.
And so that's why I wanted toshare this bonus episode as just
an encouragement to you.
If you've ever been in that spotof feeling completely
ill-equipped for what the Lordhas called you into.
(04:55):
And to just remind you, as I amconstantly needing to remind
myself in this season that theLord's grace is sufficient and
his power is going to shine inour weakness.
And I get to boast not in myaccomplishments, in my feelings
that.
(05:15):
I am enough, but I get to boastin the Lord that he has already
done it all for me.
And and there's a level ofgiving that over to him on a
momentary basis.
Like it's so much more than evendaily, like it's momentary where
I give that to him and I say,this is all I've got, Lord.
(05:39):
And I know that you're gonna domore with this because it's for
your glory that I'm doing thesethings rather than I'm gonna do
this perfectly because this willsay something about me and this
will be a reflection on me.
And that's really hard for me.
I, that, that's not my defaultto go there.
(06:00):
I.
I really struggle, I guess withmy pride in how my performance
informs how I feel about myself,because I feel like if I'm not
doing things correctly,perfectly for my family, for the
business, that I'm running forthe podcast, then I am letting
not only myself down, but otherpeople, and then ultimately
(06:23):
letting the Lord down and allthose things are not true.
When I really think about it.
So anyway, all of that kind ofopener to say yeah, I really
debated whether or not to shareall this with you, especially if
you're a client of mine, ifyou're working with me right
now.
Because I didn't wanna make mystruggles a burden on you as
you're navigating this seasonyourself and many of you
(06:45):
probably are, going through yourown stuff.
So I didn't want to lay this onyou.
But at the same time, just as asister in Christ, I did feel
like the Lord was calling me todo that.
Just to, be really transparentand that if you have this
illusion that I am.
Just, this wonderfulfaith-filled person all the time
like that is so not true.
(07:06):
I really struggle.
And I need to be reminded of thegospel.
I need to be reminded of theLord's.
Provision and his faithfulnessin my life, just every single
moment of every day because I soeasily forget it.
And I default into going into, Ineed to make this work mode.
(07:26):
And that is anti gospels.
That is me trying to earn arighteousness that I could never
earn.
And yeah, just wanted to lay thefoundation there.
Yeah, so over the last month orso just been dealing with some
really intense anxiety anddepression.
I've had just personally areally hard year.
A lot of death in my family and,with a friend of mine just
(07:50):
recently lost her newborn andit's just been a lot for me to
just navigate this grief in myown heart and watch other people
go through it.
I have also recently watchedsomeone close to me go through a
suicide attempt and that hascompletely shaken me to my core,
watching that person go throughthat, and it's made me realize.
(08:15):
How capable we are to do, tocarry out darkness when our mind
is gripped with with darkness.
So I've just struggled in thisseason to know.
The depth of what I'm capableof.
And there were just a couplenights recently where I was
(08:39):
going to bed and feeling likedarkness might like literally
swallow me up, that the voicesof condemnation were so strong
for me.
That I might I thought I mightactually die.
And I don't know if you've everhad a dark night of the soul
(08:59):
like that.
But it's terrifying.
It is absolutely terrifying tolay your head down and be like,
Lord, I don't even know if I canwake up from this because it
feels so deep and dark, and.
I pray you've never felt that,but if you have, like I have
been there and I realized thatnight that I cannot do this on
(09:26):
my own.
And so I wanted to share withyou some of the things that the
Lord has put in my life and justto encourage you to maybe seek
out these things as well in yourown life if you're currently
struggling with that, if youknow someone who's struggling
with that or just to keep thisin your back pocket in case you
run into this season yourself.
But the first was getting peoplein my life to.
(09:50):
Be aware that I was strugglingthe way that I was.
And so the night that I wasfeeling that way, I was talking
with Brian about it.
But I was in such a bad mentalplace.
Like it wasn't like I was justsharing these things.
But I did not feel.
I did not feel ready or preparedto like, turn from that, if that
(10:11):
makes sense.
The next morning I woke up and Iimmediately texted my mom and my
sisters and my disciple group,the ladies in my disciple group,
and I just told them like, Hey,I am not okay.
I just kinda shared some of thestuff, like just feeling this
really deep darkness in my mind.
(10:31):
These are some of the things I'mhearing.
These are some of the things I'mfeeling.
Will you just please be prayingfor me?
And the response that I got wasjust overwhelming.
The words of encouragement thatI received, the.
The prayers, just the number ofwomen that were saying, I'm on
my knees right now, praying foryou, Natalie just overwhelmed
(10:54):
me.
And I also knew that I didn'tneed to be alone that day.
And so I called my mom and Isaid, Hey, can I come over after
I drop Ellie off at school?
And so Daniel and I went andjust hung out at her house.
So I just wasn't alone.
And we talked a little bit and Iwas like, I need to today.
(11:16):
Book a counseling session.
And so I by the grace of God, mymidwife suggested a counselor to
me.
So I reached out to her officeand like just asked point blank
Hey, is there anyone who is aChristian counselor?
And and so I found a Christiancounselor.
(11:37):
Who does virtual visits so thatI can, do the virtual visits
when the kids are sleepingnapping during the day.
And also wanted somebody whoaccepted my insurance.
And so by the grace of God,found this counselor that met
all three of those virtualChristian and accepted my
insurance for those sessions,and I booked a session with her
(11:58):
that afternoon.
And that was such a blessing tobe able to just open up to
somebody.
When I was in a very raw placeand had been meeting with her
weekly since then.
And just the improvement that'shappened with that has been just
such a blessing.
(12:18):
So that was a big piece, wasreaching out to my community,
reaching out to a counselor.
And then, my disciple group was,they were just, were so sweet.
Not only with words ofencouragement, but also one of
the ladies made us.
A dinner and another one cameand dropped it off and just hung
out at our house.
And just those just small thingsseemed so, so big to me and just
(12:43):
made me realize I am not alonein this.
And many of them also justopened up about the places that
they have been.
In their mental health over theyears.
And that just was such anencouragement to me because I
think that's one of the thingsthat the enemy does is he makes
you feel like you are the onlyone going through.
Whatever you're going through,and it is so not true.
(13:06):
I, man, I wish I had the versein front of me, but it talks
about how Jesus had been temptedin every way as us, and he knows
on a human level, everystruggle.
That we've dealt with, and howbeautiful is that?
To know that the Lord, whobasically only knew the perfect
love of the Father and of theHoly Spirit and the glory that
(13:30):
is due him in heaven.
Came to earth and justexperienced the brokenness in
every possible way.
But especially in just like themental, emotional ways that we
experience brokenness here, thathe is familiar with that and he
empathizes with us in that.
That was a really beautifulthing to, to come across in
(13:51):
scripture And then another thingthat, this kind of segues into
is just being in community withgod's people, God's word.
And coincidentally, my churchhas been going through a series
of going through Elijah's lifeand they had an entire.
Sermon dedicated to mentalhealth, and it happened to be of
(14:13):
course happened.
The Lord is so perfect in histiming.
The week that I was goingthrough this deep darkness was
the week that we were going overmental health and suicide.
And we had a licensed mental,counselor come up to the pulpit
and share just clinical wisdomand encouragement.
(14:34):
And she actually wrote a bookcalled Jesus and Your Mental
Health, and I'll share that inthe show notes.
But that book I started readingit and just pray that, just
further encourages my heart andmy mind as I.
Battle this, and I pray that itdoes the same for you.
And then I went up andanticipating that was gonna be
(14:55):
the sermon that week'cause theyhad been, informing us that was
coming up.
But I asked my disciple groupahead of time, will you come and
pray for me?
And just weeping, snotting mess,go up to the altar and just have
so many powerful, strong men andwomen.
Praying over me and Brian.
And my former disciple groupleader comes up to me and she's
(15:20):
praying for me too.
And I would love to be like, ohyeah.
And then from that moment on,everything's just been perfect.
Of course it has not but justwhat the Lord.
Did in that moment was, again,solidify that I am not alone.
That there are so many peoplethat love me that see me not as
(15:40):
perfect, not as, someone who hasit all together, but someone who
is broken, who wants to bringthat brokenness to the Lord
because I know that he is thegreat physician, that he is the
one that will ultimately heal methis side of glory and
permanently, forever.
In heaven and in glory with him.
(16:01):
And I've, I shared it in thefirst bonus episode where I
informed everyone of thepregnancy and everything, but
that the Lord has just beenspeaking over me.
I will provide.
And again, that has just beenringing true because I, I,
again, have just been feeling soinsufficient in and of myself.
And so the Lord has just beencontinually reminding me.
(16:23):
I will provide.
And so that has really been ananchor in this season of
darkness where I have justmisplaced my trust in myself
instead of placing it in thevery, very capable hands of the
Lord.
And then another piece in all ofthis is considering medication.
(16:45):
So one of the things that I wasdoing prior to becoming pregnant
was I decided to go on an SSRIfor anxiety and depression.
And that had helpedtremendously.
I, like I mentioned we, we gotpregnant unexpectedly.
And so I unexpectedly felt likeI, I needed to get off of that
(17:08):
medication.
And so the moment I found out Iwas pregnant, I reached out to
my primary and just said, Hey,how can I wean off of this
medication?
So that took about a month todo, and as soon as that was all
out of my system, that's reallywhen my mental health started
tanking.
And also was about the time,like the peak morning sickness
(17:29):
and fatigue and all that wassetting in.
So it was just everything wascoming in, crashing down on me
all at once.
And so I.
Reached out to my OB GYN becauseI established care with an ob,
and then I switched to amidwife.
But I, had conversations backand forth about being put on
something like Zoloft, an SSRI,which has been well studied for
(17:52):
pregnancy and breastfeeding.
And long long story short, Iwent back and forth tirelessly,
lot of tears, lot ofconversations and just felt like
that was gonna be the rightdecision for me to go on that
medication.
And it came with a lot ofconversations too with my
(18:16):
midwife because she had concernsabout how baby would do during
the delivery.
There were some studies that shewas reading showing how baby
could potentially have a hardtime breathing after the birth.
And of course that gave me a lotof pause and concern.
Before starting the medication,and again, after a lot of
(18:38):
conversations with my OB and mysister who's has a nursing
background, she was sending medifferent, yeah, just like
studies and things showing, howZoloft affects the pregnancy,
the birth, the postpartum, andagain, just felt like the Lord
was calling me to move forwardwith taking the medication.
(18:59):
And, I in general, like to avoidmedication like even.
Tylenol or anything like, I justI really tried to avoid
medication if at all possible.
And so it was a hard decisionbecause it felt, it still feels
contrary to what my normal modeis.
But when I see these medicationsas a common grace that the Lord
(19:23):
has given us and also as apotentially life-saving
medication.
I feel like it's worth it.
And so that's where I felt, theLord was leading me for this
particular season.
And so if you are also in thatplace and you're contemplating
taking a medication for anxietyand depression likely Zoloft
(19:45):
would be what would beprescribed to you because again,
it's the most well studied forthis kinda season.
But, prayerfully consider it,talk about it with your
providers with anyone you know,in your friend circle or family
circle that has taken it.
And I'm also willing and happyto talk with you about it too
just to share my heart andinsight on it.
(20:07):
But yeah, so just, go into that.
Decision with a lot ofpreparation and then ultimately
just trust the Lord with wherehe's leading you.
And I think for some of you thatwill not mean medication and for
others of you that willabsolutely mean medication.
And just being sensitive towhere the Lord is leading you
(20:27):
specifically is my word ofencouragement.
When in regards to medication?
Yeah, so for just a littlephrase that my church uses a
lot, the Lord can use peopleprayers and pills and in my
case, we are covering all thebases.
We're doing all the things rightnow, people, prayer and pills
(20:48):
and, and I have definitely seenthe Lord over these last couple
weeks just lifting me out ofthis deep darkness.
I.
Before would feel so overcome.
Overwhelmed when we would havean issue with behavior, at home
with the kids or when somethingwould just go wrong in my mind
(21:11):
about something in the day.
And I can just see how I've beenable to navigate things with so
much more grace, not only for.
Others in my life, but formyself.
And that's been one of thehardest things is just realizing
how harsh I am with myself.
That's something that I'mworking a lot through in
counseling.
Is, just this inner critic thatI have, if you're familiar with
(21:34):
the Enneagram, I'm the type one.
And the classic sign of theEnneagram type one is an inner
critic that is there.
And it's telling you, I willprotect you.
I am here to point out all yourflaws so that no one else can
hurt you, and so that you, cando well in this life.
But the problem with the innercritic, is that it is so
(21:57):
critical and so everything I do,I never feel like it's enough.
I never feel like it's perfectenough.
And if it is perfect enough, itis extremely fleeting feeling.
And I just always feelinsufficient and everything that
I do and everything that I am,the way I look the way I am
perceived by other people, andthat is crushing.
(22:19):
Yeah.
And absolutely unattainable.
And so just the journey oftrying to, again, shift my
self-worth away from what othersthink of me.
And then more importantly, whatI don't think of myself.
There's a part that I can'tremember which book.
Again, I'm just like blanking onall the biblical references
here.
(22:39):
But there's a part in somethingthat Paul wrote where he talks
about how he doesn't care what.
He's talking to other people, Idon't care what you guys think
about me, but I also, I don'tthink what I think about me.
And when I read that, I go, wow,that's freedom, because I feel
like.
If I could just let myself offthe mat, if I could just
(23:00):
relinquish the, just the liesand the standards that I put on
myself, man, I could be so muchmore free than where I am.
And if that's you, if youresonate with that, I feel you,
sister, because it is crushingto be put under, just these
impossible standards in allaspects of your life, all the
(23:20):
time.
And so I know that is notsomething that comes from the
Lord, that is not a a placewhere he wants us to be.
Because it ultimately is eithercondemnation or pride that it
leads us to.
And then the Lord recently hasbeen reminding me of just the
season when.
I just had Ellie and she was, anewborn and just like really
(23:43):
young.
And I remember that time and Iwas very happy, but there was a
lot of pride in that happinessbecause I felt like, look at me.
I did my unmedicated hospitalbirth.
I'm breastfeeding my child she'sthriving.
She's so smart.
Look at what all the things thatI have done and I think back to
(24:05):
that time, and I think, yeah, Iwas happy, but it was because of
just the circumstantialsituation I was in where I felt
like here was my standard.
I met the standard.
So I am good.
I am good, not.
The Lord is so good because hehas allowed me to.
(24:26):
Birth my child unmedicated andin the hospital and continue to
breastfeed her and look how muchshe's thriving.
I just took so much of thatresponsibility on myself.
And so it puffed me up withpride.
And then now here I am on theother side and I look at my life
and I think, I wish I was.
More patient as a mom, I wish Idid not have these blowups on
(24:51):
Ellie when we, get into fightsover the most ridiculous things.
And I wish I was happy.
I wish I fully, 1000% enjoyedevery moment of being a mom and
because I, I am not there.
So the verdict is in, and I havefailed, and so therefore I am a
terrible mom and I have failedas a mom.
(25:13):
And I hope you hear me.
Like obviously I that's notright.
Like both sides of those puffingmyself up with pride or
deflating myself withcondemnation because I haven't
met the standard.
Like both of those are ditchesthat I'm falling in and trying
to walk that fine line of.
The Lord does give me so muchgrace and mercy in this life,
(25:38):
but I cannot be fully and finelyresponsible for every outcome
that happens in my life.
There is a level of stewardshipand me wanting to honor and
glorify the Lord with whateverhe's given me, but at the end of
the day.
The outcome is not fully up tome.
And that's something that I haveto remind myself of momentarily
(25:59):
because I forget it instantly.
Like I will tell you all thisright now, and then later on
today, I'm gonna forget what allthat I've said right here.
And I'm going to just defaultswitch back into condemnation or
pride.
And it's really hard because,the problem with the living
sacrifice is it keeps coming upoff the altar and walks away.
And so if you find yourself inthat place where you're just
(26:21):
like, I need to like, justconstantly die to myself, die to
the messed up, broken thinking,the thought patterns, all the
things, all the ways that I haveeither self justified and puffed
myself up with pride or.
Where I just continually failand feel like I am never enough
and I'm just, I'm always justsuch a failure of a mom or a
(26:46):
wife or a friend or a daughteror whatever patterns you have
found in your life as I ampraying this over myself, but
I'm praying over you to justbreak those chains those just.
Dark thought patterns and waysof thinking in the name of Jesus
because it is, it's so dark.
But anyway, all that to say, Ijust I'm praying for you in this
(27:08):
season as well as I justdesperately would would ask for
you to pray for me as well.
That the remainder of thispregnancy would not be marked by
perfection in my parenting.
In my health, in the birth, inall of those things, like my
(27:28):
worth would not be in thosethings and those circumstantial
things that are mostly out of mycontrol, but that.
I would seek the Lord and hisgoodness and his faithfulness,
and I would seek him that Iwould become closer to him, that
I would love him more deeply,that I would trust him more
(27:50):
deeply and that I would realizein my heart of hearts that he is
sustaining me, and I would stop.
Trying to place that on myselfbecause clearly when I do that,
I crumble because I was notbuilt for that.
That is not what we were builtfor.
And so I would love to leavethis encouragement with you.
(28:13):
I'm gonna say it again, secondCorinthians 12, nine.
But he said to me, my grace issufficient for you, for my power
is made perfect in weakness.
Therefore, I will boast all themore gladly of my weaknesses,
that the power of Christ mayrest upon me.
(28:34):
And I think one of the otherbeautiful things you think about
the beatitudes and it saysBlessed are the poor in spirit.
And that's the season I feltlike I've been in.
I feel like I have been so poorin spirit, but that's where the
Lord is like, awesome.
You're empty.
Let me fill you up becausebefore, when you're, when you
(28:56):
feel like you're full onyourself and you're full on
thinking I've got this, I can dothis.
And it's not that the Lord iswanting you to think so poorly
of yourself, that you can't getthrough life, but you can't get
through life without him.
And so I, I pray that the seasonyou are in, I pray so fervently.
(29:18):
In my own season right now, thatthe Lord would just continually
show up and show out and show mehow weak I am in and of myself,
but that he is so much greaterin my weakness.
So I pray that for you as well,and I would love to just close
(29:39):
out this episode by justspeaking a prayer over you and
honestly myself too.
So let's go to the Lord andprayer.
Father God, I want to lift upthe mama who's listening right
now, and she's just feeling theweight of anxiety pressing down
on her chest or just darknessfrom depression that's just
(30:01):
clouding her heart and her mind.
Lord, you see her in the middleof the night when she can't
sleep.
When her mind is racing aboutfears about her her pregnancy,
her children her marriage, orjust her future, Lord, you see
her.
And even when she feels likeshe's failing everyone herself
(30:23):
when just simple tasks feeloverwhelming and she's just
wondering if she's enough.
Lord, I just pray that you wouldwrap her in your arms and remind
her that she is not alone in herstruggle.
That you are near to the brokenhearted and you have not
forgotten her in this darkseason.
I pray that you would give hercourage to reach out for help,
(30:45):
whether that's calling on afriend or counselor, talking to
a doctor or just, texting afriend.
Lord, I just pray that you wouldhelp her to see that seeking
support is not weakness, butit's wisdom.
And Lord, I just ask that youwould quiet the lies in the name
of Jesus, that she is tellingherself that she's not a good
(31:06):
mom, that her children would bebetter off without her, that
this darkness will never end.
I pray that you would replacethose whispers with your truth,
that she is fearfully andwonderfully made and that you
have.
Good plans for her life and thatweeping may endure for the
night, but joy comes in themorning.
(31:28):
So Jesus, I just ask that evenwhen her circumstances feel
impossible, when anxiety feelslike way too much to bear when
depression makes everything feellike a mountain that needs to be
climbed.
Lord, I just pray that you wouldremind her that our hope is not
found in ourselves.
It's also not found in perfectmental health, but Lord Jesus,
(31:50):
it is found.
In you because you are perfect.
And I just pray that you wouldhelp us, remind us that our hope
is in what you have alreadydone.
Lord Jesus, you have already wonvictory over sin and death and
darkness and.
You have secured our future, andI just, I know that you're
(32:11):
preparing a place for us wherethere will be no more tears, no
more weeping, no anxiety, nodepression, but until that day.
Sustain her with your grace.
Let your power be made perfectin her weakness.
Help her to find rest, not inher own strength, but in yours.
Lord Jesus, victory is hers inJesus, and not because the
(32:37):
battles here are over, butbecause the war has been won.
And so I pray this all in theprecious name of Jesus.
Amen.
So thank you for bearing with mewith this bonus episode, hearing
My Heart and what the Lord hasbeen doing this last month.
Really hard, dark place for me.
But the Lord has just been sogracious to be faithful to pull
(33:01):
me out of it through people andprayers and pills and I just
pray that the Lord would meetyou.
Wherever you're at.
And I love you and I'm alwayshere for you and some of you
have even reached out to me overlike Instagram and different
things, and I just love justyour words of encouragement, how
the podcast has been blessingyou.
(33:23):
And, i'm just so thankful forthis community that the Lord has
given me to just speak life intoand that, as beautiful as this
season is, obviously there's alot of darkness that can come
with this season as well.
So I hope I didn't, darken yourday if you were having a good
day.
But for those of you that arestruggling or know someone who's
(33:44):
struggling, I pray that thisepisode is an encouragement to
you.
And I'm just gonna continue topray for you, and I would just
love, love, love your prayersfor me as well as I navigate
this season.
But we will catch up next weekwhere I will be releasing a new
episode.
So I will catch you next week.
Bye-bye for now.
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