August 9, 2025 • 29 mins
A sitcom that portrays the everyday life of a typical American family, focusing on the father's guidance and wisdom. The show combines humor with moral lessons.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Now listen to Father Knows Best transcribed starring Robert Young
as Father.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Welcome to Springfield. In another half hour.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Visit with the folks in the white frame house on
Maple Street, Sit back and enjoy life with the Andersons Kathy, Bud, Betty,
Margaret and Jim as the head of this typical American
household again sets out to prove that Father knows Best.
(00:45):
We'll join the Andersons in just a moment. You know,
this is still the season for carefree holidays and vacations,
but don't be carefree on the highway. With roads jammed
with traffic, this is the time to be extra careful
when driving. When you plan a trip, be sure to
allow plenty of time so that you won't be forced
to drive too fast or too long.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
When you get tired at the wheel, you lose your.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Skill and your judgment. So don't drive too many hours
at a stretch. Plan your trip so that you can
stop frequently and get plenty of rest. And when you
start that trip, resolve that you're going to obey traffic
laws and regulations. Don't gamble with safety. Remember the life
you saved, maybe your own. We once knew a man
(01:41):
who was extremely wealthy, and he had a wonderful system
for acquiring money, which we think will interest you. He
was up every morning at six work fourteen hours a day,
seven days a week for almost twenty years. And then
when he was only forty five years of age, his.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Uncle died and left him three million dollars nice.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Of course, a thing like that would never happen to
our friends, the Anderson's, but it almost did, yes, sir,
they came awfully close to being the richest family in
Springfield like this. I know, Frank, but I don't care
what Gribble says. Look, Frank, Van Norton's willing to give
us the land and if the committee isn't willing to
take it, okay, Frank, okay, And you can tell Gribble
(02:26):
for me that he's nothing but a.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Pig headed old goat.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
He's nothing but a self centered, stubborn old jackass.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
That's what he is. Is nothing wrong here, oh that Gribble.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
He's killing the whole deal I worked out for the playground.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
Jim, I wish you wouldn't take it so much to heart.
It isn't your responsibility.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
That isn't the point I talked Van Norton into giving
ten acres of land for the playground.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Giving it, mind you, and Gribbel won't even.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Take it, says there must be something wrong with it.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
Well, can't you tell the rest of the.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Committee, Margaret, I've told them. I've told them until I'm
blue in the face.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
Well maybe if you talk to mister Gribble again.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Gribble, how can you talk to a lunatic?
Speaker 1 (03:06):
All you have to do is mention the name Van
Norton and his nose lights up like a pinball machine.
Speaker 3 (03:11):
I still say you've done everything you could.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
Well, I'm not licked yet. I may not have as
much money as Gribble, but I've got a lot more sense.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Of course you have, Dear.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
I suppose you think I haven't, Jim.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
There's no point in arguing with me.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Well, there's anybody else around argue with.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
All right, dear, that makes you feel any better?
Speaker 4 (03:32):
Hello?
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Hello, Father?
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Well Catherine, hepbrow Betty, Betty, if you're going to start
spouting poetry, I'm warning you right now.
Speaker 5 (03:41):
Isn't this the most beautiful day you've ever seen?
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Beautiful?
Speaker 3 (03:45):
It's rainy, rain, Betty. I think You've picked a very
bad time.
Speaker 5 (03:50):
Falling to earth like you from an angel's wing, Margaret
in exactly one minute.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
Betty, I think you'd better go up to your room.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
But I didn't do anything liberately disobeyed me. I told
you I was in no mood for any of that hogwash, father,
And that's all. It is hogwash.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
I'm too happy to argue.
Speaker 5 (04:10):
If you say it's hogwash, it's hogwash.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
Well, I'm glad somebody's happy around here.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Mother.
Speaker 5 (04:17):
Do you know where I'm going next Friday? No, dear
to see a picture with Tony Curtis.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Who's Tony Curtis.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
He's a Hollywood star, Dear?
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Oh that you mean he's taking Betty to the movies?
Speaker 3 (04:31):
Father, Well, you just said he's in the picture.
Speaker 5 (04:35):
I'm going with Stanley Lawson.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Oh who's he?
Speaker 3 (04:42):
He's a new one, dear, and a very nice boy.
Speaker 5 (04:45):
He's wonderful.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
Now I know what they mean by nine day wonders.
Betty's boyfriends, aren't they though?
Speaker 5 (04:54):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (04:57):
Jim, now what is it?
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Why does everybody have to be so happy?
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Boy?
Speaker 2 (05:01):
When you hear what we're gonna do?
Speaker 6 (05:03):
Hello, Bud, Joe Phillips and I bought a half interest
in a corn popper and.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
We're gonna clean up. Hello, Bud, We're gonna.
Speaker 6 (05:08):
Set up a stand outside the movies and sell popcorn
to all the kids.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
How's that for an idea, Bud? And all we have
what I said, hello, oh, hi Dad, And all we
have to do is find someplace to plug it in? Plug?
What in? Dear? The corn popper?
Speaker 3 (05:27):
What corn popper?
Speaker 6 (05:28):
The one I bought with Joe Phillips. You see, we
bought a half interest in a corn.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
But don't you know when you're being kidded?
Speaker 3 (05:36):
The corn popper?
Speaker 2 (05:39):
What corn popper?
Speaker 1 (05:42):
Oh?
Speaker 6 (05:42):
No, gosh, I don't see anything funny about our corn popper.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Oh I saw? All right, Bud, just forget the whole thing.
But I can't. I have to supply the soul.
Speaker 4 (05:55):
You have to supply what yayyy Oh?
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Dear? Now what I have elected?
Speaker 4 (06:02):
Mommy?
Speaker 2 (06:03):
I was elected? Well it isn't William Jennings, Bryan, Kathleen?
Speaker 4 (06:07):
How many times have I told you, Jenny, I was elected?
Speaker 3 (06:10):
Isn't it wonderful?
Speaker 2 (06:11):
All right? Now, just calm down, take it easy. I
was elected, Kathy, to what were you elected? I'm the treasurer.
They I'm the election and I'm the treasurer.
Speaker 7 (06:23):
The treasurer, Say Kathy, that's the first day.
Speaker 5 (06:34):
Take it easy.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
I was just thinking, Margaret, do you know what this
is all about? Why?
Speaker 4 (06:39):
Of course, dear Kathy was elected treasurer Margaret of what?
Speaker 3 (06:44):
Why? Daddy?
Speaker 1 (06:46):
The little vultures, the little who votures.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
It's a kind of a bird, and I'm the treasurer.
Wait a minute, where'd you ever dig up a name
like that? Wait, I'll be back later, Mom, I got it,
come back here. Holy were you the one who.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Cooked up this delightful little tag for Kathy's club?
Speaker 6 (07:11):
Well, gosh, Dad, they said they wanted some kind of
a bird's name, and well have you ever watched him?
Speaker 5 (07:24):
But we like it, Daddy, we made but an honorary vult.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Well, it couldn't have happened to a nicer boy.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Betty, never mind, Betty, I'll get it.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
The little vulture. Leave it to my children.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
Hello, Oh hello actor by, Well, thank you very much.
Oh sure, I'm the luckiest guy in town. Sure, okay,
heck I'll be seeing you. Congratulations. If there ever was
a guy who needed congratulations.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Less, who was it? Jim Hector Smith.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
He wants to extend his heartiest congratulations isn't that nice
about what, dear he didn't say?
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Maybe he heard about me. He's known about you for years.
Believe me, that isn't what he meant.
Speaker 4 (08:23):
Jim, I won't be able to sleep a wink all night?
Why did you call Hector back?
Speaker 2 (08:28):
I guess I won't have to. Maybe this time, our
dear friend Hector will let us in on the joke,
some joke.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Hello, hec Oh, George, I'm sorry George. You see Heck
called him inute ago and I thought, well, thank you, George.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
But I don't know what George. No, we're not having
any celebration. We don't even know George. Hello George?
Speaker 3 (08:55):
Oh was it Hector?
Speaker 2 (08:57):
No, it was George Phillips, and he's very high for us.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
What on earth do you suppose it means?
Speaker 1 (09:02):
I don't know, but if those guys are having a
good time at our expense, I'll get it. You stay
where you are, I'll find out what this is about.
If it takes all night. If that's the kind of friends,
I've got it.
Speaker 8 (09:11):
Hello, Hello, Jim, it was the front door.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Oh? Get a man so mixed up? He doesn't know
what bell is ringing. After a while, I'll probably hear
bell's when nothing's ringing. Yes, mister Anderson.
Speaker 9 (09:28):
Yes, my name is Ford, Richard Ford of the legal
firm of Megonical, Bristol and Finch.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Oh, well, come in, mister pull thank you very much.
Why don't we go into the damn yin?
Speaker 3 (09:45):
If that's the paper boy, tell him all him next?
Speaker 2 (09:47):
It wasn't the paper boy? On? Is that missus Anderson?
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Yeah, she's in the living room, but well, why don't
we go in and tell her the good news? What
good news?
Speaker 8 (09:56):
All in good time, mister Anderson, all in good time?
Speaker 2 (10:00):
Ah, Missus Anderson and all the little Anderson. Honey, this
is mister Ford of the Medonical Bristol in stint at turns.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
How do you do how do you do?
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Shit? Right down? Mister Ford. Why don't you kids find
something to do someplace?
Speaker 9 (10:15):
Oh no, no, no, let them stay by all meetings.
After all, this concerns the entire family, doesn't it?
Speaker 2 (10:22):
What does?
Speaker 5 (10:23):
Yes?
Speaker 4 (10:23):
Me?
Speaker 9 (10:24):
And now you are related to Joseph James Anderson, are
you not?
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Yes? I am not. What I've never even heard of
any Joseph James Anderson.
Speaker 9 (10:36):
Well that's very strange. I had it on very good authority.
That Robert Ruse Anderson. Perhaps with my father, I knew
I hadn't made a mistake. Mister Anderson, Joseph James Anderson
was your father's cousin who once removed.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
Oh, you mean cousin Joe. Well, we haven't anything about
him for thirty years. Matter of fact, I think he
died about twenty years ago, didn't he know, mister Anderson,
Joseph James Anderson passed from this veil of tears less
than a month ago. That's impossible if I was over
(11:12):
seventy when he decided to run away from home and
go to Arizona.
Speaker 9 (11:15):
He died last week at the age of one hundred
and two.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Well, you see, my father always said he smoked too much,
A poor old coop.
Speaker 9 (11:29):
The poor old coop you may be interested to know,
made you his sole heir.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
Jee Fatherly God, don't get excited if I know cousin Joe.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
We've inherited three barrels of bottle tops.
Speaker 5 (11:47):
That ain't father, Isn't it the most wonderful thing you've
ever heard?
Speaker 2 (11:51):
The phone ringing.
Speaker 5 (11:52):
I've never been so excited in my whole life.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Lord, will I answered the phone? That's quite all right?
So help me next summer. I'm going to spend my
vacation a nice quad boiler factor. Hello, oh hello, mister Gribble. Well,
thank you very much.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Now about the Van Norton land, Well, naturally, I advice
about what investments?
Speaker 2 (12:16):
You want my advice?
Speaker 1 (12:19):
Well, if you think I'm qualified to, all right, JP
at twelve thirty tomorrow, say you're there, goodbye.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
He wants my advice.
Speaker 3 (12:31):
Jim, we're waiting for you.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
That was mister Gribble. Honey. He wants me to give
him some advice on his investment.
Speaker 4 (12:39):
Let's talk about it later, Dear, mister Ford wants to
tell us about the inheritance.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
Why don't you sit down, bother. Here's a Christian.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
Daddy wanting to get your house slippers dead. Look, I
just finished telling you not to get excited.
Speaker 9 (12:51):
I know cousin Joe, and he never had a dime
in his whole life. That may be true, mister Anderson.
But if you would be good enough to sign this retainer,
I shall be happy to tell you about the estate.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Well, okay, what is it? Four barrels of bottle tops?
Speaker 8 (13:06):
It is a fifteen thousand acre cattle ranch.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
Mister Anderson, a ranch.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
Fifteen thousand acres with a possible value of nine million dollars.
Speaker 3 (13:20):
Jeer father goshoy holy cown.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
So father's inherited a nine million dollar estates and a
mister Gribble that makes him a financial expert. Well, that
remains to be seen. But right now I'd like to
ask you a question. Do you make it a habit
to break the law? If you think not, what sort
of driving habits do you have? Figures from the National
Safety Council show that about sixty percent of the fatal
(14:00):
traffic accidents each year involve the violation of one or
more traffic laws.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
Many drivers just don't pay attention to the signs.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
Diamond shaped, round and crossbuck signs call for extra caution,
take it easy until the condition they describe has been
safely passed. When crossing railroad tracks, watch for that second
train you may not have seen. If there are any
protective devices like flashing lights, wig wag signals, gates, bells
and lights, wait until they stop operating before stepping on
(14:33):
the gas.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
These are your signs of life, know them, obey them.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
A week's gone by, and the white frame house on
Maple Street hasn't changed.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
A bit.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
There's another rainstorm and progress the same slippery spot on
the porch that Jim's going to fix next Sunday.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Everything's just as it's always been, except for the people.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Yes, the Andersons have changed a little, I'm afraid not much,
but a little like this. Well that's fine, Frank. Oh sure,
well it really wasn't anything, Frank, But.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Well that'll be fine, Frank. Sure.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Wednesday's as good at night as any Okay, Frank, you bet, Frank, Yeah, good.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
Night, Frank.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
What did Charlie have to say?
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Dear?
Speaker 1 (15:38):
That was Frank? Oh?
Speaker 3 (15:40):
How is George?
Speaker 2 (15:44):
He's so cute. I may I interest you to know,
missus millionaires Anderson, that your husband is being given a
testimonial dinner next Wednesday.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
No, ye, why, Jim, how perfectly wonderful?
Speaker 2 (15:57):
What for putting through the playground? That's what for? It's
all signed, sealed and delivered. Jim. That is wonderful, boy,
what a playground that's going to be.
Speaker 4 (16:08):
You and mister Van Norton have done a wonderful thing
for Springfield, and I'm proud of you both.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
Well, you know how it is with us rich.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
Men a home, Jim, do you know what I'm gonna
do with our first million. Why, I'm going to buy
Bud some new socks.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
Good.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
I have never seen a boy so hard on socks
in my whole life.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
Look at that, honey, speaking of millions, Yes, dear, don't
be too surprised if cousin Joe's ranch comes to less
than mister Ford said.
Speaker 3 (16:39):
Oh, I was only joking there, I know.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
But when he said nine million, that was only if
each acre was a whole unit. It might be a
whole lot less.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
I didn't understand that very well, Jim. What was that
unit business?
Speaker 2 (16:52):
Well, it's very simple, honey.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
In the cattle country, a unit is the amount of
land required to feed a cow in her calf for
one year.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
That's the way they.
Speaker 4 (17:00):
Figure, And that's worth six hundred dollars roughly. Then why
do they say it might be less fifteen thousand times
six hundreds?
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Why we aren't sure about the land. Maybe an acre
won't feed a cow and a calf for a year.
It might take two or three gym.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Really, well it might.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
And if it takes three acres to make up a unit,
then each acre is worth only two hundred dollars and
the ranch is worth only a third.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Or three million.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
Oh dear, we'll just have to get along with the
smaller swimming pool at all.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
That might even take ten acres to.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
Make a unit, Oh, gym, let's not be ridiculous. After all.
How much can a cow and one small calf eat?
Speaker 2 (17:42):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
But if it did take ten acres, well, that'd make
it sixty dollars an acre, and fifteen thousand we'd only
have nine hundred thousand dollars.
Speaker 3 (17:52):
Wouldn't that be awful?
Speaker 2 (17:56):
You know I've got a good mind to please.
Speaker 5 (18:01):
The front door opened, it would, but it's me, mother.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
We're in the den. Dear.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
What's the matter with you?
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Father?
Speaker 3 (18:11):
You got lipstick on your chin?
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Heaven, somebody must have hit me.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
Creepers.
Speaker 5 (18:17):
Isn't this a miserable day?
Speaker 2 (18:20):
Why?
Speaker 3 (18:20):
Betty? I thought you said rain?
Speaker 5 (18:23):
All it ever does in this count is rain.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
Wait a minute, sugar, let's get it out in the open.
What happened?
Speaker 5 (18:28):
Oh, it isn't important. I didn't want to go to
the movies anyway.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
So that's what it is.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
What is?
Speaker 3 (18:37):
She had a quarrel with Stanley Laws.
Speaker 5 (18:39):
I didn't either. It's all father's.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Fault, my fault.
Speaker 6 (18:42):
What did I do.
Speaker 5 (18:43):
He liked me when we were poor, but just because
you had to go get nine million dollars.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Wait a minute.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
In the first place, we weren't exactly poor, and then
the second place, we've got the nine million nicely whittled.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Down to practically nothing. Yeah, might even be less than
one million.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
Oh, what good is that?
Speaker 5 (19:01):
He still won't take me. He says he can't afford
Low's seats. Why, Betty, I told him I didn't mind,
but he said girls with nine million dollars always sat
in Low's seats.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Naturally, they save a whole row for girls with nine
million dollars. It's the roll right in back.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Of the girls with ten million dollars. Well, this is
the silliest thing I've ever heard. We haven't collected a dime.
My bank book looks like an undernourished flapjack. And Stanley
Lawson won't go out with my daughter because she's got
nine million dollars.
Speaker 4 (19:35):
Betty, don't you think if you explained to him that
nothing is really changed?
Speaker 3 (19:39):
It has everything's changed?
Speaker 4 (19:41):
Bud, oh, Dad, not another one is anything wrong?
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Dear Ah?
Speaker 1 (19:49):
That Joe Phillips, what a pain? He turned out to
be something amiss with the popcorn?
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Tycoons? Well, why should I supply all the butter? I
bought the salt? Did not?
Speaker 3 (20:01):
We were all so happy when we were poor.
Speaker 6 (20:04):
He even had it figured out how many pounds of
buddy you can buy with nine million dollars.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
I don't bet that it fixed all the popcorn from
here to Lowe's Calcutta.
Speaker 4 (20:15):
But if you and Betty don't take these things too seriously,
I'm sure that me.
Speaker 3 (20:21):
God's not what why Kathy Darling?
Speaker 2 (20:23):
What is it? They kick me out of their glove.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
Angel?
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Why don't you let me? Kathy? Why did they kick
you out of the club? They won't let me feel
lote vulture?
Speaker 1 (20:39):
Never mind them, sweetheart. No one can keep you from
being a little dulch I mean, Jim, well you know
what I mean, Kathy. Does our nine million dollars have
anything to do with your expulsion from the club?
Speaker 2 (20:57):
Uh huh?
Speaker 5 (20:58):
They said it were too suspicion shoes?
Speaker 2 (21:02):
What was? They made me the treasurer and the next
day you had.
Speaker 7 (21:08):
Nine minutes.
Speaker 5 (21:14):
I don't know, and they said I couldn't ever be
the treasurer again, and I had to give back all
thirteen save You're outcast. That's what we are, nothing but
social outcast.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Fine, tell us all about it right after you answer
the phone.
Speaker 4 (21:32):
No, Jim, Wait, Betty, why don't you take Kathy upstairs
and get her cleaned up?
Speaker 5 (21:37):
Okay, come on, blabberd old Betty, I was so happy
being the treasurer.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
By the phone's ringing? You want me, Dad? Where did
you go? All of a sudden? I got hungry? You
want me to answer the phone? No, never mind either.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
They all answered at once, so they let the darn
thing ring for an hour. Well, keep your shirt on,
I'm coming Hello.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
Hello. Heck, no, we were just sitting around having fun.
I can't hear you. Heck, sorry about what bad news?
We haven't learn anything about.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
Any Heck okay, heck sure, if it'll make you happy,
I'll keep the lower lip stiff too, And.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Thanks for calling. Heck goodbye. Gloomy character sounded like he
just took a walk through a haunted house. Who was it,
Jim Hector? He heard the sad news and he's very sorry.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
What sad news?
Speaker 2 (22:40):
You don't suppose he's the field secretary for the little Vultures?
Do you? Every time something happens to Kathy? And the vultures.
Heck's on the phone. Oh my aching ears, Why don't
you let me get it this time? No, I'll carry
through to the bitter end. Better mouse trap Anderson. That's me.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
One more trip to the phone and I get eminent possession. Hello, Hello, George,
Thank you very much, George.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Goodbye, George. This can go on all night. What did
George want, dear, Oh, the same thing. Bad news. Keep
a stiff upper lip, Pip pip tally hose.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
Well, the least you could have done was asking what
bad news?
Speaker 1 (23:24):
And play straight for those two practical jokers, Margaret, I'm
surprised you've known Heck and George as long as I have.
Speaker 3 (23:31):
We're both perfectly sincere.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Last time, Jim say, that's right, they were one they
Maybe I'd better call them back, Jim.
Speaker 3 (23:42):
This time it's the door bell.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Thank you very much, Seeta, man like you need a
seeing eye, dorel Oh, Hello, mister Ford. We were sort
of hoping we'd hear from you. Come out and out
of that ray. I have spent a busy week, I'll
bet you have, Honey, it's mister Ford. Hello there, missus Anderson,
(24:06):
how nine go right into the dam mister Ford. Thank you. Well,
this is a comfy little spot, isn't it.
Speaker 4 (24:13):
Why don't you sit at the desk, mister Ford, then
you can spread out all your papers and things.
Speaker 8 (24:18):
Yes, that would be nice.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
Well, let me get you a couple of cushions. Oh no, no,
this will be fine, yas tie.
Speaker 9 (24:26):
Now, yes, well, first, here's the receipt for your one
hundred dollars retaining fee.
Speaker 8 (24:32):
Oh man, very important, you know all these little details.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Let me see now? Oh yes, the ranch. If you
haven't anything else on your mind.
Speaker 8 (24:44):
Jim, please, yes, you you must be very anxious.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Oh of course not. What do we care for a
couple of million dollars more or less? Dear me, I'm.
Speaker 8 (24:53):
Afraid you're going to be just a little disappointed.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
You see when I said nine million, mister Ford, how
much is it worth?
Speaker 8 (25:01):
Well, you remember what I told you about the unit system.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Yes, one cow and one calf for one year.
Speaker 9 (25:08):
Yes, yes, Well, on your cousin Joseph's ranch, it seems
that one cow and one calf need quite.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
A bit of land. How much.
Speaker 8 (25:20):
Twelve hundred acres?
Speaker 2 (25:24):
Well one hundred, oh, Jim.
Speaker 8 (25:27):
Which makes the value of the land fifty cents an acre.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
Oh, Jim, well, that isn't too bad, honey.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
We'll have a ranch to go to every summer, and
all it cost us is the one hundred dollars we
gave mister.
Speaker 9 (25:42):
Ford, mister Anderson, as your legal advisor, may I suggest
that you just forget.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
The whole thing. Forget it?
Speaker 8 (25:50):
Yes, you see, the land is only worth seventy five
hundred dollars.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
Wow, what's wrong with seventy five hundred dollars?
Speaker 9 (25:57):
Nothing except that we found a bill for eighty two
hundred dollars in back taxes.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
Oh oh, no, Anderson's will be right back. Did you
ever hear this familiar phrase, I didn't know it was loaded.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
That's a pathetic excuse, isn't it. What about this one?
Speaker 1 (26:27):
I didn't see the train coming. That excuse is loaded
with tragedy. The National Safety Council asks motorists to consider
these facts. About half of all train car collisions happen
in daylight, two thirds happen in clear weather. One third
of them happen at crossings protected by gates, lights, bells,
(26:48):
or watchmen as well as the road signs. Did these
facts point out to you that many drivers are careless,
thoughtless daring or impatient at grade crossings?
Speaker 2 (26:57):
What about your own driving?
Speaker 1 (27:00):
Always watch for those crossing signs, the signs of life.
Do you always think there may be a train coming?
Do you slow down and look well to be sure?
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Is life worth a little extra care at a crossing?
Think it over.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
The life you save may be your own. Remember Francois Villon,
he was king for a day. Remember the Andersons. They
were millionaires for a whole week, which is nice work
if you can get it anyway.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
They're back to normal now, if you can call.
Speaker 10 (27:39):
Anything connected with the Anderson's normal, Like this wasn't Jimmy Woody,
sweet Mommy, yes, dear, He said he didn't care what
anybody said.
Speaker 3 (27:50):
If I wasn't a little vulture, nobody was.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
That's my girl.
Speaker 5 (27:56):
Isn't this the most beautiful day you've ever seen?
Speaker 2 (28:00):
She saw Tony curtism.
Speaker 4 (28:02):
Well she went to the show with Stanley, but I
think that's all she saw Stanley.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
Dad, I got the placall polished uff. How does it
look fine? But just fine?
Speaker 3 (28:11):
Let me see it again? Please, Oh jim, isn't it beautiful?
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Where do you think we ought to put it? Honey?
Speaker 4 (28:18):
In the damn naturally to James Anderson Senior or upstanding
service to the youth of Springfield.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
Isn't that nice?
Speaker 2 (28:28):
You know, it's a funny thing, Margaret. But I've got
a peculiar feeling that the plaque isn't all mine.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
What do you mean, dear well, I wasn't getting anywhere
with the playground until that silly inheritance came along.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
You know what I'm gonna do.
Speaker 3 (28:42):
You're not gonna give it.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
Back down here on the bottom. I'm gonna put a
little sticker that says, with one assist from cousin Joe.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
Join us again next week when we'll be back with
Father Knows Best s carring Robert Young as Jim Ands
in our Cast, where Gene Vander Pyle as Margaret, Rhoda Williams,
Ted Donaldson, Helen Strom, Parley Vair, and Yours Truly, Bill Fork.
Father Knows Best was an NBC Radio Network production written
by Ed James, directed by Max Hutto, and transcribed in Hollywood.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
It's More Adventure with Colder Spy Tonight on NBC
Now listen to Father Knows Best transcribed starring Robert Young
as Father.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Welcome to Springfield. In another half hour.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Visit with the folks in the white frame house on
Maple Street, Sit back and enjoy life with the Andersons Kathy, Bud, Betty,
Margaret and Jim as the head of this typical American
household again sets out to prove that Father knows Best.
(00:45):
We'll join the Andersons in just a moment. You know,
this is still the season for carefree holidays and vacations,
but don't be carefree on the highway. With roads jammed
with traffic, this is the time to be extra careful
when driving. When you plan a trip, be sure to
allow plenty of time so that you won't be forced
to drive too fast or too long.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
When you get tired at the wheel, you lose your.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Skill and your judgment. So don't drive too many hours
at a stretch. Plan your trip so that you can
stop frequently and get plenty of rest. And when you
start that trip, resolve that you're going to obey traffic
laws and regulations. Don't gamble with safety. Remember the life
you saved, maybe your own. We once knew a man
(01:41):
who was extremely wealthy, and he had a wonderful system
for acquiring money, which we think will interest you. He
was up every morning at six work fourteen hours a day,
seven days a week for almost twenty years. And then
when he was only forty five years of age, his.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Uncle died and left him three million dollars nice.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Of course, a thing like that would never happen to
our friends, the Anderson's, but it almost did, yes, sir,
they came awfully close to being the richest family in
Springfield like this. I know, Frank, but I don't care
what Gribble says. Look, Frank, Van Norton's willing to give
us the land and if the committee isn't willing to
take it, okay, Frank, okay, And you can tell Gribble
(02:26):
for me that he's nothing but a.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Pig headed old goat.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
He's nothing but a self centered, stubborn old jackass.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
That's what he is. Is nothing wrong here, oh that Gribble.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
He's killing the whole deal I worked out for the playground.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
Jim, I wish you wouldn't take it so much to heart.
It isn't your responsibility.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
That isn't the point I talked Van Norton into giving
ten acres of land for the playground.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Giving it, mind you, and Gribbel won't even.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Take it, says there must be something wrong with it.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
Well, can't you tell the rest of the.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Committee, Margaret, I've told them. I've told them until I'm
blue in the face.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
Well maybe if you talk to mister Gribble again.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Gribble, how can you talk to a lunatic?
Speaker 1 (03:06):
All you have to do is mention the name Van
Norton and his nose lights up like a pinball machine.
Speaker 3 (03:11):
I still say you've done everything you could.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
Well, I'm not licked yet. I may not have as
much money as Gribble, but I've got a lot more sense.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Of course you have, Dear.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
I suppose you think I haven't, Jim.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
There's no point in arguing with me.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Well, there's anybody else around argue with.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
All right, dear, that makes you feel any better?
Speaker 4 (03:32):
Hello?
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Hello, Father?
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Well Catherine, hepbrow Betty, Betty, if you're going to start
spouting poetry, I'm warning you right now.
Speaker 5 (03:41):
Isn't this the most beautiful day you've ever seen?
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Beautiful?
Speaker 3 (03:45):
It's rainy, rain, Betty. I think You've picked a very
bad time.
Speaker 5 (03:50):
Falling to earth like you from an angel's wing, Margaret
in exactly one minute.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
Betty, I think you'd better go up to your room.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
But I didn't do anything liberately disobeyed me. I told
you I was in no mood for any of that hogwash, father,
And that's all. It is hogwash.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
I'm too happy to argue.
Speaker 5 (04:10):
If you say it's hogwash, it's hogwash.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
Well, I'm glad somebody's happy around here.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Mother.
Speaker 5 (04:17):
Do you know where I'm going next Friday? No, dear
to see a picture with Tony Curtis.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Who's Tony Curtis.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
He's a Hollywood star, Dear?
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Oh that you mean he's taking Betty to the movies?
Speaker 3 (04:31):
Father, Well, you just said he's in the picture.
Speaker 5 (04:35):
I'm going with Stanley Lawson.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Oh who's he?
Speaker 3 (04:42):
He's a new one, dear, and a very nice boy.
Speaker 5 (04:45):
He's wonderful.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
Now I know what they mean by nine day wonders.
Betty's boyfriends, aren't they though?
Speaker 5 (04:54):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (04:57):
Jim, now what is it?
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Why does everybody have to be so happy?
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Boy?
Speaker 2 (05:01):
When you hear what we're gonna do?
Speaker 6 (05:03):
Hello, Bud, Joe Phillips and I bought a half interest
in a corn popper and.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
We're gonna clean up. Hello, Bud, We're gonna.
Speaker 6 (05:08):
Set up a stand outside the movies and sell popcorn
to all the kids.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
How's that for an idea, Bud? And all we have
what I said, hello, oh, hi Dad, And all we
have to do is find someplace to plug it in? Plug?
What in? Dear? The corn popper?
Speaker 3 (05:27):
What corn popper?
Speaker 6 (05:28):
The one I bought with Joe Phillips. You see, we
bought a half interest in a corn.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
But don't you know when you're being kidded?
Speaker 3 (05:36):
The corn popper?
Speaker 2 (05:39):
What corn popper?
Speaker 1 (05:42):
Oh?
Speaker 6 (05:42):
No, gosh, I don't see anything funny about our corn popper.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Oh I saw? All right, Bud, just forget the whole thing.
But I can't. I have to supply the soul.
Speaker 4 (05:55):
You have to supply what yayyy Oh?
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Dear? Now what I have elected?
Speaker 4 (06:02):
Mommy?
Speaker 2 (06:03):
I was elected? Well it isn't William Jennings, Bryan, Kathleen?
Speaker 4 (06:07):
How many times have I told you, Jenny, I was elected?
Speaker 3 (06:10):
Isn't it wonderful?
Speaker 2 (06:11):
All right? Now, just calm down, take it easy. I
was elected, Kathy, to what were you elected? I'm the treasurer.
They I'm the election and I'm the treasurer.
Speaker 7 (06:23):
The treasurer, Say Kathy, that's the first day.
Speaker 5 (06:34):
Take it easy.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
I was just thinking, Margaret, do you know what this
is all about? Why?
Speaker 4 (06:39):
Of course, dear Kathy was elected treasurer Margaret of what?
Speaker 3 (06:44):
Why? Daddy?
Speaker 1 (06:46):
The little vultures, the little who votures.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
It's a kind of a bird, and I'm the treasurer.
Wait a minute, where'd you ever dig up a name
like that? Wait, I'll be back later, Mom, I got it,
come back here. Holy were you the one who.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Cooked up this delightful little tag for Kathy's club?
Speaker 6 (07:11):
Well, gosh, Dad, they said they wanted some kind of
a bird's name, and well have you ever watched him?
Speaker 5 (07:24):
But we like it, Daddy, we made but an honorary vult.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Well, it couldn't have happened to a nicer boy.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Betty, never mind, Betty, I'll get it.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
The little vulture. Leave it to my children.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
Hello, Oh hello actor by, Well, thank you very much.
Oh sure, I'm the luckiest guy in town. Sure, okay,
heck I'll be seeing you. Congratulations. If there ever was
a guy who needed congratulations.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Less, who was it? Jim Hector Smith.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
He wants to extend his heartiest congratulations isn't that nice
about what, dear he didn't say?
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Maybe he heard about me. He's known about you for years.
Believe me, that isn't what he meant.
Speaker 4 (08:23):
Jim, I won't be able to sleep a wink all night?
Why did you call Hector back?
Speaker 2 (08:28):
I guess I won't have to. Maybe this time, our
dear friend Hector will let us in on the joke,
some joke.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Hello, hec Oh, George, I'm sorry George. You see Heck
called him inute ago and I thought, well, thank you, George.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
But I don't know what George. No, we're not having
any celebration. We don't even know George. Hello George?
Speaker 3 (08:55):
Oh was it Hector?
Speaker 2 (08:57):
No, it was George Phillips, and he's very high for us.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
What on earth do you suppose it means?
Speaker 1 (09:02):
I don't know, but if those guys are having a
good time at our expense, I'll get it. You stay
where you are, I'll find out what this is about.
If it takes all night. If that's the kind of friends,
I've got it.
Speaker 8 (09:11):
Hello, Hello, Jim, it was the front door.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Oh? Get a man so mixed up? He doesn't know
what bell is ringing. After a while, I'll probably hear
bell's when nothing's ringing. Yes, mister Anderson.
Speaker 9 (09:28):
Yes, my name is Ford, Richard Ford of the legal
firm of Megonical, Bristol and Finch.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Oh, well, come in, mister pull thank you very much.
Why don't we go into the damn yin?
Speaker 3 (09:45):
If that's the paper boy, tell him all him next?
Speaker 2 (09:47):
It wasn't the paper boy? On? Is that missus Anderson?
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Yeah, she's in the living room, but well, why don't
we go in and tell her the good news? What
good news?
Speaker 8 (09:56):
All in good time, mister Anderson, all in good time?
Speaker 2 (10:00):
Ah, Missus Anderson and all the little Anderson. Honey, this
is mister Ford of the Medonical Bristol in stint at turns.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
How do you do how do you do?
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Shit? Right down? Mister Ford. Why don't you kids find
something to do someplace?
Speaker 9 (10:15):
Oh no, no, no, let them stay by all meetings.
After all, this concerns the entire family, doesn't it?
Speaker 2 (10:22):
What does?
Speaker 5 (10:23):
Yes?
Speaker 4 (10:23):
Me?
Speaker 9 (10:24):
And now you are related to Joseph James Anderson, are
you not?
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Yes? I am not. What I've never even heard of
any Joseph James Anderson.
Speaker 9 (10:36):
Well that's very strange. I had it on very good authority.
That Robert Ruse Anderson. Perhaps with my father, I knew
I hadn't made a mistake. Mister Anderson, Joseph James Anderson
was your father's cousin who once removed.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
Oh, you mean cousin Joe. Well, we haven't anything about
him for thirty years. Matter of fact, I think he
died about twenty years ago, didn't he know, mister Anderson,
Joseph James Anderson passed from this veil of tears less
than a month ago. That's impossible if I was over
(11:12):
seventy when he decided to run away from home and
go to Arizona.
Speaker 9 (11:15):
He died last week at the age of one hundred
and two.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Well, you see, my father always said he smoked too much,
A poor old coop.
Speaker 9 (11:29):
The poor old coop you may be interested to know,
made you his sole heir.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
Jee Fatherly God, don't get excited if I know cousin Joe.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
We've inherited three barrels of bottle tops.
Speaker 5 (11:47):
That ain't father, Isn't it the most wonderful thing you've
ever heard?
Speaker 2 (11:51):
The phone ringing.
Speaker 5 (11:52):
I've never been so excited in my whole life.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Lord, will I answered the phone? That's quite all right?
So help me next summer. I'm going to spend my
vacation a nice quad boiler factor. Hello, oh hello, mister Gribble. Well,
thank you very much.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Now about the Van Norton land, Well, naturally, I advice
about what investments?
Speaker 2 (12:16):
You want my advice?
Speaker 1 (12:19):
Well, if you think I'm qualified to, all right, JP
at twelve thirty tomorrow, say you're there, goodbye.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
He wants my advice.
Speaker 3 (12:31):
Jim, we're waiting for you.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
That was mister Gribble. Honey. He wants me to give
him some advice on his investment.
Speaker 4 (12:39):
Let's talk about it later, Dear, mister Ford wants to
tell us about the inheritance.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
Why don't you sit down, bother. Here's a Christian.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
Daddy wanting to get your house slippers dead. Look, I
just finished telling you not to get excited.
Speaker 9 (12:51):
I know cousin Joe, and he never had a dime
in his whole life. That may be true, mister Anderson.
But if you would be good enough to sign this retainer,
I shall be happy to tell you about the estate.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Well, okay, what is it? Four barrels of bottle tops?
Speaker 8 (13:06):
It is a fifteen thousand acre cattle ranch.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
Mister Anderson, a ranch.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
Fifteen thousand acres with a possible value of nine million dollars.
Speaker 3 (13:20):
Jeer father goshoy holy cown.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
So father's inherited a nine million dollar estates and a
mister Gribble that makes him a financial expert. Well, that
remains to be seen. But right now I'd like to
ask you a question. Do you make it a habit
to break the law? If you think not, what sort
of driving habits do you have? Figures from the National
Safety Council show that about sixty percent of the fatal
(14:00):
traffic accidents each year involve the violation of one or
more traffic laws.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
Many drivers just don't pay attention to the signs.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
Diamond shaped, round and crossbuck signs call for extra caution,
take it easy until the condition they describe has been
safely passed. When crossing railroad tracks, watch for that second
train you may not have seen. If there are any
protective devices like flashing lights, wig wag signals, gates, bells
and lights, wait until they stop operating before stepping on
(14:33):
the gas.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
These are your signs of life, know them, obey them.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
A week's gone by, and the white frame house on
Maple Street hasn't changed.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
A bit.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
There's another rainstorm and progress the same slippery spot on
the porch that Jim's going to fix next Sunday.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Everything's just as it's always been, except for the people.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Yes, the Andersons have changed a little, I'm afraid not much,
but a little like this. Well that's fine, Frank. Oh sure,
well it really wasn't anything, Frank, But.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Well that'll be fine, Frank. Sure.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Wednesday's as good at night as any Okay, Frank, you bet, Frank, Yeah, good.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
Night, Frank.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
What did Charlie have to say?
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Dear?
Speaker 1 (15:38):
That was Frank? Oh?
Speaker 3 (15:40):
How is George?
Speaker 2 (15:44):
He's so cute. I may I interest you to know,
missus millionaires Anderson, that your husband is being given a
testimonial dinner next Wednesday.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
No, ye, why, Jim, how perfectly wonderful?
Speaker 2 (15:57):
What for putting through the playground? That's what for? It's
all signed, sealed and delivered. Jim. That is wonderful, boy,
what a playground that's going to be.
Speaker 4 (16:08):
You and mister Van Norton have done a wonderful thing
for Springfield, and I'm proud of you both.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
Well, you know how it is with us rich.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
Men a home, Jim, do you know what I'm gonna
do with our first million. Why, I'm going to buy
Bud some new socks.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
Good.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
I have never seen a boy so hard on socks
in my whole life.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
Look at that, honey, speaking of millions, Yes, dear, don't
be too surprised if cousin Joe's ranch comes to less
than mister Ford said.
Speaker 3 (16:39):
Oh, I was only joking there, I know.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
But when he said nine million, that was only if
each acre was a whole unit. It might be a
whole lot less.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
I didn't understand that very well, Jim. What was that
unit business?
Speaker 2 (16:52):
Well, it's very simple, honey.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
In the cattle country, a unit is the amount of
land required to feed a cow in her calf for
one year.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
That's the way they.
Speaker 4 (17:00):
Figure, And that's worth six hundred dollars roughly. Then why
do they say it might be less fifteen thousand times
six hundreds?
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Why we aren't sure about the land. Maybe an acre
won't feed a cow and a calf for a year.
It might take two or three gym.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Really, well it might.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
And if it takes three acres to make up a unit,
then each acre is worth only two hundred dollars and
the ranch is worth only a third.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Or three million.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
Oh dear, we'll just have to get along with the
smaller swimming pool at all.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
That might even take ten acres to.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
Make a unit, Oh, gym, let's not be ridiculous. After all.
How much can a cow and one small calf eat?
Speaker 2 (17:42):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
But if it did take ten acres, well, that'd make
it sixty dollars an acre, and fifteen thousand we'd only
have nine hundred thousand dollars.
Speaker 3 (17:52):
Wouldn't that be awful?
Speaker 2 (17:56):
You know I've got a good mind to please.
Speaker 5 (18:01):
The front door opened, it would, but it's me, mother.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
We're in the den. Dear.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
What's the matter with you?
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Father?
Speaker 3 (18:11):
You got lipstick on your chin?
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Heaven, somebody must have hit me.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
Creepers.
Speaker 5 (18:17):
Isn't this a miserable day?
Speaker 2 (18:20):
Why?
Speaker 3 (18:20):
Betty? I thought you said rain?
Speaker 5 (18:23):
All it ever does in this count is rain.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
Wait a minute, sugar, let's get it out in the open.
What happened?
Speaker 5 (18:28):
Oh, it isn't important. I didn't want to go to
the movies anyway.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
So that's what it is.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
What is?
Speaker 3 (18:37):
She had a quarrel with Stanley Laws.
Speaker 5 (18:39):
I didn't either. It's all father's.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Fault, my fault.
Speaker 6 (18:42):
What did I do.
Speaker 5 (18:43):
He liked me when we were poor, but just because
you had to go get nine million dollars.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Wait a minute.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
In the first place, we weren't exactly poor, and then
the second place, we've got the nine million nicely whittled.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Down to practically nothing. Yeah, might even be less than
one million.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
Oh, what good is that?
Speaker 5 (19:01):
He still won't take me. He says he can't afford
Low's seats. Why, Betty, I told him I didn't mind,
but he said girls with nine million dollars always sat
in Low's seats.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Naturally, they save a whole row for girls with nine
million dollars. It's the roll right in back.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Of the girls with ten million dollars. Well, this is
the silliest thing I've ever heard. We haven't collected a dime.
My bank book looks like an undernourished flapjack. And Stanley
Lawson won't go out with my daughter because she's got
nine million dollars.
Speaker 4 (19:35):
Betty, don't you think if you explained to him that
nothing is really changed?
Speaker 3 (19:39):
It has everything's changed?
Speaker 4 (19:41):
Bud, oh, Dad, not another one is anything wrong?
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Dear Ah?
Speaker 1 (19:49):
That Joe Phillips, what a pain? He turned out to
be something amiss with the popcorn?
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Tycoons? Well, why should I supply all the butter? I
bought the salt? Did not?
Speaker 3 (20:01):
We were all so happy when we were poor.
Speaker 6 (20:04):
He even had it figured out how many pounds of
buddy you can buy with nine million dollars.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
I don't bet that it fixed all the popcorn from
here to Lowe's Calcutta.
Speaker 4 (20:15):
But if you and Betty don't take these things too seriously,
I'm sure that me.
Speaker 3 (20:21):
God's not what why Kathy Darling?
Speaker 2 (20:23):
What is it? They kick me out of their glove.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
Angel?
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Why don't you let me? Kathy? Why did they kick
you out of the club? They won't let me feel
lote vulture?
Speaker 1 (20:39):
Never mind them, sweetheart. No one can keep you from
being a little dulch I mean, Jim, well you know
what I mean, Kathy. Does our nine million dollars have
anything to do with your expulsion from the club?
Speaker 2 (20:57):
Uh huh?
Speaker 5 (20:58):
They said it were too suspicion shoes?
Speaker 2 (21:02):
What was? They made me the treasurer and the next
day you had.
Speaker 7 (21:08):
Nine minutes.
Speaker 5 (21:14):
I don't know, and they said I couldn't ever be
the treasurer again, and I had to give back all
thirteen save You're outcast. That's what we are, nothing but
social outcast.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Fine, tell us all about it right after you answer
the phone.
Speaker 4 (21:32):
No, Jim, Wait, Betty, why don't you take Kathy upstairs
and get her cleaned up?
Speaker 5 (21:37):
Okay, come on, blabberd old Betty, I was so happy
being the treasurer.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
By the phone's ringing? You want me, Dad? Where did
you go? All of a sudden? I got hungry? You
want me to answer the phone? No, never mind either.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
They all answered at once, so they let the darn
thing ring for an hour. Well, keep your shirt on,
I'm coming Hello.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
Hello. Heck, no, we were just sitting around having fun.
I can't hear you. Heck, sorry about what bad news?
We haven't learn anything about.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
Any Heck okay, heck sure, if it'll make you happy,
I'll keep the lower lip stiff too, And.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Thanks for calling. Heck goodbye. Gloomy character sounded like he
just took a walk through a haunted house. Who was it,
Jim Hector? He heard the sad news and he's very sorry.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
What sad news?
Speaker 2 (22:40):
You don't suppose he's the field secretary for the little Vultures?
Do you? Every time something happens to Kathy? And the vultures.
Heck's on the phone. Oh my aching ears, Why don't
you let me get it this time? No, I'll carry
through to the bitter end. Better mouse trap Anderson. That's me.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
One more trip to the phone and I get eminent possession. Hello, Hello, George,
Thank you very much, George.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Goodbye, George. This can go on all night. What did
George want, dear, Oh, the same thing. Bad news. Keep
a stiff upper lip, Pip pip tally hose.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
Well, the least you could have done was asking what
bad news?
Speaker 1 (23:24):
And play straight for those two practical jokers, Margaret, I'm
surprised you've known Heck and George as long as I have.
Speaker 3 (23:31):
We're both perfectly sincere.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Last time, Jim say, that's right, they were one they
Maybe I'd better call them back, Jim.
Speaker 3 (23:42):
This time it's the door bell.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Thank you very much, Seeta, man like you need a
seeing eye, dorel Oh, Hello, mister Ford. We were sort
of hoping we'd hear from you. Come out and out
of that ray. I have spent a busy week, I'll
bet you have, Honey, it's mister Ford. Hello there, missus Anderson,
(24:06):
how nine go right into the dam mister Ford. Thank you. Well,
this is a comfy little spot, isn't it.
Speaker 4 (24:13):
Why don't you sit at the desk, mister Ford, then
you can spread out all your papers and things.
Speaker 8 (24:18):
Yes, that would be nice.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
Well, let me get you a couple of cushions. Oh no, no,
this will be fine, yas tie.
Speaker 9 (24:26):
Now, yes, well, first, here's the receipt for your one
hundred dollars retaining fee.
Speaker 8 (24:32):
Oh man, very important, you know all these little details.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Let me see now? Oh yes, the ranch. If you
haven't anything else on your mind.
Speaker 8 (24:44):
Jim, please, yes, you you must be very anxious.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Oh of course not. What do we care for a
couple of million dollars more or less? Dear me, I'm.
Speaker 8 (24:53):
Afraid you're going to be just a little disappointed.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
You see when I said nine million, mister Ford, how
much is it worth?
Speaker 8 (25:01):
Well, you remember what I told you about the unit system.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Yes, one cow and one calf for one year.
Speaker 9 (25:08):
Yes, yes, Well, on your cousin Joseph's ranch, it seems
that one cow and one calf need quite.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
A bit of land. How much.
Speaker 8 (25:20):
Twelve hundred acres?
Speaker 2 (25:24):
Well one hundred, oh, Jim.
Speaker 8 (25:27):
Which makes the value of the land fifty cents an acre.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
Oh, Jim, well, that isn't too bad, honey.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
We'll have a ranch to go to every summer, and
all it cost us is the one hundred dollars we
gave mister.
Speaker 9 (25:42):
Ford, mister Anderson, as your legal advisor, may I suggest
that you just forget.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
The whole thing. Forget it?
Speaker 8 (25:50):
Yes, you see, the land is only worth seventy five
hundred dollars.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
Wow, what's wrong with seventy five hundred dollars?
Speaker 9 (25:57):
Nothing except that we found a bill for eighty two
hundred dollars in back taxes.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
Oh oh, no, Anderson's will be right back. Did you
ever hear this familiar phrase, I didn't know it was loaded.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
That's a pathetic excuse, isn't it. What about this one?
Speaker 1 (26:27):
I didn't see the train coming. That excuse is loaded
with tragedy. The National Safety Council asks motorists to consider
these facts. About half of all train car collisions happen
in daylight, two thirds happen in clear weather. One third
of them happen at crossings protected by gates, lights, bells,
(26:48):
or watchmen as well as the road signs. Did these
facts point out to you that many drivers are careless,
thoughtless daring or impatient at grade crossings?
Speaker 2 (26:57):
What about your own driving?
Speaker 1 (27:00):
Always watch for those crossing signs, the signs of life.
Do you always think there may be a train coming?
Do you slow down and look well to be sure?
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Is life worth a little extra care at a crossing?
Think it over.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
The life you save may be your own. Remember Francois Villon,
he was king for a day. Remember the Andersons. They
were millionaires for a whole week, which is nice work
if you can get it anyway.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
They're back to normal now, if you can call.
Speaker 10 (27:39):
Anything connected with the Anderson's normal, Like this wasn't Jimmy Woody,
sweet Mommy, yes, dear, He said he didn't care what
anybody said.
Speaker 3 (27:50):
If I wasn't a little vulture, nobody was.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
That's my girl.
Speaker 5 (27:56):
Isn't this the most beautiful day you've ever seen?
Speaker 2 (28:00):
She saw Tony curtism.
Speaker 4 (28:02):
Well she went to the show with Stanley, but I
think that's all she saw Stanley.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
Dad, I got the placall polished uff. How does it
look fine? But just fine?
Speaker 3 (28:11):
Let me see it again? Please, Oh jim, isn't it beautiful?
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Where do you think we ought to put it? Honey?
Speaker 4 (28:18):
In the damn naturally to James Anderson Senior or upstanding
service to the youth of Springfield.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
Isn't that nice?
Speaker 2 (28:28):
You know, it's a funny thing, Margaret. But I've got
a peculiar feeling that the plaque isn't all mine.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
What do you mean, dear well, I wasn't getting anywhere
with the playground until that silly inheritance came along.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
You know what I'm gonna do.
Speaker 3 (28:42):
You're not gonna give it.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
Back down here on the bottom. I'm gonna put a
little sticker that says, with one assist from cousin Joe.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
Join us again next week when we'll be back with
Father Knows Best s carring Robert Young as Jim Ands
in our Cast, where Gene Vander Pyle as Margaret, Rhoda Williams,
Ted Donaldson, Helen Strom, Parley Vair, and Yours Truly, Bill Fork.
Father Knows Best was an NBC Radio Network production written
by Ed James, directed by Max Hutto, and transcribed in Hollywood.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
It's More Adventure with Colder Spy Tonight on NBC
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