July 12, 2025 - Leftovers & Airport Shoes ✈️

Wake up and smell the leftovers! This week, we dive into the treasure trove of bits that didn’t make the cut during the radio show. I mean, who knew that 11,000 Americans turn 50 daily? Spoiler alert: it’s a gold mine, fam! We also chat about the art of swingin’ for the fences with our morning six packs, inspired by the legendary David Letterman. Sure, not every joke lands like a plane, but we keep swinging until we hit the jackpot! Oh, and let’s not forget the musical gem, ‘Airport Shoes’—a funky homage to the TSA's new chill rules. Trust me, you’re gonna want to strut your stuff in those shoes! So grab your snacks, kick back, and let’s have some laughs together!

• Did you know 11,000 Americans turn 50 every day? Time to invest in Velcro sneakers!
• Superman's day job as a reporter? Yeah, right! Who's making bank in journalism these days?

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
I would say good morning, butyou can listen to a podcast anytime.
So the original concept ofHaystacks was for me to basically
do leftovers.
And then I realized that the most.
The most comments that I getabout my show have to do with either
my conversation with AlabamaBama or my morning six packs, which
are kind of an homage to theold David Letterman top 10 lists.

(00:22):
And I realize they're notalways, oh, my gosh, funny, but,
you know, you can't always hita home run.
You just keep swinging.
So I hope you've enjoyed mymorning six packs, my discussions
with Alabama Bama, and theneach Saturday morning, we're going
to release some of the thingsthat I wrote going into the show
that I ended up not using.
So, you know, believe it ornot, we're not just cracking open

(00:43):
a mic and saying whatevercomes to the top of our head.
Well, we do that some, butmost of us in this radio business
will jot down a bunch ofnotes, things that we think might
be interesting, so that we canmake comments about them, and we
don't always get around tousing all of them.
So I have a lot of notes orjokes or segments or comments or
thoughts that.
That go unsaid until now.

(01:05):
For instance, I saw earlierthis week where there are 11,000Americans
turning 50 years old each andevery day.
So my first thought was, well,it must be a good time to be in the
Velcro sneaker business.
And my second thought was,well, no wonder Bella Vista keeps
growing so fast.
So, you know, I never gotaround to using that, but it's pretty
fascinating.
11,000Americans turning 50each and every day.

(01:30):
And then sometimes I'll put ina lot of time to write and record
a parody song that I think isfunny only to, as I did this week,
decide I wanted to take adifferent approach.
The subject that I wanted tohave fun with was the TSA not requiring
that you take your shoes offmost of the time anymore.
And I had.
I had done a parody song to the.

(01:52):
The old disco favorite BoogieShoes, and I turned it into Airport
Shoes.
And we'll hear that just alittle bit later on.
So this is essentially goingto be a Leftovers situation.
Some of this is going to bepretty fun.
Well, leftovers or things thatI decided were just a little too
risque for the radio.

(02:13):
And I've gotten a fewcomplaints every once in a while.
Oh, he said he should not have said.
Everyone's idea of what'soffensive is different.
I try really hard to keep it.
At most, PG Right.
I want anyone to be able tolisten to what I'm.
I'm talking about.
But there are some people whohave sensitivities that are such
that.
That they probably shouldn'tlisten to me.

(02:34):
This show's definitely not forthose folks.
For instance, Sunday isHarrison Ford's birthday.
He'll turn 83 years old.
And in honor of his recentmovie performances, all his birthday
wishes are going to be phoned in.
See?
Quite simple dad joke.
Family friendly.
The other punchline, don'tforget to see his latest movie, Indiana
Jones and the Little Blue Pill.

(02:55):
That.
That's not that dirty.
But some people would beoffended by me just using the phrase
blue pill.
So we're just gonna have fun.
A few of these bits, a few ofthese jokes may be a little too wild
for the radio, but I'm gonnatry not to get too crazy on you.
And then a lot of this is juststuff I didn't get around to.
Just things that never happened.

(03:17):
So, yeah, Superman opened onFriday, officially.
Actually opened on Thursday.
And it reportedly needs tomake $700 million to be a box office
success.
That's a lot.
Uh, 700 million sounds like a lot.
What it really needs to do ismake $230 billion with a B so that
Superman can marry Lauren Sanchez.

(03:39):
Because that's about how muchthat lady cost, apparently.
And even though he could.
Even though he can fly and hasX ray vision, that's.
That's not the craziest partabout Superman.
The most unrealistic aspect ofSuperman is that he thinks he can
make a living at his day jobworking in a newspaper.
Have you met people in themedia where we don't make a lot of

(04:00):
money?
We do it for other reasons.
There's no way you're writingfor a newspaper full time.
Especially when you thinkabout how expensive his life must
be.
I mean, all the spandex forthe outfits, that can't be cheap.
And I know he'sindestructible, so I guess he doesn't
have to worry about health care.
Maybe that's where all thesavings come from.

(04:21):
Because he's not having to payfor health care.
Oh, we're just.
This is going to be.
What do they call that?
Stream of consciousness.
This could be stream of consciousness.
The podcast.
8 out of 8 out of 10 womenadmit that they have cooked a meal
topless or nude at least oncefor their man.

(04:42):
I've never had a woman do thatfor me.
Eight out of ten admit they'vecooked a meal topless or nude for
their man.
Eight.
The other two out of ten stilltraumatized by that one grease splatter
incident.
I just.
If you've ever watched theFood Network, you've got to be.
I hope they don't hear that stat.
Cause they'll start gettingsome ideas.
Next thing you know, it'll becooking with Martha Stewart topless
or something.

(05:03):
They just do anything.
Anyway, we're gonna.
We're gonna have fun with ourairport shoes parody.
But first, I am.
I'm gonna tell you that assoon as I get done recording this
podcast, I am going to startmy plans.
I want to open a new store.
And if you listen to my show,you know that I'm always trying to
find a way to make money.
I've decided that my latestidea for a business is a $2 store.

(05:25):
I am going to whoop up on theDollar General and the Dollar Tree.
I am opening the $2 store forpeople who enjoy the finer things
in life.
Life is finer for all of usnow that we don't have to take off
our airport shoes.
Taking to get on a plane.

(05:49):
Yeah, we'll never have to doit again.
Yeah, yeah.
Don't have to take off my, mymy my my airport shoes they change
the rules.
Yeah, don't have to take offmy, my my my my airport shoes like

(06:13):
the cabin crew.
Now you can wear yourdisgusting socks.
Oh, yeah.
Wear thigh boots and not your Crocs.
Yeah, yeah.
Don't have to take off my, mymy my my airport shoes.

(06:37):
They change the rule.
Yeah, don't have to take offmy, my my my my airport sh.
Sam.