August 13, 2025 • 25 mins
This is a re-recording:
In this episode of the Health Healing and Hope Podcast, host Natiki Hope Pressley shares her gratitude for the listeners of her first episode and delves deeper into the theme of 'healing, not hiding.' Natiki discusses her healing journey following a cancer diagnosis, treatment, and extensive surgery, emphasizing that healing is a continuous process. She explores the reasons why people hide their true selves—such as fear of judgment, shame, and societal expectations—and how this hinders genuine connection, peace, and personal growth. Natiki introduces a five-step approach, called the G.R.A.C.E. (TM) approach (Guidance, Reflection, Affirmation, Clarity, Encouragement), to help listeners live uncovered. She encourages listeners to acknowledge their hidden truths and share them with trusted individuals. The episode closes with a call for listeners to share their personal 'healing, not hiding' stories and a reminder that true healing involves living openly and authentically.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Natiki (00:00):
hello, and welcome back to Health Healing and Hope.
(00:03):
I'm your host, Natiki HopePressley.
Thank you so much for joiningme.
Thank you so much for all of youwho listened to my first
episode.
I'm so grateful for your time,for your email and text
messages, and of course yourkind words.
A lot of you said it feels likea personal conversation and I
wanna keep that going.
(00:23):
I was particularly moved whenyou shared that my personal
story encouraged you, and someof you expressed a desire to
share your own stories as well.
I wanna say this clearly, thispodcast is for you.
And as long as I'm helping, I'llbe here every week.
I see you.
I hear you.
(00:43):
And I'm also here for you.
So just in case, I wanna saythat I am not a licensed
therapist, but I am a healingexpert with many years of
experience.
Too many mention.
I like most of you, I've beenthrough tremendous life
challenges, and I've spent manyyears going through the process
of rebuilding, being restored,and of course being healed.
(01:09):
This podcast was born out of myhealing journey.
I'm pulling out pages from myhealing story and I'm sharing
them with you.
This is a conversation with you.
So today we're gonna dig alittle deeper.
Let's recap.
A little bit about what happenedon the first episode of healing,
(01:30):
not hiding.
In the episode, I shared mystory.
I talked about the still smallvoice.
That nudge that says something'sjust not right, and that led to
a diagnosis of cancer,chemotherapy, radiation, and an
extensive surgery.
All that changed in my lifeforever and my decision to stop
(01:51):
hiding.
And start healing.
But here's the truth, even afteryou decide to stop hiding, it's
not instant.
It is a process and sometimeswithout even realizing it, we
still keep some doors closed.
There's still a wall up.
Maybe we're peeking over the topof it.
(02:11):
Even in the process of healing,we're still closing off some
areas of our lives, keeping themprotected from whatever we think
might be attempting to exposethem.
Today's conversation is aboutwhat happens after you take that
first brave step.
It's about learning to liveuncovered and how we make that
(02:33):
intentional step towards a morehonest, open, and hope filled
life.
Let's start with why we hide.
Let's be honest.
Hiding is human right.
We hide for so many reasons,fear of judgment.
If people knew the truth aboutme, would they still accept me?
(02:55):
Would they still love me?
Or maybe, it's shame.
Something that happened to youor something you did to someone
else, and we're hiding thesescars because we don't want
people to fully see us, or maybewe're just protecting ourselves.
We're thinking that if we keepall of this inside, if we keep
(03:18):
it all close, it won't hurt asmuch.
If people don't truly see me,then they can't reject me.
That need for acceptance cansometimes cause us to do some
stupid things, make some baddecisions, and sometimes we're
just morphing into somethingthat we're not.
(03:40):
Just to satisfy other people,just to make other people
comfortable.
I'll tell you what.
Those people most of the timeare doing exactly what you're
doing.
They're not being their wholeselves either.
But when we decide, you and Idecide to open up and be our
(04:04):
authentic self, we give otherpeople the opportunity to do the
same.
It ignites a fire of truth andhonesty.
Maybe sometimes we're protectingother people.
We don't want to be a burden.
I don't wanna put this on myfamily and friends or
colleagues, but again, are weprotecting people or are we just
(04:32):
still back to being afraid ofjudgment, afraid that we're not
gonna be accepted?
Because, society also tells usthat we have to just be strong
and put on a good face.
Don't cry in public.
Don't let people see youremotions.
Don't reveal your weaknesses.
Just keep it all together.
(04:56):
We're told to wear a maskinstead of exposing our true
face.
The problem is that hidingdoesn't make the pain go away.
It doesn't change yourcircumstance.
Not telling people how you feelor showing people your true self
doesn't change anything.
(05:17):
Hiding just isolates you.
It keeps you stuck.
It keeps you in survival modeinstead of moving forward.
You're just stagnant.
Nothing's changing, you're notgetting better, and you're
paying a very high price to keephiding.
What does it cost you to wearthat mask?
(05:39):
When you pretend that you'reokay and you're not, most of the
time, that cost us realconnection because people can't
fully know you if they only seeparts of you.
If you're protecting parts ofyourself from people, then
you're also protecting yourselffrom people.
(06:02):
It certainly cost you peace.
Because you're always holdingyour breath hoping that no one
notices, no one sees you.
You're waiting to find out ifthey can see through your mask.
It costs you growth'cause youcan't heal what you won't
acknowledge.
(06:24):
Let me say that again.
You can't heal what you won'tacknowledge.
You can't be better if you'renot willing to admit that you
need to get better, or here'sanother way you can't solve any
problem that you're not willingto admit exists.
(06:46):
I'll tell you a quick story.
I'm allergic to paper and I'mnot talking about the material
that paper is made from.
I'm talking about.
Just paper.
Just a piece of paper bothersme.
And for a long time I wouldjust, get mail, junk mail
sometimes, and I put it in adrawer and just say, I don't
(07:06):
wanna see it, I don't wanna lookat it.
I don't wanna think about it.
Obviously that drawer juststarted to fill it with a lot of
paper and then eventually becameoverwhelming.
But I wasn't willing to admitthat the real issue was that.
I just wasn't ready to deal withwhatever was said in that mail
ever was in those letters,bills, et cetera, whatever it
(07:29):
was, I just wasn't ready to dealwith it.
Of course, that'scounterproductive, but at the
time I wasn't ready to admitthat there was a problem.
And that's why we're havingthese conversations now, because
I know what it's like to notaddress a thing, to not
(07:55):
acknowledge my need or topretend something doesn't exist.
Or to avoid something because Ijust don't have the capacity.
Now when it comes to talking topeople and sharing how you feel
about things, I'm not saying youhave to, just walk up to people
(08:19):
and tell'em your whole story.
I think that's extreme, and itdoesn't start with being honest
with other people.
It starts with being honest withyourself.
Because if you can't be honestwith yourself, you can't be
honest with anybody else, andthat's one of the hardest things
to do is just be honest withyou, what's really going on with
(08:43):
me?
What's going on with me in thispaper?
That's how that whole sin storybegan, right?
You remember the Bible story ofAdam and Eve in the garden, and
once they became aware of theknowledge of good and evil, they
hid themselves not acknowledgingwhat was going on with them and
(09:03):
the choices that they have made.
Eve listening to the serpent.
And then when God walks into thegarden in the cool of the day
and he says, Adam, hey, what'sup with you?
That's my version.
What's up with you, Adam?
And he was ready to blame thewoman.
She did it.
And woman says, Uhuh theserpent.
It's his fault.
(09:23):
We're starting to blame.
They're hiding.
And they're blaming.
They're not acknowledging thechoices that they made.
They're not acknowledging thedecisions that they made.
Because that's an importantquestion that we need to ask.
When we find ourselves hidingand blaming, it's time to say,
(09:47):
what's up with me?
What am I hiding from, and whydo I feel the need to hide?
Let's talk about the uncoveringprocess.
Adam and E was in the garden andthey decided to cover up
ashamed.
What does it look like when wefinally decide that we're gonna
(10:09):
toss away the fear, the shame,the judgment, the need for
acceptance, the protection ofothers, and all of that stuff,
and we're gonna put it all awayand we're gonna live uncovered.
What does that look like foryou?
What did it look like for me?
Unhiding didn't happen in onebig moment.
It happened in these small,mostly uncomfortable steps by
(10:32):
saying, first I'm not okay.
Houston, we have a problem.
You know how it goes whensomebody asks you, how you
doing?
What's, how you going?
How's it going?
What's going on with you?
And you go, I'm good.
I'm good.
Everything's good.
I'm blessed and highly favored,which you are.
I am.
We are.
(10:54):
However, I'm learning thatthere's something more to that.
While you're blessed in highlyfavor, hashtag Blessed.
This is true.
It's an ultimate truth.
We are empowered to succeed andwe have been given, we have been
endowed with these wonderfuldivine rights.
Air, sunlight, and water and allthese things we need to live.
(11:18):
So we are certainly blessed.
But that's an ultimate truth.
But that's not what keeps usstuck, and that's certainly not
what makes us hide.
It's not believing the truth.
And here's what I mean.
So when someone asks you how youdoing?
And you say, oh yeah, I'mblessed and I'm good, I'm doing
(11:38):
good.
But if I don't believe it, if Idon't believe that I'm blessed,
then I'm just saying it's like ascripted response.
And I believe we do all of that.
I'm good.
I'm great and everything's good.
To avoid having realconversation.
(11:58):
So here's what I suggest.
It's just a suggestion.
I suggest we find people that wetrust, our trusted friends and
family in our support circle.
We tell them the truth, we startthere.
Tell them the truth.
Like I said, I'm not saying goaround, tell anybody your
(12:20):
business, that's a bad idea.
But those people who love you,who support you, who don't judge
you, who are there for youunconditionally, yeah, you
should tell them the truth.
Maybe just say, I'm not okay.
Consider allowing yourself to bevulnerable.
(12:45):
Ask for help instead ofpretending that you can handle
everything.
I got it.
I got this.
For me saying, I don't needhelp, or I don't wanna be
helped.
That comes from being hurt.
I've had situations where I'veasked people for something or
asked people for help, and Ididn't like the way it worked
out.
They made me feel bad forasking, and so now I decided I'm
(13:07):
not gonna ever ask anybody forhelp.
I'm gonna do it myself because Ireally just didn't wanna be hurt
again.
So we do all of that to avoidbeing hurt.
We're saying that we got it whenwe don't, to avoid being hurt.
Or maybe we can just try writingit down.
(13:30):
Try writing it down journal.
Write down your truth in ajournal.
Do it without censorship.
Say it exactly the way you wannasay it.
One of the things I love aboutwriting in a journal and sharing
my story in that way is that Idon't get any response back.
(13:53):
I don't get any commentary, andI'm not waiting for someone else
to tell me what they think aboutwhat I share.
You get a chance to just writewithout judgment, without having
to craft it so that someone elseunderstands what I'm trying to
say.
Write it down or maybe just sayit out loud, an audio journal.
(14:20):
I have a little tip for you.
I used to do something called awalk and talk.
It really was effective.
And a walk and talk is when Iwould take my cell phone and my
headphones and I would take awalk in the park.
I put those headphones on andturn on my voice memo, and I
(14:41):
would just start talking.
Whatever came out, whatever wason my mind at the time, it can
start with, dear God, or youknow what?
You know what I'm not gonna doanymore?
I'm not letting people, whateverit was, and it was really
helpful.
(15:03):
I know for onlookers theythought I was having a very deep
one-sided telephoneconversation, but for me it was
therapy.
I got a chance to walk and getsome exercise, but also got a
chance to just let my thoughtsout.
(15:24):
Get them outside of my head andthen I would listen to them
again, maybe a week or so laterand just evaluate what was going
on in my mind at the time.
And it has a great way ofhelping me with reflection as
well.
These are not easy steps.
(15:45):
They can be if you just.
Put away all of thosemisconceptions about things, or
all the reasons why you can't orshouldn't, or all the time you
don't have to spare.
You got time for you.
I remember we're working ongetting better.
(16:07):
We're all just trying to getbetter.
That's the goal.
We're taking steps towardsbetter, to be better today than
we were yesterday and bettertomorrow than we are today.
That's it.
That's the goal.
But when I look at those stepsthat I've mentioned, saying it
out loud or writing it down,talking to trusted friends,
(16:29):
asking for help instead ofpretending that I'm okay.
Yeah, they weren't easy, but.
It was necessary.
They got easier.
Once I started making a decisionthat it was important enough,
when I prioritized it, yeah, itbecame easier.
But this is a work in progress.
(16:50):
We all are.
I'm just getting to a placewhere I can consistently say I'm
not okay when I'm not.
Help me with something that Iwas gifted with and it's called
the Grace approach.
We certainly receive grace fromGod, but we also need to give
ourselves grace.
(17:10):
But this is a nice combinationof the two.
This is an acronym and G isguidance, seeking guidance from
God and people of wisdom and ouris reflection.
Remember we talked about thetime in the garden where God
says to Adam, where are you?
His response was a reflectionthat he had to consider the
(17:34):
question, and then he had toanswer it honestly.
And a is affirmation, speakinglife into myself.
What are the things that you saywhen the lies get loud?
When those lies become loud andthey do, lies I'm not enough.
(17:58):
I'm not good enough, I'm notsmart enough.
I'm not gonna ever be well, I'mnot gonna be healed.
I'm not gonna be healthy.
I'm never gonna be fit.
This is too hard.
And I've tried that before andit didn't work.
When those lies happen, what doyou say back?
What do you say back you have tofight lies with truth.
(18:20):
So whether it's affirmation,scripture, or whatever you
choose, you have to have themready.
C is for clarity.
It's identifying what I trulywant from my healing journey.
It involves setting clear goals.
What is it that I'm trying toaccomplish?
What is being healed in thisarea look like?
(18:42):
Because honestly, there's noinstruction manual here.
People, we don't always knowexactly what things are gonna
look like, how they're gonnaturn out.
It reminds me of doing thosepuzzles when I was a kid.
I still like doing puzzles, bythe way, and you have all these
pieces in a box and on the topof the box there's a picture of
what it's supposed to look like.
(19:02):
So all these pieces, when theyput together, this is what it's
supposed to look like.
But in life we don't.
We don't have that.
We don't get to see the fullpicture.
Only God knows the wholepicture.
We just have the pieces andwe're just trying to put
together these puzzle pieces,trying to make sense of each
piece, putting things where wethink they belong, but we need
(19:27):
help with that.
We need to seek wisdom andguidance so that we can see the
picture.
We need clarity.
We need vision.
Because I believe the more thatwe see, the more clear the goals
become.
Those pieces start to make moresense.
(19:49):
When you can see the vision, youcan see what it looks like in
completion, and E is forencouragement.
Which is about surroundingyourself with people who fuel
your hope, people who light thefire in you, or keep the fire
(20:10):
lit for you.
So every time it dims out, theyoffer something else to keep the
hope alive.
We need that.
We all need that.
We need support.
So here's some things I want youto do.
If you're ready to stop hiding,here are three practices for
(20:31):
this week.
Now, if you're not ready,there's no judgment.
If you're not ready, that'sokay, but if you're ready, here
are the three practices.
Number one name, one truth thatyou've been hiding, one thing
that you've been afraid toreveal, and I'm not saying go
(20:52):
and run around telling everybodyyour business.
I said that before.
It's not a good idea.
But what's the one thing thatyou've just been avoiding?
Perhaps number two, check yourresponse when you say it, how
does that make you feel?
(21:14):
When I was finally able to tellpeople about what was going on
with me after I received mydiagnosis, I wasn't transparent.
I was just.
Sharing with a few people, onlyshared it with those people who
I felt needed to know, so on aneed to know basis.
When I got honest with myselfabout what was going on with me
(21:37):
and I checked in on how I wasfeeling about it, then how I
shared it became a littledifferent.
Especially at the height of myhealing process.
'cause if you're dealing with ahealth issue right now, illness,
disease, mental, physical,emotional, whatever area you're
(21:58):
struggling with, you need to doa self check.
Just check in with you.
Being honest with yourself aboutwhere you are in your process
and what you need from yoursupport circle.
And number three, just replaceyour mask with some honesty.
(22:19):
Take the mask off in that area,uncover that space.
Maybe you're struggling withdepression privately, or maybe
you're dealing with grief.
You lost someone and it's stillhurting, and you don't know how
to allow yourself to grieve.
Or maybe you're someone like mewho something was going on
inside of your body and it wassome kind of nudge that tells
(22:42):
you something's not right.
But you won't allow yourself tosay, I need to get this checked
out now.
I'm asking you to go ahead andget it checked out, make the
appointment, take action,respond to your need.
(23:07):
I wanna hear from you.
I've been talking for a longtime already.
I had to share all these pointsbecause I didn't wanna leave you
with just my story.
I'm glad to share my story withyou, and I'm grateful that you
listened, and I'm certainlygrateful for your comments, but
I'm more interested in hearingfrom you.
Send me your healing, not hidingmoments.
(23:27):
Whether they're small or bigmoments, they all matter.
You can message me on socialmedia, on my Facebook page at
Health Healing and Hope, and youknow what?
I may even feature your story inthe future episode with your
written consent.
Of course, here are some of ourreflections for this week.
(23:48):
Healing is not about erasingyour scars.
It's about learning to livewithout hiding them.
The healing is not about thewound.
The wound could be healed, butyou're not.
It could appear that things areall better, but under the
surface you're still hurting.
(24:12):
There are still areas that needto be healed.
And maybe there's some scarsleft.
Like me, I have several scarsthat remain, my wounds have
healed, but I'm still healing.
I'm still healing from theexperience, from the trauma of
the experience.
(24:32):
But I wanna tell you, you areworthy of being seen fully and
without apology, with scars andeverything.
Your wounds remind you that youmade it through the battle.
You're still here.
So take a breath, take a moment,and remember you're not alone.
(24:55):
Until next week, be well.
Be strong, be you.
hello, and welcome back to Health Healing and Hope.
(00:03):
I'm your host, Natiki HopePressley.
Thank you so much for joiningme.
Thank you so much for all of youwho listened to my first
episode.
I'm so grateful for your time,for your email and text
messages, and of course yourkind words.
A lot of you said it feels likea personal conversation and I
wanna keep that going.
(00:23):
I was particularly moved whenyou shared that my personal
story encouraged you, and someof you expressed a desire to
share your own stories as well.
I wanna say this clearly, thispodcast is for you.
And as long as I'm helping, I'llbe here every week.
I see you.
I hear you.
(00:43):
And I'm also here for you.
So just in case, I wanna saythat I am not a licensed
therapist, but I am a healingexpert with many years of
experience.
Too many mention.
I like most of you, I've beenthrough tremendous life
challenges, and I've spent manyyears going through the process
of rebuilding, being restored,and of course being healed.
(01:09):
This podcast was born out of myhealing journey.
I'm pulling out pages from myhealing story and I'm sharing
them with you.
This is a conversation with you.
So today we're gonna dig alittle deeper.
Let's recap.
A little bit about what happenedon the first episode of healing,
(01:30):
not hiding.
In the episode, I shared mystory.
I talked about the still smallvoice.
That nudge that says something'sjust not right, and that led to
a diagnosis of cancer,chemotherapy, radiation, and an
extensive surgery.
All that changed in my lifeforever and my decision to stop
(01:51):
hiding.
And start healing.
But here's the truth, even afteryou decide to stop hiding, it's
not instant.
It is a process and sometimeswithout even realizing it, we
still keep some doors closed.
There's still a wall up.
Maybe we're peeking over the topof it.
(02:11):
Even in the process of healing,we're still closing off some
areas of our lives, keeping themprotected from whatever we think
might be attempting to exposethem.
Today's conversation is aboutwhat happens after you take that
first brave step.
It's about learning to liveuncovered and how we make that
(02:33):
intentional step towards a morehonest, open, and hope filled
life.
Let's start with why we hide.
Let's be honest.
Hiding is human right.
We hide for so many reasons,fear of judgment.
If people knew the truth aboutme, would they still accept me?
(02:55):
Would they still love me?
Or maybe, it's shame.
Something that happened to youor something you did to someone
else, and we're hiding thesescars because we don't want
people to fully see us, or maybewe're just protecting ourselves.
We're thinking that if we keepall of this inside, if we keep
(03:18):
it all close, it won't hurt asmuch.
If people don't truly see me,then they can't reject me.
That need for acceptance cansometimes cause us to do some
stupid things, make some baddecisions, and sometimes we're
just morphing into somethingthat we're not.
(03:40):
Just to satisfy other people,just to make other people
comfortable.
I'll tell you what.
Those people most of the timeare doing exactly what you're
doing.
They're not being their wholeselves either.
But when we decide, you and Idecide to open up and be our
(04:04):
authentic self, we give otherpeople the opportunity to do the
same.
It ignites a fire of truth andhonesty.
Maybe sometimes we're protectingother people.
We don't want to be a burden.
I don't wanna put this on myfamily and friends or
colleagues, but again, are weprotecting people or are we just
(04:32):
still back to being afraid ofjudgment, afraid that we're not
gonna be accepted?
Because, society also tells usthat we have to just be strong
and put on a good face.
Don't cry in public.
Don't let people see youremotions.
Don't reveal your weaknesses.
Just keep it all together.
(04:56):
We're told to wear a maskinstead of exposing our true
face.
The problem is that hidingdoesn't make the pain go away.
It doesn't change yourcircumstance.
Not telling people how you feelor showing people your true self
doesn't change anything.
(05:17):
Hiding just isolates you.
It keeps you stuck.
It keeps you in survival modeinstead of moving forward.
You're just stagnant.
Nothing's changing, you're notgetting better, and you're
paying a very high price to keephiding.
What does it cost you to wearthat mask?
(05:39):
When you pretend that you'reokay and you're not, most of the
time, that cost us realconnection because people can't
fully know you if they only seeparts of you.
If you're protecting parts ofyourself from people, then
you're also protecting yourselffrom people.
(06:02):
It certainly cost you peace.
Because you're always holdingyour breath hoping that no one
notices, no one sees you.
You're waiting to find out ifthey can see through your mask.
It costs you growth'cause youcan't heal what you won't
acknowledge.
(06:24):
Let me say that again.
You can't heal what you won'tacknowledge.
You can't be better if you'renot willing to admit that you
need to get better, or here'sanother way you can't solve any
problem that you're not willingto admit exists.
(06:46):
I'll tell you a quick story.
I'm allergic to paper and I'mnot talking about the material
that paper is made from.
I'm talking about.
Just paper.
Just a piece of paper bothersme.
And for a long time I wouldjust, get mail, junk mail
sometimes, and I put it in adrawer and just say, I don't
(07:06):
wanna see it, I don't wanna lookat it.
I don't wanna think about it.
Obviously that drawer juststarted to fill it with a lot of
paper and then eventually becameoverwhelming.
But I wasn't willing to admitthat the real issue was that.
I just wasn't ready to deal withwhatever was said in that mail
ever was in those letters,bills, et cetera, whatever it
(07:29):
was, I just wasn't ready to dealwith it.
Of course, that'scounterproductive, but at the
time I wasn't ready to admitthat there was a problem.
And that's why we're havingthese conversations now, because
I know what it's like to notaddress a thing, to not
(07:55):
acknowledge my need or topretend something doesn't exist.
Or to avoid something because Ijust don't have the capacity.
Now when it comes to talking topeople and sharing how you feel
about things, I'm not saying youhave to, just walk up to people
(08:19):
and tell'em your whole story.
I think that's extreme, and itdoesn't start with being honest
with other people.
It starts with being honest withyourself.
Because if you can't be honestwith yourself, you can't be
honest with anybody else, andthat's one of the hardest things
to do is just be honest withyou, what's really going on with
(08:43):
me?
What's going on with me in thispaper?
That's how that whole sin storybegan, right?
You remember the Bible story ofAdam and Eve in the garden, and
once they became aware of theknowledge of good and evil, they
hid themselves not acknowledgingwhat was going on with them and
(09:03):
the choices that they have made.
Eve listening to the serpent.
And then when God walks into thegarden in the cool of the day
and he says, Adam, hey, what'sup with you?
That's my version.
What's up with you, Adam?
And he was ready to blame thewoman.
She did it.
And woman says, Uhuh theserpent.
It's his fault.
(09:23):
We're starting to blame.
They're hiding.
And they're blaming.
They're not acknowledging thechoices that they made.
They're not acknowledging thedecisions that they made.
Because that's an importantquestion that we need to ask.
When we find ourselves hidingand blaming, it's time to say,
(09:47):
what's up with me?
What am I hiding from, and whydo I feel the need to hide?
Let's talk about the uncoveringprocess.
Adam and E was in the garden andthey decided to cover up
ashamed.
What does it look like when wefinally decide that we're gonna
(10:09):
toss away the fear, the shame,the judgment, the need for
acceptance, the protection ofothers, and all of that stuff,
and we're gonna put it all awayand we're gonna live uncovered.
What does that look like foryou?
What did it look like for me?
Unhiding didn't happen in onebig moment.
It happened in these small,mostly uncomfortable steps by
(10:32):
saying, first I'm not okay.
Houston, we have a problem.
You know how it goes whensomebody asks you, how you
doing?
What's, how you going?
How's it going?
What's going on with you?
And you go, I'm good.
I'm good.
Everything's good.
I'm blessed and highly favored,which you are.
I am.
We are.
(10:54):
However, I'm learning thatthere's something more to that.
While you're blessed in highlyfavor, hashtag Blessed.
This is true.
It's an ultimate truth.
We are empowered to succeed andwe have been given, we have been
endowed with these wonderfuldivine rights.
Air, sunlight, and water and allthese things we need to live.
(11:18):
So we are certainly blessed.
But that's an ultimate truth.
But that's not what keeps usstuck, and that's certainly not
what makes us hide.
It's not believing the truth.
And here's what I mean.
So when someone asks you how youdoing?
And you say, oh yeah, I'mblessed and I'm good, I'm doing
(11:38):
good.
But if I don't believe it, if Idon't believe that I'm blessed,
then I'm just saying it's like ascripted response.
And I believe we do all of that.
I'm good.
I'm great and everything's good.
To avoid having realconversation.
(11:58):
So here's what I suggest.
It's just a suggestion.
I suggest we find people that wetrust, our trusted friends and
family in our support circle.
We tell them the truth, we startthere.
Tell them the truth.
Like I said, I'm not saying goaround, tell anybody your
(12:20):
business, that's a bad idea.
But those people who love you,who support you, who don't judge
you, who are there for youunconditionally, yeah, you
should tell them the truth.
Maybe just say, I'm not okay.
Consider allowing yourself to bevulnerable.
(12:45):
Ask for help instead ofpretending that you can handle
everything.
I got it.
I got this.
For me saying, I don't needhelp, or I don't wanna be
helped.
That comes from being hurt.
I've had situations where I'veasked people for something or
asked people for help, and Ididn't like the way it worked
out.
They made me feel bad forasking, and so now I decided I'm
(13:07):
not gonna ever ask anybody forhelp.
I'm gonna do it myself because Ireally just didn't wanna be hurt
again.
So we do all of that to avoidbeing hurt.
We're saying that we got it whenwe don't, to avoid being hurt.
Or maybe we can just try writingit down.
(13:30):
Try writing it down journal.
Write down your truth in ajournal.
Do it without censorship.
Say it exactly the way you wannasay it.
One of the things I love aboutwriting in a journal and sharing
my story in that way is that Idon't get any response back.
(13:53):
I don't get any commentary, andI'm not waiting for someone else
to tell me what they think aboutwhat I share.
You get a chance to just writewithout judgment, without having
to craft it so that someone elseunderstands what I'm trying to
say.
Write it down or maybe just sayit out loud, an audio journal.
(14:20):
I have a little tip for you.
I used to do something called awalk and talk.
It really was effective.
And a walk and talk is when Iwould take my cell phone and my
headphones and I would take awalk in the park.
I put those headphones on andturn on my voice memo, and I
(14:41):
would just start talking.
Whatever came out, whatever wason my mind at the time, it can
start with, dear God, or youknow what?
You know what I'm not gonna doanymore?
I'm not letting people, whateverit was, and it was really
helpful.
(15:03):
I know for onlookers theythought I was having a very deep
one-sided telephoneconversation, but for me it was
therapy.
I got a chance to walk and getsome exercise, but also got a
chance to just let my thoughtsout.
(15:24):
Get them outside of my head andthen I would listen to them
again, maybe a week or so laterand just evaluate what was going
on in my mind at the time.
And it has a great way ofhelping me with reflection as
well.
These are not easy steps.
(15:45):
They can be if you just.
Put away all of thosemisconceptions about things, or
all the reasons why you can't orshouldn't, or all the time you
don't have to spare.
You got time for you.
I remember we're working ongetting better.
(16:07):
We're all just trying to getbetter.
That's the goal.
We're taking steps towardsbetter, to be better today than
we were yesterday and bettertomorrow than we are today.
That's it.
That's the goal.
But when I look at those stepsthat I've mentioned, saying it
out loud or writing it down,talking to trusted friends,
(16:29):
asking for help instead ofpretending that I'm okay.
Yeah, they weren't easy, but.
It was necessary.
They got easier.
Once I started making a decisionthat it was important enough,
when I prioritized it, yeah, itbecame easier.
But this is a work in progress.
(16:50):
We all are.
I'm just getting to a placewhere I can consistently say I'm
not okay when I'm not.
Help me with something that Iwas gifted with and it's called
the Grace approach.
We certainly receive grace fromGod, but we also need to give
ourselves grace.
(17:10):
But this is a nice combinationof the two.
This is an acronym and G isguidance, seeking guidance from
God and people of wisdom and ouris reflection.
Remember we talked about thetime in the garden where God
says to Adam, where are you?
His response was a reflectionthat he had to consider the
(17:34):
question, and then he had toanswer it honestly.
And a is affirmation, speakinglife into myself.
What are the things that you saywhen the lies get loud?
When those lies become loud andthey do, lies I'm not enough.
(17:58):
I'm not good enough, I'm notsmart enough.
I'm not gonna ever be well, I'mnot gonna be healed.
I'm not gonna be healthy.
I'm never gonna be fit.
This is too hard.
And I've tried that before andit didn't work.
When those lies happen, what doyou say back?
What do you say back you have tofight lies with truth.
(18:20):
So whether it's affirmation,scripture, or whatever you
choose, you have to have themready.
C is for clarity.
It's identifying what I trulywant from my healing journey.
It involves setting clear goals.
What is it that I'm trying toaccomplish?
What is being healed in thisarea look like?
(18:42):
Because honestly, there's noinstruction manual here.
People, we don't always knowexactly what things are gonna
look like, how they're gonnaturn out.
It reminds me of doing thosepuzzles when I was a kid.
I still like doing puzzles, bythe way, and you have all these
pieces in a box and on the topof the box there's a picture of
what it's supposed to look like.
(19:02):
So all these pieces, when theyput together, this is what it's
supposed to look like.
But in life we don't.
We don't have that.
We don't get to see the fullpicture.
Only God knows the wholepicture.
We just have the pieces andwe're just trying to put
together these puzzle pieces,trying to make sense of each
piece, putting things where wethink they belong, but we need
(19:27):
help with that.
We need to seek wisdom andguidance so that we can see the
picture.
We need clarity.
We need vision.
Because I believe the more thatwe see, the more clear the goals
become.
Those pieces start to make moresense.
(19:49):
When you can see the vision, youcan see what it looks like in
completion, and E is forencouragement.
Which is about surroundingyourself with people who fuel
your hope, people who light thefire in you, or keep the fire
(20:10):
lit for you.
So every time it dims out, theyoffer something else to keep the
hope alive.
We need that.
We all need that.
We need support.
So here's some things I want youto do.
If you're ready to stop hiding,here are three practices for
(20:31):
this week.
Now, if you're not ready,there's no judgment.
If you're not ready, that'sokay, but if you're ready, here
are the three practices.
Number one name, one truth thatyou've been hiding, one thing
that you've been afraid toreveal, and I'm not saying go
(20:52):
and run around telling everybodyyour business.
I said that before.
It's not a good idea.
But what's the one thing thatyou've just been avoiding?
Perhaps number two, check yourresponse when you say it, how
does that make you feel?
(21:14):
When I was finally able to tellpeople about what was going on
with me after I received mydiagnosis, I wasn't transparent.
I was just.
Sharing with a few people, onlyshared it with those people who
I felt needed to know, so on aneed to know basis.
When I got honest with myselfabout what was going on with me
(21:37):
and I checked in on how I wasfeeling about it, then how I
shared it became a littledifferent.
Especially at the height of myhealing process.
'cause if you're dealing with ahealth issue right now, illness,
disease, mental, physical,emotional, whatever area you're
(21:58):
struggling with, you need to doa self check.
Just check in with you.
Being honest with yourself aboutwhere you are in your process
and what you need from yoursupport circle.
And number three, just replaceyour mask with some honesty.
(22:19):
Take the mask off in that area,uncover that space.
Maybe you're struggling withdepression privately, or maybe
you're dealing with grief.
You lost someone and it's stillhurting, and you don't know how
to allow yourself to grieve.
Or maybe you're someone like mewho something was going on
inside of your body and it wassome kind of nudge that tells
(22:42):
you something's not right.
But you won't allow yourself tosay, I need to get this checked
out now.
I'm asking you to go ahead andget it checked out, make the
appointment, take action,respond to your need.
(23:07):
I wanna hear from you.
I've been talking for a longtime already.
I had to share all these pointsbecause I didn't wanna leave you
with just my story.
I'm glad to share my story withyou, and I'm grateful that you
listened, and I'm certainlygrateful for your comments, but
I'm more interested in hearingfrom you.
Send me your healing, not hidingmoments.
(23:27):
Whether they're small or bigmoments, they all matter.
You can message me on socialmedia, on my Facebook page at
Health Healing and Hope, and youknow what?
I may even feature your story inthe future episode with your
written consent.
Of course, here are some of ourreflections for this week.
(23:48):
Healing is not about erasingyour scars.
It's about learning to livewithout hiding them.
The healing is not about thewound.
The wound could be healed, butyou're not.
It could appear that things areall better, but under the
surface you're still hurting.
(24:12):
There are still areas that needto be healed.
And maybe there's some scarsleft.
Like me, I have several scarsthat remain, my wounds have
healed, but I'm still healing.
I'm still healing from theexperience, from the trauma of
the experience.
(24:32):
But I wanna tell you, you areworthy of being seen fully and
without apology, with scars andeverything.
Your wounds remind you that youmade it through the battle.
You're still here.
So take a breath, take a moment,and remember you're not alone.
(24:55):
Until next week, be well.
Be strong, be you.
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