Freedom from Numbing: How Sobriety & Healing Can Break Generational Chains

EPISODE SUMMARY:

Explore the messy, miraculous intersection of sobriety, inner healing, and self-forgiveness. 

This is for you if you’ve ever...

• Used coping mechanisms (weed, alcohol, scrolling, busyness) that left you emptier than before
• Felt your past trauma creeping into your parenting
• Wondered why healing isn’t linear (or fast)
• Needed permission to not have it all figured out

Through raw stories and hard-won wisdom, guest Nicole and host, Ashley reveal:

• How alcohol and other numbing behaviors often mask deeper wounds (generational trauma, unmet needs, identity struggles)
• Why "rock bottom" is optional
• The uncomfortable truth: Sobriety isn’t the finish line—it’s the first step toward reclaiming your voice, faith, and family legacy
• Addiction isn’t the root problem—it’s the symptom of what you haven’t processed
• Breaking cycles requires awareness + action 
• Community isn’t just helpful—it’s necessary for lasting freedom

KEY MOMENTS:

[10:15] The Lies We Inherit

• "What’s wrong with you?" → breaking generational language patterns
• Nicole’s daughter’s "Get away from me!" moment (and the hug that healed them both)

[22:30] Sobriety as Sacred Rebellion

• Why labels like "alcoholic" can limit your healing
• Your host’s confession: "I chose my kids over the bottle"

[35:40] Parenting While Healing

• How unprocessed trauma shows up in discipline and connection
• The *"3-Second Pause"* for triggers (Nicole’s go-to tool)

[45:00] Faith Meets Therapy

• How EMDR and Internal Family Systems helped rewire deep wounds
• The prayer that shifted everything: "You need to forgive yourself"

[55:20] Your Freedom Toolkit

• Practical step: Say "I need…" out loud (even to your mirror)
• Join the Her Identity Project Sisterhood to keep growing

 

5 KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. Healing begins when you stop numbing
   • Try this: Name one emotion you’ve been avoiding this week.
2. Your kids are your mirrors—not your judges
   • When triggered, ask: "What did little-me need in this moment?"
3. Sobriety reveals what you’ve been escaping
   • Journal prompt: "What pain was my [drinking/overworking/etc.] protecting me from?"
4. Community is your lifeline
   • Text a friend today: "I’m struggling with ___. Can we talk?"
5. Freedom is a daily practice with Identity rooted in Christ
   • Declare this week: "I’m not who I was. I’m becoming who He says I am."

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• [Book] Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whitaker
• [App] Reframe

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_01 (00:01):
Welcome! This is Her Identity Project, a safe space
for women to explore faith,self-discovery, and personal
growth.
Here, we will journey togetherto become our best whole selves,
spiritually, mentally,physically, and emotionally.
It's time to let go ofeverything that is holding you

(00:22):
back from becoming the woman Godcreated you to be.
If you're ready to reclaim yourauthentic self, Stick around.
I'm your host, Ashley Iduda, andthis is Her Identity Project.
Hi, guys.
So this episode, we're focusingon what if sobriety isn't about

(00:44):
quitting, but finally showing upfor yourself.
I cannot wait for you to hearthis conversation with one of my
best girlfriends, Nicole.
This episode drops almost oneyear to the day after I decided
to stop getting drunk.
And it's not because I hit rockbottom, so to speak, but because

(01:06):
I refuse to let my kids inheritthe pain that I grew up with.
My friend Nicole's journeymirrors this.
Her healing began not with adramatic low, but with a
therapist's wake-up call thatshe couldn't prioritize mental
health while numbing withalcohol.
What we've learned?
That sobriety wasn't the finishline.

(01:28):
It was the first step in afreedom journey.
Recovering from trauma,discovering our identity in
Christ, and finally advocatingfor our needs.
And how wild is it that thisconversation lands just before
Independence Day?
God's timing is no coincidence.
This is for anyone who's tiredof the rock-bottom narrative and

(01:51):
ready for redemption.
This is for you if you've everused wine, shopping, busyness,
exercise, whatever your thingis, to cope, only to feel
emptier afterwards.
you've ever looked at yourparenting and panicked because
you swore you'd never do thatthing that your parents did, if

(02:14):
you've ever felt frustrated thatyour healing just isn't
happening fast enough, or if youjust needed someone to say, hey,
it's okay to not have it alltogether.
Here's what we're unpacking inthis episode.
We talk a lot about realizingthat addiction wasn't the real

(02:34):
problem.
It was just the band-aid.
It's how we were trying to patchthe deeper pain.
We talk about why rock bottomdoesn't have to look like losing
everything.
We talk about how our parents'unresolved trauma shows up in
our parenting and how we'restopping the cycle.
And the uncomfortable truth thatsobriety starts when we get

(02:56):
brutally honest with ourselves.
And here's why it matters.
This isn't some polishedredemption story.
It's two messy, imperfect womenfiguring it out as we go.
We've learned that healingdoesn't happen in a straight
line and that's okay that Godshows up most powerfully in our

(03:16):
messiest moments and sometimesthe bravest prayer is just
saying I need help.
So if you're ready to tradeshame for radical
self-compassion, start seeingyour triggers as teachers rather
than enemies, find freedom frompeople-pleasing, or parent from
a place of wholeness rather thanhurt, you're in the right place.

(03:39):
Because here's the beautifultruth.
Our sobriety journeys turned outto be about so much more than
alcohol and smoking weed.
They became this gateway todiscovering our worth, finding
our voices, and learning how howto receive the love that Christ
has been trying to give us allalong.
And can we just marvel at God'stiming for a second?

(04:02):
I still can't get over how thisepisode drops right before
Independence Day.
I swear, I don't plan thesethings.
He's just showing off like that.
And it happens every time.
I swear.
So wherever you're at in yourjourney, whether you're still in
the thick of it or starting tosee breakthroughs, this

(04:23):
conversation is for you.
Let's dive in when sobrietyisn't about alcohol with Nicole
Kylan Urban.
When Sobriety Isn't AboutAlcohol with Nicole Urban Kylan.
So if you had to give somebody aquick snapshot of like what

(04:45):
you've experienced in 30 secondsor one minute, like what would
you say encapsulates yoursobriety journey or your inner
healing journey or whatever ison your mind and your heart
right now?

SPEAKER_00 (05:00):
You know, you and I were talking about this.
You don't have to have it allfigured out to be able to help
other people.
Yeah.
And I guess that's why I'm here.
I want to hear your 30-secondinfomercial or whatever about, I
guess, your story.
Would that be all right to do?
Yeah.
So

SPEAKER_01 (05:20):
about a year ago exactly, which is what's cool
about the timing of thisepisode, I...
recognized that I was just notokay.
And I asked my husband to let mego on a healing journey because
he was expecting me to go backto work.
And I just was like, I'm notokay.

(05:42):
I'm not okay.
I basically know I needed to bein therapy.
So I was like, I'm going to makemy needs a priority, probably
for the first time, maybe in myentire life.
And what really happened wasthat I got inebriated on July

(06:03):
4th, made of like just so muchshame.
And I just said, enough'senough, Ashley.
Like we're not getting wastedanymore.
We're not letting alcohol likecontrol our life.
And we're not going to check outand get high all the time either
because I had been smoking weedhabitually for Pretty much my

(06:26):
entire life since I was 15 andI'm 41.
So you can do the math.
So the short story is I reallyfelt the need to give up getting
high and getting drunk.
And to be clear, I'm not sober.
Like I still drink, but I havenot been high.

(06:49):
Praise God.
I haven't smoked weed.
I haven't eaten a gummy.
I haven't gotten high, eventhough I've been surrounded by
people who have.
And I prefer the sober life.
Like, yes, I'll have a drink ortwo, but I have no desire to get

(07:09):
drunk anymore.
So what I want to talk aboutnow, how...
our lives have changed as aresult of those decisions.
But how would you talk aboutwhat you've done differently?
I

SPEAKER_00 (07:24):
thought maybe when I had kids, I would get sober.
Like I thought alcohol was theproblem.
I thought having kids would, youknow, you get pregnant, you have
to be sober for the baby.
And then I thought, okay, well,if I have to get sober for nine

(07:44):
months then I can stay sober andthat's not what happened and
somewhere it just all the dotsstarted connecting together I
don't even know the right orderor what exactly happened but
I've wanted to be sober for avery long time like I probably
since I started drinking at 15you know I I would have regrets,

(08:07):
horrible things happen topeople.
Like how many rock bottoms doyou need to hit?
You know, a lot of my rockbottoms, but it was never like
the rock bottom was neverenough.
Like there wasn't one bigturning point.
That's like, you have to getsober.
Like you can't do that anymore.
I wanted it for my kids.
I wanted it for my health.
I wanted it for every reason.

(08:30):
And no matter how much I wantedit, I felt like it controlled
me.
and not the other way around.
And then I like, like you madeinner healing a priority in my
life.
And through that, I have foundit easier to get sober or like
alcohol isn't the issue anymore.

(08:51):
Like when I used to want to quitdrinking, I, I, there was like,
I remember like sitting on mytoilet.
This is so weird, but I had likea little toilet closet where it
was like my sheets shed I guessif I just needed a minute to
myself and I was like like everymorning in there like I'm not
gonna drink today I'm not gonnadrink today I'm not gonna drink

(09:13):
today and then like by afterwork on the way home I was
picking up alcohol you know andthat's how I dealt with everyday
stresses not even like bigtraumatic things it was just
like every every day it was justwhat I did part of my habit part
of the routine um But I thinklike prioritizing my mental

(09:35):
health allowed me to break thechains.
And obviously with God's help,because we would not, I would
not be where I am now, which isnot 100% perfect or perfection,
but I feel like because of himand because of the inner healing

(09:56):
that I have been doing, alcoholis no longer the issue that it
was.

SPEAKER_01 (10:02):
I love that you said alcohol wasn't the issue.
For me, it was less of adrinking problem and more of a
smoking weed problem.
I was using it as a way to numbmyself and check out and not
have to feel the feelings.
I didn't want to have to processalcohol.

(10:25):
the confusion and the hurt andthe pain and like everything
internally going on inside me.
And I think that's what you meanwhen you say it wasn't the
alcohol.

SPEAKER_00 (10:38):
It wasn't the alcohol and it was, it could be
anything like for peoplelistening that are like, well, I
I've never had a drink or likedrinking doesn't affect me like
that.
And like, um, I'm not addictedto anything or maybe it is
something else.
Like, eating or you know overexercising like that's a thing

(10:59):
too like whatever it is thatyou're using to handle stress
and old wounds like that's thebiggest thing that I'm on right
now is I don't know why this ison my heart so I'm just gonna
say it but I had a lot of oldwounds and when I would drink,

(11:19):
they would come to the surface.
You know what I mean?
Like, that's what I was thinkingabout was like, oh, and it
almost was like a pity party,like for me, all this shitty
stuff, excuse my language, allthis crappy stuff has happened
to me.
For me, for me, for me, whenyou're, you know, drunk, it's
easy to get down and negative,but like those old wounds need

(11:40):
tending to, because even ifyou're not drinking, they're
impacting your thoughts andbelief systems and patterns and
everything like that.
Like no amount, even lightamount of drinking isn't good
for you.
It is a poison and it's drinkingethanol.
It's like what we feel our carswith and what we feel planes

(12:01):
with it's and cleaners andsolvents and everything like
that.
And like, I always felt like,oh, I can't drink like everybody
else.
I just want to drink likeeverybody else.
Like I used to look up to youand be like, I wish I could just
be like her, you know, like justdrink like her.
She doesn't ever say or doanything bad.
You know, I don't know.
It's silly, but normal peopledon't sit around comparing

(12:23):
themselves to other peopledrinking.
They don't go around saying likehow...
what ice chests am I going topack to go to this event you
know what I mean like it's notall about alcohol for everybody
else and that I don't know thatthat in in itself was like major
shift I think

SPEAKER_01 (12:46):
I love that for you I love that you've had a major
shift it's been um really coolas your friend what i witnessed
with you was hard to navigate iremember not knowing how to be
your friend because it wastraumatic for me to be around

(13:07):
you because that alcoholism tookme right back to what I was
trying to escape from on a dailybasis living in my dysfunctional
family.
And so it was really hardbecause I wanted to be there for
you, but I didn't want to likeenable you.

(13:30):
Like it's such a confusingdynamic to like figure out.
And so when you were like, yeah,like I'm sober and it was I was
amazing because there wassomething different about you
this

SPEAKER_00 (13:46):
time.
And I have thought about like, Ihave hurt so many good people
and we have hung out so manytimes that I'm sure I owe you an
apology.
Part of my drinking is I blackout a whole lot of stuff.
And right now I'm stillstruggling with how do I make
amends to people?
Like, how do you apologize forsomething you don't remember?
Yeah.

(14:06):
You know what I mean?
And that's a lot.
of it.
And sometimes people are like,there's no way she doesn't
remember, you know what I mean?
But it's like, no, literallylike that's how, you know, when
you're five, two and like 120days, like the amount of alcohol
I drank on a daily basis, likeI'm surprised I'm still alive,

(14:28):
to be honest.

SPEAKER_01 (14:29):
Yeah.
God has a plan for your life.
I think, um, That's why, youknow, I really do.
You should never shame yourselfbecause you are still alive and
you've been through moretraumatic events than I think
some people might go through inan entire lifetime.

(14:51):
And you went through...
half of those before I met you.
And I met you when we were like,how old do you

SPEAKER_00 (14:59):
know?
20 or 19.
I was 19.
I met you in 2003.
Yeah, about not shamingyourself.
And it's like, I know that I'veheard a lot of good people that
I, you know, some of thosepeople still love me to this
day.
I think you're one of them.
And it's like, you know, I don'tknow that I have to go and make
a list and do an amends and dolike a formal apology.

(15:21):
Although I know I owe that tosome people and I'm praying, you
know, that's still an area thatI'm kind of giving it to God and
like still working through,like, how do you want me to
repair relationships with otherpeople or even not, you know
what I mean?
Like one person I'm thinkingabout in particular is, Um, it's
a guy that's married to somebodyelse with kids.

(15:43):
You know, I'm married tosomebody else with kids and it
is like, I don't want toreconnect with that person
romantically or to like, I don'twant to start anything up or
whatever, but like, how do yousay, I'm sorry for whatever I
did that ended our friendshipand pissed you off that bad.
Um, or do you just make anamends by living your life right

(16:05):
and doing the best you can everyday and trying to help people
struggling with the same thing?

SPEAKER_01 (16:11):
Yeah, there's all that.
And I mean, I don't know that Ihave the answers.
You know, I'm not going topretend that I do.
But one thing that I felt laidon my heart just now was
forgiving yourself, I think, isthe place to start.
And I recently went to aconference through the church I

(16:35):
go to and it was amazing.
It's called Freedom Conferenceand it was all about identifying
bondage, like places that arelike holding you captive in your
life.
And this prayer partner, it'sreally intense, really amazing.
They make you go up front andhave people pray over you, like

(16:57):
whether you want to or not, likeyou don't have a choice.
So you go up to this strangerand they're like, tell me about
shame.
And you just have to like sitthere and hopefully be
vulnerable enough to like tellthem.
And it's really amazing whathappens because God moves and he
uses them as a vessel So allthis to say that I went up

(17:21):
there.
I felt really nervous.
Like I felt like I didn't evenlike know what to say.
And I just was like, uh, Iremember my heart was like
beating through my chest.
And when I got up there, Istarted just like mumbling, like
all this stuff I needed to getoff my chest.
And she was so sweet.
She grabbed my hand and she puther hand over my heart.

(17:42):
And she said, sweetie, you needto forgive yourself.
She said, you just need toforgive yourself.
And she said, like, God'sforgiven you, but you need to
forgive yourself.
And it was really, I think,life-changing.
I haven't really processed ityet, but I don't know that I

(18:05):
realize that I haven't forgivenmyself, you know?
And I don't know.
I kind of think that forgivenessis actually one of the most
important things that could betalked about with inner healing
but there's all these otherthings that going on in our life

(18:27):
where we are literally holdingpeople like for ransom in our
heart we like have so muchresentment and so much anger and
it poisons our souls and To behonest, that's what was
happening for me was likebecause of my childhood and all

(18:49):
these things that happened to meas a child that I think like I
should have been protected fromand I wasn't.
And now they're all coming tothe surface because I'm going
through my healing journey andprocessing everything that i've
been holding on to or escapingfrom running from not letting

(19:15):
come to the surface

SPEAKER_00 (19:17):
and on that note i was like how how do you forgive
yourself okay i feel like i'mworking on that um I don't
really have resentments is whatI was like telling myself.
And then I'm like, oh, yeah, youdo.
You know what I mean?
Oh, yeah, you do think aboutthat.
But I was thinking about how wewere raised because, you know, a

(19:39):
lot of wounds come fromchildhood.
And, you know, was there one bigtraumatic experience or why was
I protected from this?
And I, you know, was thinkingactually just thinking about
that like this morning or lastnight.
And I was like, it was, we gotto remind ourselves.
It was a different time backthen.
Right.
Like, yeah.
Imagine if I wouldn't havegotten sober and like found the

(20:03):
freedom and found the innerhealing through therapy, like
through intensive therapy forlike the capital T traumas, you
know, they were like traumathere's capital T trauma and
there's little T traumas, buteverybody has some sort of
trauma.
But if I wouldn't have had theextensive therapy using
specialized skills that theyused to help heal those inner

(20:26):
wounds and found freedom and notdrinking anymore and all that, I
would probably be in the samepattern, you know, the same
negative thought process.
And, you know, we're hurt peoplealso raising kids.
And it's like, if we don'tchange now, that the programming
just continues on to them.

(20:48):
And sometimes to your point,like, why wasn't I protected?
I think about that when I lookat my kids.
I'm like, I would fight offanything with my bare hands in
order to protect them.
And I don't know why thatwasn't.
I mean, it's hard to say itwithout saying it right.

(21:11):
Like, I feel like I was raisedin a really strict household
where I was very protected andin the beginning but then like
it kind of was like hands in theair I think as a teenager maybe
um I I don't know but I'm stillkind of like praying that you
know I'm praying for my mom toothat she can find healing in her

(21:35):
own old wounds and past traumasand everything like that and to
truly find forgiveness forherself and for other people and
for all the hurt and the painand, and not just my mom, but
everybody else that's beenthrough everything too, you
know?

SPEAKER_01 (21:51):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (21:54):
We all have it.

SPEAKER_01 (21:56):
We do.
And I, um, I think that's suchan important point is like the
generational trauma, you know,or I've heard some people call
it different things.
And I had never even heard aboutthat until I went to church.
But yeah, like.

(22:16):
our grandparents had patternsand sayings and actions and all
kinds of stuff that you justinherit.
Like then, then my mom said whatthey said and then they said it
to me and then I say it to mykids.
And it's like, you know,nowadays the information is

(22:38):
readily available.
And I think like, If you'rewilling to pursue it, it's worth
it because like I started tolearn about like gentle
parenting, right?
And so whether I'm going to be agentle parent or not, you cannot
say that those techniques arenot extremely helpful to find

(22:59):
enough compassion to show yourkids that like you really do
care about their emotions andwhat they're going through to be
patient enough to want to showup for them in the way that they
really need you to and um that'swhen i learned like oh this

(23:21):
saying that my dad has used myentire life what's wrong with
you what's wrong with you it wassaid to me my entire childhood
never thought twice about itsaid it to cyrus and um He's 10
now.
And a few years ago, me and myhusband had this chat and I

(23:44):
said, that's so wrong.
Like, I never want to say thatto him again.
And I never want to say that tomy daughter.
And we need to make a pact likeas parents and as a family that
like we are not going to talklike that.
And this is the proof inparenting that kids are mirrors

(24:09):
of us my son would say uh what'swrong with you to my daughter
because he's he picked it up andnow and i have to correct him
and to this day you will find mecorrecting him because it's so
programmed into him so i thinklike There's the innocent side
where some people don't thinktwice about it, where it really

(24:33):
matters is like, how intentionalare we really being intentional?
In our everyday life, like notjust as parents, like how
intentional are we about the waywe're living?
And like, what are we puttinginto our body?
And how are we treating otherpeople?
And how are we talking to otherpeople and hurt people, hurt

(24:55):
people?
So are we like hurting people,right?
Without realizing it on a dailybasis.
And the last point I want tomake, and then I'll shut up, is
that you know when we are highor drunk we don't know what's

(25:15):
going on in the next room soCould we have been putting our
kids in situations just like ourparents did to us without
thinking twice about it?
Right?
Yeah, of course we were becausewe were high and drunk.
Like, that's the reality.
If we don't remember whathappened yesterday, then what

(25:38):
could we have said to our kidswhen we weren't really like
cognizant of what was going on?
And maybe we weren't abusingthem or doing some big trauma to
them, but surely we were puttingthem in some kind of situation
where they may even have had amoment of like, what's wrong

(26:01):
with mommy, you know?
And that for me is huge becauseI'll never forget the first time
I realized my mom was drunk andI didn't know what alcohol was.
I didn't know what being drunkwas, but I was eight or nine.

(26:21):
And I was like, you're actingweird.
Like what's wrong with you?
You know?
And it's like, yeah, I can laughabout it, but that's my first
memory of, oh, like something'swrong here.
She's not acting like my momanymore.
Yeah.

(26:41):
And that was really, for me,scary because recently, in the
last two years, I've hadmultiple experiences where I did
that.
And my kids are old enough nowto have those memories and those
moments.
And not that they have said thatto me, but I recognize that I

(27:08):
had put them in that situation.
And I felt so much shame aboutit.
And then I did it again, eventhough I told myself I wouldn't
do it again.
And then I did it again.
And then I said, nope, that's itfor me.
Like I did it on July 4th, ayear ago.

(27:28):
And I said, nope.
I'm never doing this againbecause it stops here.
I am not going to repeat thepatterns and the childhood that
I had.
Like I will not do that to mychildren.
I'm not doing it.

SPEAKER_00 (27:43):
For sure.
Ella has a really good long-termmemory too.
Like she remembers stuff fromlike when she was like one,
right?
And so I'm like, I really got tobe careful about how I'm living
my life now because like, I alsofeel like that's part of, um, I
have a twin sister and we wereraised obviously in the same

(28:04):
house, but sometimes I wonder ifwe had two separate childhoods,
you know what I mean?
Like, or I just like internalizestuff or I don't know what it is
about my physiological makeupthat, you know, some things
affected me different than her.
I experienced things differentthan her, but I think my

(28:26):
long-term memory is is reallyreally good my short time i
couldn't tell you what i had forbreakfast like yesterday but my
long-term memory is is reallygood but i think with that comes
you remember some of the stuffthat other people don't remember
um and then you have to dealwith it or some somehow like get

(28:48):
it out of your body and not likecarry it around like you said
for 40 years you know I wasmeeting with my therapist.
Her married name now is KellyPryor.
And I actually touched base withher the other day.
I haven't talked to her inprobably a few years, but I
wanted to give her credit wherecredit's due because through her

(29:08):
therapy, some of the skills thatshe used was EMDR, which is
really good for people that havebeen through like capital T
trauma and then internal familysystems, which is the
therapeutic technique that sheused that like helped, whatever
I'm going through like deal withit right now yes like we're not

(29:31):
all focused on the past but alsolike how would you have wanted
that to be handled for you whenyou were a kid like what did you
need in that moment and thenthat's how it's showing up now
and then that's how it's showingup in my parenting now like
being able to talk about ouremotions and being able to the
other day Ella was outside andthe neighbor girl Ella has a

(29:56):
hard time with stop stoppingplay right when with someone
that she likes and so theneighbor girl was like I got to
get back to whatever she wasdoing doesn't want to play
anymore and Ella was extremelyupset and like ran off into the
side of my yard and I wasdriving in the Elsa car like
this little kid car I wasdriving with Rora and I was like

(30:17):
what's wrong Ella and she waslike get away from me you know
like she wanted she kept pushingme away as I was like driving
towards her and then I stoppedand I asked myself like if I
were her like go back to whenyou were a little kid because
you remember it like yesterdaylike what would you need in this
moment then I like got out ofthe car and I was like do you

(30:40):
need a hug and she like ran upto me with open arms you know
and just was crying and it'slike I don't I don't know any of
this, but I'm learning now.
Like I'm learning how to talkabout emotions.
I'm learning how to putsentences together, probably
sober for the first time in along time.
Anyway, so.

(31:01):
It's so good.
Well, go ahead.
Well, it all connects.
Like helping myself, like learnhow to process emotions and talk
about them, you know, helps healthe old wounds from my past, but
also helps not create wounds formy kids, you know?

SPEAKER_01 (31:21):
Yeah, absolutely.
This is really good.
I feel like I'm going to need togo back and re-listen to what
you just said.
I'm like, I need that too.
Part of my journey over the lastyear was learning about
parenting your inner child.
And I didn't really even knowwhat that was, but I went down

(31:42):
this rabbit trail.
Like I learned, oh, I'mcodependent.
And then I learned, oh, I'mInner child wounds.
And so I have like a few pagesfilled out in a journal.
But I did learn through all thegentle parenting stuff that
everybody at the end of the day,they just want to feel seen and

(32:06):
heard.
That's it.
That's all people need.
They need their needs met.
They need someone to say, I seeyou and I care about you.
They don't need you to fix it.
They don't need you to likesolve their problem.
Just like women and men, likehow often do we just want to
talk and how how often have Ifelt so pissed because instead

(32:31):
of you know my spouse being likeI'm so sorry you're hurting what
do you need no like instead of

SPEAKER_00 (32:39):
that and the screwdriver and he's trying to
fix your problem

SPEAKER_01 (32:43):
Yeah, or just a complete lack of awareness that
I need some empathy, right?
It's just like, hello.
But I learned that all thosemoments that I was a complete
psycho in the middle of his inmy arguments, literally,
literally jumping up in the air,like a like a three year old

(33:08):
throwing a tantrum, screaming atthe top of my lungs, jumping up
and down.
like a like a crazy person andit's so like weird to me because
I have childhood memories of mymom doing the exact same thing
and I recognize now that it issimply you feel so unheard and

(33:35):
so hurt and so unable to expresswhat it what it actually is and
So I felt trapped and all Ineeded was somebody to see me.
It's funny.
It's making me emotional.
Um, yeah, I just needed some, Ijust, I just in that moment

(33:59):
needed a hug or I needed likesomebody to see me.
And it was like, um, yeah.
Now I've learned the tools.
Now I've learned about emotions.
Now I've learned to recognizethe warning signs in my, and
I've had to teach my daughterall of this because she deals

(34:21):
with like emotionaldysregulation.
And so I've had to learn, like,how do I parent her?
And, um, what I learned was likerecognize the signals in your
body like be able to name theemotion and then ask yourself
what do I really need and thenyou have to have the courage to

(34:44):
ask for it like you have toliterally be like I'm really
upset I need a hug like becausewe have to as adults not get mad
that our husbands don't know weneed a hug like we need to be
able to say I need the hug youknow and that for me is a lot

(35:06):
harder to do than it soundsbecause I recognize that I've
been I've somehow trained myselfto never ask for anything I need
it's like I

SPEAKER_00 (35:19):
guess anything that you want and deserve I feel like
a big part of the inner healingand the journey and the healing
and the sobriety it all goestogether but I feel like a lot
of it was I had to startadvocating for self-care like
it's summertime and it's likewell are you going to work this

(35:39):
summer I don't I don't know yetI work in education that's part
of why I worked in education forwhen I have kids I could spend
summer with them but also I'mgoing to send them to daycare
three days a week for my mentalhealth like so I can make
therapy appointments orsomething I can go get my hair
done or so I can clean the wholehouse by myself or so I can do
whatever it is you know that wedo during the day but it's like

(36:03):
a lot of people they don't evenknow like the dads they don't
know what it's like they're nothere they've never been a
stay-at-home mom and it isdifferent if you've stayed at
home alone with your kids that'sdifferent than every day all day
long raising keeping these tinyhumans alive and it is easier

(36:23):
when you talk about I gave up mycareer or I was just a
stay-at-home mom and I'm like nobeing from somebody that has
done both like right because I'mhome with them during the summer
and I also you know work duringthe school year but it's like
from someone who it is who hasdone both it is easier to go out
into the workforce and do a joblike being a stay-at-home mom

(36:45):
it's not just a just thing it'sa that is the most important job
sorry that the hours and the paysuck but like it is the most
important job that you can do.

SPEAKER_01 (36:58):
Oh, thank you.
That makes me feel, that makesme feel seen.
And I don't want to spendtoday's call talking about it,
but I have a lot of woundsregarding that whole issue still
that I'm still trying to likeprocess.
And it's a weird

SPEAKER_00 (37:19):
thing for me, but to make it about me, and like what
I'm dealing with is likeadvocating for self-care like
they don't get it they don'tknow you need to be the one to
say I need this this and this orI need to go figure out what
this and this is like for me ithas been therapy for myself
family therapy for all of usthey come to our house it's

(37:41):
amazing I mean what what else iswhat are some of the the things
that I bought some limelife.
Like I'm not saying retailtherapy is the way to go, but
like sometimes some goodproducts and skincare and, you
know, makeup products, like weneed those things.
Society expects us not to, youknow, like we rolled out of bed

(38:05):
when we go in to public.
So it's like whatever you need.
And, and I worked, I worked parttime.
You know, they didn't take taxesout, which was great, but like
not really because you have toeventually pay that back.
But it's like whatever I neededto do, I was like, I'm going to
make getting sober a priority.

(38:27):
I'm going to make my mentalhealth a priority.
And that in turn is making myfamily a priority.
And everything else can take abackseat to that.

SPEAKER_01 (38:37):
Yes.
Yeah.
You have me like, yeah, yeah.
I feel like...
yeah like powered up becauseyeah it's a message I need to
hear myself and it's weirdbecause it is the message that
I'm teaching like in the makeupthat matters which is combining
like self-worth with beauty butit's like at the end of the day

(39:02):
our needs matter and I think forme Yeah, a big part of this was
taking responsibility and notpointing fingers.
Because for a really long time,I told my husband, like, I need

(39:22):
to go to therapy.
And he didn't automatically, youknow, say no.
Okay, go.
No, there was none of that.
But I also didn't say, hey, canwe include this in the family
budget?
Like, how can we actually makethis happen?
I never would take it there.

(39:45):
So I would like me like a mouse,raise something and expect him
to like run with it.
And I've had to recognize andtake responsibility that I never
spoke up enough to ask for whatI needed.
And for 10 fucking years, and Ihave to put the fuck in there

(40:08):
because I have been denying myown needs for 10 fucking years.

SPEAKER_00 (40:15):
Probably a lot longer than that.

SPEAKER_01 (40:18):
Yeah, you're right.
Probably 40 or 30 or longenough, right?
Like, whatever.
And so...
That's why I think staying athome was so hard for me because
it, It tripled that.
It compounded me not being ableto feel like I could ask for my

(40:39):
needs.
And it all trickles back tochildhood.
It all trickles back to having adysfunctional family and an
alcoholic parent, because I'velearned this, that when you were
raised by an alcoholic parent,you feel like your needs don't
matter because they choose thealcohol over you.

(41:02):
every time.
And it is a sickness and it is adisease.
And I thank God for some of theprograms that I enrolled in.
I paid literally six or sevenhundred dollars and my mom was
amazing.
And she's like, honey, if youreally need this, I'll help you
with it.

(41:23):
What was it?
So Tony Robbins, like the bigguru, personal help guy, is
married to a woman named SageRobbins.
I had never heard of her.
I got a Facebook ad one day.
Her program was called UnleashHer Power.
I was wallowing in like despair.

UNKNOWN (41:44):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (41:45):
That changed my life.
It was one of the first times Iinvested in myself significantly
and like said yes to something Iknew I needed.
And so many benefits.
It's the reason I've forgiven mymom.
I had so much pain and so muchhurt.
And so for all these years, I'vefelt alone.

(42:06):
Like, why doesn't anybody elsecare?
And why am I in this alone?
And it's taken me all this timeto realize I was wrong.
I'm the unhealthy one.
That's what being codependentis, is putting somebody else's
needs before your own and makingall your decisions based on what

(42:30):
other people need.
And I have lived like that myentire life.
And so her program is is whathelped me.
It was really beautiful.
She would say, we're all justhaving, and her voice is so like
gentle and soft.
She's like, we're all justhaving this human existence.

(42:52):
Like we're all just having thishuman existence.
And it was a year ago, honestly,like my short-term memories like
yours, I don't rememberanything, anything.
And my kids are like, mom,what's wrong with you?
Because I don't rememberanything.
anything ever and I think it'sbecause I smoked so much

(43:13):
freaking weed my whole life orbecause I blocked everything out
I don't know but anyways shehelped me to recognize that my
mom is just a person she's justa person with faults and that I
don't have to take everythingshe did personally and that I

(43:35):
have to love her for where she'sat and who she is and and and it
doesn't have to be about me andabout what happened and about
what she did or didn't do likeI've been able to separate her
actions maybe that's what it isI've separated her actions from

(43:58):
like her heart right Like, whois she as a person?
She's a child of God, just likeme or you or anybody else.
And she was full of her ownhurt.
And I know that she suffered alot of capital T trauma at a
very young age and neverprocessed any of it.

(44:19):
I just would dream that one dayshe could be...
She would set herself free by...
by going on the journey we're onright now of, you know, walking
it out, like confronting it.
I

SPEAKER_00 (44:37):
feel like codependency, I was like, what?
I've heard that word so manytimes.
I was like, I am not even goingto look that word up because
that sounds like something thatI am.
So thank you for describing itand like putting a definition to
that.
I'm really trying not to go downlike the label hole which is

(44:59):
weird as that's what I do for aliving, right?
Like I evaluate students andthen we, you know, I don't like
the word diagnosis, but like wehave to pick an eligibility,
right?
Like, is it a learningdisability?
Is it another health impairmentfor ADHD?
Is it this or is it that?
And now I'm like trying to takeanother approach where it's like
not about the label, it's aboutthe need, right?

(45:22):
So we all as humans have likeemotions and we all, struggle
with things.
I'm glad that you recognize itand you have awareness about it,
but you don't have to take thatlabel on for yourself, I feel
like.
And I feel the same way aboutalcoholism.
Like, am I an alcoholic?
I think there is a danger ineven asking that question.

(45:43):
I remember you and I had thisconversation and you're like, am
I an alcoholic?
Who the hell am I to say if youare or not?
And there's no...
quantifying list right like youcan take an online quiz and you
know the truth of the matter isif you're asking that question
then obviously it's becoming anissue for you and you need to

(46:03):
address it without taking onlike the lifelong label of
alcoholic yeah and it's not aprison sentence it's not a death
sentence like I've been soberlike a hundred times but like
every time except this time it'sbeen like I've had that nervous
energy of like oh how do I evenfunction and talk around people

(46:25):
that I don't really know thatwell without alcohol you know
and it's like I'm like learningto crawl again I mean not really
but it's kind of like I heardthis somewhere don't quote me on
it but it's like you kind of Arethe same age that you were when
you started drinking.
If you have had a big problemwith it, like your whole life.
So like technically I'm 15, youknow what I mean?

(46:47):
Like I'm still learning how to.
Wow.
To do things that.
You know, like that's still agap where like your, your brain
and your body is developing.
And I kind of feel like when, ifthat's where your hurt is.
Wherever that wound is.
And.
pick it for yourself orwhatever, but wherever that

(47:10):
wound is, it's almost likeyou're still that age until you
start addressing it through allthe strategies that we're
talking about.

SPEAKER_01 (47:20):
Yeah, just to validate that, one of my podcast
guests Cindy said that actuallyyeah our episode was on her
husband who was addicted todrugs and she said he's had to
literally like relearn like justhow to like function in

SPEAKER_00 (47:40):
society some things that were said to me that just
about anything you know what Imean where it's like yes we have
to see the positive there's somuch negative self-talk I've
been negative for so long.
And I'm starting to see that inevery day words that come out of
my mouth and everyday, you know,life.
And thankfully, I'm aware of itnow.

(48:01):
And I'm trying to get better,you know, for my kids and, and
all that.
But it's like, there's also asuch a thing as a toxic
positivity, too.

SPEAKER_01 (48:11):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (48:12):
Right?
Like, Chin up, you know what Imean?
Sorry, that wasn't directed atanybody specifically, but you
know what I mean?
And then I look back on it andI'm like, okay, maybe then I try
and change my mindset.
Like sometimes I think back onwhat I thought was toxic
positivity and like maybe thosepeople were just trying to help.
Like you've got to quitdrinking.
You've got to get in therapy.

(48:33):
You need to get sober.
I think that's different than,well, that was hard to hear.
That's different.
Then everything's going to beokay.
Just suck it up.
Life isn't that bad.
That kind of thing, you know?

SPEAKER_01 (48:46):
Yeah.
That is the opposite of what youneeded in those moments, right?
Like we're saying we need to beseen.
We need to be validated, whichis a hundred percent.
I think what this wholeconversation's about is
validating people's emotions.
And that's the opposite of it.

(49:07):
And it sounds like you wereprobably raised that way, you
know, that that's what was saidto you, like, suck it up.
And like, that's...
That's how like, you know, I'msure my parents were raised like
deal with it kind of thing, youknow?
And it is interesting how likethe eras of the times, it's kind

(49:27):
of like everybody was raisedthat way in that era and they
didn't know any better becausethey were just repeating what
they were told.
It's like

SPEAKER_00 (49:36):
the generational thing, but it really was a
different time for people thatdidn't have their, you couldn't
Google.
Like I had a therapy session theother day, I feel like with
Chet.
GPT like with AI you know what Imean yeah no they the internet
wasn't even around back thenlike so when I want to get on my
judgmental high horse about youknow why wasn't it better why

(49:58):
didn't it ever change like whywas that just the status quo and
why it was not okay well that'sjust how it was but now that we
know better when you know betteryou do better right and and
That's what hurts the most.
I think it's like, I feel likeI've grown and I've let, and

(50:18):
I've shed and I've let a lot ofthis stuff go.
And some people haven't yet, andthey're still sitting in it and
you, they might say that they'renot, but like when you talk to
them and old hurts and woundscontinually come up, you know,
like, no, you, you haven't foundit yet.
And like, there, there is noexcuse anymore.
Not to like, there is therapy,there is health, there is

(50:41):
church, there is whatever,whatever, you know, out of the
5,000 coping strategies that wehave nowadays, like pick one,

SPEAKER_01 (50:52):
Yeah, it's interesting.
First of all, there's a lot ofChristians who are caught up in
religion who can repeat lots ofscripture, but don't actually
walk it out.
It's about the state of yourheart.
It's about the posture of yourheart.
It's about your relationshipwith Jesus and God.

(51:13):
It's not about rules, right?
And so it's like, that's anissue.
And then you have people whoaren't Christians who Right.

(51:40):
It's funny.
I have a friend who's not aChristian and her husband's
family is.
And she's like, what do y'all dowith those things?
Like, I'm just so curious.
Like, what do you even talkabout?
And it's like, that's what youtalk about is like your flesh
side and your spiritual side,because they are opposite.
Like your flesh is selfish.

(52:01):
Your flesh wants immediatesatisfaction.
Your flesh is greedy.
Your flesh wants to feel good.
Your flesh wants things now.
Your flesh wants to point thefinger at other people.
Your spirit is God's nature andlike God's essence.
It's never in a hurry.

(52:23):
It is always not assuming theworst about anything.
It is walking in love.
And love is the opposite ofanger.
pointing the finger it's theopposite you know like love
conquers all god is love it'sall about love like I feel like
at the end of the day if I canjust always take myself back to

(52:47):
this place of love everythingchanges for me everything
everything yeah

SPEAKER_00 (52:54):
including loving yourself too and being kind to
yourself is a big part of it

SPEAKER_01 (52:59):
yeah huge and And that's what can help

SPEAKER_00 (53:05):
us stay sober too.
So that's what you have to do toyourself.
And I feel like I've, I'vegotten really good.
And you know, the 40 years ofbeating myself up and like what
I have pointed the finger atmyself for a long time, like you
can recognize it.
Right.
So the awareness, then what Itell it, get out of here.

(53:25):
That is not a God.
Right.
That is not loving.
That is not helpful in any way.
You know, like, Like, what doyou, how do you, how do you
tackle negative self-talk?

SPEAKER_01 (53:38):
Yeah.
I mean, I wanted to bring thisup and I feel like it brought us
full circle because earlier inthe conversation, you brought up
how you didn't like using labelsand what I've learned recently,
I was listening to aninteresting talk with two people
and And they were talking aboutthe difference between

(53:59):
affirmations and like mantras.
And it was really interestingbecause the difference is in an
affirmation, you're using thewords I am.
So it's about identity.
So there's a really bigdifference between just like
saying something or acceptingsomething as truth and then

(54:19):
actually like putting that onyourself as like who you are.
And so that's why I'm alwaystalking about the Bible and
renewing your mind in Christ,because if you truly believe in
God and you truly believe you'rehis child and he, his word tells
you, you are made in his image.

(54:41):
The Bible tells you, you areloved.
Do you have the mind of Christ?
You are chosen.
You, um, are accepted.
You are loved.
Like, there's so many positivethings.
You can tell yourself you'restupid, or you could choose to

(55:02):
tell yourself that you have themind of Christ.
I really do try to remind myselfof, like, who am I in Christ?
The biggest thing, though, isI've discovered we have to get
to the root of what we actuallybelieve about ourselves, and
that yeah reading an affirmationis great but if you don't

(55:26):
believe it it is not going toactually really do much for you
and so that's why you know Godgave me a vision and I think
eventually I do see myself doinglife coaching with people but
the number one thing I want todo with people and inviting

(55:48):
every listener to do with me nowis identify your core beliefs
about whatever area it is youstruggle with and like that's
that's going like on anotherlevel of deepness that I feel
like a lot of people they don'tgo that deep like they journal

(56:08):
you can journal and you canbrain dump and you can evaluate
like where your head's at andlike yes we're full of negative
thoughts but what if you reallyare looked at that journal and
could see a pattern.
What if you were able to say,this is what I actually believe

(56:30):
about who I am, right?
And so I think that, first ofall, you have to know where
you're coming from.
Like if you're trying to improveyour life or like if you're
trying to go to Mexico, where'sMexico?
Well, where am I now?
Well, where's your start andwhere do you want to end up?

(56:50):
You can't get there if you don'tknow where you're starting from.
So I think like being braveenough to being truthful enough
with yourself about what it isyou actually believe.
And like, where did that beliefcome from?
Because it may have come from ateacher.
It may have come from your mom.
It may have come from her mom.

(57:12):
Like it may have come from afriend.
It may have come from anex-boyfriend who said you were a
piece of shit.
Like, you know what I mean?
So whatever we believe aboutourselves, we have to figure out
where it's coming from.
And then you have to combat itwith truth.
That's when you go, oh, but I'ma child of God.

(57:34):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And, you know, that's where, youknow, that's where being in the
word matters.
That's why reading your Biblematters.
Like all of this is just fluffif you're not going to open it
and receive the words in yourown heart.
It doesn't mean anything.
They're just words.

SPEAKER_00 (57:58):
I went to church yesterday and I do feel, I feel
like there's a big difference.
And, you know, if we're sick andwe can't go to how that week
plays out is a lot differentthan if, if we do go, you know,
and back in the day, I didn'treally make that connection.
I'm like, Oh, I'm spiritual.
I don't need church.
You know what I mean?

(58:18):
Cause somewhere I heard that andI was like, that sounds fun.
That's what I want to do.
And it's like, no, it's kind oflike inner healing is you, you
do have, have to put in the workand the work isn't some rigid
system of you have to lists outyour character defects.
You know, we have characterdefects, but we're not
defective.

(58:38):
You know, we, we have stuff, youknow, these limiting beliefs,
like there's more positivewords.
And I do, I do feel like, likein special education, we use
people first language, right?
Like, um, when people refer to akid as autistic or dyslexic,
instead of having autism orhaving dyslexia.

(59:01):
Oh, yeah.
I mean, just that little shiftof people first language, like
you put the kid first and that'swhat we need to do to our own
selves, right?
Yes.
Like in how we talk aboutourselves, we need to put
ourselves first.
And then, yes, we have thesestruggles, but I'm not an
alcoholic.

(59:21):
I refuse to put that label onmyself.
It's not a prison sentence.
It's not...
like a lifelong FOMO, like fearof missing out.
Like I can't drink.
I can't go to that party.
Like I don't even want to dothose things anymore.
You know, like I want to hangout or I want to go to bed early
and get good sleep.

(59:42):
So, you know,

SPEAKER_01 (59:43):
feel good.
Yeah.
It's like, I just want to feelgood and have my mind like not
be working against me.

SPEAKER_00 (59:51):
Yes, I have been sleep deprived for 40 years or
whatever, or whatever 41 minus15 is like, that's how long I've
had sleep deprivation.
Like when you're drinking, yourbody does not reach REM sleep as
much as it should as many timesas it should, if at all.
And like, that's where youprocess the emotional stuff of

(01:00:11):
what you've been through thatday.
That's where you're you processmemory.
And yes, I think as parents, weare probably going to be sleep
deprived for the rest of ourlife.
then that's fine.
Cause that's what we signed upfor, but it's way different than
being sleep deprived as a momand being hung over on top of it
and like having that haze andthat cloud.

SPEAKER_01 (01:00:30):
Yes, absolutely.
And all the shame that goes withwhat you didn't remember.

SPEAKER_00 (01:00:35):
Right.
Yeah.
That's the best part.
Yeah.
So thankful.
I don't have that anymore.

SPEAKER_01 (01:00:44):
I'm so thankful too.
It lights me.
I love seeing you like this.
I feel like you're full ofpeace.
Like there is a differencebetween just how, how you, uh,
like your essence.
I don't know how else to explainit.
There's a piece about you and abeauty about you that, um, you
know, just is really differentthan I've seen in the past and

(01:01:08):
it's beautiful and it's, amazingbecause like you said when we
make these decisions and we putour self as a priority I think
that's the most beautiful giftis like everyone else in our
life benefits from it like thenwe get to show up as this whole

(01:01:29):
person who isn't lacking andwho's not projecting on other
people I'm speaking for myselfbut it's like our kids are
better and our Our husbands arebetter off and our families
better off and our sisters andour siblings and our mom and the
world because look at us likedoing the scary courageous work

(01:01:52):
being brave, like affectingother people in a good way with
our story.
I mean it's It has a rippleeffect and I think it's, it's
important.
So I love you so much.
And I'm really grateful thatlike you were brave and I was
brave and that we did this.

(01:02:15):
Thank you for the

SPEAKER_00 (01:02:16):
way you validate me.
I also feel like you put intowords like so eloquently what I
do struggle to kind of put intowords, two things that have
stuck out to me this time aboutthe way I just, I feel like it's
a whole life shift.
Two things that got to me.
I read Quit Like a Woman.
It was recommended by myprevious therapist.

(01:02:36):
While I don't agree witheverything that she talks about,
I feel like it was a reallyvaluable tool to help get sober.
The Reframe app also helped.
It's like kind of built-intherapy, you know, it talks
about and it has little, you canchoose to journal or not.
Like it's a really cool app.
It does cost money, but there'salso a free trial.
Yeah.

(01:02:58):
But I wanted to, I guess, bringup Rat Park, like the opposite
of addiction is connection,right?
Okay, so there's these rats andthey're doing a study and this
guy's like, they have one waterbottle that is water and the
other one's like laced withwhatever drug.
I think it was multiple drugs,depending on what setting they
were in or what study.
And the rats that were alone,you know, some of them

(01:03:22):
overdosed.
a lot of them got addicted butthen the other study was like
okay let's give them a rat parkwith like all these tunnels to
do exercise mating places tomate like places to have
friendships and they still hadthe regular water and the drug
water and they integrated theminto society and they stopped

(01:03:45):
some of them stopped drinking noone OD'd in rat park and you
know, they started thriving.
Like rats got sober in Rat Park.
I mean, that's crazy to think,right?
But it's like, that's howimportant it is to like work on
yourself and your friendships.

(01:04:06):
And I thank you for that.
Like you have stuck by methrough so much and for so long.
And I love you for that.
And I feel like I met, you know,somebody up here, Molly, you
know, and I moved.
That's another thing I wanted tobring up was like, I no longer
have that same gas station thatI would always stop at.
Like I got out of my habit andthat like autopilot zone.

(01:04:31):
And I am somewhere with a strongsupport system that is like
helping me be a better mombecause it's not all falling on
me.
And I'm just so thankful for allof it.
And I want other people to havewhat I have.
So I hope that people got whatthey needed to hear, whether it
be like, yes, move.
to your support system.

(01:04:52):
Like it's okay to pack up andmove.
Like it's going to be all right.
Or maybe you don't because theinterest rates suck and all that
other stuff.
So it's just like, I hope that,I hope that someone got what
they needed to hear from ustalking today.

SPEAKER_01 (01:05:05):
Yep.
I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
Okay.
Well, this is a beautifulconversation.
You're amazing.
I have no doubt that this isgoing to enter people's hearts
and just create little ripplesof, of, um, I want to say
change, but I don't know ifthat's the right word.
I almost feel like it's going tohelp people break free, like

(01:05:28):
break free and rise up.
You know, I think there's somuch power and like choosing,
choosing ourselves.
It's very, it's an empoweringconversation.
I

SPEAKER_00 (01:05:44):
love you so much.
Thank you for having me on and Iwill see you at, Your next
makeup class.
Oh,

SPEAKER_01 (01:05:53):
I love you so much.
I love you.
Alrighty, I so appreciate youstill hanging in here.
It was a long conversation, butit was so good.
And believe it or not, there'smore where that came from.
I may drop a bonus episode inthe next few days if you can't
get enough Nicole.

(01:06:13):
But if this conversation leftyou feeling lighter, that is the
contagious freedom of Christ atwork.
And here are three kind of justtakeaways that I hope and pray
stay with you.
I want to remind you that yourenough moment doesn't need
drama.
That healing starts when youask, is this thing still serving

(01:06:36):
me?
And then number two, the nextright thing is enough.
Text that friend, book thetherapy session, start writing
in your journal.
Say I need help out loud.
Just remember that redemptionisn't a one-time event, and
that's what happens when we keepshowing up and when we turn it

(01:07:00):
over to God.
Like, yes, Jesus's work on thecross covers everything, but
that doesn't mean we can't stillput in the action and say, trust
God to meet us there.
Also, remember, number three,God's timing is strategic.

(01:07:20):
This episode dropping near 4thof July, it's a love note.
Your liberation matters to him.
And as America celebratesindependence, declare yours from
shame, from old labels, and fromwhatever's held you captive.
And because freedom grows incommunity, join us in Her

(01:07:41):
Identity Project sisterhood.
That is our community onFacebook, and it's where women
just like you are hanging outtogether.
We can pray together, we cantalk about real struggles that
we're having, and even celebrateour wins together.
So just remember that you areworthy of every good and perfect

(01:08:06):
gift that God has planned foryou, and you're already free.
So don't Be sure to walk in thatfreedom and love yourself the
way God loves you.
Oh my gosh.
Thank you for listening.
If you got something out of thisepisode, be sure to follow or
subscribe to Her IdentityProject on your favorite podcast

(01:08:29):
platform.
Make sure you're notified aboutnew episodes.
Please hit the like, the sharebuttons, get on social media,
spread the word.
Please take time to leave me areview.
That would mean more to me thanyou could ever know.
And it helps get eyes on thisshow so that other people can If

(01:08:52):
you're loving it, please hit meup in my DMs.
I absolutely want to hear yourfeedback.
Thanks again for listening.
I'll see you next time.