September 23, 2025 • 26 mins
Navigating Conflict in Marriage: Techniques and Insights
In this episode of the Home and Marriage Podcast, Lennon and Christal Noland discuss effective ways for couples to manage and resolve conflicts. They share personal anecdotes about their own disagreements and elaborate on the importance of addressing issues rather than attacking each other. Key strategies include staying focused on the issue, listening fully before responding, avoiding the use of always and never, and offering sincere apologies. They emphasize the importance of maintaining connection and trust during conflicts, underpinned by Philippians 2:1-4. The Nolands encourage couples to see conflicts as opportunities to strengthen their relationship and reinforce their commitment.
00:00 Welcome to the Home and Marriage Podcast
00:38 Date Night Excitement
02:22 Conflict in Marriage: An Inevitable Reality
04:39 Different Upbringings, Different Conflict Styles
06:03 Handling Conflict: Strategies and Insights
14:35 Avoiding the Nuclear Option
21:03 Effective Apologies and Reconciliation
25:21 Final Thoughts and Encouragement
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Lennon (00:03):
This is the Home and Marriage Podcast with Lennon and
Christal Noland, where we helpcouples become better at home
and stronger together.
We're husband and wife, parentsand ministers, and we want God's
best for our home and for yours.
Christal (00:18):
Well, welcome to the podcast everyone.
I hope you're having a good dayso far, wherever you're
listening today, and my name isChristal and I'm here with my
love, my best friend, my sexyman Lennon, the Luscious Noland.
Lennon (00:33):
That's a good one.
I didn't see that coming.
I love being loved.
So, it's a good day today.
I'm happy today because.
It's date day.
Christal (00:41):
Yeah, tonight is date night.
We record, I guess on Fridays,so that's kind of our date
night.
Lennon (00:46):
I don't know if it'll always be the case that we
record on Fridays, but if we do,you're probably gonna hear us
being excited about date night,because that's typically when it
falls for us.
And tonight we have littlebarbecue.
Our sites.
Christal (00:58):
Yeah.
I told you last night I wasreally craving some barbecue and
we have a great barbecue placedown the road that I'm excited
to go get some barbecue.
Lennon (01:06):
Yeah, we live, we live near a little, not even a
stoplight town, just little stopsign town.
Yep.
Called Maypearl Texas.
And we have a great littlebarbecue place there.
And then also because it's fall,some of our favorite TV shows
are popping back up on Netflix.
Yeah, on Apple tv.
So we're gonna have us a goodnight tonight.
Christal (01:25):
It's gonna be fun.
I'm excited.
I love the fall.
You know, it's not really.
Cool.
Yet we had our fake fall lastweek.
Mm-hmm.
The fake fall week and we werelike all wearing our sweaters
and stuff, even though I thinkthe high was like maybe the low
eighties or high seventies.
Yeah.
But, um, that's fallish for us.
(01:45):
And now I got hot again, andthen I hear we're getting a cool
front.
So probably next week we'll havesome really good temperatures.
Excited.
That's gonna be great.
Lennon (01:54):
I'm excited.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Let's wear hoodies live thedream.
Christal (01:56):
Yes.
I just can't wait till we haveour, fireplace started.
That's, that's when it getsgood.
Lennon (02:02):
That is when it gets good.
I tell you what, we are not, weare not the people in Texas with
a fireplace that never use it.
Christal (02:07):
Yes,
Lennon (02:08):
we find every excuse to light a fire.
Christal (02:10):
Every excuse, even if, if it's on the edge there with
the temperatures, we just turnthe AC down a little bit and we
start a fire.
We've
Lennon (02:17):
done that.
We're so
Christal (02:19):
Texan, aren't we?
Lennon (02:20):
First world luxuries right there.
So the show today is gonna beabout something that every
married couple has experienced.
If you have been together morethan 27 minutes, you have
probably experienced conflict inmarriage.
Christal (02:33):
You have, I'm sure you have.
I think, we might have had alittle conflict happening.
When was it this morning?
Maybe did, was it?
We did, yes.
And it was over dog food Do youwanna talk about that?
Lennon (02:46):
Yeah, I can, I can bear my soul a little bit.
So we have this little hobbyfarm out here.
We have various animals and um,I am known for deciding what all
of our animals can and cannoteat.
Yeah.
And so we were given some dogfood that.
Isn't going to jive with thedogs that we actually have.
And so I had the great idea ofgiving it to chickens because
(03:08):
they're scavengers.
Mm-hmm.
And I'll just feed them dogfood.
Christal (03:10):
Right.
And you know, and I'm not sayingthat that idea was crazy because
I know you can give chickens catfood.
At times, now if you're achicken keeper and you just
disagree with this, I'm sosorry, but I got this advice
from my librarian and she wastelling me how to do that, and
it really does help with theiregg production.
And we don't give it to'em allthe time.
Well, so Lenn had the idea,let's give them dog food.
(03:33):
And I was like, well, that mightwork.
But I'd like to do a littleresearch on that first before we
just go give them dog food.
And then yesterday I was in thegarage and there was bits of dog
food in my chicken Pale.
So I knew what had happened.
Lennon (03:49):
You knew what had happened.
And what had happened was thissomething I very gosh, I very
frequently do, which is, Idecide, I know it needs to
happen and I plunge aheadwithout much conversation or
maybe I rush through and halflisten to what you ask of me.
Mm-hmm.
And so, yeah, I fed the, I fedthe chicken's dog food whenever
you specifically asked me towait.
Christal (04:10):
Thankfully.
I don't think anything bad wasgonna happen.
And I did find out they can havesome, they just can't have too
much.
And so, I held my cool, uh, Ipolitely I tried to just say it
in a good way.
Well, I think we got throughthat conflict.
You grabbed me
Lennon (04:28):
by the shoulders and gave me a good, hard shake.
Christal (04:31):
Stop.
Lennon (04:31):
No, you didn't.
People are gonna think
Christal (04:32):
you're serious.
Lennon (04:34):
No, you didn't.
You didn't.
Christal (04:35):
So conflict happens big and small, and we're gonna
talk about that.
And first, let's talk about howwe were both, we're raised very
differently with conflict,weren't we?
We came from two differenthomes.
Lennon (04:48):
Yeah.
Your parents.
Pretty, pretty chill peopleoverall.
Yeah.
And I don't think you grew upwatching them work out a lot of
conflict, did you?
No.
I
Christal (04:56):
mean, I know that if they did have something they
really needed to go discuss,they would go to their room to
talk about it.
And I also remember there beingsome tense moments, but nothing
crazy.
And I could tell they were like,let's go talk about this later.
Not in front of the kids.
They are very much the type,let's not fight in front of the
kids, which I reallyappreciated.
I didn't wanna see mom and dadgoing off on each other in front
(05:17):
of us.
Right?
Lennon (05:18):
Yeah.
Christal (05:19):
So yeah, that's how they handled conflict.
Lennon (05:21):
So you grew up seeing a few tense moments?
I grew up in a tense.
Household.
Mm-hmm.
The show cops, I've joked a lotover the years that that show
cops.
I always called it mama'sfriends because we were on a
first name basis with policethat we were not related to.
Hmm.
And so we didn't just haveconflict in our home.
We had domestic.
(05:42):
Disputes.
Yeah.
And so whenever we got married,certainly we had come from two
very different backgrounds.
Now that can be challenging, butit's also pretty normal that
whether or not your situationswere as extreme being opposites
as ours were, it, it's, it'svery much the case that we come
from different families oforigin.
(06:03):
Mm-hmm.
We, and even that aside, we justhave different personalities in
different ways of handlingthings, and so this is why.
How we look at conflict mattersbecause you are going to fight.
Yeah.
It's gonna happen.
Christal (06:16):
We are all gonna have conflict.
It does not matter, how longwe've been married.
Conflict is gonna happen andit's very normal in marriage.
Lennon (06:25):
And it's also the case that you may not be.
At each other's throats or evenvocally disagreeing over
anything in particular.
But it's not always a good signif you're never having conflict.
Christal (06:38):
Yeah, if you're at a place where you're, you're just
not even dealing with the issueanymore, there are issues
obviously there, there are stillsome things unresolved, there's
some tense stuff happening andyou just stop talking.
That's actually more of adangerous place than if you are,
working it out.
If you're like, we can't ignorethis.
We need to address this, that'sa good thing.
(06:59):
So to shut down and decide, I'mnot gonna talk to this person
anymore.
That's a dangerous place.
Lennon (07:04):
That is a conflict strategy.
You may be thinking, we justdon't have conflict.
But putting your head in thesand is a strategy of dealing
with it.
Just like blowing up, slamming adoor, saying harsh words.
That's also a strategy ofdealing with it.
And so what we have to rememberis that what's really at stake
whenever we're.
Butting heads over an issue isnot just the thing that we're
(07:27):
actually dealing with.
Uh, what's at stake is also howclose are we gonna feel 30
minutes from now.
Mm-hmm.
And whether or not we kind of goto war over something, or we
focus on a problem and resolveit together really does affect
the tone of our home and theamount of tension that is
(07:48):
present in our marriage.
Christal (07:49):
And women and men are very different.
First of all, let's justacknowledge God made men, he
made women with differenttendencies.
and Not everything needs to bestereotyped a hundred percent,
right?
We don't, we're not trying to dothat.
But women and men may handleconflict a little differently.
Lennon (08:07):
We all have defaults.
We
Christal (08:09):
all have defaults, right?
Yeah.
So I would say that the firstthing could be to shame.
Their husband in a conflict thatcould be a temptation to want to
say something that, you know,would be hurtful and, make them
feel shame, you know?
Lennon (08:24):
Yeah.
And I think that comes under thedesire to really get your point
across.
And maybe feeling like as awife, you've really pointed
something out to me like, let meresearch the dog food before you
just feed that to the chickensor, so something like that.
A a lot of times a woman willescalate into.
(08:45):
Being fierce with her wordswhenever she has felt unheard or
disregarded.
Christal (08:49):
Yeah, I do.
I do feel, we can get into apattern of nagging and no one
ever sets out to be a naggingwife.
Right?
That is in the Bible in Proverbs21, 9.
It says, better to live on aroof than with a nagging wife.
Like we know that scripture aswives.
And no one really wants to bethat person, you know?
But I think sometimes we canturn into that or have that
(09:10):
tendency at times, I think it'sreally because of fear.
Of fear of not being heard orwhen you say, Hey, I need you to
do this.
Or, Hey, this is reallyimportant to me.
And it seems like your husbandhasn't really listened to that
or taken that account.
Practice that it kind of makesus feel a little helpless.
So what else do we do?
Well, we turn to saying it over,over and over again.
(09:33):
Maybe if we say it so manytimes, they're gonna get it
finally.
Or maybe we,, we resort to,yelling or letting it all out
because you're so frustrated.
I'm not saying that that is agood thing that we should do or
that it's okay.
I'm saying that, sometimes wefeel like there's nothing else
left.
And so it really takes a lot ofpatience and self-control.
(09:56):
It's like the fruit of thespirits.
You have to practice thatbecause,, when you want to say
it again and again, but it's notreally making a difference and
you don't wanna lose yourtemper, sometimes you just need
to.
Pray, do something else insteadof turning into that nagging
person.
Lennon (10:13):
Yeah, I think the fruit of the spirit is the answer to a
lot of things.
Yeah.
Whenever it comes to conflict, Ithink if there's a trend with,
with guys, if, if that's a, atrend with women, a trend with
guys is that we very frequentlyshut down.
Or we withdraw in conflict.
And the reason is, is out of asense of, this can't speak for
(10:36):
every guy all the time, but areason that men shut down a
withdraw is that they're keenlyaware.
At some point when the lightfinally comes on, I have
disappointed the woman I love, Ididn't come through for her.
And there's a level ofembarrassment that comes about
with that or a sense of, uh,kind of inadequacy.
(10:58):
I really failed here.
And we're not always the best atdealing with that.
And so we might slam a door andleave or we might, um, just
absolutely shut down.
And leave our wives askingquestions that we are just not,
we're just not answering.
And what happens whenever we gointo our defaults is that we
both end up really frustratedand we end up feeling
(11:21):
disconnected and alone, eventhough we share a bed with
somebody.
Christal (11:26):
Well, I think that's really good for us wives to hear
that because sometimes in aconflict, if your husband is the
type that just shuts down.
Does not speak for a while.
I think it's good for wives toknow because there, there's more
to it that's happening thanmaybe we see.
And so I think that's reallyhelpful for wives to know that.
Lennon (11:47):
And if you have, and this can be true for women too,
but if one of you as a personthat does not do well when
they're being pressed, like Iknow whenever we are in
conflict.
My gears turn really slowly.
Mm-hmm.
I, I am not a fast thinker inconflict.
You know, it's true, don't you?
Yes.
(12:07):
And so if you press somebody whoneeds to process in conflict for
an answer and a response, youmay not like what comes out.
If they're, if they're forced tosnap, that almost never ends up
good.
Christal (12:20):
Yeah, for me, I like to process everything out loud.
I like to say it all, get it allout.
And as I'm even saying it, it'smaking sense.
It's coming together.
It totally makes sense to me.
Yeah.
And I don't know why it's notmaking sense to you.
And did you not just get what Ijust.
Said, you know, and, and therecan be some opposites sometimes
like that.
There's, the guy likes to talkit out and the girl really just
(12:41):
shuts down or, we've
Lennon (12:42):
definitely seen that
Christal (12:43):
that can happen.
But I have learned over theyears, I'm better at this now
than when we first got married,but, when I say something like
bearing my heart and you don'trespond right away.
To not take it as a, you're, youdon't love me, or you're not in
this to win it.
You're just trying to processwhat I just said.
Lennon (13:04):
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah, definitely.
And we need time, so we havethese defaults and what we have
to avoid is, like you're saying,is the big assumption about the
other person because they're notreacting in this situation how I
want them to or feel like I needthem to.
Christal (13:21):
Okay.
So for, for husbands, that theyshut down and they need to leave
the situation.
What is a good way for guys todo that?
Because that's been done wrongbefore too.
Where the guy just shuts down.
The wife is like trying to getthem to talk and they just leave
the house you know, and theydon't say anything, so.
So what would you say would be agood way to do that if you need
(13:43):
to process.
Lennon (13:44):
The simplest thing, I remember hearing this in a
premarital, in a premaritalcourse that I was sitting in as
a, as an intern, and the guy whowas teaching just made this
point.
He said, if one of you is reallyconflict avoidant or has a hard
time dealing with it in thespot, and you need to leave the
situation for a minute.
Always give the one you love alifeline and here's what it
(14:06):
looks like.
I don't like how I'm feelingright now.
I'm having a really difficulttime.
I love you.
I need to go on a walk.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna be back,I'll be back in a little bit and
that is so much more hopefulthen.
Just stomping out and pullingout of the driveway tires,
spinning.
So that's a really big thingthat you give the person a
(14:29):
lifeline, you affirm your lovefor them instead of just being
like a, a tornado, you justalways wanna avoid the nuclear
option, whatever that is for youin your relationship.
Uh, going nuclear is always themost destructive thing.
Christal (14:45):
What does nuclear mean?
Give some examples.
Oh, lord.
Like we all kind of know, right?
But what are some nuclear ways,ways we handle that?
Lennon (14:53):
Well, I feel like I keep saying the words.
Slam a door in this episode, butthat's an example of nuclear,
just getting physical.
Maybe not even with the person,God forbid, getting physical
with, but that would be anexample of going nuclear.
Oh yeah.
Uh, to of course to bephysically violent with the one
you love.
There is never.
(15:14):
There is never a legitimatereason No.
To get physical with yourspouse.
Right.
Ever.
But I would also say there'snever a legit reason to call
names.
That's another nuclear optionpeople use.
Christal (15:28):
Oh, yeah.
Even, even saying anything like,well, you're acting like a jerk.
Maybe they did say you're ajerk, but they said you're
acting like a jerk.
That's still like.
Borderline, don't you think?
Lennon (15:42):
Well, it's not helpful.
No.
And here's what, here's whatends up happening in a situation
like that, and we've never had asituation like that, right?
Right.
Is you end up arguing over, Ican't believe you just said I'm
a jerk.
No, I said, you're acting like ajerk and then you're in a stupid
war of semantics.
Christal (15:59):
Yeah.
It's, uh, and one thing leads toanother and, and so.
Keeping out the name calling,keeping out even using the word
divorce.
We pledged at the very beginningof our marriage to never say
that word.
Yeah.
To never use that word as athreat.
Or as a thing we throw out.
We will not do that when we'rein a conflict or a fight or
(16:22):
anything.
Lennon (16:22):
Some couples will do that.
And it's incredibly wounding.
Just, I don't wanna deal withyou anymore.
We should.
We should just split up.
Yeah.
And that's.
That's no good.
Here's how we need to thinkabout this.
Just like in the news right now,this country has their nuclear
weapons.
This country is so close todeveloping this.
What we know is that diplomacyis always the best way.
(16:45):
We don't wanna launch ourmissiles.
We don't want them to launchtheir missiles and in marriage,
each of you know how to take theother one out.
You, you know, the otherperson's failures and flaws.
And if you want to, you candestroy them.
If you do that in the process,you're gonna destroy your
marriage.
And so we don't wanna gonuclear.
We want to learn to attackissues instead of each other.
Christal (17:08):
That's good.
I like that.
Let's talk about what that lookslike.
Lennon (17:12):
Yeah, we have a little list actually of how to do this
that we've been teaching inthese conferences and retreats
from our six Habits of HappyCouples course.
And so the first one is this,that whenever you're dealing
with a conflict, stay focused onthe issue at hand and don't What
about a lot of other issues?
Christal (17:32):
Okay.
So like if we're in a conflictand I'm like, why didn't you
take out the trash?
I keep asking you to, and thenyou say to me,
Lennon (17:40):
well, what about you?
I mean, you, you said that youwere gonna get home and clean
the house.
Mm-hmm.
And I came home and it was stilldirty.
And so the house is a biggerdeal than the trash.
So see how ridiculous that is?
Yeah.
That's bad.
It's, we could deal with anissue, but we, what about other
things?
Because we're trying, Hey, I'mnot the bad guy here.
(18:00):
I'm a good husband.
I'm a hardworking man, and soI've gotta pull something else
into it so that I can, so that Ican win win.
Christal (18:08):
Yeah, that's, and that's not what we wanna do.
We'll talk about that later, butyeah, that's really good.
So there's another one isdescribe how you feel.
Not who they are.
Lennon (18:19):
Right.
Whenever you're in an argument,and this is a tried and true
counseling technique.
Mm-hmm.
So we didn't invent this, butboy have we learned it.
Yeah.
And so, and that is this, thatif, if we are in a disagreement,
I'm not gonna say, you know,this is always what you do.
Like, you just make me feel likeI'm not good.
(18:39):
Anything.
And so what has happened rightthere is we were dealing with
something and now I've justattacked your character and I've
said, this is who you are as aperson.
And because I'm dealing withsomeone who is like you are as a
person, and that is so hurtfuland it escalates the fight
because now you feel like youhave to defend who you are.
(19:02):
And again, we're not talkingabout one thing.
You're trying to make me believethat you're not a monster,
Christal (19:08):
and we also learn not to use these two words in an
argument or in a conflict.
We don't say the word always andnever, because that really
attacks the character of theperson like you always do this.
To me, or you never do this.
And so when we say those words,we're saying, you're totally
that way completely.
Which isn't ever true.
(19:29):
Yeah.
No, some, no one is always, andnever anything really.
Right.
So that, that never helps thesituation.
It, it just adds to the hurt
Lennon (19:38):
and adds again to the defensiveness.
Yeah.
The third way to attack an issueinstead of your spouse is to be
sure that you listen fully towhat they're saying before you
respond to what they're saying.
Because here's what we can do,is that while one of us is
trying to unload their heart ortalk about their feelings, I'm
intervening with you telling youwhy you shouldn't feel that way,
(20:00):
and I'm not leaving letting youmake your case.
And again, I'm realizing even aswe're talking, how much this
comes down to defensiveness, butyou wanna let your spouse feel
like they are heard.
So that they feel understood andthat your answer is actually
trying to address how they'refeeling and not how you think
(20:20):
they should feel or not what youthink they're getting wrong
before you've let them evenfinish what they're saying.
Christal (20:27):
And if you put the other person before yourself, I
think you're gonna do that.
Sometimes that naturally takescare of a lot of the, I'm just
gonna interrupt and interject.
You know, I'm gonna reallylisten to you and see what's
going on with you, and I wanteverything to be okay and I care
about you.
Maybe that will help too, justchanging the way we're thinking.
Lennon (20:46):
Yeah.
Because again, I don't have towin this.
We're, we are in a marriage andI want things to be good between
us.
Yes.
And so if I can stay leaned intothat, instead of feeling like
this is a battle I have to win,then we're gonna come out the
other side.
Yeah.
A lot better.
Yeah,
Christal (21:02):
that's right.
And the last one that we talkabout is apologize correctly.
Not just apologize, that'simportant, but it's the way we
apologize.
That can make all thedifference.
Lennon (21:14):
It is.
And we're really bad atapologies.
Here's how you know if you'rebad at apology.
If, your apologies look likethis.
I'm sorry if you mm-hmm.
I'm sorry that you, so that ifI've hurt you or wounded you
with something I've said and youtell me.
That.
Then I say, well, I'm sorry youtook it that way.
(21:34):
Ew.
Which is, which is a way ofsaying I'm not sorry at all, but
I, but I'm really sorry.
You're so sensitive.
Christal (21:40):
I You're crazy.
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
You're crazy.
Oh, I'm
Lennon (21:42):
sorry.
You're crazy.
Yeah.
I, I'm not crazy.
But if I was, I would probablyhave taken that the same way you
did, so, I'm so sorry.
Oh gosh.
A bad apology is worse than noapology.
Christal (21:54):
Yeah.
And never call a woman crazy.
If you just don't do that,that's a really, that's a really
good thing.
Lennon (22:00):
They do not like that.
They do not like that.
Oh yeah.
Have I ever done
Christal (22:03):
that?
Oh, why are you asking thatright now on the show?
Lennon (22:07):
I don't think I've done that.
Have I done that?
Christal (22:08):
No, but you just don't do that.
I don't think you have either.
Good.
No, I You have not called mecrazy.
Okay.
Thank the lord.
I felt crazy at times, but youdon't want to hear it.
Lennon (22:19):
That's, that's good.
That's good.
Okay, so here's the two parts ofa real apology, guys.
It is, I'm sorry, for blank andwhat needs to go in the blank.
What you're sorry for.
I'm sorry for speaking to youthat way.
I'm sorry that I gave the dogfood to the chickens, even
though you told me to let youresearch first.
(22:40):
Like be specific.
That's good.
And then here's something thatis very helpful at the end of
that, will you forgive me andwill you forgive me, is it's a
reset button.
In that moment, and there's,there's something to it.
Even if something is stingingand tears are flowing and this
(23:00):
is gonna be a rough night or arough day, will you forgive me?
Just shows I see what I see,what I've done.
I didn't wanna make you feelthat way.
And it's important to me that westay close.
Christal (23:12):
I like that.
And I think, I think that'shealing, saying, will you
forgive me for that?
And maybe it was a really roughfight and as you're healing from
that fight reiterating that youlove them and that you never
wanted them to feel that way.
So I think.
Giving them, you know, assuranceand reassurance.
Lennon (23:30):
Yeah.
Because whatever it is you'vebeen arguing over, you wanna
stay again, connected at the endof it.
And my friends, that's theultimate goal.
Not winning, but stayingconnected.
Remember this basic truth,you're on the same team.
You have pledged to walk thislife out until death do you part
and so the way that we ensurethat that journey is, is loving
(23:54):
and.
Fruitful and good is not tonever have conflict because
we're gonna have conflict, butto handle conflict, well attack
issues not each other.
Christal (24:07):
I love that, um, scripture in Philippians two,
one through four, and that theparts that really stand out to
me, is like you're saying,beyond the same team says, be
like-minded, having the samelove, being one in spirit and of
mind.
And then the other part, donothing out of selfish ambition
or vain conceit, rather inhumility, value.
(24:30):
Others above yourselves.
I think that's the key rightthere.
If you value others above yourown selfish gain or ambition or
what you want out of theargument you will avoid a lot
of.
Pain.
Lennon (24:45):
That's right.
And pretty much most everythingthat is true of the church that
is written in scripture, likePaul here talking about the
church and how we love oneanother and how we relate to
Jesus, it finds its fullestexpression in marriage.
This is where we get to walkout.
Being one in spirit and mind onthe first and even the deepest
(25:08):
level.
Christal (25:08):
Yeah.
Somebody you live with, youspend all your time with, you
have kids with.
Those are the ones that aregonna try you the most because
we see everything in each other.
We see all the good and the badtogether.
Lennon (25:20):
That's exactly right.
So friends, as we wrap up today,just take this with you.
Conflict is inevitable, but waris not.
And if you can begin to leaninto a different way of handling
conflict, believe it or not,your next few disagreements can
be opportunities to move forwardin trust.
(25:40):
Every resolved issue canactually be a building block of
trust because it just shows youand reminds you that the two of
you are capable of handling forbetter and for worse.
And so this week.
Fight for your spouse, not withyour spouse, and just keep
trying to love each other well.
Christal (25:58):
That's so good.
So friends, don't forget tofollow or subscribe, so you
never miss an episode.
We drop new ones every Tuesday,and if today's conversation
encouraged you, would you take aminute to leave a review?
It really helps more people findthe show and join our community.
(26:18):
To connect further, visitus@homeandmarriage.com for more
resources, including our sixHabits of Happy Couples Course.
And if you'd like us to comespeak at your church, you can
schedule us through the website.
You can also follow along onInstagram, Facebook, or TikTok.
All of the links are in our shownotes.
Lennon (26:39):
so thank you again for joining us on the Home and
Marriage Podcast.
We really do believe that homecan be your favorite place.
We'll be back again next weekwith more encouragement and
wisdom to help you become betterat home and stronger together.
This is the Home and Marriage Podcast with Lennon and
Christal Noland, where we helpcouples become better at home
and stronger together.
We're husband and wife, parentsand ministers, and we want God's
best for our home and for yours.
Christal (00:18):
Well, welcome to the podcast everyone.
I hope you're having a good dayso far, wherever you're
listening today, and my name isChristal and I'm here with my
love, my best friend, my sexyman Lennon, the Luscious Noland.
Lennon (00:33):
That's a good one.
I didn't see that coming.
I love being loved.
So, it's a good day today.
I'm happy today because.
It's date day.
Christal (00:41):
Yeah, tonight is date night.
We record, I guess on Fridays,so that's kind of our date
night.
Lennon (00:46):
I don't know if it'll always be the case that we
record on Fridays, but if we do,you're probably gonna hear us
being excited about date night,because that's typically when it
falls for us.
And tonight we have littlebarbecue.
Our sites.
Christal (00:58):
Yeah.
I told you last night I wasreally craving some barbecue and
we have a great barbecue placedown the road that I'm excited
to go get some barbecue.
Lennon (01:06):
Yeah, we live, we live near a little, not even a
stoplight town, just little stopsign town.
Yep.
Called Maypearl Texas.
And we have a great littlebarbecue place there.
And then also because it's fall,some of our favorite TV shows
are popping back up on Netflix.
Yeah, on Apple tv.
So we're gonna have us a goodnight tonight.
Christal (01:25):
It's gonna be fun.
I'm excited.
I love the fall.
You know, it's not really.
Cool.
Yet we had our fake fall lastweek.
Mm-hmm.
The fake fall week and we werelike all wearing our sweaters
and stuff, even though I thinkthe high was like maybe the low
eighties or high seventies.
Yeah.
But, um, that's fallish for us.
(01:45):
And now I got hot again, andthen I hear we're getting a cool
front.
So probably next week we'll havesome really good temperatures.
Excited.
That's gonna be great.
Lennon (01:54):
I'm excited.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Let's wear hoodies live thedream.
Christal (01:56):
Yes.
I just can't wait till we haveour, fireplace started.
That's, that's when it getsgood.
Lennon (02:02):
That is when it gets good.
I tell you what, we are not, weare not the people in Texas with
a fireplace that never use it.
Christal (02:07):
Yes,
Lennon (02:08):
we find every excuse to light a fire.
Christal (02:10):
Every excuse, even if, if it's on the edge there with
the temperatures, we just turnthe AC down a little bit and we
start a fire.
We've
Lennon (02:17):
done that.
We're so
Christal (02:19):
Texan, aren't we?
Lennon (02:20):
First world luxuries right there.
So the show today is gonna beabout something that every
married couple has experienced.
If you have been together morethan 27 minutes, you have
probably experienced conflict inmarriage.
Christal (02:33):
You have, I'm sure you have.
I think, we might have had alittle conflict happening.
When was it this morning?
Maybe did, was it?
We did, yes.
And it was over dog food Do youwanna talk about that?
Lennon (02:46):
Yeah, I can, I can bear my soul a little bit.
So we have this little hobbyfarm out here.
We have various animals and um,I am known for deciding what all
of our animals can and cannoteat.
Yeah.
And so we were given some dogfood that.
Isn't going to jive with thedogs that we actually have.
And so I had the great idea ofgiving it to chickens because
(03:08):
they're scavengers.
Mm-hmm.
And I'll just feed them dogfood.
Christal (03:10):
Right.
And you know, and I'm not sayingthat that idea was crazy because
I know you can give chickens catfood.
At times, now if you're achicken keeper and you just
disagree with this, I'm sosorry, but I got this advice
from my librarian and she wastelling me how to do that, and
it really does help with theiregg production.
And we don't give it to'em allthe time.
Well, so Lenn had the idea,let's give them dog food.
(03:33):
And I was like, well, that mightwork.
But I'd like to do a littleresearch on that first before we
just go give them dog food.
And then yesterday I was in thegarage and there was bits of dog
food in my chicken Pale.
So I knew what had happened.
Lennon (03:49):
You knew what had happened.
And what had happened was thissomething I very gosh, I very
frequently do, which is, Idecide, I know it needs to
happen and I plunge aheadwithout much conversation or
maybe I rush through and halflisten to what you ask of me.
Mm-hmm.
And so, yeah, I fed the, I fedthe chicken's dog food whenever
you specifically asked me towait.
Christal (04:10):
Thankfully.
I don't think anything bad wasgonna happen.
And I did find out they can havesome, they just can't have too
much.
And so, I held my cool, uh, Ipolitely I tried to just say it
in a good way.
Well, I think we got throughthat conflict.
You grabbed me
Lennon (04:28):
by the shoulders and gave me a good, hard shake.
Christal (04:31):
Stop.
Lennon (04:31):
No, you didn't.
People are gonna think
Christal (04:32):
you're serious.
Lennon (04:34):
No, you didn't.
You didn't.
Christal (04:35):
So conflict happens big and small, and we're gonna
talk about that.
And first, let's talk about howwe were both, we're raised very
differently with conflict,weren't we?
We came from two differenthomes.
Lennon (04:48):
Yeah.
Your parents.
Pretty, pretty chill peopleoverall.
Yeah.
And I don't think you grew upwatching them work out a lot of
conflict, did you?
No.
I
Christal (04:56):
mean, I know that if they did have something they
really needed to go discuss,they would go to their room to
talk about it.
And I also remember there beingsome tense moments, but nothing
crazy.
And I could tell they were like,let's go talk about this later.
Not in front of the kids.
They are very much the type,let's not fight in front of the
kids, which I reallyappreciated.
I didn't wanna see mom and dadgoing off on each other in front
(05:17):
of us.
Right?
Lennon (05:18):
Yeah.
Christal (05:19):
So yeah, that's how they handled conflict.
Lennon (05:21):
So you grew up seeing a few tense moments?
I grew up in a tense.
Household.
Mm-hmm.
The show cops, I've joked a lotover the years that that show
cops.
I always called it mama'sfriends because we were on a
first name basis with policethat we were not related to.
Hmm.
And so we didn't just haveconflict in our home.
We had domestic.
(05:42):
Disputes.
Yeah.
And so whenever we got married,certainly we had come from two
very different backgrounds.
Now that can be challenging, butit's also pretty normal that
whether or not your situationswere as extreme being opposites
as ours were, it, it's, it'svery much the case that we come
from different families oforigin.
(06:03):
Mm-hmm.
We, and even that aside, we justhave different personalities in
different ways of handlingthings, and so this is why.
How we look at conflict mattersbecause you are going to fight.
Yeah.
It's gonna happen.
Christal (06:16):
We are all gonna have conflict.
It does not matter, how longwe've been married.
Conflict is gonna happen andit's very normal in marriage.
Lennon (06:25):
And it's also the case that you may not be.
At each other's throats or evenvocally disagreeing over
anything in particular.
But it's not always a good signif you're never having conflict.
Christal (06:38):
Yeah, if you're at a place where you're, you're just
not even dealing with the issueanymore, there are issues
obviously there, there are stillsome things unresolved, there's
some tense stuff happening andyou just stop talking.
That's actually more of adangerous place than if you are,
working it out.
If you're like, we can't ignorethis.
We need to address this, that'sa good thing.
(06:59):
So to shut down and decide, I'mnot gonna talk to this person
anymore.
That's a dangerous place.
Lennon (07:04):
That is a conflict strategy.
You may be thinking, we justdon't have conflict.
But putting your head in thesand is a strategy of dealing
with it.
Just like blowing up, slamming adoor, saying harsh words.
That's also a strategy ofdealing with it.
And so what we have to rememberis that what's really at stake
whenever we're.
Butting heads over an issue isnot just the thing that we're
(07:27):
actually dealing with.
Uh, what's at stake is also howclose are we gonna feel 30
minutes from now.
Mm-hmm.
And whether or not we kind of goto war over something, or we
focus on a problem and resolveit together really does affect
the tone of our home and theamount of tension that is
(07:48):
present in our marriage.
Christal (07:49):
And women and men are very different.
First of all, let's justacknowledge God made men, he
made women with differenttendencies.
and Not everything needs to bestereotyped a hundred percent,
right?
We don't, we're not trying to dothat.
But women and men may handleconflict a little differently.
Lennon (08:07):
We all have defaults.
We
Christal (08:09):
all have defaults, right?
Yeah.
So I would say that the firstthing could be to shame.
Their husband in a conflict thatcould be a temptation to want to
say something that, you know,would be hurtful and, make them
feel shame, you know?
Lennon (08:24):
Yeah.
And I think that comes under thedesire to really get your point
across.
And maybe feeling like as awife, you've really pointed
something out to me like, let meresearch the dog food before you
just feed that to the chickensor, so something like that.
A a lot of times a woman willescalate into.
(08:45):
Being fierce with her wordswhenever she has felt unheard or
disregarded.
Christal (08:49):
Yeah, I do.
I do feel, we can get into apattern of nagging and no one
ever sets out to be a naggingwife.
Right?
That is in the Bible in Proverbs21, 9.
It says, better to live on aroof than with a nagging wife.
Like we know that scripture aswives.
And no one really wants to bethat person, you know?
But I think sometimes we canturn into that or have that
(09:10):
tendency at times, I think it'sreally because of fear.
Of fear of not being heard orwhen you say, Hey, I need you to
do this.
Or, Hey, this is reallyimportant to me.
And it seems like your husbandhasn't really listened to that
or taken that account.
Practice that it kind of makesus feel a little helpless.
So what else do we do?
Well, we turn to saying it over,over and over again.
(09:33):
Maybe if we say it so manytimes, they're gonna get it
finally.
Or maybe we,, we resort to,yelling or letting it all out
because you're so frustrated.
I'm not saying that that is agood thing that we should do or
that it's okay.
I'm saying that, sometimes wefeel like there's nothing else
left.
And so it really takes a lot ofpatience and self-control.
(09:56):
It's like the fruit of thespirits.
You have to practice thatbecause,, when you want to say
it again and again, but it's notreally making a difference and
you don't wanna lose yourtemper, sometimes you just need
to.
Pray, do something else insteadof turning into that nagging
person.
Lennon (10:13):
Yeah, I think the fruit of the spirit is the answer to a
lot of things.
Yeah.
Whenever it comes to conflict, Ithink if there's a trend with,
with guys, if, if that's a, atrend with women, a trend with
guys is that we very frequentlyshut down.
Or we withdraw in conflict.
And the reason is, is out of asense of, this can't speak for
(10:36):
every guy all the time, but areason that men shut down a
withdraw is that they're keenlyaware.
At some point when the lightfinally comes on, I have
disappointed the woman I love, Ididn't come through for her.
And there's a level ofembarrassment that comes about
with that or a sense of, uh,kind of inadequacy.
(10:58):
I really failed here.
And we're not always the best atdealing with that.
And so we might slam a door andleave or we might, um, just
absolutely shut down.
And leave our wives askingquestions that we are just not,
we're just not answering.
And what happens whenever we gointo our defaults is that we
both end up really frustratedand we end up feeling
(11:21):
disconnected and alone, eventhough we share a bed with
somebody.
Christal (11:26):
Well, I think that's really good for us wives to hear
that because sometimes in aconflict, if your husband is the
type that just shuts down.
Does not speak for a while.
I think it's good for wives toknow because there, there's more
to it that's happening thanmaybe we see.
And so I think that's reallyhelpful for wives to know that.
Lennon (11:47):
And if you have, and this can be true for women too,
but if one of you as a personthat does not do well when
they're being pressed, like Iknow whenever we are in
conflict.
My gears turn really slowly.
Mm-hmm.
I, I am not a fast thinker inconflict.
You know, it's true, don't you?
Yes.
(12:07):
And so if you press somebody whoneeds to process in conflict for
an answer and a response, youmay not like what comes out.
If they're, if they're forced tosnap, that almost never ends up
good.
Christal (12:20):
Yeah, for me, I like to process everything out loud.
I like to say it all, get it allout.
And as I'm even saying it, it'smaking sense.
It's coming together.
It totally makes sense to me.
Yeah.
And I don't know why it's notmaking sense to you.
And did you not just get what Ijust.
Said, you know, and, and therecan be some opposites sometimes
like that.
There's, the guy likes to talkit out and the girl really just
(12:41):
shuts down or, we've
Lennon (12:42):
definitely seen that
Christal (12:43):
that can happen.
But I have learned over theyears, I'm better at this now
than when we first got married,but, when I say something like
bearing my heart and you don'trespond right away.
To not take it as a, you're, youdon't love me, or you're not in
this to win it.
You're just trying to processwhat I just said.
Lennon (13:04):
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah, definitely.
And we need time, so we havethese defaults and what we have
to avoid is, like you're saying,is the big assumption about the
other person because they're notreacting in this situation how I
want them to or feel like I needthem to.
Christal (13:21):
Okay.
So for, for husbands, that theyshut down and they need to leave
the situation.
What is a good way for guys todo that?
Because that's been done wrongbefore too.
Where the guy just shuts down.
The wife is like trying to getthem to talk and they just leave
the house you know, and theydon't say anything, so.
So what would you say would be agood way to do that if you need
(13:43):
to process.
Lennon (13:44):
The simplest thing, I remember hearing this in a
premarital, in a premaritalcourse that I was sitting in as
a, as an intern, and the guy whowas teaching just made this
point.
He said, if one of you is reallyconflict avoidant or has a hard
time dealing with it in thespot, and you need to leave the
situation for a minute.
Always give the one you love alifeline and here's what it
(14:06):
looks like.
I don't like how I'm feelingright now.
I'm having a really difficulttime.
I love you.
I need to go on a walk.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna be back,I'll be back in a little bit and
that is so much more hopefulthen.
Just stomping out and pullingout of the driveway tires,
spinning.
So that's a really big thingthat you give the person a
(14:29):
lifeline, you affirm your lovefor them instead of just being
like a, a tornado, you justalways wanna avoid the nuclear
option, whatever that is for youin your relationship.
Uh, going nuclear is always themost destructive thing.
Christal (14:45):
What does nuclear mean?
Give some examples.
Oh, lord.
Like we all kind of know, right?
But what are some nuclear ways,ways we handle that?
Lennon (14:53):
Well, I feel like I keep saying the words.
Slam a door in this episode, butthat's an example of nuclear,
just getting physical.
Maybe not even with the person,God forbid, getting physical
with, but that would be anexample of going nuclear.
Oh yeah.
Uh, to of course to bephysically violent with the one
you love.
There is never.
(15:14):
There is never a legitimatereason No.
To get physical with yourspouse.
Right.
Ever.
But I would also say there'snever a legit reason to call
names.
That's another nuclear optionpeople use.
Christal (15:28):
Oh, yeah.
Even, even saying anything like,well, you're acting like a jerk.
Maybe they did say you're ajerk, but they said you're
acting like a jerk.
That's still like.
Borderline, don't you think?
Lennon (15:42):
Well, it's not helpful.
No.
And here's what, here's whatends up happening in a situation
like that, and we've never had asituation like that, right?
Right.
Is you end up arguing over, Ican't believe you just said I'm
a jerk.
No, I said, you're acting like ajerk and then you're in a stupid
war of semantics.
Christal (15:59):
Yeah.
It's, uh, and one thing leads toanother and, and so.
Keeping out the name calling,keeping out even using the word
divorce.
We pledged at the very beginningof our marriage to never say
that word.
Yeah.
To never use that word as athreat.
Or as a thing we throw out.
We will not do that when we'rein a conflict or a fight or
(16:22):
anything.
Lennon (16:22):
Some couples will do that.
And it's incredibly wounding.
Just, I don't wanna deal withyou anymore.
We should.
We should just split up.
Yeah.
And that's.
That's no good.
Here's how we need to thinkabout this.
Just like in the news right now,this country has their nuclear
weapons.
This country is so close todeveloping this.
What we know is that diplomacyis always the best way.
(16:45):
We don't wanna launch ourmissiles.
We don't want them to launchtheir missiles and in marriage,
each of you know how to take theother one out.
You, you know, the otherperson's failures and flaws.
And if you want to, you candestroy them.
If you do that in the process,you're gonna destroy your
marriage.
And so we don't wanna gonuclear.
We want to learn to attackissues instead of each other.
Christal (17:08):
That's good.
I like that.
Let's talk about what that lookslike.
Lennon (17:12):
Yeah, we have a little list actually of how to do this
that we've been teaching inthese conferences and retreats
from our six Habits of HappyCouples course.
And so the first one is this,that whenever you're dealing
with a conflict, stay focused onthe issue at hand and don't What
about a lot of other issues?
Christal (17:32):
Okay.
So like if we're in a conflictand I'm like, why didn't you
take out the trash?
I keep asking you to, and thenyou say to me,
Lennon (17:40):
well, what about you?
I mean, you, you said that youwere gonna get home and clean
the house.
Mm-hmm.
And I came home and it was stilldirty.
And so the house is a biggerdeal than the trash.
So see how ridiculous that is?
Yeah.
That's bad.
It's, we could deal with anissue, but we, what about other
things?
Because we're trying, Hey, I'mnot the bad guy here.
(18:00):
I'm a good husband.
I'm a hardworking man, and soI've gotta pull something else
into it so that I can, so that Ican win win.
Christal (18:08):
Yeah, that's, and that's not what we wanna do.
We'll talk about that later, butyeah, that's really good.
So there's another one isdescribe how you feel.
Not who they are.
Lennon (18:19):
Right.
Whenever you're in an argument,and this is a tried and true
counseling technique.
Mm-hmm.
So we didn't invent this, butboy have we learned it.
Yeah.
And so, and that is this, thatif, if we are in a disagreement,
I'm not gonna say, you know,this is always what you do.
Like, you just make me feel likeI'm not good.
(18:39):
Anything.
And so what has happened rightthere is we were dealing with
something and now I've justattacked your character and I've
said, this is who you are as aperson.
And because I'm dealing withsomeone who is like you are as a
person, and that is so hurtfuland it escalates the fight
because now you feel like youhave to defend who you are.
(19:02):
And again, we're not talkingabout one thing.
You're trying to make me believethat you're not a monster,
Christal (19:08):
and we also learn not to use these two words in an
argument or in a conflict.
We don't say the word always andnever, because that really
attacks the character of theperson like you always do this.
To me, or you never do this.
And so when we say those words,we're saying, you're totally
that way completely.
Which isn't ever true.
(19:29):
Yeah.
No, some, no one is always, andnever anything really.
Right.
So that, that never helps thesituation.
It, it just adds to the hurt
Lennon (19:38):
and adds again to the defensiveness.
Yeah.
The third way to attack an issueinstead of your spouse is to be
sure that you listen fully towhat they're saying before you
respond to what they're saying.
Because here's what we can do,is that while one of us is
trying to unload their heart ortalk about their feelings, I'm
intervening with you telling youwhy you shouldn't feel that way,
(20:00):
and I'm not leaving letting youmake your case.
And again, I'm realizing even aswe're talking, how much this
comes down to defensiveness, butyou wanna let your spouse feel
like they are heard.
So that they feel understood andthat your answer is actually
trying to address how they'refeeling and not how you think
(20:20):
they should feel or not what youthink they're getting wrong
before you've let them evenfinish what they're saying.
Christal (20:27):
And if you put the other person before yourself, I
think you're gonna do that.
Sometimes that naturally takescare of a lot of the, I'm just
gonna interrupt and interject.
You know, I'm gonna reallylisten to you and see what's
going on with you, and I wanteverything to be okay and I care
about you.
Maybe that will help too, justchanging the way we're thinking.
Lennon (20:46):
Yeah.
Because again, I don't have towin this.
We're, we are in a marriage andI want things to be good between
us.
Yes.
And so if I can stay leaned intothat, instead of feeling like
this is a battle I have to win,then we're gonna come out the
other side.
Yeah.
A lot better.
Yeah,
Christal (21:02):
that's right.
And the last one that we talkabout is apologize correctly.
Not just apologize, that'simportant, but it's the way we
apologize.
That can make all thedifference.
Lennon (21:14):
It is.
And we're really bad atapologies.
Here's how you know if you'rebad at apology.
If, your apologies look likethis.
I'm sorry if you mm-hmm.
I'm sorry that you, so that ifI've hurt you or wounded you
with something I've said and youtell me.
That.
Then I say, well, I'm sorry youtook it that way.
(21:34):
Ew.
Which is, which is a way ofsaying I'm not sorry at all, but
I, but I'm really sorry.
You're so sensitive.
Christal (21:40):
I You're crazy.
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
You're crazy.
Oh, I'm
Lennon (21:42):
sorry.
You're crazy.
Yeah.
I, I'm not crazy.
But if I was, I would probablyhave taken that the same way you
did, so, I'm so sorry.
Oh gosh.
A bad apology is worse than noapology.
Christal (21:54):
Yeah.
And never call a woman crazy.
If you just don't do that,that's a really, that's a really
good thing.
Lennon (22:00):
They do not like that.
They do not like that.
Oh yeah.
Have I ever done
Christal (22:03):
that?
Oh, why are you asking thatright now on the show?
Lennon (22:07):
I don't think I've done that.
Have I done that?
Christal (22:08):
No, but you just don't do that.
I don't think you have either.
Good.
No, I You have not called mecrazy.
Okay.
Thank the lord.
I felt crazy at times, but youdon't want to hear it.
Lennon (22:19):
That's, that's good.
That's good.
Okay, so here's the two parts ofa real apology, guys.
It is, I'm sorry, for blank andwhat needs to go in the blank.
What you're sorry for.
I'm sorry for speaking to youthat way.
I'm sorry that I gave the dogfood to the chickens, even
though you told me to let youresearch first.
(22:40):
Like be specific.
That's good.
And then here's something thatis very helpful at the end of
that, will you forgive me andwill you forgive me, is it's a
reset button.
In that moment, and there's,there's something to it.
Even if something is stingingand tears are flowing and this
(23:00):
is gonna be a rough night or arough day, will you forgive me?
Just shows I see what I see,what I've done.
I didn't wanna make you feelthat way.
And it's important to me that westay close.
Christal (23:12):
I like that.
And I think, I think that'shealing, saying, will you
forgive me for that?
And maybe it was a really roughfight and as you're healing from
that fight reiterating that youlove them and that you never
wanted them to feel that way.
So I think.
Giving them, you know, assuranceand reassurance.
Lennon (23:30):
Yeah.
Because whatever it is you'vebeen arguing over, you wanna
stay again, connected at the endof it.
And my friends, that's theultimate goal.
Not winning, but stayingconnected.
Remember this basic truth,you're on the same team.
You have pledged to walk thislife out until death do you part
and so the way that we ensurethat that journey is, is loving
(23:54):
and.
Fruitful and good is not tonever have conflict because
we're gonna have conflict, butto handle conflict, well attack
issues not each other.
Christal (24:07):
I love that, um, scripture in Philippians two,
one through four, and that theparts that really stand out to
me, is like you're saying,beyond the same team says, be
like-minded, having the samelove, being one in spirit and of
mind.
And then the other part, donothing out of selfish ambition
or vain conceit, rather inhumility, value.
(24:30):
Others above yourselves.
I think that's the key rightthere.
If you value others above yourown selfish gain or ambition or
what you want out of theargument you will avoid a lot
of.
Pain.
Lennon (24:45):
That's right.
And pretty much most everythingthat is true of the church that
is written in scripture, likePaul here talking about the
church and how we love oneanother and how we relate to
Jesus, it finds its fullestexpression in marriage.
This is where we get to walkout.
Being one in spirit and mind onthe first and even the deepest
(25:08):
level.
Christal (25:08):
Yeah.
Somebody you live with, youspend all your time with, you
have kids with.
Those are the ones that aregonna try you the most because
we see everything in each other.
We see all the good and the badtogether.
Lennon (25:20):
That's exactly right.
So friends, as we wrap up today,just take this with you.
Conflict is inevitable, but waris not.
And if you can begin to leaninto a different way of handling
conflict, believe it or not,your next few disagreements can
be opportunities to move forwardin trust.
(25:40):
Every resolved issue canactually be a building block of
trust because it just shows youand reminds you that the two of
you are capable of handling forbetter and for worse.
And so this week.
Fight for your spouse, not withyour spouse, and just keep
trying to love each other well.
Christal (25:58):
That's so good.
So friends, don't forget tofollow or subscribe, so you
never miss an episode.
We drop new ones every Tuesday,and if today's conversation
encouraged you, would you take aminute to leave a review?
It really helps more people findthe show and join our community.
(26:18):
To connect further, visitus@homeandmarriage.com for more
resources, including our sixHabits of Happy Couples Course.
And if you'd like us to comespeak at your church, you can
schedule us through the website.
You can also follow along onInstagram, Facebook, or TikTok.
All of the links are in our shownotes.
Lennon (26:39):
so thank you again for joining us on the Home and
Marriage Podcast.
We really do believe that homecan be your favorite place.
We'll be back again next weekwith more encouragement and
wisdom to help you become betterat home and stronger together.
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