September 2, 2025 • 17 mins
Deep Dive into Physical Intimacy in Marriage
In this episode of the Home and Marriage Podcast, hosts Lennon and Christal Noland discuss the crucial role of physical intimacy in marriage. They address the challenges and importance of maintaining a healthy sex life within a marital relationship. The discussion includes insights from their course, 'Six Habits of Happy Couples,' emphasizing the significance of talking openly about sex, engaging in foreplay throughout the day, and continually dating each other to keep the romance alive. They also touch on the common obstacles such as busy schedules, emotional wounds from conflicts, and the impact of resentment. The episode offers practical advice on how couples can improve their physical connection and underscores that a healthy sex life is essential for a strong and thriving marriage.
Visit our Website for more information at https://homeandmarriage.com/
6 Habits of Happy Couples Course https://homeandmarriage.com/collections/courses
Connect further with Lennon and Christal:
email info@homeandmarriage.com
On Instagram https://www.instagram.com/home_and_marriage/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100091578588121
TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@home.and.marriage?_t=ZP-8zJvDNq3UZb&_r=1
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Lennon (00:02):
This is the Home and Marriage Podcast where we help
couples become better at homeand stronger Together we are
Lennon and Christal Noland.
We're husband and wife, parentsand ministers who want God's
best for our home.
And yours, today's episode isbrought to you by our course,
six Habits of Happy Couplesavailable@homeandmarriage.com.
Hey friends, welcome back andthanks for listening today.
(00:26):
I'm, uh, linen and I'm herewith my friend, my lover, my
baby's mother, my co-host,Christal.
How are you?
Christal (00:33):
I'm good.
You have that rhyme down sowell.
I need one for you now.
I need to have a
Lennon (00:40):
will I see what up
Christal (00:43):
my.
I don't know.
I gotta figure it out.
You gotta give time.
I can't do that on the spot,but I will.
Lennon (00:49):
Okay.
Okay.
I, I'd love to hear youfreestyle that though.
I'm sure everyone listening islike, no, keep going.
Yeah, keep going.
I'd love to hear that.
Well, hey, today, um, episodetwo, as, as we mentioned in the
intro, we're gonna jump into thedeep end and we're gonna have a
conversation about physicalintimacy, intimacy sex.
Really specifically, we'regonna unpack one of the habits
(01:09):
from our course, right?
Make a habit of.
Making love.
This is not something we talkabout much in the church world.
Christal (01:18):
It's, yeah.
I, and when we have done thisat church, we have talked about
this subject at churches.
We really frequently get,feedback from couples saying,
I'm, I'm really, really to, orglad to hear this, talked about
the church because we need toknow what it's like to have a
healthy sex life to, yeah.
How can we grow in this area,you know, be encouraged in this
(01:40):
area because it is a gift.
The Lord gave married couples.
Yeah.
And so, and it's a huge thingthat you see throughout the
Bible.
Mm-hmm.
Whether it's handled rightly orwrong, you know?
Right.
Like it's, it's a big subjectand so we do need to talk about
it.
Lennon (01:53):
I think so.
And like you said, it's whetherit's handled rightly or
wrongly, I think that because,uh, one, there are so many
biblical warnings about what toavoid sexually and because as,
as ministers and as people.
We've all seen others or hadthe experience ourselves of sin
in this area, taking our lifereally off the rails and
(02:16):
bringing destruction, right?
That a lot of times ourconversations about this stuff
can be all warning and no.
Yes.
Encouragement,
Christal (02:23):
yes.
How many, how many of us havehad conversations with our
parents?
If our parents talk to us aboutthis?
That actually talked about thegood things, right, about sex
and marriage.
Right.
It, it is usually the warningsand we don't get to really
understand the purpose and thereason for it In marriage.
Lennon (02:39):
And that's a shame because in marriage, the sexual
relationship is a, it's a hugegift.
Yeah.
Is that's what it's, that'swhat it's meant to be.
Mm-hmm.
And so, um, but there's more toit than just like moments of
can't wait to rip our clothesoff.
Sexual madness.
Right.
Uh, we're complicated creaturesand sex is more complicated and
(03:01):
better than that.
Christal (03:02):
Right.
That is so true.
All right, well, what if westart talking about, just a
little bit about what we talkabout in our course?
Yeah.
We're just giving them aglimpse of what we talk about
with, the habit of making love.
And so one of the things we dosay is what comes easy in some
seasons is more difficult inothers, even sex.
Lennon (03:22):
Yeah.
And that's surprising, becausewhenever you begin having sex,
um, you have sex and you wantmore sex.
And because of that, it's hardto think that there will ever be
a time where, uh, one, maybeyou'll be having less sex than
you are right now, or two, evenharder to imagine that.
Wow, this, this part of lifecan really go dormant or become
(03:45):
kind of emotionally fragile.
Right.
And there are lots of thingsthat can make it really
challenging.
And you know, we talked toparents too, of course.
And you have a lot of Ninos inthe house, or even just one, you
can be so busy.
Yeah.
Exhausted and distracted withthem that you don't have a lot
of time to focus on one another.
Christal (04:04):
Another thing could be maybe our jobs or careers.
Lennon (04:07):
Like, we
Christal (04:07):
all have those busy seasons where we're trying to
maybe, you know, do really wellin the company.
Uh, so it requires a busyseason.
We know as ministers we've hadbeginnings in like a new
ministry or starting a ministry.
What's the
Lennon (04:22):
busy time of each year?
That always comes Exactly.
In any profession.
Christal (04:26):
Exactly.
So sometimes you have busyseasons or busy, times in your
job.
It just really can create.
A situation at home where maybeyou're passing like ships in
the night, you don't see eachother like you did, and you're
just, you're just worn out, youknow?
Yeah.
Lennon (04:41):
Yeah.
Another area that can reallycomplicate, uh, physical
intimacy is how we handleconflict.
Yes.
If you're really, if you're badat fighting and if you tend to
say things that are wounding,uh, don't be surprised if.
Somebody if nobody wants to getnaked with you.
Mm-hmm.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like if, if I, if I attack youin an argument and say things
(05:06):
that are wounding and hurting,you are not gonna want to be
physically intimate with me.
Right.
Uh, that's such a vulnerableposition to be in.
Mm-hmm.
And who wants to feel likethey're vulnerable to somebody
who calls you a name?
Yeah.
Or who, who just really toreyou down that can really wound
the physical intimacy in amarriage.
Christal (05:23):
Yeah, it sure can.
And I think there's really along list of things that can get
in between our, our sex life ofwhat it we want it to be and
what it is.
Okay.
And another point that we talkabout is early in marriage,
sexual attraction magnifies.
Emotional connection, and thenlater in marriage, it's the
(05:44):
emotional connection that willmagnify sexual attraction.
Lennon (05:49):
Right.
Yeah, that's, that's kind of aninteresting dynamic in how we,
how we grow over time.
It's not entirely black andwhite, but if you think about
it.
When we first begin enjoyingour sexual relationship, it
brings the sense of oneness likenothing else does, right?
Uh, we're becoming sophysically close that we, we
grow an emotional bond just sostrong, which is why sex is so
(06:11):
powerful, right?
And why the Bible says, Hey,this is for marriage and never
outside of it.
But as we grow, like inmarriage, year four, year 14,
mm-hmm.
Year 40, whatever we come tofind out that.
How we're doing togetheremotionally has really big
repercussions on how excited weare about connecting physically.
Christal (06:35):
Right.
So what, when you sayemotionally, what, what do you
mean by that?
Like what?
Give, give us some examples.
Lennon (06:43):
So, so that if you and I are in an argument, right, and
we're having a big fight mm-hmm.
And I say something to you thatjust really, that just really
stinks.
Mm-hmm.
Or really wounds you.
Yeah.
And then later on I'm like,Hey, you know, it's Friday and
Friday's when we go to FunkyTown, you know, or whatever you
wanna call it.
Um, you're not gonna, you'renot gonna feel like being
(07:04):
physically intimate with me ifI've wounded you emotionally.
Christal (07:07):
Yeah, yeah.
Wounds.
And that's really the thing,right.
Lennon (07:10):
So on the other hand, if I am connecting with you on an
emotional level mm-hmm.
If the way that we handleconflict is healthy Then that's
gonna also incline us toward oneanother physically.
Yeah.
Because intimacy is more thanjust physical.
It's, it's it head and it'sheart.
And it's body.
Christal (07:29):
That's right.
Speaking for women, I feel likeone of the greatest gifts a
husband can give.
If their wife is to beemotionally available.
Mm-hmm.
And to be open and to share,you know, parts of him that
maybe are not easy, but forwomen, that really helps them
feel like they're connected totheir husband and they're
(07:49):
emotionally available.
They're there, they're sharing,and that causes intimacy.
And, and definitely can beimprove your sex life, I think.
Lennon (07:57):
Yeah, definitely.
And it's kind of, it's kind ofbro science wisdom that men can
just, we've, we've all heard,you know, men are microwaves,
women are crockpots and mm-hmm.
And I do think that's generallytrue.
but even men are affectedsexually by the sense of
emotional connection they have.
Yeah.
That if, if they feel likethey're being disparaged or put
down or disrespected Oh, yeah.
(08:18):
Uh, they're not gonna want tobe physically intimate either.
Right.
So all these things can, cancause us to push apart sexually.
But one of the importantthoughts is that if you're in
your marriage, you're notsexually connected right now,
it's an urgent situation, evenif it feels like an
afterthought.
Mm.
Like you may be at a placewhere you're like, Hey, we've
(08:40):
had our time.
I don't even want to be withthem that way.
And I'm not worried about it.
Right.
But it is a red flag whetheryou feel worried about it or
not.
Christal (08:48):
Yeah.
You know, sometimes the lack ofyour sexual connection can be
from other symptoms of otherthings.
Yeah.
Like, it's like, just thinkingof some examples, maybe it's,
they're not helping you aroundthe house, for maybe mm-hmm.
Whoever's the, the one thatstays at home most of the time
and has the kids to deal with,but then the spouse gets home
(09:10):
and doesn't help or be a part ofthat situation.
They can feel very resentful.
and then when you have thatresentment buildup.
You know, you don't wanna beintimate.
Yeah.
And so sometimes that lack ofsex is really just a signal that
there's other things
Lennon (09:25):
Right.
Christal (09:26):
Going on.
Right.
And it can be a variety ofthings.
Lennon (09:28):
Yeah.
And whenever those other thingsare going on, if it's
resentment or something likethat, that really is where, I
mean, the Apostle Paul talksabout in one Corinthians seven
where he says not to depriveeach other except.
By mutual consent and for atime.
and he gives the example, likeif you're devoting yourselves to
prayer, you're fasting orsomething.
(09:49):
Yeah.
And he says, but then cometogether again so that Satan
won't tempt you because of yourlack of self-control.
And so I think the idea is thatwhether it's through resentment
or really anything other thansome spirit led reason mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
To not be connectingintimately.
And again, we've joked a lotabout, we've yet to meet the
(10:10):
couple over the years.
Who's doing that?
Yeah.
I'm not saying it's not validor Paul wouldn't have brought it
up as an option.
I've just never met thatcouple.
Right.
It's like we just hadn't hadsex in a really long time.
'cause we've been praying somuch for the advancement of the
gospel and stuff.
Yeah.
I just don't, I just don'treally see that.
So we don't want Satan to get afoothold.
Right.
The thing is, whenever we'renot connecting with one another
(10:32):
in a sexually healthy way, yeah.
That desire can pop upsomewhere that it shouldn't.
Right.
That's so true.
Like pornography.
An affair at work, or even justan emotional flirtation that
will lead to other things.
Christal (10:45):
Right?
Right.
So
Lennon (10:46):
sexual relationship is important, even if it feels like
an afterthought.
Christal (10:50):
Right?
So we also talk about how wesay it like this, which I think
is fun, three ways to make magichappen.
Yeah.
So we give them three ways.
Maybe we can get through thosethree ways the first one is
don't just have sex.
Talk about sex.
So talking about sex can feelreally awkward, right?
Mm-hmm.
I mean, even if you've beenmarried like almost 20 years,
(11:12):
like it can, if you're not usedto that or you haven't done that
a long time, it can feel veryawkward to get that conversation
started, right?
Lennon (11:20):
It's really, yeah, it can, and I don't know why.
I mean, if, you know, if you'rea wife listening to this.
Whenever you are around yourhusband, next I want you to put
your hands on the side of hisface and say, honey, look me in
the eyes.
And then I just want you to saythis one word.
Just say boobies and he isgonna start laughing and turn
(11:40):
red, or at least he is gonnasmile big.
For some reason, we really canfeel awkward whenever it comes.
We turn, we turn into like11-year-old boys again.
Right,
Christal (11:48):
right, right.
Lennon (11:49):
But we've gotta be able to grow up and talk about this
because there's no other area ofour life that we would assume
is healthy if it's off limits toeven talk about.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so what do you think,honey, are some of the, the
healthy ways we can talk aboutsex?
Like whenever we are coachingcouples on this, what kind of
things are we encouraging themto communicate about?
Christal (12:13):
I think just to check in, like to even just ask the
question, how do you feel aboutour sex life?
What would you, what do youlike?
Maybe start with a positive.
Lennon (12:22):
Mm-hmm.
Christal (12:23):
Um, like, what do you like about our sex life?
What, what turns you on?
You know, those kind ofquestions or, what do you wish
we would do more of ordifferently like?
Yeah.
Is there anything that you wishand would like?
Just being able to give a voiceto each other.
Mm-hmm.
To be able to check in and say,is there anything with our sex
(12:43):
life that you would likedifferently or that you really
do love that I could do more of?
Lennon (12:47):
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
Those are helpful questionsthat lead to helpful answers and
not just kind of resentful.
Yeah.
Resentful things.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
How are you feeling about oursexual connection?
Even a great conversation is,you know, what is one of your
favorite sexual times we've everhad together?
And what'll probably happen isthat you'll tell the story of
some overnight, or rememberwhenever we took kids to the
(13:10):
grandparents and we came backhome, or just whatever.
Yeah.
But being able to talk about itin a addressing difficult
things or celebrating joyfulthings is really healthy.
So.
Being able to talk about sex isincredibly important.
Mm-hmm.
And the other thing isrealizing that foreplay doesn't
start just whenever you lock thedoor and mm-hmm.
(13:31):
And lay down in bed.
Right.
We really encourage people toengage in foreplay throughout
the day.
Christal (13:37):
Yeah.
I've Seen some hilarious reels,Shows what a husband must do,
if they really wanna have sexthat night.
and it's usually them doing allof the chores around the house.
I'm gonna do the dishes, I'mgonna vacuum and I'm gonna
straighten up.
Yeah.
You know, it's all the thingsthat would turn on a woman and
making things easy and showingher how he loves her in that
way.
So, I mean, I think that'shilarious and somewhat true
(14:01):
also, but it isn't just about,that moment all of a sudden.
Lennon (14:06):
Right, right.
Yeah.
It's, it's About freeing upyour minds and time as well.
Mm-hmm.
Like one of the things that hashappened to some people, never
to us, but might be that you areabout to, you're about to get
it on.
All sorts of things are goingthrough your mind.
Okay.
I think usually probably thewoman's mind.
(14:27):
Uh, is the door locked?
Are the kids sleeping?
Right?
Did you talk to your boss aboutthe thing that you said you
would talk about?
And so that doesn't sound like,uh, something to consider when
it comes to foreplay.
And yet it, it is somethingthat can get us into a good
space whenever it's finallytime.
Where we can, where we can betogether is to make sure that we
(14:50):
have the opportunity to engageemotionally because we've taken
care of some practical things.
Those are surprisingly,surprisingly sexy.
Christal (14:58):
Also we've talked about some ways to connect if
you're, you know, you'reprobably not at home together
all day, so you're probably awayfrom each other and maybe
sending some texts, mayberomantic sweet texts, but also
some more intimate texts to oneanother.
Lennon (15:12):
Mm-hmm.
To just
Christal (15:13):
connect.
Mm-hmm.
And tell each other how you'rethinking about each other.
And you wanna.
You wanna make a plan fortonight?
You know, it's not just anafterthought, but it's something
you've been thinking about day.
Lennon (15:24):
Yeah, definitely.
So, so foreplay is a big dealand it's, foreplay is so much
more than light touch rightbefore you go to heavy touch.
It's all of these things.
But then one of the things thatjust keeps us romantically
inclined to each other.
Yeah.
For a strong sexual connection.
Is just the level of, ofromance that we have on a normal
basis dating each other.
(15:45):
Like those kind of things arehuge.
Yes.
Date nights frequently lead tosex.
Christal (15:50):
That's so true.
I mean, date nights is it's allabout putting aside everything
else, focusing on one anotherand you're relationship your
marriage, how you love oneanother.
I, I think that's one of thekeys to really a great sex life
because it does create spacethere to where you're not only
thinking about the kids or yourjob, and I know for us, we
(16:13):
really do make it a point to nottalk about work, right?
Or even the kids, you know,like as much as we love our kids
and sometimes we wanna talkabout 'em, like it's good to
just get to think about otherthings.
It's, and, and even ask eachother questions that.
We wouldn't be asking normally,like, yeah, more about you.
Or What are you reading?
Or what do you, what do youthink about this or that?
(16:35):
Like, a wonderful time to getto invest more in your marriage.
Lennon (16:39):
Yeah.
So friends, those are, thoseare a few solid categories of,
of tips to help you make magichappen.
Uh, don't just, don't just havesex.
Talk about sex, uh, engage inforeplay throughout the day and
just continue to, to date yourspouse.
Here's the deal.
There is no substitute for agood sex life, and it's gonna
(17:02):
take work for it to stay healthyand strong over the long haul,
but it is always worth theeffort.
Christal (17:09):
It's always.
Lennon (17:11):
So honey, will you wanna leave them with any final
thoughts?
Christal (17:13):
Yeah, you can, uh, like and subscribe to this
podcast and, be listeningbecause we're gonna have some
more episodes coming out soon.
You can follow us on Instagram,Facebook, TikTok, and you can
also check out ourwebsite@homeandmarriage.com for
more information.
And so we just wanna thank youfor listening in today and we
(17:33):
will be back soon.
Lennon (17:37):
Well, Friends, thanks again for listening today.
We really do believe that yourhome can be your favorite place
and that however good things aretoday, you can be even better
at home and stronger together.
Thanks for being with us today.
This is the Home and Marriage Podcast where we help
couples become better at homeand stronger Together we are
Lennon and Christal Noland.
We're husband and wife, parentsand ministers who want God's
best for our home.
And yours, today's episode isbrought to you by our course,
six Habits of Happy Couplesavailable@homeandmarriage.com.
Hey friends, welcome back andthanks for listening today.
(00:26):
I'm, uh, linen and I'm herewith my friend, my lover, my
baby's mother, my co-host,Christal.
How are you?
Christal (00:33):
I'm good.
You have that rhyme down sowell.
I need one for you now.
I need to have a
Lennon (00:40):
will I see what up
Christal (00:43):
my.
I don't know.
I gotta figure it out.
You gotta give time.
I can't do that on the spot,but I will.
Lennon (00:49):
Okay.
Okay.
I, I'd love to hear youfreestyle that though.
I'm sure everyone listening islike, no, keep going.
Yeah, keep going.
I'd love to hear that.
Well, hey, today, um, episodetwo, as, as we mentioned in the
intro, we're gonna jump into thedeep end and we're gonna have a
conversation about physicalintimacy, intimacy sex.
Really specifically, we'regonna unpack one of the habits
(01:09):
from our course, right?
Make a habit of.
Making love.
This is not something we talkabout much in the church world.
Christal (01:18):
It's, yeah.
I, and when we have done thisat church, we have talked about
this subject at churches.
We really frequently get,feedback from couples saying,
I'm, I'm really, really to, orglad to hear this, talked about
the church because we need toknow what it's like to have a
healthy sex life to, yeah.
How can we grow in this area,you know, be encouraged in this
(01:40):
area because it is a gift.
The Lord gave married couples.
Yeah.
And so, and it's a huge thingthat you see throughout the
Bible.
Mm-hmm.
Whether it's handled rightly orwrong, you know?
Right.
Like it's, it's a big subjectand so we do need to talk about
it.
Lennon (01:53):
I think so.
And like you said, it's whetherit's handled rightly or
wrongly, I think that because,uh, one, there are so many
biblical warnings about what toavoid sexually and because as,
as ministers and as people.
We've all seen others or hadthe experience ourselves of sin
in this area, taking our lifereally off the rails and
(02:16):
bringing destruction, right?
That a lot of times ourconversations about this stuff
can be all warning and no.
Yes.
Encouragement,
Christal (02:23):
yes.
How many, how many of us havehad conversations with our
parents?
If our parents talk to us aboutthis?
That actually talked about thegood things, right, about sex
and marriage.
Right.
It, it is usually the warningsand we don't get to really
understand the purpose and thereason for it In marriage.
Lennon (02:39):
And that's a shame because in marriage, the sexual
relationship is a, it's a hugegift.
Yeah.
Is that's what it's, that'swhat it's meant to be.
Mm-hmm.
And so, um, but there's more toit than just like moments of
can't wait to rip our clothesoff.
Sexual madness.
Right.
Uh, we're complicated creaturesand sex is more complicated and
(03:01):
better than that.
Christal (03:02):
Right.
That is so true.
All right, well, what if westart talking about, just a
little bit about what we talkabout in our course?
Yeah.
We're just giving them aglimpse of what we talk about
with, the habit of making love.
And so one of the things we dosay is what comes easy in some
seasons is more difficult inothers, even sex.
Lennon (03:22):
Yeah.
And that's surprising, becausewhenever you begin having sex,
um, you have sex and you wantmore sex.
And because of that, it's hardto think that there will ever be
a time where, uh, one, maybeyou'll be having less sex than
you are right now, or two, evenharder to imagine that.
Wow, this, this part of lifecan really go dormant or become
(03:45):
kind of emotionally fragile.
Right.
And there are lots of thingsthat can make it really
challenging.
And you know, we talked toparents too, of course.
And you have a lot of Ninos inthe house, or even just one, you
can be so busy.
Yeah.
Exhausted and distracted withthem that you don't have a lot
of time to focus on one another.
Christal (04:04):
Another thing could be maybe our jobs or careers.
Lennon (04:07):
Like, we
Christal (04:07):
all have those busy seasons where we're trying to
maybe, you know, do really wellin the company.
Uh, so it requires a busyseason.
We know as ministers we've hadbeginnings in like a new
ministry or starting a ministry.
What's the
Lennon (04:22):
busy time of each year?
That always comes Exactly.
In any profession.
Christal (04:26):
Exactly.
So sometimes you have busyseasons or busy, times in your
job.
It just really can create.
A situation at home where maybeyou're passing like ships in
the night, you don't see eachother like you did, and you're
just, you're just worn out, youknow?
Yeah.
Lennon (04:41):
Yeah.
Another area that can reallycomplicate, uh, physical
intimacy is how we handleconflict.
Yes.
If you're really, if you're badat fighting and if you tend to
say things that are wounding,uh, don't be surprised if.
Somebody if nobody wants to getnaked with you.
Mm-hmm.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like if, if I, if I attack youin an argument and say things
(05:06):
that are wounding and hurting,you are not gonna want to be
physically intimate with me.
Right.
Uh, that's such a vulnerableposition to be in.
Mm-hmm.
And who wants to feel likethey're vulnerable to somebody
who calls you a name?
Yeah.
Or who, who just really toreyou down that can really wound
the physical intimacy in amarriage.
Christal (05:23):
Yeah, it sure can.
And I think there's really along list of things that can get
in between our, our sex life ofwhat it we want it to be and
what it is.
Okay.
And another point that we talkabout is early in marriage,
sexual attraction magnifies.
Emotional connection, and thenlater in marriage, it's the
(05:44):
emotional connection that willmagnify sexual attraction.
Lennon (05:49):
Right.
Yeah, that's, that's kind of aninteresting dynamic in how we,
how we grow over time.
It's not entirely black andwhite, but if you think about
it.
When we first begin enjoyingour sexual relationship, it
brings the sense of oneness likenothing else does, right?
Uh, we're becoming sophysically close that we, we
grow an emotional bond just sostrong, which is why sex is so
(06:11):
powerful, right?
And why the Bible says, Hey,this is for marriage and never
outside of it.
But as we grow, like inmarriage, year four, year 14,
mm-hmm.
Year 40, whatever we come tofind out that.
How we're doing togetheremotionally has really big
repercussions on how excited weare about connecting physically.
Christal (06:35):
Right.
So what, when you sayemotionally, what, what do you
mean by that?
Like what?
Give, give us some examples.
Lennon (06:43):
So, so that if you and I are in an argument, right, and
we're having a big fight mm-hmm.
And I say something to you thatjust really, that just really
stinks.
Mm-hmm.
Or really wounds you.
Yeah.
And then later on I'm like,Hey, you know, it's Friday and
Friday's when we go to FunkyTown, you know, or whatever you
wanna call it.
Um, you're not gonna, you'renot gonna feel like being
(07:04):
physically intimate with me ifI've wounded you emotionally.
Christal (07:07):
Yeah, yeah.
Wounds.
And that's really the thing,right.
Lennon (07:10):
So on the other hand, if I am connecting with you on an
emotional level mm-hmm.
If the way that we handleconflict is healthy Then that's
gonna also incline us toward oneanother physically.
Yeah.
Because intimacy is more thanjust physical.
It's, it's it head and it'sheart.
And it's body.
Christal (07:29):
That's right.
Speaking for women, I feel likeone of the greatest gifts a
husband can give.
If their wife is to beemotionally available.
Mm-hmm.
And to be open and to share,you know, parts of him that
maybe are not easy, but forwomen, that really helps them
feel like they're connected totheir husband and they're
(07:49):
emotionally available.
They're there, they're sharing,and that causes intimacy.
And, and definitely can beimprove your sex life, I think.
Lennon (07:57):
Yeah, definitely.
And it's kind of, it's kind ofbro science wisdom that men can
just, we've, we've all heard,you know, men are microwaves,
women are crockpots and mm-hmm.
And I do think that's generallytrue.
but even men are affectedsexually by the sense of
emotional connection they have.
Yeah.
That if, if they feel likethey're being disparaged or put
down or disrespected Oh, yeah.
(08:18):
Uh, they're not gonna want tobe physically intimate either.
Right.
So all these things can, cancause us to push apart sexually.
But one of the importantthoughts is that if you're in
your marriage, you're notsexually connected right now,
it's an urgent situation, evenif it feels like an
afterthought.
Mm.
Like you may be at a placewhere you're like, Hey, we've
(08:40):
had our time.
I don't even want to be withthem that way.
And I'm not worried about it.
Right.
But it is a red flag whetheryou feel worried about it or
not.
Christal (08:48):
Yeah.
You know, sometimes the lack ofyour sexual connection can be
from other symptoms of otherthings.
Yeah.
Like, it's like, just thinkingof some examples, maybe it's,
they're not helping you aroundthe house, for maybe mm-hmm.
Whoever's the, the one thatstays at home most of the time
and has the kids to deal with,but then the spouse gets home
(09:10):
and doesn't help or be a part ofthat situation.
They can feel very resentful.
and then when you have thatresentment buildup.
You know, you don't wanna beintimate.
Yeah.
And so sometimes that lack ofsex is really just a signal that
there's other things
Lennon (09:25):
Right.
Christal (09:26):
Going on.
Right.
And it can be a variety ofthings.
Lennon (09:28):
Yeah.
And whenever those other thingsare going on, if it's
resentment or something likethat, that really is where, I
mean, the Apostle Paul talksabout in one Corinthians seven
where he says not to depriveeach other except.
By mutual consent and for atime.
and he gives the example, likeif you're devoting yourselves to
prayer, you're fasting orsomething.
(09:49):
Yeah.
And he says, but then cometogether again so that Satan
won't tempt you because of yourlack of self-control.
And so I think the idea is thatwhether it's through resentment
or really anything other thansome spirit led reason mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
To not be connectingintimately.
And again, we've joked a lotabout, we've yet to meet the
(10:10):
couple over the years.
Who's doing that?
Yeah.
I'm not saying it's not validor Paul wouldn't have brought it
up as an option.
I've just never met thatcouple.
Right.
It's like we just hadn't hadsex in a really long time.
'cause we've been praying somuch for the advancement of the
gospel and stuff.
Yeah.
I just don't, I just don'treally see that.
So we don't want Satan to get afoothold.
Right.
The thing is, whenever we'renot connecting with one another
(10:32):
in a sexually healthy way, yeah.
That desire can pop upsomewhere that it shouldn't.
Right.
That's so true.
Like pornography.
An affair at work, or even justan emotional flirtation that
will lead to other things.
Christal (10:45):
Right?
Right.
So
Lennon (10:46):
sexual relationship is important, even if it feels like
an afterthought.
Christal (10:50):
Right?
So we also talk about how wesay it like this, which I think
is fun, three ways to make magichappen.
Yeah.
So we give them three ways.
Maybe we can get through thosethree ways the first one is
don't just have sex.
Talk about sex.
So talking about sex can feelreally awkward, right?
Mm-hmm.
I mean, even if you've beenmarried like almost 20 years,
(11:12):
like it can, if you're not usedto that or you haven't done that
a long time, it can feel veryawkward to get that conversation
started, right?
Lennon (11:20):
It's really, yeah, it can, and I don't know why.
I mean, if, you know, if you'rea wife listening to this.
Whenever you are around yourhusband, next I want you to put
your hands on the side of hisface and say, honey, look me in
the eyes.
And then I just want you to saythis one word.
Just say boobies and he isgonna start laughing and turn
(11:40):
red, or at least he is gonnasmile big.
For some reason, we really canfeel awkward whenever it comes.
We turn, we turn into like11-year-old boys again.
Right,
Christal (11:48):
right, right.
Lennon (11:49):
But we've gotta be able to grow up and talk about this
because there's no other area ofour life that we would assume
is healthy if it's off limits toeven talk about.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so what do you think,honey, are some of the, the
healthy ways we can talk aboutsex?
Like whenever we are coachingcouples on this, what kind of
things are we encouraging themto communicate about?
Christal (12:13):
I think just to check in, like to even just ask the
question, how do you feel aboutour sex life?
What would you, what do youlike?
Maybe start with a positive.
Lennon (12:22):
Mm-hmm.
Christal (12:23):
Um, like, what do you like about our sex life?
What, what turns you on?
You know, those kind ofquestions or, what do you wish
we would do more of ordifferently like?
Yeah.
Is there anything that you wishand would like?
Just being able to give a voiceto each other.
Mm-hmm.
To be able to check in and say,is there anything with our sex
(12:43):
life that you would likedifferently or that you really
do love that I could do more of?
Lennon (12:47):
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
Those are helpful questionsthat lead to helpful answers and
not just kind of resentful.
Yeah.
Resentful things.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
How are you feeling about oursexual connection?
Even a great conversation is,you know, what is one of your
favorite sexual times we've everhad together?
And what'll probably happen isthat you'll tell the story of
some overnight, or rememberwhenever we took kids to the
(13:10):
grandparents and we came backhome, or just whatever.
Yeah.
But being able to talk about itin a addressing difficult
things or celebrating joyfulthings is really healthy.
So.
Being able to talk about sex isincredibly important.
Mm-hmm.
And the other thing isrealizing that foreplay doesn't
start just whenever you lock thedoor and mm-hmm.
(13:31):
And lay down in bed.
Right.
We really encourage people toengage in foreplay throughout
the day.
Christal (13:37):
Yeah.
I've Seen some hilarious reels,Shows what a husband must do,
if they really wanna have sexthat night.
and it's usually them doing allof the chores around the house.
I'm gonna do the dishes, I'mgonna vacuum and I'm gonna
straighten up.
Yeah.
You know, it's all the thingsthat would turn on a woman and
making things easy and showingher how he loves her in that
way.
So, I mean, I think that'shilarious and somewhat true
(14:01):
also, but it isn't just about,that moment all of a sudden.
Lennon (14:06):
Right, right.
Yeah.
It's, it's About freeing upyour minds and time as well.
Mm-hmm.
Like one of the things that hashappened to some people, never
to us, but might be that you areabout to, you're about to get
it on.
All sorts of things are goingthrough your mind.
Okay.
I think usually probably thewoman's mind.
(14:27):
Uh, is the door locked?
Are the kids sleeping?
Right?
Did you talk to your boss aboutthe thing that you said you
would talk about?
And so that doesn't sound like,uh, something to consider when
it comes to foreplay.
And yet it, it is somethingthat can get us into a good
space whenever it's finallytime.
Where we can, where we can betogether is to make sure that we
(14:50):
have the opportunity to engageemotionally because we've taken
care of some practical things.
Those are surprisingly,surprisingly sexy.
Christal (14:58):
Also we've talked about some ways to connect if
you're, you know, you'reprobably not at home together
all day, so you're probably awayfrom each other and maybe
sending some texts, mayberomantic sweet texts, but also
some more intimate texts to oneanother.
Lennon (15:12):
Mm-hmm.
To just
Christal (15:13):
connect.
Mm-hmm.
And tell each other how you'rethinking about each other.
And you wanna.
You wanna make a plan fortonight?
You know, it's not just anafterthought, but it's something
you've been thinking about day.
Lennon (15:24):
Yeah, definitely.
So, so foreplay is a big dealand it's, foreplay is so much
more than light touch rightbefore you go to heavy touch.
It's all of these things.
But then one of the things thatjust keeps us romantically
inclined to each other.
Yeah.
For a strong sexual connection.
Is just the level of, ofromance that we have on a normal
basis dating each other.
(15:45):
Like those kind of things arehuge.
Yes.
Date nights frequently lead tosex.
Christal (15:50):
That's so true.
I mean, date nights is it's allabout putting aside everything
else, focusing on one anotherand you're relationship your
marriage, how you love oneanother.
I, I think that's one of thekeys to really a great sex life
because it does create spacethere to where you're not only
thinking about the kids or yourjob, and I know for us, we
(16:13):
really do make it a point to nottalk about work, right?
Or even the kids, you know,like as much as we love our kids
and sometimes we wanna talkabout 'em, like it's good to
just get to think about otherthings.
It's, and, and even ask eachother questions that.
We wouldn't be asking normally,like, yeah, more about you.
Or What are you reading?
Or what do you, what do youthink about this or that?
(16:35):
Like, a wonderful time to getto invest more in your marriage.
Lennon (16:39):
Yeah.
So friends, those are, thoseare a few solid categories of,
of tips to help you make magichappen.
Uh, don't just, don't just havesex.
Talk about sex, uh, engage inforeplay throughout the day and
just continue to, to date yourspouse.
Here's the deal.
There is no substitute for agood sex life, and it's gonna
(17:02):
take work for it to stay healthyand strong over the long haul,
but it is always worth theeffort.
Christal (17:09):
It's always.
Lennon (17:11):
So honey, will you wanna leave them with any final
thoughts?
Christal (17:13):
Yeah, you can, uh, like and subscribe to this
podcast and, be listeningbecause we're gonna have some
more episodes coming out soon.
You can follow us on Instagram,Facebook, TikTok, and you can
also check out ourwebsite@homeandmarriage.com for
more information.
And so we just wanna thank youfor listening in today and we
(17:33):
will be back soon.
Lennon (17:37):
Well, Friends, thanks again for listening today.
We really do believe that yourhome can be your favorite place
and that however good things aretoday, you can be even better
at home and stronger together.
Thanks for being with us today.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.