September 16, 2025 • 28 mins
You're Not A Bad Parent if...
In this episode of the Home and Marriage Podcast, Lennon and Christal Noland discuss various parenting pressures and share the reassuring message that 'you're not a bad parent if...' They explore the anxiety around not buying kids the latest gadgets, not involving them in every activity, and how making the honor roll does not define their children's future. Additionally, they delve into the complexities of dealing with children's sins and suffering, emphasizing the importance of grace, forgiveness, and God’s direction. They conclude by highlighting the pitfalls of comparing one’s family life to Instagram-perfect images and the importance of focusing on what truly matters for families. Throughout the discussion, they provide practical insights to help parents let go of undue pressures and focus on raising their children with love, grace, and godly guidance. Follow them on social media and visit homeandmarriage.com for more resources and information on their marriage retreats and conferences.
00:00 Welcome to the Home and Marriage Podcast
00:55 Date Night Plans and Parenting Pressures
02:17 You're Not a Bad Parent If...
04:54 The Pressure of Buying and Activities
13:39 Academic Expectations and Realities
16:50 Dealing with Sin and Suffering
23:11 The Instagram Illusion
26:57 Final Thoughts and Encouragement
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Lennon (00:02):
This is the Home and Marriage Podcast with Lennon and
Christal Noland, where we helpcouples become better at home
and stronger together.
We're husband and wife, parentsand ministers who want God's
best for our home and for yours.
Hello Friends.
Welcome back to the show.
We're so glad that you're herewith us, whatever you're doing,
whether you're washing dishes ona commute, wherever you are.
(00:24):
We're glad that you have us withyou.
My name is Lennon.
I'm here with Christal, mywoman, my lover, my baby's
mother.
Christal (00:31):
I have one for you today.
Do you wanna hear it?
Lennon (00:34):
Everybody's waiting.
Let's see.
Christal (00:35):
Okay.
I'm here with Lennon, my love,my best friend, my sexy man.
Lennon (00:41):
I'll take that.
I'll take that.
Christal (00:45):
I'm not the best rhymer, but you know what?
I came up with.
That's all by myself.
You did great.
Lennon (00:52):
You're turning so red right now.
I wish everybody could see you,but I love it.
Hey, you know why I love todayand what I'm excited about,
Christal (00:57):
what
Lennon (00:58):
we are recording here and it's early afternoon, but
tonight is date night.
Christal (01:02):
It is date night.
Lennon (01:03):
Yeah.
It's
Christal (01:03):
what's getting me through my day and we
Lennon (01:06):
have no idea what we're gonna do yet.
We are, we're kind of debatingdo we have the energy to leave
the house and go somewhere?
Do we wanna do kind of ourlatest thing?
Yeah.
Which is if we are too tired, weget all these finest meats and
cheeses.
Christal (01:20):
Mm-hmm.
Lennon (01:21):
Set up a charcuterie board watch a movie.
Something like that.
Christal (01:24):
Yeah.
It all depends on, on how wefeel.
Close to the time for datenight, it's, it's'cause it, who
knows the day could be crazy andwe may be worn out and want to
just stay home and watch a movieor we may feel a little
adventurous and go out on thetown and eat some tacos or
something.
Lennon (01:41):
Adventurous is a possibility because today's
Friday and um, one of our kidsis a four day school week.
One of'em actually came homeearly sick today, which is sad.
But what that means is this,this afternoon we're not running
around picking people up, whichis usually one of the things
that gets us tired after a longwork day.
Christal (01:57):
That's true.
And, and I will say the sick onedoesn't need to stay home.
Lennon (02:02):
Sorry.
She doesn't.
Christal (02:02):
That's something a mom has to say, has to, you know,
make sure that's true.
People know
Lennon (02:07):
that's true.
She's
Christal (02:07):
not so bad to where I have to stay home and watch her
Lennon (02:10):
super self-sufficient.
17 years old.
She's just fine.
She's okay.
Okay, so this is episode four.
What do we want to tackle today?
Christal (02:17):
So today we're gonna talk about parenting pressures
and we're using this phrase,you're not a bad parent.
If, and we have a few differenttopics that we're gonna try to
tackle to help parents beencouraged that, we're not gonna
get everything right.
Lennon (02:35):
Right,
Christal (02:35):
but also, We're not doing as bad of a job as we
think we are
Lennon (02:38):
yeah.
I think especially if you'relistening to a podcast called
Home and Marriage, uh, that atleast shows that your heart is
in the right place that you'releaned into trying to be better.
And to be honest, I haven'ttalked to a whole lot of parents
that feel most of the time, likethey're just nailing it.
Parenting is tough sometimes,and there's no shortage of
pressure on us to get it right.
(02:59):
And it comes from a milliondifferent areas.
Christal (03:01):
Yeah, it does.
I mean, I feel like, We havethese outside voices We see it
online, you know, we seebeautiful.
Pictures.
We see how parents should be.
Articles we read, and we alsohave our own expectations of
ourself.
I mean, some of us can be sohard on ourselves and what we
expect out of ourselves as aparent, and so there's pressures
(03:22):
from all over.
Don't you think?
Lennon (03:24):
Yeah, it'd be really interesting, I think for any
parent listening to talk totheir parents if they're still
fortunate enough to have themaround and just say kinda, what
types of pressures did you feel?
I certainly won't think that ourparents didn't feel any
pressure, but I know that theyfelt different types.
We have a bunch of very oddpressures, some of which we're
gonna talk about today.
Christal (03:44):
Yeah, I was having a conversation with my mom when
our kids were younger and shewas telling me, Christal, I
don't know.
I don't know what I would'vedone if I had a parent in the
day that you're parenting.
We did not face the kind ofpressures in the eighties and
nineties that you guys arefacing, like especially with how
things need to look or be, andkind of the picture we put out
(04:05):
there for people to see.
Lennon (04:07):
Yeah, so something to keep in mind is that parenting
in general, here's kind of anoverarching idea of this thing.
Parenting in general, it's moreof an issue of compass than a
GPS.
Families are differentsituations you're facing or
different.
What your kids deal with can bedifferent, and there is no one
turn by turn.
Set of directions that's gonnaget everybody to a perfect
(04:29):
point.
But there is north, south, east,and west especially, you know,
whenever you're seeking to livefor the Lord.
Uh, he hasn't given us anexhaustive resource for
everything we face as parenting,but he's given us a good
direction and that's really seekfirst the kingdom of God above
all else.
And so that being said, let'shit on some of these pressures
(04:52):
that parents feel.
Christal (04:54):
Okay, so our first one is, you're not a bad parent if
you don't buy your kids whateveryone else has, right?
That's a big one.
So I, I really think the fearbehind this one could really be,
I don't want my kids to feelleft out, or I don't want them
(05:15):
to feel like I don't love them.
If I don't give them whatthey're wanting or maybe what
other people are having, I don'twanna seem less than as a
parent, and I don't want them tonot feel loved.
Lennon (05:27):
Yeah, that's a big one.
On the one feeling left out, Ican remember, I have this memory
that is really tempting to makeme as a dad worry about this
kind of stuff more than Ishould, and specifically it's
being in.
History class in the ninthgrade.
I had just moved to a new schoolin the middle of the year, and I
was looking down at my shoes,which were Converse, which
(05:49):
Converse were not.
Necessarily uncool.
They had a few commercials ontv, but they were tier three or
four.
Oh yeah.
Shoes in the echelon of ninthgraders and all the shallow
stuff that's important to them.
Christal (06:05):
What were, what were the ones that you could pump up?
You know, you could like squeezethe tongue and you could pump up
your shoe.
That was like the top one.
Do you remember what that oneis?
Lennon (06:13):
Those were Reeboks Re re, Reebok were a big deal at
the time.
Now
Christal (06:16):
Reebok is at Walmart.
Lennon (06:18):
No.
Yeah, exactly.
Now Reebok is at Walmart, but Iremember looking down, up and
down the row.
Christal (06:25):
Yeah.
Lennon (06:25):
And everybody I remember was wearing Nikes or they were
wearing Reebok.
And I remember feeling a little.
Out of place or a littleself-conscious about it.
And so I think sometimes some ofour own experiences as kids,
whether they're reasonable ornot, I felt that way, but it
doesn't mean I needed to or thatit was wise.
(06:46):
Those kind of things can playinto this type of fear too.
Christal (06:51):
There's more behind this than just the fear.
There's also the practicalissues.
The realistic issues, whichwould be, first of all, you
don't have the money to spend onthat toy or that iPad.
Right?
Lennon (07:04):
Budget's a real issue.
Christal (07:05):
It's a real thing,
Lennon (07:06):
and it's not a moral issue.
Christal (07:08):
It's not, you haven't failed your
Lennon (07:09):
kids if you can't, if you can't get them an iPad.
Hmm.
Sometimes it just doesn't fitinto the budget.
It's not worth going into debtfor, it's not worth beating
yourself up for.
Sometimes it's just a moneyissue, but then other times not
buying your kids something elsethat everyone else has.
It's not a money issue.
It might be an issue ofconviction.
(07:30):
And if, if you have a convictionthat I could get my kids this
thing, but I don't feel likeit's good for them right now, or
I don't want them to have thistype of thing in the household
yet, whether that's getting thema phone when all their friends
are getting a phone or getting agaming system or something like
that.
An issue of conviction.
Only you can decide, uh, what isappropriate for your kids to
(07:51):
have at a certain time.
And you don't need to feel thepressure to play the same ball
game that everybody else isplaying because not everybody
else is raising your kids.
Only you are.
Christal (08:01):
That's right.
And so what we really want morethan just stuff, cause stuff
just collects and it breaks and,and it'll satisfy them for a
moment, right?
It ends up losing its charmafter a while, so really what we
want.
We want to have a home that'sjoyful, that's stable that's
(08:22):
worth more than any kind of toyor gadget we could ever buy.
Lennon (08:26):
Yeah.
The atmosphere of the home thatwe're in is so much more
important than I, I guess we'resaying the accessories.
Christal (08:32):
That's right.
Lennon (08:33):
Because we're not talking about things we really
need.
We're talking about things thatwould be nice.
Mm-hmm.
And, um.
Some things would be nice, butthey're not needed.
But if your home is one ofpeace, if you're spending time
together, if you're doing thatkind of thing, you're providing
them what they need much morethan anything that you could buy
for them.
Christal (08:51):
And so we don't, we don't wanna raise spoil kids.
We want a home where, where theydon't expect to get whatever
they want.
Lennon (08:59):
Yes.
One of the things that we can doto help our kids, specifically
to be thankful for what they dohave and also get their heads
around what real need is, is toserve the poor, to be around
people who are still trying.
Just so hard to take care oftrue needs.
Not once, but real needs enoughfood in the refrigerator, things
(09:22):
like that.
We have found, and we've seenthis over the years, that
specifically serving with ourchurch at our monthly food
distribution, uh, like we'vedone before, it was something
that is really good for.
Our kids.
Christal (09:34):
Yeah.
It was, I remember even watchingthem in action and we get up
early and we have to go and, andthey're maybe not awake and we
do have teenagers but they getthere and then they start
bagging the groceries and theystart bringing out the supplies
and then they start giving themout.
And I love watching them andseeing.
They were joyful in the middleof that serving too, and they
(09:57):
were having a good time.
And then we'd have some greatconversations afterwards too
about the day and what happened.
Lennon (10:03):
Yeah, so don't try to buy your kids happiness, right?
Don't, don't try to fill, fillthose needs with, with things
that you can purchase.
You are not a bad parent if youcan't buy your kids the latest
and greatest.
The next thing is you're alsonot a bad parent if you can't
involve your kids in everyactivity.
Christal (10:20):
Mm-hmm.
That's true.
One of the fears behind thiswould be, I'm afraid that if.
Don't involve them in everyactivity.
They won't be, you know,well-rounded adults.
They won't grow up with all theskills they would need to have.
What do you think, what, what doyou think is another fear behind
that?
Lennon (10:37):
I, I think it's just also that they're gonna miss out
on something.
They could be.
If I was only smart enough totake them to this place.
Yeah.
Or to get them into this programor to have them, you know,
knowing Mandarin, Spanish, andFrench Right.
By the time that they're seven.
Yeah.
Like we don't want our kids tomiss out on opportunities and so
(10:57):
we can feel like we need to runthem everywhere, pay any cost to
get them involved with anything.
Christal (11:02):
Yeah.
I would really encourageparents.
To know that first of all, Godhas gifts and callings on each
of us, our and our kids.
And so if that's true, which itis even if we don't get every
lesson for them or, or maybe acertain sport at a certain age,
and we don't get'em involvedwhen they're four instead when
(11:23):
they're seven or eight, right?
If we as parents are not able todo that.
That does not take away from thecalling that God has on our kids
and the gifts that he's put inthem.
I know for me, like I ended updoing, music and I ended up
singing and all that stuff.
My, my family was never amusical family, but me and one
(11:43):
of my brothers both got involvedin singing and playing so.
What I find really encouragingabout that is it wasn't really
because my parents did all thesethings for me, then I got the
opportunity to be, a worshipleader, right?
So that was something that God,called in my life, and I think
that's the same for our kids,that we can take comfort knowing
(12:05):
that God really has callings andgifts and we don't have to.
Spend tons of money and put'emin all the activities to make
sure that they don't miss theircalling.
Lennon (12:14):
No, that's a wonderful point.
Because it is a reminder thatGod is involved with the
direction of our kids' lives.
Mm-hmm.
He knew all of their days.
Scripture says before one ofthem came to be.
The Bible also says that he'sprepared good works in advance
for us to do that.
We can walk in them.
So it's just a reminder that heis in this and he is with our
(12:35):
kids.
He is.
And that we aren't thearchitects of their lives.
We can provide whatopportunities that we can, but
in the end, we've gotta trustGod that exactly what you're
saying.
He has a plan for them.
If we're doing our best to helpthem love the Lord and live
godly lives, God is gonna makesure they get where they need to
(12:55):
go.
Christal (12:56):
Right.
You know, there's a lot ofbenefits about dinner around the
table and your, the health ofyour kids and the health of your
family.
Like, there's a lot that thatimpacts.
If, if you can have a few nightsa week around the table, dinner
together, there's a lot ofbeautiful things that come out
of that.
Lennon (13:15):
There is, and that's something Friends, if you're
listening, that's somethingworth.
Google seeing the outcomes inkids' lives that really change,
not from being involved in amillion activities, but from
eating dinner with their familyon a regular basis.
Yeah.
So don't feel like you've gottarun all over the place.
And don't feel like you're a badparent if you can involve your
(13:38):
kids in every activity.
Christal (13:39):
And our third one is, you're not a bad parent if your
kids don't make the honor roll.
What do you think about thatone?
Lennon (13:47):
I think this one's gonna be hard for some people to
accept.
Christal (13:50):
I think it is too.
Lennon (13:51):
Yeah.
Um, I, I realize that differentfamilies place different levels
of emphasis on academics.
The big thing is that we, weneed to not take our kids'
performance in school as apersonal assault, on our own
competence.
Christal (14:06):
Yeah.
Do you think that's what, whatparents are afraid of?
What's the fear behind this?
What are parents mostly worriedabout if they're.
If their kid's not makingStraight A's are they feeling
like as a parent, maybe they'refailing?
Lennon (14:18):
I, I do think that can be one.
As a parent, I'm failing.
My kid is, he's behind, he's notdoing well.
What have, what have I done?
And then I think another fear isif they don't do good in school,
they're not gonna get into agood college.
They don't get into a goodcollege.
They won't have a good career.
If they don't have a greatcareer, they're gonna be off the
rails and it's all gonna be myfault because they're not in the
(14:39):
honor roll.
Christal (14:40):
And How many of us actually even ended up using the
degree that we got in college
Lennon (14:46):
change?
Oh, don't ask that question.
Christal (14:47):
Yeah, we change our minds.
We change our where we're gonnago, and so we really can't put
too much pressure on the perfectgrades.
There's so many people whodidn't make.
An a average and they were stillsuper successful in their lives.
So it's more about, I think,character and the type of person
(15:07):
they're becoming and you know,are they, are they giving up on
everything or are they workinghard to complete a goal?
Are they doing their best?
Too.
Lennon (15:18):
Yeah.
That's the big deal.
I I, and that's, honestly, Ifeel like that's what we are
more in control of as parentswhenever it comes to our
children's academics and, andcontrol might be stretching it,
but we do need to emphasize,hey, we need to be helping them.
Early on, Hey, this is how youstudy.
Are you ready to go for thistest tomorrow?
(15:40):
And as they get older andacademics are more and more in
their hands, we're wanting tosee them become people that do
what they're supposed to do whenit's time to do it.
They may or may not have thegifts to be an academic rock
star, right?
And to make the grades that wemaybe have dreamed for them to
make.
(16:00):
But I cannot be totally honest.
The only people.
That have ever asked me about myGPA in high school and college
have been our kids.
Christal (16:12):
Yeah.
And it's
Lennon (16:12):
because they have a tendency to put all the pressure
they could possibly need onthemselves without me putting it
on them.
Christal (16:20):
Yeah.
I had a good conversation with afriend their daughter was, in
school and she was trying toencourage her Like, remember
you're getting a degree.
No one's gonna ask you when youhave that degree on your wall
from college.
No one's gonna say, what wasyour GPA when you graduated?
They're not gonna care.
They're just gonna care ifyou're a doctor.
If you're a doctor, you actuallygraduated and you got your
(16:43):
degree and you know what you'redoing.
The GP is never on our diploma,right?
Mm-hmm.
Okay, so let's go to numberfour.
You're not a bad parent if yourkids sin or suffer.
Those are two big things
Lennon (16:59):
and we went back and forth as to whether or not to
even include this right here.
Not because it's not important,but because it's hard to do it
justice.
It is, uh, in, in a podcast.
This stuff should be the subjectmatter of an entire.
Parenting seminar or maybe aSunday sermon or something like
that.
But, and they're, and they'rereally different things to sin
(17:20):
and to suffer or are differentcategories.
But the overall fear is that ifwe were good enough parents,
then our kids wouldn't go offthe rails and sin.
Or if we were good enoughparents, we'd be able to keep
our kids from hurting.
Christal (17:35):
Right.
And I love what you always sayabout Adam and Eve had the
perfect father.
And yet they sinned.
So it's not about ourperformance as a parent or if
our kids will ever make amistake.
And so the fear to me is this,is this my fault that they're,
first of all, if it's sin, isthis my fault that.
Maybe I didn't teach certainlessons well enough, or maybe I
(17:58):
wasn't hard enough on them, ormaybe I was too hard on them and
they did this thing, and then inthe suffering, I think it's the
same.
Is this my fault?
Could I have prevented thissituation?
It's really crazy where ourminds can go, especially when a
kid, if it, our kid is diagnosedwith something.
My, this is a mom thing maybe,but my thoughts go back to the
(18:20):
womb, you get in these crazythoughts of how could I have
messed this kid up?
What did I do for this tohappen?
Lennon (18:27):
Yeah.
It's true.
Yeah.
This is heavy.
Even talking about it.
It is.
But with with the sin part,you're exactly right.
Adam and Eve had an unfilteredrelationship with God, and it
wasn't God's fault that theychose to sin.
Judas had Jesus, he heard Jesustalk about being aware of greed
and the love of money, and yetJudas is stealing from the
(18:50):
treasury, the money bag thatJesus and his disciples are are
using, right?
We cannot be good enough parentsthat our kids will not know what
it's like to live with.
The flesh.
Christal (19:02):
Yeah.
Lennon (19:03):
And go through temptations, it's gonna happen.
Christal (19:06):
And really they start off that way.
They're not born perfect.
And so we, whenever they sin orthey do something that's shocks
us or surprise us, think at theyounger years, you know, they
throw a fit in the middle ofWalmart.
I mean, it, it can surprise us.
Like, where did this come from?
But, they're humans.
And so they're not born perfect.
(19:27):
They're gonna sin, they're gonnamess up, they're gonna make
mistakes.
It's g it's just gonna happen.
Lennon (19:32):
So here's what we have to know with sin and with
suffering.
Again, too big topics, but yourkids are gonna need the grace of
God and the sustaining power ofGod every bit as much as you do.
And so our opportunity, wheneverour kids' sin, is to show them
what forgiveness looks like, andour opportunity when our kids
are suffering is also to sayagain, the Lord's mercies are
(19:56):
new every morning.
God is already there.
He's with you in it.
So the big lesson here is justto, to look in the mirror and to
be able to be honest withyourself and, and receive this,
that your kids are going to needboth the forgiveness and the
grace of God every bit as muchas you do.
And it's about preparing themfor the world that they're gonna
live in, uh, more than shieldingthem from it when they sin small
(20:20):
and big.
Can you model the mercy andgrace of God and whenever they
suffer, can you.
Weep with them while they'reweeping and just let them know
that.
God knows what it's like tosuffer.
Jesus has gone through all ofthis and he loves you and he's
present with it, but wheneveryour kids sin or whenever they
suffer, it does notautomatically mean you are a bad
(20:41):
parent.
Christal (20:42):
Right, that's true.
We know that our kids are gonnago through this world and at
some point they're gonna sufferwith something.
And like you're saying, I thinkreally just being able to point
them to Jesus each time toremind them We have a comforter,
we have a healer, we have asavior, we have someone who, who
understands our troubles.
(21:02):
So if we can point them toJesus, then I feel like.
When they're out of our house.
They will know where to go to.
Lennon (21:09):
Yeah, and one more thing with you mom and dad, that's
that's true for you as well.
When your kids are suffering orwhen your kids sin mm-hmm.
You also can go to the Lord forhis comfort.
Here's one of the things I usedto tell myself that was actually
a lie.
I remember when one of our kidswas going through an intense
season of suffering, and I wouldbe feeling really bad myself.
(21:33):
I would feel hurt, like I, Iwould be really hurting.
Yeah.
I remember trying to strengthenmyself by saying, okay, they are
the ones who are reallysuffering here and kind of buck
up and, lean into myresponsibility as a dad.
Now, I did have responsibilitiesas a dad, but I think that I
wasn't giving myself.
(21:53):
Permission to need the Lord'shelp too.
The truth is, I was sufferingbecause exactly what you're
saying mm-hmm.
Is the case for almost everyparent.
If I could take this on myself,I would.
I would trade it.
Mm-hmm.
Multiply at times 12.
If I could only keep you fromdoing it or from going through
it.
That's its own form ofsuffering.
It's, we need the grace of Godtoo.
Christal (22:14):
Yeah.
And we have a savior who didthat for us, who took everything
on himself and died for us andwe couldn't remember that.
Like you're saying, that'savailable for us as parents and
we need that.
We need to go to him when ourkid's going through something,
maybe if it is suffering, ormaybe they're making some bad
decisions.
As a parent, we really need tolean into the Lord and trust him
(22:36):
to be our help and to rememberthat he is with us and he is
gonna help us through that time.
So parents, you're not a badparent if that's what's
happening with you right now, ifthey're making some bad
decisions.
If their character has someflaws like we all do, or if
they're suffering and they'regoing through a hard situation
that you can't fix.
(22:56):
You're not a bad parent, but youhave an amazing God who can
help.
With any situation, and he hasall the answers, he has all the
healing that we need.
All right, so let's move on toour last one.
Lennon (23:11):
The last one is, is simply this, uh, you're not a
bad parent if your life doesn'tlook like Instagram.
Christal (23:18):
What?
You, are you saying that Ishouldn't have a Instagram
Perfect family?
Lennon (23:24):
Well, I'm saying you don't have an Instagram perfect
family,
Christal (23:27):
but I can make it look that way.
Right?
Lennon (23:29):
Yeah.
And that's the key, right?
It's it's look that way.
Yeah.
Why do you think, why do youthink this is a, a pressure that
we feel like, what is the fearthat we have if our lives don't
measure up to what's in ourfeed?
Christal (23:41):
Well, I think the first thing that comes to my
mind is if we don't look likeeverything's great, people will
find us out for who we reallyare.
Maybe people will, it's kind,it's really vain, you know?
And I think if there's a fearbehind it, I think we're not
measuring up or comparing to oneanother well, it really is.
(24:04):
A messed up way of thinking, butit is so human and all of us
deal with it in some way, youknow?
Lennon (24:10):
Yeah.
I think that this is one ofthose fears that is hardest to
articulate because we know howstupid it is.
Yeah.
We're like, I, I shouldn't becomparing my life to someone
else.
So because it's neverarticulated, sometimes what it
is, is it's just this unspokenweight that we feel and this
suspicion that everybody else isdoing it better than us.
Mm-hmm.
Everybody else is a betterparent.
(24:31):
Their kids are happier, all ofthat kind of stuff.
So it may not be something wecan articulate, but it's there.
Christal (24:38):
Yeah, this Started back before Instagram was even a
thing for me.
I remember just like in the timeour kids were little, the big
thing to make everything lookbeautiful was Pinterest.
Lennon (24:48):
Pinterest and
Christal (24:49):
Pinterest is still around and doing well from what
I know.
But, you really wanted to havethings, what they call Pinterest
worthy.
And so I remember going to somekids' birthday parties that were
just amazing, like they lookedlike a Pinterest worthy party.
And I remember feeling like.
I don't even know if I could dothis, even if I tried.
You know, this is not my giftingto make amazing birthday
(25:12):
parties.
And some people it is, andthey're really good at it and
they love it.
So there's no, no shame in thatat all.
But I just felt the pressure.
Our day when our kids werelittle that every birthday party
had to be so beautiful.
And if it wasn't beautiful, likeit may not be worth having or
something like, somethingridiculous like that.
You know?
(25:32):
I did end up doing a coupleparties that I worked so hard on
for the kids, and it was, itturned out pretty good.
But you know, I also did somejust kind of like throw it
together parties and really theyhad just as much fun.
Yeah.
I don't remember them evercomplaining that it didn't look
as good as the last one.
Lennon (25:49):
It's such a, it is such a trap.
To get into and it pulls us outof the moment.
Yeah.
With, with whatever we're doing,it can really just pull us out
of the moment if we arewondering how what we're doing
is gonna compare to someoneelse, or, my goodness, going
back to the feed later to seewhat people have said about the
amazing thing that we've.
That we've shown.
Yeah.
And so the reality is wheneverwe post something, we're posting
(26:13):
our very best.
Whenever we see somebody else'spost, we're post.
We we're seeing their very best.
And daily life isn't a highlightreel, and so that's where you
wanna post a picture?
Post a picture, yeah.
Just don't compare how thingsare in your marriage or with
your kids to what you're seeingin someone else's feed.
Yeah.
(26:33):
'cause whatever you're seeing,you're not seeing their life.
Christal (26:36):
Mm-hmm.
This really connects a lot tothe first topic we talked about
with buying them everything thateverybody else has.
I think it's really, it's reallyabout a comparison thing Let's
just, let's just really do ourbest to please the Lord.
You know, that's who we'rereally ultimately trying to
please is God right?
Lennon (26:56):
That is, and that's.
In fact, I think that's a prettygood way to begin to wrap this
up.
The words of Jesus in Matthewchapter six, seek first the
kingdom of God in hisrighteousness, and the things
that we need will be added tous.
Uh, parenting, it's, we saidearly on, it's not a GPS thing.
Turn by turn and everything willend up perfect.
(27:16):
But we have the compass of godlypriorities and God's word.
Let's want for our kids and wantfor our family what God wants.
To the best that we can discernwhile loving him and praying
together as husband and wifeabout the direction of our
family and some of these otherthings can just, can fall to the
ground.
There's enough real stuff toworry about, to not worry about
(27:37):
keeping up with others or ourkids on the a honor roll.
How do we look online
Christal (27:42):
and there's no perfect parent.
There's just no perfect kid orparent.
And so we can be encouragedthat, we're doing our best and
that there's always gonna besomething that our kids are
gonna grow up and think, I woulddo that differently.
But really it's about looking tothe Lord and what is he asking
of you as a parent?
Lennon (28:01):
Okay.
This has been a greatdiscussion.
So friends this week maybereflect on what pressures that
you can let go of.
There's plenty of legitimatethings to focus on.
Let's just go with that.
Christal (28:11):
Yeah, and we'd love for you to follow us on social
media.
We are on Facebook, Instagram,and TikTok, and you can go to
home and marriage.com for moreinformation.
If your church is looking for amarriage retreat or a marriage
conference, we would love tocome and speak to your couples
there.
Lennon (28:31):
Well, Friends, thanks again for listening today.
We really do believe that yourhome can be your favorite place
and that however good things aretoday, you can be even better at
home and stronger together.
Thanks for being with us today.
This is the Home and Marriage Podcast with Lennon and
Christal Noland, where we helpcouples become better at home
and stronger together.
We're husband and wife, parentsand ministers who want God's
best for our home and for yours.
Hello Friends.
Welcome back to the show.
We're so glad that you're herewith us, whatever you're doing,
whether you're washing dishes ona commute, wherever you are.
(00:24):
We're glad that you have us withyou.
My name is Lennon.
I'm here with Christal, mywoman, my lover, my baby's
mother.
Christal (00:31):
I have one for you today.
Do you wanna hear it?
Lennon (00:34):
Everybody's waiting.
Let's see.
Christal (00:35):
Okay.
I'm here with Lennon, my love,my best friend, my sexy man.
Lennon (00:41):
I'll take that.
I'll take that.
Christal (00:45):
I'm not the best rhymer, but you know what?
I came up with.
That's all by myself.
You did great.
Lennon (00:52):
You're turning so red right now.
I wish everybody could see you,but I love it.
Hey, you know why I love todayand what I'm excited about,
Christal (00:57):
what
Lennon (00:58):
we are recording here and it's early afternoon, but
tonight is date night.
Christal (01:02):
It is date night.
Lennon (01:03):
Yeah.
It's
Christal (01:03):
what's getting me through my day and we
Lennon (01:06):
have no idea what we're gonna do yet.
We are, we're kind of debatingdo we have the energy to leave
the house and go somewhere?
Do we wanna do kind of ourlatest thing?
Yeah.
Which is if we are too tired, weget all these finest meats and
cheeses.
Christal (01:20):
Mm-hmm.
Lennon (01:21):
Set up a charcuterie board watch a movie.
Something like that.
Christal (01:24):
Yeah.
It all depends on, on how wefeel.
Close to the time for datenight, it's, it's'cause it, who
knows the day could be crazy andwe may be worn out and want to
just stay home and watch a movieor we may feel a little
adventurous and go out on thetown and eat some tacos or
something.
Lennon (01:41):
Adventurous is a possibility because today's
Friday and um, one of our kidsis a four day school week.
One of'em actually came homeearly sick today, which is sad.
But what that means is this,this afternoon we're not running
around picking people up, whichis usually one of the things
that gets us tired after a longwork day.
Christal (01:57):
That's true.
And, and I will say the sick onedoesn't need to stay home.
Lennon (02:02):
Sorry.
She doesn't.
Christal (02:02):
That's something a mom has to say, has to, you know,
make sure that's true.
People know
Lennon (02:07):
that's true.
She's
Christal (02:07):
not so bad to where I have to stay home and watch her
Lennon (02:10):
super self-sufficient.
17 years old.
She's just fine.
She's okay.
Okay, so this is episode four.
What do we want to tackle today?
Christal (02:17):
So today we're gonna talk about parenting pressures
and we're using this phrase,you're not a bad parent.
If, and we have a few differenttopics that we're gonna try to
tackle to help parents beencouraged that, we're not gonna
get everything right.
Lennon (02:35):
Right,
Christal (02:35):
but also, We're not doing as bad of a job as we
think we are
Lennon (02:38):
yeah.
I think especially if you'relistening to a podcast called
Home and Marriage, uh, that atleast shows that your heart is
in the right place that you'releaned into trying to be better.
And to be honest, I haven'ttalked to a whole lot of parents
that feel most of the time, likethey're just nailing it.
Parenting is tough sometimes,and there's no shortage of
pressure on us to get it right.
(02:59):
And it comes from a milliondifferent areas.
Christal (03:01):
Yeah, it does.
I mean, I feel like, We havethese outside voices We see it
online, you know, we seebeautiful.
Pictures.
We see how parents should be.
Articles we read, and we alsohave our own expectations of
ourself.
I mean, some of us can be sohard on ourselves and what we
expect out of ourselves as aparent, and so there's pressures
(03:22):
from all over.
Don't you think?
Lennon (03:24):
Yeah, it'd be really interesting, I think for any
parent listening to talk totheir parents if they're still
fortunate enough to have themaround and just say kinda, what
types of pressures did you feel?
I certainly won't think that ourparents didn't feel any
pressure, but I know that theyfelt different types.
We have a bunch of very oddpressures, some of which we're
gonna talk about today.
Christal (03:44):
Yeah, I was having a conversation with my mom when
our kids were younger and shewas telling me, Christal, I
don't know.
I don't know what I would'vedone if I had a parent in the
day that you're parenting.
We did not face the kind ofpressures in the eighties and
nineties that you guys arefacing, like especially with how
things need to look or be, andkind of the picture we put out
(04:05):
there for people to see.
Lennon (04:07):
Yeah, so something to keep in mind is that parenting
in general, here's kind of anoverarching idea of this thing.
Parenting in general, it's moreof an issue of compass than a
GPS.
Families are differentsituations you're facing or
different.
What your kids deal with can bedifferent, and there is no one
turn by turn.
Set of directions that's gonnaget everybody to a perfect
(04:29):
point.
But there is north, south, east,and west especially, you know,
whenever you're seeking to livefor the Lord.
Uh, he hasn't given us anexhaustive resource for
everything we face as parenting,but he's given us a good
direction and that's really seekfirst the kingdom of God above
all else.
And so that being said, let'shit on some of these pressures
(04:52):
that parents feel.
Christal (04:54):
Okay, so our first one is, you're not a bad parent if
you don't buy your kids whateveryone else has, right?
That's a big one.
So I, I really think the fearbehind this one could really be,
I don't want my kids to feelleft out, or I don't want them
(05:15):
to feel like I don't love them.
If I don't give them whatthey're wanting or maybe what
other people are having, I don'twanna seem less than as a
parent, and I don't want them tonot feel loved.
Lennon (05:27):
Yeah, that's a big one.
On the one feeling left out, Ican remember, I have this memory
that is really tempting to makeme as a dad worry about this
kind of stuff more than Ishould, and specifically it's
being in.
History class in the ninthgrade.
I had just moved to a new schoolin the middle of the year, and I
was looking down at my shoes,which were Converse, which
(05:49):
Converse were not.
Necessarily uncool.
They had a few commercials ontv, but they were tier three or
four.
Oh yeah.
Shoes in the echelon of ninthgraders and all the shallow
stuff that's important to them.
Christal (06:05):
What were, what were the ones that you could pump up?
You know, you could like squeezethe tongue and you could pump up
your shoe.
That was like the top one.
Do you remember what that oneis?
Lennon (06:13):
Those were Reeboks Re re, Reebok were a big deal at
the time.
Now
Christal (06:16):
Reebok is at Walmart.
Lennon (06:18):
No.
Yeah, exactly.
Now Reebok is at Walmart, but Iremember looking down, up and
down the row.
Christal (06:25):
Yeah.
Lennon (06:25):
And everybody I remember was wearing Nikes or they were
wearing Reebok.
And I remember feeling a little.
Out of place or a littleself-conscious about it.
And so I think sometimes some ofour own experiences as kids,
whether they're reasonable ornot, I felt that way, but it
doesn't mean I needed to or thatit was wise.
(06:46):
Those kind of things can playinto this type of fear too.
Christal (06:51):
There's more behind this than just the fear.
There's also the practicalissues.
The realistic issues, whichwould be, first of all, you
don't have the money to spend onthat toy or that iPad.
Right?
Lennon (07:04):
Budget's a real issue.
Christal (07:05):
It's a real thing,
Lennon (07:06):
and it's not a moral issue.
Christal (07:08):
It's not, you haven't failed your
Lennon (07:09):
kids if you can't, if you can't get them an iPad.
Hmm.
Sometimes it just doesn't fitinto the budget.
It's not worth going into debtfor, it's not worth beating
yourself up for.
Sometimes it's just a moneyissue, but then other times not
buying your kids something elsethat everyone else has.
It's not a money issue.
It might be an issue ofconviction.
(07:30):
And if, if you have a convictionthat I could get my kids this
thing, but I don't feel likeit's good for them right now, or
I don't want them to have thistype of thing in the household
yet, whether that's getting thema phone when all their friends
are getting a phone or getting agaming system or something like
that.
An issue of conviction.
Only you can decide, uh, what isappropriate for your kids to
(07:51):
have at a certain time.
And you don't need to feel thepressure to play the same ball
game that everybody else isplaying because not everybody
else is raising your kids.
Only you are.
Christal (08:01):
That's right.
And so what we really want morethan just stuff, cause stuff
just collects and it breaks and,and it'll satisfy them for a
moment, right?
It ends up losing its charmafter a while, so really what we
want.
We want to have a home that'sjoyful, that's stable that's
(08:22):
worth more than any kind of toyor gadget we could ever buy.
Lennon (08:26):
Yeah.
The atmosphere of the home thatwe're in is so much more
important than I, I guess we'resaying the accessories.
Christal (08:32):
That's right.
Lennon (08:33):
Because we're not talking about things we really
need.
We're talking about things thatwould be nice.
Mm-hmm.
And, um.
Some things would be nice, butthey're not needed.
But if your home is one ofpeace, if you're spending time
together, if you're doing thatkind of thing, you're providing
them what they need much morethan anything that you could buy
for them.
Christal (08:51):
And so we don't, we don't wanna raise spoil kids.
We want a home where, where theydon't expect to get whatever
they want.
Lennon (08:59):
Yes.
One of the things that we can doto help our kids, specifically
to be thankful for what they dohave and also get their heads
around what real need is, is toserve the poor, to be around
people who are still trying.
Just so hard to take care oftrue needs.
Not once, but real needs enoughfood in the refrigerator, things
(09:22):
like that.
We have found, and we've seenthis over the years, that
specifically serving with ourchurch at our monthly food
distribution, uh, like we'vedone before, it was something
that is really good for.
Our kids.
Christal (09:34):
Yeah.
It was, I remember even watchingthem in action and we get up
early and we have to go and, andthey're maybe not awake and we
do have teenagers but they getthere and then they start
bagging the groceries and theystart bringing out the supplies
and then they start giving themout.
And I love watching them andseeing.
They were joyful in the middleof that serving too, and they
(09:57):
were having a good time.
And then we'd have some greatconversations afterwards too
about the day and what happened.
Lennon (10:03):
Yeah, so don't try to buy your kids happiness, right?
Don't, don't try to fill, fillthose needs with, with things
that you can purchase.
You are not a bad parent if youcan't buy your kids the latest
and greatest.
The next thing is you're alsonot a bad parent if you can't
involve your kids in everyactivity.
Christal (10:20):
Mm-hmm.
That's true.
One of the fears behind thiswould be, I'm afraid that if.
Don't involve them in everyactivity.
They won't be, you know,well-rounded adults.
They won't grow up with all theskills they would need to have.
What do you think, what, what doyou think is another fear behind
that?
Lennon (10:37):
I, I think it's just also that they're gonna miss out
on something.
They could be.
If I was only smart enough totake them to this place.
Yeah.
Or to get them into this programor to have them, you know,
knowing Mandarin, Spanish, andFrench Right.
By the time that they're seven.
Yeah.
Like we don't want our kids tomiss out on opportunities and so
(10:57):
we can feel like we need to runthem everywhere, pay any cost to
get them involved with anything.
Christal (11:02):
Yeah.
I would really encourageparents.
To know that first of all, Godhas gifts and callings on each
of us, our and our kids.
And so if that's true, which itis even if we don't get every
lesson for them or, or maybe acertain sport at a certain age,
and we don't get'em involvedwhen they're four instead when
(11:23):
they're seven or eight, right?
If we as parents are not able todo that.
That does not take away from thecalling that God has on our kids
and the gifts that he's put inthem.
I know for me, like I ended updoing, music and I ended up
singing and all that stuff.
My, my family was never amusical family, but me and one
(11:43):
of my brothers both got involvedin singing and playing so.
What I find really encouragingabout that is it wasn't really
because my parents did all thesethings for me, then I got the
opportunity to be, a worshipleader, right?
So that was something that God,called in my life, and I think
that's the same for our kids,that we can take comfort knowing
(12:05):
that God really has callings andgifts and we don't have to.
Spend tons of money and put'emin all the activities to make
sure that they don't miss theircalling.
Lennon (12:14):
No, that's a wonderful point.
Because it is a reminder thatGod is involved with the
direction of our kids' lives.
Mm-hmm.
He knew all of their days.
Scripture says before one ofthem came to be.
The Bible also says that he'sprepared good works in advance
for us to do that.
We can walk in them.
So it's just a reminder that heis in this and he is with our
(12:35):
kids.
He is.
And that we aren't thearchitects of their lives.
We can provide whatopportunities that we can, but
in the end, we've gotta trustGod that exactly what you're
saying.
He has a plan for them.
If we're doing our best to helpthem love the Lord and live
godly lives, God is gonna makesure they get where they need to
(12:55):
go.
Christal (12:56):
Right.
You know, there's a lot ofbenefits about dinner around the
table and your, the health ofyour kids and the health of your
family.
Like, there's a lot that thatimpacts.
If, if you can have a few nightsa week around the table, dinner
together, there's a lot ofbeautiful things that come out
of that.
Lennon (13:15):
There is, and that's something Friends, if you're
listening, that's somethingworth.
Google seeing the outcomes inkids' lives that really change,
not from being involved in amillion activities, but from
eating dinner with their familyon a regular basis.
Yeah.
So don't feel like you've gottarun all over the place.
And don't feel like you're a badparent if you can involve your
(13:38):
kids in every activity.
Christal (13:39):
And our third one is, you're not a bad parent if your
kids don't make the honor roll.
What do you think about thatone?
Lennon (13:47):
I think this one's gonna be hard for some people to
accept.
Christal (13:50):
I think it is too.
Lennon (13:51):
Yeah.
Um, I, I realize that differentfamilies place different levels
of emphasis on academics.
The big thing is that we, weneed to not take our kids'
performance in school as apersonal assault, on our own
competence.
Christal (14:06):
Yeah.
Do you think that's what, whatparents are afraid of?
What's the fear behind this?
What are parents mostly worriedabout if they're.
If their kid's not makingStraight A's are they feeling
like as a parent, maybe they'refailing?
Lennon (14:18):
I, I do think that can be one.
As a parent, I'm failing.
My kid is, he's behind, he's notdoing well.
What have, what have I done?
And then I think another fear isif they don't do good in school,
they're not gonna get into agood college.
They don't get into a goodcollege.
They won't have a good career.
If they don't have a greatcareer, they're gonna be off the
rails and it's all gonna be myfault because they're not in the
(14:39):
honor roll.
Christal (14:40):
And How many of us actually even ended up using the
degree that we got in college
Lennon (14:46):
change?
Oh, don't ask that question.
Christal (14:47):
Yeah, we change our minds.
We change our where we're gonnago, and so we really can't put
too much pressure on the perfectgrades.
There's so many people whodidn't make.
An a average and they were stillsuper successful in their lives.
So it's more about, I think,character and the type of person
(15:07):
they're becoming and you know,are they, are they giving up on
everything or are they workinghard to complete a goal?
Are they doing their best?
Too.
Lennon (15:18):
Yeah.
That's the big deal.
I I, and that's, honestly, Ifeel like that's what we are
more in control of as parentswhenever it comes to our
children's academics and, andcontrol might be stretching it,
but we do need to emphasize,hey, we need to be helping them.
Early on, Hey, this is how youstudy.
Are you ready to go for thistest tomorrow?
(15:40):
And as they get older andacademics are more and more in
their hands, we're wanting tosee them become people that do
what they're supposed to do whenit's time to do it.
They may or may not have thegifts to be an academic rock
star, right?
And to make the grades that wemaybe have dreamed for them to
make.
(16:00):
But I cannot be totally honest.
The only people.
That have ever asked me about myGPA in high school and college
have been our kids.
Christal (16:12):
Yeah.
And it's
Lennon (16:12):
because they have a tendency to put all the pressure
they could possibly need onthemselves without me putting it
on them.
Christal (16:20):
Yeah.
I had a good conversation with afriend their daughter was, in
school and she was trying toencourage her Like, remember
you're getting a degree.
No one's gonna ask you when youhave that degree on your wall
from college.
No one's gonna say, what wasyour GPA when you graduated?
They're not gonna care.
They're just gonna care ifyou're a doctor.
If you're a doctor, you actuallygraduated and you got your
(16:43):
degree and you know what you'redoing.
The GP is never on our diploma,right?
Mm-hmm.
Okay, so let's go to numberfour.
You're not a bad parent if yourkids sin or suffer.
Those are two big things
Lennon (16:59):
and we went back and forth as to whether or not to
even include this right here.
Not because it's not important,but because it's hard to do it
justice.
It is, uh, in, in a podcast.
This stuff should be the subjectmatter of an entire.
Parenting seminar or maybe aSunday sermon or something like
that.
But, and they're, and they'rereally different things to sin
(17:20):
and to suffer or are differentcategories.
But the overall fear is that ifwe were good enough parents,
then our kids wouldn't go offthe rails and sin.
Or if we were good enoughparents, we'd be able to keep
our kids from hurting.
Christal (17:35):
Right.
And I love what you always sayabout Adam and Eve had the
perfect father.
And yet they sinned.
So it's not about ourperformance as a parent or if
our kids will ever make amistake.
And so the fear to me is this,is this my fault that they're,
first of all, if it's sin, isthis my fault that.
Maybe I didn't teach certainlessons well enough, or maybe I
(17:58):
wasn't hard enough on them, ormaybe I was too hard on them and
they did this thing, and then inthe suffering, I think it's the
same.
Is this my fault?
Could I have prevented thissituation?
It's really crazy where ourminds can go, especially when a
kid, if it, our kid is diagnosedwith something.
My, this is a mom thing maybe,but my thoughts go back to the
(18:20):
womb, you get in these crazythoughts of how could I have
messed this kid up?
What did I do for this tohappen?
Lennon (18:27):
Yeah.
It's true.
Yeah.
This is heavy.
Even talking about it.
It is.
But with with the sin part,you're exactly right.
Adam and Eve had an unfilteredrelationship with God, and it
wasn't God's fault that theychose to sin.
Judas had Jesus, he heard Jesustalk about being aware of greed
and the love of money, and yetJudas is stealing from the
(18:50):
treasury, the money bag thatJesus and his disciples are are
using, right?
We cannot be good enough parentsthat our kids will not know what
it's like to live with.
The flesh.
Christal (19:02):
Yeah.
Lennon (19:03):
And go through temptations, it's gonna happen.
Christal (19:06):
And really they start off that way.
They're not born perfect.
And so we, whenever they sin orthey do something that's shocks
us or surprise us, think at theyounger years, you know, they
throw a fit in the middle ofWalmart.
I mean, it, it can surprise us.
Like, where did this come from?
But, they're humans.
And so they're not born perfect.
(19:27):
They're gonna sin, they're gonnamess up, they're gonna make
mistakes.
It's g it's just gonna happen.
Lennon (19:32):
So here's what we have to know with sin and with
suffering.
Again, too big topics, but yourkids are gonna need the grace of
God and the sustaining power ofGod every bit as much as you do.
And so our opportunity, wheneverour kids' sin, is to show them
what forgiveness looks like, andour opportunity when our kids
are suffering is also to sayagain, the Lord's mercies are
(19:56):
new every morning.
God is already there.
He's with you in it.
So the big lesson here is justto, to look in the mirror and to
be able to be honest withyourself and, and receive this,
that your kids are going to needboth the forgiveness and the
grace of God every bit as muchas you do.
And it's about preparing themfor the world that they're gonna
live in, uh, more than shieldingthem from it when they sin small
(20:20):
and big.
Can you model the mercy andgrace of God and whenever they
suffer, can you.
Weep with them while they'reweeping and just let them know
that.
God knows what it's like tosuffer.
Jesus has gone through all ofthis and he loves you and he's
present with it, but wheneveryour kids sin or whenever they
suffer, it does notautomatically mean you are a bad
(20:41):
parent.
Christal (20:42):
Right, that's true.
We know that our kids are gonnago through this world and at
some point they're gonna sufferwith something.
And like you're saying, I thinkreally just being able to point
them to Jesus each time toremind them We have a comforter,
we have a healer, we have asavior, we have someone who, who
understands our troubles.
(21:02):
So if we can point them toJesus, then I feel like.
When they're out of our house.
They will know where to go to.
Lennon (21:09):
Yeah, and one more thing with you mom and dad, that's
that's true for you as well.
When your kids are suffering orwhen your kids sin mm-hmm.
You also can go to the Lord forhis comfort.
Here's one of the things I usedto tell myself that was actually
a lie.
I remember when one of our kidswas going through an intense
season of suffering, and I wouldbe feeling really bad myself.
(21:33):
I would feel hurt, like I, Iwould be really hurting.
Yeah.
I remember trying to strengthenmyself by saying, okay, they are
the ones who are reallysuffering here and kind of buck
up and, lean into myresponsibility as a dad.
Now, I did have responsibilitiesas a dad, but I think that I
wasn't giving myself.
(21:53):
Permission to need the Lord'shelp too.
The truth is, I was sufferingbecause exactly what you're
saying mm-hmm.
Is the case for almost everyparent.
If I could take this on myself,I would.
I would trade it.
Mm-hmm.
Multiply at times 12.
If I could only keep you fromdoing it or from going through
it.
That's its own form ofsuffering.
It's, we need the grace of Godtoo.
Christal (22:14):
Yeah.
And we have a savior who didthat for us, who took everything
on himself and died for us andwe couldn't remember that.
Like you're saying, that'savailable for us as parents and
we need that.
We need to go to him when ourkid's going through something,
maybe if it is suffering, ormaybe they're making some bad
decisions.
As a parent, we really need tolean into the Lord and trust him
(22:36):
to be our help and to rememberthat he is with us and he is
gonna help us through that time.
So parents, you're not a badparent if that's what's
happening with you right now, ifthey're making some bad
decisions.
If their character has someflaws like we all do, or if
they're suffering and they'regoing through a hard situation
that you can't fix.
(22:56):
You're not a bad parent, but youhave an amazing God who can
help.
With any situation, and he hasall the answers, he has all the
healing that we need.
All right, so let's move on toour last one.
Lennon (23:11):
The last one is, is simply this, uh, you're not a
bad parent if your life doesn'tlook like Instagram.
Christal (23:18):
What?
You, are you saying that Ishouldn't have a Instagram
Perfect family?
Lennon (23:24):
Well, I'm saying you don't have an Instagram perfect
family,
Christal (23:27):
but I can make it look that way.
Right?
Lennon (23:29):
Yeah.
And that's the key, right?
It's it's look that way.
Yeah.
Why do you think, why do youthink this is a, a pressure that
we feel like, what is the fearthat we have if our lives don't
measure up to what's in ourfeed?
Christal (23:41):
Well, I think the first thing that comes to my
mind is if we don't look likeeverything's great, people will
find us out for who we reallyare.
Maybe people will, it's kind,it's really vain, you know?
And I think if there's a fearbehind it, I think we're not
measuring up or comparing to oneanother well, it really is.
(24:04):
A messed up way of thinking, butit is so human and all of us
deal with it in some way, youknow?
Lennon (24:10):
Yeah.
I think that this is one ofthose fears that is hardest to
articulate because we know howstupid it is.
Yeah.
We're like, I, I shouldn't becomparing my life to someone
else.
So because it's neverarticulated, sometimes what it
is, is it's just this unspokenweight that we feel and this
suspicion that everybody else isdoing it better than us.
Mm-hmm.
Everybody else is a betterparent.
(24:31):
Their kids are happier, all ofthat kind of stuff.
So it may not be something wecan articulate, but it's there.
Christal (24:38):
Yeah, this Started back before Instagram was even a
thing for me.
I remember just like in the timeour kids were little, the big
thing to make everything lookbeautiful was Pinterest.
Lennon (24:48):
Pinterest and
Christal (24:49):
Pinterest is still around and doing well from what
I know.
But, you really wanted to havethings, what they call Pinterest
worthy.
And so I remember going to somekids' birthday parties that were
just amazing, like they lookedlike a Pinterest worthy party.
And I remember feeling like.
I don't even know if I could dothis, even if I tried.
You know, this is not my giftingto make amazing birthday
(25:12):
parties.
And some people it is, andthey're really good at it and
they love it.
So there's no, no shame in thatat all.
But I just felt the pressure.
Our day when our kids werelittle that every birthday party
had to be so beautiful.
And if it wasn't beautiful, likeit may not be worth having or
something like, somethingridiculous like that.
You know?
(25:32):
I did end up doing a coupleparties that I worked so hard on
for the kids, and it was, itturned out pretty good.
But you know, I also did somejust kind of like throw it
together parties and really theyhad just as much fun.
Yeah.
I don't remember them evercomplaining that it didn't look
as good as the last one.
Lennon (25:49):
It's such a, it is such a trap.
To get into and it pulls us outof the moment.
Yeah.
With, with whatever we're doing,it can really just pull us out
of the moment if we arewondering how what we're doing
is gonna compare to someoneelse, or, my goodness, going
back to the feed later to seewhat people have said about the
amazing thing that we've.
That we've shown.
Yeah.
And so the reality is wheneverwe post something, we're posting
(26:13):
our very best.
Whenever we see somebody else'spost, we're post.
We we're seeing their very best.
And daily life isn't a highlightreel, and so that's where you
wanna post a picture?
Post a picture, yeah.
Just don't compare how thingsare in your marriage or with
your kids to what you're seeingin someone else's feed.
Yeah.
(26:33):
'cause whatever you're seeing,you're not seeing their life.
Christal (26:36):
Mm-hmm.
This really connects a lot tothe first topic we talked about
with buying them everything thateverybody else has.
I think it's really, it's reallyabout a comparison thing Let's
just, let's just really do ourbest to please the Lord.
You know, that's who we'rereally ultimately trying to
please is God right?
Lennon (26:56):
That is, and that's.
In fact, I think that's a prettygood way to begin to wrap this
up.
The words of Jesus in Matthewchapter six, seek first the
kingdom of God in hisrighteousness, and the things
that we need will be added tous.
Uh, parenting, it's, we saidearly on, it's not a GPS thing.
Turn by turn and everything willend up perfect.
(27:16):
But we have the compass of godlypriorities and God's word.
Let's want for our kids and wantfor our family what God wants.
To the best that we can discernwhile loving him and praying
together as husband and wifeabout the direction of our
family and some of these otherthings can just, can fall to the
ground.
There's enough real stuff toworry about, to not worry about
(27:37):
keeping up with others or ourkids on the a honor roll.
How do we look online
Christal (27:42):
and there's no perfect parent.
There's just no perfect kid orparent.
And so we can be encouragedthat, we're doing our best and
that there's always gonna besomething that our kids are
gonna grow up and think, I woulddo that differently.
But really it's about looking tothe Lord and what is he asking
of you as a parent?
Lennon (28:01):
Okay.
This has been a greatdiscussion.
So friends this week maybereflect on what pressures that
you can let go of.
There's plenty of legitimatethings to focus on.
Let's just go with that.
Christal (28:11):
Yeah, and we'd love for you to follow us on social
media.
We are on Facebook, Instagram,and TikTok, and you can go to
home and marriage.com for moreinformation.
If your church is looking for amarriage retreat or a marriage
conference, we would love tocome and speak to your couples
there.
Lennon (28:31):
Well, Friends, thanks again for listening today.
We really do believe that yourhome can be your favorite place
and that however good things aretoday, you can be even better at
home and stronger together.
Thanks for being with us today.
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