The Silent Crowd: Victim Shaming, Enabling, and the Cost of Standing By

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In one of our most unfiltered and urgent conversations yet, we unpack the hidden harm of victim shaming and enabling: the moments when silence, minimisation, and misplaced loyalty feed abuse instead of stopping it. From family members brushing things under the rug to friends still inviting abusers to the barbecue, we name the ways “not getting involved” makes you part of the problem.

We share personal stories of being dismissed, doubted, and told “it’s not that bad,” and explore how that apathy can be more soul-crushing than the abuse itself. This episode isn’t just for survivors — it’s for friends, family, and bystanders who might one day be the lifeline someone needs.

It’s fierce, it’s raw, and it’s a call to action: stop excusing harm. Stop enabling it. And stop letting it hide in plain sight.

Trigger warning: contains discussion of abuse, victim shaming, suicide, and mental health.

10 ways you can help end violence against women:

1.   Listen to and believe survivors
2.   Teach the next generation and learn from them
3.   Call for responses and services fit for purpose
4.   Understand consent
5.   Learn the signs of abuse and how you can help
6.   Start a conversation
7.   Stand against rape culture
8.   Fund women's organizations
9.   Hold each other accountable
10.     Know the data and demand more of it

If you need support right now, here are some resources that may help:

National Domestic Abuse Helpline - 0808 200 0247

Samaritans (UK) – Call 116 123 (free, 24/7)

National Suicide Prevention Helpline (US) – Call or text 988

Crisis Text Line (US/UK) – Text HOME to 741741

Women’s Aid (UK) – womensaid.org.uk

‘I’m not sure if my relationship is healthy/ I’m worries about someone else/ I need support - The survivors handbook: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/informat...

Claires Law - Apply for information about your current or ex-partner because you're worried they may have a history of abuse and are a risk to you: https://www.met.police.uk/rqo/request...

We also have direct links to support resources on our landing page: https://stan.store/houseofherpod

We created what we needed when we were healing. Our house is your house.