The Precondition for Influence

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit persefonecoaching.substack.com

Please note that the contents of the video and the text below are different

Before anyone will seriously consider changing their mind, they must feel safe enough to do so. This is the foundation that makes everything else possible. Without psychological safety, every technique of persuasion fails. People will not examine their beliefs, acknowledge uncertainty, or consider alternatives when they feel threatened, judged, or under attack. Creating this safety is your first and most critical task.

What People Need to Feel Safe

Mutual respect for persons, not just positions.

People must experience that you value them as human beings regardless of their views. This goes beyond politeness. This means demonstrating through your words and manner that you see them as worthy of dignity even when you find their position deeply wrong. Someone holds views on transgender rights that you consider harmful. They need to know that you are engaging with them as a full person with legitimate concerns, even as you challenge their conclusions. The moment they sense you have written them off as bigoted or beneath respect, they will defend their position with every psychological resource available. They cannot afford to reconsider views when reconsideration feels like admitting they are a bad person.

Separation of ideas from identity.

People need space to question their own beliefs without feeling they are questioning who they are. Many political views become intertwined with identity. Someone who has always voted Conservative, whose family votes Conservative, whose community is Conservative, experiences challenges to Conservative policy as challenges to their place in their social world. You must make it possible for them to say “I am reconsidering this specific policy position” without feeling they are saying “I am betraying my identity and community.” This requires explicitly naming that questioning a view is strength, that thoughtful people refine their positions, that changing your mind about taxation or healthcare or criminal justice says nothing about your fundamental character or loyalties.

Permission to be uncertain.

People need to know that expressing doubt will be met with respect rather than pounced upon as weakness. Fixed beliefs are often defended so rigidly because the person fears that admitting any uncertainty will cause their entire position to collapse. Someone argues strongly against further climate action. If they admit uncertainty about even one aspect, they fear you will treat this as proof that their whole position is invalid. You must make uncertainty safe by acknowledging your own uncertainties, by treating their tentative questions as valuable rather than as victories for your side, by rewarding intellectual honesty rather than punishing it. When someone says “I am not certain about that part,” your response determines whether they will ever say it again.

Clear ground rules.

People need to know what kind of conversation this will be before they commit to it. Will personal attacks be permitted? Will past statements be used against them? Will confidences be kept or will this conversation be reported to others?