169: Full Service

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What's the name of the podcast? Even comedy's not going
to be a podcast?

Speaker 2 (00:08):
Would I wouldn't say that.

Speaker 3 (00:09):
I wouldn't say I wouldn't.

Speaker 4 (00:10):
So would.

Speaker 1 (00:13):
Fucking go and come Jesus better?

Speaker 3 (00:16):
And then prior to this starting, you're like, I can't
believe no one listens to the pod. There you go,
all right, So what's been happening is Ethan has been on.

Speaker 5 (00:26):
How many dates have you hung out with this chick for.

Speaker 1 (00:30):
Here's the story, right, I've hung out a few times,
smoked a bit of weed, cuddle on the couch, chilled out.
It's been fine. You can do that as friends. Whatever.
She came around and cooked me dinner, which that's more
intimate than a finger in the bum in your books.

Speaker 3 (00:51):
In my books, they never cooked me dinner.

Speaker 2 (00:58):
Gave you a bit of the body of.

Speaker 1 (01:01):
Someone's covered red cook and you did it. You're like,
all right, well, maybe she's interested, No, not interested. Then
I was down at the pub before I came out
to the show last night and she was down there.
I was like, I'm going into the club.

Speaker 2 (01:12):
What'd you make?

Speaker 1 (01:14):
Spag bowl? Not even just like one step up from
toast tomato sauce.

Speaker 3 (01:25):
Like heines tomato sauce she put in. Heines, you know what,
how to date this chick?

Speaker 2 (01:32):
Anyway, If that's how you make it, spaghetti, get out,
that's honestly, that's an instant. She's not interested.

Speaker 1 (01:40):
Here's the thing. I hate you. She's with me. I
swear to god, she's bragg into her friends.

Speaker 6 (01:47):
So I went around there cooking spaghetti boling as with
tomato sauce, and that dumb can't eat it.

Speaker 1 (01:52):
Dude, I was on the fucking moon stoned. So it
was good. Yeah, I was enjoying it. Yeah, but I
bought a jar of actual sauce. I'm like, here's She's like, no,
where's a bottle of tomatoes?

Speaker 2 (02:03):
Oh my god, what kind of broken heart?

Speaker 6 (02:06):
She kicked her out, said you need to leave half
a bottle of Worcester sauce in there.

Speaker 1 (02:11):
Christ, that's sucking unhinge.

Speaker 3 (02:13):
All right, So you go to the pub last night,
you see her there drinking, and then you invite her
to the club, and then you get on the crush
boots and you fucking have a good set, of course,
and then you're, dude, lucky you had a good set.

Speaker 1 (02:29):
I know Adam is sitting there at the pub just
going you're going to bomb unt, please love God, did
not let that happen.

Speaker 2 (02:36):
And then what you invited her back to your house?

Speaker 1 (02:39):
I gave her a lift back to the pub because
we went back there there.

Speaker 2 (02:43):
What are you taking it there for?

Speaker 1 (02:45):
Her friend was down there, and I was like, let's.

Speaker 2 (02:47):
Get to fuck the friend too.

Speaker 1 (02:50):
Why are we was we need to get back to
the pub because she left her friend there to come
out to fucking come to this thing. Her friend was
staying over at her.

Speaker 2 (03:01):
She's shipped to her friends as well.

Speaker 3 (03:04):
All right, here's the deal, dude. She doesn't she's not interested.
She's a gen Z chick who is lonely. And it's
just like the option of having some much friends and
not to feel lonely. So you just hang out with
someone so you don't feel lonely, because you know, I
don't know if you know, but seventy five percent of

(03:27):
gen Z females say that they experience loneliness three to
four times a week.

Speaker 1 (03:33):
Yeah, the knights that they don't have a man around.

Speaker 3 (03:35):
You, exactly right, so or they them or other whatever
fucking these gen Z can'ts are into.

Speaker 2 (03:41):
That's the Deal's working the night shift he's not Jesus
Christ if I wasselves by their dads, all of them.
That's why they're so fun.

Speaker 1 (03:53):
You're father to two children alphabras.

Speaker 5 (03:57):
They're big alpha dogs.

Speaker 2 (03:58):
They come back fucking useless.

Speaker 3 (04:02):
Yeah, So so here, like, I think you've got two
choices here. First choice, I recommend this one, like, invest
all your money into steroids and start going to the
gym to pack that like a little bit of muscle
on square out the jaw, a bit Matte Rife style.
Or option two, don't do that and just find a

(04:22):
nice fat chick because fat checks love skinny guys. I
think they're the two options.

Speaker 1 (04:26):
I'll go a nice fat chick, dude, fat.

Speaker 2 (04:28):
Checks a sweet.

Speaker 3 (04:29):
They'll probably cook you better food than tomato sauce, spaghetti bolonnaise.

Speaker 6 (04:34):
I look after you, yeah all right, and the image
of you with a fucking huge fat chick tell you
you couldn't.

Speaker 1 (04:43):
Yeah, all right.

Speaker 2 (04:45):
Well making me edge just think of it.

Speaker 1 (04:48):
Not to throw this chick that I've been talking to
under the bus completely. But I know a girl, so
I don't want to call a fat.

Speaker 2 (05:00):
That you just did.

Speaker 1 (05:00):
She's husky husky. She's a husky, just.

Speaker 2 (05:03):
A sled dog.

Speaker 1 (05:06):
She could pull a sled.

Speaker 2 (05:09):
Us around the dogs all the sledge you want. You're
not going you get a good sled dog. You're gonna
wear your glasses as well. Safety.

Speaker 1 (05:22):
It's just me.

Speaker 2 (05:23):
Yeah, there we go, bag.

Speaker 1 (05:27):
From trying to start the podcast a piece of work.
Fucking do you come you? Fuck?

Speaker 2 (05:34):
It's almost like you made a spaghetti with fucking heins.
My it's on the same level.

Speaker 3 (05:38):
Really, Yeah, dude, that's that's some grade A level bollocks.
And to be honest, I just i'd fucking just stop
hanging out with this chick.

Speaker 1 (05:45):
If you don't like a challenge, Bradley, No, but it's.

Speaker 3 (05:48):
Just like you're wasting your time. And I say this
as a friend because I love you and I think you're.

Speaker 1 (05:52):
A good dude.

Speaker 3 (05:52):
Stop hanging out with this losers with full respect and apologies.

Speaker 5 (05:58):
Yeah, if you stop hanging out with this chick.

Speaker 1 (06:00):
If that's what your goal is, if you just want
to be friends with her.

Speaker 3 (06:02):
Because the thing is, if you wanted to, like, if
you guys wanted to shag, you've had ample opportunity to shag.

Speaker 5 (06:09):
You've hung out more than three occasions.

Speaker 2 (06:11):
You know.

Speaker 3 (06:12):
Even those chicks are like, oh it takes me three
dates before I got my pants or whatever that age
old rule is. She hasn't done that.

Speaker 1 (06:18):
I think that's where I'm at. I'm like, if, like,
if I can't seal this deal after what I pulled
last night, it's not fucking happened. That's like legitimately, Like
if you can't drag a girl on crush and then
take her home and fuck game over, bros, happening.

Speaker 3 (06:35):
Just cut your losses and just stop talking to her.
She's twenty years old as well.

Speaker 6 (06:39):
Yeah, finger painting.

Speaker 1 (06:44):
She's twenty, not twelve, Mitch fucking might as well be twelve.

Speaker 2 (06:48):
Make her some skeaty, but just pour some hind sauce
on your dick. Skinny and meatballs. Is the spaghetti meatballs?

Speaker 1 (06:58):
It's long and skinny.

Speaker 5 (07:00):
Yeah, like the rest of your mate.

Speaker 1 (07:03):
Id doesn't get.

Speaker 3 (07:04):
Hard, You've got to you can. You can throw it
at the ceiling and if it sticks and you know it's.

Speaker 2 (07:11):
Ready one of those geckos.

Speaker 3 (07:19):
Slowly, you're just like you get to Ethan's house, you
see his dick on this from the last time he
used it.

Speaker 5 (07:27):
Yeah, stop hanging.

Speaker 1 (07:29):
That's why I'm not getting sense. They're like the last
one cut it off and took it with her.

Speaker 3 (07:36):
Yeah, stop hanging out with chicks with substance abuse problems,
would be well, I know, beggars.

Speaker 1 (07:42):
Maybe this is an assassination on my character.

Speaker 5 (07:53):
No, it's a good heart to heart that to hear it,
to hear.

Speaker 3 (07:57):
Yeah, if you're doing other dangerous activities like shooting Heroin
under a bridge, I'd pull you aside and I have
the same conversation.

Speaker 1 (08:04):
It's pretty close to doing that. It's you'd have more
fun doing Heroin.

Speaker 3 (08:11):
Just have a good long nap, wake up ship yourself.
You'd be like, this is what it feels like to
be eighty years old.

Speaker 1 (08:18):
I already look like I do it. I might as well.

Speaker 3 (08:21):
Yeah, you've definitely got the appearance of someone who does
math like a regular basis.

Speaker 1 (08:26):
Especially with that fucking mullet. Yeah, it's a beautiful, beautiful mullet,
which I'm getting accustomed to it. I'm actually it's grown.
Yeah that's fuck, it's growing on me.

Speaker 5 (08:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (08:38):
I think that next time we cut your hair, or
I won't cut it, but next time, like once you
grow it out a bit, we'll go to the same
boat and get him to do a proper job and
then I think you'll have a mullet that you can
like not be deeply ashamed about.

Speaker 1 (08:50):
I'm not ashamed of this. Okay, good, but this is fine.

Speaker 3 (08:53):
There was a period of time after after the Tuesday
open mIRC where you bombed and I went home and
I bombed as well, and I said to cast.

Speaker 5 (09:00):
I was like, I feel genuinely bad that has happened.

Speaker 2 (09:04):
Really all right?

Speaker 1 (09:06):
Yeah, the first half, yeah, I definitely. Crowd work was fine.
Then I tried to do bits and they weren't having it,
and then everyone in the first half of eight ship yeah,
and the second half was fine.

Speaker 3 (09:17):
Yeah, the second half was good. It was a real
tough slog to get up after so many people ate dicks,
and then I just tried to change the energy and
crowd work my way into like trying new material, and
every cunt just was like, yeah, I played basketball, Yeah,
I played basketball. There was like four people with the
same fuck you guys are gay cunts.

Speaker 2 (09:41):
This is one of the worst.

Speaker 1 (09:42):
Everyone's name is Jack.

Speaker 2 (09:43):
Yeah, it was all Sam.

Speaker 3 (09:44):
There was three Sam's black, Sam white Sam, and Sam's
girlfriend Sam.

Speaker 1 (09:51):
Cunts.

Speaker 5 (09:52):
I hate all of you.

Speaker 1 (09:54):
I probably does get mad at an open mic if
it's not going well. Yeah, especially when you snapped it
at the blind guys.

Speaker 3 (10:02):
Those blind cuts fully deserved, like they I don't care
that you can't see.

Speaker 2 (10:07):
That's not a good excuse for you to be a
complete cunt. You know.

Speaker 3 (10:11):
There was two fucking blind people at this gig, ben
and they sat right in the front.

Speaker 2 (10:16):
Already yeah and.

Speaker 1 (10:19):
Blind.

Speaker 3 (10:21):
And then like the minute you'd set up a premise,
just like, oh, so I was walking down the street
today and I noticed something really and I'm like.

Speaker 2 (10:27):
I am, man, what did you notice? I wish I
could notice things when I walk down the.

Speaker 3 (10:31):
Street, so I shut up hunt everyone. They just interrupted everyone,
and I'd had one of those days where I'm like,
I don't particularly even feel like going to the stag,
but I didn't want to be a pussy, so I went.
And then I was already angry. And then the only
two audience members were two blind cunts, and I just
went on a rampage at him.

Speaker 5 (10:50):
I was like, I fucking hate you cunts.

Speaker 3 (10:52):
I fucking hate I want to defund the NDIS right now, dude, Like,
I love dogs, but I'll kick your fucking blind dog
just for looking.

Speaker 2 (10:59):
At you can't And then after.

Speaker 3 (11:04):
About three minutes of telling them how much I hated it,
they were they genuine had hurt on their face, and
I was like, now I feel bad. Then I started
to do material that interrupted me. I'm like, I regret
nothing that I said.

Speaker 1 (11:17):
So much. The thing about that if they weren't there,
it was fun. It was just comedians. Yeah, and honestly,
Taylor did it like one hundred percent what you had
to do in that situation. I can't remember what he did,
but yeah, I just remember him crushing recipes.

Speaker 5 (11:34):
Taylor Coffee. Move back to camera.

Speaker 1 (11:36):
He's gone, Yeah, hell we.

Speaker 5 (11:40):
Lost a big one, queen being Yeah, we lost a
good one.

Speaker 3 (11:42):
You know, of all the people that I could relegate
out of the fucking community.

Speaker 1 (11:50):
Diversity, it was the only one that looked like a
lesbian on the mall, on the sausage versut line up,
he was carrying it.

Speaker 2 (11:57):
Yeah, yeah he was.

Speaker 5 (11:59):
He could passes a Dike fish.

Speaker 6 (12:02):
Yeah you could tell. Like the crowds thought he was
a lesbian when they first got up, and then halfway
through the set they realized it was a dude.

Speaker 1 (12:10):
The most confusion.

Speaker 5 (12:13):
God bless him.

Speaker 1 (12:14):
Yeah I miss him.

Speaker 5 (12:16):
Yeah, he's a good lad.

Speaker 1 (12:17):
So what happened to your gig? Benny? He got fucking canned?
You're telling me all the way.

Speaker 2 (12:20):
In Yeah, they I don't know if they just fucking
said it wasn't in budget or something fucking bullshit. So
glass for five hundred intead of four hundred, and they're
like and I was like, well, if you can't find
an extra fucking hundred dollars, you're not driving five hours.
It's probably so fucking don't worry about it. And she
reached down. I was like, yeah, fucking would you want

(12:41):
to do one? I'm like, yeah, what's your budget? She's like, oh,
I think she said four hundred and she could give
us like a room and whatnot. And I went, well
can you do five? And she's like, oh yeah, I'll
talk about with my business partner and whatno. And I
sent her a text on Tuesday, no response. I was like,
I'm pretty sure I've got the gist of it here. Yeah,
I'm trying to book other ships. I was like, I

(13:02):
sent a message last night and I'm like, hey, you
know what's going on? Do you want to lock in
this date? Yead yad YadA? And she's like, oh no,
we want to do it now I've got a bit
on and it's we've been budget and what no one.
I was like, yeah right, yeah, you knew that on Tuesday.
Just to tell me, just tell me a big deal.
I don't care.

Speaker 3 (13:18):
Sh fucking ship can't say you have to deal with
when trying to run a comedy room is crazy.

Speaker 1 (13:26):
You've been dealing with.

Speaker 5 (13:27):
It, oh man, just fucking just a guy.

Speaker 1 (13:30):
You've been dealing with a big time.

Speaker 5 (13:32):
Idiots, just idiots, and it's.

Speaker 1 (13:34):
Just and they think that you're making like a shipload
of money off of it, and You're like, I'm making nothing, brother.

Speaker 2 (13:39):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (13:41):
The funniest thing was like then they were complaining to
me about some ship and then one of the blokes
is like, like, we make no money off you, and
I was like, brother, you think I'm making money? Like
go through the emails and you can see the split
of what I give comics. I'm like, I make barely
fuck all. But it's only the fact that like, we

(14:01):
need more rooms, so I just want to continue to
be able to do comedy.

Speaker 1 (14:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (14:06):
Yeah, it's a fuck mate. But at the end of
the day, they're not charging them right amount. Then let's
aff for not making money, Like you.

Speaker 1 (14:14):
Need to charge appropriately otherwise you know, a bit of drizzle.

Speaker 2 (14:17):
But also all the drinks and the food in the
restaurant and whatnot, and bullshit. They're not making money yeah yeah, yeah,
Like maybe not that you can directly like you know,
associated with the gig, but like you're making money.

Speaker 3 (14:29):
Yeah, people are coming and eating and then getting a
couple of drinks and then buying tickets and then coming
to the show.

Speaker 5 (14:36):
You've you're going.

Speaker 1 (14:37):
To make me. I'll put money on it that he
thinks in his head that those people would have been
there anyway.

Speaker 5 (14:42):
Yeah, that's exactly it.

Speaker 3 (14:43):
Yeah yeah, and then there's no real tangible way that
you can track, like without.

Speaker 2 (14:48):
That's the only can you get in there.

Speaker 5 (14:51):
You could probably do the one hundred I reckon.

Speaker 1 (14:54):
Yeah, get we.

Speaker 2 (14:55):
Had eighty five in there, and with so ten bucks
of ticket eighty five, it's eight hundred and fifty bucks. Yeah,
he's not fucking losing that much money if he is,
Like I don't know what you're paying, but.

Speaker 6 (15:05):
Not on that Like if they each by two beers,
it's twenty bucks.

Speaker 3 (15:09):
There, and then you're buying like a pizza, there's like
fucking twenty five bucks.

Speaker 1 (15:16):
Yeah. The problem is, once you've set that ticket price,
you've set it. How do you fucking yeah, you have
to slightly pump it up.

Speaker 2 (15:24):
Yeah, it'll just be eventually just finding more rooms to
just go.

Speaker 5 (15:27):
And go and do shit. So anyway, fucking it is
what it is.

Speaker 1 (15:33):
Just do fucking regional rooms like Benny does.

Speaker 2 (15:35):
It's a hard game O fight enough of them.

Speaker 5 (15:40):
Yeah, I'm starting to get like a little bit of
sweat under here.

Speaker 2 (15:43):
I think it's only easy going.

Speaker 1 (15:45):
I can't do it.

Speaker 6 (15:45):
Anmal wouldn't have nothing to do with the nicotine that
you're consuming.

Speaker 5 (15:50):
Never, oh never.

Speaker 3 (15:53):
Dude, You're I liked you better when you weren't smoking.

Speaker 2 (15:58):
These every time.

Speaker 3 (16:00):
Every time I come here, it's a charity be fucking
hand out.

Speaker 5 (16:02):
Someone wants a fucking.

Speaker 2 (16:05):
Someone always does.

Speaker 6 (16:06):
I've always got She's like, oh, just one and then takes.

Speaker 2 (16:11):
Seventy five later.

Speaker 1 (16:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (16:14):
Yeah, I've got no problem sharing drugs, but I want
them shared back with me.

Speaker 5 (16:20):
That's fine, Get me some drugs.

Speaker 1 (16:24):
Do you want to do it?

Speaker 3 (16:25):
Yeah, dude, but when was the last time you done
one of those? You guys actually did something recently. Ya
had mdy mate and your thing recently.

Speaker 1 (16:34):
Yeah, it was good.

Speaker 2 (16:35):
Yeah, dude, funk.

Speaker 5 (16:35):
That wake up, Mitch. I would I do it? Yeah,
I've completed it.

Speaker 1 (16:45):
You have to You've done it, done it. I feel
the same moment.

Speaker 3 (16:49):
I've ticked every box and activity that you can do
on it. Now, Like the thought of it makes me
just want to like, what does it do for you?
Makes you love everyone and have endless energy together?

Speaker 1 (16:59):
Already?

Speaker 2 (17:00):
I don't have an lost energy. You've got very little.

Speaker 1 (17:02):
Everyone already it man, You'll find it.

Speaker 3 (17:05):
Yeah, You'll just dance for like NonStop for twelve hours
at a festival, and then like afterwards you'll be like, well,
where can we go to dance afterwards?

Speaker 6 (17:14):
I need you'll have the most intense conversations about just
ship like cake or trucks.

Speaker 2 (17:24):
Nice.

Speaker 1 (17:26):
I think that's your autism.

Speaker 6 (17:28):
I think that's right. Yeah, I think I'll do the
same thing on weed.

Speaker 5 (17:33):
We need to get you a shot of coffee, Mitch.

Speaker 3 (17:35):
I can see like one of your eyes is like closed.

Speaker 1 (17:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (17:41):
The snack pack coma got on Struggle Street. I don't
know why I think thought a snack pack would be
a good idea. It was the only thing that was
a that was a that was a fat boy moment.

Speaker 7 (17:50):
Of weakness where especially after working out, like like they're
hard sessions, like they fucking they and they suck more
because I'm fat.

Speaker 1 (18:02):
And then I finished, and I'm like, all right, sack back, Let's.

Speaker 3 (18:07):
Do a little give yourself a little treat. Just go
and consume twice as much calories and what you burnt off.

Speaker 1 (18:13):
Yeah, I won't need to eat for three days, but
I will.

Speaker 2 (18:17):
You'll eat another three times before the gigs. Yeah. I
could make it through a winter, but I'm not going
to do it.

Speaker 1 (18:26):
I couldn't make it through a winter.

Speaker 2 (18:28):
I've been working, been working on my winter body. We
all feel the same. In the summer, remains well warm.

Speaker 1 (18:36):
You would all outlast me. In the winter. You'd be
fucked after a week it you'd be cooking me. If
it was one of those airline crash, wouldn't get much.

Speaker 3 (18:49):
We'd strategically we'd want to gang up on a thicker boy,
would be like more meat.

Speaker 2 (18:54):
Yeah, in fairtas though you'll probably see more winters than
I will. I don't know.

Speaker 5 (19:00):
He's got a pretty fucked hard at the moment.

Speaker 1 (19:01):
Yeah, yeah, it's broken in fucked Yeah, no good thatesn's
going right for it.

Speaker 3 (19:08):
How's morale on this part? Let's go, let's stop beating. Yeah,
bitches asleep, you've got a broken heart? Me and better
in good spirits.

Speaker 2 (19:19):
Tying to be Yeah, I was feeling good on the
way here, and I'm.

Speaker 3 (19:22):
Like, I'm getting depression by fucking association's gone wrong in
my life?

Speaker 1 (19:28):
About how much you hate that? And Ronan then, oh dude,
what a smuck?

Speaker 2 (19:32):
What a shmuck would swerve across like three lanes of
traffic to hit him in my car?

Speaker 3 (19:38):
Just it was funny because when I saw him, I
was like, I really missed seeing this bloke. And then
I saw him do a comedy. I was like, maybe
I haven't just talking on stage for four and a
half minutes of a five minute set about a toy
that an uber driver gave him and then proceeding to
pass it to sixteen people in the crowd, and I'm
my brother, they were already uninterested. Now you're heading out

(20:01):
a toy like for Christmas?

Speaker 1 (20:03):
What do you reckon? Yeah? What are you doing?

Speaker 3 (20:08):
Managed to get a bit of momentum and he just
keeps sticking to get off, get off, and then comes
up to Me's like you did seven and a half minutes,
I'm like.

Speaker 1 (20:14):
Not bad.

Speaker 5 (20:15):
Seven and a half minutes.

Speaker 2 (20:16):
I was getting some laughs. Dude. It's like a fire
blanket for momentum extinguishing.

Speaker 1 (20:25):
To me, the show's going really well.

Speaker 3 (20:27):
Quick put Adam, He's a good researt.

Speaker 1 (20:33):
Love if you have twenty beers on a fucking Wednesday.

Speaker 6 (20:36):
Fucking mad dog, No, I love, That's.

Speaker 2 (20:41):
Why we're mates.

Speaker 3 (20:45):
We went to Jimmy Car like maybe fucking tears go now,
and just got fuck it. We just got on the
source like as soon as we got there, straight to
the pub. He's like tappy hours, like sweet, let's just
buy one for each hand, and we're just pounding drinks
before we went to Jimmy Carr.

Speaker 5 (20:59):
Then we got to my car and we saw like.

Speaker 3 (21:01):
The lineup for the bar, like, well, we may as
well just grab four each, so.

Speaker 2 (21:05):
Come back and just loaded up on the Pierce.

Speaker 3 (21:08):
Awesome until I had to fucking pisce like a race horse,
like just non stop during Jimmy.

Speaker 2 (21:13):
Carr, and I was like, that's what the Empties are for.

Speaker 3 (21:15):
Yeah, no one had noticed my small hog in the
dark as well. I reckon I'd fit it straight down
the bottle of a fucking little stubby and just get
in there.

Speaker 2 (21:23):
You probably have people killing up for fucking drinks.

Speaker 5 (21:25):
They're like, oh that guy's got a keg, just got
a constant sauce. So this is coming out? How quickly
I process it?

Speaker 1 (21:32):
Is this a funny bit? Fucking talking ship at the
pub last night and someone asks rowing and like, oh,
how's the water on a He us, what's the water temperature?
My fucking thermometer with me, And then he goes, why
don't you just do the shrinkage test for surfing? Oh? Yeah,
just do the shrinkage test.

Speaker 2 (21:49):
He's like, ordering water. He wanted to know the temperature
of it. The is wrong with the shrinkage test, so
he just dips in the water.

Speaker 5 (21:58):
It's lukewarm.

Speaker 2 (21:59):
If it shrivels back down above the schoon, it's no good.

Speaker 1 (22:03):
So you go it's like fucking one inch and then
you're like, yeah, it's fucking warm. I don't know, there's
something there. Look, it was funny at the pub, and.

Speaker 3 (22:10):
Honest not a good bit, not based on the way
that you've just delivered it there.

Speaker 5 (22:14):
Yeah, I wouldn't waste my time telling it going all seriousness.
I did, Miss Rodan, I love.

Speaker 1 (22:22):
You mate, Fuck, I can't.

Speaker 3 (22:24):
You're just saying that because he lived with him. Yeah,
that's the problem.

Speaker 2 (22:30):
Mates.

Speaker 1 (22:31):
I was Thursday after his big fucking midweek session. He's
just and theist at.

Speaker 2 (22:39):
The start of the week session and MIDWEK session and
end of the week session. How you deal with a week, dude.

Speaker 6 (22:44):
Maybe it's not a it's not like multiple sessions. It's
just a session. It just doesn't start just carrying over.

Speaker 1 (22:52):
Anyway. The chick's coming around to cook me dinner, like
she's going to be around like six o'clock or whatever.
I walk out into the lounge room and it just
smells like fucking rank farts, like the whole front round
and was just absolutely demolished nice and he's just sitting
there like like a brewery, just fucking I don't think
he've moved off the couch all fucking day, order eats

(23:14):
a couple of times, just being a real fucking scumback.
I'm just like I had to go in there and
like open up some windows and ship put on a
fan and like airing out. I'm like, we can't have this, brother,
what are you doing to.

Speaker 2 (23:25):
Meet some get some Glenn twenty in there?

Speaker 1 (23:27):
Yeah?

Speaker 6 (23:28):
No, dude post trying to not get pussy, all right.
I think he's trying to save me from myself.

Speaker 3 (23:33):
Yeah, the way post drinking farts always just some of
the nastiest business that you.

Speaker 2 (23:40):
Can drive out.

Speaker 1 (23:40):
Yeah, they can be pretty wood.

Speaker 3 (23:42):
I remember, I think I've told it on the pod
one time, but there's a pub in Stockton that has
like a bit of a U shape to the bar,
and me and my friends had had a massive Friday
night that transitioned into a Saturday and we were fucking
just on all sorts and I've I've been drinking craft
beers and they just make my fart stink so bad.

(24:05):
And I there was like music playing and I've just
like walked around this U shaped bar to take a
piece and just dropped like three different farts. Went took
a piece and just come back and just watched the
carnage fold of like blokes.

Speaker 2 (24:17):
Being like that's fucking new cut. That was you can't
And then like someone.

Speaker 1 (24:22):
Just all smelled the same.

Speaker 3 (24:23):
Yeah, And someone said the favorite my favorite thing, like
when describing you far and you know your friend's fart
and he goes, that's your brand.

Speaker 1 (24:33):
How fuck does it when you do a far and
it's not your brand, Like you're not ready for it.
Oh yeah, you know the smell of your own farts,
but you're like, you'll do a far that smells like
your cousin's fat or something. You're like, what the fuck,
what have them been eating?

Speaker 3 (24:44):
Yeah, you're I've dropped a fart one time driving in
the car and I was like, I'm genuinely disgusted by myself,
Like I'm so happy that no one else is here,
and just fucking had to hit the windows, just gone
fucking one hundred and ten on the freeway to air
everything out. Then you wind it up and there's still
just a bit of a lingering mask to it, you know,
Oh yeah, you know those warm ones.

Speaker 1 (25:03):
Yeah that.

Speaker 2 (25:06):
If you drop somewhere you're like, oh, by myself, I
can do it. You drop it and someone's like.

Speaker 6 (25:10):
Hey, you know, you're in the back seat of my car.

Speaker 1 (25:20):
Woke up the dead hooker on the base must have been.

Speaker 3 (25:25):
Brought back to what The fight that I dropped outside
the pub was like so bad that it like cleared
the table where people were just smoking cigarettes, and people
were disgusted and like this chick was.

Speaker 2 (25:36):
Smokers were like, that's.

Speaker 1 (25:39):
Over.

Speaker 3 (25:39):
There cigarette smoke. They're just like that's disgusting. This chicks like,
who the fuck was that? And I was too a
shave to say that it was me, And some like
big fat dude who's like six three and like one
hundred and twenty kiloss, like, yeah, that was my This
hero just took credit for my fart, and I was
just like, you want to drop one at the same time,
and yeah, cross contaminated.

Speaker 1 (25:59):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (26:00):
I was proud of him for admitting that it was him,
because I feel like fat dudes often like take the
rap for like a fart, you know what I mean,
Like if you're in a group of people and someone
drops drops a bomb, you.

Speaker 5 (26:11):
Automatically think it's there. It's like it was that fat
cut I was. I know it was in.

Speaker 1 (26:17):
Who's on the Night.

Speaker 6 (26:18):
It's just Mitch. Yeah, you're in the fucking mood for it.
I'll be fine, man, I can turn it on.

Speaker 1 (26:25):
Yeah. Remember last Friday, you.

Speaker 2 (26:30):
Want to twist your nipples and going a bit. He's
places for a while there, you'd fucking do these things
and you just wouldn't.

Speaker 1 (26:38):
Talk, and I wanted to kill myself.

Speaker 6 (26:43):
It was it was less of like us doing the
podcast and more of me just making sure he wasn't dead.

Speaker 5 (26:47):
Each just to check in, and Ethan's like, still bad.

Speaker 1 (26:52):
Yeah, he's not hanging from the ceiling. We're good. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (26:56):
Can we just find you a nice fat check Ethan? Yeah,
I reckon, Yeah, surely there's a nice fatty out there
for you.

Speaker 5 (27:02):
It's a little plumper.

Speaker 1 (27:04):
Someone that's going to look after that's coming into summer.
I would have been good to get a chubby for
the winner to keep me warm. There's cold winter, picky cunt,
have an air in your house? Yeah, it's bad.

Speaker 3 (27:21):
That fucking grinds my gears that, like, how do you
not have air conditioning in Australia.

Speaker 1 (27:26):
It's fucking I have like a portable one, but yeah,
it just takes the edge off, it doesn't really get
the job done.

Speaker 3 (27:33):
Yeah, it's fucking bollocks, man. I can't believe that there's
some fucking cunts out there charging six hundred bucks a
week for a fucking room to rent. They're like, get
no air con, no insulation in the walls. You want
to hear every fucking element that this country has to offer.

Speaker 2 (27:47):
Come live here. Yeah, one step up from a tent?

Speaker 5 (27:51):
Yeah literally, Yeah, it's fucking bullshit.

Speaker 1 (27:54):
Yeah, that's what I had, and the XMS is used
to bitch and moan about it all the time. I've
got the fucking portable one. Come on, give me a
fucking break. I'm trying here.

Speaker 3 (28:05):
It's like those like cheaps fucking pedestal fans that you
get from kmart for like twenty five bucks, and you're
just hoping that this will somehow fucking fix the problem.

Speaker 5 (28:14):
It's just pushing the hot air around.

Speaker 1 (28:16):
Yeah, it's garbage, but there's not like you're in a
fucking rental. You can't just install an airic on. Yeah,
you put like a window rattler in. I suppose just
buy your own fucking house, you pop, can't fucking mister
two hours over here? Two hours and two wives?

Speaker 3 (28:33):
Yeah, Mitch, tell everyone on the pod, how are you
gonna go and fuck a hooker and Sydney with your girlfriend?

Speaker 5 (28:38):
I mean wife, any wife's girlfriend.

Speaker 6 (28:41):
Yeah that was fucking funny, just being like, oh, yeah,
I'm gonna garb on Friday, all right, so I'll restart
the story.

Speaker 1 (28:49):
Yeah, yeah, please halfway time, our friends having a birthday
party and bond di junction. She's got like a fucking
nice sweet like Meryton, yeah, Merriton sweets.

Speaker 6 (29:02):
And so I was like, oh, it's on the Saturday,
why don't we go up on the Friday tenure and
we'll fucking, you know, do a little bitter and fucking
fuck a hooker and she's he's like, yeah, fuck yeah,
let's do it all right sweet.

Speaker 1 (29:15):
So then I've messaged my man. I'm like, oh, yeah,
we're going to go up on the Friday before and.

Speaker 6 (29:19):
She's got awesome, no worries and then just invites herself along.
So I'm like, oh, um hmm, so we're going to
be doing blow and fucking hookers.

Speaker 1 (29:34):
H did you want to join in?

Speaker 6 (29:37):
She's like no, thank you. I was like, all right,
fair enough. Well I guess you're waiting in the car
then won't take long.

Speaker 2 (29:45):
At least the car has aircorn.

Speaker 3 (29:47):
Yeah yeah, So do you reckon all happen or no?

Speaker 1 (29:52):
Depends how new tax goes.

Speaker 3 (29:54):
Dude, you just kind of have to go the dodgiest
bloke in Newcastle get as.

Speaker 2 (29:59):
Much but for the hooker. Yeah, yeah, you got a
guy you could just get it.

Speaker 3 (30:03):
You could just get a fucking budget hooker. What Ethan gets.

Speaker 1 (30:07):
She saw, Yeah, she lives in Sydney.

Speaker 2 (30:09):
It's good a fact girl.

Speaker 5 (30:12):
Have you have you done any investigating as to what
the hooker.

Speaker 2 (30:16):
You want to get?

Speaker 1 (30:17):
Yeah? I was looking at one and you're.

Speaker 5 (30:18):
Having like a discussion with your wife like what do
you think of her?

Speaker 1 (30:22):
No, yeah, because we haven't. We haven't sorted the finances yet.
We've got to sort the finances before I get my
hotes up.

Speaker 2 (30:27):
And Sydney hookers compared price wise the Newcastle.

Speaker 1 (30:30):
Haukers about six times more. Yeah. Yeah. Could you get
one from here and then transport her down that's trafficking well.

Speaker 3 (30:43):
For the gigs state lines, so maybe it's not trafficking.

Speaker 6 (30:48):
The one I was looking at, I was like, she's
like fucking full service, So what does that mean I'm
sucking her in the butt?

Speaker 1 (30:57):
B what are you doing? All right? When an intervention
for Mitchell, that one for me.

Speaker 6 (31:03):
No, I was just I was just like looking at
the services and it's like that was one of the things.

Speaker 1 (31:08):
You can't fuck the other girl. You can't fuck the
other girl?

Speaker 6 (31:12):
Yeah I can, Nah, that's the why not first of all,
down and get tanure to pick the girl, just to
give her something to do, and then it's not going
to be any dramas of like insecurity and ship like that,
because she's picked it.

Speaker 1 (31:28):
You can't you can't get on there and be like,
I'm spending all this money, I'm going to get a
fucking dime and then just you're right there, honey, just
while I fuck this fucking chick that I've picked out
that's not going to go well for you. Just get
let her pick and then maybe you can fuck them.
But I probably wouldn't do it. I've just I've been
in this situation where a girl has told me I'm

(31:48):
cool with you fucking the other girl, and then I
start fucking the other girl, and then the water works
come along and that there's nothing that crazy bitch. They're
all crazy bitches. I don't know. I'll be all right.

Speaker 6 (32:02):
I know I know tenure no tenure enough now that
if i'd be able to read it on her face.

Speaker 2 (32:08):
She'd get down and fingers some woods.

Speaker 1 (32:10):
Yeah nice, She's by, oh yeah, right there you go.

Speaker 2 (32:17):
She's bought.

Speaker 1 (32:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (32:20):
But well, I was looking at him. I was like,
just checking them for a price, and then I saw one.
I was like, oh what she do? Like fucking full service.
I was like, holy fuck, I wonder if it's extra,
how much will we sugges six six hundred an hour
an hour a full service? Yeah, and that's all right,
that's that one. The others I was looking at like

(32:41):
twelve hundred. I was looking a couple of years ago.
They're like four fifty five hundred and like fucking inflation.

Speaker 5 (32:48):
Yeah, mate, affecting everyone.

Speaker 1 (32:51):
M hmm.

Speaker 6 (32:53):
What a fucking gig though, if you can get through it,
good money makes fucking heat.

Speaker 1 (33:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (33:01):
Fucking my friends in Canberra like had a prostitute on
their podcasts and she made just ludicrous amounts of money
and she apparently she's not even that attractive, but just
like fully just was like yep, I just she's like,
my goal is just to work my ass off. Got
a few different literally, got a few different properties. Then

(33:22):
just like bought a troopy decktor troopy out like it's
like one hundred and eighty thousand dollar. It's worth of
work done to this troopy And they're like, can you
drive full drives and she's like no, I'm still learning.

Speaker 5 (33:35):
How to do it all.

Speaker 3 (33:35):
But she's just got two houses set up that are
literally like rental. So she's like there'll be a time
where I, you know, can't afford to or like I'm
past my use by date on this and I'll just
use my investments to pay for my living. Yeah, smart,
good on OnlyFans people you know for doing that shit anyway, boys,

(33:57):
come on, business model, let's fire up here.

Speaker 6 (34:01):
Fucking only fans is like it is a that is
a deep rabbit hole. Oh you see him so much
on fucking Instagram. Every hot cheek you see on Instagram
making reels, Yeah, as an only fans and you're like, fuck,
fuck lady, how much money are you actually making? Some
of them make like it just depends on what tea
you're at and how many people actually like I don't know,

(34:24):
Like I've I've always said, like, I just can't believe
that this is a thing that dudes will pay for
when there's literally free porn on the internet.

Speaker 2 (34:31):
That's what I don't get. Yes, unless it's someone I know.
That's the only time I'm kind of interested in my oh,
like just because.

Speaker 1 (34:38):
I know him. What have you been up to since
I let's check the damage.

Speaker 3 (34:42):
There's a there's a person that a circle of my
friends know, and she was doing only fans for a
little bit and one of the boys was like he's like,
he's like, I support it. So like he'd subscribed. I
think he was paying like ten bucks a month. She's
not much shop, but she was just doing it.

Speaker 2 (35:03):
You don't keep like she was something that did he
subscribe for more than a month.

Speaker 5 (35:08):
No, I think he's subscribed to the loll one month.

Speaker 1 (35:12):
I'm downloading everything that I'm canceling that.

Speaker 2 (35:14):
No, I just want to I just want to say
it and fucking I'm not giving you any more money,
but or know what it looks like.

Speaker 3 (35:20):
Yeah, he did that, and then like he was like, yeah,
she's like offering like all these discounts on videos and
like if you sign up, she'll give you like a
couple of free videos and all this kind of stuff.
And I was like, oh my god, Like this is
like it's like the low end of only fans, you
know what I mean, You're not hot enough to be
like charging people through the wazoo. So she was just like, oh,

(35:40):
fucking I'll take what I get.

Speaker 1 (35:41):
Two for one.

Speaker 3 (35:42):
Anybody want to fucking subscribe to my page?

Speaker 1 (35:46):
It's nuts, dude. But that had one on the pod
that was like the chick from the high school that
we went to and she's doing only fans fans. Yeah,
not a good sort, pretty rough. But we looked up
we got a month's worth. Yeah, fucking rough. Did she
even have any nudity? She didn't even have any nudity.
I think she had a bit. It was like titties,

(36:08):
titties out, that was about it. Yeah.

Speaker 6 (36:10):
I think I didn't want to see anything. Oh really Yeah,
I was like, I don't want to see it.

Speaker 1 (36:15):
Yeah, okay, you know from high school that's pretty gay, bro. Yeah,
I don't want to look at titties.

Speaker 2 (36:21):
Not unless I've paid six hundred bucks an hour.

Speaker 3 (36:24):
And my wife's there to supervise me watching the tits
and I'm inside her.

Speaker 1 (36:29):
There's so much crossover between Dawn Only fans and comedy
that like, yeah, those different tears. Yeah, oh I remember that.
Come from high school? What's he doing with himself? Or comedy?
How's that come for him? Doesn't look good?

Speaker 2 (36:42):
Oh yeah, I've got a twenty year and coming up,
and was like, oh, I hope someone's not doing well.
I hope there's someone doing way worse than me.

Speaker 3 (36:50):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's funny at those three unions and
people aren't really you're doing comedy.

Speaker 2 (36:55):
Really, someone's got to tell cum jokes. Yeah, the ones
who were telling twenty years ago, I'm still doing.

Speaker 1 (37:03):
Now. You guys all grew up, man, That's exactly.

Speaker 3 (37:07):
Like, yeah, dude, it's just like sometimes I wish that
fucking I wasn't addicted to doing stand up and being
a fucking loser, because, yeah, you go on a Wednesday
night when you're going to go to some hell bar
and like.

Speaker 2 (37:17):
It's going to be three, comes to you, what am
I doing.

Speaker 5 (37:19):
With my life?

Speaker 1 (37:20):
Dude?

Speaker 5 (37:20):
Why am I fucking why am I even here?

Speaker 8 (37:24):
Yeah?

Speaker 6 (37:24):
It'd be nice to have like a fucking hobby that
you could brag to people about.

Speaker 3 (37:29):
Yeah, that's why I want to start playing golf.

Speaker 1 (37:31):
I think, like, you're going to start surfing. Didn't you
buy a surf board?

Speaker 5 (37:35):
Yeah, dude, this is me.

Speaker 3 (37:36):
I get adhd about crazy shit and I'm like, this
is what I want to do. So I went and
bought like an eight hundred dollar board and a four
hundred and fifty dollars wetsuit.

Speaker 5 (37:44):
Never used either of them once, and.

Speaker 3 (37:45):
It sat in my fucking garage for like three years,
and my missus like, like, you can sell it if
you don't want to use it, and I was like,
but what happens the day that I want to use it?

Speaker 1 (37:54):
I have it there, so I don't have to have
that feeling anymore of like I could be a surf.

Speaker 2 (38:00):
Yeah, I'm a fucking idiot.

Speaker 3 (38:02):
Like I bought a really expensive road bike, like a
cycle bike when I fucked my back and I couldn't exercise,
so it's like I need to do something like non
weight bearing, so I bought that. It just collects dust
in my fucking in my garage now as well. And
my latest one is I've just got it obsessed with
like looking at golf.

Speaker 2 (38:19):
Clubs and ship Yeah, I'm trying to give you.

Speaker 3 (38:22):
There's going to be like a six thousand dollars investment
that I put into golf clubs that I used twice
a year, and I'll be like, but I never have
to buy them again. See, I've got them for the
rest of my life. They're fitted to me. Like, dude,
I'm a fucking I can see myself doing it and
I can't stop.

Speaker 1 (38:39):
That driving range or something out of your system.

Speaker 3 (38:41):
Yeah I need to, but I also just get obsessed
with you actually even like golf, Yeah I do. It's
I think it's I think it's fun, and I think
every man needs an activity. Here's why I think every
man needs an activity like golf or fishing that's an
all day activity that can convert into a weekend activity
that you can do with your friends. And once a
year you can go away with few boys and you
can just have a like a golf weekend and it's

(39:03):
just you go and get on the piece and you
play a little bit of golf and you just hang
out with the dudes, and it's just like every every weekend, sorry,
every year, we do this on this weekend.

Speaker 5 (39:13):
And then you've got and then you've got the pass.

Speaker 3 (39:15):
You could do that without the golf, yeah, I know,
but it's just like golf is just an extra added
element of it. Like partying and playing golf. Some of
the best fun you could have it is good. Was
just getting blind on a golf course and just like
hitting a ball and just watching your mates attempt to
play a sport that they fucking suck at, but you're
a little better than what they are.

Speaker 2 (39:35):
It's just good times. All my bucks, we went golf
and there was like these bunch of young guns and
they'll just get loose, but one of them fucking teed
off off a great northern fucking study. It didn't break it.
I was like, fuck, it was actually really impressed. I
was like, this is not gonna end well, it's a
shattering just hanging out the watch and he's like, oh shit,

(39:55):
I just can't complain.

Speaker 3 (39:56):
We used to do a golf day with our a
group of boys that I worked with like every year,
and it was just like the loosest day of the year.
This one guy who I worked with like he famously
had like the he called it.

Speaker 5 (40:08):
Like the double double double double or something.

Speaker 3 (40:10):
He dropped two fingers, smoked two joints, two cigarettes, and
two beers before the second hole, and he's just like,
that's like the challenge.

Speaker 2 (40:18):
So I don't know, you knew John Daly, dude. We
were when was that career.

Speaker 3 (40:26):
We get fucking solose some kind of overdose one time
we were some old yeah, like eight pills and then
like overdose and had like foam coming out of his
mouth and was like he was like so drunk and
then like dropped like two or three pills and was
just fucking just fucking out and we're just like let
him go, brother, we've got another three off. Like we
were doing these things called cardies, So like you'd go

(40:48):
up up the hill and like someone to jump on
the back of the golf cart, and then you'd crack
a beer and as you're going up the hill, you'd
put it.

Speaker 2 (40:57):
On the cart. So then like runs down and like
in the groove and runs are calling of cardies. Yeah, dude.

Speaker 3 (41:05):
Like after we lasted there for three years and on
the third year, it just got so wild that they're like, we.

Speaker 2 (41:11):
Can't have you guys back. I'm surprised you didn't kick
us up.

Speaker 1 (41:15):
The first time that we overdose and we're drinking beer
off the car.

Speaker 3 (41:20):
Yeah, we had so many, but it was like it
was a good investment for them because it was like
a corporate golf day. So we'd have like maybe like
thirty forty blokes that are playing, and we'd have the
entire course to ourselves. Higher out every golf cart. Every
bloke bought a case of piss. So like the golf
club made so much money. But then eventually afterwards they

(41:41):
just say, but like we can't have you guys keeping
around the fucking yeah.

Speaker 2 (41:48):
Yeah, six year old.

Speaker 3 (41:49):
They had to get taken off in an ambulance. I
think that was like, that's the final shot.

Speaker 2 (41:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (41:55):
They were like, if if someone fucking overdoses and dies
on this on this golf course, that's our reputation got on.

Speaker 1 (42:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (42:01):
Yeah, there was one week gut a dog that ruins
it for everyone.

Speaker 1 (42:05):
I was on the rath trips.

Speaker 6 (42:07):
You had this one bloke who was a fucking notorious
piss head, and he's bragging. He's like, oh, I brought
me fucking homebrew, got me homebrew, won't have to go
out or got me fucking homebrew. And he was really
fucking proud of it. And then the second way weekend
he fucking oded homebrew had to get his stomach pumped.

Speaker 1 (42:25):
Oh fuck you can hear is? I was like, fucking
home brew, I.

Speaker 2 (42:32):
Hate can't see homebrew. It's guaranteed they're going to give
you one and then just tell you about how they
made it. I don't care. It's like, fucking ass, they
can't give you one about telling you how they fucking
made it.

Speaker 3 (42:47):
For four hours listening and so then I fermented it.
And what you really need to do when you're fermenting
is have it between eighteen and twenty two.

Speaker 5 (42:54):
But I went with seventeen.

Speaker 1 (42:56):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (42:57):
See the extra haziness that comes in it that's from the.

Speaker 1 (43:00):
Extram especially if you're having it at their place. The come,
I'll show you the setup. You fucking put your head
in it. Come we did.

Speaker 3 (43:13):
We did a job for these Serbian guys when I
was living in Sydney one time, and they made what's
like that Serbian spirit that they make, like I want
to say, like blacker or something. It's like it's got
a strange name. That's what we're rolling with anyway, It's
like bro ninety eight percent. It's fucking ethanol shit. It's
fucking crazy. And like we're building and like he's just like, oh, oh, come,

(43:40):
come have drink with us. How to drink with us?
He paus, like me and the two blokes I'm working
with these shots, I have a shot, can't. It just
was like it just burnt for like five minutes.

Speaker 5 (43:52):
Him and his mate I just have like cups of it.

Speaker 3 (43:54):
They're just sitting there sipping over the course of three hours,
they're watching us build this job.

Speaker 5 (43:58):
And he's like.

Speaker 2 (43:59):
Boss man, most man, make the boys do another, Make
the boys do another.

Speaker 3 (44:02):
So he kept like hounding us to like with him, dude,
we end up getting like a fucking buzz on and
I said to one of the boys who was driving.
I was like, bro, like, you better fucking be careful him.
We've got an hour and a half drive home. Like,
you can't be this fucking rat eye.

Speaker 1 (44:17):
What was this job you're doing?

Speaker 3 (44:18):
We're building pergolas and then racker Rockier Yeah, and uh, anyway,
we're fucking drinking it. These can't polish like a fucking
bottle between these two dudes. Plus that, however, many shots
that we've had, his mate is fucking retarded.

Speaker 2 (44:38):
They're probably about sixty.

Speaker 1 (44:39):
Hours before he had to drink.

Speaker 2 (44:41):
He's gone in his car and he's like, brother, I'm
going home now.

Speaker 3 (44:44):
And he's like you're not living, brother, Brother, you cannot
leave my wife.

Speaker 2 (44:49):
My wife will take you home. And like the wife
runs out, he's like, oh take you.

Speaker 3 (44:53):
He's like no, fuck you, and he's like fuck me,
no fuck.

Speaker 2 (44:57):
You, and like it just turns into avery.

Speaker 1 (45:00):
Serbian men just be like fuck you.

Speaker 2 (45:02):
The fucking that's not sounded loike, but what it actually
translated to is they're just going, yeah, see tomorrow. Special
language just sounds like that.

Speaker 3 (45:12):
Bro, just going fucking ballistic. Yeah, we've had we had
some good times on those work sites. One time, after
State of Origin, the boys were just like devastated because
New South Wales got lost and it was during during
that period where queens Land were just dominating, so that
was just ragging. I was like, fucking hell, count I
was like, who cares, let's just go and like I'll
go and I was like, chuck me your keys, I'll

(45:33):
be back in a second. They're like, where are you going.
I was like, just fucking relaxed, I'll be back in
a second. I cruised to with Dan Murphy's, which is
like fucking five minutes away. It's like nine point thirty,
so it's just just opening. I go and buy a
case of VB long necks, come back, buy some ice,
have it sitting in the in the car and I
was like this will cheer you guys up. So they're

(45:55):
like fuck yeah. So like we're being real sly having
to like going out, have a bit of you long
neck comeback in. We're building at this house in western
Sydney for these like Arabic people that don't drink anyway.
After the first long neck, you have the second one,
which transitions into the third and by that point we're

(46:16):
just walking around.

Speaker 2 (46:20):
Drinking in their back building.

Speaker 3 (46:23):
This job, right, and we have to dig like these
fifteen hundred deep holes and they're like just we had
to get the jack hammer out, and he's like they're
expensive like tiles, like, don't fuck their tiles up. I'm like, yeah,
all good, and we're like jack hammering down and then
like to get a clump of dirt, like I pull
it back and it just hits this fucking tile and
chips it.

Speaker 5 (46:42):
And I was like, oh, kind of chipped the tile anyway, like.

Speaker 2 (46:47):
Low and behold, where did you go wrong? I don't know.
I definitely wasn't. The VB.

Speaker 3 (46:53):
First two were fo anyway, like we've like we've built
the job and like got it all like fucking sweet,
and then we're like sorry about the tile, Like well,
like I'll pay to get the title replaced, dude. These
tiles were like imported from somewhere. They were fucking yeah.
But they're all like marble cut stone tiles or some ship.
So it's like that batch is for that batch. The

(47:15):
next batch isn't going to match exactly probably, So it's
like fucking the biggest drama anyway, like the chick wrote
this massive email to our bosses saying like how unprofessional
we are. We were drinking, we got fucking scolded, and
my mate that I was working was like, fuck that bitch,
blah blah blah.

Speaker 2 (47:32):
And then yeah, when's the victim. We were completely in
the wrong.

Speaker 3 (47:38):
Yeah, And then turns out like I'll text I'll text
him afterwards and find out the name of this boxer.
Her husband's like an Australian boxer that's like a fucking
proper bad It wasn't I can't remember who it was,
but like Jesus fuck man, like like he didn't come
home and.

Speaker 1 (48:00):
It cuts.

Speaker 2 (48:01):
I'm not paying for it.

Speaker 3 (48:01):
It's like, yeah, fair enough, so I deserve this. Fuck
you guys. Ever gotten drunk at work?

Speaker 1 (48:08):
Oh yeah yeah yeah, working on carabbeans, it happens. There's
only Fridays though, yeah, but then there's no power tools.

Speaker 2 (48:15):
Then when I first got the NHS, they used to
do like Friday beers and like so like like lunch
sign post will go down and get like cart and
and just bring it back and like you have beers
with like customers and shi and like I never I
don't drink that much, so I have like one maybe
even at all, And the amount of times people would

(48:35):
come to me like dude, can you drive the fork
with for me? I fucking that's no dramas, but yeah,
they cut them out pretty quick.

Speaker 3 (48:46):
Yeah, it's because it's always one person that ruins it
and gets blackout and then.

Speaker 5 (48:49):
Like gets chips a tile, it gets caught drink.

Speaker 2 (48:53):
Driving on the way home, and you just have customers
loitering around having three beers and then driving out like yeah,
we probably can't be doing this.

Speaker 3 (49:01):
It's a big trading thing as well, just to fucking
slam like two long necks on the way home from
work every day.

Speaker 2 (49:07):
For sure.

Speaker 1 (49:10):
I used to do the vending machine ship for he
was a plumber and he was coming out of the
industrial estate part next to this guy, not drunking or anything.
He's just in this fucking mad super that he's got
one of the boys from works like, oh, you do
something sick. So he just does like fucking eight does
just in front of the where he works, and it
just takes off up the road and everyone's like, can't

(49:33):
just next day just straight into the office. You can't
do that? What the fuck are you doing? But that
was pretty sick.

Speaker 6 (49:39):
But you can't do that fucking more on it. You
always get one, You always get one. They've always got
to give you a warning, is what I say.

Speaker 1 (49:50):
They've always got to give you at least one warning
before they fly. At least one warning.

Speaker 2 (49:54):
Yeah, my bad.

Speaker 6 (49:56):
I didn't know you weren't allowed to do eight donut
they weren't in signs.

Speaker 2 (50:02):
One of my mates, he's old boy. He started like
a screen door business and he had like a shed
on the on his property, you know where they made
him or whatnot, and the like in stores where his
old boy would drive past. It's the golf course, Firm
Bay or whatever is it over in Castle golf Club? Yeah,
whatever is over there where you see people team off.

(50:23):
He'd just be like just yelling and be like tug
whatever whatever it was, and just like yellanded golfers and
they'd like bring up and it'd just be like his
wife going, oh yeah, no, I'll have a word to
the boys, and it's just her husband. Who what are
you going to do? He's not going to stop owns
it like golfers. Yeah, it's like that old jackasket.

Speaker 3 (50:47):
I've seen so many people recreate it like with the
air horn with golf in the horn or something. So
one on Instagram the other day, these kids are just
like fucking with these golfers and it's these old boys
and they're.

Speaker 5 (50:59):
Like, you fucking assholes, Like what's wrong with you?

Speaker 3 (51:01):
And like the kids are just laughing, and then they'd
like creep off and then like as they're chasing him,
just drive off.

Speaker 5 (51:07):
They do it to this one old like.

Speaker 2 (51:09):
And he's like, are you fucking serious.

Speaker 5 (51:10):
He's like, you beat during a man's back swinging, What
the fuck's wrong with you? And they're like, oh, what
are you going to do?

Speaker 3 (51:15):
So he just like pulls another ball out of his pocket,
throws it on the ground and goes just launches this
golf ball and it hits the side of the car
and just like dance the car and he's just like
I got.

Speaker 2 (51:26):
A whole other bag. Just like drive off and they're like, oh,
I can't believe he dented my car. And it's like,
what did you expect? Yeah, oh my god, if isn't
the repercussions of my own actions? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 (51:42):
I hate all those cants on social media that are
just going around doing street talk and asking people questions and.

Speaker 1 (51:48):
Some of them are right, but most of them are retarded.
But if they're not trolling, but like the fucking Jamaican
dude side quests, have you seen him.

Speaker 2 (51:56):
The white guy with a Jamaican accident?

Speaker 1 (51:58):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (51:58):
Yeah, yeah, I like him. He's fine me Yeah, is
only his real accent?

Speaker 1 (52:02):
Hanks? Hanks ont did?

Speaker 3 (52:09):
How funny is it when people get like a traumatic
head injury one of those videos and then wake up
with a different accent.

Speaker 2 (52:18):
Have you seen the UK?

Speaker 1 (52:21):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (52:22):
I woke up talking and their husband's like, she's never
spoked like that before, never heard her speak like that,
never even heard it do a different accent to be.

Speaker 1 (52:31):
Honest, undercover racist the whole time. To the head bucket.

Speaker 6 (52:36):
I'm going to milk this forwarded whenever I can get
out of it.

Speaker 5 (52:40):
Yeah, that's glorious.

Speaker 2 (52:42):
Shuck.

Speaker 6 (52:44):
Who's that guy who? He's like a shitty eighties action star.
He's got the slip back hair. It's like a martial
arts guy.

Speaker 1 (52:55):
John No, No, the other one that Steve's the gal.

Speaker 6 (53:00):
Have you seen Steven Seagal just puts on accents the
drop of a hat. He's got like four different accents.
He's got like his American accent. He's got a Southern
accent when he's been a Southern cop.

Speaker 2 (53:12):
Yeah, he showed this range in his acting career.

Speaker 6 (53:15):
Yeah, I know, I know he's got like a Southern
accent and he's got like an Asian accent as well.

Speaker 2 (53:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (53:21):
There's also a clip of him and he's just like
my my grandmother on my mother's side is was Native American,
and then he's just like my grandmother on my mother's
side was Mongolian. So I think I've got mot Like
there's this a compilation of him just like contradicting like
his heritage.

Speaker 1 (53:39):
Yeah, just every accent that he married this chicken Japan.

Speaker 6 (53:46):
Her dad was like the leader of the fucking dojo,
so he's like his family. Yeah yeah, the fucking arkito dojo,
married to this family, had had a wife kids with her,
like was mad into it, and then just left went
to America and got another wife.

Speaker 1 (54:03):
Yeah, completely ghosted.

Speaker 2 (54:06):
That's some king ship.

Speaker 3 (54:07):
He's got ADHD for sure, he's like me, but he
just got into fucking dating Asian women and fucking a
dojo and then he's just like after like three years,
he's like I'm fucking overdoing this.

Speaker 2 (54:17):
Yeah, I can't think of Steven's a going about thinking
of anyone's South Park anymore? Have you got seen anyone there?

Speaker 7 (54:23):
Oh?

Speaker 5 (54:24):
No, South Fox the Goats.

Speaker 2 (54:25):
I haven't seen him. He's like he's coming in to
do a TED talk about like I think it's like
body positivity because he's really fat and he's like comes in.
It's like heaps hardcore music's like, yeah, it was the
greatest action start the eighties. And he comes into this
rock and he's pointing the gun around and ship and
he gets the microphones.

Speaker 8 (54:40):
Like they called me Stevens the boom boom.

Speaker 1 (54:53):
He's just crying.

Speaker 8 (54:54):
He's like, everyone took my shirt off and everyone said
I was totally ripped, but then they were saying I
wasn't ripped.

Speaker 2 (55:03):
So funny. I can't think of about turn it out.

Speaker 5 (55:08):
They did Lizo pretty good as well.

Speaker 3 (55:10):
They got and I've only seen clips online, but it's
like Lizo reacting to it and it's just like this
diet thing, like this diet fat and like the audios
and p yeah, the women want to lose weight and
it's just like take this Liz out and it's just
like Lizo will make it like it just like advocates
for being a fat cunt. Basically, Liza is just sitting

(55:30):
there like watching it, and they have like her new album,
like they've like drawn in like the new album.

Speaker 2 (55:35):
She's like, you got my new album as well? Like
what the fuck? It's so funny when if you're on
south Park you've just got a roll of it.

Speaker 1 (55:42):
You can't know.

Speaker 3 (55:42):
You've got to be happy that they're like that you're
well known enough that they roast you, Like if you
south Buck ever roasted you die. I've been a fan
of you guys for twenty years. I want that you
know who the fuck I am?

Speaker 2 (55:54):
If you if you if you try go against them
and to only get worse for it.

Speaker 3 (55:57):
Yeah, Like that's fucking like the whole Kanye West thing,
like when they were like the fish Stick and all
that kind of ship and then like he came out
and had like a line about yeah, choking a south
Park rider with a fish stick, Like all of this
kind of stuff is like, brother.

Speaker 1 (56:11):
Just heard about it.

Speaker 2 (56:13):
Laugh laugh, Yeah, Use you can't laugh at themselves.

Speaker 5 (56:17):
Dumb dogs.

Speaker 1 (56:18):
Yeah, it's like when your mate from comedy gives you
a fucking dog shit haircut, you.

Speaker 3 (56:21):
Just roll.

Speaker 1 (56:25):
Upset that's a piece of art. It's on you for
letting him give you a haircut. Okay, fucking victim blaming
over it. What were you wearing?

Speaker 5 (56:39):
I'm surprised that chick didn't want to fuck you after
seeing right.

Speaker 1 (56:44):
Yeah, I've been saying a week. If I haven't got
my penis suck by the end of the week, I'm
giving it a trim, So puck her up, Bradley, What
are you going to do with it? What are you
going to trim it? Probably not, keep saying it, but
I can't be bothered.

Speaker 6 (56:57):
Yeah, just like make them it like just less fucking long.

Speaker 1 (57:03):
Yeah, I could trim in the back, but it's not happening.

Speaker 6 (57:05):
No.

Speaker 2 (57:06):
The barber made a good point because I suggested the
fringe is more offensive because he doesn't do his hair either.
He just kind of leaves the fringes.

Speaker 1 (57:16):
What's supposed to do with Bradley?

Speaker 2 (57:17):
Do you have hair?

Speaker 1 (57:19):
Oh? Yeah, I suppose style, style.

Speaker 2 (57:22):
And he's about putting effort into the way.

Speaker 3 (57:30):
It's just like, I don't know why I don't get
any pussy and he's just like fucking walking around a
pajamas an ugly.

Speaker 1 (57:35):
Finger and looking like a grem one.

Speaker 4 (57:38):
I haven't shouted three days, but I've got to know
why they don't want to sleep with me.

Speaker 1 (57:44):
Fucking women. Yeah, the problem that flavored condom. That's straight joke.
Fucking do you like flavored condoms? She goes yeah, Then
she starts sucking my dick. She's like, oh, cheese an
onion flavor. Put the condom on it.

Speaker 2 (58:06):
It's good for a street jake.

Speaker 5 (58:07):
Yeah, old Smegma, I'm going.

Speaker 1 (58:10):
To tell my old man that, and fucking he'll be
telling it at every poker room in for the next
two months. He fucking loves them. Should write him a set,
just a poker. Put that in one of your little skits.

Speaker 2 (58:25):
The most annoying use you know, I can't use it.

Speaker 1 (58:32):
Anyone got any bits they're working on? Oh yeah, I
did have one. Actually, I thought of this the other day.
I wanted it's pretty relatable to to Bogans, the difference
between fucking Ford and Holden fans. There is a difference,
and I feel like Ford fans are better than Holden.

Speaker 2 (58:53):
It's good because I'm a Ford fan.

Speaker 6 (58:54):
Yeah, I think, but I think that well, he's one
in the end, didn't you Holden is not around anymore?

Speaker 1 (59:00):
Yeah, Yeah, well I just reckon that Holden fans were
like the more fucking Bogan fans. Yeah, yeah, I want
to write a bit on that. Yeah, Ford fans are
like there was no like memes about Holden fans really,
but there was heaps of memes about Ford fans being
fucking gay and ship yea, and but there's nothing about

(59:20):
Holden fans because it's like a lot of Holden fans
do they beat their wives. They'd never be caught drinking
like a fucking Canadian club ever over over my dead
body cunt. Yeah, having one of them is like having
a fucking homosexual experience to them. They might have had one,

(59:41):
but they're not going to tell anyone that they had. Yeah,
something to work on. You twisted the right way.

Speaker 5 (59:53):
Thinking about one the other day? What did I write down?

Speaker 6 (59:57):
Yeah, I'm talking about like to think about one. Like
I'm interested in stuff that's like not mainstream, Like I'm
into like MMA, which like in comedy it's like everyone's
into MMA, like we all watch the UFC together and
stuff like that, but like in general work life, no
one do. You can't relate with anyone really, Yeah, like

(01:00:21):
there's fuck all, like everyone's into footy with bosses and
all that all into footy and I'm not. I'm like, yeah,
it's just it's feels like a waste of time because
you go there and you're like, all right, cool, they're
fucking supposed to be kind of hurting each other because
they're tackling each other, but they're not allowed to fucking
really hurt each other. And then they get into arguments.

(01:00:43):
Like every game there's like an argument and a shoving contest,
and I don't understand it.

Speaker 1 (01:00:48):
Just let them fight in yeah.

Speaker 6 (01:00:51):
Right, Like you see like little bitchy things that they
do to each other in tackles and like I fucking
palm each other in the face and I'm like, all right,
well he was being a fucking bitch, Like the ref
should walk up like, actually, no, I saw that you
palmed him in the face because you knew you were

(01:01:12):
going to hop a flogging because there's twenty dudes there.
So it's like, all right, just let him have fucking
two minutes and you both go to the zimbiing afterwards,
but you fucking you get to flog the fuck out
of it.

Speaker 3 (01:01:26):
That's not sick about ice hockey. Yeah, in the very
first ice hockey game that was they kind of started
eliminating that though, I think, like you can still punch him,
but like as soon as it goes to the ground
and the fights stopped and then you both get sad
on the sideline. But in the very first ever ice
hockey game that was played, a fight broke out and
they're like, that was actually pretty sick.

Speaker 2 (01:01:46):
Let's just make it part of the rules. And like
a lot of people have.

Speaker 1 (01:01:49):
Tried on a lake somewhere, a lot.

Speaker 3 (01:01:52):
Of people tried to push for it to be like outlawed,
and they're like, nah, man, it's literally part of the game.
And like like if you go and watch ice hockey live,
like I highly recommend if you go to the States
watching they're fucking sick because like TV doesn't do it justice.
But like you see how like quick and agile, but
like fucking huge these cunts are, yeah, and they're just

(01:02:13):
like fucking smacking this puck, like the accuracy. But then
like you'll just see like there's dudes called literally enforces
and they just go out there and it's like our
biggest boys is kind of fuck with your biggest dude,
and like there's there's mad clips like if you can
watch it online and stuff, like guys that are in
like their rookie season and that they come on and
like a Vets just like testing them.

Speaker 2 (01:02:35):
He's like you're real. Are you real? And he's like,
let's see if you're real. Let's see if you're really
and he's just like all.

Speaker 3 (01:02:39):
Right, fucking throws a stick down and like they just
start fucking wailing into each other and like they end
up like coming together. They fall in the ground and
like the old Vets like good job, man. He's like, yeah,
great fight, great fight. Like they just like get up
and they like dap each other up. They're like excited that.
He's just like, oh, I thought you were a pretender.
He's like, I'm glad that you can fucking throw it down.

Speaker 1 (01:02:59):
You're a mad.

Speaker 6 (01:02:59):
Cut They tried to like cut it out in the game,
and like the injury rate went up because all the
little bitchy things that you can do on the ice
weren't getting done because the enforcers would fucking cut it
out straight away.

Speaker 1 (01:03:13):
It's like that's what they need for footy because just
punch on.

Speaker 2 (01:03:17):
Yeah a bit about because like the Va Penguin, he's
like massive cunt you know who he is, Man Mountain,
and he like tried to go over to boxing and
it hasn't worked out, so he's come back to in NRL.
And I was like, it's so surprised, Like footy players
aren't transitioning well in the boxing anymore because they can't
fight on the field anymore, which means the best spirring
partner they've had their whole career is their missus. So

(01:03:41):
I did not do it any well and they're going
back to people can actually hit back and they fuck yeah.
I thought boxing was just hitting.

Speaker 3 (01:03:49):
A thing that I've written down, but it was just
more of a thought process. Is like I love like,
I love Australia and being an Australian, but we just
have too many fun taxes. As an We've got the
most expensive cocaine, We've got the most expensive and worst
quality cocaine in the world. The taxes on alcohol and
cigarettes are ridiculous. And then foreigners come here and they

(01:04:10):
comment on how fit Australians are. It's because we can't
afford to fucking get on it. What do you think
run clubs are so fucking popular. It's like we don't
want to go running dude, we want to go on
a bender, but it's like we can't.

Speaker 2 (01:04:22):
Running for high Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:04:24):
It's fucking six hundred bucks a week to fucking live
in a fucking ship hole with no air conditioning.

Speaker 1 (01:04:30):
Six hundred dollars a week to get two bags.

Speaker 3 (01:04:34):
Yeah, and that's if you're that's like, that's why it's
better to just get an eight ball brother.

Speaker 2 (01:04:39):
Yeah, I though there was something. Yes, it all ties
back to that fucking line in in the Dark Knight
with a joke is like in the prison cell and
he's like taunting the guard and he's like, oh, yeah,
I killed you. For a lot of friends, like you know,
they show you who they are in their last moments,
like do you know which one?

Speaker 1 (01:04:53):
Do you do?

Speaker 2 (01:04:54):
You want to know which ones of them were cowards?
I was going to be like, yeah, think about like
chicks off slipt we wear like I'm basically just trying
not to like put too much weight on them for
a big fat gun.

Speaker 1 (01:05:04):
Do you want to know which ones with cows? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:05:08):
The brave ones were the ones that were like, no,
you can get on top.

Speaker 1 (01:05:14):
Because they're going to be at the fucking pearly gates.
Tell them that.

Speaker 2 (01:05:19):
One stage many moons ago, I was like slowly making
my way for a friend group. I don't know how
to correlate it all into like fucking cut down all
the fat to get there quick enough of it if
it's like close enough, but just been like yeah. The
other thing I was thinking about it is like someone
I saw someone and they're like, oh, do you like sushi?
Is like, yeah, fucking sushi eats good. And they're like

(01:05:39):
they're like, oh yeah, I love like chicken sninsel sushi.
That's not sushi, Like you're getting chicken stitzl and fucking right.
So that's like, yeah, yeah, it's like that's what I
feel like we'd be eating if like Germany and Japan
won the Second World War. That's what we would be
eating now, Like that's what they're not meant to go together.
Schnitzl's not meant to be in fucking seaweed and right,

(01:06:00):
it's not fucking sushi, your clown.

Speaker 3 (01:06:02):
I fucking I'm not an advocate for sushi at all.
Mitch and Zoey went out to get sushi one night
after a gig, like come out with this, like there
might be something you like, And I'm like nod seaweed
not doing this.

Speaker 1 (01:06:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:06:13):
I had a friend that like convinced me to try
try it, and he's like, you like snitzel, right, And
I was like, love snitty. And then I tried that
exact one and I took it one bite of it
and I was like, seaweed with rice and fucking snittz.

Speaker 2 (01:06:25):
I was like, who thought of? You don't like sushi,
but in fairness, you didn't try sushi. Yeah, I don't
like German.

Speaker 1 (01:06:34):
When it's not rolled and it's just like raw fish.
I'll eat that. Yeah, that's fine, I can do that.

Speaker 2 (01:06:38):
It's very horny. Eat raw fish.

Speaker 1 (01:06:41):
Bring it out like smoked with the fucking thing on
the fancy restaurants and ship it's fucking mad. But I
don't like the fucking seaweeds.

Speaker 3 (01:06:50):
Seaweed is a fucking like disgraceful thing to eat. Like,
where were you as a civilization where you decided one
point to fucking eat seaweed? And then how the fuck
did you call me.

Speaker 2 (01:07:00):
Trace it back? You're fine. They weren't in a good spot.

Speaker 1 (01:07:02):
Yeah, it was the only thing they could fine.

Speaker 2 (01:07:05):
I'm sure it was like literally born out of poverty.

Speaker 5 (01:07:07):
Everything else is burnt.

Speaker 6 (01:07:09):
Yeah, it's like the fifteen hundreds. They used to let
all their food go rotten, yeah, and eat it like.

Speaker 3 (01:07:15):
Yeah, like that hang state, like hang meat and then
just let it. They're like it's curing, and it's like, brother,
it's molded. Like I've often thought about, like the first
cunt that like that found blue vein cheese in France.

Speaker 9 (01:07:27):
And it's just like, oh my god, the marselle I
forgot that. But the cheese moldy. Maybe we should try
a little bit. See, I am a pitty younger, and then.

Speaker 2 (01:07:38):
It's good job not to that.

Speaker 6 (01:07:42):
If you're hungry enough, anything's fucking delicious, Yeah, just eating
fucking moldy cheese. Mongolians used to milk their horses and
then put it in a fucking an old fucking sack
of ballsack of some fucking animal and then sit that
underneath their saddle like two weeks. And he used to

(01:08:02):
curdle and make fucking cheese. And then they used to
eat that. And they used to cut a vein on
the side of their horse and suck the blood.

Speaker 1 (01:08:11):
Sosed to put a mouthful of cheese in their mouth
and then sucked the blood from us.

Speaker 2 (01:08:14):
So you get like salty and sweet.

Speaker 1 (01:08:19):
To make this. So this is what sitting under my
asshole for two weeks, A bit of copper.

Speaker 2 (01:08:25):
Yeah, this is the top of the food chain. Was
could think of that ingenuity to fucking.

Speaker 1 (01:08:32):
She's yeah, they took over the world.

Speaker 2 (01:08:36):
Imagine growing up in that fucking environment.

Speaker 6 (01:08:39):
Dude, I'm so thankful to be born, Like I just
am so thankful were born in the time of cars.

Speaker 2 (01:08:45):
Yeah and hot showers.

Speaker 1 (01:08:47):
Hot showers.

Speaker 2 (01:08:48):
Ye, man, it's a total thing. They weren't like a
thing to like sixty years.

Speaker 3 (01:08:51):
Ago, and they're like, yeah, we just had a cold
bathtub about the bag.

Speaker 2 (01:08:55):
He's like, what cut had a bucket of water and
we used to just cup it over ourselves and.

Speaker 5 (01:09:00):
Like, I'm flushing toilet bro flushing off.

Speaker 6 (01:09:02):
To Japanese though, Man, Japanese have been making hot bars
for ten thousand years.

Speaker 1 (01:09:07):
They just.

Speaker 3 (01:09:09):
Yeah, you've been to Japan. If either of you guys
been to Japan, loves the country, Yeah, you know that's right.

Speaker 2 (01:09:15):
Fuck, you're fucking reading each true move. Fuck Australiana believe
Paradise to be better than he. I remember him in
Bali when I was younger.

Speaker 3 (01:09:30):
We were going to the States in twenty fifteen for
like three months, and I told my dad that I
was going, and he's like, why the fuck would you?

Speaker 1 (01:09:38):
Well, he's spending your money over there, keep it fucking
over It.

Speaker 3 (01:09:41):
Just was like you could see him getting angry, but
like it had just caused a short fuse where his
brain so he couldn't communicate.

Speaker 2 (01:09:49):
Or are you fucking the fucking America?

Speaker 4 (01:09:54):
Mate, I've got the best coast house in the entire
South Coast.

Speaker 1 (01:09:59):
Mate.

Speaker 4 (01:09:59):
If you in your fucking little shit cunt mates want
to go on a holiday, go down there for a
few fucking weeks. You can do all the drinking, then
all the party and that you want to do. Why
would you want to go to America?

Speaker 3 (01:10:10):
And I was like, I don't know, mate, Like just
to experience the world, Like, get out there, have a
bit of life experience, winden your.

Speaker 1 (01:10:16):
Horizons, yourrosons the fucking war.

Speaker 2 (01:10:19):
Do you want it a life experience? Line just sent
him like overboard.

Speaker 1 (01:10:25):
Life experience, saying I don't have life.

Speaker 3 (01:10:32):
He went into his office and he just grabbed a
stack of bills and he comes up and he's like.

Speaker 10 (01:10:37):
See this, see this Boxtel bill? Mate, eighty five fucking dollars.
Think I can pay that with life experience? See this
electricity bill two d and twenty fucking dollars because you
can't turn a fucking line off.

Speaker 2 (01:10:51):
Do you think I can pay.

Speaker 1 (01:10:52):
That with a better experience?

Speaker 2 (01:10:54):
Here's your water b like just slamming bills on the table.

Speaker 10 (01:10:57):
He's like, I can't pay for fucking dick with fucking
life experience, mate, he goes, the only thing that pays
for fucking anything is a bit of fucking hard work
and a fucking hard day in your life.

Speaker 3 (01:11:10):
I was like, dude, just went on a complete rampage, like,
can we bring your dad on the podcast? Woul would
He would fucking love my dad, dude. My friends prefer
to hang out with my dad more than they do.
They're just like he is good.

Speaker 1 (01:11:22):
Well, sorry, minch, get all our dads together, like my dad.
My dad would have been good.

Speaker 2 (01:11:29):
Yeah, yeah, my dad.

Speaker 1 (01:11:33):
They'll be there in spirit.

Speaker 2 (01:11:35):
Their important. Oh yeah, dude, he would be.

Speaker 5 (01:11:38):
He would be so funny.

Speaker 3 (01:11:39):
He's got some like piss funny stories about just blatantly
racist ship head budding cunts and just I think I
may have told you boys that at another time. But yeah,
he's a fucking he's.

Speaker 5 (01:11:51):
A loose old here.

Speaker 2 (01:11:52):
I remember me mum telling me the story. She's like,
she's going, yea, like a month before we found out
your dad had cancer and whatnot. And she goes, oh,
me and him took her like we went down to
Sydney for a day trip kind of thing, and we're
talking about like, you know, what we're going to do,
like you know, the future and what we're gonna do,
and you know how we like, you know, he wants
to do this and that to help set you guys
up and whatnot. He's looking forward to having grandkids and whatnot.

(01:12:15):
And he's like and then she goes, he goes, as
long as I can't marry one of them fucking shovel heads,
it's really beautiful.

Speaker 3 (01:12:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:12:31):
He just was like, no, I just didn't want us
to marry.

Speaker 1 (01:12:33):
Well, Ben, the fucking apple didn't fall far from.

Speaker 2 (01:12:35):
The I've got nothing sass.

Speaker 1 (01:12:40):
Shovel once going on to shovel.

Speaker 6 (01:12:44):
It that fucking video So you got band as well
for your video, the one that went oh.

Speaker 2 (01:12:51):
Yeah, yeah, they're fucking diving one the Olympics, reported me. Yeah,
it's gone strong on Instagram.

Speaker 1 (01:12:57):
I know, yeah, fucking one point too scared to.

Speaker 2 (01:13:00):
Put another fucking it's like two point one or something.
I'm too scared to put anything else up because everyone's
gonna be like, oh, this kinds of funny.

Speaker 3 (01:13:07):
People like heaps of people liking it.

Speaker 2 (01:13:10):
It's got like for two million view like views or whatever.
It's got like twenty something thousands, maybe pushing up to
thirty which doesn't seem like a lot, but it's been
shared like one hundred and twenty something thousand times, which
is just retarded.

Speaker 1 (01:13:25):
Like this.

Speaker 2 (01:13:26):
Instagram loves shares. That's where it's at above everything else.

Speaker 1 (01:13:30):
And saves if you can get able to save it.

Speaker 2 (01:13:32):
Yeah, true, Well that like that's I was disappointed got
taken down on Facebook there because there was so many
funny comments just having to get roasty, and like Facebook
was hiding heaps of them, and I had to go
like un hide him, because no, this is funny.

Speaker 1 (01:13:45):
I'm going to use this ship. This is going in
the next.

Speaker 2 (01:13:49):
Some of them were just fucking genuinely funny.

Speaker 6 (01:13:50):
Like let him cook the guy, the guy who was
just genuinely upset of the Pride flag.

Speaker 2 (01:13:56):
Yeah, steroids, the.

Speaker 11 (01:13:58):
Guy Donoid still got the photo of the Asian dude,
comment like your fucking video just for nothing.

Speaker 1 (01:14:13):
That's upset.

Speaker 2 (01:14:17):
It's probably I just took.

Speaker 6 (01:14:19):
That photo, zoom right in and then reposted it into
a reply comment.

Speaker 2 (01:14:24):
There's three times of people. There was people who were
like it was just putting the laugh thing or like
tagging someone. And then there was people who were like,
give me genuine advice. Just put some torbaby down and
you won't splain. Guy, this is a real problem. The
thirtier of people with just people being like, probably you're
a big favorite. There's so many of them. There was

(01:14:49):
one where I was like, because for those you don't
know what it is, it's basically divertizing, want to you
know why they can jump from up there like and
not make a splash, but you know, shooting the bowl
and you le's get soaked. There's one guy I was like, well,
probably because you weigh one hundred and thirty killers and
she wets thirty And I was like, nah, no, no, no,
no way, man, no way, she wets thirty killers. I'm

(01:15:11):
not gonna laugh based reply, I probably got him.

Speaker 3 (01:15:16):
Yeah, it's very interesting people that comment on that stuff.
Like one of Neil's clips that he put up is
like the difference between or things you can say in
Newcastle but not in the Central Coast and anyway, like
it went as good as any real that I've ever
been a part of. I think it got like five
thousand likes or something. But every time you'd go on
there like two hundred more people that'd like that. Nurses

(01:15:37):
Like I just turned notifications off because I was like,
this is dead set doing my head in. But the
funniest thing was, like you see people starting to argue
with each other in the comments, and that's never happened
on any of my shit. Usually it's like going Usually
it's my auntie being like very funny, like giving me
a thumbs up, emerging I'm like you being sarcastic, bitch,
why you're doing And yeah, like cuts has been like

(01:16:00):
like I know someone for every like stereotype that they've used,
and then someone like starts abusing the guy that wrote that,
and then he replies he's like, dude, like it's a joke,
Like we're all joking around here, and like someone's like.

Speaker 2 (01:16:16):
You think that's funny, Oh you can't.

Speaker 3 (01:16:18):
Haven't been to fucking wind aal And I just took
every part of me to be like, yeah, of course
we haven't been to fucking wind aw Cut, Like I
actively avoid going.

Speaker 1 (01:16:25):
We've got a job.

Speaker 2 (01:16:27):
Yeah, this was a good one I found. I had
to actually unhide this one. It was on Facebook and
just goes. The reason is Champ, your diet consists of
raw wild pig meat, steaks and swamp catfish. Susie, you
being a redneck hick. Also you having the park you're
jo getting swimming pools.

Speaker 1 (01:16:47):
I saved that one.

Speaker 2 (01:16:52):
I was like, why is this getting hit?

Speaker 1 (01:16:53):
This is funny. Yeah's got a good imagination.

Speaker 2 (01:17:05):
Like your face paralyzed from the backs or does it
just not move much? I'm trying to find I can't
remember it.

Speaker 3 (01:17:13):
Yeah, Like so the funniest people on the internet are
literally not comedians.

Speaker 2 (01:17:17):
It's yeah, this one. Some kinds are so funny because
yours probably aways more than her entire body. She's a
very small Asian girl. And I was like, no, that's
not it. I was like, it truly is a mystery.
I guess we'll never.

Speaker 1 (01:17:32):
Know, all right, boys, that's the pot fuck.

Speaker 5 (01:17:38):
He just demands to start it and demands when it ends. Yeah,
he's got fucking struggling not to fall asleep.

Speaker 6 (01:17:44):
He is got to fucking get home, get showered, wash
me nuts, fucking come back in beauty.

Speaker 5 (01:17:51):
Yeah, well thanks for having me time to drive.

Speaker 1 (01:17:53):
If you have to drive fucking fifty minutes each way,
you probably do.

Speaker 3 (01:17:56):
I can't believe we're going to go an hour and
fifteen minute to tell a joke, some jokes to a
free comedy show.

Speaker 1 (01:18:03):
So it's free. That's always good.

Speaker 2 (01:18:05):
No, it actually packs you out and it's good. Yeah,
I've done it before. It's a good room. Okay.

Speaker 3 (01:18:10):
So I had a friend in the Central Coast and
he was like, should I come? And I was like, ah,
let me see the room and then if I get
an invite back, and if it's a good room, then
I'll tell you to come, like I don't want you
to waste your Saturday night and come out.

Speaker 2 (01:18:21):
And I'm like, fuck, hey, everyone, Like it's it's open,
like yeah, people in other sections can hear it, but
like the people who come there are there for it.
Yeah right, So like it's like that's good. Yeah, that's
why it's free because it's not shut off into another area.
Like it packs out like every week or every month.
So I think they do it once a month.

Speaker 1 (01:18:39):
So I hope you do well boys having a sign.
When's the next cheeky dog.

Speaker 5 (01:18:47):
Fuck? Eighteenth of September? Yeah, nice, Yeah, coming.

Speaker 2 (01:18:52):
Up, fucking that one with Joel. Yeah, I got Valentine
Bowling Club on the fifth of October, and then on
the twelfth we're going to dunny Do.

Speaker 1 (01:19:05):
Yeah, what are you doing there?

Speaker 2 (01:19:06):
Comedy? Think we're doing.

Speaker 1 (01:19:12):
What like what.

Speaker 2 (01:19:14):
Dunny you do bowling club or whatever? So I can
call down there. It's a mad dog. Yeah. When I
was like sorting out the like price if you and whatnot,
like sending back and like can we have this much?
And like I think he offered us two rooms, like
you know, just confirm we can get like two rooms
and can we get a meal? And he ring me up.
He's like, mate, I'll do all that, but you've gotta

(01:19:38):
let me boy a few beers. I'm sure you could
have just texted me that that's that's the country hospitality.
He's a mad dog though, he's like heaps keen for it.
So yeah, yeah, I got that one coming up, and
then fucking I don't have been guar and no more
so looking to for the last bit of October and
then yeah, November and all that going it like all
the caps. We're busy, so yeah, nice, Yes, that's my

(01:20:02):
fucking thing.

Speaker 6 (01:20:05):
Well, you can catch Ethan and I here at the
Newcastle Comedy Club on the fourth Wednesday of every month for.

Speaker 1 (01:20:13):
Weird Wednesday contribution to the fucking Yeah to the circus.
We've got what's the next One's the new material night? Yeah?
Is this something? We got Bradley Bishop doing that one.

Speaker 5 (01:20:25):
I'll be here by good one.

Speaker 1 (01:20:27):
Yeah. Fucking Trev Doyle is our mad come. He's my favorite.
We need to get him on the pod. Actually, that's
a good idea. Trev's got jokes. He's one of those blokes.

Speaker 6 (01:20:45):
He's just like naturally good at comedy.

Speaker 1 (01:20:50):
He's adcock rips.

Speaker 3 (01:20:52):
Yeah, he just he looks like he's been doing comedy
a lot longer than what he has.

Speaker 5 (01:20:56):
He just doesn't give a fuck.

Speaker 3 (01:20:57):
I think that's part of his like charmers well of
just being an older fellow.

Speaker 5 (01:21:01):
He's like, I really don't give a fuck what you
young can't think about me.

Speaker 2 (01:21:04):
Here's some jokes about how much I hate my wife.

Speaker 1 (01:21:07):
He came up to me at the stag and he
was like, you're not with that bitch? Anymore. He's like,
good because I can tell if she was doing your head. Yeah,
it's like TV, you're the fucking you're a g Yeah,
that's so sick.

Speaker 2 (01:21:19):
He's the best.

Speaker 6 (01:21:20):
Got up here and fucking told he's like story time
with Trevor and just told the most cook story about
going to Africa and doing psychedelics. Yeah, fucking incredibly. You
got off stage. I was like, brother, please tell that story.

Speaker 3 (01:21:36):
I started to write a bit about like Robin Tugs,
and then on the same night trev debuted a joke
about Robin Tugs and he's lying, like, don't want to
step in his material too much, but he has a
line he's like I got He's like I got a
massage from one of those tire massage shoints. He's got
a happy ending afterwards, like hey, they play.

Speaker 5 (01:21:56):
With you dick like they've got one of their.

Speaker 3 (01:22:02):
So fucking funny. After that, I was just like, I
don't need to do this. The best, the best of
the tag ind it's like they've got a dick of
their own.

Speaker 2 (01:22:14):
That Yeah, that's that's killed that subject.

Speaker 1 (01:22:20):
Black card fucking work this he wins.

Speaker 6 (01:22:22):
All right, boys, thanks for coming on, Thanks having us
we'll see you later.

Speaker 1 (01:22:27):
What

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark

24/7 News: The Latest

Dateline NBC

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}169: Full Service

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

.css-r6mb8g{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:1;overflow:hidden;}My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark

24/7 News: The Latest

Dateline NBC

All Episodes

169: Full Service

My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark