July 18, 2025 • 53 mins
Join us for our second week of HypeFriend! This week, we welcome Tony Award-winning actress and Broadway star Nikki M. James to the neighborhood! The trio discusses how friendships evolve over time, how to accept these changes, and why candor is key to building lasting connections.
Join us in our friendship revolution, one HypeFriend at a time!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
- I think I have like an entirearmy of friends at Delta.
Like Miss Delta? Yeah.Mr. Delta. Cousin Delta.
You know, I mean, like, they're all like,
they're all friends.
And I'm like, are we like,are we meeting for brunch?
Hey everyone. Oh, hey y'all.
(00:21):
Wait, this is, this iscrazy. Oh, this is crazy.
This is a little somethingdifferent for us today.
- Yes. This is our firstcompletely virtual episode.
And Michael, where are you?
- I am in my Broadwaydressing room right now.
This is my Broadway dressingroom slash Studio HypeFriend
podcast studio.
Okay. That's, that is what is happening.
(00:43):
There's lots of things around.
So, you know, I it's, it's a little,
it's very subtle. Like I am,
- That's just what, that's what's I love.
I love the, the hints of thegenie and the personal touch.
I love the whole color palette. Thank you.
Didn't you call it masculine glam?
- Yes. - I think you calledit Masculine Glam. I love
- It.
Yes. What you call me. Yes. Yes.
(01:05):
That's what it, that is what is happening.
We are giving youmasculine glam fierceness.
You know, this is what, this is
what excites me when I comeinto the theater each day.
So, you know, this is,this is, this is what's up.
It's a little crazy. But it's working.
We, we are here 'cause wewant to keep this going.
So we are very, you
and I, we are like, weare making this happen.
- Yes, yes. Well,Michael, I think we should
(01:27):
- Okay. Kick
- This off and get this started.
- Alright, let's do this.Let's say, Hey y'all.
I'm Michael James Scott.
- And I'm Ashley Stein.- Welcome
- To HypeFriend.
- Hype- Friend. Michael.
What are we doing here?
- Girl? We are starting a friendship
revolution. That's right.
- One HypeFriend at atime. Michael, I miss you.
(01:49):
- Ashley, I miss you.It's, it's very strange.
I mean, I have to say, it'svery, the virtual situation is,
you know, it's, it's a little,
I will, I'm just gonna be honest.
It's very hard for me
because, well, I think it'sprobably hard for you too.
We both are suchin-person people, so it's,
- It's, yes, very much so. So,
- But we are very, wewant to make this happen.
(02:10):
And, and you know, this is,but this is real Ashley, right?
I mean, like, this is real.
Friendships are not always in person.
Like there is so much, especially today,
people are so virtual.
We are giving you outta town,out of state, out of country.
Like, you know what I mean? It's a lot.
So I I think it's, it'sa, it's a real situation
(02:31):
to figure out how to keep a real,
genuine connection virtually.
- Absolutely. I mean, Ithink we just found our theme
for this episode is how
to foster friendships whenyou can't be there in person.
And I agree with you.
It's hard for me too, becauseI'm such a physical person.
I, I, I'm such a hugger,you know, I like go in
(02:52):
for the hug whether you like it or not.
And I'm like, come on in. I'm a hugger.
And so it is weird not to beable to, you know, you know,
see someone touch someone and,
and just look them in theeyes and be like, how are you?
You know, it's weird.I'm like talking to you,
but I'm looking straight into a camera.
But, but you know, I haveyou with me in person.
(03:12):
Oh, hey girl,
I have my little diamondAsoka Funko Pop two. So we're
- Together.
Come on. Well, I need to getme, I need now I need my Soko.
A Soko Asoka. A Soko A Soko. I love it.
That's the new, that's the newThat's your, that's a soca's.
(03:33):
That's an Soca's friend. A soko. Yeah.
I need my new, a littleAsoka, so, okay. Yes.
We got, we're gonna, we gonna work on that
so I can get me my, my situation.
- I'll send you one.
Well, cheers to our firstvirtual Cheers episode. Cheers.
Ooh, what are you drinking today?
- I mean, it was a, it was a,
a classic iced oat milkvanilla latte from one
(03:57):
of our favorite coffee shops. So boom.
- That's, that's very on brand for you.
- What are you giving today?
- I am giving just an ice cold ginger ale.
- Okay. So, alright.
So we, there is, there'sso much we gotta do,
but I wanna get into theHypes and Gripes for today
because I feel like the, Ifeel like they are a theme
(04:18):
with what we were talking about.
So what is your Hype and yourGripe, Ms. Ashley Eckstein?
- So, my hype
and my gripe is actuallyabout not being in person.
And it's when you haveto call someone and,
and connect with them.
I'm one of those peoplewhere I love a phone call.
Like, I love to call someone. Yes.
(04:39):
And just, just connect
and just be like, Hey, what's going on?
And catch up.
I mean, a 30 minutephone call, oh my gosh,
what have you talked tosomebody for an hour?
I feel like that's completely unheard of.
- Unheard of,- I guess. Unheard of.
But we used to do itall the time. Like that.
That's how you did it.
That's how you maintained friendships.
(05:01):
- Yes.- You know, we've already dated ourselves
in past episodes.
You know, we, we grew up ina time where if you wanted
to catch up with someone, youliterally had to call them.
We didn't have textmessaging when we were,
you know, in high school.
And he just caught up.
And so, you know, myliterally my cup is full
(05:23):
because I just caught upwith a friend the other day.
My friend Jeffrey texted me
and he's like, Hey, can wejust catch up over the phone?
And I was like, yeah, let's do it.
And so I called him and wetalked for about 30 minutes.
And literally it was, it was so wonderful.
You know, he caught me up on everything
(05:44):
that was going on with him.
I, you know, shared with himwhat was going on with me.
Like I said, we talked forabout 30 minutes and hung up.
And I just felt like Igot a, a real, genuine
and authentic, you know, recap
of what's going on in his life.
But I also feel that that's necessary
(06:05):
to maintain a friendship.
I mean, Michael, do youdo this with your friends?
- I, first of all, this is soold school and I'm obsessed.
I am here for it. I am all about it.
I wanna pick up the phone rightaway. I am a phoner. Okay.
Like, I want to, I wanna get into it.
And part of it is, Idon't know, I just, I,
(06:25):
it is just the talk situation.
I, I, listen, I wanna talkto, now I'm not, I'll talk
to my friends, but I'll talk to, you know,
the representatives for any kind
of customer service situation.
Okay. My gosh. Like, I'm going in
- Not the customer service.
'cause you and I are the same.
I'm like, you know,when they say press one
for this, press two.
(06:46):
And I'm like interrupting.I'm saying representative.
- Yes. Rep- Representative.
- Yes.- I wanna talk to someone.
- I wanna talk to them. Like literally, I,
I think I have like an entirearmy of friends at Delta.
Like Miss Delta.
- Yeah. - Mr. Delta. CousinDelta. You know what I mean?
Like, they're all like,they're all friends
(07:06):
and I'm like, are we, like,are we meeting for brunch?
Like, what's happening? Oh,do you know what I mean? Oh my
- Gosh.
- I'm all about it.- You know, you and I are Delta girlies
because I,
the first thing I always askthem is, how's your day today?
And then it usuallyfollows with where are you,
what's the weather likethere, you know, it's, we have
(07:28):
to like, get into life
before we get into what Ineed fixed or what happens.
Do
- I love it?
I love this hype so much. I love it.
- So my hype is that Ilove a good phone call.
My gripe is along the samelines of a phone call,
(07:48):
but my gripe is that nobody likes
to do a phone call anymore.
I mean, it's like social taboo.
First of all, I, youhave to ask permission
to actually call someone.
I feel like, yes. I feellike it's now become social
etiquette where, you know,you have to text someone first
(08:09):
or email them and say,Hey, can I call you?
Because nobody likes tobe called out of the blue.
I mean, heaven forbidyou call someone, like,
there's always like this moment of panic
of like, they're calling me.
What does that mean?
So that's super annoying,
and especially if youactually just wanna talk
(08:30):
to someone to catch up.
Like, nobody wants to be caught off guard
with a phone call anymore.
I mean, am I wrong, Michael?
- No, you are absolutely right.
And this is, but I am, I am here.
I am all about the like, just, you know,
let's just out of the blue call.
So I am, I, I'm like bringing it for me.
I'm bringing it back. I'mbringing it back. Yeah.
(08:51):
Like, let's just do it.
In fact, you know what, let's,we're rolling up our sleeves
because we are going to,we are going to put this
as a mission, as a, asa little like assignment
for our amazing, you know, hypefriend community out there.
I want you to just out of the blue,
make a phone call to a friend.
Just, just do it and see whathappens. Call, let us know.
(09:13):
Give us your your your info back on.
Like what, how that went.Just do that. Just do it.
- And I, I feel like we need
to debate this on the future episode
with like Gen Z and Gen Alpha.
- Oh,- Do you call someone, are you comfortable
with calling someone?
How does it feel to call someone?
Is it, you know, like, I'vetalked to my nieces about this
(09:35):
and they genuinely get anxietyover having to call someone,
you know, do you leave a voicemail?
Is it just like totallyold to leave a voicemail?
I feel like it is, but some people do.
I I still do, I stilllike, repeat my number,
you know, like phone number. Yes.
(09:56):
- Same. Like, do you understand?
I think I may have maybe twovoicemails from my husband.
Like, I think maybe only two,
like maybe in our entirerelationship, maybe two,
maybe possibly three, maybe.
And like when he ever,
when he leaves me a hasleft me a voice message.
I was like, oh, oh myGod. Like, oh my God.
(10:18):
Like it's, I'm dead serious.It is so funny to me.
So I, I am I, okay. All right.
We, we gotta we gotta get into that.
I really wanna get into that.
- Yes. Okay. So this, we're gonna,
we're gonna put a pinin this conversation.
That's my hype and mygripe. I love a phone call.
I, I literally, my gripe is
that people don't do phonecalls anymore, but, but yes.
(10:42):
So we're gonna continueto discuss this Yes.
In future episodes.
But Michael, what's yourhype and what's your
- Gripe?
Alright. Alright. So myhyping my gripe, my, you know
what I'm gonna say it, withinthe social media, you know,
or the virtual world since wewere talking about that today,
for me, I actually, I'm hype.
I love hyping.
I'm gonna hype up, you know,
(11:03):
when I do see someone on social media,
something really goodhappens for them, right?
And I love being ableto like, hype up them
and like do like a full thing of emojis
or my classic MJS Yes.
Situation, which is spelledY-A-A-A-A-A-S-S-S-S-S.
So that's the official spelling.
(11:27):
But I love that. Like I love that hype.
My gripe though, thisis my gripe, my gripe is
that there are friends who think
that you have actuallycaught up on life with them.
Oh yes. Because they haveposted something, you know,
a life update on their social media.
I am sorry, but that is not a catch up.
(11:51):
- Yes. - It's, it's just notlike, it is not, I I am I, so
that's a very interesting thing, you know?
And people, some, I'm telling you people,
some people really feellike, like I have met someone
and they're like, well, did you not hear?
And I'm like, hear what?
They're like, well, we, I posted it.
I'm like, what did you postlike that you're pregnant.
(12:15):
Do you know what I mean? I'm like, what?
Like, do, like what do you mean?
Like, I, I, so it's,that to me is a whole,
it's a gripe for me.
It really is. It's like,it's kind of a gripe
because I, I feel likethere's, that's like,
there's this thing where weget away with just posting it
and that that is a catchup for your friends.
- You know, social mediashould not replace connecting
(12:37):
with someone in person.
And I also think that, youknow, this is discussed a lot.
What you post is a highlight reel.
It's not actually what'sgoing on in someone's life.
I can tell you that
because, you know, likewhat I post is a fraction
of what is actually happening.
(13:00):
And, you know, you thinkyou know what's going on in
someone's life, but unlessyou actually connect with them
and say, Hey, how are you?
You are not getting the full story.
- Oh my gosh. That is I hear you, Ashley.
And that is, that's a wholeother episode we have.
Like, I think we have likeeight other episodes. Well,
(13:23):
- Totally.
And that's something that, you know,
we're gonna learn on this podcast.
Yeah. And, and continue to learn
with our community isjust social etiquette.
And I think it's hard
because it's constantly changingin a world where, you know,
virtual friendships and,
(13:43):
and social media is,is constantly changing.
That means social etiquetteis constantly changing.
And so we just have to learn, you know,
and continue to teach eachother of really what we need.
- It's, it's very important.
And, and, and you know what,it's act it's, it's one
of the reasons why we wanted to do this.
'cause there there's somuch, there's so many layers,
(14:05):
so many layers that we canreally, really, we're gonna get
to unpeel and, and,
and figure out how that thatbalance for, for all of us.
And you know, including me,including you, all of us.
So, I, I'm, I I think it's,it's good. It is good.
It's, well, these are, it are some,
these are some hypes and some gripes.
- Yes, yes they are.
They're, we have some goodhypes and gripes today,
(14:27):
and we also have some good gossip.
- Ooh, what's your good gossip?
- So, you know, I work a lot
with the Kids' Mental Health Foundation.
- Yes. - And I'm a part oftheir National Advisory council.
And I was recently inLos Angeles where I got
to attend a panel discussion with the,
the showrunners executive producers
(14:47):
and cast of the soap opera,the Young and the Restless and
- Oh- Yeah.
It was really fun. And itwas actually really fun
because growing up Iused to watch the Young
and the Restless with my grandmother. Yes,
- Yes.
- So it was a really, reallyspecial moment for me.
But they, they werehaving a panel discussion
with the executive, clinical director
(15:09):
of the Kids Mental Health Foundation, Dr.
Ariana Hoit, who, she's a part,
she's gonna be a part of our hype hood.
Yes. You're gonna meet her soon.
- I'm so excited.
- But they actually worked with Dr.
Hoit on a storyline
for a young actor on the show who had OCD
and which is ObsessiveCompulsive Disorder.
(15:30):
You know, I feel likein the past, any sort
of representation withmental health, whether it's,
you know, just general mentalhealth or a mental illness
or a mental health disorder, you know,
the representation hasn't been great.
In fact, there's alwaysbeen a stigma around it.
Oftentimes it's not even discussed,
(15:51):
it's not a part of a storyline.
But I really applaud theYoung and the Restless.
They had a storyline with a, ayoung actor where he had OCD,
but they reached out to theKids' Mental Health Foundation
because they wanted to makesure they got it right.
And they worked with Dr.
Hoit on the storyline,
and she worked with theshowrunners, the writers,
(16:11):
the producers, the, the actors.
Not only the young boy,
but also the, the actorswho were playing as parents.
And they, they really made sure
to show OCD in a genuine
and authentic way. And
- Wow.
- They haven't gotten any credit for that.
I feel like, you know, oftentimes we,
(16:34):
we hear about if somethingisn't represented correctly,
but we don't hear about whenit is represented correctly.
And the great lengths that they went to,
to showcase OCD in a real
and genuine and authentic way.
So that's my good gossip.
- Okay. Well, thank you, Ashley.
(16:55):
That was, that's very,
it's amazing to hear about all of that.
And that is definitely somegood gossip for all of us today.
Okay. Yes. Speaking ofgood gossip, oh my gosh.
I mean, this, this, our guesttoday, she has amazing gossip.
We won't get into all of that,but we wanna talk to her.
She is an amazing, amazing friend,
(17:16):
and I am so excited to have her on today.
And Ashley, you have not met her yet.
- No, I haven't. I haven't.
But you know, any friend of yours,
Michael is a friend of mine.
- I am so excited to introduce you all.
Our guest for today, miss Nikkim James Nikki Rose to fame
with her iconic role as Nloo in the Book
(17:36):
of Mormon on Broadway, forwhich she won a Tony Award
for best featured actress in the musical,
which was an amazing experienceto experience with her.
She's also done otherBroadway shows like Les Mis
and the Avens of Tom Sawyer All Shook Up,
which we got to do together.
And most recently sheplayed the iconic Ida b.
Wells in the amazing musical stuffs
(17:59):
for which she got anotherTony Award nomination for now,
besides Broadway, she's done numerous
amounts of TV and film.
She can be seen most recently,
currently right now in Marvel's Daredevil.
And she is an activist.
She is on the board
of classic stage theatercompany here in New York City.
She's an artist who really,really leads with her heart.
(18:20):
Please welcome actor,singer, director, activist,
Tony winner, mother, wife,an amazing HypeFriend,
Nikki m James, ah,
OMG.
I am so excited that you are here.
Miss Nikki m James, Nikki,hi, meet Ashley ine,
(18:42):
Ashley ine, meet Nikki m James.
- Hi. Very nice to meet you.
- It's so nice to meet you.
And it's such an honor as just a, a a,
I say a former theater kid,
but I, I'll always be a theater kid.
Theater is just in my heart, man.
You are living the dream.It is such an honor.
(19:06):
And congratulationson, on just everything.
- Well, I, but before weeven get started, I have to,
actually, I haven't, Ihaven't, Nikki will know
what this is from, but this is a little,
- Oh my gosh,- Nikki is on
- My shirt.
Michael, what are you wearing?
- You got Michael James.
(19:27):
Scott is the most, like,
if you need a hype man in your life,
if you need a person who's gonna do, like,
who's just gonna do justthe right amount of extra,
you ask Michael to like, saylike, Hey, Michael, like,
I am having a dinner party.
And then all of a sudden, youknow, like, he's brought the,
(19:49):
like, most delicious bottle ofwine or the perfect dessert.
And like, or you're like, oh, played,
can you host this eventthat's a fundraiser
for like this organizationthat I'm working on?
He was like, yes, I will,I will come fiercely
and I will also put your face on my shirt.
- Okay. I wanna hear it straightfrom y'all's mouth about
how you met, because NikkiMichael's told me the story about
(20:12):
how you first met.
And I just loved it.
And it's literally the epitomeof what Friendship is about.
So, so I wanna hear,
- Okay, so this is, this is crazy.
It was my Broadway debut.
It was Nikki's second Broadway show.
It was the very first day ofour Broadway rehearsal, which,
(20:32):
you know, is first day of school.
What are you wearing? Allthe things like, oh my God.
Like, I was like freaking out in my head.
The little theater nerd inme was like, I get to go
to my first Broadway,you know, show rehearsal.
And I'm sitting at the, wedo, we did, we did a table
for the, for the very first day.
I'm sitting at the table
and I'm, I'm literally sitting by myself,
(20:52):
like just, just kind of sitting there.
I'm early, here comes thisgorgeous chocolate woman,
little like you basically,
y'all are literally like the same height.
PS just like, like,
here comes this littlechocolate gorgeous woman.
And she sits right next to me like this.
And she goes, are we gonna be besties?
(21:14):
- I, we were love that
- And that.
And thus it all began. So that,
- But wait, there is a twist to the story.
Oh. Which I'm so surprisedthat you left out
because I actually first met Michael,
not when we first became friends,
but when I first met Michael was in
(21:39):
2003.
So a few years before wedid our Broadway show,
because you did theBroadway Theater project
with my best friend.
And at the time my roommate Eric Nayer,
who's my very best friend, wegrew up together doing shows.
And you came to my apartment on St.
Mark's place, like a tornadoof the human that you are.
(22:02):
And it's this like big laugh,
like big smile, so fun.
And I remember thinkinglike, who is that person?
And that's why like all thoseyears later, I worked a couple
of years later, that is partof the reason why sat down
and said, are we gonna be besties?
'cause I already knew thatwe were going to be besties.
(22:23):
Love that. Like I alreadylove, knew that I loved you,
and now I was finally gettinga cha chance to make manifest
to like complete thiscircle of becoming friends.
But this is a friendship of,you know, a literal lifetime.
The ups and downs, mostlyups that we've been
through together,
and the things we'veseen each other through.
(22:46):
And like the longevity
and the specialness of thisrelationship is a really a
testament to who Michael is.
Obviously as a person who also,
I think like quite rare in this business
where it's very easy tolose track of people.
And like, that doesn't happenwhen you have real friends.
And so, you know, I just, you know,
(23:08):
then when you asked me tocome be on this podcast
to talk about, you know,friendship, I was like, well, duh.
- I love that. I love that.
Well, Nikki, I have a question
because, you know,
basically you broke theice when you saw Michael.
Obviously Michael, I can onlyimagine how nervous you were,
(23:29):
you know, I feel like whenyou're the new person,
especially at being yourfirst Broadway show, you know,
like, it's almost like beinga freshman, you know, at,
at high school, you're notgonna be the one to just go up
and talk to the upperclassmen.
So Nikki, what, like,is is that just like you
to just go up and break the ice
(23:49):
and say, we're gonna be besties?
Or does that take courage too to, to go up
to someone outta the blue
and just say, we're gonna be besties?
Like, are you just, what, what is that
- Like?
Yeah, no, I think that is who I am.
I, I'm the person who,you know, I have, I,
my nephew was rolling his eyes at me.
This, I can't remember whenthis was, this whatever,
(24:10):
maybe five or six years agowe were walking someplace
and he was like, you talk toeveryone, like in the elevator.
I like, I, I love making friends,
but I also think thatthat kind of like openness
and just like straight tothe point, make a joke.
You know, like cut the BS
(24:30):
and like the shynessis also a, it's like a,
it's a not defense mechanism,
but it's the way that Icounteract my own nerves, right?
Like, if we can skip past theniceties and the, the like,
and just go to the real heart of it.
Like, how could you notwanna become best friends
(24:51):
with Michael Scott?
And even in all of hisnervousness, he has like a light
that's shining outward.
And so now we don't have tolike be in each other's orbits.
I I really am that kind of person.
But I think it's,
I think it's the way I overcomemy own anxiety about being
in new situations isby just like, you know,
throwing myself into the,into the, the deep end.
(25:15):
- That's pretty, that's apretty incredible thing,
especially with dealing with anxiety
and like the fact that that,that you choose to go there,
that you choose to, to, to putyourself in an uncomfortable,
vulnerable position
because that's very, that's,that's difficult for a lot
of people, right?
Yeah. You know what Imean? I feel like that's a
very difficult thing.
And Ashley, she is absolutely
(25:35):
serious about talking to everyone.
We literally, we actuallylive directly across the
street from Nikki.
I love that.
And we actually share her bulike we share the amenities
in her building.
And so our packages come there.
And when I tell you, my husband
and I will literally like go in
and like Nikki is holdingcourt with all of the,
(25:57):
like the building staffthat is literal truth.
Like it's truth. Like it's actual,
it's actually a thing. It's
- Like, oh, I like that.
I love the opportunityto get to meet people.
It creates like lightness in your day.
Like it's, there's a reasonwhy I live in New York City.
I don't want to pretend to be alone.
Listen, sometimes I want to be alone.
I would like to put on my headphones
(26:19):
and have nobody talk to meand put on my sunglasses.
But part of the excitement
of living in a place like thisis if you can embrace the,
the like, congestion of it by saying like,
this is an opportunity to likehave an exchange with someone
that will lighten both theirs and my day.
And even if it's just like,those are really cute shoes,
(26:40):
or I love your dog, or canyou believe this weather?
Like I really, those thosekind of interactions,
whether they be short orlong, they enrich my life.
Absolutely. And so it's ahabit that I've developed.
My mom has it too. She's worse than me.
- So Nikki, I have aquestion for you. Sure.
Are we going to be besties?
(27:01):
Apparently, I, I mean, Ifeel like Michael's right?
We are like the same person.
We're already bestiesgirl. Okay. It's, it's
- Written in the stars.
This, it's it is, okay.It's a Disney movie.
We find out later
that we're actually liketwins, you know, it's like,
yes. Something like that.
- Well, I I actually am, I'm, I'm curious
(27:22):
because, you know,Nikki, you, it's one, one
of the things you said, and I,
and this is very true, Ashley, about Nikki
and our community out there.
So Nikki is a straight shooter.
Nikki is someone who, as she,as she said, you know, she's,
she is willing to go in an,an, a vulnerable, uncomfortable
(27:43):
put herself out there to, youknow, to have a conversation
and, and to, you know, get things going.
But that also is how she, I believe, moves
through her friendships interms of being very open,
very honest, and being a friendwho sometimes you may not,
she, it might not be theanswer you want to hear.
(28:05):
Nikki is not afraid to tellyou what she really thinks
and they give you the honest good truth.
Right? This is, it's a,it's a great layer. Right.
And, and so Nikki, I'mcurious, like, for, for you,
that's important to you, open and honesty
and being real is a veryimportant part of the friendship,
(28:26):
the friendshipness, if you will.
Yeah. Of, of it all. What is that?
Has that always been for you?
- No, I think yes and no.
I really hold on
to my friends
and we live in a worldwhere like seeing people
and talking to them everysingle day and like, is not easy
(28:48):
and what I think, but Iwanna be friends with people.
I want 20 year friendships.
You know, I have my, oneof my closest friends is a,
my friend Susie, who we met in preschool,
and my friend Shannon, whowas my first friend who I came
to see Broadway shows with,
she was here in myhouse spending some time
with my daughter yesterday.
(29:09):
And these are not people I talkto every single day. Right?
The way you can maintainfriendships when we're not
spending, where you can't talk
to people every day when you'renot seeing them every day,
is by ensuring that the interactions
and the time you do havewith them are meaningful.
And that will carry you through.
If it's, if I'm not gonnasee you again for six months,
then I want to be able to bemy full, honest, complete self.
(29:33):
I also love that I havefriendships that allow me
to be the different parts of myself.
You know, like I can bemy like, politics nerd
with like this group of friends
and I can be my trekky nerdwith this group of friends
and I can be my like, dragqueen loving, you know, like
first friend with this group of friends.
(29:53):
I love that the, the bestpart about friendships is
that you get to forge unique
and special relationships withall of these people that get
to fill all the different partsof, and facets of yourself.
So by, I don't feellike I have to lie about
who I am when I'm with afriend or hide what I'm feeling
(30:15):
because I know that the peoplewho are in my life are people
who love all parts of me.
And I feel that way about them.
- Yeah. So, so I, it's importantfor me to have, you know,
I think it, it's some of us who are more
extroverted and sometimes alittle bit guarded in terms of,
(30:35):
of actually letting ourfeelings be be out there.
Right. I don't think thatpeople really realize,
I think people are surprised sometimes
that they may see like, I'm abit guarded with like, letting
that down because it is, it's some,
it's just sometimes scary for me.
But I hold my friends in suchhigh regard where I can do
(30:57):
that and I, and I, and I want to do that.
And it has been for me yearsof like trying to be able
to just let those, letthat that guard down
or let the, the showman,if you will, down so
that we can have a real conversation.
And so that's what I'm, that's that's
to me is when I think about,you know, real friends.
(31:17):
You know, it's one of the reasonswhy I wanted Nikki m James
to be on here, Ashley,
because as I said to you,I'm like, she's as real
as they get, period.
She's as real as they get.
- I would say that the other thing
that's really interesting aboutwhat you said, Michael, is
that that part of you, thatpart of you that like wants
to entertain and to like,
(31:39):
and to be the life ofthe party is, is a part
of you that is one of thethings I admire most about you.
And I love being in your orbitwhen you're in that space,
the way people light upwhen you come into a room
with your smile and you're like,let's get the party started
(32:00):
and everybody is a friend.
You know, that part ofyou, I love seeing that
and it's a part that like,I, I envy in a little bit,
just a little bit whereI'm like, oh, that thing
that Michael has that canmake people feel comfortable
and make people feel, youknow, joy immediately.
But that's like thepart of you that I love.
(32:21):
And then I also really valuethat I am one of the people
for whom you have letdown a little bit more.
And I don't think some pe Idon't know that everyone can see
that as like a guard.
I think it's like, it's so electric
how you exist in the world,
but like the more the,like the other part of you
(32:42):
that like would sit
and talk for hours on Zoomabout the state of the world
during the pandemic, like that'sa part of you too, that I,
I feel so privileged and like,
and really like honored that I, that I get
to have both parts of that.
Like, that's so special
(33:03):
and like, I, I couldn't letyou say that without say adding
to that, that that's a,that's a part that I love.
And then I really lovethe other part too. It
- It's, it's interesting
because like, we don't, whenwe work together, we like,
we're we're with eachother for a little while
and then we're, andthen we're apart, right?
So Ashley and I, obviouslywe went to high school
(33:24):
and then we like our path split
and then we reconnected 20 years.
20 years, 20 years.Yeah. And we reconnected
and you, you know,
and when we reconnected,
we reconnected on a very real level.
Like, we literally had a lunch
and it was just like, wewere very open and, and and,
and candid with each otherabout life and all the things.
(33:46):
And it was also during thepandemic, which was also crazy
as you talk about when we were just sort
of like on these virtual things.
I remember Ashley, Nikki,and I would be on like zooms
and we were, or like FaceTimes
and just like talking aboutwhat is going on, right?
So I'm, I'm curious like, like
because of that we've stayed connected
(34:07):
and how do you want to stay, I guess,
I guess the question wouldbe how do you stay connected
with friends who you,you've, you are in your life
for a little while, you leaveand you come back, right?
So how does that, how does that work?
And is that really, isit because it, is it,
do you think it's based on bothparties wanting to do that?
(34:27):
Or is it really, you know, does it start
with one friend reaching out to the other?
- I think that the way youdo that is by not deciding
that the distance was anybody's fault.
Like that the distance was likea feature of the friendship
and not a bug.
Do you know what I mean?Like, I think we all start
(34:48):
to be like, oh, well Ihaven't heard from so
and so for this amount of time.
And it's like, well, maybethat's the amount of time
that needed to happen inorder for the friendship
to develop and be new.
Like, instead of having hardfeelings about the distance
to embrace the present,
if you've been brought intoeach other's lives again,
whether that's becausesomeone had a tragedy
(35:09):
or someone had a success
or someone had like, you know,an exciting thing happen or
because we like literallybumped into each other on the
street, like why can't we think
that like the time apartis, was as important
as the time together?
And when you approach itthat way, which I think I do,
(35:30):
I've never articulated it that way,
but I think I do, then
you have now the opportunityto catch up with somebody
and which is a lovely thing.
And instead of, oh, well wherehave you been all this time?
And it's like, well, let me tell you,
it might be interesting,it might be exciting.
And also like people go through,like, we evolve and change.
(35:54):
Like when, you know, Ihave a 2-year-old daughter,
when I was, when my family was starting,
I had a different level of time.
I had to figure out howto balance being a friend
to my friends and beingan amazing, being a mother
to my child and stillbeing a working performer
and being a good hu wife and being.
(36:15):
And so I had to adjust like how much time
and what that time looks like.
And there were some friends, Michael
and Jeremy who werelike, we'll come to you.
Let's have co let's have brunch.
And there were some friends who were like,
we're going out friends,
and you don't go out atlate 11 o'clock anymore.
Well, at some point in my life,
maybe I will go out at 11 o'clock again
and I will not be mad atthose people who I didn't see
(36:38):
for the period of timewhere that wasn't my life.
So I think that's how you hold onto it.
But that goes back to me sayinglike, I try really hard not
to have hard feelings
or to take personally thethings that are happening.
My my therapist saidthis to me once and she
and I like really stand by it.
(36:58):
And she just said like, youcan't compare other people's
outsides to your insides.
Like, you can't comparewhat you think is happening
with someone to like how you feel.
And so that's how you justlike, don't take it personally.
You know?
- I love everything you're saying,
like every single thing you're saying,
(37:19):
I'm just sitting here like, yeah.
Yeah. Well,
and you, you already startedtalking about something I
wanted to ask you is I wanted
to ask if your friendshipschanged once you became a mom
because, you know, that'ssomething that I, you know, I,
I don't have kids, but a lot of, a lot
of my really close friends thatare really important to me,
(37:42):
once they had kids, I didnotice that, you know, kind
of our cadence would change
and, you know, kind of the firstof my friends to have kids,
she's one of my best friends initially.
I, I just had to figure outwhat that new rhythm was
because I realized wecouldn't talk as often.
(38:05):
We, you know,
connecting in person was easierthan connecting on the phone
because, you know, shecould be chasing a kid
or feeding a kid and, you know, we could,
we could talk in person,
but it's, it's hard, it's hard
to talk on a phone when you have a
screaming kid in the background.
And so we had to just find our new rhythm.
And I, I realize like, okay, you know,
(38:27):
especially being a newmom, it's like I need
to meet my friends where they're at
and it might look different,
but the friendship isn't changing.
I just need to figure out what they need.
And, and so how was that with you?
You know, you already talkedabout it a little bit,
but did you find, you know, some
of your friendships changing
(38:49):
or even having to be talkingabout honesty, having
to be honest with some of your friends
and say, I, I I can't do that right now.
What was that? What was that like?
- Yeah, they, my friendships have changed
and I think they'regonna continue to change.
And, and,
and I think, I love thatyou used the word cadence.
(39:12):
I've never used it that way,but that's the exact word.
Like, it's just that like youcan't, you know, like we used
to be at this sort of regularity
and now we're at adifferent sort of regularity
and we both need to beokay with that in order
for this friendship to continue.
I had my daughter late in life,quote unquote late in life.
(39:35):
It didn't feel late to me. Itfelt exactly right on time.
But many of my friends already had kids
and I knew that if I wantedto stay friends with them,
I went to them.
And, and now many
of them are returning thefavor by coming to me.
And I think that that's the give
and take of this friendshipof some of these friendships.
(39:58):
I'm also finding that,you know, like I try hard,
but you, you what you want
to talk about changes when you have a kid.
And it's annoying, I'msure to some people.
But, you know, I have this person
who is the new love of my life.
Like the reason why I wannatalk about them all the time is
because I love them so much.
(40:21):
They are so important to me.
And I get that I find herfascinating and exciting
and beautiful in ways thatmaybe other people don't.
And so I try to be conscious of that.
But yeah, I do find thatmy friendship changed.
I feel like I've made some new friends.
I've deepened my relationshipswith certain people
who have been where I've been.
(40:44):
And, but I also think
because I was a momlater in life than many
of my other friends, I alsorecognize that this is a season.
'cause so many of them havea very different relationship
with their children now.
Their children don't need them as much.
They're, they're like more independent.
(41:06):
They have a little bit more freedom.
And so they're like coming back to life
and I'm like, yeah, this is this again,
like everything is a season in our lives.
And, and,
but I wouldn't trade any of it
because I think
for the really greatrelationships in my life,
(41:28):
it's deep in them.
It's kind of even likefinding your partner.
Like when you, your partner, you, you,
your friendships change
because, you know, Idon't wanna be one on,
I don't always wanna beone-on-one with my friend.
Like my partner is here,this person I love. Yeah.
So like, I want to include them and
therefore the friendships that you have
that allow your partnerto be a part of it,
(41:50):
those will flourish a littlebit more than some of the ones
that were like maybe more individualized.
I mean, the one questiontoo that you didn't ask me
that I wanna turn around
and ask you guys aboutfriendship Is how you feel
that your success inyour professional life
has maybe changed
or changed the friendshipsthat you are able to have
(42:14):
or your ability to make new friends.
- I, that's a good, it'sa very good question.
'cause it's, it's,
and we have discussed this,like, I think it's, it's, it,
it's, I don't know.
I feel like there isa world where we have,
it's all about, I think figuringout truly the energy you
(42:38):
want to, you know, giveout in terms of new friends
and, and, and, and, and
or fostering the friendshipsthat you had to not get rid
of those friendships.
Especially because these are people
who you feel like youmay have come up with
and you, you know, youreally, they know you,
they knew you when theyknew you, when you weren't,
you know, you didn't get a big role
(42:59):
or a big, you know, promotion at work.
And, and these are friendswho have been through all
of the like the trenches with you, right?
So I, I find I,
I live in a household, youknow, I come from a family
of people who always keepit real in terms of like,
you know, you still needto take out the trash,
(43:20):
you still need to do the,like, all the things right.
That like you have to do.
And like, there's not, thereis not, there's just a a,
in my head it's like there'snothing different from what
who I was before when I havegotten a, a big role than it,
than than who I was prior tothat. Do you know what I mean?
(43:41):
- So I've really struggled with
how busy my life has gotten
and I can't always be thefriend that I want to be.
I want to be there forpeople's birthdays. Yeah.
I want to be there for theirweddings and their baby showers
and just to be there on a whimto go over and watch a movie.
(44:03):
And I can't,
oftentimes I am the MIA friend
and so a lot
of people have just stoppedasking, have stopped inviting me
and don't take it personally.
I don't get my feelings hurt.
I'm actually a lot like you Nikki people.
I think because I'm so bubbly and nice.
(44:25):
People think that I getmy feelings hurt easily.
And I don't, I don't at all.
But I, when, when I have friends
and I do have my inner circleof friends that continue
to keep up with me, continueto ask me to go to dinner
and that continue tounderstand what my life is like
(44:46):
with no judgment.
I make a point to thank them.
I thank them and say, thankyou for not giving up on me
because I recognize that nine out
of 10 times I'm probablygonna have to tell you no.
But that, that one out of10 times I, I can say yes.
And that really matters to methat you didn't give up on me.
(45:09):
Now are my feelings hurt
for the friends that do give up on me?
No, because I do understand that
at some point it gets annoyingthat I continue to say no.
But I'm super thankful forthe friends that continue
to call, continue to invite me.
Yeah. So, so yes, friendshipsdid change the more
that my life changed.
(45:31):
And I think a lot of whatyou're saying, Nikki, it's like,
I don't take it personallybecause I also don't know what's
going on in somebody's life.
And I will say, for me, a fearthat I have constantly had
to deal with, and a lot of this is me.
This isn't what somebody else,
this is like me projectingit onto someone.
My biggest fear is that I'mgoing to disappoint someone.
(45:53):
And it's such a massive fear
that oftentimes I will choose
to back off and kind ofexit myself a little bit
because I don't wanna disappoint them.
And so I almost feel likeif I set the expectation
that I can't be present, thenmaybe I won't disappoint them.
And I also don't thinkthat that's a healthy way
(46:14):
of dealing with something either.
So it's, it, I will sayit's a constant struggle
and it's something thatI'm constantly working on
and I don't feel that I everhave it completely figured out.
If we could sum up this conversation
is I love Nikki.
Okay. Since we're all theater kids,
I love when you said seasons
(46:35):
and I think of the songseasons of love, you know,
our life is just a bunch of seasons
and we never have it figured out.
You, you're always learning, you know,
we're always figuring outbetter ways to show our love
and our friendship and,
and it's just part of the journey
(46:57):
of life is we're indifferent seasons of our life
and in different seasons we need,
we need friendship in different ways.
- Yeah. And I think thatlike remembering that
friendships
and personal interactionsare meant to either enrich
or teach right?
(47:18):
Like that you can also thinklike, what is the lesson
that I am needing to learnabout this either difficult
season or moment in this friendship
or this like joyous thing.
Like if, if if every, if we,
if we take it that each ofthese interactions is meant
(47:40):
to be something to build upon, then,
then nothing is a failureand nothing is a loss.
And I,
this is the other thing wedidn't say about friendships,
like is that they're okay to end.
You know what I mean? Like, you don't,
you don't like some people,like you have a boyfriend
and then you break up with that person.
(48:01):
Or like you go to a class
and then you learn the thingsthat you're supposed to go in
that class and like, youdon't take that class anymore.
And that, like, we shouldall normalize that the end
of a friendship is not a failure.
It is that that potentiallywas what was meant to be there
(48:21):
for that time and to allow thosedoors to remain open maybe,
but also maybe somefriendships aren't toxic
or not good for you or,or take you down a path
or make you feel like a personthat you don't wanna be,
or that friend is asking youto be someone you don't want
to be anymore.
Because that's what'scomfortable for them.
Like that we can celebrate and rich and,
(48:43):
and like hype up our friends
and then also give ourselfenough like honesty
and grace to like letthe other things go and,
and move on from them andlike put them in a scrapbook
and like, and, and leave it behind.
- I, my jaw just kindof dropped a little bit
(49:03):
because I'm like, we need todedicate a whole episode to
- This.
Like, like totally, totally, totally.
- Yes. And it's somethingthat's not talked about enough.
No, it's okay to endfriendships. Oh my gosh. Okay.
Well, we're gonna say that
- Friendships, what?
Not this friendship. No.
(49:26):
In fact, other friendshipsand other friendships,
- I mean, I don't liveacross the street from y'all,
but in our virtual hype hood neighborhood,
we are now neighbors.
And Nikki, you have to come back on
and we have to talk about this sometime.
So this is just the beginning.
(49:48):
- Great. Yes. I hope so. Thiswas such an amazing time. I
- Thank, I mean, it's Ashley,you see why I was like,
we gotta, we this there there's no one,
there's she is the realist as they come.
And also the ultimateHypeFriend of it all.
And, and oh, it is, itis, it is such an honor
(50:09):
and a gift to have MissNikki m James in your life
and now in our community life.
Yeah. Which is anincredible, incredible thing.
And we are so grateful that you came today
and spent a little time with us. Truly.
- Thank you. Anytime. I love you guys.
- You thank you Nikki.
- OM that's,
(50:32):
- I am obsessed with Nikki.
- Isn't she the best? She's the best.
I'm so excited that you all got to meet
and it, it, it really, II just love her so dearly
and I knew you would too.
And, and she's, you know,she's your type of friend.
She's, she's everybody's type of friend
and she was perfect forus to be able to chat with
and introduce into our community
(50:54):
and also learn from,there's so many things.
There's so many aha momentslistening to her speak
with the way she speaks insuch a real way that is,
it's just, it's it's veryinspiring and, and, and,
and also makes you want to,you know, I'm like, oh my gosh.
Ooh, yes, I like that.
I want, you know, youkind of wanna go deeper.
(51:14):
I, I, for me, my, you know,the, the one last thing
for this is candor
is kindness.
Her candor is such kindnessin such an amazing way
that, that that's really powerful.
Yeah. And that I think is such a,
(51:34):
a really major tool for a friendship.
For a real friendship.
- Yes. She seems like thatfriend that, you know, Michael,
I I feel like I'm thisfriend to you too, where,
you know, you're so big.
I'm so big. But sometimesyou can just see without even
speaking, you can see insomeone's eyes maybe they're not
(51:58):
having the best day.
- Yeah. - And you know, thefriend that can see past that
and come up to you and belike, what's really going on?
How are you really doing?Are you having a good day?
- Yeah. - And she seems likethat type of friend that, that
will ask you sometimesthose hard questions.
Yes. And, and I lovethat. And you need that.
(52:20):
So you are just so lucky tohave a friend like Nikki.
I'm lucky that I get
to now call Nikki myfriend because you Yes.
And, and really ourcommunity, I mean our hype
to have her a part of the hype hood,
but then, you know, thefact that we just got
to introduce everyone watchinghere to Nikki m James.
(52:41):
- Yes. That, that's my take.Candor is kindness. Candor.
Candor is, kindness is kindness.
- I love that.
And you know, my one last thing
for today too is just areminder to me, you know,
the feeling that I feltwhen I, I caught up
with my friend over the phone.
It was such a good feeling.
And so my HypeFriendhomework is I'm gonna
(53:05):
call a friend this weekend.
Yes. Out of the room. Bring
- It- Back.
Yes, bring it back.
You know, if you're with mehere, give a friend a call.
Catch up with someone overthe phone. Go old school.
- Bring yes. Yes.
- But you know, this hasbeen an incredible episode.
Thank you so, so much for joining us.
(53:27):
Once again, I'm Ashley Eckstein.
- I'm Michael James Scott
- And be a HypeFriend.
Hype the hype starts with you, starts.
- I think I have like an entirearmy of friends at Delta.
Like Miss Delta? Yeah.Mr. Delta. Cousin Delta.
You know, I mean, like, they're all like,
they're all friends.
And I'm like, are we like,are we meeting for brunch?
Hey everyone. Oh, hey y'all.
(00:21):
Wait, this is, this iscrazy. Oh, this is crazy.
This is a little somethingdifferent for us today.
- Yes. This is our firstcompletely virtual episode.
And Michael, where are you?
- I am in my Broadwaydressing room right now.
This is my Broadway dressingroom slash Studio HypeFriend
podcast studio.
Okay. That's, that is what is happening.
(00:43):
There's lots of things around.
So, you know, I it's, it's a little,
it's very subtle. Like I am,
- That's just what, that's what's I love.
I love the, the hints of thegenie and the personal touch.
I love the whole color palette. Thank you.
Didn't you call it masculine glam?
- Yes. - I think you calledit Masculine Glam. I love
- It.
Yes. What you call me. Yes. Yes.
(01:05):
That's what it, that is what is happening.
We are giving youmasculine glam fierceness.
You know, this is what, this is
what excites me when I comeinto the theater each day.
So, you know, this is,this is, this is what's up.
It's a little crazy. But it's working.
We, we are here 'cause wewant to keep this going.
So we are very, you
and I, we are like, weare making this happen.
- Yes, yes. Well,Michael, I think we should
(01:27):
- Okay. Kick
- This off and get this started.
- Alright, let's do this.Let's say, Hey y'all.
I'm Michael James Scott.
- And I'm Ashley Stein.- Welcome
- To HypeFriend.
- Hype- Friend. Michael.
What are we doing here?
- Girl? We are starting a friendship
revolution. That's right.
- One HypeFriend at atime. Michael, I miss you.
(01:49):
- Ashley, I miss you.It's, it's very strange.
I mean, I have to say, it'svery, the virtual situation is,
you know, it's, it's a little,
I will, I'm just gonna be honest.
It's very hard for me
because, well, I think it'sprobably hard for you too.
We both are suchin-person people, so it's,
- It's, yes, very much so. So,
- But we are very, wewant to make this happen.
(02:10):
And, and you know, this is,but this is real Ashley, right?
I mean, like, this is real.
Friendships are not always in person.
Like there is so much, especially today,
people are so virtual.
We are giving you outta town,out of state, out of country.
Like, you know what I mean? It's a lot.
So I I think it's, it'sa, it's a real situation
(02:31):
to figure out how to keep a real,
genuine connection virtually.
- Absolutely. I mean, Ithink we just found our theme
for this episode is how
to foster friendships whenyou can't be there in person.
And I agree with you.
It's hard for me too, becauseI'm such a physical person.
I, I, I'm such a hugger,you know, I like go in
(02:52):
for the hug whether you like it or not.
And I'm like, come on in. I'm a hugger.
And so it is weird not to beable to, you know, you know,
see someone touch someone and,
and just look them in theeyes and be like, how are you?
You know, it's weird.I'm like talking to you,
but I'm looking straight into a camera.
But, but you know, I haveyou with me in person.
(03:12):
Oh, hey girl,
I have my little diamondAsoka Funko Pop two. So we're
- Together.
Come on. Well, I need to getme, I need now I need my Soko.
A Soko Asoka. A Soko A Soko. I love it.
That's the new, that's the newThat's your, that's a soca's.
(03:33):
That's an Soca's friend. A soko. Yeah.
I need my new, a littleAsoka, so, okay. Yes.
We got, we're gonna, we gonna work on that
so I can get me my, my situation.
- I'll send you one.
Well, cheers to our firstvirtual Cheers episode. Cheers.
Ooh, what are you drinking today?
- I mean, it was a, it was a,
a classic iced oat milkvanilla latte from one
(03:57):
of our favorite coffee shops. So boom.
- That's, that's very on brand for you.
- What are you giving today?
- I am giving just an ice cold ginger ale.
- Okay. So, alright.
So we, there is, there'sso much we gotta do,
but I wanna get into theHypes and Gripes for today
because I feel like the, Ifeel like they are a theme
(04:18):
with what we were talking about.
So what is your Hype and yourGripe, Ms. Ashley Eckstein?
- So, my hype
and my gripe is actuallyabout not being in person.
And it's when you haveto call someone and,
and connect with them.
I'm one of those peoplewhere I love a phone call.
Like, I love to call someone. Yes.
(04:39):
And just, just connect
and just be like, Hey, what's going on?
And catch up.
I mean, a 30 minutephone call, oh my gosh,
what have you talked tosomebody for an hour?
I feel like that's completely unheard of.
- Unheard of,- I guess. Unheard of.
But we used to do itall the time. Like that.
That's how you did it.
That's how you maintained friendships.
(05:01):
- Yes.- You know, we've already dated ourselves
in past episodes.
You know, we, we grew up ina time where if you wanted
to catch up with someone, youliterally had to call them.
We didn't have textmessaging when we were,
you know, in high school.
And he just caught up.
And so, you know, myliterally my cup is full
(05:23):
because I just caught upwith a friend the other day.
My friend Jeffrey texted me
and he's like, Hey, can wejust catch up over the phone?
And I was like, yeah, let's do it.
And so I called him and wetalked for about 30 minutes.
And literally it was, it was so wonderful.
You know, he caught me up on everything
(05:44):
that was going on with him.
I, you know, shared with himwhat was going on with me.
Like I said, we talked forabout 30 minutes and hung up.
And I just felt like Igot a, a real, genuine
and authentic, you know, recap
of what's going on in his life.
But I also feel that that's necessary
(06:05):
to maintain a friendship.
I mean, Michael, do youdo this with your friends?
- I, first of all, this is soold school and I'm obsessed.
I am here for it. I am all about it.
I wanna pick up the phone rightaway. I am a phoner. Okay.
Like, I want to, I wanna get into it.
And part of it is, Idon't know, I just, I,
(06:25):
it is just the talk situation.
I, I, listen, I wanna talkto, now I'm not, I'll talk
to my friends, but I'll talk to, you know,
the representatives for any kind
of customer service situation.
Okay. My gosh. Like, I'm going in
- Not the customer service.
'cause you and I are the same.
I'm like, you know,when they say press one
for this, press two.
(06:46):
And I'm like interrupting.I'm saying representative.
- Yes. Rep- Representative.
- Yes.- I wanna talk to someone.
- I wanna talk to them. Like literally, I,
I think I have like an entirearmy of friends at Delta.
Like Miss Delta.
- Yeah. - Mr. Delta. CousinDelta. You know what I mean?
Like, they're all like,they're all friends
(07:06):
and I'm like, are we, like,are we meeting for brunch?
Like, what's happening? Oh,do you know what I mean? Oh my
- Gosh.
- I'm all about it.- You know, you and I are Delta girlies
because I,
the first thing I always askthem is, how's your day today?
And then it usuallyfollows with where are you,
what's the weather likethere, you know, it's, we have
(07:28):
to like, get into life
before we get into what Ineed fixed or what happens.
Do
- I love it?
I love this hype so much. I love it.
- So my hype is that Ilove a good phone call.
My gripe is along the samelines of a phone call,
(07:48):
but my gripe is that nobody likes
to do a phone call anymore.
I mean, it's like social taboo.
First of all, I, youhave to ask permission
to actually call someone.
I feel like, yes. I feellike it's now become social
etiquette where, you know,you have to text someone first
(08:09):
or email them and say,Hey, can I call you?
Because nobody likes tobe called out of the blue.
I mean, heaven forbidyou call someone, like,
there's always like this moment of panic
of like, they're calling me.
What does that mean?
So that's super annoying,
and especially if youactually just wanna talk
(08:30):
to someone to catch up.
Like, nobody wants to be caught off guard
with a phone call anymore.
I mean, am I wrong, Michael?
- No, you are absolutely right.
And this is, but I am, I am here.
I am all about the like, just, you know,
let's just out of the blue call.
So I am, I, I'm like bringing it for me.
I'm bringing it back. I'mbringing it back. Yeah.
(08:51):
Like, let's just do it.
In fact, you know what, let's,we're rolling up our sleeves
because we are going to,we are going to put this
as a mission, as a, asa little like assignment
for our amazing, you know, hypefriend community out there.
I want you to just out of the blue,
make a phone call to a friend.
Just, just do it and see whathappens. Call, let us know.
(09:13):
Give us your your your info back on.
Like what, how that went.Just do that. Just do it.
- And I, I feel like we need
to debate this on the future episode
with like Gen Z and Gen Alpha.
- Oh,- Do you call someone, are you comfortable
with calling someone?
How does it feel to call someone?
Is it, you know, like, I'vetalked to my nieces about this
(09:35):
and they genuinely get anxietyover having to call someone,
you know, do you leave a voicemail?
Is it just like totallyold to leave a voicemail?
I feel like it is, but some people do.
I I still do, I stilllike, repeat my number,
you know, like phone number. Yes.
(09:56):
- Same. Like, do you understand?
I think I may have maybe twovoicemails from my husband.
Like, I think maybe only two,
like maybe in our entirerelationship, maybe two,
maybe possibly three, maybe.
And like when he ever,
when he leaves me a hasleft me a voice message.
I was like, oh, oh myGod. Like, oh my God.
(10:18):
Like it's, I'm dead serious.It is so funny to me.
So I, I am I, okay. All right.
We, we gotta we gotta get into that.
I really wanna get into that.
- Yes. Okay. So this, we're gonna,
we're gonna put a pinin this conversation.
That's my hype and mygripe. I love a phone call.
I, I literally, my gripe is
that people don't do phonecalls anymore, but, but yes.
(10:42):
So we're gonna continueto discuss this Yes.
In future episodes.
But Michael, what's yourhype and what's your
- Gripe?
Alright. Alright. So myhyping my gripe, my, you know
what I'm gonna say it, withinthe social media, you know,
or the virtual world since wewere talking about that today,
for me, I actually, I'm hype.
I love hyping.
I'm gonna hype up, you know,
(11:03):
when I do see someone on social media,
something really goodhappens for them, right?
And I love being ableto like, hype up them
and like do like a full thing of emojis
or my classic MJS Yes.
Situation, which is spelledY-A-A-A-A-A-S-S-S-S-S.
So that's the official spelling.
(11:27):
But I love that. Like I love that hype.
My gripe though, thisis my gripe, my gripe is
that there are friends who think
that you have actuallycaught up on life with them.
Oh yes. Because they haveposted something, you know,
a life update on their social media.
I am sorry, but that is not a catch up.
(11:51):
- Yes. - It's, it's just notlike, it is not, I I am I, so
that's a very interesting thing, you know?
And people, some, I'm telling you people,
some people really feellike, like I have met someone
and they're like, well, did you not hear?
And I'm like, hear what?
They're like, well, we, I posted it.
I'm like, what did you postlike that you're pregnant.
(12:15):
Do you know what I mean? I'm like, what?
Like, do, like what do you mean?
Like, I, I, so it's,that to me is a whole,
it's a gripe for me.
It really is. It's like,it's kind of a gripe
because I, I feel likethere's, that's like,
there's this thing where weget away with just posting it
and that that is a catchup for your friends.
- You know, social mediashould not replace connecting
(12:37):
with someone in person.
And I also think that, youknow, this is discussed a lot.
What you post is a highlight reel.
It's not actually what'sgoing on in someone's life.
I can tell you that
because, you know, likewhat I post is a fraction
of what is actually happening.
(13:00):
And, you know, you thinkyou know what's going on in
someone's life, but unlessyou actually connect with them
and say, Hey, how are you?
You are not getting the full story.
- Oh my gosh. That is I hear you, Ashley.
And that is, that's a wholeother episode we have.
Like, I think we have likeeight other episodes. Well,
(13:23):
- Totally.
And that's something that, you know,
we're gonna learn on this podcast.
Yeah. And, and continue to learn
with our community isjust social etiquette.
And I think it's hard
because it's constantly changingin a world where, you know,
virtual friendships and,
(13:43):
and social media is,is constantly changing.
That means social etiquetteis constantly changing.
And so we just have to learn, you know,
and continue to teach eachother of really what we need.
- It's, it's very important.
And, and, and you know what,it's act it's, it's one
of the reasons why we wanted to do this.
'cause there there's somuch, there's so many layers,
(14:05):
so many layers that we canreally, really, we're gonna get
to unpeel and, and,
and figure out how that thatbalance for, for all of us.
And you know, including me,including you, all of us.
So, I, I'm, I I think it's,it's good. It is good.
It's, well, these are, it are some,
these are some hypes and some gripes.
- Yes, yes they are.
They're, we have some goodhypes and gripes today,
(14:27):
and we also have some good gossip.
- Ooh, what's your good gossip?
- So, you know, I work a lot
with the Kids' Mental Health Foundation.
- Yes. - And I'm a part oftheir National Advisory council.
And I was recently inLos Angeles where I got
to attend a panel discussion with the,
the showrunners executive producers
(14:47):
and cast of the soap opera,the Young and the Restless and
- Oh- Yeah.
It was really fun. And itwas actually really fun
because growing up Iused to watch the Young
and the Restless with my grandmother. Yes,
- Yes.
- So it was a really, reallyspecial moment for me.
But they, they werehaving a panel discussion
with the executive, clinical director
(15:09):
of the Kids Mental Health Foundation, Dr.
Ariana Hoit, who, she's a part,
she's gonna be a part of our hype hood.
Yes. You're gonna meet her soon.
- I'm so excited.
- But they actually worked with Dr.
Hoit on a storyline
for a young actor on the show who had OCD
and which is ObsessiveCompulsive Disorder.
(15:30):
You know, I feel likein the past, any sort
of representation withmental health, whether it's,
you know, just general mentalhealth or a mental illness
or a mental health disorder, you know,
the representation hasn't been great.
In fact, there's alwaysbeen a stigma around it.
Oftentimes it's not even discussed,
(15:51):
it's not a part of a storyline.
But I really applaud theYoung and the Restless.
They had a storyline with a, ayoung actor where he had OCD,
but they reached out to theKids' Mental Health Foundation
because they wanted to makesure they got it right.
And they worked with Dr.
Hoit on the storyline,
and she worked with theshowrunners, the writers,
(16:11):
the producers, the, the actors.
Not only the young boy,
but also the, the actorswho were playing as parents.
And they, they really made sure
to show OCD in a genuine
and authentic way. And
- Wow.
- They haven't gotten any credit for that.
I feel like, you know, oftentimes we,
(16:34):
we hear about if somethingisn't represented correctly,
but we don't hear about whenit is represented correctly.
And the great lengths that they went to,
to showcase OCD in a real
and genuine and authentic way.
So that's my good gossip.
- Okay. Well, thank you, Ashley.
(16:55):
That was, that's very,
it's amazing to hear about all of that.
And that is definitely somegood gossip for all of us today.
Okay. Yes. Speaking ofgood gossip, oh my gosh.
I mean, this, this, our guesttoday, she has amazing gossip.
We won't get into all of that,but we wanna talk to her.
She is an amazing, amazing friend,
(17:16):
and I am so excited to have her on today.
And Ashley, you have not met her yet.
- No, I haven't. I haven't.
But you know, any friend of yours,
Michael is a friend of mine.
- I am so excited to introduce you all.
Our guest for today, miss Nikkim James Nikki Rose to fame
with her iconic role as Nloo in the Book
(17:36):
of Mormon on Broadway, forwhich she won a Tony Award
for best featured actress in the musical,
which was an amazing experienceto experience with her.
She's also done otherBroadway shows like Les Mis
and the Avens of Tom Sawyer All Shook Up,
which we got to do together.
And most recently sheplayed the iconic Ida b.
Wells in the amazing musical stuffs
(17:59):
for which she got anotherTony Award nomination for now,
besides Broadway, she's done numerous
amounts of TV and film.
She can be seen most recently,
currently right now in Marvel's Daredevil.
And she is an activist.
She is on the board
of classic stage theatercompany here in New York City.
She's an artist who really,really leads with her heart.
(18:20):
Please welcome actor,singer, director, activist,
Tony winner, mother, wife,an amazing HypeFriend,
Nikki m James, ah,
OMG.
I am so excited that you are here.
Miss Nikki m James, Nikki,hi, meet Ashley ine,
(18:42):
Ashley ine, meet Nikki m James.
- Hi. Very nice to meet you.
- It's so nice to meet you.
And it's such an honor as just a, a a,
I say a former theater kid,
but I, I'll always be a theater kid.
Theater is just in my heart, man.
You are living the dream.It is such an honor.
(19:06):
And congratulationson, on just everything.
- Well, I, but before weeven get started, I have to,
actually, I haven't, Ihaven't, Nikki will know
what this is from, but this is a little,
- Oh my gosh,- Nikki is on
- My shirt.
Michael, what are you wearing?
- You got Michael James.
(19:27):
Scott is the most, like,
if you need a hype man in your life,
if you need a person who's gonna do, like,
who's just gonna do justthe right amount of extra,
you ask Michael to like, saylike, Hey, Michael, like,
I am having a dinner party.
And then all of a sudden, youknow, like, he's brought the,
(19:49):
like, most delicious bottle ofwine or the perfect dessert.
And like, or you're like, oh, played,
can you host this eventthat's a fundraiser
for like this organizationthat I'm working on?
He was like, yes, I will,I will come fiercely
and I will also put your face on my shirt.
- Okay. I wanna hear it straightfrom y'all's mouth about
how you met, because NikkiMichael's told me the story about
(20:12):
how you first met.
And I just loved it.
And it's literally the epitomeof what Friendship is about.
So, so I wanna hear,
- Okay, so this is, this is crazy.
It was my Broadway debut.
It was Nikki's second Broadway show.
It was the very first day ofour Broadway rehearsal, which,
(20:32):
you know, is first day of school.
What are you wearing? Allthe things like, oh my God.
Like, I was like freaking out in my head.
The little theater nerd inme was like, I get to go
to my first Broadway,you know, show rehearsal.
And I'm sitting at the, wedo, we did, we did a table
for the, for the very first day.
I'm sitting at the table
and I'm, I'm literally sitting by myself,
(20:52):
like just, just kind of sitting there.
I'm early, here comes thisgorgeous chocolate woman,
little like you basically,
y'all are literally like the same height.
PS just like, like,
here comes this littlechocolate gorgeous woman.
And she sits right next to me like this.
And she goes, are we gonna be besties?
(21:14):
- I, we were love that
- And that.
And thus it all began. So that,
- But wait, there is a twist to the story.
Oh. Which I'm so surprisedthat you left out
because I actually first met Michael,
not when we first became friends,
but when I first met Michael was in
(21:39):
2003.
So a few years before wedid our Broadway show,
because you did theBroadway Theater project
with my best friend.
And at the time my roommate Eric Nayer,
who's my very best friend, wegrew up together doing shows.
And you came to my apartment on St.
Mark's place, like a tornadoof the human that you are.
(22:02):
And it's this like big laugh,
like big smile, so fun.
And I remember thinkinglike, who is that person?
And that's why like all thoseyears later, I worked a couple
of years later, that is partof the reason why sat down
and said, are we gonna be besties?
'cause I already knew thatwe were going to be besties.
(22:23):
Love that. Like I alreadylove, knew that I loved you,
and now I was finally gettinga cha chance to make manifest
to like complete thiscircle of becoming friends.
But this is a friendship of,you know, a literal lifetime.
The ups and downs, mostlyups that we've been
through together,
and the things we'veseen each other through.
(22:46):
And like the longevity
and the specialness of thisrelationship is a really a
testament to who Michael is.
Obviously as a person who also,
I think like quite rare in this business
where it's very easy tolose track of people.
And like, that doesn't happenwhen you have real friends.
And so, you know, I just, you know,
(23:08):
then when you asked me tocome be on this podcast
to talk about, you know,friendship, I was like, well, duh.
- I love that. I love that.
Well, Nikki, I have a question
because, you know,
basically you broke theice when you saw Michael.
Obviously Michael, I can onlyimagine how nervous you were,
(23:29):
you know, I feel like whenyou're the new person,
especially at being yourfirst Broadway show, you know,
like, it's almost like beinga freshman, you know, at,
at high school, you're notgonna be the one to just go up
and talk to the upperclassmen.
So Nikki, what, like,is is that just like you
to just go up and break the ice
(23:49):
and say, we're gonna be besties?
Or does that take courage too to, to go up
to someone outta the blue
and just say, we're gonna be besties?
Like, are you just, what, what is that
- Like?
Yeah, no, I think that is who I am.
I, I'm the person who,you know, I have, I,
my nephew was rolling his eyes at me.
This, I can't remember whenthis was, this whatever,
(24:10):
maybe five or six years agowe were walking someplace
and he was like, you talk toeveryone, like in the elevator.
I like, I, I love making friends,
but I also think thatthat kind of like openness
and just like straight tothe point, make a joke.
You know, like cut the BS
(24:30):
and like the shynessis also a, it's like a,
it's a not defense mechanism,
but it's the way that Icounteract my own nerves, right?
Like, if we can skip past theniceties and the, the like,
and just go to the real heart of it.
Like, how could you notwanna become best friends
(24:51):
with Michael Scott?
And even in all of hisnervousness, he has like a light
that's shining outward.
And so now we don't have tolike be in each other's orbits.
I I really am that kind of person.
But I think it's,
I think it's the way I overcomemy own anxiety about being
in new situations isby just like, you know,
throwing myself into the,into the, the deep end.
(25:15):
- That's pretty, that's apretty incredible thing,
especially with dealing with anxiety
and like the fact that that,that you choose to go there,
that you choose to, to, to putyourself in an uncomfortable,
vulnerable position
because that's very, that's,that's difficult for a lot
of people, right?
Yeah. You know what Imean? I feel like that's a
very difficult thing.
And Ashley, she is absolutely
(25:35):
serious about talking to everyone.
We literally, we actuallylive directly across the
street from Nikki.
I love that.
And we actually share her bulike we share the amenities
in her building.
And so our packages come there.
And when I tell you, my husband
and I will literally like go in
and like Nikki is holdingcourt with all of the,
(25:57):
like the building staffthat is literal truth.
Like it's truth. Like it's actual,
it's actually a thing. It's
- Like, oh, I like that.
I love the opportunityto get to meet people.
It creates like lightness in your day.
Like it's, there's a reasonwhy I live in New York City.
I don't want to pretend to be alone.
Listen, sometimes I want to be alone.
I would like to put on my headphones
(26:19):
and have nobody talk to meand put on my sunglasses.
But part of the excitement
of living in a place like thisis if you can embrace the,
the like, congestion of it by saying like,
this is an opportunity to likehave an exchange with someone
that will lighten both theirs and my day.
And even if it's just like,those are really cute shoes,
(26:40):
or I love your dog, or canyou believe this weather?
Like I really, those thosekind of interactions,
whether they be short orlong, they enrich my life.
Absolutely. And so it's ahabit that I've developed.
My mom has it too. She's worse than me.
- So Nikki, I have aquestion for you. Sure.
Are we going to be besties?
(27:01):
Apparently, I, I mean, Ifeel like Michael's right?
We are like the same person.
We're already bestiesgirl. Okay. It's, it's
- Written in the stars.
This, it's it is, okay.It's a Disney movie.
We find out later
that we're actually liketwins, you know, it's like,
yes. Something like that.
- Well, I I actually am, I'm, I'm curious
(27:22):
because, you know,Nikki, you, it's one, one
of the things you said, and I,
and this is very true, Ashley, about Nikki
and our community out there.
So Nikki is a straight shooter.
Nikki is someone who, as she,as she said, you know, she's,
she is willing to go in an,an, a vulnerable, uncomfortable
(27:43):
put herself out there to, youknow, to have a conversation
and, and to, you know, get things going.
But that also is how she, I believe, moves
through her friendships interms of being very open,
very honest, and being a friendwho sometimes you may not,
she, it might not be theanswer you want to hear.
(28:05):
Nikki is not afraid to tellyou what she really thinks
and they give you the honest good truth.
Right? This is, it's a,it's a great layer. Right.
And, and so Nikki, I'mcurious, like, for, for you,
that's important to you, open and honesty
and being real is a veryimportant part of the friendship,
(28:26):
the friendshipness, if you will.
Yeah. Of, of it all. What is that?
Has that always been for you?
- No, I think yes and no.
I really hold on
to my friends
and we live in a worldwhere like seeing people
and talking to them everysingle day and like, is not easy
(28:48):
and what I think, but Iwanna be friends with people.
I want 20 year friendships.
You know, I have my, oneof my closest friends is a,
my friend Susie, who we met in preschool,
and my friend Shannon, whowas my first friend who I came
to see Broadway shows with,
she was here in myhouse spending some time
with my daughter yesterday.
(29:09):
And these are not people I talkto every single day. Right?
The way you can maintainfriendships when we're not
spending, where you can't talk
to people every day when you'renot seeing them every day,
is by ensuring that the interactions
and the time you do havewith them are meaningful.
And that will carry you through.
If it's, if I'm not gonnasee you again for six months,
then I want to be able to bemy full, honest, complete self.
(29:33):
I also love that I havefriendships that allow me
to be the different parts of myself.
You know, like I can bemy like, politics nerd
with like this group of friends
and I can be my trekky nerdwith this group of friends
and I can be my like, dragqueen loving, you know, like
first friend with this group of friends.
(29:53):
I love that the, the bestpart about friendships is
that you get to forge unique
and special relationships withall of these people that get
to fill all the different partsof, and facets of yourself.
So by, I don't feellike I have to lie about
who I am when I'm with afriend or hide what I'm feeling
(30:15):
because I know that the peoplewho are in my life are people
who love all parts of me.
And I feel that way about them.
- Yeah. So, so I, it's importantfor me to have, you know,
I think it, it's some of us who are more
extroverted and sometimes alittle bit guarded in terms of,
(30:35):
of actually letting ourfeelings be be out there.
Right. I don't think thatpeople really realize,
I think people are surprised sometimes
that they may see like, I'm abit guarded with like, letting
that down because it is, it's some,
it's just sometimes scary for me.
But I hold my friends in suchhigh regard where I can do
(30:57):
that and I, and I, and I want to do that.
And it has been for me yearsof like trying to be able
to just let those, letthat that guard down
or let the, the showman,if you will, down so
that we can have a real conversation.
And so that's what I'm, that's that's
to me is when I think about,you know, real friends.
(31:17):
You know, it's one of the reasonswhy I wanted Nikki m James
to be on here, Ashley,
because as I said to you,I'm like, she's as real
as they get, period.
She's as real as they get.
- I would say that the other thing
that's really interesting aboutwhat you said, Michael, is
that that part of you, thatpart of you that like wants
to entertain and to like,
(31:39):
and to be the life ofthe party is, is a part
of you that is one of thethings I admire most about you.
And I love being in your orbitwhen you're in that space,
the way people light upwhen you come into a room
with your smile and you're like,let's get the party started
(32:00):
and everybody is a friend.
You know, that part ofyou, I love seeing that
and it's a part that like,I, I envy in a little bit,
just a little bit whereI'm like, oh, that thing
that Michael has that canmake people feel comfortable
and make people feel, youknow, joy immediately.
But that's like thepart of you that I love.
(32:21):
And then I also really valuethat I am one of the people
for whom you have letdown a little bit more.
And I don't think some pe Idon't know that everyone can see
that as like a guard.
I think it's like, it's so electric
how you exist in the world,
but like the more the,like the other part of you
(32:42):
that like would sit
and talk for hours on Zoomabout the state of the world
during the pandemic, like that'sa part of you too, that I,
I feel so privileged and like,
and really like honored that I, that I get
to have both parts of that.
Like, that's so special
(33:03):
and like, I, I couldn't letyou say that without say adding
to that, that that's a,that's a part that I love.
And then I really lovethe other part too. It
- It's, it's interesting
because like, we don't, whenwe work together, we like,
we're we're with eachother for a little while
and then we're, andthen we're apart, right?
So Ashley and I, obviouslywe went to high school
(33:24):
and then we like our path split
and then we reconnected 20 years.
20 years, 20 years.Yeah. And we reconnected
and you, you know,
and when we reconnected,
we reconnected on a very real level.
Like, we literally had a lunch
and it was just like, wewere very open and, and and,
and candid with each otherabout life and all the things.
(33:46):
And it was also during thepandemic, which was also crazy
as you talk about when we were just sort
of like on these virtual things.
I remember Ashley, Nikki,and I would be on like zooms
and we were, or like FaceTimes
and just like talking aboutwhat is going on, right?
So I'm, I'm curious like, like
because of that we've stayed connected
(34:07):
and how do you want to stay, I guess,
I guess the question wouldbe how do you stay connected
with friends who you,you've, you are in your life
for a little while, you leaveand you come back, right?
So how does that, how does that work?
And is that really, isit because it, is it,
do you think it's based on bothparties wanting to do that?
(34:27):
Or is it really, you know, does it start
with one friend reaching out to the other?
- I think that the way youdo that is by not deciding
that the distance was anybody's fault.
Like that the distance was likea feature of the friendship
and not a bug.
Do you know what I mean?Like, I think we all start
(34:48):
to be like, oh, well Ihaven't heard from so
and so for this amount of time.
And it's like, well, maybethat's the amount of time
that needed to happen inorder for the friendship
to develop and be new.
Like, instead of having hardfeelings about the distance
to embrace the present,
if you've been brought intoeach other's lives again,
whether that's becausesomeone had a tragedy
(35:09):
or someone had a success
or someone had like, you know,an exciting thing happen or
because we like literallybumped into each other on the
street, like why can't we think
that like the time apartis, was as important
as the time together?
And when you approach itthat way, which I think I do,
(35:30):
I've never articulated it that way,
but I think I do, then
you have now the opportunityto catch up with somebody
and which is a lovely thing.
And instead of, oh, well wherehave you been all this time?
And it's like, well, let me tell you,
it might be interesting,it might be exciting.
And also like people go through,like, we evolve and change.
(35:54):
Like when, you know, Ihave a 2-year-old daughter,
when I was, when my family was starting,
I had a different level of time.
I had to figure out howto balance being a friend
to my friends and beingan amazing, being a mother
to my child and stillbeing a working performer
and being a good hu wife and being.
(36:15):
And so I had to adjust like how much time
and what that time looks like.
And there were some friends, Michael
and Jeremy who werelike, we'll come to you.
Let's have co let's have brunch.
And there were some friends who were like,
we're going out friends,
and you don't go out atlate 11 o'clock anymore.
Well, at some point in my life,
maybe I will go out at 11 o'clock again
and I will not be mad atthose people who I didn't see
(36:38):
for the period of timewhere that wasn't my life.
So I think that's how you hold onto it.
But that goes back to me sayinglike, I try really hard not
to have hard feelings
or to take personally thethings that are happening.
My my therapist saidthis to me once and she
and I like really stand by it.
(36:58):
And she just said like, youcan't compare other people's
outsides to your insides.
Like, you can't comparewhat you think is happening
with someone to like how you feel.
And so that's how you justlike, don't take it personally.
You know?
- I love everything you're saying,
like every single thing you're saying,
(37:19):
I'm just sitting here like, yeah.
Yeah. Well,
and you, you already startedtalking about something I
wanted to ask you is I wanted
to ask if your friendshipschanged once you became a mom
because, you know, that'ssomething that I, you know, I,
I don't have kids, but a lot of, a lot
of my really close friends thatare really important to me,
(37:42):
once they had kids, I didnotice that, you know, kind
of our cadence would change
and, you know, kind of the firstof my friends to have kids,
she's one of my best friends initially.
I, I just had to figure outwhat that new rhythm was
because I realized wecouldn't talk as often.
(38:05):
We, you know,
connecting in person was easierthan connecting on the phone
because, you know, shecould be chasing a kid
or feeding a kid and, you know, we could,
we could talk in person,
but it's, it's hard, it's hard
to talk on a phone when you have a
screaming kid in the background.
And so we had to just find our new rhythm.
And I, I realize like, okay, you know,
(38:27):
especially being a newmom, it's like I need
to meet my friends where they're at
and it might look different,
but the friendship isn't changing.
I just need to figure out what they need.
And, and so how was that with you?
You know, you already talkedabout it a little bit,
but did you find, you know, some
of your friendships changing
(38:49):
or even having to be talkingabout honesty, having
to be honest with some of your friends
and say, I, I I can't do that right now.
What was that? What was that like?
- Yeah, they, my friendships have changed
and I think they'regonna continue to change.
And, and,
and I think, I love thatyou used the word cadence.
(39:12):
I've never used it that way,but that's the exact word.
Like, it's just that like youcan't, you know, like we used
to be at this sort of regularity
and now we're at adifferent sort of regularity
and we both need to beokay with that in order
for this friendship to continue.
I had my daughter late in life,quote unquote late in life.
(39:35):
It didn't feel late to me. Itfelt exactly right on time.
But many of my friends already had kids
and I knew that if I wantedto stay friends with them,
I went to them.
And, and now many
of them are returning thefavor by coming to me.
And I think that that's the give
and take of this friendshipof some of these friendships.
(39:58):
I'm also finding that,you know, like I try hard,
but you, you what you want
to talk about changes when you have a kid.
And it's annoying, I'msure to some people.
But, you know, I have this person
who is the new love of my life.
Like the reason why I wannatalk about them all the time is
because I love them so much.
(40:21):
They are so important to me.
And I get that I find herfascinating and exciting
and beautiful in ways thatmaybe other people don't.
And so I try to be conscious of that.
But yeah, I do find thatmy friendship changed.
I feel like I've made some new friends.
I've deepened my relationshipswith certain people
who have been where I've been.
(40:44):
And, but I also think
because I was a momlater in life than many
of my other friends, I alsorecognize that this is a season.
'cause so many of them havea very different relationship
with their children now.
Their children don't need them as much.
They're, they're like more independent.
(41:06):
They have a little bit more freedom.
And so they're like coming back to life
and I'm like, yeah, this is this again,
like everything is a season in our lives.
And, and,
but I wouldn't trade any of it
because I think
for the really greatrelationships in my life,
(41:28):
it's deep in them.
It's kind of even likefinding your partner.
Like when you, your partner, you, you,
your friendships change
because, you know, Idon't wanna be one on,
I don't always wanna beone-on-one with my friend.
Like my partner is here,this person I love. Yeah.
So like, I want to include them and
therefore the friendships that you have
that allow your partnerto be a part of it,
(41:50):
those will flourish a littlebit more than some of the ones
that were like maybe more individualized.
I mean, the one questiontoo that you didn't ask me
that I wanna turn around
and ask you guys aboutfriendship Is how you feel
that your success inyour professional life
has maybe changed
or changed the friendshipsthat you are able to have
(42:14):
or your ability to make new friends.
- I, that's a good, it'sa very good question.
'cause it's, it's,
and we have discussed this,like, I think it's, it's, it,
it's, I don't know.
I feel like there isa world where we have,
it's all about, I think figuringout truly the energy you
(42:38):
want to, you know, giveout in terms of new friends
and, and, and, and, and
or fostering the friendshipsthat you had to not get rid
of those friendships.
Especially because these are people
who you feel like youmay have come up with
and you, you know, youreally, they know you,
they knew you when theyknew you, when you weren't,
you know, you didn't get a big role
(42:59):
or a big, you know, promotion at work.
And, and these are friendswho have been through all
of the like the trenches with you, right?
So I, I find I,
I live in a household, youknow, I come from a family
of people who always keepit real in terms of like,
you know, you still needto take out the trash,
(43:20):
you still need to do the,like, all the things right.
That like you have to do.
And like, there's not, thereis not, there's just a a,
in my head it's like there'snothing different from what
who I was before when I havegotten a, a big role than it,
than than who I was prior tothat. Do you know what I mean?
(43:41):
- So I've really struggled with
how busy my life has gotten
and I can't always be thefriend that I want to be.
I want to be there forpeople's birthdays. Yeah.
I want to be there for theirweddings and their baby showers
and just to be there on a whimto go over and watch a movie.
(44:03):
And I can't,
oftentimes I am the MIA friend
and so a lot
of people have just stoppedasking, have stopped inviting me
and don't take it personally.
I don't get my feelings hurt.
I'm actually a lot like you Nikki people.
I think because I'm so bubbly and nice.
(44:25):
People think that I getmy feelings hurt easily.
And I don't, I don't at all.
But I, when, when I have friends
and I do have my inner circleof friends that continue
to keep up with me, continueto ask me to go to dinner
and that continue tounderstand what my life is like
(44:46):
with no judgment.
I make a point to thank them.
I thank them and say, thankyou for not giving up on me
because I recognize that nine out
of 10 times I'm probablygonna have to tell you no.
But that, that one out of10 times I, I can say yes.
And that really matters to methat you didn't give up on me.
(45:09):
Now are my feelings hurt
for the friends that do give up on me?
No, because I do understand that
at some point it gets annoyingthat I continue to say no.
But I'm super thankful forthe friends that continue
to call, continue to invite me.
Yeah. So, so yes, friendshipsdid change the more
that my life changed.
(45:31):
And I think a lot of whatyou're saying, Nikki, it's like,
I don't take it personallybecause I also don't know what's
going on in somebody's life.
And I will say, for me, a fearthat I have constantly had
to deal with, and a lot of this is me.
This isn't what somebody else,
this is like me projectingit onto someone.
My biggest fear is that I'mgoing to disappoint someone.
(45:53):
And it's such a massive fear
that oftentimes I will choose
to back off and kind ofexit myself a little bit
because I don't wanna disappoint them.
And so I almost feel likeif I set the expectation
that I can't be present, thenmaybe I won't disappoint them.
And I also don't thinkthat that's a healthy way
(46:14):
of dealing with something either.
So it's, it, I will sayit's a constant struggle
and it's something thatI'm constantly working on
and I don't feel that I everhave it completely figured out.
If we could sum up this conversation
is I love Nikki.
Okay. Since we're all theater kids,
I love when you said seasons
(46:35):
and I think of the songseasons of love, you know,
our life is just a bunch of seasons
and we never have it figured out.
You, you're always learning, you know,
we're always figuring outbetter ways to show our love
and our friendship and,
and it's just part of the journey
(46:57):
of life is we're indifferent seasons of our life
and in different seasons we need,
we need friendship in different ways.
- Yeah. And I think thatlike remembering that
friendships
and personal interactionsare meant to either enrich
or teach right?
(47:18):
Like that you can also thinklike, what is the lesson
that I am needing to learnabout this either difficult
season or moment in this friendship
or this like joyous thing.
Like if, if if every, if we,
if we take it that each ofthese interactions is meant
(47:40):
to be something to build upon, then,
then nothing is a failureand nothing is a loss.
And I,
this is the other thing wedidn't say about friendships,
like is that they're okay to end.
You know what I mean? Like, you don't,
you don't like some people,like you have a boyfriend
and then you break up with that person.
(48:01):
Or like you go to a class
and then you learn the thingsthat you're supposed to go in
that class and like, youdon't take that class anymore.
And that, like, we shouldall normalize that the end
of a friendship is not a failure.
It is that that potentiallywas what was meant to be there
(48:21):
for that time and to allow thosedoors to remain open maybe,
but also maybe somefriendships aren't toxic
or not good for you or,or take you down a path
or make you feel like a personthat you don't wanna be,
or that friend is asking youto be someone you don't want
to be anymore.
Because that's what'scomfortable for them.
Like that we can celebrate and rich and,
(48:43):
and like hype up our friends
and then also give ourselfenough like honesty
and grace to like letthe other things go and,
and move on from them andlike put them in a scrapbook
and like, and, and leave it behind.
- I, my jaw just kindof dropped a little bit
(49:03):
because I'm like, we need todedicate a whole episode to
- This.
Like, like totally, totally, totally.
- Yes. And it's somethingthat's not talked about enough.
No, it's okay to endfriendships. Oh my gosh. Okay.
Well, we're gonna say that
- Friendships, what?
Not this friendship. No.
(49:26):
In fact, other friendshipsand other friendships,
- I mean, I don't liveacross the street from y'all,
but in our virtual hype hood neighborhood,
we are now neighbors.
And Nikki, you have to come back on
and we have to talk about this sometime.
So this is just the beginning.
(49:48):
- Great. Yes. I hope so. Thiswas such an amazing time. I
- Thank, I mean, it's Ashley,you see why I was like,
we gotta, we this there there's no one,
there's she is the realist as they come.
And also the ultimateHypeFriend of it all.
And, and oh, it is, itis, it is such an honor
(50:09):
and a gift to have MissNikki m James in your life
and now in our community life.
Yeah. Which is anincredible, incredible thing.
And we are so grateful that you came today
and spent a little time with us. Truly.
- Thank you. Anytime. I love you guys.
- You thank you Nikki.
- OM that's,
(50:32):
- I am obsessed with Nikki.
- Isn't she the best? She's the best.
I'm so excited that you all got to meet
and it, it, it really, II just love her so dearly
and I knew you would too.
And, and she's, you know,she's your type of friend.
She's, she's everybody's type of friend
and she was perfect forus to be able to chat with
and introduce into our community
(50:54):
and also learn from,there's so many things.
There's so many aha momentslistening to her speak
with the way she speaks insuch a real way that is,
it's just, it's it's veryinspiring and, and, and,
and also makes you want to,you know, I'm like, oh my gosh.
Ooh, yes, I like that.
I want, you know, youkind of wanna go deeper.
(51:14):
I, I, for me, my, you know,the, the one last thing
for this is candor
is kindness.
Her candor is such kindnessin such an amazing way
that, that that's really powerful.
Yeah. And that I think is such a,
(51:34):
a really major tool for a friendship.
For a real friendship.
- Yes. She seems like thatfriend that, you know, Michael,
I I feel like I'm thisfriend to you too, where,
you know, you're so big.
I'm so big. But sometimesyou can just see without even
speaking, you can see insomeone's eyes maybe they're not
(51:58):
having the best day.
- Yeah. - And you know, thefriend that can see past that
and come up to you and belike, what's really going on?
How are you really doing?Are you having a good day?
- Yeah. - And she seems likethat type of friend that, that
will ask you sometimesthose hard questions.
Yes. And, and I lovethat. And you need that.
(52:20):
So you are just so lucky tohave a friend like Nikki.
I'm lucky that I get
to now call Nikki myfriend because you Yes.
And, and really ourcommunity, I mean our hype
to have her a part of the hype hood,
but then, you know, thefact that we just got
to introduce everyone watchinghere to Nikki m James.
(52:41):
- Yes. That, that's my take.Candor is kindness. Candor.
Candor is, kindness is kindness.
- I love that.
And you know, my one last thing
for today too is just areminder to me, you know,
the feeling that I feltwhen I, I caught up
with my friend over the phone.
It was such a good feeling.
And so my HypeFriendhomework is I'm gonna
(53:05):
call a friend this weekend.
Yes. Out of the room. Bring
- It- Back.
Yes, bring it back.
You know, if you're with mehere, give a friend a call.
Catch up with someone overthe phone. Go old school.
- Bring yes. Yes.
- But you know, this hasbeen an incredible episode.
Thank you so, so much for joining us.
(53:27):
Once again, I'm Ashley Eckstein.
- I'm Michael James Scott
- And be a HypeFriend.
Hype the hype starts with you, starts.
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