H.Y.S.T? | S1E20 | The 13th Warrior & Sneakers - H.Y.S.T?

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to heist. I'm Bradly Hackworth joined by Jonathan Ems otherwise known as Doc and this will be our hello humans and

(00:09):
This week we are going to be covering the 13th warrior and sneakers
I oh
My god, I love the 13th warrior in so many ways and I know that there are I mean it has been just
trashed by critics and
Was it oh, yeah Ebert gave it one and a half

(00:34):
You know what I
Could you know I could probably I could write a doctoral thesis on Roger Ebert because he was a complicated man and
Just too big for his own head most the time. So, you know, yeah, I could see that because
But here's what I'm gonna give some outstanding credit to
The fans throughout the years have given this a lot of love because this has become a cult movie

(01:00):
Yeah, and
The fans like I think it was 66 when I checked like the Metacritic
Which is okay, like that ain't bad for a movie that was given one and a half stars
Yeah, oh, I know that you know for me
I don't know why it's taken me this long to see it
But like even like as a teenager when this came out like I had a lot of friends told me

(01:22):
That I had to go see it. I don't know why I never did but everybody I knew loved this movie
So yeah, I'm kind of surprised to hear that that critics panned it or something like that. So yeah, that's weird
Well, it might have been one of those like
I
If I were to guess I would say that they didn't they didn't dirty Antonio Banderas often up enough

(01:42):
They kept making him look pretty through the whole movie. And so they thought that was unrealistic. Was that was that their complaints?
Well, you did hire somebody Spanish to play somebody Arabic
So there was like that's never happened before no, I know
But I think the biggest thing that really hurt this one is it was not supposed to come out in 99

(02:02):
99 was a move was a year of
Incredible films and this hit theaters the same weekend as the Sixth Sense. Oh
Oh, that's rough
That's pretty rough
And it was marketed as a horror movie called eaters of the dead, which is the book that it's based off of by Michael Crichton
but when John Mc so the initial screening of it test audience hated it

(02:29):
Absolutely hated it. So John McTiernan who also directed die-hard
He like he was kind of removed from the project and the actors were doing multiple reshoots of the movie
and the actors were doing multiple reshoots at the same time with Michael Crichton who stepped up as director and
John McTiernan at the same time and the actors are like what about they're like, don't worry about what the other guy's doing

(02:58):
Just what you want to hear on a movie set, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, don't worry about the other directors doing no, no, no, we're here
It's like oh, this is gonna be congruent
I will say the movie does not really reveal that that no
That's the thing. I mean, I I I mean, I don't I didn't love the movie. I didn't think it was that bad

(03:21):
hearing
With if it was that kind of trouble of multiple reshoots with two directors that weren't talking to each other
Goddamn, it's a miracle. This movie turned out as good as it did then in that case
So, you know, I mean go back and go back and watch the Justice League and see what happens when it doesn't work out
Yeah, no. No, I have not seen and I will not see the Justice League for many other reasons. Oh, you've never seen it

(03:47):
It's pretty bad after after
After Batman versus Superman, I am NOT going anywhere near anything. Zack Snyder Zack Snyder has been anywhere near ever again
Yeah, let's get him away from comic book movies
He doesn't really seem to understand the characters all that much and he just turns the characters into whatever he wants them to be which yep

(04:08):
the
I actually this one critic I cannot remember their name for the life of me
But I remember reading this one article and it was basically an analysis
It was right after the Wonder Woman movie had just come out and it was an analysis as to why the Wonder Woman movie was so
Good while all the others were so bad
and the and
The that's the summary that this writer basically came down to after you know, 12 paragraphs of breaking shit down

(04:35):
They said that it that the main problem appears to be that
Zack Snyder himself is utterly mystified by the very concept of basic human kindness. Oh
Oh
I
Remember reading that and going like damn that is cold but accurate

(05:00):
Well now I'm gonna have to go back and watch the owls of Gaul again
For the first time
Yeah, cuz when I found out that Zack Snyder directed that I was like, what?
Zack Snyder did a kids movie? Yeah. Yeah
Yeah, that that alone kinda is gonna make me go see a kids movie and

(05:23):
I'm hoping that my nephew is to see what a nihilistic kids movie looks like
Kinda yeah, sure. I mean, yeah. Yeah, that's it. There we go
I'm kind of hoping that my nephew is still young enough to appreciate something like that because I don't want to be sitting there
Just watching a kids movie, but I'm hoping that my nephew is still young enough to appreciate something like that
And they're just watching a kids movie by myself going. All right. Let's see if this is good. I don't wanna do that

(05:47):
I don't know that guy. No, no, it's not so bad. I've done that before
Okay. Well, okay. I'm not saying that I haven't done that before
I'm just saying
All right, so what do you say you want to get into it? Let's get into it
All right, the 13th warrior based on eaters of the dead written by Michael Crichton

(06:13):
directed by mostly by John McTiernan who also directed diehard and
Also directed by Michael Crichton who stepped up for reshoots after some really bad test screenings
Starring Antonio Banderas. Okay. This is kind of this is gonna be a little bit of a wild one as I'm going through this
Who's in this film?
Okay, okay

(06:35):
starring Antonio Banderas
Dennis store Hoy as
burger joy it slash joyous
Vladimir Kulik as bull by Omar Sharif
Which Omar Sharif actually retired from acting after this because he said he was so embarrassed of this film that he did

(06:55):
Not want to act anymore
So we're we're lucky that we got Omar Sharif back
That's crazy man
Richard Bremer as skilled slash superstitious
Tony Caron as weath slash the musician Neil Moffin as Ronneth slash the writer

(07:15):
as born bear beach as
Holga slash wise
Dude live Russell as health Dane slash fat
Which what the hell is that about?
Daniel Souther as egg though slash silent John DeSantis as Ragnar slash Dower and

(07:35):
Albie Woodington as Higlack slash quarrel some and
Misha Hausserman as Rethel slash Archer
They went through and just kind of like one dimension like one dimension to all these characters
But in a weird way that it actually worked
Yeah, I think if I were to guess I would say it's because

(07:57):
Other than other than Antonio Banderas and and the king
They don't really say each other's names very often
So you kind of how much you're kind of thinking of them
You're kind of thinking of everybody in terms of like oh, that's the Archer guy. Oh, that's the guy who starts all the fights though
That's the guy that doesn't say much
That's what's gonna push me to go read the book. So the book was released. I think in 1976

(08:20):
and
So, okay, well let me guys real quick so you when you gave me this movie
You were telling me that I should like be on the lookout of you know, what they what it was based off of
And and just from like the names my first my first guess was Beowulf is that right 100%

(08:45):
Okay, the one I never read Beowulf, so I wasn't sure
the one that really
kind of locked me in on that was
King Ravkar because that's the only name that is literally taken from Beowulf
Okay, so
Like cuz in Beowulf, I don't think it was called the Wendell. It was called the Grundel Grendel. Yeah

(09:10):
And Grendel I think yeah. Yeah
And
That and that was okay Beowulf was a poem I believe and
What they had is they had Beowulf
go and
battle
Grendel like a mother dragon or like this epic beast and they wound up battling like underwater for seven days or something

(09:36):
Jesus
That's a long time
It was like a Viking poem, you know, it was all right
But one of the kind of fun things about this is
They were kind of taking this as it was somewhat of a true story
Because there was a book that was submitted supposedly that was in a museum that tracked

(10:01):
The character Ibn or Ahmed Ibn
Remember what it was
but they were saying that this actually happened and this character traveled across went to the Northmen everything like that back when Baghdad was
the cow or I've said al Caliphate and
He actually traveled us but it was a hoax and as it turns out the two Latin names that this author like they said

(10:27):
Literally mean or literally meant hoax
Oh jeez
Like the two names the two names were Latin by Rod and hoax
Okay, so written by Edward Nigma basically is what you're saying
Pretty much. Yeah, and I honestly I I loved that. I loved that
Love that way too much is how much people got duped by

(10:51):
The story that came up and the museum themselves kept putting out statements saying guys. This is not a real thing
You have all been duped and
People like no, it's a conspiracy. It's like so that's just I think that's always a conspiracy always has to be
And I just want to make one thing clear have having just done that I am not

(11:16):
Against conspiracies, I'm like, you know, I think Ron Funches said it best when he said
What do you think the government's just out there batting a thousand all the time?
So no, I was you know, I get it. Yeah
And you know, and I've even like just the other day like it turns out
You know, my parents actually have an old copy of the Warren report and I happen to I was just like oh the Warren report

(11:37):
And I flipped through and I happen to read a single paragraph about what the doctor said about the the bullet wound and I'm sitting
Going like well, no wonder everyone thought there was a conspiracy. This is some suspicious shit right here
That doesn't make any sense like and what I get I don't remember now
It was just it was just something about like the exit wound looked like an entrance wound or some bullshit like that

(11:58):
So it's like, you know, it was weird. It was weird. I get it how these things get started
You know, but at the same time folks, you got to calm down. Okay, not everything is a conspiracy
No that that that yeah, I'm not I'm not gonna be the dude out here saying that the government like completely trust the government
They're always telling you the truth. We know everything that's going on

(12:20):
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, but I'm with you on that just slow the fuck down
Because it ain't as it ain't what yeah, just not it is this conversation is more appropriate for sneakers
We should hold on to it. That's a good point
Alright, so we open on Ahmed's voyage underway

(12:41):
Explaining that he had been banished to the Northlands because of a jealous Caliph
Oh, yeah, so he fell in love with like the the Caliph's bride or like
or
Not like yeah, or favorite concubine
They don't yeah, they don't really clarify who she is. Just that there's another another more powerful dude

(13:03):
Is into her and he complained to their their king or something about it. And so the king said guess what you just been awarded a
Diplomacy job on the other side of the fucking planet, which I mean Jesus talk about petty man
Fucking rich people. I swear to God always
Running from the Tartars, but they don't mess with the Northmen. I love that like they were like the Tartars

(13:27):
They were known to leave no man alive and then they run and then they come up against Vikings and they're like, nope
I'm out
Yeah, I'm out. I'm out
I'm out
I'm out
I'm out. Yeah, turn around. We don't mess with the Northmen that knew
That I really enjoyed

(13:49):
Something like I mean
What movies are Eric Avari not in he was the caravan leader of this scene
Why is he in every movie we cover how is this happening
He's a hard-working man, what can you say, you know
Yeah, which is weird because this came out the year after he was in the mummy and he was just an uncredited caravan leader in this

(14:16):
Huh?
Really?
That's a good question. I thought that was really weird
My guess is he really loved the book maybe
Like I don't know
It on that is mad because they won't let him talk
Which I thought they just watching Antonio Banderas walking around being petty like that was yeah, it was just funny

(14:39):
Well, I guess that's what I was kind of curious about too because they did say that they were sending him to be an ambassador to the north
He doesn't make clear who he's supposed to be ambassador to is he supposed to be ambassador to the Vikings or is he supposed to be ambassador to the British?
Either way, it's like like that would explain like if you show up in a part of the country

(14:59):
And there's a bunch of northmen and they're like don't talk to them and you're like what I was literally sent here to talk to them
Like but they don't say he just says I was sent to be ambassador to the far north didn't exactly say where north
Well, what state was the British Empire in in the ninth century?

(15:20):
Uh
I think they were they were still a uh a monarchy
They weren't because that was like that was like before the mongols even
Yeah
I mean to my knowledge based on other viking movies that I have seen when the vikings were around
England was basically a

(15:43):
small
Vatican country, you know, they were they were basically just you know
Church churches and castles and that's it. Yeah
Okay. Yeah
Okay. Yeah
so
I I need to look this up a little bit more because I honestly I did not think bagdad was called bagdad until the 13th century

(16:07):
Hmm, I don't know this movie takes place in the ninth century and they're referring to it at bagdad
but
Who the hell is gonna know what the obisied caliphate is?
That's the thing. It's like, you know, like i'm sitting here going like i'm i'm a i'm an american high school graduate
I don't know what anyone's name used to be except for constantinople and that's because of the fucking song, you know

(16:28):
And that's it. That's all I got, you know, and
And so everything else if you're gonna call it by its old name from 900 years ago
I'm not gonna know what the fuck you're talking about. So yeah, it's possible that
You know, it's possible that they kept it bagdad just for the likes of dumbasses like me. It's been known to happen
No, no, that is very true that okay. Yeah, I will give you that

(16:50):
uh
The whole aspect of meeting the vikings and I I really love that they mixed in some old english with some current swedish
To give the nordic uh language and and a lot of the actors were swedish. So they went for some decent authenticity there
which uh, we actually talked about that with one of the same characters that like, uh, john de santis

(17:13):
He was in master and commander. He was that lumbering dude who was always behind russell crow
uh with the t-set
Right, right. Okay. Yeah. Yeah the guy who was obsessed with tea
He is the
ginormous dude in this movie
Okay. Well, yeah
Well, yeah, I mean he's playing ginormous dude. Yeah, he is a ginormous dude. That's just how that's gonna go

(17:37):
but uh, yeah, I thought that would I that dude every time he shows up like he very
Barely actually gets to talk
But he has like a weirdly joyful screen presence
Like whenever he's on screen, it's just like I don't know why i'm just having a good time

(17:58):
I really don't know why I just i'm very entertained just by his presence
uh
The depiction of a viking funeral and uh, and umar telling him you will not see this again
the old way
How many times have we seen that depiction of viking funerals to the point where who doesn't know that?

(18:22):
That is right. Yeah such an epically common, uh knowledge thing
absolutely
however
I think this is the first the only time that I have seen that the wife actually is part of the possessions
When the boat burns, uh
I saw one other depiction of this. Um, I think it was in

(18:43):
The actual like the the the usa show vikings, I think
Uh, and it wasn't it wasn't the wife that went with him. It was uh his servants
No that I knew no that okay that I remember that was that who was that who she was was
I thought she was the queen

(19:04):
Okay, I assumed she was a servant because of what I saw in in vikings. I that's what I thought
Damn, that's a good point concubine or something like that
Yeah, all right
So waking up to see the messenger boat and seeing the the small boy that is standing on there letting them see him
So they can decide that he's he's real and not a ghost

(19:27):
My response was basically antonio's responses. I see him. He's right on the open
I got a good I got a good chuckle out of that one. I'm not gonna lie
All the vikings passing around that nasty ass water
Yeah, that was that was an interesting interesting scene yeah, you're right next to a river

(19:54):
If you're in the middle of the desert and there is no water and like to splash and clean and something like that
sure, maybe
Understandable, but when you're literally a dozen feet away from a fresh stream, I don't get slapping booger water on your face
But that's the thing. It was like to a certain degree. I can even understand like

(20:14):
You know if it's like part of the morning thing like you all like wash your face from the same bowl
I can even kind of get that
The guy who's blowing snot rock into that into the everybody's face washing bowl should have gotten his ass beat though
That's the thing like that seems like pretty basic knowledge to me
I don't know what's going on there like that was where it got a little far from me. I was like

(20:35):
But but there's also like because he knew that
The foreigner was the next one on the bowl
So maybe he was just fucking with him because no one else did that everyone else just kind of
Washed their face and then he's the one who like got it really good and dirty and then passed it to the brown dude
I don't think so. I don't think so because after it went from him it went to somebody else and they just kept going anyway

(20:59):
He wasn't the last one. He was just the next one
So I'm not so sure about that
I didn't really see racism in this in this movie
Definitely saw the next one in the second one
Yeah, they they for sure got
Yeah, I mean other than basically pointing out a bunch of times that he is

(21:21):
You know calling him the Arab and saying he's not a Northman other than that
They seem to be pretty pretty chill and not and not too
Prejudice most the time. That's true
Yeah, there's only one line that is really about that and it's only an Arab would bring a dog to war
Right. That was it. That was it. That was yeah, that's like racism light

(21:43):
Yeah, and why it wasn't enough of their language
If you're a viking and you're on a fucking Clydesdale and you're looking at an Arabian beauty
That looks like a dog
Yeah, that is a tiny toy horse that you're riding there. What are you doing?
Yeah. Yeah, and once he learned enough of the language to clap back at him
They shut up about that is one of my favorite scenes in any movie or the sequence in any movie ever. I

(22:10):
Love that scene
No, it's like that's the thing like people like knock this movie or Craig. It was critically bashed and everything like that
It's got some of my favorite scenes though. So make sense of that shit. I don't like that
I
The boy comes with a plead for a plea for aid a name that cannot be said and

(22:35):
Then they summon the angel of death which we find out as an oracle and she announces the amount of warriors
There needs to be 13 warriors
Now I need to go and read the book because now that I know that all the characters don't just have names, but they have
Attributes assigned to the characters as well. So what I'm theorizing is the Oracle had to pick

(23:00):
Warriors that oh
so
Like those names that you named off where it's like this is the you know
This we you know, the next warrior must be the archer and then that's when that's when the archer goes like it's me
I'll be the eighth warrior that that whole bit. That's what the translation of that whole thing is that is my theory. Yeah, I
I could see that that that makes it make sense in retrospect

(23:24):
That's I mean again again again. That is my theory
That is something that I'm throwing into this movie to I don't know just because I want to know it more
I love the like when it finally gets down like the 13th warrior it has to be and not be no a northman and I look
I was like
What are you saying? The 13th warrior you and I?

(23:46):
I personally think Antonio Banderas crushed this movie
Two pieces there is not a moment that he is on screen that he is not absolutely perfect character
I do I do like how the
You know his attendant the guy who's traveling with him is also not a northman, but he's immediately like oh, it's you not me you

(24:10):
Your he volunteers to be tribute I
Didn't think about that, but that's a good point nobody speaks their language, so he can't you be like my boy here
He just said he would like to go with you guys. I wish it could be me, but he volunteered

(24:31):
I didn't see that at all
We already alluded to this
Learning their language throughout the night is one of my all-time favorite scenes ever
Just as they go from speaking Swedish and a little bit Nordic over to
every once in a while getting a
Yeah, word that he can understand and we're getting to be clued in on the conversation as it's going through English

(24:57):
which I
Wanted to kind of highlight a couple things about that throughout the movie
Ahmed winds up kind of confused when people say stuff to him
And he has to like think about it for a little bit
And then he like says it back to them in a different way in a way that he understands their language
Right yeah, so there were a lot of characters that I remembered thinking that they were really stupid

(25:22):
But now that like when I was going back and watching it on this run
It made me realize that he just didn't understand what they were saying most of the time
Yeah, because even it's one thing to learn the words it's another thing to understand the the basically like the the turn of phrase
Kind of thing like the one that I really I I did like when you know the king walks up to him and asks him
Can you draw sounds like and even I'm sitting there going like oh fuck is he talking about and Antonio Banderas is like

(25:48):
Yeah, I can I can draw sounds and I'm like the fuck you can what are you talking about?
No, he gets down on the ground and starts writing words and I'm like oh that's
What he's talking about so like yeah, I I had the aha moment like 30 seconds after Antonio Banderas did so I was like
I was like all right draws draw sounds. That's a good way of saying it. I kind of like it

(26:09):
I like there should be a rock band called drawing sounds
Always they're not already
Yeah, that moment where he's going through and he's learning their language throughout the night throughout the fire which
You do get the impression
That it's only one night
But I don't think it was

(26:30):
See, I did not get that impression
I got the impression that it was multiple nights because they did kind of like even though it was all the same setting
They're all still sitting around the fire and it's dark and all that sort of stuff and it was obviously at night
It was interspersed with scenes of like horses moving through trees
So I don't know if if they intended it to be all one night or if it was just kind of one of those

(26:52):
Like they shot it all in one night and then that's all yeah, it wasn't it wasn't enough
Right
So I guess it was it was kind of done in a way of like take hat take it as you will kind of thing
Yeah, because there's the
Epic intelligence of a character who can learn it overnight
Which is I'm calling unrealistic and then there's the epic

(27:15):
Intelligence of somebody who's going to learn something over a few months of travel
Which i'm going to say is just awesome. Right?
Well, and I and I have heard I mean that is kind of the point of the immersion classes if you want to if you want
To learn the language and they they say the best thing to do is go take an immersion class in another country and I even remember
When I was taking when I when I was taking Spanish in high school

(27:38):
We you know
One of my classmates even like did a vacation like a week-long vacation in mexico
Uh over spring break and she came back and did like a whole you know
Got in front of the class and did a presentation of what she she saw in mexico in the culture and what she heard in the language
And stuff like that and she even said, you know just based on what we I already picked up in this class

(27:59):
And this was like our first semester. So this was Spanish one
So just like learning the basics here if she goes if I if I had stayed there for another two weeks
I probably would have been fluent
Because I was learning as I was going along while I was there
And so I guess yeah, I would I would say even if we wanted to go like ultra impressive
You know just barely in the realms of reality

(28:21):
I would say we could put our probably put it at about three weeks to a month
Oh, yeah, that would be yeah that would you know?
So not not even that not even months of travel just basically a few weeks of travel if he's really really listening and really really smart
He probably could and he probably could do it. Yeah
I mean because this character in case you don't know

(28:43):
Uh baghdad at that era of human civilization was pretty much the smartest place on the planet
Oh, yeah, that yeah. No. Yeah, all of all of these scientists and all of the learned people
That's where they went to us to study. Yeah, that was like you want to talk about a college town. That was the college town
Yeah, yeah, that was essentially the world's very first place to study

(29:06):
It's essentially the world's very first free university
Like anybody could go there anybody could learn any like they would go there
They would offer the information and the knowledge of their region and they would be able to stay there and study for as long
As they wanted like it was kind of uh an educational utopia
Yep
That's why the christians had to burn it down

(29:27):
Wasn't the christians?
Wasn't it the templars?
No, it was the monkels
Oh
No, uh, hu uh, hulegu khan the grand one of the grandsons of gangus khan. He was sent to the region specifically to uh
Decimate the what was called in english. They're the assassins

(29:50):
Uh, I can't remember what their name was actually for that, but it was a group of assassins
And hulega hulegu khan was tasked by his grandfather. I believe
By his grandfather go to the region and wipe out the abbasid caliphate and the assassins
Huh?
Interesting. Okay

(30:11):
Okay
That moment where he comes up and where did you learn our language?
And I love that he sits there and he thinks about it for a little bit
He's like gotta make sure I have the right words because I can't sit up and go dogfish
like
Like I love that he sat there and he thought about it for a second. He's like
Yep, dissed
And I love because the character's name like the description was joyous

(30:35):
And that was a perfect descriptor for that character
Uh strohoi, I believe the actor's name was uh, yes denis storhoi
And that dude almost died on this production
Antonio mandaras actually saved his life
Really?
Yep

(30:56):
Uh, i'll get i'll get there but it happens in the thunder in the thunder cliffs
Oh, okay
Oh god. Oh god
Yep
That was all the stresses that was like I have seen movies read books
played video games that all involve having to swim underwater and I have

(31:19):
Never gotten over any of them. That is like all the anxieties all at once
Well to jump ahead and just go into that
Strohoi actually got lost under the water and he wound up hitting a wall and
Antonio banderas went back into the water and he grabbed him and he pulled him out
And when he pulled him out, he had to bring him like basically bring him back to life and strohoi spent the next three days on set in recovery

(31:45):
So he got cpr from him
Yeah
Yeah, see that's what i'm talking about
Yeah, that's and that's precisely why that shit freaks me out because it's like
Yeah, that's fucked
Swimming swimming through considering the fact that he made a joke
Right before going into the water and he was the one who almost died
Dude, right. Yeah, that would have that would have been a hefty ass tragedy. I mean

(32:08):
Yeah, the strohoi he hasn't had like a super prolific career. He's been in quite a few things
but I
After watching strohoi in this movie, I think he should have gone on to be some form of a lister
I could have watched
He did kind of carry. Yeah
Like of all of the you know, not antonio banderas characters. He he had the most front-facing personality for sure

(32:36):
And yeah, yeah
I think I he could have he i'm gonna go watch more of his stuff because he was amazing
I enjoy their good nature, especially when they're on the ship and they're just laughing about everything all the time
so much fun
Then getting further north dude. Yeah to think about that some poor bastard

(32:58):
Who's been living in the landlocked country? His entire life is now being put on a fucking tiny ass boat in a storm
Jesus christ, I could feel his pain and i'm from oregon. I'm not even landlocked. I get it
Yeah, but you ain't spend that much time out on boats
No, I guess that's true
Uh, I love that where you had uh, both by calling odin's name as they search for land and everybody armoring up

(33:23):
And I love the eclectic nature that they actually did a good job of representing the vikings
Because you had arm like both eyes. He was wearing a roman gladiators helmet
Like they literally had shit from everywhere
like they literally had shit from everywhere, oh
Yeah, yeah, because they uh, that's what they yeah they did they they fucking they took the shit from anybody that they conquered

(33:47):
They took their shit if it was I think they did I think same design did a very good job in this movie
And I and I thought that was interesting too with that. Uh same thing with yeah with that prince
Because he looked like he like when he's first starts talking
like for a second I was sitting there going like
Yeah, i'm like is that dude like some sort of like roman ambassador because it looks he hey

(34:08):
He looks more roman than anybody else and he's got that, you know, like kind of romanish chest
But he looks like he's you know, a lazy centurion almost and so like when they're they're like, who's that guy and they're like
Oh, that's the king's son. I'm like he's fucking what?
You know who that was he looked right?
No, that was anders t

(34:28):
Anderson or whatever his name is. Yeah. Yeah, you lost me. Oh, I thought you've referenced him in the past. That's my bad. All right
Have I wait what what's going on? So maybe I just really like the name anders t anderson
It does kind of jump out at you for sure. Oh man
all right
old vi learns to write pretty fast and

(34:52):
Okay
All right. Last week I talked about the sizable balls of uh,
Vincent gallo for saying, you know, oh my god, it's so big but
The epic
Bravery that you have to have in teaching a viking to say there is only one god

(35:16):
That was of all the unbelievable things in this movie, which there really aren't that many that was it
That was the most unbelievable thing was that a
foreigner told northman that
They're like a polytheistic dude polytheistic warrior
There's only one god polytheistic warrior king for that matter

(35:42):
Yeah, I I thought it was kind of nuts that he didn't just get beheaded right there
Yeah
In the name of the law of father
In the name of the law of father prophecy on yeah, he did have a prophecy on his side the the the lady did say
They needed him there. So, you know
That is probably it was probably feeling a little ballsy

(36:06):
When he gets a weapon and he gives that
ginormous sword and he's like I cannot lift this and
again, uh strawhide oh stronger
right
There was not a line that came out of that dude's mouth. That was not absolutely stellar
Yeah
He was he

(36:27):
This was antonio bandera's movie, but straw hoy made this movie
Right. Like he is the thing that makes it so much fun
And uh, they smell the perfume on the air and they know like they think a messenger is coming it's like the woman it's a messenger
It's a silk swaddled messenger boy

(36:48):
Who's like 60?
Right. Yeah. Yeah, it was yeah
and it was
Weird because it didn't seem like because especially when they do get to the village like this didn't seem like an especially hoity-toity
Silk-wearing village they're walking into you know, so it seemed it's been under attack though
I mean, okay

(37:10):
But still like even what's I mean everything everything's made of wood
so
So
Well, yeah, but the fight but that's what the vikings were like though
They built a lot of stuff out of wood everything like that. They were somewhat nomadic
um
Until they were literally in their home bases
But they were going and pillaging and stealing shit and treasures

(37:33):
They weren't actually building like big great halls or anything like that. They were just I guess that's true. Yeah
Stealing shit and living on boats
It was just weird weirdly out of place at the time. I felt because it was like it's like
Oh, who's this rich boy messenger coming to pick us up and taking us to what appears to be the slums, you know, and

(37:55):
That's where the king lives like the messenger boy was more fancy than the king. I thought that was weird, you know
But I did enjoy that because the prince you could definitely tell the prince was not a warrior and it seemed like the king was
And I like that because there was there was that moment like he was still the baddest. He was a warrior viking at one point
I don't think the prince ever was

(38:17):
No, no, that's that's the impression I got
Yeah, the prince the prince definitely had the the brat, you know, you know
More concerned with appearing strong than being strong type type of character
Yep, poisoning the king's ear and everything like that and I loved uh bull vi's uh
bull vi's uh dig at the prince like I don't remember hearing anything hearing of any of the prince's exploits

(38:43):
aside from killing his own brothers
The king stands up for bull vi i'm like, right, yeah, I like this guy. I like this guy a lot
They arrive at rothgar's village and see how incredibly defenseless it is barely a man between 15 and 50

(39:03):
I think it's a little bit of a mystery
This is our first discussion where we find out a little bit about what they're referencing and
I really like I like the way that it was shot like this and the way they cut
Which is what plagues these lands old man and then the way he just looks at him

(39:25):
And then cuts and they're like he might be crazy. I act I really enjoyed that
The mystery alive a little bit. It kept the fear like you understood the fear of it
and
That's our first hint at the word wendell
which
I really need everyone. Yeah
Everyone reacts too and when he when he does finally say the word out loud so that antonio banderas can have some clue as to

(39:48):
What's going on because he's been bewildered all the way up to this point
When he finally goes, okay, finally, I will tell you what's going on
It's the wendell and everybody else in the group goes dude. Don't fucking say that word out loud
We've been we've been talking about that like
You're not supposed to say it. Yeah, they cannot say the name right? Yeah, uh, but that very quickly disappears

(40:15):
and the into the story because they're like it is the wendell's mother and
Even when they go see the crazy like she was old when my grandmother was young
And then we see like a woman in her late 50s. I'm like
Yeah, you couldn't actually get an old woman to do this
So I thought that was funny. Yeah

(40:36):
While they're discussing if they believe the king about the creatures on that sees that small boy running and
This is that superman thing where like you got a naked child in a movie and it's just kind of
Kind of very uncomfortable even though it fits the story remarkably
You don't want to see a little boy's penis

(40:58):
This is not that's not something they tried not to but they they didn't try that hard. Yeah
Yeah, no, they tried wrapped him in something. Yeah, they're very quickly but then
Yep
But uh, but yeah
You the support man,ladies and gentleman did you like this thing actually

(41:25):
Um, nobody took any pictures in there
Really good in the movie where they wrapped him
The
Where it was literally like
portrait of a naked child.
It's an entirely different thing there.
That was very uncomfortable.
And the fact that they, like, when they would put that movie
on TV, that scene was still in there when I was a child.
Blew my mind away.

(41:48):
Like, all these people talking about,
protect the children, it's like, okay,
then why were you letting penis on TV?
I think the mentality was that that didn't count
because no one was sexualizing kids yet at that point.
It literally was just, you know, something that happened.
The Catholic Church was at you now.

(42:10):
Okay, no one knew that they were sexualizing kids yet.
Okay, there you go.
Yeah.
Ah, damn, we're really slamming shit this week.
So when the Vikings tell Ahmed it's the Wendel
and they come with the mist,
then go into that farmstead and all this stuff,

(42:31):
and Ahmed, like, what's weird is they were chasing
a PG-13 rating in the initial filming,
but when they went back to do reshoots, they upped the gore.
Which is weird because that was explicitly
not their intention.
So this, like this scene with the arm,
that was one of the reshoots where the arm falls down.

(42:53):
One of my favorite, like, another one of my favorite
moments of the film because I really appreciate,
like, I really enjoy it when the camera work
actually shows the disorientation of a character.
Because when you have the camera do it
and you have the actor selling it appropriately,
it makes for a very good moment.
Yeah.

(43:13):
The footprints inside footprints, and they eat the dead.
Very good, very good.
I like the way that they did that and they showed,
like, the human footprints inside of, like, bear footprints.
That way, because they were trying to sell
that they were a mating of man and beast.
So I thought that was really clever.

(43:34):
I thought the film work on that was good.
I didn't like that they showed that one was, like,
so close to them and keeping an eye on them because, like.
That felt weird, yeah.
It didn't pay off at all later.
Yeah, like, you were expecting, like,
maybe there was gonna be an ambush or something.
Like, why foreshadow that if you're not gonna pay it off?

(43:56):
And so, yeah, it was a little weird.
Yeah.
And how smart they are and finding out that
their trail disappears in the rocks.
And where I do understand how this happened
when, like, he's going out and she was like,
pay attention to the ridge and the ridge over here.
And, like, as the camera's going,
you're seeing the animals coming out of there.

(44:18):
Like, you probably should have just had animals
outside of the trees standing there,
showing that they're too, like,
they're uncomfortable going into the forest.
The convenience of actually being like,
all right, look there, and then the animals come out,
and then look there, and then the animals come out.
Right, yeah, it's like, how did you know
that's what we were gonna see?
Yeah.

(44:38):
Exactly, that didn't make any sense.
But that, you know, that's my nitpicking.
You know, every once in a while I gotta get in on that.
And that's just one that every time I see the movie,
that one jumps out at me.
Mm.
Meeting in the King's Hall.
So this is a conversation that happens in the background,
and you have to pay attention

(44:59):
to what they're actually talking about in the background.
All of the other villages in that region are gone.
They have been, one was burned two years prior,
another one had been sacked,
and then that's where we get that survivor
that comes through and talking about teeth like a lion,
head like a bear, all of that.
Right, yep.

(45:19):
A lot of that conversation took place in the background,
where they were talking about all the different places
and why they are the only ones left in that region.
Okay, I mean, I got all that.
I don't remember having to pay attention to it,
so maybe I did.
The conversation that was happening
was between like Banderas and Strohoi,

(45:42):
and he was kinda like asking questions,
and then that was the conversation
that was mostly happening offscreen.
Okay, okay.
I did watch it with subtitles on,
so maybe I cheated in that the subtitles were telling me
which part of the conversation was important.
That might have been, yeah.
I enjoyed, like the...

(46:04):
Basically, it worked really well
having Antonio Banderas and Strohoi
actually just saying the same line in two different ways.
It worked so many times throughout the movie,
but this was my favorite one.
You do not drink tonight?
No, not drink tonight.
I loved how definitive everything that was about to happen

(46:28):
was revealed in the way he said that.
That was a fantastic delivery.
Yep, it's serious, yeah.
I think Strohoi is actually why
this is one of my favorite movies.
Yeah, okay, I could see that, yeah.
Yeah, his performance is too stellar.
It's like I'm absolutely, I love him so much.

(46:51):
Oh right, we were talking about that.
I really enjoyed that the king wanted to battle.
Like when they say the mist is coming,
and he says fetch me my armor and all this.
Right.
I really dug that.
But then again, that's Viking culture.
They want to go out and battle.
Like that is the goal.

(47:11):
And I appreciated that the other king, the guest king,
he tuned in right away.
King's wife does not want him to go die.
So I'm gonna come up with a really good heroic reason
for you to stay behind,
which is someone needs to protect the children.
And I thought that was one of those like,

(47:32):
ah, I see why he's king.
He's got this shit wired.
You know, I see both sides of that, but it's like, I don't
know, doesn't that feel like a dick move in Viking culture?
Like, no, no, if you die in battle, you go to Valhalla.
Right.
You should not battle with us.
Like that seems like a dick move in Viking culture.

(47:55):
Maybe a little, but I, that's the thing is like,
it was mainly about the queen because the queen was like,
when she was, cause you, they,
they kind of centered the camera on her when the king is
saying, bringing my, bring me my armor.
She's looking shook.
She doesn't want him to die in battle.
She doesn't want him to die at all.
She genuinely wants him to survive this.

(48:15):
You know, maybe it's because she's afraid of what happens
when his son becomes king.
Maybe it's because she actually loves him.
Who knows, but that's, that's what, that's what, you know,
our king clues in on as he sees her like absolute fear at
the idea of him going into battle and dying in battle.
And so he's doing her a favor by convincing the king to stay

(48:35):
behind.
I get it. I just don't like it.
It's like, it just seems really dishonorable invite,
like in Viking culture,
when the entire goal of Viking of the Nordic religion is to
die in battle.
Like that, like that's where,
that's where I have a little bit of a problem with that is
like, no, the, what is it called?

(48:58):
The sewn skein, the skein,
the skein.
Oh, the Scott, the skein.
You're talking about the, the, the Luma fate, the sky.
Yeah. The Luma fate. Yeah. It was kind of, is that what I said?
I think, I think it's skein. Yes.
But where they're talking about that,
why is the king the only one that was not treated as though
that was already in place?

(49:19):
I felt like that was a really weird line for the movie.
Maybe literally everyone was on board with not letting that
dickhead Prince become king no matter what.
See that's, I would have enjoyed that explanation in there.

(49:39):
Yeah.
That probably would have helped. Yeah.
Yeah. I would have enjoyed an explanation like that because
from where I'm looking at it,
it just seemed like a bunch of asshole Vikings,
not letting a King go to Valhalla.
So yeah, that's why I'm saying I need to go and read this
book. I, I love a lot of Michael Crichton's work.

(50:04):
This is one.
And like I said, based off the book Eaters of the Dead,
which would the movie was titled that.
And did you know why they changed the title from Eaters of
the Dead to the 13th warrior?
No, I had not heard.
Michael Crichton was talking to his neighbor and as his
neighbor was watering his garden,
Michael Crichton told him the name of the movie.

(50:25):
He's like, Ooh, that's scary.
That's why. Oh, for fuck's sake.
Isn't that dumb? Isn't that dumb?
However, Eaters of the Dead is a stupid name of a movie.
Yeah. I mean, I mean, I like the 13th warrior more.
That's the thing is like when you, when you, in context,
the 13th warrior makes way more sense as a title for this

(50:48):
movie than, than Eaters of the Dead for sure.
It does, but I mean, that being the reason that you change it
is really dumb.
The fact that he changed it, I agreed with changing it,
but I don't agree with the reason that he, that was dumb.

(51:09):
I mean, especially like, I mean, isn't that like,
wouldn't you want it to be scary?
Isn't that the idea?
If it's this kind of,
well, he was initially promoted as a horror film,
but they changed the promotion to make it more of an action
adventure film.
And that's one of the reasons it did so bad at the box office.

(51:31):
However, finding out that it did like what,
63 million at the box office.
Maybe I would think that was bad if I didn't just find out
that Borderlands didn't even break 10 million.
No, nobody likes Borderlands.
I'm a little annoyed myself because I was kind of looking
forward to it as a fan of I've played, you know,

(51:53):
all three Borderlands games and I was kind of looking forward
to the movie and I was one of those few people who was
literally thinking like Cate Blanchett was actually a good
idea because I just like Cate Blanchett.
Yeah, it's a weird casting choice for her, but I like her.
So I'm willing to give her a shot.
But yeah, no, it's not.
It sounds like that this movie from, from, from way,
from way people are talking about it, the, the, this movie

(52:15):
was made almost entirely by a marketing team only,
and it's just absolute garbage.
From the sounds of it, like a lot of like the action scenes
and stuff like that, you're literally looking at the people
shooting it, shooting the weapon, but you're not seeing
the person that is actually getting hit.
So it's just stylized one shots and like cool splash pages.
That's what apparently what the entire movie is and casting

(52:39):
Kevin Hart to be the serious character in an action comedy
one of the dumbest decisions.
Like that was the one that, that got me.
That was the first time I thought this movie might be in
trouble was when they, I heard Kevin Hart was playing that,
that role.
And when I heard that tiny Tina was going to be a main
character, that's when I went, Oh no, uh, that's they, they,

(53:03):
so they, they must've written.
So whoever wrote this movie must have written it not based on
the games, but based on the memes that people made of the
games.
That's the only exposure.
That's the only explanation for that.
Yeah.
We'll see back to it.
Everyone pretending to be asleep.
And honestly, it's a good thing that a mud just happened to

(53:24):
wake up.
Yeah.
And then just, you're looking around, you see everybody's
pretending to be asleep, which again, Dick move Vikings.
Why would you just leave the dude asleep?
If you're all ready, like.
Like, whatever, you know, yeah, he would have woken up pretty

(53:46):
quick. I'm guessing that's the thing.
And you know, I mean, that's the thing is like, if, if you're
all trying to pretend to sleep and one of you actually falls
asleep, turning around and waking them up gives the game
away.
True.
So you kind of gotta, you gotta, gotta hope that things
will work out.
True. But he does shoot up and I like, I love that.
Like he shoots up and then a straw or shoves him back down.

(54:07):
He's like, it's like, I am not a warrior.
Very soon will be the smize, the smile eyes from strohoi,
like at every moment, it killed me.
I was just so, I was so into that and battling the Wendell.

(54:28):
That was a pretty, like as dark as that scene was, I never
lost track of what was going on.
Yeah. And it was kind of intense.
Like that, that's the, that's the thing is like, that's kind
of what, like, even though, yeah, the, the, the scene
before where we see the aftermath of their, of the farm
that was attacked, it's kind of gruesome, but at the same

(54:49):
time, like you said, it was, you know, made disorienting.
We never really got a look at what was going on.
And so when we get like the brutality of this scene where
we're watching, we watch a dude head get ripped the fuck off.
I was not prepared for that.
There was nothing in this movie that, that set me up with,

(55:11):
that's the kind of battle we're going to see, you know,
everything else, like you said, everything else leading up
to this point in the movie suggests this is a PG 13 movie
and we're going to see PG 13 violence.
So when the R rated violence just suddenly appears out of
nowhere, I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Which a great, great tech, a great tactic, like just because

(55:34):
you can, because you have the R rating and you can drop the
F word every five words or something like that, or you can
show boobs in your opening sequence doesn't mean that you
have to, you can disarm the audience on the way up to it to
the, and give them a little bit of sense of safety.
Like we're talking about right here and then slam them with it

(55:57):
and give them that shock value that it's like, Oh crap.
I forgot this was an R rated movie.
Like that is a good moment.
And that is a very good moment.
I mean, I suppose if, if I felt like that, that was intentional
then maybe, yeah, I could appreciate that.
But I did not get that.
I did not feel that intentionality in there.

(56:18):
I felt like you, like, that's one of those moments where,
like you said.
Outside of that farmstead, I don't think we even see blood
until that moment.
Yeah.
Cause it's, it's like you said the, Oh no, there was there.
Whoa.
That's right.
The, when he first meets the king and that guy tries to kill.
Yeah.
And so he whips around and slices him with a sword and

(56:40):
there's that little dinky cartoony slash on his chest that
he dies from.
I mean, that's, that was PG 13 violence that, and that, yeah,
that sets you up with going like, okay, yeah, we're going to
see some blood, but not a lot.
And so, yeah, and 30 minutes later, a dude's head gets torn
off.
And so it's a little, so my guys, it's, I mean, it kind of,

(57:03):
it's like, it's like three quarters of the way to Tarantino
tear off too.
Right.
Exactly.
Yeah.
And so it's like, and at the time of watching it, I'm just,
it's kind of jarred into it and just like, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa.
Okay.
The different movie now let's, let's try and refocus on this.
But now that, you know, with you, what you telling me that,
no, okay. Yeah. This was a thing that happened.

(57:23):
It was a PG 13 and then they went and reshot for R rated and
there was two directors involved.
So now I'm thinking like, no, there's what it wasn't
intentional at all.
It literally was just like, ah, fuck it.
Let's rip the dude's head off.
You know, and so I don't know.
Like I, apparently there is a long, but of the John McTiernan
version of the 13th warrior that is still out there.

(57:45):
And one of the reviews that I caught, it's like, apparently
they said like, you can find this.
I'm like, that ain't how that works.
John McTiernan has that.
Like, come on.
Like, yeah.
Oh, if you put in the special code into YouTube, no, yes.
The original version exists in the studios vault.

(58:07):
Like, come on.
Yeah.
Um, but I would, I would like to see that movie.
I'm going to lie, but I would like to see that the same as
what was the, uh, the one that Peter Dinklage with Matthew
Bright, what was that one called?
Oh, uh, was it?
No, it was like, uh, Twinkle Toes or, or Little Toes or

(58:27):
something like that.
I can't remember.
I wanted to say Little Toes as well, but I don't think it's
right.
Yeah.
I didn't look it up myself.
You just told me about it.
And so I don't remember entirely what it was.
Yeah.
But, but apparently I would like to see the original version
of that movie.
Uh, we talked about battling the Wendell and a few died and
the heads are gone along with all of the dead that our

(58:49):
Vikings had killed.
And then the medical assistance from the out of nowhere love
interest.
Like that this movie did not need that.
No.
Yeah.
I mean, I suppose he needed someone else to talk to besides
that one blonde Viking guy, but, uh, I don't think so.

(59:10):
But yeah, it will.
I mean, I was watching a buddy cop Viking movie and it was
awesome.
That would have been good.
Yeah.
Um, buddy cop.
Oh my God.
Now there's a movie that we need is a buddy is a buddy cop
Viking Arab movie.
Yeah.
This damn near was that.
Yeah.

(59:31):
Um, but yeah, yeah.
I mean, I, I, I kind of appreciated that there was more
than one person he was talking to in the entire movie.
But yeah, making it some sort of like kind of out of nowhere
love interest romance angle, I think was kind of cheap because
yeah, that wasn't necessary.

(59:51):
He could be talking to her because she's someone who will
talk to him and he has a very short list of people in his
life who will do that right now.
Yeah.
Like turning, turning her into a love interest, which she
wasn't even a love interest.
She like, it was literally just, we might die.
Her character existed just so there was somebody that Ahmed

(01:00:12):
could repeat the line that bull Vi gave to him.
I swear to God, that is the whole reason for that character.
Um, I mean, it's like her scenes were funny because, uh, getting
a medical assistance and it's a cow urine.
She's like, how you're right.
How urine oiled down.

(01:00:34):
It's like, I mean, that makes it better.
Great.
Great.
I'm so happy that this is on my face.
Uh, building the defenses.
And I love that moment where the one guy's like with me and then
he goes in, bam, bam.
Now you do.

(01:00:55):
And then just walked away.
That character was so casual.
Like perfect.
I mean, I really think like basically every character in
this movie I felt was pretty much perfect.
They had just the right amount of screen time.
None of them had too much.
Um, barely any had too little either.

(01:01:15):
Like I felt like it was matched up very, very well.
The only one that could have used a little more was the actual
13th warrior, the little boy.
They didn't even mention them in the movie because it was like a
little bit like you brought a 14 year old boy on this journey.

(01:01:36):
Like because you see the 12 warriors, but there was a, there
was a boy that wasn't even announced in the tent and he's
in very few scenes just kind of in the background.
Yeah.
I have no idea what the hell you're talking about.
What?
Like there was the kid that came, that brought the message.
And then there was the kid from the homestead that, uh, that,

(01:01:57):
that, uh, you know, runs in, you know, I don't know.
He's just in some of the background scenes with, or he's just in
some of the scenes as background, basically, uh, just standing.
Yeah, I have no idea who you're talking about.
There's a little 14 year old kid who is part of the warriors.
And yeah, he's so little part of the movie that does he survive

(01:02:19):
to the end.
He does.
Well, no.
Okay.
So they never allude to what happened to him.
Like after a certain point in the movie, he's just not filmed anymore
because they thought it would be too rough to have a kid get killed.
Oh my God.
Another reason I need to go read the book because I don't know how big
a part that kid actually played in the story.

(01:02:42):
So, no, there's, there's another little one for you.
Like this movie, there was a lot of drama involved with this movie
and everything that went with it.
I'm surprised.
Like, yeah, I'm surprised.
I liked this movie as much as I do, but I do like, like, yeah.
Well, like I said at the beginning, like now that I
hear what was involved in the making of it, I like I'm, I'm, I was,
I'm going to tell you, like upfront, I was not that impressed by this flick.

(01:03:06):
I don't understand why everyone kept telling me I had to see it
for so many years.
But the more I'm hearing about like what happened in its production,
I'm like, well, shit, this is a fucking work of art.
Then if it was able to be this good with this much fucking trouble,
there's clearly the hand of Jesus came down and made this movie
barely passable, sounds like.

(01:03:27):
So whatever it was.
But that's the thing, like for what this movie was, oddly, like I said,
I've said it a few times, it has some of my favorite scenes.
So what?
What have you?
When he takes that giant sword and he keeps missing all the poles
and he falls down into the dirt, finds that metal worker

(01:03:51):
and then he comes back with basically a falchion
and that line from I can't remember what the actor's name is.
It's like.
When you die, can I give that to me, daughter?
That was a good line.
Yeah.
I'm not even sure that that was actually part of the movie
because how much everybody laughed in response to that seemed way too real.

(01:04:16):
Right.
Even the dude, like even the dude in the background, like he's.
Like he's really into laughing.
I'm like, dude.
See, and that's another thing where that like I kept waiting for him
to do something like epic.
That's the thing.
And I thought this was because this all comes around to this prophecy

(01:04:37):
where we have to have the foreigner, the non-Northman be a part of the crew.
And so I kept thinking, OK, there's going to be some there's going to be something
that only he with his Eastern culture and education
can consult this for them.
And it never happened.
He makes it. He makes the so he makes the sword, shows them how good it is.

(01:04:58):
And then they never fucking use it.
Yes, he does.
And yes, he does.
OK, then I must have missed it because his education is what saved the story.
The thundercliff, I mean, OK, knowing what was going on.

(01:05:18):
Knowing what was going on, knowing what was causing the thundercliff
is the only reason that the Vikings survived and the Wendell were taken down.
But the only reason he knew that is because one of the other Northmen
told him about it. He just doesn't matter.
He just doesn't matter. He knew what caused the sound of thunder.
OK. And yeah, he was it was his education, too.

(01:05:40):
Yeah, it was his education.
Yeah, his education about like the cave and
the thunder cliffs, what causes that sound, everything like that.
His education is what got them to actually take down the leader
after the mother died.
So he was that he he was the key to victory.

(01:06:00):
Fair, but I was expecting something more, you know, because he
he shows him the horse, shows him the sword.
There was one other I can't remember what it was.
There's one other thing that he showed him.
And now I'm blanking out what is, but there were like three things
that he like brought from his culture, showed them.
They were all impressed.
And then it never came up again.

(01:06:22):
And like, that's what I kept waiting for.
I kept waiting for some big like, oh, they or they, you know, it's like,
oh, he taught him how to, you know, use fucking gunpowder or something like that,
like something, you know, that really like counts.
But no, like it just like it literally had nothing to do with him being an Easterner.
It just had to do with the fact that he was doing something
that had to do with the fact that he was just an educated dude who happened to be there.

(01:06:47):
It could it could have been any it could have been anybody.
It could have been an Englishman who had done it, you know.
Maybe, but that's like that's why I really enjoyed what this was, because.
The Vikings didn't have.
The Vikings didn't really have a significant written language
for passing on their stories and doing all of this.

(01:07:08):
Having him there is basically saying this is why we know the story.
Oh, OK.
That also, yeah, that makes a little sense.
I guess that's OK.
That's where I kind of came in on it
was his inclusion into the story was just how we found out about it.
OK, and that was where I was on board, because basically he was a journalist,

(01:07:30):
like an embedded journalist.
Right.
OK.
OK, I can go along with that.
I can go along with that.
The engineering dispute is is one of my that that actually is my favorite scene
of this movie.
Oh, yeah, OK.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You fling you fling Earth around like a dog.

(01:07:50):
Did you just call me a dog?
Oh, I said you playing dirt like one carelessly as an animal.
I'm an animal because you're not listening.
Yes, I'm deaf.
Yeah.
So they think they think that the prince is trying to turn this
thing against them. And so they decide to school the prince
by picking a fight with one of his dudes and then like basically just,

(01:08:14):
you know, rope a doping the dude's head right off literally.
And yeah, yeah.
And to basically just tell the basically just send the message to the prince.
Don't fuck with us because you do not know who we are.
Period. And that well, there was that guy was kind of a
so that guy was kind of acting a little bit as a spy for the prince.

(01:08:38):
And then the prince was and they were saying like the prince is poisoning
the king's ear.
So when you removed the spy who was kind of the warrior that was working
with the Vikings and all that, then you like then they say now he has
to fear what he doesn't know.
Right. And that was so yeah, that was the I I assumed it was what he

(01:08:58):
doesn't know as far as like because he because during the whole fight
he was acting like he was a worse fighter all the way up
with the last second right when they thought he had him.
Then he and he pulls some judo shit and fucking takes the guy's head
right off. And so I figured the lesson was the prince doesn't know
how good we are.
He doesn't know what we what we are doesn't know anything about us.

(01:09:20):
I was taking that as here.
We could we could appear to be a bunch of schmucks.
We could appear we could be ninjas.
He doesn't know that I was taking that to like that big redheaded
dude was like one of the warriors with them may have gone with them
may have done all this stuff.
So the prince would have gotten all of this information and been
able to do whatever he wanted.

(01:09:40):
But once that guy was dead at the prince had no access to information.
So he was basically sitting at the same point as the king.
He was only getting told what they wanted to tell him.
No, okay.
So yeah, no, I just figured that the the big redhead guy was just
you know in the division between the king and the prince the big
redhead dude was on the princess side and they just decided that

(01:10:02):
to take him out to just shut to just prove to the prince.
He ain't shit.
Maybe how I took it.
I like that's why I'm going to go read the book.
I'm going to buy the book.
I'm going to read the book pretty soon because it's a Michael
Crichton book.
I can knock it Michael Crichton book out in two days.
Oh sure.
Yeah, once I sit down for those it's hard to it's hard to put them
down.
This well-sung about when Antonio or Ahmed says he's going to

(01:10:27):
get killed and both eyes.
Possible like that moment and then that lady comes in later
on like we're going to die and Tony.
I was like he's and then they go get laid that I swear to God
if she was not a friend of the director or something that her

(01:10:49):
only purpose in this film was for that laugh like that was it.
Then we see I think she starts talking about the fireworm and
then so this is what I was talking about where they say they
say a combination of words and all this and then he has to
think about it and then he responds with a dragon like he

(01:11:13):
had to key in on the words that they were using in describing
it right and he would say dragon back and then in their language
they would say dragon back and then we were on the same page.
That was what I was thinking was happening.
Like I said kind of hard to know.
Anything nope go on scrambling into positions with sight of

(01:11:36):
the fireworm and then seeing that little girl running and
then like towards it and then busting out and having the horse
jump over the fence, which I guess there's your checkoffs
horse jump.
There's a yeah, that's that's a payoff there.
Sure.
And then I did appreciate that.
Yeah, it's like the Vikings that came with him.

(01:11:57):
They saw it coming.
And so while they're trying to open the gate for him one of
his buddies just grabs him and goes duck so they can all duck
their head while he jumps over them.
I was like, all right, that's cool.
We yeah, I got a little bit of a I appreciated that.
Yeah, like when he comes back and he's like, it's not it's
not a dragon.
It's cavalry and then strohutans.
I was like, I'd rather put for a dragon.

(01:12:18):
Right every line that strohoy says Lord me.
I swear to you.
I don't know how this guy is not my favorite actor.
I'm gonna I'm gonna go start looking at more of his stuff.
I'm going to yeah.
And I love that line is like where they keep calling Ahmed

(01:12:40):
little brother.
Because you really don't know if Antonio Banderas is actually
older than half of these guys are not because right.
He's Antonio Banderas.
Well that let's go little brother.
It's beginning.
I love that is soon because this was like where I was saying
like when he has that sword, he has his moment in this battle.

(01:13:01):
He goes up and he kills the guy.
Then he sees some man.
To man and he's like walking away repeating.
It's a man is and then he goes into a straight killing spree
with that falchion, right?
Yeah, because because that and that I thought that was an
interesting scene because it's literally like, yeah, this is
all very terrifying because we don't know what kind of creatures
these are but once he clues in oh, these are just these are

(01:13:25):
just men wearing bearskins.
It's a whole nother ballgame.
He's like, oh, I know how to kill men.
So, you know, which the thing is that he says I'm not a warrior
and then he goes and he's like, he's basically walking and
just taking everybody out that comes across him.
It's like, okay, Strow Hoy was right very soon.
You will be right.

(01:13:46):
Apparently that's all you need is exposure to Vikings.
He well, he is also he's in he's a nobleman.
I mean, it's pretty well established that he's a wealthy
nobleman from from, you know, he may not be a nobleman but he
is clearly an educated man and let's face it swordplay is one
of the basics of nobleman training.
So, okay.
Yeah, it went once once he realized that he wasn't as in

(01:14:09):
over his head as he thought he was he wasn't battling demons
then it's like, oh, okay.
Remember my training and boom there we are.
Okay, I'll give you that one thing that I really like something
that I very very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very
that one thing that I really like something that I very very
much appreciated about this film and specifically bull by in

(01:14:34):
particular is that he is the only one in this entire movie
that actually refers to Ahmed as Ahmed it only happened once
right in this moment where like they're running up and I love
that where the one guy like the redheaded Scottish guy.
He's like turn and fight them turn and fight them like again

(01:14:55):
he's like everybody's running away and he's like chasing them
like stop running turn and fight and then he runs right into
bull by and he's got a smile on his face and he's like now
it's time to fight.
Here's my dude and then that's what happens they stand and
everybody like kind of unites and comes together bull by
throws that pole to Ahmed and he shouts his name and he's

(01:15:17):
like Ahmed and I'm like dude.
Thank you.
Thank you for doing that.
Thank you like given the character his own name showing
him that respect and just being the badass tough warrior
intelligent decent looking to further his education.
I mean dude the character bull by which is based off the

(01:15:39):
character Beowulf is kind of a maximum awesome character.
Yeah, like dude follow that man to the gates of hell.
Hell yeah.
They lost for they lost four warriors and this was another

(01:16:01):
great scene.
You won't drink brother the taste of fermentation of grape
nor wheat then strohoid just starts laughing his ass off
because it's made from honey, right?
Yeah, we found a loophole that both of our gods are into.
Yep.

(01:16:21):
I thought that was awesome.
And then like he takes it and he thinks about it for a second
and he's like, yep.
I love how we may die.
What a great moment like like, oh like wait, so you're not
allowed to drink alcohol or you're not allowed to drink
alcohol made from these things, right?

(01:16:41):
That was a great if you're going to be specific then here
you go.
Yeah.
But then here's that moment that I like it bothers me so
much, but it's like all right, whatever.
It's that out of out of nowhere.
Just sup girl just comes out of nowhere.
See, I thought that was funny because like when he because

(01:17:03):
because he they have that bit where he's like it's made from
honey and he walks away and Banderas watches him walk away
and goes, all right, takes a drink and then turns and the
camera pans with his vision and he sees her and we see her
at the same time and it's like, whoa, how long have you
been there?
Exactly.
That was that that was my like, you know, I had a laugh

(01:17:25):
out loud moment on that one and Banderas is just like, well
now I'm drinking.
I might as well see what the chicks doing to you know,
pretty much.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, I yeah, I did get a laugh out of me.
And then like I said, we go and we meet that there was an
old woman.
She was old when my grandmother was young and then we

(01:17:46):
meet a woman who's in her like mid to late 50s like for
God's sakes.
Did you not have gone outside and find found a homeless
woman?
You were in LA.
I'm pretty sure.
Well, no, you weren't in LA here, but no, they were they
were in they were probably in Nordic countries filming
this and so no, they were British Columbia.
British Columbia.

(01:18:07):
Oh, wow.
Okay, dude.
Did that whole area not look like Seattle to you?
Dude, I don't know.
It also kind of looked like Norway to okay, but yeah,
follow that line on the lines of latitude.
Okay.
Yeah, pretty much it.
It's pretty close.
I would I would think but if half your cast is Nordic then

(01:18:30):
you probably filmed in Norway.
That's usually how it goes.
We don't know are those times.
Yes.
I think that's mostly what we import.
Fair.
All right.
I mean, I know you grew up where you grew up, but I grew

(01:18:52):
up in North Dakota and North Dakota and Minnesota.
That's that's where they all settled.
Yeah, I was about to say, I mean, there's a reason that
I grew up thinking that I'm very very short and then when
I left that area of the country, I realized I'm really
not when I went to other places and they were like you're
tall and I'm like, no, I'm not like you're like six inches

(01:19:17):
taller than me and I'm like, yeah, but I'm also two feet
shorter than my last roommate when I left North Dakota.
I'm not tall.
I'm just not ridiculously short.
See, yes, when they meet that old crazy lady and her basic
point is seeker in the earth and beware the horns of battle.

(01:19:39):
She basically just set that up that whole scene just for
that.
It was a throwaway scene.
However, the performance from the crazy old lady was actually
really enjoyable.
She wasn't bad.
Yeah, I thought I thought it was interesting the interesting
choice to have her laying on her side for the entire thing
like like she's throwaway but not a throwaway performance.

(01:20:02):
Right?
Yeah, it was interesting for sure.
And I was trying to figure out too because like it was that
it was a little bit after this like because you know, like
I said, you were you were telling me to watch out for what
it was based off of and my guess was Beowulf because of
the names but I wasn't sure because I'd never read Beowulf.

(01:20:25):
It was about at this point in the movie as they're starting
to make their way to the the the the Wendell's encampment
that I'm starting to think.
Oh, wait a second.
Is this actually the seven samurai because that's a very
very seven samurai moment in this movie when they do that.
We're going to have to cover seven samurai.

(01:20:46):
You've mentioned that like six times on channel like we're
gonna have to go.
Yeah, you've mentioned it quite a few times surprisingly, but
kind of a yeah, I mean, it's been kind of remade.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean to to make two major films are remakes of it.
You've got the Magnificent Seven and Bugs Life both are

(01:21:07):
remakes of the seven samurai.
So tracking them is way too easy because they have absolutely
no fear of them.
And as we come up, I wish we could have got a closer look
at those bear skulls because bear skulls are really freaking
cool looking.
They just are.
They are freaky and and and dope.

(01:21:28):
Yes, that's true.
That is yes.
This moment like, okay, I know you.
They don't like they're not worried about you tracking them
and so like that, but don't you want to be like a little
bit of a surprise to them because the way the bull by is
like like where where is that cave?
Yes, and then you have that guy that has like that Robert

(01:21:52):
Redford meme moment that he's like, right?
Which I just want to go through and I want to turn that
into a meme and just battle the Robert Redford one every
time I see somebody do that.
I'm just going to like meet it with that one.
But then both of my turns like turns back around.
Is there a cave like really loud and it's like, okay,

(01:22:15):
everybody in Norway just heard you.
The sneak attacks getting into the cave.
What language do you think they were speaking?
That's a really good question.
When they kind of made sure that we didn't really pin down
who this was supposed to be, you know, they were all they

(01:22:38):
were covered entirely in body paint on top of everything
else.
We never get a good look at their faces.
We they basically when they pull the the bear heads off
and we see him for like two frames just long enough to
to clock that it's a human but nothing more than that.
So they really kind of I think they they really wanted to
kind of like non-specific these guys to see it say like

(01:23:01):
no, these aren't these aren't Mongols.
They're not other Nords there.
You know, they're just kind of this whole like isolated
anomaly tribe thing that only ever existed underground.
So yeah, I don't maybe they might have been a made-up
language for just for this movie to that regard because
they seem to be working really really hard to not identify

(01:23:22):
who the who these people were and I think that was the
right call.
Yeah, I think it was a good call keeping that a mystery.
Having to ditch the armor and then I was it the blackfish
from Game of Thrones that was the one who wouldn't yes,
it was it was.
Yeah, I write that that was pretty funny.

(01:23:43):
They paid that one off like immediately like he's telling
them like they're all taking their armor off because it
makes him too much noise.
The one guy refuses to take his armor off and literally
10 seconds later.
He clanks his armor against a rock and almost gets him
discovered and he's got to sit there and like go.
Sorry guys silently like yeah, that's why that's why you
follow orders bitch like but I it was I appreciated that

(01:24:08):
because once I realized what was going on.
I thought it was just so they could sneak silently.
None of the cave people wore metal at all.
So that sound if something would clank on that in any
way none of their weapons none of their armor none of
their clothing none of them had any metal so that would
have been a solid identifier that if they heard a metal

(01:24:29):
clam, it was an enemy as a dead dead giveaway.
Yeah, I didn't key in on that the first few times I
watched this movie when I was younger, but I caught that
this time and I appreciated that that was never mentioned
because I'm glad that I got to key in on something like
when it's thrown in your face.
You don't really get to like whatever when you key in

(01:24:51):
on it's like hey, I used to be really dumb.
Welcome to my life.
This was a great line for so many basically everybody
if you are a flat earther, you're an idiot, but this
line is for you and if you're not a flat earther, it's

(01:25:13):
just funny as shit.
But how deep in the earth are we deep enough to fall
out the bottom?
Yep.
That was I was like, oh god damn it.
They did think the earth was flat.
Ah, perfect.
That is a joke.
That is a joke.
That was so grounded in reality.
I loved it pieces.

(01:25:34):
I could not get I couldn't get enough of this.
The room of bones looked great.
That was really cool.
Yeah, and interestingly and it kind of and it that's
the interesting thing is that it kind of like it was
the first clue in as to their motivation because it's
like we're trying to figure out like why do they keep
taking the heads and now oh we found the heads all

(01:25:59):
of them right here at the meeting.
Yeah, they're they're all right here at the feet of
the giant statue version of tiny statue.
We've seen them carrying around and drop everywhere,
you know, and so I did like that.
Mm-hmm.
Like I really did like that the representation of
like the what would you call that?

(01:26:25):
An idol.
Oh, yeah, I guess.
Yeah, an idol to technically that would be an idol.
Yes.
Okay.
All right.
I couldn't find the word.
I'm still not totally satisfied with idle either,
but well, I think what threw me is that I have seen
that specific idol before I just could not remember
where like that was that was a specific shape that

(01:26:47):
that that specific idol was something that has been
dug up in the past.
I just could not remember what it was associated to
were you able to find?
No didn't look okay never got around to it.
Yeah.
Then scaling the waterfall and swimming to basically
swimming right up to finding the mother's guards and

(01:27:08):
that was great where like they just started attacking
the guards and they're like bovai go you got this
like we'll cover your back go do your thing.
I appreciate the trust or the warrior like between
the warriors in that that was very I really liked
that the fight with the mother.
No, no, no.
Going into that room and then seeing all the heads

(01:27:30):
hanging from like the roots or whatever.
Yeah, this wasn't PG-13.
No, yeah, you got the roots coming from who knows
what kind of plants or trees up top coming down
through the rocks.
You've got all the heads hanging on them of the recently
killed including first off.
We recognize our friend who we watch get beheaded a
few scenes back.
Holga.
Yeah, his head.

(01:27:51):
Yeah, we see his head hanging right there front and
center.
It's I mean, it's a very strange fruit moment, you
know from as the song goes so creepy as hell.
We've got all these freshly killed heads on there at
this moment.
I genuinely thought like with all of this.
I thought that there was going to be a bear in there.
I thought there was going to be an actual bear like

(01:28:13):
that was what was going on here was that these people
worship a bear and all these heads are them feeding
their their pet idle bear that they're keeping down
in the bottom of the of the thing.
I literally thought he was going to walk in there and
there would be an actual fucking grizzly bear.
He'd have to fight.
I was shocked when it was a 90 pound girl.
I

(01:28:36):
Oh, I can't tell you if I would have liked that or
hated that.
I honestly don't know.
Like I cannot tell you how that would have landed on
me.
But the original version and the book that is not a
young woman.
That is an old one and the original and when it was
originally shot apparently it was shot with the old

(01:28:58):
woman and that's what John and John McTiernan was
faithful to the to the book.
I'm correct here.
I read if I'm remembering what I read but when the
test screenings hated it Crichton brought in somebody
that he wanted younger and more viral but then it

(01:29:19):
became kind of a fight over whether it should
sexualized or something like that.
And it's like, no, just warrior.
Right.
I'm glad that it was not sexualized in any way.
But I think I also I think I also would have enjoyed
it being a very old woman because that would have
kind of it would have shown a little bit different
thing because having it just be a bunch of young

(01:29:40):
people is like how did this young girl get all of
these dudes just all of a sudden because like this
because how young she is this hasn't been going on
that long if it had been an old woman that would
have something like, okay, these guys have been
doing this for a very long time and it's kind of
scavenger scavenging and tell they had a big enough

(01:30:01):
army to really leash.
Yeah, I mean, I don't know having not seen it.
It's hard to say but I would imagine like part of
the issue would have been if it had been an old
woman who technically wasn't like able to to fight
back then it becomes like it becomes less of a,
you know, battle with the big bad and an execution
to and be an execution of an of an elderly woman.

(01:30:24):
Yeah.
And so that probably, you know, probably wasn't the
the hero moment anyone was hoping for and probably
took it down a notch for them.
I actually think that's that was one of the that
was one of the points what you just said was one
of the points that I read that they were talking
about.
So we got way to nail it on the head with that one
after killing the mother their Queen and then getting

(01:30:45):
poisoned they had deeper into the earth to escape
the oncoming horde the way the blackfish and I'm
just going to call him the blackfish because that's
what everybody knows him as just the way that he
decides to sit back and then fight and die and
right how much joy is in his eyes when he says
today was a day.

(01:31:10):
Was there a performance in this movie that fell
flat because I can't find one.
I mean none that come to mind maybe maybe maybe
maybe and that's a big maybe that's the thing is
like nothing there were there were no she didn't
have it.
She didn't have enough.
She didn't like her performance wasn't enough to
even say whether it fell flat or not.

(01:31:30):
Right.
Yeah, I mean I said there was no point in this
movie where I just kind of went like you could have
done better like like everyone everyone brought it
at least to what was needed for the scene for sure,
you know including you know, I thought the the
the king are our Beowulf.

(01:31:50):
I thought he was weirdly like for some for a movie
that was supposed to be based on Beowulf.
I thought there that he was surprisingly a supporting
character more of a supporting character in this
and not even like the main supporting character.
That's why I say this movie is kind of like more
of an embedded journalist and like who the hero

(01:32:11):
of the story is doesn't matter because he's not
the hero of our story.
Right and I think that's kind of was interesting
because that it was at that point like what that
we mentioned before where they're fighting off the
horde and telling him go ahead and go do the job
and he goes and and he kills the mother and gets
poisoned and then we have everything that comes

(01:32:33):
after that while he's basically fighting the end
of the war on his deathbed. That's when it kind of
all his role kind of comes clear in this, you know
where it's like, oh, okay.
I get I get where where he sits in this whole thing.
So I guess it was kind of I guess it was kind of
interesting that they didn't they didn't try to
overblow him up to that point when it's basically

(01:32:55):
like that's kind of the point of the story is seeing
him become the hero, you know, right throughout the
course of this.
He isn't the hero right away, you know. All right,
but again, I got to yeah, that's what I'm talking
about. Yeah, I would say any of the Nordic names.
They all just went right out of my head because

(01:33:16):
those are though.
I can't pronounce them.
I don't know what they mean.
Okay, that is I can give you that.
Okay.
No, I can see where you're coming from with all
that.
This is the moment where the stream disappears
under the rocks and they start saying we'll fight
two by two and we'll give the others a chance to
rest and we'll just fight till we die.

(01:33:37):
Which is my God.
They are in they are in a hell of a bottleneck there.
They could they could have they could have 300
that thing for like days.
I mean, come on that was not that hopeless of a
situation like and like I said, like we get to the
point where they're they dive under and like like
I said like that's all the anxieties like if if

(01:33:58):
it were me in that situation, I'd be like no,
I'm going to take my chances.
I'm going to stay here and try to clog this hole
with bodies instead.
I think my odds are better here.
You know what you got to go point because it
wouldn't take long for that to have been bottleneck
to a point where they couldn't do anything.
So yes, you know that that does make a good point.

(01:34:18):
However, that starts the clock.
That is that is also a good point.
Yes, the stream disappears and they go for that
swim. Now, this is what I was talking about earlier
on in the episode where strohoi and Banderas,
they are the last two to jump in the water.

(01:34:39):
Stroyhoi says that to Banderas if they don't
follow us, we know it's too far to swim and that
is almost his final words of his life.
That is that is crazy to me because him and Banderas
they go down and they're the last ones to go
through strohoi got lost behind and he wound up

(01:35:01):
hitting a wall in that like cave system that they
kind of created and Banderas drove back into the
water and then got strohoi and pulled him out to
the surface and you can go through you can look
up the interview like Banderas talking about like
he pulled him out of the water.
His like all the color was faded from him and
everything like he thought he was going to die

(01:35:21):
like and then the next three days strohoi
was on set but recovering.
Yeah, no.
Yeah.
No, like I like there's a there's a section of
one of the Tomb Raider video games where you have
to swim through an underwater a fully flooded
underwater cave and man that like I have that was

(01:35:43):
like that was a fucking video game where if you
die you come back and try again, but even that I
was white-knuckling it that the whole time because
that is all the anxieties right there.
That is that is good when it when a game can get
you that involved.
That's a really good game.
Yeah.
I really like that.
No, I've got I've got some severe issues with
Square Enix and how they do their interfaces, but

(01:36:06):
I got to admit the the the Tomb Raider reboot
trilogy was fucking good.
Not a clue.
So bull Vi they make it out.
They make it out.
So they make it out from the water.
They head back to the village.
They report the mother is dead.
But bull Vi is dying from that poison.
They say he won't make it to the night and I thought

(01:36:29):
this was a very good line.
A man might be thought wealthy someone were to
draw the stories of his deeds so that they may
be remembered and that is the whole damn point of
this movie.
Ahmed is writing the story of Beowulf.

(01:36:50):
Right.
That is essentially what this essential.
Why do I keep saying essentially?
Why do I keep doing that?
Essentially that is exactly what this story is.
It is just the embedded journalist and that and
those are some of my favorite movies.
So I think that's why I like this one.
Hmm.
Okay.
Like we're not trying to whoop up the bravery and

(01:37:12):
all this stuff of like no, this is a dude literally
watching all this and going.
Nice these guys are into some weird shit, but I like
them, you know, they're fun.
That's the thing like and then as he's coming out
destroy tells him that he needs to go get some
rest is like, I'm not tired.

(01:37:33):
He's like, it doesn't really matter because we
have another flight tonight.
And this is that point where the mist seems just
straight magical.
Oh rain, yeah, nothing middle of the day and all
of a sudden here comes a mist and yeah, see it.
But was the thing is like that I was kind of
expecting it to be kind of like, yeah, they're

(01:37:54):
going to attack tonight mist or no mist because
you just killed their mother.
They're going to throw caution to the wind and
come at your ass for this and so like and they
could have had that conversation, you know,
where you said like they're going to attack
tonight, even if there's no mist.
Yeah, even if there's no mist, we just really
pissed them off.
We're going to use this to our advantage because
they're going to come at us angry now.
So we're going to we're going to use their anger

(01:38:15):
against them.
That's how that's how we do good war.
But no instead the mist magically comes in right
when these guys are going to want to come get
their revenge.
I would have agreed with you on well, here's
like so yeah, here's the thing.
Like that's where it kind of turns into a little
bit more of a supernatural story where it's not
they take advantage of the mist.
It more seems like they caused the mist and that's

(01:38:36):
why I see what you're saying.
And okay.
Yeah, I see that.
And that is also that I don't like that either.
Yeah, that that does trash the story a little
bit.
And that's why like yeah, I agree.
What does it look like it would have been the
right way to go?
Yeah, the point of the story is to say that
Beowulf is actually the oral history legend of

(01:38:59):
this actual thing that this guy documented and
here's what actually happened.
There wasn't really a fire serpent.
That's just what the legends say.
It was actually a long trail of assholes with torches
very clever.
I like that.
Let's roll with that.
But if you're going to throw actual sorcery of
Oh and they could control the mist, but come on.
Come on.

(01:39:19):
So this is what sucks about the fact that you
never read Beowulf.
You don't know like you like it's it's a little
bit tougher.
So when I said that like Beowulf and Grendel they
go into that battle where they go underwater and
into the like into the earth.
This movie's final act basically went through a
good depiction of what that actually could have

(01:39:40):
represented.
Okay, Beowulf and Grendel actually battling in
the earth and then going into the water and all
of this stuff like and having emerged like that
this felt like it was an outstanding representation
of what that poem could have been right.
Yeah, okay.
And the poem isn't that long.
Maybe I check it out.
Then they're back at the village and they like I

(01:40:04):
said, they come for the attack and they're ready.
Beowulf they all think that he's about dead and
all that they start pumping up.
Ahmed gives a prayer in very traditional Muslim
style.
I don't know if they speak like if they speak like
that and actually pray out loud.
I have no idea.
I don't remember that but actually getting down to

(01:40:25):
the ground forehead to the dirt like yeah, no that
I like that.
Then Bolvi coming out from the castle whatever and
just giving the Viking prayer.
Like lo there I behold my father and right.

(01:40:48):
Yeah, dude that scene gives me goosebumps and I
love how like as is dwindling down to the very
end they cut like you hear four voices then you
hear three voices then you only hear one voice
because if you're going to end something like that
Antonio Banderas is voice saying forever was the

(01:41:10):
right call.
Yeah, because that was great.
I really love that having all music all sound
everything removed from that moment and just Antonio
saying forever.
That was a great moment.
Personal personally, I thought that was an outstanding
moment.
Yeah, okay.

(01:41:32):
It didn't hit me that hard, but I will I will not
poke holes in your enjoyment of it because it was
a good scene.
Yes, we are different people different people got
different things.
I this actually this actually was a very very like
when I was younger.
I didn't like it now that I'm older and I'm a little

(01:41:53):
more educated in this arena.
I like this even more when he hit that leader with
his broadsword and there was no blood.
There was no cut.
There was no nothing.
I hated that when I was younger.
That's real broadswords are not sharp broadswords
are meant to damage people through armor.
They're like meant to be hit by a sledgehammer that

(01:42:15):
has been swung ridiculously hard.
And if you have a sharp edge and you're hitting
somebody with armor, it's going to get dull very
quickly.
Okay, so broadswords aren't even meant to be so
are meant to be sharp.
They're meant to thank you and then like exactly
how the leader was killed at the end.

(01:42:36):
That is how broadswords are meant to be.
Okay.
Okay.
So the accuracy of that makes sense.
Great.
I love that.
I thought the accuracy of that was absolutely
outstanding.
Basically dying with his victory and sitting down
in the external throne for the king.

(01:42:57):
Right.
I thought that was a perfect.
I thought that was a perfect shot.
That was that was a good good way to go.
Yeah, I like that actor in particular.
He said the brutal conditions of filming at
that time of year in British Columbia was one
of the like how drained they all were how like

(01:43:19):
the physical and mental frustration that they
all went through.
They it was tort it was like he was like it was
torturous, but you could see it in the characters
and that is what made it so much better.
That's that's one of those things that I've
always felt for anyone doing any period piece
would like be it like Game of Thrones, especially

(01:43:42):
but like any of these like medieval style movies
and especially the war ones where like everything
is done in the fucking mud, you know, like I
haven't I haven't you know.
Lived in that difficult of a life, but I do have
a family that raises trees in Oregon.

(01:44:04):
So I know what it's like to try to walk through
mud and these poor motherfuckers are trying to
do stage fighting in the mud.
Oh, no way.
Sandals.
Yep.
In swords and sandals and try not to ram your
face into the camera because you're probably
because it'll break your face and then you'll
have to pay for the camera like, oh my God.

(01:44:26):
No, like I like that's that's one of the reasons
why I like some of the I tend to get taken out
of me.
Like I like the medieval stuff.
I do enjoy medieval movies, but more often than
not I get taken out of them because I'm just I
all of a sudden can't stop thinking about these
poor bastards trying to shoot this in that.

(01:44:46):
Put speed.
But okay.
Okay.
See you go you go with the shooting aspect.
I go with when I see that I like remember the
feel of the mud between my toes and I like remember
the feel of the extreme cold in North Dakota.
Like that pulls me into it even more.
So and that would make because I have the memory

(01:45:07):
of because I can because Jessica you were saying
like the memory of feeling once I go through the
mud and all that stuff.
I can remember that so I know exactly what that
actor is feeling in that moment and it pulls me in.
Yeah.
Okay.
So I guess I can see how that can go different
ways that very ending of this movie the sendoff

(01:45:27):
and the gratitude shown to one another the beautiful
tolerance and inclusion that like they should
the Vikings showed to the Arab and the way that
it was returned.
I never got tired of that.
And when he said like we're here from one God
maybe enough but here we need many I will pray

(01:45:50):
to them all for you.
Please do not be offended and his responses.
I'll be grateful or I'll be in your debt like just
because it's not your way of doing things you
ain't got to chop down somebody else for doing
something that they consider to be a kind thing
when it doesn't affect you in any way.
My prime example is the yeah, we slant like we

(01:46:13):
slam Christians and Christianity and stuff like
that on the channel a decent amount.
However, if somebody is like says they're going
to pray for me and stuff like that for my health
and everything like that.
I'm not going to look at them and scoff.
I'm still going to be thankful because that is
still somebody who is wishing me well in their

(01:46:33):
version of it.
Like so people who kind of knock like knock Christians
just for being Christians that to me I got a little
fuck you for people who are like that when you
knock a Christian for being a dick bag about it.
Yes, it does depend on the car all day long.
I will tell you.
Yeah.
And and yeah, and in also, I mean that's the thing

(01:46:58):
is like and granted I wasn't there.
I can't say for sure but that's thing is like to
a certain degree.
There was this sort of like vibe like where you
that separation was fine.
It where it was like, okay.
Yeah, we're Northmen.
These are our gods.
We're sure we're right, you know, and but even if
it's like the Arabs and the English they all have
their gods then there was never any like and I guess

(01:47:22):
it kind of depends, you know, again, I wasn't there
we're talking like 600 years ago, but from the
you know, the way somebody I don't think it was
actually like that.
I think they were like, no, my gods are right.
Just like everybody else.
The every religion on the planet.
I just like this representation of it.
Yeah, but also this it kind of was I mean when it

(01:47:44):
comes to like, you know, trying to generally wipe
out another religion or or or push your religion
and others that kind of kind of started with the
Crusades.
So I don't think so.
I know.
Well, I mean when was the Crusades?

(01:48:05):
1095 until and or it went from 1095 until 1291.
So final thoughts on 13th warrior doc.
Why don't you go ahead?
Final thoughts.
I mean, it was okay.
Like I said, people have been telling me for years
that I should see this and I kind of don't understand
why now that I've seen it.
It wasn't bad.

(01:48:26):
Like I said, now that I've heard some of the stories
of how nightmarish the production was I am surprised
it was as good as it is.
I wouldn't call this a must-see.
I'm kind of I'm a little bit flabbergasted why so
many people told me I had to see it because I don't
I don't see it.
It was okay.

(01:48:47):
Couldn't find anything like ruinous about it.
I don't get why the critics hated it so much.
Apparently but yeah, no I this was this was an okay
flick not a must-see.
If you and you know, if you like Antonio Banderas,
this is definitely, you know his film.
So it's a fun one.

(01:49:08):
Yeah, Antonio sure.
I'm not going to call this a must-see either.
If you're a Michael Crichton fan, this is definitely
one for you because this is Michael Crichton.
This is not Steven Spielberg doing Michael Crichton's
or a version of Michael Crichton's work or like that.
This is Michael Crichton.
This is not timeline where a director came through

(01:49:32):
and completely butchered his work.
This is Michael Crichton and that this is a Michael
Crichton directed parts of this film.
So when I say this is Michael Crichton, if you are a
fan of Crichton, check it out, but I don't feel like
I can call it a must-see even though the Viking

(01:49:53):
representation I feel is probably some of the best
that I've ever seen.
Okay, this is before Vikings and when you watch Vikings,
they don't even do it like this.
They're all like in Vikings.
They're all wearing the same fucking armor.
Like they all got it from a store.

(01:50:13):
The 13th warrior, all the Vikings, they're wearing armor
and using weaponry from all over the Eastern hemisphere.
Yeah, like that is so that is something that I really
appreciated a modern take on what could have been the

(01:50:33):
telling of Beowulf.
I thought that was a very clever thing, but just I'm
right there with you.
This is not a must-see.
I it is one of my favorites.
It is in my top 20 and I don't have to justify that in
any fucking way.
It's delightfully shit.
No, I wouldn't say so.

(01:50:54):
No, it is like the acting never misses every line.
I feel was pretty was delivered.
There was delivered well with the proper intention that
it was meant for seeing a collaboration of two directors
who were not collaborating and actually creating a film

(01:51:15):
that is not so disjointed that if you don't know that you
would never know.
Yeah, that's kind of impressive.
I would say that is impressive.
I'd say the editor is the real hero of this film.
Maybe maybe but I do know Michael Crichton was like they
were not satisfied with John McTarran's version.

(01:51:36):
So they even brought in a new composer for this film.
Wow, no when I because nowadays when you go through like
when you hear something has reshoots, it never works.
Never.
It's never good news.
No, no, it's not.
It has never been a good thing.
Just I don't know.

(01:52:00):
Maybe.
I don't know.
I just love period pieces that present themselves in a way
as though they could have been real.
I like that that I like.
Yeah, like this is a legend.
It's a myth.
We all know it.
It's completely fantastical and all this but what if?

(01:52:24):
I the guy who was talking to the burning bush in the desert.
What if he just walked across a bush that was on fire and
it just happened to be a crazy dude?
All the people he had just been wandering the desert for
40 days.
He might be a little bit off his rocker for sure.
Yeah, what about like in Roman times where people were talking

(01:52:45):
about they were running down the streets with their hands
on fire?
Sure.
This wasn't written by a guy who needed to be wearing glasses
and just saw a bunch of people running with torches.
Right.
Like there are things like that that just kind of crack me up
and when you have an under-educated hill person seeing

(01:53:07):
like a battle like this and stuff like that and they see
the fireworm coming through and they don't stick around to
find out that it's cavalry.
They hit the boat and they head to England like right.
Yeah, no like you can see how so like that could have actually
been a not a true story, but some version of a true story
and that is what the 13th warrior is for me and I always

(01:53:31):
enjoy movies like that.
So those are those are my final thoughts not a must-see,
but I do recommend it.
Okay.
Yep.
All right.
All right, and that's not me being cheesy.
That is an actual line from a song.
I'll take it.
All right.
I like cheese either like that's that's fine by me.
All right, and we're back with sneakers for part 2 of this

(01:53:54):
week's episode written and directed by Phil Alden Robinson
also written by Lawrence Lasker and Walter F Parks starring
and oh my God.
Hmm.
Right Robert Redford, Dan Aykroyd, Sydney Poitier, Ben
Kingsley, Mary McDonald, River Phoenix and David Straitharen

(01:54:18):
with Donald Logue, Time Winters, George Hearn and Earl Jones,
which James fucking Earl Jones.
Yep.
Kind of pops in there almost almost as a cameo not quite
a cameo a little bit more than a cameo, but man, he just pretty
much say it's a cameo.

(01:54:39):
Yeah.
Okay.
Like, yeah, but and in that cameo is actually my favorite
moment of the entire film.
It is.
Yeah, I can see that.
Yes, but back it up real quick though.
Did you say Donald Logue is in this?
Yes, he is.
How did I not know that I've seen this movie like four times

(01:55:02):
I did not spot him at all.
I love that dude.
How did I not spot?
The second I saw him.
I was like, wait a minute.
Isn't that and I like I pause it and I backed it up and I
call Kelly over.
I was like, hey,
that's the naughty vampire God from blade because we just
watched it early.
We watched blade earlier this week.

(01:55:23):
Okay, I was like, so who did he who did he play?
He was the professor.
That no.
Yeah.
See, I knew he was familiar, but for this whole time, I
thought he was like, what's his name from?
What is it?
From what is it?

(01:55:48):
Weird science.
I thought he was the dude from weird science the whole time.
Oh, I could see that.
No, I think this is that was Donna Logue without a beard.
Wow.
Not a common not a common sight.
No, I am.
I am ashamed of myself for not not catching that myself.

(01:56:11):
Wow.
Okay.
Go go.
Mr.
Logue.
All right.
So you'll be watching this again to go see that scene.
I'm sure.
Oh, I know what you're talking about.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, no, that's I know, but it's one thing to know it but
it's another thing to actually look at it and go him.
He's young.

(01:56:32):
Yeah.
Like it is it was a trip man.
So yeah, weird little preppy baby in this one.
Yeah, he was.
And I loved it without the beard that hair looks like a wig.
But now but now but now that I know it's Donna Logue.
I'm like, oh no, that's actually his hair.

(01:56:52):
Oh my God.
And teen Pro V commercial ready man.
He had it.
All right.
So opening on sneakers.
What I really enjoyed like it took me a moment to realize that
they were all anagrams as they were going through and I thought
that was a really good way to open them open the film, especially

(01:57:13):
with what that led to.
Right.
Yes.
Some of those the anagrams are pretty clever too.
I should have written them down.
I remember I remember chuckling to each one as they buy about
it too.
But then when I realized the cast list for this movie, I was
like, I'm going to have to be a little bit spare with my notes
because this can go for a long time when you got a cast like

(01:57:36):
this they throw everything into it.
Yeah, that's for sure.
But I mean at least they they didn't do the anagrams through
the entire opening credits.
They did it for the production company, the director and for
Robert Redford and then they stopped.
Thank God.
No, they did it for Sydney Poitier.
Did they do it for Poitier?
No, no, they just because then after that it was they were

(01:58:00):
basically doing the same anagram effect, but it wasn't
anagrammed.
It was just they were just doing each actor's name one at a
time with the letters disappearing and rearranging into
each one.
The only the last time the last time they did an actual
anagram before showing the name was just Robert Redford and
then after that they were just showing everybody's names.
Okay, I we don't have enough time for you to go back and

(01:58:24):
check.
I know that's what I'm really really really really really
really really struggling with not doing.
We open on December 1969 with Joe Marr as a young Cosmo and
Gary Hirschberger as a young bishop.
Yeah, pulling a full Robin Hood moment stealing from the
rich and giving to those in need which have you watched

(01:58:48):
the new season of the boys?
Yes, I have.
Yes.
Okay, basically the opening scene is that moment in season
for episode 6 where Huey is like stealing all the money
from Tech Night and giving it to Black Lives Matter and all
that right stealing money from I think it was Reagan and
giving it to the Black Panthers already or Nixon and giving

(01:59:11):
it to the Black Panther Party.
I yep.
Because these are these are these are see when I just saw
the boys so recently.
Yep.
Oh and that and that's a yeah, and it's a it I would like
to say that, you know every instance you've seen that in
TV and movies since started with, you know, sneakers.

(01:59:34):
They're all an homage to that but it's kind of one of those
given moment thing.
It's like as soon the day that banking became computerized.
We all knew that that was how it was going to go down, you
know, and that's basically it's the it's the 60s and these
you know, computer technology is basically a brand new
thing and what we have here is a pair of brash college

(01:59:56):
students who have learned how to hack and are just doing
it.
There's they're going into the banking system and they are
stealing money from Richard Nixon and from the the
Republican Party anybody that they don't like and they are
giving the money away to the charities and oh, that's right.

(02:00:18):
Yeah, no, it was they took Nixon's money and they were going
to give it to the United Negro College Fund and the black
or no party but it's Black Panthers.
Yeah, right.
Yeah, the blood.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Not not not just not just given not just taking money from
rich white guys and given to poor people.
They were taking it from rich conservatives and giving it

(02:00:41):
to the leftists.
They hated the most it was straight up not it was it was
not just a Robin Hood moment.
It is a spit in your face moment.
It was it was great.
Oh, it is and just talk about getting lucky Osmo gets busted
as Marty's out for pizza and like as he's getting arrested.

(02:01:03):
He's just screaming Marty's name and I'm like dude don't
scream his name.
Talk about a bad partner.
You got it.
You got it.
You go in on a heist like that or any kind of crimes like
that you kind of work it out.
Yeah, don't give me up that way.

(02:01:25):
And the only reason he could scream his name is because
because Martin is basically come around the back to try to
warn him by yelling through the window, but he's too late,
you know, they got him already.
And so that's you know, we you know, he's got to go on the
run.
But yeah, I think that's the interesting thing a little bit
of a forward spoiler here is how in some ways these guys

(02:01:50):
are inept.
This is not Ocean's 11.
We're watching a movie about break-in artists, but that is
like they are a ragtag band of misfits.
These guys are bad at lying.
They are bad at everything except whatever their one job
in the team is.
They kind of suck at everything else.
You know, it's funny is the filmmakers actually refer to

(02:02:11):
this as Ocean's 11 for nerds.
See that's really really bad because this was like a decade
before Ocean's 11.
No, do Ocean's 11 is a remake.
Oh, that's right.
That's right.
I forgot about that.
I forgot about that.
Okay.
No, so they were saying like this is a like the Ocean's like
the original Ocean's for 11 for nerds.

(02:02:34):
Right.
Okay.
No, you can't you can't do you can't you can't do the Clooney
Pit one with it.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, that doesn't work.
That was what I was thinking.
But that's what I was thinking of when I was thinking of
whenever we see these kind of heist movies.
They're usually all a bunch of like, you know, not only are
they good heisman, but they're also like totally cool.
Conmen on top of everything else.

(02:02:55):
These guys are not conmen like they are the opposite of conmen
like they know they're all wild so often.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, I really enjoyed that aspect.
But then we come to present day 1992 with Poitier Acroid
straight heron and Redford all in a surveillance van.
Now, I think this is probably where straight herons career

(02:03:18):
on basically.
This is this is this is the character that he kind of not
blind, but like the CIA character and everything like that
and the Jason Bourne films where he really a lot of people
kind of keyed in the first time.
Right.
The guy the guy at the desk as they say on in the Spider-Man
movies like he nails the guy at the desk role in all these

(02:03:41):
movies.
He's in the guy in the chair.
This is where the guy in the chair.
Thank you.
Yes, the guy in the chair.
He I knew there was something about that that didn't that
was that I was like, wait a minute.
That's right.
No, it's not.
Right.
Yeah, but yeah, no, he's he nails the guy in the chair
role.
And yeah, I think this was his first one.
And so yeah, I think you're right there.
I think he did a great job.

(02:04:02):
I mean, well, obviously everybody else thought he did
a great job too.
Like that's what he's been so many times since right.
Yeah, and it's weird to see how well he plays not a dink
because he was such a lovable dude in this and I am not
used to seeing him play lovable characters.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.

(02:04:23):
Yeah, so I would like to see like very very like government
Kill-Em-All type characters.
Yeah.
And then we've talked about like conspiracy theorists
and stuff like that on the channel.
Ackroyd's hyper conspiracy theory.
The CIA caused earthquakes and cattle mutilations are up
and I love that.
I love that is that dynamic.

(02:04:45):
Yeah, because Sydney.
Yeah, because Sydney pointy ace character is an X CIA agent.
And so you've got Dan Ackroyd's character who's a who's
a conspiracy nut just constantly going like, oh yeah, you
and I both know that you guys made that earthquake happen.
He's like, no, we didn't you freak and it's just it's a
great dynamic between between these two.

(02:05:06):
It was phenomenal.
I absolutely with you on that River Phoenix.
It took me a while.
What sorry it took me a while.
It was years later that I realized that there was a reason
why Dan Ackroyd's character's name is mother.
That is a conspiracy theory reference among conspiracy
theory among the conspiracy theorists.

(02:05:27):
It is believed that a lot of these CIA conspiracies were
headed up by a like high-level agent whose whose code name
was mother because he was the mother of all these projects
and that's what Ackroyd's character has named himself
after he calls himself mother after that mythical CIA agent.
I never would have caught that I never would have caught

(02:05:50):
that it took me 20 years to catch it.
River Phoenix the cat burglar and I'm so okay.
What may have been my biggest laugh in the movie if it
weren't for the how the how it ended would have been Redford
completely biffing it as he's going over the counter.

(02:06:11):
Right.
It looked like an outtake that they put in that they kept
in but yeah, they covered it in the next scene with him
standing up and going we're getting too old for this.
Yeah, it would have been better if they just left it alone.
You're right.
Yeah.
Yeah, that was incredible.
I was laughing way too hard about that and we get body
Elfman as the security guard and this is his theatrical

(02:06:34):
debut and he has had a career since I go check his IMDB out
IMDB out.
I am sure he has popped up in one of your favorite shows.
Hmm.
Well, yeah, you're a Twin Peaks guy, aren't you?
No, no, I watch like I think I've watched the first episode
of Twin Peaks and that's it.

(02:06:55):
Okay.
Well, he's in Twin Peaks the show and the movie.
Okay, which I haven't checked out either.
So I'm not sure like that's for saying how much do you want
when they get to the computer system and everything like
that?

(02:07:15):
They don't answer like I was like I was waiting to be like
one penny or a buck or something like but they didn't
even answer which gave me the impression that maybe they
actually stole a huge sum of money and then just gave them
back something because I was like because why not give us
the amount?

(02:07:36):
They did when they closed the account.
So they break in they get to the computers.
They edit an account and he says how much do you want they
immediately cut to him with drawing the cash.
She's counting it out 90 80,000 90,000 $100,000.
That was the answer to the question.
He just put it.
He took a zeroed out account added a hundred grand and then

(02:07:58):
came in the next day and said I'd like to close my account
which I'm sorry.
My brain did not let that connect.
Of all of these security issues that he could have had in
his report.
The first thing on that report is I went to your front desk
and said I would like to close my account of exactly $100,000

(02:08:19):
and your teller did not press a button or call a manager
or anything like that.
She just went and got the cashing of eggs.
What bank account on planet Earth has an exact zero dollar
amount in it?
I ask you how is that not the first fucking red flag?
It's a pretty big red flag that there is that.

(02:08:40):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I feel I'm feeling really dumb.
Or how much I miss but that is the point of the movie.
That is the point of this movie.
Yeah.
Completing the burglary and getting paid next to nil.

(02:09:02):
That clerk who wrote that check dude.
We do we see I forget do we see how much the check is for
Nope.
They don't they don't even tell.
Yeah, they don't tell us.
Okay.
Yeah, we just know it's not much because he says it's a
living and the clerk that type the checkout looks at it before

(02:09:23):
handing it to him and goes not much of a living, you know,
so we know they're not getting paid much.
We don't know exactly what you lady don't ever ever.
Oh my God.
That is that is pretty fucked up to do that is about the
most unprofessional thing now, apparently the filmmakers

(02:09:44):
like when they found out about the concept of sneakers
because that's what they're called in real life.
Like they have a few different names and stuff like that.
And I was watching the filmmakers discuss it.
But when he found out about about sneakers that like sure.
This is the moment of the film that I thought sneakers was
going to mean something different because as they're like

(02:10:06):
back at the back of the office in the NSA comes in and we
get to meet buddy and dick.
Oh wait.
No, his name is not dick.
I just called him.
Oh, no, his name is dick.
Right.
Yeah.
Do we meet buddy and dick and when they're coming in he
asked him he asked River he's like shoes the guy goes expensive.

(02:10:28):
So I thought that at some point later in the film he was
going to ask about somebody's shoes and it was going to
be like sneakers and then it was going to be like, well,
what is he doing like somebody who can't afford nice shoes?
Like I was I was so wrong about that.
It's kind of embarrassing.
Because again, I can see that though.

(02:10:48):
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, I like I went into this looking for way more and it
was just giving it right to me and I'm not used to that.
I think it's because I just came off the heels of the
illusionist and the prestige.
Right.
Yeah, I was going to say that but I was like, wait, we
haven't aired that episode yet.
So but but yeah, you're looking for the angle that wasn't

(02:11:13):
there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hanselmo like during this meeting with the the supposed
NSA and we find out later that these are former NSA
agents.
He hands him a wanted poster with his real name.
Now.
Whenever you have a character that says we're the good
guys.

(02:11:35):
That's way too hard of a cliche to tell the audience that
that is not the good guy.
That is about as obvious as a character eating an apple.
We know that's the bad guy.
But you know, the funny thing is is that was also very
indicative of government agents at that time whenever
we watched like in the in the 80s and 90s a lot of times

(02:11:58):
when reporters are asking like the press secretary or
the or the the defense secretary.
It's like you're saying that we're doing this and this
and this how can we justify this and and they're you know,
their answers usually were some version of like, well
we're the good guys.
So it's okay.
Justification.
Yeah.

(02:12:18):
Yeah, we it's nice.
It's not right.
So it's not that far out out of character for a government
agent to basically go like relax.
We're the good guys will only kill you if we have to.
Yeah.
Okay.
I will give you that.
So the NSA agents by the way played by Eddie Jones and
Timothy Busfield.
And yeah, they pin him down.

(02:12:41):
Well, they get him in a I can't get out of the situation
situation.
So, you know what that was done well, and I appreciate that.
And then they got and they basically lay it out for him.
They're like, we're the NSA.
We think this guy's got some tech that we don't want out
there, but we're the NSA not the FBI.
So we can't do anything about it.

(02:13:02):
It's an illegal job.
You're going to do it because if you don't we're going to
arrest you for the crime that you pulled back in the 60s
that you've been on the run from ever since simple as that.
Now the upside is is that if you do pull it off, we are
offering you $175,000.
So, you know, there's your stick.
Yeah, so many red flags there because like, wait, okay.

(02:13:26):
So if I don't do it, you're going to arrest me.
But if I do it I get rewarded.
Okay.
No, yeah, you're going to give me that much money out of
your illegal slush fund comes off here.
They're mad at him like his crew.
They're mad at him.
But one by one they're in and I gotta say like just Sydney

(02:13:48):
Poitier.
He was he was like rough and the straight man and hilarious
this entire movie.
Oh, yeah, no, he was the perfect.
Not foil.
He wasn't quite a foil because he had his own comedy going
on at the same time, but basically playing off of mainly

(02:14:11):
Redford most of the time, but occasionally acroid to while
still holding his own he kind of like to say he carried the
movie is a little much because everyone did hold their own
in this but man he really was kind of that sort of like
bound you that bounce around powerhouse for everybody else's
scenes, you know, now I will be I love I love how they did

(02:14:31):
like an act of full-on Domino fall on this where it's like
like River Phoenix is the first one to say I'm in any is
like, I don't care if you lied to me.
That's just the money sounds good.
I'm in and then and then mother it goes like well, I'm in
too if he's in, you know, and then and then potty is last
with the everybody else's in potty is last with God damn

(02:14:53):
it.
You're all Chuck lines.
If I don't come with you like great lines is a great line
and and the fact that like that is not a funny line.
It's a great line.
It's a good line.
It's a strong line.
The fact that he made it funny was incredible to me.
Yeah, that's true.
Very true.
That was that was good.

(02:15:14):
I got to say great great delivery with all of them including
the blind guy turning back to look at him when he says Liz.
I know right when you even got the blind dude turning around
to give you the look.

(02:15:35):
So he says so yeah, there he's got to go visit a college
campus to scope out the mark the target and they're like,
who do you want to come with you?
You want me to come with you?
Do you want mother to come with you and he goes no, I think
I'm going to ask Liz first time we hear her name and it
dead stops the entire team.
Everyone stops in their tracks and slow turns to look at him

(02:15:59):
of like really and and he has the audacity to look surprised
when they do it.
Yeah, and we never really really find out what went wrong
there, but I guess we never really need to know.
Yeah, I bet.
I mean, she's his ex and they fell out and apparently was

(02:16:20):
a big deal because they all know the history about it and
it seems like part of her reasoning it when they they meet
up again part of her reasoning is she literally says I don't
want to be a part of your little boys club anymore, which
you know suggests that perhaps like whatever was going on
in their relationship.
He was a little too married to his job for her taste.

(02:16:41):
And so, you know that was that seems to be at least part
of it.
If not, I can see that of it.
I can see that and that by the way Liz played by Mary McDonald
and I like when Redford walks into that piano practice and
he looks at her and then he's like, wait who's playing and
like like that look across his face and then he comes in

(02:17:03):
and he sees a little girl like sit next to her.
I because the tone of the music changes like she it looked
and yeah, even from the audience perspective.
It looks like she's playing the piano and then he walks
in she looks up at him and with her not moving at all the
tone of the music suddenly picks up pace and it is a very
strange moment and yeah, and then he walks up closer and

(02:17:26):
sees there's like a child sitting next to her playing the
piano practicing an absolutely unnecessary site gag for an
otherwise serious movie that somehow was perfect for this
movie.
That's actually one of the interesting things about this
movie is that this is for all intents and purposes a serious
drama that has all of these weird little comedic moments

(02:17:47):
just but just dropped in and very easily a kids movie played
by adults.
Yes, exactly.
Yes.
Yep, which is kind of wild.
This was that moment where I was like, oh my God, that's
Donald Logue.
I was like they're on like they're sitting in the audience
and I could I don't I honestly don't even remember what the

(02:18:08):
hell they were talking about because the entire time I was
like.
That's that's done.
I was so I was so distracted and even when they cut away.
I was like show me Donald again.
I need to see young Donald was completely distracted.
It was you know, it's fine because he wasn't saying

(02:18:30):
anything that made sense.
Anyway, that was the point is that he was going off on high
mathematics that that only that Liz understood but nobody
else did I was like I wasn't paying attention to red
ford and McDonald's scene like because I just was trying
to I was like show me Donald again.
That's what I don't I know.

(02:18:50):
I'm not here to see a movie about him.
But damn it right now.
That is all I care about.
George Hearn as Gregor and I gotta say like when he turns
around he goes is that Liz he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And she's dying to talk to you.
That was I know that one got a good chuckle out.

(02:19:12):
A lot of this movie got a good chuckle out of me.
Now.
And it's funny to sit there and think about the dinette
like you that 20 years that this guy has been on the run
since you know, being on the run from the FBI as a hacker
and now becoming a sneaker and there's a whole rich history

(02:19:35):
there because he's you know, he's been in and lost a
relationship with what is clearly a very like high-end
professor lady like she is like everybody in high academia
knows her and what is obviously an ex-russian spy who knows

(02:19:56):
them both who knows and respects and loves both of them
like like they he's literally openly saying to them.
He's like, isn't it crazy since the wall came down now.
I can just walk in here.
Yeah, no, like there's there's a lot of hints to a lot of
history of these characters, but we don't get all that much.
No, and it's kind of brilliant in that regard.

(02:20:18):
We get just enough to know what we need to know for the
course of the film.
Yep, then spying on Gunter played by Donna Logue.
I should have mentioned that and then his girlfriend just
freaking out about do the thing you did to me in Mexico City
and Reverend like I didn't know you could do that in Mexico

(02:20:39):
City and River Phoenix coming up being like, sir, can I
take a look at no and then Sydney coming up being like
hey, let me see.
Great exchange.
Yeah, great moment.
Yeah, phenomenal moments that were coming through and
discovering the answering machine.
I thought that was a great one because like they were

(02:21:01):
talking about the fact that there's an answering machine
and the blind guy in the back is the one who keys in on
it, which right?
How did he know there was an answering machine in that
video?
The beginning of the video they ask River Phoenix's
character to describe everything in the scene and so
good.
He tells him about the yeah, he's telling about the the

(02:21:22):
workshop and all the equipment there and he does tells
him about the computer and the plant and the desk lamp
and the answering machine and the box of pencils.
They're trying to suss out where the the thing they're
supposed to seal is and so yeah, he describes the whole
room to I don't know if he's describing it to everybody
or just Whistler, but he basically gives them a full map

(02:21:44):
of the room so that they can try to figure out where the
quote-unquote black box it is at and yeah, and then it's
Whistler who figures out that the the the answering
machine is the black box.
Okay.
All right.
Fair enough.
Fair enough.
Then they're breaking in and River with the boxes of
Drano and Redford with the cake.

(02:22:06):
That was great because one like the more I thought about
the scene the more I realized how well that was crafted
and so red and that's the only con man moment that they
pull off because it's all about yeah, the Redford comes
up first saying is there a cake behind here?
My wife was supposed to drop it off and then like there's
a honk outside.

(02:22:26):
He's like, oh there it is establishing that he is a guest
at a hotel at the hotel and everything like that then
with the argument between River and the clerk it Redford
comes back with the cake and he's waiting for there.
He's got all these distractions and he gets in and honestly.
There are many times I've seen that played out.

(02:22:48):
I feel like that was damn near the smoothest.
Yep, and really very believable.
So yeah, and it's all about like building up the anxiety
and then even, you know, Redford care Redford's characters
even throw in some of that, you know, entitlement of like
I belong here.
How dare you keep me out kind of thing, you know, and it

(02:23:09):
all yeah, but it is kind of it does kind of harken back
to a, you know, a simpler time when you know, like they
said in the paper a clipboard in a confident way will get
you in any building in America.
Well until you come up against 1992 is impossible to crack
technology electronic keypad electronic keypad doorknob

(02:23:36):
and I was like, uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
And then he just kicks the door open.
Yeah, I mean, we've seen that moment like a thousand times,
but I don't care.
It's always fun.
Yeah, I'm pretty I'm pretty sure it was here first.
Not a clue.
Just funny.
Just it always lands.

(02:23:58):
It almost I don't think it ever doesn't land like that.
It's just a good gag.
Yeah, I agree getting busted and saying that he's a PI for
Loge's non-existent wife and this whole scene with ackroyd
and pointy a and like I said, these guys are not conmen.

(02:24:21):
And so they could not have biffed this up anymore and yet
somehow still crawl their way out of it.
Yeah, where they're trying like they can't even do proper
improv here, let alone a con.
I know and they're sitting there.
They're like and they're just like continuously telling him
like tell her to give him head whenever he wants to give him

(02:24:42):
head give me he's like give him help whenever he needs.
They're not even being helpful about the end there.
They're trying to deliberately screw up the operation.
No, they're they're basically being God.
What was that that show with the four friends the prankster
show like where they would send one of them off to do something

(02:25:05):
crazy embarrassing and oh, I know what you're talking about,
but I have not I don't know the name of it either.
I don't basically this was basically this was the birth of that.
Oh God, that show is hilarious.
I am not a big fan of reality TV, but God, it was funny.
I have seen it almost entirely in oil whenever I'm oil changed

(02:25:30):
like whenever I whenever I go to get my oil changed and I'm
sitting and waiting in the lobby.
It's almost always that on the TV screen in the lobby.
I don't know why I don't know what it is about oil change
places that that's what it is, but that's basically the only
time and place I have ever seen that show not a bad one.
Not a bad one.
I mean, no, I mean, yeah, every time I go to the VA they have
like Circle gets a square like they're playing old game shows

(02:25:52):
from the 60s.
It's weird.
Like I like you guys realize that people kept serving right.
That's harsh.
That's harsh man.
The dance montage to what happened to Cosmo and what do
you do with the money that dance montage was actually really

(02:26:14):
fun.
Yeah, like everyone was happy to see this again.
Yeah, like that was fun.
I thought that was a good time.
What you would do with the money scene was what you would
do with the money scene was interesting because first of all,
like we're talking about 175 grand split five ways.

(02:26:35):
So, you know, we're talking like, oh shit, I used to be able
to do math in my head.
Oh, you're talking like like 40.
Yeah, no, it was a little more netted.
I think it's no.
Yeah, 40 by 40 would be 200.
So it'd be a little like 37.
Yeah, so so basically it's a year's pay, you know, in one

(02:26:59):
day.
So yeah, they're not thinking big right away.
You know, it's like the accrued says he wants to he wants to
win a bago so he can, you know, do his his conspiracy theory
because all conspiracy theorists live in Winnebago's for some
reason.
So he wants his and what I found especially hilarious is
that he says he wants his Winnebago to have a waterbed in

(02:27:20):
it, which my God a Winnebago with a waterbed in it.
I cannot think of a bigger disaster in life than that.
I would be terrible.
But then yeah, yeah, but even you know, Cindy Poitier is like,
I want to travel Europe with my wife.
We've never been to Europe together.
So we're going to do that.
And then we get into the weird stuff.

(02:27:41):
That's when it's like Whistler says he wants peace on Earth.
It's like, dude, we all want peace on Earth.
What are you going to do with your 30 grand that you can
throw away?
Come on, you know, and and then the kid, you know, the kid
River Phoenix.
He says, I just want to have a meaningful relationship like
what you have with Liz and there and that's like an uncomfortable
moment of this like they don't have a relationship anymore kid

(02:28:05):
chill, you know, and also again, we're only getting 30 grand
here, you know, you're not going to be the Sultan of Brunei.
You're not going to be able to pick a chick calm down, you
know, which yeah.
So that's where they take the Sea Tech astronomy and

(02:28:28):
they're playing Scrabble than they did and they figure out
that it's an anagram.
I will say for all the for like the three or four anagrams
that they do come up with cooties rat semen had me scream
laughing.
That killed me that completely took me out, but it went from

(02:28:48):
Sea Tech astronomy to too many secrets and they figure out
that it's a code breaker master key and pointy a is rightfully
freaking because because because Whistler is just he's just
fooling around with it.
Like the party's winding down everyone's playing Scrabble
but him and so he just decides to take a look at this thing.

(02:29:09):
They just stole and fiddle with it.
See what it does and holy shit.
He finds he finds some shit and he figures out pretty quick
what it does.
Yeah, it is the it is the master key exactly what I said.
Yep.
Like I said, Portia is freaking out because he says there's

(02:29:30):
not a government on this planet that would not kill everyone
in this room for this and he is correct and throughout the
course of the night nothing happens and then they head off
to the handoff.
And yeah, this scene was a little problematic because weird.
Yeah, he reaches for the gun then shoots at him in broad

(02:29:54):
daylight, but he doesn't but he like lets him go all the way
to the car before shooting at him.
That was a very weird decision for that.
And I don't know how the filmmakers justified that at all.
That was it was it was over quick.
I think is what they were hoping because they we went immediately
to us not quite a car chase more.

(02:30:17):
Yeah, like more like a car runaway, you know, and then they
go from there to the the government the federal building
that he met them in only to find that it has been demolished
and they immediately follow that up with finding right because
it had been said it had been set for to be demolished for

(02:30:38):
a while and it used to be an NSA building for like five, but
it was a vacated two years or no, it was that's the thing.
It's like it wasn't even ever NSA building.
It was the Department of Agriculture had.
Oh, that's what it was.
And okay, so it was a government building, right?
Okay, Department of Agriculture and they said that and they

(02:30:58):
and that was one of the things that River Phoenix is like
shouting about he's just he says like the NSA is never even
had an office in San Francisco.
They've always been in LA like that's one of the things he
shouts that they literally if they had done a little bit of
a talk, okay, hold on.
Are we really going to say that there is no clandestine or
black site for communications for the NSA like are we really

(02:31:21):
going to say that every location for the NSA is found in
yellow pages?
Come on in this movie.
Apparently they wanted to yes, they want they want it.
They wanted to point out how bloody obvious it was that
these guys weren't NSA.
They should have known from the from the get-go there.
This is basically them were rattling off all the reasons
why they're idiots that they shouldn't have fallen.

(02:31:42):
But see that didn't seem like an idiot like an idiotic
thing for anybody on the crew other than River Phoenix to
me like this the the secret administration that does like
pull stuff and surveillance and has all these secrets.
They didn't listen to yellow pages.
I just kind of figured everybody there was just like,
okay kid like all right.

(02:32:03):
All right.
I suppose that's possible because they don't react to it.
He's just sort of sitting there shouting by himself in that
scene.
So yeah, that's I kind of figured that was one of those
moments where all the old guys are like, all right kid go
get a cookie.
We'll we'll handle this.
The full panic of leaving their headquarters and ditching

(02:32:24):
everything and heading to that concert to snag Gregor.
He swears by his innocence and then does the you must
trust me thing, which is definitely always I'm the bad
guy language not in this movie. No, that's the crazy thing.
We find out in in a pretty pretty insane way that no

(02:32:45):
actually Gregor was maybe not.
I mean he might be on their side guy not a but not a good
guy, but he was on their side.
Right.
Yeah, he did.
He probably definitely genuinely wanted to protect Bishop
for this one.
Yeah.
Yeah, that wasn't getting pulled over by the cops and
having that murder staged and that thing.

(02:33:08):
Yeah, buddy.
My single biggest surprise for this was Ben Kingsley.
With hair.
Yep.
Yep.
Just appearing out of the darkness with a Bronx accent.
A very very strange Bronx accent.

(02:33:28):
But I seriously though Ben Kingsley with hair is probably
the biggest shock not just Ben Kingsley and Kingsley with
hair.
It has been a ponytail.
It didn't just have hair.
He had a little ponytail back there.
Yeah, see I didn't know Ben Kingsley had hair in the 90s.
I thought he left that in the 80s.

(02:33:49):
Like that was that was a kind of a shock for me.
And then finding out that Cosmo helped the Mafia and they
got him out of prison and that's when he faked his death
and finding out that Cosmo wants to crash the entire system.
No more rich people.
No more poor people just people being equal and wouldn't
that be a utopia and huh?

(02:34:11):
Yeah, let's let's get rid of everything that generations
of families have spent like years scraping by a nickel
a week and everything like that and let's see them not react
to that.
And that's and that's a weird one because like that's the
thing is like Cosmo was a hard character to pin down because

(02:34:31):
he like, okay.
Yeah, he's saying this stuff but also at the same time the
dude has been working for the Mafia for the last 20 years
or last 10 15 years.
However, whenever it was they got him out of prison.
Oh do like I he was going too far like there's like there's
doing something and then they're going too far crashing

(02:34:53):
the entire system is going too far.
But that's the thing is like we don't really know for sure
of how much that he's serious about how much of that is he
really saying no, I'm continuing the fight that we started
back in the day and just kind of gone crazy and too far on
it versus how much of him how much of that is just him
playing Robert Redford's characters to just kind of let

(02:35:15):
him know.
Hey, you're in over your head buddy.
So you can either join me or you can fuck off.
It's your call.
Well, like I said, this is a kids movie.
So I think it is the latter.
Okay.
Because you can quite literally when Redford is on a ladder.
He gets away by just walking away.

(02:35:37):
That's that's kids.
Just get this stuff.
That is that is a surprisingly nonviolent approach to a movie
such as this.
Yes, that's true.
Yeah, I know it's funny.
I had never really thought about this as a kids movie,
but now that you point that out now, it's all of a sudden
hitting me like, oh, yeah, I'm going to be a kid.
Oh, yeah, this was a this was a really PG movie for what

(02:36:00):
subject matter was I had that had never occurred to me before.
Oh, I would totally take this as like a 90s preteen movie.
Huh?
Okay.
Like, I mean, oh my God, the final scene, especially that
is.
Oh my God 90s kid movie.
That's a very good point.

(02:36:20):
You got a good point there.
Okay.
Yeah, but then because I was a teenager when it came out, I
just didn't notice it because it was made for you.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
The question when Rob when Redford asked him is like he
haven't gone crazy on me and he's like who else will change
the world?
It's like I have gone crazy on you.

(02:36:41):
Right?
Yeah.
Great deliveries man, like really good deliveries.
Like I'm really like the more I key in on Robert Redford
from like back in the 80s is like that really understand
the whole conversation for decades that Brad Pitt is the
next was the next Robert.
Oh sure.
Yeah.
Yeah, completely was like and he ran with that.

(02:37:05):
Totally did.
Yep.
Showing up to Liz's and apologizing and I felt like the
apology was kind of like that was a nice moment.
It was a good it was kind of a sweet thing, but they didn't
go too far with it and I like that and then immediately
taking over her entire apartment.
Oh from this moment on all we do is feel sorry for Liz.

(02:37:28):
Cuz my god really hurry.
Yeah, I mean she like it like and you kind of sit there
and go like, oh this this is probably why she broke up
with him last time is because shit like this was probably
happening all that's the boys club shit.
Yeah, her her apartment.
Yeah, they got turned into a clubhouse.
Oh, yep.
I kind of see it calling the NSA with that relay and I love

(02:37:54):
that straight hair and like these boys have never seen
nothing like this and then they track it like basically
immediately and he's like, okay, what?
Yeah, I thought that was I thought I had a lot of fun
with that.
It's like, yeah, you probably think that that you've been
sitting there with your little computer equipment in your

(02:38:15):
little shutaway room, but while you've been doing this every
day their craps getting better like yeah, like that's that's
the interesting thing.
They don't bring up is the fact that DARPA has existed for
like 20 years by this time.
All right, so, you know slow your roll folks.
You don't know shit, right?

(02:38:35):
I retracking his trunk ride and the swans sound like a
cocktail party.
I couldn't stop laughing about that.
The more I thought about it, the more I was laughing.
I was like, oh my God, this joke doesn't this joke doesn't
stop.
It keeps going the more you think about it.

(02:38:55):
The whole time that they're in the scene talking about it.
You can hear those swans quacking in the background and
you're like, oh my God, it is and I actually wondered about
that too.
Like this viewing because knowing it was coming and stuff
like that.
I wondered if to really sell it if they actually mixed in
some actual like cocktail party background noise in with
the swans just to sell it.

(02:39:16):
I don't think they did.
I think they actually were just I think was just swan
sounds and it's just like yeah, when you get a hundred
swans all talking it does kind of sound like a bunch of
people chattering.
It's you never noticed it before but yeah, it's weird.
Well, I've never been around a big group of swans.
I'm from North Dakota.
I got Canadian geese.

(02:39:37):
They don't sound like that.
It sounds like a traffic jam.
The blind guy coming in with all the skills on retracing
all that recreating the sounds of the bridge and all of
like narrowing down the bridge all like I thought that
was a very good thing.
I really enjoyed that scene because let's go ahead and

(02:40:00):
basically talk about the power of neurodivergence.
Mm-hmm. Yep, because he was not just blind.
Like no, yeah, I see your point.
Yep.
No, because he had the details of everything down.
Yep.
He had everything stored away.
He had access to all these things like that was like

(02:40:22):
neurodivergent OCD.
Like there was something more.
He was not just blind because yeah, yes, blind people may
hear better smell like stronger but not but not all
blind people have a yeah, not all blind people have a
cache of bridge noises that they can play on demand to
go to sound like this does sound like this.

(02:40:45):
Figuring out how to get access to Cosmos neighboring
office was really fun because
Steven tablaski.
Leading us into one of like an out of nowhere guest
appearance, which I'm sorry poor poor Leroy Brown.

(02:41:06):
I felt bad for the song man.
I was hurting me.
I like that song.
It is a good and that's why it's popular karaoke.
It hurt though.
Everybody likes that song that it is they do that is
true.

(02:41:26):
Liz coming in a great start to getting all of those
words.
She's like, where do you want to travel to?
Like, how do you say your name?
Right.
Yeah.
And like why like it's kind of hard to feel for this
guy like you feel you still feel for Liz on this one
because even though she's coming into honey pot this
guy, which is just a shit move to do a poor innocent

(02:41:47):
dude, but right out of the gate.
This guy is doing everything wrong.
So you you quickly just feel sorry for Liz again.
Like after all the shit that she's been through and
the fact that she's being pushed into doing this fake
date to get this guy's voice code password.
Like this guy right out of the gate is such a shit

(02:42:08):
date that even though she is the villain in this
scene, you still feel sorry for her.
Yeah, he's a shit date, but I I almost want to go a
step further and say he's like Predator light because
only as a phone in their bedroom.

(02:42:35):
That is a very good point.
That is a very good point branded.
I was alive all through the 90s and I did have a phone
in my bedroom when I was a teenager, but it wasn't
the only phone in the house phone.
Right.
Exactly.
Yes.
No, that was I was like when she's like, I use your
phone.
He's like, yeah, it's in the bedroom and I'm like,

(02:42:56):
oh Liz, you're not going to say can I use a different
phone?
Maybe you don't have one.
You don't have one in the kitchen like every other
household in America.
Okay, so it's only in the bedroom.
All right.
Can I use our bathroom?
Because clearly like something's weird here.

(02:43:17):
Yeah, coaxing him into saying the word passport.
And even Kelly was like, okay, that was a smooth line.
He's like, would you like to get breakfast with me?
Now my and he's like that was smooth.

(02:43:44):
And I'm like, no, it was not.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
that is how that would go.
If I tried something like that, no, that ain't smooth.
That is like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no that but
of course, my next note your fourth date, not your first.

(02:44:05):
Well, my next note is literally.
Mr.
Werner, you breakfast champion probably the dumbest
note I've ever put down for the show.
But I was having too much fun with that one.
Then you have River Phoenix going into the building and

(02:44:30):
you have Dan Ackroyd acting as River Phoenix outside.
Yeah, because they had the same body type.
Right.
Yeah, that was pretty funny.
You got because the idea is that he's going to sneak in and
he's and he's dressed like a gardener, but also like a big
red, you know, I think it was.
I think it was a New York Knicks hat or something like that.
Oh, no, it was just like everybody with the the landscapers.

(02:44:52):
They all have red hats.
That was the landscape.
Okay.
Yeah, I feel like it was a baseball hat for some reason.
But yeah, probably the idea was that he the idea is that he
was supposed to like look specific so that when the guards
are it's going wait a second.
Why hasn't the guy come out of the bathroom and then he would
see Dan Ackroyd outside dressed exactly the same and he
wouldn't think that's another gardener.

(02:45:13):
That is the gardener that I that I've been looking for.
He's actually got got outside already, which yes to think
that we're talking about River Phoenix and Dan Ackroyd.
Yeah, how would you basically like Timothy Chalamet and
Russell Crowe right now playing body doubles for each other?
It wouldn't work.

(02:45:34):
Yeah, that actually is basically exactly like that.
Now that I think about it.
The toy dog that the whole point of it like obeys commands
like walk forward play dead all that right and then knocking
over Liz's purse and she'd been giving him the name Doris

(02:45:58):
and this is where he finds her real name and him showing up
in the bedroom door like I was like literally you could not
have given more of a predator vibe.
It was right there and the movie just kind of never addressed
it and I'm like, okay, this is a kids movie.

(02:46:20):
There's no way if this movie was not made for kids.
Nothing about that would have been like no no line of dialogue
in any way at all about that.
That's where like things like that kind of kept locking this
in then when I went to go check out some reviews afterwards
a lot of people like every review was when I was a kid.

(02:46:43):
This was my favorite movie.
See and that that idea and and this thing is like even in my
head.
I'm like remembering seeing the trailers on TV.
It was not marketed as a kids movie that I can remember.
It was marketed as as a bit of a comedy but like at no point
did I ever get kids movie vibe.
Well, I think it's like it's a comedy that you could take a

(02:47:03):
kid to.
I think this is really really what I should be saying.
You could call it.
Yeah, you could call it a family movie.
This is something that that yeah, the family could could
watch on a whole.
That's a good way to go not a kids movie a family movie.
That is okay.
I'll take that step back.
Marty hides in the ceiling and this whole sequence as he

(02:47:25):
breaks in he has to move at two inches per second and I
kept trying to think about those like what is two inches
per second like how I was trying to think about is it
that slow?
Two inches per second.
I mean, it's not slow slower than normal.
Yeah, it's definitely slower than a normal walking pace,

(02:47:45):
but it doesn't feel that slow.
Yeah, it doesn't like I kind of like I wanted to kind of
extrapolate that at some point and I probably should someone
calling it f-busters.
Yeah.
Yeah, there you go.
But yeah, so he has to go at like two inches per second
and he's really moving slow and Poitier jumps on.
He's like you're going to want to hurry and like reference

(02:48:06):
faces like well, let's not let's not forget.
He's moving two inches per second in a room where the room
temperature has been raised to 98 and a half degrees to
match his body temperature.
So it's a it's a hot slow move.
Yeah, not a great day to be to be read for it.
However, they definitely didn't actually crank the heat

(02:48:28):
during like that.
They didn't even make him look that sweaty.
No, that's true.
Yeah, he was surprisingly dry for that for that scene.
That is true.
Yeah, you can't you can't make Robert Redford look sweaty.
No, no, the ladies won't dig that.
Which I know what what idiot thought that up the Marty

(02:48:49):
hides in the ceiling when they come back and the way that
Cosmo catches her.
Wow, he did not see the world going the way that it went
because computers are not that good at matching people.
I know right.
She said she after the whole debacle.
She says that's the last time I'm doing computer dating

(02:49:10):
and Cosmo stops and what you're telling me a computer
matched her with him.
Nah, that ain't right.
Something's up and wow.
Yeah, here we are 30 years later and we're like, oh no.
Yeah, that happens all the fucking time.
Oh, yeah, that is a match.
Don't like 96% and they have literally nothing in common.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, that is that is a decently common thing.

(02:49:32):
Then that face off you always had to win and then Cosmo's
like I never got the girl until now and I'm like, okay,
there was never anything established that they were ever
having problems with girls or anything like that.
No didn't need that line in there.
That was just because there's a woman and that is the only

(02:49:52):
reason that line was in there.
River drops from the ceiling shouting Geronimo and he shouted
Geronimo so poorly that if I didn't have the subtitles on
I would not have known he said Geronimo and what a date
I didn't I didn't have the subtitles on for this one ever

(02:50:16):
and anytime I've seen this and I have never known until
you just told me that that was what he shouted.
I always thought it was just the whole time because that's
what it sounds like out that he yeah, because he's throwing
himself through the ceiling tiles to jump on these guys.
And yeah, it just sounds like a weird war cry.
But yeah, you're telling me that according to the subtitles
he yells Geronimo I call bullshit.

(02:50:38):
I don't think that's true.
Yeah, no either he was supposed to or somebody after the
fact was having fun with it.
But no, he does not say Geronimo.
He goes yeah, that's it.
Yeah, like no.
Poitier and Ackroyd get busted and this is why this moment

(02:51:01):
in the film was so out of place and but and I when that
guy calls Poitier midnight.
That just I get that stuff like that happens.
I get that like in the real world racism pops up out of

(02:51:22):
nowhere and it doesn't necessarily come from a place
like it can hit like that.
Holy shit.
Did I not feel like that fit this movie?
It was it was kind of a weird out of nowhere thing.
And it seemed like they put it there just to set up
Portia's line later when he said what he says to when

(02:51:45):
he says to Ackroyd did I ever tell you why they kicked
me out of the CIA because of my temper and then that's
when he beats up the two rent a cops or or mob or mob
enforcers, whoever they are.
Whatever they are.
It's never made.
It's never really made clear as to what their exact role
was, you know, but it's like it's like, yeah, that was
never necessary because it was kind of all already set

(02:52:06):
up where they're gonna they they need to get away from
these guys because they got guns pointed at him for
starters and they're about to get distracted by the
fact that the blind guy is driving a car and so you
don't need to have a whole like by the way, I'm about
to lose my temper because this guy used a racist epithet
at me.
So brace yourself like no didn't need any of that didn't

(02:52:29):
need any of that.
Yeah, it but there wasn't much else going on with
Portia's character outside of that.
So maybe it was just kind of maybe they wanted to
throw him a bone to give him a little little extra
dimension, you know, I mean the fact that you got to
throw the black guy a racist bone to give him more
character that there are other ways that that could

(02:52:50):
have gone and like I said, like it didn't feel like
it matched this movie.
No, I see your point there.
Yeah, like and I mean, obviously it made me uncomfortable
as hell.
That is not something that I like I was very much
enjoying a lot of aspects of this and all of a sudden
BAM racism even the bad guys weren't even really that

(02:53:10):
bad were more like kind of third act Hudson Hawk bad
guys. They weren't even really.
Yeah, they weren't even really that bad and then all
of a sudden you get something like that tossed in
there.
But like, I don't know.
I don't know why it was in there.
Like what you just said may exactly be it.

(02:53:31):
The blind man driving was a great scene and it actually
and it was it was filmed actually I felt like it was
actually somewhat realistic how much he was jumped
like bouncing around the ends out of there how much
the things that he was hitting because a lot of other
times I know we would have like magically not hit something

(02:53:51):
like no he had right.
Yeah, and we and we as the audience are also kind of
like worried like every time he hits a bump the audience
doesn't see it coming.
So we're just as surprised as Whistler is when he was
like, oh, what did I just hit, you know, and as he's
going along the only precursor we get is when he's
about to hit those two parked cars and you got rock
and you got Redford on the roof trying to direct him

(02:54:12):
going like a little of the right.
Oh, no, my right.
I mean, never mind.
And then we see him hit the cars and that's the only
time we get to see ahead of time what he's about to
hit everything else.
We're all just as shocked and jarred as Whistler is
through the whole thing.
It really really really well done right up to the very
end to where he's like, all right five more seconds
and then stop and Whistler just banks right into the

(02:54:34):
wall.
Agreed.
Loved it.
Yeah, the faceoff between Kingsley and Redford.
If it wasn't for Kingsley's goofy accent, I probably
would have loved the hell out of the scene way more
but I got pretty it was weird.
Yeah, I think that was a tough one for me and his

(02:54:55):
ponytail.
Just that one got me like it was very Cosmos a
complicated character man.
He's a real cut.
He's a complicated dude.
I did like that line where I was talking about you
worked for organized crime like let's be honest.
They're not that work.
I thought that was right.
Yeah, I thought that was like that was a good line.
It was a good get-away.

(02:55:16):
And what's the thing and he even shows to he's like,
let me show you like he's like, here's what I did
for them for the last 20 years that entire that
changed their organization entirely and basically made
me King and he shows him what he did and what did he
do a fucking spreadsheet.
That's what he did for the mob that made him the
number one guy.

(02:55:39):
Can't tell me the same like a halfway kid movie.
I mean it was the 90s man.
That was magic to us back then.
I oh God.
Oh, that's hard to view it in that light because this
is like the same year that like a blank check came

(02:56:01):
out.
Yeah, no, I think they I think you're right.
Yeah.
No, so and and then we talked about this earlier
that like that getaway like the way that Redford
gets away from the situation is he just says he
just walks away and he just gets away.
It's like dude.

(02:56:22):
Stop him because it because Kingsley opened the
open the recorder before Redford could have even
got off that ladder.
I think yeah, but I think that's kind of the point
is like that like again Cosmos a complicated person
for all the shit.
He can't be the one to pull the trigger that like
we even see it before he's he's like I can't kill
my friend and he turns the goons he goes, please

(02:56:43):
kill my friend and walks out of the room because
he doesn't even want to watch it happen like for
all the shit this guy is doing and wanting to do
and willing to do the one thing he can't do is
actually pull the trigger.
That is true.
Still he's still Cosmo, you know, pretty pretty
impotent villain.
Yeah, then we get our ending with and find out

(02:57:03):
that Mr. Abbott was James Earl Jones and here is
my favorite and my favorite moment of this.
When Robert Redford is just talking to him and he
kind of turns around and James Earl Jones and
like they're given their demands and right Jones
is like shouts go and just you see Redford's

(02:57:24):
like like he's kind of freaks out.
I don't think Redford was ready for that.
I don't think he knew he was going to screw.
He was going to shout like that.
Yep, that was my personal favorite.
Actually.
My two favorite moments of this film when Redford

(02:57:45):
biffs it going over the counter, which I'm pretty
sure was a blooper and this moment that I'm pretty
sure was also basically a blooper like this is
like when you get incredible actors together that
can do something like that and then keep the scene
going without breaking that is like that is a really
great thing.
I really enjoy that.

(02:58:08):
So as our demands go straight Aaron wants or no
no no acroid wants to win a bag.
Oh, yeah, they basically ask for what they in the
scene before when they said what are you going to
do with the money?
That's what they they make their demands to the
real NSA now, but I love that because when not
Poitier is going through all the places and the

(02:58:28):
reference like Ante Hedy's like Ante Hedy and Joe's
like he's not in Europe.
Right?
There were there were some severely amazing moments
of this film.
And River just wants Amy Benedict's phone number.

(02:58:49):
The young the young lady with the Uzi there is she
single.
That's that's it.
That is it.
I think that is one of my favorite lines in movie
history is the young lady with the Uzi there is she
single like I think I may have actually said that
in real life once when I would I thought I had the
chance.
You have never met somebody with an Uzi what no

(02:59:13):
Halloween happens.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
Oh, yeah.
All right.
I was like because I've never even met somebody
with an Uzi.
I don't even think she had an Uzi in that scene.
Did she I don't oh crap.
I didn't even bother to look.
I was just trying to figure out who she was and I'm
like, okay, I recognize her but I don't know her

(02:59:37):
and who yeah, I remember thinking she was familiar
to who was she again, Amy Benedict.
She was in some Star Trek shows.
She was I mean you can check her ING.
She is one of those consistently working actors
like soap operas all this stuff and she's been
going for decades.

(02:59:57):
She just never reached that full on acclaim but
she like just like she's in this movie.
She is in a bunch of stuff that very well known.
Okay, cool.
I'm gonna say oh wait, wait, wait.
Nope.
My final thing straight hair and wants peace and
goodwill towards men.

(03:00:18):
And what is James O Jones say?
We're the government.
We are the United States government.
We don't do that sort of thing.
Yes, it doesn't just say that with the government.
We're the United States government.
We don't do that sort of thing outstanding.
Absolutely outstanding.
And then we find out that they kept the master code
and the RNC is now bankrupt and all these charities

(03:00:41):
have been fully funded and Greenpeace and United
Negro College Fund and one other I can't remember.
Yeah, and it's great too because we basically end
with the news report, you know, they are the
Republican National Committee is bankrupt.
They said the money was there last week and they
just don't know where it went in other news.

(03:01:02):
These other organizations have are flush with
cash like the the glee on the reporters face where
he's sitting there going like, oh, we know what
happened.
We can't say but we know and fuck.
We love it because fuck the RNC.
All right, so you know, what's more funny is the

(03:01:24):
fact that was even more funny is the fact that
now in 2024 we actually do have something similar
happening.
The RNC is also going bankrupt and they also
don't know where the money is going and we all
know where it's going.
Yeah, we all know exactly where the money went.
Are you kidding me here?
All right.
Yep.
So I'm not going to put this on the must-see list

(03:01:47):
but I am going to put this on the highly recommended
list.
Okay, you see I'm I'm torn because that yeah, we
like going through this again for the first time
in I think maybe was maybe 10 years ago was the
last time I saw this, you know and and looking at
it with a little bit more critical eye.
There are a lot of issues there that I would say

(03:02:09):
maybe this this is one that that should remain in
the past but man.
I do I do still feel like in my soul it is a
must-see because it's been on my own personal
must-see list for so long telling everybody they
got to see it just from the cast alone and

(03:02:32):
subject matter wise just the kind of like that sort
of like fantasy realm of you know too many secrets
and no more secrets and and you know and and all
that there's a sort of like almost like you're
saying on the level of a kids movie.
There's there's a sort of element to this of you
know that there is that there is still a Robin Hood

(03:02:53):
out there kind of idea, you know, and that's kind
of a feel-good message to this whole thing.
Well also, you know at the same time kind of throwing
a little bit of their, you know to a point, you
know Cosmos idea of bankrupting everyone and everything
that goes too far but stealing from the RNC that's
still good.

(03:03:15):
Well, here's the thing because the only performance
in this film that I would actually credit as being
genuine performing is straight hair.
Hmm.
Everybody else just kind of everybody else kind of
everybody else.
This kind of seems like the 1992 version of grownups

(03:03:37):
where it's just a show of a-list actors getting together
and having fun.
And you know what I agree actually with that, but
that's what wins with with me.
That's what I like about it is that you literally
have you got Dan Aykroyd River Phoenix Sydney
Poitier Robert Redford and that granted you you it
probably wouldn't be that weird to see Robert Redford

(03:04:00):
and Sydney Poitier in a movie together.
They are two powerhouses.
It I'm sure if I looked at probably find another movie
that they're in together because they they definitely
were at the level together.
But when you're throwing in Dan Aykroyd and River
Phoenix with them like that's that's amazing.
Like who would even think of that let alone throw

(03:04:22):
10 million dollar budget at it, you know or more.
I can't remember what the budget was for this movie,
but I can't remember.
I don't think I looked at the 13th Warrior because
they were calling it like a box office disaster and
I'm like it made over 60 million dollars.
What was the budget for it?

(03:04:42):
It was over a hundred million, but still okay.
We'll see.
But in my mind in my mind because of Borderlands
this week and like all the reporting on that the
fact that I'm looking at that because in 1992.
Yes, that was an epic disaster in 20 or in 2020s
Black Adam was an epic disaster financially tanked.

(03:05:09):
Oh my God, the flash epic is the financial disaster
on that one Borderlands 10 million dollar opening
weekend budget that doesn't even cover the actors
salaries.
Yeah, no, that's that's harsh.
Yeah, no.
So like when you call something like a flop and an
epic disaster and it's made six times the amount of

(03:05:33):
money than a movie that came out 30 years later like
we might have to like take our definition of a flop
and really look at that again.
I mean, well, they're the lost money.
Yes, that's the thing.
It lost like half its money.
I mean you kind of that's that's a failure no matter
how you shake it, you know, I mean remember what we

(03:05:55):
were talking about before like what's a what's count
says the biggest win that would be airplane a three
and a half million dollar budget and made a hundred
and sixty million dollars in its box office and
continue to rake the money in on cable and home
video sales.
DVD, Blu-ray, VHS.
Yeah, decades.
Yeah, absolutely.
All right.

(03:06:17):
Well, looks like this didn't agree on this one.
Yeah, no.
And you know, it's been a while since that's happened,
but you know, but yeah, I'm going to stick.
I'm going to stick with it.
I'm going to say that sneakers is a must-see as a
period piece if nothing else.
Back in this is made back in the day when when

(03:06:37):
like the burgeoning technology was like really
starting to like come out like it is kind of a
throw to that.
So for.
Heck heads, maybe.
Maybe like tech like TechEd fans of the heist movie
art.

(03:06:59):
Oh, because this is definitely a way throw off of
that genre.
This is like this is like the opposite of a heist
movie almost because you got to break in more like
it's like goofy enemy of the state.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think that's really what it is.
Like remember enemy of the state with Will Smith.
I do.
I do Will Smith and Gene Hackman.

(03:07:19):
Yes, I do remember that.
Yeah, this is that but you know, it's really fucking
funny.
I had the funniest thing happen.
I did.
I did see enemy of the state.
Is this an episode conversation or?
Oh, yeah, I suppose we could take this off.
Yeah.
Okay.
It's just kind of a weird little anecdote.
But yeah, oh no, I just want to close it.

(03:07:41):
So I can get the edit down.
All right.
That is going to bring a close to episode 20 and
next week we are going to have what's let's see.
Oh next week.
Are we doing the?

(03:08:02):
The big 2006 face-off.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, you got you got to you got to 202.
You got 206 movies that I haven't seen because I was I
was out of town when that shit went down.
But I got like, yeah, so the great 2006 debate that
really took over a lot of conversations, especially

(03:08:24):
for film buffs was the prestige versus the illusionist
to films, essentially period pieces revolving around
stage performers and that is about as much as I'm going
to get into the prestige is starring Hugh Jackman
Christian Bale, Michael Cain and Scarlett Johansson.

(03:08:46):
The illusionist is starring Edward Norton, Jessica
Beale, Paul Giamatti and Rufus Sewell and they are both
those are those are two really epic casts.
Yeah, incredible.
I do I do remember seeing the trailer to the illusionist
but you're in China when I was in China didn't yeah,
yeah didn't get a chance to see it in the theater.

(03:09:06):
I do remember wanting to see it after seeing the trailer
but the prestige I don't even remember when I first
heard of that.
I think I was all the way back in the country before
I heard anyone even mention it.
So yeah, I am surprised that is a big debate you're
mentioning like I am just genuinely surprised that
there is a Christopher Nolan film that you have not

(03:09:27):
seen that is kind of shocking.
Yes.
But but yeah, no, I was I'd heard I think I did remember
hearing of the prestige after a couple years, but no
one really told me what is about they were all just
like all prestige great movies to see it like and I
was like, all right, I'll get around to it.
Whatever, you know, but yeah that cast you just meant

(03:09:48):
a huge Jackman and and Scarlett Johansson in a movie
together.
No one told me that.
I mean what the hell there was also another 2006
movie where Scar Joe and Hugh Jackman were together.
It's called Scoop.
It's also another movie about magic actually.
That's right.

(03:10:08):
I did see Scoop.
I forgot that that was Hugh Jackman.
Okay.
Yes, I saw Scoop did did like that one.
Yes.
But yeah, like so yeah 2006 Hugh Jackman and Scar
Joe they were they were raking the money in.
All right, so that's going to bring it close to
episode 20 and we'll see you next week.

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H.Y.S.T? | S1E20 | The 13th Warrior & Sneakers

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}H.Y.S.T? | S1E20 | The 13th Warrior & Sneakers