H.Y.S.T? | S2E4 | King Ralph & Arachnophobia - H.Y.S.T?

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Welcome to Heist. I'm Bradly Hackworth, joined by Jonathan Ems, otherwise known as Doc.

(00:06):
Hello fellow humans.
And this week we are going to be doing the John Goodman night of King Ralph and Arachnophobia.
Which, King Ralph is... I don't know if you caught this, that is John Goodman's first leading role.
You know, I remembered that as it was starting. I was thinking back to when I remember seeing the trailers to this as a kid and stuff like that.

(00:32):
And I remember, yeah, this was like right as he became a household name from being on the Roseanne TV show.
And this was his first foray into film. I do remember that being kind of a big deal, yes.
And man... I mean, we haven't really talked about this at all, so I don't know how you felt about the film.
But what I do know about this is it was one of my favorites when I was younger and watching it again this week, I feel like it got better with age.

(00:57):
Well, I'll tell you, you know, Brad, I have not enjoyed being that guy.
Whenever you have brought in films that you have remembered from your youth that you loved, such as The Grandma's Boy and Dutch, and I have not appreciated them.
I have not at all liked being that guy. This one turned me around. I fucking loved this movie.

(01:25):
This really... yeah, I was nervous going in because of the pattern that we've held in the past on this.
And you didn't want to dislike a John Goodman movie.
No, of course not. No. Like, I had a lot of reasons to really be worried about how I was going to feel about this one.
But The Boy, it was shockingly better than I expected it to be.

(01:49):
Yeah, no, I enjoyed this. This was some good stuff here. This was a fun movie to watch, for sure.
Yeah, in comparison to a lot of the...
I don't know who it was making fun of more, the British or the Americans. I think we both took equal hits in this one.
See, I feel like they played that balance real well.
And, I mean, well, let's get into it. So, King Ralph, written by Emlyn Williams, who wrote the novel,

(02:17):
and the name of the novel, in case you want to check it out, is Headlong, and a weird connection to last week's episode,
Headlong and Stir of Echoes, were written in the same year.
Interesting. Okay.
So, I did not expect a connection like that at all. I didn't think this would have anything to do with that.
But I thought that was kind of cool that both of these books were written and released in 1958.

(02:42):
Well, released in 1958. I don't know how many years they spent writing them.
Written, who knows? Yeah, I think it was when they were actually written.
Screenplay by David S. Ward, directed by David S. Ward as well, starring, I mean, and oh my God, the cast on this,
starring John Goodman, Peter O'Toole, John Hurt, Kamil Koduri, and Richard Griffiths,

(03:05):
with Jolie Richardson, Leslie Phillips, James Villiers, and Rudolph Walker.
I don't think there was a wink leak in this movie.
No, there really wasn't.
No, these were all, like, they chose, like, whoever cast this, they chose it perfectly.
I mean, of everybody that was in this movie, the biggest shock was fucking the love interest in this movie is Jackie Tyler, people.

(03:31):
Rose Tyler's mom.
I knew you were going to catch that.
Because that's the only doctor who I saw and she was in it.
And I was like, okay, all right, yeah.
Yeah, and God damn was she a looker in the 90s.
Holy, I mean, she's still pretty good in, you know, she's got a bit of that mom thing going on, but she's still like hot mom when she's, you know, in Doctor Who.

(03:53):
But holy shit, she was an absolute bombshell in this movie.
Oh, she, I will absolutely agree with that, like, all the way through and through.
You got the reason, one of the main reasons why early Harry Potter really screwed me up.
Mr. Dursley is that guy. He is not mean. He is not angry. He is that guy.

(04:20):
In my mind, that is who he is. Just forever.
So seeing him be the bastard Dursley was just unsettling for you on another level.
Crazy jarring. I was waiting, like, the entire, because I didn't read the books because the books are never better than the movies.
So I waited until the entire movie series was done. Then I went and read the books and I'm glad I did it that way.

(04:43):
I'm glad that I always do it that way.
I was waiting the entire series for Mr. Dursley to, like, shake off the bad stuff and become like our just super awesome, lovey Duncan.
It was so weird. But he manned it. He plays a bastard so well.

(05:04):
And he plays. He's just a tremendous actor. That's all that is.
I mean, damn.
So, OK, the way this movie kicks up, it is definitely like an 80s, 90s comedy.
And it's British humor. There's a lot of British humor in this, which I think is what makes it age so well.

(05:31):
Is you just like the older you get, the more you age into a lot of the humor on this one.
Yeah, I think you might be on to something there.
And the opening movie, The Entire Royal Family Dies Because of a Photoshoot in the Rain, loved it.
Start off murdering the entire royal family. Who could not love that?

(05:54):
I was going to say, though, I was going to say like to your point of like the whole thing aging well and, you know, British humor.
I do want to point out my one contention as far as that goes. I think they did the British punk scene dirty.
I don't think that was a fair representation.
I thought you were going to talk about King Zambezi.

(06:19):
Oh, that was that was.
That joke got better with time, I feel.
Like how cringy that was. I feel like it's like throwing back because that doesn't I mean, there are still people who change their personalities around people like different people of color.
And I get that. Right. But not like that.
No, yeah, no, that was extra awkward. Yeah. Even even many years later, it just got more awkward and that much funnier for sure.

(06:46):
Yeah. Oh, yeah. No. Watching Kelly's hands just slap her face as soon as that happened. She's like, no.
I was like, see that that is that is the mark of a good film. That is the mark of something being done right.
That it is getting that kind of reaction from the audience.
Like I like it very good.

(07:08):
But yeah, what we were talking about the entire royal family line, they meet for a photo and they're like, well, we haven't gotten the whole family together like this in forever.
And they have all the cables going through the water and they're just shaking the water out of the cables like that's going to be effective.
Right. They take the photo and the entire royal family dies.

(07:29):
Moral of the story. America, this is why we have OSHA.
For exactly that reason right there. Well, what's what's kind of cool is in the book, I read this.
It wasn't a photo shoot that killed the whole royal line.
It was they got together for like a picnic and a dirigible fell on them.

(07:57):
So this was a comedy from the very beginning.
This was this is a comedy adapted from a comedic book. And I said this about stir of echoes where I would like to read a horror book from the 50s.
I kind of want to read a comedy from the 50s and see how well how the deliveries work, you know.
Right. Yeah, that's a that's a good question. I think that would be a lot of fun.

(08:18):
So then with the royal family dead, everybody goes into this giant search of all right, we need to find somebody.
Where's the John Snow? Where's the bastard? Like where like we got to find this.
Yeah. And somebody somebody in the royal bloodline that's still alive.
So they and they pull out books like there is no there's no 23 and me in back then.

(08:42):
So they have to go through tons upon tons of of birth and death registry books like.
But I got I got to say, like when Duncan comes into the room and he sees Cedric played by Peter O'Toole, he's like, we found him.
Great. He's got some strengths and weaknesses.
He's an American. Peter O'Toole's delivery on quickly Duncan, the strengths.

(09:07):
Right. How much like because set aside from Duncan and Goodman, there were no goofballs in this movie.
It was all straight men in funny situations. Yeah. Yep.
And I really thought how well just the writing and the situations and everything that got put together was tremendously.

(09:29):
I just loved it. Goodman's intro or our intro to seeing Goodman and.
Man, that is why I have sang tiny bubbles in the back of my mind and while I'm doing things my entire life and it started with John Goodman.
OK, yeah, I could see that.
And a real quick thing about this movie, and I don't know, you probably noticed because of just how it sounded every time John Goodman's character was singing, that was John Goodman singing.

(09:59):
I could tell. Yes. I guess I didn't really give it much thought.
But yeah, no, it was definitely his voice for sure. Since I was a child, I have waited for the John Goodman album.
Because of this movie, I want to do good golly, Miss Molly has never been sung better than by John Goodman.
And I am very sorry to say that to any little Richard fans, but this movie, it's better.

(10:26):
I mean, preference that is subjective. I'm going to I will admit that.
It's better.
And he's watching the football game behind the piano and he's singing and everyone's well, you should.
Like he's talking the football game while in a singing tone.

(10:48):
Yeah, the whole the whole setup of just how low this guy is.
He is a piano player at a bad Vegas piano bar.
He's not even paying attention to his job.
He now we find out after the fact that he shares with he shares his his his dressing room with a monkey.

(11:10):
That is the act that is his opening act, apparently.
And it's like. I mean, aside from the fact that I'd like a short of being just straight up a homeless dude,
he's about as like far down the class ladder as you can be in America.
Like they really worked hard to go like, no, this guy, he's already below, you know, as far as the British are concerned,

(11:35):
he's already bottom class because he's one of the fucking colonists, you know.
But at the same time, even by American standards, this guy is like truck stop trash, basically.
You know, in today's era, not really. I mean.
No, not like that. That's the tough.
That's yeah, like by today's standards, he's doing pretty good because he's getting paid to play the piano.

(12:00):
He's got he's got a job. He's working. He's doing his thing.
No, by today's standards, that is not a loser. And the 90s standards, that was a loser.
Exactly. Yep. Yep. My how far we've come.
Learning that Grandma Connie was the prince's lover.
I like I thought that was a great scene and the way that Goodman delivered that he's like he thinks the joke is, oh yeah.

(12:25):
And all you need is my credit card number and all this. Right.
And as he keeps going, he's like, do you remember your grandma Constance?
Like, yeah, Grandma Connie, she was always going on about the way that Goodman realizes that Grandma Connie was always talking about a prince and that this is actually a real thing.
Right. Subtle moments like that really tell you who the powerhouse actors are.

(12:50):
Yeah. Like how he's like how how he sunk into that realization made me sink in that like with him.
Yep. That is because yeah, it's like, yeah, he's heard he's heard the stories from his grandma about the time she was with the prince.
Never made the connection that that prince was real, never made the connection that that prince was his dad's daddy.

(13:13):
And it isn't until this weird little British dude shows up with the family crest that it all clicks together for him.
And yeah, it's it's kind of an amazing it's a yeah quality acting to see all that click together, not in a dialogue, but in the absolute interruption in the middle of a dialogue.
And like, yeah. Good. Just kind of plain and simple.

(13:40):
Like it's one it's one of those things where it's like, okay, so this movie wasn't a big success, but you can see the roots of how John Goodman became a success.
Oh, absolutely. But at the same time, how has this not become an absolute cult classic?
It's a good question. I don't know. This movie is that would require further study that would require for I mean, I don't know if I would call it amazing.

(14:03):
It was definitely fun and good. I enjoyed it. I would call it amazing just because of how much of an influence it actually left on me for my entire life.
Okay, like, and that's what I mean. Like if you like, no, the cinematography, not not groundbreaking or anything like that kind of standard for the time storytelling, very good, but not groundbreaking or anything like that.

(14:31):
No, but I will never forget the scenes in this movie.
If I were to take a guess if I and I realized this is jumping forward, but if I were to take a guess the ultimate end to this movie.
Still, after everything that that it that it does.

(14:52):
Any sort of points that it might make jokes that might make the movie ends with an actual respectful reverence for the monarchy.
That's not cult classic material.
Where that is true. The thing that this film also does is it show showcases integrity.

(15:16):
That is true. And that is where I that that's where I thought it would like we and yeah this is definitely jumping to the end like you just did.
We've talked about what I thought, like my hopes and dreams of the 2016 election.
Sure, it came from this.
Okay, I mean, like as I was watching this as it as the movie wrapped up, I sat back and went.

(15:40):
No damn wonder why I was so stuck on this could happen.
I mean, what if what if we're right there? Come on, just show.
So to be that I wanted him to be my man Goodman.
Okay, I feel you there. Okay.
So, you know, everybody's got their thing.

(16:02):
So, we're taking an aerial shot of that castle and introducing the new king of England, like, God damn it.
I love Duncan every single word that came out of his mouth.
I just loved his character.
He probably was having more fun on the set than even Goodman was like he really seemed to just make a meal out of every line had to how much fun he was having everything he had to have the most fun.

(16:31):
He's sharing stage time with with TV star John Goodman and silver screen legend Peter O'Toole at the same time.
I mean, come on, who wouldn't be having an absolute party every moment that you're doing that?
Plus John Hurt. Plus. Oh, God, who was the guy who played Donovan in Indiana Jones?

(16:53):
Was that Rudolph Walker?
I do not remember.
In Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, the one who who hires Indiana Jones to go find his dad.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that dude. That's the guy who played that him.
That's the guy who played the king of Princess Deep voice.

(17:15):
Okay, I can kind of see it. No, this cast was bigger than I'm.
I see I see the Indiana Jones guy's face. I'm not seeing the Swiss King's face. So that's kind of where I'm missing it here.
I can't. He wasn't a huge part of this movie. Very, very, very few lines.
But every line that he had was, oh, my God, dynamite.

(17:37):
We'll get in. We'll get there. Right.
I like that. I like delivery from Peter O'Toole, where he tells good me is like, you know, you law prohibits the monarch from interfering with the law and things like that.
So you can't solve any problems. He's like, well, that's good. He's like, however you can create them.

(18:00):
I was like, fantastic. Yep. Fantastic. And they have, haven't they?
Oh, my God. But I really enjoyed the conversation like, well, you can change your name like John and Edward have been good names throughout the years.
And it's like, what happened to Ralph? It's like, it's just blacks a certain. I don't know.
And then he goes into all the different Ralphs. Yeah. And my personal favorite was the first one top minor was like, no, there's a lot of great Ralph's like Ralph Macchio.

(18:28):
I'm like, fucking a your rights. Yes. That's right. I think my favorite was the last one. Ralph Cramden. Ralph Cramden. Yeah, that's not many people are going to be able to get that reference.
I get that. Then Cedric goes in a little temper tantrum. You call the Revolutionary War.

(18:51):
No, I think. And as a kid, I did not 100% understand that joke. As an adult, I loved that joke. Yeah. And then Goodman being like, I don't know, man, we really kicked your asses. He's like, you might want to change your perspective there.
He's like, okay, but I still think they kicked our asses. There you go. And then the and then the very next scene, John hurts going like, I can't believe we've got some colonists as a king.

(19:18):
Like, they really like drive that whole thing home. Like, and it kind of makes me wonder, like, I mean, I realize it's a common joke, you know, in movies, but sometimes I do wonder, like, amongst the aristocracy of the British, are they still really that bitter about it?
I would have to imagine it's very much like the average American.

(19:42):
They don't care.
You may have a few out there who are still, oh, that country belongs to us or some crap like that, or I don't know. I've never heard anybody say anything like that. It's always just kind of been a joke on the aristocrats.
But there are still certain Americans that are salty about certain things. So I'm sure there has to be.

(20:06):
Well, yeah, and well, because it's like the alternate to that is also like, you know, it alternatively in a lot of movies of the same ilk, you'll often see like the the American military generals reminding the French and British military generals, the way we came and saved your ass in World War Two.
It's like, do we still bring that up that often? I don't know. I only see it in movies.

(20:30):
But that was a big thing, really big thing in like the 90s. 80s and 90s and all that. But that's not really much of a thing anymore.
I guess not now. Yeah, but that's the kind of thing I always wondered is like, it's always being brought up in movies. Do we really bring it up that much in real life? And so that's kind of why I wonder about the same thing with this. It was brought up a lot in movies that the British are still mad about the revolution. Are they really though?

(20:56):
I kind of doubt it. It doesn't really make sense that they would be. No. But like I said, like I genuinely don't know.
The John Goodman learning about the names of all British cuisine and then coming across the spotted dick, which that that joke's not going anywhere.

(21:21):
No, no, that's all that is going to stay the same because it is still a thing and it is still stupid and it is still a terrible dessert. I don't fuck with all the cuisine available in the world. Why are you still eating that garbage? Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Funny name. Looks like bread with herpes.

(21:43):
It's tasty. It's good. It's not that good. It's not that bad.
I mean, bangers and mash. I mean, that's just a regular ass food. There's no reason to call that dessert. But no, but I mean, like, I mean, we have Twinkies now is what I'm saying.
It's like there's no reason to subject yourself to spotted dick if Twinkies exist. That's all I'm saying.

(22:17):
Wow, man, like I know we go. I know you're not a big fan. I know you're becoming less and less of a fan of the movie fights, but now we're about to get into some food fights here because.
Wow, wow, really? Twinkie, that is your dessert. That is your dessert item that you go to to be the championship of.
I'm not saying not row. Not. No, no, no, no, no, I'm not calling it a championship.

(22:41):
I'm saying by the very nature of the fact that even the worst of the worst is better than why would you bother with something that takes more time and effort than just buying a Twinkie?
OK. Have you had spotted dick?
I think I did like once a while ago. There is a British style pub in Portland that I visited regularly.

(23:06):
I'm like 50 percent sure I tried spotted dick there.
I know I did. I know I once watched someone eat a Scottish egg there once and I was not a fan of that either.
So I may. No, I'm definitely going to cut this section from the edited episode.
I'm just really glad that I think it's just really, really funny that I got to have you say that you tried spotted dick in a bar in Portland because that there are two different ways to take that.

(23:32):
And the. People who are from Portland will know.
I that is the see, and that is and that is why Americans don't like spotted dick because we don't want one.
Right. Our brains go to a certain place when we hear that.

(23:55):
Isn't it named after like it's named after King Richard, right?
Fucked if I know, I have no idea. I remember hearing the history of that at one point.
My Google search history is not going to appreciate this one. History of spotted dick.
Yeah, you're going to have to get one of those mugs, man.
They're very popular among writers and it's a coffee mug that just says ignore my search history.

(24:20):
I'm a writer. Can't verify if it's true or not.
It says it stems from the Victorian era.
There are theories that the name of this steamed pudding refers to its similarity and appearance to a spotted dog.
No. Right.
I'm looking here. I don't I don't I don't think I don't think so.

(24:43):
It's not what it looked like to me.
He sees his bedroom and then I do that.
OK, let me ask you something. When they show like royal bedrooms and things like that,
do you honestly think you could ever catch a moment's sleep in a room that big?
No, no, no, no. I don't think so either.
Yeah, that doesn't seem like something that could happen.

(25:05):
Yeah, no, it's like way too big and echoey.
And like I would I would like a room like that, I'd be able to hear the spiders crawling in the walls and I wouldn't be able to sleep at all.
Like it's one of the palace, you'd probably be able to hear the ghosts of some of the moving on.
Yeah, yeah. But.

(25:27):
Jokes about having a bowling alley in there, which I very much appreciate that the movie actually paid that off.
I really enjoyed that one. Seize the crown and not even a moment's hesitation where the I don't even think the film recognized how messed up it is to
call out the fact that the British crown has the Star of India on it.

(25:50):
Yeah, yeah, they weren't even shy about it at all, were they?
Yeah, no, I don't even think the movie like it kind of similar the movie didn't even realize what they were saying in that now.
Probably not.
Now the world kind of has a way different view on that, where it's just kind of looking at the British going, hey, give us our shit back.
Right. Yeah.
Which I'm an American. They don't really have anything of mine, but.

(26:13):
But still, yeah. And we're you know, we're not I mean, we can't give any of our stuff back. I live here now.
Like, where am I going to go? Yeah, I mean, well, I mean, like the Star of India, it's literally called the Star of India.
Give it back to the Hindu people. This is like that is wrong.
Come on. They couldn't they couldn't even go so far as to change its name or anything.

(26:34):
We're now we're going to call it the Star of Bethlehem.
I don't know. It's not much better than Star of India, honestly, but still, you know.
But this was a fantastic line, and I'm sure it's ripped right out of the book, probably ripped right out of the pages of history.
It's a God's burden to bear. Unfortunately, it must be borne by a man.

(26:57):
That that is I mean, really, I mean, come on. We are two weeks away from the election.
We can talk about that a little bit. Yeah. Being president is not a one person job.
No, it really isn't. Yeah, there is no reasonable, logical way to say that one person can carry that weight.

(27:18):
However, we still put that on one person. It is true.
It is a burden. It is a God's burden. Like a man like no human can actually handle that.
Yet we still put keep putting it on them.
And it is it is. Yeah, it's bizarre.
It's interesting, too, because it's it's one of those things like if I've always wondered why and I suppose there is a matter of like politics and logistics involved as to why.

(27:46):
But I've always wondered why it was, you know, we get the announcement of who the vice president, you know, is going to be.
Why doesn't any presidential candidate ever name their cabinet, you know, as part of their ticket, as part of their campaign going?
These are the people. Well, that's too easy. That's too easy to answer.

(28:07):
Hmm. Because let's say Fauci.
Right. What if one person puts Fauci on theirs, but then the other person can't?
So you have the top person in their field that was on one person's ticket that can't be added in because somebody else had to go with the second best or a political option.

(28:28):
And realistically, once the president vice president get in there, whoever is just best at that job should be in the position.
And if you have to put it on like a political ticket to vote for, then you kind of eliminate every time you eliminate certain people.
And I don't think that's true. I mean, you're probably right.
And yeah, and I imagine there's probably a lot of there's probably even just general basic logistics things to go through.

(28:53):
You know, you don't have time to know it. You don't you don't have time to interview potential candidate, you know, cabinet members while you're campaigning at the same time.
That would be a nightmare. I mean, true. I can see that.
I can see that as well. But it's also kind of one of those things where it's like, I would like to know who would be in those positions.
I'll agree with you. I would like to know that. Like even right now, one of one of the biggest contentions that I have heard from a lot of people like in this moment is the fact that if if Kamala

(29:22):
wins and stays in office, there's no guarantee that Lena Kahn is going to stay the head of the FEC.
And that has a lot of people really nervous because she's basically been the best thing about the Biden administration so far.
But we also know that a lot of Kamala's top donors at this point fucking hate her.

(29:43):
So we don't know what's up with that. It would be nice to know ahead of time.
There's a lot of people that probably would cast their vote based on that alone. Oh, hey. Well, first off, it would be great to know what's going to happen in the future all the time.
So fair. Yeah, fair. I get that.
Learning the walk is one of my favorite. Like, it's such a dumb scene, such a small scene, so minor. However hilarious.

(30:11):
That was brilliant physical comedy on the part of of Goodman there.
The fact that he is in like in quick succession doing exactly what he's being told to do while also doing it completely wrong.
Like, oh, my God, it was so damn funny.
Like that that that scene probably was my first big belly laugh of the movie was was that bit right there because I can say that was good.

(30:39):
Yeah, no, I think I would agree with that.
My second one was right out.
Oh, no, no, no. Then we get John Hurt as Lord Percival Greaves.
And we find out pretty quick he wants to supplant supplant the throne.
This is the second time in a row. Not in a row.
The second time we've seen John Hurt playing the literal devil.

(31:02):
Yes. And he's so good at it.
He really is. And I really is through watching through all these movies that we have had John Hurt appear in.
I keep practicing his voice, trying to access it every time I sound like a Beatle.
He's way too unique of a sound. He I can't I've never heard anyone do a good John Hurt.

(31:24):
No, I can't. I can't. I can't do that voice and be deep because that's what I need to do.
I need to be deep while I'm doing it. But every time I just sound like a Beatle.
Yeah, no, that's not even close. No, I like that's the thing.
That's the tone, though, but deeper like that is almost everything about it, but deeper.
And no matter how deep my voice is, when I go to that kind of voice, there's no like I can't get deep with that one.

(31:51):
I would recommend going back to do to V for Vendetta because his his final speech remind them why they need us.
If you can if you can get that speech, that's probably where the key is, is listen to that and try to do that speech.
That's probably the most John Hurt that I've ever heard John Hurt do.
We will probably. I think I was going to bring this up later, but I was thinking we should do V for Vendetta around election like around election day.

(32:17):
Oh, I actually. OK. Well, we'll talk about not Election Day.
I was thinking an inauguration. Oh, OK. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah.
Because I had another I had another like election post-election movie in mind as well.
All right. We'll see what happens. All right.
My real big laugh, if I set aside from falling into the water, was when he gets into the tub and he puts the crown on and he like tries to catch that milk dud and the crown goes right into the water, right into the water, right into the bath water, the freaking crown with star of India and everything right into the bubble bath.

(32:54):
Yeah. And the thing is, like Goodman's reactions, like just being a small child hoping not to get scorned.
Like it was the whole movie. It was too good.
It just just now occurs to me, though.
There might be another layer of that joke.
And I don't know if it's intentional or not, because it literally was just like it just hit me because you know the Eureka story, right?

(33:21):
What's his name? Oh, Christ, I can't remember.
There's this old science, the scientist who came up with the idea of volumetrics who basically figured out that if you that, you know, you've gotten to the tub figured out how you know figured out that he he his body displaced the water and he and he jumped out of the bathtub young Eureka.

(33:42):
Okay.
Okay. That was about the crown.
Because they had just made it, they had just gotten a new crown and they needed a way to verify because they were told the crown of made a solid gold, and they asked him to figure out how to verify that the crown was solid gold without like destroying it or beating it up or anything like that.

(34:03):
And so,
I want to say Archimedes, but yeah, basically he was the one who figured out that a certain like a material of the same weight if he got a bit of if he got a go of chunk of verified gold that weighed the same amount as the crown, which was supposedly solid gold and put them into water, the amount of water displaced would be the same for both of them if the crown was real gold.

(34:30):
And so yeah, it was bath water that you figured it out. And so that was just like kind of one of those like, oh my god, like, I'm wondering if that's what that is the crown into the bath water. Is that what this joke is?
I know it's probably not I'm probably drawing too many conclusions here. It probably was just the joke of dropping crown in the bath.
I that that's where I'm going to take it but I am going to give you the pat on the back that was Archimedes.

(34:54):
Oh, thank you. Okay. Okay. So that was Archimedes. Did you look it up or did someone did someone tune in?
No, I looked it up. Okay, thank you. I'm trying to do this. I'm trying to keep everything going right.
This Peter O'Toole. Think Duncan, you've just been made King of England. Where would you go? Right to a strip club or they have America night. Exactly. Exactly.

(35:17):
Damn it. This movie is so I love this movie. I felt seen in that moment. I really did.
Yeah. Well, that was when I was like when I was in my 20s and I was in the army and we deployed and we were like over in Germany and we had like two hours of free time and like everybody's kind of looked at each other and they're like, what are you going to do?

(35:42):
Like, hmm, strip club. We were about to we were deploying and we were like that was literally like no. So we all kind of did we all just did the exact same thing. No. So I'm gonna have to agree with you.
Like, dude. Yeah, no, brother. Like, you know me, you know, I've got, you know, I've got friends who are strippers and they have all told me about how like Fleet Week in Portland pays most of their bills for the year. So, you know, you don't get.

(36:12):
Holy crap. I forgot about Fleet Week. I haven't thought about that and easily like eight years at least.
Wow. We not just the strippers. We made good bank on that one too. Yeah, no, that's true. Yeah, no, it's it's a good time.
They came through. They bought a lot of pieces. They bought a lot of art and they shipped it off to their families. Like, we made a lot of money during Fleet Week.

(36:36):
No, I mean, it's one of those things where it's like, you know, they talk about how like some of these like big tourist events and stuff like that in a lot of cities how it's like, no, it's like half chaos and barely worth it sometimes.
But I'll tell you, man, Fleet Week, because not only do the sailors come in to spend a shitload of money, but holy shit, are they nice about it.
They like say are some of the nicest folks that I will ever meet in Portland are the are the dudes there on on leave, you know, so.

(37:04):
Not to you, I take it.
Well, are you saying that are you saying it's because I'm pretty? I've got I've got a biased opinion.
I understand that plain and simple, they get off the boat, they see dock and go, my God, I'm going to be nice to that guy.

(37:26):
No, that's just like that. That might be the only time that I have ever heard a civilian refer to military members on leave as polite.
I mean, they were to me because, you know, and like I said, my guys, when they paid my friend's rent.
So, you know, OK, OK, OK, when they're coming off the boat and going to see strippers and stuff like that.

(37:49):
Yeah, they may be on their best behavior because they don't want to get booted from the bar.
OK, OK, no, OK. But then I'm thinking like some of my Marine buddies, some of my army buddies, like when we've like all gotten together and we've gone out.
I mean, yeah, God, I remember I came back from my second deployment. This was when I was like over 200 pounds, solid jacked, like nothing but muscle.

(38:13):
And I was sitting, I guess, too close to the door.
And this guy like walks to the door and he comes in and is like, Whoa, big guy.
And I'm just sitting there like with my beer. I'm like, what's going on?
And I just kind of turn around and he's like, oh, you think I'm like, oh, you're one of those.
And I'm like, no, buddy, just at this point in my life, I'm just kind of jacked.
And I didn't give a damn. Right. Yeah.

(38:37):
One of my buddies was like, nope.
And he got up and immediately went and he started like squaring off with the guy.
His uncle picked up a teeny tiny little table, decorated.
I've told you the story before. I'm just realizing I don't remember it, though.
Go ahead. He picked up this little American flag that was sitting on the table because like we just got home.

(39:00):
So the town was celebrating and he picked it up and he shoved it into the guy's mouth and then punched him in the face.
Oh, God. Oh, after that, it was I mean, it wasn't a huge rumble.
Maybe maybe maybe like 15 people were involved in it.
Like it wasn't crazy big, but it was in the bar. It spilled out into the parking lot and all this.

(39:24):
Cops got called and showed up and found and these guys found out that they these guys, these were Air Force guys.
And they found out that they that their buddy just decided to start some stuff with a guy who just got from an army guy who just got home from a deployment.
Cops showed up and went, who started it?
Nobody was saying a single thing.
And then he kind of looked at the bartender and went, who started it?

(39:47):
And she just looked, she's like them.
And like they were shocked. They were just like pure shock.
They're like, I thought we were all going to be quiet and like, OK, that's your little Air Force games that you guys come to the locals town.
And that's how you get out of trouble with the locals.
We're the locals and we're military who just got home.

(40:09):
And it's a small town. You're not going to pull.
You're not going to be able. Yeah. Yeah.
And that was one of the reasons that I was like, I don't want to do this because I mean, later on,
hopefully no, actually, like the next year, then we had some major, major 50, 100 man brawls that would go down.

(40:33):
Jesus. Well, because later on that year, the flood hit my town and decimated like a third of the town.
A bunch of people were without their homes, what they were doing at night, they were going to the bars just so they had a place to be.
And yeah, you can't imagine the kind of violence that kicked up when everybody's life was that kind of stressful.
I guess. Yeah. And I suppose I mean, yeah, I mean, maybe I am sheltered.

(40:57):
I mean, like I've never. No, we had we had the police, we had ATF, we had Border Patrol, we had we had many law enforcement agencies that all came to our town because it got too rough.
Oh, geez. OK. Wow. Yeah.
Now, is it the only? Yeah. All I've ever I mean, I'm sure there must be.

(41:18):
I mean, to sit here and say that it's never happened, I'm sure is ridiculous.
There probably are a good number of fights that break out. It's what happens when you cut loose like that.
But the most stories I've ever heard, like I said, you know, I got stripper friends who pay all their bills on Fleet Week.
I got a friend who literally that's like. I'm not kidding. I'm not going to name any names on this one, but I got a friend who said that's basically the only time she gets laid.

(41:43):
She said there's there's two strip clubs in Portland that are non drinking, and so they allow 18 and over.
And when Fleet Week happens, she goes and hangs out there and takes teenage boys home. Whoa. Whoa.
Like. What? Like 18 and 19 year olds. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. OK. OK.

(42:10):
I said Fleet Week, right? Yeah, you did. But you also didn't clarify whether your friend was one of the sailors or not.
Oh, my bad. My bad. OK. Yes. No, no. She is.
She is a Portland native who, yes, when the sailors come to town, she goes to the 18 and over strip clubs and picks up, you know, picks up the boys who aren't quite old enough to drink yet.

(42:34):
OK. And gives them and gives them the time of their leave. You get my worry, though, right?
Yeah, I do. Yes. My bad. All right. Back to the movie. I've been in Portland for too long, clearly.
OK, fair, fair. Back to the back to King Ralph. We and this is seen like in that strip joint, we get to meet Camille Cordero, Corduri and.

(42:58):
Jackie Tyler for the rest of us.
Well, yeah, yeah. Jackie Tyler for all you Doctor Who people or Doctor Who Vians. I don't know what you refer to that as.
Either one's fine. Yeah.
It still cracks me up. The Trekkies versus the Trekkers.
Yeah, well, you know, I mean, the only instance in this entire world where you go, hey, hey, you talk to me, you use the hard R.

(43:30):
The there's no there's no other situation like that. And I absolutely cracks me up that a group of people specifically set themselves up just to do that.
And why? What was wrong with Trekkie? And why is Trekkie better?
Well, because there is and I and I could not tell you where the line is. I certainly don't know. But the general feeling is that especially leading up to the 2000s from like the 70s to the 2000s, Trekkie was very much a derogatory term for people who are unhealthily obsessed with the show.

(44:12):
And so those of us who would prefer to just be casual fans and identify with the fandom, but don't want to be associated with the crazies, we prefer to be called something else. And we just sort of settled on Trekkie.
Yeah, I don't know. I don't know why I was not at that meeting. But that apparently is to my knowledge.

(44:34):
But I am going to tell you how that does look to most people.
If you are one of the ones who are protesting what you are being called, you are one of the crazy ones.
I've yeah, I mean, I've never I personally like I said, where do you draw the line? I don't know. I personally don't. I've never really felt the need to draw that line. You can call me a Trekkie or a Trekkie. I literally don't give a shit.

(45:00):
I know. I think it's funny. I just think it's funny. The hard R is the thing that just desired.
I know I'm in the minority on that one. I'm a person who subscribes to many fandoms, but deliberately chooses not to associate with most of the people who subscribe to the same fandoms that I do. So, you know.

(45:23):
No, I get that. I mean, yeah, like I'm a big fan of a lot of things as well, but I don't share that fan because when I like oftentimes when I find myself actually talking to people who do share a lot of the same interest as me, I'm like, OK, you took it too far.
And now I understand what people think I am. Right. Yes, exactly. It's good. And I admit that it's good. And I like it. You want to live there.

(45:50):
Yeah. And like you're you're trying to act like you are currently living there. We're not the same. It would be a cool goal. I have to admit, like a lot of the Star Trek world, that is a great goal. A lot of the philosophies behind it are good.
Sure, yeah.
But still.

(46:11):
Back to this. Camille Corduri hits the stage to give that.
Sorry, I do. I do want to give one final point. What you just said, Ponsuit K. Yes, to agree with what you're saying. There's a lot of, you know, good philosophies and things to build upon in the Star Trek universe.
OK. Learning Klingon is not how you get there.

(46:35):
Learning and promoting Esperanto is.
Actually, that OK, that that is true. But I mean, it is really that is funny that you kind of bring that up because all of these like fantastical fantasy worlds and stuff like that, not fantasy. Excuse me. Science fiction.
Right. You get there through technological advancement, progressive ideologies and politics that fund these advancements.

(47:04):
Right. You can't really talk like it's what you want if you're actively voting against it all the time.
I know. Right. That is kind of that is kind of a weird one.
Yeah, but that was my that was my final thought on before getting back to it. You're good. Yeah, we're good. OK.
Love that she thinks that he's joking about like being the king and all that.

(47:26):
And then I love clever wordplay. I just do that. That is a me thing. That is I just love it. Uncle Sam to Buck Ham.
Yeah. See what I like. What I liked is that her stripper name, what I thought was clever, her stripper name in this.
She like, oh, I forgot what it was. And it was it was Mirage. What was it again? Shit.

(47:54):
Mirage Palace. Oh, I think it was what it was. Was it just a couple of names of casinos from Vegas? Exactly. Yes.
Yeah. It's like she's here straight from Vegas and they gave her name and her name is literally just the names of two casinos in Vegas.
Welcome to the stage, Miss MGM Grand.
Exactly. But yeah. And then and then but let's also talk about the fact that his first act, his first act as king.

(48:24):
Is flagrant abuse of power like like she's got a very good point when he barges in and is like, hey, I'm the king, baby.
Take let me take you on a date. And it's like she's like a bouncer. Get him out of here.
And of course, the bouncer can't get him out because the king's security is there to stop him.
Like we're talking like straight up abuse of power just to ask a stripper out on a date here.

(48:50):
And where that is true, his their corruption of power was on display. His ignorance was all over the place.
No, it's true. He really he really is like, yeah, I guess that's the thing is that it's obvious that he's not he's not deliberate in his villainy here.

(49:12):
He literally is just a dumbass who happened to luck into a situation and doing and yeah, yeah, definitely, definitely not a girl.
Dude, just a dopey guy who is way out of his league. Right. Yeah. Learning cricket. Oh, oh, oh, God. When they're teaching him cricket.
And he treats it like I did. Yeah, I did enjoy that. Yeah. He fly balls the cricket ball in through the window.

(49:37):
Like I'm like, hell yeah. I think that was what his whole setup to it was my app was just my he was chewing that scenery to absolute bits just.
Mm hmm. Bowler. Yeah. And even me, I'm not I'm not much of a I'm not much of a sports guy,

(50:00):
but I do know just barely enough about both baseball and cricket to know just how fucking funny it was that he ran the bases like a home run on that one.
That was that was. Was that in the script or was that just John Goodman being brilliant? I could I could see that going either way.

(50:22):
Right. Yeah. I mean, really, that feels like too natural of a just hey, wouldn't it be funny if kind of thing, you know?
And then after that, we get John Hurt shows up to hire Kodori to help tank Ralph, which.
I've really enjoyed her character's integrity in this, like you understood her situation, you understood her position, everything like that. Right.

(50:47):
John Hurt was just good. Yeah. His character was a solid scene.
It really was for a scene that was that did not have either of the stars in it that just had two supporting characters in it.
It was a it was a star star studded scene in and of itself with their performances.
So what I'm going to say here, are you saying that where you're thinking about the cricket and wondering if that was an outtake or something like that time where he's pouring the tea and brings the tea back and accidentally picks up the milk.

(51:16):
There's no way that was on purpose. I watched that scene like four times and that was pure accident.
And Peter O'Toole is doing everything he can not to laugh.
That was not part of the script. That was pure accident. And how well Goodman played that off.
And that would be an easy thing to do, too, to just basically like the easiest way to set that up.

(51:38):
Would it be to go like, here's the scene, John, you serve Peter T. Here's your tea set. And we're not telling you shit like roll the camera.
I could kind of I could kind of see that. I honestly could.
And I did think that there were as they were going through this montage, I honestly did wonder if that's what they did.
The only thing that makes me second guess whether that is what they did or not is how expensive film was.

(52:05):
Oh, that's a very good point. Wasn't digital. So they would have been burning film nonstop doing that.
So that makes me question that a little bit. But at the same time, there's that had to have been a scene that the comedy was going to be something else.
And then that happened. So well, and for me personally, my favorite part of it was that was after he serves it and even sips the tea.

(52:29):
He gets his finger stuck inside the handle of the teacup because that's happened to me when I was a kid.
Like you got to learn the hard way that you're you got to learn the hard way that you're not actually exposed to put your finger in there.
You're supposed to hold it on the sides. This isn't that's not what this cup is for.
But yeah, the having the late night and everything like that finally catching up to him and then learning of King Zambezi and then full on passing.

(52:59):
Then this is where you're talking about where they're walking away is like, well, he's a colonial.
I mean, what can you expect in all this stuff? It's like they are dog in the shit out of this guy the whole way through.
Right. Yeah. And what this the whole montage over the dating. Yeah, that was and here's what I found is super fun.

(53:21):
Yeah. Well, what I found interesting about it, too, and because the support.
But it does kind of make sense now that you're telling me that it came from a book from the fifties.
At the time that this movie came out, when they're sitting there telling him like, hey, you know, you can't date a commoner.
You know, your king, the last king data commoner had to abdicate his throne, the throne over all the whole time.

(53:45):
The whole while this movie is out saying this, Princess Diana is a fucking thing.
So. Yeah. So that might have been this movie got a different.
I suppose it's possible. Yeah. Yeah, that might be like what was going on in the and that era.

(54:06):
That might be how this movie actually got funded. Someone wanted to try and make a point there.
Yeah, that's possible. The jury shows up and when he tries to offer the meal and he's like, would you care for some spotted?
Like how much he struggled to get that out. Oh, man. I.

(54:28):
Because he's an American on a first date. There's one word you're not supposed to say out loud.
One. Those two words together in an American mind that had never known about these things at any point.
He's sitting there at a table on a date offering a woman. Do you want some herpes penis?

(54:50):
Like that is a that is a rough situation, man. I get it. But how how much he's still he's sold the struggle on that one.
I loved it. Yep. And playing Scrabble with royalty would be a nightmare.
I imagine so. Yes. And he and again, flagrant abuse of power.

(55:12):
Yeah, we're using the king's English, right? Yeah. Yeah. He's like, yo, is not a word. He's like, hey, who's the fucking king here?
Like that. But also, yo, is definitely a word.
I mean, it is now. Sure. Yes. Hey, in Spanish, it has meant I for as long as the Spanish language has existed.
But the rules of Scrabble are English. Play Scrabble in Spanish. OK. All right.

(55:39):
OK. One of my another big laugh for me was when the music like the musician shows up, he's like he tries to get some music going and then they go and like kidnap some musicians to come and play.
And like it's at the end of the day, I could I could see it too, because it's like, yeah, can we get some music in here?
And they're like, got it. Like, go get some music. Like, no, no, no.

(56:02):
We just really meant like in the speakers. But yeah, OK. He's like, you got to remember your king here of England. They're going to they're going to take these things literal.
They are going to go like all the way. Yes.
And then he finds out that if he's going to date her, it only it has to be only at the palace.
I'm going to go on a little bit of a run here. If you want to jump in, just jump in. OK.

(56:23):
Will do. All right. The laps in the parking lot.
Then we get to see his OK. So the laps in the parking lot and she's teaching him the order of the kings and all of this, which comes in handy very well at the end of the movie and a very funny way.
I felt a little robbed because like I kind of get, you know, it's like your usual history thing.
They've got to know who all their past kings were.

(56:44):
And they've obviously put together this really cool little limerick and poem to help them remember it.
When I was in school learning about all of our past presidents, where was my limerick, motherfuckers?
I mean, come on, I still have no idea who like if not for the play Hamilton that came out when I was in my 30s, I probably still wouldn't know who our first three presidents were.

(57:08):
So, you know what, American education system, get your shit together.
His new room, complete with the bowling alley and all that he asked for. And then we see Mr. Dursley, we got Duncan Hammering away on that trap set and then gets busted.
He was not supposed to be an angry man.

(57:32):
Learning how to meet a royal going through and practicing his lines.
The barbecue where he drops the thing on the ground, picks it back up, look over there.
Like just a montage of like John Goodman just being the everyman American that like we all kind of are and like kind of all of our dads are like.

(57:54):
Exactly. Yeah. Stop making fun of this guy. He's awesome.
That could have been an alternative title for this movie is Your Dad is King.
That's actually not a bad title of a story that is kind of funny.
I just had like three different ideas for different stories coming to mind.

(58:15):
It's kind of fun how that works. Learning to ride a horse.
That's your writer's prompt for today, everyone. Your dad is king.
The scene where he's learning to ride a horse and then he falls off that horse onto that cable.
Right. Yes. Oh, my God.
Kelly even asked you like, do you think that was on purpose?
And I'm like, it had to be. She's like, I don't know.

(58:37):
And I'm like, oh, no, no, no. John Goodman is just that good.
Yeah, like that. He really when you're watching a movie and you wonder if any of it is on purpose, all of it was because Goodman is that good.
He 100% is. Yeah. But and I can that is a dude who does not have a very easily matchable body type.
So, you know, he's been doing his own stunts for his entire career.

(59:00):
Yeah, that is true. God, I'm sitting here thinking about it and he's getting up there.
Mm hmm. He really is. I actually caught a clip of the new Connors show a couple of weeks ago.
Didn't see the whole show. I caught like five minutes of it and he's old.
He's he's he's yeah, he's gotten he's got you know how like old people how they thin out.

(59:24):
He's really thinned out. He's like I kind of was worried for him for a second there.
I mean, when you've been a big guy like that for your entire life, when you do reach that old age, you're going to have the jowls.
That's just kind of guaranteed. It is what I'm still I'm still not used to a thin Kevin Smith.
Like every time I see Kevin Smith now, I'm like, who the fuck is this weirdo?

(59:46):
No, that that definitely still catches me off guard to learn the bowling alley lane.
I love that the Ferris wheel scene where he falls asleep on her and you kind of see where she's starting to struggle with it.
And she's having the integrity coming in.
And then it hurt me when Gordon tipped off the press. I was rooting for him.
I wanted I wanted him to be one of our guys. You know, I wanted him to be on the good side.

(01:00:10):
Because it almost seemed like there was that endearing moment earlier on when he's saying when he's he's introduced and he's like, can you can you get me something?
What do you want? He's like, I don't know. I've just never had anyone get me anything before.
And he's like, would you like an assortment of chocolates? And then we get the whole like spread of candy and stuff like that.
Like it like it's moments like that. We thought we were seeing like a weird like friendship kindle between these two.

(01:00:34):
And so, yeah, when he turns out to be the turncoat, yeah, that like that especially hurt because it was like, oh, man, he was like he was like one of our guys.
You know, so which kind of makes it, you know, when you know, later on, when when King Ralph finds out about it, like you can tell how upset he is because he's feeling that.

(01:00:55):
Oh, yeah. Like that was the thing. Like, like, there's not really there's only until we get to that scene, there is almost none like it.
Yeah, no, it's true. It's a quick turn on when he becomes serious.
He becomes a serious character and and it's finding out about Gordon that turns him serious.

(01:01:18):
The the etiquette lessons on tape. Very, very common thing now.
That is not something that they would have done back then. And the fact that they had Duncan sitting there, no scratching your private parts.
And he says, and he says, but that's everything.
Well, that's everything. What am I supposed to do? And then meeting the king of the meat.

(01:01:44):
Yeah, King, I think it was like Malimbo or something like that of Zambezi of Zambezi.
Yeah. And the king of Zambezi African nation.
It's a black guy. And Goodman is trying like, welcome, Your Majesty.
Like, he's really trying to practice this whole thing is coming in.
But as soon as he sees the black man coming, he goes, hey, what's up, Holmes?

(01:02:05):
Oh, my God. Oh, no.
Massive, massive cringe. That actually reminded me bringing that up.
I totally forgot to bring this up. We did talk about the scene and I forgot to bring it up.
But I actually wrote down what I think was my favorite line.
And it was back when they were first telling him about Zambezi, when he when they were saying, like,

(01:02:26):
there's things happening in Africa and there's a bunch of new states popping up.
And Ralph responds, well, you know, he says, let's just sit on that. And he says, there's no problem
that can't be ignored if we really put our minds to it.
I wrote that down. I'm going to make that a cross stitch one of these days like that.
There's no problem that can't be ignored if we really put our minds to it.

(01:02:50):
I think when I actually do build a set in here, I think that that might be hanging on the wall behind me.
That would be a good one. That would be that. Yeah, it would be a good one.
I think you referenced the movie, though. You got to give it its props.
Well, of course, it'll say King Ralph. OK, OK. Sure. Yeah, I'm not I'm not a monster.
No, no. I mean, like you got you got to do what you said you would do is what I was saying.

(01:03:11):
You got to get you got to give it that little piece of like like like it was signed by King
like a quote by a king or something like that. Right. Exactly. Yeah.
No, King Ralph the first. There you go. The first of his name.
Like so. Good minute like his character, he's going through trying to give this introduction and he just panics and he looks at me like.

(01:03:35):
You want to go get a beer? And that absolutely is the thing that saved it.
It worked it out so well. Find out that Zambezi or King of Zambezi wants to make Africa's very first car and put it into production.
And how serious and how genuine and like you really everything about how he's talking is very respectful, professional and everything.

(01:04:01):
Until you listen to the damn words that are coming out of his mouth.
He's like the number one thing that all car owners ask, will this get me laid?
And the look that the look the king gives him back like, did he really just say that?
But then it's not wrong. Then they they finished their their bar darts game and they go into this.

(01:04:28):
They go out to a British pub. Yeah, they go out to a British pub.
They're playing darts. They're having a bro ish conversation.
And you get the sense, you know, when, you know, King Ralph beats the King of Zambezi at darts.
Now, all of a sudden, the competitive side has popped in and he's like, all right, double or nothing.

(01:04:52):
Cut to another scene. They're not playing darts anymore.
Now they're playing Spears. But the way that they drew the target, the all the reporters, the dignitaries, all that.
That felt like an actual, truly heartwarming scene that I would love to have seen happen in real life.
Mm hmm. Yeah. Like that is like that sentiment where like the average voter, they go like, well, you know,

(01:05:20):
it seems like the kind of guy I'd like to have a beer with.
I think this is the kind of thought that goes into their minds when they have that kind of question.
You're not wrong. Yeah.
Like that's kind of that that's what people kind of kind of get frustrated about is that everyone kind of feels like,
you know, all of these grand worldwide problems, like literally, how come we can't just talk to each other?

(01:05:44):
Just like screw all the political bullshit. Just be like, dude, let's have a beer.
Let's chill out. Let's let's get rid of all the pomp and circumstance and political bullshit.
Let's just talk seriously about really what's up. And we can't ever seem to do that.
And the realism of that, how realistic that is, I don't know. I have never been a diplomat.

(01:06:06):
But that's, you know, but but that's the thing is like there there is that sort of instinctual feeling that literally
if we could just get rid of the bullshit that these would be easy problems to solve.
And we all just kind of yearn for just one shot to test it. Maybe just one. Maybe.
I do hear where you're coming from with that.

(01:06:27):
A great moment for this film is when the call comes in from the what is it called?
The ambassador and they find out that the king of Zambezi can't remember when he's had such a good time.
Oh, it was the prime minister. Prime minister. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Yeah. And then like when Cedric and Duncan start running to each other to give each other like the double high five, then like, right.

(01:06:51):
D. Like they catch themselves. Right. Right. We're British.
Oh, damn it. Our colony lives in mid-showing.
I that was a scene I just I really I really love that they almost broke and they did break and then they tucked it away so fast.
That damn British repression. Right. Yep. We can't have fun. We're British.

(01:07:17):
That's right. Oh, my God. Then they go. OK, so they go hunting with the dogs.
No. This and this was the part that bothered me.
This was this was the one thing that I felt of all of the making fun of British and making fun of Americans that they had going on in this.
They totally missed an opportunity to make King Ralph better at guns than them.

(01:07:43):
Instead, they made him suck with them. Oh, good point. They could have made the American kind of.
Yeah, I didn't think about that, but they did kind of miss a joke on that.
Yeah, they go out hunting and then, yeah, Ralph accidentally shoots the pup in the leg.
And all the like leading right up to that, he is showing flagrantly horrible, you know, probably he's only he's only the gun like this.

(01:08:09):
Right. Yeah, like it's like, dude, you're like not only are you an American, you're from fucking Vegas, bro.
Come on. Who are you kidding? What? What? Where are you going with that?
Like if you say like Texas or Kentucky or North Dakota or something, but Vegas isn't that far from Texas.
Vegas isn't that far from Texas when it comes to that Vegas.

(01:08:35):
Yeah. Really? What do you hunt in Vegas? Gangsters.
OK, OK. You aren't going to have a rifle like a hunting rifle in Vegas.
I get that you have gun violence, but we're we're what I'm talking here.
Like I'm talking Texas, Kentucky. Like I'm talking hunting.
You know how to hold. OK, you know, look, all right.

(01:08:59):
I realize that this is being maybe a little, you know, broad here.
But if you know how to hold an Uzi, then you know how to hold a hunting rifle.
All right. They aren't that far apart.
You're really telling on yourself here.
All right. Fair, fair.
I'm going to I'm going to go ahead and just just because I need people to know that I know the difference.

(01:09:25):
Yo, yeah, there's a huge difference in holding an Uzi and holding a like a pump action rifle.
Oh, my God. And I guess I can't even think about it.
I know I'm moving on. I'm just moving on. That's too weird for me.
So the guy goes in front.

(01:09:47):
That's like that. That's like that scene from Park and Parks and Rec where he was just like, I don't have time to go into that.
Actually, no, you know what? It's going to bother me if I don't.
I've had those moments and I'm not going to I'm not going to deny that this is a little bit.
OK, yes, yes.
Then he has that guy that sits in front of him to get night get nighted and Goodman like slices his ear.

(01:10:13):
He's like, oh, you're going to want to get something for that.
I appreciated they they went so far as to they actually put blood on the dude's ear in the scene after it happened like that.
I'm like, wow, no, they really they really it wasn't just a sight gag.
They were like, no, no, no, we're going to let it be seen that he got him.
He really got this poor dude.

(01:10:34):
This is the moment that OK, so Goodman is trying to escape for the night and then Gordon winds up helping him, but informing John Hertz,
which hurt calls and facilitates the setup.
And then they head to a Burger King, which nice call having the king go to Burger King that little.

(01:10:55):
Why not? Little cheeky. I expected a McDonald's. I don't know why, but.
I mean, bigger advertiser, maybe. Yeah, I think there might have been.
I think I remember hearing somewhere that Burger King originated in England, so maybe it was kind of that whole just sort of across the pond handshake that that's who they're going to go with instead of McDonald's.

(01:11:17):
I cannot. Cannot. Cannot believe that.
Only only only because I cannot believe the royals would allow a parody on royalty like that.
Like I'm guessing like maybe now, but I'm guessing as old as Burger King is, I yeah, the Whopper Whopper is literally Bridges slang for big fucking thing.

(01:11:42):
Oh, you are right.
Ha ha, but it was started in Miami.
OK, all right. Yeah, I don't remember where I heard that, but it must have been in like a TV show or something.
And I'm sure TV shows for facts, but I am like I'm wondering that does make me think because there are like British rules where you could not mock the monarchy like so.

(01:12:06):
Right, that's true. That's that's where my big doubt on that one came in.
That's fair. It's a good point. All right.
The photographer goes and tries to get that shot and then Kodori spritzes it like with the ketchup.
Oh, right. Yeah, one like one of the dumbest laughs that this movie gives me is when the guy gets the burger that the king drops on the ground and as they run away, Your Majesty, I've got your bag.

(01:12:34):
Yeah, like he's going to take it back.
It's like it's like it's like it's like one bite of it that's left to like all the rest on the floor.
No, I did like I look like little things like that really cracked me up. Very romantic. The dance lessons in the park, but they get caught on camera.
Right. And I really I really did enjoy that.

(01:12:58):
And the scene where the scenes between these two were like that's the thing. The scenes between these two were oddly romantic.
Like there were comedic moments to just kind of play up what a what a dopey, you know, dude he was. But at the same time, there was genuine sincerity.
Like you were saying before about, you know, the the Ferris wheel, like he's you know, they're they're on a Ferris wheel together and he falls asleep laying on her shoulder.

(01:13:22):
And it's like these are some genuinely sweet moments between these two as much as a dope as this guy is.
He's like you can totally see how she's fallen for him because he's genuinely lovable, you know, he's just kind of a big dumb nice guy, you know.
Yeah, I will definitely agree with that.
OK, I know I jumped the gun with that laughter a little bit. This isn't I wasn't laughing at that scene.

(01:13:48):
The Kodori shows up and quits and then John Hurt, come back here, you little scum.
I rather I rather enjoyed that. Right.
Because it's like literally exactly what he wanted. Like she's coming in full integrity.
I'm not taking your dirty money. Why? Because she's actually fallen in love with him.
They are going to have a real relationship. And that is exactly what he wanted to have happen to ruin him with.

(01:14:13):
Like he could not have asked for a better development.
There was this is what I was laughing at.
The new oil deposits found and they want the British to be able to do it.
So there's a little bit of high pressure situation with the Finnish king coming in.
And this is a call back to an earlier moment in the film that I'd never caught before.

(01:14:35):
When Goodman says that he wants to go out on the town, he wants to see some things, having a craving for sushi.
And they're like, that's not a good idea. Like, why are the Japanese dangerous?
Oh, right. Yes, I did. I did catch that. Yes. And then when they're saying right here,
the new oil deposits are found and the Japanese are competing and Goodman goes, I've heard they can be a problem here.

(01:14:58):
Yes. Yeah, I caught that. I was like, oh, that's good. That's super subtle.
I appreciate I appreciated that as well. Yes, that was a really good little little one two for there.
No, that made me very happy just because it's kind of like watching Shrek when you're like a kid watching Shrek versus an adult watching Shrek.
I was like perfectly in the middle when Shrek came out.

(01:15:22):
So I didn't really get to experience it for the first time as either.
I caught half of the jokes and I was laughing at a bunch of the kid jokes. So yeah, this is for me growing up.
I got the same experience with the Muppet show growing up on the Muppet show and then watching it again as an adult and going, oh my God.
Oh, yes. And this Christmas we will be covering a Muppet Christmas Carol.

(01:15:49):
That is hands down. That is the best Christmas Carol. The best version.
I can agree with that. Yes, 100 percent. I cannot think of another one that even comes close to competing.
Scrooged was fun. I was going to say Scrooged might be a close second, but it still is beat.
It still is handily beat. Yes, by Muppets.

(01:16:12):
See, the Muppets Christmas Carol is a comedy with fantastic acting. Yes.
Scrooged is comedy with comedic acting. I don't think there are any genuine serious moments in there.
I mean, Bill Murray, Bill Murray's the whole movie. There is one serious moment. Is it the death scene? Yes.

(01:16:35):
OK, with the homeless guy. Oh, no, I was referencing homeless guy.
You're thinking Groundhog, Groundhog Day. No, no.
The homeless guy in Scrooged. Homeless guy in Scrooged.
Yes. When one of the last things he sees from the Ghost of Christmas Present is he sees a guy who he refused to help on the street who was homeless.

(01:17:00):
He finds him frozen to death on the streets. Oh, right.
Wow. That scene haunted me as a kid.
That's why I still remember now. It may be like one of four scenes I can recall for that movie from memory after so many years.
OK, I'll give you that. I'll give you that. That was good. Bill Murray is not Michael Caine.

(01:17:22):
No, no, no, for sure. No matter how much love I have for Bill Murray, he is not Michael Caine.
And Michael Caine playing Scrooge and when death was taking him to go look at his own tombstone.
Right. Whoa. That level of acting.
Also, Michael Caine, I'm not used to being afraid of Michael Caine, even as an adult watching him be angry Scrooge at the beginning of that movie.

(01:17:50):
He is intimidating and kind of scary. I am not used to being scared of Michael. Michael Caine is just amazing.
Yeah, you know what? You just remind me. I got to write down a movie real quick before I forget it.
The first movie I ever saw Michael Caine in.
That would be a load of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels for me.
OK, not for me. Well, I mean, you're 10 years old or so. Sure.

(01:18:14):
I think I'm not sure how much older you are than me.
When the time comes and I'm ready to suggest this movie, I'll let you know what it's called.
OK, then he finds out that he's getting married and tries to quit.
And another another scene, another line that just it makes me laugh way harder than it probably should.

(01:18:35):
John Goodman is packing up all of his stuff. He grabs his shirt and then Peter O'Toole.
Oh, no, that shirt is not yours.
I don't know why that makes me laugh so hard.
That was that was a great scene, too, because, yeah, he's like he's like, that's it.
I don't want to be king anymore. You know, you're not you know, you won't let me date the woman I want to date.
You're making me marry some chick I've never met. That's it. I'm done.

(01:18:58):
I'm out. And immediately, O'Toole is like, you can't quit, Ralph, you know, and he's like,
what happened to your highness? He's like, you don't want to be king anymore.
And so it's like immediately O'Toole is like, all right, you don't want to be king. Fine.
I will treat you like a commuter. I am going to feed you your own asshole.
Which he does. And the way he does is like, you've never finished anything in your life, have you, Ralph?

(01:19:20):
Like, right. Yeah. Like the way he uses his name like a cuss word.
Like, dude, Peter O'Toole, my God. Oh, yeah.
But I mean, he like he crushed the scene. Goodman crushed the scene.
Like this movie really does explain this movie and Roseanne.
It explains why Goodman became Goodman. 100 percent.

(01:19:43):
Yes, you really see it right from the beginning.
Goddury calls and breaks it off.
And it was nice. Like it was there was understanding.
There was like like the way that that happened, that actually like they handled that with maturity.
And logic. And I really appreciated that neither of these two were actually the bad guys in this movie.

(01:20:08):
And I really loved that.
Usually when you get a scene like this, someone someone has to become the bad guy in the argument.
Somebody has to go hot headed.
There has to be something to apologize for later in the movie.
Right. Yeah. But now that doesn't happen with these two.
They literally are just both like, yeah, you have a good point.
And I'm really sad. And that's the conversation.

(01:20:31):
And this might be heartfelt.
This might again bringing back to I was going to say just like again, bringing back to how every scene with these two is genuinely sweet.
You know, OK, true.
The hurt sets up the false invite.
Right. Which I would say that's a plot hole because how

(01:20:54):
John Hurt didn't think this would be discovered is kind of weird.
But yeah, you know, I mean, it was too easy to be caught.
So that is that is probably my only plot hole and my one nitpick for this film.
I would say if I if I were to give it the mental gymnastics required to justify it,

(01:21:17):
royalty thinks they're way smarter than they are.
Well, yeah, but not the servants. If there was a problem and stuff like that, like the servants would probably still have to figure something out.
Well, yeah. Gordon. Why Gordon didn't think he would get caught.
That is a good question. Why John Hurt didn't think he would get caught is obvious.
Oh, OK. You were talking Percival Greaves. OK. Right. OK. OK. Fair enough.

(01:21:39):
The Finnish king shows up. And then when Ralph absolutely nails the greeting that he botched in the beginning
and then he turns around and gives Cedric that like smug look just who nailed it.
I nailed it. Ralph nailed it. I absolutely loved it.

(01:22:00):
But then, oh, my God, those misunderstandings with the king versus the king at the table about fox hunting.
And I know. Yeah, that is that is that is brilliant. Right.
Your wife likes fox hunting. Oh, yes. Absolutely. OK.
Like, Anna's not into it. Oh, yes. Anna loves it. Most royals do. And the look on his face.

(01:22:25):
It was great. Then they find out.
OK, so the jokes first, it's about it's a perfect sport for gentlemen.
Well, if I ever become one, I'll look into that. The king thinks that it's a thing that king thinks it's a joke.
But Ralph was actually like, I'm not a gentleman and I'm just being honest. Right.
Love that. Fox hunting. And then, oh, my God, that wine with the cornish hens.

(01:22:51):
That was a miracle of physics.
The fact that all of those full glasses of wine fell down like dominoes.
Absolutely no momentum was lost. Did you see a wire? I watched a couple. I watched it a couple of times.
I could not find the wire. I did not see a wire.
I think there I think they might have actually used squibs because it looks like in each glass of wine, the wine shot upwards just before the glass went to the side.

(01:23:21):
I think if they were to use squibs, it would have been way bigger of a splash.
But I still could. I could not find the wire. So I can't answer on how they did that.
I'm betting they probably had some under the wine glasses that pushed them is my thinking.
I don't think it was wires. It was something underneath. Yeah, that might be the way I might go back and watch that one again.
Just kind of check that.

(01:23:46):
But I love that Cedric was like, just a run of extraordinarily bad luck, Your Majesty.
It could have happened to anyone.
Like, and you find out later why he's being so encouraging and everything like that.
But at the same time, he was looking at that epic faux pas and also kind of thinking, oh, my God, what if that happened to me?

(01:24:07):
And he's like, come on, man, like, you got to you got to chill it out a bit.
Well, and that brings well, when we get to that part of the movie, I'll bring it up.
But this is the ball and the reveal of Anna's voice.
Now, first of all, this is the point of the movie where I started to have issue with Ralph.

(01:24:28):
OK, all right. Because, OK, sure.
She's got a bit of a deep voice. Bit.
So here's the thing is like, so, you know, she's down there.
We found out she's got a deep voice. OK. A touch manish.
But you know what? These are things there's there's things that can be worked through in a relationship when it comes to stuff like that.

(01:24:53):
And I get he didn't want to be with her.
He's still thinking about Jackie Tyler and I get it, you know, between the two, I would have picked Jackie Tyler as well.
But, you know, in this situation, she's very down to earth.
He's like, look, we're being forced into this marriage.
You don't want to marry me, do you? And she's like, no, no, no, I get what you're saying.
I get it. It's politics. You don't want to marry me. I don't want to marry you.

(01:25:16):
But we've got we're royalty. We're kind of stuck with this.
And and here's the thing. Here's the thing.
This is where things really turn for me when she says, but look, I can deal with this.
I can console myself with this. She's like, you're boorish commoner.
I don't know you, but I can console myself with thinking about how fantastic your ass is.

(01:25:39):
And it's like, excuse me. And she's like, yeah, no.
And she sits there and describes how she imagines their epic sex life as a consolment to them being in a loveless political marriage.
And this upsets Ralph for some reason.
Like, this is the part where I'm like, if dude, this is where we go, oh, we can be friends.

(01:26:05):
Like, like, but no, Ralph is like he comes out of that going like she's an absolute nightmare.
Oh, no, he does not. You dare to call yourself an American, Ralph.
Way, way intimidated by that woman because she's like, because he is he is a lovable, goofy, innocent guy who's not he's not that guy.

(01:26:31):
He is not the guy that is going to bang the queen while the servants watch and applaud, which is what she does.
You're really like kind of just glancing right past that and going right.
No, she's like, oh, I is like, and then you can take me over the grand piano.
Why? And he's like, wouldn't be kind of awkward if the servants were watching.

(01:26:55):
Like, I would hope so. It's like, oh, my God. This is not the kind of woman that Ralph is into.
So I do see that. And he comes out of it and Cedric gets the lowdown and he's like, oh, she sounds like a man, everything like that.
But at least I'll be able to have exhibition sex in front of all the servants as we get older.

(01:27:19):
Like, he goes through the whole thing and the way that he drops it all down on Cedric and walks away.
And then Peter O'Toole's what the fuck face just the absolutely perfect moment.
But then it for me, the thing that kept me going back and watching this movie over and over as a kid, the good golly Miss Molly scene.

(01:27:41):
Right. Oh, my God. Like, Doc, go for it, man.
I mean, I don't know. I don't really have any. Yeah, it was a fun scene for sure.
Yeah. And I get why, you know, this was a very John Goodman moment.
It's definitely not a I feel like that's probably one of those things where it's like that's how they got TV star,

(01:28:05):
probably very expensive star, John Goodman to agree to do this role was because they're like,
and there's a part where you can basically perform good golly Miss Molly.
And he's like, I'm in because he clearly was having the time of his life with that one.
Oh, yes. And in my eyes, that's the that is the scene that made him the star.

(01:28:26):
OK, yeah. All right. I could see that.
Like that. There's always a scene like in earlier films and stuff like that where you see a moment where the actor who is going to become a big star in the future
shows their ability to commit 100 percent of the way to a scene.
And I feel like the good golly Miss Molly scene was that for John Goodman. Yeah.

(01:28:47):
Yeah. He held nothing back and he left it all on the floor. Yep.
He's playing the piano. He is, in fact, singing. That is his voice.
And it is absolutely outstanding. The energy in that the embarrassment across all the royals across the entire ball.
Right. And he tries to go dance with Anna doesn't work. And then he finds Poduri. Right.

(01:29:12):
This is this is his showstopper back in Vegas. Why don't these people appreciate it?
Well, that's the thing. He says, he's like, I've never had an audience this big and I would like to do my thing.
And I'm like, do your thing, Goodman. You do your thing, Ralph. Just I love this character.
But then Corduria was there and Hart's plan worked better than he even could have imagined

(01:29:38):
because Goodman runs towards her, dances with her, pisses the princess off, humiliates the king, the Finnish king.
The engagement is off. Everything tanked. And then he gets double jumped and the king lays royal egg headline.
Yeah. Like this is and this is where the movie takes its turn,

(01:30:02):
where hurt speaks out about the embarrassment of an American coming over and doing this and Ralph is walking around moping
and having him mope with those royal swans was I like that. I thought I thought it was a good inclusion.
Cedric finds the invite and then Ralph visits Koduri and finds out about the whole setup. And I'm not going to lie.

(01:30:31):
The anger that Goodman brought into that scene, I remember being a kid and being worried about Koduri.
Like, like I was like, dude, he looks real, real angry. Yeah.
Like, I wasn't sure what kind of movie I was watching at that point, but that scene, like, but that's the thing. Goodman really brought it.

(01:30:54):
Yeah. I mean, I know my look, like my face kind of looks surprised when I said that. It's not a surprise.
No. And again, like that's one of those things where it's like, you know, we've had some stellar comedy from him all the way up to this point.
And now he's bringing the truly emotional drama on top of it.
And so it's like, yeah, this movie may not have been a hit, but you can totally see why Goodman went places afterwards. Oh, absolutely.

(01:31:20):
Yeah. And I love that line. You were England to me, Miranda.
Yeah, I mean, she was the only reason he was really sticking it out for as long as he did.
And the only times he ever had second thoughts were when they were telling him that she couldn't be around.
Interestingly enough.

(01:31:42):
Okay, no, actually, I'm going to change how I set that up.
When Gordon gets busted and then we see that like kind of that rough security guard for the king, just kind of that smile and says, don't worry, it'll come back to you.
All right. Dude was getting royal torture.
Yeah, that was that was that was a line that they they just kind of like very subtle, very little bit, everything like that.

(01:32:07):
And we never saw Gordon again. That was a Mission Impossible line is what that was.
That I think Gordon died after that.
That's why they had to present his confession letter at Parliament and not Gordon because Gordon wasn't around.
You never saw Gordon for the rest of the movie.

(01:32:29):
He got busted. They threatened him and he was gone.
Then but also, okay, Ralph calls Duncan out on the whole. We decided on you from earlier in the story.
And we find out that Cedric played once again by Peter O'Toole passed up on the throne.
And the way that they do this scene.

(01:32:55):
I mean, when Peter O'Toole says like, I was so determined to make sure that you did the job so well that Justin Case was never like was not even like just could never happen.
That the event of Justin Case could never even be a possibility. Right. Yeah.
Oh, it didn't even occur to me until you brought it up in the earlier recap.

(01:33:16):
Those things that he's saying about the weight of the crown and how it must be borne by a man and all that sort of stuff like that scene is already weighty.
Add to the fact that this is a guy who has also acclaimed to the throne and turned it down and has now been working his ass off to make sure he doesn't have to be offered it again.

(01:33:37):
Now, all of a sudden, that scene weighs so much more.
And that didn't even hit me until you were describing it a few moments later.
Imagine watching this movie a second time. Probably is this might be one of those movies where like a hundred more things come up on the second or third watch, which is hard to believe considering how dopey the whole fucking movie is.

(01:34:00):
Dopey yet amazingly well written.
Addresses. Okay, so now King Ralph, he goes and he addresses Parliament and Graves is the one who introduces him.
And when Ralph addresses Parliament and says that he had that conversation with the King of Zambezi and they brought a bunch of new jobs to England and all that.

(01:34:22):
John Hertz single.
That petty ass single clap.
Oh, that cracks me up too much.
But then he calls out Graves and on the treason act of 1702 and then forgetting which William and then we get that kind of kind of a call.

(01:34:44):
We don't actually call back to it. You just have to remember it.
He kind of mumbles it right.
We don't hear him say the limerick, but he mumbles it and you can tell from the meter of the mumble that he's repeating what she told him back in the car.
Yeah, I thought that I thought that was great.
But what I found out is it was after this movie was released about a decade after they did change the law of the treason act of 1702 to where it's imprisoned for life and no longer death.

(01:35:16):
Because in this movie, that is a death sentence. So Graves was killed at the end of this movie.
So this this book has a two body count, at least not including the royal family.
I was just about to say this movie has like a person body count.

(01:35:38):
Oh my God, this movie might have a higher body count than Pulp Fiction.
I mean, we don't know what Tommy did to that bouncer.
Long live Cedric the first. And but this is like this was and we talked about this a little bit earlier.
This was my actual whack ass fantasy that somebody who did not belong in the White House accidentally got there because of a marketing campaign and then would step down and just kind of say to the American people, you need to pay attention more.

(01:36:13):
That would have made the Trumpster my actual hero, my actual real life hero, if he would have done that, which is a weird thing to say.
Yeah, yeah. But I am I am telling you, if that is how that would have gone down.
And he would have went back to The Apprentice or went and started a Joe Rogan style podcast or something.

(01:36:34):
He probably would have like it would have taken a while for me to get burnt out on him. But I might have stuck with him for a while because that is kind of my actual fantasy that somebody will be handed absolute power and then hand it to the right person.
Yeah, that is that is that is a fantasy.

(01:36:58):
He gets an annual salary and a house of the recording studio and Peter O'Toole.
He still gets to live the royal life. He's not king anymore. He has no responsibilities.
Oh, he's got a better life at this point.
That's the thing is like now he gets he has he has a big ass house and a salary and his own recording studio.

(01:37:19):
He still gets to be a royal is now he has like zero responsibilities except to raise a kid for when Peter O'Toole dies. And boy, does he get busy on that with Jackie Tyler right away.
Pretty quick. And yeah, yeah.
And but Peter O'Toole's little speech about him being a good and decent man.

(01:37:41):
Yeah, that was that was a good speech. Yeah, that really was.
Like, I mean, just just being himself, being a good man, a decent man.
And it should like that.
I love this movie.
I mean, that scene did get tears from me and I'm still not entirely certain why.

(01:38:03):
It's just I don't know. I just don't know what it is about speed like moments like that of just pure integrity and just solid reality.
I just I don't know what it is. I love it.
A little a little McCain Brothers moment there kind of thing.
Yes. And then the you got to get the girl and he goes in his original clothing is Green Bay Packers code and he goes and somehow Miranda's life got better.

(01:38:33):
She had a bad job. Then she got fired from that job. Now it seems that she's got a nice job in a respectable area and all this stuff. When the hell did that happen?
Well, she went back home is what it was, wasn't it? OK, OK, OK, OK.
All right. From my my my understanding, the reason why.
Yeah, the reason why she was in London in the first place was to try to send money home.

(01:38:54):
But then she lost that job. So now she's back in her hometown.
So she's got a better job and all that, but she's not making as much money and her family still struggling and all that. OK, I think is the downside of that. OK, fair enough.
But and then John Goodman getting knighted and then the very then putting his hands over his ears because he's afraid he's going to get cut.
And the smile on Peter O'Toole's face and just like the fact that John Goodman went from like he smiles like.

(01:39:19):
And then like you look down and got afraid. He never cut character.
No, he stayed in character like the whole way through, and I really loved that.
And then there are some movies that when the movie ends, I have to keep going until the song stops.
This is one of those movies.

(01:39:42):
When it comes to the Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of War. Oh, my.
I love this movie.
I mean, well, that song is a classic for a reason. I mean, let's be honest that they could have put that song at the end of Saw and we would have stuck around in the true.
But I just like hearing John Goodman sing.

(01:40:04):
Like that's that's just all this and the fact that that was John Goodman singing that makes me happy.
I mean, I know you said you've been what you've been waiting for, you know, the John Goodman album.
You may just have to go out and buy the King Ralph soundtrack and be happy with that.
I mean, you know, if it's on Spotify, that's already done.
All right. That closing thoughts on King Ralph.

(01:40:27):
Closing thoughts on King Ralph. Look, it's a lovely movie.
I enjoyed the hell out of it.
I don't know if I can call this one a must see for the same for the same reason as, you know, last week with The Wrong Guy.
It's a quality comedy. I think people should see it. But in the terms of, like I said, the standards that I've set for myself here on the whole like cultural media literacy thing, it doesn't doesn't quite hit the snuff on it.

(01:40:53):
So I'll give you that. This is one of my absolute favorites, but I am not going to pretend that just because I love it so much that it's better than what it is.
Right. But yeah, I mean, it is definitely a fun movie. I think if you have the time for it, you'd enjoy it.
I don't think you'd regret. I don't think anybody would regret watching this one.
Probably not. No, I don't see any areas where that might happen.

(01:41:18):
I mean, yeah, like if you're.
Now, I will get into that thought, but I will get into that part of the thought.
I'll say this just for just for like a fun little like fan, you know, like a fan fiction type thing.
The the actress whose name I'm forgetting, she's just Jackie Tyler to me for some reason.

(01:41:39):
But Cordura. Yeah. The characters essentially the same.
You could almost say that this is like a prequel to Doctor Who in this regard, because she's basically playing the same character just 20 years earlier.
That's funny. Yeah, that is funny. That is. Oh, man, I got to kind of give you that.
All right. That is going to bring a close to King Ralph.

(01:42:02):
Part two of tonight's episode is Arachnophobia written by Don Jacoby, Al Williams and Wesley Strick,
directed by Frank Marshall, starring Jeff Daniels, Julian Sands, John Goodman and Harley Jane Kozak with Stuart Pankin,
Brian McNamara, Mark L. Taylor and Henry Jones.

(01:42:26):
I'm sorry. Every time Henry Jones opened his mouth in this movie, I was falling to the ground laughing. And I'm wondering, is he like a I didn't look into him.
I should have. Is he which one was he again? He's the doctor that Daniels was supposed to replace.
Right. That guy was hilarious. And he he's been around a long time. I don't remember.

(01:42:47):
I don't think he's around anymore. I've seen him. Well, no, sir. He's he's definitely he's definitely left us for sure.
He was he was on death. He was on death's door back in the 90s.
True. Did you catch who played his wife?
I did. Yes. Francis. Yeah. And Bay.
I cannot believe how many crossovers we're getting with these episodes week to week.

(01:43:09):
But well, and first off, we should probably with this movie, this might be the first movie that, you know,
for all of the weird shit that we have brought on, this movie needs a trigger warning for for our for our audience.
It does not. If you suffer, if you suffer from any fear of spiders at all, if you have arachnophobia or if you just have a spider problem,

(01:43:31):
this is not the movie for you. This is movie is the opposite of therapeutic.
Obviously, that's why it doesn't need a trigger warning. The trigger warning is the title.
Like, you know, like what the fuck? So I got a hard disagree with you there.
I'm just going to I'm saying my piece. I'm my service to the people.

(01:43:53):
I still don't still think our number one trigger warning movie for this channel has got to be freeway.
Probably. You know, you're probably right. Yeah, it's got all the hard shit in it.
And it blows through a lot of it pretty quick without warning.
Oh, yeah. You don't see that coming at all. And it hits you pretty hard.

(01:44:15):
The kind of a kind of a tragic I'm not going to call this a fun fact.
This is a tragic fact. Julian Sands, who played the spider doctor in this movie, right, was found dead last year in Central America.
He did not know he was dead. I had not heard that he passed.

(01:44:37):
He was on a hike in Central America and he was found five months after he'd gone missing.
They do not know the cause of death.
Damn, not exactly a fun fact.
But when you're considering who he was and what he played in this movie, there's yeah, there's a little there's some very morbid fun fact.

(01:45:00):
And this to that that I'm going to let somebody else decide how they feel about that.
I thought it was interesting. Right. Yeah. No. Good call. Good call on that one.
Being real here, we open this movie on an expedition to an untouched region.
And for anybody who is thinking about becoming a world traveler, there's a pretty solid rule of the world.

(01:45:26):
If the locals stop walking, you stop walking.
Not not white people, man, not white people.
OK, as true as that is.
I don't have an argument.

(01:45:48):
That photographer falls into the web.
Nope. Just this movie has so many nope moments.
Just yeah, well, and this and this photographer manly like out of the gate, we're seeing this dude is in way over his head like he's he's been sent by, you know, a magazine to go shoot this expedition.
We find out right away that this is not what he usually does.

(01:46:10):
He's a sports photographer. He's not a travel photographer or a science photographer.
This is probably, you know, they don't say for sure, but it feels like this is his first time outside of the United States.
And he's been dropped into the South American Amazon like, holy shit, he is way out of his league right out of the gate.
Yeah, I'm definitely going to say he definitely felt fish out of water and compared to there.
There are multiple times there are multiple times where he is reminded to take pictures because he's just sitting there going, good point.

(01:46:38):
Yeah, I mean, come on. If you were I mean, I am I have been a professional photographer.
I did that for years. If you put me in that setting, that's me.
All I'm doing is looking up, looking around, wondering where the spiders are coming at, covering my mouth and like protecting all the holes that I have.

(01:47:02):
No, that is that is not that.
I'm not going to say that I'm truly arachnophobic because also the only warning that I'm going to give for arachnophobia is a lot of people watch this during the Halloween season.
And that is the worst time of year to watch this movie because that is quite literally spider season.

(01:47:23):
I was outside walking today, took a like took a break, stopped looking around.
Oh, look at the pretty leaves. Look down at my foot.
And there is a spider cruising across like not across my foot, but you're like right next to it and cruising by me.
And I sat there. I stood there and I had to think I'm like, when's the last time that happened?

(01:47:44):
It hasn't even been 12 hours since I've watched arachnophobia.
When is the last time that I had that happen?
You manifested the spider, my brother, my wife and her friend, our friend saw an albino black widow right outside our door.
And I'm like, this is I asked for this.

(01:48:05):
I summoned this is what happened here.
And I'm not OK with that. That's the first solid evidence that we live in a situation that we live in a simulation I've ever heard.
I don't like it. Albino black widow. I don't like that.
That's just that's wrong within hours after watching the movie arachnophobia.

(01:48:26):
Yeah, no, then God is real and he hates us.
Well, yeah. OK, so the thing about this movie and when you like, yes, we anthropomorphize animals all the time.
We assign our own feelings to them and thoughts. Sure.
This movie anthropomorphized that spider and one hundred because it sat out like away from that tree.

(01:48:50):
Watch the spider doc kill all those spiders and bugs.
And it vowed vengeance. This the first act of this movie is a story of revenge by spider.
That is what this is, which ends on a love story.
That's what's amazing about it. Yeah, we're going to get into it.

(01:49:17):
It's just, oh, my God, that jump at the camera and just I'm sorry, a spider that hisses.
No, wow. Leaping while having making a sound like a rattlesnakes rattle.
No. Yeah. OK, this movie.
Yes, there is another movie out there called. Nope.

(01:49:40):
It should have been this one. Oh, when they were writing this, they literally went like, all right.
What kind of shit are people scared of? Spiders got that rattlesnake noises.
Got it. Bugs that hiss. But we now is a great.
That was a great thing about the 90s. Like, you know what?
Like the Tyrannosaurus Rex in Jurassic Park, they mixed a few different animals together.

(01:50:03):
But one of the most notable animals that they used is the elephants.
I don't want to say roar. What would you call that trumpet?
There you go. The elephant's trumpet.
Like as they as like that, that is like the key sound in the T.
Rex in Jurassic Park that really eats at people because the one that always gets me.

(01:50:25):
And I guess I am speaking for myself.
It's the high pitched one when they roar is that high pitched aspect that rings in.
When I found out the animals that they mix together and it was it was a couple, a few.
And the only one that I do remember distinctly was the elephant was the sound.
That's for the T. Rex. But that was the perfect decision.

(01:50:51):
Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Have you heard.
But have you heard the what they actually think T. Rex to sound like?
No, I have not. It is like a deep, like kind of guttural almost click.
OK. And that makes sense. It does make it does make sense.
And when you think about that in like a jungle setting, whoa, that is way more terrifying.

(01:51:13):
I mean, they're never going to change what a T.
Rex sounds like in cinema. No, because it's too iconic.
But if they ever actually did an accurate one, like a like a horror movie with dinosaurs,
that's the way they should go. Yeah.
Well, I mean, I mean, it just goes to show, like, you know, even today when they're making dinosaur movies,
they still put the brontosaurus in there.

(01:51:34):
We've known since the 80s, the brontosaurus wasn't a thing that that was a mistake.
I know, I know. But that is Hollywood. Yeah.
What's your favorite dinosaur, by the way?
My favorite dinosaur? I don't know.
I don't know if I've ever had one, actually. Bullshit.
There's no way as a kid you didn't have a favorite dinosaur.

(01:51:56):
Not that I can recall. If I did, it was long enough ago. I don't remember.
I mean, I was into the kind of I was one of those like into the kind of the whole thing.
Whenever a new documentary about dinosaurs came out. Yes, I watched them all.
But I thought dinosaurs were just cool in general.
But a brachiosaurus and a stegosaurus were the two that like really stuck out in my mind.

(01:52:18):
It's very solid. And you can blame the land before time.
Oh, for sure. Yeah. Yeah.
For me, for me, the big one was PBS came out with a special that they just called Dinosaurs.
And the narrator for it was this guy named Gary Owens,
who also happened to be the announcer for a lot of like kids TV shows.
And it was so popular that they made like 10 sequels and they just kept coming out like every month.

(01:52:44):
Wasn't that dinosaur ripoff of Roseanne just called Dinosaurs?
I think it was, too. Yeah. That I can't.
So I can't remember a thing about that show, but I can tell you that my family watched the hell out of that.
It was it was uniquely funny in its own way. Yes.
I get why it didn't it didn't last because it was probably one of the most expensive shows to produce on TV.

(01:53:09):
Oh, I could see that.
You know, that actually kind of raises the question of all the streaming services and everything that I have never seen dinosaurs ever pop up as a suggestion.
And that is one that probably would take the country by storm again.
Probably. Yeah, that's a good question. I wonder who owns that.
I wonder. I'm going to look at I want to look into that after the show, because I think that's what I'm going to do this week is just because I'm pretty sure because I'm pretty sure Jim Henson

(01:53:33):
predict the Jim Henson company produced it, which would mean that would be owned by Disney by now.
But it was on Fox. So when Disney has been requiring everything from Fox, I mean, God, they got Deadpool now.
That's true. Yeah. So I don't know. Maybe maybe it's still in rights dispute or something like that.
Maybe that's what's keeping it out. But back to this one, I'm going to look I'm going to look into that.

(01:53:56):
But, yeah, back to this with the aspect of spider soldiers and like drones and everything like that, right, like a hive of spiders.
Yes, I looked into that. That is not a thing. Thank God. Right. Thank God.
That is not a thing. They made very clear that this is a very special monster spider. Yes. Yes.

(01:54:21):
Kept in captivity or not kept to be but in seclusion for isolation, isolation for millions of years.
This one specific canyon, which I don't know. Not just a canyon, a sinkhole, just like straight up sinkhole, a big giant hole in the ground that's been there for so long.
It's got its own ecosystem now.
I can't find I can't find a pen. I'm going to text you something so you can help me remember to bring it up at the after hour.

(01:54:51):
OK. OK.
The attack in the cot and that quick ish death.
And then that spider goes in with him in the coffin. I mean.
No, it's worse. We're still on the revenge kick here because because that spider watched Manley squashed the spider stomping under his foot.

(01:55:17):
And he and we see the cut. We see Manley stomping on the spider that attacked him.
And it cuts to the spider's eyes in the tree watching him do it. And from that moment on, that spider is like, I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill your whole family.
I'm going to go to your hometown and kill everyone you know. And that's exactly what you did because no one else at that camp died.
The spider goes straight for the camp, kills Manley, crawls into his coffin, goes home with him.

(01:55:43):
This spider had a plan. It really did. And I was not OK with it.
Oh, my God, I was not OK with it. Really quick, though, I wanted to bring this up.
The animatronic general spider that we are talking about was one of the first props that was ever done by Jamie Heineman, one of the stars of Mythbusters.

(01:56:07):
Mythbusters. Yeah, that is dope. Nice. That's very cool.
One of his very first props. And whoa, he did a good job. That thing. Oh, yeah. Reaped me out all the way.
That's what I wanted to look up. So welcome to Kainama and the Kendall funeral home. Doc, why don't you go into that one real quick?

(01:56:32):
Well, first of all, we get our introduction to probably one of the most tired tropes in movie history, the mortician that keeps bringing food into the morgue.
This guy walks in with a sandwich in hand right out of the gates, and they're prying open the coffin.

(01:56:53):
Manley, the hometown photographer made goods, been sent back from South America.
They open the coffin to find out that he has been completely, utterly exsanguinated.
He is a dried up husk, because he's been riding with a spider that's been munching on him for the last who knows how many thousands of miles.

(01:57:15):
Constantly attacking him as they have been doing this. Yes, that one got to me.
And they write it off. They don't even blink. They write it off as a cultural difference. They basically think the South Americans did it to them as a preservation method before sending him home.
I got it right here. But OK, something that I did want to bring up real quick.

(01:57:36):
So the name of the town that arachnophobia takes place in is called Kainama, which in the real world,
Kainama is the name of the avenging spirit of the Guyana Indians. And it's also the name of the area in Venezuela where the beginning of the movie was filmed and home to the world's tallest waterfall, Angel Falls.

(01:57:59):
Sweet. I thought it was pretty cool. I thought it was pretty cool that they that they roped all of those things in there.
But yes, the avenging spirit being that spider, I believe it.
Absolutely. 100%. Yep. Oh, my God. That was that was an absolutely terrifying.
Like, there's there was there was no part about that. That was not absolutely horrifying to me.

(01:58:22):
There's no argument. Bro, that's we are we are 100 percent anti-vengeance spider on this stream.
I just want to make that clear. No one here is pro spider vengeance.
Correct. Prying open the coffin and then you get that moment with the spider and just like, oh, God, not the kitty, because you always you always get worried about the animals in these things in these things like you really do.

(01:58:51):
You don't know which direction the movie is going to take that, especially in the 80s and 90s in the 80s and 90s.
They often killed off pets to raise to raise suspense.
Correct. I mean, Pet Sematary, plain and simple. Which Kelly, our little trip up to North Dakota, Kelly and I drove into a pet cemetery and we just could not stop laughing.

(01:59:16):
And then like a few a couple of minutes later, I was like. Oh, we just we just laughed our way through a whole bunch of sadness right there.
Wow. I remember when I was in junior high making an argument in my speech class, I literally did a speech in my speech class about how Disney hates dogs.
And I did it by listing off all of the Disney movies that had come out in the last few years, which feature a dead dog in them.

(01:59:40):
You were a fun child.
Well, then our spiders taken off and Kro gives it a lift to our very first look at Daniels and Kozak and the spider takes the bird just immediately out.
And how quick how quick that drop was was nothing but comical.

(02:00:01):
Like this movie had a couple of good laughs and I appreciated that.
And let's find your mom and kill that spider like that. Let's kill the spider. Let's find your mom and kill that spider.
Daniels was the right choice for that.
The family knows the family knows that that dad hates spiders.
There's no one surprised by this at all.

(02:00:22):
You know, he's like, honey, you need to kill a spider. And they're like, oh, oh, we're at this again.
Well, and this was our this is I think what you were referring to as the love story.
Right. Because here's the thing. Here's the one of the things they point out is that this spider that they find in the house has hitched a ride with them since San Francisco.

(02:00:43):
They opened up their moving box and there's a spider in there.
So this spider got in the moving box in San Francisco and hitched a ride with them to the small town the same way that the the general spider from South Africa hitched a ride in Manly's coffin.
So here we are. We got these two crazy spider kids who are in a weird town that neither of them wanted to be in.
One of them's, you know, just a regular working class spider from San Francisco.

(02:01:06):
The other one's a South African warlord. And these crazy kids get together and make a family.
That's the romance of this movie.
South American. But yes.
What did I say?
South African.
Oh, my bad. OK, yes. I meant South American warlord. Yes.
I actually now you mention it.

(02:01:29):
I don't know what kind of spiders are in Africa.
I know Australian. I know European and I know South American.
I don't know what's in Africa.
I was going to say, isn't that where tarantulas come from? But no, those are South American.
Those are South and Central America. Actually, and North America.
You get them all over in Texas and Tennessee.

(02:01:52):
Yeah. Now that you mention it, I'm not aware. I don't know of any African spiders either.
That's kind of a weird one.
Like a weird gap in knowledge I wouldn't have thought about.
And well, I'm certainly not looking any up because I don't think it's any of its good news.
No, well, I mean, the good news is I'm not there. So that is the good news on that one.
The little.

(02:02:16):
So Daniels and Kozak have their love scene and then our Californian spider and our South American spider have their love scene.
Spider love scene. It's in the moonlight.
It is. It is a moonlit spider love scene.
The little legs are just gently resting down like they literally they.

(02:02:40):
Oh, for God's sake, man, come on.
A slight filter is OK.
We've got the explicit tag on the stream, right?
Yes. Yes. God damn it.
The doctor changed. Oh, this. Can you imagine being in a situation like this?

(02:03:01):
The doctor changes his mind on retiring.
Right. And like he lures the doctor here is like, I'm going to give you all of my clients and then just changes his mind on retiring.
So now this guy moved to a town and he's stuck there for what? To die?
Here's the thing. There first of all, there's got to be grounds for a lawsuit there for starters.

(02:03:23):
Second of all, I don't think anybody would have blinked twice if he just killed the man right there.
Like, like he literally uprooted his entire life, moved halfway across the country,
bought a house, set up all on the promise that this guy was going to retire so that he could take over his practice.
And he waits until he arrives.

(02:03:46):
The moving vans have already unpacked.
And that's when he changes his mind. Oh, yeah. I don't care how old he was.
I would have strangled him right there. Oh, my God.
Moving the whole family, everything. Oh, hell no.
The most. Yeah, that's the thing in this like, is this a horror movie? This is a horror movie.

(02:04:07):
I mean, it says horror movie on the like streaming platform.
If you look at its genres, it's like thriller or whatever.
I don't know. Maybe it depends.
But the scariest part of this movie is actually that being put in that situation.
I know, right? Which is kind of random.

(02:04:28):
That's the thing is this movie didn't even need the spiders.
You could have just had the whole movie about that, about these two doctors.
That would have been a good movie, too. That would have been a good movie.
Like that's it. But that's the mark of a good horror movie or really a good movie,
as if the sub stories and the subplots and everything like that do match and they carry their own.
That is true. Yes. I think it's a big mistake when writers or filmmakers, they're like, oh, that's a good idea.

(02:04:52):
I'm going to save that for later. It's like. Are you sure? Yeah.
I mean, if it's a good idea, maybe use it on the produce. You make the project good.
Yeah. I've seen that mistake happen a few times in our work and stuff like that.
Well, not I guess not in our work, but in while we've been working together, I've seen some of the stuff.

(02:05:13):
And when you hold off on using good ideas, you don't necessarily know that you're going to get an opportunity to use that.
Sometimes it's a very lay it out on the table. Yeah, that is a very good point.
I think that's something Kevin Smith has said before, too.
Like he said, part of the reason he had so much random shit in like clerks and mall rats is because he literally was thinking,

(02:05:35):
I may never get a chance to do this again, so I might as well do it now.
OK, I can see that. I mean, but and that and that is a good point, especially when you're doing your first film.
And pretty much pretty much I think I think everything in clerks actually worked. Oh, yeah.
Good news and bad news. And she immediately steps up and she's like, I got to do is get a phone and a fax machine and I can get back to work.

(02:05:57):
And I'm like, you know, that's a good partner. You know, something happens.
You come to it. It doesn't need to be a fight or a freak out. Just what do we do? Let's do it.
That is that is a good part. I do. I do appreciate any movie.
And I and they and we talked a little bit about it in in King Ralph as well.
I do appreciate a movie where they don't take the cheap thrill of making the relationship part of the drama.

(02:06:22):
Yes. You know, it's not necessary. You know, right.
If your main story is good enough, that is that craps not necessary.
Exactly. Yes. And he gets that and just move into a new town as a doctor and you get one patient just hoping that she'll be ravaged by a disease.
And she can be seven patients in one. No. Right. You found the only healthy 80 year old on the planet.

(02:06:48):
Sixty. She's only 60. OK, 60. Whatever. Plenty of healthy 60 year olds doesn't like doesn't.
Now my joke is it's it's not an it's not entirely a whatever because that comes in later in the movie because she does pass away.
And he has this whole thing where he's like she was only 60 years old. That's what the fuck happened.
You know, right. And he and the whole thing like he took her off the medication and he's got like this this big kick that he has to kind of prove that he wasn't responsible for her death.

(02:07:17):
Like you're saying, there was a good subplot in this movie and it got you to care about the characters in a good way.
So that's the thing is like in not counting Manley's death, we were almost halfway through the movie before anybody else died.
It was all just developing these characters, this town, these relationships, these personalities.

(02:07:40):
They made the work to get us to give a shit about these people.
So when they started dying off, we felt it. You know, it mattered.
Like we felt the scare, the horror, the sorrow.
Like we were right there with it every when someone when someone died and they're all like, oh, God, this is terrible. We're like, oh, yeah, this is terrible.

(02:08:03):
As opposed to like, yeah, they started the movie and they gave us that anticipation.
They gave us the setting. They gave us everything that we needed to know.
Then they got us to start caring. And that was a good way to actually go about that.
That's that is actually a pretty solid horror movie trope. They do that pretty often.
Friday the 13th films, a lot of times you open on a death, then you get the kids heading to camp.

(02:08:27):
Like, OK, so I can see it. But this movie really did a good job with that.
Yep. And they and they kept the pacing really well because the whole time while we're watching this, you know, character drama unfold in this town,
just every once in a while, we're cutting back to what the spiders are up to.
We're still getting the foreshadowing of what's happening with months are passing and the new nest being formed.

(02:08:51):
Right. Exactly. So it's like it's not we're not forgetting that there's a threat of spiders.
We're still seeing the tension of it.
Good job. Because when his first patient, that neighbor lady, that healthy 60 year old, she says in a month, I will throw you a party.
Very next scene is that party. So we find out that a month has passed.
And so the time that the spider love making has happened and the like maybe spider making is all underway and all the stuff.

(02:09:20):
No, like the movie did a good job of actually explaining to us how how quickly time was passing and it was not clunky at all.
I thought that was a good job. No, it was remarkably well paced the whole way through for sure.
The Kozak photos, the webs in the barn. Another nope moment. That is too much.

(02:09:41):
Like, yes, you go to a bar and you get to see webs. That is too much.
Yeah, it's like I get it. Like she's impressed. She's like, oh, yeah, the spider made a home.
That is not a spider made a home. That's the number of webs.
That's a spider made Manhattan.
Right. Exactly. Like that is that is call National Geographic and the police at the same time.
Number of webs in your barn, lady. Come on. Oh, my God. OK.

(02:10:05):
This is a moment like this where like the background, like creating the scene and these these types of moments, I think, are really, really important for films.
Talking about the neighbor that's going to throw the party as the daughter is incessantly trying to clean the table.
Let me take your plate. Let me take your for it. Let me take it.
It's like, no, I'm not done. I'm not done. I'm not done. He's trying to be like really polite with her because she's trying to help little world building moments like that are pivotal when it comes to drawing the audience into the story.

(02:10:42):
Right. Exactly. Yes. I love that.
And then they ask if they can go play. And I love how the parents think the kids are innocent.
And they're like, oh, I bet they're going to go chase them flat fireflies. You want to blow up a bullfrog?
I love that. I've got my my my family. My family. I've told you before, my family is from Idaho.

(02:11:06):
And so I've got a cousin bunny in my family. And yeah, they riot to have around. Oh, I know it. I know it.
But the come and look at the web like it'll be like exposure therapy.
And when has I want to know who's the dickhole who came up with exposure therapy because I have never heard of it working once.

(02:11:29):
I don't know. I think it works.
I used to be absolutely terrified of spiders. And a buddy recommended that I research close ups of spiders and then like really look at like because he's like, when you look at them, it's like they're kind of cute.
Like they have personality. It looks like they have personality and all that. And I'm like, what?

(02:11:53):
And then I did. And I started really looking at close ups of spiders and all this. And I'm like, the cool factor is starting to win a little bit.
And that's the thing. Like now I'm much more of a gardener. Now I'm a plant guy now.
And when I see spiders in my plants, I don't freak out and run across or toss the plant out.

(02:12:17):
Most of the time I just like it crawls out of my hand and it goes. However, when it's one of these guys and it just winds up on me.
No, I'm still a I'm going to scream like a little bitch guy because I'm gonna like it like the surprise still gets me.
If I see it and I'm aware of it, we're cool. We're good. I'm right with it.

(02:12:42):
If I feel it coming across my neck and all this stuff. OK, look. All right.
OK, I'm right there with you. I get it. But we don't need to go into it. All right. OK, moving on then.
Moving on. What a time for that ladder to break.
Staring into your worst fear, then the brakes and you fall down and a dead rat falls off.

(02:13:09):
I get it. I get his freak out again.
Again, when there is a straight up full on killed and eaten by spiders web covered rat rat,
a big ass rat has been taken down by the spider. Call the police.
No, man, that moment you're calling Ghostbusters something else is kicking up on that one.

(02:13:35):
No, no, that's true. Yeah. Yeah. Spider is maybe the least of your problems. Yeah.
But when we get to that party and just my unbelief, my utter delight in seeing Francis Bay as Mrs. Metcalf.
And like he's one of those like when I got to town, the whole or when I got here, the whole town threw me a party.
And then she does that wife thing like, no, dumbass, when you got to town, you threw yourself a party.

(02:14:01):
Right. Yeah, man. Someone someone's checking this guy.
I love I love seeing relationships like that when they pop into these films.
Like I said, this movie did a great job is the horror film.
Yes. But the world building that they did behind it is what made it really wonderful.
Doc. Hey, Doc, this is what I was talking about with we should take one of your old books,

(02:14:26):
one of the old stories that you have worked on, and we should just horror the shit out of it.
This is a story that does that did not need the spiders and all that.
We could take an element, introduce it into one of your old stories and try to pull something like this together.
This is basically what I was talking about. OK. Kind of a wild side tangent.

(02:14:49):
Yeah. When you get the the pretty character and you have to really display how dumb they are.
So, oh, right. Yes. What are you going to major in in college? Jim.
We meet we meet the coaches family. Yes. Yes.

(02:15:10):
And then you just kind of get that nepotism. Right. No, we're Baptists.
Oh, my dude. Some of the lines on this movie like it was too good. Oh, yeah. Yep.
Just absolutely. Oh, God, I hated this.
OK. So kind of a fun fact about this. They did joke around about like the production of this film

(02:15:33):
that the spiders had to have their own passports and all this. And they were very delicately handled.
They were they were being honest. So about every two weeks, they had a fresh batch of 300 spiders
that were shipped over from Australia to production.

(02:15:54):
OK. So much of this movie was live spiders. I think that's pretty.
That's for sure. Yes. Yes. Which I guess to a degree like that is interesting,
because especially the things they had to have these spiders do, being able to wrangle spiders like that
is pretty impressive. Like I have a lot of questions.
I don't think I'm quite ready to watch the documentary.

(02:16:17):
I need a little bit of time in between my spider fascinations. Right. Yeah.
This was this was a pretty big one.
Like my wife was running all over the living room, trying to like escape the TV.
Like she was on the couch. She was on a beanbag. She was standing up in the kitchen watching the TV from over there.
Like, no, this movie is effective in getting reactions.

(02:16:44):
Can't really. I mean, just damn.
The scene with our 60 year old party throw in neighbor versus the spider in the lamp cruising around her home.
The anticipation, like, no, the anxiety that this movie gives us.
Oh, it's good. And the and the and the crazy thing is, is that with all of that buildup,

(02:17:08):
when it does go in for the kill, it is so fucking fast.
Like you barely have time to register it. Yes, it was.
Yeah, see, like this is the thing.
The next time I see a spider just up on my wall and is looking at me
and I go to approach it to handle it, flashes of this movie are going to come back into my mind

(02:17:31):
and I'm going to remember that spider just like and I'm going to be terrified that it's going to leap at my face.
That isn't that is an irrational fear.
Spiders do not do that my whole life. I have been afraid of that happening.
I have lived in the country. I have lived in the city. I have been around spiders.
It has never happened. I'm not telling you this.

(02:17:56):
I'm still telling myself this.
The bad wood in the cellar, which like like just nails the floor and mentioning the right.
It's trying to set up. He's trying to set up the shelves for his wine cellar in the basement.

(02:18:17):
And the end, the nail gun is sending the nails straight through the wood and into the floor above and the floor above nearly spiking his wife.
Yeah. And yeah, that's also a fear that I have every time I have a nail gun and I'm working on construction.
I'm like this. This wall is actually as thick as I think it is. Right.

(02:18:39):
Yeah. Which I tell you, and I have never seen this anywhere else.
I have not seen it in any other movie. I have not seen it in real life.
But I do have to ask, since you're someone who's worked construction, is there such a thing as a nail gun that you cock like a shotgun?
Not that I've so where do I where do I get it? That's awesome.

(02:19:03):
Not that I've seen. I have seen a nail gun like that. But, dude.
Oh, no. So what I was going to say is as far as tools like that go, what I have experienced is I've never seen one that you can't just like you have to hold it up against something.
Right. Otherwise, like there's a sensor in there like that. Well, like the safety on that.

(02:19:27):
It's like a safety. However, this movie was made before I ever did construction. So I don't know.
I mean, I just don't know. But yeah, I will admit that is kind of that is kind of a bit of a cool thing.
Right. Daniels gets blamed for Margaret's death.
And this is what you were talking about where you're saying like 68 is just too young to die.

(02:19:48):
And I'm like, I don't know. It's I mean, it's not it's not old old.
But I mean, that's still a life lived. Yeah. Yeah.
But that's perspective type thing. Yeah. And I think, yeah, especially by the by the 90s.
Yeah, I think. Well, he did say it was something like 10 years less than the average life expectancy for someone in her health, which I think it sounds correct.

(02:20:13):
Yeah, it's like, well, life expectancy has gone down like it was climbing.
It's gone down. Yep. So I don't know if the 90s or early 2000s. I don't know when it actually maxed out in America, but it's not as high as it used to be.
Oh, and this is the moment where Goodman shows up and immediately starts chewing the scenery to bits.

(02:20:35):
There is that. Oh, my God. There is that line is like, would anybody have a problem if I ripped the floor down and start out?
She's like, I do. False alarm moving forward. Yeah. In the fact that he said false alarm to that.
Yeah. Del Delbert is it. I don't know.
That's the thing. I don't know how much of his character was written that way and how much of it was just Goodman going, hey, if I'm here, I'm going to do what I'm going to do.

(02:21:01):
But that is that he is the character that a movie that's already been made like he didn't need to be there in this movie would still be good. True.
But at the same time, he makes the movie like he's a character that just steps on the scene halfway through the movie, literally halfway through the movie.
We're being introduced to him and he just blows up on the scene.

(02:21:24):
He steps out of his truck, picks up his tools, stands at attention, just like Dilbert's here and walks in and like literally, literally does that.
Now the movie can begin scene. I mean, like I start what I said when we started the episode was welcome to the John Goodman episode because it really it is.

(02:21:49):
But the so what they were doing with John Goodman's character at this point in the movie, it does change later on. But at this point, we were establishing that the house is full of termites, but there are no sight of them because they've all been getting eaten by all the spiders.
So this is kind of like our little first hints on that one.

(02:22:10):
Okay. Oh, see, I never caught that. This is like the eighth time I've seen this movie in this whole time. I really thought it was just bad wood. Oh, and just a coincidence.
I'm not kidding. That's the first time I've caught the whole we're finding out that all the termites have been eaten. Jesus Christ.
It's a pretty full movie, though. Yeah, I got I got to give you that.

(02:22:33):
But yeah, the termites are all gone. Nobody in town has like heard a cricket in weeks. Right. I do remember that part. Yes. Yeah, there's not like all of that.
The turn and cough scene when he shows up at the high school. I was sitting there just kind of screaming like as soon as that started happening. I was like yelling at the screen. I'm like, dude, change your gloves.

(02:22:58):
And then Kelly kind of like correct me. She's like, I didn't see him put gloves on and I'm like, oh, that was I hated that scene. I hate that scene so much now.
Like, ah,

(02:23:20):
but this was
I and I'm like when I was playing football in high school, I had this fear and I was so happy that so fun fact of North Dakota, there is practically nothing poisonous there.
Nice when I was growing up now, there's more rattlesnakes and stuff like that.
But when I was growing up, it was a fact there was nothing up there that could kill you. Moose, bears, wolves. Sure. But all big things.

(02:23:49):
Right. None of the snakes are spiders like you didn't really have to be worried about that. You could go crawl into a cave.
You could dive under a picnic table. You had no worry like that. That was a great childhood. That is really, really cool.
But after seeing this movie, I still had that fear that there was going to be a spider that.

(02:24:12):
Oh, we just remembering something. Yes, I was riding my motorcycle out in the country and the chances of this happening.
It doesn't make sense. This does not make sense. This belonged in arachnophobia.
Like I was going to a stop sign and as I was going to a stop sign on my motorcycle, the spider was crawling across the road.

(02:24:37):
And I thought I ran it over. But apparently it was that perfect timing that and I was going slow enough that it picked up from the wheel and launched it in my helmet.
And it and it just bit me along the side of my face like six times.
That was why that fear for football came like all the way back in because how long ago was this?

(02:25:04):
Oh, no, like this was. 20 years ago. OK, I'm getting there, man.
I'm getting I'm getting up there. No, that's oh, my God, I think.
Because like I said, in like in this movie, like in the spider movies and stuff like that, you see the spider going towards the camera.

(02:25:30):
But it's not that far off because watching that spider going through the air and because I was freaking out because I thought it like hit my chest.
So I just started like pounded my chest like I was King Kong.
Then, like, I felt it crawl up my helmet and I just like jumped my motorcycle fell down, like that kind of fell on my leg a bit.
And I'm just sitting there like kind of like grabbing my helmet and I'm like squeezing my helmet around my head, just hoping that I crushed it.

(02:25:59):
It was a rough day. Yeah, yeah.
No, that does not sound fun at all. No. Oh, OK.
Moving forward, because now I'm like sweating because I'm like thinking of that.
I told you this movie is not for people who have a spider fear where I agree with you.
I mean, because everybody has spider stories, so I should have taken that into consideration when we were talking about this one.

(02:26:25):
Like this was going to kick up. Oh, man.
Daniels gets the nickname Doctor Death, and it looks like his rival is about to go down.
Which which that there was an interesting debate going on there.
The big city doctor versus the small town doctor over whether or not to have an autopsy to determine the cause of death.

(02:26:48):
And that's one of those things that I've always and maybe it's just me, but I've always found that to be a really weird debate amongst and it's still going on today.
It is very much a strong belief amongst a lot of people that the that autopsy in a body is a form of brutality.

(02:27:10):
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Exhuming the body was the problem that they had with it because he wanted to exhume the bodies then performed the autopsies.
Well, what the doctor was saying is that if he ran an autopsy on everybody in town, it was like he'd run out of money or something like that.
Well, well, no, he'd be run out of town is what it was.
I would say, OK. Yeah.

(02:27:31):
Yeah, because but it wasn't even the exhuming was was later on.
He literally he as soon as the first lady died, he wanted an autopsy and the doctor
was saying, you're right.
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
So he wanted an autopsy as soon as before they were even buried in the town.
The town doctor was refusing to let it happen because it was it was, you know, considered

(02:27:52):
disrespectful to the to the bodies right mind, you know.
Okay.
And that's and that's kind of one of those things that even as a kid when I seen this
like I like I really was like, you know, like they're fucking dead.
What do they care?
Like, like, why is everyone so concerned about different religions, everything like that?
Like I do.
I do understand that.
Like, I thought you were going to like have issue with like exhuming the corpses and things

(02:28:16):
like that.
And for me, it's like once it's been laid to rest, I do understand.
I'm a little more understanding that one.
Yeah, yes.
Exhuming a body to do the autopsy.
Yes, I see how that's a problem.
Because everyone said their goodbyes, you've had a funeral.
It's been laid to rest.
This is this is opening old wounds for all of the the the survivors.
Yes, I get how that's a big deal.

(02:28:37):
But yeah, it was the general wanting to do and like for me as a kid, I was like, I don't
understand why an autopsy isn't automatic for every death.
Like that was.
Some things are kind of obvious.
Yeah, I mean, that one.
Yeah, as I got older, I was like, oh, right, because it's a pain in the ass.
Got it.
Right.
Okay, there is that there is that.
Yeah.
But what I did like about this scene is as soon as he got bit, he's like, oh, that felt

(02:29:02):
like a damn cougar.
And then he started like having heart palpitations and all this, which he called a seizure, which
is weird because he could still talk.
Well, I mean, he was he was starting to seize.
And then he said, call not Daniels Jennings Jennings.
Too big of a star, man.

(02:29:23):
I have trouble with the names.
Right.
But he tells him to call it.
And I really like that because that really showed the characters like that.
It's time to be on Jennings side.
Okay, we already covered that, man.
Okay, I need to look I need to look back and check his name really, really quick.

(02:29:45):
Okay, Mark L. Taylor.
God, that guy plays incredible, just butt heads and everything.
He is the guy.
Oh, sure.
The sheriff.
Yeah, I didn't need.
Yes.
Okay.
I didn't even bring it up.
But he he really he really does.
Yes, he he was he was America's he was America's dumbass for a solid couple, a solid couple

(02:30:12):
decades.
If you had a dumb asshole that need to be played, he was the guy you called and he always
nailed it.
He was great.
He perfected that one thing like when Daniels was warning his daughter and her friend and
all this like, hey, like, be careful if you see a spider run and how much they were mocking

(02:30:34):
him and laughing at him and everything.
It's like, dude, thank you for making that as truly relatable as it really would have
been.
That was that was the right call to go that instead of like, I feel like a little bit
of a lot of movies now are a lot of directors, a lot of writers, they would go towards be
careful of the spiders.
And then like, you'd have like the creepy little girl would be the one who is saying

(02:30:57):
beware the spiders.
And then the adults would be like, but why?
This was the right way to go.
You know, kids and their obsessions with ghosts and aliens and death and all.
Sure.
I mean, that is that is a thing, though.
Like I'm not like one of the like I'm not gonna say which one.
But one of the small children in my family, she oops, she knows you're talking about

(02:31:24):
her.
One of the small children in my family, I was I got up in the middle of the night and
I realized that she was sitting there just kind of hanging out in the living room.
I'm like, well, what's she up to?
She's like, I'm just thinking about my dead ancestors.
And I'm like, why?
I'm like, I'm sorry, sweetie, I love you to the end of the world and beyond.

(02:31:47):
But I just walked into a horror movie.
What the fuck is going on right now?
And she's like, the TV is on static and she's got her hands on it.
It's just a regular night in the kids life.
They're here.
No, I had that when I sat I was like, OK, what?
And she's like, oh, you know, we were just talking at church about these things.

(02:32:10):
And I'm like, oh, thank God.
I was like, what?
Why are you just up in the middle of the night thinking about dead people?
And the worst part was she was that perfect little age of like a 10 year old, 11 year
old girl that horror movies love to use.
And she's sitting there in the middle of the night talking about dead our dead ancestors.

(02:32:31):
I'm like, are they talking to you?
Are they in the room?
Are the dead ancestors in the room with us right now?
Very important, you answer that question truthfully.
Yeah, kind of kind of one of those moments, you know.
Doing the paperwork.
Oh, God.

(02:32:52):
Watching that spider drag the egg sack into the cellar.
Calling the spider doc and played by Julian Sands.
Rest in peace, Julian Sands.
Pre warlock, I might add.
Like this was like the first thing I saw.
Yeah.
And then and then like it was a couple of years later when warlock came out and suddenly

(02:33:17):
he's Julian Sands, you know, and he became that guy, you know.
Well, that was the thing.
Like we well, I haven't actually seen warlock.
So may have to check out first one wasn't bad.
The first one wasn't bad.
Okay.
Yeah.
As far as Julian Sands go, goes, it wasn't his face.
That was the unbelievable recognizable thing.

(02:33:38):
It was his voice.
Yes.
And his I mean, his his face is very recognizable, but his voice is like Christopher Lambert or
like right.
He's got a very specific accent and meter of speaking that combined makes him very recognizable
when he talks.
Yeah.
And I think that was how like I recognized him when he did his guest run on Stargate.

(02:34:02):
Like because he had he was all decked out in makeup and it wasn't until he started talking
that I was just like, oh, fuck, that's Julian Sands.
This is the mention of Kanaima and it gets the doctor's interest and he sends his assistant
finds a three bytes like, hey, I think there might actually be something here.

(02:34:23):
The doc says, find a specimen and find me a live specimen.
Yeah.
Which is which is like a callback because when we first meet him in South America, he's
all about the live specimen.
Got to get me a live specimen.
Got to get me like, no, like to preserve to alive.
Right.
Yeah.
And so when he when he tells when he tells his assistant, try to get me a live specimen,

(02:34:45):
it's almost like a callback to a joke that actually is a precursor to a horror story
of what we're about to see.
But what might be the most clever moment in this entire movie is when Jeff Daniels is
laying in bed and he sees the spider on the wall and he gets up terrified, freaked out.

(02:35:05):
He goes up and it's nothing but a hook.
Yep.
It's a it's a it's a it's a coat hook on the wall that hasn't been there.
Oh yeah.
I mean, been bringing like bringing that into a movie that has like a thousand spiders and
all this stuff.
But like bringing in a fake out like that, that was.

(02:35:25):
Yep.
A fake out that literally everyone in the world has experienced at least once.
Yes.
Exactly.
100 percent.
Let's see.
Searching the house for the spider and then finds a dead one in the cereal.
I I know.

(02:35:46):
No, that that is why I got that is a huge nope.
And that is the exact reason that all of my cereal goes in those containers.
Right.
Yes, exactly.
So for me, it's just bugs in general, not just spiders.
But yes, like out of the box into the.
Oh, God damn it.
Don't will you stop reminding me of the shit I had in my life?

(02:36:09):
Pouring out.
You're the one who brought.
I know.
But pouring out a cereal, pouring out cereal and then like box elder bugs, like five of
them was in my Cheerios.
So just all my bowl of cereal just crawling around on me.
God.
Oh, no.
Oh, you got to get those containers, man.

(02:36:32):
I'm right.
I agree.
I've got the containers to.
You know what?
That hasn't happened since I've had the containers.
Spidey in the shower and in the toilet, which every like again, like at some point in your
life that has been a worst fear.
It just it just has been.

(02:36:52):
Oh, I had that flashback.
I actually a couple of years back, I was literally installing a new toilet seat onto my parents'
toilet and I had to get up underneath to unscrew the old toilet seat off.
And as I'm reaching behind underneath the toilet seat to get to that bolt to unscrew
the old toilet seat, I didn't see anything.
I didn't hear anything.

(02:37:13):
I just remembered the movie and immediately jerked my hand back.
OK, I thought you were actually going to have a story, but you just know.
I'm just pointing out how this movie is traumatizing.
It is.
I do.
I absolutely give it give you that.

(02:37:34):
This movie didn't need this scene.
They were going for comedy, but realistically, I feel like everybody who watched it just
kind of it was just awkward.
The dad, the brother all running into seeing like their daughter and sister naked in the
shower like, oh, yeah, that was that was probably paid for laughs.
But it that that just that just awkward.

(02:37:56):
And like what I had running through my mind was, thank fucking Christ, that never happened.
Right.
Yes, I'm thinking because we are talking about the 90s here, I'm sure that had to be a studio
note of you got to get some you got to get a girl in the shower in this movie.
Probably.
OK, yeah, I can see.
I can see that.

(02:38:17):
Oh, they do catch one in the house and Goodman shows up to the house, misses that bathroom
check, but which is what you were just referring to when he's searching around the toilet,
finds one out on the deck.
Now here's kind of here is actually just a genuine fun fact.
No morbidity to this one.

(02:38:38):
The boot that John Goodman was wearing, what they had is they had a section cut out of
the boot and replaced with like the softest foam possible.
So when Goodman stomped on that spider, it went into an empty hole that was like very
soft.
So he like even that spider didn't die like they was that Heinemann again.

(02:38:58):
Did he or was that was that Jamie Heinemann again?
Was that his his work as well?
I don't know.
Heinemann was specifically with the credit that he got on this one was that he created
Big Boy, which is what they call the spider.
Right.
OK, which that's fantastic.
You should have opened with that.
Jamie, you did.
We should have been.

(02:39:19):
We should have been.
We should have been calling him Big Boy this whole time instead of just that that that
a South American spider.
We should have been calling him by his name.
OK, fair enough.
Well, we got we got a few minutes left.
We'll go by Big Boy from here for it.
All right.
Let's see.
Oh, OK.
The spray isn't going to work.
And then I like that.
So after he does squash that boot, he does is does.

(02:39:40):
That's right.
I'm bad.
That's right.
Which it's nice to know where I probably got that from, because I've quoted that about
a million times in my life every time I've done something accidentally cool.
Right.
Exactly.
Yes.
I could believe that I got it from a hundred other sources, but I very much can believe

(02:40:01):
that I got it from John Goodman, because as we're going through all of these older Goodman
films, I'm really realizing how much I looked up to him as a dad.
I was like, I was like, dude, that's that's who you want to be.
That's who you want to grow up to be.
I mean, John Connor was Dan Connor.
Dan, thank you.

(02:40:22):
John Connor's Terminator, my bad.
Not a great father, but still a decent man.
Furlong?
No, Furlong.
Furlong.
Oh, no, wait, that's right.
He was John Connor.
Right.
He was OK.
Yeah.

(02:40:43):
Right.
I was thinking Reese.
You're right.
I was thinking Reese.
Yes.
Which I just went back and I watched Aliens because I hadn't seen it in forever.
And man, he's awesome.
He did not get as he didn't.
I feel like he didn't go as far as he should have, even though he is in a ton of stuff.

(02:41:04):
And who?
What's his name again?
I was just about to ask you if you can remember his name.
That's kind of criminal for how many amazing and iconic films and roles he's had.
Yeah, that's weird.
Yeah.
No, I know.
I want to give the man the respect.

(02:41:24):
Anybody in the chat, can you remember what his name is from he played Reese in Terminator?
Or, wow, The Terminator.
Yeah, everything has just been Terminator 2, Terminator Judgment Day, all of that.
I haven't heard of The Terminator since then.
Jesus Christ, dude, it's Michael Bean.

(02:41:45):
Oh, what?
What?
This whole time?
Kyle Reese.
Michael Bean.
How did I never put that together this whole time?
I'm literally thinking of him in Tombstone and I am unable to recognize him as either

(02:42:07):
the character in Aliens or Reese in The Terminator.
Michael Bean is a much better actor than I ever gave him credit for, even though I have
constantly given him credit every time I have realized it's him.
That must be his downfall.
That may be the answer to your question, the reason why he never got him.

(02:42:28):
You think he's like a Sam Rockwell?
Kind of, yeah.
He's just he's too good of an actor.
He never gets recognized.
Wow, I didn't even realize that was the same.
I mean, wow, they see that.
This is why I'm glad we're doing this.
We're doing this.
I'm like I'm keying in on things that I never realized.
I'm really enjoying that.

(02:42:49):
Where are we at here?
Oh, so the Spidey Doc shows up and dissects our spider.
No sex organs.
They're drones.
Short life cycle.
Extravenom sex.
Yes.
Like this is more deadly.
Don't live as long.
But basically he does still give us our doomsday scenario of they're going to spread and take

(02:43:09):
over the country.
And it's like, right.
Damn.
They're big.
They're yeah, like invasive species type thing.
Like these things were contained in a sinkhole in South America.
That's the only reason they haven't killed everyone.
Yeah, kind of insinuating since the time of the dinosaurs, which is why their venom is
so powerful.
But at the same time, if you have been in seclusion and isolation since the time of

(02:43:31):
the dinosaurs, wouldn't you evolve to not need that kind of venom?
I mean, that's real.
That's real world science that we're throwing on a horror movie.
Never mind.
But yeah, but we're also we're also talking about a South American rainforest creature.
Like that's okay.
Yeah, underdome.
That is true.

(02:43:51):
They got frog.
They got dart frogs that can kill you.
Like, okay, fair enough.
I got to give you that one.
Okay, let's see.
Then the hunt to find the source begins.
And how long did it take you to realize that the funeral home director's wife was Mimi

(02:44:13):
Bobek?
Oh, right away.
I recognized her.
It wasn't until we'll it was not until we'll and when she starts out and she started scowling
at the screen, I was like, oh, that's Mimi.
The trademark scowl had to show.
That's what I needed.
I saw through it without the makeup.
I didn't need the makeup.

(02:44:33):
But man, I needed her Mimi scowl.
Okay, how old do you have to be to know who we're talking about?
That's what I want to know.
Oh, man, don't don't do this to me.
Come on.
No, no.
Hey, I didn't know.
I know.
I live with the show.

(02:44:56):
I forgot that it actually is it actually is a little bit older.
That's a 90s.
That's a 90s TV show.
And it's and it's not one that gets a lot of reruns like Seinfeld or Friends is getting
right now.
So no, that's a good point.
That's kind of a relic.
That's kind of like that's where like Craig Ferguson, like he got like his really big
break in America, like outside of stand up comedy and everything.

(02:45:17):
Before he had the Craig Ferguson show, he was late night.
Yeah, in the Drew Carey show.
Yeah, no, he was diabolically hilarious in that show, at least as far as I can remember.
It's been 20 years since I've seen it.
Let's see.
Finds the Web in the Barn, which I thought it was I thought it was really nice that the

(02:45:39):
photography that the way that the film put it together on how he found the Web in the
Barn because I was the whole movie, I was like, how are they going to look their way
into finding this?
But the way they did, I thought it actually worked.
It was destructed, it was crafted very well together.
Yeah, all very well pieced together.
Yes, that he yeah, the photography and it's hung in her pit and she like just I'm your

(02:46:06):
wife.
I'm going to decorate your office.
I'm going to hang my photos up on your wall.
Which if you're not married, that like that is that is accurate.
Yep.
And and let's be honest, you know, I mean, would any other doctor in the world think
it's a good idea to put spider web pictures on his doctor's office wall?

(02:46:26):
Come on.
If you're if you're a country town, you got country town taste.
Beautiful spider web in a barn, because I'm gonna tell you this flat out where I'm from,
way more frozen than where you're from.
Just OK, sure.
Yeah.
But I mean, that's just a fact.
It's the coldest place in the US.
Yeah.

(02:46:46):
So when we would get those times where you would see a spider web turn into icicles.
That is cool.
That is outstandingly beautiful.
So like small town photography, there are different things like like different types
of beauty, different types of appreciation.
Most city people aren't going to give a shit about a wagon wheel.

(02:47:07):
Country person, they can make that work.
OK, that's fair.
I just thought it was weird to have it in a doctor's office.
I can understand having it in like a real estate office, but a doctor's office, it's
a little morbid.
Oh, I see.
I see.
I see less of a reason to have it in a real estate office than I do in a doctor's office.

(02:47:27):
Real estate, you're trying to get the right time of like frame of mind going in.
You aren't trying to create people out.
But OK, I mean, like different strokes for different folks.
When you're trying to show them the beautiful kitchenette set, you don't want them looking
for spider webs.
That's fair.
OK.
Yeah.
And this is the greatest line in this entire movie.

(02:47:50):
Web would indicate an arachnoid presence.
Yes, yes.
Delivered with absolute perfection by no, no, no.
You know what?
Here's the thing.
We're going to give the man what he's due.
He's not just John Goodman anymore.
He is now the John Goodman.

(02:48:13):
OK, that line was delivered with perfection by the John Goodman.
I I have no just cause to provide any kind of argument there.
In my eyes, he is the John Goodman.
So I got to give you that.
Oh, that poor cat.
And then when he rings the supper bell and big boy comes flying out from the side, which

(02:48:38):
my God, of all the things like this guy is supposed to be like the genius that comes
in to save the day.
That must have been the dumbest thing anyone could ever do.
I just see.
I learned from this movie to do that.
Oh, to flick the thing to bring the spider out.

(02:49:01):
Yes, because if you don't know where it's at, if you just that is if you just hit it,
it's not going to jump at you.
It's going to crawl across that web because it thinks that there's something in the web.
That is a very good point.
That is a very good point.
This just happened to be a spider that outsmarted this just happened to be the ancient big boy
from the ancient big big boy that came here on a very elaborate revenge plot.

(02:49:24):
Different level of intelligence on this one.
But that is kind of I mean, little less fun fact, but just kind of real world fact.
If you do see a spider web and all that and you can't see the spider and you want to know
where it's at, just kind of flick one of the webs and you will see it like start searching.
Come out, come to the web and start searching the web for the food that just got caught.
Right.
Yep.

(02:49:45):
No, that is a I've used that to find black widows and everything like that, because nope,
just no.
I'm like, I want to know where you're at.
I'm going to kill you.
I'm moving on my day.
Right.
Goodman shows up and the spiders don't mess with him.
And like and it's true, like he shows up and it's like literally like, whoa, that's the

(02:50:06):
John Goodman.
And they like he'd like I kind of like back up and step away from him and he finds his
way into the house.
Good.
I'm trying.
I can't remember exactly.
Has he gotten the pesticide at this point yet?
Or this is what he went to go get.
So this is when he came back.
He has all of that.

(02:50:27):
And he's got the clearly illegal pesticide on his own, on a tank in his back.
Oh, that is that is that is that is that is military grade.
That is weapons grade pesticide.
That is that is.
Yeah.
That's like no, he was he was ready.
And see where I keep losing this.

(02:50:48):
The spider reveal just absolutely covering the house and attacking the bathroom, coming
up out of the pipes and jumping out the window.
And when he was like getting lower and lower because they were all like coming down, oh,
the anxiety.
This was the this was the truly if this if this movie can be classified as a horror movie,

(02:51:10):
this was the horror movie scene.
Yes.
The house gets swarmed because there is no part of the scene that you're not going, oh,
God, oh, God, oh, God.
And the fact that everything was real spiders and all that.
Now, John Good in an interview, John Goodman said that he had no problem with the spiders.

(02:51:30):
It was a thing like we saw eye to eye.
Well, your two eyes, their 16 eyes.
That is a direct quote from Goodman.
Daniels was a little bit more human and when like you got to be crazy if you're not at
least a little bit freaked out by this.
Yeah.
It was funny because Daniels was the one who was in the middle of everything.

(02:51:53):
He was.
Yeah, he was the one who was dodging the spiders the most, especially, like you say, in that
scene where he's trying to crawl out the window and there's four of them coming down at him
on their webs like that.
That's a pants shitting moment right there.
Like the fact like Tony Todd and these Jeff Daniels and the spiders.

(02:52:13):
I don't like exactly Tony Todd wins because they were in his mouth.
Right.
But it's a close second with Daniels having to literally have these spiders just drop
real spiders dropping down on him.
Yes.
Balls through the floor and.

(02:52:35):
Now we get the now we get the face off the boss fight.
Well, no.
Wait, no.
Yes.
Okay.
No, no, no, because that wasn't that wasn't big boy.
That was that was the mama.
The queen.
Right.
The new queen.

(02:52:55):
Yeah.
So the new the new queen was down there.
And that was thing because like all the spiders that were like on his body, he falls through
the floor and all of a sudden they're not there anymore.
And I'm like, right.
Okay.
You've suspended my disbelief.
Let's just let's just keep going.
Whatever.
And then like that little battle that he has with the queen and then like she's on the

(02:53:17):
shovel and then we get the electrocuted queen.
That was pretty that was pretty clever how he's like sitting there holding the shovel
searching for her everywhere going like, I'm going to get you.
And then at one point he turns around and the camera stays in place as he's turning
and we see the spider on the shovel just like right there.

(02:53:37):
Oh, that was clever.
We've talked about this whole movie and this is the moment that everything just starts
feeling like it's on me.
Just, oh my god, chucks her at the electrical box.
And then, you know, we get the electrocuted queen, but then big boy returns and we see

(02:53:59):
that just pulsate like he's going to set that pulsating egg sack on fire and.
Which that that that was gross.
That was very gross.
That was just fucking like that's that's straight out of Aliens right there.
That was intensely disgusting.
Yes, I don't know.
I don't know for sure which one came first.
I can't remember.
But if Aliens was second, they straight up stole their look from that egg sack.

(02:54:23):
Wasn't Alien a 70s movie?
Oh, you're right.
OK, so Alien did come first.
OK, so they probably got their influence from they were like, let's make this egg sack
look like something from Alien.
That would be my assumption there.
But.
But.
Now I got to stop talking about Elden Ring.

(02:54:47):
Pulsating egg sack, the big boy returns and big boy dodges the flames like an Elden Ring
pro.
I'm telling you, man, I I I I.
You and you, you wrote that note down before we even had our talk about video games.
Yeah, what happened?
Yeah, that was.
That was literally my note.
You're like, I got to I got to take a break.

(02:55:13):
And then Chekhov's nail gun.
Oh, no, no, no.
Sorry, sorry.
Big boy is in the air vent and he sets himself up to like prepare and listen to big boy going
through the air vent and the sound of them little feet on the thin, thin, thin aluminum.
Like, oh, you can imagine that echo and what it would sound like.

(02:55:35):
Oh, gotcha.
Then he falls down this whole movie.
All these things that are happening now, he freezes like in the story that he was talking
about earlier in the movie and like, yeah.
And basically the exact story that he was talking about earlier in the movie is what
is happening.
The callback.
Yeah, yeah.

(02:55:56):
Is that the callback to and that's I think that's kind of the point is the whole like
conquering of the fear kind of thing is because it's a recreation of the memory he had that
started his fear of spiders now in his, you know, big moment of saving the town, you know,
the hero moment of of overcoming that original fear.
I'll give you that.
OK, even though he didn't overcome the fear, he was still terrified of spiders in general

(02:56:18):
after.
Well, he did shoot it with that nail gun.
So he did.
He did.
He did.
It was important.
Yeah, he succeeded where it was important.
Yes.
And he did use Chekhov's nail gun.
Yep.
Cock it like a shotgun.
We keep talking about like Chekhov's gun and like keep making this joke about like Chekhov's
white glove or whatever the hell is in the movie.

(02:56:40):
To explain that, the whole Chekhov's gun thing is kind of a rule that says if you put it
in the movie, it has to be for a reason.
If you show it, if you talk about it, it has to return for a reason.
I think I'm not 100 percent.
Yeah, I'm not 100 percent sure on this, but I'm I'm relatively sort of the the rule.

(02:57:05):
His specific quote was, if you show me a gun in the first act, it better go off by the
third.
I don't know the exact quote, but I do know that that is the rule.
Like right.
But they will check that out.
The ones do.
OK, so the ones Dilbert didn't get are dying, and we talked about that earlier with the
short lifespan and then back to San Francisco and completely brushing off an earthquake

(02:57:31):
like it's nothing.
At least it's not a spider.
Exactly.
And that is.
And I think I think the interesting the interesting thing there, I think that like that final
kind of like note there is nature is trying to kill us all.
It's all about which nature trying to kill you.

(02:57:51):
That's why we went indoors.
Right.
Exactly.
Yeah.
So it's like they they went to the country.
Nature tried to kill them with spiders.
They're like, fuck it.
Let's go back to San Francisco, where nature is only trying to kill us with earthquakes.
We know how to handle that.
Earthquakes, tsunamis.
No, we know that.
Let's go back to the ocean.
Sharks.

(02:58:11):
Right.
We got sharks and jellyfish.
So that is a raccoon phobia.
Final thoughts.
I, you know, I want to say that this is a must see.
This is one of those movies that I saw in the theater as a kid, and I have never missed
up an opportunity to watch it again.
I own it on DVD.
I own a poster of it.

(02:58:33):
I love this.
This is probably one of those movies that has repeatedly come back to me on multiple
occasions.
And, you know, whenever anyone brings up Jeff Daniels or John Goodman, I always say, oh,
you got to see him in this movie.
This is where they really shine.
I try to send as many people as I can to King Ralph.
I do.
Yeah.

(02:58:53):
See, there you go.
Yeah.
I, okay.
But I'm straight up the movie fight.
I'm just giving it to a raccoon phobia.
I'm not even going to fight for King Ralph.
There's too many things about that.
But just like we were talking about last week with the wrong guy and all that.
Right.
I really want to send people to go watch the wrong guy.
I really want to send people to go watch King Ralph, even though as far as the movie fight

(02:59:13):
goes, arachnophobia just decimates King Ralph.
I can see it there.
Yeah.
I'm still trying to figure out if I really want to call it a must see.
Arachnophobia?
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
There's like, if you ever, if anybody ever tried to make a film like this again, they're
not going to use real spiders.
They're going to use CG.
They're not going to do this again.

(02:59:35):
This movie is not singular because they have other movies where they use spiders.
They didn't do it this good.
No, that's very true.
This is the best of what they this is the best movie, the best version of what they
tried to pull off.
Arachnophobia wins.
I remember years ago when I was trying to get but this was I'll tell you how many years

(03:00:00):
ago this was.
They weren't selling DVDs on Amazon yet.
That's how long ago this was.
OK, so that's why I had to go around.
Wait, wait, wait.
Amazon existed, but they didn't sell DVDs on it.
Yeah, for a long time, Amazon only sold books.
I did not know that.
Yeah.
But yeah, so I was going around to different DVD stores trying to buy my copy because I

(03:00:27):
knew I wanted it on DVD.
I had it on VHS already and I know that DVDs were a thing and I just got a DVD player.
I wanted my Arachnophobia DVD.
I stopped at multiple DVD stores going, I'm looking for Arachnophobia and they're like,
what's that?
And I go, it's about a town that gets invaded by mutant spiders and they go, you mean eight

(03:00:48):
legged freaks?
I'm like, no, Arachnophobia.
And this happened multiple, like four stores in a row.
They were like, do you mean eight legged freaks?
No, I would have said eight legged freaks.
Well, there is something that eight legged freaks had that Arachnophobia did not have.
Scarlett Johansson?
Correct.
OK.
No, she became a star, she became a megastar, she hit the ground running and just it is

(03:01:16):
what it is.
Yeah, I know.
I still actually haven't seen it.
I haven't seen it forever, but yeah, I have seen it.
But what do you got for next week?
It is my turn to do the horror film.
OK, well, you say that, but I actually.
What do you got?
I have a double feature in mind.

(03:01:37):
Oh, what do you got?
If you're interested.
And it's actually in direct response to King Ralph.
I think we might actually have a trilogy on our hands here.
What?
If you're interested.
All right, what do you got?
So the first one I had in mind is a movie that you probably heard of this one because
it's a little bit more recent.
It's called Dave starring Kevin Kline.

(03:01:58):
Oh yeah, I know that one.
Yeah.
And in that one, Kevin Kline plays the president of the United States as well as a man who
looks exactly like the president of the United States and has to pretend to be the president
of the United States and then fixes the country fixes the country because he treats it like
a small business.
Exactly, yes.

(03:02:19):
I remember.
Yeah, no, that's a that's a wonderful movie.
Yeah.
And then the third one in this trilogy, number two, similar premise.
This one's from about 10 years before that, I think.
I don't remember exactly when, but this one is called Moon Over Peridot.
Not a clue.
It stars.

(03:02:39):
It stars Richard Dreyfuss.
Richard Dreyfuss plays a I believe a daytime soap opera actor who is kidnapped and forced
to impersonate a recently deceased dictator of a small Eastern European country called
Peridot.
The premise sounds really familiar.

(03:03:00):
Yeah, and so basically in responsive, I'm thinking with King Ralph, where it's, you
know, an American everyday man becomes King of England, we have two other movies of everyday
men being made the most powerful men in a country and how that everyday commoner approach
to big government goes.

(03:03:24):
So we got King Ralph, Dave and Moon Over Peridot.
And I would like to take a I would like to kind of not so much a who did it best kind
of thing, but more of a let's take a look at this overarching philosophy of everyday
common sense versus big government.
The episode after next.

(03:03:44):
Okay, I'm fine with that.
Because next week, our episode is on Halloween.
We have to do we have to do a Halloween theme.
If it's on Halloween, we gotta.
Okay, all right, that's fair.
Well, we do go ahead and tell me yours then I got to look at my list to see what I've
got instead of Dave and Peridot.
I have an audience recommendation, which I'm very happy about.

(03:04:08):
13 ghosts.
Oh, okay, I've heard of that.
I did never see it with Tony Shalhoub, Matthew Lillard and.
Is it Elizabeth Shannon?
From American Pie?
Yes.
Then, yeah, Elizabeth.
Okay, yes.
All right.

(03:04:29):
So those are I believe those are your three top tiers or top build in this one.
That's pretty good.
It's I really isn't.
Isn't what's his name?
The Shanghai Noon guy, isn't he?
Isn't it too?
Owen Wilson Wilson.
Owen Wilson.
Yeah, isn't he in it?
Or is that a different is that a different horror movie I'm thinking of?

(03:04:51):
It's been too long.
I can't.
I honestly can't say one way or the other if he's in that one.
13 ghosts.
Okay.
All right.
So what do you got for me?
Okay, so the next closest thing I have to a horror movie.
This one.
I don't remember a lot of it.

(03:05:11):
It's always kind of been a movie I've appreciated because of the circumstances around which
I saw it.
And so even though I've never really seen it again, I have fond memories of it even
though it's a horror movie.
So this is called Serpent in the Rainbow.

(03:05:33):
What?
You never heard of this?
No, doc.
That sounds like a lecture in Sunday school.
It's, it's really not.
Okay.
Okay.
So is it like light horror or is it like am I going to get scared?

(03:05:54):
Is it going to get a scare out of me?
Maybe possibly.
Okay.
Well, 13 ghosts is going to it's going to get you a couple of times.
Okay.
Here's the thing.
I know specifically I remember a specifically it is technically a horror movie because the
company of which I was watching it with were hard die hard horror fans.

(03:06:16):
And that was basically what we were watching that night.
Okay.
And I do remember that of the ones that of the movies we saw that night, that was the
slightly more cerebral one that I thought was was better of the group because it was
more than just a horror movie.
Okay.
So, so one more time, what was that title?

(03:06:37):
The Serpent in the Rainbow.
How am I going to, how did I forget that?
All right.
So next week we will be covering the Serpent in the Rainbow.
That was weird to say.
And 13 ghosts.
All right guys.
Thanks for joining with joining us for this week's episode.
And if you have no plans on Halloween, we'll see you then.

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H.Y.S.T? | S2E4 | King Ralph & Arachnophobia

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