H.Y.S.T? | S2E6 | Ready To Rumble & Secret Ballot - H.Y.S.T?

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Welcome to Heist. I'm Bradly Hackworth joined by Jonathan Ems, otherwise known as Doc.
Hello fellow humans.
This week we are going to be covering Ready to Rumble and Secret Ballot.
Two films that could not be more different.
They couldn't be more different if they were like designated at the start.
We want you to make two films that are the exact opposite.

(00:24):
They would have not been able to do this.
This was I had.
No, no.
Oh man, I had so much fun with honestly both of these.
One had a lot of memories tied to it.
One kind of cool to see a different point of view on life.
Weirdly enough, that's what I found fascinating about it.
It is not the one that like the ones that you think I'm referring to may not be the ones you think.

(00:47):
Oh really? Okay.
All right.
I was not a wrestling kid.
I was not a wrestling fan when I was a kid.
That wasn't the world I was like a little little kid.
Yeah, man.
Macho Man, Randy Savage, Hollywood Hulk Hogan.
Sure.
But by the time The Rock and all of them got into it, I was already out.
Okay.
See, yeah, by the time this movie came out and some of those guys they have in there,

(01:11):
you know, Goldberg and those guys and Sting, I had heard of them.
But yeah, I had stepped away.
I was a wrestling kid.
I was pretty into it when I was a kid.
I think I stopped. See, I think I was about 10, 11 years old when I actually saw a wrestling match live with Hulk Hogan.

(01:36):
And it was maybe, I don't know, maybe a year or two after that, that I kind of started losing interest.
Well, so you okay, if I would have actually gone to a show, I may have retained my interests further through life,
because I never actually saw the shows.
I just saw like the fighting moves when I was a kid.
I never got into the drama of it because I didn't watch at that point.

(01:59):
Okay, yeah, no, I actually watched the shows.
I would, you know, yeah, I was into some of the drama.
I mean, like he even says in the movie, it's, you know, there's a little bit of soap opera sprinkled in.
I was one of those kids who was into the soap opera part of the fights, you know, so.
Yeah, see, I feel like if I would have actually paid attention to one of the shows a little bit closer,
I may have become one of those guys.

(02:20):
But nope, however, the secret or secret ballot, that was something that I have some personal connections to,
because when I was in the army, that was a big part of what we would do.
We would go from village to village.
We would check on them.
We would see how everything is going at very, very much like what the agent and secret ballot is doing.

(02:41):
And that was so yeah, as an American, you would not think that my connections would be to the movie that it is.
But it definitely was.
See, what I found fascinating about it, and I'll get into that, but that's one of the things that I found, like even as an American,
one of the things I found fascinating the first time I saw this movie wasn't just the foreign aspect of it,

(03:03):
but also the fact that what I it's not just about voting.
It's about rural voting.
This isn't just in Iran.
This is in a very isolated rural part of Iran.
So like it's as much of an attachment for me as I would be if I were visiting like some small town in Alabama and talking politics with them.

(03:31):
You know, so that's kind of what I found fascinating about that is that is this, you know, this agent from the city who's super into like everybody's got to vote.
Everybody's got to vote going around all these villages where voting really doesn't matter to these people at all.
Not even a little bit.

(03:53):
Yeah, their problems are very much just right in front of their faces.
Yep. All right.
Yeah. But what do you say we get into Ready to Rumble?
Ready to Rumble, yes.
All right. Now, OK, so the starring and the with in this one, it's going to take me a little bit because.
It's just surprisingly star studded. Yeah, I know.
Ready to Rumble, directed by Brian Robbins, written by Steve Brill, starring David Arquette, Oliver Platt and Scott Kahn with Bill Goldberg, Rose McGowan, Dallas Diamond Page, Richard Lineback, Chris Owen, Steve Borden as Sting, Martin Landau, Caroline Rea.

(04:35):
Total surprise to see Caroline Rea.
Caroline Rea and Martin Landau were two absolute shockers for sure.
And Ellen Albertini Dow and like and Joe Pantoliano.
Oh, yeah. Joe, Joe Pant, big, big pantalone, Joey Pant's fans over here.
Like anytime he's going to show up, we're going to talk about it.

(04:56):
He you got to give the man credit.
I mean, the more like the more movies I see, I cannot believe how many movies he's in that I did not realize he was in.
Right. Yeah.
Like it's kind of nuts.
All right. With with y'all ready.
Bam Bam Bigelow, Eduardo Hernandez, Mark Hildreth, Kurt Henning, Mike Hayner, Glenn Gilbert, Gilberti, Peter Gruner, Chales Ashenhoff.

(05:24):
Chales. Is that supposed to be Charles and I misspelled something?
Oops. Possibly somebody Ashenhoff, Ramisio. Oh, yeah.
Harry Saturn, the macho man, Randy Savage, Randy fucking Savage.
Love it. The man so strong God had to kill him twice.

(05:48):
Booker Huffman, Sid City Ute and realistically others.
I mean, you have the whole Nitro team. You have all this.
Basically, yeah, like, well, and here's the one that threw me here.
Like, I didn't realize the visceral reaction I was going to have when Eugene Oakland showed up on screen.
Like that, dude, like you can sit here and name all these names.

(06:13):
Hulk Hogan, Macho Man, fucking the Rock, like, you know, even Goldberg and Steve Austin, all these guys.
You can name all these names of like, depending on when you were into wrestling, these are the guys.
Right. Mean Gene Oakland was wrestling for 30 straight years.
And I had not realized like who he like he was the he was the standard bearer.

(06:41):
He was this through line. He his voice when I heard his voice again on this movie,
there was a part of me that suddenly was 10 years old again, and it really fucked with me.
Like, well, that's the magic of a good movie, though.
I mean, that's that's what it's supposed to do.
And something like this, it really does.
It connects to almost every generation of people who are alive.

(07:02):
Actually, I think it does connect to every generation of people who are alive.
It this is I mean, the fathers and sons have been taking their kids to go see wrestling and to bond over this for ever.
Oh, sure. And I'm sure I'm sure mothers and daughters do.
I just I've never met any. Right. Yeah. That's probably a different family.
Yeah. Yeah. That's a family. I don't know. Yeah.

(07:25):
Probably would have really enjoyed knowing that family, but I never met that one.
Yeah. We open on narration from Scott Conn about Jimmy King, which winds up being a lecture to those kids.
And then you get all that mega douchebag store clerk coming out and the over the top acting,
which really plays into that fantasy. It really, really does.

(07:47):
Yeah. Like that. That's kind of what's interesting about this movie is this entire movie plays like one big wrestling match in a lot of ways,
including like the backstage shit talking.
Everybody in this movie talks like they're doing wrestler shit talking backstage.
Definitely. And the but the fact that almost the entire movie is all is all mega wrestling fans.

(08:11):
You can tell that they're doing it on purpose, which, by the way,
this movie was kind of a hit job on wrestling fans and making fun of them and all this stuff.
Problem is they had too much fun doing it and it was too entertaining.
And I said this before, hit jobs like that have never worked. They've always become fan favorites.

(08:32):
But the interesting, the funny thing about this is, is that the movie had all of these actual wrestling fans and wrestlers in them.
And especially considering a lot of these wrestlers are openly and freely and happily taking, you know, taking themselves down a peg.
You know, they're all laughing at themselves. They're all making fun of themselves.

(08:56):
You got those you got those two guys. I can't remember which one these two wrestlers who are like not small names.
They're they're big. They're they're up there in the echelons and they're willing to get their asses handed to them by Martin fucking Landau.
How do you not respect that? How do you not respect the fuck out of that?

(09:17):
And so that alone goes like, of course, wrestling fans are going to love this,
even though they are technically poorly portrayed in this movie.
This clearly like. This was fun for the guys that they have fun with.
So, yep, just like just like the Book of Mormon, they may be making fun of Mormons, but it is Mormons making fun of Mormons.
And that's what made it work. Yeah, exactly. Ex-Mormons making fun of Mormons.

(09:42):
But they know but like they know the whole world. They know all the right jokes to say.
They know everything to really hit home on. They're not making fun of the things that people make fun of.
They're literally making fun of it. And honestly, you got to imagine the wrestling fans just kind of felt seen.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Instead of ridiculed.
That's that's kind of how I saw it. Yeah. Well, I mean, and also like, OK, yeah, our two main protagonists are.

(10:09):
I mean, they are they are just another version of Beavis and Butt-Head.
These are not like, you know, shining examples of the American education system in any way, shape or form.
But no, everyone around them is worse.
Like they are the two best people in this movie save for maybe Sting and Goldberg.
I was about to say, yeah, I mean, but that's kind of Goldberg's thing.

(10:32):
Like even as I remember, he was like the people's champion and all that stuff.
Like just he was always a good dude. Yeah. Which kind of reminds me.
I remember like an episode of Punk'd and it was either Goldberg or it was Steve Austin.
And one of them, it was like a weight like a manager was just treating a waiter horribly right in front of him.

(10:53):
And they were looking for his reaction.
And then he just got got all like big and tough and just kind of like slowly kept getting into the manager's face.
And he's like, you should leave him alone.
And I'm like, that is the people's champion man right there. And they were like, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's a show.
It's a prank. It's a show. It's a prank.
Nice. Nice. Major credit to the man for being that kind of guy.

(11:18):
Yeah. Like just awesome.
David Arquette sees everything through those wrestling goggles.
The lighting is different. The insults that come across and everything.
Just I was having a lot of fun with that.
And you get into that fantasy wrestling match where Oliver Platt, our first kind of real look at Oliver Platt as Jimmy King.

(11:40):
Yep. And did you notice in the bloopers afterwards that that yes.
So Oliver Platt punched Macho Man right across the face.
And wow. Yeah. Like that's his reaction.
So yeah, we've got David Arquette's character having a fantasy that he's being attacked by Macho Man Randy Savage and James King played by Oliver Platt comes in to rescue him.

(12:07):
And we find and then we see in outtakes in the movie that in that fake fight that Oliver Platt has with Macho Man, he accidentally actually hits Macho Man right square in the face.
And let's be real. All I mean, yes, Macho Man. That is a tough that was a tough ass dude.
Yeah. Oliver Platt was not a little fella.

(12:30):
No, he was not. No. I mean, I don't know how much that hurt Macho Man Randy Savage, but it would have been nice to see.
It would have been nice to see the aftermath of that. You know, what you like to see to like, you know, I would like to have seen Oliver Platt turn to Macho Man and go, OK, you get one.
OK. That would have been a funny outtake to see.
That would have been. Oh, that would have been. Oh my God. But you got this.

(12:55):
OK, so this is where you really like it tells you who this movie is for. Very, very early on.
David Arquette, you know, stick his finger up his butt and then he goes in to get a free refill on a freezy by having the guy smell it and just putting his finger right next to where the guy smells it.
Funny. I'll give you that. Very funny.

(13:18):
But that is a very particular kind of humor.
And this movie is definitely the young male adult.
That's probably that that's the demographic, right?
If I were to wager a guess, yeah, I'd say the young adult male. Yes.
Probably 15, 16 ish somewhere around there.
Very, very much so because there were some lines in here that just the like the for the inner 10 year old and you came out when you saw like me Jean. Yep.

(13:46):
When it came to moments like foreign objects, I like the inner teenager in me lost his damn mind.
And I was I was rolling over that. Oh, God. Yeah.
And that line that line was like, how did you drink this?
You know, I struggled through most of it.
The butt fruit settled at the bottom. Oh, yeah. Oh, the visualization of that was my first.

(14:09):
Oh, my God. Who wrote this moment?
That was that was that was where it hit me.
Even the finger up the butt part I was rolling with until he actually said the words butt fruit.
Then I was like, oh, my God, what am I in for here?
David Arquette is absolutely hilarious.
That is a that is a well known fact. Yeah.
I don't know. I could very easily see that as having been improv. OK. OK.

(14:33):
Because David Arquette, because David Arquette's comedy, like his humor is it's pretty spot on and all the things that he's in.
Yeah. Which.
Watching him go into a movie where he is obsessed with Sasha Rose McGowan as a nitro girl after watching Scream where they played siblings.

(14:57):
That was that was really jarring for me.
Like you go from deputy dumb shit to like trying to seduce him.
That was that was a weird week for me. I'm not going to lie.
Because I I watched him like two days apart and I was like.
Wow. See, and I thought that was pretty funny, too, because I'm like, OK, they did scream together.
And then I'm assuming Arquette when he was put into this movie, he was the one who would when they're like when they're cast in that role, he was like, oh, let's get Rose.

(15:27):
Like she'll have fun with this.
Let you know. And she did. She clearly had fun with the role.
But that's kind of like I am. I'm wondering how that like how the conversation went where he's just like, hey, you want to play the the chick that I you know that I bang in this movie like.
Honestly, I could I.
I've kind of often wondered about Rose McGowan's sense of humor for the roles that she has taken because she takes the roles, but she but the performance she gives in those roles is always very stern and everything like that. So I just wonder if she's really, really good at that or if she really does enjoy doing those roles as much as it seems.

(16:05):
I would imagine that she genuinely enjoys them.
And I'm and I'm doing that and basing that entirely on the fact how long she stuck around doing cursed.
Okay, fair. Yep.
That's fair.
Then we get. Oh, yeah. Scottie Khan is frisked by Sergeant Dad and David and yet the so David Arquette, his the character who is his dad.

(16:30):
Charmed, not cursed. The show is called Charmed.
I assume you meant, I assume you meant Charmed.
I assumed you meant Charmed, but I also wasn't sure if there was a show named Cursed that I didn't know about.
So I was just going to roll with it.
That's what I meant. I meant Charmed.
Sorry, Charmed fans. I know we must have some out there.
I did not mean to. She was the she was the late addition to that show, right?

(16:53):
She replaced Shannon Doherty. Pretty sure that was the case.
Yes. I mean, I have to double check on that.
But yeah, she was the one who came in to replace Shannon.
And yeah, and they stuck with her for a while.
She stayed there for like the next like three, four seasons after that.
So I that show was on for a long time.
It was. And I think I watched all of it, but it's been too long.

(17:14):
I couldn't tell you. Yeah.
When that when that dad shows up and he is Friskin Khan and that was was a little bit too much.
Wildly weird.
But I think, of course, it's supposed to be.
But again, like I said, like we have our two main characters who are dipshits, but everyone around them are worse.

(17:35):
So and this is an example of that. This guy was.
Terrible. Yeah, goes in and just right for a crotch grab and then which is weird because the whole rest of the movie is like,
You're not going to be touching other men like you did more man touching than anybody else in this movie.
Good, sir. I can't help but feel like this character is based on someone's actual father.

(18:00):
I could see that.
However, that actor plays that character a few times and pretty well.
He's also the dad in Varsity Blues that is like.
What is it? Paul Walker's dad. Right, right, right.
OK, he plays that scummy, like kind of obnoxious dad super well, which I still don't know if that's a compliment or a diss to the man to say things like that.

(18:29):
I mean, you have to meet him in person and see how far apart his actual personality is to know the answer to that.
There you go. That's like people talking about Anthony Star and Homelander and how similar they are.
He's like, that is not a compliment, you guys. Yeah.
But it's because like when he's doing PR, he's sitting there, he's like grinding his teeth and he just doesn't want to be there.
And it's like, no, I'm sure I'm sure you can find that for any celebrity.

(18:53):
It's just really fun to point it out with this particular one.
But oh, yeah. And then he's coming back.
He's like, wrestling's fake and the unbelievable scream.
Like David Arquette does that scream.
He does it in a lot of his roles, but weirdly, whenever he does it, it's not annoying.

(19:16):
And I don't know how he pulls that off.
That is a really good question. Yeah.
I've never like I've seen a lot of other actors, they do that and I'm like, when he does it, it's like, that's funny.
I have no idea why. Maybe I just like him more.
Cruising to work and celebrating Monday night nitro, the over the top dickish construction workers.

(19:39):
Yeah. Coming through and just like, dude, again, everybody in this movie is worse.
Yeah, same thing. Yes, absolutely.
Everybody in this movie is just worse than them.
And I like that moment before Khan goes in to use the porta potty that they went to go clean.
It turns out, I was like, friends don't do it to friends.

(20:00):
And I was, we definitely both knew what was coming. Something was coming.
I wasn't sure what it was.
I thought it was going to be the opposite, but what he does is he hooks up a vacuum to it
and he winds up like basically almost sucking Khan into the porta potty.
Right. Into the toilet part of it, which is, which honestly is hilarious.

(20:21):
And as a friend, I would do that to many of my friends. Sure.
Yeah. The one that it would go the other way and blow stuff through it.
No, I would do that. Like I would do that to maybe my best friend, but I wouldn't like, but that's it.
That's not something you can walk away from.
This was at least something you can walk away from.
There's no other, all the other scenarios that came into my head when they started setting it up

(20:46):
were all shit you cannot walk away from. So, you know.
No, not as close friends at least.
That is kind of the thing. That is the thing you can only do to your very best friend.
Anybody else is going to walk out of there and kill you.
Yeah.
Ordering from Brittany, but then Wendy steps up.
Like this movie didn't need that moment. It didn't need any of this.

(21:09):
However, the way that they paid off the whole Wendy thing.
Yeah.
It actually paid it off really funny and a great joke.
So I don't know if I can knock it.
Well, it was, yeah, it was a weird kind of addition. Yeah.
You didn't kind of need that whole like ex-girlfriend that he's still pining for.
Like literally there was no point to that part of the story until the two minutes where he comes back into town,

(21:37):
blows her off and then goes to the other chick, you know,
and which again was another two minutes that basically had nothing to do with anything else in the story other than,
yeah, one really good one really good laugh. But, you know, but yeah.
But I imagine there's probably some, you know, things in the first draft that stuck around by accident was my guess.

(21:59):
You know what? I could see that. But this movie, it was too much fun.
I mean, yeah, the more goofy shit that you threw at the walls in this one, I feel like the more like the more it made sense.
Yeah. And well, and none of it took me out like at no point like, yeah, like in in in, you know,
we were sitting here like talking to how like this has been an unnecessary storyline in the moment.

(22:21):
I didn't care like there. I'm not sitting here going like, what are they wasting their time with this?
Brenda, you know, Brenda, Wendy shit. Come on.
Because it was funny to the to the. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
Especially in the payoff, like how it went to how it went 90 miles an hour all of a sudden out of nowhere.
That was the funny part of it.
I will agree with you. Like the whole thing is set up just for a punch line.

(22:43):
And I think they probably reverse engineered the like went from the punch line and went, how do we get this into the story?
You're probably didn't matter. It was just funny. And I had a good time with that.
Yeah. Then after they get their food, sitting there eating on the back of that truck and just watching the league.
Oh, my. I was waiting. My anxiety was climbing, waiting for something to happen. And it just never did.

(23:08):
And I feel like that was definitely the right call because nothing was comfortable.
It was more it was more I think it was that for that moment, they weren't going for a gag.
They weren't setting up for gag. They were just like this.
Exactly. Like this whole part up until we see the first match is just showing who these guys are and who these guys are.

(23:30):
Our dipshits in a dipshit world is basically who they are.
And that includes eating their hamburgers, sitting on the back of a poop truck that's leaking right next to them.
And they don't seem to fucking notice.
They don't. They either they don't notice or they just don't care because they're that used to it.

(23:51):
Or they. Yeah. Yeah.
That's where that's where I was kind of taking that.
And then we get the bracelets, which I don't know if this is still a thing.
It doesn't seem like we live in a world where this is a thing.
But the What Would Jesus Do bracelets.
Yeah, I haven't seen them as much lately, but I feel like they're still a thing sort of.
I feel like they I feel like they should be.

(24:13):
I don't I don't feel like that's the thing that would would disappear.
It doesn't really make a lot of sense.
But like I said, I don't feel like I live in a world where people think that way.
Just putting that out there. Yeah.
No, you're but putting this out there as well.
Ellen Albertini Dow is never amiss.
She is the queen of cameos.

(24:37):
I have I have decided the the the the the old lady that was the the only other fan of James King in town.
Oh, yeah, she was she had a grand total of what six minutes in this movie and she's not even I'm going to say two minutes.
No, that's true. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

(24:58):
Because maybe maybe two minutes and yeah, and she's absolutely unforgettable in the in every moment.
She in every frame she's in 100 percent. I agree.
Yeah, which is the same thing for every other movie that she's in.
Like she pops in and she just says something wildly inappropriate usually like there's that scene in
The Wedding Singer where she pays Adam Sandler with meatballs and then at the end of the movie, she's singing Sugarhill Gang.

(25:25):
Yep. Yeah.
Like, dude, she is a national treasure that one.
Yes, she is.
The Cobb Dad reminds me about the seminar tomorrow and the wrestling show begins with Joey Pann says Ednick Mann.
And he tells me man ish for legal reasons.
He can't actually be Ed McMahon, but he's Ed McMahon for sure.

(25:48):
Yeah, no, he's he's playing Ed McMahon.
That is what he is doing 100 percent through and through.
And then because Jimmy King just sucks.
Yeah, he decides to give DDP his night.
And this is kind of a funny note.
Ellen Albertini Dow just proving me correct because she got like she kicks on some like leather pants and all this.

(26:11):
And she's jumping up on her couch.
And I'm just like, oh, my God, I love this woman.
Yeah, she is a lifelong fan and she still is.
And like this is a lady who knows what she loves in life and is still loving every part of it.
And you can't help but go.
This is like that's amazing.
That is that is the grandmother.
We all would.
Yes, I want her as my next door neighbor.

(26:33):
There you go.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
That's the that's the lady that the whole neighborhood goes to check in on and make sure she's like everything is OK.
It's like, no, we're not done getting memories with her yet.
Exactly. Yes.
DDP and King's entrances, King's big ol bravado of the stage.
And he has that unbelievably stupid corny theme song that he raps.

(26:55):
Man. Yes.
Well, and this is what I this is where I kind of like was amazed because first of all, this is twofold to two parts to this.
And first of all, it has both to do with both Oliver Platt and Rose McGowan.
They both unfortunately fell victim to this in this movie.
And it's and this isn't the only movie that's done this to me.

(27:16):
But it is one of those kind of fourth wall breaking moments for me sometimes when they do this in movies where you've got Oliver Platt who's supposed to be playing like he's generally he's Hulk Hogan.
He's the guy who's been the champion for a long time.
So that's who he is. He's a stand in for the Hulk Hogan legend.
All right. And so, yeah, he's supposed to be a little bit older, not quite as in shape as all the other guys.

(27:38):
But when you stand him next to other actual wrestlers, it becomes viciously obvious how much he hasn't.
You can buy like if it was just Oliver Platt standing there going like, yeah, I'm pro wrestler.
And you're like, oh, I could see that until another pro wrestler walks in and then you're like, oh, fuck you, buddy.
What are you talking about?

(27:59):
No, Oliver Platt has the body of Andre the Giant without the size.
Exactly. Yes. And the same thing happened.
But that's but they got away with it because he's showing up to shows drunk like he used to be.
Yes. And that's what was interesting was the fact that when he did when he did get the mic in his hand and he starts doing his whole like, I'm going to I'm going to take you down and turn you into one of my ladies in waiting like that whole bit.

(28:29):
I'm like, that was shocking for me because I'm like, this is a motherfucker who's been watching wrestling his entire life because I have never seen it done better than that by anyone who wasn't in the actual pro wrestling.
When you see other actors try to do like, OK, I'm going to be a pro wrestler now and they do the bit, then none of them have ever done it as well as he did right there.

(28:52):
No, like Mickey Rourke, the whole movie, the wrestler, like he did amazing stuff in there.
But no, just the vamping and stuff like that. No, no. Oliver Platt. He he nailed that.
I bought him as a pro wrestler at that moment when he's when he's doing the trash talk a bit in the ring. I'm like, oh, OK, no, there it is. That's that's the guy.

(29:13):
The voice. Yes, the voice that really that absolutely sold it.
But yeah, and then also they did the same thing to Rose McGowan. Rose McGowan looks amazing.
But when you stand her when you surround her with a half a dozen other nitro girls, you're like, oh, no.
Yeah, no, she a little toothpick.
Yeah, she needs to go back to the gym. That's what.
Yeah, I mean, I love Rose McGowan. Yeah, obviously.

(29:37):
It was just almost have a painting of her behind me.
There you go. Yeah. But when it was just her, she looked amazing when the other nitro girls came towering over her.
Little obvious that she wasn't a nitro girl. Right. Yeah.
Everyone hates Sinclair and that the I made you attitude, which. Oh, yeah.

(30:01):
And he gives him that he gives him that hint.
He's that just wanted to have our final moment together.
And you kind of get that look on Jimmy Page where on his face he's like he sees he might see it coming.
Right. But there's a lot of ego in there.
And no, the wrestlers encouraging one another during the match was honestly weirdly heartwarming.
Mm hmm. Yeah. Like just good job, man. Good job, baby.

(30:25):
Like all this stuff like I really enjoy that.
And that is how that really happens in real life.
I just I want that I want that to be true because that's cool. Right.
Yeah, I always imagined it was I do.
And one clue in I got that that actually is how it goes.
I actually once got to see rowdy Roddy Piper do stand up comedy in Portland once.

(30:51):
I don't know how it happened. Yeah.
Well, I think it was kind of a lark kind of thing where I was there for a comedy show.
And I think someone found out he was in town and talked him into basically going up and open and to just riff because it certainly was cool.
Yeah. And he gets up there and he tells a story about one of the matches he did where he was like really bummed out

(31:13):
because they basically told him like, yeah, you're going to lose in this one because that that's how that we've written the story.
Go this way. So you got to lose this match. And he's all bummed out because, you know, he, you know, he actually, you know, even though it's all scripted, there is, you know, joy in winning it anyway.
You know, well, yeah. And and but the main part about the story was that because he's the heel, he's Roddy, he's Roddy Piper.

(31:35):
So when he does his march out, everyone's supposed to hate him. And the story had to do with how, like, he accidentally gets in a fight with an audience member because they go a little too far.
And so he almost punches out one of the guys who was who was basically spitting on him and stuff like they're supposed to.
But but yeah, like, you know, the precursor of that is as he's going out there, he's just kind of sitting there chilling and having a cigarette with the guy he's about to go on match with.

(32:00):
And they and they do a whole just like, all right, well, let's have a good show tonight, you know, and and that was the whole thing.
So, yes, just from that little snippet of me seeing, you know, long since retired Roddy Piper tell that story, I'm betting that there was probably a lot of realism in that in this movie.
I could see that. And like I said, like I just that that is a really I mean, because you know that they have to communicate.

(32:23):
That is a very dangerous profession. Yeah.
So they definitely do communicate and we don't always catch up to that. So I just I like that.
Well, that that is well-exampled in this scene we're about to talk about when, you know.
Yeah, they're going back and forth. They're hammering each other. They're good one.
And they're literally talking under words while the entire crowd is out on like the audience is screaming all this.

(32:47):
These guys are having their one on one and DDP gets approval from pants and launches Jimmy from the ring and
watching our cat scream betrayed and then like all of the emotions that are going through there.
Like this isn't even pay per view. Like they're freaking out.

(33:11):
They're like, I wasn't expecting this. This isn't a paid fight. What's going on?
Like I there was so much fun in their panic and just freaking out about like how he jinxed him because of it's like if you do it like because that thing like with the board party.
If you do it, Jimmy, Jimmy Page is going to Jimmy King is going to lose tonight.
Right. It's like you jinxed him and we get the four post massacre.

(33:36):
We go ahead. That's the thing. What I'm saying is like that's that is a remarkable bit of acrobatic bit that they did. I don't know if that's something that's ever been done in an actual like wrestling match.
But the fact that all four of these guys were able to coordinate all landing like safely on him in a way that wasn't actually going to kill him and not run into each other while they're doing it.

(34:01):
Like, holy cow, man, like these guys are practiced. Yeah, like this is professional performances. Yeah, I mean, they're athletes, but I don't call I wouldn't call it a sport.
It's all like, yeah, it's it's performed. Well, I mean, all in, you know, Oliver Platt's own words in this movie, like it's a circus performance with a little bit of soap opera sprinkled in.

(34:25):
And yeah, and that is exactly what it is. And but it is entertaining. Quite. Yes. I got it. I got to give him that the show that they give up on that pants telling the audience that there's a new king.
And I'm done with you. Rest in peace. I mean, seriously, Joe Pantoliano, the man delivers every line that he has ever had to perfectly.

(34:48):
Yes, exactly as creepy as exactly as insidious. He's just he's got that. Yeah. And I swear to God, man, Hollywood really knows how to use him correctly. Oh, for sure. Yeah.
And and again, like, like that, even that is that is a line from like pro wrestling, like in the actual pro wrestling show, he would have said, rest in peace to the mic, not quietly into King's face.

(35:14):
Oh, yeah, sure. But but that's what I think. Yeah, that's what made it really good. And and Joey Pant's delivering it like this is like, this is the drama, you know, like it's a yeah, it gave it gave character to the whole thing.
And this scene that could not I could not stop laughing at this scene when they were on the like crying in the in the poop truck on the way home and like, yeah, that was the first time I realized angry allergies. Yeah, I was having fun.

(35:47):
And that's the first time I don't know if they showed it beforehand. And that's what we were supposed to be a surprise. But they drove the poop truck to the show. That's all the truck that they use to empty out the porta potties full of of human feces.
They drove it to to Monday Nitro and and parked it in the parking lot there so they can go see the show. And now they're driving it back.

(36:08):
And the and then angry driving, they crashed the poop truck, which you expect it to go a certain way doesn't go that way right away.
But the fact that they gave it that delay is what actually because I would I was expecting that to happen. And the fact that they made it not happen before making it happen is what got the huge laugh.

(36:31):
I'm being stupidly vague on a show that I'm talking about something. No, the poop truck. It's not a spoiler. You're a minute away from describing it in detail. I know I know it like this poop truck crashes.
So what would you expect? You expect you would expect all the poop to go flying all over the place. Yeah, it doesn't happen. They get there. They services show up a little bit falls out.

(36:54):
Yeah. But then shortly after a semi truck hauling toilet paper comes by and then crashes into it and splashes everybody.
So you get a little delay and then it gets way funnier. I mean, what the hell? It splashes everyone but them.
They're the only ones who don't get covered in poop in that. Yeah. And then they get left on the side of the road to walk right without.

(37:18):
So I mean, this movie. It's nothing but dumb, stupid fun. But it's all done in a very clever way, which is like the fact that they thought that this was going to tank wrestling is kind of stupid considering what happened here.
Yeah, I don't imagine how that could have how anyone could have thought that was going to happen. Yeah. No. Yeah, we're going to do a tank job. We're kind of done with this. We're like, we hate this. We're going to finance this.

(37:46):
And then, oh, they did a really good job and created a cult classic.
They got all they got all the people we were trying to make fun of to get involved in this movie and turn it into the biggest party anyone's ever seen. Yeah, it way too much fun.
And, and I sort of got like David Arquette like him. He was raised a wrestling fan. His dad was a wrestling fan. So this is like there was a lot of love coming off of him directly for this.

(38:15):
I don't know as much about Scott Khan. He kind of seemed very similar.
But I did have kind of didn't speak up as much. Yeah, he had to kind of the straight man role in this whole thing.
He seemed to be more about the kind of like, you know, he was a little bit motivated by the love of wrestling, but he was kind of seemed to be more motivated of, you know, we just got to drive this story home. Yeah.

(38:40):
Yeah, really. Like, and like, it's weird. His only motivation in the movie was, yeah, like getting things going, all that.
He was more dedicated to the wrestling than David Arquette's character was because Arquette stayed, well, not really, but like Arquette gave up a little bit. So, right. Depends on how you want to look at that.
But the fact that at the end, he becomes a manager and it's all about pimp daddy and all this stuff. It's like his one character arc in this whole movie is that Jimmy King saw him hook up with a girl. That's it.

(39:14):
And he did get he got a job like there was that. Okay, there's that. That is fair.
Although technically the poop truck was his job, but then he lost it because that that's what we find out. Yeah, you kept getting like little exposition. He's like, yeah, my dad's dead. And the only thing he left behind was that truck.
Right. So he's an independent contractor to like that's his whole thing. He has a poop truck and he independently contracts cleaning out porta potties and then his truck crashes is now he's destitute.

(39:45):
I honestly I could not have like the exposition. I don't I'm not going to call it clunky because I don't know. I never had a problem with it. It was no I was having fun with it.
Oh, then discussions over destiny and what would King do they decide they got to find the king go hitchhiking. And this is the main reason I wanted to watch this movie was the van full of farting nuns.

(40:13):
Oh, right. Yeah, that was a weird inclusion.
Anything I couldn't remember anything about this movie except David Arquette getting out of a van and be like, be honest with me.
Did you were you farting and he's like, oh, man, I thought that was you. And they just kind of look off into the distance.
They were the farting nuns. I have no idea. 20 for 20 years that has stuck in my mind and I have been laughing about it every once in a while when it comes to my mind just David Arquette staring off in the distance and talking about the farting nuns.

(40:43):
Some lines are just so funny that they just stay with you. That was as I was watching scream I was thinking David Arquette and I was like, I need to watch that scene again. I'm watching the whole damn movie.
Okay, yeah, I see you.
But watching the. Oh my god no that one non honestly crushing Van Halen.

(41:05):
Yeah, I would like that is a great scene.
How could you think to write that scene though? How did you how could they have come up with that? I swear to God that was like a family guy skit where they just like threw a bunch of things together and went nuns Van Halen parts.
All right, what can we write guys? Yeah, they pulled they pulled a bunch of random words out of a hat and they're like, let's make a scene out of this like.

(41:30):
So much so many movies that we have seen I swear to God I don't know how they come up with those scenes beyond doing something like that.
Like, I'm sorry but this is this was just one of those. Yeah.
Then we get to see the Sherman later. And I'm sorry for the kid man I am or the man.
He is the Sherman later he did that like that role was too iconic now. No yeah unfortunately that who it's who he shall be till the day it'll be on his tombstone, like in little, in little quotation marks.

(41:59):
In little quotations underneath his real name whatever it is I don't know and I don't care.
But weirdly, he is one of the longest working actors of his age. He has been going since he was a small child with that.
That kind of. He's got a look. He's got a look. He does. He does. And he and he has you know lucky for him he has the talent to back up whatever weird role they decided to cast him in based on his look.

(42:27):
I'll give that to him 100% hail to the Sherman later.
But then he winds up being a hacker is like, oh yeah I can find you anything on the net. Oh, early 2000s. Yeah.
Oh, the net. And when's the last time you heard it referenced as the net.

(42:48):
I think in real life. In real life. I cannot remember. I honestly do not remember. I think when the movie The Net came out, me and all my friends agreed never to say that word ever again.
The Net. That is something that that is a movie I haven't thought about. Sandy, Sandy B right? Sandy Bullock. Yeah. Yep. Yeah, that's what I thought. Yeah, I haven't thought about the net in forever.

(43:10):
We also haven't done a Sandy B movie yet. Oh my god we haven't. Holy shit.
Now all these movies and no I do I really love her so that's kind of surprising. She is fantastic. Yeah.
Mentioned this earlier, Caroline Rea as the queen and very very surprised when she opened the door I was like, isn't it?
And then I had to check it out. Yep. Arquette's jazzed. Oh god. And 100% oh yeah that was a great exchange. That was.

(43:41):
Have you ever seen crabs up close? Yeah and Arquette's like. It's like okay.
I'm like okay calm down David. I get it but calm down.
But then when you find out exactly how much of a virgin he is later on in the film you're like okay yeah this guy really has no idea what's going on.

(44:03):
And then Prince Frankie's horrific braces. Man. They look like they were soldered on. Like that was those were so creepy.
They looked rough. They looked very rough. And then over to meet King's parents and I love that scene from Khan.
He's like no no no no that's not what happened. No. He went he worked two jobs to support you after you died in a plane crash.

(44:27):
Like looking right at a man and saying that he died. The level of idiocy was just legendary.
Yeah that was good quality stuff right there.
So he finds out that King took the motorhome and then they track down the motorhome and find and they look through and he's like man it's not the King.
It's just some weird old lady. And they're like no no no man. That's her. I mean that's him. Like the King's a queen.

(44:54):
Yeah. Funny. And I can see where that joke probably didn't stand the test of time to a lot of people.
However it should. I mean well I think what's interesting is the fact that they didn't dwell on it.
Like he spends. Yeah like he spends like when they're talking he spends the whole conversation you know still in the dress.

(45:16):
But it's never it's never talked about. He doesn't sit there and go like all right guys you know sometimes I like to dress women's clothing.
Like it was it was no no no no no no. Yeah. But that's the thing like they but like they're still called drag queens.
So he is in drag. He's being a queen. So at that moment I'm like so I can't tell if that's a joke that does or doesn't stand the test of time.

(45:41):
I'm not the person who would be able to tell. All I can tell you is I laughed at it and I might get canceled.
I don't think canceled is actually really a thing because everybody who they say gets canceled they don't go away.
They just go do something else. Right. Yeah. So far everyone who ever heard of being canceled they just yeah they just find is find another you know they're somewhere else.

(46:05):
Yeah. Yeah. I'm still kind of wondering about that. Like yeah they make it they make it they basically lose your share but they actually been canceled.
They basically make a career on complaining about being canceled.
And they become way more successful. So how can you call that being canceled if you actually make an entire career out of bitching about it and get way more money from it.

(46:28):
Yeah. They're moving on the standard we should get canceled now that we've said it like now that we've said it out loud like that I'm like just to test the boundaries.
Right. Yeah. I like that he's like the king plays the false sympathy cards like am my parents dead.
And all this and he's like you're you're you're I got good news man your parents aren't dead anymore. How unbelievably sweet night.

(46:59):
It was such a sincerity too. Yeah. He's like oh no good news man. Your parents like we just saw your parents they're not dead anymore.
And it dawning on the king even where he's sitting here going like I can play with that like oh oh what a miracle.
Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I mean he's looking at it's like okay these these two are about as dumb as they come.

(47:22):
So let's see what I can do here. They say they're going to go on a beer run and King tells them that everything is fake circus with a little bit of opera soap opera.
Like you've said that a couple of times. It's a it's a solidly good line. Yeah. Yeah. And the delusional fans get a solid rise out of him and the Kings in drives first leg and then they sneak him into the wrestling show in the porta potty.

(47:50):
Mm hmm. I thought a good setup. Yeah. Good. So a lot of the good jokes out we're going in as they're going through David Arquette's way too excited and like just you kind of felt our cats excitement the whole movie.
Oh sure yeah that is something I will definitely give him that the these fellas don't know what naked means.

(48:14):
Oh yes I know this I was thinking the same thing because they're staring into the the Nitro Girls dressing room and they're all right. That's what it was. Yeah. Yes. Naked naked naked.
Nobody in this dressing room is naked. Yep. They're all wearing very modest panties and bras like they probably their actual Nitro Girl costumes show more skin than the panties and bras they're wearing in this dressing room.

(48:40):
Yeah. Okay. So that's that's what that meant that note confused the crap out of me for a moment there and then Rose McGowan doing her thing. Yep. And her thing little I mean she does she plays that like I'm going to be a doll and you're going to fall in love with me.
And yeah pretty much everybody who shares the screen opposite of her is like yeah. Yes ma'am. Yes. And then go ahead and then our cat says what we're all thinking he's like oh I'm just here to look at your boobs.

(49:09):
I mean I mean and and Rose McGowan because I mean sure her character is a Nitro Girl I'm sure that's not the first time anyone said that to her. So no God no the thing that she was doing the photography on the convention circuit things that I would hear.
No that is that is one of the more modest things she's heard I'm sure. But then page and pants rolling up ragging on King and then just lose and then King loses it attacks out of the porta potty comes in and puts on a good show and kicks DDP's ass.

(49:43):
Which again seriously way to like way to be an awesome sport diamond page. Yeah for sure 100% through this whole movie or Dallas he's he's a yeah for the whole movie he's like I will be the bad guy in this show and I'm fine with it even if it means bad guy I'm going to get beat up by a toilet seat out of a porta potty like all of the things.

(50:07):
Yeah, and he's just an outstanding sport about it. 100% yeah, I thought that I would never have done that.
This is why it sucks to watch like once you know about the rocks contract, it sucks to watch pretty much any movie that he's in.
He is contractually, he's not allowed to get punched in the face. He's not allowed to lose a fight.

(50:31):
But in a movie with the rock in it, you know exactly what it's going to be and it just kind of sucks. Yeah, sometimes they're entertaining but you know immediately that there are no stakes for him. Right. Yeah.
And I think that's, I think that's really, I think that's really dumb I don't really understand the ego behind a decision like that but hey, especially when the number one and I and

(50:57):
the one of the number one ways that heroes are revered is when in some point in the movie they are brought down low, so that they can rise back up again.
If your contract stipulates that I playing the hero of this movie will not be brought down low. You are intentionally hamstringing your value as a hero. Yeah, it's so weird.

(51:18):
There's no straw I mean the struggle is not a struggle, like that. It is it is a very weird thing. Lose it and attacks out of the out of the porta potty, and they scream for an object because he's got the toilet seat, and there's no new champion it was not a sanctioned fight so they go through it.
And he brings up a cage match, survive and win $1 million. And then, like, I like this moment tonight, we rejoice with the king in his motor castle.

(51:49):
Come on with lines like that fantastic. I was having a way too much fun on that. I'm gonna go McGowan shows up for the party. And like, do you have like you have my poster. Is it this pose. Is it this pose and then David Arquette like gets up on the car is like, No, it's this one.

(52:12):
Right. And like, looks like Will Ferrell in Starsky and Hutch with the two dragons moment which Jesus Christ.
Like, way funny, way funny. And then King runs, he tries to run and falls into the sewer. Here's what you got me. Let's hear what you got.
Gotta give credit where credit is due, because once again, mean gene Oakland, like after that scene after we after you know we see like the flirting between McGowan and our cat, and they're calling each other sexy, and then cut to the man mean gene Oakland turn to the

(52:50):
man going, Do you think people think I'm sexy.
Well, you're right that delivery on that too is just, yeah, it was perfect. That was a fantastic delivery. I gotta give you that. Having the our two main characters show up to pick up.

(53:21):
Jimmy King. And they're like, How did you know where he's at like, we're in the business.
I mean, kind of a kind of a brilliant payoff to their job. Right. Yes. I thought that was really great. I really enjoyed that one.
I'll need a trainer, I think the safe house baby.

(53:44):
The more I. He was kind of going back and forth in his Elvis impersonation. It was weird. Sometimes he was more Elvis than others like, I felt that he was impersonating Johnny Bravo the whole time.
I couldn't get I couldn't get it out of my head, because every time I impersonate Jimmy King I'm doing the exact same impersonation I give for Johnny Bravo. Right. Yes. Well, I mean, I think they're both Elvis. Let's be honest. Well, okay. Yes.

(54:09):
Johnny Bravo is Elvis. I do have to give you that.
No.
I mean, let me let's be honest. He's the he as as a wrestler calls himself, you know, he's the king. Like, how many times did they how many times did they how many iterations of this did they did they go through before they went.

(54:31):
All right, we're not we're not going to give you the pompadour wig. You're not actually Elvis. Like, it's not working. Let's just put a crown on him and lose the oldest.
At some point I am going to do a poll, and it's going to be who is the better knockoff like fantasy Elvis, and it's going to be ash from Evil Dead. It's going to be Jimmy King is like, it's like it's going to go quite a while because you're like pseudo Elvis personality types are kind of wildly awesome in film.

(55:03):
No, that's true. That is very true. The more I think about that they yeah that that personality really awesomely works.
They, they have that song for the king that they start singing it and it's just like, you got to imagine like these big celebrities, they have all experienced things like that and they're mega fans have wrote a song for them but it's like, I didn't think I was going to meet you today I was working on it and then like, can I sing what I have for you already.

(55:32):
And it's exactly what that felt like and to too damn funny. Yeah, then we get to meet Martin Landau as Sal bandini the trainer. Oh my god what a role. What a yeah Academy Award winner Martin Landau coming in as

(55:53):
well as the Kung Fu master basically that's who he pretty much he's he's the master up on the mountain they've gone to go learn how to do the one inch death punch to you know he's that guy.
And, and holy crap like the whole introduction his whole first scene, you're just constantly sitting there going like, oh shit, oh shit.
Because it's Martin Landau. Exactly yes like what an actor what a choice and then to have this old man beat the crap out of Jimmy King and everybody else. And then the, and then Jimmy King kicks him to the face and they think he's dead, and then they get a possum

(56:28):
kick to the nuts. Fantastic, which by the way, let's say a little prayer for Oliver Platts nuts. He took so many cock punches in this movie it is there had to be a whole separate insurance policy just for his nuts.
You know that he was wearing a cup, but still but it couldn't. Yeah, like, even though it's done stunts, even when you're wearing stuff you still feel it. Exactly. Yes. Yes. That is a bit of a rough one.

(57:01):
They probably went through a couple of them. I could believe that I could believe that.
I love that moment where McGowan like our cat shows up for a date at McGowan's place. And she is like, it comes up, I think Spanish or French he says something. Yeah, she's like, Oh, are you fluent.

(57:22):
I feel fine. They're fantastic. This. And the funny thing is, is that like, I don't know why it wasn't until this point, like, I mean, obviously she's a turncoat, because we see her on Joey. We see her hanging on Joey pants, when you know at the beginning of the interaction and then
immediately after the fights declared, she shows up at the party and starts hitting on on our cat. Duh, of course, she's a plant a mole, whatever it is, you know, like, it's obvious, but it wasn't until we get to her apartment, and I see that her her through line decorating motif are pictures of herself.

(57:59):
That for me was, oh, red flag. She's about you. Oh, yeah. Like, don't know.
Where she's like flirting with him and like trying to do it. She's like, show me your awesome moves. And he's like, okay. And then he's like, pile driver. I'm like, dude, I like this.

(58:20):
Body flicks one. Yes. The two the two grand moments for Rose McGowan is the both of those. There are two moments where she's basically been, you know, completely, you know, nailed and is laying on the ground with the wind knocked out of her.
And the look on her face in both of those moments are absolute gold. Like that is true. She really did deliver. Yeah, like when he does that and does the whole pile driver and slams on the floor that wide eyed what the fuck just happened to me look on her face right there.

(58:54):
That's an Oscar winning moment all on its own for her. I let that it was it was a good one. I think I laughed hardest in the whole movie at that moment when he did that to her and her reaction to it immediately after immediately after I got way bigger of a laugh when she like climbs up on top of him after that.
Oh, right. Her shirt off and then he sees her boobs and screams foreign objects like their weapons and then just waxer. I mean, come on. I mean, that was I was I was falling off the couch laughing at that one man that was killing me.

(59:31):
Yeah. And I remember thinking to myself, too, after that, I'm like, after everything he's just put her through and she's still having sex with him. Either she's a turncoat or he better fucking marry her because you don't get better than that.
No, you don't. But interesting enough, this this next scene. Well, I mean, OK, so, you know, the dad gets the postcard, puts it on the fridge and then shoots the fridge.

(59:55):
Maybe a bit of an overreaction, maybe a little bit. But this scene here is John Cena's film debut when they were talking to Goldberg and he's working out.
He talks about getting puked on by Jimmy King. Yeah. John Cena is in the background working out in that scene. Nice.
All right. To rumble is John Cena's Hollywood debut, which is kind of weird because I'm looking back on my was it John.

(01:00:25):
Was it before he started wrestling and he or no, no, he was just like he was one of the minor wrestlers at that point.
OK, so yeah, they just basically said, get let's get the entire WCW in here like pretty much.
OK, I mean, I mean, at that time, Goldberg was one of the biggest ones, so if he was doing something, I'm guessing the guys that would work out with him and probably they probably just went to the gym that they worked out at.

(01:00:47):
And those were the guys who were there. Oh, yeah, that's probably true. Yeah, you're probably not too far off there.
Within the saboteurs, Sid Udy and Perry Saturn against Martin Landau.
Dude, the fact that they got like, yes, these were not the biggest wrestlers of the time, but these were named wrestlers that showed up in this movie to get their asses kicked by Martin Landau.

(01:01:09):
Now, I know you think that's like kind of like, you know, like, yeah, good sports.
I'm sorry, man. The age that those guys were, they probably when they were like, I get to get my ass kicked by Martin Landau, bring it on.
That's probably that was probably way more of an honor for them than what we're kind of throwing out there.
No, you have a good point there. You have a good point.

(01:01:31):
I probably would have quickly signed up to get my ass kicked by Landau as well.
That's for sure. Yeah. I mean, real estate.
I mean, yeah, that's I mean, yeah, just just yes.
So Landau gets his ass kicked, kind of, eventually. And then McGowan wants out and Arquette catches her.

(01:01:54):
Yeah. And the thing like Landau sitting in the bed is like, oh, I got my ass kicked. I feel sore. I'm peeing blood. Feels great to be young again.
I couldn't get enough of Landau's character in this.
Well, and the thing is, you can't get out because I mean, like, it's one of those you got to see to believe because it's not just like Landau's face, the way he does.

(01:02:18):
Like you talk about full body acting. Martin Landau does full body acting with just his face.
I see what you mean. Yeah, I do know what you mean. And you are that is a great description of what that man brings to the table.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. So McGowan wants to come. She's like, can I come with? He's like, no, we're going back to basic where there's heart.

(01:02:44):
You can't come because you don't have a heart. Dude, David Arquette is a third grader in this whole movie.
And he delivers it perfectly. Deeply appreciated how they didn't draw that out, that the discovery that she's a turncoat and him breaking up with her over it was not
a drawn out dramatic conflict that was just like this movie had time for that. No, I didn't know. You're probably right.

(01:03:10):
Had to be like bam, bam, bam, bam, bam in this movie because like there were no long establishing shots.
There were no look at this scenery. None of that this shit was we're going to put as much shit into this 90 minute movie as we possibly can.
And they did. Yeah, no, it was and it was a good time.

(01:03:32):
When King goes home and he like sees his family and he sees his boys like, oh, God damn that boy.
Look at that mouth. He's like, I'm going to do right by you. I'm going to do right by this family.
By God, I'm going to get that boy a damn good dentist.
Oliver Platt. I mean, oh my God, dude, I love like I love him so much.

(01:03:56):
But then back home and dad shows up and the interesting line, no more touching other men from Sergeant Gropey,
whose intro to this film is grabbing cons junk.
Oh, God. Oh, my God. No, as he's driving away, he's like, you know, who else followed their dreams?

(01:04:17):
Charles Manson, Joe Stalin, Michael Bolton. Right. Yeah, I was like, damn, damn.
Which I mean, where are they talking about that?
Is it the fact that they all sold out and then went different places or something like that?
Or is it literally just like the joke?

(01:04:38):
You know, I think it was just straight up Bolton hate from from an uber masculine asshole.
Well, because most people younger than me aren't going to know this.
Michael Bolton started off as a hard rocker.
He was not like that is like this sitting in a bathtub.
Yeah, he was not the sitting in a bathtub singing by candlelight guy.

(01:05:00):
He was a hard rocker and then he sold out to go.
His solo career, he became a crooner. Yeah. Yeah.
So that's where I was kind of thinking, like, maybe the cop was like really mad that he's not a hard rocker anymore.
But, you know, that might be a way deeper cut than the movie to go for.
No, you're probably right. Yeah.

(01:05:22):
Even not thinking about that, even not even not thinking about it.
Like not like Joe, the joke landed like, yeah, he's just he just a quick like a lot of, you know,
anybody who doesn't like Michael Bolton's music will equate him to Stalin and Manson.
I mean, it's just I mean, come on.
No, OK. So no, it was a good joke, even though it didn't really matter how many layers it had.
Every layer of it actually did work.

(01:05:45):
The King and Khan show up to the rescue and dad's watch.
Oh, oh, oh, let's see.
The King and Khan show up to the rescue.
Oh, damn it. OK. Yeah, man, I got to be more elaborate on my notes.
So David Arquette is taken back and he's like a grown ass man who's grounded at home.

(01:06:07):
And the King and Khan show up to like rescue him doing his homework.
Yeah. And he's like, I can't, man, I just can't. I'm grounded and like all this.
I'm like, dude, this is so pathetic and half as adorable.
Way pathetic and a lot of fun.
And I and weirdly enough, because I was a little disappointed

(01:06:28):
because when they showed Arquette in his bedroom and they start with like a pan across his room
and we see his Rose McGowan poster up on the wall and it is not the pose that he described.
Oh, I didn't catch that. Yeah. Ah, damn it.
That would have been better if they would have had that. But this wasn't that kind of movie.
But what got a big laugh out of me was the the sheriff dad watching cops and treating it like a comedy show.

(01:06:54):
Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
But then Arquette gives up and they do the posse tryouts and King just keeps whooping everybody's ass
and then meets Kitty, which if you don't know Kitty, she was the movie that I know her from is Tom Katz.
Did you ever see Tom Katz? No, I don't think I did.

(01:07:16):
It is a super bro movie, but in a very, very funny way.
It's you take a look at that cast at some point.
We'll talk about that another time, but you'd be kind of surprised.
She is the girlfriend in the opening sequence with Jerry O'Connell. And yes, if you are familiar with what I'm talking about, that is her.

(01:07:40):
And let her audition to be part of the posse. And then King's response, what's she going to do? Boom to death?
Boom to death. Yeah, that was a good line. Yeah.
Because there are like she's basically like I'm Kitty and she's sitting there all demure in her little milkmaid dress and they're like, you're in the wrong place, miss.

(01:08:01):
Please, you know, go do something safer. And that's when she does a quick tear off of the dress to have her, you know, tassel bikini underneath.
And which and then and that's when Arquette is like, oh, no, let's let's get her. Let's let's have her in the team.
And and Platt's just like, what is she like, guys? No, come on. No, great. Great lines. Stupid, but great.

(01:08:26):
And then now that he's on TV, Brittany wants him. But he's like, nope. Yep. On to Wendy. On to Wendy.
Who? Yes. Let me objectively superior. Like she's just as attractive and not a bitch.
Yeah. And actually likes him and likes wrestling, too, or at least likes it enough to talk to him about it.

(01:08:48):
Yeah. More compatible at the very least. More compatible.
And then Arquette shows up and gives them a hug goodbye.
And I can't tell. Like that's like an angry cop. But very, very clearly that cop was a repressed gay man.
Oh, yeah. I mean, I'm pretty sure that the movie was explicitly saying that. Right.

(01:09:09):
Probably. Yes. I was something to that degree. At least very close.
Well, I mean, the homophobic father was actually a pretty running theme because even Sherman Nader's dad was constantly like, you know, he like.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's right. Like he like my friends are fags. Right.

(01:09:31):
Everything that he did made him a fact. Yeah. No, that was the sermonators dad. That's right. Good point.
So there was a there was a running theme. Everybody's dad is is weirdly aggressively homophobic in this movie.
Fair enough. But that is a thing. Like when I remember being younger and there were the dads who weren't into wrestling and stuff like that, that would see the wrestlers in their leopard print bikinis and all this stuff.

(01:09:53):
Oh, yeah. And they would have those jokes. So that was actually that does connect to the real world pretty well. I got to give it that. Yeah.
See. OK. Yes. A hell of a goodbye from Wendy. And then you get Scottie Khan.
He is coming out of there and then running back towards it and just them bright ass cheeks. Right. Yeah. Never fails to get a laugh.

(01:10:14):
A naked butt just always gets a laugh. It's you know, butts are funny. Sure. Yeah. I may be immature. I don't really care. Butts are funny.
And it was good. You know, I think they were like, OK, you know, everybody in this movie is going to get laid. We're not going to make too big of a deal about it.
We're just going to make sure, you know, you know, I mean, that's the thing is like with our Ketten McGowan, it was basically like, you know, it was a two minute set up as to their, you know, their their dynamic.

(01:10:43):
And then with these two, it's like, here, I got you a gift and he got her, you know, hard wrecked from New York T-shirt.
And she loved it. And she loved it. Yeah. I was in New York and I got you this T-shirt like, you know, especially when you're like 13, 14 years old.
That's a big deal. Granted, she's in 20s. You got your collection. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
These were all adult representations of teenagers. That's no, these were nobody in this movie was an adult.

(01:11:10):
That's very good. That's true. But yeah. And then her response is I got a gift for you, too, and takes them in there and then comes out.
She doesn't even bother bringing her clothes out with her. She leaves in, you know, wrapped in the blanket, letting everybody know.
Yeah, no, I know. Yeah, I got him. He's with me now. Yeah. Right. Exactly. Yeah.
So they make it to Vegas and the Nitro Girls and a meeting with Sting and Pants, the Nitro Girls given their dance, which it took a long time for this movie to actually do a feature dance from the Nitro Girls, which was kind of surprising.

(01:11:42):
Sure. Considering what this movie was, but it did show up. Yeah.
Sting. I guess I like I never really watched wrestling when Sting was the like a heavy hitter in there and all that.
But even though I didn't watch wrestling, I was still rooting for the guy because the guy looked terrifying. So I'm like, I like that.
I like that. If I was into it, that would be my guy. OK, so I could say that was always kind of thing for me.

(01:12:08):
I think his equivalent in my time would have been the ultimate warrior and kind of for the same reason.
So well, I'm trying to think who was.
Actually, I got to say my early favorite is a little bit too obvious.
It's Jim Duggan, man. Oh, well, sure. Yeah, I mean, Jim Duggan, Jim Duggan was your fucking uncle.

(01:12:34):
Are you kidding me? Of course. No, like that was. Yeah.
The hacksaw. I love that man. I was done to him. He was he was all right. Yeah. Yeah.
Well, and that was the thing, too. He was also a cool guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Joey Pants does an awesome job in this role and displaying the rules of the cage match, doing his Ed McMahon.

(01:12:58):
Like we were saying the praise of Oliver Platt earlier talking about how he does like the rest of ramping up and the vamping for wrestling.
Yep. Joey Pants crushes this, though. No, that's true. Yeah.
Like I definitely which again, just goes to show you like every but clearly everybody that was that was what foiled the plan.
This plan to take down wrestling was destroyed by everyone involved being massive fans of wrestling.

(01:13:25):
That did that did make a bit of a change. And I like that where Scott Cant like Oliver Platt tells Scott Cant like, hey, you got to watch out for the pyro.
He's like, wait, what was that last thing you said? And then walks right into the pyro. Very Looney Tunes.
But you know what? Looney Tunes is a classic for a reason. The jokes are funny. Yep. Like they're just objectively funny.
And it was not out of place in this movie at all. For sure.

(01:13:49):
Like every every one of those was a movie like I mean, dumb humor worked in this movie because it never tried to rise above it.
Right. You know, and we already passed over the fact that earlier in the movie, Oliver Platt literally falls down a manhole.
This is tame in comparison to that. That is true. That is very.
That is too true. All right.

(01:14:13):
Now we get the match begins and the rules of the cage. You got one cage, another cage and then the final cage on top and you got all these fights.
And not a great start for the king, but it comes around with was I think it was Scottie Khan that actually handcuffs DDP to the side of it.
Oh, yeah. Well, because they're trying to handcuff him and Khan comes in, blows some some chalk in his face.

(01:14:37):
And as the guy is going like that doesn't work in real life, dude. And then all of a sudden he's the one handcuffed by Khan. Yes.
That was clever. Clever little bit. I thought that was clever, too. I really did enjoy that one.
And then the son comes in and surprises King and then everything starts just really tanking because he sees boys like I can't beat up my kid.

(01:14:58):
Yeah. Well, I'll tell you, that was great, too, because like the whole like, you know, this unknown masked wrestler comes in and the mask comes off and he stops because it's his son and the announcers are going like, this is amazing.
What he's getting a beat down by his own son. I'm like, this is this is peak WCW and WWE drama right here.

(01:15:19):
Also, that's that is the kind of stuff they would that is the kind of stuff that would happen. Like I'm sitting here going like this. What this is. This is the wrestling match.
These guys wish they could put on if the show wasn't live. That's what this movie made me regret not being into wrestling when I was a kid.
I feel like I could have had a ton of fun. I really feel like I would have had a ton of fun if I would have gotten into this as a kid. I just I don't know why I missed it.

(01:15:45):
We all did. I mean, I mean, I don't know how much of a thing it was. I know it was one of those like I was into it as a kid and everybody all the kids I went to school with were all into it.
We'd we'd go home like we we didn't have Monday night where we had we had Friday and we had Friday nights I think was when it was on when I was a kid.
And so we'd all be talking about it Monday morning, you know, and so, oh, I can see that. Yeah.

(01:16:08):
I'll tell I'll tell you why. Yeah, but then we get the intro of some of our heroes Goldberg, but Booker T, the disco inferno and Kidman.
Just going for no. I wish I had been watching wrestling during his time from just knowing there was a wrestler out there called the disco inferno.

(01:16:29):
I'm like, man, I got out too soon. Clearly, it did. As I was researching this, I was like, man, this seems like I wasn't I into this when I was a kid.
This seems like it would have been so much fun because I was having fun just researching this.
And when our kit comes in on that motorcycle. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That that that I feel like I would have loved to have seen some things like that happen.

(01:16:52):
That's the thing. Like and like I said, this never something like that never really happened, you know, but that's what I say. Like this was the match these guys wish they could put on if it wasn't the live show.
Like I wonder how many times how many times these wrestling producer guys were like, God damn, wouldn't it be great if you could just ride a motorcycle right under the ring?
God, why can't we do that? Well, we kill people, obviously, but we I wish we could.

(01:17:14):
Now you got me wondering if that's ever actually happened.
I'm going to have to look that up. I mean, there's there's 50 years worth of stuff happening.
So, I mean, maybe something close to it happened. Oh, easy.
The cops are watching and then all of a sudden, Sheriff Dad becomes a proud daddy.
Yeah, just because all your buddies are rooting for him now, you're a proud dad.

(01:17:36):
Oh, sure. Of course. That's always how it works. Yeah, that's always how that goes.
Then the de de de de de de de. Oh, yeah. McGowan gets got fantastic fashion.
Almost as good as the body flip earlier, but still pretty darn good where like she yeah, they're trying to warn her.
Like you can see you can see the the ladder spinning around in the background behind her and they're like, hey, hey.

(01:18:01):
And she's like, shut up. I'm talking. And then boom, right in the face.
And they're like, we're trying to warn you about it during a ladder match.
Like it's just right. Yeah. And then again, one more. Not quite common sense, but at the same time, common sense.
Right. Yeah. And then one last final shot of her on the floor with that day's look on her face that is pure gold.

(01:18:22):
That's the poster I would have on my wall.
That would be I actually. Oh, that is a that would be a good series of posters, honestly, just the one shots and the after effects that make everybody laugh.
Right. Like a hallway of a hallway of those one shots. That would be just like that would be a collection.
Yeah, that would be a good collection. I never thought of anybody ever doing so.

(01:18:46):
I probably would never do that, but that is honestly kind of.
Interesting, I never come across that before. Yeah.
The intense weapons on level two and man, I like like sting comes in and he winds up being the hero.
Yeah. Well, I'm just like, yeah, like the weapons they had in the second cage, I'm sitting here going, what a noose.

(01:19:08):
What the fuck is going on here? I've never seen this kind of match before.
Yeah, things were getting pretty rough up there.
And I said this was their dream match. They were like, let's bring in a noose and he starts stroking him out.
OK, all right. Yeah, fair.
And then where are we at? Arquette and Khan toss pants into the crowd.

(01:19:30):
Oh, sorry. No, there's the punches of love.
Which I couldn't I couldn't stop laughing about that for a bit.
And the final bout between DDP and King. Right. DDP is definitely dead at the end of that fall.
Oh, 100 percent like that was yes. It was pretty it was a pretty epic display. Yep.
And yeah. Yeah. And then he just saunters off at the end of it. It's like, OK.

(01:19:54):
And then Arquette and Khan toss pants to the crowd.
Arquette is the law and Kane is the sugar daddy.
Yeah. Yep. Of course.
I mean, I mean, with the with the outfit that he was wearing, I mean, yes.
What else you going to get? Yeah. You got to back with the kids.
And the closing narration is the same as the opening opening narration of this film about how I dream.

(01:20:18):
See, kids really dreams really do come true.
And and the kids are like, but you're still here in this shit town.
Like your dream didn't come true.
You're back here at the fucking minimart telling us assholes your story like what dream came true.
But then you find out. Right.
And the asshole inside throws the clerk out of the out of the store and be nice to kids.

(01:20:43):
And then Goldberg is out there walking around in his little bikini, which apparently he just wears all the time.
You got Sal Bandini. If I looked like him, I probably would, too.
Nope, nope. Not even not even if I look like him.
But I can kind of see a little bit of a point there.

(01:21:04):
And I mean, guys, that is ready to rumble.
Yeah. What's your final thoughts on this one?
My final thoughts. That was a fun ass movie.
It took me back to a place I did not know that I missed, like I said.
And yeah, I mean, I'm going to say as I usually do, like,

(01:21:25):
is it is it necessary? I'm not going to say it's a must see.
But man, it really was super fun.
Like, I think it's a must see for wrestling fans.
OK, you know what? You're right. If you are a wrestling fan, especially, you know,
if you're a younger wrestling fan today, getting a glimpse at the wrestling fans of yesteryear,

(01:21:46):
definitely, you know, yeah, for sure.
It would it would.
And then, yeah, if you're if you're a fan of wrestling, then it is definitely a must see.
But beyond that, on the technical aspect, I know it's not a it's not a it's not a must see.
And I don't think it's a waste of time to your average audience.
There are going to be people who would absolutely hate it.

(01:22:08):
There's no way around that. Probably. Yeah.
But I'll recommend it to pretty much anybody.
I had a great time with it.
I had my wife, not a wrestling fan, when they were doing the cage match at the end,
she was screaming at the TV like she was a wrestling fan.
Like the movie's effective.

(01:22:29):
That is beautiful.
That's that's the power of art people right there.
It was it was a lot of fun.
It's a foreign film. I'm sorry I did that to you.
Oh, yes. I didn't really mind that.
Yeah, a lot of people aren't really into the subtitle thing.
So this is probably not going to be not going to be one.

(01:22:53):
I don't think this will be a wide, wide appealing movie now.
Where I agree with you, it won't be.
It is a highly rated film by the ones who have seen it.
OK, so I certainly like.
I liked it. I enjoyed it there.
I was bored for a great portion of it because but that's that is independent film a lot.

(01:23:14):
I mean, if you can't afford good shots, then yeah.
And I mean, when you have a certain time, you have certain allotment,
you have things like planes that you are trying to like, oh, we have a plane and a shot.
So we're going to use this shot for three minutes. Yeah.

(01:23:35):
Things like that.
Secret Ballad directed by Babak Payami, written by Babak Payami
and Mohsen Makmalbaf starring Naseem Abdi and Cyrus Abidi
with Yousuf Habashi, Baruch Shosha and Golbahar Jangali.

(01:23:58):
I am more than positive that I butchered every single one of those names.
Certainly sound better than I would have done it.
I don't know how to do it right. So I gave it my best.
That's that's that's what I'm going to go with. All right.
So we have an Iranian film, I think, and I'm trying to remember, is this the first foreign film
like actually genuinely foreign film that that we've done?

(01:24:22):
I believe so. I think we may have done like some others that are like a combination
America and some, you know, some of the country in conjunction.
But yeah, I think this is our first truly, truly foreign film made by and for Iranians.
But yeah, and this one and it is a low budget, technically a comedy,
but it is a very slow indie, probably very specific audience intended kind of comedy, I think.

(01:24:51):
I'm going to agree with that because a lot of the comedy in there, I don't like I got it,
but I really don't think the average.
Unless you have put yourself in a situation where you have to interact with people through a language
language barrier like that, and it's not just, oh, I saw somebody who speaks a different language
and still know, like it's literally part of your job that you have to navigate.

(01:25:15):
And it doesn't matter. You don't speak the same language.
You still got to get the job done. Right.
No, like there's there is a lot of comedy in those situations that they're just funny because they exist.
Right. Yeah. And so what we have here is that it is a look.
It is Election Day in Iran.
And this movie takes place not in mainland Iran, but an island off the coast.

(01:25:39):
Very, very isolated, very, very rural.
In fact, they do not have actual polling places.
Instead, the setup of this movie is that a ballot box has been air dropped onto the beach of this island
next to a military guard post and sometime later, you know, maybe a few hours later,

(01:26:02):
a an election agent from the city then comes in by motorboat whose job it is to carry this ballot box
around the island to all the different settlements to collect everyone's votes.
And that is the premise of this movie. So it's the election agent. It's her the election agent.
And I don't think anyone's given any names in this. I think she's just referred to as the election agent the entire time.

(01:26:26):
Even in the IMDb like her like the title is girl and soldier. Right.
So that yeah. And then also the soldier who's supposed to guard her.
One of the there's this it's dropped off at a guard post where there's two soldiers who apparently just take turns
guarding and sleeping. And that appears to be all they do ever because, you know, there's one bed there

(01:26:48):
that's just laying out in the open in the beach and one of them standing guard and brings in the box
and then goes over to the one bed, wakes the guy up and says, it's your shift.
And so that guy gets out of bed and the other guy gets into bed. It's time for him to sleep.
Oh, and they also have a single watch between them. That's the other thing.
He he he takes the watch off and hands it to him so the other guard will know what time it is right now.

(01:27:11):
Like that is how isolated and rural this place is, is that they have two guards, one bed.
It's out in the open. Their whole mission is just to look for smugglers.
Look for smugglers. Yes. That was it.
So, yeah, the Dropbox carries a mission to protect an agent and collect ballots.

(01:27:32):
Yeah. And his whole question is, well, what about the smugglers?
And the guy, the other guards like whoever sent the orders knows what's best.
Yeah. Easy to say when you're not the one doing the mission.
Right. Yes. And this guard is great, too, because this guy, you could tell this guy is serious about his job.

(01:27:53):
Like he like through the whole movie, he like he has that kind of like he's out in the middle of nowhere guard,
but he's not what you really see in movies where he's kind of the lazy like I'm out in the middle of nowhere.
My being here is a formality. I don't really care about my job. Not this guy.
This guy is truly like like he's on the mission. Yeah.

(01:28:14):
Even while they're wandering around the island collecting votes, he's on the lookout for smugglers the whole fucking time.
Like he's he's serious about his job. Yeah.
And then the boat drops off that agent and they and demands that they be there that she be back exactly at five.
And the soldier the whole time, the whole beginning is just being awkward as he's being told what to do by a female agent.

(01:28:36):
He's like and she's everyone must vote and I'm in charge.
Yeah. And the soldiers like, well, the order is no good because it doesn't say a woman is the agent.
Right. It says protect the agent. It doesn't say anything about a woman.
And she's like, I'm the agent. You need to do what I say.
Which, yeah, it started off pretty funny. I'll give you that. Yeah.

(01:28:57):
The discussions of duty and no, I don't have an ID. It's it's it's under my buddy.
Right. Yeah. She's like she's like, we'll start with you. You can place your vote.
I just need your ID. And he's like, no, my ID is under the mattress of the one bed we share.
Like it's not like it was. Yeah, I was getting some good laughs out of that.
Well, what struck me, too, the interesting thing. And this was like maybe one of those like I don't know how much of this was intentional or just a happy accident.

(01:29:24):
Or maybe this is just me layering more interpretation off of a movie that admittedly moves so slowly that I'm looking for reasons that are happening the way they are.
I could do the whole the whole setup of this movie. It is deadly quiet.
Like they're on the beach of this island. You can kind of hear the waves crashing.
There's no other sounds. The guys are walking quietly from one place to another.

(01:29:49):
Their lines are very short and specific.
And then even after like the you know, the other guard tells him like we got the orders, we got the box.
There's an agent coming and they're like, well, what time is the agent coming supposed to be here today?
It's already eight fifteen. Where is this agent? Nothing ever happens on time.
Just relax. And so the guy goes and makes coffee. Mind you, he makes coffee.

(01:30:14):
He has to build a fire like there is no gas, no electricity, not even firewood.
He has a collection of twigs that he makes a firewood so he can boil water to make tea.
That is how out in the middle of nowhere these guys are.
And he's just sitting there drinking his tea, watching the waves.
And it's just just absolute serenity quiet like for a guard ship.

(01:30:38):
You cannot ask for more to really bring up this.
The music that is playing in the background is the sound of a tar.
And the sounds that come off of that particular instrument like they like the resonance on that is unbelievably beautiful.
Right. So to that scene that you're describing, that serenity, that music playing over there is not something you hear in American films.

(01:31:04):
No, that's true. Yeah. And that's what we get. And then that serenity is viciously broken by the arrival of the agent.
Because when they show up, they show up in a loud ass motorboat. There's not just her on the boat.
There's like her and six other people. And they're all chattering away loudly.
Like this is an absolute like this isn't just like, oh, the weird city girl is showing up.

(01:31:29):
You know, this is an actual invasion of his piece that is taking place. And they even added to it by as they're showing up, as she's arriving, they turned up the volume on the on the waves.
Like we've been hearing the waves crashing on the ocean this whole time.
But they've been a very quiet calm, just a nice rolling waves coming through. But when this motorboat shows up, they become deafeningly loud.

(01:31:53):
Yeah, but you do realize why though, right?
Because they shot it with lav mics. And when they when they were coming in, it was her audio that was making that so fiercely loud.
That's pretty funny. So, okay, so there you go. Like they like I'm sitting here going like, did they symbolically display her completely destroying his piece or was it an accident?

(01:32:17):
Probably a little bit of both. I could see it as being a little bit of both, but they were very hindered by the fact that I there was no use.
They were like, oh, I'm going to go home and this they it was all done over lav mics.
And it's funny because there was one time like there was a fly that buzzed right in front of her lav mic and she like you could hear her hand like swiping right in front of it.
I missed that. Wow. Okay, that's crazy. I didn't notice that.

(01:32:40):
Oh, that is kind of crazy. That is the detail.
When she's when she's talking to that little girl and she thinks that her mom had just died and oh, right.
Oh, my mom's not dead. She's over at the tomb with the others like you idiot.
No, it's that a fly came by and you just hear it like right by it.
I might have been laughing at that moment. That's why I didn't notice.

(01:33:03):
I could see that and I got to give you that. And then so they set off on their journey and the 2000 version of the cyber truck because that was a cyber truck convertible.
It was a standard Iraqi military Jeep is what it was.
It was and it looks exactly like a cyber truck with the top cut off.

(01:33:27):
Which which is funny because the Jeep gets a tent. The guards don't.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, one thing is valuable. The other super easy to replace.
So they're off and they're talking about how no one is being forced to vote, but it's better for them and the soldiers all even the smugglers can vote.

(01:33:49):
Right. Yeah, this is great because she's trying to sell.
That's what's interesting about this movie is that this is like a time when democracy as a concept is very, very new in Iran.
And she is really trying to sell it. She is super proud of this brave new world that she's bringing to the islands.
And this guard is just not having it. And yeah, he's the way she's like, yeah, everyone can vote and everyone gets to say in the government.

(01:34:12):
And this guard's like even the smugglers, these these asshole smugglers that are the bane of my life, they get to like you.
Well, I mean, it's not just the bane of his life. It's like he's like, wait a minute. Even we're even letting criminals vote like.
Yeah. But then they're going to vote for crime to be OK.
It's like the. It's like a lower grade argument, like not lower grade, but a less sophisticated argument over what we have going on with American politics all the time.

(01:34:43):
Exactly. Yeah. It's just a very raw form of whether or not people who are felons should have their voting rights be restored has been an ongoing argument for like the last 10, 15 years.
It's stupidly boiled down in this one scene of this one guard going, well, if the smugglers can vote, they'll make crime legal.

(01:35:05):
Yeah. And it's kind of funny how simplistic the argument is.
And then we get our first voter. And how do we get him to vote?
Oh, God. Chasing him down in the Jeep.
And the guy is running away from the soldier in the Jeep that's chasing him down. And the woman's like, hey, calm down. It's OK.

(01:35:27):
It's like, I don't think he knows that. Well, it's great, too, because she's so excited.
She goes, look, there's a guy walking down the desert. He's a voter. Go faster. Go faster. Yeah.
Run him down. And he sees this military Jeep coming at him and he starts running.
And she's like, why is he running? Quick, go faster. He needs to vote.
But see, here's the thing that kind of gets lost a little bit in the translation.

(01:35:50):
If this was in English, you would be able to tell the scenes coming up where she's like, go faster, chase him down, go get him.
And then once they get there, she's like, he's so overzealous. She's like, yeah, I don't know why he's overzealous.
That is honestly hilarious, but it gets a little bit lost in the translation because you're focusing on the translation.

(01:36:11):
Right. But no, that scene is and that is honestly a hilarious situation. Go get him. Go faster. Chase him down.
And then you get there. Why were you driving like that?
Well, and the guards just like, why were you there?
And it even starts with like when they do finally chase him down, the guards like, what are you? Why are you running?
Like the guard jumps out of the car and grabs him like, why are you running?

(01:36:34):
And the guy's like, why are you chasing me? And she's all like, we just wanted your vote.
No, like, yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like this. I can see how this is a very good Iranian comedy.
Yeah. The moments in there are very, very funny.
But like I said, even even that I'm laughing about it now, it was hard to find the comedy in the scene because I was really trying to pay attention.

(01:36:58):
OK. And I like the guy like the voter that defines like I want to vote, but not a gunpoint.
And like the soldier keeps interfering. The agent is reassuring.
And then she just jumps down the throat of the soldier, the soldier's throat about how he operates.
And him in response is like, with these votes, the crooks are having a party.

(01:37:21):
Right. Yeah. Again, like it's just the core theoretical, sometimes theoretical issues over like democracy.
Like you can't I mean, you can't argue democracy does not win every time.
No, I mean, it's it's a messy process. But as I've said on many, many, many occasions, humans are a messy species.

(01:37:43):
And even in our setbacks, I remain faithful that it will work out in the end because it has for 2000 years so far.
And that is promising optimism. Yes. I'll talk to you at the apocalypse.
Like I like that, like the moment where the soldiers like he's just he's had enough.
Like she's just going off on him. She's doing all this stuff.

(01:38:04):
And this is not her world. And he just stops the car. He's like, can you drive?
And then like and then she kind of smarts back.
She's like, I didn't think it was legal for women to drive here. I didn't think women were allowed to drive here.
Right. And he just gets out of the car and walks away.
And I'm like, that's the right move. That's like, yep, go take yourself some time. Go do your thing.

(01:38:26):
But then a dump truck full of voters shows up and like out of no where was amazing.
This was an amazing scene. That was a hell of a scene.
Like that was dark as hell. A little bit funny. And yeah, the I mean, obviously the authenticity of that scene is about as far as it's going to go.
It was authentic. Right. Yeah.

(01:38:48):
But one thing that they never do in America, like when American films represent this part of the country or the world.
Right. Nobody is ever wearing a hard mask.
They only ever have them in cloth masks. And a lot of them are even see through. No, no. Yeah.
They are protecting themselves from the desert. Yeah. That is one of the reasons that is one of the lighter reasons that they wear those masks.

(01:39:14):
McCloth's don't work, so they wear like physically hard material, plastic, metal, whatever they're walking through the desert and iron masks.
That is a real thing. And I love seeing it in this because outside of the real world, I have never seen that.
And I think that might be a little bit of the Tiffany problem.
The huh? The Tiffany problem. Have you not heard about that?

(01:39:38):
I not by that name. The Tiffany problem is the issue when it comes to filmmaking is that even though the name Tiffany goes back like 400 years,
if you had a character named Tiffany in a period piece, no one would believe it because it seems too modern.
And it's the same reason why they had to cut parts out of Gladiator.

(01:40:02):
Like there were there were scenes in Gladiator where they talk about where the Russell Crowe's character gets actual like endorsement deals and has murals of him endorsing products up on the buildings.
Because that was a thing that Roman Gladiators actually did.
But they had to cut it out because American audiences would have thought that that was ridiculous.
They would have thought it was satire or parody or something like that.

(01:40:24):
And that is that is sad.
So that whole thing where they basically have to purposely do inaccurate things because they don't think audiences will accept the authenticity.
It's referred to as the Tiffany problem. That's cool. I didn't know that.
And I think that that is when it comes when I because that was the thing I was thinking when I saw the those characters, you know, those voters with those masks on.

(01:40:49):
The first thing I thought of was those look like the masks from the original 70s dune that they were wearing.
So I think that's the Tiffany problem is because back when they were making the dune, they saw those masks and they were like, oh, that shit looks alien.
Let's put it in. Let's put it in there.
And so now to an American audience, that's not that's not Middle Eastern shit. That's alien shit.
And no one's going to accept it. That is interesting.

(01:41:11):
Like I did not think about that. But yeah, that does make a lot of sense.
Yeah. But like I said, like when I was in Kuwait and we came across some nomadic tribe, some of them were wearing stuff like that.
Oh, like that. And that is the only time I've ever seen that. Not when I was in the city, not when I was in Baghdad.

(01:41:32):
None of that. It was only when I was out in the desert and we came across like in Kuwait and we just it was just a nomadic tribe.
We had to shut down the range because we saw camels and stuff like that walking by and we were like, are they with people? And they were.
So we had to shut everything down and make sure that the nomadic tribe was protected as they went through.

(01:41:54):
OK. That's the thing.
I like having my history of being in the army and stuff like that because I talk to a lot of people who just think that everything that we do around the world is just horrible and brutal and stuff like that.
But no, we literally shut down a training exercise just so we could protect people that were walking by.
Yeah. Like we are like, I'm sorry. Like I know, like, yes, sometimes America. Yeah, we are the baddies.

(01:42:20):
Sometimes a lot of the time we are the difference between really horrific stuff happening in other parts of the world and it not.
Like. It just it just is what it is. Not everything is perfect. Not everything is all terrible. There's almost everything in the world is just mixtures of gray.
Because that's people like and that is exactly it.

(01:42:44):
There is definitely objective evil in the world for sure, but you'd be surprised how much of it, you know, like to like it.
It's like it's like I say all the time about the Internet, you know, the Internet is not good or evil. It is a tool.
It is and it is a completely non you decide how you use it. Yeah, exactly.

(01:43:05):
Yeah. And so, yes, you can see you can trace a lot of bad developments because the Internet you can trace a lot of good elements because of the Internet.
But we're the Internet is not responsible for either of these things. Exactly what we're talking about right now is kind of summed up in this conversation that they're having as he's trying to leave her and let her drive.

(01:43:26):
He's saying she can. I'll do my mission. You go do what you have to do. You can find it.
All that. And then he says, you're hiding behind my gun.
She is going off on him. She is lighting him up. She is saying all this stuff. Right.
But the reality is she is literally sitting there hiding behind his gun, bed infesting from his protection and abusing like, no, not really abusing.

(01:43:47):
Just being kind of a shit the whole time. Right. While like taking advantage of what he's offering that because he's right.
She wouldn't she wouldn't last 10 minutes out there. She is a lone woman in a very, very rural, very, very I mean, let's call it was it is conservative part of of Iran, you know.

(01:44:09):
And so, yeah, it would be extremely dangerous for her to be walking around out there alone or driving around out there alone.
And so, yeah, having him there with his gun is the only thing that makes this relationship work.
You know, and that's kind of thing that we've talked a bit about on this channel in the past where I do understand the world that the hardcore peace loving liberals, they really want that world.

(01:44:31):
That world happens behind a wall of soldiers.
Like that is and the reality is because humans are humans.
Like that is but that's the thing like you can you can complain about it. You can whine about it. You can hate it.
But that's kind of the point. You have the freedom in this country to hate those things and still benefit from their protection.

(01:44:59):
Like that is that's what that's why this scene in particular really shown for me. Yeah.
Because it was a solid example of that. It's yeah. Like you don't like you don't like the world that you live in.
But there are still people that are making sure that the world you live in is a world that you are free to hate, which is kind of fucking weird.

(01:45:22):
But that is, you know, everybody has their chosen roles in life.
Not to go off on too far of a tangent on this subject, but I think the you know.
There are and I think part of the frustration comes from and you know not to fully disagree just kind of more of like you know as someone who's been in that mindset, you know, just sort of you know, saying.

(01:45:46):
For some folks, it feels like when you say like, yes, protected by a wall of soldiers for sure.
But also when we think about the things preventing us from getting to that world of peace to expanding that piece to getting granted it's a it's a pipe dream, but let's get one step closer to hopefully not needing that wall of soldiers anymore.

(01:46:08):
Sometimes we feel like the wall of soldiers itself is what is preventing us from getting to a world with no wall of soldiers like just like we like does that make sense.
It does. And I see where that is like, and I've had I mean, and I see that because I've had this argument since like the day I joined the military.

(01:46:29):
I've like, because when I joined the army, I just went one weekend and did it.
I came home, my mom asked me what I did for the weekend. I was like, oh, I joined the army.
Like, oh, wow. OK, there was no like huge family discussion or anything like that. No, I made my decision. I was an adult. I did my thing. I was about to start my life on my own.
I made my decision and but after I made that decision and nobody really saw it coming, I started getting all of these conversations from all these people.

(01:46:59):
And I'm like, yeah, I'm really glad that I just went ahead and did it before talking to you guys, because I don't like I don't like all this confusion.
I made a decision. I'm going to do my thing. And since then, I have heard all of this.
But the one thing that. If there were nothing else happening outside of this country, I would agree that's not what's happening.

(01:47:23):
No, the world, the world is a dangerous place.
As soon as the world is no longer a dangerous place and the soldiers stay, then I will agree with you.
Right. But until the world stops being a dangerous place. Right.
Well, I guess. But I do. I guess where you're coming from. Yeah.
And I think probably, you know, it was a better way to say it is like, look, I would really, really like to yell at the Exxon CEO that is causing these conflicts, but I can't.

(01:47:52):
You're here. So it's not fair. It's not your fault.
It's not fair for me to take it out on you, but you're here. You know, and that's basically how it ends up.
And, you know, and, you know, and that is how that no, that that is how it goes.
Like, that's the thing. Like a lot of like a lot of a lot of people out there, they talk about the white people, the white men that like amass and collect all this power.

(01:48:18):
And yes, people like you, people like me, we hear the frustrations.
We are not the ones benefiting from that type of stuff. Yes, white privilege exists and I have benefited from that.
I still stand by the fact that pretty privilege is more powerful than white privilege.
No, I feel you there. Yeah, for sure. All right. Back into it.
All right. So the dump truck with a baby shows up carrying all the female voters who can't talk to the soldier as he's a man and their husbands will raise hell.

(01:48:47):
Right. Yeah. The guy who's driving the truck. Yeah.
Yeah, that is the guy driving the truck is the one male in the group and he has permission from their husbands to take care of them.
Beyond that, no one else can talk to them. Yeah.
And he goes through and he's like, and the driver says that he will choose for them.
But the agent stands up and she's like, no, no, no, they have to choose themselves.

(01:49:10):
And he gives up. I was I was surprised by the fact that the men gave up in this film as often as they did. Yeah.
No, it's true. I wasn't expecting that. Nothing ever really got heated to like things got well, things got heated, but nothing like at no point did it feel threatening.
It just seemed more like this. You know, at best they were annoying, but she stood her ground and they eventually went fine.

(01:49:36):
You know, do whatever you fucking weirdo. And then they gave up. Well, the other thing is she was an agent from the government.
So if something happened to her, yeah, you would imagine maybe something would happen.
But also, I don't know how much because she was a woman, so I didn't know if they put her out there because of, you know, if we're going to lose somebody.
Like, I didn't know, I didn't know how that go. Like, if they were viewing her as like the private, you know.

(01:50:02):
Right. Yeah. I mean, that's the thing is like we hear-
We never really got an explanation on that. Like, for me, it felt like the real story between like was between the agent and the soldier.
And everything that was happening with the ballot was, or the election was all in the background.
But the background story was a very intensely tragic story, such as a girl can marry at 12, but cannot vote.

(01:50:27):
Yeah. And the look on the agent's face 100% crossed the language barrier.
Yeah. And it was kind of amazing because they're because yeah, this girl steps forward to vote.
And she's like, I'm sorry, you can't vote. You're too young.
And they're like, and that's where they say, like, she can get married at 12. Why can't she vote?
And this agent does not have an answer. She doesn't have an answer for her.

(01:50:51):
She's just like, it's the law. And I have no explanation as to. Yeah.
What answer would you could you come up with for something like that? Are you kidding?
Yeah. Like, no, that absolutely broke me.
But that little boy spiking the camera during that scene was the fourth wall levity that kind of that took me out of that.

(01:51:13):
Because you could 100% tell he's looking at the camera and you could tell there were people off on the side going, no, no, no.
Look over here. Look over here.
Like, I'm sorry, like, like just the filmmaker in me was having a great time. I was laughing at that pretty hard.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. And then they come across fishermen.

(01:51:36):
And when the soldier goes to retrieve them, he finds out that they're not there.
She wants to take their boats or more can vote. Yeah, because there's there because there's all these fishing boats out there.
And she's like, go get those guys votes. And he goes walks over to them, comes back and he's like, they're not actually from here.
They're not they're not Iranians. They can't vote.
And she goes, well, then get us a boat and we can go out and collect all their votes.

(01:51:58):
And he's just he's just like, oh, this guy, here's that this guy has resting.
I cannot with this bitch face like the whole movie.
He's just I completely know. I agree. I agree. That was the guess the whole time.
He's like, no, no, I completely I'm with you there.

(01:52:27):
But it works. And then they go off on the boat on these very still waters, which honestly just creeps me out.
Now, I'm I still don't know what because it was very like it was all very distant and quiet.
Like you see them go up to this boat and they get on the boat and there's things happening.
And then another boat comes along and there's a thing happening.

(01:52:49):
The other boat drives away and then she and then now we're cut back to her and the soldier are back in their boat.
And they've got some other girl with her that was.
Oh, no. So, yeah, a smuggler is like on their way, like cruising to them and the soldier shoots a shot in the air to scare him off.
And the agent's like, why did you do that? He's like because he was a smuggler.
She's like, well, how did you know? Because he he drove away when he saw my gun.

(01:53:13):
She's like, it's a gun. Yeah.
But then now, yeah, they're there. But that was another like laugh out loud.
They're coming back. They've, you know, done whatever with this boat, whatever.
We don't know exactly what's happened.
We just sort of see the boats come together.
People come together and the boats all go off in different directions.
And now we're back to our soldier and the agent in the boat with some strange girl who we've never seen before riding along.

(01:53:39):
And the agents are sitting there going like, well, they arrested him and we lost a vote.
Yeah, it's just she's just she's just mad that they arrested him before she could get the vote.
Yeah, and there's that. But then what the what the soldier says to that girl that they're bringing that they brought back with like,
why would you like why would you try to leave and marry a foreigner like what's wrong with what's wrong with the men at home?

(01:54:05):
And I'm like, dude, she was trying to escape your culture, dog, not your men.
Yeah, like there's a little bit of like, yeah. But that OK. Again, yes.
The vote on a boat scene, that whole scene could have very easily put me to sleep if I did not watch that in the morning.

(01:54:26):
If I if I was watching that in the afternoon or late at night or something like that, like I usually do this, that scene would have put me to sleep.
There was a lot of long drawn out moments.
The sound of that the instrument is called a ney, n-e-y. My God, that was just a lullaby for me.

(01:54:47):
Iranian instruments, my God, they just put me right to sleep, man.
I don't get what it is about it, but I love it.
And then back to the fishermen and like they want like she wants them to vote.
And he just says voting doesn't catch fish. Yeah.
And then voting doesn't catch fish like, oh, my God, like what?

(01:55:10):
This is not the world. They don't care. Yeah.
Like that, like. I mean, it was like I think it was at that moment, like watching this movie, like I suddenly started asking myself like, holy shit, what was it like here?
Like 250 years ago, like the Continental Congress just got the fuck together and they're trying to get this new idea of democracy going in America.

(01:55:35):
Who's the poor bastard had to go around to all the trapping stations and be like, hey, you want to vote like and try to win just like this?
Probably. Yeah. Yeah.
Voting doesn't catch furs. What are you talking about? Get the fuck out of here.
But that aside from that, like what else also probably went just like this. They wanted to like they wanted to vote, but none of the people like they like we don't know any of these people.

(01:55:59):
What about the people we want to vote for? So like these people wanted to vote for like their own villagers and stuff like that.
Yeah. Like or at least that's how it kind of that's how it kind of sounds.
Yeah. And that's what follows up. Like someone actually like shows up to the agent and be like, hey, yeah, you're voting.
And they even say like we came all this way because we we got missed last time. And so we came here in order to make sure we cast our vote.

(01:56:20):
And she's like, oh, great. Great. Fantastic. Here's a list of candidates.
Write down two names and they look at the list and they're like, who the fuck are these people? Like we have no idea.
Yeah. And then. I like that they say like voting is by secret ballot, so we'll vote for who we want.
Yeah. And you go and see then the girl that was kidnapped or tried to escape Iran.

(01:56:46):
Yeah. They find out that she's 16 and she can vote.
And the agent is like she doesn't need to vote. And the soldiers like I thought, but all day, everything that you were about, all this stuff was all about it.
And it's important to vote and the importance of it and it can change everything. Now you don't think it can change things.

(01:57:07):
Yeah, she's really starting like it like I'm seeing the journey that she's going through as she's realizing that in the countryside, like in the rural areas of these places.
There's not that kind of hope that they offer in the city. If something can change, like a program is instilled or something like that. Yeah, sure.
The city, something great can happen. These guys, they don't care because there's not much that they don't have much hope.

(01:57:30):
No, they don't. They don't. These probably these people don't see government hardly ever. How would they even know what government even is?
You know, well, yeah. And they and like they just like and but her response to that is her family wouldn't vote.
So she's not allowed to vote either. Yeah. And like, I mean, there's just a lot of really heartbreaking stuff on this.

(01:57:52):
And then because I'm because I'm a plant guy, I didn't ever like that.
When we got to those Persian ironwoods, I wanted to live there.
That was a pretty sweet little setup they had there.
You kidding me? That? Oh, wow. Talk about wanting to live in a forest.
Go for our viewers, go check out what Persian ironwoods look like. My God, that is that's a tree.

(01:58:20):
That is one of the coolest looking things just ever.
But when they wind up in this little Persian ironwoods forest, a child was just born and there is no interest in voting.
And like they're like, we don't know who these people are. She's like, I have photos.
But at that point, we find out none of these women are even allowed to look at a photo of another man.

(01:58:41):
So they can't vote. They can't find out how to vote.
They can't learn about the candidates because they're not even allowed to see what they look like. Yeah.
Pretty intense stuff. I mean, that like and the thing is.
That's not the story here. That's just the backdrop to the story.
That is very intense. That's that's the thing is like I said, this is a movie that was made by and for Iranians.

(01:59:09):
Like this was, you know, and to kind of see it from that lens where you see all of these different cultural things that maybe are to a mainland city bound Iranian audience.
Probably a lot of like, oh, man, these kooky outbacks, you know, like it to like it would be like us watching a movie about folks from the Appalachian Mountains or something like that.

(01:59:30):
A bunch of hillbillies and stuff like that. You know, and that's that's the kind of kind of for us.
We're you know, it's almost it's almost an anthropological study from our viewpoint to just kind of look at like what culture is this?
What is even going on? Like, yeah.
So we cruise over to the small village owned by granny bagu.

(01:59:53):
If I'm saying that correct, and I'm pretty sure.
And I love how easily that soldier gets away.
I got to give that that to the soldier gets shoot away, shoot away.
And that language barrier holds just extremely firm.
She's continuously trying to talk and she's explaining everything in this language.
This man does not speak and she just does not relent.

(02:00:15):
Right. Like, you know what? Thank you for having that not just be the American thing that happens.
Because all I've ever seen is them like is the world to make fun of us for doing that.
But I love the fact that you're literally. Yeah.
Yeah. Here we got some Iranian on Iranian bigotry going on here. Thank you very much.

(02:00:39):
And it's and it played so well.
And because she's like, finally, like after like three minutes of talking to this guy and he's speaking a different language, she just goes, do you understand?
And the only thing he says back that she can understand is, no, I don't speak Farsi.
I was laughing pretty damn hard about that.

(02:01:05):
It reminds it reminds me one of my favorite lines from a movie years, years, years ago.
It was a Michael Keaton movie in the name of it. I can't remember right now.
But there's a scene in it where they've got to stop. They stop at a gas station to use the bathroom.
And the guy goes like, hey, can I use your bathroom?
And the guy looks me and goes like, oh, no, I'm going in glass and the guy goes, oh, right.

(02:01:30):
Banjo Albanian. The guy goes, dude, I don't speak Spanish either.
Oh, wow. I have I must have missed that one.
That seems like something that would stand out. Yeah.
I will have to look up what movie I'm talking about.
I remember it stars Michael Keaton. That's the only part I can remember.
I mean, like honestly, every time I hear Michael Keaton, I just want to say multiplicity because I want to go watch it again.

(02:01:56):
It's before that. I know that. OK, then low chances I've seen it. Yeah.
So no one votes in this village, but Granny sent food.
And the way that she says this, I thought this was kind of weird.
She's like, we don't need their votes here. They're fine here.
Granny Bagu is in charge. And I'm like, yeah. So you're so as long as a woman's in charge, you're cool.

(02:02:17):
They don't need to vote because it's weird how cool she turns on her character on that one.
I thought that was not one, too, because I know. OK, I know that's that.
OK. Yeah, because I mean, we do kind of like that seems to be the sort of like the journey that our two main characters are going on is that she's die hard.
Democracy is here. Let's do this.
And he's very much like, you're a crazy lady. And then by the end of the movie, they kind of meet in the middle sort of.

(02:02:42):
Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. Her turn from like, it's important that everyone votes to we don't need her vote.
We don't need their vote. Like it goes pretty quick.
She kind of turns on a dime. And yeah, it is a little bit confusing.
Well, the movie takes place over like a course of nine hours. Yeah. Yeah.
So everything that happens like, yeah.
And it's funny that the voters were sent away while they were gone because the kid didn't think that the voting agent was going to be a woman, which that right a theme the whole movie.

(02:03:12):
Oh, my God. That was that. And that's like, so they go to find the votes under a rock.
I kept thinking something really bad was about to happen.
Yeah, because it is very much like, oh, you're looking for votes. Yeah, there's some votes over here.
Follow me into the desert around these bushes and trees. And it's like, yeah, the votes you want.

(02:03:33):
They're under that rock. It's like, we're about to die. Right. Exactly.
Didn't think you could get mugged out in the middle of nowhere. But apparently that's what about what's happened.
And that's the thing. They talk about expectation subversion. Yeah. Nothing bad happens in this movie.
Nothing bad happens at all. Yeah. And that was yeah, they find that like they he says like, yeah, they said that they were looking for the agent and they left their votes behind.

(02:04:01):
I'll show you. I still don't know if that was a that was if they were stolen or if that was a prank.
That's what I was wondering, too. It was so that wasn't clear.
Yeah. But that but that was but that was kind of part of the joke is that they like, you know, it's like, oh, they carved into the side of the rock. Dear, dear election agent.
Our votes are under this rock and today's date on it. You like she says, like they even put today's date here.

(02:04:25):
They carved today's date into the rock and they did the same thing four years ago to the last agent. That's the thing.
Yeah. So it's like it kind of feels like it's a prank. It does.
It does. But like maybe I mean, but again, language barrier, maybe that would be hilarious.
And Iranian, maybe to an Iranian, like somebody like, I don't know, but maybe I don't know.

(02:04:46):
Or some sort of cultural reference of like, you know, another story that we didn't know or something like that.
Like, maybe I like, yeah, it was just kind of one of those.
But like when they're like, you have to turn the rock over and the soldiers like basically like pushing the kid like, no, no, no, no, you stay here while we push that rock over.
I was like, OK, the veteran in me completely agrees with him doing that is like, no, no, no.

(02:05:08):
If you're too scared to stay here, I'm not staying here, which is literally what we talked about last week.
When the locals stop walking, you stop walking.
Right. Somebody guides you somewhere and they bolt.
You bolt like that is no like that is a solid rule.
But no, this movie absolutely breaks that.
And they talk and then talking about abandoned project from past hopes on the way to the solar energy site.

(02:05:35):
And I really, really loved this character because trying to convince a genuine man of God to vote for a man, to put his faith in a man and vote.
That was a wonderful scene.
It was. Yeah. All the all the like the past like 12 years of the hardcore Christianity that we have been like talking about with elections and all this stuff.

(02:06:00):
That is a man of God.
That is what that looks like.
I'm going to cast my vote.
I'm going to vote for God.
You can't. That is what that looks like.
Why am I voting?
That is that.
That is the that is the most honest like representation of a genuine man of God out there harvesting solar energy, like a gift from God to the desert, utilizing it, saying that he's just not going to play part in politics because like none of them are God.

(02:06:32):
Yeah, like that.
That like that was after all these years of hearing the pseudo Christianity, like all of it being used as a political tool.
That was so refreshing for me to see.
Yep. Like that was that was really cool.
And then and this and then we come to my favorite scene in the movie.

(02:06:57):
Mocking the laws she doesn't care about while spending all day trying to change the laws.
Yes, she there.
They're driving away.
She's she is mad now.
Like we are see we can see the anger in her face because she's been trying to get the God guy to vote for someone and he refuses to vote for anyone but God.
We don't know how long that fight went on because they ended it very quickly.

(02:07:20):
And but she's just sitting there in the Jeep just fuming that she couldn't get the guy to vote for a person.
That was fun and as they're driving away this the Jeep stops.
He stops the Jeep and she's like, what are you doing?
Why are you stopping?
And he goes, the lights red.
And that's where we see we have an intersection in the middle of fucking nowhere.

(02:07:43):
You can see for miles in every direction that there are no cars coming and there is a single stoplight.
This is the first thing on this whole island we have seen that runs on electricity.
We just came from a solar site.
Come on.
That's probably and that's probably the can you know, they're probably but the whole solar site is just around that one stoplight.

(02:08:06):
Exactly.
Yes.
And so they and she's just like.
And she's like, there's no one here.
Just go.
And he goes, the light is red.
And she gets out of the car waltzes to the middle of the intersection and goes, the law does not matter here.

(02:08:30):
Which is just completely against her character, the entire movie.
But that is her like that is her like she's out there.
Like it's her journey is like we have to be the law.
It matters even out in the rural.
We have to bring here all this like all this stuff matters.
Until we come up against something that she doesn't care about or agree with.
And then it doesn't matter.

(02:08:52):
Which is that's where it's like it's our only view of her in their shoes.
I think I think that that I would have to disagree.
It's not that it's coming against that.
She disagrees with the law when it's in community.
I think it is literally her frustration that she is trying so hard to get these people to respect this new sense of government.

(02:09:13):
And they just don't care that she is questioning that she's starting to question whether or not law and government actually matters in every place.
And she is not taking it well at all.
Like that's the thing is that she's coming to terms with the fact that there are places in her own country where her sense of government actually does not matter.

(02:09:35):
And it's a complete anathema to her sense of thinking up to this point.
And so she's not coping well with it.
And so it comes out in these bursts of, you know, fuck it.
We don't need their votes like like that's really what you know.
So it's not just that it's inconvenient to her.
It's that she really is having a hard time reconciling what she believes against what she is witnessing and experiencing.

(02:09:57):
I can see that.
I yeah.
And then the kicker, the kicker to that then is that when he just sits there watching her have this meltdown, she finally stops, gets back in the car.
And then he goes ahead and goes, he blows through the red light and she looks at him and he goes, I thought they fixed it.
Like this is a broke.

(02:10:20):
He knew that this is a broken red light that doesn't work, but he had heard that someone had fixed it.
So that's why he was treating it like a real.
I disagree.
See, like I think like at that point he was starting to like, oh, you think he did it on purpose to needle her?
Yes.
Ah, OK.
I think like after the solar energy site, he saw her about ready to snap and then he saw an opportunity and he's like, I wonder what would happen.

(02:10:45):
You might be right on that as well.
Yes, because still like there was a point where he did start enjoying it.
Yes, that is true.
Then we get to that.
We get to that village.
Oh, go ahead.
That scene. I just I just wanted to kind of put a pin on that.
That scene is the is the what of this movie like why I never after seeing this movie, I never forgot it because.
Oh, the just the multiple layers of symbolism in the entire concept of laws, governments in any country you live in, whether it is in population centers or rural areas.

(02:11:19):
Every every thinking of the point of government represented in the metaphor of that moment of the stoplight that doesn't work in the middle of nowhere.
And the woman screaming laws don't matter here that I have literally laid awake at night thinking about that for years after I watched that movie.
Fair enough.
Some of these just stand to stay with you.

(02:11:42):
Yeah, like I'll definitely do that off to our next or I think our final village and the show.
The soldier is showing the kids the gun and all and they're like trying it on and all this, which I will admit somewhat relatable.

(02:12:04):
Like because we went to like the mountains out in Kosovo and stuff like that.
We took like soccer balls from food, everything like that.
Sure. And yeah, I was hanging out with people talking to some kids and I and like I people like next to me like, dude, dude.
And I'm and I'd like turn around and look and I had like all these little kids behind me just like like and they just wanted to like touch my touch my rifle.

(02:12:26):
And I was like, oh, yeah, that's it. That's it. That's a problem.
Yeah, no, so that is that is a very real world thing.
But I was I was shocked because I thought they would be like afraid of it.
So then like like we're going to stay with it. No, they were like, dude, it's cool.
And I'm like. Wasn't expecting this, but like, I mean, realistically, a lot of guns, like a lot of people have rifles and stuff like that out there as well.

(02:12:52):
They don't look back. They don't look that nice. OK, yeah, I see what you're saying.
Don't care my stuff. Oh, yeah.
And she has to buy a vote from a guy and like he totally totally cons her into buying a doll.
She's like, she's like, you know, vote. I just got to show me your ID.

(02:13:13):
He's all like, gosh, if you buy something, I'll show you my ID.
And then she's like, OK, fine. Buys a doll and he gives her her ID.
And she's like, you're a foreigner. You can't vote.
And he's like, you didn't ask me that. You wanted to see my ID.
You just said you wanted my ID. You didn't ask anything else.
And like she continued like she doesn't try to give the doll back or anything like that.
She's just she's just defeated. You're right.

(02:13:35):
Like at the end of this day, she is just she has had it. But then she takes that doll.
But that elections will do us no good attitude is wildly rampant.
Yes. And the one woman and the woman kind of goes off on her like you guys care more about ballots than you do people.
And this is that mother that was off hiding at the tomb, which we kind of talked about the little girl.

(02:13:59):
Yeah, she sees the little girl by herself.
And so she goes, oh, well, you know, I've got this doll. I'll go give her a doll.
And she's like, well, where's your mom? And she's like, my mom's in the cemetery.
And she's like, oh, yeah, I don't have a mom either.
How long has your mom been dead? She's she's visiting the tomb with my father.
Like, I know, like, again, again, if we spoke the language, I bet that would have been just diabolically.

(02:14:23):
It was it was already pretty funny. But yeah, I bet if in the net, if we knew if we were fluent in Farsi, it probably would have been a lot funnier.
I'm guessing the delivery on that really is what took that home. But yeah, that was really funny to me.
But when they're over there and like, yeah, the mother was not allowed at the tomb.
Only men are allowed at the tomb so they can't grieve. And she even says we must hide our feelings here.

(02:14:45):
So she's not even allowed to grieve this person who just died. Yeah.
Like that is ouch, man. That just that is a lot of ouch.
And they head over to the mining site or gravel pit and they walk behind a big mound.
So I think she collected a bunch of votes there, but I could maybe. Yeah, we're not really sure.

(02:15:10):
That was another one of those weird art house moments where like we kind of have to guess what happened because it's all done in a very slow, far away shot.
The only sound we hear is the sound of the gravel machine.
We see which oh my god, wrong movie to watch with headphones on.
I'm just putting that out there. If any of our viewers are going to go check this one out.

(02:15:31):
Embrace the fact that it has subtitles because oh my god, like three scenes in this movie absolutely decimated me.
Yeah, like my eardrums have not recovered yet, especially from that frickin plane, man.
Come on. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. The plane was worse than the gravel machine for sure. Yeah.
Why? It was even way further away.
Yeah, whatever. But yeah, no, this seemed a little bit unclear, but this was our final location. Yeah.

(02:15:57):
And then back to the beginning and she missed the boat.
And the way we open the movie and close the movie is nothing ever happens on time. Right.
I thought that was a nice bookend. Well, and I thought it was interesting because like her the reason why she thinks that she missed the boat isn't because they arrived late.
They arrived on time, but it's five o'clock now when she when the boat's supposed to arrive and it hasn't arrived.

(02:16:20):
And so she's thinking they must have come early and missed me.
Which they may have. Yeah. Because the boat doesn't show up. A plane shows up to pick her up, which didn't even know they were next to a landing strip.
That was never established. Right. Exactly. Yeah. I mean, we don't know that they were. We didn't see what that I mean, the plane was on over on the other side of a hill.

(02:16:42):
We don't know it was actually on a landing strip. Oh, I'm sure it was.
But in a surprising twist that we kind of realized this is a little bit of a potential love story, the agent or the soldier gets his ballot and he votes for the agent.

(02:17:05):
And we have like a little bit of a little bit of a moment where she's like a little bit of a moment.
It was it was OK. She can do this because she's wearing the head covering.
But she you know, if it was an American movie, she would have tossed her hair a bit and be like, you can't vote for me.
But that was basically how the scene went where she was just kind of like, you can't you can't vote for me.

(02:17:26):
And he and he says, like, it's a secret ballot. I vote for whoever I want.
And I'm voting for you. He's like, you're the only. You're the only person.
I started I started kind of keying keying in on it when he asked, is like, how come there's only elections every four years? Why aren't there three or four elections per year?
And she doesn't have an answer. Yeah. And he's like, and they'll send another agent, a different agent.

(02:17:48):
Right. She doesn't have an answer for that either.
So and then the movie ends and she's running off to a plane, which she like drops her ballot box on the way, climbing the stairs and has to go down and pick them up again.
I'm guessing unintentional, but unbelievably hilarious.
Yeah. And the soldier goes off to pick up another shift because he can't sleep to just go look off at the sea and think about agent.

(02:18:14):
Because we don't know her name. Right. He doesn't know her name.
And that is the secret or that is secret ballot. Yes.
The final thoughts, final thoughts. I mean, it's a very specialized audience that would be interested in this movie because you got to be kind of an art film geek.

(02:18:35):
This is a very slow art filmy movie. You got to be very patient because yeah, there is a blank.
You know, it's kind of weird reading the subtitles on this one.
And I mean, I watch a lot of movies and TV shows with subtitles.
I'm used to it. And even I had a difficult time keeping up with things and reading the subtitles at the same time.

(02:18:58):
But yeah, it is a very it is a very Iranian movie.
Not intended for international audiences.
No, but it is a winner at the Venice Film Festival or winner of best selection. Is that right?
No, best director at the Venice Film Festival. So it is an award winning international film.

(02:19:21):
So I mean, I guess I guess if you're a bit of a film nerd, you know, it probably wouldn't hurt to take a look at this.
And like I said, it's also kind of it's an interesting kind of cultural window.
It's something that gives us a look at Middle Eastern culture without holding our hand on it and, you know, Americanizing it a bit to kind of keep it easy for us to digest.
So it's it's definitely at least the start of an education somewhere in that regards.

(02:19:46):
I don't think I would. I mean, maybe right now, right now, while we're all thinking about the concept of democracy, maybe this can give you some perspective.
Beyond that, though, just as a movie, I don't know if I'd call it a must see, but I have a hard time saying that because it's very similar to ready to rumble.

(02:20:09):
It's a must see for the right audience. If I meet the right person, I have a movie that I absolutely will recommend to the right person.
But it's going to be kind of sparing. It's going to be kind of spare that I meet those people.
Yeah, you're probably right. For sure. Yeah. But not just not not not starring in, but Iranian film buffs like.
Yeah, things like that. People who aren't from that area of the world who carry those kinds of interests.

(02:20:36):
That's that's that's pretty niche. Yeah, no, it's true.
I mean, I remember the reason I will give it. I heard of this movie in the first place was literally what I was on my way to Hollywood video to rent movies for the weekend.
And I happened to hear a review of this movie on NPR on the drive over.
And that's the only reason I picked it up and watched it was because it was just a well timed put in my mind while I was on my way to getting picking up movies.

(02:21:04):
So just accidentally. Yeah. And if not for that, I probably never would have heard of it if not for that.
Fair enough. I am going to say that it definitely everything that it set out to do, it did accomplish.
Yeah, for sure. For things like those three shot, those three scenes that we were talking about with those that obscene audio.

(02:21:26):
And not even just the audio, even a lot of these unnecessarily slow panning shots. This was this was a movie that was technically even from a low budget standpoint, it was technically amateurish in a lot of ways.
Yeah, I worked with it. OK. Yes.
Like the. The setting it had, I get definitely it definitely the camera work told the story in the same way that the story was being told.

(02:21:56):
However, not my favorite. No, yeah, it's not my favorite style.
Must see. We've kind of already discussed that. Yeah, but.
Putting this one against.
I mean, we've talked about how it's unfair to compare movies. It's very unfair. It's very unfair to compare.

(02:22:19):
I mean, these are these are again. Once again, we have two movies from two completely different worlds here.
So. And this and in this case, it may be even more literal than we meant it last time.
No, that is that is that is very true. However.
I still want to dwindle down those preliminaries.

(02:22:42):
Sure. So the one like the one that we cared more about the characters.
I mean. I cared more about the world of the Sea of Secret Ballad, but I actually cared more about the fact of how much these people cared about characters in their own world.

(02:23:04):
Yeah. But I do. But I did care.
I see. I was thinking you don't know what they were voting for. You don't know what was potentially in their future.
You didn't know anything about any of these characters. Yeah. You were just kind of commiserating with their existence.
They were kind of archetypal in a way they came.

(02:23:26):
They kind of each represented different cultural aspects with the agent being the very modern woman in the New Democracy.
And the soldier being the very, you know, the remnant of the old world to a certain degree, you know,
while not being dehumanized at all, either one of them, you know, even though they were archetypal characters, neither one of them, I think, were to one dimensional, one dimensional.

(02:23:57):
Exactly. Yes, I'd agree with that.
Comparatively to our Ready to Rumble characters.
I mean, we kind of weren't supposed to care. I mean, I guess kind of we were supposed to care about our three main characters.
But that's pretty much it. Yeah.

(02:24:20):
And it was also... I think I'm going to give round one to the Secret Ballad.
I would agree. Yeah. And begrudgingly a bit, because I know that, you know, we are so, you know, they were unique characters.
They were well-rounded characters. But I think also at the same time, they were also big on sabotaging them to kind of like daffy duck them a little bit.

(02:24:43):
And, you know, just as we're starting to care about them, they do something stupid and kind of make us go, oh, these guys, you know.
And so, yeah, I think just by the... Yeah. OK. I'll stop talking because I'm agreeing with you.
And for round two, I think I got to give it to Ready to Rumble. Yeah. Oh, for sure.
Kind of unfair to say so. Going for the technical win, everything like that. I'm sorry.

(02:25:08):
They did a wrestling movie and the wrestling stunts in the movie were great.
The fantastical nature of the fans and everything that went with this.
I think Ready to Rumble absolutely just crushed that. For sure. Yeah.
Which one to recommend going forward? I got to give that one a draw, dude. I mean, because it is to the right...

(02:25:34):
You know what? No, I'm going to give Ready to Rumble because I know in my life and just in my world,
I'm going to meet more people that I would recommend Ready to Rumble to over Secret Ballet.
Yeah, I would feel the exact opposite.
I feel like I would be recommending Secret Ballet to more people than I would Ready to Rumble, personally.

(02:25:57):
They both have a very niche set of fans that I feel would appreciate them.
I don't see myself recommending Ready to Rumble to as many people as I would Secret Ballet.
See, now here, and this is why I'm really glad that I was able to watch with my wife.

(02:26:18):
Because not a wrestling fan way enjoyed Ready to Rumble. Okay.
So it crossed into comedy fans. Okay. Okay.
So just as a comedy, doesn't have to be wrestling fans, just as a comedy, it landed because it landed with both of us as well.

(02:26:39):
And I'm not a wrestling fan. True. Okay. That's a fair point.
I think, and I know that you're wrestling fans, so you're looking through it with some slightly tinted glasses.
Yeah. But I don't think you need to be a wrestling fan to find the hilarity.
No, I think you're right. You're probably true. Probably right. That's probably true.
So Ready to Rumble? Yeah, I guess so. By and nose.

(02:27:05):
I know. And that is the thing. That is by and nose. Because, damn, I don't really know what else to really say about that one.
And, ah, Ready to Rumble? We win again.

(02:27:32):
I want to check this out because the poll that we were going through for this week, I feel like Secret Ballot actually got more votes than I was expecting.
Really? I think so. I'm trying to remember if it was this week or last week.
Yeah, Secret Ballot got 8% of the vote.

(02:27:54):
And Ready to Rumble only got 62% of the vote, and the third option got 31% of the vote because I made it too enticing.
What was the third option? I'd rather walk the witch's road.
Oh, well, I mean, yeah, we were watching Agatha all along. It was in my head. I couldn't think of anything else. And everybody died.

(02:28:17):
Oh, spoilers. Yeah. But did you finish that one yet? Nope, not yet. Okay. Yeah, no. Yeah, I couldn't figure out what to do. And that song was stuck in my head.
But I was surprised that Secret Ballot got 8% of the vote because some of the movies that you have brought in have gotten zero. And I did not think people would be able to catch up on that one.

(02:28:41):
So, you know, I'm glad to see that some of us are getting some culture out here. Welcome, my people.
Fuck acting like my people ain't cultured. We like our rustling, goofy shit. What was I'm trying to remember here some of the some of the movies that like I understand not winning.

(02:29:02):
But there are some movies that I had been floored have gotten a flat zero percent on the choice. And I'm trying to remember which ones those were.
Like, like, I'm fine with with losing the vote. I get that I pick all the weird artsy fartsy films. That's not for everyone. But some of these that all y'all give a zero vote for, I'm offended that you're not even you're not even going to consider them.

(02:29:26):
Well, what are what are our zero vote ones like that's very, very few serpent in the rainbow one. Right. Okay. Right. Yeah.
That beat 13 ghosts, which I was a little surprised. The wrong guy. The wrong guy got zero. Right. Who the fuck do you people think you are?

(02:29:47):
But that was compared to stir of echoes and sir of echoes is a pretty damn good. That's true. That is true.
Like that. Like, if we put that up against call that there. Yeah. Yeah. But what do you got for me for next week? I don't know.
Let's see. What do I mean? We're in November. So we got some. Oh, no, that's a little horror.

(02:30:11):
I we just did. We just did. October. I think I can give you a break on that one. Oh, thank you. Thank you for your mercy. Did you ever see the good son?
Oh, yeah. The McCauley Culkin remake of the bad seed. Yes, I didn't see that. Yeah.
Like, that's the that's the one I was thinking about doing. But that's a little that's a little rough.

(02:30:34):
Yeah. I wonder if I got a good foreign film that we could bring in. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. But like all the all the really, really good horror like foreign films that I know are either martial arts films or horror films.
Well, martial those count. I mean, yeah, we I don't have we done a straight up martial arts film yet.

(02:30:56):
I don't think we have. So I so I think that's what I'll that's what I'll come in. I'll come in with one of my one of my favorite martial arts films.
Yeah. Yeah, I'll do the legend of drunken master. Oh, OK.
Not the original, not the original, not the one from like the 70s or 80s, the one that the remake when Jackie Chan was a little bit older.

(02:31:19):
I don't think I've seen that one. OK. You may not have seen the original one.
Actually, most people don't realize. No, I think I think I saw the sequel.
I think I saw like of the original drunken master movies. I think I saw number two and that's it.
OK, well, I'll make sure that you have that you're watching the right one. OK.
All right. So Legend of Drunken Master starring Jackie Chan.

(02:31:44):
And what do you have for me? Let me see here. This is weird.
Hmm. It is called Drunken Master 2.
Ah, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. OK, it's listed on IMDB as Drunken Master 2, but on the actual movie title, it's the legend of Drunken Master.
OK. Oh, yeah. You know what they did when Jackie Chan got popular in America.

(02:32:11):
They grabbed a bunch of his old films from like his early days, re-released them and tried to market them as new movies in America.
And so like and even changing the title while they were doing like Operation Condor came out in America like 10 years after it came out in China.
Well, yeah, because they did they did modern dubbing with Jackie Chan because the dubbing that they did first was not Jackie. Right. Exactly.

(02:32:37):
Yeah. And then they and yeah. And Operation Condor isn't even the name of the movie.
It's actually a sequel to another movie called Armor of God.
And this was up and this was Armor of God 2 Operation Condor. And here they just called it Operation Condor.
Mm hmm. Yeah, I knew that it was a sequel, but I thought it was like a sequel to Supercop or something.
Yeah, which even the Supercop that we know is actually Supercop 3.

(02:33:00):
Oh, really? Yeah. There are two other super.
There are two other and they're actually they're called Police Story.
They're called Police Story and Supercop is Police Story 3.
Fair enough. I will say, though, Legend of Drunken Master is one of my very like I mean, that might be my favorite Jackie Chan movie.
It is a pretty good one. If it's the one I'm thinking of, it is a pretty good one. Yeah.

(02:33:23):
It's like, well, because the original like Drunken Master, the first one, Jackie Chan plays a young brash dick.
Yes. Yeah. And I didn't I didn't like him in that role.
I didn't I that was not enjoyable to me. The second one, he's more to his he's got his comedy roots like well established.
That's why I like that's why I like the legend of Drunken Master, which is covering that one.

(02:33:47):
Right. OK. I think I'm going to go with the world according to Garp.
The world according to Garp. All right. Tell us a little bit about it.
The world according to God. It's kind of a I mean, you'd almost call it a biopic, except that it's a fictional character.
It just spans this guy's whole life. He has a very peculiar upbringing, very weird life.

(02:34:12):
It starts out as kind of comedic and sort of draws more dramatic as time goes on.
But it is a way it will.
Sorry, I buried the lead here. It stars Robin Williams as Garp.
Oh, so yes, it'll be emotional, but there is a scene in this movie that once I saw it, I've never forgotten it.

(02:34:40):
And I have literally used the scene in this movie as advice to my children.
So we'll get we'll get to that.
We're like literally, yes, the world according to Garp starring Robin Williams.
And yes, I have used scenes from this movie in raising my children.
All right. Well, there you have it, guys.

(02:35:02):
Next week is going to be the legend of Drunken Master and the world according to Garp.
All right. From now until then, I hope you guys are safe and I hope you manage the madness pretty well.
One way or another, we'll get through this together.
We'll see you next week.

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H.Y.S.T? | S2E6 | Ready To Rumble & Secret Ballot

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}H.Y.S.T? | S2E6 | Ready To Rumble & Secret Ballot