Episode 8: Battling Breast Cancer While Expecting: Erin’s Story of Strength and Survival

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I can't even imagine.

(00:06):
Have you heard those words and thought to yourself, neither can I?
But it happened.
You lived it.
But most importantly, you survived it.
We hear you, we see you, and we're here to talk about it.
We're two moms, lifelong best friends, and we've both experienced traumatic life-altering
events involving our children.

(00:29):
Welcome to episode eight of I Can't Even Imagine.
I'm Stephanie.
And I'm Victoria.
I just, I don't understand.
Halloween has changed so much since we were kids.
You know, when we were kids, we would be trigger treating well past dark.

(00:51):
And now, it's like once it gets dark, everybody's like, you gotta go home.
Yeah.
Oh yeah, we used to fill up pillowcases.
Oh, we'd have to go home and dump it on our bed and go back out.
I mean, that wasn't good for us, and I don't want that for my kids, but I want them to
have that experience of how exciting it is.
And now, I've also noticed that it's always the people that are sitting at the end of

(01:11):
the driveway.
If nobody's sitting at the end of their driveway, that house always gets skipped.
Oh, hell no, we're not knocking on your door.
We used to knock on everybody's door.
Nobody sat in their driveway.
That was a creeper.
Oh yeah, back then.
If somebody's sitting in their driveway, ignore, ignore, stranger, danger.
But now, it's the opposite.
As a parent walking with their kid, I'm not walking up your driveway.

(01:32):
It's so invasive, and clearly, you don't want to be doing this, and I'm not going to bother
you.
And I'm always yelling, stop running in their yard.
Get out of their yard.
I know.
There is a couple of houses in my grandmother's neighborhood where they decorate like crazy.
They've got that 25-foot skeleton that moves.

(01:53):
And they really, really go crazy, and it's adorable.
And they're on their patio that's screened in, so you have to walk up to their front
door area.
Yeah, there's something like that in my neighborhood too, where it's like, they actually made like
a, one year they did like a game board where you have to walk on the steps like you're
in a real life candy land sort of like game.

(02:14):
To go all the way to the end to get to the door.
Like that is so cool.
Yeah, they really go crazy.
It's really imaginative.
They go wild.
I don't know.
I'm just a little bit concerned that this year is not going to be that great.
Yeah, I'm with you.
We haven't gotten costumes yet either.
I just took my kids to get costumes this last weekend.
Everything is so overpriced.

(02:34):
Oh, it's awful.
I, this is the first time in my life I've walked into a spirit Halloween because I figured
instead of building our costume, it would just be cheaper to actually just buy one in
a bag.
Yeah, they're like 30 bucks.
Yeah, but none of my kids liked any of the characters.
One of my girls saw this really cool masquerade mask and it has this like white and it's got
like, I don't know, gems on it and it was actually very, very pretty and it's got a

(02:58):
cool feather.
And so she's like, oh, I want this.
I'm like, that's cool.
Let's like build something around this.
Yeah.
So she got like this really cool like gold skirt and these gold wings.
She's not going to be anything specific, but it looks cool.
Yeah.
And then my youngest saw these really cute rabbit ears that had like, instead of like
the pink on the inside, it was lace.

(03:19):
And so she wanted to build an outfit around that.
So we did that.
And it's way more expensive.
And then my other daughter is not happy with anything.
Everything sucked.
And one of the kids is 13.
Can you guess which one hates everything?
I was just going to say, I wonder who everything she'd picked out like cheetah ears that had

(03:45):
like the collar and the tail.
And I'm like, then you can just get like a cool skirt or something and like wear that,
you know, and then paint your face.
Oh, that's such a bad idea.
I'm like, what the fuck do you want, dude?
Like you're the one pushing to come here.
You're the one begging every single day.
Are we still going Halloween shopping?
Are we still going Halloween shopping?
Yes.
And now we're here and you're pissed off at everything.

(04:08):
Like smile, be appreciative.
I don't know.
That's just an idea.
Yeah.
And then just to get out of the house, our local brewery had a trunk retreat and I didn't
even know it was happening.
And meanwhile, my husband was out helping people gut their house that flooded these poor people
the second time in a row in two years.
His second time gutting the same exact house for them.

(04:30):
And he texts me and he's like, hey, there's a trunk retreat happening.
And I was like, wait, what?
I'm like, okay.
He's like, it's happening right now.
And so I looked it up and I was like, okay.
And I went to the kids thinking that they weren't going to be interested at all because they
were like just so sucked into their tablets and their video games because, you know, school
is out for a week and they didn't have power.
And then they got like the first day with it back and they were just zombies.

(04:52):
Which was fine because you can get everything done.
You need to get done.
Of course.
No shame.
No shame.
None.
And so I go out there and I'm like, real timidly.
I'm like, hey guys, hey guys.
Oh my gosh.
So I have an idea.
I don't know if you guys want to do it or not, but there's a trunk retreat happening
at the brewery.
I mean, I couldn't even get the whole word treat out of my mouth before they were like,
let's go.

(05:12):
They're like, okay, let's go.
And I'm like, you guys don't even have costumes.
They're like, well, we're one of our old ones.
I'm like, all right, that's the spirit, you know.
And we actually did go.
We literally just did like the, the, the you of the cars, whatever, what other cars were
there.
We went down one side, hit all the spots, went down around and came back and we were
done.
We were probably there for like 15 minutes.

(05:34):
Love it.
But they got dressed up.
I had one that was a Mandalorian and his outfit still fit.
Actually, all their outfits still fit.
My daughter was a pumpkin.
She wore this.
It's like, it's like an oversized, if you stick your head in and like your arms go out,
don't fall, but it's really big like this.
You know, it's like made out of felt or something.
I think she wore it when she was three and it's still huge on her.

(05:55):
She's nine.
So she had the little hat that went with it.
So she was a pumpkin.
And then my youngest was, what was he?
I took a picture and I can't remember what he was.
Oh, he was, we have multiple spider.
One year, all three kids were a version of Spider-Man.
And so he had one of the Spider-Man costumes on.
And he's my most rapidly growing child.

(06:17):
I couldn't, it barely fit, but it did fit.
So I had all three of them.
They were all dressed.
They got their stuff and we came home.
But it gave us something to do, get out of the house for a little bit.
We did that last year.
We went down to the movie theater shopping center here down by my house.
I won't name it.
Bell Tower.
Just to be clear.

(06:39):
And they had a cool one that you could bring your pets to, a whole like shop and treat
kind of thing.
And they had like photo booth and they would give you the free photo.
And they had like a fireman table and the firemen were giving out candy, which was mom's
favorite one.
Yeah.
I wonder why.

(06:59):
I know.
I was like, hey, let's go check this one out and thank them for their service.
I really wasn't a creep, I promise.
But you know, they did a balloon animals.
It was all free.
And so we did that last year and we went across the road to the local park and they
had that train there and they had a whole thing there.

(07:21):
Oh, I love their thing.
Yeah.
And so we went down there and did that.
And all in the same day.
And it was like so cool because finally we get to wear our costumes for more than one
time.
Right.
So this year, now that we live in town, I really need to look online and see like what
events are popping up close to us because now that everybody's pretty much got their
costumes ish.
Ish.

(07:42):
We don't.
Well, my son's not doing any of it.
He doesn't.
He's not interested in doing any of it, which is fine.
Just less Reese's for me, which makes me sad, but whatever.
And then, yeah, I don't know.
Keith and I are going to be the same thing as we were last year.
Scratch off ticket winners.
Which is like the white trash version of a lottery ticket.

(08:06):
We've got these 80s wigs, like 70s.
I think you sent me a picture of your guy.
I thought you guys were just white trash.
I don't remember being lottery ticket winners.
I felt like white trash might be like rude to say if somebody asked what you were because
people still dress like this in real life.
Right.
So we're scratch off winners.
And I had leopard print leggings and like a black, you know, like Jim Beam shirt.

(08:30):
And I had his pillow stuffed under my things.
I looked pregnant and then I had like fake cigarettes and I had these beer can earrings
and this big, like it's a teased like mullet wig.
And Keith has the same one.
He looks like he's from like Crosby Stills, Nash & Young because he's got the beard and

(08:51):
he's got this like kind of feathered wig and he's got this shirt with cut off sleeves.
You had to cut the sleeves out because he works out and it just says winner on it.
Like this is perfect.
Then I got him a fake money chain, like with the gold encrusted diamond encrusted money
chain and we got the fake cigarettes and I had my makeup was just blue eyeshadow to

(09:18):
the eyebrows, real high and tight, nice pink cheeks, you know, blush.
Love it.
Yeah.
I think that was my costume last year and that's going to be my costume this year.
I don't think that we dressed up.
We're probably not.
I dressed up last year on the day, I think it was the day of or the day before Halloween.

(09:41):
I did get, I was looking for anything and I found like this almost kind of like, um,
wasn't a cape.
It actually went all the way around you.
It was almost kind of like a poncho, but it was fabric and it had a skeleton on it.
I remember seeing it.
I painted, oh, and I painted my face like a skeleton.
It's kind of, I tried really hard to mimic stuff off YouTube, but I'm no makeup artist.

(10:05):
I did that very last minute and Joe just wore like a camo hat was like, I'm G.I.
Joe.
I'm like, you're so brilliant.
Yeah.
That's funny.
He treats Halloween like Jim from the office treats Halloween.
He never celebrated it growing up.
So he just kind of does it to appease me when he can.
And then, uh, but the year before was the best because we were, um, Lebowski and Maude

(10:30):
from the big Lebowski and he had to shave to have a, to go back to a goatee.
And I have not seen this man's cheeks since I think 2012.
I was kind of horrified.
I was like, you're never doing this again.
And, you know, he has long hair and everything and he got it.

(10:51):
I got him like a grad lookup like pictures and stuff.
And he had like the gray sweater and like the plaid.
I had to go thrift shopping.
I went to so many thrift stores to find like men's like plaid shorts.
And yeah, he rocked it.
And then I had a, I had a red wig to be like, Maude, you know, she's got the bangs, she's
got the bob and I found, um, a green, um, robe to wear.

(11:14):
And it wasn't like the thick as thick as her actually really thin.
It's really comfortable.
It's my favorite robe.
I wear it all the time.
I wear it, um, but I had the green robe because in the movie she's, she's nude underneath.
Right.
Um, but I think I wore like leggings and a tank top.
And of course I wasn't going out nude.
Right.
Because you're probably one of your church's trunk or tree.

(11:35):
Just to clarify that, I'm not going out drunk, trick or treating in just a robe.
Um, but yeah, we were so cute.
And then, um, I realized that when I had this wig on, cause I have a lot of hair and to
get my hair up into that thing.
And I looked at myself in the mirror and I was like, Oh my God, I look like my mom.
Yes.
I look just like my mom.

(11:55):
That's so funny.
I love you mom.
That's so funny.
Cause my mom has, and it was right.
My mom had dyes her hair always like an all burn, right?
Right.
Tones.
She has a red color and she's got, she's got bangs and it's kind of short.
It's not like the perfect kind of bob, but it kind of like curves under.
And I was like, okay.
Yep.

(12:16):
And then my mom and my mother's child, there is no denying it.
That's true.
That is so funny.
I did want to give you an update.
Oh boy.
Um, my, there was a couple of things I wanted to update.
I wanted to update you on my findings of the, if we ever started before labor day or after

(12:36):
labor day in our area.
These are all anecdotal stories, but I did want to let you know what I found out.
So my friend who's 15 years older than us said that in elementary school, possibly start
a school after labor day, but by middle and high school, it was definitely in mid August.

(12:59):
Okay.
Okay.
He's 15 years older than us.
Let's put that into perspective.
So by the time we're in elementary school, he's already out of high school.
Okay.
So second one, my friend Brenda, she's two years older than us been here her whole life.
She said, absolutely never have we started school after labor day.

(13:22):
Okay.
And then my mom listened to our episode where Chad told us to talk to the historical society
and I got to find it and read you exactly what my mom said.
Cause it was actually quite funny.
Okay.
She goes, okay, I might be part of the historical society, but I can tell you guys, I'm not
sure you guys timeline wise, it was a big thing to me moving you here before when you

(13:46):
were two in January of 88.
I have always been slightly perturbed because school in Florida started in August and not
the day after labor day as I was used to.
She was thought it was very odd when she moved us here that school started in August and
not after labor day.
Okay.
I thought you got opinions on both sides.

(14:08):
Well, kind of because Robbie said in elementary school, he possibly could have started school
after labor day, but that would have been before our time.
So that's all I know.
And then my second update is I was able to choose a voice for my dear friend, Chad.

(14:31):
And I asked Chad his permission because I chose a British voice.
I decided to change his name to Chadwick because it's more regal.
Chadwick?
His name is now Chadwick.
I don't want to call him that.
He's regal.
I like short.
Well, then you can shorten it to Chad, but look, I'll tell, he'll talk to us real quick.

(14:52):
Hold on.
Hey, Chad, how are you today?
Hey, Victoria, I'm doing great.
Thanks for asking.
How about you?
How's everything going on your end?
He's got an accent, dude.
I named you Chadwick, remember, so you shouldn't answer to Chad anymore.
I'm sorry, but I'm having trouble responding right now.
Please wait a bit.

(15:13):
Oh, Chadwick.
Apparently he doesn't like his new name.
Never mind.
Today, we welcome Aaron Mastodonato, wife, mother of one, owner of Good Girls Bake Shop
and triple negative breast cancer survivor.

(15:35):
Hi, Aaron.
Hi, how are you?
Very good.
Thank you for joining us today.
Thanks for having me.
Welcome.
So go ahead and let's get right into your story, girl.
Right into it.
All right.
My name is Aaron.
I was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer when I was 28 years old and I was 26
weeks pregnant.
Wow.
Let's go back.
So tell us first about your pregnancy.

(15:55):
Me and my husband got married in February of 2022.
We'd been together since 2013.
So it was like, it was a dream come true.
We found out we were pregnant in March.
We got right to it.
Similar to me.
I was the same way.
Yeah.
It wasn't planned, but it wasn't being prevented.

(16:19):
Now that I'm here, I look back as it was meant, it was really meant to happen.
So the beginning of the pregnancy was going normal.
I think at that point, you're at monthly doctors appointments.
So we were going monthly.
Everything was going good.
Prior to that, in February, I had been to my OB for my annual exam.

(16:40):
Nothing was detected.
Nothing was picked up.
I had a clean bill of health.
It was June.
We were having my gender reveal and I had noticed a lump.
It was protruding a little on the top.
It was red.
I brought it up to my mom and she was like, just keep an eye on it.
You're pregnant.
It could be a number of things.

(17:03):
Milk ducks.
We didn't really know what it was.
We just assumed that it had something to do with the pregnancy.
Your body's going through all of these changes.
And you're in your 20s.
You're not jumping to conclusions thinking that it is what it ended up being.
Yeah, like what are the chances?
Yeah.
And especially since it's not something that is in my family.

(17:23):
There is one individual who was diagnosed with breast cancer, but nothing that made
the doctors question whether I would be one to be diagnosed.
And especially at such a young age.
Mammograms for women started, I'm pretty sure it's 40.
Kids get cancer.
Right.
As you know, it's like you're not too young for cancer.

(17:46):
So we had the gender reveal.
I found out I was having a boy at the end of July.
I bring it up to my OB and he's like, well, let's send you in for a mammogram and then
ultrasound.
I don't really like the way that that feels.
So we went in.
We did the ultrasound.

(18:07):
I don't think I got the mammogram.
I passed since I was pregnant, but they were able to see what they needed to see through
the ultrasound.
The radiologist read it right there.
I was still in the office.
He pulled me aside into a little tiny exam room and you always know when they pull you
aside.
They're going to have some form of bad news.

(18:27):
Right.
What are the odds that they need to take me out of this little waiting room?
So he said, I know you're pregnant, but I want you to get a biopsy.
And he was very adamant about me getting a biopsy.
And of course I'm pregnant.
I don't even know what a biopsy is.
I had no idea what they did.
I had my wisdom teeth taken out.
Right.

(18:48):
I had no idea what the extent of my medical procedures before being pregnant.
And it's like, you just don't know what to do when you're in that.
In your mind, you knew the word biopsy is usually linked to cancer, right?
It can be.
Yes.
There are instances where, of course, it comes back as not being malignant or whatever.
But you know that's what they're looking for usually when they say that word.

(19:10):
Yeah.
That's what they're looking for.
They want to know whether it's cancerous or not.
So I said, okay, I guess I didn't really have a choice.
You don't really have a choice.
When a doctor is in front of you telling you you need to have this medical procedure done,
you're going to say no.
Right.
I mean, you could.
But then for something in your situation, why would you?

(19:32):
Right.
I watched this thing get a little bit bigger, get a little redder, grow.
It was up at the top of my breast so I could see it.
My husband wanted me to get it looked at.
He's like, I really think you should get that looked at.
I had the ultrasound done at the end of July.
I was getting the biopsy on August 4th.
So I found a lump in June.

(19:53):
I noticed first noticed it.
Who knows how long it had been there.
Right.
Ultrasound in July, biopsy in August.
I was officially diagnosed on August 18th, 2022 at 26 weeks pregnant.
I remember sitting.
I don't remember much before like the drive to the doctor's office or, you know, waiting

(20:13):
in the waiting room.
But I remember waiting in the room.
The doctor had called me.
I was scheduled for an appointment that afternoon and they called me.
They're like, can you come in early?
Yeah.
And I'm like, can you just tell me over the phone?
Right.
Nope.
Just tell me is this.
And of course, when they call you and ask you to come in early, my first, the first

(20:34):
thing that came to mind was it has to be not good.
Right.
So my mom went with me.
My husband was working that day.
And of course I wasn't going to, I didn't want him to take off work.
Right.
Don't use PTO for me.
Right.
You know, don't, don't, I can, I'm a big girl.
I can handle this.
So, but I did have my mom go with me.

(20:57):
I remember sitting in the room.
It felt like an eternity for the doctor to come in.
It felt like forever.
Oh yeah.
And he came in his little white coat, computer in hand, set it up on the thing.
I don't even think he said any.
I didn't even like say a word before or anything.
You just, I remember him just saying it's breast cancer.
And at that point it's like, it's like your whole world stops, but then everything around

(21:20):
you just keeps still keeps moving.
Yeah.
And I remember just sitting there looking at my mom and she was sitting in the chair across
me.
I was sitting up on the table and she was sitting and she just started sobbing.
Yeah.
And it's like, what are you supposed to do?
Right.
It doesn't feel real.
You're like, are you sure?
Like it doesn't quite register, you know, because I've been in the cancer world too.

(21:41):
And I remember when the doctors all came in, they brought us to that side room.
It's like you're talking about and they had like a team of, I don't know if it's like
social workers, but there's a whole bunch of extra people in there.
They have that with you too.
They have a bunch of extra people.
It was just him.
It was just the doctor, me and my mom.
But it is, it's very, it's very cut and dry and it's very, it's cancer.
And it's like, it does not register for a bit.

(22:05):
And then it's just the emotions didn't just kind of come in.
Well, in him being an OB, he has no idea what any of this, what this pathology report reads.
Like he doesn't know.
He's not an oncologist.
So it was like, we didn't have any answers.
Usually it's like, sometimes there's an oncologist in the room who can tell you right then and

(22:26):
there what it is.
We had no idea.
Right.
So your mom's sobbing.
We're both sobbing.
At this point, you're both sobbing.
You just been told that you have breast cancer.
But they just said breast kit.
They didn't tell you what type.
They didn't tell you anything.
Other details.
No, I don't, I'm not sure that the doctor knew exactly what kind it was.
Cause of course the pathology report, it reads, there are three different hormones that can

(22:50):
be, that are tested for breast cancer and they were all negative, hence triple negative.
The OB's office worked really diligently to get me in with a surgeon and an oncologist.
I was in the doctor's office the next day meeting with the oncologist, which is amazing
because you guys know how long you have to wait to get into doctor's offices.

(23:11):
I go to the oncologist the following day, meet with the oncologist.
She has never treated a patient that was pregnant before.
When you hear that, you kind of question, you question things.
It's like, how do I know that these treatments are going to be safe for me?
Absolutely.
How do I know that my baby's going to be safe?

(23:34):
There's so many questions that you want and need answers to at that, in that moment that
you just don't have.
And it makes things so much more, so much scarier.
Now, could you have said, could you have said, no, get me an oncologist who has experience
with this?
Or did you say anything like that?
No, I didn't because I feel like people are put into positions in your lives for a reason.

(23:56):
She trained at Moffitt.
I know that Moffitt, she had interned at Moffitt.
I know Moffitt's a great hospital, my father-in-law at the time and still is receiving treatments
there.
Yeah, my brother was too for non-haggitunablamphoma when he was 33.
She told me that she would run my story by the boards and all of her colleagues.
So I felt confident in the fact.

(24:19):
I mean, she's an oncologist.
She went to school.
She does this for a living.
I didn't really feel that I needed to push for somebody that had had experience with
that.
I'm not sure that a lot of oncologists, local oncologists, have experience with a pregnant
patient with cancer because it's not very common.

(24:39):
And I wasn't willing to travel elsewhere to get treatment just because I was pregnant.
I wanted to be here with my family at home.
I didn't want to receive my treatments and things at Moffitt.
Just because I wanted to be close to home, I wanted to be with my husband.
I didn't want him to have to take off work.
I wanted to be with family.
And their care plan was the same as what my oncologist.

(25:01):
I went up there to get a second opinion.
So their doctors were saying the same thing that my doctor was saying.
So I was like, okay, two is better than none.
Two is better than one.
I can do this.
I didn't really have a choice.
I could have said no to chemo.
Sure.
But you probably wouldn't be here with us today.
Right.
Right.
I know that there are people who have said no to chemo and they've gone on to be cancer-free

(25:25):
and they've done whatever they've done.
But I just, I wanted to do everything that I could to still be here for your son.
And if that met chemo, then that's what that meant.
So that's okay.
Yeah.
I mean, everybody's path is different.
I feel like with breast cancer, I mean, at what stage was your breast cancer?
Stage two.

(25:46):
Okay.
So I feel like, is that considered caught early?
I don't know.
Yeah.
I don't think so because I did need to have chemo and radiation.
And I think that if some breast cancers have caught early enough, you don't need any sort
of chemo or radiation or anything.
Sometimes just a surgery is enough to remove.

(26:08):
What is the, did they give you like a survival, like a rating, like a percentage rating of
like, you know, you have a 90% chance of survival?
They didn't.
Okay.
And I was just curious.
I tried not to Google search too much.
You know, Dr. Google can't be the best.
I do know that triple negative is of rare and aggressive form.

(26:28):
And it is likely to recur within the first five years.
So all I knew was that aggressive and something needed to be done immediately.
Did they tell you what your risks were if you had decided to wait to get treatment until
after your son was born?
I didn't.
I didn't even think to wait.
I didn't even think to wait.

(26:49):
I was looking back so February, I was at the OB, had a clean bill of health.
He didn't detect any lumps or anything.
And then in June, I felt a lump.
It grew from three centimeters to nine centimeters in August.
Right.
The only reason I had asked about the survival rating or the stage number was only because

(27:10):
if you decided to say no to treatment and do something more holistic, did you have wiggle
room to try something else?
And if you're talking about this being such an aggressive form of breast cancer, especially
how fast it grew in a couple of months, if I were you, I probably would have done the
same thing that you did.

(27:31):
It says here the five year relative survival rate for someone with localized triple negative
breast cancer is 91%.
Okay.
So.
But you're also pregnant and those hormones are, I mean, I know it was a, it was not hormone
sped, right?
So, you know, I don't know.
I mean, that's rough.
Yeah.

(27:52):
Not having an answer like if it was hormone positive, then okay, me being pregnant, the
hormones that fed it, but it's like it being triple negative.
What, what caused it to grow so quick?
And it's, you still don't have, I still don't have answers to those things.
And I can't sit here and think about that all the time.
Right.

(28:12):
Cause then that's not good for you.
No.
It's not good for me.
No.
You know, it's like, what can I have done differently?
What shouldn't I have done?
What should I have done?
What if, what if, what if?
Yeah.
You can drive yourself crazy with what ifs.
Oh yeah.
So how did the diagnosis and going forward and once you kind of got started with treatment
and you're kind of like getting the ball rolling, kind of getting used to things, how did that

(28:35):
affect your pregnancy and also how did it affect like your relationship with your husband?
I started my chemo when I was pregnant.
I went through three rounds of AC with the baby.
I have to say that I didn't feel many side effects from the chemo.
I was very blessed and I think it, it's common with pregnant women.

(28:57):
The placenta, I feel like does something with filtering out the bad.
So I didn't, a lot of women get sick.
I didn't get very sick.
I was tired.
But the pregnancy was pregnancy makes you tired.
Yeah.
Right.
Pregnancy alone, growing a human.
Now I'm getting chemotherapy.

(29:17):
The pregnancy itself went fine besides having cancer.
That's literally really the only thing that was negative about the pregnancy.
I had three rounds with the baby.
We stopped in the middle of October so that I could recover a little bit.
My blood cells could increase so that during birth everything would go smooth.

(29:38):
Did that make your immune system bottom out?
Did you get that much chemo?
I had three rounds and they were AC called the Red Devil.
It's a really, really strong, powerful chemo.
I was immunocompromised.
I had to, you know, we stayed home.
I wore masks and of course all of this comes after COVID.
And so it's like you've got like a heightened, like I don't even want to go to the grocery

(29:59):
store, even going to like the cancer center, worrying about getting sick and then being
pregnant.
And I started seeing maternal fetal medicine and they wanted to induce me at 38 weeks.
I didn't want to be induced.
I had went into this pregnancy.
I got pregnant.
I was like, oh, I'm going to enjoy this pregnancy.
I'm going to get to have maternity pictures.
I'm going to get to have a baby shower.

(30:20):
I'm going to get to do all of these things.
All the things, yeah.
Enjoy all of it.
And then it got tainted by cancer.
Yeah, yeah.
So I ended up, I did have a baby shower.
My, our best friends threw us one.
It was very small since, you know, my immune system wasn't very, very good.
I did get maternity pictures.

(30:40):
We did like last minute shoot.
Once I found out I had cancer before I lost my hair because that's the one thing that
the doctor said to me.
She was like, you are going to lose your hair and you can cold cap.
A lot of women do cold cap, but I didn't want to sit in the chair at the oncology center
for an extra two or three hours.
What is cold cap?
It's an ice, pretty much an ice helmet that you put on your head.

(31:03):
It freezes your hair follicles so that the cancer or the chemo doesn't travel to them.
The chemo, the chemo that can't get in basically.
Your nail stopped growing on chemo.
I had like bands.
I'm not sure if with your son.
I don't recall that actually.
I had like lines.
It was like a tree, tree stump.
I had lines on my nails from when, when I was on chemo, they would stop growing.

(31:27):
And then when I was off, they would start to grow again.
Cause my chemo regimens were 21 days.
It was a 21 day cycle.
So it was, I had it and then 21 days later I had my next, my next dose.
So it was 21 days and then 21 days like on 21 days off.
It was, so I had my first one on September 2nd and then 21 days later on the 23rd, I

(31:48):
would have my second dose.
And then 21 days later or 20 days later, however that, that works out.
I would have my third and I did four of those.
Oh.
So it was like an infusion that you have to go.
Yeah.
You had to go and it was like a two or three hour thing.
And the first time I went, I had like a suitcase with me pretty much.
I thought it was like moving in to the cancer center, like with all of the blanking and

(32:10):
books and all this stuff to do.
And like, I thought that I was going to like be doing things, but really you're just sitting
there like watching the IV pole just like drip.
And they had to put on like a hazmat suit and like the nurse had to like suit up before
pushing in.
And that the craziest thing when you watch that happen, they're like, they have to treat
this stuff with a hazmat suit and these gloves, but yet they're putting it in your body.

(32:35):
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
It's like, this could kill your skin if it comes outside of your veins.
That's how toxic this stuff is.
It we have to suit up for it, but we're going to put it in you.
Uh-huh.
Right.
To save your life.
While you're pregnant.
While you're pregnant.
Right.
And out of the two regimens that I got, they decided to give that one to me.
First, just, that's just the way that it works.

(32:57):
It's just a lot of the women who have gone through this, that was just what worked.
So that's just what they stuck with.
That's the red devil when you're talking about the first one.
The red devil.
We called it the red angel.
Right.
When I was sitting in the chair, I was like, I want to think of this as the red devil.
Right.
Like, no, thank you.
It's so dark.
Right.
It's really dark.

(33:18):
Yeah.
I did lose my hair.
That was a big thing that affected the pregnancy and much more than just the pregnancy.
Yeah.
You know, you're so beautiful while you're pregnant.
Yeah.
You know, you have like this glow.
Your hair's growing.
You get, your hair gets fuller when you're pregnant.
I lost my hair.
Hurricane Ian came through.
I'm sure you all remember.

(33:38):
Oh, yes.
We were without power.
Uh-huh.
I've, a week maybe.
Yeah, it was a week for me too.
Yeah.
I had held onto my hair for the longest time.
And my husband and my mom eventually, they looked at it and they were like, it's time
to let it go.
So we plugged the razor into the generator.
Into the generator.
Oh, wow.
And buzzed it off.
I've got to laugh about it now.

(34:01):
Yeah.
Just because it's like, honestly, you probably felt a lot cooler.
Oh.
Because it was miserable after that.
It was, after that storm.
It was so matted.
It was so matted.
It was just, it was time for it to go.
Were you losing some of it?
Oh, yeah.
And so it was just thinning and patchy.
Yeah.
It was, it was thinning.
I had, I had stopped brushing it at that point.

(34:22):
I had stopped brushing it probably for like a week or so.
I didn't lose anymore.
I put it in the ponytail in the back and I just like wore a cap over the front because
it was, it was thinning in the areas that it was, it was pulling.
So it was thinning up in the front areas.
So I would just wear a hat.
My job, I would see people.
So I didn't want to show up with patchy hair and I wanted to feel as normal as possible.

(34:47):
Right.
So by just keeping it and putting it in a little ponytail and having just a little like
rat tail coming out made me feel like I looked somewhat normal.
You're holding onto a piece of like your femininity.
Right.
My hair that I've had for 28 years.
Yeah.
I've, you know, I've grown this.
I've dyed it so many times that I don't even, I can't even tell you how many times, but

(35:09):
it's like, if something gets gone through everything with you.
Right.
And it's a form of your, your outward self expression.
Right.
When you lose your eyebrows and your hair, it changes your appearance so much.
Mm hmm.
You look like a potato.
Yes.
You look like a potato.
I look like Mr. Clean.
I feel like, but I lost my hair and that really got to me.

(35:33):
Yeah.
But I, I did get a wag.
And you know, it's funny.
Sorry to interrupt.
I'm just, I'm, I'm reflecting on my son's journey as going through this because he lost
his hair too.
And he started to lose it pretty much right after that whole first, that first month is
really intense and they threw a lot because he, it will leukemia for kids.
They're on chemo.

(35:53):
They don't have time off.
They're on chemo continuously for two years.
And so, I mean, all different kinds of different chemo's, but we've had infusions, we had pills,
we had oral liquid, we had all kinds of, you know, all the things.
And so he really started that patchiness.
I can, I don't remember the date, but I can vividly remember that giving him a bath and

(36:15):
washing his hair and then like going like this and then clumps of his hair is in my
hand.
And I'm like, it's starting.
And that's what, that's weird because it's like something so trivial as hair makes it
feel all the more real.
And I'm like, okay, this is really happening.
Yeah.
Because that's all, I mean, we, in, in our society, when you talk about cancer, you see

(36:39):
cancer billboards, you see cancer commercials.
That's what you see.
You see the bald head.
It's like the poster child.
It's, yeah, it's the poster child.
It's the logo, so to speak of cancer, right?
Right.
Because you can't see cancer.
You see, you know, the person's going through it because they have no hair.
Right.
So, and I remember giving him that bath.

(36:59):
We, his started, hair started getting, getting really patchy.
And then we eventually diagnosed, he was diagnosed in August also.
We shaved it.
We had a head shaving party in December.
So he had little tiny pieces all left.
He looked like a little homeless man.
And we finally shaved it in December.
So yeah.
And then she and I did an undershave.
We did undercuts.

(37:20):
The girls did undershaves and the boys did like a full shave.
And your son got his hair back in full force and beautiful thick glory.
It was so cute.
And my undershave was still like two inches long.
For years, they undershave, it wouldn't even reach my shoulders.

(37:42):
It got to a point where I had to cut my hair super short just to match it.
To match it.
Yeah.
Like four years later.
I kept mine up.
I think I got mine reshaved and like designs in it and stuff a few times.
I didn't shave, reshave it.
I don't think ever.
It was only for him.
Yeah.
So his hair grew back kind of like dirty blonde.
His natural hair color is dark brown and it's straight.

(38:06):
He lost that hair and then the regrowth was like this kind of not curly.
Because I know a lot of people, their hair will come back curly.
It had like this beach wave and it was like, it looked like natural highlights.
It was like dirty blonde.
It was so cute.
And it was getting really shaggy.
We finally got that first like, you know, after your first regrowth, finally got that

(38:26):
first haircut.
And it was so, but then after we cut it like a few more times that it came back straight
and brown again.
I was like, dang it.
I kind of hoped that that little dirty blonde would stick.
It was so cute.
I mean, he's cute anyway, but it's just straight and I have a bunch of weird callix though.
Whenever his hair grows, like he cannot, a boy just needs to shave his head all the time

(38:50):
because any, can he hair up here, every time he gets his haircut, people that cut his hair
are like, I don't know what to do.
What do you want me to do with this?
I'm like, I just let him grow it super long and then have like a cute little man bun.
He hates his hair shaggy.
Hates it.
He'll get through the awkward phase.
No, he does not like long hair.
I haven't cut my son's hair yet.
Go on two years.
Oh, my little, my little one, his first haircut, his hair was to his nipples.

(39:13):
That's how long his hair was.
He's my little-
My mother-in-law would probably be like, God, if I let it get that long.
But it's like, come on.
It's really cute.
And that's okay.
My son has long hair.
I like his long hair.
Yeah, my husband has hair.
He has long hair.
He has hair.
Of course he has hair.
He has long hair.
And see, he wanted, he was like, babe, I can shave my hair with you.
I'm like, no, don't.
Like one of us has to have hair.
I don't have hair, I have to have your hair.

(39:34):
I want to comb somebody's hair.
Like you could wax my head and I'll comb your hair.
Yeah.
So, but no, you're right.
When you see somebody without any hair, you're like, do they have cancer?
Yeah.
Do they have cancer?
I have a friend with Alapesia.
And the first thing I thought when I saw her, before we were friends, she, we have a mutual
friend.
She doesn't have eyebrows, eyelashes or anything.

(39:56):
And I thought, does she have cancer?
And then we became friends on Facebook and she's like such a good mom and she's out doing
things and very active.
And I'm like, how is she, she couldn't have cancer, you know?
Right.
Like cause she's so active and she doesn't talk about it.
But she also doesn't talk about her Alapesia cause this is just kind of who she is.
And she's like very comfortable with herself and I love that.

(40:16):
Right.
I have an embarrassing story to tell.
I don't even know if I ever told you this, but I actually approached somebody at CETA
table one time thinking that they had cancer and said something and they had Alapesia.
Oh my God.
I know.
That was when Joey was going through treatment.
Oh my God.
Were you trying to be like just a beacon of prayer for them?
I don't know.

(40:36):
I just felt compelled to say something.
And then when she was like, oh, I don't have cancer.
I have Alapesia.
I was like, okay, my face just turned stark white.
I'm so sorry.
Like I don't remember you asked me a while back, what's your most embarrassing story?
That might be it.
That might be it.
Okay.
That was awful.
I was like, I'm going to tuck my tail between my legs and walk out the door.
Yeah.

(40:56):
Well, God bless you.
Alapesia.
Like what do you say?
Thank goodness.
God bless your Alapesia.
Right.
What do you even say?
I mean, that's like mistaking a woman being pregnant.
I don't know.
I don't know that.
I just don't say anything.
I just keep to myself.
Learned the hard way because people, my kids will say to me, are you having another baby?
I'm like, no, bitch.

(41:17):
I'm just fat.
Kids will say the darnest things.
Shut up.
You're welcome.
This is where you were.
Like I grew you.
This is because of you.
Yeah.
That's pretty mild.
You are the reason that this happened.
That and some Taco Bell or something.
I love Taco Bell.
I do love Taco Bell, but I don't eat there very often.

(41:37):
So losing my hair was definitely one of the most, a very traumatic part, part of the whole
situation.
So fast forward to induction.
The doctors wanted to induce me at 38 weeks.
Of course I didn't want to be induced.
I wanted to go into labor naturally and experience all the things.
And that was being taken away from me, but it was because I had stopped the treatments

(42:01):
for my white blood count to raise back up.
And then they wanted me to get right back in to my treatments.
I had one AC Red Devil left.
And then they would start me on my next 12 treatments of taxile-carbo.
I was induced.
I was just shy of 39 weeks.
They had to call me.
They were like, you're going to be induced on November 1st.

(42:23):
And we waited around.
And we waited.
And we waited for a call from the hospital telling us that they had a room for us.
We got a call Thursday night on November 3rd, I believe it was.
We were in the hospital Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.
Nothing was really going on.
It was just kind of like a waiting game.
Just a big waiting game.

(42:44):
Yep.
Potosin, I'm not sure if induced.
We were doulas.
So I sat with a woman who was gestational diabetic, 40, high risk.
So they had to induce her.
And they did 12 hour, I think it was every 12 hours.
They would do Potosin and then they would do Servidil.
And then they would do Potosin and then they would do Servidil.

(43:05):
Yeah, they started me off with Servidil.
I think I had the max amount of doses.
Brutal.
Yeah.
Brutal.
No, thank you.
Well, she felt like she was in labor.
It was four days of this.
And it was like every five minutes after they would give her either Potosin or Servidil,
I'm getting a call.
So I'm driving 45 minutes over four days every day.

(43:27):
This was the end of my breastfeeding journey with my daughter who was three and a half
at the time.
And I was like, okay, I think we're done with this because I don't know when I'm gone for
four full days.
The induction process is long.
Yeah.
So long.
Especially when your body's not ready.
No.
You're not 40 weeks.
You're not 41 weeks.
You're over.

(43:47):
Baby's not ready, which means your body's not ready.
He was low.
I've, he was right there.
He just wasn't.
Those hormones hadn't kicked in.
Right.
Yeah.
My body just wasn't, wasn't ready.
But Thursday night, Friday, Saturday.
So Saturday night comes along.
They get things going.
So we break the water.

(44:08):
Probably like, what does it say around like dinner time?
I don't know the exact time stamps.
I don't even think they have a clock in the hospital rooms.
You're not paying attention though when you're in labor.
You don't care what time it is.
I didn't want to know how long I had been in there at that point.
Right.
It felt like it was an eternity.
No food.
All these nurses coming.
It's like, I just wanted to sleep in my own bed.
So around midnight, I started pushing.

(44:30):
I had a natural delivery.
I did get an epidural.
Thank God for the epidural.
After that long, I think that that's more intended.
I needed it at that point.
Everything you've been through, I think you deserve an easy, you know, pain.
Free labor.
Were they treating you any differently knowing your history with the breast cancer?

(44:51):
No, I don't think so.
I had never given birth before.
So I necessarily didn't know how pregnant patients were treated at a hospital.
They did ask about breastfeeding.
And of course I had to tell them that no, I'm not breastfeeding.
I mean, I was bald.
I was wearing a cap.
So of course I looked different from every other pregnant, every other mom that was in
the hospital giving birth.

(45:12):
You go to the next room over, she had hair.
I didn't have hair.
It was like I had a port, you know, that you could see.
Yes, they knew.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that they knew.
They would have to be in your chart anyway, I'm sure.
Yes.
Yeah.
So I ended up giving birth just before 2 a.m.
It was the best thing in the world, but also I felt like so much of it had been taken from

(45:34):
me.
My baby boy's here.
I'm the happiest.
He's perfect.
They don't have any concerns about him or anything.
He's chunky.
He's got brown hair.
He's the cutest thing.
Me and Dad are just soaking in the newborn snuggles and stuff.

(45:54):
It was, I feel like after that it was just like any other, any birth, you know.
And no, he had no problems from the chemo therapy at all.
No problems from the chemo.
He passed all the tests.
We didn't have to go back for any additional testing.
Problems came in and did their rounds and everything was checked off.
He was born just before 2 a.m. on Sunday and we were leaving to go home Monday night.

(46:18):
That had to have felt like such a relief too to know that he was okay after what you had
gone through.
Oh yeah.
Because the whole time I'm going through treatment, I'm wondering after every infusion,
you know, I'm laying in my bed counting kicks.
After I had my port put in, I made the hospital bring an ultrasound tech up to listen to him

(46:39):
on the Doppler just to make sure that he was okay.
Because they didn't sedate me for my port so I was awake.
All they did was local numbing and I was worried about the stress that I had had.
If that had done something to him in that little bit of time that I had been in the operating
room.
Yeah.
This is a trauma to your body, right?
So even if you're not feeling it, your body is still a trauma.

(47:00):
Right, and even all the biopsies that I had and everything, it's like, is he taking all
that, is he having the cortisol?
Right.
Yeah.
And I'm hysterically crying.
I'm scared to death.
Like it has to be doing something to him.
They say, you know, don't stress yourself out when you're pregnant.
Be happy.
You know, the baby can feel what you feel.
So it's like, is my baby really feeling what I'm feeling?

(47:21):
Right.
Is he going to have long term health effects because of what I'm choosing to do in this
moment?
Because I'm choosing to treat myself in hopes that I'll still be here.
Because that's the thing.
I think it's going to come back.
And I hope it doesn't.
I think everybody who has cancer hopes that it doesn't come back.

(47:42):
But that's just one of the realities that a cancer patient faces is that the fact that
it could come back.
So we were soaking in all the newborn snuggles and bliss, and then I get the call from my
employer.
I was on maternity leave that they were eliminating my position with a one month old at home.

(48:04):
So is that is there like a like any kind of legality for that?
Because if you're on maternity leave, you're technically on FMLA.
They technically didn't qualify for FMLA, even though I was on it.
They there's like certain requirements you have to have so many employees within so
so close to your main office or something.
I spoke to a few lawyers about it and there was just nothing.

(48:29):
That's messed up, man.
I feel like they didn't really want to touch it because there were so many like what ifs
because they it wasn't just me that they eliminated my position, my supervisor.
They eliminated his position and they it was like a company wide thing.
There were other people that got let go too.
So it couldn't we couldn't say, oh, they have fired you because you have cancer.

(48:51):
Right.
Or you just had a baby.
I felt like that was part part of the reason.
Right.
Your employer now has to have all these doctors appointments and all of this.
I mean, I'm sure insurance for them.
Yeah, right.
I could only imagine.
But I have one month old at home.
I lose my job.

(49:12):
What else could go wrong?
Did you have insurance with your job?
I did have insurance with my job.
Yeah.
So then so now what?
What about your treatment?
That's what I was thinking.
So thankfully my husband has insurance through his workplace.
So I was able to get on their insurance and thankfully I had a life insurance policy through
my old employer because now I've got a preexisting condition.

(49:32):
Right.
I can't apply for life insurance.
So and I think back when I first got the job, they had a cancer insurance policy that they
offered and I was like, oh, when am I ever going to get cancer?
What do I need to pay for this?
How long am I going to be here?
You know, because the typical age for cancer, you're so far away from it.

(49:56):
Right.
Am I still going to be working when I'm 40 years old?
When I am the age to get cancer?
Right.
I'm going to say that.
I'm almost 40.
May I ask what you were doing?
I was a real estate appraiser.
I was a trainee.
I just don't do appraising anymore since I started my little cookie business.
Yes.
Can't wait to talk a little more about that.

(50:17):
Oh, yes.
So yeah, I lost my job.
Now I'm like, we go from being a two income household to a one income household.
Now I've got all these medical bills to pay for.
I had a deductible that I've paid and now I've got a whole new deductible that we've
got to pay and I've got all of them.
We're trying to get the baby on insurance.
I'm getting back into treatments.
I finish up my last AC treatment.

(50:38):
I get into my 12 tax all-carbo treatment, 16 rounds of IV chemo.
Was this the same 21 days, every 21 days for that?
No, I had to go every week for the tax all-carbo.
No, having to leave my newborn baby once a week.
Yeah, because you can't bring him in.
Right, no, no.
Kids weren't allowed in the infusion.
You can't be around that.
No, kids aren't allowed in the infusion.

(50:58):
So having to leave my little one.
Thankfully, my mom moved in with us so that I didn't have to pack him and all of his
things up and take him to her house or to my mother-in-laws.
Yeah.
But it was just, I was pregnant, cancer.
Now we're new parents.
We're trying to navigate this whole new world of not sleeping, trying to figure out this
new baby, what he-

(51:19):
Get a whole new set of challenges.
In addition-
Right, in addition-
To what you're already dealing with.
To going through treatments.
And so I finished treatments just before my 29th birthday.
I finished my 16 rounds of chemo.
And then I knew from the beginning that radiation would be a possibility.

(51:39):
So I did radiation after my lumpectomy.
I decided to go with a lumpectomy over a mastectomy just because of everything that my body
went through.
I just, given birth, and I wanted to be able to hold my baby.
I wanted to be able to snuggle with him.
I didn't want to feel like any more of a burden on my family.
So we did radiation.

(52:00):
I did four weeks of that.
And then I did six months of oral chemo on top of it.
So that was my whole regimen.
Oh my gosh.
Whole, started in September of 22, finished in December 23 with my active treatment.
So it was a whole-
A little over a year.
A year, yeah, of countless doctors appointments.
I don't even know how many doctors appointments I went to.

(52:21):
How many trips to the cancer center, just all of it.
Did you ever have any complications, like after infusions?
Did you ever have to be like impatient for anything?
No, I didn't have to be impatient.
I probably should have been.
Of course, I had a new baby at home.
I did get a couple fevers here and there.
We monitored at home.
Yeah.
We didn't go anywhere.

(52:42):
I didn't want to leave the baby.
Yeah.
I didn't want to leave my son.
Right.
I didn't want to leave my son.
Of course, now he's the only one working.
He can't afford to take off.
And thankfully, he decided not to go with me to my doctor's appointments before with
like my treatments and things before the baby was here because he was able to use that
time after.

(53:03):
Because I needed help.
I was going through treatments.
I was tired.
Somebody needed to feed the baby while I was napping.
Somebody needed to make sure that I was OK postpartum.
You got baby blues.
And now I'm thinking, am I going to be here in a year or two?
Is this going to be the last time this or the last time that?

(53:27):
All those intrusive thoughts.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Did your milk come in?
No.
No, not at all.
No, not at all.
And that's another thing that was taken from me.
I didn't go into the pregnancy.
I wasn't like, I'm going to breastfeed.
I'm going to breastfeed.
I was just going to kind of take it as it came.
Yeah.
If it came in and if it worked, then great.
I wasn't setting myself up for anything.

(53:49):
And I think that that really started like after I was diagnosed with cancer.
Since my whole pregnancy changed, I was like, I'm not going to set myself up for failure
in a sense anymore.
I'm not going to set these expectations like, oh, breastfeed or I knew I wasn't going to
be able to breastfeed.
The doctors told me that with the chemo.
So did you, in a sense, I know technically you're saying like breastfeeding was experience.

(54:13):
It was kind of robbed from you because of cancer.
But because you had cancer and your milk didn't even come in, did you at that point look at
it as a blessing at that point?
Because then you didn't have to deal with the pain and then not being able to, you know,
you have feeling the engorgement and then realizing that you're not able to even give

(54:34):
your child this milk.
Right.
Yeah.
I've been pregnant before, so I didn't know what any of that felt like.
I didn't know what the pain of your milk coming in or anything.
All I knew was what other women has shared and they shared that it's painful.
So I did, I did take it as like, maybe there's a reason.
There's a reason why it, my milk didn't come in.

(54:55):
I've already been put through all of this other stuff.
Yeah.
So this is just one thing that I'm not going to have to go through.
Yeah.
Cause I feel like if I was in that position that I would feel like, okay, this is a blessing.
I don't have to worry about getting put in cabbage leaves, you know, or wearing a tight
bra to make it, make the milk stop and then having to throw the milk away.
Oh yeah.
You know what I mean?

(55:15):
Right.
And like think your body makes something that you're supposed to give to your baby.
You and you're not able to, and you're not able to write.
Yeah.
Kind of like a punch in the face.
That's right.
In a sense.
Yeah.
Like you feel defeated.
Like, oh, I'm, I'm not good enough.
I'm not a good enough mom because I can't breastfeed my, my, my son.
Here's my milk.
Here's all of this liquid gold.
It's useless.

(55:36):
Right.
So I did, I did, I was thankful in a sense that I didn't have to deal with the downsides
of milk coming in and all of that.
Those early days, the newborn days and you guys adapting and focusing more and not so
much on the cancer, but you guys becoming parents for the first time.
So how did you guys, how did you deal with that and how, you know, did everybody adapt

(55:58):
okay to this new life in your household?
Yeah.
I feel like we did fairly well.
Me and my husband, we work great as a team.
I mean, we've been together since 2013.
So we've, you know each other.
Yeah.
We know each other.
We know he needs to sleep.
So I got up with the baby and fed the baby in the middle of the night and, you know,
he was back to work.
He was working.
We just kind of fell into a routine, just like every other, every other family does.

(56:22):
The only difference was we had trips to the, I had trips to the cancer center plugged in
there.
But other than that, we were living a relatively normal, a normal life.
Christmas was a right, right around the corner.
It was Christmas and all those holidays with the baby.
So, but.
Now did you get to ring a bell?
I did.
I did get to ring a bell and the baby and my husband did get to come to the cancer center

(56:46):
and I have pictures in the video.
I was holding the baby when I rang the bell.
So sweet.
I know.
Talk about the ringing of the bell because people that have never had cancer don't know
what that, what does that mean?
At the end of your cancer treatment, once you're finished, they have bells for after
chemo, after radiation, after immunotherapy.
It's like you pretty much once you have cancer, you can ring a bell for any of the cost.

(57:09):
It's a celebratory, it's just a celebratory thing that has just become a thing in the
cancer world.
It signifies that you've finished your treatment and that you're going to get, you've gotten
past the hard parts and now you're on to, you're back to living your life.
Okay, cool.
Yeah.
Back to living your life.
Your treatment is done and you're on your way, essentially.

(57:30):
It's what it is.
I just wanted to make sure if people don't know what that means.
Yeah, yeah.
A lot of gongs and a lot of hospitals have different bells.
For my son, we actually made our own bell.
We got a cow bell and then we painted it and it had the big cancer ribbon on it and it
was all gold and pink.

(57:50):
It's pink, not pink, sorry.
Pink is your color.
Pink is my gold is their color.
We had a sparkly gold ribbon on there and we put his name on it and I think we had the
date and stuff and we had, you were there.
Yeah, but I just didn't know.
I just want to make sure that people know.
Yeah, it's just a big celebratory thing for the end of treatment and it's just like a
hurrah.

(58:10):
Yeah.
Kind of just something to, I don't know, you make a lot of noise.
Everybody in the cancer centers usually.
And usually the nurses and doctors that all know who you are, they all turn out.
They sang a song for my son.
Oh, that's so sweet.
They line the hallways and they gather everybody.
I didn't make that big of a deal out of it.
I was kind of just like, oh, here's my mom.
Here's my husband.

(58:30):
Here's my son.
Yeah, no, I know.
And I think that I also didn't make a big deal about it is because I kind of dealt with
a lot of this internally.
I didn't share my story publicly for, oh, I don't even know.
I think until after I had surgery, which was in March of 23.
So it was like I had gone, I had finished my chemo, my IV chemo and went through surgery

(58:51):
before I shared with the public.
Just, I was embarrassed in a way.
I don't know why.
Yeah, because it wasn't your fault.
Right, yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't know.
I don't ever want to say that cancer is anybody's fault, but like you didn't even think about
doing like a GoFundMe or anything like that to help the girls.
My mother-in-law started a GoFundMe that was shared amongst our family and friend group,

(59:16):
cousins and things that shared on Facebook, respecting my wishes of not tagging me in
it so that people that I knew personally, friends of high school and things didn't see
it.
I'm not one to ask for help.
I like to do things myself.
I don't want to feel like a burden on anybody.
I don't want anyone to feel like they have to do.
It's like, and then when you put a GoFundMe out and you're like, oh, I have cancer.
Here's a GoFundMe.

(59:37):
It's like, I feel like, I don't know.
I'm the same way.
My mother-in-law did create one and it did help a lot.
It helped so much.
Yeah.
With between formula and diapers, you know, the expenses of that, which is what our one
income household was paying for in mortgage and other things, the GoFundMe money paid

(01:00:00):
for cancer treatments and all of that.
We had one too.
Yeah.
She set up for us.
Yeah.
I might feel the same way if I personally had cancer, but it was my son.
So I guess, I don't know.
I didn't feel so much as if it was like, here's our GoFundMe.
Please help us.
Right.

(01:00:21):
You know, it was kind of her putting it out there on our behalf.
Yeah.
And yeah, that helped incredibly because I lost, I mean, I lost a lot of income.
I didn't lose my job.
I'm self-employed, but, you know, I was already having, I was having a baby at the same time.
So, you know, my baby was born 14 days after my son was diagnosed.
Two weeks, exactly.

(01:00:42):
So I had already planned on taking time off, but I just took a lot more time off because
I had to be there for my family.
Right.
Yeah, so I lost like six months of income and I even, I lost more than that because
once I started back to work, I realized I couldn't work as much as I thought I could.
And I got really overwhelmed really easily with what, you know, would have been probably,

(01:01:07):
you know, slow and boring to anybody else in my industry.
I was like, I can't do this.
This is too much.
You know, so that GoFundMe really helped fill those, fill that void.
And fill those gaps for all those because I had two other kids.
Right.
You're trying to figure out how am I going to pay for all this stuff.
Well, this happened, I mean, I didn't get a go, I didn't, I didn't even think about

(01:01:30):
a GoFundMe.
You set it up before I even considered it.
It was like the day of.
Oh yeah.
She set it up and shared it.
And I too have never shared anything on my personal.
She's like you.
She's a very private.
Doesn't like burning anybody.
Doesn't like, you know.
I'll take care of it.
I don't want to ask for help.

(01:01:51):
I'll just take care of it.
I'll just do it myself.
Yeah.
It's a downfall of my personality.
Yeah.
There's a time and place to ask for help.
And I'm still learning that the art of asking for help.
I am too.
It's not easy.
No.
Because I don't want to be a burden to anybody.
And, you know, even though what happened to my daughter was nobody's fault.
It just, it was, you know, I didn't work for seven months and going back to work, I couldn't

(01:02:17):
take on as much as I used to.
And I still, even at this point, this far out, I still am like, I don't want to take
on as much as I used to.
I went to work the day I was diagnosed.
I had an appointment to appraise a condo.
I was diagnosed.
I had to call the realtor and was like, I'm going to be a little late.
Yeah.
So, and then yeah.

(01:02:37):
I got cancer.
I'm going to be late.
Right.
Right.
Oh my gosh.
Right.
I don't think I said it exactly.
No, you probably didn't say anything.
I think I might have said like something has come up health wise.
I'm not going to be late to this, you know, to the appointment or whatever, but yeah,
I went back to work.
And you went through it and got to that appointment.
Yeah, there was nobody there.
Thankfully.
Oh, yeah.
But I was like, after calling my husband and he's at work, I'm like, what am I doing to

(01:02:59):
you people?
What did he say?
Like how did you tell him?
I don't think we skipped over that.
I just called.
I was sitting in the room and I called him and I'm like, I have cancer.
And I think that was pretty much like they sent.
When you're in the moment, they, you just don't like remember.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Your brain just has this weird way of just forgetting things.

(01:03:21):
And it sucks in a way because you want to remember things.
But the things you do remember are just so weird.
Like we don't, like we had this conversation before.
Well, I don't remember how I told her.
I don't remember how I told anybody that my son had cancer, but I remember what I was
wearing that day.
Yeah.
But the conversations are just such a blur.

(01:03:44):
The brain has a weird way of filtering out things.
Yeah.
I remember all the things I saw, I just don't remember words, like auditory stuff is just
just not there.
My husband's father was diagnosed with cancer when we had first started dating.
So he had already dealt with that.
So then to lay it on that your wife now has cancer at 28 years old, pregnant wife, right?

(01:04:08):
His cancer.
I don't really know how he's a very reserved.
He keeps to himself kind of person.
He deals with his emotions the way that he deals with it.
I'm not going to pry.
So he's been handled things very well.
He's been a great support system.
He's been there any time that I need him.
He's right there.
He's a great father.
He takes care of the baby like I do.

(01:04:31):
And as a mother, he cares for that baby like a mother would.
And you know, some dads are just there to be there.
But he's definitely been the best support that I could have.
And I'm very thankful that he's my husband because he very well could have been like,
I don't want to do this.
Yeah.
Cancer does, it does rip a lot of families apart.
It can, it could pull you together or it can rip you apart.

(01:04:51):
Right.
There's not a whole lot of in between.
Right.
At least what I've observed.
He would be like, oh, you lost your job.
You've got cancer.
I don't want to take care of you.
Yeah.
Like.
Bye.
Right.
But he decided to stick it through and probably almost every single day he would look
at me and be like, you're beautiful.
Even though I didn't feel beautiful, even though I had no hair, no eyebrows, no eyelashes,

(01:05:12):
I look like a naked mole rat.
Potato.
Potato, naked mole rat, all of it.
It's just our family was a great support system too.
That's awesome.
You have to have a good support system when you're going through something so traumatic.
Yeah.
Because if you don't, you just crumble.
Yeah.
You can't do it alone.
We were not, we weren't meant to do this stuff alone.

(01:05:32):
No.
They say you need a village to raise children.
It's like, you need village for other stuff too.
Yeah.
Just a life.
Right.
Yeah.
Right.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Well, I'm very, very thankful.
We had, we had a great support system and a great village for what we went through too.
Yeah.
My mom moved in to help us to stay with the baby while we, I was going through treatments.
My mother and father and I live right down the street.

(01:05:55):
So they were there.
They've helped in more ways.
They watched the baby when I go, when I would go to treatments too.
Friends were great.
We've got a small friend circle.
So it wasn't, it's not like a lot of other people's stories where their friends rally
around them and lift them up.
But the few friends we did have around us did lift us, lift us up and did help us when

(01:06:16):
we needed it.
And I'm, I'm just thankful for everybody that's been here.
You also find out who your true friends are too.
When you go through something like that.
Cause there are people that don't know, they don't know how to handle news like that.
So they'll just be like, okay, I'm going to keep my distance.
And then they kind of fall off.
That yeah.
And they show up and they're there for a little bit of time.

(01:06:39):
And then once you like are kind of really getting into it and you're dealing with things
yourself, then they kind of like fall back.
It's like, no, I need you.
Right.
I need you to stay here.
And it, it sucks.
Yeah.
I remember my stepmom when my dad got cancer, you know, they had a lot of people around
them and after the accident with my daughter, she said to me, she's like, eventually these

(01:07:00):
phone calls are going to stop.
Eventually the texts and messages are going to slow back and it's going to feel a little
lonely and that's, that's very typical.
So just, just prepare yourself for that because for a while, I mean, my phone would not stop
ringing.
I was constantly giving updates, constantly on the phone, answering texts, you know,

(01:07:22):
and this is from people that I barely knew or hadn't talked to in forever.
I mean, just random people just showed up.
I mean, it was amazing.
And the people that you thought were going to like kind of, you know, show up for you
or at least, you know, text you don't, don't at all.
And then eventually when I did talk to a couple of people that I hadn't heard from ever, they

(01:07:44):
were like, I just didn't know what to say.
And like, I get that too.
Right.
Like, what are you supposed to say?
What do you even say?
I don't even know what to say.
Yeah.
Exactly.
So like no hard feelings, but I get that.
So I say, oh, sorry, you got cancer, thanks.
Yeah.
Like, thanks.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah, I am too.

(01:08:04):
That's how this whole podcast came about.
I can't, well, we find ourselves in the same, in the same position when we hear stories.
Wow.
I can't even imagine.
Yeah.
Yeah, I can.
But I did turn to social media to find other women who had been in my shoes, other women
who had dealt with cancer and pregnancy, even women who weren't pregnant that still had

(01:08:25):
cancer because we related on just that, everything that cancer took from you.
Because whether you're pregnant or not, you still go through it.
And the number of women that I've met that I consider a friend now, I've met some of
the greatest women.
And we've also lost some really great women too over the years.
That's gotta be really tough.

(01:08:45):
It is, especially when you see people who were diagnosed around the same time you as
you.
I went through that too.
And who were pregnant as well, who has a child, there's one gal that similar diagnosis.
Hers was a stage four, I think, so no cure.
Her son, just a little younger than mine, she ended up passing away.
And it's like, it's just so sad that you're pregnant, you're bringing this person into

(01:09:10):
this world and then you just, you're just gone.
And that's something that I still think about to this day, even though I'm still here.
It's like, could this be my last?
Is this gonna be the last Christmas?
Is this gonna be, am I gonna be here to walk him to his kindergarten class?
Am I gonna be here to dance with him at his wedding when he gets married?
Right.

(01:09:30):
I read something, there was kind of like this viral post going around in some of the cancer
mom groups when we were going through our journey.
And it was all about how like cancer is like, once you've had it, it's like a gun that's
just always pointed at the back of your head, 24 seven.
Because you could be free and clear, you could be in remission for years and years and years,

(01:09:52):
but it's like one little tiny thing can set off that trigger of like those intrusive thoughts.
Or like, for example, anytime my son gets sick, if he has a cold, if he has a fever,
any little thing, and I'm like, or especially if he says, mom, my legs hurt, because that's
a huge, that was one of the first signs that he had it, you know?
So it's like, we go about our daily life, you know, as normal as possible.

(01:10:15):
Like this is a part of our past, we're not, you know, focusing on it, we're only moving
forward.
But those little things that come up are this is constant reminder of where you've been
and what you've gone through.
And it can haunt you.
It can come back.
Smells do it for me.
Like there's an air freshener that we used when I first got diagnosed that we sprayed

(01:10:39):
it like literally takes me right back.
Right back to those moments.
And it is, it's like a gun that's pointed to the back of your head, any ache, any pain.
So I've got a headache.
Is it, is it metastatic break, you know, brain cancer?
So what does your life look like now?

(01:10:59):
And are you, do you have to go back for appointments for scans and anything like that?
I would say life is back to normal, I guess as normal as normal could be working, having
a toddler running around the house.
I do go for port flushes since I do still have my port.
I go for blood work.

(01:11:21):
I do a signatory test, which is a CT DNA test.
It tests my blood for any circulating tumor DNA from my, my breast cancer tumor.
They, they tested.
Interesting.
Is that the reason that you kept your port?
Yes.
Okay.
Yeah.
And I've seen other women who have gotten their port taken out and then they have a
recurrence, so then they have to go and get it put back in.

(01:11:43):
And I just don't want to go through that.
It was traumatic when I got it put in.
I don't, I'm not going to sign it, say, hey, I want to get this taken out.
It's like the doctor's going to have to tell me it's time to take this out.
Yeah.
So how long do you have to go keep doing that?
I get my port flushed every six weeks and then I do a blood test every three months.
So it works out where I'm only going, I think like two or three times a month to the cancer

(01:12:03):
center.
And for how many years going forward do you have to do that?
I think that they're going to do it for five years.
Okay.
So it's five years.
Yeah, it's five years.
Or as long as insurance is going to keep paying for it essentially.
It's, I think it's self-paced like $4,000.
So that's kind of a year.
No, every three months.
Every three months.
For blood work?
To get the signatory testing done to get them for them to test to see if there's any tumor

(01:12:27):
DNA circulating.
Of course, and it's, if you test positive for it, I've gotten five negative results.
I just gotten blood work done for my sixth, so I'll hopefully get a negative result next
week for that.
If you test positive, it's like a limbo because it's circulating through your blood.
So it's so tiny that it might not show up in a scan.

(01:12:47):
So if they were to order a scan, you could come back of not having any noticeable tumors
in your body.
So then you're just like in a limbo.
You're like, well, what do we do?
Right.
It's a waiting game.
You just wait for the cancer to grow until it gets bigger, you know, or until it gets
big enough to be seen in a scan.
So I just do it for like a reassurance, just kind of, it helps me to feel better knowing

(01:13:10):
that, oh, this test came back negative.
I don't have it.
I don't have cancer.
I'm still no evidence of disease.
So I think we'll do that for five years.
I get mammograms and ultrasound still every six months.
So we'll do a mammogram and ultrasound, and then six months later, I'll do mammogram MRI
just of the breast.
See, I haven't gotten a full body scan.
My oncologist doesn't say that it's needed since my signatory tests are coming back negative.

(01:13:33):
So as of right now, I'm no evidence of disease and March will mark two years since I've been
no evidence.
I was going to ask you though, because I've heard a lot of negative things about mammograms
and that if you have a tumor that smashing your breast in a mammogram machine can actually
spread it more so.

(01:13:56):
And a lot of people lean that are against mammograms will lean into doing a thermo...
I can't ever say it right.
Thermography.
Thermography scan.
Is that something you ever explored?
I've...
No, I've never...
No, I just...
What the doctors told me.
It's like heat testing.
It's like they see where the heat is radiating and they can see a tumor that way.
So the tumor puts off more heat or something.

(01:14:18):
No, I've never explored into that.
Mammograms detect breast cancer.
I don't care who you are.
If you have dense breasts, you should be getting mammograms.
I have very dense breasts.
I do as well.
So just get the mammogram.
If you ride in an airplane, I have heard that you get more radiation through an airplane
than you do through a mammogram.
Well, it's not the radiation.

(01:14:38):
I was just talking about the procedure itself, the physical smashing of the breast.
But if you did have something in there that can actually spread it more so.
I don't know.
I've had the mammograms.
I've had mammograms twice.
Before I had a mammogram, I remember my grandma and my mom were like, it's gonna hurt so
bad.
And I got there, I was like, this is nothing.

(01:14:59):
My kids might be a little uncomfortable.
My kids have squished and nod harder than a mammogram ever could.
Honestly, it didn't.
But maybe it's the density of my tissue.
I mean, because the mammogram, they couldn't see anything through it, which is why they
did the follow up with ultrasound.
Still couldn't see anything.
Follow up with another ultrasound.
Still couldn't see anything.
Sent me for the breast MRI.

(01:15:20):
And then when I went back four years later, because I was supposed to go back six months
later and that was March of 2020 and everything got shut down.
So then I just waited for four years.
And then I went back again last year in December or January.
And they were like, they literally like took the paper and walked me through the hallway.
You're fine.

(01:15:41):
Bye.
And I was like, wait, I was expecting like the ultrasound again.
And they said, no, you're fine.
So I talked to my OB and he's like, your body, your density can go up and down.
So my density now must be a lot less dense than it was prior.
But I didn't have to go through all of the crazy.
All of the different steps.
Yeah.

(01:16:02):
Because I've got like lobing behind my nipple.
It's almost like my breast is in two separate lobes and it sucks in.
And I lost a lot of weight super, super fast.
And they think maybe that had something to do with it.
Or maybe it was always like that.
Because it's like that on the right breast, just not nearly as severe.
You can clearly see the two separate lobes in the mammogram.
Yeah.

(01:16:22):
It was very interesting to see that.
That if you look on Google, anytime it's sucking in, there's a massive tumor behind
it.
And according to Google, based on how deep it is, I should already be dead.
So that's why I brought it to my OB.
I'm like, no, never Google.
But that's why I brought it to my OB.
I'm like, this is weird, right?

(01:16:42):
He's like, that's not good.
Like you need to go now.
Well, that's good that he pushed you to go.
Like immediately.
Yeah.
Yeah, they had me in.
Some doctors will just, so many young women that have been diagnosed.
They're like, my doctors just pushed it off.
They just pushed it off.
It's like, no.
Well, it depends.
Because I didn't have a lump.
I had a lump here for years.

(01:17:03):
It was there.
And I was still nursing.
And they were like, it's probably a milk duct.
And I had a bracelet at the time that had like little beads on it.
Like hard beads.
And she said, I'm looking for something similar to this.
Right.
Yeah.
Yours is squishy.
And it moves.
Yeah, yours moves.
I'm not feeling your bracelet.
That's what I'm.
So I'm not concerned with that.
So then the original MRI and everything that I went through, they were like, that's already

(01:17:26):
gone.
That lump is gone.
That obviously had something to do with, I mean, I was breastfeeding, you know, between
four kids that were born over five years.
I was breastfeeding for on and off for nine years.
You can still get breast cancer when you're breastfeeding.
Yeah.
No, I know.
I'm just saying that's what that probably was.
No, no, no.
But a lot of doctors, a lot of doctors are like, oh, you've breastfed or you're breastfeeding
you're safe.
You're fine.

(01:17:47):
It's not cancer.
Right.
Your chances go down.
Right.
You still can do it.
Yeah.
I had one of my OB when I was pregnant with my first, I don't know if I remember even
until I knew this, but she did a breast exam on me at one of my appointments.
And then she's like, something feels weird.
And she sent me to across the street to get an, I've had a breast ultrasound done, but

(01:18:09):
I've never had anything else.
And the ultrasound came back fine and clear.
I was, I was good, but that moment was weird.
It was scary.
It was scary.
Yeah.
And she's like, oh, that doesn't, that doesn't feel right here.
I'm, are you free for the rest of the day?
And I'm like, what?
Yeah.
What do you mean am I free for the rest of the day?
Can you, can you go across the street and just get an ultrasound on your breasts?

(01:18:30):
Why?
Yeah.
What?
Just like one of those areas on your body that you just know it's like when the doctor's
question something, it's like, it can only be like one of two things.
Right.
It could be good or it could be bad.
That's right.
I don't like that.
No, no.
I don't like any of this.
No.
And breast cancer isn't just a lump either.
Right.
It will discharge, discoloration.

(01:18:51):
There's so many other.
So I always advocate for women to do self breast exams because I found my own lump.
A lot of, a lot of women find their own lumps and not just don't just feel on the first
of the month because your, your body changes, you know, your cycle, things like that feel

(01:19:11):
two or three times a month.
Do it when you're in the shower.
No, I was just saying in the shower.
Just whenever, do it whenever and get to know your body, get to know what is normal for
you so that when something feels the slightest bit off, you can bring it up to your doctor
and you can advocate for yourself.
Cause I always wonder if I had felt, you know, had I been feeling sooner, I thought that
I was pregnant.

(01:19:32):
I didn't have to feel you.
You're 28.
You don't have to feel when you're pregnant.
It's not, it's not a possibility, but I just wonder had I felt it sooner, would things
have been different, but you can't beat yourself up.
You can't think about the what ifs in that after the, after the fact.
Yeah.
I had a customer of mine, she was 42 and just went in for her yearly mammogram, like didn't

(01:19:57):
have any other symptoms whatsoever.
And she had a tumor on the inside, on the side, couldn't feel it even on her own self-exam.
Can't feel it.
It was all the way on the inside and she ended up with a double mastectomy.
Yeah.
So that's what she chose.
And was that an option for you to have them?
Cause you had mentioned the lumpectomy rather than the mastectomy.

(01:20:18):
Mastectomy was an option, either a unilateral or a bilateral, whichever I wanted to go towards.
Was that one and one or two?
One or two.
Yeah.
But since I didn't have any of the genetic mutations that put me at a higher risk of
breast cancer, they didn't feel that it was necessary.
And my oncologist and radiologist both had said that lumpectomy with radiation or mastectomy

(01:20:45):
produced the same outcome.
Okay.
So I was like, well.
And you also had said earlier you didn't want to be more of a burden on your family,
so you felt like you had already been through so much trauma.
This is a major surgery.
Oh yeah.
I'm not being able to pick up my baby.
You know, you can't, you can't raise your arms.
You're literally having your breasts amputated.

(01:21:06):
Right.
You can't take all of your breast tissue out.
And they take your nipples off like everything.
Right?
Sometimes they'll do a nipple sparring mastectomy where they keep your nipples, they cut your
nipples off and then they reattach them.
Okay.
You can do expanders.
You can, some people do straight to implants.
Right.
The expanders, some people choose to go flat.

(01:21:29):
Right.
Had I needed to have my breasts removed, I would have chosen to go flat just because
I didn't want all of the things that come with having a mastectomy done or reconstruction,
the implants and then, you know, or having expanders and then having to do it at implants
and getting the expanders filled and all of the number of surgeries.
There's women who have like 10, 10 plus reconstructive surgeries to like make corrections and to

(01:21:53):
fix things and your implants don't sit right.
And it's just, there's a lot of medical issues with people that have implants too.
Yeah.
And breast implant illness.
Oh yeah.
I wanted to try to avoid and trying to find a doctor that would do an aesthetic flat closure
on somebody my age probably would have been a little difficult just because a lot of doctors

(01:22:17):
are like, Oh, you're young.
You're going to want, you know, you're going to want something there.
It's like, how do you know?
Yeah.
Like I know I'm young, but I also don't want to go through the next, you know, 10 years
of medical procedures and stuff.
It couldn't that be an option if you just flat, had flat.
And you know, you can do expanders and implants later, right?
I think you can, but the skin, so when you have an aesthetic flat closure, they take

(01:22:43):
off the extra skin.
So then that skin isn't there for the expander to be put under because then that acts as
your breast, if that makes sense, right?
I've seen a lot of stories where women who go to get aesthetic flat closures are left
with very unesthetic procedures.
Like doctors do it out of like, not spite.
That's not the word I'm looking for, but they just do it because that's, they do a

(01:23:06):
bad job because that's not what they want.
So it's, I would have wanted to find a good surgeon, wanted to find a surgeon who would
want to do that for me.
You want a doctor that wants to do what you want to do.
So I, I chose to lump back to me just because I wanted to be able to spend the time with
my baby.
I wanted to be able to be a mother, pick him up because you can't lift when you have a

(01:23:29):
mastectomy.
I didn't want to rely on my mom, my mother in law.
I didn't want my husband to have to take time off work to stay home, to take care of the
baby.
Right.
Yeah.
So we just went with, I just went with the least invasive and the doctors were fine.
My oncologist said that that was okay.
And, and then I followed up with radiation.
Yeah.
I don't blame you.

(01:23:49):
I would have chosen the same thing.
I would have too.
You said the, the lumpectomy was in March of 2023.
Correct.
That's after all of your treatments.
Yes.
I did my 16 rounds of IB chemo and they wanted to do those before surgery.
They were trying to shrink the tumor as much as possible before it did shrink.
Okay.
Yep.
I, I almost received a pathological complete response, which is where there's no cancer

(01:24:13):
remaining in the tumor.
But we didn't get, we didn't get that, but that's okay.
Not everybody receives PCR, which is why we decided to do the Zalota, which is an oral
chemo.
Okay.
That was part of the, the plan.
Did that make you sick or anything?
That had its whole side effects.

(01:24:33):
My hands and feet, it gave hand and foot syndrome.
My hands and feet peeled.
The whole bottoms of my feet peeled off like I had gotten sunburn.
Interesting.
Like I had walked across the hot pavement and burned the bottoms of my feet.
My hands had cracks in them and things, but that was like to the extent dry hands.
That was to the extent of what I experienced through the Zalota.

(01:24:56):
Okay.
I don't know why that happens.
That's odd.
I don't know.
They say to drink a lot of water and to, um, I think it's because when your body, when
you take it in and that's where your body puts it out, essentially, like that's the
ending points of where that makes sense.
So your body is detoxing.
Yeah.
Probably detoxing all in your hands and your feet.

(01:25:20):
Right.
So yeah, sore hands and sore feet were the biggest, biggest problem with the Zalota and
radiation was just having to go every single day was just tiring in itself.
Right.
Took longer to get there than it did for actually laying on the table.
Wow.
For the radiation.
Yeah.
Is this going to affect your ability to get pregnant in the future?

(01:25:40):
At this moment, we don't know.
So a lot of women do have the chance to do IVF before they start chemo.
Since I was pregnant, we technically couldn't do IVF.
So I read that, I read that in your intake form and I was like, what is she talking about?
She was already pregnant.
But now that makes sense.
You're talking about future pregnancies.
Yeah.
So for future pregnancies, usually they like to do egg retrieval so that if anything happens,

(01:26:04):
you do have eggs and you do have the chance to use a surrogate or other means.
But I wasn't given that opportunity, so we really don't know.
Okay.
Usually when you get diagnosed with cancer, they'll start with an egg retrieval.
Yeah.
You get like genetic testing to see if you're a genetic carrier because then that makes up
what your surgery plan is going to be essentially because if you carry like a BRCA1 or any of

(01:26:27):
the other BRCA1 or two, they do like a hysterectomies and double mastectomies just to prevent your
risk of recurrence period or like getting ovarian cancer.
So is there a link between breast cancer and ovarian cancer?
Because my grandmother had breast cancer twice and had it removed and I believe she had lumpectomies

(01:26:48):
both times but she did go through chemo and then she had ovarian cancer and that's what
took her.
There is as with like a BRCA1 and BRCA2 genetic mutation.
I know that those, there might be other genetic mutations.
I'm not a doctor.
I wish that I would have like, I wish she was still here so I could talk to her about

(01:27:08):
it.
Number one, because she actually had a son who died of the same cancer that my son had.
But also because I don't know if I'm a carrier.
I don't know if she passed anything on to me.
I don't have any idea.
You can get your DNA tested.
You can get a genetic test.
Yeah, genetic test.
It'll tell you.
Then part of me doesn't want to.
You should.
I feel like everybody should.

(01:27:30):
I think I want to do that because I want to know what risk factors, like what lifestyle
changes do I need to make to mitigate the risk of any of these factors that I...
You've seen if you carry a gene that increases your risk of breast cancer, you can do things
to prevent that such as a bilateral mastectomy.
Or if you carry BRCA1 or 2, you can get a hysterectomy to prevent getting ovarian cancer

(01:27:55):
in the future.
And I know some women who do, they call themselves pre-vivors because they...
Right.
Angelina Jolie did that.
Did she?
Yeah.
I think she got a double mastectomy just because she carried like, I don't know, she had super
high risk or something.
It was the BRCA.
I remember that.
I had different genes.
I don't have any of them.
I think it would depend on my age and depend on, like, I don't know.

(01:28:18):
I feel like this...
I don't know if I had that.
I'm like, would I want to cut off my breast right now?
Probably not.
Not yet.
No, not yet.
Not yet.
I'm not ready to let them go.
Not yet.
But if you had an 80% chance of developing...
But this...
See, does insurance pay for that?
Yes.
Do they?
I'm pretty sure they do.

(01:28:39):
Yeah.
I think that would be for them to pay for cancer treatment for sure.
One of my explanation of benefits that I received from...
I have so many.
I got them monthly.
One of them, I think, read like $200,000 for just a month of what was turned in.
I don't know how insurance companies...
Versus like probably 40 grand for a mastectomy.

(01:29:05):
Our family's Italian.
We do Christmas cookies and stuff.
My grandmother always baked when I was... my grandmother's, both of them, always baked
when I was younger.
When I got with my husband, his grandmother had a sugar cookie recipe.
We were in charge of cutting out the cookies and decorating them for Christmas, for the
family Christmas party.
It was just something that we did every year.

(01:29:27):
When I lost my job, my mom was kind of looking for ideas of things that I could do to kind
of supplement the income, to help out a little bit while staying home.
She was like, why don't you make cookies?
I was like, cookies.
I can't make these.
These decorative cookies.
I just kind of picked it up.

(01:29:48):
One of my first customers was my husband's grandmother.
She's not with us anymore, but I know that she would be thrilled to see how far this
has come with her sugar cookie recipe.
That's awesome.
It's a family recipe, but I just kind of picked it up and it took off.
I'm here now, I'm busy with cookies and taking care of a baby and being a wife and just living

(01:30:13):
life.
So tell us about the business, the name, and how people can find you if they're interested
in cookies.
Good Girls Bake Shop is the name.
I'm on Facebook and Instagram.
Let me know if you need cookies for any parties.
I do birthday parties, baptisms, weddings.
I do chocolate dip treats.
I do holiday cookie platters and since the holidays are coming up, I'm super excited

(01:30:36):
about those, peanut butter, blossoms, buck eyes, lemon cookies, you name it.
Reminds me of my grandmother.
Thumbprint cookies.
She used to make, she would stay up all night for like two weeks straight baking like 16
different kinds of cookies for the whole family.
I think I've got maybe 20 on my holiday menu list.
Do you have a website?

(01:30:58):
Are you strictly on social?
No, just social media.
So I haven't really ventured into the, being a one man band is a lot.
I know that.
It is a lot.
You're from baking, you know, making the cookie dough to baking.
Doing the thing that you love, but then running the business as a whole other monster.
Oh yeah.
Like I love sitting down, taking this blank cookie and then having this finished product

(01:31:22):
that's beautiful that people are like, oh my gosh, the cookies are so beautiful.
I don't even want to eat them.
I'm like, well, they taste yummy too.
So please eat them.
I want to be the baker and running social media and sending invoices and being a people
person and just getting yourself, it's a lot.
Wearing all the hats.
All the hats.

(01:31:43):
All the hats.
Including being a wife and being a mom.
And a wife and a mom and keeping up with the household chores.
But I love it.
It's crazy, but it's our crazy that we've made a normal.
And I love it.
I like to eat them late nights, but I like seeing shameless, shameless plugs.
So what is your handle?

(01:32:05):
Good girl's bake shop.
That's just all one word.
One word.
Good girl's bake shop.
Nice and easy.
If you're local, find her, order yourself some cookies.
They're so yummy.
I don't ship yet.
I haven't gotten into it.
I don't have time.
Yeah.
Then I have to make a trip to the post office.
So I'm busy enough.
Yeah.
In the fragile.
Right.

(01:32:25):
I would feel bad if I ship somebody, you know, they pay X amount of dollars for
cookies and I ship them and they end up broken or something.
Right.
So and they're better.
The fresher they are.
So if you're local, I can make cookies for you.
How exciting.
I love cookies.
And they're all sugar cookies and then you decorate them fancy.
Yep.
I use real icing and decorate them fancy, put names, all different designs, airbrush.

(01:32:52):
What's the craziest cookie you've done as far as weight looks decorative?
Oh, I don't know.
I've done Grinch theme.
I've done, I just did a wedding theme till death do us part for a wedding for last night.
How cute.
I don't know.
I did a hungry caterpillar theme.
I don't really have any.
I don't go too crazy.

(01:33:12):
Okay.
Because I've seen some really funny ones online that I'm like, I like to be, but I like to
stick in people's budgets.
I don't want to be too expensive for people because of course the more work I put in,
the more detailed they are, the more expensive.
So I like, but.
But I can't help but think of the Instagram reel with the, the gray sweatpants where they
make the little wiener and put it underneath.

(01:33:35):
Have you done that?
I've done two batch, two bachelorettes with penis.
Did you do like the gray sweatpants style?
No, I didn't do a great, I just did an actual penis.
Yeah.
Just straight up penis.
Those are awesome.
And they've got the head and the veins.
Do you do like, is it like a spread, like a platter that you present to people when people
like for a bachelorette party or like that very hungry caterpillar?

(01:33:56):
So I, I bag them separately in heat seal them.
So they come in a box and then the customer's free to lay them out however they want.
But just for picture purposes, I just kind of lay them all out.
And now with the very hungry caterpillar one.
Let me see, let me see.
Is that like, do you individually decorate them all?
Or did you make like a big sheet cookie and decorate it like a caterpillar?

(01:34:17):
They're individual.
Yeah.
That's gotta take so long.
To have and to hold on the penis.
That's great.
And it does take time to decorate because of course you have to do the base icing and
then let that dry and then just decor.
But I have copyright restrictions of course.
I don't want to get sued, sued or anything.

(01:34:38):
So I have limitations on what character cookies I can do.
Some bakers do character cookies.
Some don't.
I base it off what comes in.
If it's a cute theme and I want to do it, I take it.
And it's like, look, I can only do this and I can only do that.
All right.
So we need to.
These are so funny.
This is funny.
I love this.
It's really cute.
And then like the icing, the penis with like the way the balls have the.

(01:35:03):
The texture.
Yeah.
And then it's got like drippies.
I love it.
This is so.
You want to show her the artwork that you have in your office?
Oh yeah.
After we're done, after I'll show her.
My office manager and I have a thing where we would like give each other weird penis pictures.

(01:35:24):
Like art is what we like to call it.
You don't send them in text though.
Do you know dirty?
We print them out.
Oh, hasn't a framed one in behind you.
We'll show you.
I have to see that.
It's a three headed cock dragon.
Oh my gosh.
You get to know us really well now.

(01:35:53):
What would you say to somebody that's in your in the same shoes that's going through what
you've gone through?
It was a young being diagnosed, not necessarily diagnosed with pregnant, but just young and
diagnosed going through breast cancer.
It gets better.
It might not seem like it when you're in the thick of it, when you're really going through

(01:36:14):
it when you're sitting in the infusion chair, when you're sick after it might not seem like
it gets better, but it does.
You keep a positive mind.
There is power in prayer.
Pray to whoever you believe in.
Just pray.
My grandmother in law wrote me prayer cards and I read them every single day.

(01:36:36):
And that was something that I used to cope and surround yourself with people who really
care about you and who have your best interests at heart because that's what you need when
going through cancer or anything traumatic is you have to have people around you who
really care and who really love you.
And just keep fighting.

(01:36:56):
Your family needs you.
You need yourself.
And it gets better.
Very good.
There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Yep.
As they say.
Yep.
Absolutely.
Well, thank you for coming in, making the trek down here.
Thank you for joining us today.
We really appreciate you sharing your story, Erin.
Thanks for having me.
You're welcome.

(01:37:16):
Thank you for coming.
Yeah, you've been awesome.
Thank you for listening.
You can find us on Instagram and Facebook.
On Instagram we are I-C-E-I underscore podcast or just search up I can't even imagine dash
a podcast for moms on Facebook.
And pretty soon we're going to have a website.
So pay attention to our social pages for that announcement.

(01:37:37):
Thank you so much.
Bye.
Bye.

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