April 10, 2025 • 19 mins
"We would love to hear from you"
The silence of family estrangement cuts deep—a phone that doesn't ring, holidays that grow quieter, and names that become too painful to speak aloud. Unlike other losses that come with casseroles and rituals, this heartbreak often leaves parents feeling isolated and deeply confused.
On this raw and tender episode of If Margaritas Could Talk, we wade into the painful waters of estrangement from adult children. We explore the many faces of this separation—sometimes it follows a dramatic confrontation, but more often it's a slow drift into silence. The questions haunt: What happened? Did I miss the signs? How do we repair what's broken?
This isn't about placing blame or offering simple solutions to complex family dynamics. Instead, we examine how generational differences shape our expectations around family relationships. Today's young adults approach boundaries and self-care differently than their parents did, creating fundamental disconnects that can feel insurmountable.
For those living in this painful limbo, I offer compassionate perspectives on rebuilding—taking ownership without defensiveness, giving space without disappearing, and protecting your inner peace while keeping the door open. Every olive branch is a seed that needs time to grow.
Whether you're a parent hoping for a call or struggling to understand the distance your child has placed between you, remember that healing is always possible. You can choose love over pride while honoring both your pain and their boundaries. Subscribe now to join our community of over-40s navigating life's messiest, most magical moments together.
You can find more episodes on our website www.ifmargaritascouldtalk.com
Please follow for more on Facebook, You tube, and Instagram @ifmargaritascouldtalk and any other listening platform. #podcastdiva
If you are interested in being a guest on our show, email us to: podcast.imct@gmail.com
Check Out Our NEW SWAG Shop for all your fun seasonal accessories!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode
of If Margaritas Could Talk, theOver 40 Chronicles podcast.
I'm your host, traci Black, andtoday the podcast that we are
talking about.
It's a heavy one, one that'sbeen requested, one that's lived
in my inbox and one thatperhaps lived in my heart a
(00:25):
little bit.
So the podcast where we pour adrink, open our hearts and get
real about the messy, magical,sometimes heartbreaking parts of
life.
If you're new here, justimagine we're on a patio
somewhere sipping gorgeousmargarita, something sweet,
salty and strong, or yourbeverage of choice, having a
conversation that maybe youdidn't even know that you needed
(00:48):
.
So sit back, relax and let'sget started.
So today's episode yeah, it's aheavy one, one that's been
requested a couple of times.
We are talking aboutestrangement, specifically
estrangement from adult childrenthe silence, pain, guilt, the
(01:10):
what happened?
And the how do we fix it?
Questions.
This episode is just me and you, no guests, no fluff, just
truth and tenderness.
Estrangement is one of thoseheart breaks that are kind of
quiet, right.
It's not like a breakup whereyour friends send wine and memes
(01:32):
.
It's not like a death wherethere's a ritual or a casserole.
It's a slow burn, phone thatdoesn't ring, a holiday that
gets quieter.
A name you don't say out loudanymore because it hurts too
much If you're going throughthis, first of all, a name you
don't say out loud anymorebecause it hurts too much If
you're going through this firstof all, I see you, I really do,
and let's say this out loudtogether.
(01:54):
It's okay to feel heartbroken,it's okay to miss them and also
feel angry.
It's okay not to understand whyangry.
It's okay not to understand whySometimes estrangement happens
because of a big blow-up.
(02:14):
Right, some people think that italways has to be this grandiose
situation that creates anestrangement from your children.
Sometimes it's a slow driftthat ends in silence.
Other times it's trauma,speaking things that were never
said or said too late.
If this is you and you'relistening again, I see you, I
really do.
But here's the thing, right,it's never just about that last
(02:37):
conversation.
It's always about things thatare sometimes underneath the
surface, that we don't reallyknow.
That exists the expectations,roles we thought that we were
playing, the pain that theynever brought up, or until they
did, or maybe they just neverdid.
Sometimes with estrangementcomes a lot of uncertainty
(03:01):
questioning.
Questioning if you're a goodparent, questioning if you
missed the cues, questioning ifsomehow you thought you were
doing all the right things, andthen to sort of be faced with
the unknown and the scary partof the unknown right, the
(03:28):
unknown right.
I have several friends who havebeen in this situation and I
really honestly can understandwhere they're coming from.
I've been there a little bitand you learn to understand.
As a parent, you know what'sokay, what's not okay and why it
leads to where that it does.
It hurts deeply.
That's the bottom line.
Let's be real here.
It hurts deeply.
Losing touch with your child oryour children is a primal kind
(03:51):
of grief, because we raise them.
We wiped noses, paid the bills,cheered them on when it came to
school plays or sporting eventsor dance recitals, got them
through heartbreaks and thensuddenly the door is shut.
Maybe you don't even know whatyou did wrong, or maybe you do,
and the shame is just kind ofeating you alive, so to speak.
(04:14):
Sometimes estrangement isn'tabout being a bad parent.
It can be aboutmiscommunication, right.
Sometimes it's about boundaries.
Let's face it.
Every single person walkingthis planet ups your absolutely
head over heels in love withyour parents.
Some parents are just not goodat boundaries and I think I've
(04:34):
been guilty of this from time totime myself.
You know, we can't switch offthat mom button, like there's no
switch for it.
You're always in mom mode,whether they are little, medium,
older, it's just always stillthere.
(04:54):
We guided them, we gave themthe tools, and sometimes it just
works out that way.
But the real question willalways be why.
Sometimes it's about healingthat they need, right.
So it feels like a punishmentto us, but it is really about
self-preservation for bothparties, all parties involved.
Right, our children.
We teach them the tools, weteach them the importance of
(05:19):
self-care this day and age.
Here we are in 2025.
And if you're over the age of40, you know exactly what I'm
talking about with your children.
Now, that doesn't mean itdoesn't hurt, right, because the
hurts create a sense of failurealmost.
But does it mean that we canhold compassion for ourselves
(05:42):
and our children at the sametime?
Yes, absolutely.
The failure component of it,you know, for all the unknowns,
really sits deep.
Holding compassion forourselves is hard to do because
we are wanting so desperately tohave that relationship.
We're wanting so desperately tobe able to mend and repair
(06:05):
wherever things have gonesideways.
Or it's really just all aboutthe unknowns.
The one thing that I don't likeabout it is that it kind of
makes you feel like you're avillain.
I think it's important toremember that we are not the
villain in our story, but we areresponsible for what we do next
and how we approach it, thethings that kind of go along
(06:27):
with trying to figure it out.
So for taking steps towardsrepair.
Now let's take a deep breath.
Let's talk about rebuilding,reconnecting, repairing, because
, yes, it is possible Not alwaysguaranteed, but possible.
(06:49):
Here are a few of the thingsthat I've learned from research,
therapists and real lifestories.
Number one I think it'simperative to take ownership
without defending yourself.
Acknowledge the hurt withoutexplaining it away.
Say I understand, I hurt you, Iwant to hear more when you're
ready.
Avoid saying things like but Idid my best or you don't
(07:13):
understand how hard it was.
Those things might be true, butthey don't heal.
The message is important as moms, as dads, when everything we've
done in our life has been aboutputting our children before
ourselves and then, at the end,we're hitting this age and then,
all of a sudden, you're facedwith this new sort of
(07:35):
generational situation whereit's not reciprocal.
So is it important maybe,perhaps to give space without
like disappearing Probably oneof the hardest things in the
world to do when we love ourchildren so much and we want to
align, but it just doesn'talways go that way.
(07:57):
So silence necessarily isn't abad thing.
Sometimes it just means I needto know you won't run when I'm
not ready, like a birthday card,a message that says no pressure
, I just love you.
That matters sending the smallmessages, and then you don't get
a response.
(08:17):
I've heard from so many parents,had so many conversations with
so many friends, that say I cantext my kid 13 times in a week
and I never hear anything, not asingle drop, not a three dots,
not nothing.
So what is that really about?
Is it about them setting theirown boundaries for themselves,
(08:38):
setting boundaries for us thatwe're unaware of, clearly
because they're notcommunicating?
I don't know.
Is this new generation justabout?
Hey, I want to just hold my ownpower trying to figure it out.
Young adult, middle aged, youknow, whatever early 20s, mid
20s, late 20s, 30s, 40s,whatever it might be.
We're all sort of sitting heregoing.
(09:01):
Why does it have to be this way?
Now, one of the things that'skind of crossed my mind a couple
of different times, was ourgeneration 40 and up.
Family was everything.
You sort of had this ability tocreate a strong family
foundation because it meantsomething.
Our parents.
It meant something to them, butit might be very different and,
depending on generationaltrauma, if things were passed
(09:23):
down.
Sometimes there are things thatneed to be put into place if
you're trying to protect yourfamily and your kids.
So you do all of those thingsthat you think are correct and
then you're left with this Getcurious about your blind spots.
If that makes sense, get sometherapy.
Journaling helps.
Ask yourself what version of medo they remember?
(09:46):
Am I willing to grow, even if Ifeel I was already doing my
best?
I think that in the world thatwe live today, my son explained
it one time very, very clearlyto me, where he said you guys
just don't think the way that Ithink and you're a little more
closed minded, and just becauseyou did something or just
(10:08):
because you learned a certainway, doesn't mean that that's
something that I have tocontinue on, or doesn't mean
that that's something thatmatters to me.
And in that moment I kind ofsort of went no, you're
absolutely right.
Our opinions we give them,whether they want them or not.
I mean, let's be honest, right,sometimes some people do give
(10:29):
them, some people don't.
Some people hold their tongue.
But when we sit back and we'rewatching our children make kind
of the same mistakes over andover again or repeat certain
behavioral relationship patterns, do we intervene, do we go?
I want to be here for you and Iwant to help you and then say I
(10:53):
understand who you are, butthen really, do we right?
There's so many unansweredquestions.
Isn't the goal, when we raisethem, to become independent and
on their own, and then they'regone and then you wish that they
were back.
It's kind of a part of thecycle which is psychologically
kind of messed up.
Really, apologies, you know,don't expect a parade for it.
(11:18):
You don't get a reward forgiving an apology.
Remember that rebuilding thoserelationships take time.
It might not happen on yourtimeline, and that's okay.
Every olive branch is a seed.
Let them grow.
So, when you keep the door open, protect your own inner peace.
As hard as it is, as hard asmany mothers sit, night after
(11:42):
night, day after day, wonderingif their kids are okay,
wondering why they don't hearfrom their kids, wondering why
they don't want to come home forEaster dinner or Thanksgiving
or even Christmas.
Estrangement is a two-waystreet.
If you reached out with loveand growth and still get silence
, that doesn't mean you'reunworthy.
You're still allowed joy,connection and healing, even
(12:04):
while you wait affirmation.
I think it's important toaffirm to yourself that you did
all the things you could do as aparent, whether it be, you know
, being supportive emotionally,physically, all those things.
(12:27):
Time after time, we sit back.
We watch our children grow,especially with relationships.
Mothers and daughters tend tosometimes have a little bit more
of a tumultuous relationship.
Mothers and sons usually havebetter relationships, and vice
versa with dads.
So how do we repair it in a waythat we feel like we're going
(12:47):
to be okay?
I took a poll with a couple ofdifferent people and friends and
, of course, some of the inboxemails that I received regarding
this subject.
You know bringing it up isalways difficult for people, but
just remember that you're notalone.
It actually happens and parentsjust feel lost and confused,
upset.
(13:08):
They want to have control overthe situation.
So there's a key word rightControl.
We're losing control because wegave the control to our
children to allow them tocontrol their own lives.
Yet we sit back and go.
We no longer have any controland they don't want to do the
things we want them to do.
Is it worth it to sit back andrepair?
(13:30):
Yes, it is.
Is it the child'sresponsibility?
I think so.
Is it the parent'sresponsibility?
I think so too.
Every party involved.
No matter what relationship youhave, I think it's important to
remember that it is arelationship.
You're not best friends withyour kids Well, not everybody.
Some people are but time is notborrowed and you can literally
(13:54):
be here for one minute to thenext and then you're gone.
So stop blaming yourself forsomeone else's silence, but also
be brave enough to reach out,be soft enough to listen,
because you're not alone.
Whether you're a parent that'shoping for a call or a child
(14:14):
avoiding one, you're human andhuman beings are messy and
magnificent and healing everysingle day, I think, the lines
of communication, even when theyare broken.
You can choose love over pride,and I am open to healing
patiently in the waiting andworthy of reconciliation.
(14:35):
Maybe set your mantra toexactly that.
I don't know if I have all thesolutions here today, but I know
there's lots of helpful toolsout there in the world for
parents that are in this exactsituation going help.
How do what do I do?
How do I reach my child?
(14:55):
How do we reconcile, how do wefix?
But maybe sometimes we can'tfix because we are the fixers as
parents, right, we fix boo-booswhen they fall down, we fix
when they're sick, we take themto the hospital, we fix when we
got to get the braces on, we fixwhen toys are broken.
I mean, it goes on and on andon.
(15:16):
It's kind of funny because kidsdon't really come with a book
to say, hey, this is what you'regoing to go through with your
kids.
Now, what to expect when you'reexpecting is a whole other
topic, because it is aboutbringing that newborn baby home.
Right, at least there's that.
I kind of laugh because I go.
Had there been a book that waswritten in the 70s for every
(15:37):
single parent or 60s, you know,whatever I think we would all
just be a little bit better offwith how to keep and maintain
those relationships withoutmaking any boo-boos.
But again, I kind of reiterate,you go back to we're human and
human beings are messy andmagnificent at the same time.
So continue to heal and bebrave enough to reach out, be
(16:00):
soft enough to listen.
I don't have all the answershere today on this podcast, but
I do know that patience is key.
Being kind to yourself is evenmore key.
So, moms and dads, anddaughters and sons, it's okay to
(16:21):
feel the way that you'refeeling and it's okay to sit
back and say I just need sometime.
The one thing that I encourageis if you just need time.
The one thing that I encourageis, if you just need time, give
it some time.
But don't just think thatbecause you've given time, you
don't have to reach out.
Be open to reconciliation, beopen to listening, be open to
(16:48):
wanting to just be okay with theway things are for a little
while.
Wanting to just be okay withthe way things are for a little
while.
I'd love to hear your thoughts.
I'd like to hear moreinformation from some parents
that are experiencing this.
You know I sat back.
I watched a show.
I think it was like BeverlyHousewives of New York or
(17:09):
something along the lines ofthat.
I'm not 100% sure.
Oc.
The OC.
One of the wives said you know,I pay for my daughter's cell
phone and she does not return mytexts at all.
So is that a conversation,right?
Do you have a conversation withour adult children to say, hey,
maybe don't forget thatsituation, but then, is that
(17:30):
still us trying to take control?
I think that tenderness has tohappen and we're in a different
time.
Our children are not us and wehave to remember that.
As hard as it is to sit back andwatch and feel the feelings and
be inside your feelings and,yeah, all the things that come
with it.
Now, have you ever heard theterm?
(17:52):
You're annoying Our parents,our kids.
We've said it, we've thoughtabout that about our parents
before.
They're annoying, and now ourchildren can feel that way about
us too.
It doesn't mean that it's theend of the world.
It doesn't mean that you'reannoying, but it does mean that
they have to sort out howthey're feeling.
I'm not just going to give ourkids a pass on this one.
(18:15):
I'm going to say those are yourfeelings and no one's to tell
you otherwise.
I'm in my feelings and no one'sgoing to tell me otherwise.
But somewhere in the middle,you can both be in your feelings
and still be respectful.
You can both be in yourfeelings and still be respectful
.
You can both be in yourfeelings and still show love and
kindness.
You can both be in yourfeelings and say I only have so
(18:37):
much time with my mom, my dad,my son, my daughter, so take a
different path, choose adifferent path.
Do what you need to do at theend of the day just to keep
sharing love.
Keep open-minded to arelationship, whatever form it
may be, and I want to thank youfor sitting in this tender space
(19:00):
with me today.
If this touched your heart,share it with someone who needs
it.
Leave a review, send me a DM.
Let me know how this landed foryou.
Until next time, drinksomething delicious, love
yourself fiercely and rememberhealing is always possible.
That's it today.
For If Margaritas Could Talk,I'm your host, tracy Black.
(19:20):
Remember to subscribe, follow,listen on all your listening
platforms.
We also can be found atwwwifmargaritascouldtalkcom for
more incredible podcast episodescoming up.
For now, take it easy, you'reokay.
Cheers.
Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode
of If Margaritas Could Talk, theOver 40 Chronicles podcast.
I'm your host, traci Black, andtoday the podcast that we are
talking about.
It's a heavy one, one that'sbeen requested, one that's lived
in my inbox and one thatperhaps lived in my heart a
(00:25):
little bit.
So the podcast where we pour adrink, open our hearts and get
real about the messy, magical,sometimes heartbreaking parts of
life.
If you're new here, justimagine we're on a patio
somewhere sipping gorgeousmargarita, something sweet,
salty and strong, or yourbeverage of choice, having a
conversation that maybe youdidn't even know that you needed
(00:48):
.
So sit back, relax and let'sget started.
So today's episode yeah, it's aheavy one, one that's been
requested a couple of times.
We are talking aboutestrangement, specifically
estrangement from adult childrenthe silence, pain, guilt, the
(01:10):
what happened?
And the how do we fix it?
Questions.
This episode is just me and you, no guests, no fluff, just
truth and tenderness.
Estrangement is one of thoseheart breaks that are kind of
quiet, right.
It's not like a breakup whereyour friends send wine and memes
(01:32):
.
It's not like a death wherethere's a ritual or a casserole.
It's a slow burn, phone thatdoesn't ring, a holiday that
gets quieter.
A name you don't say out loudanymore because it hurts too
much If you're going throughthis, first of all, a name you
don't say out loud anymorebecause it hurts too much If
you're going through this firstof all, I see you, I really do,
and let's say this out loudtogether.
(01:54):
It's okay to feel heartbroken,it's okay to miss them and also
feel angry.
It's okay not to understand whyangry.
It's okay not to understand whySometimes estrangement happens
because of a big blow-up.
(02:14):
Right, some people think that italways has to be this grandiose
situation that creates anestrangement from your children.
Sometimes it's a slow driftthat ends in silence.
Other times it's trauma,speaking things that were never
said or said too late.
If this is you and you'relistening again, I see you, I
really do.
But here's the thing, right,it's never just about that last
(02:37):
conversation.
It's always about things thatare sometimes underneath the
surface, that we don't reallyknow.
That exists the expectations,roles we thought that we were
playing, the pain that theynever brought up, or until they
did, or maybe they just neverdid.
Sometimes with estrangementcomes a lot of uncertainty
(03:01):
questioning.
Questioning if you're a goodparent, questioning if you
missed the cues, questioning ifsomehow you thought you were
doing all the right things, andthen to sort of be faced with
the unknown and the scary partof the unknown right, the
(03:28):
unknown right.
I have several friends who havebeen in this situation and I
really honestly can understandwhere they're coming from.
I've been there a little bitand you learn to understand.
As a parent, you know what'sokay, what's not okay and why it
leads to where that it does.
It hurts deeply.
That's the bottom line.
Let's be real here.
It hurts deeply.
Losing touch with your child oryour children is a primal kind
(03:51):
of grief, because we raise them.
We wiped noses, paid the bills,cheered them on when it came to
school plays or sporting eventsor dance recitals, got them
through heartbreaks and thensuddenly the door is shut.
Maybe you don't even know whatyou did wrong, or maybe you do,
and the shame is just kind ofeating you alive, so to speak.
(04:14):
Sometimes estrangement isn'tabout being a bad parent.
It can be aboutmiscommunication, right.
Sometimes it's about boundaries.
Let's face it.
Every single person walkingthis planet ups your absolutely
head over heels in love withyour parents.
Some parents are just not goodat boundaries and I think I've
(04:34):
been guilty of this from time totime myself.
You know, we can't switch offthat mom button, like there's no
switch for it.
You're always in mom mode,whether they are little, medium,
older, it's just always stillthere.
(04:54):
We guided them, we gave themthe tools, and sometimes it just
works out that way.
But the real question willalways be why.
Sometimes it's about healingthat they need, right.
So it feels like a punishmentto us, but it is really about
self-preservation for bothparties, all parties involved.
Right, our children.
We teach them the tools, weteach them the importance of
(05:19):
self-care this day and age.
Here we are in 2025.
And if you're over the age of40, you know exactly what I'm
talking about with your children.
Now, that doesn't mean itdoesn't hurt, right, because the
hurts create a sense of failurealmost.
But does it mean that we canhold compassion for ourselves
(05:42):
and our children at the sametime?
Yes, absolutely.
The failure component of it,you know, for all the unknowns,
really sits deep.
Holding compassion forourselves is hard to do because
we are wanting so desperately tohave that relationship.
We're wanting so desperately tobe able to mend and repair
(06:05):
wherever things have gonesideways.
Or it's really just all aboutthe unknowns.
The one thing that I don't likeabout it is that it kind of
makes you feel like you're avillain.
I think it's important toremember that we are not the
villain in our story, but we areresponsible for what we do next
and how we approach it, thethings that kind of go along
(06:27):
with trying to figure it out.
So for taking steps towardsrepair.
Now let's take a deep breath.
Let's talk about rebuilding,reconnecting, repairing, because
, yes, it is possible Not alwaysguaranteed, but possible.
(06:49):
Here are a few of the thingsthat I've learned from research,
therapists and real lifestories.
Number one I think it'simperative to take ownership
without defending yourself.
Acknowledge the hurt withoutexplaining it away.
Say I understand, I hurt you, Iwant to hear more when you're
ready.
Avoid saying things like but Idid my best or you don't
(07:13):
understand how hard it was.
Those things might be true, butthey don't heal.
The message is important as moms, as dads, when everything we've
done in our life has been aboutputting our children before
ourselves and then, at the end,we're hitting this age and then,
all of a sudden, you're facedwith this new sort of
(07:35):
generational situation whereit's not reciprocal.
So is it important maybe,perhaps to give space without
like disappearing Probably oneof the hardest things in the
world to do when we love ourchildren so much and we want to
align, but it just doesn'talways go that way.
(07:57):
So silence necessarily isn't abad thing.
Sometimes it just means I needto know you won't run when I'm
not ready, like a birthday card,a message that says no pressure
, I just love you.
That matters sending the smallmessages, and then you don't get
a response.
(08:17):
I've heard from so many parents,had so many conversations with
so many friends, that say I cantext my kid 13 times in a week
and I never hear anything, not asingle drop, not a three dots,
not nothing.
So what is that really about?
Is it about them setting theirown boundaries for themselves,
(08:38):
setting boundaries for us thatwe're unaware of, clearly
because they're notcommunicating?
I don't know.
Is this new generation justabout?
Hey, I want to just hold my ownpower trying to figure it out.
Young adult, middle aged, youknow, whatever early 20s, mid
20s, late 20s, 30s, 40s,whatever it might be.
We're all sort of sitting heregoing.
(09:01):
Why does it have to be this way?
Now, one of the things that'skind of crossed my mind a couple
of different times, was ourgeneration 40 and up.
Family was everything.
You sort of had this ability tocreate a strong family
foundation because it meantsomething.
Our parents.
It meant something to them, butit might be very different and,
depending on generationaltrauma, if things were passed
(09:23):
down.
Sometimes there are things thatneed to be put into place if
you're trying to protect yourfamily and your kids.
So you do all of those thingsthat you think are correct and
then you're left with this Getcurious about your blind spots.
If that makes sense, get sometherapy.
Journaling helps.
Ask yourself what version of medo they remember?
(09:46):
Am I willing to grow, even if Ifeel I was already doing my
best?
I think that in the world thatwe live today, my son explained
it one time very, very clearlyto me, where he said you guys
just don't think the way that Ithink and you're a little more
closed minded, and just becauseyou did something or just
(10:08):
because you learned a certainway, doesn't mean that that's
something that I have tocontinue on, or doesn't mean
that that's something thatmatters to me.
And in that moment I kind ofsort of went no, you're
absolutely right.
Our opinions we give them,whether they want them or not.
I mean, let's be honest, right,sometimes some people do give
(10:29):
them, some people don't.
Some people hold their tongue.
But when we sit back and we'rewatching our children make kind
of the same mistakes over andover again or repeat certain
behavioral relationship patterns, do we intervene, do we go?
I want to be here for you and Iwant to help you and then say I
(10:53):
understand who you are, butthen really, do we right?
There's so many unansweredquestions.
Isn't the goal, when we raisethem, to become independent and
on their own, and then they'regone and then you wish that they
were back.
It's kind of a part of thecycle which is psychologically
kind of messed up.
Really, apologies, you know,don't expect a parade for it.
(11:18):
You don't get a reward forgiving an apology.
Remember that rebuilding thoserelationships take time.
It might not happen on yourtimeline, and that's okay.
Every olive branch is a seed.
Let them grow.
So, when you keep the door open, protect your own inner peace.
As hard as it is, as hard asmany mothers sit, night after
(11:42):
night, day after day, wonderingif their kids are okay,
wondering why they don't hearfrom their kids, wondering why
they don't want to come home forEaster dinner or Thanksgiving
or even Christmas.
Estrangement is a two-waystreet.
If you reached out with loveand growth and still get silence
, that doesn't mean you'reunworthy.
You're still allowed joy,connection and healing, even
(12:04):
while you wait affirmation.
I think it's important toaffirm to yourself that you did
all the things you could do as aparent, whether it be, you know
, being supportive emotionally,physically, all those things.
(12:27):
Time after time, we sit back.
We watch our children grow,especially with relationships.
Mothers and daughters tend tosometimes have a little bit more
of a tumultuous relationship.
Mothers and sons usually havebetter relationships, and vice
versa with dads.
So how do we repair it in a waythat we feel like we're going
(12:47):
to be okay?
I took a poll with a couple ofdifferent people and friends and
, of course, some of the inboxemails that I received regarding
this subject.
You know bringing it up isalways difficult for people, but
just remember that you're notalone.
It actually happens and parentsjust feel lost and confused,
upset.
(13:08):
They want to have control overthe situation.
So there's a key word rightControl.
We're losing control because wegave the control to our
children to allow them tocontrol their own lives.
Yet we sit back and go.
We no longer have any controland they don't want to do the
things we want them to do.
Is it worth it to sit back andrepair?
(13:30):
Yes, it is.
Is it the child'sresponsibility?
I think so.
Is it the parent'sresponsibility?
I think so too.
Every party involved.
No matter what relationship youhave, I think it's important to
remember that it is arelationship.
You're not best friends withyour kids Well, not everybody.
Some people are but time is notborrowed and you can literally
(13:54):
be here for one minute to thenext and then you're gone.
So stop blaming yourself forsomeone else's silence, but also
be brave enough to reach out,be soft enough to listen,
because you're not alone.
Whether you're a parent that'shoping for a call or a child
(14:14):
avoiding one, you're human andhuman beings are messy and
magnificent and healing everysingle day, I think, the lines
of communication, even when theyare broken.
You can choose love over pride,and I am open to healing
patiently in the waiting andworthy of reconciliation.
(14:35):
Maybe set your mantra toexactly that.
I don't know if I have all thesolutions here today, but I know
there's lots of helpful toolsout there in the world for
parents that are in this exactsituation going help.
How do what do I do?
How do I reach my child?
(14:55):
How do we reconcile, how do wefix?
But maybe sometimes we can'tfix because we are the fixers as
parents, right, we fix boo-booswhen they fall down, we fix
when they're sick, we take themto the hospital, we fix when we
got to get the braces on, we fixwhen toys are broken.
I mean, it goes on and on andon.
(15:16):
It's kind of funny because kidsdon't really come with a book
to say, hey, this is what you'regoing to go through with your
kids.
Now, what to expect when you'reexpecting is a whole other
topic, because it is aboutbringing that newborn baby home.
Right, at least there's that.
I kind of laugh because I go.
Had there been a book that waswritten in the 70s for every
(15:37):
single parent or 60s, you know,whatever I think we would all
just be a little bit better offwith how to keep and maintain
those relationships withoutmaking any boo-boos.
But again, I kind of reiterate,you go back to we're human and
human beings are messy andmagnificent at the same time.
So continue to heal and bebrave enough to reach out, be
(16:00):
soft enough to listen.
I don't have all the answershere today on this podcast, but
I do know that patience is key.
Being kind to yourself is evenmore key.
So, moms and dads, anddaughters and sons, it's okay to
(16:21):
feel the way that you'refeeling and it's okay to sit
back and say I just need sometime.
The one thing that I encourageis if you just need time.
The one thing that I encourageis, if you just need time, give
it some time.
But don't just think thatbecause you've given time, you
don't have to reach out.
Be open to reconciliation, beopen to listening, be open to
(16:48):
wanting to just be okay with theway things are for a little
while.
Wanting to just be okay withthe way things are for a little
while.
I'd love to hear your thoughts.
I'd like to hear moreinformation from some parents
that are experiencing this.
You know I sat back.
I watched a show.
I think it was like BeverlyHousewives of New York or
(17:09):
something along the lines ofthat.
I'm not 100% sure.
Oc.
The OC.
One of the wives said you know,I pay for my daughter's cell
phone and she does not return mytexts at all.
So is that a conversation,right?
Do you have a conversation withour adult children to say, hey,
maybe don't forget thatsituation, but then, is that
(17:30):
still us trying to take control?
I think that tenderness has tohappen and we're in a different
time.
Our children are not us and wehave to remember that.
As hard as it is to sit back andwatch and feel the feelings and
be inside your feelings and,yeah, all the things that come
with it.
Now, have you ever heard theterm?
(17:52):
You're annoying Our parents,our kids.
We've said it, we've thoughtabout that about our parents
before.
They're annoying, and now ourchildren can feel that way about
us too.
It doesn't mean that it's theend of the world.
It doesn't mean that you'reannoying, but it does mean that
they have to sort out howthey're feeling.
I'm not just going to give ourkids a pass on this one.
(18:15):
I'm going to say those are yourfeelings and no one's to tell
you otherwise.
I'm in my feelings and no one'sgoing to tell me otherwise.
But somewhere in the middle,you can both be in your feelings
and still be respectful.
You can both be in yourfeelings and still be respectful
.
You can both be in yourfeelings and still show love and
kindness.
You can both be in yourfeelings and say I only have so
(18:37):
much time with my mom, my dad,my son, my daughter, so take a
different path, choose adifferent path.
Do what you need to do at theend of the day just to keep
sharing love.
Keep open-minded to arelationship, whatever form it
may be, and I want to thank youfor sitting in this tender space
(19:00):
with me today.
If this touched your heart,share it with someone who needs
it.
Leave a review, send me a DM.
Let me know how this landed foryou.
Until next time, drinksomething delicious, love
yourself fiercely and rememberhealing is always possible.
That's it today.
For If Margaritas Could Talk,I'm your host, tracy Black.
(19:20):
Remember to subscribe, follow,listen on all your listening
platforms.
We also can be found atwwwifmargaritascouldtalkcom for
more incredible podcast episodescoming up.
For now, take it easy, you'reokay.
Cheers.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy And Charlamagne Tha God!
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.