Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Brittany (00:00):
Hey mama.
(00:03):
Welcome to the Inside Out Mamaspodcast.
I'm Brittany Turley, mom of six,and I know what it's like to
feel stuck and overwhelmedtrying to be the perfect mom,
but everything changed for mewhen I learned that small
changes on the inside can bringbig results on the outside.
Each week I will share simple,yet powerful inside shifts or
(00:25):
outside tips that can transformyour approach to mothering,
helping you thrive from theinside out.
Ready to ditch the mom guilt andenjoy this season of life.
You are in the right place.
The purpose of my business is tohelp mamas thrive by helping
them feel more peace, joy, andconfidence in their role as a
(00:48):
mother.
I've done episodes on peace andjoy.
So today we're going to talkabout confidence in motherhood.
The definition of confidence isthe feeling or belief that one
can rely on someone orsomething, a firm trust.
The definition says confidenceis a feeling or belief.
(01:11):
So confidence comes from within,from what's going on in your
brain.
It comes from our thinking.
Now, did you hear what thatdefinition didn't say?
It didn't say that confidence isalready having all the answers.
It didn't say that confidence isalways knowing you will do
everything right and neverfeeling the emotions of fear or
(01:34):
doubt.
It didn't say confidence isbeing the best, smartest, or
more experienced.
Confidence is believing that youcan handle or figure out
whatever comes your way.
Confidence is showing up anyway.
Confidence is believing you areallowed to try to learn and to
(01:57):
grow.
Confidence is being kind toyourself even when you mess up.
Confidence is knowing your worthisn't based on performance or
perfection.
So for mothering, that meansconfidence is a feeling or
belief that you can rely on andtrust yourself.
(02:18):
Confidence doesn't come becausewe have certain skills.
It doesn't come because we'vebeen a mother for a long time.
I think we get confused aboutconfidence and think that we can
only have confidence once wehave a lot of experience or once
we have a lot of skill in acertain area when we've studied
it for a long time or gone toschool, or once I've been a
(02:40):
mother for five years or onceI've had more than one baby,
then I'll be confident because Iwill have done this one time
before.
But confidence doesn't comebecause you have certain skills.
Confidence is the skill.
I have had six babies.
And none of them have been thesame.
(03:02):
Each baby I had to learndifferent skills and they each
preferred different things andthey had different
personalities, and so eventhough I gained some skills with
the first one, and then thesecond, third, and fourth and
fifth, by the time I had thesixth one, I still didn't have
enough skills to do everythingjust right for her.
But confidence doesn't comebecause you have certain skills.
(03:23):
Confidence, is the skill.
That's amazing news because wedon't have to delay confidence
until we've done certain thingsa certain number of times until
we've raised our kids or had alot of experience and gained a
lot of skills.
Until we've read all the booksand took all the parenting
courses, we can gain the skillof confidence now because
(03:46):
confidence comes from our mind,regardless of our actions.
Let me give you a little exampleof how confidence is a skill and
doesn't necessarily come fromother skills or actions.
So, an area I'm working onbuilding my confidence in is
singing.
(04:07):
Many people who know me welldon't even know.
Anything about my singingabilities, including my own
kids, but I've actually had alot of experience and have
skills in singing.
In high school, I was in choirfor three years.
I was in two musicals.
I also took private lessonsduring those years, and I sung
(04:30):
in church in small groups.
I sing in church choirs.
Then I went to college and I wasin college choirs for two years,
and I took private lessons.
Those years I was also in alarge religious choir for a
year.
I have been in lots ofperformances, many auditions.
(04:51):
I've had choral training, I'vehad solo training.
I've learned how to sing songsin Italian, German, Spanish,
French, and Latin.
Now this list is not the list ofa professional singer, but still
looking at the list of things Ijust listed off, it is
ridiculous to think that I don'thave confidence singing because
I do have this skill of singing,but I don't have any confidence
(05:14):
in singing.
In fact, it's one of the thingsthat terrifies me more than
almost anything in the world issinging in front of other
people.
All of those things I listed offhappened pre-kids.
And then when I had kids, myhusband would hold our newborn
baby and he would sing to her.
And I remember one time he askedme, why don't you ever sing to
(05:38):
our baby?
And it actually took me a whileto work up the courage to sing
to my infant.
And in fact, the only reason Istarted is because I was given
an assignment in my church tolead the Children's group, in
their singing, I was thedirector and to help me learn
(05:59):
the songs better, I wouldpractice singing those songs to
my infant baby.
It is still mind boggling to mehow I have such low or no
confidence in singing in frontof other people when I have had
that much experience singing.
But I do.
I have a desire to sing in frontof other people because I really
(06:23):
love listening to other peoplesing, and I appreciate their
beautiful voices and thefeelings that it can stir within
me when they're singingbeautiful songs.
And I would love to have thatskill.
When actually I probably havethat skill.
The skill I'm lacking is theconfidence to share my skill.
(06:45):
Confidence is not something thatpeople just have or don't have
is something that everyone iscapable of having.
It's a skill we can all develop.
In fact, you already haveconfidence in something.
My mentor, Brooke Castile, likesto use this as an example.
(07:05):
She'll say, do you haveconfidence that you could pour a
glass of water?
And I think most of us can say,yeah, we have confidence that we
could pour a glass of water.
And the reason we haveconfidence that we can pour a
glass of water might be becausewe've done it before.
But there's other things thatwe've done before, like for
example, singing that we don'thave confidence in.
(07:30):
Because we're worried about theoutcome, but when I'm pouring a
glass of water, I'm notthinking, oh no, I hope I don't
spill.
I'm not thinking, oh, I hopepeople don't judge the way I'm
pouring this glass of water.
My thoughts are, I've got this,this is easy.
I can do this.
If I spill, it doesn't matter.
(07:52):
I can clean it up.
It doesn't matter what peoplethink about my water pouring
capabilities, I don't even careabout what people think about
how I'm pouring this glass ofwater.
Kids are the perfect example ofthis.
I don't know about you, but Ithink with every single one of
my toddlers, as I'm pouring themsomething, one day they realize,
(08:15):
I wanna pour it.
And they have confidence.
They think they can pour it.
They have never poured in theirlife, but they're a hundred
percent positive they can pour.
I'm the one that has noconfidence in that.
I'm the one that's pretty surethat their hand's not big enough
to hold onto the container andthat since they've never done it
before, they're gonna miss.
But they.
Think they can do it and theyjust grab whatever it is they're
(08:38):
gonna pour and they pour it.
And if they spill, oh, well,they already have so much
confidence we could learn alesson from them.
Toddlers have so much confidencein every area, and that's why
they have mothers to help keepthem safe.
So if we took our thoughts.
That we have when we're pouringa glass of water.
(08:59):
I got this.
This is simple.
It doesn't matter what peoplethink about me doing this.
If I mess it up, it's okay.
It's gonna be fine.
Then we take those thoughts andwe apply them to the same thing.
We're trying to build confidencein, for example, singing.
It's simple.
You've got this.
(09:20):
It doesn't matter what peoplethink about your singing.
If you mess up, it's still gonnabe okay.
If I can replace my singingthoughts, whatever they are with
these thoughts, then I can beginto build confidence in singing.
Another thing that my mentorteaches is that giving generates
(09:40):
confidence.
The more you give, the moreconfident you will be.
Because you won't be focused orworried about yourself.
You'll be focused and worriedabout the people you are giving
to.
Like our children, if we'relooking for confidence in
motherhood and we're worriedthat whatever we're doing is not
(10:01):
the right thing, if we'rethinking about our children, we
can begin to build moreconfidence.
So in motherhood confidencelooks like.
Trusting your gut, even whenothers do it differently,
saying, I don't know, but I'llfigure it out, not measuring Our
success by our child's behaviorand owning our unique way of
(10:24):
mothering and letting it beenough confidence doesn't come
from actions or results.
It comes from thinking.
Confidence doesn't come becauseyou have certain skills.
Confidence is the skill.
Now because I believe smallchanges on the inside bring big
results on the outside.
(10:45):
Each week on my podcast, I'mgoing to give you a small change
challenge, something small thatyou could do throughout the week
if you choose, that could end upbringing big results to your
life.
So the small change challengefor this week is to think of
something you already haveconfidence in, like pouring
water.
Then think of something you wantmore confidence in.
(11:07):
Motherhood or in any area ofyour life.
Practice thinking, the thoughtsyou have around the thing you're
already confident in.
Like I said, with pouring water,this is simple.
I've got this.
I don't care what other peoplethink about my water pouring
ability.
If I mess up, I know how toclean up the spill.
(11:28):
Practice thinking thosethoughts.
But changing them to fit thething that you want to have more
confidence in.
Practice believing in yourself.
Confidence doesn't come becauseyou have certain skills.
Confidence is the skill.
Remember, small changes on theinside.
Bring big results on theoutside.
(11:51):
If you enjoyed this episode orany of my other ones, be sure to
share it with a friend.
We're all in this motheringtogether and it's best when we
help each other out.
Thank you for joining me foranother episode of Inside Out
Mamas.
My hope is that our timetogether inspires more feelings
of peace, confidence, and joy inyour mama journey.
(12:13):
Be sure to subscribe so younever miss a show.
And if you're ready to takethese insights even deeper, head
over to brittany turleycoaching.com to check out my
digital workshop.
Designed to help you reducedaily mom overwhelm without
adding to your to-do list.
Thanks for listening.
And remember, small changes onthe inside, bring big results on
(12:35):
the outside.
Hey mama.
(00:03):
Welcome to the Inside Out Mamaspodcast.
I'm Brittany Turley, mom of six,and I know what it's like to
feel stuck and overwhelmedtrying to be the perfect mom,
but everything changed for mewhen I learned that small
changes on the inside can bringbig results on the outside.
Each week I will share simple,yet powerful inside shifts or
(00:25):
outside tips that can transformyour approach to mothering,
helping you thrive from theinside out.
Ready to ditch the mom guilt andenjoy this season of life.
You are in the right place.
The purpose of my business is tohelp mamas thrive by helping
them feel more peace, joy, andconfidence in their role as a
(00:48):
mother.
I've done episodes on peace andjoy.
So today we're going to talkabout confidence in motherhood.
The definition of confidence isthe feeling or belief that one
can rely on someone orsomething, a firm trust.
The definition says confidenceis a feeling or belief.
(01:11):
So confidence comes from within,from what's going on in your
brain.
It comes from our thinking.
Now, did you hear what thatdefinition didn't say?
It didn't say that confidence isalready having all the answers.
It didn't say that confidence isalways knowing you will do
everything right and neverfeeling the emotions of fear or
(01:34):
doubt.
It didn't say confidence isbeing the best, smartest, or
more experienced.
Confidence is believing that youcan handle or figure out
whatever comes your way.
Confidence is showing up anyway.
Confidence is believing you areallowed to try to learn and to
(01:57):
grow.
Confidence is being kind toyourself even when you mess up.
Confidence is knowing your worthisn't based on performance or
perfection.
So for mothering, that meansconfidence is a feeling or
belief that you can rely on andtrust yourself.
(02:18):
Confidence doesn't come becausewe have certain skills.
It doesn't come because we'vebeen a mother for a long time.
I think we get confused aboutconfidence and think that we can
only have confidence once wehave a lot of experience or once
we have a lot of skill in acertain area when we've studied
it for a long time or gone toschool, or once I've been a
(02:40):
mother for five years or onceI've had more than one baby,
then I'll be confident because Iwill have done this one time
before.
But confidence doesn't comebecause you have certain skills.
Confidence is the skill.
I have had six babies.
And none of them have been thesame.
(03:02):
Each baby I had to learndifferent skills and they each
preferred different things andthey had different
personalities, and so eventhough I gained some skills with
the first one, and then thesecond, third, and fourth and
fifth, by the time I had thesixth one, I still didn't have
enough skills to do everythingjust right for her.
But confidence doesn't comebecause you have certain skills.
(03:23):
Confidence, is the skill.
That's amazing news because wedon't have to delay confidence
until we've done certain thingsa certain number of times until
we've raised our kids or had alot of experience and gained a
lot of skills.
Until we've read all the booksand took all the parenting
courses, we can gain the skillof confidence now because
(03:46):
confidence comes from our mind,regardless of our actions.
Let me give you a little exampleof how confidence is a skill and
doesn't necessarily come fromother skills or actions.
So, an area I'm working onbuilding my confidence in is
singing.
(04:07):
Many people who know me welldon't even know.
Anything about my singingabilities, including my own
kids, but I've actually had alot of experience and have
skills in singing.
In high school, I was in choirfor three years.
I was in two musicals.
I also took private lessonsduring those years, and I sung
(04:30):
in church in small groups.
I sing in church choirs.
Then I went to college and I wasin college choirs for two years,
and I took private lessons.
Those years I was also in alarge religious choir for a
year.
I have been in lots ofperformances, many auditions.
(04:51):
I've had choral training, I'vehad solo training.
I've learned how to sing songsin Italian, German, Spanish,
French, and Latin.
Now this list is not the list ofa professional singer, but still
looking at the list of things Ijust listed off, it is
ridiculous to think that I don'thave confidence singing because
I do have this skill of singing,but I don't have any confidence
(05:14):
in singing.
In fact, it's one of the thingsthat terrifies me more than
almost anything in the world issinging in front of other
people.
All of those things I listed offhappened pre-kids.
And then when I had kids, myhusband would hold our newborn
baby and he would sing to her.
And I remember one time he askedme, why don't you ever sing to
(05:38):
our baby?
And it actually took me a whileto work up the courage to sing
to my infant.
And in fact, the only reason Istarted is because I was given
an assignment in my church tolead the Children's group, in
their singing, I was thedirector and to help me learn
(05:59):
the songs better, I wouldpractice singing those songs to
my infant baby.
It is still mind boggling to mehow I have such low or no
confidence in singing in frontof other people when I have had
that much experience singing.
But I do.
I have a desire to sing in frontof other people because I really
(06:23):
love listening to other peoplesing, and I appreciate their
beautiful voices and thefeelings that it can stir within
me when they're singingbeautiful songs.
And I would love to have thatskill.
When actually I probably havethat skill.
The skill I'm lacking is theconfidence to share my skill.
(06:45):
Confidence is not something thatpeople just have or don't have
is something that everyone iscapable of having.
It's a skill we can all develop.
In fact, you already haveconfidence in something.
My mentor, Brooke Castile, likesto use this as an example.
(07:05):
She'll say, do you haveconfidence that you could pour a
glass of water?
And I think most of us can say,yeah, we have confidence that we
could pour a glass of water.
And the reason we haveconfidence that we can pour a
glass of water might be becausewe've done it before.
But there's other things thatwe've done before, like for
example, singing that we don'thave confidence in.
(07:30):
Because we're worried about theoutcome, but when I'm pouring a
glass of water, I'm notthinking, oh no, I hope I don't
spill.
I'm not thinking, oh, I hopepeople don't judge the way I'm
pouring this glass of water.
My thoughts are, I've got this,this is easy.
I can do this.
If I spill, it doesn't matter.
(07:52):
I can clean it up.
It doesn't matter what peoplethink about my water pouring
capabilities, I don't even careabout what people think about
how I'm pouring this glass ofwater.
Kids are the perfect example ofthis.
I don't know about you, but Ithink with every single one of
my toddlers, as I'm pouring themsomething, one day they realize,
(08:15):
I wanna pour it.
And they have confidence.
They think they can pour it.
They have never poured in theirlife, but they're a hundred
percent positive they can pour.
I'm the one that has noconfidence in that.
I'm the one that's pretty surethat their hand's not big enough
to hold onto the container andthat since they've never done it
before, they're gonna miss.
But they.
Think they can do it and theyjust grab whatever it is they're
(08:38):
gonna pour and they pour it.
And if they spill, oh, well,they already have so much
confidence we could learn alesson from them.
Toddlers have so much confidencein every area, and that's why
they have mothers to help keepthem safe.
So if we took our thoughts.
That we have when we're pouringa glass of water.
(08:59):
I got this.
This is simple.
It doesn't matter what peoplethink about me doing this.
If I mess it up, it's okay.
It's gonna be fine.
Then we take those thoughts andwe apply them to the same thing.
We're trying to build confidencein, for example, singing.
It's simple.
You've got this.
(09:20):
It doesn't matter what peoplethink about your singing.
If you mess up, it's still gonnabe okay.
If I can replace my singingthoughts, whatever they are with
these thoughts, then I can beginto build confidence in singing.
Another thing that my mentorteaches is that giving generates
(09:40):
confidence.
The more you give, the moreconfident you will be.
Because you won't be focused orworried about yourself.
You'll be focused and worriedabout the people you are giving
to.
Like our children, if we'relooking for confidence in
motherhood and we're worriedthat whatever we're doing is not
(10:01):
the right thing, if we'rethinking about our children, we
can begin to build moreconfidence.
So in motherhood confidencelooks like.
Trusting your gut, even whenothers do it differently,
saying, I don't know, but I'llfigure it out, not measuring Our
success by our child's behaviorand owning our unique way of
(10:24):
mothering and letting it beenough confidence doesn't come
from actions or results.
It comes from thinking.
Confidence doesn't come becauseyou have certain skills.
Confidence is the skill.
Now because I believe smallchanges on the inside bring big
results on the outside.
(10:45):
Each week on my podcast, I'mgoing to give you a small change
challenge, something small thatyou could do throughout the week
if you choose, that could end upbringing big results to your
life.
So the small change challengefor this week is to think of
something you already haveconfidence in, like pouring
water.
Then think of something you wantmore confidence in.
(11:07):
Motherhood or in any area ofyour life.
Practice thinking, the thoughtsyou have around the thing you're
already confident in.
Like I said, with pouring water,this is simple.
I've got this.
I don't care what other peoplethink about my water pouring
ability.
If I mess up, I know how toclean up the spill.
(11:28):
Practice thinking thosethoughts.
But changing them to fit thething that you want to have more
confidence in.
Practice believing in yourself.
Confidence doesn't come becauseyou have certain skills.
Confidence is the skill.
Remember, small changes on theinside.
Bring big results on theoutside.
(11:51):
If you enjoyed this episode orany of my other ones, be sure to
share it with a friend.
We're all in this motheringtogether and it's best when we
help each other out.
Thank you for joining me foranother episode of Inside Out
Mamas.
My hope is that our timetogether inspires more feelings
of peace, confidence, and joy inyour mama journey.
(12:13):
Be sure to subscribe so younever miss a show.
And if you're ready to takethese insights even deeper, head
over to brittany turleycoaching.com to check out my
digital workshop.
Designed to help you reducedaily mom overwhelm without
adding to your to-do list.
Thanks for listening.
And remember, small changes onthe inside, bring big results on
(12:35):
the outside.
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