Why Imperfect Moms Are Perfect For Kids

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Hey mama! Welcome to the InsideOut Mama's Podcast.
I'm Brittany Turley, mom of six,and I know what it's like to
feel stuck and overwhelmedtrying to be the perfect mom.
But everything changed for mewhen I learned that small
changes on the inside can bringbig results on the outside.
Each week I will share simpleyet powerful inside shifts or

(00:25):
outside tips that can transformyour approach to mothering,
helping you thrive from theinside out.
Ready to ditch the mom guilt andenjoy this season of life?
You're in the right place.
So, you probably already knowthat there is no such thing as a

(00:45):
perfect mom, but inside, do youstill feel the need to be a
perfect mom?
Like you look around at othermoms, what they're doing, what
they're not doing, how they'redressed, how their kids are
behaving, and you think theyhave it all.
They are such a perfect mom.

(01:07):
And then you wonder.
What's wrong with me?
Why can't I be the perfect mom?
I think we have all felt thisway at some point in our
mothering journey, and some daysI still struggle feeling this
way.
One thing that really helpedcreate some space in my mind and

(01:30):
begin to set me free from thisperfect mom mentality that I had
was when I was listening to somecoaching being done by Jodi
Moore.
And she said something likethis., if the plan was for our
kids to have perfect moms, theywould have been given robots for
moms.
But our kids were not givenrobots for moms.

(01:52):
They were given.
us, Imperfect Moms.
So, Imperfect Moms was the planand nothing has gone wrong here.
Those thoughts freed me up somuch to think that imperfect
mothering was the plan.
That what I was able to do withand for my kids, even though it

(02:15):
wasn't perfect was actually Whatwas best for them and opened up
some new thoughts for me of howcould that be?
Like what's the upside to beingan imperfect mom?
So I actually thought of quite afew things and there's probably
more than I came up with, buttoday I'm going to give you my

(02:36):
top five reasons why being animperfect mom is actually
perfect for our kids.
Okay, number one.
Being an imperfect mom makes itokay for our kids to make
mistakes.
I think as parents we allrealize, okay, kids make
mistakes, that's how they learn,that's part of learning and
growing, like, that's all good.

(02:57):
And I don't know where thedisconnect happened that we
thought, as a parent, all of asudden, Making mistakes was not
how we learn and not part ofgrowing.
We had to do it all right.
But somehow we got that into ourminds that as a parent, we knew
everything and that making amistake was a sign of weakness
or, you know, doing a disserviceto our children.

(03:21):
I remember when.
I was younger.
I thought that my parents wereperfect.
And I remember one time having aconversation with my dad and I
don't remember what we weretalking about, but he just said
to me, Brittany, you're theGuinea pig here.
I was the oldest child.
And so I was the first one thatthey learned how to parent on.

(03:41):
And when he told me that, I wasso shocked.
I was like, what?
You've got to be kidding me.
I thought you knew.
I thought you knew what you weredoing.
And it was just really eyeopening for me to realize, oh, I
guess we're all learning hereand that's how it's supposed to
be.
So I've actually made a point totell my children, Hey, you know

(04:03):
what?
I'm just Practicing being aparent on you, and I'm doing the
best I can.
I think having our kids seetheir mom not be perfect will
show them that making mistakesare normal, that's part of life,
that no one's perfect, and plusit will take the shame out of
making mistakes.
If they see moms doing it, thenit must be okay.

(04:26):
All right, number two, being animperfect mom teaches our kids
by example, how to ask forforgiveness.
If our kids see us make amistake and then we go to them
and ask their forgiveness, ifthe mistake, had to do with them
and we make things right, thenthey will know that making
mistakes is normal, but theywill also know how to fix them.

(04:50):
They will know that I can make amistake and then I can ask
forgiveness and I can make itright.
And then I'm okay.
And I'll just keep learning andgrowing.
They won't think that they needto hide their mistakes maybe
because it will be somethingthat is more normal.
And they'll see that there's away to make a mistake, own it
and make it right withoutfeeling the shame about it.

(05:14):
Number three, being an imperfectmom teaches our kids how to
forgive Give.
So this kind of ties into theother one.
They learn how to ask forforgiveness, but now they also
learn how to forgive when Ourimperfections impact our kids
and we give them the experienceof having an opportunity to
forgive us, then that teachesthem how to move on without

(05:38):
holding a grudge.
It teaches them how to go aboutasking for forgiveness and then
how in your heart to forgive theperson.
And I think this is such animportant skill to have in life
because there will be so manytimes where they will need to
ask for forgiveness.
Or forgive others and let go andbe able to move on.
There's so many times in ourlife where we could hold onto

(06:02):
things for a long time and beupset about them just because we
aren't willing to forgive.
And it really makes lifemiserable.
So this skill of being able toforgive others is one that we
could teach our kids.
By asking them to forgive us.
And as kids, they're so reallygood at forgiving.
They're really good at forgivingand moving on very quickly.

(06:24):
In fact, they could probablyteach the adults a thing or two
about how to do it quickly andthen just love unconditionally
afterward.
Number four.
Being an imperfect mom helps ourkids have a focus on growth
instead of the idea ofperfection.
When we shift our focus tolearning and growing from our

(06:45):
mistakes, instead of shaming ourkids for making a mistake, or
even ourselves if we make amistake and then we try to hide
it so that we can look perfect,that makes it hard for our kids
to, See mistakes as learning andgrowth opportunities.
But, when we shift our focus tolearning and growing, then we
open the door for our kids tosee that mistakes are just

(07:08):
chances to become better.
They will not see us as perfectmom, that they will never be
able to be like, you know, ourkids look up to us and they want
to be like us.
And if they see that we don'tever make mistakes and they do,
then they'll think.
Well, I can never be like herbecause I make mistakes and she
doesn't.
But when they see that we alsomake mistakes, but we learn and

(07:29):
grow from them and become bettereach time, then they'll see us
as someone who's constantlylearning, growing, and changing.
And then they'll see that that'ssomething they can do to Number
five, being an imperfect mombrings more connection to your
relationship.
Making a mistake, owning it.

(07:49):
And making it right is beingvery vulnerable.
And those tender moments ofasking forgiveness from our kids
can bring a closeness and aconnection to a relationship.
They will be able to relate tous better.
They will look up to us and wantto be like us in these really
positive ways, because they willsee that we're human like them

(08:10):
and that we have a lot incommon.
They will see that growing andBecoming better is something
that's possible for them.
Now, this doesn't mean that wehave to give up the respect they
have for us.
We still want our kids torespect us, but I think that
this vulnerability will actuallycreate a deeper level of respect

(08:33):
for us because they will be apart of our growth and learning
instead of just seeing this.
Perfect person that never doesanything wrong.
Well, I don't know about you,but when I look at this list of
reasons that being an imperfectmom is perfect for my kids, I

(08:53):
really feel like imperfection isthe way to go.
These are all skills that I wantmy kids to have, and they're
actually skills that I want tobe better at myself and need to
practice more.
So, I think we should use thislist as fuel to let go of our
desire for perfection and reallyembrace the amazing moms we

(09:14):
already are.
Let's get excited aboutimperfect growth, both for us
and for our kids.
Now, because I believe smallchanges on the inside bring big
results on the outside, eachweek on my podcast I'm going to
give you a small changechallenge.
Something small that you coulddo throughout the week, if you

(09:37):
choose, that could end upbringing big results to your
life.
So the small change challengefor this week is I want you to
notice one.
And only one way, yourimperfection as a mom is serving
your kids more than perfectionwould.
So, an example could be you,lose your temper with your kid,

(09:59):
and you have an opportunity toapologize to them, and tell them
that you regret saying thosewords to them, and then tell
them that you love them, and askthem to forgive you.
This could result in your kidlearning how to come out of
being upset and how to makethings right, how to ask

(10:20):
forgiveness, or how to forgive.
Um, any of those things couldcome from that.
Or maybe you're with one of yourchildren and you break something
that belongs to one of theirsiblings or to your spouse or
somebody else, and instead ofsaying, Shh, don't.
Don't tell anybody you say, Oh,I broke this.

(10:41):
Now I'm going to have to go talkto them and tell them that I
broke it and tell them your planfor how you're going to fix it.
And maybe even they get to watchyou say, Hey honey, I'm so sorry
I broke your toy.
I didn't mean to, I'm going toreplace it or I'm going to glue
it and fix it for you.
Will you please forgive me?
So again, this is showing yourkids how to take ownership, how

(11:05):
it's not shameful when you makea mistake, and then how to
apologize and how to make thingsright.
Or maybe you're cooking,something for your kids, and you
burn it.
And instead of just throwing itaway and getting upset, you try
again.
You throw it away and then say,I'm going to just try that
again.
And hopefully it works out thesecond time or maybe the third

(11:28):
or fourth time, but modeling,hey, sometimes we make a mistake
and then we can just try againbecause each time we're
learning.
So those are just a fewexamples, but find one, way that
Your imperfection as a mom isserving your kids more than
perfection would and the thingsthat they are able to learn and
experience and be a part ofbecause of imperfection.

(11:52):
And then celebrate that in yourmind.
Celebrate the growth that youare providing both you and your
kids.
And remember, small changes onthe inside bring big results on
the outside.
Thank you for joining me foranother episode of Inside Out
Mamas.
My hope is that our timetogether inspires more feelings

(12:14):
of peace, confidence, and joy inyour mama journey.
Be sure to subscribe so younever miss a show.
And if you're ready to takethese insights even deeper, head
over to brittanyturleycoaching.
com to check out my digitalworkshop designed to help you
reduce daily mom overwhelmwithout adding to your to do

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list.
Thanks for listening, andremember, Small changes on the
inside bring big results on theoutside.