Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Hey mama, welcome to the insideout mama's podcast.
I'm Brittany Turley, mom of six,and I know what it's like to
feel stuck and overwhelmedtrying to be the perfect mom.
But everything changed for mewhen I learned that small
changes on the inside can bringbig results on the outside.
Each week, I will share simpleyet powerful inside shifts or
(00:25):
outside tips that can transformyour approach to mothering,
helping you thrive from theinside out.
Ready to ditch the mom guilt andenjoy this season of life?
You're in the right place.
Today we're going to talk aboutrewriting your mom narrative.
So what does the word narrativemean exactly?
(00:48):
The Merriam Webster dictionarysays a narrative is a way of
presenting or understanding asituation or series of events
that reflects and promotes aparticular point of view or a
set of values.
Another word for a narrative isa story.
So a mom narrative is the storyyou believe and tell yourself.
(01:11):
And maybe even others aboutyourself as a mother.
For example, if I can't get mykids to school on time, my
narrative to myself could bethat I'm not a good mother.
Or if my kid decides to hit herbrother, even though I have
taught her many times, in manyways, that hitting is not
something we do, and I've taughther what we can do when we are
(01:34):
upset.
My narrative to myself might bethat I am a failure at
parenting.
Or, if my son comes home with100 percent on a really hard
test at school that I helped himstudy for, my mom narrative
could be that I'm an amazingmom.
We feed ourselves little storieslike these all day long
(01:55):
depending on different thingsthat go on during our day.
And there's nothing wrong withthe narratives we have.
But they do have an effect onhow we feel, on how we act, and
the outcomes that we get in ourday and in our life.
So it is useful to take note ofsome of the stories we are
telling ourselves and decidewhether they are helpful to us
(02:17):
or not.
So for the first example I gave,if I can't get my kids to school
on time, and my narrative is,I'm not a good mother.
That story of I'm not a goodmother will bleed into other
areas of my mothering, and Iwill really start believing it
the more I tell myself that.
If I don't feel I'm good atmothering, then I might lose
(02:41):
hope of ever being good atmothering.
I might be less engaged as amother, or I might not enjoy
being a mother because I feellike I'm not good at it.
We're not.
usually super fond of doingthings that we are not good at
constantly.
So if I'm telling myself I'm notgood at being a mom, my days are
(03:03):
going to get hard if that's whatI am a mom.
For the second example, if mykid decides to hit her brother,
even though I've taught her manytimes, I've taught her skills to
do instead of hitting and I feellike I've really done a good job
teaching her, but she still hitsher brother.
And my mom narrative there isI'm a failure at parenting.
(03:26):
This might cause all of my otherattempts to parent to be half
hearted.
Again, I might give up hope thatI'll ever be good at parenting.
And might, Stop trying to teachmy children.
Then for the last example, if myson comes home with 100 percent
on a test, and my narrative isthat I'm an amazing mom because
(03:48):
I helped him study, it seemslike that would be a good
narrative that you might want tokeep.
But, If that narrative issomething we lean on, we lean on
our kid's success to determineour value and worth, then that
might not be a narrative that wewant to keep.
(04:09):
If our kid comes home with thesame test that we helped him
study for and he only gets 50%,does that mean all of a sudden
that we're not an amazing mom?
We have to be, aware and carefulwith the things that we tell
ourself.
So, what are some better storiesthat I could have told myself in
those three differentsituations?
(04:30):
The one where, I can't get mykids to school on time, and I
tell myself, I'm not a goodmother.
Instead of saying that, I couldsay, the kids and I are still
figuring this out.
Or, maybe I'm a sleep deprivedmom with a newborn baby, and I'm
doing great just getting thekids dressed and to school at
all, and we're gonna get bettereach day.
(04:53):
Or, I might say, I'm not good atgetting the kids to school on
time yet.
As if that is something that Iwill eventually be good at.
I think being specific about theissue instead of being so broad
in our stories is one thing thatmakes your whole journey as a
mother, so much better becauseinstead of just saying, well,
(05:17):
this one thing happened, so nowI'm a terrible mom.
My whole career as a mother isshot, and I'm just out.
And that's not how life isanyway.
So, being more specific in ourthoughts to ourself, instead of
being so general about it,really helps.
For the second example, If mydaughter decides to hit her
(05:38):
brother, even though I've taughther many times that hitting is
not what we do, and I feel likeI've really done a good job
using all the great parentingtechniques to teach her, but she
still chooses to hit herbrother.
Instead of thinking I'm afailure at parenting, I can
think, I taught my daughter whatto do, but she's using her
(05:59):
freedom to test things out.
Or, learning is a process, andit takes time sometimes for kids
to learn.
Either one of those really gets,again, more specific about what
is going on instead of broad asin like this one little instance
and now all of a sudden I'm afailure at parenting.
(06:21):
So when we're really more honestabout what's happening with
ourselves.
I think that's when ournarratives become more helpful
and less, damaging For the thirdone, if my kid comes home with a
hundred percent on a test that Ihelped him study for, instead of
my narrative being, I'm anamazing mom, we could be again,
(06:43):
more specific and say, I amamazing at supporting my child
in his learning and helping himsucceed.
So again, instead of beingreally broad and general about,
okay, this one little instanceall of a sudden means that
everything about me is amazingand I am amazing mom, I'm being
really specific in saying, I amamazing at supporting my child
in his learning and helping himsucceed.
(07:04):
Again, there's being way morehonest about what's actually
happening.
Sometimes we get stuck in storyruts and think that our stories
are just.
True facts about us, but they'renot.
There are stories that we wroteand we have the power to
rewrite.
I had a story for years that Ihad no marketable skills.
(07:27):
I had been a stay at home mom atthat point for, I don't know,
when I started this narrative,it's been a few years, but I'd
probably been a stay at home momfor 16 years at that point.
And I hadn't worked outside thehome that whole time.
At this point, our family wasreally needing some more income
to help with some large, medicalneeds that we were having.
And I was really struggling tothink of anything that I could
(07:51):
do to help us out.
My story to myself and to myhusband was that.
I'm a professional wiper.
All I do is wipe things all daylong.
I wipe counters.
I wipe spills off the floor.
I wipe bottoms.
I wipe tears.
I wipe walls.
I wipe sweat off my brow fromchasing kids all day.
I just wipe all day long.
And nobody needs that.
Nobody's going to hire me forthat.
(08:12):
When I finally became aware thatthis was a story, and I was
making it up.
Then I could finally see waysthat it was also not true.
I mean, yes, it was true.
I am really good at wiping.
I've been doing it for over adecade, but there's other things
that I'm also really good atthat I couldn't see until I
realized that this was a story.
(08:33):
And when I could finally seepast that, I was able to see
that I had skills that wouldeven benefit companies that they
might want to hire me.
I finally saw, you know what?
I'm great at managing.
I'm able to manage all thesekids and all these schedules and
all these different things goingon.
And I'm the manager of it all.
I'm great at keeping up withfast paced demands.
(08:53):
You know, when you've got atoddler and a teenager and a 10
year old and a tween, Allwanting your attention at the
same time.
I'm good at managing that, andkeeping up with all of the fast
paced things that go on.
I'm also great at addressingpeople's concerns and helping
them find solutions.
I mean, kids bring concerns toyou all day long and they want
(09:15):
help.
And I got good at that.
So getting rid of my story abouthaving no marketable skills
really opened up my mind to allthe skills I actually did have.
So we have stories that we havetold ourselves based on things
(09:36):
that we've experienced or thingsthat we've seen or whatever.
And we wrote those stories.
And so whenever we want, we canchange those stories.
We can rewrite them to somethingthat will help us thrive,
especially if we see that astory is damaging, like my story
of I have no marketable skills.
(09:57):
So for this week's small changechallenge, I want you to listen
to what you're telling yourself.
I want you to find one story youare telling yourself that is not
serving you.
And I want you to find a way tochange your story.
And then practice your newstory, retell it to yourself,
and notice how you feeldifferent.
(10:20):
Notice how you act different,and notice how things around you
begin to change for the better.
Remember, small changes on theinside bring big results on the
outside.
Thank you for joining me foranother episode of Inside Out
Mamas.
My hope is that our timetogether inspires more feelings
(10:42):
of peace, confidence, and joy inyour mama journey.
Be sure to subscribe so younever miss a show.
And if you're ready to takethese insights even deeper, head
over to brittanyturleycoaching.
com to check out my digitalworkshop designed to help you
reduce daily mom overwhelmwithout adding to your to do
(11:02):
list.
Thanks for listening, andremember, Small changes on the
inside bring big results on theoutside.
Hey mama, welcome to the insideout mama's podcast.
I'm Brittany Turley, mom of six,and I know what it's like to
feel stuck and overwhelmedtrying to be the perfect mom.
But everything changed for mewhen I learned that small
changes on the inside can bringbig results on the outside.
Each week, I will share simpleyet powerful inside shifts or
(00:25):
outside tips that can transformyour approach to mothering,
helping you thrive from theinside out.
Ready to ditch the mom guilt andenjoy this season of life?
You're in the right place.
Today we're going to talk aboutrewriting your mom narrative.
So what does the word narrativemean exactly?
(00:48):
The Merriam Webster dictionarysays a narrative is a way of
presenting or understanding asituation or series of events
that reflects and promotes aparticular point of view or a
set of values.
Another word for a narrative isa story.
So a mom narrative is the storyyou believe and tell yourself.
(01:11):
And maybe even others aboutyourself as a mother.
For example, if I can't get mykids to school on time, my
narrative to myself could bethat I'm not a good mother.
Or if my kid decides to hit herbrother, even though I have
taught her many times, in manyways, that hitting is not
something we do, and I've taughther what we can do when we are
(01:34):
upset.
My narrative to myself might bethat I am a failure at
parenting.
Or, if my son comes home with100 percent on a really hard
test at school that I helped himstudy for, my mom narrative
could be that I'm an amazingmom.
We feed ourselves little storieslike these all day long
(01:55):
depending on different thingsthat go on during our day.
And there's nothing wrong withthe narratives we have.
But they do have an effect onhow we feel, on how we act, and
the outcomes that we get in ourday and in our life.
So it is useful to take note ofsome of the stories we are
telling ourselves and decidewhether they are helpful to us
(02:17):
or not.
So for the first example I gave,if I can't get my kids to school
on time, and my narrative is,I'm not a good mother.
That story of I'm not a goodmother will bleed into other
areas of my mothering, and Iwill really start believing it
the more I tell myself that.
If I don't feel I'm good atmothering, then I might lose
(02:41):
hope of ever being good atmothering.
I might be less engaged as amother, or I might not enjoy
being a mother because I feellike I'm not good at it.
We're not.
usually super fond of doingthings that we are not good at
constantly.
So if I'm telling myself I'm notgood at being a mom, my days are
(03:03):
going to get hard if that's whatI am a mom.
For the second example, if mykid decides to hit her brother,
even though I've taught her manytimes, I've taught her skills to
do instead of hitting and I feellike I've really done a good job
teaching her, but she still hitsher brother.
And my mom narrative there isI'm a failure at parenting.
(03:26):
This might cause all of my otherattempts to parent to be half
hearted.
Again, I might give up hope thatI'll ever be good at parenting.
And might, Stop trying to teachmy children.
Then for the last example, if myson comes home with 100 percent
on a test, and my narrative isthat I'm an amazing mom because
(03:48):
I helped him study, it seemslike that would be a good
narrative that you might want tokeep.
But, If that narrative issomething we lean on, we lean on
our kid's success to determineour value and worth, then that
might not be a narrative that wewant to keep.
(04:09):
If our kid comes home with thesame test that we helped him
study for and he only gets 50%,does that mean all of a sudden
that we're not an amazing mom?
We have to be, aware and carefulwith the things that we tell
ourself.
So, what are some better storiesthat I could have told myself in
those three differentsituations?
(04:30):
The one where, I can't get mykids to school on time, and I
tell myself, I'm not a goodmother.
Instead of saying that, I couldsay, the kids and I are still
figuring this out.
Or, maybe I'm a sleep deprivedmom with a newborn baby, and I'm
doing great just getting thekids dressed and to school at
all, and we're gonna get bettereach day.
(04:53):
Or, I might say, I'm not good atgetting the kids to school on
time yet.
As if that is something that Iwill eventually be good at.
I think being specific about theissue instead of being so broad
in our stories is one thing thatmakes your whole journey as a
mother, so much better becauseinstead of just saying, well,
(05:17):
this one thing happened, so nowI'm a terrible mom.
My whole career as a mother isshot, and I'm just out.
And that's not how life isanyway.
So, being more specific in ourthoughts to ourself, instead of
being so general about it,really helps.
For the second example, If mydaughter decides to hit her
(05:38):
brother, even though I've taughther many times that hitting is
not what we do, and I feel likeI've really done a good job
using all the great parentingtechniques to teach her, but she
still chooses to hit herbrother.
Instead of thinking I'm afailure at parenting, I can
think, I taught my daughter whatto do, but she's using her
(05:59):
freedom to test things out.
Or, learning is a process, andit takes time sometimes for kids
to learn.
Either one of those really gets,again, more specific about what
is going on instead of broad asin like this one little instance
and now all of a sudden I'm afailure at parenting.
(06:21):
So when we're really more honestabout what's happening with
ourselves.
I think that's when ournarratives become more helpful
and less, damaging For the thirdone, if my kid comes home with a
hundred percent on a test that Ihelped him study for, instead of
my narrative being, I'm anamazing mom, we could be again,
(06:43):
more specific and say, I amamazing at supporting my child
in his learning and helping himsucceed.
So again, instead of beingreally broad and general about,
okay, this one little instanceall of a sudden means that
everything about me is amazingand I am amazing mom, I'm being
really specific in saying, I amamazing at supporting my child
in his learning and helping himsucceed.
(07:04):
Again, there's being way morehonest about what's actually
happening.
Sometimes we get stuck in storyruts and think that our stories
are just.
True facts about us, but they'renot.
There are stories that we wroteand we have the power to
rewrite.
I had a story for years that Ihad no marketable skills.
(07:27):
I had been a stay at home mom atthat point for, I don't know,
when I started this narrative,it's been a few years, but I'd
probably been a stay at home momfor 16 years at that point.
And I hadn't worked outside thehome that whole time.
At this point, our family wasreally needing some more income
to help with some large, medicalneeds that we were having.
And I was really struggling tothink of anything that I could
(07:51):
do to help us out.
My story to myself and to myhusband was that.
I'm a professional wiper.
All I do is wipe things all daylong.
I wipe counters.
I wipe spills off the floor.
I wipe bottoms.
I wipe tears.
I wipe walls.
I wipe sweat off my brow fromchasing kids all day.
I just wipe all day long.
And nobody needs that.
Nobody's going to hire me forthat.
(08:12):
When I finally became aware thatthis was a story, and I was
making it up.
Then I could finally see waysthat it was also not true.
I mean, yes, it was true.
I am really good at wiping.
I've been doing it for over adecade, but there's other things
that I'm also really good atthat I couldn't see until I
realized that this was a story.
(08:33):
And when I could finally seepast that, I was able to see
that I had skills that wouldeven benefit companies that they
might want to hire me.
I finally saw, you know what?
I'm great at managing.
I'm able to manage all thesekids and all these schedules and
all these different things goingon.
And I'm the manager of it all.
I'm great at keeping up withfast paced demands.
(08:53):
You know, when you've got atoddler and a teenager and a 10
year old and a tween, Allwanting your attention at the
same time.
I'm good at managing that, andkeeping up with all of the fast
paced things that go on.
I'm also great at addressingpeople's concerns and helping
them find solutions.
I mean, kids bring concerns toyou all day long and they want
(09:15):
help.
And I got good at that.
So getting rid of my story abouthaving no marketable skills
really opened up my mind to allthe skills I actually did have.
So we have stories that we havetold ourselves based on things
(09:36):
that we've experienced or thingsthat we've seen or whatever.
And we wrote those stories.
And so whenever we want, we canchange those stories.
We can rewrite them to somethingthat will help us thrive,
especially if we see that astory is damaging, like my story
of I have no marketable skills.
(09:57):
So for this week's small changechallenge, I want you to listen
to what you're telling yourself.
I want you to find one story youare telling yourself that is not
serving you.
And I want you to find a way tochange your story.
And then practice your newstory, retell it to yourself,
and notice how you feeldifferent.
(10:20):
Notice how you act different,and notice how things around you
begin to change for the better.
Remember, small changes on theinside bring big results on the
outside.
Thank you for joining me foranother episode of Inside Out
Mamas.
My hope is that our timetogether inspires more feelings
(10:42):
of peace, confidence, and joy inyour mama journey.
Be sure to subscribe so younever miss a show.
And if you're ready to takethese insights even deeper, head
over to brittanyturleycoaching.
com to check out my digitalworkshop designed to help you
reduce daily mom overwhelmwithout adding to your to do
(11:02):
list.
Thanks for listening, andremember, Small changes on the
inside bring big results on theoutside.
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