Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Brittany (00:01):
Hey mama, welcome to the inside out mama's podcast.
I'm Brittany Turley, mom of six,and I know what it's like to
feel stuck and overwhelmedtrying to be the perfect mom.
But everything changed for mewhen I learned that small
changes on the inside can bringbig results on the outside.
Each week, I will share simpleyet powerful inside shifts or
(00:25):
outside tips that can transformyour approach to mothering,
helping you thrive from theinside out.
Ready to ditch the mom guilt andenjoy this season of life?
You're in the right place.
Today, I want to share somethingwe did last year that had a
great impact on the love in ourfamily and on me.
(00:50):
Before we dive into that, I justwant to briefly talk about love.
I looked up the definition oflove online, and it said, Love
involves deep care, attachment,and concern for another's well
being.
While I liked that definition,okay, I was looking for more.
(01:11):
So I asked, An AI bot, what islove?
It gave me a similar definition,but then it added on some more
things that I really loved tohear also.
It said, biologically, loveinvolves neurochemical process,
releases of oxytocin, dopamine,and other compounds that create
feelings of pleasure, bonding,and attachment.
(01:33):
But love is more than justchemistry.
It often involves choice.
commitment, and action.
That last part there, Iespecially loved.
The concept that love involveschoice, commitment, and action.
When we think about the lovethat we have for our kids, I
(01:54):
think a lot of it is, chemical,I think, especially being the
mom and actually being a part ofthe creation of the child and
the birthing of a child, createsa lot of bonding and also just
anything that you really workhard for, Are more attached to,
(02:17):
but I do think there also isthis element of love that.
is a choice, a commitment, andan action.
So even though as a mom, we aredeeply attached to our kids and
would do anything for them,there are still elements of our
love for them we can increaseand go deeper with, and those, I
(02:42):
think, involve more of thechoice, commitment, and actions.
So last year, one of my goalsrevolved around love.
I am a Christian and my goal wasto love more like Jesus.
Because of that goal, mythoughts were often turned to
(03:05):
how I could love better, how Icould love deeper, how I could
create more love in our home.
And by mid January, I wasnoticing we could really use
some more love in our home.
I got this idea, I don'tremember how it came about, but
I was thinking about how to addmore love into our home, and I
(03:29):
decided that I was going to geteach one of the kids one of
those small metal mailboxes thatthey sell around Valentine's Day
often, they're usually like adollar, and I put their name on
the mailbox, and then I got astack of heart shaped notes, and
I put the mailboxes on a dresserthat's in the hallway by
(03:52):
everybody's room so that wecould all see it often.
And I invited the kids to writenotes to each other, telling
each other something that theyloved or liked about their
sibling and told them they coulddo it as often as they wanted.
And this was one month before.
Valentine's Day and I told themthat I was going to write one
(04:16):
note to them each day for thatwhole month And I would put it
in the mailbox each night andthe mailbox just really made it
fun because you put it in themailbox Then you put the little
flag up and then they know thatthere's mail in there first
thing they would do in themorning would be to check their
mail and then put the flag backdown Okay, somebody else wanted
(04:36):
to put some mail in during theday.
The kids really enjoyed it atfirst.
They would put love notes intoeach other.
Some of them would put littletrinkets in or little pieces of
candy.
And they didn't want us to feelleft out.
So sometimes they would even putthe heart notes and stick them.
(04:59):
They were actually sticky notes.
They would stick them to ourbedroom door.
I started each of my notes withI love, and writing the first,
10 or so notes for each kid waspretty easy, and I kept them
really simple.
Like, I love your beautifulsmile.
I love your hugs.
I love hearing you sing.
(05:21):
You have such a beautiful voice.
But then I had to really startpaying more attention because I
wanted them to be real and notrepetitive or trite.
I actually went and found someof the kids notes that they had
saved from last year and readthrough them to remind myself
(05:41):
what I found to write about.
So I thought I'd share some ofthe examples just if you're
curious.
Remember these are for A fiveyear old all the way up to,
almost 18 year old.
So you can kind of tell howthey're a little different.
But some of the examples are, Ilove the positive words you say
so often to others.
(06:01):
You are a builder.
I love holding you when youdon't feel good to help you feel
better.
I love that you were able tokeep your reactions more in
check today.
Frustration is fine and normal.
I love your courage to try newthings.
Looks like you're ready forsnowboarding.
(06:25):
I love how you spend so muchtime with a smile on your face.
The process of writing a noteeach night for six kids was a
lot of fun.
But it was also very hard.
Many nights I was exhausted,crawling into bed late, and then
I would see the reminder on myphone, and remember I hadn't
(06:46):
written my notes, and I would gowrite them.
As tired as I was, I decided Iwas committed, and I didn't miss
a night.
But I did start stockpilingideas on the notes app on my
phone as they would come to meduring the day.
So my exhausted brain didn'thave to work so hard to think up
ideas or remember.
(07:08):
As hard as it was.
It was also.
So worth it.
I noticed not long into thislittle experiment that my focus
had shifted.
I was no longer looking for waysto stop or prevent contention in
my home because I was busy dailylooking for a new thing to write
(07:29):
for each child.
And with six kids, that actuallytook some good time.
It helped me see my kids better.
It helped me look at themdifferently.
I was loving them more deeply.
And I think that they could feelmy love each day.
(07:50):
Most of them checked them firstthing in the morning.
And so they started theirmorning on a positive note,
knowing.
That they were loved.
I also noticed the kids evenstarted acting differently.
There was less contention andmore love in our home.
(08:11):
When I was sifting through thenotes, I actually found, uh, the
last note I wrote to one of mykids.
And on the last note, I wrote alonger note and, uh the first
part was the same for everybody.
And this is what I wrote.
I hope these notes have done twothings.
One, remind and show you howmuch I love you.
(08:35):
And two, remind and show you howmuch there is to love about you
and helped you love yourselfbetter.
I really think those two thingswere accomplished through this
simple little exercise.
It was a really nice month.
We still had fights and thingshappened, but it was either way
(08:58):
less or it seemed less because Iwas so focused on the love.
Either way, I decided it wasworth repeating, so we are doing
it again this year.
We've actually tried a lot ofother love type activities
around Valentine's Day otheryears, but this was my favorite
and the most impactful, and Ithink it was my family's
(09:19):
favorite too.
My younger daughters already gotout the mailboxes and started
writing notes to everyone a weekago.
So it just so happens that todayis one month until Valentine's
Day.
So today is day one for me as Itry this activity again.
And I'm really looking forwardto noticing on a different level
(09:43):
how it changes me and how itchanges my kids.
And just elevates the love thatwe feel for each other and the
love that is in our home.
Now, because I believe smallchanges on the inside bring big
results on the outside, eachweek on my podcast I'm going to
give you a small changechallenge.
(10:05):
Something small you could dothroughout the week if you
choose, that could end upbringing big results in your
life.
The small change challenge forthis week is to find a way to
make your focus for this weeklove.
As the definition I gave at thebeginning is, if love involves
choice, commitment, and action,choose one way to let your kids
(10:27):
know you love them, commit toit, and do it this week.
Remember, small changes on theinside bring big results on the
outside.
Thank you for joining me foranother episode of Inside Out
Mamas.
My hope is that our timetogether inspires more feelings
of peace, confidence, and joy inyour mama journey.
(10:50):
Be sure to subscribe so younever miss a show.
And if you're ready to takethese insights even deeper, head
over to brittanyturleycoaching.
com to check out my digitalworkshop designed to help you
reduce daily mom overwhelmwithout adding to your to do
list.
Thanks for listening, andremember, Small changes on the
(11:11):
inside bring big results on theoutside.
Hey mama, welcome to the inside out mama's podcast.
I'm Brittany Turley, mom of six,and I know what it's like to
feel stuck and overwhelmedtrying to be the perfect mom.
But everything changed for mewhen I learned that small
changes on the inside can bringbig results on the outside.
Each week, I will share simpleyet powerful inside shifts or
(00:25):
outside tips that can transformyour approach to mothering,
helping you thrive from theinside out.
Ready to ditch the mom guilt andenjoy this season of life?
You're in the right place.
Today, I want to share somethingwe did last year that had a
great impact on the love in ourfamily and on me.
(00:50):
Before we dive into that, I justwant to briefly talk about love.
I looked up the definition oflove online, and it said, Love
involves deep care, attachment,and concern for another's well
being.
While I liked that definition,okay, I was looking for more.
(01:11):
So I asked, An AI bot, what islove?
It gave me a similar definition,but then it added on some more
things that I really loved tohear also.
It said, biologically, loveinvolves neurochemical process,
releases of oxytocin, dopamine,and other compounds that create
feelings of pleasure, bonding,and attachment.
(01:33):
But love is more than justchemistry.
It often involves choice.
commitment, and action.
That last part there, Iespecially loved.
The concept that love involveschoice, commitment, and action.
When we think about the lovethat we have for our kids, I
(01:54):
think a lot of it is, chemical,I think, especially being the
mom and actually being a part ofthe creation of the child and
the birthing of a child, createsa lot of bonding and also just
anything that you really workhard for, Are more attached to,
(02:17):
but I do think there also isthis element of love that.
is a choice, a commitment, andan action.
So even though as a mom, we aredeeply attached to our kids and
would do anything for them,there are still elements of our
love for them we can increaseand go deeper with, and those, I
(02:42):
think, involve more of thechoice, commitment, and actions.
So last year, one of my goalsrevolved around love.
I am a Christian and my goal wasto love more like Jesus.
Because of that goal, mythoughts were often turned to
(03:05):
how I could love better, how Icould love deeper, how I could
create more love in our home.
And by mid January, I wasnoticing we could really use
some more love in our home.
I got this idea, I don'tremember how it came about, but
I was thinking about how to addmore love into our home, and I
(03:29):
decided that I was going to geteach one of the kids one of
those small metal mailboxes thatthey sell around Valentine's Day
often, they're usually like adollar, and I put their name on
the mailbox, and then I got astack of heart shaped notes, and
I put the mailboxes on a dresserthat's in the hallway by
(03:52):
everybody's room so that wecould all see it often.
And I invited the kids to writenotes to each other, telling
each other something that theyloved or liked about their
sibling and told them they coulddo it as often as they wanted.
And this was one month before.
Valentine's Day and I told themthat I was going to write one
(04:16):
note to them each day for thatwhole month And I would put it
in the mailbox each night andthe mailbox just really made it
fun because you put it in themailbox Then you put the little
flag up and then they know thatthere's mail in there first
thing they would do in themorning would be to check their
mail and then put the flag backdown Okay, somebody else wanted
(04:36):
to put some mail in during theday.
The kids really enjoyed it atfirst.
They would put love notes intoeach other.
Some of them would put littletrinkets in or little pieces of
candy.
And they didn't want us to feelleft out.
So sometimes they would even putthe heart notes and stick them.
(04:59):
They were actually sticky notes.
They would stick them to ourbedroom door.
I started each of my notes withI love, and writing the first,
10 or so notes for each kid waspretty easy, and I kept them
really simple.
Like, I love your beautifulsmile.
I love your hugs.
I love hearing you sing.
(05:21):
You have such a beautiful voice.
But then I had to really startpaying more attention because I
wanted them to be real and notrepetitive or trite.
I actually went and found someof the kids notes that they had
saved from last year and readthrough them to remind myself
(05:41):
what I found to write about.
So I thought I'd share some ofthe examples just if you're
curious.
Remember these are for A fiveyear old all the way up to,
almost 18 year old.
So you can kind of tell howthey're a little different.
But some of the examples are, Ilove the positive words you say
so often to others.
(06:01):
You are a builder.
I love holding you when youdon't feel good to help you feel
better.
I love that you were able tokeep your reactions more in
check today.
Frustration is fine and normal.
I love your courage to try newthings.
Looks like you're ready forsnowboarding.
(06:25):
I love how you spend so muchtime with a smile on your face.
The process of writing a noteeach night for six kids was a
lot of fun.
But it was also very hard.
Many nights I was exhausted,crawling into bed late, and then
I would see the reminder on myphone, and remember I hadn't
(06:46):
written my notes, and I would gowrite them.
As tired as I was, I decided Iwas committed, and I didn't miss
a night.
But I did start stockpilingideas on the notes app on my
phone as they would come to meduring the day.
So my exhausted brain didn'thave to work so hard to think up
ideas or remember.
(07:08):
As hard as it was.
It was also.
So worth it.
I noticed not long into thislittle experiment that my focus
had shifted.
I was no longer looking for waysto stop or prevent contention in
my home because I was busy dailylooking for a new thing to write
(07:29):
for each child.
And with six kids, that actuallytook some good time.
It helped me see my kids better.
It helped me look at themdifferently.
I was loving them more deeply.
And I think that they could feelmy love each day.
(07:50):
Most of them checked them firstthing in the morning.
And so they started theirmorning on a positive note,
knowing.
That they were loved.
I also noticed the kids evenstarted acting differently.
There was less contention andmore love in our home.
(08:11):
When I was sifting through thenotes, I actually found, uh, the
last note I wrote to one of mykids.
And on the last note, I wrote alonger note and, uh the first
part was the same for everybody.
And this is what I wrote.
I hope these notes have done twothings.
One, remind and show you howmuch I love you.
(08:35):
And two, remind and show you howmuch there is to love about you
and helped you love yourselfbetter.
I really think those two thingswere accomplished through this
simple little exercise.
It was a really nice month.
We still had fights and thingshappened, but it was either way
(08:58):
less or it seemed less because Iwas so focused on the love.
Either way, I decided it wasworth repeating, so we are doing
it again this year.
We've actually tried a lot ofother love type activities
around Valentine's Day otheryears, but this was my favorite
and the most impactful, and Ithink it was my family's
(09:19):
favorite too.
My younger daughters already gotout the mailboxes and started
writing notes to everyone a weekago.
So it just so happens that todayis one month until Valentine's
Day.
So today is day one for me as Itry this activity again.
And I'm really looking forwardto noticing on a different level
(09:43):
how it changes me and how itchanges my kids.
And just elevates the love thatwe feel for each other and the
love that is in our home.
Now, because I believe smallchanges on the inside bring big
results on the outside, eachweek on my podcast I'm going to
give you a small changechallenge.
(10:05):
Something small you could dothroughout the week if you
choose, that could end upbringing big results in your
life.
The small change challenge forthis week is to find a way to
make your focus for this weeklove.
As the definition I gave at thebeginning is, if love involves
choice, commitment, and action,choose one way to let your kids
(10:27):
know you love them, commit toit, and do it this week.
Remember, small changes on theinside bring big results on the
outside.
Thank you for joining me foranother episode of Inside Out
Mamas.
My hope is that our timetogether inspires more feelings
of peace, confidence, and joy inyour mama journey.
(10:50):
Be sure to subscribe so younever miss a show.
And if you're ready to takethese insights even deeper, head
over to brittanyturleycoaching.
com to check out my digitalworkshop designed to help you
reduce daily mom overwhelmwithout adding to your to do
list.
Thanks for listening, andremember, Small changes on the
(11:11):
inside bring big results on theoutside.
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