March 26, 2025 • 38 mins
Let’s get into one of our favorite topics—creativity and life force. Have you ever felt stuck or disconnected from your true self? In this episode, we explore how creativity can be a powerful tool to reconnect with your life force and live your best life. Whether it's through artistic practices, engaging with nature, or simply tuning into your surroundings, we discuss practical ways to awaken your creative energy and feel more alive.
Join us as we share personal anecdotes, practical tips, and insights from influential books that have inspired us, including Rick Rubin’s "The Creative Act: A Way of Being" and Julia Cameron’s "The Artist's Way." Discover how small, intentional practices can help you access your creativity, overcome resistance, and embrace the full spectrum of your life force.
Episode Highlights:
[1:01] - Colette shares how life force impacts her energy and when she feels disconnected.
[2:05] - Laura defines creativity as engagement with life, not just artistic skill.
[3:43] - Colette talks about The Creative Act: A Way of Being by Rick Rubin and The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron.
[5:33] - How low-level distractions like social media prevent us from tapping into higher creative energy.
[8:38] - The power of boredom and stillness in unlocking new ideas and creativity.
[10:09] - Numbing behaviors like TV, food, and social media, and why we turn to them when disconnected.
[12:11] - Colette reflects on a “spring break” period of fun and the balance of creative engagement.
[14:23] - Laura shares how engagement with the world boosts energy and life force.
[19:15] - The importance of practices like the Artist Date and Morning Pages from Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way.
[26:18] - How exercise and movement can open the mind and unlock creative potential.
[30:19] - Colette and Laura discuss overcoming self-doubt and fear of failure in the creative process.
[34:52] - Final reflections on life force and how creativity helps you live your best life.
Resources:
🔥Get Clear on What You Want in Your Sex Life: Free Download!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Colette Fehr (00:02):
Laura, welcome to insights from the couch mental
health at midlife. I'm here withLaura, and we're so excited to
dig into creativity, unlockingcreativity, finding your life
force, really getting what youwant out of life by being in
touch with your creative beingthis is, like, my favorite topic
(00:25):
ever, and
Laura Bowman (00:26):
my favorite topic this is really why I'm a
therapist.
Colette Fehr (00:29):
Could we just talk about this all day, every day?
Well, it is,
Laura Bowman (00:33):
you know, when I think that the truth is that in
therapy, this is what you'realways talking about, whether
you think you are or you're not.
You're always talking aboutreclaiming life force and
getting in touch with lifeforce.
Colette Fehr (00:45):
Yeah, and really, creativity and life force are
inextricable. They're Siamesetwins. Yes,
Laura Bowman (00:55):
I love that term, life force. Me too, because you
know it when you feel it to me,
Colette Fehr (01:01):
life force. Okay?
So I feel like I'm someone who'sreally into and has a big life
force. That's just that. Thankyou. Thank you. I know when I'm
out of alignment, when I'mdisconnected from my life force,
when I feel a little I don'tknow, just not even necessarily
down. I just want to, like veg.
(01:25):
I'm watching too much TV. I'mnot writing. I'm always reading.
So that doesn't count, but maybeI'm only reading kind of
garbage. Yeah, you know, I'm notas active, I'm not in as much in
nature, and I it's a huge shiftfrom that to life force. So
let's just define for people howwe see life force. And then
(01:49):
let's dive into what creativityis, how you can access your
creativity. And what we reallyhope listeners will take away
from this today, which to me, isthat every one of us is
creative, and our best lifecomes from learning how to tune
into that.
Laura Bowman (02:06):
Yeah, and I think creativity is this weird word
that, like throws peoplesideways. It's not knowing how
to paint or knowing how to playa musical instrument. It's not
and it's not a fine art,although it can be. It is not
that it is this more, thisfeeling of aliveness and tuned
(02:27):
into possibility. It's theability to access sort of
flexible, creative decisionmaking and use leverage
imagination for future acts tobe more alive in the present.
It's this. It's like you said,you know it when you're in it.
And for me, it's synonymous withengagement. I agree. I can't
(02:51):
separate it from engagement,especially for me as like an
introvert, my my version of adampening life force like you
were describing, is thattendency to want to go inward
and not and going inward isn'talways a bad thing for me, but
it can be. It can it can end upin a bad place. You
Colette Fehr (03:11):
can get locked in, in there, maybe, yeah, if I want
to retreat from people, likecall an ambulance, something,
something's really, reallyfucking wrong at that point.
Okay, okay, I remember that,yes, but I agree with you on
engagement, and I want to talkabout that. I want to mention
two things that I'm going torefer back to. And I know you
(03:32):
had a book too. First of all,I've been reading this. What is
it? The creative act, a way ofbeing by Rick Rubin, oh, yes,
and I flipping love it. So Iwant to mention something about
this, and then I definitely wantus to talk a little bit about
(03:53):
The Artist's Way by JuliaCameron, which is a classic, and
something I think everyoneshould read and do, and I'm now
doing because I've done TheArtist's Way. It's a book and a
program that you follow to getback in touch with your
creativity. I've done it severaltimes over the last few decades,
but I'm now reading this one byJulia Cameron that's more
recent. Write for life, and sheis just a genius, and she really
(04:19):
helped me get back to my ownsource of creativity that I had
lost for a while. Let's justmaybe define a couple of these
principles that I think arefoundational to what we're
talking about. When you mentionengagement, you know what I love
about the creative act, a way ofbeing, and I think other authors
(04:40):
write about as well, is thisidea that, number one, we're all
creative by being alive. As yousaid, it's not about being a
master painter or a brilliantwriter or a musician. It may be
that too. It is about a way ofmoving through the world where
you're paying a. Attention todetail. And as Rick Rubin says,
(05:04):
the ideas are out there in theuniverse as energy. So when you
tap into your life force, you'reopening to ideas, and they will
find their way into you at theright time in the right place,
if you're willing to be open andattuned. And then you can give
birth. You can be the vesselthat gives birth to an idea. So
(05:26):
is that similar to what you'retalking about with engagement?
Yes,
Laura Bowman (05:31):
and also it's really super practical. And I
love because the book that I wasreading kind of, I've wanted to
read it for a while, but when wewere going to talk about this.
It's like, I want to read thisquickly. Is a book by Phil Stutz
called coming alive. He's allabout using tools, but he's
talking about life force andthat and accessing life force.
(05:52):
And of course, just like the wayyou know, Brene Brown talks
about vulnerability. She says,When I start asking people about
connection, they tell me aboutall their examples of
disconnection and in like, inthe same way that book is
talking about all the thingsthat begin to disrupt our
connection to life force, likewhat like stepping out of life.
(06:14):
One of the things that he says,and I so relate to this, and I
think everybody listening will,is that when we begin to indulge
our very low level inclinations,like to scroll social media or
to scroll online shop or to eat,just any impulse that take drags
(06:35):
you into like wicking awaystress, that it's bringing you
into low frequency,
Colette Fehr (06:41):
guilty as charged, unfortunately,
Laura Bowman (06:43):
right? I mean, and we fantasize about the time
we're going to be allowed to dothe thing we really want to do
to sort of release stress. Buthe says, in not facing
deprivation, in constantlywicking that feeling away, we
never get to face deprivationand then go to the higher level,
and that that's when thatboredom, the stillness, the
(07:07):
fear, can be transmitted. He'salways using the word transmute,
because it's about taking thislow level energy and it becoming
a higher force.
Colette Fehr (07:15):
So it is. And actually, these books I'm
reading talk about the samething. So this is huge. So he's
talking about the necessity towhen we have those moments where
we want to gravitate towardactivity that really just
pollutes and distracts us fromstress, we're attempting to
(07:36):
decompress, but that what we'redoing really is missing an
opportunity to sit with maybe alittle bit of discomfort, some
stillness with ourselves, somegenuine boredom, which boredom
is actually really important.
Even though I fucking hate beingbored, it's really important
because in those moments, that'swhen something comes alive
(08:00):
within you, and you connect tosomething and an idea pops up.
So we have to be willing to gothere and access in order to be
that portal for creative ideas.
Yeah,
Laura Bowman (08:15):
and we're unwittingly, you know, staying
in this low frequency when yourwhole life is a series of little
indulgences, and you're neverallowing yourself to be in
stillness and to go inside,because that's where the higher
level comes from,
Colette Fehr (08:33):
and that's where you access your life force. And
so just to zoom out for aminute, the whole point of being
creative, as we're talking aboutit, not becoming a brilliant
artist, necessarily, although,if you can good for you, but
being connected to your lifeforce. This is about being alive
and living your best life,living a life where you wake up
(08:53):
and you're like, I can't wait tosee what this day brings. What
I'm going to discover, whatlittle detail you know, one
little petal that's dying on myorchid, which all of my orchids
just die. I'm I have a blackthumb. Yeah, that's another show
Colette killing plants. So, butthat one little thing, if I'm
(09:16):
attuned and I'm alive and I'mnot scrolling, my mother effing
social media shit that I feellike a slave to half the time,
then I'm noticing what'shappening with that orchid. I'm
connected to the universe, tonature, and to ideas that may
pop up at any time. And if we'reconstantly doing the low level
(09:39):
stuff, we're missing out on thepossibility of any of that
emerging right
Laura Bowman (09:45):
100% and and I can completely relate to that. And
then I'm becoming more aware ofthose times that I'm just trying
to check out and soothe myself,but I'm not helping myself at
all, drinking,
Colette Fehr (09:57):
TV, social media, food. Food. Let's see. What else
do I do?
Laura Bowman (10:03):
I don't do it, but a lot of people like sex, porn,
all of these behaviors.
Colette Fehr (10:07):
You don't have sex online.
Laura Bowman (10:09):
You know what I mean, using it in a way of like,
you know, I've gotta, you know,reward myself.
Colette Fehr (10:17):
I'm not loving right? I'm not numbing myself
with porn, but I'm definitelynumbing myself with others
Laura Bowman (10:23):
more like chocolate chips. Like I'll just
like, take a lap around thekitchen and be like,
Colette Fehr (10:28):
Oh my god, really quickly, there was the funniest
meme Steve showed me back todoom scrolling, where this guy
online said, Where, I forgetexactly how it went. But like
when you go to Walmart to shopand you decide you're not buying
any snacks because you want tolive a healthy life, and then at
9am you're ransacking thekitchen, hating your life
(10:51):
choices, feeling like you can'tmake it. I'm like, Oh, my God,
that's
Laura Bowman (10:55):
us. That is, yeah, that's the human condition.
Anything
Colette Fehr (10:58):
that gives a little bit of, you know, low
level drip of dopamine to justget you through. And I think
what we're saying is we laughabout this, is that we all do it
to a degree, you know, unlessyou're Buddha, you're you're
you're probably engaged in somedegree of self soothing. That
might not be your highest levelversion, but let's not let that
(11:22):
overrun life, and let's kind oftune into what else could be
possible if we sit withourselves
Laura Bowman (11:30):
definitely. And I just remember times that we've
talked especially in times Iremember periods where you were
really striving for certainthings, and you say, I have no
enjoyment left in life. Yeah,like, you're like, I'm not
coping with drinking, I'm notcoping with cigarettes, I'm not
coping with like, anything,like, I've taken all my coping
strategies, but you also movedforward like a motherfucker. I
(11:55):
did. You're right dead, and itwas because sometimes when you
strip yourself of all these,like, low level dopamine trips,
that's when you can come alive,which seems scary to people, but
it's true.
Colette Fehr (12:09):
Okay, that's a really good point. So since I
turned in the first draft of mybook, I've been out on a little
bit of, like, spring break. Andit's funny ever I mean, even
though I'm still working my assoff, I've been having fun again.
I've been drinking a littlealcohol again. I've been
socializing a lot more than Ihave for a long time. And it's
so funny because so many peopleare like, Oh my God, you're fun
(12:31):
again, right? Which is such amixed message. First of all,
it's like, fuck you. I'm alwaysfun.
Unknown (12:37):
I've always been fun.
Yes, like,
Colette Fehr (12:39):
I don't need those things, but I did. I think what
people noticed is exactly whatyou're saying. For a long time,
I cut out all of thosemaladaptive coping mechanisms.
You know, I wasn't drinking, Ihaven't smoked cigarettes in
more than a decade, but I usedto be a massive smoker. That was
probably my chief copingmechanism I really got rid of,
(13:01):
like, eating bad food. I hadlost a bunch of weight, all of
which I've gained back, and Iwas just living like such a
clean life and exercising andwalking. And while I might not
have been fun in this societalway of like, Yay, here's
Colette, the life of the party,I was really feeling very alive
(13:22):
and very connected. And I thinka lot did come from that period.
I started writing my book, Istarted acting, I did improv,
right? All these things. Now I'mworking on TV show ideas. So
there's a lot that has come fromthat place. And actually I
really want to get back to thatway of living. It's my best
(13:42):
self.
Laura Bowman (13:43):
Yeah, not saying that a monastic like, way of
life is way but like, let's notgo crazy something. There's
something to be gained bydampening some of those low
level desires. Yes, and justback to engagement. And I love
what what Phil stud says aboutengagement, and I've just
noticed this too. I have to besuper vigilant. Because as a
(14:03):
person who wants to trendinward, I have to be very
vigilant about keeping myselfengaged in the world. And he
calls it the paradox ofengagement, which is that you do
not get energy unless you'reputting energy out into the
world, unless you're engagingwith the world.
Colette Fehr (14:22):
This is where introversion and extroversion
can be. So just a part of it,because I am on such an extreme
side of extroversion, and I dothink a lot of opportunity comes
to me because of the way Inaturally enjoy engaging with
the world, like we were inDelray Beach for Fourth of July,
(14:43):
and it is filled with NewYorkers, which was like a wet
dream for me. We met so manypeople because I talked to
everyone, and one day in thepool, I'm chatting with one
person who's from Westchester,which is where I grew up in New
York, and then another person inthe pool is like, oh. I'm from
Westchester, and then someoneelse was like, I'm from
Westchester. We all ended uptalking. There were like eight
(15:06):
people from different towns inWestchester in the pool. It felt
so connected. It was so amazing.
So my whole point of this isthat between nature and the
engagement you're describing, Istarted to and having some
headspace where I wasn't onsocial media all day and I
wasn't working and busy, Task,Task, Task, I felt like ideas
(15:27):
started to come to me, and Icould feel my creativity coming
alive again, because sometimesproductivity can be the enemy of
creativity.
Laura Bowman (15:40):
Yes, no, I love what you're describing. You
know, I get a lot of watchingyou be in a room because we are
so different and not my tendencyhas always been to come late,
leave early, not talk to toomany people. Like, oh, you know,
like, I'm always like,protecting my energy and kind of
like, Oh, this feels weird. Igotta go. And so leaning like,
(16:01):
watching you come early, leavelate, like I'm like, Okay,
there's a lot of you know, ifyou can relate more to me, you
know, I would say, show up andstay, yeah, challenge yourself
to show up and stay and engage.
Yeah. And I agree. We'll get somuch more out of it because all
of that connectivity, and whenyou have all of those people
(16:21):
talking, it just leads to ideas.
It leads to opportunity, andlife force begins to build. And
Colette Fehr (16:29):
it does. It leads to ideas and opportunities, and
at the least, it leads togenuine connection in unexpected
places with strangers that makesyou feel alive and connected to
the world.
Laura Bowman (16:43):
But let's also talk about this other piece,
because I'm thinking of thesethings that limit creativity,
and it's that fear of makingmistakes, of looking stupid, you
have to just accept that life isfilled with failure and and set
back and accept that is part ofthe creative process. If you
think you're going to go in anddo something perfectly, you're
(17:05):
never going to live a connected,creative life. You're
Colette Fehr (17:09):
not going to put yourself out there. Because I
think many people can get behindthe idea of, yeah, we learn from
failure. We don't have to beperfect. It sounds pithy, it
sounds right. It's on socialmedia every freaking minute, but
the moment when you don't feelready, when you don't feel quite
(17:30):
good enough, and you're not sureof yourself, and you put it out
there anyway, you query anagent, you start a conversation,
you ask someone to lunch becausethey you think they'd be a good
connection, and you fear theymight say no, all of those
little moments of courage areabsolutely necessary, and
Laura Bowman (17:49):
just getting the reps in, and then if you if it
doesn't work out, getting backup and doing it again, and
that's easier said than done,but if you can get in the
mindset of that, that's wherelife really comes alive,
Colette Fehr (18:02):
absolutely. And I think let's so let's talk about,
like, some tactical things thatyou can do, because we're
talking about building a habitof living in an open state,
right, being open to the energyof the universe, the energy of
other people, redefiningcreativity as life force, as
(18:23):
being your most alive, connectedself. And I love this quote from
Rick Rubin's book, the creativeact a way of being, where he
says, it's just like a nice wayof putting it right. It's in the
small rituals, where we'retaking a walk in nature, where
being still with ourselves withno distractions, where going to
(18:47):
look at pick if you can't get toa museum, you know, go to a
hotel nearby and just walkaround and notice the artwork,
notice the people, right? Andthat what we do. And this is his
quote, is, we build themusculature of our psyche to
more attunement in the world,and we have to train that. That
(19:11):
has to become a
Laura Bowman (19:12):
habit. Yeah, and this reminds me explicitly, of
like Julia Cameron's exercise ofthe artist's date. You know,
this is one of her central toolsin The Artist's Way, which is
that you take yourself on adate. It couldn't be anywhere,
right? A park, you know, a cafe,a thrift store, an antique shop,
(19:34):
anything where you're lookingwith a new, renewed eye. You're
focused on the central world.
You're paying attention todetail, and that it's this kind
of new way of seeing thatbecomes a habit for seeing the
world at large.
Colette Fehr (19:50):
Okay, so I did, and I know we've talked about
The Artist's Way before, but Idid two years of the artist's
date every week. Tell me aboutsome of your artist date well.
Um, okay, so I decided to jointhe Polish museum. I don't know
if I'm saying that even right,yet, even though I'm a member,
it's right down the street. He'sthis brilliant artist who was a
(20:12):
prolific sculptor, and he movedto Winter Park Florida in his
later years with his wife, andafter he died, she took this
house they had on the lake andturned it into a museum, and
they have an exhibition. You'veprobably been there, but they
have an exhibition
Laura Bowman (20:28):
not been there. So we think we need to go. Let's go
together. Let's
Colette Fehr (20:31):
go together. The membership, yeah, it is such a
there's something that happensto me at that place. And what's
crazy about you saying youhaven't been is that I hadn't
been either, and I'm going on 28years of living here, and I'm
always bitching and moaningthat, like, oh, I live in
Central Florida culturalwasteland. There's no culture,
and I'm not in New York Cityanymore. And then I've got these
(20:52):
resources that I'm just drivingby every day and not going to so
I discovered it. It's down theroad they have. His sculptures
are winding through the outdoorgarden on the lake. Now it can
be a little hot, but there areplaces you can sit. I would go
there every Thursday afternoonand spend an hour. And there's a
(21:12):
statue of a woman there calledunfettered. And love that Ah, me
too. And it's just that statuefeels like my spirit animal. And
I just felt like I resonatedwith that. And I would sit in a
little bench and just write byhand, stream of consciousness,
which I also want to talk about,that other Julia Cameron
(21:34):
practice that I did morningpages. And I went other places
too. I mean, I went to Rollins,I went to the Tiffany museum. I
walked through the geniusgroves, which, for people who
don't live in this area, it's adevelopment, but, well, it's
Windsong, but there's peacockseverywhere, and lake views, and
(21:56):
it just feels very restorative.
But I really made the Polishmuseum my primary thing. And
just kind of committed to thattime of being in nature and
surrounded by art and lettingmyself write and breathe and
like not do anything else,
Laura Bowman (22:14):
I love that. And you know, the other thing I love
about that is, when I gotmarried, I got this little
plaque in a gift basket that Ithought was so cool. It just
said, grow where you areplanted. And I and this is an
example of that. It's like,access. You can sit around
bitching about how, like, youknow, we're in Central Florida
and we're in a culturalwasteland, but you're right.
(22:35):
Like, we have so much here.
There's so much stuff and andare you taking advantage of it.
It's like show up in your ownlife, wherever you are,
Colette Fehr (22:46):
yes, and little things, you know, if you don't
have a Polish ek museum, youhave something. It can just be
being out in nature. There'salways something. It's the
choice to spend some timecommuning with that, something,
those small acts. And what Iwant to really say to people is
these two practices from JuliaCameron's book that I think are
(23:08):
the most key so and if youhaven't read her book, read it.
I don't care what you do, evenif you don't think you have a
creative bone in your body,everyone does her first book,
The Artist's Way, which came outin the 90s, it's still so
brilliant. I mean, I've done itthree or four times. I get
something new every time. Butthe two practices are one, what
(23:30):
you just described The Artist'sWay. I mean, the artist's date,
where you do something, it canbe small, just for yourself, in
nature, or with art, somethingcreative. And the second one is
what she calls morning pages.
Now, there are many otherpractices, but these are the two
that are the most salient forme. And I do the morning pages
every day now, and it's funny, Idon't ever want to do it, but
(23:53):
basically what it is is you takewhere's my little notepad? Today
I wrote eight pages.
Laura Bowman (23:59):
Oh my goodness, yeah,
Colette Fehr (24:00):
but it's all crazy ass stream of consciousness,
yeah, thoughts and bing, bing,squirrel and whatever, and
that's the point of it. So youjust get a legal pad, or you can
get a notebook or whatever. Butshe says, every day, begin the
day with just filling threepages on a legal pad. You're not
writing to be evaluated. You'renot writing to make sense.
(24:25):
You're just letting yourthoughts come out. You could
write, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,fuck, for a whole page if you
want to. You can write, I havenothing to say. You can say, I
hate the morning fucking pages.
The idea is that you get yourwheels going and you take
pressure off of yourself, soit's anti procrastinatory, and
it also just starts to unlockyour life, force, your creative
(24:47):
energy and your mind,
Laura Bowman (24:51):
yeah, yeah. And she says, like, it's great if
you're resistant to it, like,well better if you're resistant
to it. And because. Is so much.
It's just the habit and thepractice of getting going. And
Colette Fehr (25:04):
do you know what's crazy? I'm resistant to it every
day, like my little my partthat, you know well, that I call
fuck it girl, who's myhedonistic part. She doesn't
want to do anything disciplined.
She's my part that really doeswant life. It's like the ID,
right? Like Freudians, Id, Ego,super ego, the part of you that
wants to be on permanent springbreak, she that part of me
(25:26):
doesn't want to do morningpages, she doesn't want to go to
work, she doesn't want toexercise. She wants to live in
like San Tropez, with an endlessthing on the drum all day. Yes,
and just an endless supply oftattinger Champagne and like not
a care in the world. Soobviously that's not real life.
(25:47):
But you know, even though I haveto kind of talk to that part and
soothe her, that we can't justbe a pure hedonist once I get
going writing it really, itfeels so good. It's so helpful.
And it's not something that'sonly for people who want to be a
(26:07):
writer. It's a way of connectingto yourself and getting in touch
with your creative life force.
Yeah,
Laura Bowman (26:16):
and I, and I don't think that these are the only
practices, obviously, these arethe ones in her book, but
they're more and I can tell you,just as somebody who runs like
getting out and moving in themorning and running, I will go
out with a question or a themeor something that I'm working
through, and about three milesin my brain just opens up and I
(26:40):
have, I have a whole new way offeeling my way through that
problem or seeing it, andcreativity just comes rushing
in.
Colette Fehr (26:49):
I'm so glad you said that. I couldn't agree
more. You're much more of arunner than I am, especially at
this point, but I have been, youknow, I live in a community that
has a three mile walk around abig lake, as you well know,
Laura and I will go out thereand like, kind of run walk. And
(27:09):
that is how, every time I wascoming up with stuff in my book,
I would go do that loop and justlet myself think and have
headspace and ideas would come.
Stories would come. I would likevoice dictate. I totally agree
with you. And when you get yourheart rate up and you get into
movement, you're right, yourmind, your body, you're open,
(27:30):
that vessel is porous.
Laura Bowman (27:34):
And these are practices like the more you do
them, the more you becomeconvinced by their power, and
the more you employ them in yourlife. And again, it's that
paradox of engagement. You gotto prime the pump. You got to
get out there and engage withpeople, engage with life, engage
with practices that help youcome alive. And that piece, you
have, that hedonistic piece, buta lot of people in in Phil
(27:56):
stetz's book, he calls it thatpart x, which is always sort of
pushing against you in some way.
It's trying to dampen you. It'strying to, like, convince you
you don't need to. It's tryingto slow you down. And we all
have that, and it's the endlesswork of beating that back to
live the life worth living.
(28:18):
That's
Colette Fehr (28:19):
it. That's it.
This is about and this wholeepisode is about living the life
worth living, not being on yourdeathbed and saying, Wow, I got
so much out of all those hoursof scrolling. I'm so glad I
spent my life that way. Right?
Like, yeah, oh, God, Oh, that isso depressing. So being
connected to your life force isthe way you live your best life.
(28:42):
And I think we're suggesting topeople, you don't have to do all
of these practices find whatworks for you. Maybe it's an
artist date, where you commit toa walk a week in a new
neighborhood, or, you know, yougo to a museum once a week by
yourself. Maybe it's exercisingregularly, without music,
(29:04):
without distraction, just reallyletting yourself be in the
experience. Maybe you get up andyou start writing every day,
stream of consciousness tounlock creativity, get out there
and engage with people, whetheryou're an introvert or an
extrovert, because you're goingto talk to somebody who's going
to spark an idea. You're goingto connect with somebody and
that's going to bring an emberalive inside of you, even when
(29:28):
you least expect it, and younever know what ideas you come
up with, whether you're anentrepreneur who ends up on
Shark Tank, or you startpainting and you think you suck,
and suddenly you find out youlove it, and maybe you're better
than than you thought you were.
You know, I mean, I had a stageof life. I don't know how I got
to this point exactly. I saidsome of this to you, where I
(29:52):
just was so disconnected fromall of this and in such a
productivity grind that Ithought I can't. Believe I ever
thought I was creative. I'm notcreative at all. Oh my gosh. And
then I said to you, do youremember? I said, you know,
actually, I'm not a good writer.
And, like, my whole life, thatwas like a lie. I don't know why
people have said I'm a goodwriter, and my parents keep
(30:13):
saying you should write I'm nota good writer. Like, there's no
Laura Bowman (30:16):
point. You don't remember that, did I let that
fly you? You
Colette Fehr (30:21):
just validated me where you were, like, really,
like, I mean, I don't rememberwhat restaurant we were in. I
was like, yeah, what's thechance of life was this? Well,
it was maybe four or five yearsago when I was really grinding
it out in my practice, and mydad kept saying, When are you
going to write your book? And mymom would say, why aren't you
writing anymore interesting? Iwas like, Guys, back off. I'm
(30:42):
not even a good writer. Likethat was just like a crazy phase
that had no legs. Did
Laura Bowman (30:50):
it feel like wrapped up in like frivolity?
No, it's like you were indulgingsomething that wasn't
Colette Fehr (30:58):
real. No, it felt like I wasn't good enough, and I
deluded myself into thinking Icould be something that I
couldn't be, and that I hadfoolishly pursued that when I
had no real talent.
Laura Bowman (31:11):
Oh, wow, yeah, my gosh. It's amazing how we stand
in our own way, right?
Colette Fehr (31:17):
And you know, this is I'm not sitting here saying,
oh my god, I'm so talented, andblah, blah, blah, that's not the
point. The point is that itdoesn't matter whether I'm
talented. If I want to write,then I deserve to write and I
should write, and it doesn'tmatter if I'm great. I mean, I
just want to say one thing aboutthis, since we're on creativity,
(31:38):
and maybe I already said this,but when I was in the fourth
grade, this is how these likeshut down moments can really
affect us. There was a poetrycontest at my school, and I went
to this tiny, all girls Catholicschool. No one will probably
remember this, but me. Actually,it was fifth grade, and I came
up with this poem. I don'tremember what it said, but it
(31:58):
was about ice skating, okay,which I'm not very good at, but
I romanticized and wanted to begood at. And I made, I wrote the
poem. I thought the poem wasreally good. And then I made. I
put it on this paper, and Isurrounded the paper with
aluminum foil, and that was justto be the ice. And I drew in
(32:21):
colored pencils all these littleskaters on the border, and I was
so proud of it, and I thought itwas so creative and good, and I
was sure I was gonna win. Well,I didn't win, and I got
honorable mention, which reallyfelt like a big fuck you. The
message I got from honorablemention was like, wow, we see
(32:41):
you've made effort, but like,your work sucks, yeah. And it
really shut me down. It reallyaffected me very, very deeply.
And I think there have beenother moments like that
throughout my life where I hadthis very bifurcated, rigid idea
that if you're good atsomething, you're always good,
(33:01):
you always win. You're alwaysthe best. And if you're not
always winning and the best,then you're not good at it, and
you should put your toys awayand go home.
Laura Bowman (33:10):
Yeah, my mom, and this is shout out to my mother.
Really talented actress. Grew uplike, kind of like a child
prodigy. She's really good, andshe was really good through high
school, and they tried to haveher go to New York to do
commercials, and she probablycould have gone to Broadway,
really. That's how good she was,wow. And that's another story
for another day, of how thatpart of her has kind of gone
(33:32):
away, and I'm always trying toget it to come alive again. But
we had a discussion where shetalked about she'd said
something like, Laura, well, youknow, would you if you got a
part in a play, like, what wouldyou do with that? I said, Well,
I would probably learn how to dothat part, and I would I would
be able to connect the emotionof that part, and somehow I
would practice enough to deliverthat part. And she just scoffed
(33:55):
and said, like, you either haveit or you don't. And I said to
her at one point in theconversation, I said, you need
to not ever say that ever againto anybody, especially yourself.
This idea that we are fixedbeings, that ability is fixed,
right? Destroys more people. Itdoesn't get people out of the
(34:15):
starting gate. You have no ideawhat you're capable of, and
that's why what we're talkingabout, connecting to life, force
and creativity is so essential.
You just have no idea if youshow up, if you stay, if you
engage with your own failure andyour own limitations, if you
build resilience, you just don'tknow where your capabilities go.
(34:36):
Can go, right? I mean,
Colette Fehr (34:40):
and even if they don't go anywhere, that's
official success. You're goingto do something you love that
brings you joy. It's going tolead to something. And I mean,
look at I went from if I don'tget a contract, I don't get a
contract, it's okay. I'm goingto put this book into the world
one way or the other. And it'snot about, I need to be a
famous, published author. It'sabout, I want to help people.
People, and I want to do what Ifeel called to do in this world
(35:03):
and that this book, even thoughit's been a lot of ups and
downs, I have felt veryconnected to my life force and
suffered through many, you know,peaks and valleys of
vulnerability. But it's worthit. So I think, yeah, like
everybody, discover somethingabout yourself, whatever it is
(35:24):
that you don't know what couldbe possible.
Laura Bowman (35:27):
You just have no idea if you show up, if you
stay, if you engage with yourown failure and your own
limitations, if you buildresilience, you just don't know
where your capabilities go, cango right?
Colette Fehr (35:42):
I mean, and even if they don't go anywhere,
that's official success. You'regoing to do something you love
that brings you joy. It's goingto lead to something. It is a
combination of taking risks,believing in yourself, not being
attached to any one fixedoutcome, like I was like, if I
don't get a contract, I don'tget a contract, it's okay. I'm
(36:03):
gonna put this book into theworld one way or the other. And
it's not about, I need to be afamous, published author. It's
about I want to help people, andI want to do what I feel called
to do in this world. And thatthis book, even though it's been
a lot of ups and downs, I havefelt very connected to my life
force and suffered through many,you know, peaks and valleys of
(36:25):
vulnerability. But it's worthit. So I think, yeah, everybody
discover something aboutyourself, whatever it is that
you don't know what could bepossible. So let's just, like,
recap quickly, and then wrap up,you know, the books again, the
creative act, a way of being byRick Rubin, Julia Cameron's The
(36:49):
Artist's Way. And then mentionthe book you are reading, Laura,
Laura Bowman (36:53):
we'll link to it, but it's coming alive, and I
love it. I'm just read it. I'mgoing to reread it. And he has a
bunch of tools in there thathelp you get through these stuck
points, these crises ofconfidence and like low level
indulgence, all these he's gotsome great tools to actually get
out of stuck places. Can
Colette Fehr (37:14):
we maybe do a little download for people with
some of those tools and link tohis book. Yeah. I
Laura Bowman (37:21):
mean, I don't know how proprietary his tools are,
but we will. We'll definitely doa whole book list for Okay,
audience, let's
Colette Fehr (37:27):
put this topic.
Yeah, let's put somethingtogether with some takeaways.
Check out our website, insightsfrom the couch.org, and
resources. And we're going togive you links to these books
and maybe a couple things tothink about and get started
based on this episode. And alsoplease reach out to us with your
comments and questions. Email usat info, at insights from the
(37:48):
couch.org. Is that the email?
Okay? Yeah, yeah. I get thrownoff by all these techie terms,
but please let us know. You canalso contact us on social media,
Instagram insights, at insightsfrom the couch, or at Colette
Jane fair, and let us know whatyou think, what you want us to
(38:10):
talk about, questions you havethat you'd like to answer. We
really want to hear from you andbe as helpful to you as
possible,
Laura Bowman (38:17):
definitely. And I just to put it, you know, an end
cap on this. This is everything.
This is the whole reason we'rehere. Original Detra Horizonte,
exactly. And I think that if youdon't know what to do in life,
or you don't know where you'regoing, this is the area to work
on. Is coming alive. Becausewhen you come alive, and we
(38:37):
talked about this in our firstepisode of purpose, it ripples
out to everybody in your life,when you are, when you're
connected in your life, in yourown life, you're powerful and
you're helpful to those aroundyou. And it can't be faked. It
has to kind of come it kind ofradiates out. And if you want to
change relationships, you wantto change where you are in your
(39:02):
career. It starts with you beingconnected to life force.
Colette Fehr (39:07):
Yes, your power, your possibility. I love it. I'm
I feel inspired just from theconversation we're having. I
think it's really good. Allright, so check out insights
from the couch.org. For more onthis topic, and we will see you
next time. Thanks for tuning in.
You.
Laura, welcome to insights from the couch mental
health at midlife. I'm here withLaura, and we're so excited to
dig into creativity, unlockingcreativity, finding your life
force, really getting what youwant out of life by being in
touch with your creative beingthis is, like, my favorite topic
(00:25):
ever, and
Laura Bowman (00:26):
my favorite topic this is really why I'm a
therapist.
Colette Fehr (00:29):
Could we just talk about this all day, every day?
Well, it is,
Laura Bowman (00:33):
you know, when I think that the truth is that in
therapy, this is what you'realways talking about, whether
you think you are or you're not.
You're always talking aboutreclaiming life force and
getting in touch with lifeforce.
Colette Fehr (00:45):
Yeah, and really, creativity and life force are
inextricable. They're Siamesetwins. Yes,
Laura Bowman (00:55):
I love that term, life force. Me too, because you
know it when you feel it to me,
Colette Fehr (01:01):
life force. Okay?
So I feel like I'm someone who'sreally into and has a big life
force. That's just that. Thankyou. Thank you. I know when I'm
out of alignment, when I'mdisconnected from my life force,
when I feel a little I don'tknow, just not even necessarily
down. I just want to, like veg.
(01:25):
I'm watching too much TV. I'mnot writing. I'm always reading.
So that doesn't count, but maybeI'm only reading kind of
garbage. Yeah, you know, I'm notas active, I'm not in as much in
nature, and I it's a huge shiftfrom that to life force. So
let's just define for people howwe see life force. And then
(01:49):
let's dive into what creativityis, how you can access your
creativity. And what we reallyhope listeners will take away
from this today, which to me, isthat every one of us is
creative, and our best lifecomes from learning how to tune
into that.
Laura Bowman (02:06):
Yeah, and I think creativity is this weird word
that, like throws peoplesideways. It's not knowing how
to paint or knowing how to playa musical instrument. It's not
and it's not a fine art,although it can be. It is not
that it is this more, thisfeeling of aliveness and tuned
(02:27):
into possibility. It's theability to access sort of
flexible, creative decisionmaking and use leverage
imagination for future acts tobe more alive in the present.
It's this. It's like you said,you know it when you're in it.
And for me, it's synonymous withengagement. I agree. I can't
(02:51):
separate it from engagement,especially for me as like an
introvert, my my version of adampening life force like you
were describing, is thattendency to want to go inward
and not and going inward isn'talways a bad thing for me, but
it can be. It can it can end upin a bad place. You
Colette Fehr (03:11):
can get locked in, in there, maybe, yeah, if I want
to retreat from people, likecall an ambulance, something,
something's really, reallyfucking wrong at that point.
Okay, okay, I remember that,yes, but I agree with you on
engagement, and I want to talkabout that. I want to mention
two things that I'm going torefer back to. And I know you
(03:32):
had a book too. First of all,I've been reading this. What is
it? The creative act, a way ofbeing by Rick Rubin, oh, yes,
and I flipping love it. So Iwant to mention something about
this, and then I definitely wantus to talk a little bit about
(03:53):
The Artist's Way by JuliaCameron, which is a classic, and
something I think everyoneshould read and do, and I'm now
doing because I've done TheArtist's Way. It's a book and a
program that you follow to getback in touch with your
creativity. I've done it severaltimes over the last few decades,
but I'm now reading this one byJulia Cameron that's more
recent. Write for life, and sheis just a genius, and she really
(04:19):
helped me get back to my ownsource of creativity that I had
lost for a while. Let's justmaybe define a couple of these
principles that I think arefoundational to what we're
talking about. When you mentionengagement, you know what I love
about the creative act, a way ofbeing, and I think other authors
(04:40):
write about as well, is thisidea that, number one, we're all
creative by being alive. As yousaid, it's not about being a
master painter or a brilliantwriter or a musician. It may be
that too. It is about a way ofmoving through the world where
you're paying a. Attention todetail. And as Rick Rubin says,
(05:04):
the ideas are out there in theuniverse as energy. So when you
tap into your life force, you'reopening to ideas, and they will
find their way into you at theright time in the right place,
if you're willing to be open andattuned. And then you can give
birth. You can be the vesselthat gives birth to an idea. So
(05:26):
is that similar to what you'retalking about with engagement?
Yes,
Laura Bowman (05:31):
and also it's really super practical. And I
love because the book that I wasreading kind of, I've wanted to
read it for a while, but when wewere going to talk about this.
It's like, I want to read thisquickly. Is a book by Phil Stutz
called coming alive. He's allabout using tools, but he's
talking about life force andthat and accessing life force.
(05:52):
And of course, just like the wayyou know, Brene Brown talks
about vulnerability. She says,When I start asking people about
connection, they tell me aboutall their examples of
disconnection and in like, inthe same way that book is
talking about all the thingsthat begin to disrupt our
connection to life force, likewhat like stepping out of life.
(06:14):
One of the things that he says,and I so relate to this, and I
think everybody listening will,is that when we begin to indulge
our very low level inclinations,like to scroll social media or
to scroll online shop or to eat,just any impulse that take drags
(06:35):
you into like wicking awaystress, that it's bringing you
into low frequency,
Colette Fehr (06:41):
guilty as charged, unfortunately,
Laura Bowman (06:43):
right? I mean, and we fantasize about the time
we're going to be allowed to dothe thing we really want to do
to sort of release stress. Buthe says, in not facing
deprivation, in constantlywicking that feeling away, we
never get to face deprivationand then go to the higher level,
and that that's when thatboredom, the stillness, the
(07:07):
fear, can be transmitted. He'salways using the word transmute,
because it's about taking thislow level energy and it becoming
a higher force.
Colette Fehr (07:15):
So it is. And actually, these books I'm
reading talk about the samething. So this is huge. So he's
talking about the necessity towhen we have those moments where
we want to gravitate towardactivity that really just
pollutes and distracts us fromstress, we're attempting to
(07:36):
decompress, but that what we'redoing really is missing an
opportunity to sit with maybe alittle bit of discomfort, some
stillness with ourselves, somegenuine boredom, which boredom
is actually really important.
Even though I fucking hate beingbored, it's really important
because in those moments, that'swhen something comes alive
(08:00):
within you, and you connect tosomething and an idea pops up.
So we have to be willing to gothere and access in order to be
that portal for creative ideas.
Yeah,
Laura Bowman (08:15):
and we're unwittingly, you know, staying
in this low frequency when yourwhole life is a series of little
indulgences, and you're neverallowing yourself to be in
stillness and to go inside,because that's where the higher
level comes from,
Colette Fehr (08:33):
and that's where you access your life force. And
so just to zoom out for aminute, the whole point of being
creative, as we're talking aboutit, not becoming a brilliant
artist, necessarily, although,if you can good for you, but
being connected to your lifeforce. This is about being alive
and living your best life,living a life where you wake up
(08:53):
and you're like, I can't wait tosee what this day brings. What
I'm going to discover, whatlittle detail you know, one
little petal that's dying on myorchid, which all of my orchids
just die. I'm I have a blackthumb. Yeah, that's another show
Colette killing plants. So, butthat one little thing, if I'm
(09:16):
attuned and I'm alive and I'mnot scrolling, my mother effing
social media shit that I feellike a slave to half the time,
then I'm noticing what'shappening with that orchid. I'm
connected to the universe, tonature, and to ideas that may
pop up at any time. And if we'reconstantly doing the low level
(09:39):
stuff, we're missing out on thepossibility of any of that
emerging right
Laura Bowman (09:45):
100% and and I can completely relate to that. And
then I'm becoming more aware ofthose times that I'm just trying
to check out and soothe myself,but I'm not helping myself at
all, drinking,
Colette Fehr (09:57):
TV, social media, food. Food. Let's see. What else
do I do?
Laura Bowman (10:03):
I don't do it, but a lot of people like sex, porn,
all of these behaviors.
Colette Fehr (10:07):
You don't have sex online.
Laura Bowman (10:09):
You know what I mean, using it in a way of like,
you know, I've gotta, you know,reward myself.
Colette Fehr (10:17):
I'm not loving right? I'm not numbing myself
with porn, but I'm definitelynumbing myself with others
Laura Bowman (10:23):
more like chocolate chips. Like I'll just
like, take a lap around thekitchen and be like,
Colette Fehr (10:28):
Oh my god, really quickly, there was the funniest
meme Steve showed me back todoom scrolling, where this guy
online said, Where, I forgetexactly how it went. But like
when you go to Walmart to shopand you decide you're not buying
any snacks because you want tolive a healthy life, and then at
9am you're ransacking thekitchen, hating your life
(10:51):
choices, feeling like you can'tmake it. I'm like, Oh, my God,
that's
Laura Bowman (10:55):
us. That is, yeah, that's the human condition.
Anything
Colette Fehr (10:58):
that gives a little bit of, you know, low
level drip of dopamine to justget you through. And I think
what we're saying is we laughabout this, is that we all do it
to a degree, you know, unlessyou're Buddha, you're you're
you're probably engaged in somedegree of self soothing. That
might not be your highest levelversion, but let's not let that
(11:22):
overrun life, and let's kind oftune into what else could be
possible if we sit withourselves
Laura Bowman (11:30):
definitely. And I just remember times that we've
talked especially in times Iremember periods where you were
really striving for certainthings, and you say, I have no
enjoyment left in life. Yeah,like, you're like, I'm not
coping with drinking, I'm notcoping with cigarettes, I'm not
coping with like, anything,like, I've taken all my coping
strategies, but you also movedforward like a motherfucker. I
(11:55):
did. You're right dead, and itwas because sometimes when you
strip yourself of all these,like, low level dopamine trips,
that's when you can come alive,which seems scary to people, but
it's true.
Colette Fehr (12:09):
Okay, that's a really good point. So since I
turned in the first draft of mybook, I've been out on a little
bit of, like, spring break. Andit's funny ever I mean, even
though I'm still working my assoff, I've been having fun again.
I've been drinking a littlealcohol again. I've been
socializing a lot more than Ihave for a long time. And it's
so funny because so many peopleare like, Oh my God, you're fun
(12:31):
again, right? Which is such amixed message. First of all,
it's like, fuck you. I'm alwaysfun.
Unknown (12:37):
I've always been fun.
Yes, like,
Colette Fehr (12:39):
I don't need those things, but I did. I think what
people noticed is exactly whatyou're saying. For a long time,
I cut out all of thosemaladaptive coping mechanisms.
You know, I wasn't drinking, Ihaven't smoked cigarettes in
more than a decade, but I usedto be a massive smoker. That was
probably my chief copingmechanism I really got rid of,
(13:01):
like, eating bad food. I hadlost a bunch of weight, all of
which I've gained back, and Iwas just living like such a
clean life and exercising andwalking. And while I might not
have been fun in this societalway of like, Yay, here's
Colette, the life of the party,I was really feeling very alive
(13:22):
and very connected. And I thinka lot did come from that period.
I started writing my book, Istarted acting, I did improv,
right? All these things. Now I'mworking on TV show ideas. So
there's a lot that has come fromthat place. And actually I
really want to get back to thatway of living. It's my best
(13:42):
self.
Laura Bowman (13:43):
Yeah, not saying that a monastic like, way of
life is way but like, let's notgo crazy something. There's
something to be gained bydampening some of those low
level desires. Yes, and justback to engagement. And I love
what what Phil stud says aboutengagement, and I've just
noticed this too. I have to besuper vigilant. Because as a
(14:03):
person who wants to trendinward, I have to be very
vigilant about keeping myselfengaged in the world. And he
calls it the paradox ofengagement, which is that you do
not get energy unless you'reputting energy out into the
world, unless you're engagingwith the world.
Colette Fehr (14:22):
This is where introversion and extroversion
can be. So just a part of it,because I am on such an extreme
side of extroversion, and I dothink a lot of opportunity comes
to me because of the way Inaturally enjoy engaging with
the world, like we were inDelray Beach for Fourth of July,
(14:43):
and it is filled with NewYorkers, which was like a wet
dream for me. We met so manypeople because I talked to
everyone, and one day in thepool, I'm chatting with one
person who's from Westchester,which is where I grew up in New
York, and then another person inthe pool is like, oh. I'm from
Westchester, and then someoneelse was like, I'm from
Westchester. We all ended uptalking. There were like eight
(15:06):
people from different towns inWestchester in the pool. It felt
so connected. It was so amazing.
So my whole point of this isthat between nature and the
engagement you're describing, Istarted to and having some
headspace where I wasn't onsocial media all day and I
wasn't working and busy, Task,Task, Task, I felt like ideas
(15:27):
started to come to me, and Icould feel my creativity coming
alive again, because sometimesproductivity can be the enemy of
creativity.
Laura Bowman (15:40):
Yes, no, I love what you're describing. You
know, I get a lot of watchingyou be in a room because we are
so different and not my tendencyhas always been to come late,
leave early, not talk to toomany people. Like, oh, you know,
like, I'm always like,protecting my energy and kind of
like, Oh, this feels weird. Igotta go. And so leaning like,
(16:01):
watching you come early, leavelate, like I'm like, Okay,
there's a lot of you know, ifyou can relate more to me, you
know, I would say, show up andstay, yeah, challenge yourself
to show up and stay and engage.
Yeah. And I agree. We'll get somuch more out of it because all
of that connectivity, and whenyou have all of those people
(16:21):
talking, it just leads to ideas.
It leads to opportunity, andlife force begins to build. And
Colette Fehr (16:29):
it does. It leads to ideas and opportunities, and
at the least, it leads togenuine connection in unexpected
places with strangers that makesyou feel alive and connected to
the world.
Laura Bowman (16:43):
But let's also talk about this other piece,
because I'm thinking of thesethings that limit creativity,
and it's that fear of makingmistakes, of looking stupid, you
have to just accept that life isfilled with failure and and set
back and accept that is part ofthe creative process. If you
think you're going to go in anddo something perfectly, you're
(17:05):
never going to live a connected,creative life. You're
Colette Fehr (17:09):
not going to put yourself out there. Because I
think many people can get behindthe idea of, yeah, we learn from
failure. We don't have to beperfect. It sounds pithy, it
sounds right. It's on socialmedia every freaking minute, but
the moment when you don't feelready, when you don't feel quite
(17:30):
good enough, and you're not sureof yourself, and you put it out
there anyway, you query anagent, you start a conversation,
you ask someone to lunch becausethey you think they'd be a good
connection, and you fear theymight say no, all of those
little moments of courage areabsolutely necessary, and
Laura Bowman (17:49):
just getting the reps in, and then if you if it
doesn't work out, getting backup and doing it again, and
that's easier said than done,but if you can get in the
mindset of that, that's wherelife really comes alive,
Colette Fehr (18:02):
absolutely. And I think let's so let's talk about,
like, some tactical things thatyou can do, because we're
talking about building a habitof living in an open state,
right, being open to the energyof the universe, the energy of
other people, redefiningcreativity as life force, as
(18:23):
being your most alive, connectedself. And I love this quote from
Rick Rubin's book, the creativeact a way of being, where he
says, it's just like a nice wayof putting it right. It's in the
small rituals, where we'retaking a walk in nature, where
being still with ourselves withno distractions, where going to
(18:47):
look at pick if you can't get toa museum, you know, go to a
hotel nearby and just walkaround and notice the artwork,
notice the people, right? Andthat what we do. And this is his
quote, is, we build themusculature of our psyche to
more attunement in the world,and we have to train that. That
(19:11):
has to become a
Laura Bowman (19:12):
habit. Yeah, and this reminds me explicitly, of
like Julia Cameron's exercise ofthe artist's date. You know,
this is one of her central toolsin The Artist's Way, which is
that you take yourself on adate. It couldn't be anywhere,
right? A park, you know, a cafe,a thrift store, an antique shop,
(19:34):
anything where you're lookingwith a new, renewed eye. You're
focused on the central world.
You're paying attention todetail, and that it's this kind
of new way of seeing thatbecomes a habit for seeing the
world at large.
Colette Fehr (19:50):
Okay, so I did, and I know we've talked about
The Artist's Way before, but Idid two years of the artist's
date every week. Tell me aboutsome of your artist date well.
Um, okay, so I decided to jointhe Polish museum. I don't know
if I'm saying that even right,yet, even though I'm a member,
it's right down the street. He'sthis brilliant artist who was a
(20:12):
prolific sculptor, and he movedto Winter Park Florida in his
later years with his wife, andafter he died, she took this
house they had on the lake andturned it into a museum, and
they have an exhibition. You'veprobably been there, but they
have an exhibition
Laura Bowman (20:28):
not been there. So we think we need to go. Let's go
together. Let's
Colette Fehr (20:31):
go together. The membership, yeah, it is such a
there's something that happensto me at that place. And what's
crazy about you saying youhaven't been is that I hadn't
been either, and I'm going on 28years of living here, and I'm
always bitching and moaningthat, like, oh, I live in
Central Florida culturalwasteland. There's no culture,
and I'm not in New York Cityanymore. And then I've got these
(20:52):
resources that I'm just drivingby every day and not going to so
I discovered it. It's down theroad they have. His sculptures
are winding through the outdoorgarden on the lake. Now it can
be a little hot, but there areplaces you can sit. I would go
there every Thursday afternoonand spend an hour. And there's a
(21:12):
statue of a woman there calledunfettered. And love that Ah, me
too. And it's just that statuefeels like my spirit animal. And
I just felt like I resonatedwith that. And I would sit in a
little bench and just write byhand, stream of consciousness,
which I also want to talk about,that other Julia Cameron
(21:34):
practice that I did morningpages. And I went other places
too. I mean, I went to Rollins,I went to the Tiffany museum. I
walked through the geniusgroves, which, for people who
don't live in this area, it's adevelopment, but, well, it's
Windsong, but there's peacockseverywhere, and lake views, and
(21:56):
it just feels very restorative.
But I really made the Polishmuseum my primary thing. And
just kind of committed to thattime of being in nature and
surrounded by art and lettingmyself write and breathe and
like not do anything else,
Laura Bowman (22:14):
I love that. And you know, the other thing I love
about that is, when I gotmarried, I got this little
plaque in a gift basket that Ithought was so cool. It just
said, grow where you areplanted. And I and this is an
example of that. It's like,access. You can sit around
bitching about how, like, youknow, we're in Central Florida
and we're in a culturalwasteland, but you're right.
(22:35):
Like, we have so much here.
There's so much stuff and andare you taking advantage of it.
It's like show up in your ownlife, wherever you are,
Colette Fehr (22:46):
yes, and little things, you know, if you don't
have a Polish ek museum, youhave something. It can just be
being out in nature. There'salways something. It's the
choice to spend some timecommuning with that, something,
those small acts. And what Iwant to really say to people is
these two practices from JuliaCameron's book that I think are
(23:08):
the most key so and if youhaven't read her book, read it.
I don't care what you do, evenif you don't think you have a
creative bone in your body,everyone does her first book,
The Artist's Way, which came outin the 90s, it's still so
brilliant. I mean, I've done itthree or four times. I get
something new every time. Butthe two practices are one, what
(23:30):
you just described The Artist'sWay. I mean, the artist's date,
where you do something, it canbe small, just for yourself, in
nature, or with art, somethingcreative. And the second one is
what she calls morning pages.
Now, there are many otherpractices, but these are the two
that are the most salient forme. And I do the morning pages
every day now, and it's funny, Idon't ever want to do it, but
(23:53):
basically what it is is you takewhere's my little notepad? Today
I wrote eight pages.
Laura Bowman (23:59):
Oh my goodness, yeah,
Colette Fehr (24:00):
but it's all crazy ass stream of consciousness,
yeah, thoughts and bing, bing,squirrel and whatever, and
that's the point of it. So youjust get a legal pad, or you can
get a notebook or whatever. Butshe says, every day, begin the
day with just filling threepages on a legal pad. You're not
writing to be evaluated. You'renot writing to make sense.
(24:25):
You're just letting yourthoughts come out. You could
write, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,fuck, for a whole page if you
want to. You can write, I havenothing to say. You can say, I
hate the morning fucking pages.
The idea is that you get yourwheels going and you take
pressure off of yourself, soit's anti procrastinatory, and
it also just starts to unlockyour life, force, your creative
(24:47):
energy and your mind,
Laura Bowman (24:51):
yeah, yeah. And she says, like, it's great if
you're resistant to it, like,well better if you're resistant
to it. And because. Is so much.
It's just the habit and thepractice of getting going. And
Colette Fehr (25:04):
do you know what's crazy? I'm resistant to it every
day, like my little my partthat, you know well, that I call
fuck it girl, who's myhedonistic part. She doesn't
want to do anything disciplined.
She's my part that really doeswant life. It's like the ID,
right? Like Freudians, Id, Ego,super ego, the part of you that
wants to be on permanent springbreak, she that part of me
(25:26):
doesn't want to do morningpages, she doesn't want to go to
work, she doesn't want toexercise. She wants to live in
like San Tropez, with an endlessthing on the drum all day. Yes,
and just an endless supply oftattinger Champagne and like not
a care in the world. Soobviously that's not real life.
(25:47):
But you know, even though I haveto kind of talk to that part and
soothe her, that we can't justbe a pure hedonist once I get
going writing it really, itfeels so good. It's so helpful.
And it's not something that'sonly for people who want to be a
(26:07):
writer. It's a way of connectingto yourself and getting in touch
with your creative life force.
Yeah,
Laura Bowman (26:16):
and I, and I don't think that these are the only
practices, obviously, these arethe ones in her book, but
they're more and I can tell you,just as somebody who runs like
getting out and moving in themorning and running, I will go
out with a question or a themeor something that I'm working
through, and about three milesin my brain just opens up and I
(26:40):
have, I have a whole new way offeeling my way through that
problem or seeing it, andcreativity just comes rushing
in.
Colette Fehr (26:49):
I'm so glad you said that. I couldn't agree
more. You're much more of arunner than I am, especially at
this point, but I have been, youknow, I live in a community that
has a three mile walk around abig lake, as you well know,
Laura and I will go out thereand like, kind of run walk. And
(27:09):
that is how, every time I wascoming up with stuff in my book,
I would go do that loop and justlet myself think and have
headspace and ideas would come.
Stories would come. I would likevoice dictate. I totally agree
with you. And when you get yourheart rate up and you get into
movement, you're right, yourmind, your body, you're open,
(27:30):
that vessel is porous.
Laura Bowman (27:34):
And these are practices like the more you do
them, the more you becomeconvinced by their power, and
the more you employ them in yourlife. And again, it's that
paradox of engagement. You gotto prime the pump. You got to
get out there and engage withpeople, engage with life, engage
with practices that help youcome alive. And that piece, you
have, that hedonistic piece, buta lot of people in in Phil
(27:56):
stetz's book, he calls it thatpart x, which is always sort of
pushing against you in some way.
It's trying to dampen you. It'strying to, like, convince you
you don't need to. It's tryingto slow you down. And we all
have that, and it's the endlesswork of beating that back to
live the life worth living.
(28:18):
That's
Colette Fehr (28:19):
it. That's it.
This is about and this wholeepisode is about living the life
worth living, not being on yourdeathbed and saying, Wow, I got
so much out of all those hoursof scrolling. I'm so glad I
spent my life that way. Right?
Like, yeah, oh, God, Oh, that isso depressing. So being
connected to your life force isthe way you live your best life.
(28:42):
And I think we're suggesting topeople, you don't have to do all
of these practices find whatworks for you. Maybe it's an
artist date, where you commit toa walk a week in a new
neighborhood, or, you know, yougo to a museum once a week by
yourself. Maybe it's exercisingregularly, without music,
(29:04):
without distraction, just reallyletting yourself be in the
experience. Maybe you get up andyou start writing every day,
stream of consciousness tounlock creativity, get out there
and engage with people, whetheryou're an introvert or an
extrovert, because you're goingto talk to somebody who's going
to spark an idea. You're goingto connect with somebody and
that's going to bring an emberalive inside of you, even when
(29:28):
you least expect it, and younever know what ideas you come
up with, whether you're anentrepreneur who ends up on
Shark Tank, or you startpainting and you think you suck,
and suddenly you find out youlove it, and maybe you're better
than than you thought you were.
You know, I mean, I had a stageof life. I don't know how I got
to this point exactly. I saidsome of this to you, where I
(29:52):
just was so disconnected fromall of this and in such a
productivity grind that Ithought I can't. Believe I ever
thought I was creative. I'm notcreative at all. Oh my gosh. And
then I said to you, do youremember? I said, you know,
actually, I'm not a good writer.
And, like, my whole life, thatwas like a lie. I don't know why
people have said I'm a goodwriter, and my parents keep
(30:13):
saying you should write I'm nota good writer. Like, there's no
Laura Bowman (30:16):
point. You don't remember that, did I let that
fly you? You
Colette Fehr (30:21):
just validated me where you were, like, really,
like, I mean, I don't rememberwhat restaurant we were in. I
was like, yeah, what's thechance of life was this? Well,
it was maybe four or five yearsago when I was really grinding
it out in my practice, and mydad kept saying, When are you
going to write your book? And mymom would say, why aren't you
writing anymore interesting? Iwas like, Guys, back off. I'm
(30:42):
not even a good writer. Likethat was just like a crazy phase
that had no legs. Did
Laura Bowman (30:50):
it feel like wrapped up in like frivolity?
No, it's like you were indulgingsomething that wasn't
Colette Fehr (30:58):
real. No, it felt like I wasn't good enough, and I
deluded myself into thinking Icould be something that I
couldn't be, and that I hadfoolishly pursued that when I
had no real talent.
Laura Bowman (31:11):
Oh, wow, yeah, my gosh. It's amazing how we stand
in our own way, right?
Colette Fehr (31:17):
And you know, this is I'm not sitting here saying,
oh my god, I'm so talented, andblah, blah, blah, that's not the
point. The point is that itdoesn't matter whether I'm
talented. If I want to write,then I deserve to write and I
should write, and it doesn'tmatter if I'm great. I mean, I
just want to say one thing aboutthis, since we're on creativity,
(31:38):
and maybe I already said this,but when I was in the fourth
grade, this is how these likeshut down moments can really
affect us. There was a poetrycontest at my school, and I went
to this tiny, all girls Catholicschool. No one will probably
remember this, but me. Actually,it was fifth grade, and I came
up with this poem. I don'tremember what it said, but it
(31:58):
was about ice skating, okay,which I'm not very good at, but
I romanticized and wanted to begood at. And I made, I wrote the
poem. I thought the poem wasreally good. And then I made. I
put it on this paper, and Isurrounded the paper with
aluminum foil, and that was justto be the ice. And I drew in
(32:21):
colored pencils all these littleskaters on the border, and I was
so proud of it, and I thought itwas so creative and good, and I
was sure I was gonna win. Well,I didn't win, and I got
honorable mention, which reallyfelt like a big fuck you. The
message I got from honorablemention was like, wow, we see
(32:41):
you've made effort, but like,your work sucks, yeah. And it
really shut me down. It reallyaffected me very, very deeply.
And I think there have beenother moments like that
throughout my life where I hadthis very bifurcated, rigid idea
that if you're good atsomething, you're always good,
(33:01):
you always win. You're alwaysthe best. And if you're not
always winning and the best,then you're not good at it, and
you should put your toys awayand go home.
Laura Bowman (33:10):
Yeah, my mom, and this is shout out to my mother.
Really talented actress. Grew uplike, kind of like a child
prodigy. She's really good, andshe was really good through high
school, and they tried to haveher go to New York to do
commercials, and she probablycould have gone to Broadway,
really. That's how good she was,wow. And that's another story
for another day, of how thatpart of her has kind of gone
(33:32):
away, and I'm always trying toget it to come alive again. But
we had a discussion where shetalked about she'd said
something like, Laura, well, youknow, would you if you got a
part in a play, like, what wouldyou do with that? I said, Well,
I would probably learn how to dothat part, and I would I would
be able to connect the emotionof that part, and somehow I
would practice enough to deliverthat part. And she just scoffed
(33:55):
and said, like, you either haveit or you don't. And I said to
her at one point in theconversation, I said, you need
to not ever say that ever againto anybody, especially yourself.
This idea that we are fixedbeings, that ability is fixed,
right? Destroys more people. Itdoesn't get people out of the
(34:15):
starting gate. You have no ideawhat you're capable of, and
that's why what we're talkingabout, connecting to life, force
and creativity is so essential.
You just have no idea if youshow up, if you stay, if you
engage with your own failure andyour own limitations, if you
build resilience, you just don'tknow where your capabilities go.
(34:36):
Can go, right? I mean,
Colette Fehr (34:40):
and even if they don't go anywhere, that's
official success. You're goingto do something you love that
brings you joy. It's going tolead to something. And I mean,
look at I went from if I don'tget a contract, I don't get a
contract, it's okay. I'm goingto put this book into the world
one way or the other. And it'snot about, I need to be a
famous, published author. It'sabout, I want to help people.
People, and I want to do what Ifeel called to do in this world
(35:03):
and that this book, even thoughit's been a lot of ups and
downs, I have felt veryconnected to my life force and
suffered through many, you know,peaks and valleys of
vulnerability. But it's worthit. So I think, yeah, like
everybody, discover somethingabout yourself, whatever it is
(35:24):
that you don't know what couldbe possible.
Laura Bowman (35:27):
You just have no idea if you show up, if you
stay, if you engage with yourown failure and your own
limitations, if you buildresilience, you just don't know
where your capabilities go, cango right?
Colette Fehr (35:42):
I mean, and even if they don't go anywhere,
that's official success. You'regoing to do something you love
that brings you joy. It's goingto lead to something. It is a
combination of taking risks,believing in yourself, not being
attached to any one fixedoutcome, like I was like, if I
don't get a contract, I don'tget a contract, it's okay. I'm
(36:03):
gonna put this book into theworld one way or the other. And
it's not about, I need to be afamous, published author. It's
about I want to help people, andI want to do what I feel called
to do in this world. And thatthis book, even though it's been
a lot of ups and downs, I havefelt very connected to my life
force and suffered through many,you know, peaks and valleys of
(36:25):
vulnerability. But it's worthit. So I think, yeah, everybody
discover something aboutyourself, whatever it is that
you don't know what could bepossible. So let's just, like,
recap quickly, and then wrap up,you know, the books again, the
creative act, a way of being byRick Rubin, Julia Cameron's The
(36:49):
Artist's Way. And then mentionthe book you are reading, Laura,
Laura Bowman (36:53):
we'll link to it, but it's coming alive, and I
love it. I'm just read it. I'mgoing to reread it. And he has a
bunch of tools in there thathelp you get through these stuck
points, these crises ofconfidence and like low level
indulgence, all these he's gotsome great tools to actually get
out of stuck places. Can
Colette Fehr (37:14):
we maybe do a little download for people with
some of those tools and link tohis book. Yeah. I
Laura Bowman (37:21):
mean, I don't know how proprietary his tools are,
but we will. We'll definitely doa whole book list for Okay,
audience, let's
Colette Fehr (37:27):
put this topic.
Yeah, let's put somethingtogether with some takeaways.
Check out our website, insightsfrom the couch.org, and
resources. And we're going togive you links to these books
and maybe a couple things tothink about and get started
based on this episode. And alsoplease reach out to us with your
comments and questions. Email usat info, at insights from the
(37:48):
couch.org. Is that the email?
Okay? Yeah, yeah. I get thrownoff by all these techie terms,
but please let us know. You canalso contact us on social media,
Instagram insights, at insightsfrom the couch, or at Colette
Jane fair, and let us know whatyou think, what you want us to
(38:10):
talk about, questions you havethat you'd like to answer. We
really want to hear from you andbe as helpful to you as
possible,
Laura Bowman (38:17):
definitely. And I just to put it, you know, an end
cap on this. This is everything.
This is the whole reason we'rehere. Original Detra Horizonte,
exactly. And I think that if youdon't know what to do in life,
or you don't know where you'regoing, this is the area to work
on. Is coming alive. Becausewhen you come alive, and we
(38:37):
talked about this in our firstepisode of purpose, it ripples
out to everybody in your life,when you are, when you're
connected in your life, in yourown life, you're powerful and
you're helpful to those aroundyou. And it can't be faked. It
has to kind of come it kind ofradiates out. And if you want to
change relationships, you wantto change where you are in your
(39:02):
career. It starts with you beingconnected to life force.
Colette Fehr (39:07):
Yes, your power, your possibility. I love it. I'm
I feel inspired just from theconversation we're having. I
think it's really good. Allright, so check out insights
from the couch.org. For more onthis topic, and we will see you
next time. Thanks for tuning in.
You.
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