October 14, 2025 • 47 mins
Join hosts Kelvin Crosby and Chris Maher for an inspiring conversation with Cara Yar Khan, founder & CEO of The Purple Practice, former UNICEF humanitarian, filmmaker, and fierce disability advocate. Cara traces her multicultural roots and early activism, the winding journey to a rare diagnosis of hereditary inclusion body myopathy, and how she learned to lead, pitch, and live with radical authenticity.
This episode dives into Cara’s multicultural upbringing and early passion for service, her transition from denial to embracing disability with pride, and her practical framework for storytelling and fundraising through the “Issue, Action, Impact” model. She discusses navigating ableism with grace, managing entrepreneurial burnout through confidence and community, distinguishing between healthy struggle and harmful suffering, and finding joy in small “Everest moments” of progress. Along the way, Kelvin, Chris, and Cara unpack lessons on authenticity, preparation, confidence, and the sustaining power of community in entrepreneurship and advocacy.
Links & Resources:
Cara Yar Khan: LinkedIn
Cara's Film: Facing the Falls
Cara's Website: Here
Cara's TED Talk: Here
COMING SOON!
American Sign Language (ASL) and Captioning for each episode will be provided on our YouTube channel. Go to handle @SamaritanPartners.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kelvin Crosby (00:06):
Welcome to Investing in Accessibility, a
Samaritan Partners podcast.
We're not waiting for change,we're investing in it.
Join us as we speak withentrepreneurs and thought
leaders that are focused oncreating a more accessible
world.
(00:32):
It's so good to see you eventhough I can't see you.
It's another beautiful day inthe neighborhood, and I'm so
excited that you're here atInvesting in Accessibility.
I'm your host, Calvin Crosby.
And let me introduce you to myco-host, Chris Maher.
How you doing, man?
Chris Maher (00:47):
Good Calvin.
How are you, buddy?
It is good to see you and to bewith you as always.
Kelvin Crosby (00:51):
It is.
It's always good to see you,even though I can't see you.
You know, that's one thing, youknow.
I've always wondered what Chrislooks like.
You know, I sometimes I createhim like that's bodybuilder.
Other days, he's a basketballplayer.
Another, I don't know.
Chris Maher (01:08):
Definitely not a bodybuilder.
Um basketball days are over,getting a little older, getting
a little grayer, but you keepthinking that I look like Thor
or something like that.
Kelvin Crosby (01:20):
Yeah.
Well, I but I think that's thethat's the beauty of being
blonde, is that you get tocreate anybody the way you want
it.
And so, but anyway, so I'mexcited about today's guest.
And this lady that we had,she's done a lot for the
disability community, in thestartup space, done a lot of
things to help people realizehow to create accommodations and
(01:41):
the different so many differentareas.
So kind of introduce us to ourguest.
Chris Maher (01:45):
You got it.
Well, we have one of my one ofmy favorite people, and w it's
such a treat today that ourguest that's going to be with us
is Miss Cara Yar Khan, who isthe founder and CEO of the
Purple Practice, and so muchmore than that.
But Cara, welcome to the show.
Cara Yar Khan (02:00):
Thank you, Chris.
Thank you, Kelvin, for havingme.
I'm delighted to be here.
Kelvin, I can tell you, Chrishas got like one of those square
jaws that you remember.
Definitely a striker.
Kelvin Crosby (02:12):
Like serious square jaw, or is it
more like relaxed?
Chris Maher (02:18):
It's a little softened.
It's a little softened aroundthe edges now that I'm getting a
little older.
And and and Cara, I'll give youthat 20 bucks later for
saying that. I appreciate it.
Cara Yar Khan (02:27):
Oh, it was 25.
Chris Maher (02:29):
Okay, we got it.
Well, I as I said, Cara really,Cara, you and I met, I think it
was about a year ago throughsome mutual friends.
It was our actually our goodfriend Bob Ludke kind of
triggered it.
And then our friend AllisonAslan, who works at the State
Department, and was just sofortuitous.
(02:49):
And I just love how theuniverse does that, you know,
serendipitously.
And you've become a good friendand someone who I just admire
so much for not only the workthat you've done, but also just
the way you've carried yourselfin your personal life.
And we're going to get into allthat today because it's it's it
is it is a story of resilienceand and a journey that's just so
(03:11):
incredible.
And so let's first start off,though, Cara, with just your
family background and yourupbringing, because it's it's
pretty amazing and multiculturala and it's wonderful.
So why don't you start there?
Cara Yar Khan (03:24):
Although I I like to think maybe I don't look my
age because of the gobs ofmakeup I put on my face.
I was born in 1976, November20th, best day of the year in
Hyderabad, India, which is inthe south of the country, to an
Indian Muslim father and aBritish Anglican Christian mom.
(03:44):
We very quickly immigrated toCanada, where my father had
lived for 10 years previouslyand done his academic studies at
McGill University.
So that's where I grew up.
I was born in India, but raisedin Canada.
So culturally a very strongCanadian.
What's great about beingCanadian, it's a place where you
very much celebrate your ethnicbackground.
(04:05):
When you're introducing a newschool, someone will say, before
they even ask its name, what ishe?
And it's they're asking, whatis their ethnicity?
I remember in grade nine whenI'd moved to Toronto, someone
said, but what are you in frontof the whole class?
And I said, I'm a girl.
And everybody laughed and madefun of me.
They wanted me to actuallyexplain that I was South Asian
(04:27):
biracial.
There's another element ofdiversity is this from Hong Kong
kaleidoscope through which Isee the world having grown up
with not only these differentreligions and different cultural
practices and traditions, butalso languages.
We speak English as a family,but the conversation is
sprinkled with words in Urdufrom India and also Mandarin,
(04:48):
not Cantonese, which is thefirst language of my stepmom,
but Mandarin because she and myfather lived in China.
I think all of this mix madeor primed me for a career in
the United Nations, probably themost ethnically and nationalist
diversed organization in theworld.
And I knew at a pretty youngage, age of six, actually, that
(05:11):
I was on this planet, that Ibelieved that I could make a
change in the lives of childrenwho were in need.
And in this particularinstance, it was a telethon
because back in the 80s they didthese telethons to sponsor a
child who was starving, who washungry.
And I, as a six-year-old,wanted to send my dinner.
(05:32):
But that's not the way thingsare done.
So we took a shoebox and cut ahole in it and went around to
our neighbors to collect coins,and I sponsored my first child.
I realize that is totallypolitically incorrect now, I
think.
But this is how the origins ofthe story and the political
incorrectness of the 80s.
But I went to school the nextday, grade one, Mrs.
Lumen's class, telling all theother students and my teachers,
(05:55):
anyone who would put up with me,that there were children
starving in the world, and we asa collective had to do
something.
I believed that my advocacycould make United Nations, that
I could devote my entire life,my career, my future to advocacy
and changing the lives ofpeople in need was to join the
United Nations.
That's what I did right aftercollege.
Chris Maher (06:18):
And so, so Cara, and and you were how old?
Cara Yar Khan (06:21):
When I joined?
Chris Maher (06:22):
No, when you like you like when you were?
Cara Yar Khan (06:24):
12.
Chris Maher (06:25):
You were 12, 12 years old, like you knew then
that I am going to go helppeople and make the world a
better place.
Cara Yar Khan (06:33):
Yes.
Chris Maher (06:34):
It's remarkable.
Cara Yar Khan (06:35):
You know, I appreciate that.
Thank you.
But growing up, I was notdefinitely not the first person
in my family to do that.
I had really strong rolemodels.
My grandmother, my my paternalgrandmother in India, my dad's
three sisters were all humanrights activists and advocates.
And they set the example.
So human rights issues andsocial justice issues were a
(06:59):
part of our family conversationson a regular basis.
In Canada, having a very socialjustice mindset, not only in
society, but in the curriculumof our schools, I was
trick-or-treating for UNICEFevery Halloween.
I was volunteering to raisemoney for the Canadian Cancer
Society.
I was climbing the stairs ofthe CN Tower to raise money for
(07:22):
the World Life, Wildlife Fund,or sleeping in the library
overnight to show my support forWorld Vision that was
supporting children in need.
So it was a lifestyle.
It was a culture.
It was a belief that or ofresponsibility and
accountability that you create aplatform if you have a
platform, no matter how big orsmall, infamous or not, that you
(07:46):
you devote your life to helpingothers.
Kelvin Crosby (07:49):
Yeah.
Chris Maher (07:49):
Well, I think that something we talk about a lot on
this podcast is livedexperience.
And you had the livedexperience of growing up in not
only a multicultural family, buta family that you had some
wonderful examples of siblingsand adults, parents, aunts,
uncles, it's in a communitystandpoint.
And that and that makes adifference and it leaves an
impression, right?
Cara Yar Khan (08:08):
It does.
It does.
It sort of helps you seeyourself in the world.
And when you respect and admireyour family as much as I did
and wanted to be just like them,and then again, the guidance
from teachers sort of like gofor it, helping, coaching me to
participate in UN speechcompetitions or to be the
(08:29):
Canadian delegate to the WorldSummit of Children in 1995.
I had adults around me thatwere nurturing my curiosity and
intellectual desire to learnmore and participate more in
international developmentissues.
Also, it was very clear to me,you know, that I would go to
(08:49):
university.
Education is very important inSouth Asian culture.
And this idea that I wouldbecome a proficient professional
before thinking about family ormarriage, or not that those
things were discouraged.
It just was never the priority,at least not in my family,
particularly for girls.
You should be competitive, youshould play sports, you should
(09:11):
get a really good education.
When I graduated from mymaster's, my dad, I said, Dad,
are you coming from China for mygraduation?
He's like, When do you get yourPhD.
No PhD, but hopefully I've madeup for it with other things.
Chris Maher (09:25):
I think so.
Kelvin Crosby (09:26):
Well, I mean, I think what's interesting is as
you took in your lifeexperiences, I mean, and we've
talked about this so many timesas you talked about Chris, is
how we're shaped and from who weare.
I mean, I know for me, thejourney of going through my
death blindness, that wasn't myidentity until I was literally
19, 20 years old.
(09:48):
And honestly, that acceptanceof that took even longer than
that.
And so that's where what'sinteresting is the way you
articulate your story, and Ithink this is gonna be fun
today, is going intostorytelling, and I love how you
articulated your story in a waywhere I could feel where you're
at, and how you were how we'rethere.
(10:10):
And we're like, oh, well, we'regonna have m tiki tiki masala,
we're gonna have some rice,we're gonna have some mango
latte with that, with some naanbread, and then wait, we're
gonna have some orange chicken,which is American Chinese food,
so that's not really true, butit's something else, you know.
But I was like, wow I'm there.
(10:31):
And I think that is what isreally really cool about the way
you kind of experience theworld.
And I think the other thingpeople need to understand,
there's a whole other componentto your story that we haven't
talked about, and that is yourchallenges, and I think that
brings a whole other dynamicinto that.
(10:53):
Can you kind of talk a littlebit about that if you're
comfortable with that?
Cara Yar Khan (10:56):
Sure, absolutely.
So during college, I've alwaysloved to dance.
I'm you know, it comes, I don'tknow if it comes from the
Indian side, the British side,my mother was an incredible
dancer, but I've always loved todance.
And again, anyone who grew uparound my same time, you my
friends and I were making updance routines in the basement
to Madonna, you know, we allthought we were the true blue,
(11:18):
you know, Madonna-esque, uh nextlist uh, you know, going to be
a part of our dance team.
But in college, I was alsodancing, Latin dancing.
And then as I began my career,it was a hobby that every single
weekend, though, was out on thedance floor.
And it helps when you live inSouth America for the first five
years of your career.
And I started limping, and Ididn't actually think I noticed
(11:40):
the limp.
I noticed that I always haddifficulty turning on my left
when being spun around.
But like these are prettyphysical dances.
I was also an athlete, but Iwas sort of just clear I'm
better at rocket sports and I'mbetter at long distance running.
I wasn't, I could never reallysprint well.
I couldn't sprint the stairs,and I just thought, oh, my
brother's better at sports, atskiing and skating than I am,
(12:02):
and I just suck.
Oh, I must have weak ankles, orI don't have balance.
I didn't really think about ittoo much.
But in my workplace at the timeI was at in Panama at Dell
Technologies as a senior managerfor corporate communications,
people would ask, why are youlimping?
And I just thought, maybe I'mtired.
Or when my parents came fromChina and they saw me and then,
(12:22):
why are you limping?
My dad, of course, it must beyour high heel shoes and minnie
skirt.
I'm like, Yeah, dad, exactly.
Of course, it's about mypassion.
But that did set off the alarmbells.
And so we went to a doctor, andthat doctor asked me to sit on
the floor with my legs crossedand stand up without using my
(12:43):
hands.
Well, I was just annoyed.
You're 26 years old.
The last thing you want is oneis somebody telling you what to
do, but someone also implyingyou can't do something.
And so I did could do it with,and I struggled, but then he
asked me to stand up on my tippytoes, which is integral to
really good salsa dancing.
And when I couldn't do it, thatset off the alarm.
(13:05):
And I was sent to Canada tohave the first muscle biopsies,
and that started this reallychallenging, and I think the
most difficult phase ofdisability and chronic illness
was being diagnosed, the notknowing doctor to doctor, new
needles, new procedures, theywant their own tasks, and no one
can tell you anything exceptthat they suspect it is some
(13:28):
awful disease.
And this was in the time whenthe internet, you know, wouldn't
think, oh my goodness, how am Igonna tell my parents?
I didn't necessarily believewhen I got the diagnosis at the
age of 30, what the doctor wassaying, you know, because it was
so audacious.
From having a stubbed toe,let's say, you know, when you
nick your toe on the edge of apiece of furniture, to being
(13:50):
told that I would be severelyincapacitated, which was the
language they used, need awheelchair.
If I ever wanted to havechildren, which at the time was
a real desire, it would be ahigh-risk pregnancy and I would
most likely have to stay in bed.
I just thought, what?
Me, someone who's so physicallyactive, who had this successful
(14:12):
international career and whohad been dancing on dance floors
and clubs all around the world.
I was like, hell no.
And so I think I put it in myback pocket.
There was a relief of that wehad a diagnosis, but there
wasn't a lot of information.
I was the only known patient inCanada, and now I don't think
(14:33):
that there are many more.
Now I know that there's onlyabout 200 known cases in the
United States and 2,000worldwide.
This disease, hereditaryinclusion body myopathy, which
is a progressive degenerativemuscle-wasting disease, a rare
type of muscular dystrophy, doesnot have any treatment or cure.
(14:56):
And now, 20 years later, I'm aproud disabled woman who just
rips up the streets of Manhattanin a really ugly but powerful
Permobil wheel chair.
Chris Maher (15:06):
You're doing that.
And so, Kelvin, earlier, and Idid not, I should have given a
little bit of a description ofCara because she was so kind u
to give you a little bit of ame, but but Kara has this
gorgeous long jet black hairthat she usually wears pulled
back, has these striking, and Imean this in the most
complimentary way, exoticfeatures, and is always dressed
(15:27):
to the nines.
So that gives you a little bitof a description of our friend
here today.
Kelvin Crosby (15:30):
So I mean she kind of ripped rip through
Manhattan, you know.
Chris Maher (15:34):
When Cara K enters the room, you know.
Kelvin Crosby (15:39):
But I think that's so huge is when you start
learning how to be yourself asan entrepreneur.
I mean, I feel like so manyentrepreneurs they try to put a
facade on and say, Oh, I gotthis, I got this.
And then I mean, I think aboutall those all the individuals
that I know that areentrepreneurs, and the ego, you
(16:00):
gotta have somewhat of an ego,but you also gotta have a h
humility.
And you think that's exactlywhat you're talking about, is
realizing where you're at,realizing okay, this is it.
When I think about me with theSee Me Cane, when I was in like
(16:20):
I had no idea how I was gonnafund the rest of the See Me
Cane.
And that moment in 2022 whenthe investor said, Hey, I don't
have funds for you, I've lostall my funding, and I realized
how am I gonna keep movingforward?
How am I gonna put food on mytable?
I had to I had to take a humblereality at that point and
(16:42):
realize alright, how am I gonnamove forward?
And I just started learning,started learning, persevering,
and little did we know, mypottery business would fund my
my endeavors.
But with all that in mind, Ithink this is you're you're
bringing up something really,really important, and that is
(17:05):
being okay where you're at, andkeep moving forward.
And if we do not accept who weare as people and individuals
with disabilities, and say, hey,this is it this is a challenge.
Embrace it and then say, nowhow do I move forward?
(17:26):
And and being honest withyourself.
And y I love how you talkedabout you were trying to hide
your disability, and then itjust kept r rearing its ugly
head, you know, and you're like,hmm, I might as well embrace
it, dance with it, and have agreat time with it.
And I think that changes yourwhole perspective.
It changes the way you canadvocate, it changes the way you
(17:50):
can have identify with theworld around you.
Like I tell people, I'm one ofthe best pole dancers in the
world.
I practice pole dancing threetimes a day, you know, but I hit
them all the time, and peopleare like, huh?
And I say, Yeah, blind peoplehit poles all the time.
They might might as well do aspin and a twist at the same
(18:12):
time.
And I to me, that gives me joy,that gives me opportunity,
like, yeah, it hurts.
But it makes me laugh, it makesme be able to say, Alright,
this is where I'm at today, thisis where I'm at right now,
let's just keep moving forward.
And I love how you talked aboutthat, and how you can just say,
(18:35):
Yeah, I kept driving anddriving, but now you're going
with a season where you're like,hmm.
I I need to be comfortable inwho I am and being there so that
I can help others in a wholedifferent way.
And I think that's so powerful.
Chris Maher (18:53):
Yeah.
What warms my heart so much islike, you know, I've been just
sitting here listening to thetwo of you talk, and it and it
warms my heart because one, Ihave the privilege of of being
able to call both of youfriends, but also what you're
talking about is and and likeit's it's a lot easier said than
done.
But to your point, Cara, andwhat you just said, Kelvin,
(19:13):
about being comfortable with whoyou are, right?
That's living an authenticlife, which which I don't know
if I know two people,who do that more than you two.
But it that's I think that'sreally hard for people.
And and but once you embracethat, that's when you can start
moving forward.
And so with with Cara, youtouched on a couple of things
earlier that I'd love for you todig into because I, you know, a
big part of our of our listenerbase, I think are
(19:36):
entrepreneurs, early-stageentrepreneurs, right?
And and so two things thatyou've done in your career very
successfully is storytelling.
And that's either about tellingyour story or your company's
story or or the story to aprospective investor or donor or
about a product or a service.
And so can you talk a littlebit about the the power of
(20:00):
storytelling and and and theimportant elements of that that
you've you've kind of developedover your career.
And a big chunk of your careerhas been around using
storytelling to sell and/orraise money, right?
And raising capital is reallyhard in this market, especially
for entrepreneurs that are inthe disability sector, and then
throw on top of that if theyalso might happen to be a woman,
(20:23):
right?
And so I'd love for you to diginto that and unpack that a
little bit for our listeners.
Cara Yar Khan (20:28):
I appreciate feel like years ago, after my
two-year tour with UNICEF USAPublic Speaking, there was a
necessity to set up an LLC tosponsor my work visa and to be
able to continue working withthe agency.
It's so I almost feel like itwas a fluke.
And while I am someone who'svery comfortable taking risks
and I have big grand ideas thatI've done, usually never know
(20:50):
how to do it, but I'm like,well, I'll figure it out
somehow.
I'm not afraid to ask for helpor find people who do know what
they're talking about.
I don't necessarily feel likeI've been successful from a
financial position.
Now, I have been able tosupport myself financially, but
I've never made big money.
I've never made enough money tohire staff.
So I just want to preface whatI'm going to say with
(21:12):
entrepreneurship looks differentfor different people and
different types of companies,which story telling is paramount
to all human interaction.
It is the most ancient form ofart.
It is the way in which weconnect with other people,
particularly with people whodon't look like us and who don't
(21:33):
even have near a similar livedexperience that we do.
I think I've been a bit spoiledin development, poverty, elimin
uh eradication, internationalissues, human rights.
Even in high school, I wastelling stories, not necessarily
that I was telling themcorrectly, but I told them with
(21:55):
passion and conviction.
And there, although you do needto be intellectually
passionate, and what I mean bythat is having really good
facts.
It helps when you have data.
And I think understanding theart of storytelling and the
structure of storytelling,specifically when it comes to
fundraising, is reallyimportant.
First and foremost, it's notabout you, it's about the the
(22:18):
listener.
And I actually cut my storiesup into three bits.
This is specifically forfundraising.
It's issue, action, impact.
So let me give you a reallysimple example.
In Angola, when when I livedthere, it was the worst place in
the world for a child to beborn.
One in four children diedbefore the age of five.
(22:39):
This is the situation frompreventable causes malaria and
diarrhea and respiratoryillnesses.
That's the issue.
What was the action beingtaken?
UNICEF, the United NationsChildren's Fund, was helping
distribute malaria nets, washelping children learn how to
wash their hands with soap, andwas helping children in school
(22:59):
receive their vaccinations.
This is the action that wewould take across the country.
And impact, if you donated $1million, I could provide 100,000
children with malaria nets tohelp save their lives.
Issue, action, impact.
What's really important therewhen it comes to fundraising is
I'm not asking for money.
I'm helping the investor or thedonor understand how they can
(23:23):
save a child's life within acontext of dollar sense, which
is at the end of the day, theyknow they're there to be asked
for money.
But when I can really clearlycommunicate the impact that it
is going to have on this problemin coordination with the action
effect of not only storyteller,but fundraiser.
Now, obviously, I am supersimplifying a very complicated
(23:46):
and difficult task.
Raising money for my film wasthe most difficult, humbling,
embarrassing, heartbreaking taskI have ever taken on.
It's different than raisingmoney for one of the most
well-known brands in the world.
But showing how whoever yourdonor or your invested can
(24:07):
participate and contribute andbe a part of change, changing
people's lives is really, reallyimportant.
There's other types ofstorytelling.
Again, the foundation of humanconnection, of winning hearts
and minds, because the only waywe can influence behaviors is by
first educating someone tochange their mindset or giving
(24:29):
them new knowledge.
With new knowledge, we changeour mindset about something.
And then it hopefully, in turn,that trickles down to
influencing our behavior.
So, for example, when I'm in agrocery store zipping around in
my chair, dolled up, as Chrisrightly said, full makeup,
jewelry, hair, somethingfabulous, fashion-wise, there
(24:50):
will be a kid, a child, who willjust be like donned by oh my,
what is this?
And why is that lady zippingaround on wheels?
And the adult who is with thechild will often hush them, pull
them out of the way.
Oh no, honey, don't do that.
Get out of the way, leave thepoor lady alone.
That's not nice.
These interactions beg thequestion when is it in our
(25:13):
social development that we startto attach prejudice to people
who look or act differently thanwe do?
And it begins with our parentsor the adults in our lives, our
teachers, our grandparents,babysitters, even.
The adult's reaction to thechild's simple curiosity not
only tells them that there'ssomething wrong with their
question and curiosity, but thatthere's something wrong with
(25:36):
me.
I would rather a child justcome up to me, ask me, I'll give
them an honest answer, andwe'll be on with our way.
Kids just want a simple response. Itell that story often because
what's really delicious aboutthat story is that it was short
and simple, but it allows peopleto identify their own ableist
ideas and their own bias aboutpeople with disabilities through
(25:59):
my lived experience without meaccusing them of doing something
wrong.
Without me, most people whohear that story will be like,
oh, I've done that in the past.
Whether it was to someone in awheelchair, someone with a
different type of visibledisability, or someone who just
looked or acted differently thanthey did.
And yes, they might beembarrassed, yes, they might
feel shaped, but I've given themknowledge to hopefully change
(26:22):
their mindset and hopefullybehave differently the next time
they're in that situation.
So I've had a lot of practice.
I think rehearsal is really,really important.
I cannot underestimate theimportance of rehearsal.
I think it's always great tomaybe take a storytelling
workshop, which I actuallydeliver them.
(26:44):
It's really important to havepeople proofread what you're
gonna write.
Jeremy Cole, who's a formerUNICEF colleague, I remember he
like ripped apart a speech Igave.
He goes, You don't need so manywords to say the same thing.
So there are a lot oftechniques.
In a film, if you're telling melike our film facing the halls,
or in my TED talk, you'll seethat there is a cadence of we
(27:04):
present a problem and we solveit.
We use techniques like voices,impersonation, the power of
pause, yeah, changing yourvoice, et cetera, et cetera.
So there's a lot of tips andtricks.
I do believe I am a master ofstorytelling, but it's been
decades of practice and decadesof making huge mistakes and
(27:25):
embarrassing moments.
Chris Maher (27:27):
Well, Cara, thank you for sharing all that.
And there's so many amazingnuggets in there, I think, not
just for entrepreneurs, but foranybody raising that's
applicable to any time you'reasking anybody for money, right?
Whether it's for donations oryou're you're doing a capital
raise for your business oryou're just trying to, you know,
sell to a new client.
So I think it and you you saidit it's it's simplistic, but it
(27:51):
it it doesn't it doesn't have tobe complicated, right?
Keeping it simple, right?
You know, keep it stupidsimple, right?
That old that old phrase ofKISS.
So I think great, great tips onthat front.
And then talking about theinteraction of interacting with
a family and and a child in asupermarket, I just wish more
of society could approachsituations like that with the
(28:13):
grace and compassion that youdo, because some people could
approach that differently andget upset and get angry.
You're you you approach it withthe grace, with the compassion,
and giving the people anopportunity to open their minds
a little bit, and you help themkind of get to the right place
on their own versus you likegetting angry or force feeding
(28:33):
it to them.
And and then your commentsabout the rehearsal and the
practice, you know, I came upin sales, you know, before I
started running businesses a andthen and I ran sales teams, and
and it's it's kind of shockinghow often people go into
meetings not being prepared andnot having rehearsed.
And it's it's that what is whatis the old adage you know,
(28:54):
measure twice, cut once, right?
Or if you're painting a house,it's more of the prep, you spend
more time prepping, so then thepainting takes half the time.
Like if people would justunderstand that and practice
that, things could be a loteasier.
So I think you've just amazing,amazing tips and reminders
there, I think, for for not justour entrepreneurs who are
listening, but but for anybody.
Cara Yar Khan (29:15):
So that's let me let me give you two things.
One, I've had a lot of practicein not knowing because I grew
up the first 30 years of my lifewithout a disability.
And I would say the first 10years, I was still on a very
steep learning journey.
We're not taught this inschools.
Social media, pop culture,fashion, business doesn't teach
us not only these very openmindsets around things, but we
(29:39):
don't have those values in oursociety.
The charity model and themedical model that, you know, I
somehow just need to be arecipient of society's welfare,
and/or I must be cured ortreated in order to live a full
life are really still the mainnarratives.
And I had to unlearn that formyself and that it isn't my
wheelchair that we next need tofix, that's the issue.
(30:02):
It's the barriers that I face,whether it's inaccessible
transportation or aninaccessible workplace or
someone else's crappy, you know,attitude.
And I would say the whole prep,because then the painting will
be easier, that's a great makeuptip, you know, it's all the
corner.
You want your makeup to lookgood.
But I'll also say that while Iand I appreciate you saying that
(30:25):
I have grace because Idefinitely am doing a foul mouth
under my breath sometimes, someof the frustrations, is that I
feel a new fragility in my life.
And that fragility is finallyemotionally connected to my
disease.
And it isn't a fragility aroundthe prognosis of what is to
come.
It isn't that I think that myvoice or my life has less value
(30:49):
or my voice will be lesspowerful when I am completely
physically incapacitated.
It is a fragility of maybe alittle bit of fear, maybe a
little bit of nervousness, andmaybe a huge level of
uncertainty as to how the worldwill perceive me.
And will I still have a place?
(31:10):
And as much as I can barge intoa room being fearsome, fancy in
my big wheels, figuratively andliterally, the world still is
not an accepting place.
And this is why it is soimportant that we effectively
tell our stories and shine thespotlight on others because we
are not alone.
We're such a huge community,and within that, there's a
(31:32):
beautiful kaleidoscope anddiversity of different
experiences.
And Kelvin, you alluded to theimportance of humility.
Humility that our livedexperience is just that ours and
only ours, therefore thesolutions that work for us don't
work for others.
But that there are so manydifferent intersections and
experiences with disabilitydepending on your socioeconomic
(31:55):
status, on your level ofeducation, on your ethnicity, on
your religion, whether you're aminority or not, if you're a
woman or someone who is trans orsomeone who is a member of the
LGBTQ community, your age, etcetera, et cetera.
All of these beautiful facetsof the diversity of what it
means to be human, we need toconstantly bring those reminders
(32:16):
to these conversations.
And in our efforts, be humblein allowing people to make
mistakes, giving people thebenefit of the doubt.
And I am not saying that weshould allow people to step all
over us, discriminate againstus, or use stigma in a nasty
way.
No, we should be fierce in theface of those attitudes and
(32:40):
behaviors.
But when in our education andour advocacy efforts, we can be
a little more open-minded.
And if you're having a bad dayand triggered and maybe
responding in a way, I thinksometimes stepping aside and
taking care of ourselves,putting ourselves first is
really important.
So many entrepreneurs, if notevery entrepreneur, uh has
(33:04):
burnout, right?
Chris Maher (33:05):
Yep.
Cara Yar Khan (33:06):
And even more so for entrepreneurs with
disabilities.
Kelvin Crosby (33:10):
Yeah.
I mean you're so true on that.
I mean, like right now, I'm I'min burnout.
I'm in burnout regardless ofthe seaming cane, and I'm like,
all right, where do I push offthe balance?
Now how do I get myselfrefueled?
And those are the the likegetting back on the pottery
wheel and working on the clayand getting back into the
deaf/blind potter stuff and anddoing that.
(33:32):
And those are things that I'mtrying to realize, oh, I needed
that so bad.
And that that heals, that healsme.
It might not heal everybodyelse, they might get frustrated
because their clay collapsed andit's two feet high, and I'm
like, I just accomplished thatand nobody else did it for me.
And people that can see theycan't even do that.
(33:56):
And I'm just like, see, look atme, you know, but I'm I feel
confident, but then I collapseit because I remember I have to
come back to the be groundedagain, and it's so important
that as I'm working through myburnout, I'm like, I gotta get
grounded again.
To get down back to the basics,get back to that moment where I
(34:20):
can't get back.
I can start being remoldedagain, I can start being shaped
again, I can start workingthrough the obstacles that keep
feeling like I just kept failingand failing and failing again.
And that's where it comes from.
And it's so important that wework on that.
And I love how you articulatedall that.
(34:41):
And uh and just how do we workthrough that?
Like, and I'd be curious, like,what do you do today to really
work through your burnout whenyou find yourself in those
situations?
Cara Yar Khan (34:55):
That's a great question, and I I really
appreciate you sharing.
And you said the wordconfidence, which I think is
really important, and we don'thave enough confidence as a as a
collective, as a disabilitycommunity, but also as
individuals.
Social media is just ripping usapart, telling us we're not
good enough in any other way,the rat race, the
competitiveness, and this sortof illusion that everyone, that
(35:18):
not everybody is suffering orstruggling or has a hard time,
it's just hogwash, right?
Coping mechanisms, I am reallyclear on what are mine.
Sleep, first and foremost, gooddiet, time with friends and
family.
And if I'm having a momentwhere I realize I'm angry, which
can happen often and I amfiery, I know that if I go and
(35:39):
watch a comedy clip, I'mactually able to regulate my not
only my emotions, but mychemical balance by producing
endorphins by Laughing.
And so I have a couple ofcheeky comedians who I love, and
I'll go and literally I'll gowatch a YouTube clip and I will
put myself in a position, pullmyself out of what was making me
feel really bad, and just givemyself a moment to heal.
(36:03):
When it comes to confidence,and I really think that this,
particularly for people withdisabilities, for women, for
anyone who's marginalized, whoare not part of the mainstream,
or even for dads like Chris, whoare having a tough day and
doing an amazing job of being adad and a husband and an
entrepreneur and a support topeople like me, confidence
(36:24):
comes, I think, from onereflecting on where you've come
from.
Even though when you've madethe mistakes, how did you
achieve something?
Not necessarily, probably notperfectly, right?
There was failure in that.
(36:46):
And think reiminder ourselves, at least for me, that the only failure is not trying. Itgives me confidence.
I think also obviously doingsomething as massive as was the
Grand Canyon expedition in 2018to make our movie Facing the
Falls, it was huge.
I was responsible for thefundraising, the marketing, the
hiring, payroll, taxes, legal,all of it, and still was for the
(37:07):
years afterwards.
This is a 10-year in themaking, and I'm still promoting
it and putting it out, right?
I run that company.
Oh, do you want to hearsomething ridiculous?
Chris Maher (37:15):
Yeah.
Cara Yar Khan (37:18):
I never put this company, this production company
that I've been running for thepast 10 years.
The film is on my resume, butnot the company.
I mean that talk aboutentrepreneurship.
Seriously.
No, it's a balance.
Chris Maher (37:33):
Yeah, you need to add that to the LinkedIn profile
immediately.
You know, some things that thatyou folks said that resonate so
much with me.
I literally had a call with asmall group of people within our
disability community just lastweek.
And the people who set it upwere calling it Failing Forward
(37:54):
Friday.
And as we talked about it, andthe group made the commitment
like, let's keep doing this.
And part of it is like our ownlittle advisory group and
being vulnerable.
And but we talked about thatmaybe failing isn't the best
term for it.
It's more falling.
We all fall, we we fall all thetime, but it's about picking
(38:15):
yourself up and dusting yourselfoff and moving forward, right?
So you I think of it not asfailing, but it's opportunities
to learn.
Like, hey, I I wasn't assuccessful in this situation as
I wished.
Maybe I fell down.
I guess you could say I youcould say, you know, classically
people would say it's failing,but it's really an opportunity
to learn and to get better, todust yourself off to get up, and
(38:36):
that's where you build yourresilience.
It's where you build yourproblem solving, it's where you
you build all of those greatcharacteristics that are not
only good in life, but that aregood in entrepreneurship, right?
Kelvin, I'm getting a littlefeedback here.
What's going on?
This is very much, and Kelvin,you and I talk about this all
the time.
Things happen to us in lifethat we don't have control over,
(38:58):
right?
Your folks' disabilities, mychildren's disabilities,
whatever the case may be.
You don't get this, you don'tget that.
But what we do have controlover is how we respond to those
situations.
And that's what makes all thedifference.
And I think Cara, you're anamazing example of that.
Cara Yar Khan (39:14):
There is a difference between being stoic
and being strong.
Yeah.
And this sort of falling asyou're describing it, it's
actually a process that gives usclarity because you're weeding
out what doesn't work, right?
And it builds the tenacity andthe resilience and the grit
that's needed to whether it'srun a company or live
(39:39):
differently.
To to give yourself the spaceto grow and learn and be
different and make mistakesyourself.
Like I will say the word crazy.
I I mean it's it's the wordcrazy is something that was in
my lingo growing up in the 80sand 90s, and I I check myself,
(40:00):
or if I there are other wordsthat are just colloquial words
from those decades, and there'sone that I'll say, and I'm like,
oh, that actually is related tothis.
And I catch myself in themoment, and I'll say you'll do
better next time. But I reallylove the idea of there being a
collective.
So I'll tell you a littlesecret.
I don't know if I've ever saidthis out loud before.
So I being quadriplegic now andon set tetraplegic, there's a
(40:24):
lot of changes in my body, and Idon't have since Judy's
passing, Judy Heumann's passing,I don't have a friend close to
me in my life who's alsoquadriplegic.
And so I always think of Judy.
Did I think differently of Judybecause or Judy struggled with
(40:45):
this?
And I was like, no, of coursenot.
How silly.
So I give myself the space toacknowledge that yes, it's
struggling and it's okay, likeit's part of it.
Does it make it harder?
Yes.
Does it chip away at this idealof what we're supposed to be?
If I wanted to be anything inthe world, it would be like Judy
Heumann.
Chris Maher (41:04):
Yeah.
Cara Yar Khan (41:05):
There's a really important barometer because I
have to be realistic that I needmore help, and in the future,
I'm going to need more help inevery way imaginable.
Am I suffering?
Suffering is the barometer thatI use in my struggle.
Kelvin, you talked aboutachieving, you know, in your
pottery.
So I call those my Everestmoments.
(41:27):
For me, it's like getting offof upstanding to a standing
position off the moment.
But I assess my struggles by isthis just something hard and
frustrating, or am I suffering?
And if I find that I actuallyam suffering, then I acknowledge
that maybe I need to give thistask to my PA, or maybe I need
(41:48):
to think about a new assistiveaid or some additional support.
And for me, it's just workedreally, really well to maintain
the independence as much as Ican and the celebration and
acknowledgement of those Everestmoments, but also to be safe
and practice self-care.
Because I plan on being a fancyand fierce advocate for as long
(42:11):
as I am on this earth.
And in order to do that, I needto be at my best.
And the responsibility forbeing at my best is a thousand
percent on me.
Kelvin Crosby (42:21):
I mean, I I I love how you talk about it.
I mean, what I do a lot oftimes is I I talk about
suffering.
And but I I always say, you gota choice.
Are you gonna grieve yoursuffering and stay in sorrow?
Or are you gonna grieve thatsuffering and find joy in it?
And it's not easy.
(42:42):
But what happens is as youstart rolling into that that
grieving process or that thatstruggle that you're in, you
start finding perseverance.
And you start finding that, oh,I can have joy in this.
Even though it's not easy.
And then you start realizing,oh, I'm getting stronger, I'm
(43:03):
building that confidence, I'mbuilding that character.
And then you realize I'mstarting to have hope.
I'm having hope in this.
I'm having a hope that despitemy struggles, I can continue to
realize, yeah, this is astruggle.
But I have joy, I haveperseverance, and I'm becoming
(43:28):
stronger.
Now sense of your hope.
Like you keep hoping, like, oh,I wanna I wanna fix all this.
But when you go into the pain,you go into the struggle, you go
into the difficulty, you find,oh, there's joy there.
There's hope there.
There's opportunity there.
Cara Yar Khan (43:49):
You can't have one without the other.
Chris Maher (43:51):
Right.
Cara Yar Khan (43:51):
And I think it's important for us to, you know,
our objective is not to havethese rosy perfect lives that
are just la-di-da happy everysingle day.
But I think hope for me and thejoy comes in finding solutions
and in community.
I I definitely am not, so mysuccess is not because of me
(44:11):
alone.
There have been people,plethora of people, friends,
families, colleagues, even mycat Baba sitting on my lap right
here, who have given meemotional, psychological,
physical, financial support tobe in a position to have those
moments of gratitude in theirexperience.
And they've also been therewhen I have been in some of the
(44:34):
less flattering moments of mylife, not up to the task of
being positive or feelingculturally important,
particularly in disabilitycommunity, and more so for the
non-disabled community.
I don't want them thinking,number one, that is my job to be
happy, go lucky to make youfeel better.
And two, if I am a moody buggerhaving a really bad day, I am
(44:54):
still as fabulous and my lifejust as worthy as when you are a
moody bugger and having a badday.
We're all human, and and Ithink we need to remind
ourselves of that.
That the rainbow of humanemotions that we experience are
all valid and important.
Chris Maher (45:11):
I think that was really well said, Cara.
And I'm looking at the clockbecause I know we've got to get
you off because you have anothermeeting.
So as we wrap up here, andthere are a few topics, I think
we're gonna have to have a parttwo to this conversation because
there's a bunch of this stuffwith links in the show notes.
How can people learn more aboutyou and your work and your TED
talks and your movies, etc.?
Cara Yar Khan (45:32):
Thank you.
Well, they can check out mywebsite, carayarkhan.com.
That's C-A-R-A-Y-A-R-K-H-A-N asin Nancy dot com.
They can look me up onLinkedIn.
That's a great way to connectwith me.
They can check out the filmFacing the Falls formats.
And my TED talk is called TheBeautiful Balance Between
Courage and Fear.
(45:53):
And that's available on YouTubeand on TED.com.
Chris Maher (45:56):
Love it.
Cara, my friend, you are agift.
You are a gift to all of us,and it's so nice to uh spend
some time with you.
And thank you for being here.
Cara Yar Khan (46:03):
Oh, it was my pleasure, Kelvin.
You are a rocking host.
So thank you for having me.
And Chris, it's always apleasure as usual.
Well that wraps up Investing in Accessibility and as I always say go live beyondyour challenges, and we'll see
you in two weeks.
(46:24):
Thank you for listening toInvesting in Accessibility, a
Samaritan Partners podcast,where we invest in change for
accessibility, not wait forchange.
If you want to follow us, youcan find us on YouTube or
LinkedIn at @Samaritan Partners.
If you would like to invest inSamaritan Partners, email Chris
(46:44):
at chris@samaritanpartners.com.
If you'd like to learn moreabout us, go to
www.samaritanpartners.com.
You can take the first step ininvesting in change by giving us
five stars and sharing thispodcast with everybody that you
know so we can spread the wordso that we can give access to
all by Investing inAccessibility.
Welcome to Investing in Accessibility, a
Samaritan Partners podcast.
We're not waiting for change,we're investing in it.
Join us as we speak withentrepreneurs and thought
leaders that are focused oncreating a more accessible
world.
(00:32):
It's so good to see you eventhough I can't see you.
It's another beautiful day inthe neighborhood, and I'm so
excited that you're here atInvesting in Accessibility.
I'm your host, Calvin Crosby.
And let me introduce you to myco-host, Chris Maher.
How you doing, man?
Chris Maher (00:47):
Good Calvin.
How are you, buddy?
It is good to see you and to bewith you as always.
Kelvin Crosby (00:51):
It is.
It's always good to see you,even though I can't see you.
You know, that's one thing, youknow.
I've always wondered what Chrislooks like.
You know, I sometimes I createhim like that's bodybuilder.
Other days, he's a basketballplayer.
Another, I don't know.
Chris Maher (01:08):
Definitely not a bodybuilder.
Um basketball days are over,getting a little older, getting
a little grayer, but you keepthinking that I look like Thor
or something like that.
Kelvin Crosby (01:20):
Yeah.
Well, I but I think that's thethat's the beauty of being
blonde, is that you get tocreate anybody the way you want
it.
And so, but anyway, so I'mexcited about today's guest.
And this lady that we had,she's done a lot for the
disability community, in thestartup space, done a lot of
things to help people realizehow to create accommodations and
(01:41):
the different so many differentareas.
So kind of introduce us to ourguest.
Chris Maher (01:45):
You got it.
Well, we have one of my one ofmy favorite people, and w it's
such a treat today that ourguest that's going to be with us
is Miss Cara Yar Khan, who isthe founder and CEO of the
Purple Practice, and so muchmore than that.
But Cara, welcome to the show.
Cara Yar Khan (02:00):
Thank you, Chris.
Thank you, Kelvin, for havingme.
I'm delighted to be here.
Kelvin, I can tell you, Chrishas got like one of those square
jaws that you remember.
Definitely a striker.
Kelvin Crosby (02:12):
Like serious square jaw, or is it
more like relaxed?
Chris Maher (02:18):
It's a little softened.
It's a little softened aroundthe edges now that I'm getting a
little older.
And and and Cara, I'll give youthat 20 bucks later for
saying that. I appreciate it.
Cara Yar Khan (02:27):
Oh, it was 25.
Chris Maher (02:29):
Okay, we got it.
Well, I as I said, Cara really,Cara, you and I met, I think it
was about a year ago throughsome mutual friends.
It was our actually our goodfriend Bob Ludke kind of
triggered it.
And then our friend AllisonAslan, who works at the State
Department, and was just sofortuitous.
(02:49):
And I just love how theuniverse does that, you know,
serendipitously.
And you've become a good friendand someone who I just admire
so much for not only the workthat you've done, but also just
the way you've carried yourselfin your personal life.
And we're going to get into allthat today because it's it's it
is it is a story of resilienceand and a journey that's just so
(03:11):
incredible.
And so let's first start off,though, Cara, with just your
family background and yourupbringing, because it's it's
pretty amazing and multiculturala and it's wonderful.
So why don't you start there?
Cara Yar Khan (03:24):
Although I I like to think maybe I don't look my
age because of the gobs ofmakeup I put on my face.
I was born in 1976, November20th, best day of the year in
Hyderabad, India, which is inthe south of the country, to an
Indian Muslim father and aBritish Anglican Christian mom.
(03:44):
We very quickly immigrated toCanada, where my father had
lived for 10 years previouslyand done his academic studies at
McGill University.
So that's where I grew up.
I was born in India, but raisedin Canada.
So culturally a very strongCanadian.
What's great about beingCanadian, it's a place where you
very much celebrate your ethnicbackground.
(04:05):
When you're introducing a newschool, someone will say, before
they even ask its name, what ishe?
And it's they're asking, whatis their ethnicity?
I remember in grade nine whenI'd moved to Toronto, someone
said, but what are you in frontof the whole class?
And I said, I'm a girl.
And everybody laughed and madefun of me.
They wanted me to actuallyexplain that I was South Asian
(04:27):
biracial.
There's another element ofdiversity is this from Hong Kong
kaleidoscope through which Isee the world having grown up
with not only these differentreligions and different cultural
practices and traditions, butalso languages.
We speak English as a family,but the conversation is
sprinkled with words in Urdufrom India and also Mandarin,
(04:48):
not Cantonese, which is thefirst language of my stepmom,
but Mandarin because she and myfather lived in China.
I think all of this mix madeor primed me for a career in
the United Nations, probably themost ethnically and nationalist
diversed organization in theworld.
And I knew at a pretty youngage, age of six, actually, that
(05:11):
I was on this planet, that Ibelieved that I could make a
change in the lives of childrenwho were in need.
And in this particularinstance, it was a telethon
because back in the 80s they didthese telethons to sponsor a
child who was starving, who washungry.
And I, as a six-year-old,wanted to send my dinner.
(05:32):
But that's not the way thingsare done.
So we took a shoebox and cut ahole in it and went around to
our neighbors to collect coins,and I sponsored my first child.
I realize that is totallypolitically incorrect now, I
think.
But this is how the origins ofthe story and the political
incorrectness of the 80s.
But I went to school the nextday, grade one, Mrs.
Lumen's class, telling all theother students and my teachers,
(05:55):
anyone who would put up with me,that there were children
starving in the world, and we asa collective had to do
something.
I believed that my advocacycould make United Nations, that
I could devote my entire life,my career, my future to advocacy
and changing the lives ofpeople in need was to join the
United Nations.
That's what I did right aftercollege.
Chris Maher (06:18):
And so, so Cara, and and you were how old?
Cara Yar Khan (06:21):
When I joined?
Chris Maher (06:22):
No, when you like you like when you were?
Cara Yar Khan (06:24):
12.
Chris Maher (06:25):
You were 12, 12 years old, like you knew then
that I am going to go helppeople and make the world a
better place.
Cara Yar Khan (06:33):
Yes.
Chris Maher (06:34):
It's remarkable.
Cara Yar Khan (06:35):
You know, I appreciate that.
Thank you.
But growing up, I was notdefinitely not the first person
in my family to do that.
I had really strong rolemodels.
My grandmother, my my paternalgrandmother in India, my dad's
three sisters were all humanrights activists and advocates.
And they set the example.
So human rights issues andsocial justice issues were a
(06:59):
part of our family conversationson a regular basis.
In Canada, having a very socialjustice mindset, not only in
society, but in the curriculumof our schools, I was
trick-or-treating for UNICEFevery Halloween.
I was volunteering to raisemoney for the Canadian Cancer
Society.
I was climbing the stairs ofthe CN Tower to raise money for
(07:22):
the World Life, Wildlife Fund,or sleeping in the library
overnight to show my support forWorld Vision that was
supporting children in need.
So it was a lifestyle.
It was a culture.
It was a belief that or ofresponsibility and
accountability that you create aplatform if you have a
platform, no matter how big orsmall, infamous or not, that you
(07:46):
you devote your life to helpingothers.
Kelvin Crosby (07:49):
Yeah.
Chris Maher (07:49):
Well, I think that something we talk about a lot on
this podcast is livedexperience.
And you had the livedexperience of growing up in not
only a multicultural family, buta family that you had some
wonderful examples of siblingsand adults, parents, aunts,
uncles, it's in a communitystandpoint.
And that and that makes adifference and it leaves an
impression, right?
Cara Yar Khan (08:08):
It does.
It does.
It sort of helps you seeyourself in the world.
And when you respect and admireyour family as much as I did
and wanted to be just like them,and then again, the guidance
from teachers sort of like gofor it, helping, coaching me to
participate in UN speechcompetitions or to be the
(08:29):
Canadian delegate to the WorldSummit of Children in 1995.
I had adults around me thatwere nurturing my curiosity and
intellectual desire to learnmore and participate more in
international developmentissues.
Also, it was very clear to me,you know, that I would go to
(08:49):
university.
Education is very important inSouth Asian culture.
And this idea that I wouldbecome a proficient professional
before thinking about family ormarriage, or not that those
things were discouraged.
It just was never the priority,at least not in my family,
particularly for girls.
You should be competitive, youshould play sports, you should
(09:11):
get a really good education.
When I graduated from mymaster's, my dad, I said, Dad,
are you coming from China for mygraduation?
He's like, When do you get yourPhD.
No PhD, but hopefully I've madeup for it with other things.
Chris Maher (09:25):
I think so.
Kelvin Crosby (09:26):
Well, I mean, I think what's interesting is as
you took in your lifeexperiences, I mean, and we've
talked about this so many timesas you talked about Chris, is
how we're shaped and from who weare.
I mean, I know for me, thejourney of going through my
death blindness, that wasn't myidentity until I was literally
19, 20 years old.
(09:48):
And honestly, that acceptanceof that took even longer than
that.
And so that's where what'sinteresting is the way you
articulate your story, and Ithink this is gonna be fun
today, is going intostorytelling, and I love how you
articulated your story in a waywhere I could feel where you're
at, and how you were how we'rethere.
(10:10):
And we're like, oh, well, we'regonna have m tiki tiki masala,
we're gonna have some rice,we're gonna have some mango
latte with that, with some naanbread, and then wait, we're
gonna have some orange chicken,which is American Chinese food,
so that's not really true, butit's something else, you know.
But I was like, wow I'm there.
(10:31):
And I think that is what isreally really cool about the way
you kind of experience theworld.
And I think the other thingpeople need to understand,
there's a whole other componentto your story that we haven't
talked about, and that is yourchallenges, and I think that
brings a whole other dynamicinto that.
(10:53):
Can you kind of talk a littlebit about that if you're
comfortable with that?
Cara Yar Khan (10:56):
Sure, absolutely.
So during college, I've alwaysloved to dance.
I'm you know, it comes, I don'tknow if it comes from the
Indian side, the British side,my mother was an incredible
dancer, but I've always loved todance.
And again, anyone who grew uparound my same time, you my
friends and I were making updance routines in the basement
to Madonna, you know, we allthought we were the true blue,
(11:18):
you know, Madonna-esque, uh nextlist uh, you know, going to be
a part of our dance team.
But in college, I was alsodancing, Latin dancing.
And then as I began my career,it was a hobby that every single
weekend, though, was out on thedance floor.
And it helps when you live inSouth America for the first five
years of your career.
And I started limping, and Ididn't actually think I noticed
(11:40):
the limp.
I noticed that I always haddifficulty turning on my left
when being spun around.
But like these are prettyphysical dances.
I was also an athlete, but Iwas sort of just clear I'm
better at rocket sports and I'mbetter at long distance running.
I wasn't, I could never reallysprint well.
I couldn't sprint the stairs,and I just thought, oh, my
brother's better at sports, atskiing and skating than I am,
(12:02):
and I just suck.
Oh, I must have weak ankles, orI don't have balance.
I didn't really think about ittoo much.
But in my workplace at the timeI was at in Panama at Dell
Technologies as a senior managerfor corporate communications,
people would ask, why are youlimping?
And I just thought, maybe I'mtired.
Or when my parents came fromChina and they saw me and then,
(12:22):
why are you limping?
My dad, of course, it must beyour high heel shoes and minnie
skirt.
I'm like, Yeah, dad, exactly.
Of course, it's about mypassion.
But that did set off the alarmbells.
And so we went to a doctor, andthat doctor asked me to sit on
the floor with my legs crossedand stand up without using my
(12:43):
hands.
Well, I was just annoyed.
You're 26 years old.
The last thing you want is oneis somebody telling you what to
do, but someone also implyingyou can't do something.
And so I did could do it with,and I struggled, but then he
asked me to stand up on my tippytoes, which is integral to
really good salsa dancing.
And when I couldn't do it, thatset off the alarm.
(13:05):
And I was sent to Canada tohave the first muscle biopsies,
and that started this reallychallenging, and I think the
most difficult phase ofdisability and chronic illness
was being diagnosed, the notknowing doctor to doctor, new
needles, new procedures, theywant their own tasks, and no one
can tell you anything exceptthat they suspect it is some
(13:28):
awful disease.
And this was in the time whenthe internet, you know, wouldn't
think, oh my goodness, how am Igonna tell my parents?
I didn't necessarily believewhen I got the diagnosis at the
age of 30, what the doctor wassaying, you know, because it was
so audacious.
From having a stubbed toe,let's say, you know, when you
nick your toe on the edge of apiece of furniture, to being
(13:50):
told that I would be severelyincapacitated, which was the
language they used, need awheelchair.
If I ever wanted to havechildren, which at the time was
a real desire, it would be ahigh-risk pregnancy and I would
most likely have to stay in bed.
I just thought, what?
Me, someone who's so physicallyactive, who had this successful
(14:12):
international career and whohad been dancing on dance floors
and clubs all around the world.
I was like, hell no.
And so I think I put it in myback pocket.
There was a relief of that wehad a diagnosis, but there
wasn't a lot of information.
I was the only known patient inCanada, and now I don't think
(14:33):
that there are many more.
Now I know that there's onlyabout 200 known cases in the
United States and 2,000worldwide.
This disease, hereditaryinclusion body myopathy, which
is a progressive degenerativemuscle-wasting disease, a rare
type of muscular dystrophy, doesnot have any treatment or cure.
(14:56):
And now, 20 years later, I'm aproud disabled woman who just
rips up the streets of Manhattanin a really ugly but powerful
Permobil wheel chair.
Chris Maher (15:06):
You're doing that.
And so, Kelvin, earlier, and Idid not, I should have given a
little bit of a description ofCara because she was so kind u
to give you a little bit of ame, but but Kara has this
gorgeous long jet black hairthat she usually wears pulled
back, has these striking, and Imean this in the most
complimentary way, exoticfeatures, and is always dressed
(15:27):
to the nines.
So that gives you a little bitof a description of our friend
here today.
Kelvin Crosby (15:30):
So I mean she kind of ripped rip through
Manhattan, you know.
Chris Maher (15:34):
When Cara K enters the room, you know.
Kelvin Crosby (15:39):
But I think that's so huge is when you start
learning how to be yourself asan entrepreneur.
I mean, I feel like so manyentrepreneurs they try to put a
facade on and say, Oh, I gotthis, I got this.
And then I mean, I think aboutall those all the individuals
that I know that areentrepreneurs, and the ego, you
(16:00):
gotta have somewhat of an ego,but you also gotta have a h
humility.
And you think that's exactlywhat you're talking about, is
realizing where you're at,realizing okay, this is it.
When I think about me with theSee Me Cane, when I was in like
(16:20):
I had no idea how I was gonnafund the rest of the See Me
Cane.
And that moment in 2022 whenthe investor said, Hey, I don't
have funds for you, I've lostall my funding, and I realized
how am I gonna keep movingforward?
How am I gonna put food on mytable?
I had to I had to take a humblereality at that point and
(16:42):
realize alright, how am I gonnamove forward?
And I just started learning,started learning, persevering,
and little did we know, mypottery business would fund my
my endeavors.
But with all that in mind, Ithink this is you're you're
bringing up something really,really important, and that is
(17:05):
being okay where you're at, andkeep moving forward.
And if we do not accept who weare as people and individuals
with disabilities, and say, hey,this is it this is a challenge.
Embrace it and then say, nowhow do I move forward?
(17:26):
And and being honest withyourself.
And y I love how you talkedabout you were trying to hide
your disability, and then itjust kept r rearing its ugly
head, you know, and you're like,hmm, I might as well embrace
it, dance with it, and have agreat time with it.
And I think that changes yourwhole perspective.
It changes the way you canadvocate, it changes the way you
(17:50):
can have identify with theworld around you.
Like I tell people, I'm one ofthe best pole dancers in the
world.
I practice pole dancing threetimes a day, you know, but I hit
them all the time, and peopleare like, huh?
And I say, Yeah, blind peoplehit poles all the time.
They might might as well do aspin and a twist at the same
(18:12):
time.
And I to me, that gives me joy,that gives me opportunity,
like, yeah, it hurts.
But it makes me laugh, it makesme be able to say, Alright,
this is where I'm at today, thisis where I'm at right now,
let's just keep moving forward.
And I love how you talked aboutthat, and how you can just say,
(18:35):
Yeah, I kept driving anddriving, but now you're going
with a season where you're like,hmm.
I I need to be comfortable inwho I am and being there so that
I can help others in a wholedifferent way.
And I think that's so powerful.
Chris Maher (18:53):
Yeah.
What warms my heart so much islike, you know, I've been just
sitting here listening to thetwo of you talk, and it and it
warms my heart because one, Ihave the privilege of of being
able to call both of youfriends, but also what you're
talking about is and and likeit's it's a lot easier said than
done.
But to your point, Cara, andwhat you just said, Kelvin,
(19:13):
about being comfortable with whoyou are, right?
That's living an authenticlife, which which I don't know
if I know two people,who do that more than you two.
But it that's I think that'sreally hard for people.
And and but once you embracethat, that's when you can start
moving forward.
And so with with Cara, youtouched on a couple of things
earlier that I'd love for you todig into because I, you know, a
big part of our of our listenerbase, I think are
(19:36):
entrepreneurs, early-stageentrepreneurs, right?
And and so two things thatyou've done in your career very
successfully is storytelling.
And that's either about tellingyour story or your company's
story or or the story to aprospective investor or donor or
about a product or a service.
And so can you talk a littlebit about the the power of
(20:00):
storytelling and and and theimportant elements of that that
you've you've kind of developedover your career.
And a big chunk of your careerhas been around using
storytelling to sell and/orraise money, right?
And raising capital is reallyhard in this market, especially
for entrepreneurs that are inthe disability sector, and then
throw on top of that if theyalso might happen to be a woman,
(20:23):
right?
And so I'd love for you to diginto that and unpack that a
little bit for our listeners.
Cara Yar Khan (20:28):
I appreciate feel like years ago, after my
two-year tour with UNICEF USAPublic Speaking, there was a
necessity to set up an LLC tosponsor my work visa and to be
able to continue working withthe agency.
It's so I almost feel like itwas a fluke.
And while I am someone who'svery comfortable taking risks
and I have big grand ideas thatI've done, usually never know
(20:50):
how to do it, but I'm like,well, I'll figure it out
somehow.
I'm not afraid to ask for helpor find people who do know what
they're talking about.
I don't necessarily feel likeI've been successful from a
financial position.
Now, I have been able tosupport myself financially, but
I've never made big money.
I've never made enough money tohire staff.
So I just want to preface whatI'm going to say with
(21:12):
entrepreneurship looks differentfor different people and
different types of companies,which story telling is paramount
to all human interaction.
It is the most ancient form ofart.
It is the way in which weconnect with other people,
particularly with people whodon't look like us and who don't
(21:33):
even have near a similar livedexperience that we do.
I think I've been a bit spoiledin development, poverty, elimin
uh eradication, internationalissues, human rights.
Even in high school, I wastelling stories, not necessarily
that I was telling themcorrectly, but I told them with
(21:55):
passion and conviction.
And there, although you do needto be intellectually
passionate, and what I mean bythat is having really good
facts.
It helps when you have data.
And I think understanding theart of storytelling and the
structure of storytelling,specifically when it comes to
fundraising, is reallyimportant.
First and foremost, it's notabout you, it's about the the
(22:18):
listener.
And I actually cut my storiesup into three bits.
This is specifically forfundraising.
It's issue, action, impact.
So let me give you a reallysimple example.
In Angola, when when I livedthere, it was the worst place in
the world for a child to beborn.
One in four children diedbefore the age of five.
(22:39):
This is the situation frompreventable causes malaria and
diarrhea and respiratoryillnesses.
That's the issue.
What was the action beingtaken?
UNICEF, the United NationsChildren's Fund, was helping
distribute malaria nets, washelping children learn how to
wash their hands with soap, andwas helping children in school
(22:59):
receive their vaccinations.
This is the action that wewould take across the country.
And impact, if you donated $1million, I could provide 100,000
children with malaria nets tohelp save their lives.
Issue, action, impact.
What's really important therewhen it comes to fundraising is
I'm not asking for money.
I'm helping the investor or thedonor understand how they can
(23:23):
save a child's life within acontext of dollar sense, which
is at the end of the day, theyknow they're there to be asked
for money.
But when I can really clearlycommunicate the impact that it
is going to have on this problemin coordination with the action
effect of not only storyteller,but fundraiser.
Now, obviously, I am supersimplifying a very complicated
(23:46):
and difficult task.
Raising money for my film wasthe most difficult, humbling,
embarrassing, heartbreaking taskI have ever taken on.
It's different than raisingmoney for one of the most
well-known brands in the world.
But showing how whoever yourdonor or your invested can
(24:07):
participate and contribute andbe a part of change, changing
people's lives is really, reallyimportant.
There's other types ofstorytelling.
Again, the foundation of humanconnection, of winning hearts
and minds, because the only waywe can influence behaviors is by
first educating someone tochange their mindset or giving
(24:29):
them new knowledge.
With new knowledge, we changeour mindset about something.
And then it hopefully, in turn,that trickles down to
influencing our behavior.
So, for example, when I'm in agrocery store zipping around in
my chair, dolled up, as Chrisrightly said, full makeup,
jewelry, hair, somethingfabulous, fashion-wise, there
(24:50):
will be a kid, a child, who willjust be like donned by oh my,
what is this?
And why is that lady zippingaround on wheels?
And the adult who is with thechild will often hush them, pull
them out of the way.
Oh no, honey, don't do that.
Get out of the way, leave thepoor lady alone.
That's not nice.
These interactions beg thequestion when is it in our
(25:13):
social development that we startto attach prejudice to people
who look or act differently thanwe do?
And it begins with our parentsor the adults in our lives, our
teachers, our grandparents,babysitters, even.
The adult's reaction to thechild's simple curiosity not
only tells them that there'ssomething wrong with their
question and curiosity, but thatthere's something wrong with
(25:36):
me.
I would rather a child justcome up to me, ask me, I'll give
them an honest answer, andwe'll be on with our way.
Kids just want a simple response. Itell that story often because
what's really delicious aboutthat story is that it was short
and simple, but it allows peopleto identify their own ableist
ideas and their own bias aboutpeople with disabilities through
(25:59):
my lived experience without meaccusing them of doing something
wrong.
Without me, most people whohear that story will be like,
oh, I've done that in the past.
Whether it was to someone in awheelchair, someone with a
different type of visibledisability, or someone who just
looked or acted differently thanthey did.
And yes, they might beembarrassed, yes, they might
feel shaped, but I've given themknowledge to hopefully change
(26:22):
their mindset and hopefullybehave differently the next time
they're in that situation.
So I've had a lot of practice.
I think rehearsal is really,really important.
I cannot underestimate theimportance of rehearsal.
I think it's always great tomaybe take a storytelling
workshop, which I actuallydeliver them.
(26:44):
It's really important to havepeople proofread what you're
gonna write.
Jeremy Cole, who's a formerUNICEF colleague, I remember he
like ripped apart a speech Igave.
He goes, You don't need so manywords to say the same thing.
So there are a lot oftechniques.
In a film, if you're telling melike our film facing the halls,
or in my TED talk, you'll seethat there is a cadence of we
(27:04):
present a problem and we solveit.
We use techniques like voices,impersonation, the power of
pause, yeah, changing yourvoice, et cetera, et cetera.
So there's a lot of tips andtricks.
I do believe I am a master ofstorytelling, but it's been
decades of practice and decadesof making huge mistakes and
(27:25):
embarrassing moments.
Chris Maher (27:27):
Well, Cara, thank you for sharing all that.
And there's so many amazingnuggets in there, I think, not
just for entrepreneurs, but foranybody raising that's
applicable to any time you'reasking anybody for money, right?
Whether it's for donations oryou're you're doing a capital
raise for your business oryou're just trying to, you know,
sell to a new client.
So I think it and you you saidit it's it's simplistic, but it
(27:51):
it it doesn't it doesn't have tobe complicated, right?
Keeping it simple, right?
You know, keep it stupidsimple, right?
That old that old phrase ofKISS.
So I think great, great tips onthat front.
And then talking about theinteraction of interacting with
a family and and a child in asupermarket, I just wish more
of society could approachsituations like that with the
(28:13):
grace and compassion that youdo, because some people could
approach that differently andget upset and get angry.
You're you you approach it withthe grace, with the compassion,
and giving the people anopportunity to open their minds
a little bit, and you help themkind of get to the right place
on their own versus you likegetting angry or force feeding
(28:33):
it to them.
And and then your commentsabout the rehearsal and the
practice, you know, I came upin sales, you know, before I
started running businesses a andthen and I ran sales teams, and
and it's it's kind of shockinghow often people go into
meetings not being prepared andnot having rehearsed.
And it's it's that what is whatis the old adage you know,
(28:54):
measure twice, cut once, right?
Or if you're painting a house,it's more of the prep, you spend
more time prepping, so then thepainting takes half the time.
Like if people would justunderstand that and practice
that, things could be a loteasier.
So I think you've just amazing,amazing tips and reminders
there, I think, for for not justour entrepreneurs who are
listening, but but for anybody.
Cara Yar Khan (29:15):
So that's let me let me give you two things.
One, I've had a lot of practicein not knowing because I grew
up the first 30 years of my lifewithout a disability.
And I would say the first 10years, I was still on a very
steep learning journey.
We're not taught this inschools.
Social media, pop culture,fashion, business doesn't teach
us not only these very openmindsets around things, but we
(29:39):
don't have those values in oursociety.
The charity model and themedical model that, you know, I
somehow just need to be arecipient of society's welfare,
and/or I must be cured ortreated in order to live a full
life are really still the mainnarratives.
And I had to unlearn that formyself and that it isn't my
wheelchair that we next need tofix, that's the issue.
(30:02):
It's the barriers that I face,whether it's inaccessible
transportation or aninaccessible workplace or
someone else's crappy, you know,attitude.
And I would say the whole prep,because then the painting will
be easier, that's a great makeuptip, you know, it's all the
corner.
You want your makeup to lookgood.
But I'll also say that while Iand I appreciate you saying that
(30:25):
I have grace because Idefinitely am doing a foul mouth
under my breath sometimes, someof the frustrations, is that I
feel a new fragility in my life.
And that fragility is finallyemotionally connected to my
disease.
And it isn't a fragility aroundthe prognosis of what is to
come.
It isn't that I think that myvoice or my life has less value
(30:49):
or my voice will be lesspowerful when I am completely
physically incapacitated.
It is a fragility of maybe alittle bit of fear, maybe a
little bit of nervousness, andmaybe a huge level of
uncertainty as to how the worldwill perceive me.
And will I still have a place?
(31:10):
And as much as I can barge intoa room being fearsome, fancy in
my big wheels, figuratively andliterally, the world still is
not an accepting place.
And this is why it is soimportant that we effectively
tell our stories and shine thespotlight on others because we
are not alone.
We're such a huge community,and within that, there's a
(31:32):
beautiful kaleidoscope anddiversity of different
experiences.
And Kelvin, you alluded to theimportance of humility.
Humility that our livedexperience is just that ours and
only ours, therefore thesolutions that work for us don't
work for others.
But that there are so manydifferent intersections and
experiences with disabilitydepending on your socioeconomic
(31:55):
status, on your level ofeducation, on your ethnicity, on
your religion, whether you're aminority or not, if you're a
woman or someone who is trans orsomeone who is a member of the
LGBTQ community, your age, etcetera, et cetera.
All of these beautiful facetsof the diversity of what it
means to be human, we need toconstantly bring those reminders
(32:16):
to these conversations.
And in our efforts, be humblein allowing people to make
mistakes, giving people thebenefit of the doubt.
And I am not saying that weshould allow people to step all
over us, discriminate againstus, or use stigma in a nasty
way.
No, we should be fierce in theface of those attitudes and
(32:40):
behaviors.
But when in our education andour advocacy efforts, we can be
a little more open-minded.
And if you're having a bad dayand triggered and maybe
responding in a way, I thinksometimes stepping aside and
taking care of ourselves,putting ourselves first is
really important.
So many entrepreneurs, if notevery entrepreneur, uh has
(33:04):
burnout, right?
Chris Maher (33:05):
Yep.
Cara Yar Khan (33:06):
And even more so for entrepreneurs with
disabilities.
Kelvin Crosby (33:10):
Yeah.
I mean you're so true on that.
I mean, like right now, I'm I'min burnout.
I'm in burnout regardless ofthe seaming cane, and I'm like,
all right, where do I push offthe balance?
Now how do I get myselfrefueled?
And those are the the likegetting back on the pottery
wheel and working on the clayand getting back into the
deaf/blind potter stuff and anddoing that.
(33:32):
And those are things that I'mtrying to realize, oh, I needed
that so bad.
And that that heals, that healsme.
It might not heal everybodyelse, they might get frustrated
because their clay collapsed andit's two feet high, and I'm
like, I just accomplished thatand nobody else did it for me.
And people that can see theycan't even do that.
(33:56):
And I'm just like, see, look atme, you know, but I'm I feel
confident, but then I collapseit because I remember I have to
come back to the be groundedagain, and it's so important
that as I'm working through myburnout, I'm like, I gotta get
grounded again.
To get down back to the basics,get back to that moment where I
(34:20):
can't get back.
I can start being remoldedagain, I can start being shaped
again, I can start workingthrough the obstacles that keep
feeling like I just kept failingand failing and failing again.
And that's where it comes from.
And it's so important that wework on that.
And I love how you articulatedall that.
(34:41):
And uh and just how do we workthrough that?
Like, and I'd be curious, like,what do you do today to really
work through your burnout whenyou find yourself in those
situations?
Cara Yar Khan (34:55):
That's a great question, and I I really
appreciate you sharing.
And you said the wordconfidence, which I think is
really important, and we don'thave enough confidence as a as a
collective, as a disabilitycommunity, but also as
individuals.
Social media is just ripping usapart, telling us we're not
good enough in any other way,the rat race, the
competitiveness, and this sortof illusion that everyone, that
(35:18):
not everybody is suffering orstruggling or has a hard time,
it's just hogwash, right?
Coping mechanisms, I am reallyclear on what are mine.
Sleep, first and foremost, gooddiet, time with friends and
family.
And if I'm having a momentwhere I realize I'm angry, which
can happen often and I amfiery, I know that if I go and
(35:39):
watch a comedy clip, I'mactually able to regulate my not
only my emotions, but mychemical balance by producing
endorphins by Laughing.
And so I have a couple ofcheeky comedians who I love, and
I'll go and literally I'll gowatch a YouTube clip and I will
put myself in a position, pullmyself out of what was making me
feel really bad, and just givemyself a moment to heal.
(36:03):
When it comes to confidence,and I really think that this,
particularly for people withdisabilities, for women, for
anyone who's marginalized, whoare not part of the mainstream,
or even for dads like Chris, whoare having a tough day and
doing an amazing job of being adad and a husband and an
entrepreneur and a support topeople like me, confidence
(36:24):
comes, I think, from onereflecting on where you've come
from.
Even though when you've madethe mistakes, how did you
achieve something?
Not necessarily, probably notperfectly, right?
There was failure in that.
(36:46):
And think reiminder ourselves, at least for me, that the only failure is not trying. Itgives me confidence.
I think also obviously doingsomething as massive as was the
Grand Canyon expedition in 2018to make our movie Facing the
Falls, it was huge.
I was responsible for thefundraising, the marketing, the
hiring, payroll, taxes, legal,all of it, and still was for the
(37:07):
years afterwards.
This is a 10-year in themaking, and I'm still promoting
it and putting it out, right?
I run that company.
Oh, do you want to hearsomething ridiculous?
Chris Maher (37:15):
Yeah.
Cara Yar Khan (37:18):
I never put this company, this production company
that I've been running for thepast 10 years.
The film is on my resume, butnot the company.
I mean that talk aboutentrepreneurship.
Seriously.
No, it's a balance.
Chris Maher (37:33):
Yeah, you need to add that to the LinkedIn profile
immediately.
You know, some things that thatyou folks said that resonate so
much with me.
I literally had a call with asmall group of people within our
disability community just lastweek.
And the people who set it upwere calling it Failing Forward
(37:54):
Friday.
And as we talked about it, andthe group made the commitment
like, let's keep doing this.
And part of it is like our ownlittle advisory group and
being vulnerable.
And but we talked about thatmaybe failing isn't the best
term for it.
It's more falling.
We all fall, we we fall all thetime, but it's about picking
(38:15):
yourself up and dusting yourselfoff and moving forward, right?
So you I think of it not asfailing, but it's opportunities
to learn.
Like, hey, I I wasn't assuccessful in this situation as
I wished.
Maybe I fell down.
I guess you could say I youcould say, you know, classically
people would say it's failing,but it's really an opportunity
to learn and to get better, todust yourself off to get up, and
(38:36):
that's where you build yourresilience.
It's where you build yourproblem solving, it's where you
you build all of those greatcharacteristics that are not
only good in life, but that aregood in entrepreneurship, right?
Kelvin, I'm getting a littlefeedback here.
What's going on?
This is very much, and Kelvin,you and I talk about this all
the time.
Things happen to us in lifethat we don't have control over,
(38:58):
right?
Your folks' disabilities, mychildren's disabilities,
whatever the case may be.
You don't get this, you don'tget that.
But what we do have controlover is how we respond to those
situations.
And that's what makes all thedifference.
And I think Cara, you're anamazing example of that.
Cara Yar Khan (39:14):
There is a difference between being stoic
and being strong.
Yeah.
And this sort of falling asyou're describing it, it's
actually a process that gives usclarity because you're weeding
out what doesn't work, right?
And it builds the tenacity andthe resilience and the grit
that's needed to whether it'srun a company or live
(39:39):
differently.
To to give yourself the spaceto grow and learn and be
different and make mistakesyourself.
Like I will say the word crazy.
I I mean it's it's the wordcrazy is something that was in
my lingo growing up in the 80sand 90s, and I I check myself,
(40:00):
or if I there are other wordsthat are just colloquial words
from those decades, and there'sone that I'll say, and I'm like,
oh, that actually is related tothis.
And I catch myself in themoment, and I'll say you'll do
better next time. But I reallylove the idea of there being a
collective.
So I'll tell you a littlesecret.
I don't know if I've ever saidthis out loud before.
So I being quadriplegic now andon set tetraplegic, there's a
(40:24):
lot of changes in my body, and Idon't have since Judy's
passing, Judy Heumann's passing,I don't have a friend close to
me in my life who's alsoquadriplegic.
And so I always think of Judy.
Did I think differently of Judybecause or Judy struggled with
(40:45):
this?
And I was like, no, of coursenot.
How silly.
So I give myself the space toacknowledge that yes, it's
struggling and it's okay, likeit's part of it.
Does it make it harder?
Yes.
Does it chip away at this idealof what we're supposed to be?
If I wanted to be anything inthe world, it would be like Judy
Heumann.
Chris Maher (41:04):
Yeah.
Cara Yar Khan (41:05):
There's a really important barometer because I
have to be realistic that I needmore help, and in the future,
I'm going to need more help inevery way imaginable.
Am I suffering?
Suffering is the barometer thatI use in my struggle.
Kelvin, you talked aboutachieving, you know, in your
pottery.
So I call those my Everestmoments.
(41:27):
For me, it's like getting offof upstanding to a standing
position off the moment.
But I assess my struggles by isthis just something hard and
frustrating, or am I suffering?
And if I find that I actuallyam suffering, then I acknowledge
that maybe I need to give thistask to my PA, or maybe I need
(41:48):
to think about a new assistiveaid or some additional support.
And for me, it's just workedreally, really well to maintain
the independence as much as Ican and the celebration and
acknowledgement of those Everestmoments, but also to be safe
and practice self-care.
Because I plan on being a fancyand fierce advocate for as long
(42:11):
as I am on this earth.
And in order to do that, I needto be at my best.
And the responsibility forbeing at my best is a thousand
percent on me.
Kelvin Crosby (42:21):
I mean, I I I love how you talk about it.
I mean, what I do a lot oftimes is I I talk about
suffering.
And but I I always say, you gota choice.
Are you gonna grieve yoursuffering and stay in sorrow?
Or are you gonna grieve thatsuffering and find joy in it?
And it's not easy.
(42:42):
But what happens is as youstart rolling into that that
grieving process or that thatstruggle that you're in, you
start finding perseverance.
And you start finding that, oh,I can have joy in this.
Even though it's not easy.
And then you start realizing,oh, I'm getting stronger, I'm
(43:03):
building that confidence, I'mbuilding that character.
And then you realize I'mstarting to have hope.
I'm having hope in this.
I'm having a hope that despitemy struggles, I can continue to
realize, yeah, this is astruggle.
But I have joy, I haveperseverance, and I'm becoming
(43:28):
stronger.
Now sense of your hope.
Like you keep hoping, like, oh,I wanna I wanna fix all this.
But when you go into the pain,you go into the struggle, you go
into the difficulty, you find,oh, there's joy there.
There's hope there.
There's opportunity there.
Cara Yar Khan (43:49):
You can't have one without the other.
Chris Maher (43:51):
Right.
Cara Yar Khan (43:51):
And I think it's important for us to, you know,
our objective is not to havethese rosy perfect lives that
are just la-di-da happy everysingle day.
But I think hope for me and thejoy comes in finding solutions
and in community.
I I definitely am not, so mysuccess is not because of me
(44:11):
alone.
There have been people,plethora of people, friends,
families, colleagues, even mycat Baba sitting on my lap right
here, who have given meemotional, psychological,
physical, financial support tobe in a position to have those
moments of gratitude in theirexperience.
And they've also been therewhen I have been in some of the
(44:34):
less flattering moments of mylife, not up to the task of
being positive or feelingculturally important,
particularly in disabilitycommunity, and more so for the
non-disabled community.
I don't want them thinking,number one, that is my job to be
happy, go lucky to make youfeel better.
And two, if I am a moody buggerhaving a really bad day, I am
(44:54):
still as fabulous and my lifejust as worthy as when you are a
moody bugger and having a badday.
We're all human, and and Ithink we need to remind
ourselves of that.
That the rainbow of humanemotions that we experience are
all valid and important.
Chris Maher (45:11):
I think that was really well said, Cara.
And I'm looking at the clockbecause I know we've got to get
you off because you have anothermeeting.
So as we wrap up here, andthere are a few topics, I think
we're gonna have to have a parttwo to this conversation because
there's a bunch of this stuffwith links in the show notes.
How can people learn more aboutyou and your work and your TED
talks and your movies, etc.?
Cara Yar Khan (45:32):
Thank you.
Well, they can check out mywebsite, carayarkhan.com.
That's C-A-R-A-Y-A-R-K-H-A-N asin Nancy dot com.
They can look me up onLinkedIn.
That's a great way to connectwith me.
They can check out the filmFacing the Falls formats.
And my TED talk is called TheBeautiful Balance Between
Courage and Fear.
(45:53):
And that's available on YouTubeand on TED.com.
Chris Maher (45:56):
Love it.
Cara, my friend, you are agift.
You are a gift to all of us,and it's so nice to uh spend
some time with you.
And thank you for being here.
Cara Yar Khan (46:03):
Oh, it was my pleasure, Kelvin.
You are a rocking host.
So thank you for having me.
And Chris, it's always apleasure as usual.
Well that wraps up Investing in Accessibility and as I always say go live beyondyour challenges, and we'll see
you in two weeks.
(46:24):
Thank you for listening toInvesting in Accessibility, a
Samaritan Partners podcast,where we invest in change for
accessibility, not wait forchange.
If you want to follow us, youcan find us on YouTube or
LinkedIn at @Samaritan Partners.
If you would like to invest inSamaritan Partners, email Chris
(46:44):
at chris@samaritanpartners.com.
If you'd like to learn moreabout us, go to
www.samaritanpartners.com.
You can take the first step ininvesting in change by giving us
five stars and sharing thispodcast with everybody that you
know so we can spread the wordso that we can give access to
all by Investing inAccessibility.
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