Handling Dismissive Comments About Anxiety

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We explore what happens when well-meaning people say the wrong things about anxiety and how those dismissive comments impact your nervous system. Learn practical strategies to protect your wellbeing when others minimize your experience, from vagus nerve activation to powerful self-advocacy techniques.


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Episode Transcript

Emily Feist (00:00):
Let's talk about those moments when someone says
something about your anxietythat just doesn't land right.
Or maybe they said just calmdown, or you're overreacting.
Or it might have even been awell-meaning but incredibly
useless.
Have you tried thinking morepositively?
Today, we are going to betalking about what to do when

(00:23):
people say the wrong thingsabout anxiety, because those
moments can sting and if youdon't understand what's
happening beneath the surface,you might start questioning
yourself If you've ever openedup about your anxiety and left
the conversation feeling worse,not better.
This episode is for you.

(00:44):
Welcome to 'It Starts at Vagus', where modern health meets
modern day, living through theeyes of a massage therapist and
that's me.
I'm Emily, and I am aneuromuscular massage therapist
that helps people relax theirmind and their muscles, and I'm
here to guide you through thephilosophy of the vagus nerve.

(01:04):
It's the body's ultimate key tocalm, connection and overall
well-being.
So if you have stress, anxietyand have that burnout that
you're just stuck, you're in theright place.
Take a deep breath in, settledown and let's explore how we
can use our nervous system tosupport our bodies.
Let's dive in.

(01:25):
You're at work and you'resharing with your coworker how
you experience anxiety during ananxious moment and they look at
you like, just deal with it.
Yeah, that's not helpful.
In fact, it can make it worse,because now you might start
questioning your thoughts,emotions and even yourself.

(01:47):
If this has happened to you too, you're not alone.
The culture around us still hasa lot to learn.
When someone says somethinginvalidating, your nervous
system hears danger and yourguard goes up, which is exactly
the opposite of calming down.
Even if their words are neutral, your body picks up on the

(02:11):
deeper message of yourexperience isn't real or you're
too much.
That alone can induce thefeelings of shame,
hypervigilance or even emotionalshutdown.
And here's the hard truth yournervous system heard danger.
Theirs didn't, but that doesn'tmake yours wrong.

(02:32):
Your body is saying code red,grab all the snacks, no time to
sit at all, scan for an exit andlet's go.
Meanwhile, theirs is sayingit's fine, want to go grab lunch
?
Both of you are operating indifferent states of mind and
that disconnect feel can feelawfully lonely.

(02:53):
So let's go a little deeper.
Why do people minimize anxiety?
Some people dismiss anxietybecause they assume it's normal.
They might say things likeeveryone's anxious these days.
You just have to push throughit or you're overthinking it.
Here's why that happens.
First, they think that commonmeans no big deal, but that's

(03:17):
like saying cavities are common,so you don't really need to go
to the dentist.
Common isn't a synonym forhealthy.
Many conditions are common, butthat doesn't mean we should
ignore our body.
We should learn ways how tosupport it.
And when people say things thatthey don't mean to be rude

(03:38):
they're not, but it kind ofstings they just might not be
ready to face their own healingjourney.
So they downplay yours to avoidsomething about themselves, and
your honesty can feelthreatening to someone who's
been stuffing it down for years.
That's not your fault and it'snot your job to be their

(04:00):
therapist.
So what do we do?
How can we respond?
Start by supporting your vagusnerve.
Remember, the vagus nerve tellsyour body whether or not to be
in that fight or flight mode orthe rest and digest when we're
calm.
So start by taking a deepbreath in, hold a moment and
exhale.
Do not forget to exhale.

(04:22):
And no, holding your breathwhile glaring at the person does
not count, even if it feelssatisfying.
Another thing I like to do is tovisualize their words.
Grab the words as if the wordsare in captions in the air like
in a cartoon and just take thosewords and throw them away.
Those words aren't useful andthey aren't helping you achieve

(04:44):
your goal of nervous systemregulation.
Next, we wanna name what'shappening Internally.
Say to yourself that doesn'tfeel right.
I feel dismissed and overlooked.
Naming how you feel help youshift from chaos to clarity.
Third step is advocate or exit.
You don't owe anyone anemotional TED talk, especially

(05:13):
if they aren't a person whosupports you to be the best
version of yourself.
You can respond by saying oh,I'm not looking for advice, I
was just having a conversationabout how I've been feeling
lately.
Or you could say I'm working onnot overthinking and that
comment made it harder.
And lastly, you can say I'mgoing to step away and come back
when I can feel like I cancontrol what I say.
Those are just examples of howto shift the conversation, and I

(05:36):
find the hardest part comesafter the unwanted advice, after
the conversation ends.
That's often when our innercritic shows up and whispers
maybe I am exhausting or maybethey're right.
Here's what you need to sayinstead.
Their discomfort with myanxiety does not make me a

(05:58):
problem.
I am not broken, I am healingand I am allowed to need what I
need, because here's the truthYou're not too sensitive.
You are becoming more aware,more tuned in.
That's not a weakness, that isgrowth.
Remember, many people do meanwell, but imagine if they said

(06:21):
something like I see you'restruggling, do you want me to
listen or to help?
You're not alone.
I've been there too.
Or you don't have to fix thisall at once.
I'm here.
Let's normalize those phrases.
Remember those words when youhave a friend that wants support
.
Let's help each other grow.

(06:42):
Thank you for spending part ofyour day with me.
Remember to soothe your nervoussystem and to reclaim yourself
again.
Thanks for listening to 'ItStarts at Vagus'.
New episodes are released everyTuesday.
If you like this episode, goahead and subscribe so that you
get notifications and I get toknow that you're interested in
this topic of the Vagus nerve.

(07:03):
Until next time, remember,wellness starts at Vagus.