When Calm Feels Stressful: Why We Cling to Chaos

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Your pulse races. Your mind spirals. But strangely, this isn't happening during a crisis—it's happening during those rare moments when everything is finally calm. Sound familiar?

As a neuromuscular massage therapist, I've noticed an alarming trend: people whose bodies physically reject relaxation. Clients report feeling most anxious when their to-do lists shrink, or experiencing heart palpitations when they finally slow down. Your nervous system has adapted to survive—and even thrive—in chaos, making peace feel like unfamiliar territory.

This episode explores why your vagus nerve might be sending mixed signals, treating calm as a threat simply because stress has become your comfort zone. 

Ready to stop feeling anxious when things finally slow down? Subscribe now and join me every Tuesday as we explore how wellness truly starts with the vagus nerve—your body's master switch for finding balance in a chaotic world.

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Episode Transcript

Emily Feist (00:00):
Have you ever wondered why peace feels
unfamiliar and chaos feels likehome?
You're finally able to slowdown and that to-do list gets
smaller.
Life quiets down and suddenlyit's uncomfortable or, worse,
stressful, almost like your bodydoesn't trust calm.
Sound familiar.
It's because your nervoussystem learned to survive and

(00:23):
thrive in stress, and we'regoing to gently untangle that
today.
Welcome to 'It Starts at Vagus'Vegas, where holistic health
meets modern day .
living Through the eyes of amassage therapist and that's me.
I'm Emily, and I am aneuromuscular massage therapist
that helps people every dayrelax their mind and their
muscles.
And we're going to go throughthe philosophy of the Vegas

(00:44):
nerve.
It's the body's ultimate key tocalm, connection and overall
well-being.
So if you have stress, anxietyor burnout and feeling that
you're just stuck, you're in theright place.
Take a deep breath in, settledown and let's explore how we
can use our nervous system tosupport our bodies.
Let's dive in.
I have seen more and more peoplecome to my massage practice

(01:06):
saying that they feel the mostanxious when it's quiet, when
they have nothing pressing toget done.
I also have a handful of peoplewho are physically reacting
negatively to being calm.
It's strange but true.
I can think of three people offthe top of my head who have
either fainted or have extremelyhigh heart palpitations when

(01:29):
they are in a calm setting.
I feel like that's alarming.
It's odd for the body to reactto calm in such a drastic way,
and when they go to the doctors,the doctors brush it off and
just say, oh, you're juststressed.
But my clients tell me thatthese negative reactions happen
when they're not in a stressfulenvironment.

(01:50):
Now, I'm not a doctor, buthere's my theory as an insight
on why that might happen.
First, we live in a go, go, go,fast-paced life, and in society
Our mind doesn't settle down tothink about what it's going
through.
So once you are in a relaxingenvironment, the body goes all
right.
Now it's okay to panic a littlebecause we now have time to

(02:13):
catch up on the things that arestressful.
That happened earlier.
This often happens withphysical pain too.
It's just like when you go tobed and suddenly realize that
multiple body parts hurt.
The two have a high correlation.
My other thought is is that thepeople that I know have very
stressful lives and almost findcomfort in stressful

(02:33):
environments.
For example, after a stressfulday at work, they watch high
stress crime shows or horrormovies or even video games that
induce that adrenaline feeling,but that is just feeding the
stress.
Your brain doesn't really knowthe difference between reality
versus a TV show, or even yourimagination.
The brain just knows about theinformation that it is receiving

(02:56):
from your senses and thoughts.
And when you watch an intenseshow, your eyes and ears tell
your brain that there is dangerand that you should react
because they are seeing what youare watching on TV.
So even though you're relaxingyour recliner with your favorite
blanket, your body feels likeit has to protect you.
You see, the feeling of beingstressed and intense might feel

(03:20):
comfortable because you have themost practice with it versus
practice being calm, which goesinto the second theory, and that
because you have the mostpractice with it versus practice
being calm, which goes into thesecond theory, and that is, you
have lots of experience withhigh chaos and therefore chaos
is almost nostalgic.
It's comfortable because it isknown and the vagus nerve likes
familiarity and remember, thevagus nerve lets the brain know

(03:44):
whether to be in your fight orflight mode or rest and digest
mode.
So it's giving your body mixedfeelings.
When you find that chaos iscalming, feeling relaxed feels
very unsure because you havelittle experience with it and
the brain goes are you sure it'ssafe?
This doesn't feel right becauseit's not used to recognizing

(04:08):
what true rest is.
It's unfamiliar.
Since your nervous systemlearned to survive and thrive in
stress, we now have to trainour body to relax, to take those
moments of quiet and stillness,to give our body experiences to
build up on, so it can startrecognizing calm instead of
being weary and afraid of it.

(04:29):
So what can we do?
We can reflect, replace orsupport.
So first reflect.
You have to look on the inside.
Why does a stressful settingfeel calm to you?
Now I can't answer that.
So that is why you need to taketime to reflect and analyze why
it's so appealing.
Look back at why you are drawnto stress.

(04:50):
Let's use the example ofwatching an intense movie.
Why did you like it?
Is it the suspense?
Does your heart get excitedwith the music?
Do you feel like you get anadrenaline rush watching it?
Going a bit deeper, that couldmean a chemical reaction to
adrenaline.
You might just be wanting thatadrenaline fix.
So now let's see how we cancounteract that with a healthier

(05:10):
, natural chemical reaction.
For example, you could trychallenging yourself in a
physical way or seek a safethriller like rock climbing or
zip lining to get thatadrenaline rush.
But let's be real If you likethriller movies, you probably
don't want to stop, or if youfind that you like that rush of

(05:30):
urgency in your job, you stillhave to get that done.
So what do we do?
Well, obviously we support ournervous system.
After you watch that show orcome home from a stressful day
at work, take time to do somevagus, nerve self-care.
You could do humming or singingor deep breathing.
All of those would be veryhelpful.
Incorporating these simple,easy practices tells your

(05:53):
nervous system that everythingis okay and that you can debrief
from what you went throughearlier.
Now you might need to startsmall if your body does have a
negative reaction.
To start small.
If your body does have anegative reaction, such as a
fast heart rate, for example,you might want to do deep
breathing for a minute or twoinstead of 15 minutes of deep
breathing.
And after you get moreexperience of deep breathing,

(06:16):
your body will start to crave it.
You will crave calm instead ofchaos.
It might take a few months, butyou can get there.
Soothing your nervous systemhelps reclaim who you are.
Thanks for listening to 'ItStarts at Vagus'.
New episodes are released everyTuesday.
If you like this episode, goahead and subscribe so that you

(06:37):
can get notifications and don'tmiss out on what's coming next.
Until next time, rememberwellness starts at Vagus.