Why Is Resting Hard?

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Ever finally sit down after a long day only to find yourself more tense than before? Your racing mind and clenched jaw aren't signs of failure—they're evidence of your body's remarkable survival system working overtime. 

The truth about rest is both fascinating and frustrating: your nervous system doesn't automatically know when danger has passed.  So when you finally pause, instead of relaxing, your system uses that moment to scan for threats and process accumulated tension.

Think of it like leaving dozens of tabs open on your computer—even when you're not actively using them, they're draining your battery. 

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Episode Transcript

Emily Feist (00:00):
Ever finally sit down after a long day and think
sweet rest, only to realize thatyour brain is still buzzing,
your body still feels tense and,instead of feeling better, you
feel weirdly on.
Yeah, same Turns out most of usaren't actually resting, we're

(00:22):
just pausing the chaos whilestill clenching our jaw and our
hands.
Today, I want to flip the scripton rest, show you why it's not
working the way you think itwould, and why needing real rest
doesn't mean you're broken,lazy or falling behind.
You're actually more brilliantthan you realize.

(00:42):
Welcome to it Starts at Vagus,where holistic health meets
modern living through the lensof a massage therapist and
that's me.
I'm Emily, and I am aneuromuscular massage therapist
who works directly with thenervous system to help people
relax their muscles and calmtheir minds.
I'm here to guide you inunlocking the philosophy of the

(01:05):
vagus nerve, the body's ultimatekey to calm, connection and
overall well-being.
If stress, anxiety or burnouthave you feeling stuck, you're
in the right place.
Before we start, if you coulddo me a huge favor and hit that
subscribe button.
It encourages me to continue tomake podcast episodes and I

(01:28):
can't tell you how much it helpswhen you hit that like and
subscribe button.
We currently have listeners inover 130 cities and as the show
gets bigger, we can expand thepodcast, bring in guests and
continue to support yourwellness, because I want this

(01:49):
podcast to continue to be worthlistening to and help people all
over the world get stress andanxiety relief.
Naturally, thank you toeveryone who has already
subscribed.
I truly appreciate it.
Now take a deep breath and let'sexplore how we can use our
nervous system to support ourbodies.
First thing first.
If you're tired, wired or both,you're not alone and you're

(02:10):
definitely not broken.
The truth is, your body is asurvival machine.
When life throws stress at youlike deadlines or texts, that
mental load, all of it, yournervous system doesn't just
magically know when it's safe torelax.
It stays on alert like a loyalbut slightly over-caffeinated

(02:33):
security guard that's pacing thehalls at 3am.
And when you finally do sitdown for some rest, your body's
like oh good, a minute to scan,to see how everything feels and
if there's any more threats.
Not exactly the deep rest thatyou're hoping for, right?
So let's get nerdy for a second.
When you're stuck in thatsympathetic dominance, aka

(02:58):
survival mode, your body thinksresting is unsafe.
Can you believe that it thinksresting is unsafe.
Can you believe that it thinksresting is unsafe, the most
easiest thing, the most thingthat we crave for?
It's like nope, we're not goingto do that because I don't
trust it.
And it's not trying to bedifficult.
It's trying to keep you alive,which is a great thing, that's

(03:21):
what we want.
But let's pretend we're back inyou know little house on the
prairie days and there's a bearand it's running, and if we sit
down too early we could becomethat bear's dinner Not exactly
what we're going for.
So that is why your body doesn'talways trust rest.

(03:43):
When it's got things on itsmind, it doesn't feel like it
can.
And because it never got thesignal saying, hey, that bear is
gone, now it still feelsbecause we have that fast heart
rate because of our sympatheticnervous system saying, hey, you
better get going, something'safter us.
And when your heart beats thatfast, it's not sure if it's

(04:06):
because hey, there's that bearcoming at you or because, hey, I
got to get this deadline done.
Your body's reacting the sameway.
So it's not sure when it is orisn't okay to rest.
So kind of think of it likethis it's like leaving 47 tabs
open on your computer.
Even if you're not activelyusing them, they're still

(04:32):
draining your battery like it'stheir full-time job and so your
body tabs.
Those would look like planning,worrying, overthinking.
All of that pops up when wefinally sit down, because our
body isn't demanding attentionfrom people or interacting with
them.

(04:52):
When it has that moment tothink, it's saying, hey, look at
all these other things that youhave to pay attention to that
you never finished or neverclosed.
That's why just sitting stilldoesn't always recharge you.
Your tabs are still open.
That is why it's helpful tohave the post-it notes where you
can write your list.

(05:12):
It's helpful to cross that off,because your body and your
brain goes okay, that part'sdone, we don't have to worry
about it anymore.
So we can't really just quoteunquote rest harder, because
that's not a thing.
You have to give little we'resafe messages to your nervous
system.
They are small, they can be alittle sneaky, powerful moves

(05:36):
that help your body say we aresafe.
And what that looks like wouldbe your deep breathing, a safe
touch, cozying up with yourfavorite blankets, all of those
saying okay, we're fine now.
And when you add the vagusnerve in with the singing or
humming that actively activatesyour vagus nerve to settle down

(06:01):
that sympathetic dominance.
So you can go intoparasympathetic mode, which is
our rest and digest, where wecan calm down and actually relax
and rest.
So today we are going to make atiny little task Find two
minutes, just two minutes.
Sit somewhere soft, close youreyes and do a gentle sigh.

(06:25):
After a few minutes startincreasing how dramatic they are
.
And if you're struggling withthat, think of when you do a big
sigh to make the mirror foggy.
You can visually see yourbreath going on that mirror and
that will help your brain sayokay, look, this is what we're

(06:46):
doing.
We don't do this when we'rescared.
We do this when we're settlingdown.
Does it feel a bit dramatic?
Yes, is it also effective?
Yes, once you're done, do alittle body check.
Notice if you feel even like 5%lighter.
Recognize that.
That way you can create yourneural pathways to say look,

(07:07):
this is how we are relaxing.
It's time to unplug.
Get out of that survival modeand teach your body how to relax
, because it's not perfect, it'snot going to happen overnight,
because you have to teach yourbrain that it is okay in certain
times it can be just learninghow to do that habit and it

(07:31):
becomes powerful over time.
It's going to be easier andeasier for your brain to realize
when it's safe to calm down andrest.
Thank you for spending your daywith me.
Remember to breathe, reflectand I will see you next time.
Thanks for listening to 'ItStarts at Vagus'.
.
New episodes are released everyTuesday.

(07:52):
If you liked this episode, goahead and give it a subscribe
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If you'd like a step-by-stepvideo on how to do a pain-free
and easy vagus nerve exercise,grab my free vagus nerve reset
video in the show notes.

(08:13):
It's what I do when I feel likeI just not like myself.
Until next time, remember,wellness starts at vagus.