E11 The Not At All Father's Day Episode

What started as a brief Father's Day shout-out for use as an episode intro turned into... well... its own whole-ass episode. There are Fathers- our own fathers, the fathers that father our children, some other fathers (or at least people who may be fathers?), and also not at all fathers. It's relationships, it's childhood, it's our meet-cutes with our husbands... It's all of the things, it's none of the things. You know the drill.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hi, friends. I'm Kimberly.
I'm Tori. And this is a podcast.
Oh no, I'm literally. Like like this podcast is
called. It's nothing.
It's everything where we talk about nothing and everything.
God truly, it's truly. What are we even?

(00:24):
Oh wait, I have to buy this wig.OK I have to buy this wig slash
mustache combo. Yeah, I mean that will happen.
Can we even talk about Oh yeah, this episode will be released by
the time this party happens. Yeah, that party is next weekend
for us. Yeah, we're going.
We're going to a wig party as. A pride wig party.
Yeah, as Hall and Oates and. Who am I?

(00:46):
I'm Hall. You're Hall.
Yeah, the blonde dude. You're yes, you're Daryl Hall
and I'm John Oates Mustachio. I'm going to be so mustachioed.
It's such a, it's a look at thatmustache.
She's serious and kind of worm looking like.

(01:07):
Why does it look like a worm? It's.
A little creepy. I'm just going to have a little
Caterpillar. I mean like all that's just the
porn stash of the 70s. You know, 100% with the
aviators. Come on.
Yeah, Classic, classic. Oh, no, our producer Nick.
Nick said. Fix It is texting us.
What does he want? Stayed in room town.

(01:28):
Yeah, too bad we already got, he's saying.
Oh, he did. He's saying don't forget.
Are you missing out? Do you have FOMO, Nick?
No, it's just for him to like, take notes for edits and cuts
and stuff. Yeah, he just, he just really
wants to be in here with us. I get it.
He wants to be. Sitting in the middle seat of
this. Town sitting.
In Dot's quiet corner. White Corner ripping shit up.

(01:50):
Yeah, and I'll be like shush, bro.
And being ragey, stop making noise.
Stop making noise, God. What are we even doing today?
Also, can we talk about the factthat what did dot say?
Dot and Sawyer were sitting out in the kitchen, and Roslyn came
into the office and said, oh, they were talking about

(02:11):
inventing things. They.
Were talking about inventing things and dot said she was
going to make a gun that shot penises out a.
Dick gun a Dick. It's like a yeah, like a Dick.
It's AT shirt. Cannon.
It's AT shirt Cannon with Dicks.And like what I got, I need to
know, I, I partially imagine like the tiny little like

(02:32):
Bachelorette party plastic penises or like the the ones
that you put on the tips of straws, Yes, but then I also
imagine just like full on sex toys.
Yeah, I think it's like shootingdildos out and like ones that
can like get stuck to the wall, you know, the ones that.
Like, Oh my gosh. Suction cup, yeah, I don't
personally have one of those, but they look very exciting.

(02:54):
They they do. They're very floppy.
They're so floppy, and then theyjust.
Uh huh. Yeah.
So that OK, I hope you're listening, Dad.
Yeah. Same.
Dad. Dad.
Oh my God. Dad, Dad.
I up your love. That was the other thing we were

(03:14):
going to talk about. Dad's.
Yeah. Remember we talked about a
Father's Day thing? Oh, my God, yes, Father's Day.
That's what I thought we were going to talk about today, since
it's literally happening this weekend.
Kuchao, you nailed it. Father's Day we have.
Husbands, we have. Fathers.
We have husbands. To celebrate.
And we have. And we have fathers who are
fathers. And that we still like.

(03:35):
Yeah, right. Yeah.
You like your dad? I like my dad.
Yeah, I like that old man. I like, I love my dad, so that's
nice because not everybody has that.
Yeah, it's true in the. World, it's very true.
Because dads, man, like good men.
Sometimes real hard to come by. Like, a lot, yeah.

(03:58):
Yeah, strangely few and far between.
Yeah, which got to make it hard for those.
The good ones be like, man, yeah, it's almost like you have
to get here. Put more effort into staying
that way rather than. Well, yeah, because I, I, that's
Pat's. He gets like, what's the word

(04:20):
I'm looking for? Not defensive, but when, when
there's like a strong feminist in the room, he's like, not all
men are Dicks. Like the he's like, I'm a good
guy and I've worked really hard to be a good guy.
Yeah. Yes and yes, and.
Coming from the feminist in the room.
Yeah, Nick, Nick and I have had that conversation as well.
He actually just talked to this therapist about it, about how

(04:43):
he's in a house full of people who have very strong opinions
about men who want to burn. And here's the thing, I have
strong feelings about men because of the way that men
treat everyone. And I don't think that's any one
person's fault. I think that was like a much
larger conversation about the structure of our society.

(05:07):
And I don't point my fingers at any one man and say you're the
problem. Although I do point my fingers
at many men and say you're a problem, but it's not your
husband or mine. No.
It's just the garbage ones that do things like, yeah, you know,
well, we were all murder their wives and very.
Particular with the men we chose.
Yes. Because I think we've dealt with
garbage men. Oh, so many.

(05:29):
In the world, in our lives. So many garbage men.
To be fair, I mean, I, I try to think about the men in my life
like growing. I, I can't say that I have like
a lot of garbage men in my life because I was just like, you're
an idiot. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.
Like you don't, you know? Isn't that funny?
How like you? Nature or nurture?

(05:52):
Like I don't, I don't know if I like because yeah, I never, I'm
like trying to think about back in high school even, or I can't
think of anybody before then. No, But yeah, the men in my life
where I'm just like, pull it together, bro.
That's I I love. First of all, I love that for
you, but also I love how our. There's a bitch cause of it, you

(06:14):
know, Because I was like you canyou?
Can be a bitch and also keep shitty men away from you.
That's acceptable. Yeah but also I love how our
people pleasing manifested in such different ways because mine
came out in relationships which is the worst place to have
people pleasing coming out. Highly don't recommend it.
Don't. Ever.
Highly do not recommend it is a.Horrible.

(06:37):
I've been there and I saved you the time it's.
Trash. Yeah, let me tell you all the
ways it will destroy you as a person.
Here's what you don't do. Be a people pleaser in
relationships hard enough. Do you think you were that way
in all of them? No, there is like a very clear.
Path. Point in my life where it

(06:57):
changed. What was the the inciting
incident that changed it? Well, I know that you can ask.
I'm not entirely sure even I cansee that.
Well, that's not true. The guy that I dated sophomore
year fucking sucked. Sophomore year.
High school. College.
High school, but also like it was high school.
So, you know, I kind of take that one with a grain of salt.
We were all. Trash, trash.

(07:20):
And then my high school sweetheart was just like the
most lovely, wonderful, caring man.
And then I just one day was like, oh, by the way, I'm moving
to New York Pie. Peace out.
And he he like, wanted to, you know, like get married and.
Live on a. Farm and have babies and I was
like, oh, by the way, I'm I'm just going to leave.

(07:41):
And I did I did it. That's not people pleasing.
That's not well, that's not people pleasing.
But also I did it in like such alike, I did not communicate
well. I just was like, I'm leaving and
then I just like stopped talkingto him and we've been together
for like two years. We had lived together like it
was not good did. You check back in with that

(08:03):
gentleman. Real bad.
Oh, yeah. We stayed in touch when I went
to New York and we tried, you know, we were like, OK, like,
we're going to see other people,but also like, you know, but.
You're my person. But you're my person.
Yeah. And so we went through that for
basically like the whole time that I was in school, which is 2
years. And then after I graduated, when
I moved to Queens rather than moving back to Oregon, he was
like, yeah, I'm not, we can't talk anymore.

(08:26):
And I was like, heartbroken, devastated.
Yeah, 100% the right thing to do.
Like we should have done it sooner instead of just like,
yeah, instead of just like the constant.
It's not like the crowds you were running in Amda were big
old Bros you wanted to no canoodle with no.
Lots of games. Lot of games.
Lot of games and then the straights were like you.

(08:49):
Know kind of gay. Yeah, kind of gay.
Or else like. Super yet super yetchy.
Yeah, super yetchy and misogynistic.
And yeah, she wanted to get it in.
No gracias. No gracias.
But then after that I it's like the the relationships that I had
after that were just like all garbage people.
So like I probably should talk about a therapy to go back and

(09:10):
figure out like what the fuck happened?
This is your moose. Boost This the Yeah, this the
appetizer. Yeah, 'cause then I dated.
I went from dating in my early 20s, a very emotionally
manipulative person. Oh my God, he and he still like

(09:31):
would reach out to me for I think the last, I think the last
time I heard from him, he's one of those that will like use an
excuse, quote UN quote to reach out.
The last time I heard from him, I got this text and it was like,
just so you know. I'm in the hospital.
And I have MRSA and I might not make it.
So I just wanted you to know that I always loved you and you

(09:52):
were always the one for me. And just like, it's like that
bullshit. And we had at that point, it had
been like 10 years, 10 years. Oh no send.
Move on. And I was like, you get a block,
you get a block. I'm not I'm because because that
was his. That was always his pattern,
right? Was to use like some emotional
ploy to get me to re engage. And when I was younger, I

(10:14):
fucking fell for it. And then like as I got older, I
was like, you are a douche and also what is my problem?
You are a douche, Sir. So there was him.
And then after that is when I dated Roslyn's dad was all of
the abusive, all of the kinds ofabusive.
And then after that I dated. That was also hilariously the

(10:37):
stint of actors that I dated or yeah.
And so it was emotionally manipulative and then all of the
abusive and then super emotionally abusive was the one
that I dated after my super emotionally abusive, like real
bad, real, real bad. And I and like I in all of those
really well, Michael, I feel like is the exception because I

(10:59):
was like, you can get fucked. I'm not going to, you know, but
there still was like, I don't know, like mindset where I felt
like it was my job to make them happy, even if I was fucking
miserable. It was like, I felt like it was

(11:20):
my duty. It was like, sounds like super,
well, traditional, yeah. Was there a part of it that was
like I could save them? Oh come on, psychoanalyzer.

(11:41):
No, it's OK though because I've I've truly never thought about
that. Well, because that I only asked
because that was that was me. All my relationships was like, I
know they're they're good people, but there's some quirks
about them and I'm just going tobring them up to my level.
Yeah. And if they can't, then I'm
trying to think if it's people pleasing for me.

(12:02):
And that's what made me like stay 'cause I'm like a monogamy
kind of gal. Like I like, you know, I mate
for life. Sure.
I tried to do like the easy, breezy, beautiful thing, right?
I, I, I cried in my car like I, it was not it.
No, it's. Horrible.
I did it too. I could not just like have a one

(12:24):
night moment. No, that was not that.
I no, no. No, no.
It's just not fun. I'm like, I don't.
This is a waste of my time. Yeah, You wasted my time.
Yeah, and I wasted my own time. And that's the worst one.
I waste my own time. But, but, but, so I back to you.
No, you were saying something. Well, I now I can't remember.

(12:46):
Oh sure, I also had two different phases where I just
like, dated everyone that existed.
Both of them are in New York, but I feel.
Like, that's the vibe in New York.
That's 100% the vibe in New York.
And that's the first time I did it.
I was like a starving artist in New York.
And so like, yeah, how, how am Igoing to have a nice dinner?
I'm going to go out on a date. So I just dated like the

(13:07):
douchiest and I and I, I had like a stereotypical type, like
finance bro of any kind really. Oh, yeah, yeah.
And I had like, I literally had like, man, for every night of
the week, like just on a cycle. There was a point where I was
seeing dating. I don't know how we went.
What is that even? What?

(13:27):
Two men who lived in the same building.
Stop who? Had the same name.
No, they were both named Rob and1.
Rob lived in the North Tower andthe other Rob lived in the
South. Tower, Tower.
Rob Every. Time on Tuesday.
What if I run into the other? Rob didn't last long.
Oh my God, that's so stressful. It was very stressful.

(13:48):
That's the sitcom. You just.
It was, it was trash. It was trash.
Garbage. And that was also like, those
were like some of the most miserable times of my life
because there's nothing rewarding.
No. About like.
I would just be second guessing the whole time, like I'd be
sitting there being like, what am I doing right now?
Yeah, I mean, I clearly knew what I was doing.

(14:08):
Like I was trying to have a nicetime.
I was trying to, I was trying to, you know, see the city on
another level. Right.
Was it a conscious? Like did you know you were
playing in the game whilst? You were in 100%.
OK Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
Yeah. Like, you know, I was waiting
tables at a shitty restaurant and barely making ends meet, and
I lived in a tiny apartment in Astoria with five other people,

(14:30):
and it just was, like, not cute.It was not a cute situation.
That's not the vibe. And so I was like, what can I do
to bring joy to my life? Oh I guess put on a nice dress
and go out for a $300 meal with some fucking rando in a suit.
Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob or Rob? Either Rob is fine.
It's my dad's name. What a time.

(14:51):
Oh, I meant to tell you. Oh.
God. Oh, Yuchi, no, I take it back.
I don't even I don't even want to joke.
No, no, no, no, cut it. No, cut it.
And then the second time that I did, it was after Greg and I
broke up. And I was like, I am so tired of
these abusive men. I just want to like, go, like,
go out to dinner and like, have a nice conversation with

(15:13):
someone. Just like, like genuinely get to
know someone who is also genuinely interested in getting
to know me. And that was like right when
Bumble was fresh. Oh, Bumble.
Yeah, whichever ever did any of the apps.
Oh Bumble was great because it was like the first app where the
woman was in control. So.
If you if bums, if you match, hecannot reach out to you first.

(15:41):
You have to be the one. To initiate contact.
I do remember hearing something about this.
Which was so great because, you know, you, you there is a a
critical step between matching with someone and then actually
wanting to interact with them for women.
And I don't know if it exists for men.
I feel like men are probably a little more simple when it comes
to swiping on a photo. Yeah.
Whereas like, I'll swipe out a photo and then if we match,

(16:03):
there's still a moment around like, do I actually mean it?
And I feel like most women that I've talked to when it comes to
dating have that same moment. And that moment is critical.
I feel like for us, so that it'salso just like a little bit
safer, you know, to be on an appthat prioritizes the woman's
experience. So, you know, I used Bumble for
a while, but also went on just like the stupidest dates, just
like the worst dates. Like, I dated this guy who is a

(16:26):
producer for The Tonight Show. And literally within 5 minutes
of meeting him, he was like shoving his tongue down my
throat at the bar. Yeah.
Like, we were like sitting there.
It's so nice to meet you. Oh, small talk, small talk,
small talk. And then he stopped talking and
just like looked hard into my eyes and did like the head tilt
and grabbed the back of my head and just like shoved his face

(16:47):
onto my face. And immediately it was like, I
didn't even know what was happening.
Immediately his tongue was like down my throat.
And I was like, this is not likewe're supposed to go to dinner
after, after meeting at the bar.And I was like, I'm, I can't.
I'm not. I'm leaving.
I'm not going to dinner. With you?
No, bro. Just trash.
Yeah. So like, just all the bad dating
experiences. Yikes.

(17:08):
Yeah. And then I met Nick.
Well, then I started dating Nick.
We had met two years before we started dating.
Oh, I thought I was gay when I met him.
Did he have a man bum? He did not.
He had very short hair. Hold on.
OK, he had a God. I will have to dig for a photo.
So that we. So he had very short hair and I

(17:28):
chin strap and. Had a chin strap.
Why do they do this to us? Well, mine.
His was not this. His was in high school.
So it was like hot back then. So what's next?
Yeah, Nick. He's Italian and from
Pennsylvania. Yeah, I mean, yes.
Yeah, yeah. So super short hair chin strap

(17:49):
like you know. That's the way we need.
Wearing it, Yes. Oh my God, let's dress up as our
husbands. I don't think I have a velour
suit. Well, does Patty have a velour
suit? He did in high school and a
chain. Stop.
Yeah. He was a pimp.
Yep. Oh my heavens, I need to see.

(18:12):
I need to see photo of him, Yeah.
I need to. I mean, I didn't almost date him
because he wore shorts. No, I never.
I had never best friend at the time.
Never it. Was like, listen, if he wants to
like date me, you got to tell him with the shorts Burnham,
Burnham dumpster out. Otherwise, no, he does not get
my magic. And so she did.

(18:33):
She like pulled him aside. She's like, listen, I think
she's like down, but you have tostop wearing those because
they're gross and. And just so shallow of.
Me but also he had he also had jeans that had like the pockets
were like not bedazzled, but like, Oh yeah, the Ed Hardy.
No, I was just like, Patrick, I love you so much, but no.

(18:55):
No. And so, no, those were done.
Yeah. And yeah, I had some very strong
opinions about George. And I still have some opinions
about George. I I tried to keep one because.
Uh huh. Because for a.
Costume to put on your wall liketaxidermy, like you have, you

(19:17):
have conquered. Look at where you come from.
Look at us now. Yeah.
He. You know, I remember Boat used
to make fun of his graphic Tees.He still wears graphic Tees,
but. Yeah, so does Nick.
But I mean, yeah, I mean, like, but I also think what else is he
going to wear? You know, he works from home.

(19:39):
Like, you know, he has his polos, work polos, and some of
those I want to burn too. But like, sure, I don't have to
see that, you know? He leaves.
Yeah. He goes to work.
He goes to work. Who cares?
But yeah, the graphic Tees. I'm like, what else is he going
to wear? He also used to wear his.
No, he still wears them basketball shorts.

(20:01):
Yeah, Nick used to wear a lot ofbasketball shorts.
He's. Almost in your Ford.
Basketball shorts and then like a high top sneaker.
Oh, no. Well, that can't do that.
No, no, no, no, no, no. But he did.
I'm trying to think of what has a lot of shoes for a man who
doesn't like, wear shoes a lot. He's got a lot of fucking shoes.

(20:22):
I was like why? I mean, I get it.
I don't. I love a shoe.
It's a whole new way to accessorize.
I guess I don't. I don't go anywhere to do
anything but what happens? When you do go somewhere, I.
Wear the same shit. When you want to be Hall and
Oates. I mean this is my panic.
I have to look at what shoes he was wearing because I have no

(20:42):
idea. Oh no, I don't either.
I'm sure. Chuck Taylor's probably the
default or like I don't have anyof those.
Like a soccer shoe. I.
Saw what's a soccer shoe I'm. Trying to think of what was
popular in the 80s, seventies, 80s that that cuss a loafer that
decade transition a a loafer with socks or.

(21:06):
Miami Vice. Yeah, Yeah.
We'll have to. We'll have to ask Google for
some full length photos of them.Yeah, give us.
Full length please and thank. You some wait, some Reeboks,
some oh, those were 90s. I'm also cheapskate so I'm not
like buying anything. No, of course not.
But that's also why I have the same stuff.
I like literally almost burned my whole closet the other day.

(21:28):
I was just like, I went in and Iwas like, did you have another
wardrobe? No, because after that I was
like looking for the for an outfit to wear to a, to a dance.
Hello. Whoa.
Wearing it to the restaurant andI, you know, pulled out that
piece of trash and which I've had.
Just disintegrated it. Literally disintegrated on the

(21:49):
side. It was already a RIP.
It's like my arm will cover that.
It's fine. Like I literally it was already
ripped and so not a surprise that the button ripped off.
But but I was in in that journey.
I was like looking through my stuff and I was like, this is
all I mean, probably a decade old.

(22:10):
I need some new clothes. I get it, I get that.
But if, but I wear athleisure, yeah, for my job and my life.
And so like, I don't if I'm going to spend money on clothes,
it's going to be like nice athleisure.
Yeah. Because I also don't care about
fashion. Oh see, that's my problem.
I know, but you're good at that.I love me the fashions.

(22:31):
I wish I did. I wish I wish I did.
I'm. Thrifting.
I never I, I don't think I dressproperly for my body type.
I don't think that I like know, I know nothing about fashion.
I'm like, what's hot? I don't care.
Let's go shopping. A thing I literally never do
with my friends. But let's go shopping.

(22:52):
Oh, and I also like what? Where Fred Meyer's.
You got it. You.
Love a Fred Meyer? That's the only place I go.
That's my food and my clothes. Everything and your body wash.
I'm not. Yeah, I'm not going to.
I'm not going to a mall. Oh no, I don't do that.
And I don't like shopping onlinebecause I want to touch it.
I want to feel it, put it on my body.

(23:13):
Put it on your body. I didn't hear the.
Put it action up and on my body.Put it up your body.
I want to put it in my body. With the penis cans.
Well, God bless anyway. We were.
I'm talking about our husbands. My, we were.
Wait. I didn't get past Nick's chin

(23:34):
strap. OK, Yeah.
Short hair chin strap. Yeah.
His Mary necklace. Necklace.
Yeah, yeah. And then to.
Keep him safe to. Keep him, you know?
Sure, got it. That's how the Catholics stay
safe. They were Mary on their chest.
But also he was a power lifter in college.

(23:58):
Maybe. I'm getting this so wrong.
He's going to be laughing when he listens to this like you
don't know what you're talking about.
You don't know me at. All something about kickboxing
too maybe? He's a kickboxing powerlifter,
no? No, we're a powerlifting kick.
Butter. Wow, dead lifting.
And then we met at Equinox, so he was a personal trainer, so he
worked out all day every day. So he was fucking huge.

(24:20):
Just like huge. I need to.
See this? I can't.
Even I will, I have to find a photo.
And so I and so all of those things combined like very, very,
like specifically groomed facialhair, giant muscles and like
tight ass T-shirts, which is notentirely his fault.
That's how that was Equinoxes. Like they were like, if I could
make your shirt smaller on your muscles, I would do it.

(24:41):
Yeah. So and so all of those things
visually. And then the first time I ever
met him, he complimented my shoes.
And so I was like, oh, he's gay,great.
He's safe, great, great, safe gay man.
Love it, love it. Because most of the trainers at
Equinox that were straight, thatwould talk to me were talking to
me because they wanted to try toget me to go home with them.

(25:06):
There were not a lot of straighttrainers anyway, or at least of
the one that I worked at that would talk to me because my
office was on a different floor from theirs.
So you had to like go out of your way to interact with me.
So generally, those were the 2 motivations.
The gays would come in and hang out and like, talk about their
dating troubles. Yeah.
And then the straights would come in and be like, So what are
you? What are you?

(25:26):
What are you up to? Yeah, no one ever hit on me like
that. So I this and my mom would say
it's because you walk around with big fuck off on your face
and I'm like, well. For a reason apparently, but I
don't know what. The reason is though, but I'm
not saying so much. Yeah, well, that's.
Probably fair. I don't.
I I have always, always been that way.
Every. Even since when I was a little

(25:47):
girl. That's good.
Well, I guess it's, I think it'skept me from a lot of Yeah, I
think it's kept me from a lot ofyuck in life because yeah, I
remember my so my mom was adopted and then when she was
older, she found both her biological parents and I never.

(26:08):
Knew that about her. Yeah, my mom is the oldest of 10
with all her families combined. So she has her adopted parents
and then she had found her biological mother and father who
both great and but we're no longer together because they had

(26:28):
her when she they were 15. Oh wow.
OK. And so which ended up my grandpa
Harry. That is why Sawyer has Sawyer H
James, Sawyer H James because ofHarry and Harold.
Those are my bio or her dad's. They both start with H and I
hate both of those names by themselves, so I put them just

(26:50):
yeah. And then my grandma and Nancy.
But she. Why did I start talking about
this? Oh my God.
We were talking about your mom, I.
Met her when I met him when I met my grandpa Harry who still
is one of my favorite people. Or was he passed but like was
one of my favorite people of alltime.
I literally did not speak to himfor probably, I don't know, like

(27:16):
5 to 10 years. Like, like, like, I mean, I
would speak to him, but his likemain goal was just to be my
favorite person. And I was like, well, and it's
also like the more you want it. Yeah, the more they want it, the
more you're like, it's like you're allergic to that.
But like we have big hairyisms in our family, like big moments.

(27:37):
And I mean, he was a self-made millionaire.
Come on, Harry. I know he he was a pilot and
then he this is where the Taco Bell house came from.
Oh, the Taco Bell house is Harry's.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And 'cause he would go out and
like do he would rescue planes like that had, you know, had

(27:57):
plane crashes. He would go out.
His business was like literally saving these planes.
And so he would travelled all over.
Damn. And he would save these planes
and then he would, you know. Also, like, of course he did
that in Oregon, where everyone has a private plane.
Yeah. Well, 'cause he lived on the
airfield, Yeah, it's like a perfect place.
One time he was like driving back and he had his like flatbed

(28:18):
that didn't have a plane on it because he had just deposited
wherever it needed to go. And there was this guy on the
side of the road selling like 10jet skis.
And he was like, well, how much do you want for him?
I can't remember the deal, but it was a he was like, well if
you take them right now, I'll give it to you for how much
ever. 10 jet skis was on the side of the road.

(28:38):
That's so fucking shady. That's so shady it was.
Were they stolen? Was he a drug dealer?
Like it wasn't 10, but it was itwas.
It was a decent amount of jet skis.
My grandfather bought all of them.
Of course he had a flatbed. By the time he got home to
Oregon, he had sold all of them.I love it.
Come on, Harry. Yeah.

(29:00):
And one of his My favorite, likeHarry quotes is people would ask
him. He got interviewed.
They were in like some kind of, they're in a magazine, the
house, the Taco Bell houses in amagazine, which when we sold the
house, like we were like, look, it's yeah, of course.
Yeah. You know, yeah, it's going to
get that selling price out. Yeah, and so, but somebody asked

(29:24):
him and I'm like why? You know, how have you done
this? How are you a self-made
billionaire? He was like, because nobody told
me I couldn't. And I was like, that's amazing.
Like tattoo that on my body right here.
Nobody said I couldn't. So I just kept doing it.
I thought it was a good idea andI want to enjoy my life and.

(29:44):
And he looks for any opportunityto make a buck.
Every opportunity that he could and he was just the hardest
worker, but also such a but yeah, I was like and our
personalities are matched like he he is also an 8 and a strong
he still. Got to take that quiz.
Yeah, but he was. I was like, Nah, I don't want

(30:07):
it. And you're trying too hard.
What's that about? I mean, I understand that,
especially when you're a kid, because like your intuition is
so much stronger when you don't have logic to get in your way.
And when like, that's just a yucky feeling.
I don't like the way that when somebody is like actively trying
with you, it's that's not nobodyenjoys that.
That's well, I was just like, yeah, but I mean, really any

(30:28):
man, any man, I was like, no, I don't like, don't like that
good. But that was but the but the
other side is the other side is your husband.
I'm so sad that actually I missed out on all those years of
actually enjoying the lessons because my brother actually got
really close with them. And so I actually missed out on
some like really beautiful opportunities because I was

(30:49):
insecure because I think that's what it was.
It was like, I don't trust any man period.
But I think it was also men justmade me.
I just, and maybe that, I don't know why, but I, yeah, I was
just like guard up all the time.Yeah.
Maybe it's trust, maybe it's insecurity, Maybe.

(31:10):
It's generational trauma that has been passed down to you on a
cellular level. Maybe because yeah, there was
no, there's no that I can think of any kind of like trauma that
happened in my childhood with men specifically, but I have
always been like that. So yeah, dating was rough.

(31:31):
Yeah. How did you date?
Like how did you get to a point where you were like, I'm willing
to date you even though I don't trust you well?
It depends on the band. The band we're talking about.
I think my high school sweetheart, he's the one that
did the the suspensions. Yeah, he, we were just fast
friends and he was brilliant andtalented and at everything that

(31:53):
he did. And so I swooned and I was mean
enough that he liked the challenge.
I think, I think, I try to thinkabout.
I haven't had like so many serious boyfriends.
I don't even think I've brought up white bread Brad.
White bread Brad. I have.

(32:16):
That's our nickname for him in our family because like, I dated
Andrew, who was like this brilliant, very dark, kind of
spooky boy, right? Who did the suspensions, body
modifications, Brilliant, off the charts.
And then I didn't date anybody until I dated.
His name was Brad and he was, I don't know, two or three years

(32:38):
younger than me and just a pieceof white toast, like he was the
opposite of Andrew so hard. And when I took him home, I went
he. Used to swung the pendulum all
the way to the. 100% like my momtold me after I we weren't
dating anymore. She's like, Oh yeah, we knew
that that wasn't going to last. Yeah, yeah, no, no, no.
Because I, because it was one ofthose like Andrew, I could help

(33:02):
guide him. Like I felt like I could try to
help him in where he lacked. And I think with Brad, same, I
was just like, and I've always dated younger men, not like by a
lot, but even Pat's younger thanI am.
And I, it was like, I think I can help you and not in like a
condescending way. At least that's not how I mean

(33:23):
it. But I'm sure sometimes it comes
off that way. Sure.
But it's more like, no, I think that we're matched really well,
but there's some things that youneed to work.
On well, I mean, I think is, yeah, I think that that's most
humans that's. Just being a human.
I don't think it's realistic to go into a relationship thinking
that they're going to be perfectfor you because everything's

(33:44):
perfect. They're going to be perfect for
you because things aren't perfect.
And then you guys figured out together and you figured out
together in a way that bonds youand brings you closer and makes
you feel successful in your relationship rather than not.
But I haven't think back. But like all my best friends in
high school and middle school boys, right, There's there's a

(34:06):
twist is like I yeah, I have always had like a wall up with
older generations, but like younger I was always like, no,
you haven't figured it out. Let me help you figure it out.
Let me take it upon myself. I'll do it for the world to help
you. Everyone's better be.
An asshole. Yeah, I had.

(34:27):
Yeah, my best friend in middle school up until early high
school. Boy, my best friend, a friend of
the pod Cole shout out. He my best friend in high
school. Boy, and Andrew was my best
friend too. And yeah, so it's real weird.

(34:47):
Interesting. I know she's a real she's a real
Laird. Listen parfait over here.
Yeah, she got that parfait going.
Yeah, and with Pat, I didn't know, like what it was because
Pat was he, he was a surprise, 'cause like.
Wait, how did you guys meet? I was doing A Chorus Line at a
summer. Stock.
Oh, you met during A Chorus Line?
Well. He didn't go.

(35:08):
He wasn't in a chorus line. What?
No. Oh, would he play the cut dancer
got maybe Patty and he can't cuther off I.
Want to see him do? That to be fair, Yeah, to be
fair, he can't. He is a great mover.
He's a strong mover, but he was not in A Chorus Line.

(35:29):
But he had been in the shows up until that point in every show
in the summer shows that they had done there.
And so. But he was like, no, I'm not
doing. A chorus like, come on.
He could have run Zach. Yeah.
He could have run Zach, but I wewere doing a rehearsal and he
like this guy walked in like he owns the place and I was like,
is this not a closed rehearsal? I was like, what the fuck is

(35:51):
happening? Like I was like, you know, I was
just like, to be fair, I was playing Sheila and I was 25
years old. Like why am I playing?
I wasn't even 25I was 24 and I was like, why am I playing
Sheila? But also that's.
Kind of the perfect character for you.
Oh no, I loved her. I loved her so much.
She didn't have a great song, but it's fine.
That's true. But she got to have the most fun
and like the dancing. I would just like tap, tap, tap

(36:13):
my pirouettes 'cause I was like,I'm not going to do it.
It was, it was great, but I was like, excuse me while he walked
across the stage. I was just.
Like what are you watching across the?
Stage, well, I mean, like we were.
I I vividly remember sitting around a piano and like, going
over music. Yeah.
And yeah, he was like walking through the stage.

(36:33):
Nothing was really happening. So he wasn't like actually like
a Dick and like cutting through.Her.
You weren't. Running he was like walking
through while we were singing and like went to go talk to a
director or something because heknew the director and but I was
just like, what The Who the. Also, isn't that just, like, the
most perfect example of an actor?
Like, if they've been there, then they act like they own the
place. Yeah.
And they're like, I can go wherever I want.

(36:55):
I've performed here before. I know where the green room is.
Thank you very much. I know everyone here who are
you? Oh, you're new here?
That's cute. Which is essentially what it was
because my. Name is on that back wall in 47
different places. Yes, it was, still is.
We've both our boys have gone toa summer musical theatre, summer
camp there and we got to show him like daddy's pictures, which

(37:18):
is very cute. There's he was in Footloose in
high school and he, yeah, he played not Wren, but he played
starts with AW Willis, Wally Wanker.
What is the same Wanker? What's the same?
The The funny friend, the funny The funny friend.

(37:40):
Winston. God Dang it, Pat's yelling.
I can feel him yelling into. I love when we do this because
we could very easily just pick up a phone and Google it, but
we're. Not no, we're not going to.
I don't have that kind of time. But so anyway, it starts with AW
and he had to hold a sheep and there's a picture of him holding
they got a real ass sheep. Put a diaper on that
motherfucker. And here's Pat high school.

(38:01):
Pat stop with the cowboy hat on.He's holding this big sheep who
has a diaper on because in his face he's like like he has an O
face on and I was like what's happening?
He's like in that moment the sheep is taking a big ass dub in
that diaper and they caught it on camera and I was like that's
amazing. So I still haven't and.

(38:21):
How did he know? Did he hear it?
Did he? Smell it.
Oh, I'm sure he. Felt all the above, like a front
teen crumbles. He's got bubble guts.
Yeah, when you're when you're holding a baby and there's
squeezing. Out.
Yeah, it's turning. Bear it out.
Yeah, I love him. Oh my God.
Yeah. So he walked in and I was like,

(38:42):
what the fuck? Who do you think you are?
Who? Do you think you are?
And he. And it was a summer stock show
where I I had just moved back from LA, so I was still living
with my parents. And we would after rehearsals,
we'd like get together, bonfire my parents and like drink and be
merry. Sure.
And they're like, can Pat come? And I was like, who's Pat?

(39:03):
What are we talking about? And they're like that guy.
And I was like, oh, I guess. Sure.
And but Pat was like so oppositemy type that.
But there was some. I was just like, we were just
very much drawn to each other where it was just like, I don't
know, I don't want to like you, but I do.
And I don't know why. Yeah.

(39:23):
And so our the beginning of our relationship is very
interesting. It it was like we were just
texting all the time, hanging out all the time.
I was so mean because how long is this months.
Oh wow. Which says more about Pat than
does me, right? Because fully invested because,
well, it was just like, why are you hanging out with that mean

(39:45):
girl? And I mean, I showed him all my
ugly. I was like, listen, you feel
different and I can't pinpoint why you feel different.
Yeah, but all right, buckle up because I'm about to show you
every single nook and cranny of who I am.
And if you handle it, Yeah, well, then cool, man.

(40:06):
We. I guess we can get married.
You. Know I guess we can do that
like. You know, and so God love Pat
that he did hang out. Bless.
You're a real one, Pat. He's the best, He is the best.
And he, you know, does very, he's the reprogramming of, of
his brain that he's done, especially since becoming a
parent has been just kind of magnificent to see 'cause he'll,

(40:32):
we use Instagram to like, send each other like parenting
things. Yeah.
And the some of the stuff that he will send me is just kind of
eye opening for me 'cause I'm like, that's nice to know that
you think that, you know. Yeah, like, especially because
you can't have all of those conversations.
Like there's not time as a parent to have all those
conversations. So even just being able to send

(40:54):
something is a way of, one, connecting and two, saying,
like, this is this is the conversation that I want to have
right now, right? And we can't have it.
But at least you know where my head and my heart are at.
Yeah, he sent me a reel the other day that was like a man
sitting there. And there was a quote on it, on
it that said, you know, you're such a good dad.
And underneath it was like, I think I sent it to you.
And it was like, all the things that I'm thinking is like, am I

(41:16):
doing enough? Have I done this?
Have how have I ever messed up? Well, how much work will I have
to do to unwind the mess ups that I've done?
Just all the things. And I'm like, but if you're
thinking that, yeah, you're a good dad.
Yeah, right. Yeah, if you have that awareness
and you care. And you care.
Somebody said that to me as in early stages of motherhood where

(41:37):
I was like so stressed out aboutmaking the right choice.
They're like the fact that you care or being a good parent.
I was like, so worried of being a good parent.
Yeah. And they're like, the fact that
you care means you're a good parent.
Yeah. And like, seeing it from that
perspective, I was like, oh, well, thank God, Right.
Thank God because, like, Yikes. But it's nice to know that your

(42:00):
partner is also thinking of that.
Yeah, well, especially because, you know, not that I want to
stereotype anyone, but like, generally the male gender is not
so thoughtful about those kinds of things.
No, I can list 8 of them on my hand.
Where are the rest? Where are your other two
fingers? It's Pat Nick and they're doing

(42:21):
great. OK, that's fair.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's really. It's just, it's weird.
It's weird. Men are weird.
Men are weird. Men are weird.
That's real weird. OK.
Thanks for being here everybody.OK, bye.
But I love that Patty is thoughtful and Nick has been

(42:41):
very much the same way. Like there is a lot of rewiring
that is happening and has happened and will continue to
happen. But it is really that idea of
like conscious parenting, like once you have that
responsibility to a human and not like a responsibility to a
job, a responsibility to a dog or like making sure you change

(43:04):
the oil in your car. But like you are responsible for
the growth and development of a person for the rest of their
life. For the rest of, well, for some
people, right, Some people are like, well, once you're 18,
you're done. Yeah.
I'm not that parent and neither is Pat, but because I'm like no
me at 18. Thank God I had my parents.

(43:24):
If I had had my parents at 18/19/2021.
I mean, I literally I'm almost 39 and I had a conversation with
my father this morning this AM and his perspective was so like
grounding and helpful to me about how I should like he just
gave me a different oh, this is a great one.

(43:45):
Here's a Here's a left hand turnbecause Finn is about to be 8
and how I know how. That means I was living in
Indonesia eight years ago. That was eight years ago.
I'm offended. That's four and four.
I'm thank you. It's also six and two.
Well. It's five and three.

(44:07):
Yay. Come on.
Math. Who says I can't do math?
Yeah. Look at you doing math.
Me, I say yeah. You're doing it, Queen.
Yeah. But he so there's weed.
I don't love YouTube. Yeah, I don't love it.
It's very hard to trust. I have heard horrific stories.
And also all it takes is 1 up next video to populate in front

(44:31):
of your child. Yeah, and it's a slippery
fucking slope that you have no control over because it happens
before you even realize it. Yeah, and so like my rule with
it we the conversation Anyway, Iwas telling my dad that
something had happened and I waslike real pissed at some at Finn
had seen not anything bad, but there was this character that

(44:55):
was like real spooky and I was like, and it was Sonic.
I'm trying to think of the name Shin Sonic.
Anyway, it's like a Sonic with alot of mouths and a lot of teeth
and like skinny arms and like real is like him on some kind of
drug. And I was just like, why are we
why? And anyway, instead of like
wanting to burn down the homes of the people that were allowing

(45:19):
it to happen, I my dad's like, but Tor he is my dad's never
called me Tor by the way, they call me sis.
That's my like he is because Ross couldn't say Victoria when
I was born. And so they call me sister.
And so he's like sis. Here's the issue is that he's of

(45:39):
the age where he's gonna see shit like that.
Yeah. And like, and I was like, shut
up, Dad. Yeah, that's such a shitty
answer. Because it's true.
Because he's right and you have to think.
About it, yeah. And I was like and he's like, so
instead of getting mad at the people who who are not following
yes, they won. They should follow the

(45:59):
guidelines that you that you're asking because it is your child.
But two, you need to teach him about trusting his guts.
If you see something, say something and all of these
things. And I was just like, oh.
Yeah. Dad, dad.
And it was surprising because like my growing up, my dad was

(46:20):
not the the emotional one, right?
He was, you know. Yeah, same, same with my dad.
He was very much like very reserved, very like withdrawn
almost emotionally. Whereas now he's like so
thoughtful and like deep and I'mlike he.
Still surprises me every time. I was just like, like, I ran
aside. I was like, Pat, I need to tell

(46:41):
you about this conversation. And I was just like, oh, it and
which is 1. What a Dick punch of like now I
have to think about it that way,right?
Protecting my child, making him resilient, making them resilient
in this way of technology, knowing that.
Which is never going to go away and access is only going to
continue to get easier. And cause, yeah, even Finn this

(47:02):
morning, when we were talking about it, he was like, well,
that's not on YouTube, that's onGoogle.
And I was like the fact that, you know, that there was no, I
hate that so much. Read a book like you know but
knowing that. Yes, go kick rocks, go out, go
fuck around with your friends for 12 hours all day in the
middle of the summer and come home for dinner.

(47:24):
Yes, yeah. So, but my dad gave me that
perspective shift and I was justlike kind of surprised by it.
And I was like, man, thanks, dad.
Thanks, Rob. Come on, Rob, he's not North
Tower or South. Tower.
Thank God. Come on, Rob.
But like, not all dads are like that, it's true.

(47:44):
And so I I am very lucky that I have in my life surrounded by
relatively good men. Some of them still need to work
on some stuff, sure. Well, yeah.
But same. Yeah, you know, don't we all?
Because, yeah, my, my gut instinct when I was talking to
my dad this morning, I was like,I'm going to burn it down.
Like I was just like, you mess with my babies, you mess with
me. Yeah, dude.

(48:05):
And as instead of oh, make them resilient.
Make them trust their gut. Yeah, teach them how to navigate
this world when you are not looking over their shoulder,
because that's the skill they need.
They don't need to be protected,they need to be taught how to
deal with the bullshit. I don't like.
That I don't either. It's really, I don't like it at

(48:26):
all. And also like I think about
growing up, how much I was protected and how much people
tried to shield me from bad things.
And that was not a net positive in the larger picture.
How so? Because I didn't have the
resilience to deal with hard things or uncomfortable things
or dangerous things. I didn't have the the like,

(48:49):
wherewithal to be able to, like,hold my own, advocate for
myself. Yeah, yeah.
That's where my people pleasing comes in.
Instead of advocating for myself, I'm just like, OK, so
interesting. I know.
It's just kind of weird. So interesting because that's
where I, that's where I over, yeah, over index you over.

(49:09):
I'm like, I'm going to fucking advocate for myself and everyone
around me and probably that airplane in the sky and also
that flower and anything that islike anything that I can see
right now, I'm advocating for. And if you did something to one
of these things, in my mind, you've now done it to all of
these things, which means that you deserve to die.
Yeah, yeah. Dead to me.

(49:30):
I have no chill. I'm learning that I have no
chill when it comes to that. I mean, who needs it?
Well, somebody. Listen, you still have my.
Family. My family, just my family.
Yeah, everyone else can get lickRust, but I don't even know what
that means. Sounds tasty.
MMM, salty. Wait, I have to go all the way

(49:53):
back to Patty walking across thestage and you losing your shit?
You didn't connect the dots of how you got ragey at Patty for
walking across the stage and then you guys started hanging
out you hated. It I don't remember.
Oh OK, blacked out other than I think it was just like he came
well and he like did. You end up in the same group of
people and start hanging out. All the people in the show, OK,

(50:15):
I was the newcomer, I was the newbie, but because I'd only
worked in like professional theaters, it wasn't this was
more like a summer stack where all like are you auditioning for
the show kind of vibes small town.
And I was like the I had done. I just got done with Iron
Curtain at Village and the guy, one of the the people that was

(50:39):
in the show was choreographing the show and knew that I lived
down South. And he was like, hey, you know,
do you have a show during summertime?
And I was like, no, he's like come audition.
It was the hardest audition by the way.
It was literally 6 hours of fulldance.
It was like a tap sequence, a ballet sequence.
I was leaving for Mexico the dayafter with my mom and because

(51:03):
she was taking me on this trip because we I was going through a
breakup with white Bread Brad. White bread, Brad.
I was and and but I had. I was working, working, working,
working. Working in California.
Still in LA broke up with me over text and I was like, I'm
leaving this show in the air mission, I'll fly down and I
love you. And that's where some of my
people pleasing it. Oh.

(51:23):
Yeah, you, you go into rescue mode.
Yeah, and I would really do whatever.
I did the same thing. With or recovery mode I guess.
Yeah, and I was just like, I'll bend over backwards for you.
Let's just make it work and don't do that, people.
Nope. Nope.
Meet those people. What?
Yeah, they're showing you. Take their truth at face value.
Yeah, yeah. And that still hard for me to to

(51:44):
learn, but so my mom was like, you and I, we're going to go on
like a girls trip, you know, let's get you through these
callbacks and then we'll go. Good mom.
Yeah, she was great. I that's where I read the
happiness projects. If you've never read that book,
it's great. And I still have found it.
The other day. It was like all these things I

(52:04):
think I copied down from the book, but all of them like made
me so happy. It was like.
And so but I remember that's like a core memory of like, I'm
OK. Like I'm going through this
heartbreak. Yeah, like, I'm OK.
And so the bad thing, like he just kind of we started to hang
out at bonfires. Like sure, could we be more?
Sounds about right Summer in the.

(52:26):
Summer in the PNW, Yeah. And yeah, we just hung out as
like a little cast as we always did back before we all had kids.
And yeah, and I mean. And then you hung out for
months. How did it transition from
friends to dating? It was a bumpy transition.

(52:47):
It was a bumpy transition of just like four months of not
knowing what we were. That's such a long time.
Yeah, four to six months where in?
That four to six month period was your first kiss.
Four months. Damn.
Yeah, like, yeah, because both of us are fear, fearful of

(53:09):
intimacy. Sure.
I will speak just for myself. Like I was like, I'm going to be
bad at it. Oh yeah.
You know, and I the the intimacy.
Like physical intimacy or emotional intimacy or all of the
above. All of the above.
OK. I think I wanted emotional.
Yeah. I was intrigued by all

(53:30):
emotional. I was like, because like
sparrows, we don't we don't likefight and yell.
We're like my ninjas. Yeah.
Like that's, that's how Pat would compare us.
He's like, my family is like hold it, hold it, hold it,
explode. He's like, but when I hang out
with your family, you guys are just like silent ninjas where

(53:51):
you're like, I guess you could say that, you know, it's just
like, and then just walk away, you know, and not like, I don't
think we were trying to be yucky, but like, you know, I
don't know what don't do that. But he, so that was really
interesting when we did start todate instead, 'cause he would
hold everything. He still does.

(54:12):
He still he, he holds things, yeah.
Yeah, it's the same way. And I'm like, I want to shake
you. Yeah.
And so hard. Well, and we're verbal
processors, Yeah, who live loudly and bigly.
And Pat wasn't. And so like he couldn't.
So we had to kind of meet each other there.
And we've had to come up with ways.

(54:34):
Like when I was yelling about this YouTube thing, I was like,
I'm not yelling at you, I am just to get out of myself.
I'm fucking pissed. I am mad.
Yeah. You got to put it somewhere.
You can't keep that inside. No.
And he's just sitting there, like, scrolling on his phone.
He's like, it's fine, Tori. Yeah, do it.
I love that he's learned that though, where he's like, yeah,

(54:55):
you do you, babe. You're gonna be over here on the
Instagrams. Yeah, because, because also he
knows that if he takes it on toohard, like he will, he will.
It's him holding, holding, holding and exploding.
Yeah. And so which he knows is also
not helpful. Yeah, you know, yeah.
So, yeah, but it was it was a long courtship.

(55:17):
We were at a lesbian chicken farm when we.
Were like the most Seattle thingyou've ever said.
And I wasn't even supposed to bethere.
My mom was like house sitting and she's like, I'm out in the
sticks at this lesbian chicken farm.
Do you want to come out? And I was like, sure.
And Pat was playing like softball, like a summer softball

(55:38):
league or whatever. And one of his games was like
out by this farm. And so my mom was like, we'll
invite him over. And so I remember.
And we would like sleep in the same bed like we, but we're not.
Before you kissed. Yeah, what Italia?
It was weird. And I have to talk to Pat, be

(55:59):
like, are you OK talking, talking about this?
Because we were. I think it was just like, he
didn't want to make the first move.
I didn't want to make the first move.
I was mad at. He wasn't making for the first
move. He was scared of me, which is
like totally legit understandable.
Yeah. And so it was.
It was, I can firmly say, like all my fault because our first

(56:21):
kiss was our first kiss was. He made the first move.
All right, Pat. Yeah.
And it was epic. It was epic.
Good job, Patty. But it took a long time.
We were at this lesbian chicken farm and we were like laying in
bed. The romance of a lesbian chicken
farm. The romance, I mean, that's the
novel, you know, And I like, remember, like.

(56:42):
The Nicholas Sparks setting. Yeah, the lesbian chicken farm.
But without lesbians, like they weren't even there, but there
were chickens were and but I remember like in the middle of
the night or we're about to go to bed and I was like, so like,
what are we amazing? That's so aggressive And he's
like, I don't know. What do you want to be like?

(57:03):
I don't know. I like you.
I think you like me. Is this like a boyfriend thing?
Like it was just like such a notmature conversation.
Not that I remember being sure. Well, I.
Mean you were young. Yeah, I was 24.
Yeah, yeah. So, you know, now we're 14 years

(57:25):
into it, so. Hey, right.
So you figured it out in that conversation.
Yeah. So did you.
Did you like, come to an agreement and then kiss?
You're like, great, let's seal it with a kiss I.
Think we, maybe we, maybe I, maybe we did.
I'm trying to remember now. So long ago what?
Came the chicken or the egg? I don't.
I also don't remember my first kiss with Nick.

(57:46):
Like I know when it was but no when it was.
No, I do remember our first kisswas really epic because he was
leaving the house and my best friend at the time was taking
him home and because he didn't have a car for some reason.
Anyway, on my parents front porch they have a swing and I
was like sitting there grumpy because it was just like high

(58:07):
five. OK, bye you know, yet again, yet
again bye I guess. And so I was sitting there
pouting and he all they go get in the car and then I remember
hearing the door slam again and he comes like fast walking up to
me, grabs my face, lifts me off of the the porch swing and just

(58:28):
lands one on me. Patrick, it was the Nicholas
Sparks bug. It was just like I was like
clutch my pearls. Who is that man?
Yes, and that was I mean after it was that and then my mom
telling him giving him the the. You got to grow a pair

(58:49):
conversation where my mom was just like, if you want to be
like we we like you. We think you could stick around,
but you're going to have to grabyour nuts and give them a bell
twist friends, if you want to hang in with her because she's
going to she's going to continuously push you for
probably the rest of your life. So like, get up in it.

(59:12):
Not up, babe. Yeah, not up like she's going to
try to bulldoze you. And the way that she is going to
accept your love is if you standin front of her and you say not
today. Yes.
And my mom, my mom talked about it all the time where we were in
the kitchen and Pat's cooking family meal for our our entire
family as he does. And I was like trying to cut

(59:33):
something or something and he was getting I was getting all
uppity about it. And he was like enough Tor.
You could feel everyone in the room just go, go.
What's she going to do? And.
Like, and my mom was like, that's when I knew you were
going to be around for a while. Like it's like, 'cause I was

(59:55):
just like, oh, OK, you know, gotit, 'cause I just wanted
somebody to stand up to me. Yeah, that's what I needed.
Yeah, you like I'm looking. For about you were looking for
someone to be firm because firm is sturdy and sturdy is safe.
Yeah, man, here's your bumper. Sticker.
Yeah, Firm is sturdy and sturdy is safe.
Yeah, that's why I always say strong women need sturdy men.
Be sturdy. Be sturdy.

(01:00:16):
Be sturdy. Yeah, and keep learning.
I mean, that's the thing I've loved about Pat is he's
constantly trying to learn to bea better man.
And like when we had two little boys, he was like, it's my job
now. And and when I see that he
starts to fall off and we are, we keep each other accountable

(01:00:38):
where it's like, what would you say to them?
Yeah. And that is always a game
changer. Like if you're ever lost in
parenting or in your own, like, making decisions for your life,
I'd be like, what would you say to them?
Yeah, what would you want them to do?
And that'll always answer for me.
I'm just like, oh, the answer isso clear.
Yeah. And the fact that Pat, and

(01:01:00):
that's what makes an amazing father, is somebody who's like,
I know there are dark corners towho I am and I want to shine
lights into him and I want to learn.
And yeah, and not be scared of them and not or shame or shame.
That's, you know, yes, that's what Nick struggles with really
is like the shame in the dark corners.
I mean, he's he's, you know, on a very good path and he's doing

(01:01:23):
great. I.
Mean that's the hardest part, right?
That's the hardest part, is likeshowing up and be like, I need
help. Yeah, you know, I can't do it.
I've gotten as far as I can by myself.
Yeah, I have. I have run out of tools.
I need more because I want to continue to grow and improve and
show up differently for my kids.Yes.
Yeah, which is like such a also like, so sexy.

(01:01:47):
Amen. So sexy.
Yeah. Come on, dads, get your shit
together. It's real sexy when you get your
shit together and you care and you care because like the kids,
the, the experience that those children have.
I mean, there's always, we always see that the data shows
that children only need one safeparent, which, you know, if as a

(01:02:07):
single parent, I can say is true.
And also why don't you just decide to also be a safe parent?
Like why does, why can't if? Why can't you both be safe
parents? Yeah.
Do it for your kids and for yourrelationship.
Yeah, but that's another thing is like people talk about, you
know, raising kids and they don't.

(01:02:29):
I wish they talked about that more.
I think it's slowly coming out where you have a baby and the
relationship is like on standstill.
Oh my God. Completely it like there's not
even a back burner that it's on.It's on.
It's in a different Costco. Yeah, yeah.
There's no, yeah, you know, Yeah, it's out of stock and
back. Yeah, it's like something that
you don't even you don't think about.

(01:02:49):
And I, I do remember that being a huge growth moment.
And somebody said to me, they'relike, the kids will grow up.
And I, I look at marriages around in, throughout my life
and I've, you can see the peoplewho have really fostered that
where they like the kids are going to grow up.

(01:03:10):
And I still have to like you. Yes.
I still have to know who you are.
You know after 18 years when we stopped caring about the kids
like I need to still like when your.
Focus shifts back onto each other.
Yeah, because you're all going to change.
Everybody keeps changing. Yes, yes, we should.
The identity shift is so massivewhen you become parents and then

(01:03:31):
it's like you see the world in so many different ways.
Your goals change, your priorities change.
That's going to change you too. It's like becoming responsible
for a human is a massive change.And then the way that changes
your perception of everything else changes you in your
relationship to everything else.And you're just like, and then I
feel like as the as the kids getget older and have new and
different experiences, that changes you in doing different

(01:03:54):
ways. And then that has the ripple
effect on all the other things in your life.
And like the rapid evolution of being a human when you become a
parent that just never stops. Like if you don't figure out how
to evolve together. Well, and that doesn't even say,
that's not even to say you as anindividual.
Yeah, right. Like after I had kids, I then I

(01:04:14):
went down like deep self improvement for myself.
Yeah. And Pat and I had a had a real
heart to heart of I was like, I am fearful I'm going to outgrow
you. And I had the same conversation
with Nick. Yeah, because like I'm like, if
you're not growing, you're dying.
Yeah. And that's how I just like
that's how I want to live the trajectory of my life.

(01:04:34):
Like I want to respect my deathbed.
And when I get there, I'm going to be like high 5 myself and
high 5 the people that are stillaround me.
Because like, we did it, I grew and I kept growing and I wanted
my partner to do the same. But Pat's also on his own
trajectory and has to do it at his own pace, right?
And. His growth path is going to look

(01:04:55):
different. Than yours yeah.
And that's the part of marriage is like, I had to be patient,
which I'm not very good at. And my compassion is low, as the
priest said. So like I was just like, fucking
figure it out, my guy. But I will still be here because
you're my person. Like I'm I'll seize a little

(01:05:16):
bit. I'll be like, I am mad.
Yeah, pull it together. But when he got there, when you
know, he when he like re engagedbecause 2020 was a dark time.
Girl, girl. 20 was, I mean, a dark time girl, everybody.
There wasn't a person on the planet that it didn't hit.

(01:05:36):
Yeah, you know, and man, did it show how people deal with
trauma. AND and and OR don't lack of
control. Everyone we were wiping down
our. Everything, everything,
everything. Remember when our hands were raw
because we were hand sanitizer and washing our hands so many
times a day? My literally my skin on the

(01:05:58):
backs of my hands was just cracked and bleeding all the
time. Yeah, I never left my house.
I just never left, but I had I mean, I had a newborn baby, so I
was like distracted, but I remember when I started to like
really emerge out of the postpartum.
Oh man, yeah, just the oh lack the.
Dark, dark times. Yeah, the yuck, the family yuck

(01:06:20):
the who's and what bubble and who's with.
Yeah, just all of that shenanigans, man.
Knock on some I don't. Let's never.
Let's not have another one of those.
Let's not do it. No, but the, but the, the growth
out of that was nice. Sure, yes, they had saved my

(01:06:42):
postpartum Blues, my depression 'cause I had postpartum
depression with Finn because Patwent to work two weeks after.
Oh my God, right. And then, I mean, we got
pregnant before 2020 happened, but like and lockdowns and all
that. So we'd already had the FMLA.

(01:07:04):
Yeah, got that out. We already had a set in place.
And I was like, Oh my God, like.Were you pregnant at my wedding?
No, you weren't pregnant yet. No.
OK, Did I get pregnant? It wasn't that much longer
because Dot's not that much older.
For the Pandy. I was definitely pregnant.

(01:07:24):
We. Went to.
Pregnant. I was pregnant in Disneyland,
which was in for Troy's birthday, March.
And then it like literally got back and it was shut down.
I was like, that's our last hurrah.
I think that was March. I'm sure I don't.

(01:07:44):
I don't know. I remember it was very soon.
We went on our honeymoon at the end of January and I remember we
couldn't go to Vegas because it was like we were literally just
getting back from our honeymoon.Yeah, so it had to be February.
Yeah, 'cause like really shut down was March.
Yeah, time because the Bohemia cast, some of the Bohemia cast
was going to Berlin, Germany. Yeah, Germany, right, Yes.

(01:08:07):
And they were going. And Oh my God, I remember that.
One of the producers got literally trapped over there for
a while. Yeah, what a time.
What a time. And I was pregnant, so I could.
I wasn't going anyway. Yeah.
Which was a big old Dick punch. But then nobody could go, right?
Nobody could go. They eventually did that.
But yeah, what a time. But to yeah, I don't know where

(01:08:33):
I'm going with that after that. I mean, I don't.
Even know how we got. Here, get here.
We were trying to ask you, Pat. Yeah, we said Father's Day, Yes.
Oh my God, Father's Day. It's Father's Day.
It's. Father's Day and and surprise,
Nick's not gay. Who knew?

(01:08:54):
I was worried. I mean, he complimented my shoes
in our first interaction. What was I supposed to think?
He complimented my shoes and he wasn't trying to get my pants.
I was like, you're gay, you're gay, you're safe, it's fine.
And then for two years. Because metrosexual, Those
metrosexuals. God, why is it so hard?
For me there are those. Metrosexuals.

(01:09:17):
Metrosexuals. My brother's one of them.
People always gave Ross a hard time.
Really. He's gay 'cause he, like, cared
what he looks like. Yeah, just 'cause he does his
hair. And yeah, yeah.
Did. Did Ross?
Ever have a chance wrap? No, Ross can't grow facial hair
very well. No, he did have a beard at some

(01:09:38):
point when he had jaw surgery. He had jaw surgery and could his
wired shut like full wire shut had to my mom had to like blend
up steaks and stuff to get him nutrients through a straw.
Yeah, so so not shove not shaving.
So he did have a beard at that point.

(01:09:59):
I've seen it. I've seen with a beard like
maybe? Was it patchy?
Was it? No, but it was bright red like
fire beard. So good.
Yeah. So Ross has done his hair the
same way since high school. And so he.
Just I will never know him to have that hair.
And yeah, and he just goes. He just literally like spikes it

(01:10:19):
up and it just stays there. Well, yeah, I'm sure it's so
used to growing that way. If he tried to do anything else
in here is there like what are? You trying to make like for the
the listeners who don't know what my brother looks like,
which is all of you because he has no social media.
He, he looks like writer from Paw Patrol.
Oh. Oh my God, doesn't he hilarious?

(01:10:40):
Both boys will be like I've seenwriter and be like, hey, it's
Uncle Ross. I was like, Oh my God, you're
that's. Hilarious.
He looks like writer. Yeah.
And this, he has two little girls, and they love Paw Patrol,
which is like, this is a costumeopportunity.
You wouldn't have to do anything.
You just have to put on a blue vest.
Yeah. Or a red vest, doesn't matter.

(01:11:02):
I don't know one of them. A color of a vest you.
Have to put on a vest? Yeah, any vest?
We believe in you, Ross. You can do it.
Yeah, anyway, so happy, Happy Father's Day to those fathers
who are out there caring, trying, doing it, because I do
think even us raggy feminists can appreciate a good man also.

(01:11:22):
Men can be feminists. Men are feminists.
Fem are menaces. Fem are menaces.
Good God, what's wrong with my face hole?
Yeah, I would. I would consider both our
husbands feminists. I would too.
You got to be to hang out with us.
Yeah, Weapons. Yeah, if you Yeah, yeah, we

(01:11:42):
don't have to go down that path.We already, we already went down
that path once recently. But yeah, it's you got a what?
Path. I was just going to say, if you
think that I don't deserve to have rights, then we don't.
Oh yeah, we don't vibe. But yeah, I won't marry you.
Then I won't marry you. No.
I did marry a man who believes that I get to be my own person.
So thank God for that. Thanks, Nick, for believing that

(01:12:05):
I don't know. I'm a I'm a person.
But also like I want to like bigshout out to both our husbands
who have supported us in all of our endeavors.
Yeah, all of the things. Oh yeah, Nick is like you.
He. Got you an orchid for our 10th.
For our 10th episode, he got. I'm still waiting for mine,
Nick, but that's fine. Nick, you have to get our
orchids now. I'll probably kill it.

(01:12:28):
It's fine. Yeah, how are your succulents
doing from the yoga training? All of the plants are mostly
alive. You're doing it.
Come on. But all of them are looking like
the flowery ones are looking kind of sad.
And I know you have to deadhead them, but I'm like.
No, yeah, you have to get take the flowers off.
Yeah, but like, do I take off? Pinch the flowers.

(01:12:48):
I don't, yeah, but I don't know how far to pinch.
Let's. Just say that I'll come over.
OK, my hydrangeas Hydrangeas. They were so beautiful and now
they're looking really brown. I don't know if I've watered
them either Anyway anyway, but Ido want to say our husband.
Shout out to the husband shout out to the husbands who who have

(01:13:10):
been yes men for us yes men right in in ways that like when
I first when we first started dating.
OK so we started dating finally after so two years of knowing
each other. He left equinox to go work run a
voice over studio we, you know communicated intermittently.

(01:13:31):
He had made a commercial that was in the Tribeca Film
Festival. He invited me to come.
I couldn't come then babysittingsingle mom life.
Then something else happened. There was like it was like every
like 6 months that we would havelike minimal interaction and
then I ran into him one day walking down the street.
He was walking his dog, Athena, and then.

(01:13:52):
Was he still bulky? Yeah, I cannot imagine.
And I feel like. Need to see it.
He, God, I can't even remember. I don't, I really don't remember
how it happened but like I feel like that was the catalyst.
We ran into each other on the street because he only lived
like 6 blocks from Equinox. Oh.

(01:14:16):
That right, 74th Equinox was on 74th, he was on 81st.
OK, so seven blocks from Equinoxand we ran to each other.
I don't, I don't think it happened like immediately after
that. But then at some point he was
like, let's go to dinner. And and that's when I was like,
oh, interesting. I'm seeing you in a different

(01:14:37):
light. Yeah, well, not even I'm seeing
you in a different. Well, yeah, kind of.
But I was like, I don't like like inviting me to events is I
feel like a thing that friends do.
But like, but like, we never hung out one-on-one, and you're
inviting me to dinner. And I was, like, interesting.
Not opposed to it, but just, like, my brain had never seen
him in that light. Also, he's younger than me.

(01:14:58):
And at that time, I'm like a single mom in New York.
And this man who's five years older than me is like, let's go
to dinner. And I'm like, OK, yeah, baby,
you can do it, baby. But also I was, like,
intriguing. Yeah, curious, which I did not
expect to be the case. And then I made plans with my
friend Vanessa for, for afterwards so that I had an.

(01:15:21):
So we, it was like we had dinnerat 7:00 and then I had plans
with her at 9:30 down in the West Village.
We were having dinner on the Upper East Side and I made plans
with her down in the West Village.
At 9:30. Yeah, well, you know, I was so
used to it because I would get off of work at Equinox at 8:00
and then usually like go meet upwith friends in Midtown or go to
a show or whatever and then go back to Jersey City.
So I was very used to not getting home until like 12/1.

(01:15:44):
So like 930 was like, you know, happy hour for me makes.
Me nauseous, yeah. Can you imagine now going out at
9:30? No, you said getting off at 8:00
and I said no, yeah, it's like 8:00 PM, Yeah.
It was not my favorite time. And so we went to dinner and it

(01:16:05):
was, I just remember sitting there at this table and like
having an out of body experiencewhere I was like, what is this
feeling that I am feeling right now where like just everything
worked. You know, it was so weird,
especially coming off of three abusive relationships where I

(01:16:28):
was like, what is this? And I wasn't like trying to shut
it down or I wasn't afraid of it, but I just was like, what
the fuck am I feeling right now?This is so weird.
But it was a positive feeling, you know?
And so I was like, OK, noted. But also going to meet up with
Vanessa. And he walked me to the train
and then he kissed me on the forehead.

(01:16:49):
Which if you've ever dated anybody in New York and they
don't try to put their tongue down your throat on the first
date, which I'm pretty sure that's the only time that's ever
happened to me where it's I didn't.
That's so intimate and cute. Yeah, it was so.
And it was just like, I just remember walking to the subway
station on 86th and Lexington, which is hella busy all the
time. And they were like, a train had

(01:17:09):
just come. So there were all of these
people coming up the stairs. And we're standing on the
stairs. And he just, like, leans down to
kiss my forehead. And I just remember being like,
what the fuck? I don't understand what's
happening. So confused.
Yeah. And then I went and met up with
Vanessa for drinks and she was like, so.
And I was like, man, I don't know.

(01:17:30):
Like, I don't know what's happening.
I have no idea what's happening.She was like, you like him?
And I was like, I don't know, man, he's 25.
Like maybe I like him, but like,I don't fucking know.
Like this is bananas. But like, I, it was just so out
of the realm of what I thought was possible or what I thought
was realistic that I just like had never even allowed myself to

(01:17:51):
be open minded enough to, to think about it.
And then and also at that time, that was my bumble phase.
So I was also dating Robin Rob many other man.
No, no, Robin Rob was the first phase before dating ABS Robin
Rob was just like, if I if I served you or you know, that's
How I Met most of them. God bless.

(01:18:13):
So fuck, what was I saying? You were you were with Vanessa
and you were like, what? I don't understand.
Yeah, yeah. And I just it just like my SO.
What happened the? Second time.
So then after that he, I'm pretty sure he texted me like
that night and was like, did youget home safe?
You know, checking on me. Hope you had fun with your

(01:18:34):
friend. I had a really nice time.
We should do that again. And I had Roslyn Wednesday
through Sunday, so the only nights that I could go out were
Monday and Tuesday nights. Yeah, which actually in New York
is better because, like, you don't want to go out on bridge
and tunnel nights, like Friday night, Saturday night, you don't

(01:18:55):
want to go out in the city. And it's just generally less
chaotic, you know, on a Monday or Tuesday, but also, like, it's
the beginning of your week. So you.
Just want to start the week off tire.
So then we made plans for the following Tuesday and then I
feel like from there it was justlike every Tuesday became our
date night. Cute.

(01:19:16):
I don't remember our first kiss.I don't remember it well, but
you know, I remember. You remember the forehead kiss?
I mean technically. Yeah, but then, but then six
months later, I was moving to Indonesia.
All right. So I was like, all right, bye.
Like I'm going to go do this thing.

(01:19:37):
And he was like, we'll figure itout.
And I was like, OK, you're real.10,000 miles away and you don't
know if we're going to figure itout.
Look it up on a globe, friend. Yeah.
Do you know where? It is.
It's a 2, Sir Johns, Yeah. Can't take the subway.
But then he was like, I rememberwe talked about it a little bit,

(01:19:58):
and then we didn't talk about itfor a while.
And then just at one point, as I'm like, in my apartment,
starting to, like, pack up my things and sort what I'm getting
rid of and starting to like, youknow, figure out how to put my
life into a fucking storage unit.
Yeah. He was like, So I just want to
let you know that, like, I've been looking for jobs in
Jakarta. And I was like.
What do you mean? What do you?
Because again, it was like not even something that I had opened

(01:20:19):
my mind to. So he said it and I was like,
for at first I was like, why? And then I was like, oh, he's
talking about me. Oh, oh, oh, oh, got it.
But that is like, that is like Nick the yes man in a nutshell.
He's like, you want to go do some crazy shit?
Let's fucking do it. I mean we literally kick him out
of his office. We do to do his Bananas podcast.

(01:20:43):
That he then edits for us. That he for free, for free for
free. Well, I mean, I pay him in other
ways. Too.
I mean, God bless that orchid. It had stories.
She's seen a lot. She's seen a.
Lot but I mean, yeah, that's that's the yes man this but the
strong women in the world. Needs dirty men.

(01:21:05):
Needs dirty men. Don't.
Don't be someone that drags behind me.
Don't do it. I have my own dead weight.
Yeah. In my brain, in my personality.
I don't need yours, you know? And yeah, anytime I've brought
something to Pat, he's just feeling all right.
Yep. We'll figure it out.
Yeah. And I'm like.
Which also help like makes you abetter parent when you can have

(01:21:29):
that mindset together. Shout out to the sturdy husband.
Sturdy. Sturdy.
Well, we want to hear about yoursturdy men.
That's yeah, I I want to hear all the stories.
I want to hear stories about sturdy men.
If if you have stories about unsturdy men, I want to hear
that. Shit too, too.
Yeah, those are good. Because we could do a good trap.
Story we could do a lot of podcasts on those guys too the

(01:21:52):
garbage men the garbage men of the world yeah but so this is
your gentle reminder to please like share comment save.
Like share our husbands. No, like our husbands.
Like our husbands? Share our stories.
Comments What did you like? What didn't you like?
Do you like our husbands? Do you?
Know our husbands and. I like our husbands.

(01:22:16):
I love them. And I'm very appreciative of
both of their efforts as fathers, and I am honored to
celebrate each of them on Father's Day, but especially my
husband. Yeah.
There's some kick ass dads. They are.
They're good way to go, guys, Good dudes.
We like you, we see you, we support you.

(01:22:41):
That's it. That's it.
That's we did it. OK, see you next Tuesday.
Bye. What?
An hour and a half. Yeah, we had some stuff to say
about our handsome man, remember?
When we were going to just do a quick shout out.