August 6, 2025 • 29 mins
A legendary variety show blending witty monologues, comic sketches, and musical interludes, all anchored by the impeccable timing of its beloved host. It’s a masterclass in comedic timing.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
The Jack Benny Program. Quality of product is essential to
continuing success.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I hated man any no, no, no, no, no, Noon American.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
It takes fine tobacco to make a fine cigarette. And
first last in always, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco ls MFT,
ls MFT, ls MFT, Remember you're in year up. Lucky
Strike means fine tobacco, and in a cigarette, it's the
tobacco that counts, season after season, at auction after auction,
(00:34):
independent tobacco experts, auctioneers, buyers and warehousemen can see the
makers of Lucky Strike consistently select and by that fine
that light, that naturally mild tobacco, fine light, naturally mild tobacco. Yes,
Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, and fine tobacco means real,
deep down smoking enjoyment for you. So smoke that smoke
(00:56):
of fine tobacco Lucky Strike at say not a bit
limited in order it Opepp. Nine, I'm Erican. The Lucky's
White Program, starring Jack Fenney with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester,
Donnis Stay and yours fully Don Wilson. And now, ladies
(01:30):
and gentlemen, we take you back fifteen minutes. Jack Fenney
is in his dressing room where Rochester is trimming his
hair just a little more off the side. Rochester, Yes, sir,
you know Rochester may sound funny, but when I was
a kid, I had the most beautiful head of thick
golden curls. You did, Yeah, In fact, my mother was
(01:51):
so proud of him she gave a curl to every
one of our relatives. Well you about a Rachel Mourss's
time to get him back? Yeah, hold of Rochester? How
much have you trimmed off the side?
Speaker 3 (02:07):
Almost a handful?
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Good, and I'll sprinkle it around on top. Thang. What
are you laughing? Now? This ain't no hand cut or
no handscaping job. It was a little trick I learned
an agricultural school, good old Bandini tech. Yes, sir, I
(02:35):
better start shaving you now right. I thought you said
you forgot my shaving cream. I did, But this doffle
worked fine. Well, I don't know. You're sure it's good
for shaving.
Speaker 4 (02:43):
Yeah, says so on the box does does everything.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
I guess so, But I wish my face could have
that oxydel sparkles, you know, all sill boys.
Speaker 5 (02:57):
While I laughing though, maybe that when your shirt first.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Okay here, yeah, say boss, why do you wear that
penny around your neck on a string? It's for sentimental reasons, Rochester.
This is the first penny I ever owned. You know
that dollar I have framed up in my bedroom? Uh,
that's the first dollar I ever owned. You know that
picture of my Maxwell that hangs in the den?
Speaker 5 (03:18):
Uh huh.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
That's the first car I ever owned. That's the first
car anybody ever owned. Why that car scared more horses
than the meat?
Speaker 5 (03:30):
Short?
Speaker 1 (03:36):
No, I don't know. And I hurry up and shave
me Rochester.
Speaker 5 (03:39):
Okay, old still?
Speaker 1 (03:40):
While I laugh, Rochester, you have to use that much
old still?
Speaker 5 (03:46):
Boss?
Speaker 3 (03:48):
Then that ought to be enough.
Speaker 5 (03:49):
Laster.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
Now, where is it come in?
Speaker 5 (03:53):
How are you?
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Rochester? Just passing by? And I say that looks wonderful. Well,
stop trying to blow the pome off. It's me and
get your foot off my k me. It's not a
brass rail. What a guy? Okay, I'm sorry, Jackson. What
(04:16):
do you want? Phil Well? I'd like to ask you
what number I should play on the program today. I've
been rehearsing two of them all week. What are they?
Speaker 5 (04:22):
Well?
Speaker 1 (04:22):
One of them? Star does what's the other one. That's
what I like about the sack. You better play the
first one, Phil, I don't think the public is ready
for the second one. Go ahead, Rochester, start shaving me.
Oh say, Jackson, I want you and the rest of
the gangs to come over to house tonight. I'm giving
a little surprise party for Alice. Surprise party. What's it for? Well?
Speaker 5 (04:44):
I think it's her birthday?
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Think yeah, it's either today March twelfth or June twenty ninth, Phil,
for heaven's sake, either tell me you don't know when
Alice was born. Look, Jackson, I'm her husband, not her mother.
All right, Phil, I'll be glad to come. So I
have dinner firs. Well, of course not. I got everything
all set.
Speaker 5 (05:03):
I prepared it myself.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
What are you having? Well, that would be Martini's Manhattan's
old fashioned bourbon high balls. Got tell well, I mean
what kind of food do you serve? Me? What food? Food?
Speaker 5 (05:14):
Well?
Speaker 1 (05:14):
How do you like that I knew I forgot something? Well?
How the work out? Rochester? You cut me? It's about
time you fell that I did a minute as tho? Well,
why didn't you tell me I put you a day?
It won't be funny. Did you cut me bad? There's
(05:36):
nothing bolls, I just set the stem off you.
Speaker 5 (05:38):
Adams apples.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
Lomsy thing and I have to buy a collar botle. Well,
well about the party, I'll be at your house at
eight o'clock. That'll give you enough time to buy a
gift for Alice. I think i'll get her some candy.
When you gave her candy last year and she never
got to eat any of it, she didn't nah, she
was carrying it upstairs in a bag. Bro Gee, that's
(06:06):
a shame. And those jawbreakers roll. So I'll have him
put in the double bag this time. Oh what's the
matter of Rochester?
Speaker 5 (06:18):
Cut you again?
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Can't you tell?
Speaker 5 (06:20):
Well, it would tell if you flee a little bit.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Well, I'm not gonna force myself just for you. Say, Phil,
what are you giving Alice for a birthday? Hey, Jackson,
I got it right here in this little box.
Speaker 5 (06:37):
Let me show it to you there.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
I hate that a pretty Oh Phil, what a beautiful
gold locket. She loved that. Well open it up, Jackson,
there's a picture inside. I'd rather not fail. Alice should
be the first one to see it. Well, we don't mind, Jackson.
You're like one of the family. Go ahead, open up
the locket. Well all right, Oh now isn't that sweet
(07:03):
a picture of Petrello? How thoughtful? Yeah, that's very nice. Pair.
You can raise your head. I closed the locker. Yeah. Look, Jackson,
(07:26):
I better get out on the stage. You get my
musicians ready for the broadcast.
Speaker 5 (07:29):
I'll be seeing you.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
Huh yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Oh, I guess I better get in the studio to
Rochester wait for me here in the dressing room, Yes, sir,
And you can tune in the radio and listen to
my program if you wish, if I wish, yes, once
I didn't listen to it, and you'll put me in
Salt tang con finely. Now, Rochester, you know I didn't
compel you to stay in that room.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
No, but you took away all my clothes.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Told me I was free as a burden, part of
the Campistano.
Speaker 4 (07:53):
What I was shot down on a pismo.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
B I'm being silly. I'll see you after the broadcast.
Speaker 5 (08:03):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
See that Rochester makes up the wildest things that are
kind of funny. I wonder if he'd be good on
the radio. Nah, he'd always be late for rehearsals. See,
I hope we have a good show today. Excuse me, well,
(08:27):
how long is the kids hold? He probed the intrusion.
But last week you promised me a ticket for your broadcast.
Oh yes, yes, I have one right here in my pocket. Hey,
are diin't you?
Speaker 3 (08:37):
You?
Speaker 5 (08:37):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (08:39):
You must you must like my program a mister kits Old,
who's one of my favorites? I like your program? People
and Meghee cat kit to LEVI a date with Julia
and on Friday night time listening to people are snooks? No, no, no, no,
(09:05):
you mean people are funny. Hmmm with these tea kids,
I'll shoon find out. Oh yeah, yes, glad, you better
hurry in. I'll save you a seat in the first row.
Laugh as hard as you can. My heart is broken,
and it tells me I should laugh. Your heart is
broken life because yes Ford, my now, Memocha didn't win
the football game. You're Alma mater, not for Damon. Oh
(09:36):
did you go to Notre Dame? Do you do you
remember that before horse member? Yes, I was the stable boy.
Well you better hurr him at the kitchen. The time
for the show, Ok, goodbye, good bye, Hey Jackson, We're
all set. Okay, Well let's go I was South America
(11:08):
taken Away, played by Phil Harrison his orchestra, and that
strange click claque in the back was his boy shooting
dice and ladies. Thank Mary, I thought I was pretty
clever myself. That strange click clack in the back.
Speaker 6 (11:24):
I wasn't laughing at that. What I was reading a
letter from Mama.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Oh oh, a letter from your mother. Ah, well, what
does the Hilda Guard of Plainfield have to say?
Speaker 3 (11:37):
Oh, it's so funny.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
I know, I know after a last letter she had
to join the radio Writer's Guild. Oh ahead, let's hear
it Marty.
Speaker 6 (11:43):
Okay, my darling daughter, Mary, I received your last note.
Was very glad to hear from you. As you know,
last Tuesday was election day, so your father got up early,
went to the polls and voted for Hoover. What he
feels old it to him because since nineteen twenty eight,
Hoover has been the top button on his underwear.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
That's what I like about your father. He's so loyal.
Go am.
Speaker 6 (12:15):
Your sister baby has become a career woman and now
has a very novel job. She's a lifeguard at one
of those new Fountain pen companies.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
A lifeguard at a pen company.
Speaker 6 (12:24):
If anyone writes help underwater, she dives in and pays
the pen.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
What a girl.
Speaker 6 (12:31):
Babe also received a lot of money from a picture
studio in Hollywood. She sets a photograph of herself in
her baby suit and they sent her a check for
five thousand dollars. Your sister, baby, They set her legscap
of the idea for the spiral staircase.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
I knew she could do it, say Mary, Mary does?
Does baby still go with that slap happy prize fighter?
Speaker 5 (12:55):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (12:55):
She couldn't stand it any longer.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Why what happens?
Speaker 6 (12:58):
Well, I'd be sitting in the living room and every
time phone rang, he jump up, shake hands and give
her a right book to the jaw.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
Oh well, then I don't blame her.
Speaker 6 (13:07):
Well, babe didn't mind getting hit, but she had to
keep in training.
Speaker 4 (13:10):
All the time.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
Yeah, we'll go on with the letter. Married.
Speaker 4 (13:13):
Okay.
Speaker 6 (13:14):
Last Saturday night, Papa and I went to a big
formal affair Aunt Heedy's silver wedding.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Gee, has your aunt Edie been married twenty five years?
Speaker 5 (13:22):
No?
Speaker 6 (13:22):
Twenty five times? Oh, now, don't interrupted anymore? Jack, okay, okay,
and Mary visa your aunt Edie. Do you remember little
Harold who was the ring bear at Aunt Edie's first wedding, well,
last the one she's married to.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
Now, what do you love?
Speaker 3 (13:44):
Outside of that?
Speaker 6 (13:44):
Papa and I haven't done much, although last week we
went to the movies and saw Merle Oberon in a
wonderful picture. Gosh, she's beautiful. Your father took one look
at her, then looked at me, And when we got home,
I realized what Babe went through.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
With that pride for.
Speaker 6 (14:06):
Fortunately, my girdle broke and I wedged him into a
neutral corner.
Speaker 5 (14:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Yeah, your mother is a riot.
Speaker 6 (14:22):
By the way, Mary, I certainly envy you being out
there in California. It was so cold here yesterday that
Papa's teeth chattered all night. They made so much noise.
He took them out of the glass and put him
back in.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
His mind of the car on a family.
Speaker 6 (14:45):
That's all for now. We'll write again next week, your
loving mother, Amber Livingstone.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
That's a nice letter, Mary.
Speaker 6 (14:51):
Oh wait a minute, here's a ps.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
I suppose Jack will start.
Speaker 6 (14:54):
Writing to us again now that airmail is down to
five cent?
Speaker 1 (15:00):
What does she mean five cents? I can get Rochester
to fly it there for nothing. That's a good one.
Speaker 6 (15:07):
I'm anything funny about that?
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Need to why Jackson? You don't know Rochester and has
crazy jokes? Now, kid, come in, Hello everybody? What's cooking?
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (15:20):
Hello, Dennis? Dennis, you're little bit late? Where were you? Well,
I'd have been here earlier, Jackson, But I stopped across
the bar and a bar. You gotta live, bug, You
gotta live. Stopped across a bar and a bar. That
sounds like Chiss sweet sandwich, you know? Oh boy, am
I didy lay Dennis? Dennis? You mean to say they
(15:45):
served you a drink? No, they said I was too young,
so they just fund me around on the stool. Oh, hey, Livy,
how about you and me painting the town? Dennis?
Speaker 3 (15:56):
What's eating you?
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Bug? You want to fight? All right? Hey Phil, how
about a knock a selting?
Speaker 5 (16:05):
You don't need want?
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Dennis, what's the matter with you? All they did was
thinning around on a stool. Yeah, but they held my
head in one place. You you mean they I don't
know whether I'm coming or Dennis. Believe me or Dennis
(16:28):
and cut out all this non sense. Okay, he hates
me because I'm head loosing fancy free, Dennis, nobody hates you. Now,
come on, let's have your song. Okay, that kid can
find more hal Where are you going? I'll be back
to the minute Jackson, Hey, Dennis, what stool were you want?
There's three?
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Now go ahead, somewhere in an area, see someone for.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
Somewhere in an I who knows where somewhere, maybe across
away or maybe way beyond a distance? Star? Will you
(17:35):
where and who you are? Somewhere in a dream? I
find here by my side. Then when I awake, my
ream drifts odd with a time. My lonely heart keep saying, holy,
(18:03):
nor it gotten see someone from where? Mon com where
in a dream? My fur you by my side? Then
(18:32):
when I awake, I ream with with a tie, My
lonely heart keep saying, holy all this doesn't see.
Speaker 5 (18:56):
Someone where?
Speaker 1 (19:29):
That was somewhere in the night, sung by Denna's Day
and Dennis, you sang that beautifully. I wouldn't know. I'm loaded.
You're not loaded, and I don't want to hear any
more talk like that. Got to be ashamed of yourself.
I'll sit down, yes, sir, And now, ladies and gentlemen,
for our feature attraction tonight, we're going to do a
(19:51):
sketch entitled The Strange Loves of Martha Benny.
Speaker 6 (19:55):
Whisper is Age Marriage.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
Now in this I am a minute, Jackson. Last week
you announced that we were going to do the kill Us. Well,
we were, but I'm going to postpone it until two
weeks from to night. Why'd you do that, Jack, because
Mark Hellinger, the producer of the picture, asked us to
wait two weeks before we lost it up, and by
that time the picture will have played in more cities.
Speaker 6 (20:16):
Well, what the thing is on good Night?
Speaker 1 (20:18):
Well, actually, Mary, it's going to be a story based
on my career as an entertainer. It opens with the
actual incident of my first appearance on the stage in Washington,
d C. I'll never forget that night. My performance was
so great that right in the middle of my act,
one of my fans got so excited he jumped right
off the stage.
Speaker 6 (20:36):
That was John will Spoose. He was making his getaway.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Chit sweeze, chit sweeze. Now in this play, Ladies and
John Kay, before we do this sketch show, what about
the commercial? The commercial? Oh yes, yes, go ahead, don okay? Ready,
Fellas not with them, Don, the quartet is out. So Jack,
you've got them signed for three more weeks. I don't
care if they're signed for three years. And another thing.
(21:06):
They've got an option coming up, and I'm dropping it. Okay,
if that's the way you want it, well you fellas
can take that offer you got from the Hollywood Bowl.
It's alright with me. Just so they Hollywood Bull They
had an offer from the Ball. Yes, I hate to
bring this up, Jack, but they were offered so much
money that say, oh yeah, well, I've got them under contract.
(21:29):
They can't break it. I know because I've already tried. Well,
all right, then when you listen to the commercial, we've
prepared well, all right, what's it gonna be? Our musical
background will be till the end of time? Oh oh
well that might be good. Here go ahead, ready, boys,
ls MFT ls MFT lucky strack means fine the back hole. Yes,
(21:50):
lucky strike means fine the back hole, ls MFT, lsmth NFT.
Speaker 4 (22:01):
Let's star, Don, Don, Don, That isn't this.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
That isn't what I want. Wait a minute, fellas, Wait
a minute, Fellas, Don just a minute, fellas, wait, Don
Don Don look at me, Don, Donzy boy, look at me, Don, Well,
look Don, Don, I'm being nice. Look look Don, I'm smiling.
(22:43):
Done done. Can't you see that that isn't in keeping
with the rest of the program. It's too slow downzy Pool,
it has no pep. Well Jack, if you watch something lively,
(23:04):
just listen to this. What the William tail over? Jerry
hit it?
Speaker 5 (23:08):
Boys, So let's go.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
Let's go. Let's wait a minute, let's wait on that.
Wait on, all right, fella, all right, fellas, get out,
(23:44):
get out, out out. You guys are driving crazy.
Speaker 6 (23:49):
I'm going mad, oh Jack, Yeah, stop pulling your hair.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
I'm only taking the ones that we're sprinkled out. I'll
come on, fellas, get out, get out, and it's for you.
Don Wilson, you got me into this and you better
get me off.
Speaker 6 (24:05):
Jack, don't get too excited.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
I am excited. I'm so mad. I'm not even going
to do this catch tonight. But Jackson, you gotta finish
the show that Don finished it. He's so smart and
he knows everything. I'm getting out of here. Hello, mister Benny,
may I have your autograph?
Speaker 5 (24:21):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (24:21):
Shut up?
Speaker 5 (24:40):
What do you have?
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Mister? How much is the Scotts from soda seventy five cents?
How much is a bourbon and coke?
Speaker 5 (24:51):
Sixty cents?
Speaker 1 (24:53):
Well, come on, buddy, come on, what do you have?
Just spin me around a couple of times.
Speaker 5 (25:02):
Okay, buddy, here you go.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
Way, no home, Hey bartender, one more spin and I'll
(25:30):
go home. Okay once more? Excuse me a minute, now,
will you gentlemen have the same as usual? Wow? Look
who's here? My old buddy's wife, fouls yellow one. I've
(25:50):
been meanly you, yes, I had. You know what I'm
gonna do. I'm gonna wake it up to you. I'm
gonna pick up your options and give you a more money. Hey,
what give these fellows a spin on me? Ladies and gentlemen.
(26:34):
Saving bonds are vitally important in the nation's battle against
price inflation and for the future and welfare of us all.
It is important that we, who have developed habits of
thrift during the war continue to build financial security for
ourselves and our children. Protect your future by extra bonds. Now,
(26:55):
thank Youbacco tobacco doc the matter the first here is
my good friend mister lay speed rake hells him mooney,
my moon, and not any man, no, no, my mamon
in American make no mistake in a cigarette. It's the
(27:16):
tobacco that counts. And Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. Mister
James Maynard Talley, independent tobacco warehouseman of Durham, North Carolina,
has been in the tobacco business all his life. He said,
season after season, I've seen good tobacco bought by the
makers of Lucky Strike. Yes, good tobacco, full of flavor,
ripe and mild. I've smoked Lucky's for eighteen years.
Speaker 5 (27:37):
Yes, year after year.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
Independent tobacco experts, men who spend their lives buying, selling,
and handling tobacco, men like mister Tally, can see the
makers of Lucky Strike consistently select and buy that fine,
that light, that naturally mild tobacco, fine light, naturally mild tobacco. Yes,
Lucky Strike means fine tobacco ls MFT, LS, MFT ls MFT,
(28:04):
Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, and fine tobacco means real,
deep down smoking enjoyment for you. So smoke that smoke
of fine tobacco Lucky Strike, so round, so firm, so
fully packed, so free and easy on the drawer. Ladies
(28:34):
and gentlemen, we'll be back with you next Sunday at
this time, when our guests will be mister and missus
Ronald Coleman and Leo du Rosa. Good night, everybody. This
(29:05):
is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company.
The Jack Benny Program. Quality of product is essential to
continuing success.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I hated man any no, no, no, no, no, Noon American.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
It takes fine tobacco to make a fine cigarette. And
first last in always, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco ls MFT,
ls MFT, ls MFT, Remember you're in year up. Lucky
Strike means fine tobacco, and in a cigarette, it's the
tobacco that counts, season after season, at auction after auction,
(00:34):
independent tobacco experts, auctioneers, buyers and warehousemen can see the
makers of Lucky Strike consistently select and by that fine
that light, that naturally mild tobacco, fine light, naturally mild tobacco. Yes,
Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, and fine tobacco means real,
deep down smoking enjoyment for you. So smoke that smoke
(00:56):
of fine tobacco Lucky Strike at say not a bit
limited in order it Opepp. Nine, I'm Erican. The Lucky's
White Program, starring Jack Fenney with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester,
Donnis Stay and yours fully Don Wilson. And now, ladies
(01:30):
and gentlemen, we take you back fifteen minutes. Jack Fenney
is in his dressing room where Rochester is trimming his
hair just a little more off the side. Rochester, Yes, sir,
you know Rochester may sound funny, but when I was
a kid, I had the most beautiful head of thick
golden curls. You did, Yeah, In fact, my mother was
(01:51):
so proud of him she gave a curl to every
one of our relatives. Well you about a Rachel Mourss's
time to get him back? Yeah, hold of Rochester? How
much have you trimmed off the side?
Speaker 3 (02:07):
Almost a handful?
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Good, and I'll sprinkle it around on top. Thang. What
are you laughing? Now? This ain't no hand cut or
no handscaping job. It was a little trick I learned
an agricultural school, good old Bandini tech. Yes, sir, I
(02:35):
better start shaving you now right. I thought you said
you forgot my shaving cream. I did, But this doffle
worked fine. Well, I don't know. You're sure it's good
for shaving.
Speaker 4 (02:43):
Yeah, says so on the box does does everything.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
I guess so, But I wish my face could have
that oxydel sparkles, you know, all sill boys.
Speaker 5 (02:57):
While I laughing though, maybe that when your shirt first.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Okay here, yeah, say boss, why do you wear that
penny around your neck on a string? It's for sentimental reasons, Rochester.
This is the first penny I ever owned. You know
that dollar I have framed up in my bedroom? Uh,
that's the first dollar I ever owned. You know that
picture of my Maxwell that hangs in the den?
Speaker 5 (03:18):
Uh huh.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
That's the first car I ever owned. That's the first
car anybody ever owned. Why that car scared more horses
than the meat?
Speaker 5 (03:30):
Short?
Speaker 1 (03:36):
No, I don't know. And I hurry up and shave
me Rochester.
Speaker 5 (03:39):
Okay, old still?
Speaker 1 (03:40):
While I laugh, Rochester, you have to use that much
old still?
Speaker 5 (03:46):
Boss?
Speaker 3 (03:48):
Then that ought to be enough.
Speaker 5 (03:49):
Laster.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
Now, where is it come in?
Speaker 5 (03:53):
How are you?
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Rochester? Just passing by? And I say that looks wonderful. Well,
stop trying to blow the pome off. It's me and
get your foot off my k me. It's not a
brass rail. What a guy? Okay, I'm sorry, Jackson. What
(04:16):
do you want? Phil Well? I'd like to ask you
what number I should play on the program today. I've
been rehearsing two of them all week. What are they?
Speaker 5 (04:22):
Well?
Speaker 1 (04:22):
One of them? Star does what's the other one. That's
what I like about the sack. You better play the
first one, Phil, I don't think the public is ready
for the second one. Go ahead, Rochester, start shaving me.
Oh say, Jackson, I want you and the rest of
the gangs to come over to house tonight. I'm giving
a little surprise party for Alice. Surprise party. What's it for? Well?
Speaker 5 (04:44):
I think it's her birthday?
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Think yeah, it's either today March twelfth or June twenty ninth, Phil,
for heaven's sake, either tell me you don't know when
Alice was born. Look, Jackson, I'm her husband, not her mother.
All right, Phil, I'll be glad to come. So I
have dinner firs. Well, of course not. I got everything
all set.
Speaker 5 (05:03):
I prepared it myself.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
What are you having? Well, that would be Martini's Manhattan's
old fashioned bourbon high balls. Got tell well, I mean
what kind of food do you serve? Me? What food? Food?
Speaker 5 (05:14):
Well?
Speaker 1 (05:14):
How do you like that I knew I forgot something? Well?
How the work out? Rochester? You cut me? It's about
time you fell that I did a minute as tho? Well,
why didn't you tell me I put you a day?
It won't be funny. Did you cut me bad? There's
(05:36):
nothing bolls, I just set the stem off you.
Speaker 5 (05:38):
Adams apples.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
Lomsy thing and I have to buy a collar botle. Well,
well about the party, I'll be at your house at
eight o'clock. That'll give you enough time to buy a
gift for Alice. I think i'll get her some candy.
When you gave her candy last year and she never
got to eat any of it, she didn't nah, she
was carrying it upstairs in a bag. Bro Gee, that's
(06:06):
a shame. And those jawbreakers roll. So I'll have him
put in the double bag this time. Oh what's the
matter of Rochester?
Speaker 5 (06:18):
Cut you again?
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Can't you tell?
Speaker 5 (06:20):
Well, it would tell if you flee a little bit.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Well, I'm not gonna force myself just for you. Say, Phil,
what are you giving Alice for a birthday? Hey, Jackson,
I got it right here in this little box.
Speaker 5 (06:37):
Let me show it to you there.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
I hate that a pretty Oh Phil, what a beautiful
gold locket. She loved that. Well open it up, Jackson,
there's a picture inside. I'd rather not fail. Alice should
be the first one to see it. Well, we don't mind, Jackson.
You're like one of the family. Go ahead, open up
the locket. Well all right, Oh now isn't that sweet
(07:03):
a picture of Petrello? How thoughtful? Yeah, that's very nice. Pair.
You can raise your head. I closed the locker. Yeah. Look, Jackson,
(07:26):
I better get out on the stage. You get my
musicians ready for the broadcast.
Speaker 5 (07:29):
I'll be seeing you.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
Huh yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Oh, I guess I better get in the studio to
Rochester wait for me here in the dressing room, Yes, sir,
And you can tune in the radio and listen to
my program if you wish, if I wish, yes, once
I didn't listen to it, and you'll put me in
Salt tang con finely. Now, Rochester, you know I didn't
compel you to stay in that room.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
No, but you took away all my clothes.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Told me I was free as a burden, part of
the Campistano.
Speaker 4 (07:53):
What I was shot down on a pismo.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
B I'm being silly. I'll see you after the broadcast.
Speaker 5 (08:03):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
See that Rochester makes up the wildest things that are
kind of funny. I wonder if he'd be good on
the radio. Nah, he'd always be late for rehearsals. See,
I hope we have a good show today. Excuse me, well,
(08:27):
how long is the kids hold? He probed the intrusion.
But last week you promised me a ticket for your broadcast.
Oh yes, yes, I have one right here in my pocket. Hey,
are diin't you?
Speaker 3 (08:37):
You?
Speaker 5 (08:37):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (08:39):
You must you must like my program a mister kits Old,
who's one of my favorites? I like your program? People
and Meghee cat kit to LEVI a date with Julia
and on Friday night time listening to people are snooks? No, no, no, no,
(09:05):
you mean people are funny. Hmmm with these tea kids,
I'll shoon find out. Oh yeah, yes, glad, you better
hurry in. I'll save you a seat in the first row.
Laugh as hard as you can. My heart is broken,
and it tells me I should laugh. Your heart is
broken life because yes Ford, my now, Memocha didn't win
the football game. You're Alma mater, not for Damon. Oh
(09:36):
did you go to Notre Dame? Do you do you
remember that before horse member? Yes, I was the stable boy.
Well you better hurr him at the kitchen. The time
for the show, Ok, goodbye, good bye, Hey Jackson, We're
all set. Okay, Well let's go I was South America
(11:08):
taken Away, played by Phil Harrison his orchestra, and that
strange click claque in the back was his boy shooting
dice and ladies. Thank Mary, I thought I was pretty
clever myself. That strange click clack in the back.
Speaker 6 (11:24):
I wasn't laughing at that. What I was reading a
letter from Mama.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Oh oh, a letter from your mother. Ah, well, what
does the Hilda Guard of Plainfield have to say?
Speaker 3 (11:37):
Oh, it's so funny.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
I know, I know after a last letter she had
to join the radio Writer's Guild. Oh ahead, let's hear
it Marty.
Speaker 6 (11:43):
Okay, my darling daughter, Mary, I received your last note.
Was very glad to hear from you. As you know,
last Tuesday was election day, so your father got up early,
went to the polls and voted for Hoover. What he
feels old it to him because since nineteen twenty eight,
Hoover has been the top button on his underwear.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
That's what I like about your father. He's so loyal.
Go am.
Speaker 6 (12:15):
Your sister baby has become a career woman and now
has a very novel job. She's a lifeguard at one
of those new Fountain pen companies.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
A lifeguard at a pen company.
Speaker 6 (12:24):
If anyone writes help underwater, she dives in and pays
the pen.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
What a girl.
Speaker 6 (12:31):
Babe also received a lot of money from a picture
studio in Hollywood. She sets a photograph of herself in
her baby suit and they sent her a check for
five thousand dollars. Your sister, baby, They set her legscap
of the idea for the spiral staircase.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
I knew she could do it, say Mary, Mary does?
Does baby still go with that slap happy prize fighter?
Speaker 5 (12:55):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (12:55):
She couldn't stand it any longer.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Why what happens?
Speaker 6 (12:58):
Well, I'd be sitting in the living room and every
time phone rang, he jump up, shake hands and give
her a right book to the jaw.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
Oh well, then I don't blame her.
Speaker 6 (13:07):
Well, babe didn't mind getting hit, but she had to
keep in training.
Speaker 4 (13:10):
All the time.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
Yeah, we'll go on with the letter. Married.
Speaker 4 (13:13):
Okay.
Speaker 6 (13:14):
Last Saturday night, Papa and I went to a big
formal affair Aunt Heedy's silver wedding.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Gee, has your aunt Edie been married twenty five years?
Speaker 5 (13:22):
No?
Speaker 6 (13:22):
Twenty five times? Oh, now, don't interrupted anymore? Jack, okay, okay,
and Mary visa your aunt Edie. Do you remember little
Harold who was the ring bear at Aunt Edie's first wedding, well,
last the one she's married to.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
Now, what do you love?
Speaker 3 (13:44):
Outside of that?
Speaker 6 (13:44):
Papa and I haven't done much, although last week we
went to the movies and saw Merle Oberon in a
wonderful picture. Gosh, she's beautiful. Your father took one look
at her, then looked at me, And when we got home,
I realized what Babe went through.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
With that pride for.
Speaker 6 (14:06):
Fortunately, my girdle broke and I wedged him into a
neutral corner.
Speaker 5 (14:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Yeah, your mother is a riot.
Speaker 6 (14:22):
By the way, Mary, I certainly envy you being out
there in California. It was so cold here yesterday that
Papa's teeth chattered all night. They made so much noise.
He took them out of the glass and put him
back in.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
His mind of the car on a family.
Speaker 6 (14:45):
That's all for now. We'll write again next week, your
loving mother, Amber Livingstone.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
That's a nice letter, Mary.
Speaker 6 (14:51):
Oh wait a minute, here's a ps.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
I suppose Jack will start.
Speaker 6 (14:54):
Writing to us again now that airmail is down to
five cent?
Speaker 1 (15:00):
What does she mean five cents? I can get Rochester
to fly it there for nothing. That's a good one.
Speaker 6 (15:07):
I'm anything funny about that?
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Need to why Jackson? You don't know Rochester and has
crazy jokes? Now, kid, come in, Hello everybody? What's cooking?
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (15:20):
Hello, Dennis? Dennis, you're little bit late? Where were you? Well,
I'd have been here earlier, Jackson, But I stopped across
the bar and a bar. You gotta live, bug, You
gotta live. Stopped across a bar and a bar. That
sounds like Chiss sweet sandwich, you know? Oh boy, am
I didy lay Dennis? Dennis? You mean to say they
(15:45):
served you a drink? No, they said I was too young,
so they just fund me around on the stool. Oh, hey, Livy,
how about you and me painting the town? Dennis?
Speaker 3 (15:56):
What's eating you?
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Bug? You want to fight? All right? Hey Phil, how
about a knock a selting?
Speaker 5 (16:05):
You don't need want?
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Dennis, what's the matter with you? All they did was
thinning around on a stool. Yeah, but they held my
head in one place. You you mean they I don't
know whether I'm coming or Dennis. Believe me or Dennis
(16:28):
and cut out all this non sense. Okay, he hates
me because I'm head loosing fancy free, Dennis, nobody hates you. Now,
come on, let's have your song. Okay, that kid can
find more hal Where are you going? I'll be back
to the minute Jackson, Hey, Dennis, what stool were you want?
There's three?
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Now go ahead, somewhere in an area, see someone for.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
Somewhere in an I who knows where somewhere, maybe across
away or maybe way beyond a distance? Star? Will you
(17:35):
where and who you are? Somewhere in a dream? I
find here by my side. Then when I awake, my
ream drifts odd with a time. My lonely heart keep saying, holy,
(18:03):
nor it gotten see someone from where? Mon com where
in a dream? My fur you by my side? Then
(18:32):
when I awake, I ream with with a tie, My
lonely heart keep saying, holy all this doesn't see.
Speaker 5 (18:56):
Someone where?
Speaker 1 (19:29):
That was somewhere in the night, sung by Denna's Day
and Dennis, you sang that beautifully. I wouldn't know. I'm loaded.
You're not loaded, and I don't want to hear any
more talk like that. Got to be ashamed of yourself.
I'll sit down, yes, sir, And now, ladies and gentlemen,
for our feature attraction tonight, we're going to do a
(19:51):
sketch entitled The Strange Loves of Martha Benny.
Speaker 6 (19:55):
Whisper is Age Marriage.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
Now in this I am a minute, Jackson. Last week
you announced that we were going to do the kill Us. Well,
we were, but I'm going to postpone it until two
weeks from to night. Why'd you do that, Jack, because
Mark Hellinger, the producer of the picture, asked us to
wait two weeks before we lost it up, and by
that time the picture will have played in more cities.
Speaker 6 (20:16):
Well, what the thing is on good Night?
Speaker 1 (20:18):
Well, actually, Mary, it's going to be a story based
on my career as an entertainer. It opens with the
actual incident of my first appearance on the stage in Washington,
d C. I'll never forget that night. My performance was
so great that right in the middle of my act,
one of my fans got so excited he jumped right
off the stage.
Speaker 6 (20:36):
That was John will Spoose. He was making his getaway.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Chit sweeze, chit sweeze. Now in this play, Ladies and
John Kay, before we do this sketch show, what about
the commercial? The commercial? Oh yes, yes, go ahead, don okay? Ready,
Fellas not with them, Don, the quartet is out. So Jack,
you've got them signed for three more weeks. I don't
care if they're signed for three years. And another thing.
(21:06):
They've got an option coming up, and I'm dropping it. Okay,
if that's the way you want it, well you fellas
can take that offer you got from the Hollywood Bowl.
It's alright with me. Just so they Hollywood Bull They
had an offer from the Ball. Yes, I hate to
bring this up, Jack, but they were offered so much
money that say, oh yeah, well, I've got them under contract.
(21:29):
They can't break it. I know because I've already tried. Well,
all right, then when you listen to the commercial, we've
prepared well, all right, what's it gonna be? Our musical
background will be till the end of time? Oh oh
well that might be good. Here go ahead, ready, boys,
ls MFT ls MFT lucky strack means fine the back hole. Yes,
(21:50):
lucky strike means fine the back hole, ls MFT, lsmth NFT.
Speaker 4 (22:01):
Let's star, Don, Don, Don, That isn't this.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
That isn't what I want. Wait a minute, fellas, Wait
a minute, Fellas, Don just a minute, fellas, wait, Don
Don Don look at me, Don, Donzy boy, look at me, Don, Well,
look Don, Don, I'm being nice. Look look Don, I'm smiling.
(22:43):
Done done. Can't you see that that isn't in keeping
with the rest of the program. It's too slow downzy Pool,
it has no pep. Well Jack, if you watch something lively,
(23:04):
just listen to this. What the William tail over? Jerry
hit it?
Speaker 5 (23:08):
Boys, So let's go.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
Let's go. Let's wait a minute, let's wait on that.
Wait on, all right, fella, all right, fellas, get out,
(23:44):
get out, out out. You guys are driving crazy.
Speaker 6 (23:49):
I'm going mad, oh Jack, Yeah, stop pulling your hair.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
I'm only taking the ones that we're sprinkled out. I'll
come on, fellas, get out, get out, and it's for you.
Don Wilson, you got me into this and you better
get me off.
Speaker 6 (24:05):
Jack, don't get too excited.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
I am excited. I'm so mad. I'm not even going
to do this catch tonight. But Jackson, you gotta finish
the show that Don finished it. He's so smart and
he knows everything. I'm getting out of here. Hello, mister Benny,
may I have your autograph?
Speaker 5 (24:21):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (24:21):
Shut up?
Speaker 5 (24:40):
What do you have?
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Mister? How much is the Scotts from soda seventy five cents?
How much is a bourbon and coke?
Speaker 5 (24:51):
Sixty cents?
Speaker 1 (24:53):
Well, come on, buddy, come on, what do you have?
Just spin me around a couple of times.
Speaker 5 (25:02):
Okay, buddy, here you go.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
Way, no home, Hey bartender, one more spin and I'll
(25:30):
go home. Okay once more? Excuse me a minute, now,
will you gentlemen have the same as usual? Wow? Look
who's here? My old buddy's wife, fouls yellow one. I've
(25:50):
been meanly you, yes, I had. You know what I'm
gonna do. I'm gonna wake it up to you. I'm
gonna pick up your options and give you a more money. Hey,
what give these fellows a spin on me? Ladies and gentlemen.
(26:34):
Saving bonds are vitally important in the nation's battle against
price inflation and for the future and welfare of us all.
It is important that we, who have developed habits of
thrift during the war continue to build financial security for
ourselves and our children. Protect your future by extra bonds. Now,
(26:55):
thank Youbacco tobacco doc the matter the first here is
my good friend mister lay speed rake hells him mooney,
my moon, and not any man, no, no, my mamon
in American make no mistake in a cigarette. It's the
(27:16):
tobacco that counts. And Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. Mister
James Maynard Talley, independent tobacco warehouseman of Durham, North Carolina,
has been in the tobacco business all his life. He said,
season after season, I've seen good tobacco bought by the
makers of Lucky Strike. Yes, good tobacco, full of flavor,
ripe and mild. I've smoked Lucky's for eighteen years.
Speaker 5 (27:37):
Yes, year after year.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
Independent tobacco experts, men who spend their lives buying, selling,
and handling tobacco, men like mister Tally, can see the
makers of Lucky Strike consistently select and buy that fine,
that light, that naturally mild tobacco, fine light, naturally mild tobacco. Yes,
Lucky Strike means fine tobacco ls MFT, LS, MFT ls MFT,
(28:04):
Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, and fine tobacco means real,
deep down smoking enjoyment for you. So smoke that smoke
of fine tobacco Lucky Strike, so round, so firm, so
fully packed, so free and easy on the drawer. Ladies
(28:34):
and gentlemen, we'll be back with you next Sunday at
this time, when our guests will be mister and missus
Ronald Coleman and Leo du Rosa. Good night, everybody. This
(29:05):
is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.