July 19, 2025 • 31 mins
A legendary variety show blending witty monologues, comic sketches, and musical interludes, all anchored by the impeccable timing of its beloved host. It’s a masterclass in comedic timing.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Sick, No Noamerican.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
The Jack Benny Program presented by a Lucky Strike.
Speaker 3 (00:12):
Stealing low, stealing candy, common tent, small car, Lucky.
Speaker 4 (00:22):
Small Lucky, and millions of smokers are learning that lucky
is fine. Tobacco picks you up when you're low, calms
you down when you're tense. That's what fine tobacco can
do for you. And ls m f T l s
m f T Lucky strike means fine tobacco. Yes, puff
(00:43):
by puff, pack by pack, you really enjoy this fine light,
naturally mild Lucky Strike tobacco, and you'll agree that lucky
is fine. Tobacco picks you up when you're low, calms
you down when you're tense. Hope, that's smoke of fine tobacco,
Lucky strike and hell on a lucky level where you
feel and do your level best. Yes, smoke a lucky
(01:04):
to feel your level best.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
The Lucky Strike Program Sorrying Jack Penny with Mary Livingston,
Tell Harris Rochester, Dennis and you're throwing wo ladies and gentlemen.
(01:37):
On last Sunday's broadcast, we presented our version of the
great Warner Brothers picture, The Traser Siarah Madrey Immediately after that,
the orchestra played our theme song as we went off
the air. Here's exactly what happened.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
All right, Bell, hold it, mal hold it.
Speaker 5 (01:57):
We're off the air.
Speaker 6 (01:59):
Tell your boys stop.
Speaker 7 (02:00):
Hey, that's enough, Fella stop, got quit already, all right.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Boy, go.
Speaker 7 (02:09):
Stop it, Sammy stop. I'll look. I don't want anybody
to leave the stage. I want to talk to the
entire cast.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
Is there anything wrong, mister Benny.
Speaker 7 (02:23):
Yes, there's plenty wrong, Dennis, I'll look. I don't want
to get mad. I don't want to lose my temper.
But the broadcast we just finished was one of the
sloppiest shows I've ever heard. Everyone fluffing their lines, missing
their cue.
Speaker 6 (02:36):
All right, Jack, it's over.
Speaker 8 (02:38):
Let's forget it.
Speaker 7 (02:39):
We won't forget it's married. In fact, I want to
talk to you first. To me, Yes, I can't understand
what happened to you when you read your mother's letters.
I haven't heard you get words so mixed up since
that time in the restaurant when you ordered a chip
sweet samwich. Already it was awful.
Speaker 8 (03:04):
Well, I'm sorry, Jack, but I just couldn't help it.
Yesterday the dentist put a new gold crown on one
of my teeth, and it bothers me when I speak.
Speaker 7 (03:12):
Look, Mary, I don't want any excuses. I'm just telling
you that a gold crown. Yes, what happened to your
old one?
Speaker 8 (03:29):
You kissed me and it melted.
Speaker 7 (03:34):
See I didn't know. Oh, don't be poddied. And now
for you, Phil, during the program, you made a mistake
that almost ruined a big laugh I did. Yes, you
were supposed to love failed.
Speaker 6 (03:50):
You were supposed to say that your new.
Speaker 7 (03:52):
Car came equipped with a dina Flex superflowing eulitjet turbo
vasculator with a snchromesh with the multicoil hydro tension due
vacuum dynamometer.
Speaker 9 (04:02):
Uh huh.
Speaker 6 (04:02):
But instead of that, Instead of.
Speaker 7 (04:05):
That, Phil, you said your new car came equipped with
a dina Flex superpowling unjet turbovescalator with a synchro mesh
with a muli coiled hydrotension dual vacuum. Diyna Mama mater imagine,
Dinah Mama mater.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
I said that.
Speaker 7 (04:25):
He certainly did always smoking.
Speaker 4 (04:27):
I stayed on the wagon all week to get that
line right.
Speaker 7 (04:33):
Well, I'll give you one more chance. They'll read it now, Jackson.
I wouldn't read that line again. If you name me and.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Your will.
Speaker 7 (04:41):
A will? What's that?
Speaker 4 (04:42):
That's when you leave your money to somebody whoever.
Speaker 7 (04:47):
Started a silly thing like that? Now, let's see who
else made a mistake. Oh, yes, Dennis, go ahead, whip me,
beat me, touch me, but I'll carry on laugh clown laugh.
Speaker 5 (05:10):
Stop.
Speaker 9 (05:15):
Okay?
Speaker 6 (05:16):
Could I do something wrong on today's show, mister Benny.
Speaker 4 (05:18):
Yes you did, Dennis.
Speaker 7 (05:20):
In our skit the Treasure of the Sierra Madrey, I'll
let you play two parts, didn't I Yes, sir, But
when you play the Old Prospector, you put in a
line that wasn't even in the script. Yes, sir, you said,
so long, I'll see on page twelve when I come
back as a Mexican Bandit didn't she she in your
(05:43):
now If it wasn't in the script, why did you
say you were coming back later? Well, my mother was listening,
and I didn't want her to tune out. Wait a minute,
you mean your mother only listens to the part of
the program.
Speaker 6 (05:53):
That you're on.
Speaker 7 (05:53):
Yeah, she thinks you're awful. Look, Dennis, she said.
Speaker 6 (06:03):
If you didn't have the mortgage on our house, you'd
slap your silly face.
Speaker 7 (06:12):
All right, Off, I didn't keep you here to discuss
by real estate holding. The point I'm trying to make
is this, if there's gonna be any more ad living
on this program, I'll be the one to do it.
Speaker 8 (06:26):
Oh fine, what you couldn't ad lived there? Off if
you were at the Kentucky Derby and your suspenders broke.
Speaker 7 (06:35):
Stender's broke defenders broke, Mary, don't be so smart. You
can be replaced. You know there are plenty of other
girls in the Mad Company that can read lines. Now, kids,
I wasn't balling you out. I just wanted you to
be a little more careful. Well, Jack, you.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Didn't say anything to me.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Does that mean I have read my lines right?
Speaker 5 (06:53):
Yes?
Speaker 7 (06:54):
Don you read your lines perfectly? But I do have
one little complaint about the way you stand on the stage.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
What do you mean?
Speaker 7 (07:00):
Well, when the Sportsman Quartet came out to do their number,
you were standing in front of the microphone blocking them.
I you should have stepped aside, But Jack, I did
step aside. No, no, Dom, the part that had legs
stepped aside.
Speaker 9 (07:12):
The rest of you stay.
Speaker 7 (07:19):
Now watch it next time, haar shad.
Speaker 6 (07:26):
Hey, gang, how about all of us going over at
the drug.
Speaker 4 (07:28):
Store for a sandwich. That is, if mister Benny has
concluded the chastisement of his fellows.
Speaker 7 (07:34):
Best Phil, did that come out of you?
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Certainly?
Speaker 4 (07:39):
What's the one usual about me knowing words of more
than one cylinder?
Speaker 7 (07:42):
That seleb a cylinder or something round and hollow like
your head. I kid, you go to the drug store,
I'll meet said yet leak here. I gotta go to
my dressing room and chain. Yeah. I hated a fall
of mouth, but I just had to. I hope I
(08:04):
wasn't too harsh with him, especially Phil, he's so sensitive.
Hello Rochester, Oh hello boss, I didn't know you were
in my dressingroom.
Speaker 6 (08:17):
What are you doing with that typewriteresse what you told
me to do?
Speaker 1 (08:19):
I'm making out the weekly payroll?
Speaker 7 (08:21):
Oh yes, you go ahead and finished? Will I changed clothes?
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Yes, sir, Mary Livingston and forty.
Speaker 7 (08:33):
Cents a Rochester wearing my shoes under the couch.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Pill Harris and thirty cents.
Speaker 7 (08:49):
I don't see my shoes. Oh yes, here there.
Speaker 10 (08:52):
Don Wilson and fifty cents Rochester Van Jones.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
And twelve cents the Rochester.
Speaker 7 (09:15):
Have you made our dinner's day's salary check.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Yet No, Boss, I'm just coming to it.
Speaker 7 (09:20):
Oh good, I want you to add two dollars to
Dennis's check.
Speaker 9 (09:23):
Well that's nice.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
Did you give him a raise?
Speaker 7 (09:26):
No, we burned one of his shirts, ironing it. So
while you're at a deduct dollar from your check and
a dollar from mine. Next time we won't be so careless.
By the way, Rochester, do you have the radio on?
Were you listening to my program?
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Uh?
Speaker 7 (09:47):
What do you think of it?
Speaker 1 (09:48):
We better stop burning shirts.
Speaker 7 (09:54):
You're right, Rochester. Well, I'm all dressed, Stepisyde. Please, I
want to use the mirror.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Okay, here's your comb, boss.
Speaker 7 (10:03):
Thanks, here's your hair. Thanks? Gee, I looked tall.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Take me all one off first.
Speaker 7 (10:14):
Oh yeah, well I'm going, Rochester.
Speaker 5 (10:22):
And before you leave, hang.
Speaker 7 (10:23):
My clothes up in the closet, will you please? Yes,
you know it was nice of CBS that picked up
this dressing room for me and put in all this plumbing.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
The boss, the plumbing was here, they just built the
dressing room around it.
Speaker 9 (10:39):
Oh.
Speaker 7 (10:39):
Then I guess the whish room was left over too.
Well see later, Rochester. Uh uh.
Speaker 6 (10:57):
A, Rochester.
Speaker 7 (10:57):
While you're at the typewriter, I wish you'd dropped down
the words. They're off, they're all what's that?
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Boss?
Speaker 7 (11:03):
It's something I want to add lib in case my
suspenders of her break at the Kentucky Girl.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
So long?
Speaker 5 (11:19):
Oh bo bo what is it?
Speaker 7 (11:21):
Rochester?
Speaker 1 (11:22):
I forgot to tell you why you're on here? Mister
Hooper called Hooper, you're.
Speaker 7 (11:27):
Telling me you were listening to my program.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
He didn't care about that.
Speaker 6 (11:30):
He called about his shirt.
Speaker 7 (11:34):
Oh, they won't be ready on Monday. See I remember
the time I've earned mister Hooper's shirt. My rating went
down to nine point two or was it two point nine?
Oh well that was weeks ago. Now my rating is
back to eleven or is it one point one?
Speaker 3 (12:04):
Oh?
Speaker 7 (12:04):
Well, Dash, where are you, don.
Speaker 9 (12:09):
Test?
Speaker 6 (12:10):
Oh?
Speaker 7 (12:11):
I thought you went over to the drugstraw with the gang.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Oh, the boys and I are just playing a little
gin rummy. Hello fellas, say Jack, I'm terribly sorry there
were so many mistakes made on the program today.
Speaker 7 (12:23):
Well I am too done, and frankly, I haven't been
so upset after a broadcast in years. Well, mistakes can happen.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Don't let it bother you.
Speaker 7 (12:30):
I know, Don, but my whole gang has been with
me for years. There's no excuse for such careers. I
really was burned up.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Well, Jack, the next time there's anything that upset you,
there's only one thing to do.
Speaker 7 (12:41):
What's that tell him?
Speaker 11 (12:42):
Boys, Big Bill, I'm not mad.
Speaker 7 (12:57):
I'm over it already.
Speaker 12 (13:00):
Ucky, they always are instide. Get on that level, that
lucky level.
Speaker 9 (13:07):
Fie fie, Look, I'm smiling out of.
Speaker 7 (13:11):
The milt with I'm not worried.
Speaker 12 (13:14):
Hav a few more than they're made of. Five the
back hole and you.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
Will find it all he's worth to make commentation, dine up.
Speaker 13 (13:24):
Like superfo wild romans.
Speaker 5 (13:27):
You not yet, boy?
Speaker 12 (13:29):
Look, and you you mentioned that hydrotension.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
Yes, I said that they're.
Speaker 12 (13:35):
Out in the song herbo vaculator Dyna Mamma made that dyna.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
Boy and r level that lucky levels of far my.
Speaker 11 (14:00):
God, feel better already.
Speaker 5 (14:02):
We'll see you later, Fellas.
Speaker 7 (14:04):
The gang is waiting for me at the drug store.
Speaker 6 (14:12):
See this drug star.
Speaker 8 (14:13):
It's always so proud.
Speaker 6 (14:14):
Yeah, but they know me here.
Speaker 7 (14:15):
We'll get served right away.
Speaker 4 (14:16):
Watch.
Speaker 14 (14:17):
I prepared this as soon as you came in, mister Harris.
Speaker 7 (14:19):
Here's your Bromo seltzer.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Thanks.
Speaker 14 (14:25):
Shall I put two straws in it?
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Or isn't mister Emiley with you.
Speaker 12 (14:30):
I'll wait a minute, but.
Speaker 7 (14:31):
I don't want to know Bromo Seltzer.
Speaker 8 (14:33):
Dennis, why do you need a bromo?
Speaker 9 (14:35):
I went to a party last night, lived a party.
Speaker 5 (14:38):
Oil Boy?
Speaker 7 (14:40):
Did we have fun?
Speaker 6 (14:42):
They spin the bottle?
Speaker 7 (14:43):
Post office? Hide and go seek?
Speaker 6 (14:44):
And sister, did I get this?
Speaker 1 (14:46):
What?
Speaker 6 (14:47):
I hid in a deep breeze and nobody found me.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
If you folks would like to sit.
Speaker 7 (14:56):
At the counter, there are three empty seats. Now the
waiter will take care of you. Oh yeah, along this
living stone.
Speaker 8 (15:04):
Just a minute, Phil, I'm buying a magazine.
Speaker 7 (15:07):
Okay, I'll go over and hold this. See here's a
change with thank you.
Speaker 6 (15:10):
Come on, Dennis, Well just a minute, Mary, I'm weighing myself.
Oh boy, look at this little car.
Speaker 4 (15:17):
That came out.
Speaker 8 (15:18):
What is the card? Jay?
Speaker 6 (15:19):
Go to the races. You may get hot at Hollywood Park. Oh, Dennis,
come on, fight over here, Levy.
Speaker 8 (15:31):
Says Jill. Look, there's an article that's caused a p
about Jack and it's written by Eddie Canner.
Speaker 7 (15:36):
Oh kids, what Oh?
Speaker 8 (15:38):
Jeff's opening line, contrary to the misely character he assumes
on the radio, Jack Benny in real life is the
most generous man I've ever met.
Speaker 6 (15:51):
Eddie Canner wrote that about Jackson. Hey levy, pleeze again.
Speaker 8 (15:58):
Contrary to the mis character he assumes on the radio,
Jack Benny in real life is the most generous man
I've ever met.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
Let me see that magazine, baby, contrary to the miser
league character he assumes on the radio, Till Jack Benny
in real life is the most generous man I ever met.
Speaker 8 (16:17):
Til Huh, you got the magazine upside down?
Speaker 3 (16:22):
All right, so I'm memorized.
Speaker 6 (16:25):
Imagine anyone's saying that Jackson is generous. Oh, I think
mister Bennie is very generous. When I first went to
work for him, he only paid me thirty five dollars
a week.
Speaker 7 (16:33):
What are you getting now?
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Thirty seven? Oh?
Speaker 8 (16:36):
I gave you ray.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
No, we've burned one of my shirts.
Speaker 8 (16:44):
Oh, Janice, what are you?
Speaker 5 (16:46):
Oh?
Speaker 6 (16:47):
I gotta leave you kids, dog Remley, I had a car.
I ain't no Ky he's got a cold, So.
Speaker 8 (17:03):
Say Jealous, let's look at the menu so we can
jan Us, where is that kid?
Speaker 9 (17:09):
Janous?
Speaker 6 (17:09):
I'm over here by the jukebox.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
Would you like to hear my recording of Little Mother
of Mine?
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Ooh, I'd love to Okay, one time in the horse
hobby evening when shird three from Owe, I think call
(17:41):
the wy I fall you think.
Speaker 9 (17:46):
And the boy you love we little boy with all of.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
Head, I have all onnab why wy one time.
Speaker 9 (18:13):
You long for op mover of my.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
And now he has come to mans estate? Or you
fall in body and frow. You hardly know Mary was alone?
(18:55):
You learn with your slum. Oh, Polly is happle to
the holl and the life. But the holl didn't came I.
Speaker 13 (19:17):
And still he is all met mother.
Speaker 9 (19:36):
Mo forly.
Speaker 8 (20:06):
Oh that was a nice record, Dennis.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
I like it very much. Suited everybody in the drug store.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
They all applauded.
Speaker 5 (20:12):
Yeah, yeah, they all applaud it. Here I am kids.
Speaker 7 (20:15):
You already yet not yet? Yea, we're waiting for you.
Speaker 6 (20:17):
Oh good good.
Speaker 7 (20:18):
I'll get the menu.
Speaker 5 (20:20):
A waiter, waiter, y, may we have a menu? Please?
Speaker 1 (20:31):
It's certainly here you are.
Speaker 7 (20:33):
Thanks. Now let's see.
Speaker 5 (20:38):
A waiter.
Speaker 7 (20:38):
Why have you got all those steering wheels attached to
the counter.
Speaker 6 (20:41):
Those are the people who like to eat and drive
ins and can't afford cars.
Speaker 5 (20:53):
Cars.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
The one on the end is a convertible.
Speaker 6 (20:58):
What if you press the button the room comes down.
Speaker 9 (21:01):
I'll be quiet.
Speaker 7 (21:03):
Why do I always run into this crazy guy? I
don't know what I want to eat? Dennis? What are
you gonna order a hamburger sandwich?
Speaker 14 (21:11):
And check my oil?
Speaker 7 (21:17):
Then I stop going along with a waiter. Now let's
see what do I want?
Speaker 6 (21:24):
Are you people going to order or are you waiting
for the floor show?
Speaker 7 (21:28):
The floor show and a drug store?
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Yes.
Speaker 6 (21:30):
At eight o'clock, doctor Schule comes out and does a
fan dance with two footpacks. Doctor Shoul he's corny, but
he's good.
Speaker 7 (21:56):
Just take our orders and that's all. We'll have three hamburgers,
now go get them.
Speaker 8 (22:00):
I don't want a hamburger.
Speaker 7 (22:01):
You're gonna have anything in your life? What do you want?
Speaker 8 (22:03):
A kit sweed sandwich?
Speaker 13 (22:05):
I know what, I know what I know?
Speaker 6 (22:08):
Stop yelling at the girl. We make wonderful chit sweee then.
Speaker 12 (22:13):
You do?
Speaker 7 (22:14):
Yeah, well, then I'll try a chit sweeze sandwich.
Speaker 6 (22:20):
Would you like me to crim the truck?
Speaker 5 (22:29):
Crim the truck? I don't know why I ever come
into this lake.
Speaker 7 (22:33):
The service is awful of waiters all for heaven's sake,
look at that waiter.
Speaker 9 (22:37):
Come back here no.
Speaker 7 (22:38):
Now, I look at this glass.
Speaker 6 (22:39):
There's lipstick on it.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
Well, there's water in it.
Speaker 9 (22:42):
Wash it all, Wash it off yourself.
Speaker 14 (22:51):
You don't marry.
Speaker 7 (22:51):
I've never seen such a fresh waiter in all my life.
Speaker 14 (22:54):
I messed on what you'll mind moving your rolbow so
I can get the sugar?
Speaker 7 (22:58):
I don't like them in here anyway? It can get
a boot. You always have to sit at the count's.
Speaker 14 (23:02):
So what you move your row bush so I can
get the sugar?
Speaker 7 (23:05):
Believe me, married, it's the last time I remember loved.
Speaker 14 (23:08):
But I'm trying to get the sugar. What would you
mind lifting your blockadeed? Though? I have to wait homemade
at twelve?
Speaker 5 (23:20):
Oh, I'm sorry you are now married as.
Speaker 8 (23:23):
Soon as we yeh.
Speaker 5 (23:24):
Look who just came in?
Speaker 7 (23:25):
Who?
Speaker 6 (23:26):
Well?
Speaker 10 (23:27):
What do you know?
Speaker 7 (23:28):
Eddie Tanner?
Speaker 3 (23:29):
Eddie, Eddie come here?
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Hire you Jack?
Speaker 5 (23:31):
Hello?
Speaker 9 (23:31):
Married?
Speaker 5 (23:39):
Well?
Speaker 3 (23:39):
Sit down, Eddie?
Speaker 7 (23:40):
Have a sandwich or something?
Speaker 9 (23:41):
Thanks Jack?
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Eddie?
Speaker 7 (23:42):
You know Dennis Day?
Speaker 6 (23:43):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (23:43):
Hello Dennis? Well let's he care for?
Speaker 7 (23:45):
How do you do?
Speaker 5 (23:55):
Dennis?
Speaker 7 (23:56):
Stop? Come on die?
Speaker 14 (23:56):
What are you gonna have?
Speaker 6 (23:58):
Well? I'm not very hungry, but wait, I'll have chicken
sandwich and an ice cream soda. Very good what place
as the usual? A glass of Patsu ribbon with a
scoop of vanilla ice cream.
Speaker 7 (24:10):
Eddie, ice cream and beer. Isn't that an nod combination?
Speaker 1 (24:12):
Look?
Speaker 6 (24:13):
Jack, do I say anything when you break six lucky
strikes into a bowl and call it the breakfast of champions?
Speaker 8 (24:20):
Well the East his own, I guess, say, Eddie, that
was a nice article you wrote about Jack and the Cosmopolitan.
Speaker 7 (24:26):
It certainly was, Eddie, and I want to thank you.
It was a very honest piece.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
I'm glad you liked the Jack.
Speaker 6 (24:31):
Did you read the part where I said, contrary to
the mise of the character he assumed on the radio,
Jack Benny in real life is the most generous man
I've ever met.
Speaker 7 (24:38):
Yes, I did, Eddie. And only a man like you,
who has known me all my life can appreciate the
finer side of my character.
Speaker 6 (24:45):
Hey, Mary, you want to split a roma pelz?
Speaker 8 (24:50):
Now, my head's all right, it's my stomach that bothers me.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Mary.
Speaker 6 (24:55):
You may think I'm exaggerating about Jack's generosity, but I'll
never forget that day in nineteen twenty eight when he
places played the Palace Theater in New York.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
After the opening.
Speaker 6 (25:02):
Performance, Jack walking to Lindy's restaurant. Yell, okay, fellas, I'll
buy drinks.
Speaker 8 (25:06):
For everybody by drinks in nineteen twenty eight, so ABIs
wasn't red. Also nineteen thirty three.
Speaker 6 (25:13):
Jack was willing to wait.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
Yeah, here your orders?
Speaker 1 (25:21):
Will it be anything else?
Speaker 5 (25:23):
No?
Speaker 7 (25:23):
Thank that'll be all.
Speaker 5 (25:24):
They had a figure of the Palace in New York.
Speaker 4 (25:26):
Remember the fun we used to have in Vaudavle together?
Speaker 6 (25:28):
Oh yeah, Jack, remember this possible lot edy? What Remember
the time you made a blind date over the floor
and you asked the girl if she could bring a
friend from me and she said yes, she'd bring her sister.
Speaker 3 (25:42):
Yeah did she?
Speaker 7 (25:47):
She had to.
Speaker 6 (25:47):
They were Simy twins.
Speaker 2 (25:53):
Yeah, they were in Vaudeville too.
Speaker 6 (25:55):
They had a great act.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
They were.
Speaker 7 (25:56):
Their names were Doris and Dorothy Aid. They were billed
as aces back to back, Uh Jannis Dennis.
Speaker 8 (26:08):
I'll have that broma Celsa.
Speaker 7 (26:09):
Now, God, Eddie, those are the days, good old boy,
we used to see a lot of each other.
Speaker 9 (26:13):
Day.
Speaker 6 (26:14):
Say look, Jack, why don't you and Mary come over
to my hospital and the next Saturday night, Well, i'd
love to Eddie me too.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
Good.
Speaker 6 (26:19):
You see, it's my birthday and with having a few
friends of your birthday?
Speaker 7 (26:24):
How old are you gonna be? Eddie? Now, come on,
ye tell me what's the difference. How old are you
gonna be? How old am I gonna be?
Speaker 1 (26:35):
What's the use of kidding? Jack?
Speaker 7 (26:36):
Everyone else I can lie to, but not you.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
You know my right age. You know I'm even older
than you.
Speaker 8 (26:41):
Well I know, I know.
Speaker 14 (26:42):
But how old are you gonna be?
Speaker 1 (26:44):
Forty?
Speaker 7 (26:50):
Well?
Speaker 9 (26:51):
Me next, say, Eddie?
Speaker 1 (26:59):
I was just wondering how.
Speaker 7 (27:00):
Old this difference between you and me? You know, how
old do you think al Joel's in there?
Speaker 4 (27:05):
I don't know, but either is his daughter?
Speaker 5 (27:10):
No, kiddy, Well, I've got to run along.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
Jack.
Speaker 6 (27:13):
Oh, wa waiter my check?
Speaker 7 (27:15):
Please? Oh no, no, wait a minute, ladies, get your
hand out of your pocket.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
Hm.
Speaker 7 (27:19):
I asked you to sit here.
Speaker 15 (27:20):
This is on me no longer.
Speaker 4 (27:21):
Jack, you were here already and I horned in wait
to give me my check?
Speaker 6 (27:24):
Oh no, you don't look at it.
Speaker 7 (27:25):
We've been friends for years, you wrote this wonderful article
about me, and now you want to spoil the whole thing. Waiter,
how much is mister Kanner's tad?
Speaker 6 (27:33):
It's sixty five cents after all, Eddie.
Speaker 7 (27:35):
I sixty five cents.
Speaker 14 (27:39):
Oh what.
Speaker 7 (27:41):
Oh, he had was a chicken sandwich and a glass
of beer.
Speaker 8 (27:44):
I'll pay for you.
Speaker 6 (27:45):
You will not he wrote the article about me.
Speaker 7 (27:50):
Oh wait to hop in his bill be sixty five cents.
All he had was a chicken sandwich and a glass
of beer.
Speaker 6 (27:55):
Because he had the beer.
Speaker 3 (27:56):
Why are you foaming at the mouse?
Speaker 6 (28:01):
Do keep out of this now, waiter, This is out
wages as highway robber jack, Jack, don't make a scene.
Speaker 14 (28:06):
Let me have the check.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
To heaven's sake, I.
Speaker 5 (28:07):
Will not hear my debts.
Speaker 7 (28:09):
All right, waiters to hold up, and I'll pay it.
Can you change a fifty dollars bill?
Speaker 3 (28:13):
I can change it.
Speaker 6 (28:14):
You shut up, Jack. It's me Eddie, the one who
wrote all those nice things about you. Like I said
in my articles, Jack Benny is the most generous man.
Speaker 3 (28:21):
I haven't supped with that already too.
Speaker 7 (28:24):
I don't mind being generous, Eddie. But when you first
came in here, you said you weren't hungry. Then you
sat here and stuffed yourself.
Speaker 5 (28:37):
And ran up a sixty five cents bill.
Speaker 7 (28:41):
Oh, flattery won't get you anywhere, missus Tanner.
Speaker 5 (28:44):
Here's your check.
Speaker 7 (28:45):
Come on, Mary, let's go.
Speaker 5 (28:47):
But Jack, Jack, how do you like that guy?
Speaker 1 (28:49):
He's gone, Well, I'm glad waiter.
Speaker 6 (28:52):
How much did you say that check was sixty pivecent?
Speaker 1 (28:54):
No, it's three dollars in the quarter. What he didn't
pay his he's mile? This is a fine.
Speaker 5 (29:02):
How do you do?
Speaker 1 (29:03):
How do you do?
Speaker 6 (29:12):
MoMA?
Speaker 1 (29:13):
The first.
Speaker 4 (29:17):
Stealing candles?
Speaker 3 (29:21):
My car, Lucky more car Lucky To.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
Feel your level, Ben, smoke a Lucky or Lucky's.
Speaker 4 (29:34):
Fine tobacco picks you up when you're low, calms you
down when you're ten. It's important to know that fine
tobacco can do this for you, and Lucky Strike means
fine tobacco. Yes, ls m F T ls m F T,
Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, light right, naturally, mile tobacco.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
No wonder more.
Speaker 4 (29:54):
Independent tobacco experts, auctioneers, buyers, and warehousemen smoke Lucky Strike
regularly and the next two leading brands combined.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
Though, when you.
Speaker 4 (30:03):
Choose your cigarette, remember lucky Fine tobacco picks you up
when you're low, calms you down when you're ten. Put
you on the right level to feel and do your
level bet.
Speaker 15 (30:14):
Yes, be sure to make your next carton of cigarette,
Lucky Syke, small Lucky, my Lucky.
Speaker 7 (30:32):
Happy Mother's Day and good night everybody.
Speaker 9 (30:40):
Be sure to hear.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
Donna say, and the day and the life. I'm gonna
say thanks to you.
Speaker 12 (30:45):
Then for the end of Spanish all that follows immediately,
Yes be asked for Columbia Vodcasting System
Sick, No Noamerican.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
The Jack Benny Program presented by a Lucky Strike.
Speaker 3 (00:12):
Stealing low, stealing candy, common tent, small car, Lucky.
Speaker 4 (00:22):
Small Lucky, and millions of smokers are learning that lucky
is fine. Tobacco picks you up when you're low, calms
you down when you're tense. That's what fine tobacco can
do for you. And ls m f T l s
m f T Lucky strike means fine tobacco. Yes, puff
(00:43):
by puff, pack by pack, you really enjoy this fine light,
naturally mild Lucky Strike tobacco, and you'll agree that lucky
is fine. Tobacco picks you up when you're low, calms
you down when you're tense. Hope, that's smoke of fine tobacco,
Lucky strike and hell on a lucky level where you
feel and do your level best. Yes, smoke a lucky
(01:04):
to feel your level best.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
The Lucky Strike Program Sorrying Jack Penny with Mary Livingston,
Tell Harris Rochester, Dennis and you're throwing wo ladies and gentlemen.
(01:37):
On last Sunday's broadcast, we presented our version of the
great Warner Brothers picture, The Traser Siarah Madrey Immediately after that,
the orchestra played our theme song as we went off
the air. Here's exactly what happened.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
All right, Bell, hold it, mal hold it.
Speaker 5 (01:57):
We're off the air.
Speaker 6 (01:59):
Tell your boys stop.
Speaker 7 (02:00):
Hey, that's enough, Fella stop, got quit already, all right.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Boy, go.
Speaker 7 (02:09):
Stop it, Sammy stop. I'll look. I don't want anybody
to leave the stage. I want to talk to the
entire cast.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
Is there anything wrong, mister Benny.
Speaker 7 (02:23):
Yes, there's plenty wrong, Dennis, I'll look. I don't want
to get mad. I don't want to lose my temper.
But the broadcast we just finished was one of the
sloppiest shows I've ever heard. Everyone fluffing their lines, missing
their cue.
Speaker 6 (02:36):
All right, Jack, it's over.
Speaker 8 (02:38):
Let's forget it.
Speaker 7 (02:39):
We won't forget it's married. In fact, I want to
talk to you first. To me, Yes, I can't understand
what happened to you when you read your mother's letters.
I haven't heard you get words so mixed up since
that time in the restaurant when you ordered a chip
sweet samwich. Already it was awful.
Speaker 8 (03:04):
Well, I'm sorry, Jack, but I just couldn't help it.
Yesterday the dentist put a new gold crown on one
of my teeth, and it bothers me when I speak.
Speaker 7 (03:12):
Look, Mary, I don't want any excuses. I'm just telling
you that a gold crown. Yes, what happened to your
old one?
Speaker 8 (03:29):
You kissed me and it melted.
Speaker 7 (03:34):
See I didn't know. Oh, don't be poddied. And now
for you, Phil, during the program, you made a mistake
that almost ruined a big laugh I did. Yes, you
were supposed to love failed.
Speaker 6 (03:50):
You were supposed to say that your new.
Speaker 7 (03:52):
Car came equipped with a dina Flex superflowing eulitjet turbo
vasculator with a snchromesh with the multicoil hydro tension due
vacuum dynamometer.
Speaker 9 (04:02):
Uh huh.
Speaker 6 (04:02):
But instead of that, Instead of.
Speaker 7 (04:05):
That, Phil, you said your new car came equipped with
a dina Flex superpowling unjet turbovescalator with a synchro mesh
with a muli coiled hydrotension dual vacuum. Diyna Mama mater imagine,
Dinah Mama mater.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
I said that.
Speaker 7 (04:25):
He certainly did always smoking.
Speaker 4 (04:27):
I stayed on the wagon all week to get that
line right.
Speaker 7 (04:33):
Well, I'll give you one more chance. They'll read it now, Jackson.
I wouldn't read that line again. If you name me and.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Your will.
Speaker 7 (04:41):
A will? What's that?
Speaker 4 (04:42):
That's when you leave your money to somebody whoever.
Speaker 7 (04:47):
Started a silly thing like that? Now, let's see who
else made a mistake. Oh, yes, Dennis, go ahead, whip me,
beat me, touch me, but I'll carry on laugh clown laugh.
Speaker 5 (05:10):
Stop.
Speaker 9 (05:15):
Okay?
Speaker 6 (05:16):
Could I do something wrong on today's show, mister Benny.
Speaker 4 (05:18):
Yes you did, Dennis.
Speaker 7 (05:20):
In our skit the Treasure of the Sierra Madrey, I'll
let you play two parts, didn't I Yes, sir, But
when you play the Old Prospector, you put in a
line that wasn't even in the script. Yes, sir, you said,
so long, I'll see on page twelve when I come
back as a Mexican Bandit didn't she she in your
(05:43):
now If it wasn't in the script, why did you
say you were coming back later? Well, my mother was listening,
and I didn't want her to tune out. Wait a minute,
you mean your mother only listens to the part of
the program.
Speaker 6 (05:53):
That you're on.
Speaker 7 (05:53):
Yeah, she thinks you're awful. Look, Dennis, she said.
Speaker 6 (06:03):
If you didn't have the mortgage on our house, you'd
slap your silly face.
Speaker 7 (06:12):
All right, Off, I didn't keep you here to discuss
by real estate holding. The point I'm trying to make
is this, if there's gonna be any more ad living
on this program, I'll be the one to do it.
Speaker 8 (06:26):
Oh fine, what you couldn't ad lived there? Off if
you were at the Kentucky Derby and your suspenders broke.
Speaker 7 (06:35):
Stender's broke defenders broke, Mary, don't be so smart. You
can be replaced. You know there are plenty of other
girls in the Mad Company that can read lines. Now, kids,
I wasn't balling you out. I just wanted you to
be a little more careful. Well, Jack, you.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Didn't say anything to me.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Does that mean I have read my lines right?
Speaker 5 (06:53):
Yes?
Speaker 7 (06:54):
Don you read your lines perfectly? But I do have
one little complaint about the way you stand on the stage.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
What do you mean?
Speaker 7 (07:00):
Well, when the Sportsman Quartet came out to do their number,
you were standing in front of the microphone blocking them.
I you should have stepped aside, But Jack, I did
step aside. No, no, Dom, the part that had legs
stepped aside.
Speaker 9 (07:12):
The rest of you stay.
Speaker 7 (07:19):
Now watch it next time, haar shad.
Speaker 6 (07:26):
Hey, gang, how about all of us going over at
the drug.
Speaker 4 (07:28):
Store for a sandwich. That is, if mister Benny has
concluded the chastisement of his fellows.
Speaker 7 (07:34):
Best Phil, did that come out of you?
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Certainly?
Speaker 4 (07:39):
What's the one usual about me knowing words of more
than one cylinder?
Speaker 7 (07:42):
That seleb a cylinder or something round and hollow like
your head. I kid, you go to the drug store,
I'll meet said yet leak here. I gotta go to
my dressing room and chain. Yeah. I hated a fall
of mouth, but I just had to. I hope I
(08:04):
wasn't too harsh with him, especially Phil, he's so sensitive.
Hello Rochester, Oh hello boss, I didn't know you were
in my dressingroom.
Speaker 6 (08:17):
What are you doing with that typewriteresse what you told
me to do?
Speaker 1 (08:19):
I'm making out the weekly payroll?
Speaker 7 (08:21):
Oh yes, you go ahead and finished? Will I changed clothes?
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Yes, sir, Mary Livingston and forty.
Speaker 7 (08:33):
Cents a Rochester wearing my shoes under the couch.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Pill Harris and thirty cents.
Speaker 7 (08:49):
I don't see my shoes. Oh yes, here there.
Speaker 10 (08:52):
Don Wilson and fifty cents Rochester Van Jones.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
And twelve cents the Rochester.
Speaker 7 (09:15):
Have you made our dinner's day's salary check.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Yet No, Boss, I'm just coming to it.
Speaker 7 (09:20):
Oh good, I want you to add two dollars to
Dennis's check.
Speaker 9 (09:23):
Well that's nice.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
Did you give him a raise?
Speaker 7 (09:26):
No, we burned one of his shirts, ironing it. So
while you're at a deduct dollar from your check and
a dollar from mine. Next time we won't be so careless.
By the way, Rochester, do you have the radio on?
Were you listening to my program?
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Uh?
Speaker 7 (09:47):
What do you think of it?
Speaker 1 (09:48):
We better stop burning shirts.
Speaker 7 (09:54):
You're right, Rochester. Well, I'm all dressed, Stepisyde. Please, I
want to use the mirror.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Okay, here's your comb, boss.
Speaker 7 (10:03):
Thanks, here's your hair. Thanks? Gee, I looked tall.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Take me all one off first.
Speaker 7 (10:14):
Oh yeah, well I'm going, Rochester.
Speaker 5 (10:22):
And before you leave, hang.
Speaker 7 (10:23):
My clothes up in the closet, will you please? Yes,
you know it was nice of CBS that picked up
this dressing room for me and put in all this plumbing.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
The boss, the plumbing was here, they just built the
dressing room around it.
Speaker 9 (10:39):
Oh.
Speaker 7 (10:39):
Then I guess the whish room was left over too.
Well see later, Rochester. Uh uh.
Speaker 6 (10:57):
A, Rochester.
Speaker 7 (10:57):
While you're at the typewriter, I wish you'd dropped down
the words. They're off, they're all what's that?
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Boss?
Speaker 7 (11:03):
It's something I want to add lib in case my
suspenders of her break at the Kentucky Girl.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
So long?
Speaker 5 (11:19):
Oh bo bo what is it?
Speaker 7 (11:21):
Rochester?
Speaker 1 (11:22):
I forgot to tell you why you're on here? Mister
Hooper called Hooper, you're.
Speaker 7 (11:27):
Telling me you were listening to my program.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
He didn't care about that.
Speaker 6 (11:30):
He called about his shirt.
Speaker 7 (11:34):
Oh, they won't be ready on Monday. See I remember
the time I've earned mister Hooper's shirt. My rating went
down to nine point two or was it two point nine?
Oh well that was weeks ago. Now my rating is
back to eleven or is it one point one?
Speaker 3 (12:04):
Oh?
Speaker 7 (12:04):
Well, Dash, where are you, don.
Speaker 9 (12:09):
Test?
Speaker 6 (12:10):
Oh?
Speaker 7 (12:11):
I thought you went over to the drugstraw with the gang.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Oh, the boys and I are just playing a little
gin rummy. Hello fellas, say Jack, I'm terribly sorry there
were so many mistakes made on the program today.
Speaker 7 (12:23):
Well I am too done, and frankly, I haven't been
so upset after a broadcast in years. Well, mistakes can happen.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Don't let it bother you.
Speaker 7 (12:30):
I know, Don, but my whole gang has been with
me for years. There's no excuse for such careers. I
really was burned up.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Well, Jack, the next time there's anything that upset you,
there's only one thing to do.
Speaker 7 (12:41):
What's that tell him?
Speaker 11 (12:42):
Boys, Big Bill, I'm not mad.
Speaker 7 (12:57):
I'm over it already.
Speaker 12 (13:00):
Ucky, they always are instide. Get on that level, that
lucky level.
Speaker 9 (13:07):
Fie fie, Look, I'm smiling out of.
Speaker 7 (13:11):
The milt with I'm not worried.
Speaker 12 (13:14):
Hav a few more than they're made of. Five the
back hole and you.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
Will find it all he's worth to make commentation, dine up.
Speaker 13 (13:24):
Like superfo wild romans.
Speaker 5 (13:27):
You not yet, boy?
Speaker 12 (13:29):
Look, and you you mentioned that hydrotension.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
Yes, I said that they're.
Speaker 12 (13:35):
Out in the song herbo vaculator Dyna Mamma made that dyna.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
Boy and r level that lucky levels of far my.
Speaker 11 (14:00):
God, feel better already.
Speaker 5 (14:02):
We'll see you later, Fellas.
Speaker 7 (14:04):
The gang is waiting for me at the drug store.
Speaker 6 (14:12):
See this drug star.
Speaker 8 (14:13):
It's always so proud.
Speaker 6 (14:14):
Yeah, but they know me here.
Speaker 7 (14:15):
We'll get served right away.
Speaker 4 (14:16):
Watch.
Speaker 14 (14:17):
I prepared this as soon as you came in, mister Harris.
Speaker 7 (14:19):
Here's your Bromo seltzer.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Thanks.
Speaker 14 (14:25):
Shall I put two straws in it?
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Or isn't mister Emiley with you.
Speaker 12 (14:30):
I'll wait a minute, but.
Speaker 7 (14:31):
I don't want to know Bromo Seltzer.
Speaker 8 (14:33):
Dennis, why do you need a bromo?
Speaker 9 (14:35):
I went to a party last night, lived a party.
Speaker 5 (14:38):
Oil Boy?
Speaker 7 (14:40):
Did we have fun?
Speaker 6 (14:42):
They spin the bottle?
Speaker 7 (14:43):
Post office? Hide and go seek?
Speaker 6 (14:44):
And sister, did I get this?
Speaker 1 (14:46):
What?
Speaker 6 (14:47):
I hid in a deep breeze and nobody found me.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
If you folks would like to sit.
Speaker 7 (14:56):
At the counter, there are three empty seats. Now the
waiter will take care of you. Oh yeah, along this
living stone.
Speaker 8 (15:04):
Just a minute, Phil, I'm buying a magazine.
Speaker 7 (15:07):
Okay, I'll go over and hold this. See here's a
change with thank you.
Speaker 6 (15:10):
Come on, Dennis, Well just a minute, Mary, I'm weighing myself.
Oh boy, look at this little car.
Speaker 4 (15:17):
That came out.
Speaker 8 (15:18):
What is the card? Jay?
Speaker 6 (15:19):
Go to the races. You may get hot at Hollywood Park. Oh, Dennis,
come on, fight over here, Levy.
Speaker 8 (15:31):
Says Jill. Look, there's an article that's caused a p
about Jack and it's written by Eddie Canner.
Speaker 7 (15:36):
Oh kids, what Oh?
Speaker 8 (15:38):
Jeff's opening line, contrary to the misely character he assumes
on the radio, Jack Benny in real life is the
most generous man I've ever met.
Speaker 6 (15:51):
Eddie Canner wrote that about Jackson. Hey levy, pleeze again.
Speaker 8 (15:58):
Contrary to the mis character he assumes on the radio,
Jack Benny in real life is the most generous man
I've ever met.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
Let me see that magazine, baby, contrary to the miser
league character he assumes on the radio, Till Jack Benny
in real life is the most generous man I ever met.
Speaker 8 (16:17):
Til Huh, you got the magazine upside down?
Speaker 3 (16:22):
All right, so I'm memorized.
Speaker 6 (16:25):
Imagine anyone's saying that Jackson is generous. Oh, I think
mister Bennie is very generous. When I first went to
work for him, he only paid me thirty five dollars
a week.
Speaker 7 (16:33):
What are you getting now?
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Thirty seven? Oh?
Speaker 8 (16:36):
I gave you ray.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
No, we've burned one of my shirts.
Speaker 8 (16:44):
Oh, Janice, what are you?
Speaker 5 (16:46):
Oh?
Speaker 6 (16:47):
I gotta leave you kids, dog Remley, I had a car.
I ain't no Ky he's got a cold, So.
Speaker 8 (17:03):
Say Jealous, let's look at the menu so we can
jan Us, where is that kid?
Speaker 9 (17:09):
Janous?
Speaker 6 (17:09):
I'm over here by the jukebox.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
Would you like to hear my recording of Little Mother
of Mine?
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Ooh, I'd love to Okay, one time in the horse
hobby evening when shird three from Owe, I think call
(17:41):
the wy I fall you think.
Speaker 9 (17:46):
And the boy you love we little boy with all of.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
Head, I have all onnab why wy one time.
Speaker 9 (18:13):
You long for op mover of my.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
And now he has come to mans estate? Or you
fall in body and frow. You hardly know Mary was alone?
(18:55):
You learn with your slum. Oh, Polly is happle to
the holl and the life. But the holl didn't came I.
Speaker 13 (19:17):
And still he is all met mother.
Speaker 9 (19:36):
Mo forly.
Speaker 8 (20:06):
Oh that was a nice record, Dennis.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
I like it very much. Suited everybody in the drug store.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
They all applauded.
Speaker 5 (20:12):
Yeah, yeah, they all applaud it. Here I am kids.
Speaker 7 (20:15):
You already yet not yet? Yea, we're waiting for you.
Speaker 6 (20:17):
Oh good good.
Speaker 7 (20:18):
I'll get the menu.
Speaker 5 (20:20):
A waiter, waiter, y, may we have a menu? Please?
Speaker 1 (20:31):
It's certainly here you are.
Speaker 7 (20:33):
Thanks. Now let's see.
Speaker 5 (20:38):
A waiter.
Speaker 7 (20:38):
Why have you got all those steering wheels attached to
the counter.
Speaker 6 (20:41):
Those are the people who like to eat and drive
ins and can't afford cars.
Speaker 5 (20:53):
Cars.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
The one on the end is a convertible.
Speaker 6 (20:58):
What if you press the button the room comes down.
Speaker 9 (21:01):
I'll be quiet.
Speaker 7 (21:03):
Why do I always run into this crazy guy? I
don't know what I want to eat? Dennis? What are
you gonna order a hamburger sandwich?
Speaker 14 (21:11):
And check my oil?
Speaker 7 (21:17):
Then I stop going along with a waiter. Now let's
see what do I want?
Speaker 6 (21:24):
Are you people going to order or are you waiting
for the floor show?
Speaker 7 (21:28):
The floor show and a drug store?
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Yes.
Speaker 6 (21:30):
At eight o'clock, doctor Schule comes out and does a
fan dance with two footpacks. Doctor Shoul he's corny, but
he's good.
Speaker 7 (21:56):
Just take our orders and that's all. We'll have three hamburgers,
now go get them.
Speaker 8 (22:00):
I don't want a hamburger.
Speaker 7 (22:01):
You're gonna have anything in your life? What do you want?
Speaker 8 (22:03):
A kit sweed sandwich?
Speaker 13 (22:05):
I know what, I know what I know?
Speaker 6 (22:08):
Stop yelling at the girl. We make wonderful chit sweee then.
Speaker 12 (22:13):
You do?
Speaker 7 (22:14):
Yeah, well, then I'll try a chit sweeze sandwich.
Speaker 6 (22:20):
Would you like me to crim the truck?
Speaker 5 (22:29):
Crim the truck? I don't know why I ever come
into this lake.
Speaker 7 (22:33):
The service is awful of waiters all for heaven's sake,
look at that waiter.
Speaker 9 (22:37):
Come back here no.
Speaker 7 (22:38):
Now, I look at this glass.
Speaker 6 (22:39):
There's lipstick on it.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
Well, there's water in it.
Speaker 9 (22:42):
Wash it all, Wash it off yourself.
Speaker 14 (22:51):
You don't marry.
Speaker 7 (22:51):
I've never seen such a fresh waiter in all my life.
Speaker 14 (22:54):
I messed on what you'll mind moving your rolbow so
I can get the sugar?
Speaker 7 (22:58):
I don't like them in here anyway? It can get
a boot. You always have to sit at the count's.
Speaker 14 (23:02):
So what you move your row bush so I can
get the sugar?
Speaker 7 (23:05):
Believe me, married, it's the last time I remember loved.
Speaker 14 (23:08):
But I'm trying to get the sugar. What would you
mind lifting your blockadeed? Though? I have to wait homemade
at twelve?
Speaker 5 (23:20):
Oh, I'm sorry you are now married as.
Speaker 8 (23:23):
Soon as we yeh.
Speaker 5 (23:24):
Look who just came in?
Speaker 7 (23:25):
Who?
Speaker 6 (23:26):
Well?
Speaker 10 (23:27):
What do you know?
Speaker 7 (23:28):
Eddie Tanner?
Speaker 3 (23:29):
Eddie, Eddie come here?
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Hire you Jack?
Speaker 5 (23:31):
Hello?
Speaker 9 (23:31):
Married?
Speaker 5 (23:39):
Well?
Speaker 3 (23:39):
Sit down, Eddie?
Speaker 7 (23:40):
Have a sandwich or something?
Speaker 9 (23:41):
Thanks Jack?
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Eddie?
Speaker 7 (23:42):
You know Dennis Day?
Speaker 6 (23:43):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (23:43):
Hello Dennis? Well let's he care for?
Speaker 7 (23:45):
How do you do?
Speaker 5 (23:55):
Dennis?
Speaker 7 (23:56):
Stop? Come on die?
Speaker 14 (23:56):
What are you gonna have?
Speaker 6 (23:58):
Well? I'm not very hungry, but wait, I'll have chicken
sandwich and an ice cream soda. Very good what place
as the usual? A glass of Patsu ribbon with a
scoop of vanilla ice cream.
Speaker 7 (24:10):
Eddie, ice cream and beer. Isn't that an nod combination?
Speaker 1 (24:12):
Look?
Speaker 6 (24:13):
Jack, do I say anything when you break six lucky
strikes into a bowl and call it the breakfast of champions?
Speaker 8 (24:20):
Well the East his own, I guess, say, Eddie, that
was a nice article you wrote about Jack and the Cosmopolitan.
Speaker 7 (24:26):
It certainly was, Eddie, and I want to thank you.
It was a very honest piece.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
I'm glad you liked the Jack.
Speaker 6 (24:31):
Did you read the part where I said, contrary to
the mise of the character he assumed on the radio,
Jack Benny in real life is the most generous man
I've ever met.
Speaker 7 (24:38):
Yes, I did, Eddie. And only a man like you,
who has known me all my life can appreciate the
finer side of my character.
Speaker 6 (24:45):
Hey, Mary, you want to split a roma pelz?
Speaker 8 (24:50):
Now, my head's all right, it's my stomach that bothers me.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Mary.
Speaker 6 (24:55):
You may think I'm exaggerating about Jack's generosity, but I'll
never forget that day in nineteen twenty eight when he
places played the Palace Theater in New York.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
After the opening.
Speaker 6 (25:02):
Performance, Jack walking to Lindy's restaurant. Yell, okay, fellas, I'll
buy drinks.
Speaker 8 (25:06):
For everybody by drinks in nineteen twenty eight, so ABIs
wasn't red. Also nineteen thirty three.
Speaker 6 (25:13):
Jack was willing to wait.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
Yeah, here your orders?
Speaker 1 (25:21):
Will it be anything else?
Speaker 5 (25:23):
No?
Speaker 7 (25:23):
Thank that'll be all.
Speaker 5 (25:24):
They had a figure of the Palace in New York.
Speaker 4 (25:26):
Remember the fun we used to have in Vaudavle together?
Speaker 6 (25:28):
Oh yeah, Jack, remember this possible lot edy? What Remember
the time you made a blind date over the floor
and you asked the girl if she could bring a
friend from me and she said yes, she'd bring her sister.
Speaker 3 (25:42):
Yeah did she?
Speaker 7 (25:47):
She had to.
Speaker 6 (25:47):
They were Simy twins.
Speaker 2 (25:53):
Yeah, they were in Vaudeville too.
Speaker 6 (25:55):
They had a great act.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
They were.
Speaker 7 (25:56):
Their names were Doris and Dorothy Aid. They were billed
as aces back to back, Uh Jannis Dennis.
Speaker 8 (26:08):
I'll have that broma Celsa.
Speaker 7 (26:09):
Now, God, Eddie, those are the days, good old boy,
we used to see a lot of each other.
Speaker 9 (26:13):
Day.
Speaker 6 (26:14):
Say look, Jack, why don't you and Mary come over
to my hospital and the next Saturday night, Well, i'd
love to Eddie me too.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
Good.
Speaker 6 (26:19):
You see, it's my birthday and with having a few
friends of your birthday?
Speaker 7 (26:24):
How old are you gonna be? Eddie? Now, come on,
ye tell me what's the difference. How old are you
gonna be? How old am I gonna be?
Speaker 1 (26:35):
What's the use of kidding? Jack?
Speaker 7 (26:36):
Everyone else I can lie to, but not you.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
You know my right age. You know I'm even older
than you.
Speaker 8 (26:41):
Well I know, I know.
Speaker 14 (26:42):
But how old are you gonna be?
Speaker 1 (26:44):
Forty?
Speaker 7 (26:50):
Well?
Speaker 9 (26:51):
Me next, say, Eddie?
Speaker 1 (26:59):
I was just wondering how.
Speaker 7 (27:00):
Old this difference between you and me? You know, how
old do you think al Joel's in there?
Speaker 4 (27:05):
I don't know, but either is his daughter?
Speaker 5 (27:10):
No, kiddy, Well, I've got to run along.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
Jack.
Speaker 6 (27:13):
Oh, wa waiter my check?
Speaker 7 (27:15):
Please? Oh no, no, wait a minute, ladies, get your
hand out of your pocket.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
Hm.
Speaker 7 (27:19):
I asked you to sit here.
Speaker 15 (27:20):
This is on me no longer.
Speaker 4 (27:21):
Jack, you were here already and I horned in wait
to give me my check?
Speaker 6 (27:24):
Oh no, you don't look at it.
Speaker 7 (27:25):
We've been friends for years, you wrote this wonderful article
about me, and now you want to spoil the whole thing. Waiter,
how much is mister Kanner's tad?
Speaker 6 (27:33):
It's sixty five cents after all, Eddie.
Speaker 7 (27:35):
I sixty five cents.
Speaker 14 (27:39):
Oh what.
Speaker 7 (27:41):
Oh, he had was a chicken sandwich and a glass
of beer.
Speaker 8 (27:44):
I'll pay for you.
Speaker 6 (27:45):
You will not he wrote the article about me.
Speaker 7 (27:50):
Oh wait to hop in his bill be sixty five cents.
All he had was a chicken sandwich and a glass
of beer.
Speaker 6 (27:55):
Because he had the beer.
Speaker 3 (27:56):
Why are you foaming at the mouse?
Speaker 6 (28:01):
Do keep out of this now, waiter, This is out
wages as highway robber jack, Jack, don't make a scene.
Speaker 14 (28:06):
Let me have the check.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
To heaven's sake, I.
Speaker 5 (28:07):
Will not hear my debts.
Speaker 7 (28:09):
All right, waiters to hold up, and I'll pay it.
Can you change a fifty dollars bill?
Speaker 3 (28:13):
I can change it.
Speaker 6 (28:14):
You shut up, Jack. It's me Eddie, the one who
wrote all those nice things about you. Like I said
in my articles, Jack Benny is the most generous man.
Speaker 3 (28:21):
I haven't supped with that already too.
Speaker 7 (28:24):
I don't mind being generous, Eddie. But when you first
came in here, you said you weren't hungry. Then you
sat here and stuffed yourself.
Speaker 5 (28:37):
And ran up a sixty five cents bill.
Speaker 7 (28:41):
Oh, flattery won't get you anywhere, missus Tanner.
Speaker 5 (28:44):
Here's your check.
Speaker 7 (28:45):
Come on, Mary, let's go.
Speaker 5 (28:47):
But Jack, Jack, how do you like that guy?
Speaker 1 (28:49):
He's gone, Well, I'm glad waiter.
Speaker 6 (28:52):
How much did you say that check was sixty pivecent?
Speaker 1 (28:54):
No, it's three dollars in the quarter. What he didn't
pay his he's mile? This is a fine.
Speaker 5 (29:02):
How do you do?
Speaker 1 (29:03):
How do you do?
Speaker 6 (29:12):
MoMA?
Speaker 1 (29:13):
The first.
Speaker 4 (29:17):
Stealing candles?
Speaker 3 (29:21):
My car, Lucky more car Lucky To.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
Feel your level, Ben, smoke a Lucky or Lucky's.
Speaker 4 (29:34):
Fine tobacco picks you up when you're low, calms you
down when you're ten. It's important to know that fine
tobacco can do this for you, and Lucky Strike means
fine tobacco. Yes, ls m F T ls m F T,
Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, light right, naturally, mile tobacco.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
No wonder more.
Speaker 4 (29:54):
Independent tobacco experts, auctioneers, buyers, and warehousemen smoke Lucky Strike
regularly and the next two leading brands combined.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
Though, when you.
Speaker 4 (30:03):
Choose your cigarette, remember lucky Fine tobacco picks you up
when you're low, calms you down when you're ten. Put
you on the right level to feel and do your
level bet.
Speaker 15 (30:14):
Yes, be sure to make your next carton of cigarette,
Lucky Syke, small Lucky, my Lucky.
Speaker 7 (30:32):
Happy Mother's Day and good night everybody.
Speaker 9 (30:40):
Be sure to hear.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
Donna say, and the day and the life. I'm gonna
say thanks to you.
Speaker 12 (30:45):
Then for the end of Spanish all that follows immediately,
Yes be asked for Columbia Vodcasting System
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