August 8, 2025 • 41 mins
A legendary variety show blending witty monologues, comic sketches, and musical interludes, all anchored by the impeccable timing of its beloved host. It’s a masterclass in comedic timing.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:08):
The Jack Benny Special Christmas Shaw with Mary Livingston, Dennis Day, Rochester,
Bob Crosby, the spot from quartet yours truly Don Wilson,
with special guests June Alison and Franson Burger. And now,
ladies and gentlemen, it is with great pleasure and deepest respect,
(00:28):
that I present the star of our show, a man
who's not only the Dean of American comedy, but who,
like the tie, keeps rolling along one from one year
end and year out, who despite the wearing of the
elements and the ravages of time on the games in quality,
and who, although failing in memory, has managed to broke
his way to the microphone.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
And here he has Jack Benny's.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, and
welcome to life with Methuselah.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Oh Don Don as fun as a Jack. Look, I
don't want to start off I complaining, but here we
are doing a big special Christmas show and you have
to introduce me like that.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Jack.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
I thought I gave you a very nice send off. Don.
After that introduction, the people won't know whether to expect
jokes or organ music. It made me sound three hundred
years old. Well, I believe me, Jack, I didn't mean
it that way. Oh you didn't. They Well, look down,
we have shoulder doing tonight.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
So let's Jack.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
If I'd had any idea that you would miscis true?
What was meant to be a compliment? I certainly wouldn't
have said, okay, Don, okay, let's forget it. I can't
forget it. I wouldn't say anything to hurt you for
the world alright, as a matter of fact, But I
call that introduction and told it to my wife, and
she said, Donald, that's beautiful. I'm so glad you're not
going to say anything to make that old goat unhappy.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Don.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
Your wife called me an old goat? Well, Don, has
your wife, by any chance seen the contract you have
with me?
Speaker 2 (01:58):
How could you miss it?
Speaker 1 (01:59):
You had a tattoo on my chest.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
Well, the next time you take a deep breath, have
her read the small print.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
I can fire way.
Speaker 4 (02:09):
Stop.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Wait a minute, Jack, you can't let me go. After
all the years I've been with you. I started as
your announcer in nineteen thirty four. During all these twenty
two years, I've given you loyalty, devotion, some loyalty. Every
time I cut your salary. You tell everybody I'm down.
Why don't you just you have a cut my salary?
Speaker 5 (02:27):
My mother would slap your silly faced.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Well, Dennis, I wasn't talking to you.
Speaker 5 (02:41):
Well, it's about time you did. I've been here since
five thirty this morning.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Five thirty this morning. How come you got here so early?
Speaker 5 (02:47):
Well, I have to come by bus, and I wanted
to make sure I'll be.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
Here on time.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
I've already lived in here three miles you only.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Get three miles away? Why did you start out so early?
Speaker 5 (02:58):
Who knew I take the right bus?
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Well, then you did take the right bus.
Speaker 5 (03:06):
It must have been it got me to San Diego
in time to catch the plane back here.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Wait a minute, Dennis, you took a bus to San
Diego and then flew back here to Los Angeles. Now,
why would you do that?
Speaker 5 (03:21):
Well, the only way I know how to get to
the studio is from the airport.
Speaker 6 (03:25):
I'll cut that out.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
How world was? Oh?
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Yes, and now, ladies and gentlemen, you want to fire me,
go ahead, you need me on this show? Love don
How many lass would you get if I were in
a fig fat slack? Nobody's firing you, and nobody's mad,
so just forget about the whole thing. Hello Jack, Well, Bob, Bobuck, Sorry.
Speaker 7 (03:58):
Everyone, Love Dennis.
Speaker 5 (04:00):
I've been here in five thirty this morning.
Speaker 8 (04:02):
Nobody's doing I'm sorry that I'm like Jack, but well,
I've been with my agent lining up some guest stars
for my afternoon television show.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Oh, that must be quite a problem when you're on
every day like you are. Well, Jack, we've managed all
right so far. I don't see how you do it.
You know.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
The trouble I have getting a guest starts from my
TV show and it's it's only on every other week.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Jack.
Speaker 8 (04:22):
We worked out an entirely different system for getting guests
and the one.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
That you use. How does your work?
Speaker 2 (04:28):
Well?
Speaker 1 (04:28):
We pay him, you mom, you pay, you pay your
guest stars. Yeah, you are to try it sometimes it's
your system. Why should I steal it? I'm out a song?
Speaker 9 (04:44):
Okay, sometime when blow.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Honeymooners at last?
Speaker 10 (05:00):
The love.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Feeling far of a par.
Speaker 11 (05:07):
Oh, how lucky we are.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
While I gave to you and you give to me.
You love, oh to love?
Speaker 11 (05:27):
So I'm done.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
It will all you love?
Speaker 6 (05:37):
Yes?
Speaker 11 (05:37):
You love?
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Are you? And I have a guardian.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
On par with nothing to do.
Speaker 11 (05:51):
But to give, please.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
And to give to me.
Speaker 11 (06:00):
Forever true.
Speaker 7 (06:05):
For you, and.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Have a guardian name on.
Speaker 7 (06:14):
With nothing to do.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
But to give and to give to me.
Speaker 11 (06:25):
Love forever tover to Ah.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
That was very, very good.
Speaker 8 (06:54):
Oh, I'm glad you liked it, Jack. But yeah, I
looked over to you while I was singing that number,
and I had the feeling that you were upset.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Well, it has nothing to do with your singing, Bob.
I just thought that since we're trying to do a big,
classy shoulder knight, you should have hired some other musicians
instead of my regular archer the same game a different Orchester.
Speaker 8 (07:10):
Well, Jack, I think this is one of the finest
musical aggregations that I've ever worked.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Oh, you do it well, Bob. I'd like to ask
you a question. Let's say about Don Wright, for instance,
the bass player.
Speaker 8 (07:22):
Done right, and nobody slaps the bass like he does.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
That's what I'm getting at. Why is it he always
takes his hand in a bucket of water before he
slaps the bass. Of course they have it well. Well,
he used to work in the brewery's slapping labels on Beerbob.
I'll accept your explanation of mister Ryth's musical eccentricity. But
what about bad be your piano player, or what about
(07:46):
good old bag Well Bob, I want anything about the
fact that he's on the role but he can't read music.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
He doesn't know the.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
White keys and the black keys. I never saw such
a crazy looking piano. I watched that extra pedal. That
was Bagbee's idea. Four pedals on a piano.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
What are they?
Speaker 8 (08:03):
Well, they're soft, medium, loud and gas.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Gas pedal.
Speaker 8 (08:12):
He never knows when he's gonna have to make a getaway.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Well that answers my other question. I was going to
ask why the piano has white sidewall tire. Bag Me
thinks say everything, Jack, Well, it's too bad he doesn't
think a little more about music.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
What'd you say?
Speaker 1 (08:30):
I said, it's more about music. Oh, no, you know
as well as I do. Not only does bag be
played by ear, but if it isn't in the key
of C, he can't play at all.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
Oh he can't.
Speaker 6 (08:41):
Huh.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Okay, Jack, you asked for it.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Now, Bagdee, come here a minute.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Well you said that all he knows is in the
key of S. Well, let's find out.
Speaker 8 (08:48):
Go ahead and ask him anything at all?
Speaker 1 (08:50):
Okay, oh, h bage, how about something with three sharks?
Speaker 8 (08:55):
Okay, Charlie, go ahead, give him something with well think hard, Charlie.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Come on, Oh know the Donnie movement from the Barber
of the Bill by.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
D let.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
Way. Let me get this right, then, Donnie movement from
the Barber of the Bill by J.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Lett.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Three shot look shot field shot shot. I apologize, Bob.
You can tell Bagby to go now.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Okay, Charlie, you can go now.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Like that he grows up again, or right out of
the studio. You know. Sometimes I body made. But I
have a package from mister Bunny. Oh I'll take a boy, Yes,
I sign right here for certainly there, thank you. Oh
just a minute, the boy. Here's a tip for it.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
Hey, fellas, look at this beautiful package that just came.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Is it?
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Boy? You can go? Aren't you gonna open up? What
the package?
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Please? Please open it?
Speaker 1 (10:01):
It says don't open till Christmas? Why should I open it?
Speaker 12 (10:03):
Now?
Speaker 2 (10:03):
You've got it?
Speaker 1 (10:04):
You can't stand it any longer. For two weeks now
without a day off, I'm delivering Christmas packages big ones,
small one screen ones, red ones, blow ones, white ones. Look, boy,
I keep trying to guess what's.
Speaker 6 (10:15):
In these packages.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
The big ones are small, and the green one's the
red one. Boy, take it easy, you can't help it.
It's not when I get home. I can't eat, I
can't swep.
Speaker 13 (10:25):
Don't pay with your green.
Speaker 11 (10:34):
Please wait?
Speaker 2 (10:44):
All right, all right, I'll open it. Can hold I'm
opening opening.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
There. It's my old friend Judis.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
I don't get hold from one. See it's an X ray.
Now I can sleep tonight.
Speaker 11 (11:11):
All the way wanted me to know.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
You got to take so little to make some people happy. Well,
get on with the show, ladies and gentlemen. I'd like
to introduce Don. Would you get the phone, Please get
it yourself. I'm not working here anymore. Don, I didn't
fire you. I'm not gonna do anything. I'm just gonna
sit here.
Speaker 5 (11:38):
I've been here some five thirty this morning for heaven.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
Hello. Hello, Jack is married.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
Mary?
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Where are you calling from?
Speaker 14 (11:53):
I'm home, Jack, And I was just wondering you still
wanted me to help you with your Christmas shopping.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Yeah, I wish you would. Well, I've got some time today, wonderful.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
I'll come.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
I pick up right after the show. Fine, I'll be ready.
Speaker 14 (12:02):
Oh, By the way, Jack, I meant to thank you
for giving me my Christmas bonus in advat.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
That's all right, Mary? What'd you do with it?
Speaker 5 (12:08):
I added five dollars to it and gave it to
my maid for her bonus.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Night.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
I'll see you later, Mary. Okay, bye Jack? Bye? Oh Mary?
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Mary?
Speaker 1 (12:29):
Where are you here? I am Jack right behind you?
Oh yeah, hey Mary?
Speaker 3 (12:32):
How'd you like the way I wiggled myself through that
crowd in front of the store.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
I was drumblest Did you took from Mauth and Murray?
Speaker 6 (12:37):
Really? Hell?
Speaker 9 (12:39):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (12:40):
By these stores? Are sure? Jam?
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Hear me?
Speaker 1 (12:42):
Mister? Did you see my wife?
Speaker 11 (12:46):
To me?
Speaker 5 (12:46):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (12:47):
Did you see my wife?
Speaker 6 (12:48):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (12:48):
I haven't a matter of fact, I don't even.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Know your wife.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
And how do you know you didn't share it? I'm
miss her after night?
Speaker 5 (12:57):
Handstand here, jippering?
Speaker 1 (12:58):
I better go over corn. What did I do with
that shopping list I had?
Speaker 15 (13:07):
Oh?
Speaker 11 (13:08):
Here it is Jack?
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Now let's see. I've already gotten gifts from my producer,
my sound man, and my script girl. Mary. I still
haven't got anything from my sister Florence in Chicago. Have
you got any ideas for her? Yeah?
Speaker 10 (13:21):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
It ought to be something nice. You don't marry. I
have no brothers or no other sisters. Florence is only
my only close relative. I ought to get her something nice.
What'd you get her last year? A pencil shopper.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
Jack?
Speaker 1 (13:36):
But then she is your only sister. Long been very close,
she writes to me all the time. You know you
have a house called a sharp pencil.
Speaker 7 (13:44):
You got to do something.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Married.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
Don't be so Oh, I'm terribly sorry that partly Well hello,
mister Wells.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Oh, may I see the you. Time is catching up
with you, you miss living Stone?
Speaker 6 (14:07):
Yes, are you doing your.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Smeloaded bungo? Oh my you thinks I am buying for
my wife.
Speaker 16 (14:18):
I'm getting a house coach, and for my nephew, I'm
getting some electric things.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
Lionel, No, his name is Sam Well, excuse me, mister Vanny.
Speaker 16 (14:33):
I got to run over to the Micause apartment to
buy a present for my brother. I'm going to get
him some of that expensive important brandy Napoleon.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
No, his name is Lionel. Oh, well, I got to
meet you.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
Goodbye, mister Vanny. Buy mister Kensel, and Merry Christmas.
Speaker 17 (14:56):
Y same for you.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Gets on such a jolly fellow.
Speaker 4 (15:05):
Mary.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
Let Mary, Now where she go? Oh? There she is
at the end of the contra.
Speaker 18 (15:16):
I mean, I wait on you, miss, Yes, I'd like
to get something for a gentleman.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
A gentleman your husband.
Speaker 7 (15:21):
No, my boss.
Speaker 14 (15:22):
I worked with him for an afey long time, and
I'd like to show my appreciation.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Oh, here's something nice. A gold pipe class, a gold
tie class. No, well, how about a gold teacher. Now
about gold coupling. Look, mister, I don't want to get
him anything.
Speaker 7 (15:36):
You can melt down.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
I wish I could think of something. Well, if he's
your boss, you want to get him something nice. After all,
he's responsible.
Speaker 7 (15:49):
For your bread and butter, only bread.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Well, tell me, miss a, what kind of a man
is your boss?
Speaker 7 (15:58):
Oh?
Speaker 14 (15:58):
Is nothing unusual about I mean, average hight atleage weight.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
How old is it? Well, he says he's around thirty nine.
Around thirty nine.
Speaker 7 (16:07):
Huh yeah, but I think.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
It's the second time around.
Speaker 15 (16:14):
I mean, see, how about a pair of military brushes.
He certainly can use those, can't He only of his
head itches? Well, he is quite a problem.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
Perhaps I could help you better if you've told me
how closely you two are associated. Are you engaged?
Speaker 7 (16:36):
No, we're not well.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Is your boyfriend No?
Speaker 19 (16:39):
As a matter of fact, he teaches me more like
a sister. How about a pencil shop, a pencil shark.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
Yes, we ship one the Chicago. Every year it goes
to a girl named Floss.
Speaker 10 (16:57):
You mean Florence.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
I feel like I know Mary.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Let's not keep losing each other. I spend more tillo,
mister Benny.
Speaker 5 (17:06):
Oh oh hello, Hello, it's on its way to Chicago.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Oh wait a minute. This year, I'm not going to
get my sister. I'm going to get my sister something different.
Oh you are Mary? Will you stop looking at me
that way? I was planning all along to get Florn
(17:32):
something else. That's what you're here for, to help me.
Speaker 7 (17:36):
Hell, let's say enough words, say Jack, I just thought
of something.
Speaker 14 (17:45):
What Mary, Your sister Laurence has a high five set,
hasn't she. Yeah, well, here's the record section. Maybe if
it's center a nice album.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
Hey, that's an idea. Let's have a look.
Speaker 14 (17:54):
This is a wonderful record apartment, and a lot of
the biggest recording artists have appeared here in person.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
Yeah, and they have such a selection of everything. I'll
bet they say what's this plaque on the wall.
Speaker 17 (18:05):
M Elvis Presley shook here here from your show album
was My fair Lady, most happy fellow?
Speaker 20 (18:16):
This a wonderful Now, Jack, don't buy up the whole store.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Well, Francis, Francis, Hello.
Speaker 7 (18:27):
Jack, Hello, Hello France. Just where is Edgar?
Speaker 20 (18:30):
Only across the street buying a Christmas gift? Is a
Jaguar agency, Jaguar agency. Yes, he's picked out a gorgeous car,
but it blew and now he's wondering if he should
be giving a yellow one.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
You mean, Edgar gives a Jaguar for a Christmas gift
and he's fussy about the color.
Speaker 7 (18:45):
Yet, well, naturally, Jack, after all, export.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
Francis, maybe we can meet Edgar and I'll have a
bike again.
Speaker 20 (19:00):
See, I'd love to marry, but I'm supposed to be
here all the autographing copies of my record album, you know,
the one I did.
Speaker 7 (19:05):
Become I certainly do.
Speaker 10 (19:06):
I've got it.
Speaker 14 (19:07):
And Francis, I think you did those songs just beautifully.
Speaker 10 (19:10):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
How the selling Francis, well, very good.
Speaker 20 (19:13):
And Jackie was so sweet of you to write the
program note for the cover of the album.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
Well, I try to keep it as clever as I could. Yeah,
you know records. I just did an album of classical
violin solos under what label.
Speaker 14 (19:27):
It's for the pet Boys, and you can buy it
at any filling station.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
They don't have to buy it. They give it to
you with an oil Chaine. Pardon me, missus Gregan, but
I've been looking for your album and I can't seem
to find it.
Speaker 7 (19:42):
My album all right over his counter, here's one.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Oh thank you?
Speaker 7 (19:46):
Before I buy it?
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Do you suppose I can hear one of the songs?
Speaker 7 (19:50):
Which one would you like to hear?
Speaker 2 (19:51):
Well?
Speaker 1 (19:52):
How about the very Salty?
Speaker 7 (19:54):
All right, I'll put it on the record player.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
See, I want to hear that too.
Speaker 7 (20:09):
The very thought of you, and I forget to do.
Speaker 10 (20:20):
The little old.
Speaker 13 (20:23):
Marry thing.
Speaker 10 (20:25):
That everyone ought to. I'm living in a kind of daydreaming.
Speaker 7 (20:38):
I'm happy as a king, and belie, though it may be.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
To me.
Speaker 7 (20:49):
Everything, the mere idea of you.
Speaker 13 (20:57):
Long for you, You'll never know how slow those moments, so, Jill,
I see.
Speaker 10 (21:13):
Your face in every flower.
Speaker 13 (21:18):
You're a and SuDS a bone.
Speaker 10 (21:25):
The thought of you, the longing here for you, the
very thought of you, A long.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
Friend.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
I was just wonderful. It certainly was. I'm so glad
you asked me to write the program notes on the cover.
There them. I'll take that record, miss Burgen. Uh, would
you mind all to cracking it for me?
Speaker 10 (22:04):
Not at all?
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Right here on the label?
Speaker 2 (22:06):
Please?
Speaker 7 (22:06):
Okay, there you are, Thank you, and.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
You can keep the cover. That's the corniest thing I've
ever read. Okay, it was nice talking to you, Francy.
Speaker 7 (22:22):
Thanks Mary Belong Teck.
Speaker 14 (22:33):
Yeah, I thought you wanted to get your sister some records.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
I did, but I'm second thought of silly trying to
pick out a record for her. I might send her
something she's already got. I wonder what I am mistering?
I are you sure you didn't see my wife? Look,
I'd like to help you, but I don't know what
your wife looks like. Has she any identifying mark?
Speaker 16 (22:51):
Well, she's got a birthmark on her never mind, I'll
look for them at all.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Yes, Yes, you're better. It's so hard to know what
to get for Flora.
Speaker 14 (23:10):
Hey, Jack, here's the Junior department. They're having a big
sale on watching watch it.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
My sister already has two wristwatches. When he got two arms.
I know I could get her a dozen handkerchiefs.
Speaker 5 (23:24):
That's tillie.
Speaker 7 (23:24):
She only got one nose.
Speaker 19 (23:33):
Hey, wait a minute, Jack, isn't that Rochester over there
to counter?
Speaker 1 (23:36):
Yeah? Then he finds something for me. I'm going to
eat drop. See what he gets?
Speaker 11 (23:40):
Jack?
Speaker 6 (23:43):
And I wait on you.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Yeah, I'm looking for a Christmas present for my fathers.
Were your fut?
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Well? How about a tie?
Speaker 2 (23:50):
No, he's got lots of road.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
How about a wallet or a money clip?
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Money clip? What's the money clip?
Speaker 1 (23:58):
You know it's the thing to hold your folding money.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
I've never had a pole.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
Well, it's a springlake metal cliff that holds the money tight.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
He's got a fist that does that.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Go from the things you've told me, your boss sounds
rather unusual.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Let me work for mister Bennie.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
Jack Benny, uh huh wow? What are your duties with
missus Bennie. Well, besides me is rumber partner. I'm his
personal secretary, legal advisor, attorney at law. And you used
to select the script for.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
The movies he made. You think this movie he had
to blame somebody. Well, I don't agree with you.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
I think that mister Bennie is a great entertainer. Whether
it's stage, screen, radio, or television. And as far as
I'm concerned, his last TV show was one of the
funniest things I've ever seen.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
You keep talking like that, he'll be in line for
professil shopping.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
I heard her, Mary, I still don't know what to get.
Speaker 11 (25:06):
Well, he's giving me.
Speaker 16 (25:08):
I'm metting running into you again.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
I thought you finished your Christmas shopping. I hate to
come back. I forgot to get a present from my uncle.
I'm buying him a cigarette lighter ronson. No, he's naming
a Shapiro.
Speaker 14 (25:29):
Yeah, Jack, we don't see the beginning anything accomplished.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
Look, Mary, you don't buy the first thing you see.
Speaker 10 (25:35):
You know, well, I'll make it easy for.
Speaker 14 (25:36):
You if you like, I'll go and pick out a
nice pair of stockings.
Speaker 7 (25:39):
For your sister.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Mary.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
If I want to send my sister's stockings, I got
to pick him out myself, didn't I send you a
beautiful pair for your birthday, some stockings.
Speaker 5 (25:47):
When I wore them, everybody thought I was a nurse.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
I got you a part on medic So don't come back.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
Yes, sir man, I help you, young man.
Speaker 5 (26:02):
Yeah, I'm looking for a Christmas gifts for my parents.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
Mother and father. Eh, yeah, how did you know?
Speaker 2 (26:12):
I just figured it out. Yeah, I wonder what.
Speaker 5 (26:14):
Mother would like. Oh say, I know, I'll get a
one off.
Speaker 7 (26:17):
What size is this one?
Speaker 2 (26:19):
Thirty eight?
Speaker 7 (26:20):
Oh, that'll be a little tomall.
Speaker 5 (26:21):
What size is this one here?
Speaker 1 (26:23):
That's forty four? Oh that's fine. Put some bullets in
it and wrap it up. Go ahead, go ahead, Frankly,
I'm a little reluctant to sell us.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
Does your mother know how to use a gun? Oh?
Speaker 5 (26:37):
Sure, she's a crack shot. Every morning she practices shooting
an apple off my father's head.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
No, yeah, she only missed once.
Speaker 5 (26:46):
Now it doesn't make any difference. I pop this in
front of me while I'm watching the television.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
What about these shirts over here?
Speaker 2 (26:56):
They're very nice.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
They'd make a wonderful gift for your father.
Speaker 5 (26:58):
No, I got him some last year, But I was
thinking of that blue one for my voss mister Benny.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
It was a very smart shirt. The color is the
latest thing. Uh huh, Dennis Dennis old mister Benny.
Speaker 7 (27:08):
Hello, Mary, Hello Dennis during a Christmas shopping Yeah.
Speaker 5 (27:11):
I was just gonna decide I'm mister Bennie's gift, and
he had to walk up and spoil the whole thing.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Oh, I'm sorry, kid, I didn't know you wanted to
be a surprise.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (27:18):
Now you'll have to close your eyes.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
Okay, got him closed?
Speaker 5 (27:22):
Okay, miss you can wrap it up now and put
it in a shoe box so he won't know what's
the shirt?
Speaker 7 (27:30):
And I opened my eyes now, Yeah, gee, that was
a close one, mister Benny.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
Is he always this way only when he talks, when
he says he's a different person, I'm a regular jeckel
and hide. Yeah, go ahead, Dennis, show him how you
can see in which voice? What is a bass? Sing
your song?
Speaker 6 (27:50):
Okay?
Speaker 16 (27:50):
Okay?
Speaker 12 (28:00):
When you brought up my and asoles, I long and
on on theys that roll so swiftly, Hi, my dear,
that roll so sweetly.
Speaker 6 (28:18):
By and not many line you will have any rule?
You are all.
Speaker 5 (28:32):
Your for you, your child, you.
Speaker 11 (28:43):
Oh a.
Speaker 12 (28:47):
Little girl, and plan why good well will did.
Speaker 7 (28:56):
You are a happy.
Speaker 11 (29:02):
Child for.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
Misstic very real?
Speaker 4 (29:11):
Once your path it for.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
You, and.
Speaker 11 (29:19):
Return a when you've grown up.
Speaker 12 (29:28):
My dear, there on the dreamy day when made a
lot of black of your coppers, heel leave a gray
idear personally a grave.
Speaker 6 (29:46):
Off the path your dream that ray grawn up to
and see once more it's short.
Speaker 16 (29:57):
Along your tra would you.
Speaker 11 (30:03):
Your child? You?
Speaker 4 (30:11):
Oh my little girl?
Speaker 11 (30:15):
And I well within you are cowl call.
Speaker 12 (30:31):
I'm missing Maryland.
Speaker 10 (30:37):
What is your card?
Speaker 18 (30:39):
This father.
Speaker 11 (30:46):
Read?
Speaker 3 (30:49):
Oh my, that was real good you see, Mester, I
told you when dennising, he becomes an entirely different. Well,
(31:12):
it's been up since five point thirty this morning.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
Will you help me move him off the counter. They'll
leave him there, maybe somebody will buy you. Come on, Mary,
let's keep moving here. We'll never get our shopping. Let
me see if I could just think of something different
to buy it from my sister, my work.
Speaker 18 (31:29):
Oh, Jack, look, here's June Alison, June, June, John, Hello, June, Hello, Julie.
Speaker 7 (31:44):
Look wonderful. Oh thank you Mary.
Speaker 21 (31:46):
I haven't seen you since we were shopping together in
London last summer. And Jack, I'm so glad I ran
into you today. I want to thank you very much
for remembering me.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
Oh did you get my present already?
Speaker 21 (31:57):
Oh no, just the carr telling me you were going
to send me one.
Speaker 10 (32:03):
Jack sent you a car.
Speaker 21 (32:04):
Uh huh, I think I got it here?
Speaker 1 (32:06):
Oh, yes, here it is.
Speaker 21 (32:08):
I'm sending you a christ the twenty fifty day, so
you'll have three of time to reciprocate.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
Hen't had a nice poem?
Speaker 7 (32:21):
Sounds more like a ransom note?
Speaker 5 (32:26):
And why did you throw it through my window?
Speaker 7 (32:28):
Tied to a rock?
Speaker 1 (32:30):
Rosh are cheaper than stamps, and let's drop this up.
Speaker 11 (32:34):
Oh.
Speaker 14 (32:34):
By the way, June, I saw your latest picture, you
Can't run Away from It, and I just loved it.
Speaker 7 (32:39):
Oh, thank you, Mary. Well.
Speaker 21 (32:41):
I certainly enjoyed doing that picture with Jack Lemon.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
By the way, your husband Dick Paul directed that, didn't he? Yes? Huh?
Speaker 21 (32:47):
If I do say so myself, I think he did
a wonderful job.
Speaker 3 (32:51):
Well, frankly, June, I'm very disappointed in Dick, and I
wish you'd tell him when you get home.
Speaker 1 (32:54):
You see, he led me to believe that I would
have the leading role in that picture.
Speaker 21 (32:59):
Well, he was going to use you, Jack, but then
at the last minute he changed his mind. Why well,
he figured that if on the mark he had said
Jack Benny, he can't run away from it, people wouldn't
know whether it was a title or a warning.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
Dick not to be so smart. I remember when he
couldn't get a job in this town.
Speaker 14 (33:26):
You can remember when Eppel Barrymore auditioned to Revecca a
sonny a farm.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
All right, all right, but seriously, June, you make a
lot of picture. Why are that You and I never
make a picture together.
Speaker 21 (33:40):
Well, I know you're popular here Jack, but the trend
now is to make pictures for the international markets.
Speaker 1 (33:45):
But they loved me over there. Look at the Palladium
in London last summer. You were there, You remember, right
in the middle of my act, the audience stood up
and cheered for ten minutes. Oh yes, I remember. That
was the night the Queen walked in like on one
of my big go up. They cheered for another ten minutes.
Speaker 14 (34:02):
That was when the queen walked out, walked out, walked off.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
Why is it?
Speaker 21 (34:16):
Hey, Dad, Look at that strange package that woman is
carrying where over there?
Speaker 1 (34:21):
Looks like Dennis Day's head's taking. Somebody did buy it. Well,
I've got sprun along, okay, June, get my best suit?
Hey June, why are you lymphy?
Speaker 21 (34:37):
Oh it's nothing too bad. Do you know how strange
thing happened? When I came downtown to go shopping. I
stepped off the tube and some idiot driving a piano.
Speaker 7 (34:45):
Ran over my.
Speaker 19 (34:54):
Driving a piano.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
Mary, I'll explain it to your lady. Good Why June
and married? I'm Mary. I don't want to be here
all day. I'm going to get that other present from
my sister. Let's go over the perfume counter.
Speaker 19 (35:17):
Well, Jack, I've got some other shoppingers, so I'll meet
you there.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
Lady, All right, Mary, don't be too long. Yeah, I
wonder what kind of perfume?
Speaker 16 (35:25):
Oh there you are?
Speaker 1 (35:27):
Where is she.
Speaker 2 (35:30):
Off for?
Speaker 1 (35:30):
Heaven said? Why do you keep asking me about your wife?
I told you I don't know what she looks like.
Speaker 18 (35:34):
Well, here i'll.
Speaker 1 (35:36):
Show you a fix.
Speaker 5 (35:39):
This.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
This is your wife.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
Yeah, she Sully.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
Have me to keep looking for her, don't it.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
Anyway?
Speaker 1 (35:56):
Mister? She must be in the store or someplace, so
just keep looking you'll probably find her.
Speaker 11 (36:00):
I hope not.
Speaker 1 (36:02):
So rude route. Why you stopped running in such a
sim Oh here's the perfume counter. Muld be something nice
here for my sister. Oh, clerk, clerk, what can I
do for you?
Speaker 2 (36:21):
Are you the salesman here?
Speaker 1 (36:23):
Yeah, you're the salesman in the perfume counter.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
Don't take my work for it.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
Mal me I'll take your work for thank you.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
Now, what kind of perfume would you like to buy?
Speaker 1 (36:43):
Well?
Speaker 2 (36:44):
What kind of you got? I've got taboo, temptation, shocking.
Speaker 4 (36:48):
White shoulders surrender and you should excuse the expression, my man.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
Let's see some other perfume please.
Speaker 4 (37:04):
Okay, we have some very nice important one evening in Paris, uh,
midnight in Madrid, and here's a domestic one morning in
the smart.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
Why not?
Speaker 2 (37:26):
We got enough? Puff it.
Speaker 1 (37:32):
Right here?
Speaker 2 (37:33):
That comes to five.
Speaker 11 (37:34):
Eighty with the task.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
Well, okay, I'll take it. Oh yeah, yeah here I
am married.
Speaker 19 (37:39):
Well, I'm gonna tell my shopping.
Speaker 10 (37:40):
How about you?
Speaker 2 (37:41):
How is he for your sister?
Speaker 1 (37:42):
I sure did? I'm getting here a nice bottle of perfume.
Well I'm glad that's now.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
Where do you want this scent?
Speaker 1 (37:47):
It goes to one eighty five Pine Street, Cargo, Illinois,
One eighty five Pine The pencil broke?
Speaker 2 (37:58):
Do you happen to have a night you? No, I don't.
Well I can get it with my fingernail.
Speaker 4 (38:05):
You know, of all the presents I get for Christmas,
you think someone would send me a pencil shop?
Speaker 1 (38:14):
What?
Speaker 2 (38:14):
Uh uh? What did you say? I said you'd think
someone would get me a pencil shopping. There's a gift
the person can really use.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
Now, what was the rest of that address?
Speaker 2 (38:25):
Forget it?
Speaker 1 (38:25):
Forget it?
Speaker 2 (38:26):
Come on, mister, what about the prank? Fume Jack?
Speaker 1 (38:29):
You're not gonna buy yourself? You heard the man Mary.
From now on, I'm not letting anyone influence me.
Speaker 2 (38:35):
Mary.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
I can hear Rochester are calling you, but I can't
see him.
Speaker 17 (38:38):
Oh yeah, uh.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
Powder, Rochester, What are you doing there?
Speaker 2 (38:44):
I came down to the store, there was some shopping
me and then gave me a job for Rochter.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
You're my butler. How can you work for somebody else?
Of boss?
Speaker 2 (38:51):
I use the money that pay three dollars an hour.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
I don't care how much they What did you.
Speaker 2 (38:56):
Say, Hey, three dollars an hour.
Speaker 7 (38:59):
We'll move.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
Ladies and gentlemen. It was a pleasure and I had
to do this special radio program. I want to thank
the members of my cast and my special guests June
Allison and Francis Bergen for a fery As the Christmas
season approaches, my entire cast and I would like to
join in wishing every one of you a very happy
and joyous holiday season, and may the new year see
true peace on Earth and goodwill toward that. Appearing on
(40:01):
program for Malt Blank, Cardie r Box, Tam barn Alian
by Any Rubin, turns her Bagrant and Charlie Mannon We're
not going to program.
Speaker 21 (40:08):
I'm written by Sam parents.
Speaker 1 (40:10):
Ron Walter al Baldan al Barton was used, conducted by
Milla married and produs by Hilliard Mark.
Speaker 3 (40:17):
A preceding Christmas program has come to you through the
worldwide facilities of the United States Armed Forces Radio and
Television Service.
The Jack Benny Special Christmas Shaw with Mary Livingston, Dennis Day, Rochester,
Bob Crosby, the spot from quartet yours truly Don Wilson,
with special guests June Alison and Franson Burger. And now,
ladies and gentlemen, it is with great pleasure and deepest respect,
(00:28):
that I present the star of our show, a man
who's not only the Dean of American comedy, but who,
like the tie, keeps rolling along one from one year
end and year out, who despite the wearing of the
elements and the ravages of time on the games in quality,
and who, although failing in memory, has managed to broke
his way to the microphone.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
And here he has Jack Benny's.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, and
welcome to life with Methuselah.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Oh Don Don as fun as a Jack. Look, I
don't want to start off I complaining, but here we
are doing a big special Christmas show and you have
to introduce me like that.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Jack.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
I thought I gave you a very nice send off. Don.
After that introduction, the people won't know whether to expect
jokes or organ music. It made me sound three hundred
years old. Well, I believe me, Jack, I didn't mean
it that way. Oh you didn't. They Well, look down,
we have shoulder doing tonight.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
So let's Jack.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
If I'd had any idea that you would miscis true?
What was meant to be a compliment? I certainly wouldn't
have said, okay, Don, okay, let's forget it. I can't
forget it. I wouldn't say anything to hurt you for
the world alright, as a matter of fact, But I
call that introduction and told it to my wife, and
she said, Donald, that's beautiful. I'm so glad you're not
going to say anything to make that old goat unhappy.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Don.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
Your wife called me an old goat? Well, Don, has
your wife, by any chance seen the contract you have
with me?
Speaker 2 (01:58):
How could you miss it?
Speaker 1 (01:59):
You had a tattoo on my chest.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
Well, the next time you take a deep breath, have
her read the small print.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
I can fire way.
Speaker 4 (02:09):
Stop.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Wait a minute, Jack, you can't let me go. After
all the years I've been with you. I started as
your announcer in nineteen thirty four. During all these twenty
two years, I've given you loyalty, devotion, some loyalty. Every
time I cut your salary. You tell everybody I'm down.
Why don't you just you have a cut my salary?
Speaker 5 (02:27):
My mother would slap your silly faced.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Well, Dennis, I wasn't talking to you.
Speaker 5 (02:41):
Well, it's about time you did. I've been here since
five thirty this morning.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Five thirty this morning. How come you got here so early?
Speaker 5 (02:47):
Well, I have to come by bus, and I wanted
to make sure I'll be.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
Here on time.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
I've already lived in here three miles you only.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Get three miles away? Why did you start out so early?
Speaker 5 (02:58):
Who knew I take the right bus?
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Well, then you did take the right bus.
Speaker 5 (03:06):
It must have been it got me to San Diego
in time to catch the plane back here.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Wait a minute, Dennis, you took a bus to San
Diego and then flew back here to Los Angeles. Now,
why would you do that?
Speaker 5 (03:21):
Well, the only way I know how to get to
the studio is from the airport.
Speaker 6 (03:25):
I'll cut that out.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
How world was? Oh?
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Yes, and now, ladies and gentlemen, you want to fire me,
go ahead, you need me on this show? Love don
How many lass would you get if I were in
a fig fat slack? Nobody's firing you, and nobody's mad,
so just forget about the whole thing. Hello Jack, Well, Bob, Bobuck, Sorry.
Speaker 7 (03:58):
Everyone, Love Dennis.
Speaker 5 (04:00):
I've been here in five thirty this morning.
Speaker 8 (04:02):
Nobody's doing I'm sorry that I'm like Jack, but well,
I've been with my agent lining up some guest stars
for my afternoon television show.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Oh, that must be quite a problem when you're on
every day like you are. Well, Jack, we've managed all
right so far. I don't see how you do it.
You know.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
The trouble I have getting a guest starts from my
TV show and it's it's only on every other week.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Jack.
Speaker 8 (04:22):
We worked out an entirely different system for getting guests
and the one.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
That you use. How does your work?
Speaker 2 (04:28):
Well?
Speaker 1 (04:28):
We pay him, you mom, you pay, you pay your
guest stars. Yeah, you are to try it sometimes it's
your system. Why should I steal it? I'm out a song?
Speaker 9 (04:44):
Okay, sometime when blow.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Honeymooners at last?
Speaker 10 (05:00):
The love.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Feeling far of a par.
Speaker 11 (05:07):
Oh, how lucky we are.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
While I gave to you and you give to me.
You love, oh to love?
Speaker 11 (05:27):
So I'm done.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
It will all you love?
Speaker 6 (05:37):
Yes?
Speaker 11 (05:37):
You love?
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Are you? And I have a guardian.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
On par with nothing to do.
Speaker 11 (05:51):
But to give, please.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
And to give to me.
Speaker 11 (06:00):
Forever true.
Speaker 7 (06:05):
For you, and.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Have a guardian name on.
Speaker 7 (06:14):
With nothing to do.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
But to give and to give to me.
Speaker 11 (06:25):
Love forever tover to Ah.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
That was very, very good.
Speaker 8 (06:54):
Oh, I'm glad you liked it, Jack. But yeah, I
looked over to you while I was singing that number,
and I had the feeling that you were upset.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Well, it has nothing to do with your singing, Bob.
I just thought that since we're trying to do a big,
classy shoulder knight, you should have hired some other musicians
instead of my regular archer the same game a different Orchester.
Speaker 8 (07:10):
Well, Jack, I think this is one of the finest
musical aggregations that I've ever worked.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Oh, you do it well, Bob. I'd like to ask
you a question. Let's say about Don Wright, for instance,
the bass player.
Speaker 8 (07:22):
Done right, and nobody slaps the bass like he does.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
That's what I'm getting at. Why is it he always
takes his hand in a bucket of water before he
slaps the bass. Of course they have it well. Well,
he used to work in the brewery's slapping labels on Beerbob.
I'll accept your explanation of mister Ryth's musical eccentricity. But
what about bad be your piano player, or what about
(07:46):
good old bag Well Bob, I want anything about the
fact that he's on the role but he can't read music.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
He doesn't know the.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
White keys and the black keys. I never saw such
a crazy looking piano. I watched that extra pedal. That
was Bagbee's idea. Four pedals on a piano.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
What are they?
Speaker 8 (08:03):
Well, they're soft, medium, loud and gas.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Gas pedal.
Speaker 8 (08:12):
He never knows when he's gonna have to make a getaway.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Well that answers my other question. I was going to
ask why the piano has white sidewall tire. Bag Me
thinks say everything, Jack, Well, it's too bad he doesn't
think a little more about music.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
What'd you say?
Speaker 1 (08:30):
I said, it's more about music. Oh, no, you know
as well as I do. Not only does bag be
played by ear, but if it isn't in the key
of C, he can't play at all.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
Oh he can't.
Speaker 6 (08:41):
Huh.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Okay, Jack, you asked for it.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Now, Bagdee, come here a minute.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Well you said that all he knows is in the
key of S. Well, let's find out.
Speaker 8 (08:48):
Go ahead and ask him anything at all?
Speaker 1 (08:50):
Okay, oh, h bage, how about something with three sharks?
Speaker 8 (08:55):
Okay, Charlie, go ahead, give him something with well think hard, Charlie.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Come on, Oh know the Donnie movement from the Barber
of the Bill by.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
D let.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
Way. Let me get this right, then, Donnie movement from
the Barber of the Bill by J.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Lett.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Three shot look shot field shot shot. I apologize, Bob.
You can tell Bagby to go now.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Okay, Charlie, you can go now.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Like that he grows up again, or right out of
the studio. You know. Sometimes I body made. But I
have a package from mister Bunny. Oh I'll take a boy, Yes,
I sign right here for certainly there, thank you. Oh
just a minute, the boy. Here's a tip for it.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
Hey, fellas, look at this beautiful package that just came.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Is it?
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Boy? You can go? Aren't you gonna open up? What
the package?
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Please? Please open it?
Speaker 1 (10:01):
It says don't open till Christmas? Why should I open it?
Speaker 12 (10:03):
Now?
Speaker 2 (10:03):
You've got it?
Speaker 1 (10:04):
You can't stand it any longer. For two weeks now
without a day off, I'm delivering Christmas packages big ones,
small one screen ones, red ones, blow ones, white ones. Look, boy,
I keep trying to guess what's.
Speaker 6 (10:15):
In these packages.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
The big ones are small, and the green one's the
red one. Boy, take it easy, you can't help it.
It's not when I get home. I can't eat, I
can't swep.
Speaker 13 (10:25):
Don't pay with your green.
Speaker 11 (10:34):
Please wait?
Speaker 2 (10:44):
All right, all right, I'll open it. Can hold I'm
opening opening.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
There. It's my old friend Judis.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
I don't get hold from one. See it's an X ray.
Now I can sleep tonight.
Speaker 11 (11:11):
All the way wanted me to know.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
You got to take so little to make some people happy. Well,
get on with the show, ladies and gentlemen. I'd like
to introduce Don. Would you get the phone, Please get
it yourself. I'm not working here anymore. Don, I didn't
fire you. I'm not gonna do anything. I'm just gonna
sit here.
Speaker 5 (11:38):
I've been here some five thirty this morning for heaven.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
Hello. Hello, Jack is married.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
Mary?
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Where are you calling from?
Speaker 14 (11:53):
I'm home, Jack, And I was just wondering you still
wanted me to help you with your Christmas shopping.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Yeah, I wish you would. Well, I've got some time today, wonderful.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
I'll come.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
I pick up right after the show. Fine, I'll be ready.
Speaker 14 (12:02):
Oh, By the way, Jack, I meant to thank you
for giving me my Christmas bonus in advat.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
That's all right, Mary? What'd you do with it?
Speaker 5 (12:08):
I added five dollars to it and gave it to
my maid for her bonus.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Night.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
I'll see you later, Mary. Okay, bye Jack? Bye? Oh Mary?
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Mary?
Speaker 1 (12:29):
Where are you here? I am Jack right behind you?
Oh yeah, hey Mary?
Speaker 3 (12:32):
How'd you like the way I wiggled myself through that
crowd in front of the store.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
I was drumblest Did you took from Mauth and Murray?
Speaker 6 (12:37):
Really? Hell?
Speaker 9 (12:39):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (12:40):
By these stores? Are sure? Jam?
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Hear me?
Speaker 1 (12:42):
Mister? Did you see my wife?
Speaker 11 (12:46):
To me?
Speaker 5 (12:46):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (12:47):
Did you see my wife?
Speaker 6 (12:48):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (12:48):
I haven't a matter of fact, I don't even.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Know your wife.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
And how do you know you didn't share it? I'm
miss her after night?
Speaker 5 (12:57):
Handstand here, jippering?
Speaker 1 (12:58):
I better go over corn. What did I do with
that shopping list I had?
Speaker 15 (13:07):
Oh?
Speaker 11 (13:08):
Here it is Jack?
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Now let's see. I've already gotten gifts from my producer,
my sound man, and my script girl. Mary. I still
haven't got anything from my sister Florence in Chicago. Have
you got any ideas for her? Yeah?
Speaker 10 (13:21):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
It ought to be something nice. You don't marry. I
have no brothers or no other sisters. Florence is only
my only close relative. I ought to get her something nice.
What'd you get her last year? A pencil shopper.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
Jack?
Speaker 1 (13:36):
But then she is your only sister. Long been very close,
she writes to me all the time. You know you
have a house called a sharp pencil.
Speaker 7 (13:44):
You got to do something.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Married.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
Don't be so Oh, I'm terribly sorry that partly Well hello,
mister Wells.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Oh, may I see the you. Time is catching up
with you, you miss living Stone?
Speaker 6 (14:07):
Yes, are you doing your.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Smeloaded bungo? Oh my you thinks I am buying for
my wife.
Speaker 16 (14:18):
I'm getting a house coach, and for my nephew, I'm
getting some electric things.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
Lionel, No, his name is Sam Well, excuse me, mister Vanny.
Speaker 16 (14:33):
I got to run over to the Micause apartment to
buy a present for my brother. I'm going to get
him some of that expensive important brandy Napoleon.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
No, his name is Lionel. Oh, well, I got to
meet you.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
Goodbye, mister Vanny. Buy mister Kensel, and Merry Christmas.
Speaker 17 (14:56):
Y same for you.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Gets on such a jolly fellow.
Speaker 4 (15:05):
Mary.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
Let Mary, Now where she go? Oh? There she is
at the end of the contra.
Speaker 18 (15:16):
I mean, I wait on you, miss, Yes, I'd like
to get something for a gentleman.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
A gentleman your husband.
Speaker 7 (15:21):
No, my boss.
Speaker 14 (15:22):
I worked with him for an afey long time, and
I'd like to show my appreciation.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Oh, here's something nice. A gold pipe class, a gold
tie class. No, well, how about a gold teacher. Now
about gold coupling. Look, mister, I don't want to get
him anything.
Speaker 7 (15:36):
You can melt down.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
I wish I could think of something. Well, if he's
your boss, you want to get him something nice. After all,
he's responsible.
Speaker 7 (15:49):
For your bread and butter, only bread.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Well, tell me, miss a, what kind of a man
is your boss?
Speaker 7 (15:58):
Oh?
Speaker 14 (15:58):
Is nothing unusual about I mean, average hight atleage weight.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
How old is it? Well, he says he's around thirty nine.
Around thirty nine.
Speaker 7 (16:07):
Huh yeah, but I think.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
It's the second time around.
Speaker 15 (16:14):
I mean, see, how about a pair of military brushes.
He certainly can use those, can't He only of his
head itches? Well, he is quite a problem.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
Perhaps I could help you better if you've told me
how closely you two are associated. Are you engaged?
Speaker 7 (16:36):
No, we're not well.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Is your boyfriend No?
Speaker 19 (16:39):
As a matter of fact, he teaches me more like
a sister. How about a pencil shop, a pencil shark.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
Yes, we ship one the Chicago. Every year it goes
to a girl named Floss.
Speaker 10 (16:57):
You mean Florence.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
I feel like I know Mary.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Let's not keep losing each other. I spend more tillo,
mister Benny.
Speaker 5 (17:06):
Oh oh hello, Hello, it's on its way to Chicago.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Oh wait a minute. This year, I'm not going to
get my sister. I'm going to get my sister something different.
Oh you are Mary? Will you stop looking at me
that way? I was planning all along to get Florn
(17:32):
something else. That's what you're here for, to help me.
Speaker 7 (17:36):
Hell, let's say enough words, say Jack, I just thought
of something.
Speaker 14 (17:45):
What Mary, Your sister Laurence has a high five set,
hasn't she. Yeah, well, here's the record section. Maybe if
it's center a nice album.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
Hey, that's an idea. Let's have a look.
Speaker 14 (17:54):
This is a wonderful record apartment, and a lot of
the biggest recording artists have appeared here in person.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
Yeah, and they have such a selection of everything. I'll
bet they say what's this plaque on the wall.
Speaker 17 (18:05):
M Elvis Presley shook here here from your show album
was My fair Lady, most happy fellow?
Speaker 20 (18:16):
This a wonderful Now, Jack, don't buy up the whole store.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Well, Francis, Francis, Hello.
Speaker 7 (18:27):
Jack, Hello, Hello France. Just where is Edgar?
Speaker 20 (18:30):
Only across the street buying a Christmas gift? Is a
Jaguar agency, Jaguar agency. Yes, he's picked out a gorgeous car,
but it blew and now he's wondering if he should
be giving a yellow one.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
You mean, Edgar gives a Jaguar for a Christmas gift
and he's fussy about the color.
Speaker 7 (18:45):
Yet, well, naturally, Jack, after all, export.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
Francis, maybe we can meet Edgar and I'll have a
bike again.
Speaker 20 (19:00):
See, I'd love to marry, but I'm supposed to be
here all the autographing copies of my record album, you know,
the one I did.
Speaker 7 (19:05):
Become I certainly do.
Speaker 10 (19:06):
I've got it.
Speaker 14 (19:07):
And Francis, I think you did those songs just beautifully.
Speaker 10 (19:10):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
How the selling Francis, well, very good.
Speaker 20 (19:13):
And Jackie was so sweet of you to write the
program note for the cover of the album.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
Well, I try to keep it as clever as I could. Yeah,
you know records. I just did an album of classical
violin solos under what label.
Speaker 14 (19:27):
It's for the pet Boys, and you can buy it
at any filling station.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
They don't have to buy it. They give it to
you with an oil Chaine. Pardon me, missus Gregan, but
I've been looking for your album and I can't seem
to find it.
Speaker 7 (19:42):
My album all right over his counter, here's one.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Oh thank you?
Speaker 7 (19:46):
Before I buy it?
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Do you suppose I can hear one of the songs?
Speaker 7 (19:50):
Which one would you like to hear?
Speaker 2 (19:51):
Well?
Speaker 1 (19:52):
How about the very Salty?
Speaker 7 (19:54):
All right, I'll put it on the record player.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
See, I want to hear that too.
Speaker 7 (20:09):
The very thought of you, and I forget to do.
Speaker 10 (20:20):
The little old.
Speaker 13 (20:23):
Marry thing.
Speaker 10 (20:25):
That everyone ought to. I'm living in a kind of daydreaming.
Speaker 7 (20:38):
I'm happy as a king, and belie, though it may be.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
To me.
Speaker 7 (20:49):
Everything, the mere idea of you.
Speaker 13 (20:57):
Long for you, You'll never know how slow those moments, so, Jill,
I see.
Speaker 10 (21:13):
Your face in every flower.
Speaker 13 (21:18):
You're a and SuDS a bone.
Speaker 10 (21:25):
The thought of you, the longing here for you, the
very thought of you, A long.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
Friend.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
I was just wonderful. It certainly was. I'm so glad
you asked me to write the program notes on the cover.
There them. I'll take that record, miss Burgen. Uh, would
you mind all to cracking it for me?
Speaker 10 (22:04):
Not at all?
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Right here on the label?
Speaker 2 (22:06):
Please?
Speaker 7 (22:06):
Okay, there you are, Thank you, and.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
You can keep the cover. That's the corniest thing I've
ever read. Okay, it was nice talking to you, Francy.
Speaker 7 (22:22):
Thanks Mary Belong Teck.
Speaker 14 (22:33):
Yeah, I thought you wanted to get your sister some records.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
I did, but I'm second thought of silly trying to
pick out a record for her. I might send her
something she's already got. I wonder what I am mistering?
I are you sure you didn't see my wife? Look,
I'd like to help you, but I don't know what
your wife looks like. Has she any identifying mark?
Speaker 16 (22:51):
Well, she's got a birthmark on her never mind, I'll
look for them at all.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Yes, Yes, you're better. It's so hard to know what
to get for Flora.
Speaker 14 (23:10):
Hey, Jack, here's the Junior department. They're having a big
sale on watching watch it.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
My sister already has two wristwatches. When he got two arms.
I know I could get her a dozen handkerchiefs.
Speaker 5 (23:24):
That's tillie.
Speaker 7 (23:24):
She only got one nose.
Speaker 19 (23:33):
Hey, wait a minute, Jack, isn't that Rochester over there
to counter?
Speaker 1 (23:36):
Yeah? Then he finds something for me. I'm going to
eat drop. See what he gets?
Speaker 11 (23:40):
Jack?
Speaker 6 (23:43):
And I wait on you.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Yeah, I'm looking for a Christmas present for my fathers.
Were your fut?
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Well? How about a tie?
Speaker 2 (23:50):
No, he's got lots of road.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
How about a wallet or a money clip?
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Money clip? What's the money clip?
Speaker 1 (23:58):
You know it's the thing to hold your folding money.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
I've never had a pole.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
Well, it's a springlake metal cliff that holds the money tight.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
He's got a fist that does that.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Go from the things you've told me, your boss sounds
rather unusual.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Let me work for mister Bennie.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
Jack Benny, uh huh wow? What are your duties with
missus Bennie. Well, besides me is rumber partner. I'm his
personal secretary, legal advisor, attorney at law. And you used
to select the script for.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
The movies he made. You think this movie he had
to blame somebody. Well, I don't agree with you.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
I think that mister Bennie is a great entertainer. Whether
it's stage, screen, radio, or television. And as far as
I'm concerned, his last TV show was one of the
funniest things I've ever seen.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
You keep talking like that, he'll be in line for
professil shopping.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
I heard her, Mary, I still don't know what to get.
Speaker 11 (25:06):
Well, he's giving me.
Speaker 16 (25:08):
I'm metting running into you again.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
I thought you finished your Christmas shopping. I hate to
come back. I forgot to get a present from my uncle.
I'm buying him a cigarette lighter ronson. No, he's naming
a Shapiro.
Speaker 14 (25:29):
Yeah, Jack, we don't see the beginning anything accomplished.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
Look, Mary, you don't buy the first thing you see.
Speaker 10 (25:35):
You know, well, I'll make it easy for.
Speaker 14 (25:36):
You if you like, I'll go and pick out a
nice pair of stockings.
Speaker 7 (25:39):
For your sister.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Mary.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
If I want to send my sister's stockings, I got
to pick him out myself, didn't I send you a
beautiful pair for your birthday, some stockings.
Speaker 5 (25:47):
When I wore them, everybody thought I was a nurse.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
I got you a part on medic So don't come back.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
Yes, sir man, I help you, young man.
Speaker 5 (26:02):
Yeah, I'm looking for a Christmas gifts for my parents.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
Mother and father. Eh, yeah, how did you know?
Speaker 2 (26:12):
I just figured it out. Yeah, I wonder what.
Speaker 5 (26:14):
Mother would like. Oh say, I know, I'll get a
one off.
Speaker 7 (26:17):
What size is this one?
Speaker 2 (26:19):
Thirty eight?
Speaker 7 (26:20):
Oh, that'll be a little tomall.
Speaker 5 (26:21):
What size is this one here?
Speaker 1 (26:23):
That's forty four? Oh that's fine. Put some bullets in
it and wrap it up. Go ahead, go ahead, Frankly,
I'm a little reluctant to sell us.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
Does your mother know how to use a gun? Oh?
Speaker 5 (26:37):
Sure, she's a crack shot. Every morning she practices shooting
an apple off my father's head.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
No, yeah, she only missed once.
Speaker 5 (26:46):
Now it doesn't make any difference. I pop this in
front of me while I'm watching the television.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
What about these shirts over here?
Speaker 2 (26:56):
They're very nice.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
They'd make a wonderful gift for your father.
Speaker 5 (26:58):
No, I got him some last year, But I was
thinking of that blue one for my voss mister Benny.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
It was a very smart shirt. The color is the
latest thing. Uh huh, Dennis Dennis old mister Benny.
Speaker 7 (27:08):
Hello, Mary, Hello Dennis during a Christmas shopping Yeah.
Speaker 5 (27:11):
I was just gonna decide I'm mister Bennie's gift, and
he had to walk up and spoil the whole thing.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Oh, I'm sorry, kid, I didn't know you wanted to
be a surprise.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (27:18):
Now you'll have to close your eyes.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
Okay, got him closed?
Speaker 5 (27:22):
Okay, miss you can wrap it up now and put
it in a shoe box so he won't know what's
the shirt?
Speaker 7 (27:30):
And I opened my eyes now, Yeah, gee, that was
a close one, mister Benny.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
Is he always this way only when he talks, when
he says he's a different person, I'm a regular jeckel
and hide. Yeah, go ahead, Dennis, show him how you
can see in which voice? What is a bass? Sing
your song?
Speaker 6 (27:50):
Okay?
Speaker 16 (27:50):
Okay?
Speaker 12 (28:00):
When you brought up my and asoles, I long and
on on theys that roll so swiftly, Hi, my dear,
that roll so sweetly.
Speaker 6 (28:18):
By and not many line you will have any rule?
You are all.
Speaker 5 (28:32):
Your for you, your child, you.
Speaker 11 (28:43):
Oh a.
Speaker 12 (28:47):
Little girl, and plan why good well will did.
Speaker 7 (28:56):
You are a happy.
Speaker 11 (29:02):
Child for.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
Misstic very real?
Speaker 4 (29:11):
Once your path it for.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
You, and.
Speaker 11 (29:19):
Return a when you've grown up.
Speaker 12 (29:28):
My dear, there on the dreamy day when made a
lot of black of your coppers, heel leave a gray
idear personally a grave.
Speaker 6 (29:46):
Off the path your dream that ray grawn up to
and see once more it's short.
Speaker 16 (29:57):
Along your tra would you.
Speaker 11 (30:03):
Your child? You?
Speaker 4 (30:11):
Oh my little girl?
Speaker 11 (30:15):
And I well within you are cowl call.
Speaker 12 (30:31):
I'm missing Maryland.
Speaker 10 (30:37):
What is your card?
Speaker 18 (30:39):
This father.
Speaker 11 (30:46):
Read?
Speaker 3 (30:49):
Oh my, that was real good you see, Mester, I
told you when dennising, he becomes an entirely different. Well,
(31:12):
it's been up since five point thirty this morning.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
Will you help me move him off the counter. They'll
leave him there, maybe somebody will buy you. Come on, Mary,
let's keep moving here. We'll never get our shopping. Let
me see if I could just think of something different
to buy it from my sister, my work.
Speaker 18 (31:29):
Oh, Jack, look, here's June Alison, June, June, John, Hello, June, Hello, Julie.
Speaker 7 (31:44):
Look wonderful. Oh thank you Mary.
Speaker 21 (31:46):
I haven't seen you since we were shopping together in
London last summer. And Jack, I'm so glad I ran
into you today. I want to thank you very much
for remembering me.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
Oh did you get my present already?
Speaker 21 (31:57):
Oh no, just the carr telling me you were going
to send me one.
Speaker 10 (32:03):
Jack sent you a car.
Speaker 21 (32:04):
Uh huh, I think I got it here?
Speaker 1 (32:06):
Oh, yes, here it is.
Speaker 21 (32:08):
I'm sending you a christ the twenty fifty day, so
you'll have three of time to reciprocate.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
Hen't had a nice poem?
Speaker 7 (32:21):
Sounds more like a ransom note?
Speaker 5 (32:26):
And why did you throw it through my window?
Speaker 7 (32:28):
Tied to a rock?
Speaker 1 (32:30):
Rosh are cheaper than stamps, and let's drop this up.
Speaker 11 (32:34):
Oh.
Speaker 14 (32:34):
By the way, June, I saw your latest picture, you
Can't run Away from It, and I just loved it.
Speaker 7 (32:39):
Oh, thank you, Mary. Well.
Speaker 21 (32:41):
I certainly enjoyed doing that picture with Jack Lemon.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
By the way, your husband Dick Paul directed that, didn't he? Yes? Huh?
Speaker 21 (32:47):
If I do say so myself, I think he did
a wonderful job.
Speaker 3 (32:51):
Well, frankly, June, I'm very disappointed in Dick, and I
wish you'd tell him when you get home.
Speaker 1 (32:54):
You see, he led me to believe that I would
have the leading role in that picture.
Speaker 21 (32:59):
Well, he was going to use you, Jack, but then
at the last minute he changed his mind. Why well,
he figured that if on the mark he had said
Jack Benny, he can't run away from it, people wouldn't
know whether it was a title or a warning.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
Dick not to be so smart. I remember when he
couldn't get a job in this town.
Speaker 14 (33:26):
You can remember when Eppel Barrymore auditioned to Revecca a
sonny a farm.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
All right, all right, but seriously, June, you make a
lot of picture. Why are that You and I never
make a picture together.
Speaker 21 (33:40):
Well, I know you're popular here Jack, but the trend
now is to make pictures for the international markets.
Speaker 1 (33:45):
But they loved me over there. Look at the Palladium
in London last summer. You were there, You remember, right
in the middle of my act, the audience stood up
and cheered for ten minutes. Oh yes, I remember. That
was the night the Queen walked in like on one
of my big go up. They cheered for another ten minutes.
Speaker 14 (34:02):
That was when the queen walked out, walked out, walked off.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
Why is it?
Speaker 21 (34:16):
Hey, Dad, Look at that strange package that woman is
carrying where over there?
Speaker 1 (34:21):
Looks like Dennis Day's head's taking. Somebody did buy it. Well,
I've got sprun along, okay, June, get my best suit?
Hey June, why are you lymphy?
Speaker 21 (34:37):
Oh it's nothing too bad. Do you know how strange
thing happened? When I came downtown to go shopping. I
stepped off the tube and some idiot driving a piano.
Speaker 7 (34:45):
Ran over my.
Speaker 19 (34:54):
Driving a piano.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
Mary, I'll explain it to your lady. Good Why June
and married? I'm Mary. I don't want to be here
all day. I'm going to get that other present from
my sister. Let's go over the perfume counter.
Speaker 19 (35:17):
Well, Jack, I've got some other shoppingers, so I'll meet
you there.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
Lady, All right, Mary, don't be too long. Yeah, I
wonder what kind of perfume?
Speaker 16 (35:25):
Oh there you are?
Speaker 1 (35:27):
Where is she.
Speaker 2 (35:30):
Off for?
Speaker 1 (35:30):
Heaven said? Why do you keep asking me about your wife?
I told you I don't know what she looks like.
Speaker 18 (35:34):
Well, here i'll.
Speaker 1 (35:36):
Show you a fix.
Speaker 5 (35:39):
This.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
This is your wife.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
Yeah, she Sully.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
Have me to keep looking for her, don't it.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
Anyway?
Speaker 1 (35:56):
Mister? She must be in the store or someplace, so
just keep looking you'll probably find her.
Speaker 11 (36:00):
I hope not.
Speaker 1 (36:02):
So rude route. Why you stopped running in such a
sim Oh here's the perfume counter. Muld be something nice
here for my sister. Oh, clerk, clerk, what can I
do for you?
Speaker 2 (36:21):
Are you the salesman here?
Speaker 1 (36:23):
Yeah, you're the salesman in the perfume counter.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
Don't take my work for it.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
Mal me I'll take your work for thank you.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
Now, what kind of perfume would you like to buy?
Speaker 1 (36:43):
Well?
Speaker 2 (36:44):
What kind of you got? I've got taboo, temptation, shocking.
Speaker 4 (36:48):
White shoulders surrender and you should excuse the expression, my man.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
Let's see some other perfume please.
Speaker 4 (37:04):
Okay, we have some very nice important one evening in Paris, uh,
midnight in Madrid, and here's a domestic one morning in
the smart.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
Why not?
Speaker 2 (37:26):
We got enough? Puff it.
Speaker 1 (37:32):
Right here?
Speaker 2 (37:33):
That comes to five.
Speaker 11 (37:34):
Eighty with the task.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
Well, okay, I'll take it. Oh yeah, yeah here I
am married.
Speaker 19 (37:39):
Well, I'm gonna tell my shopping.
Speaker 10 (37:40):
How about you?
Speaker 2 (37:41):
How is he for your sister?
Speaker 1 (37:42):
I sure did? I'm getting here a nice bottle of perfume.
Well I'm glad that's now.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
Where do you want this scent?
Speaker 1 (37:47):
It goes to one eighty five Pine Street, Cargo, Illinois,
One eighty five Pine The pencil broke?
Speaker 2 (37:58):
Do you happen to have a night you? No, I don't.
Well I can get it with my fingernail.
Speaker 4 (38:05):
You know, of all the presents I get for Christmas,
you think someone would send me a pencil shop?
Speaker 1 (38:14):
What?
Speaker 2 (38:14):
Uh uh? What did you say? I said you'd think
someone would get me a pencil shopping. There's a gift
the person can really use.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
Now, what was the rest of that address?
Speaker 2 (38:25):
Forget it?
Speaker 1 (38:25):
Forget it?
Speaker 2 (38:26):
Come on, mister, what about the prank? Fume Jack?
Speaker 1 (38:29):
You're not gonna buy yourself? You heard the man Mary.
From now on, I'm not letting anyone influence me.
Speaker 2 (38:35):
Mary.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
I can hear Rochester are calling you, but I can't
see him.
Speaker 17 (38:38):
Oh yeah, uh.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
Powder, Rochester, What are you doing there?
Speaker 2 (38:44):
I came down to the store, there was some shopping
me and then gave me a job for Rochter.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
You're my butler. How can you work for somebody else?
Of boss?
Speaker 2 (38:51):
I use the money that pay three dollars an hour.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
I don't care how much they What did you.
Speaker 2 (38:56):
Say, Hey, three dollars an hour.
Speaker 7 (38:59):
We'll move.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
Ladies and gentlemen. It was a pleasure and I had
to do this special radio program. I want to thank
the members of my cast and my special guests June
Allison and Francis Bergen for a fery As the Christmas
season approaches, my entire cast and I would like to
join in wishing every one of you a very happy
and joyous holiday season, and may the new year see
true peace on Earth and goodwill toward that. Appearing on
(40:01):
program for Malt Blank, Cardie r Box, Tam barn Alian
by Any Rubin, turns her Bagrant and Charlie Mannon We're
not going to program.
Speaker 21 (40:08):
I'm written by Sam parents.
Speaker 1 (40:10):
Ron Walter al Baldan al Barton was used, conducted by
Milla married and produs by Hilliard Mark.
Speaker 3 (40:17):
A preceding Christmas program has come to you through the
worldwide facilities of the United States Armed Forces Radio and
Television Service.
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