August 11, 2025 • 23 mins
"You've changed" ok yea.....that's the point. People love to throw "you've changed" around as if it's an insult, when in reality, it's the highest compliment. Changing is just proof that you're growing.
What to expect in this episode
⭐️Why people get uncomfortable when you grow
⭐️How to spot the difference between changing and evolving
⭐️The real reason some people liked the “old you” better
⭐️Why you should never shrink yourself to make others feel comfortable
This episode is sponsored by Green Chef - USE CODE 50TNTC to get 50% off your first month, then 20% off for two months with free shipping at greenchef.com/50TNTC
This episode is sponsored by Zoc Doc - to find and instantly book a doctor today go to zocdoc.com/TRYINGNOT
FOLLOW ME HERE
Instagram: Ashley's Instagram | Trying Not to Care Instagram
TikTok: Ashley's TikTok | Trying Not to Care TikTok
Youtube: Subscribe here
Amazon Storefront and more: LTX
WANT TO ASK ME QUESTIONS? NEED ADVICE? Follow me on IG and look out for submissions on my story or ask me here: 2025 google form
Podcast Business Inquiries - ashleychristinecorbo@gmail.com
Social Media Inquiries - ashley@abouttalentagency.com
What to expect in this episode
⭐️Why people get uncomfortable when you grow
⭐️How to spot the difference between changing and evolving
⭐️The real reason some people liked the “old you” better
⭐️Why you should never shrink yourself to make others feel comfortable
This episode is sponsored by Green Chef - USE CODE 50TNTC to get 50% off your first month, then 20% off for two months with free shipping at greenchef.com/50TNTC
This episode is sponsored by Zoc Doc - to find and instantly book a doctor today go to zocdoc.com/TRYINGNOT
FOLLOW ME HERE
Instagram: Ashley's Instagram | Trying Not to Care Instagram
TikTok: Ashley's TikTok | Trying Not to Care TikTok
Youtube: Subscribe here
Amazon Storefront and more: LTX
WANT TO ASK ME QUESTIONS? NEED ADVICE? Follow me on IG and look out for submissions on my story or ask me here: 2025 google form
Podcast Business Inquiries - ashleychristinecorbo@gmail.com
Social Media Inquiries - ashley@abouttalentagency.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, Welcome to her. Welcome back to Findant of Care.
If you're new here, my name's Ashley and I post
every single Monday. We just, you know, hang out. We
sip our coffee, we chit chat and we just have
a little girl time. It's a fun time. Last episode,
I asked if you'd be interested in me starting the
group chat up again so we can all talk and
(00:22):
get to know each other better. And it seems like
a lot of you want that, so I'm down. I
just need to figure out what app and like the
logistics of it. But let me know what you'd want,
like what you'd want me to include, because when I
did it last time, I had a page for affirmations,
coffee of the day, outfits of the day, what we're reading.
So just let me know what you're into and what
you'd want in that group chat. And if you're not already,
(00:44):
I'd love if you followed me on Instagram and TikTok.
I post their way more than I post here, probably
more than I should. So if you want to stay
up to date with me, that's where to do it.
But anyways, today I want to talk about this idea
of you've changed people love to throw this around when
they see someone growing and growing in a different direction
(01:04):
than them. They see someone who they either have a
friendship with, their relationship with, or they used to have
a connection with, or you know, even a parasocial relationship
with them online. Like they don't actually know the person,
but they watch this person so they think they know them,
and they see this person changing and changing their life
in a way that they don't like and they don't
(01:25):
resonate with. I have definitely dealt with people like this
in my life who would say you've changed. And at
the time, it hurt to hear these people say that
because these people were using it as an insult. They
weren't saying like, oh, congrats, you changed, I'm so proud
of you. They were saying you changed, and I don't
like it. So today I want to talk more about that.
I want to talk about how people use you've changed
(01:49):
as an insult and why you shouldn't let that bother
you and why you shouldn't shrink yourself to make those
people who are upset with you feel more comfortable. So
with that being said, let's get into it. When people
say that you've changed or someone's changed, they're not meaning
that in a good way. That is meant to be
an insult, that's meant to make you hurt, that's meant
(02:10):
to make you think. That's meant to make you question
who you are and what you're doing and your intentions
and if you are a good person. And I know
that because if they were commenting on someone's growth in
a positive way, they would say, I love how much
you've grown and how much you've evolved. Not you changed,
It's usually met with disappointment or resentment or anger. It's
(02:32):
not meant to make you feel good, and it doesn't
feel good. It does hurt to hear people say that
you've changed, even if you disagree with what they're saying.
It makes you feel like you're becoming a bad person,
or the work that you've done isn't good enough, or
somehow all the work that you've done has made you worse.
It feels like rejection, especially when it's coming from someone
that you respect or that you think highly of. You
(02:54):
don't want to hear that from a friend or a
family member or someone that you love and care about.
I want to feel like they don't like you anymore,
they don't accept you anymore. Or they don't want to
be around you anymore. It's also hard to hear that
from people online. I know this is very niche, but
if you do anything in the public eye, like social media,
(03:15):
to have people who have watched you for months or
for years tell you that you've changed and they don't
like what you're doing sucks because you don't want to
upset the people that support you, but you also don't
want to be only one thing for the rest of
your life. It's like these people are telling you that
they don't like you anymore and they don't like what
you're doing anymore. But you're like, wait, I like what
(03:37):
I'm doing. I like who I am right now. And
that's why when people say that you've changed, it is
the highest compliment, even if they're intending to insult you.
It is such a good thing that you are no
longer a past version of you that you don't resonate
with anymore. I would be so worried if I was
(03:58):
the same person I was ten years ago, five years ago,
even a year ago. I want to constantly be evolving
and changing and growing closer to the version of me
that I'm meant to be. I look back at photos
of mine and videos of mine and journal entries of mine,
and although I remember those moments so vividly like they
(04:19):
feel like yesterday, at times I feel like I'm looking
at a stranger, or maybe not a stranger, but I'm
watching and listening to a person that I have nothing
in common with. This episode is sponsored by Green Chef.
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(05:45):
it's so scary for me now when I see some
of you listening to like my first podcast episode, it's
mortifying because although it is part of my journey, I
know that I've changed so much. I know that I
have such different views. I'm like, oh my god, what
if they listen to this, you know, episode from twenty
twenty two and they hate me, and they don't even
(06:06):
hate the current version of me, and they don't give
the current version of me a chance because they hate
a past version of me so much, and it's like, well,
I'm not even that person, Like I hope that they
give me a chance. Now. I'm just so so different
than who I was when I was twenty two. I
was what how old was I twenty four? Twenty four
(06:26):
years old? That is a whole different person. It has
taken me so long to get to where I am,
and I'm proud of where I'm at. But I also
know that in a year from now, I'll watch videos
of me today and feel so cringed out because I
don't relate to me anymore. There's gonna be so much
growth between now and a year, and that's a good thing.
(06:49):
Just because you're changing doesn't mean it's for the worst.
We're meant to change and grow. We're not meant to
stay the same. We're meant to experiment and have new
experien and meet new people and try new things and
learn new things and discover what we love and what
we hate and what we want more of and what
we want less of. The more that we live, the
(07:11):
more that we figure out what's right for us and
what is very very wrong for us. And it takes
a lot of time to get it right. You're not
going to figure out what's right for you the first
go around. Someone might say, well, you were okay with
how I treated you for the last ten years. What's
different now, Why are you acting up now? Why are
you switching up now? And it's like, well, it took
me some time to figure out what feels good and
(07:33):
what does it Just because the last ten years I
was okay with something doesn't mean that I'm gonna be
okay with it tomorrow. You might meet someone tomorrow who
changes your viewpoints and everything that you thought you knew,
and you just have this moment of like, oh my god,
this is how a friend is supposed to treat me,
This is how love is supposed to feel. This is
what a healthy friendship or relationship looks like. And I
(07:56):
don't want to allow people to treat me poorly anymore.
I need to fix my bad I need to change
my expectations. So, yes, it's a change, but it doesn't
mean it's a bad change. Maybe it's a bad change
for someone who's taking advantage of you, but it's an
incredible thing for you. And that's what you need to
remember when people are coming at you saying well, you've changed. Okay,
(08:16):
Well I'm supposed to. We're not meant to stay one
thing forever for somebody else. We're not meant to stay
static for someone else's comfort. This episode is sponsored by ZocDoc.
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The hard truth is the people that are mad at
(09:43):
you for evolving as a person are mad because they're
still stuck in their same ways and they haven't grown
as a person. So seeing your growth is a reminder
of that. For them, you might have had something in
common with them, and they might have seen something in
you that reminded them of themselve else. So for you
to change and go on a different path makes them
(10:04):
feel uncomfortable because they're like, well, why are they doing that?
Like what's wrong with me? What's wrong with what we've
been doing? Like? Should I be changing? Should I be growing?
It's almost like a mirror showing them what they could
be if they put themselves out there. For example, let's
say that you met your friend at work. You're both
working a minimum wage job, maybe you're working in fast food,
and then you decide to go to school and get
(10:26):
a degree and apply for a new job. What you're
doing is incredible, but they're talking down to you and
treating you differently because they're upset that you're on a
different path than them. You too had something in common
and now you don't. They should be happy for you,
they should want you to succeed, but it makes them
uncomfortable and it makes them feel bad about themselves because
(10:47):
it shines a light in the fact that they're not
doing what they want. I'm not saying that everyone needs
to go to college and get a degree, and I'm
not saying that there's anything wrong with working a minimum
wage job. But if that person feels that way internally
and isn't working towards bettering their life the way that
they want to and you are, they're gonna look at you,
(11:08):
you know, someone who is getting a better paying job,
and resent you for it because you're doing something that
they can't or that they could do, but they're deciding
not to. People tend to hold on to an older
version of you if that version of you fits more
with how they are now, because it makes them feel
better about themselves. You could have been the worst possible
(11:31):
version of you, so self destructive, the worst habits imaginable,
and there's still someone out there that's going to say
they like that version better of you than who you
are now. And who you are now is a much
healthier version, a version of you that respects you and
loves you, and it's just better for literally everyone else
around you. But that person would still prefer the self destructive,
(11:55):
toxic version of you because it looks more like them.
Holding on to a past version of you that maybe
isn't as great as you are now gives people an
excuse to be shitty. It gives people an excuse to
continue their self destructive, toxic behavior because they're like, well,
if this person's doing the exact same thing as I am,
(12:16):
it must not be that bad. Like, if they're doing it,
it's okay if I do it. If they think this way,
I can think that way. If they're talking this way
about someone, I can talk this way about someone. It's
normalizing this very toxic behavior. And when you decide to
change your behavior and change your life for the better,
even though you're doing the right thing and you're doing
(12:36):
what's best for you, there's still people that are going
to make you feel bad and make you feel like
you're doing something wrong because now you're no longer playing
a role that they casted you in. In their mind,
you were just this one thing, and you can only
be this one thing for the rest of your life
because that one thing fits them more, It suits them more,
it benefits them more. But now that you're breaking out
(12:58):
of that and becoming a better version of you, a
version of you that you're proud of, and makes them uncomfortable.
Some people in your life, even if you love them
so much and you care about them so much and
want the best for them, will still only want a
version of you that is struggling. You might want people
to succeed, you might want them to live their best life,
(13:19):
you might want them to do incredible things, and those
people will still want the lowest version of you because
the lowest version of you makes them feel like the
highest version of themselves. Some people actually like when you're
struggling because when you're struggling, when you're having a hard time.
It makes them feel good about themselves. It makes them
feel powerful, it makes them feel important, It makes them
(13:41):
feel likable, it makes them feel strong. It makes them
feel good when you're doing bad. That's why people switch
up on you when things start going good for you.
Think of that friend that you taxed. When things are
going really good for you, you text them saying, hey,
I got a promotion, I'm getting married, I hit one
hundred thousand followers TikTok, and they don't respond to your text,
(14:02):
or if they do respond, they're nasty to you, and
they make you feel bad about your accomplishment. They hate
to see you doing good because to them, when you're
doing good, they're doing bad. It shines a light in
the fact that they're doing nothing with their mediocre life.
But that's not your problem. It is not your responsibility
to shrink yourself or to limit yourself to make other
(14:24):
people feel good about themselves. You are not just something
for them to carry in their back pocket and use
when they need to pick me up. You're not something
for them to kick around and put down to make
them feel good. It's the same thing for people that
view you online. If you're a content creator again, I
know it's a niche, but if people are saying you're
that you've changed and I miss the old you, I
(14:45):
miss your old content. I know it hurts to hear that.
But if those people don't like this new version of
you and what you post, they can go find someone
else that they do want to watch and that they
do like. I unfollow people all the time. I stop
watching people that I watched for years because it just
didn't their content didn't resonate with me anymore. It is
(15:07):
not your responsibility to fit into this very teeny tiny
box of what someone else wants. If they want that
so bad, they can be that you don't have to.
The people that you surround yourself with should want you
to be the highest version of you. They should want
you to constantly be working on yourself and not be
threatened by your growth. And if they are, then that's
(15:31):
not someone who should be involved with the new version
of you, because you deserve to have people who either
encourage you to grow or want to grow with you.
I want to finish this episode off with talking about
signs that you're actually evolving, not just changing, So that way,
when someone does come at you in an insulting way,
(15:51):
saying or like implying that you've changed, you can reflect
on where you are and who you are and not
feel bad about it, because, like I was saying before,
it can feel like rejection. It can be very triggering
because you have this person that you thought was your
friend or that you thought really liked you accusing you
of being something that you're not, or coming at you
(16:12):
and making you feel bad about a path that you
decided to take. Obviously, there are times where people can
change for the worst. They get involved with the wrong people,
they get involved with very destructive things like drugs. There
are so many things that can lead you in a
downward spiral. But just because someone's saying that you've changed
and that you're not someone that you once were, doesn't
(16:36):
mean that you're on a downward spiral. Doesn't mean that
you're doing something bad. I think it's important to check
in with yourself and figure out how you feel. Do
you feel good? Have your thoughts and your mentality been
positive lately? Do you feel more aligned with your values
and your goals? Personally, I feel very achy when I'm
(16:57):
doing things that aren't authentic to me when I'm following
a trend or I'm just going with the flow to
please other people, like if it doesn't align naturally with me,
it's not going to feel right with me. You know
it might make other people happy, but I know in
my gut that it isn't right because it's not me.
You won't really feel that way if you're doing things
(17:19):
for yourself. It might feel uncomfortable at times, like posting online.
It's you know what you want to do, but it's
still uncomfortable because it's new, but you won't feel guilty
about it. You won't feel gross with yourself because you're
being true to who you are. So I would ask yourself,
is what I'm doing right now performative? Am I only
living the way that I'm living for other people to
(17:41):
please other people? Am I only changing myself to make
other people like me or to fit in? Or am
I living intentionally for myself? Am I doing things that
I truly want to do or that my younger self
would be proud of me doing. Or I'm doing for
my future self things that it would beneficial for my
future self. When you're being intentional with your actions and
(18:05):
you're being intentional with your plans. That is when you
actually evolve. I think changing and evolving are very different things.
Evolving is deliberate. You're deciding what you like and what
you want to do and what you want to be,
and you're intentionally going in that direction. You're growing in
a specific direction. For me, I notice that when I'm
(18:29):
being true to myself and I'm being the most authentic
version of me, more times than not, I am doing
things that I loved as a kid. I'm indulging in
the things that made me so happy and that I
had the most fun doing and that were just like
very important to me when I was little. I loved
creating videos, I loved painting and drawing. I loved music.
(18:52):
I loved playing outside and exploring. And those are things
now that I can still do for hours and they
still bring me the same amount of joy. But now
as an adult, obviously, I can explore those things more
and do more with it. So when I'm tapping into
those parts of myself and I'm expressing those parts now,
(19:14):
if someone doesn't like that, or they want to question
my intentions or come at me saying that I've changed
and I don't know why you're acting this way and
why you're doing this. It's like, I know for a
fact that even if I have changed, it's for the better.
And it's not even changing, it's evolving because I'm back
to my roots, but my roots are growing. I'm still
(19:34):
doing the things that I love, just in a more
evolved way. I just think it's so funny when you're
finally taking the time to do the things that you
want to do, and you're taking the time to take
care of yourself and be a better version of you,
and then someone comes around saying, well, you've changed, like
you never want to hang out anymore, you never want
(19:54):
to talk about this thing anymore, you never are able
to take a joke anymore, Like you're not fun anymore more.
And it's like, well, duh, duh, Obviously, I don't think
your jokes are funny anymore because I've realized they're not
actually jokes, they're just mean, backhanded compliments. And no, I
don't want to hang out with you anymore because I've
realized I don't want to spend my time doing things
(20:16):
that I don't want to do, and no, I don't
want to keep talking about that thing that's so negative
because I don't want to spend my time talking about
things that I don't like. They say it as if
it's an insul and they try to upset you. But
in reality, you've grown and you've learned to respect yourself
and like yourself more, so it seems like a win
to me. They get mad at you for changing, and
(20:38):
they try to make it seem like you not being
interested in the same things anymore or wanting to do
the same things anymore is a bad thing. But you
know that you've changed for the better, and you know
that your life is better without those things or without
those people, And I guess that's the most important thing.
Like not everyone's going to get it or get you.
Not everyone's going to agree with what you do with
(20:59):
your life for who you choose to be. What actually
matters is what you're happy doing and that you're being
true to yourself, even if that's doing that on your
own without those people that you used to surround yourself
with or without the people that used to support you.
Because if those people can't get behind you deciding to
change things up and try new things and work to
(21:21):
be a better person, then they're probably not your people.
Because your people are going to stick with you throughout
so many different phases of your life and so many
different versions of you. So if they're not okay with
you wanting to be a better version of you, then
that's fine. That's just there's just not your people. My
favorite thing to say when someone says you've changed is thanks,
(21:41):
I sure hope I've changed, but it's very clear that
you haven't. Oh you've changed, okay, Like that's the bloying.
That's the boy. We're supposed to change, we're supposed to grow.
Don't apologize for that. Don't apologize for something that you
should be doing and it's your right to do. Don't
shrink yourself to make other people feel more comfortable. Don't
(22:04):
shrink yourself to fit into old spaces that you've clearly
outgrown and that you don't belong in anymore. It's just
going to make you feel uncomfortable trying to fit into
a box that you clearly broke out of very very
long ago. You deserve to become everything that you're meant
to be, and you deserve to explore whatever it is
(22:25):
that is out there that could be for you. And
if other people don't want to come along for the
ride and see it through with you. Then that's on
them and that is not your responsibility. Oh god, it
feels so good to say that out loud because it
feels like common sense, like dah. Of course, of course
you're supposed to change. So I hope you liked this episode.
It was very therapeutic for me, and I hope it
(22:48):
was good for you to listen to. I hope it
helps you if you're struggling with that or if you
need a validation from a past situation where someone made
you feel bad for changing and foregrowing. You're supposed to change.
You're supposed to grow, and if they're not on board,
then they're not on board. That's just not your girl.
And that's fine because your people will come. But that
(23:11):
is everything for today's episode. I hope that you loved it.
If you did, I would really appreciate if you readed
it on Spotify, Apple, wherever you're listening. I would really
appreciate it if you shared it, shared it with your girls,
your besties, whoever you think needs to hear this and
would enjoy trying it to care And if you're not already,
make sure to follow me on my socials. They're all
(23:32):
linked in the show notes, and I will try to
get the group chat up and running as soon as
I can, working on it. Okay, I love you. I
hope you love today this episode, and I will see
you next Monday for next Monday's episode. Okay, love you, Bye,
Hello, Welcome to her. Welcome back to Findant of Care.
If you're new here, my name's Ashley and I post
every single Monday. We just, you know, hang out. We
sip our coffee, we chit chat and we just have
a little girl time. It's a fun time. Last episode,
I asked if you'd be interested in me starting the
group chat up again so we can all talk and
(00:22):
get to know each other better. And it seems like
a lot of you want that, so I'm down. I
just need to figure out what app and like the
logistics of it. But let me know what you'd want,
like what you'd want me to include, because when I
did it last time, I had a page for affirmations,
coffee of the day, outfits of the day, what we're reading.
So just let me know what you're into and what
you'd want in that group chat. And if you're not already,
(00:44):
I'd love if you followed me on Instagram and TikTok.
I post their way more than I post here, probably
more than I should. So if you want to stay
up to date with me, that's where to do it.
But anyways, today I want to talk about this idea
of you've changed people love to throw this around when
they see someone growing and growing in a different direction
(01:04):
than them. They see someone who they either have a
friendship with, their relationship with, or they used to have
a connection with, or you know, even a parasocial relationship
with them online. Like they don't actually know the person,
but they watch this person so they think they know them,
and they see this person changing and changing their life
in a way that they don't like and they don't
(01:25):
resonate with. I have definitely dealt with people like this
in my life who would say you've changed. And at
the time, it hurt to hear these people say that
because these people were using it as an insult. They
weren't saying like, oh, congrats, you changed, I'm so proud
of you. They were saying you changed, and I don't
like it. So today I want to talk more about that.
I want to talk about how people use you've changed
(01:49):
as an insult and why you shouldn't let that bother
you and why you shouldn't shrink yourself to make those
people who are upset with you feel more comfortable. So
with that being said, let's get into it. When people
say that you've changed or someone's changed, they're not meaning
that in a good way. That is meant to be
an insult, that's meant to make you hurt, that's meant
(02:10):
to make you think. That's meant to make you question
who you are and what you're doing and your intentions
and if you are a good person. And I know
that because if they were commenting on someone's growth in
a positive way, they would say, I love how much
you've grown and how much you've evolved. Not you changed,
It's usually met with disappointment or resentment or anger. It's
(02:32):
not meant to make you feel good, and it doesn't
feel good. It does hurt to hear people say that
you've changed, even if you disagree with what they're saying.
It makes you feel like you're becoming a bad person,
or the work that you've done isn't good enough, or
somehow all the work that you've done has made you worse.
It feels like rejection, especially when it's coming from someone
that you respect or that you think highly of. You
(02:54):
don't want to hear that from a friend or a
family member or someone that you love and care about.
I want to feel like they don't like you anymore,
they don't accept you anymore. Or they don't want to
be around you anymore. It's also hard to hear that
from people online. I know this is very niche, but
if you do anything in the public eye, like social media,
(03:15):
to have people who have watched you for months or
for years tell you that you've changed and they don't
like what you're doing sucks because you don't want to
upset the people that support you, but you also don't
want to be only one thing for the rest of
your life. It's like these people are telling you that
they don't like you anymore and they don't like what
you're doing anymore. But you're like, wait, I like what
(03:37):
I'm doing. I like who I am right now. And
that's why when people say that you've changed, it is
the highest compliment, even if they're intending to insult you.
It is such a good thing that you are no
longer a past version of you that you don't resonate
with anymore. I would be so worried if I was
(03:58):
the same person I was ten years ago, five years ago,
even a year ago. I want to constantly be evolving
and changing and growing closer to the version of me
that I'm meant to be. I look back at photos
of mine and videos of mine and journal entries of mine,
and although I remember those moments so vividly like they
(04:19):
feel like yesterday, at times I feel like I'm looking
at a stranger, or maybe not a stranger, but I'm
watching and listening to a person that I have nothing
in common with. This episode is sponsored by Green Chef.
During the summer, I really don't know what to make
or what to cook. Our go to right now is grilling,
but there really is only so much I can eat
(04:40):
on the grill before I get sick of it. I'd
like to incorporate more vegetables and just other meals in general,
and Green Chef has been a really big help with this.
I can never come up with an idea on what
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I love how simple it makes meals, but also I
(05:24):
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(05:45):
it's so scary for me now when I see some
of you listening to like my first podcast episode, it's
mortifying because although it is part of my journey, I
know that I've changed so much. I know that I
have such different views. I'm like, oh my god, what
if they listen to this, you know, episode from twenty
twenty two and they hate me, and they don't even
(06:06):
hate the current version of me, and they don't give
the current version of me a chance because they hate
a past version of me so much, and it's like, well,
I'm not even that person, Like I hope that they
give me a chance. Now. I'm just so so different
than who I was when I was twenty two. I
was what how old was I twenty four? Twenty four
(06:26):
years old? That is a whole different person. It has
taken me so long to get to where I am,
and I'm proud of where I'm at. But I also
know that in a year from now, I'll watch videos
of me today and feel so cringed out because I
don't relate to me anymore. There's gonna be so much
growth between now and a year, and that's a good thing.
(06:49):
Just because you're changing doesn't mean it's for the worst.
We're meant to change and grow. We're not meant to
stay the same. We're meant to experiment and have new
experien and meet new people and try new things and
learn new things and discover what we love and what
we hate and what we want more of and what
we want less of. The more that we live, the
(07:11):
more that we figure out what's right for us and
what is very very wrong for us. And it takes
a lot of time to get it right. You're not
going to figure out what's right for you the first
go around. Someone might say, well, you were okay with
how I treated you for the last ten years. What's
different now, Why are you acting up now? Why are
you switching up now? And it's like, well, it took
me some time to figure out what feels good and
(07:33):
what does it Just because the last ten years I
was okay with something doesn't mean that I'm gonna be
okay with it tomorrow. You might meet someone tomorrow who
changes your viewpoints and everything that you thought you knew,
and you just have this moment of like, oh my god,
this is how a friend is supposed to treat me,
This is how love is supposed to feel. This is
what a healthy friendship or relationship looks like. And I
(07:56):
don't want to allow people to treat me poorly anymore.
I need to fix my bad I need to change
my expectations. So, yes, it's a change, but it doesn't
mean it's a bad change. Maybe it's a bad change
for someone who's taking advantage of you, but it's an
incredible thing for you. And that's what you need to
remember when people are coming at you saying well, you've changed. Okay,
(08:16):
Well I'm supposed to. We're not meant to stay one
thing forever for somebody else. We're not meant to stay
static for someone else's comfort. This episode is sponsored by ZocDoc.
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The hard truth is the people that are mad at
(09:43):
you for evolving as a person are mad because they're
still stuck in their same ways and they haven't grown
as a person. So seeing your growth is a reminder
of that. For them, you might have had something in
common with them, and they might have seen something in
you that reminded them of themselve else. So for you
to change and go on a different path makes them
(10:04):
feel uncomfortable because they're like, well, why are they doing that?
Like what's wrong with me? What's wrong with what we've
been doing? Like? Should I be changing? Should I be growing?
It's almost like a mirror showing them what they could
be if they put themselves out there. For example, let's
say that you met your friend at work. You're both
working a minimum wage job, maybe you're working in fast food,
and then you decide to go to school and get
(10:26):
a degree and apply for a new job. What you're
doing is incredible, but they're talking down to you and
treating you differently because they're upset that you're on a
different path than them. You too had something in common
and now you don't. They should be happy for you,
they should want you to succeed, but it makes them
uncomfortable and it makes them feel bad about themselves because
(10:47):
it shines a light in the fact that they're not
doing what they want. I'm not saying that everyone needs
to go to college and get a degree, and I'm
not saying that there's anything wrong with working a minimum
wage job. But if that person feels that way internally
and isn't working towards bettering their life the way that
they want to and you are, they're gonna look at you,
(11:08):
you know, someone who is getting a better paying job,
and resent you for it because you're doing something that
they can't or that they could do, but they're deciding
not to. People tend to hold on to an older
version of you if that version of you fits more
with how they are now, because it makes them feel
better about themselves. You could have been the worst possible
(11:31):
version of you, so self destructive, the worst habits imaginable,
and there's still someone out there that's going to say
they like that version better of you than who you
are now. And who you are now is a much
healthier version, a version of you that respects you and
loves you, and it's just better for literally everyone else
around you. But that person would still prefer the self destructive,
(11:55):
toxic version of you because it looks more like them.
Holding on to a past version of you that maybe
isn't as great as you are now gives people an
excuse to be shitty. It gives people an excuse to
continue their self destructive, toxic behavior because they're like, well,
if this person's doing the exact same thing as I am,
(12:16):
it must not be that bad. Like, if they're doing it,
it's okay if I do it. If they think this way,
I can think that way. If they're talking this way
about someone, I can talk this way about someone. It's
normalizing this very toxic behavior. And when you decide to
change your behavior and change your life for the better,
even though you're doing the right thing and you're doing
(12:36):
what's best for you, there's still people that are going
to make you feel bad and make you feel like
you're doing something wrong because now you're no longer playing
a role that they casted you in. In their mind,
you were just this one thing, and you can only
be this one thing for the rest of your life
because that one thing fits them more, It suits them more,
it benefits them more. But now that you're breaking out
(12:58):
of that and becoming a better version of you, a
version of you that you're proud of, and makes them uncomfortable.
Some people in your life, even if you love them
so much and you care about them so much and
want the best for them, will still only want a
version of you that is struggling. You might want people
to succeed, you might want them to live their best life,
(13:19):
you might want them to do incredible things, and those
people will still want the lowest version of you because
the lowest version of you makes them feel like the
highest version of themselves. Some people actually like when you're
struggling because when you're struggling, when you're having a hard time.
It makes them feel good about themselves. It makes them
feel powerful, it makes them feel important, It makes them
(13:41):
feel likable, it makes them feel strong. It makes them
feel good when you're doing bad. That's why people switch
up on you when things start going good for you.
Think of that friend that you taxed. When things are
going really good for you, you text them saying, hey,
I got a promotion, I'm getting married, I hit one
hundred thousand followers TikTok, and they don't respond to your text,
(14:02):
or if they do respond, they're nasty to you, and
they make you feel bad about your accomplishment. They hate
to see you doing good because to them, when you're
doing good, they're doing bad. It shines a light in
the fact that they're doing nothing with their mediocre life.
But that's not your problem. It is not your responsibility
to shrink yourself or to limit yourself to make other
(14:24):
people feel good about themselves. You are not just something
for them to carry in their back pocket and use
when they need to pick me up. You're not something
for them to kick around and put down to make
them feel good. It's the same thing for people that
view you online. If you're a content creator again, I
know it's a niche, but if people are saying you're
that you've changed and I miss the old you, I
(14:45):
miss your old content. I know it hurts to hear that.
But if those people don't like this new version of
you and what you post, they can go find someone
else that they do want to watch and that they
do like. I unfollow people all the time. I stop
watching people that I watched for years because it just
didn't their content didn't resonate with me anymore. It is
(15:07):
not your responsibility to fit into this very teeny tiny
box of what someone else wants. If they want that
so bad, they can be that you don't have to.
The people that you surround yourself with should want you
to be the highest version of you. They should want
you to constantly be working on yourself and not be
threatened by your growth. And if they are, then that's
(15:31):
not someone who should be involved with the new version
of you, because you deserve to have people who either
encourage you to grow or want to grow with you.
I want to finish this episode off with talking about
signs that you're actually evolving, not just changing, So that way,
when someone does come at you in an insulting way,
(15:51):
saying or like implying that you've changed, you can reflect
on where you are and who you are and not
feel bad about it, because, like I was saying before,
it can feel like rejection. It can be very triggering
because you have this person that you thought was your
friend or that you thought really liked you accusing you
of being something that you're not, or coming at you
(16:12):
and making you feel bad about a path that you
decided to take. Obviously, there are times where people can
change for the worst. They get involved with the wrong people,
they get involved with very destructive things like drugs. There
are so many things that can lead you in a
downward spiral. But just because someone's saying that you've changed
and that you're not someone that you once were, doesn't
(16:36):
mean that you're on a downward spiral. Doesn't mean that
you're doing something bad. I think it's important to check
in with yourself and figure out how you feel. Do
you feel good? Have your thoughts and your mentality been
positive lately? Do you feel more aligned with your values
and your goals? Personally, I feel very achy when I'm
(16:57):
doing things that aren't authentic to me when I'm following
a trend or I'm just going with the flow to
please other people, like if it doesn't align naturally with me,
it's not going to feel right with me. You know
it might make other people happy, but I know in
my gut that it isn't right because it's not me.
You won't really feel that way if you're doing things
(17:19):
for yourself. It might feel uncomfortable at times, like posting online.
It's you know what you want to do, but it's
still uncomfortable because it's new, but you won't feel guilty
about it. You won't feel gross with yourself because you're
being true to who you are. So I would ask yourself,
is what I'm doing right now performative? Am I only
living the way that I'm living for other people to
(17:41):
please other people? Am I only changing myself to make
other people like me or to fit in? Or am
I living intentionally for myself? Am I doing things that
I truly want to do or that my younger self
would be proud of me doing. Or I'm doing for
my future self things that it would beneficial for my
future self. When you're being intentional with your actions and
(18:05):
you're being intentional with your plans. That is when you
actually evolve. I think changing and evolving are very different things.
Evolving is deliberate. You're deciding what you like and what
you want to do and what you want to be,
and you're intentionally going in that direction. You're growing in
a specific direction. For me, I notice that when I'm
(18:29):
being true to myself and I'm being the most authentic
version of me, more times than not, I am doing
things that I loved as a kid. I'm indulging in
the things that made me so happy and that I
had the most fun doing and that were just like
very important to me when I was little. I loved
creating videos, I loved painting and drawing. I loved music.
(18:52):
I loved playing outside and exploring. And those are things
now that I can still do for hours and they
still bring me the same amount of joy. But now
as an adult, obviously, I can explore those things more
and do more with it. So when I'm tapping into
those parts of myself and I'm expressing those parts now,
(19:14):
if someone doesn't like that, or they want to question
my intentions or come at me saying that I've changed
and I don't know why you're acting this way and
why you're doing this. It's like, I know for a
fact that even if I have changed, it's for the better.
And it's not even changing, it's evolving because I'm back
to my roots, but my roots are growing. I'm still
(19:34):
doing the things that I love, just in a more
evolved way. I just think it's so funny when you're
finally taking the time to do the things that you
want to do, and you're taking the time to take
care of yourself and be a better version of you,
and then someone comes around saying, well, you've changed, like
you never want to hang out anymore, you never want
(19:54):
to talk about this thing anymore, you never are able
to take a joke anymore, Like you're not fun anymore more.
And it's like, well, duh, duh, Obviously, I don't think
your jokes are funny anymore because I've realized they're not
actually jokes, they're just mean, backhanded compliments. And no, I
don't want to hang out with you anymore because I've
realized I don't want to spend my time doing things
(20:16):
that I don't want to do, and no, I don't
want to keep talking about that thing that's so negative
because I don't want to spend my time talking about
things that I don't like. They say it as if
it's an insul and they try to upset you. But
in reality, you've grown and you've learned to respect yourself
and like yourself more, so it seems like a win
to me. They get mad at you for changing, and
(20:38):
they try to make it seem like you not being
interested in the same things anymore or wanting to do
the same things anymore is a bad thing. But you
know that you've changed for the better, and you know
that your life is better without those things or without
those people, And I guess that's the most important thing.
Like not everyone's going to get it or get you.
Not everyone's going to agree with what you do with
(20:59):
your life for who you choose to be. What actually
matters is what you're happy doing and that you're being
true to yourself, even if that's doing that on your
own without those people that you used to surround yourself
with or without the people that used to support you.
Because if those people can't get behind you deciding to
change things up and try new things and work to
(21:21):
be a better person, then they're probably not your people.
Because your people are going to stick with you throughout
so many different phases of your life and so many
different versions of you. So if they're not okay with
you wanting to be a better version of you, then
that's fine. That's just there's just not your people. My
favorite thing to say when someone says you've changed is thanks,
(21:41):
I sure hope I've changed, but it's very clear that
you haven't. Oh you've changed, okay, Like that's the bloying.
That's the boy. We're supposed to change, we're supposed to grow.
Don't apologize for that. Don't apologize for something that you
should be doing and it's your right to do. Don't
shrink yourself to make other people feel more comfortable. Don't
(22:04):
shrink yourself to fit into old spaces that you've clearly
outgrown and that you don't belong in anymore. It's just
going to make you feel uncomfortable trying to fit into
a box that you clearly broke out of very very
long ago. You deserve to become everything that you're meant
to be, and you deserve to explore whatever it is
(22:25):
that is out there that could be for you. And
if other people don't want to come along for the
ride and see it through with you. Then that's on
them and that is not your responsibility. Oh god, it
feels so good to say that out loud because it
feels like common sense, like dah. Of course, of course
you're supposed to change. So I hope you liked this episode.
It was very therapeutic for me, and I hope it
(22:48):
was good for you to listen to. I hope it
helps you if you're struggling with that or if you
need a validation from a past situation where someone made
you feel bad for changing and foregrowing. You're supposed to change.
You're supposed to grow, and if they're not on board,
then they're not on board. That's just not your girl.
And that's fine because your people will come. But that
(23:11):
is everything for today's episode. I hope that you loved it.
If you did, I would really appreciate if you readed
it on Spotify, Apple, wherever you're listening. I would really
appreciate it if you shared it, shared it with your girls,
your besties, whoever you think needs to hear this and
would enjoy trying it to care And if you're not already,
make sure to follow me on my socials. They're all
(23:32):
linked in the show notes, and I will try to
get the group chat up and running as soon as
I can, working on it. Okay, I love you. I
hope you love today this episode, and I will see
you next Monday for next Monday's episode. Okay, love you, Bye,
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