Let's Complicate It

Welcome to Judgment Call—a new recurring series where I take a moral dilemma from the internet, make a judgment...and then complicate the hell out of it.

For the first Judgment Call, I'm reacting in real time to a post from Reddit's Am I the Asshole? A 24-year-old man describes a heated family conversation in which his father argues that wives should submit to their husbands—even in the context of mistreatment....

How does someone actually become a therapist? In my case, apparently by taking the longest possible route there.

In this episode of Let's Complicate It, I'm telling the story of how I became a marriage and family therapist—from the teenage version of me who thought psychology might be her future, through years of jobs that never quite became careers, an extremely brief attempt at becoming a Naval officer, a first attempt ...

We’re often told that good people shouldn’t judge others. But what if judgment itself isn’t the problem?

In this episode of Let’s Complicate It, I’m exploring judgment as something fundamentally human: a tool we use to recognize harm, clarify our values, make ethical decisions, and navigate relationships. The trouble begins when our judgments feel like objective truths rather than beliefs with hist...

Why do we treat femininity like evidence that someone shouldn't be taken seriously?

In this episode of Let's Complicate It, I'm unpacking my own complicated relationship with femininity—and the ways I've learned to associate being feminine with being frivolous, superficial, or less intellectually serious.

From long sparkly nails and makeup to Taylor Swift, romance novels, Sailor Moon, and "girl talk," I explore why interes...

What if the hardest part of slowing down isn’t boredom — but the feeling that you should be doing something more productive?

In this episode, I reflect on my intention to move more slowly and deliberately through the rest of the year. After a long season of projects, commitments, goals, and constant forward motion, I’ve been thinking about what it would mean to say no more often — not so I can make room for t...

What happens when two best friends build very different versions of a meaningful life?

In this episode, I'm joined by my best friend of 23 years, Rachel, to talk about a subject on which we've made very different choices: motherhood. Rachel desperately wanted to become a mother and ultimately went through years of fertility treatments and IVF to have her child. I, meanwhile, have intentionally chosen to be childfree.

But this isn't a...

What happens when someone—or something—you support does something that conflicts with your values?

In this episode, Tyler (AKA Alan Sphincter) joins me for a conversation that begins with political accountability and quickly becomes something much bigger: an exploration of loyalty, identity, consumerism, capitalism, and the compromises we make when trying to live according to our values.

We wrestle with what it means to h...

What does it actually mean to have a community?

Lately, I've been wondering whether I have friends... or whether I have something deeper. In this episode, I unpack the difference between friendship and community, explore my own hyper-independence, and ask why relying on other people can feel so uncomfortable—even when we know they would gladly help.

Drawing from everything from Friends and Community to commu...

What does it actually mean to "feel your age"?

As I celebrate my 35th birthday, I've been thinking less about getting older and more about what aging has given me. In this episode, I reflect on the milestones we're taught to measure ourselves by—marriage, children, careers, homeownership—and question whether they're really the best way to understand a life well lived.

From Gilmore Girls to Sex and the City,...

What if the most important part of your day happens before anyone else knows you're awake?

In this episode, I'm sharing the morning ritual that carried me through my PhD—and continues to ground me in this new chapter of my life. This isn't a list of productivity hacks or a "5 a.m. millionaire morning routine." It's a slower, quieter practice built around coffee, books, movement, and a handful of small rituals that remind me wh...

What if a mid-year review wasn't about measuring your productivity—but about noticing who you're becoming?

In this episode, I take a different approach to the familiar mid-year check-in. Rather than asking whether I've accomplished enough or stayed on track with my goals, I explore a deeper set of questions: How have the past six months changed me? What assumptions have I let go of? Where has my energy been going? And what kin...

"You can't pour from an empty cup."

We've all heard the phrase. It's become one of the most common reminders to prioritize self-care and avoid burnout. But what if this advice, while well-intentioned, is missing something important?

In this episode, I unpack one of today's most popular therapeutic metaphors and ask what happens when we shift our focus away from the individual and toward relationships, reciprocity, and community. Is t...

What if purpose isn't something you achieve, but something you practice?

In this solo episode, I reflect on why I started this podcast, what happened when I finally published Episode 1, and why waiting until you're confident, ready, or perfect might be the very thing keeping you from doing the work that matters most.

Inspired by Florence Given's call for women to be more audacious, I explore my complicated relationship with purpose, ...

Welcome to the very first episode of Let's Complicate It.

After spending years working toward a PhD, I found myself confronting an unexpected question: Now what? In this episode, I explore the concept of the "arrival fallacy"—the idea that achieving a long-awaited goal often doesn't feel the way we imagine it will—and reflect on what happens when the thing you've been working toward is suddenly behind you.

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