S3E19 | Cuddling With a Cactus: Love & Attachment Styles

Prepare your safe word because we're pokin' some triggers. Jordan and J.T. are digging into attachment theory, and things could get prickly. Attachment theory explores how early interactions with caregivers influence our ability to form secure attachments and how those patterns can manifest in our adult relationships.

Attachment Styles & Their Impact on Relationships:

1. Secure adults tend to have healthy, trusting, and supportive relationships.
2. Anxious adults often crave intimacy but may struggle with feelings of insecurity and fear of abandonment.
3. Avoidant adults are likely to avoid emotional closeness, may prioritize independence over intimate relationships, and long for connection with a fear of getting too close.

It can be helpful to notice patterns, but the goal isn’t to diagnose everyone. It’s to understand ourselves better—so we can relate with more compassion, not more control.

Fill In the Blank:

The best relationships are ___________.

a. Uncomplicated

b. Like a team

c. Safe

Moving Towards Secure Attachment:

• Self-Awareness: Understanding each partner's attachment style is crucial for recognizing the patterns and triggers in the relationship.
• Open Communication: Both partners need to communicate their needs and boundaries clearly and vulnerably.
• Therapy: Couples or individual therapy can provide support and guidance for addressing attachment patterns and developing healthier relationship dynamics.
• Self-Regulation: Both partners can work on regulating their emotions and developing a sense of security within themselves, rather than relying solely on the other.
• Building Trust: Creating a safe space for vulnerability and emotional connection can help build trust and foster a more secure attachment style.

For Any Anxious Love Ninjas:

• Delay the impulse to reach out—set a timer for 15 minutes and do something nourishing in the meantime.
• Movement: walk, shake, dance out the jeebies
• Breathe! Try a slower exhale.
• Journal the worst-case scenario - then write a compassionate response to it.
• Send yourself the text you want to send to your partner.
• Reframe the mindset: “I can survive discomfort without needing immediate resolution,” or “Just because they’re distant doesn’t mean they’re leaving.”

If you have an inquiry or topic you’d like Jordan and J.T. to dig into, please send an email or voice memo to [e-mail]

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