Clumsy Tools

When I lost my first set of twins, Rebekah and Rachel, in 2011, a dear friend sent me a sympathy card. In closing she wrote, "Though my words be clumsy tools, I remain your devoted friend."

Those words were anything but clumsy. They were a beautiful sentiment that has stuck with me all these years.

Sometimes words can just feel clumsy, though, can't they?

Especially when someone is hurting or going through a trial.

We want to say something but we're never quite sure what.

How often have I thought:

"She is probably tired of hearing from people, I'll just stay quiet."

"I haven't actually prayed every single day... maybe I shouldn’t tell her I'm praying for her?"

We get so tangled up in our minds about what we should say, or if we should even speak at all, so afraid of sounding like a “hot mess”— that I think often we just stay silent.

The Bible tells us, "Open rebuke is better than secret love." —Proverbs 27:5

Could that possibly mean: better to say something clumsy than nothing at all?

I had one such clumsy conversation last year on Mother's Day. The Lord had laid a sweet lady on my heart who has battled infertility, and so I approached her and began with, "I hope this comes out the right way" (spoiler alert: I'm not sure that it did).

I told her, in less-than-elegant words, that she was on my heart because I knew, from my own losses, how painful Mother's Day can be when you have empty arms.

Judging from the look on her face, I hadn't offended her, but it didn't seem like my message landed quite the way I had hoped.

I walked away cringing inside and thinking, what even was that?! You didn't help at all!

To this day, I still have no idea if I brought comfort or confusion. The Lord never showed me. But that conversation, like my friend's card, has stuck with me. Maybe to remind me that clumsy words are still better than no words at all.

We don't need eloquent words.

We just need expressed words.

You're on my mind.

I'm praying for you.

You're not forgotten.

I really believe the Devil likes to pit women against each other, in our minds, with our fears, comparisons, and hesitations. We should fight back by encouraging each other more, not less.

So even if you feel like you're stumbling all over yourself—

Even if you walk away thinking, "What in the world did I just say..."

Even if you never fully know the impact your kindness makes—

Speak life and love anyway.

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