Defining Success

My husband was recently promoted at his job, a promotion which I’m incredibly proud of him for achieving, but as I reflected on his success, I was struck by a sobering thought: there are no promotions in motherhood. No annual evaluations. No bonuses. No ladder to climb. And sometimes, that makes it intensely difficult to know if we’re doing this whole ‘motherhood thing’ right at all.

We do laundry. We make meals. We listen, kiss boo-boos, tie shoes, and try to stay patient. But no one pauses to say, “You know, I saw the way you negotiated those last two bites of broccoli and I must say—well done, Mrs. Bradley.”

And so, we start to look for any measuring stick we can find to gauge our progress. And sometimes we look sideways.

At other moms.

And whether we mean to or not, we compare.

We measure ourselves against women who appear confident, accomplished, polished. Mothers whose children seem more well-behaved, more advanced academically—whose diets include more fruits and veggies than goldfish, yogurt, and marshmallows.

We wonder if we’re failing.

To every mother who feels that way, I want to share something I’ve learned after twelve years in the trenches:

Comparison is a thief of joy, and I believe Satan delights in using it to frustrate us.

Scripture warns us plainly:

But they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise. —2 Corinthians 10:12

So what does a “successful mother” actually look like?

Is it solely determined by her children’s outcomes? Well that’s not fair—on the child or the mother.

Is it the woman who is sought after for advice, whose lifestyle is imitated by other women? Maybe. But that kind of affirmation is fleeting.

And I don’t think it reflects the heart of God.

Our Heavenly Father doesn’t evaluate success the way the world does. In fact, the only time the word success appears in the King James Bible is in Joshua 1:8—and it’s tied directly to meditating on God’s Word and obeying it.

This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success. — Joshua 1:8

There is no platform, no curated highlight reel. Just faithfulness to His Word, seeking His face diligently.

That’s the measuring stick. That is what scripture tells us God rewards.

Without faith it is impossible to please Him: for he that cometh to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him. —Hebrews 11:6

Have you been faithful with what He’s given you? Have you met with Him in the morning and given your day to Him, knowing that you can’t do this in your own strength?

Have you used His blessings in the best way you could—day in and day out?

And even if you’ve gone to bed feeling like a failure, have you rested in the truth that His mercies are new every morning?

If we are walking in faith, in these trenches of motherhood, when all the days feel like the same breakfast dishes and the same towels on the floor— that’s precious to God. And I want to encourage you, especially, dear young mother— you can be pleasing to God without a platform. You can be “successful” in motherhood even when life feels disorganized and messy. Just seek His face. Do this ‘motherhood thing’ for God’s glory—not for outward applause.

One day, the only performance review that will matter will be at the Judgment Seat of Christ.

And my prayer is that I—and you—will be found faithful.

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