More Thoughts on Grace...

As I’ve been meditating on this word grace, a thought came to me: why can I extend grace to others—but not to myself?

If I have grace flowing through me, I can overlook rude or insensitive actions of others. I can forgive. I can give the benefit of the doubt. But what about those times that I ought to show that same grace to myself?

On the outside, I might come across as polished, confident, perhaps even put together. But inside? The real me is second guessing our conversation, doubting my abilities, worrying about how I’m perceived. My mind is full of negative self-talk.

My momma always said “I wish you wouldn’t be so hard on yourself.”

I’ve been wired this way for a while.

I simply do not give myself much grace. I don’t give myself the benefit of the doubt. I expect too much. I demand perfection. Not because I am perfect, but almost as a defense mechanism. If I can do something close to perfect, then no one can criticize me.

But honey, it’s 2025 and this is the world wild web. If someone wants to criticize you, they will. It won’t take much.

So am I going to let that fear of failure stop me from sharing my heart? Especially if it could help another woman who might be struggling in the same, silent way?

If you want to know how deep this fear runs—I once switched my entire major in college because I was afraid of making less than an A in Quantitative Economics.

So yes, I will let fear stop me. At least I have in the past.

What does this have to do with the grace of God?

Let’s look at 2 Thessalonians 2:16:

Now our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God, even our Father, which hath loved us, and have given us everlasting consolation and good hope through grace,

The phrase that gives me pause is that “good hope through grace.”

Sometimes, by not extending grace to myself, I think I’ve quietly given up hoping for good things from God. I don’t know if you can relate. But somewhere along the way, I began to think that God gives good things…but with strings attached.

When I lost Rebekah and Rachel, I struggled for years with the question of why—why would He answer my prayer for twins only to take them back? (Yes! I prayed specifically to be given twins!) And I battled the fear that somehow I didn’t deserve God’s grace.

Frances Ridley Havergal, best known for the hymn “Take My Life and Let It Be” wrote about that sort of fear. She described the terrible thought that God might receive our prayers the way an adult might receive a token gift or scribble from a child, just to humor them, only to toss it away when they weren’t looking.

“Should we not trust Him to do this thing that we have asked and longed for?” She asked, “Does He mock our longing by acting as I have seen an older person act to a child, by accepting some trifling gift of no intrinsic value, just to please the little one, and then throwing it away as soon as the child’s attention is diverted?”

When I read that recently it landed like a stone on my heart, taking me back to the loss and pain that I struggled with over a decade ago. I truly felt as though God had answered my prayer for twins and then purposely yanked them from me to “teach me a lesson.” I could not rest nor find grace that God had a higher purpose—I only blamed myself.

I can see now how I was wrapped up in a spiral of shame and failure. It took years for me to accept that God wasn’t punishing me—He was shaping me. In love, He was teaching me obedience and conforming me to the image of His Son.

I wish I could write about this as though I have conquered the battle, but I can’t. I still struggle to extend grace to myself. Still feel like an impostor. Still doubt my abilities and fear failing. I chide myself that I need to mature past this, but recently, an older friend shared her own similar struggle and I have come to believe that perhaps I’m not alone. Perhaps needing to give myself grace is not something that I will outgrow, but rather I should grow into that grace, just as the verse says:

But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. —2 Peter 3:18a

I’m still figuring this one out, but can I gently say, to all of us ladies, and as a reminder to myself—give yourself grace. Forgive yourself for the times you’ve messed up. Forgive yourself for the things that weren’t your fault. You’re doing the best you can. Satan wants to discourage you, to take you out of the fight. Don’t give in to those lies. Knock off the negative self-talk. Would you speak to your best friend in that way? Or would you show her grace?

Grace is what you need—to give to others, but also to give to yourself.

Grace is what you need.

Not because you’ve earned it. But because He gives it.

This is a public episode. If you woul