The Worst Day of My Life

“This is the worst day of my life!” My 10-year-old daughter exclaimed before bed one evening. “I wish I could just go back to yesterday and nothing change.”

In March, at a regular check up, our pediatrician suspected that she had scoliosis. We’d been through this before with my oldest daughter and thought we knew this path. A quick x-ray, a brief chat with the specialist, and we’d be good. Just establish a six month maintenance plan to check in on things, and life would continue status quo.

Unfortunately, this visit didn’t go quite as smoothly. Between her first x-ray in March and the follow up in July, her curve had worsened significantly. What we expected to be a 30-minute walk in the park turned into a 3 hour ordeal—x-rays, measurements, and being casted for a back brace.

There’s about a four-week delay between the time I write my posts and publish them, so by the time you read this, we will have just begun our bracing journey.

To her 10-year-old mind, the brace feels like the worst thing ever.

As her mother, I see it as a help. An opportunity. A good thing.

The brace will give her spine the best chance to grow straighter and healthier. Right now, she has no pain. But if the curve continues, pain and difficulties will come. The brace is a prevention. A help.

Then a whisper came to my heart—This is how God sees my grief.

This is how He sees all those trials I buck against. The minor injustices I suffer that make me cry out “why, Lord?”

They’re like that brace.

The Lord also brought these Scriptures to mind:

Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you... 1 Peter 4:12

Be not conformed to this world, but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind... Romans 12:2

...be conformed to the image of his Son... Romans 8:29

I see my daughter, exasperated, saying “why do I have to wear this dumb thing? Life is good! Nothing hurts!”

And in parallel I see myself, weeping— “Why did I have to lose my mom? Life was good! She was my anchor. She loved me. Nothing was wrong!”

And just as I speak to my daughter with motherly wisdom— “this is to shape you. To help you grow in the best way, to prepare you for a healthier adulthood...”

—the Lord speaks to me in perfect Fatherly wisdom— “this is to shape you. To help you grow spiritually in the best way. To prepare you to become like my Son.”

Oh, why do I ever doubt His wisdom and His love for me?

“Romans 8:28!” We cry.

But sometimes, if I’m honest, I say “all things work together for good” as if I were holding up a shield, flinching from the Enemy's arrows of doubt.

Now no chastening at the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous...Hebrews 12:11

No chastening at the present seems good...

No back bracing at the present seems good...

They may dress it up with fun patterns. She may get matching doll accessories. But it’s still going to take some getting used to. It’s still going to be disruptive and inconvenient. A burden to carry. But she has to wear it.

And as her mother, I don’t want her to grit her teeth and bear it. I want her trust me, trust the doctors. I want her to accept it. I want her to rest in knowing that this is good for her.

Isn’t that what the Lord wants from us?

Missionary Amy Carmichael has a wonderful quote— “In acceptance lieth peace.”

I may not like my circumstances, but if I can come to an acceptance, there is peace. With acceptance, the verse “all things work together for good” changes from a shield, fighting off doubts, into a pillow I can rest on.

That night, when my daughter declared it was the worst day of her life, I told her I understood, but that I saw things differently. I believe God is preparing her. She has such a tender servants heart, so much joy, such a good disposition. I told her I believe God can use this trial to teach her and build her character. If she learns to trust Him now, while she is young, she will be stronger to trust Him through even greater things as she grows up.

Suffering is a part of the Christian life. When Christ said “take up your cross,” he meant it literally. The cross is suffering.

I didn’t begin learning these lessons until much later in life, but now I see the richness of surrender. The blessings that come when I stop resisting His will and begin accepting and receiving all the things He gives me.

So in this new season of meeting scoliosis head-on, God is teaching both of us to trust Him more.

And my prayer is that one day, she’ll look back and say “I'm so thankful I wore that brace.”

And likewise, I hope one day I’ll look back and say “it is good for me that I have been afflicted.” Psalm 119:71

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