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March 1, 2025 5 mins

I love looking over my past prayer lists and prayer journal notes. I fell down a rabbit hole this morning, recalling where I was this time, spring last year.

One trivial thing on my March 2024 prayer list was matching oak nightstands. We currently have 'cheap' laminated particle board nightstands that I paid $5 a piece for at a Goodwill over 12 years ago. Mine has been leaning for a few years. I didn't want to tell anyone else what I was looking for, but I had in my mind that if I just asked my Heavenly Father for two, new-to-me, matching oak nightstands, that He would provide. I didn't expressly say this, but I know my expectation was that He would answer in 30 days or less.

Well, He never did. I still have the same, old, particle board nightstands. Mine is still leaning, but still standing.

I remember the frustration I felt after weeks went by with no answer. At every yard sale and every trip to Goodwill, I carried a childlike hope that surely this time I would turn the corner and there would be my nightstands, hand delivered straight from Heaven. A light would be shining down upon them, angels would be singing, and I would go home rejoicing. I thought, Lord why won't you give this to me? What is so sinful about nightstands? Surely I'm not asking to 'consume it upon my lust'...(James 4:3) What is wrong with nightstands?

When I saw a friend pray for tangible things that Spring and then turn around and find the very thing at a yard sale that weekend...oh, how my frustration grew! Lord don't you love me? Don't I pray the right way? is there some sin in my life blocking me from 'getting a prayer through'? (When what I really mean is, something is blocking me from 'getting what I want'...)

Then, as I continued my 2024 prayer list review, I was reminded of that day in July, leaving Dr. Chalkley's office with my very sick mother, being told by a nurse that they would call us when a bed was available on the UK Neurology ICU...that it could be one or two days... I remember praying then... barely having time to text others with the prayer request... having just pulled away from the office onto Limestone before that nurse was calling me back saying a bed was suddenly available.

My God shall supply all my needs. (Phil. 4:19)

I guess I don't need the nightstands.

When I need it, God will provide it. He promises to. My frustration comes when I cannot surrender my own judgment of what I think is best for me...even something as mundane as bedroom furniture.

I have felt that frustration over unanswered prayers many times. I have had a nagging sense in my mind that God never actually answers MY prayers...the only time "my" prayer is answered is if someone else, someone more spiritual than I, is praying for the same thing. The Devil very often whispers that God listens to others but not to me. That God isn't pleased with me, and that's why my own private little prayers never 'get through.'

'I count not myself to have apprehended.' (Phil 3:13) However, I am growing in realization that because faith is our shield in spiritual warfare, the Devil will purposely frustrate us and try in anyway that he can to weaken our faith. If he can sow seeds of doubt, I may give up, lower my shield, and be hit with the fiery darts of the wicked.

So I will keep praying. Keep trusting. And when the answers do not come as I think they should, I will remind myself (again), that my Heavenly Father knows exactly what I need and He will provide as He promised, in His way. Even if I never find matching oak nightstands.



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