January 6, 2026 • 33 mins
New season. Same curiosity. And a topic most of us have a complicated relationship with.
In the Season 2 premiere of Listening for the Questions, Dr. Patti Fletcher, Dan Ward, and Lynne Cuppernull take on New Year’s resolutions and immediately question whether we should be making them at all. Instead of debating which resolutions work, the conversation focuses on something far more interesting: the questions underneath our urge to start fresh every January.
Why do we keep making resolutions even when we know we will probably break them? Who are these resolutions really for? Why do they feel so loaded with pressure, perfectionism, and failure? And what if the problem is not our willpower but the way we frame change in the first place?
Lynne, Patti, and Dan explore the difference between resolutions and goals, identity and transformation, progress and perfection. They unpack the gendered pressure baked into many resolutions, especially those tied to appearance, discipline, and self control. They also play with the idea of replacing resolutions with questions and what happens when curiosity takes the place of self judgment.
Along the way, the conversation wanders through birthday resolutions, school year fresh starts, acting as if you are already your future self, and even how AI can interrupt our default thinking by asking better questions instead of offering quick answers.
This episode is thoughtful, funny, honest, and deeply human. It is not about fixing yourself. It is about understanding why you want to change, whose values are shaping that desire, and how asking better questions might lead to more meaningful growth.
As Season 2 begins, this episode invites you to consider a different kind of fresh start. One where any day can be January 1st.
Listen wherever you get your podcasts.
Listening for the Questions is where curiosity is our compass.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Patti (00:14):
Hey everybody, welcome to season two of Listening for the
Questions.
I'm Dr.
Patti Fletcher.
As you know by now, I'm arecovering C-suite executive
from Big Tech, a leadershipfuturist working at the
intersection of people,business, technology, and data,
and the best-selling author ofDisruptors, Success Strategies
from Women Who Break the Mold.
(00:34):
And wow, I don't know about youtwo, but I am so excited for
this new season.
Lynne (00:40):
Yes, I am too.
Hi, everybody.
I'm Lynne Cuppernull.
I'm a leadership coach, ahealthcare consultant, and the
co-founder of the Sparklitgroup, along with Dan.
I'm also a mom and atriathlete.
And I am so excited to be backwith you guys, Patti and Dan, as
we kick off this new season.
Happy New Year, everybody.
Dan (00:59):
Hey, hello, listeners, and hello, Patti and Lynne.
It's great to be with youagain.
My name is Dan Ward.
I'm an engineer and a militarytechnologist by background.
I'm also an author and ajuggler.
And yes, I'm still a punk.
Lynne (01:11):
Before we jump into today's topic, I'm glad you're
still a punk, Dan, that thathasn't changed in the new year.
Before we jump in, we wanted topause to acknowledge you all
our amazing listeners, and sharesome listener feedback we've
received on some of the 2025episodes.
We loved hearing this fromLeanne, who, upon listening to
(01:35):
the episode about the questionswe should be asking about magic,
said, I think the problemmagicians are solving is opening
up people to wonder.
But I would add that it's alsoinspiring people that they too
are magic.
Love that, Leanne.
I love that we carry that into2026.
And if we needed any more proofthat kids ask fantastic
(01:59):
questions, here's one that camein from a listener's daughter.
Why do fingers have tips andtoes not have tips?
But you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.
Dan (02:12):
That's amazing.
I love that question.
And uh Leanne, thanks for thecomments about magic too.
I totally agree.
Uh my friend Laura passed alongthis question that her son
asked, Why don't fish haveeyelashes?
Patti (02:24):
Oh, that's a good question.
So it turns out that you twohang out with far kinder people
than I do.
Because one of the listenerswho reached out to me, my friend
Melissa, asked me a rathersnarky question.
Why would you ever want to eata sandwich without bread?
Because sandwiches are madewith bread.
(02:44):
And then she gave me a historylesson.
And I just want to say this isa questions podcast, not an
answers one, little MissMelissa.
Dan (02:54):
I love it.
All right.
So to set the stage a littlefor today's episode, I want to
say that even though I loveholidays, New Year's Eve is my
least favorite holiday everbecause hey, everybody, I like
to go to bed early.
Uh, but the one thing I do likeabout New Year's Eve is I like
making resolutions for the newyear.
Patti (03:12):
Yeah, today's topic.
It's New Year's resolutions,and can't wait to hear what your
questions are, listeners, whenit comes to these.
And it just seems it'ssomething that we we do every
year.
So, what are the questions weshould be asking when we talk
about New Year's resolutions,which are really just
commitments and promises thatmany of us break to ourselves
(03:33):
when it comes to the new yearand fresh starts?
And you know, I want to breakour rules a little bit, Dan and
Lynn, and ask you for an answeron something.
Do you make New Year'sresolutions and did are you
making them this year?
Dan (03:48):
Patty, I did.
I totally made someresolutions.
I even wrote them down thisyear.
Lynne (03:53):
Well, I was all set to say no.
And then as I was thinkingabout this this morning, I do
have a couple.
Yes, I do have a couple.
I I'm not gonna say them outloud.
Patti (04:06):
Lynn, is it is it like throwing a penny into a wishbell
if you say it out loud, itwon't come true?
Exactly.
I love that.
I love that.
So the answer is I makeresolutions twice a year.
One is in September, um, bebeginning of the school year.
It's always my fresh new start.
And those are a little bitdifferent than January, but I
have restricted myself to justone New Year's resolution this
(04:27):
year, which I'm sure I'll breakby noon on January 1st.
Now I'm dying to know what itis.
Lynne (04:35):
I have to say, I I have a complicated relationship with
resolutions.
On the one hand, uh, you know,as a as an athlete, I'm all
about setting goals andachieving goals.
Um, but New Year's resolutionsfeel different somehow.
I don't know.
It's like they come in withthey come with this built-in
expectation of time-bound andfailure.
(04:58):
Time-bound failure.
Um, and is there just thisexpectation that because it's a
new year, you need a new goal?
What's that about?
unknown (05:08):
Right?
Dan (05:08):
Why is that?
Why do we feel the need in thenew year to set these
resolutions?
And like, why do we go throughthis whole exercise of making
resolutions, even though we knowwe'll probably forget about
them?
I mean, let alone break them.
We will forget about thementirely before the month is
over.
And then what if that's allokay?
Right?
What if the point of aresolution is is more about
(05:29):
making it than keeping it?
Patti (05:31):
That is a really good question.
And I listening to both of youand going, when did I actually
start making New Year'sresolutions?
Was that like an adult thing?
I have no idea.
But here's the thing (05:41):
it turns out I'm not the only one who
breaks a New Year's resolutionalmost as fast as I think of
one.
Actually, I I tend to stop, I'ma quitter.
I tend to stop a little bitsooner because I break it and
I'm all or nothing with my NewYear's resolutions, which maybe
we should talk about.
Is that the right way to thinkabout them?
But look, the research ispretty clear.
For for those of you listeningwho are going, oh gosh, I'm
(06:03):
going to break this one, you'renot alone.
88% of resolutions are brokenwithin the first two weeks, and
80% of us abandon them bymid-February.
In fact, the second Friday inJanuary, and I'm going to get a
t-shirt that says this, iscalled Quitter's Day, because
that's when people abandon theirresolutions.
I'm just imagining all of uslike in the streets marching
(06:25):
with the big double middlefingers, which I just gave to my
co-hosts on the screen rightnow, 40 years resolutions.
Dan (06:32):
It cracks me off that quitter's day is a thing.
And, you know, since we do tendto break resolutions so
quickly, one question I'vealways wondered is like, why
don't we have resolutioncheck-in day?
You know, sometime in earlyFebruary, mid-March, maybe again
in June, every few months, whydon't we check in and say, like,
hey, how are those resolutionscoming along?
Lynne (06:52):
Oh, Dan, just hearing that question stresses me out a
little bit.
Um, I'm still stuck on the whydo we make them in the first
place?
If we know we're probably goingto break them, what is it
within us that compels us tomake them?
And maybe what should we be webe thinking about instead,
(07:16):
right?
If we're being compelled tochange something, what question
should we be asking about why wewant to change something?
Dan (07:24):
Ooh, those are great questions, Lena.
And and I promise I won't askyou how yours are coming along.
No worries.
Patti (07:32):
As you too know, and and many folks who listen, I'm in
I'm in the business oftransformation, and it's been
just a lifelong thing for me,right?
And it's here's where I am,here's where I want to be, or
here's where we are, here'swhere I'd like to take us, you
know, from a leader perspective.
And I have to go from where Iam and all those things I
believe and do, and all thosehabits that put me in the
(07:53):
current to put me in the future.
And, you know, it kind of makesme wonder, as I'm thinking of
you, Lynn, you're absolutelyright.
We put so much pressure onourselves, and it's kind of like
I don't like going out on NewYear's Eve either.
I just I've never liked that.
It felt just fake and false.
And so I'm wondering, you know,do is New Year's the only time,
(08:15):
like Dan, you said birthdays,is New Year's the only time that
you make resolutions?
And for you, are thoseresolutions something about a
transformation, something youwant different for yourself
because you feel you'd be abetter version?
And then here's another one,you know me, I like to put 15
questions into one.
(08:36):
Um, why do we put so muchpressure on ourselves?
Right.
I love Lynn that you're like,and I'm not sharing it.
And I think, but if you're notsharing it, why have all the
pressure?
Because you're not accountableto anyone but yourself.
So I'm wondering kind of like,what's your thought process?
And do we just maybe change thenarrative and make many
resolutions throughout the year?
Dan (08:58):
I love the idea of birthday resolutions.
Like, why isn't that a thing?
That might be like that feels atimely opportunity to make some
resolutions.
I mean, the difference is wedon't all have the same
birthday, right?
So I'd be making mine in March,and you're making yours in a
different month, as opposed toall doing it together in
January.
And I wonder if that's one ofthe reasons why we do have this
(09:19):
New Year's resolution becauseit's a shared date.
You know, we all get togetherto make them and then and then
probably ignore them and breakthem uh all at the same time.
But I kind of dare I'm I mightmake a birthday resolution this
year.
Uh check in again with me onMarch.
Lynne (09:35):
I love the idea of birthday resolutions.
Um, and Patty, you you got methinking about, you know, why is
it that I want I don't want tosay it out loud?
Um and who are we making theseresolutions for?
Are they really for ourselves,or are they about who we think
we should be based on some, Idon't know, something, what
(09:59):
society tells us, uh whatpartners or friends are telling
us?
Dan (10:04):
So is it about transformation or is it about
identity, like what we want tobecome or or who we are?
And maybe there's is there aconnection between
transformation and identity?
Patty, that sounds like a lotof the work that you do.
Patti (10:16):
It does.
And, you know, it'sinteresting.
When I think about New Year'sresolutions, I tend to put them
in the category that I would putLent in, where you're giving
something up.
And a lot of New Year'sresolutions, and and you know,
let me know what you think, butthey feel almost like I have a
vice and it's not good for me,right?
And so I'm just gonna say myNew Year's resolution is
probably going to be not toswear as much as I do, which I
(10:39):
break, Dan.
You know, Lynn, I've told youthis by noon, usually.
Sometimes I make it to noonactually on January 1st, usually
by about 10 a.m.
when I drop something and youknow, say a swear word.
Um, I'm clumsy.
It is what it is, it's mynatural reaction.
So, so, but are theseresolutions about actually
making us better in some way?
And in, you know, going, whoare we doing it for, right?
(11:02):
And do we need to maybereclassify a resolution?
Because this really is aboutI'm someone, and I know each of
you are, and if you're listeningto this podcast, chances are
you too, someone who works atour lives, right?
Who is always trying to do newexperiences, see things through
a different set of eyeballs thatmaybe have held us back before?
(11:23):
And I like that.
I like, you know, this is theyear's birthday, right?
So I like that we're doing thiswith someone else's birthday.
What I don't love is why somuch pressure?
Why worry about it?
And also, why choose a netresolution that you think you're
gonna fail at anyway?
And is that just like a thing?
Is something magical gonnahappen at, you know, the stroke
(11:45):
of midnight when the ball drops?
But do you feel that?
Do you feel with resolutionsit's advice that it's dealing
with something negative?
Could it be something positive?
And why do we put so muchpressure whether we share it
with people or not?
I'd also love to know thehistory of New Year's
resolutions.
Like when's that start?
And let's go find that personand beat them up.
Lynne (12:05):
Right.
All right, we're not going allEarl of Sandwich on this
episode, right?
We're not gonna dive, temptingas it is, into the history of
resolutions.
But Patty, I was I I sort ofgot stuck on something I heard
you say earlier around giving upswearing.
And I was just curious, likewhen we make these resolutions,
(12:26):
and we'll take that one as anexample, like what about doing
it, or in this case, not doingsomething, is important to you?
Do we take the time to think,what about this is important to
me?
Dan (12:40):
Right?
When we think about ourresolutions, I think one of the
questions we probably should beasking ourselves is, is this
important to me, or am I makingthis resolution because I think
it's important to somebody else?
So I I've decided to startswearing more, Patty.
How about that?
You and I will just balance itout, right?
Patti (12:57):
I feel like that resolution is dedicated to me.
And I say that I feel seen andheard and understood.
Dan (13:05):
Right.
Well, and and I do wonder too,uh, because I mean, full
disclosure, I tend to be the guywho who keeps his resolutions.
Like I do generally like Ofcourse you do.
I I I I tend to live up to themfairly uh most of the time.
But I wonder about the peoplewho do keep their resolutions,
what's different about them ordifferent about the types of
(13:25):
resolutions that that we make?
You know, are some types ofresolutions more likely to be
kept and remembered and andfollowed throughout the year
than others?
And does does that matter?
You know, is it is it helpfulto set certain resolutions
knowing that you're gonna makethem?
Or is there something goodabout setting a resolution
knowing I probably won't makeit, but it's it's worth trying
(13:47):
anyway?
Patti (13:47):
And why do we see it as a perfection thing?
Because when I do the work oftransformation, it's progress,
not perfection, right?
It's the little things, and youwork at it, and if it doesn't
work, you learn from it and youfigure out why.
And then you figure out how thewhy of it not working.
And is that the mindset?
Right?
(14:07):
And I love when I think aboutthe swearing.
This is from my mother whopassed away a year and a half
ago.
At this point, I don't thinkshe gives a you know what's
it's, right?
And she probably didn't reallyuntil I, you know, when I was
younger, okay, fine, it'sembarrassing.
Lynne (14:20):
But you know, good job on not swearing there, Patty.
Patti (14:25):
Validation.
Patricia.
Um, but but like what do youLynn?
Like when you're thinking aboutyour New Year's resolution and
why you don't like them, isthere a perfectionist thing?
Is it all or nothing?
Lynne (14:39):
Yes, Patty, I think so.
That's such a good question.
Um I think it is it like whatmakes a resolution different
than a goal?
There's a different feelingwhen you don't achieve a goal
versus achieve a goal.
A resolution is like I amresolved to do this.
Uh and I think it's justsomething about that that, yeah,
(15:00):
maybe it is the perfection.
Um maybe it's just the I alwaysbreak it, like I don't ever
succeed at it that makes me notwant to do it.
Dan (15:12):
Right.
So one of my favorite questionsfrom like, I don't know,
probably 20 years ago, ifsomebody asked me this question,
what would you do if you knewyou wouldn't fail?
And it's about encouragingpeople to try something that's a
bit of a stretch.
And if you knew this was gonnasucceed, what would that uh
attempt look like?
And in my book Punk, I reframedthat question and said, What
would you do if you knew itwould fail?
(15:33):
Like, would you write that bookeven if you knew nobody would
buy it?
Would you record that song?
Would you take that a try, evenif you know, hey, this isn't
gonna work out the way I Iwanted it to?
I'm gonna try it anyway.
What's what's in that categoryof actions, of goals, of
resolutions, even?
Um, because I do like thatframing of, you know, some
things are worth trying evenwhen the odds of success are are
(15:57):
low or or zero even.
You know, how does that changeour relationship to things like
resolutions?
Patti (16:03):
I'm wondering if we're future podcasts we could ponder
the question is there somethingDan's not good at?
Dan (16:09):
Um yes, I'll I'm I'm gonna answer that one right now.
There's definitely a thing I'mgood at.
Uh it's music.
Um, my my wife, my wife wholoves me very much, says, Dan,
you're good at a lot of things,but but music is not your your
skill set.
So my musical education was uhsorely um uh neglected, uh,
(16:30):
which is why I like punk somuch, because you don't have to
be good at music to be intopunk.
Patti (16:34):
I love it.
So so Dan, just following upwith that, and then I'm
wondering because I'm takingthat in too, right?
And I do, I loved yourquestion, Lynn, about is a
resolution different than agoal?
And in my head it is.
And right, and because Iapproach it differently, a
resolution feels like adeclaration, or as a goal feels
like something I'm workingtoward.
And Dan, when you were justdescribing what who cares if I
(16:57):
fail, right?
And that's that's I think likea question we should ask
ourselves.
Who cares if I fail?
Right?
I feel it stuff all the time.
Who cares?
Who cares?
I'm learning stuff, I'm meetingpeople.
So is it about the resolutionor is it about the pressure for
perfection going back to thatand how we are all like set up
to fail when we don't change ourmindset about what a resolution
(17:20):
is and instead put it toward aI have a goal this year too.
And maybe it's an experienceversus an achievement.
Like Lynn, is your thinkingwould that change?
Because it would change for me,I think.
Lynne (17:33):
100% it would change, and that I love that.
I'm gonna change the way Ithink about setting goals or
heading into a new year, andmaybe just banish the word
resolution from my vocabulary.
Yeah, thanks, Patty.
Dan (17:50):
So, what words might we use instead of resolution?
That's that's an interestingquestion to to for everybody to
think about.
What might you call this thingother than a resolution?
Patti (18:01):
One thing I do in September, and this started back
in like kindergarten, I don'tknow.
And I would think about becauseI was so nervous about the
school year and would I havefriends and and all that stuff.
And so I would start everyschool year and I still do every
September.
What will I know in June?
Which up here in Massachusettsis the end of the school year
that I don't know today.
(18:22):
And then I started, you know,as I got older and and started
working and going intopositions, I probably had no
reason to be there.
I don't know why I was hired.
I missed the day at school whenI was supposed to know what I
was doing.
It became this whole thing if Iam this person with this role
and this responsibility, what doI believe are the new values I
(18:44):
should have?
What do I believe the newbeliefs?
And everybody tells you, asyou're a woman, oh, you know,
fake it till you make it.
That never worked for me,right?
It felt like imposter syndrome.
Instead, it was act as if.
So I started asking thequestions around what would that
future patty need to believeand value?
And I would set those as goals,literally just act as if I was
(19:06):
already that future patty.
So it wasn't a goal I wasworking toward, it was a belief
system and an identity changethat I had.
And I'm wondering if theresolution or what we should
call it is something more alongthose lines, right?
Around, and I don't have a wordfor it.
And so I'll say 15,000 instead.
(19:27):
Um, but like, what could thatbe?
And what do you all think ofthat?
And Dan, like, does thatresonate when you think about
how you view resolutions, adifferent or future version of
yourself that you take on thatidentity?
Dan (19:40):
Yeah, oh, I love that.
We'll keep using the wordresolutions now for a moment,
but these these things um thatshape the way we act and also
who we are.
And it's it's a little bit ofboth.
So yeah, I think why haven't wecome up with a better word than
resolution?
Uh, maybe because we haven'tasked the question, what is a
better word than resolution?
unknown (19:59):
Um
Dan (20:00):
But Patty, I also want to pull a thread on something you
said earlier.
It wouldn't be an episode oflistening for the questions if
we didn't talk about genderinequity, right?
So what I'm wondering here isare New Year's resolutions
equally accessible to everyone?
And really, are they equallyburdensome to everyone?
Do some of us find these lessburdensome and more accessible
(20:20):
than others?
Like, do women feel morepressure to make resolutions or
like certain kinds ofresolutions than than men?
That's kind of my eternalquestion in this uh podcast is
what is the the role of genderand gender equity and other
types of equity in the in thetopic?
Lynne (20:36):
Huh.
Well, I mean, we could do somedeep dive research into that
some other time, and I'm I wouldbe fascinated to see what we
came up with.
I mean, I think I know we don'tanswer questions, but Dan
probably the short answer isyes, right?
There probably are culturaldifferences in resolutions as
well as gender differences.
I mean, different cultures havedifferent New Years, for one
thing.
Um, I'm just I'm wondering,like, what's the question we
(21:00):
should be asking about genderdifferences and this concept of
New Year's resolutions?
I I don't know what thequestion is.
I I don't I don't think it hasanything to do with New Year's.
Patti (21:14):
I I think it is that that um new me thing.
And you know, going back to anearlier question, one of you
asked, which is, and who is theresolution for anyway?
So, Dan, when I think about NewYear's resolutions and Lynn,
this might resonate with youbecause we're both women.
I have heard countless mymother, my aunts, my friends, me
(21:35):
as I got older, my New Year'sresolution, I'm gonna stop
eating blah.
I'm going to lose blah.
I'm gonna go to the gym, blah,right?
And it was always that.
It was never about I'm gonna bestronger, but it was trying to
live up to someone else's idealof what I should look like.
And that was my resolution thatwould be broken by probably
(21:57):
that second week in January,where I was paying the
membership and that was notright, I wasn't cashing that in.
Dan, did you grow up as a man?
Thank you, you know, forrepresenting, but did you grow
up as a man with that same kindof, I'm just gonna say it
superficial kind of thing wherelike there are commercials about
(22:18):
it, right, Lynn?
Like, like like beating into usthe diet pill commercials, the
gym commercials, the clothingcommercials, all that.
Did you face that pressure as aman to align a New Year's
resolution with how you look andare perceived by the rest of
the world based on your physicalappearance?
Dan (22:35):
Yeah, what a great question, Patty.
And I have no recollection ofever feeling that my New Year's
resolution should be somehowrelated to my appearance.
That's I have zero recollectionin my 52, 53 years of you know
life on this planet.
That's that's never been athing that I've been aware of.
Lynne (22:54):
That's why I want to go back, Patty, to the question you
asked a couple of minutes ago.
I wrote it down because Ithought this this question, I
feel like, is the question ofour episode.
What will I know or believe orvalue at the end of the year
that I don't know?
Nothing about appearance inthat.
(23:14):
I just love that question.
And the end of the year can beDecember, it can be when your
birthday comes, it can be June,it can be where whenever the
hell you want it to be.
But it's that question (23:26):
what will I know or believe or value
at the end of the year that Idon't know?
I love that question, Patty.
Dan (23:35):
And that is a brilliant, perfect question.
What if we ask New Year'squestions instead of making
resolutions?
And this feels very on-brandfor this podcast.
Patti (23:43):
It changes everything.
And look, let let's just take,for example, the superficial,
completely unobtainable view ofwhat we should look like as
women.
And Dan, I'm so happy that youanswered that question,
honestly, when I asked you.
So instead of um, my resolutionis to stop eating like crap,
(24:03):
start working out, and thereforeI'm going to be a size,
whatever my size desired sizeis.
Instead, what about?
I wonder what it would be liketo eat for my body type in this
point in time and to find outhow that feels inside of me.
Is it fueling my brain?
And I'm of a certain age now,right?
You know, my looks are, they'vealways kind of been for me.
(24:24):
But it's more like, how am Ifeeling?
Am I performing optimally?
Am I able to kind of, you know,get up off the ground, that
kind of stuff, right?
And so, like, it's it's likeone is an external validation
requirement that many women Iknow, I know Lynn, you're the
same as me, don't actually care,even though the pressure is out
there, right?
(24:44):
And then it wasn't always likethat for me.
Whereas the other, when itcomes to a curiosity that you
want to learn more about, is aninternal kind of thing.
And I love that.
I love, love, love that.
And all of a sudden, the thestuff you know becomes
different, the stuff youquestion becomes different, but
(25:06):
it's so much more of anadventure instead of a mandate
that feels makes me honestlyfeel bad about myself.
And why do resolutions make usfeel bad about ourselves?
Because we're not leading withcuriosity.
Lynne (25:18):
Yes.
So I love this idea, Dan, thatwe have a New Year's question
and the New Year's startswhenever.
And that also I think addressesyour question about different
cultures.
Having a New Year's questionall of a sudden makes it
accessible to everybody becausewe can all ask a question.
We can all be curious aboutsomething that's important to
(25:38):
us.
Dan (25:39):
I love that.
I think I'm gonna shift anyresolutions that I was already
planning uh up until this point.
I did write a couple of themdown.
I'm gonna see if I can phrasethem in the form of a question
for the year ahead, and I thinkthat's gonna be a much more
interesting approach to the endof the year and the start of the
new year.
Patti (25:56):
So you know you two have been waiting for this.
Dan brought up gender equity ashe does, and guess what?
I'm gonna bring up AI.
AI.
Oh my gosh.
Oh, and next year we are, I'msorry, this year, excuse me, we
are having so many questionsabout AI.
I'm going to demand it.
So many because of the rolethat it's now playing in our
(26:20):
lives.
So there is, um I'm starting totrain, um, I'm starting to
train Google Gemini right nowbecause I use chat so much that
I'm training Gemini.
And I put in a question forGemini around what should my New
Year's resolutions be?
Or what if I had to pick oneNew Year's resolution, what
(26:40):
would it be?
And it's questions, it gave mequestions in order to help me.
Isn't that interesting?
And I thought, wow, right?
That is decision interruption.
Pretty soon after that, that Isaw that I don't know if you saw
it, but that chat GPTcommercial, which is brilliant,
by the way.
Excellent job to thosemarketers and and ad agencies
(27:01):
that came up with it.
And it's essentially a guy thatwants to learn how to do
pull-ups by the end of the year.
And so it gives him, it acts ashis almost human coach, starts
from where he is, gives him thisprogram, right?
So he doesn't have to hire anexpensive coach.
You know, he's doing these heldaccountable, it's very clear.
And again, it's based in hislife, but it's these broken down
(27:22):
kinds of steps.
And so I don't remember whatthe resolution was, but it ended
up breaking it up into stepsfor me.
January, you're gonna focus onthis.
It's a foundation, February,right?
So it was just such aninteresting thing.
And so I guess my question isif we're, you know, one of the
things, Lynn, I love that you'rehonest.
I'm not sharing my resolutionwith you, right?
Lynne (27:42):
I'm not the beginning of the show.
Patti (27:43):
I do have you're transformed now, right?
But but right.
And so, like, when it comes toAI, what it did for me was
decision interruption.
It made me rethink.
Like, I would have asked thosequestions to myself in September
when I do the what will Ilearn, but not in in January.
So, what are your, and I'llI'll do a little thing, maybe
(28:05):
put it in my my um my post withthis around like how many people
went to AI for New Year'sresolution help.
Would you trust AI to help youwith your New Year's resolution
formation?
Like, is there a role for thistech that's becoming so personal
and our our second little bestfriend?
Lynne (28:22):
So I did I did ask.
Um, I I call Claude Maud.
So I asked my Maud, um, whatquestions I should be asking
about New Year's resolutions?
And I guess because I havetrained her to know me enough,
one of the things she said was,she asked a question.
She said, I'm curious, which Iwas like, really?
Are you?
Um I'm curious, are youapproaching this new year
(28:45):
differently than you might havein previous years, given your
journey from constant forwardmotion towards learning how to
rest?
Dan (28:54):
Wow.
Right?
That's amazing.
I I love that these AIs aremoving into a question mode
rather than an answer mode.
Uh last year we did a littleexercise where we were exploring
the question (29:04):
how do we avoid being harmed by AI
hallucinations?
You know, where AI is justmaking stuff up and putting out
things with great confidencethat are actually not based in
fact.
And one of the techniques wecame up with was what if we
asked AI for questions insteadof asking AI for answers?
So that seemed like a good wayto avoid being harmed by AI
(29:26):
hallucinations.
And I love that you both havehave mentioned that and the AIs
are coming back to you with goodquestions and prompts to get
you thinking and interruptingthose decisions rather than just
coming and just telling you,well, your resolution should be
this.
Patti (29:41):
I can't not say this though, right?
So there is a reason AI wantsyou to wants to ask you
questions and have you, becausewe're ultimately training it,
right?
And everyone in the AI willtell you AI is never going to be
as worse as it is right nowbecause it's constantly
learning.
So for AI, it's thosedecisions.
And so just keep in mind thequestions Lynn and I got as
(30:02):
follow-ups for a decisioninterruption is simply the
algorithms training themselvesto understand what they need to
do to interact with humans.
And also, I do need to make adisclaimer.
So many are starting to use AIfor mental health help.
Do not do that.
That is not what we're talkingabout.
It is not a trained therapist.
(30:22):
Had to say that PSA, but it'sso critically important.
And so, what I really like is,you know, I'm hearing you, Lynn,
and I'm going, but AI can behelpful to help us be more in
touch and be more human, right?
To help ask those questions.
So is AI something that each ofyou, and and Dan, I love that
(30:43):
you said instead of asking foranswers, give us prompts, give
me questions, poke holes in howI am thinking, which I ask AI to
do all of the time, right?
Act as if you are, I don'tknow, Steve Jobs and you are
looking at my idea.
Poke, you know, poke, pokeholes in that.
Um, is that do we see AI takinga bigger role in our lives when
(31:06):
it comes to creating change inour lives, right?
Creating the new curiosityfactors that we should have.
Dan (31:14):
Yeah, that's a terrific question.
As much as I would love tospend some time answering it, I
think we're gonna call it there.
So that is our time for today.
Listeners, thank you forjoining us on this first episode
of season two.
And before we close out ourfinal episode, we want to leave
you with a few final questionsto ponder and to think about.
Uh, first, what if you asked aNew Year's question instead of
(31:35):
setting a New Year's resolution?
Lynne (31:37):
And then ask yourself why that question and whose values
does it reflect, and who mighthelp you with it, or who would
be helped by it, and who mightyou ask it with?
Dan (31:49):
So thanks for joining us at the start of season two.
Be sure to tune in next episodewhen we actually will be asking
questions about misinformationand disinformation.
Lynne (31:58):
Finally, for reels, for all our all our eagle-eared,
it's a term I just made up, uh,listeners who first heard us
publicize that we'd be askingquestions about mis and
disinformation all the way backon our building and rebuilding
episode.
It's finally here.
Patti (32:17):
And what are those questions we should be asking
when we talk aboutmisinformation and
disinformation?
Lynne (32:23):
Today's episode was sponsored by Fresh Starts.
Fresh Starts when any day canbe January 1st.
Dan (32:30):
Our music was composed by Jake Cupernall.
Lynne (32:33):
Our cover art was created by Matt.
Catch you next time.
Hey everybody, welcome to season two of Listening for the
Questions.
I'm Dr.
Patti Fletcher.
As you know by now, I'm arecovering C-suite executive
from Big Tech, a leadershipfuturist working at the
intersection of people,business, technology, and data,
and the best-selling author ofDisruptors, Success Strategies
from Women Who Break the Mold.
(00:34):
And wow, I don't know about youtwo, but I am so excited for
this new season.
Lynne (00:40):
Yes, I am too.
Hi, everybody.
I'm Lynne Cuppernull.
I'm a leadership coach, ahealthcare consultant, and the
co-founder of the Sparklitgroup, along with Dan.
I'm also a mom and atriathlete.
And I am so excited to be backwith you guys, Patti and Dan, as
we kick off this new season.
Happy New Year, everybody.
Dan (00:59):
Hey, hello, listeners, and hello, Patti and Lynne.
It's great to be with youagain.
My name is Dan Ward.
I'm an engineer and a militarytechnologist by background.
I'm also an author and ajuggler.
And yes, I'm still a punk.
Lynne (01:11):
Before we jump into today's topic, I'm glad you're
still a punk, Dan, that thathasn't changed in the new year.
Before we jump in, we wanted topause to acknowledge you all
our amazing listeners, and sharesome listener feedback we've
received on some of the 2025episodes.
We loved hearing this fromLeanne, who, upon listening to
(01:35):
the episode about the questionswe should be asking about magic,
said, I think the problemmagicians are solving is opening
up people to wonder.
But I would add that it's alsoinspiring people that they too
are magic.
Love that, Leanne.
I love that we carry that into2026.
And if we needed any more proofthat kids ask fantastic
(01:59):
questions, here's one that camein from a listener's daughter.
Why do fingers have tips andtoes not have tips?
But you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.
Dan (02:12):
That's amazing.
I love that question.
And uh Leanne, thanks for thecomments about magic too.
I totally agree.
Uh my friend Laura passed alongthis question that her son
asked, Why don't fish haveeyelashes?
Patti (02:24):
Oh, that's a good question.
So it turns out that you twohang out with far kinder people
than I do.
Because one of the listenerswho reached out to me, my friend
Melissa, asked me a rathersnarky question.
Why would you ever want to eata sandwich without bread?
Because sandwiches are madewith bread.
(02:44):
And then she gave me a historylesson.
And I just want to say this isa questions podcast, not an
answers one, little MissMelissa.
Dan (02:54):
I love it.
All right.
So to set the stage a littlefor today's episode, I want to
say that even though I loveholidays, New Year's Eve is my
least favorite holiday everbecause hey, everybody, I like
to go to bed early.
Uh, but the one thing I do likeabout New Year's Eve is I like
making resolutions for the newyear.
Patti (03:12):
Yeah, today's topic.
It's New Year's resolutions,and can't wait to hear what your
questions are, listeners, whenit comes to these.
And it just seems it'ssomething that we we do every
year.
So, what are the questions weshould be asking when we talk
about New Year's resolutions,which are really just
commitments and promises thatmany of us break to ourselves
(03:33):
when it comes to the new yearand fresh starts?
And you know, I want to breakour rules a little bit, Dan and
Lynn, and ask you for an answeron something.
Do you make New Year'sresolutions and did are you
making them this year?
Dan (03:48):
Patty, I did.
I totally made someresolutions.
I even wrote them down thisyear.
Lynne (03:53):
Well, I was all set to say no.
And then as I was thinkingabout this this morning, I do
have a couple.
Yes, I do have a couple.
I I'm not gonna say them outloud.
Patti (04:06):
Lynn, is it is it like throwing a penny into a wishbell
if you say it out loud, itwon't come true?
Exactly.
I love that.
I love that.
So the answer is I makeresolutions twice a year.
One is in September, um, bebeginning of the school year.
It's always my fresh new start.
And those are a little bitdifferent than January, but I
have restricted myself to justone New Year's resolution this
(04:27):
year, which I'm sure I'll breakby noon on January 1st.
Now I'm dying to know what itis.
Lynne (04:35):
I have to say, I I have a complicated relationship with
resolutions.
On the one hand, uh, you know,as a as an athlete, I'm all
about setting goals andachieving goals.
Um, but New Year's resolutionsfeel different somehow.
I don't know.
It's like they come in withthey come with this built-in
expectation of time-bound andfailure.
(04:58):
Time-bound failure.
Um, and is there just thisexpectation that because it's a
new year, you need a new goal?
What's that about?
unknown (05:08):
Right?
Dan (05:08):
Why is that?
Why do we feel the need in thenew year to set these
resolutions?
And like, why do we go throughthis whole exercise of making
resolutions, even though we knowwe'll probably forget about
them?
I mean, let alone break them.
We will forget about thementirely before the month is
over.
And then what if that's allokay?
Right?
What if the point of aresolution is is more about
(05:29):
making it than keeping it?
Patti (05:31):
That is a really good question.
And I listening to both of youand going, when did I actually
start making New Year'sresolutions?
Was that like an adult thing?
I have no idea.
But here's the thing (05:41):
it turns out I'm not the only one who
breaks a New Year's resolutionalmost as fast as I think of
one.
Actually, I I tend to stop, I'ma quitter.
I tend to stop a little bitsooner because I break it and
I'm all or nothing with my NewYear's resolutions, which maybe
we should talk about.
Is that the right way to thinkabout them?
But look, the research ispretty clear.
For for those of you listeningwho are going, oh gosh, I'm
(06:03):
going to break this one, you'renot alone.
88% of resolutions are brokenwithin the first two weeks, and
80% of us abandon them bymid-February.
In fact, the second Friday inJanuary, and I'm going to get a
t-shirt that says this, iscalled Quitter's Day, because
that's when people abandon theirresolutions.
I'm just imagining all of uslike in the streets marching
(06:25):
with the big double middlefingers, which I just gave to my
co-hosts on the screen rightnow, 40 years resolutions.
Dan (06:32):
It cracks me off that quitter's day is a thing.
And, you know, since we do tendto break resolutions so
quickly, one question I'vealways wondered is like, why
don't we have resolutioncheck-in day?
You know, sometime in earlyFebruary, mid-March, maybe again
in June, every few months, whydon't we check in and say, like,
hey, how are those resolutionscoming along?
Lynne (06:52):
Oh, Dan, just hearing that question stresses me out a
little bit.
Um, I'm still stuck on the whydo we make them in the first
place?
If we know we're probably goingto break them, what is it
within us that compels us tomake them?
And maybe what should we be webe thinking about instead,
(07:16):
right?
If we're being compelled tochange something, what question
should we be asking about why wewant to change something?
Dan (07:24):
Ooh, those are great questions, Lena.
And and I promise I won't askyou how yours are coming along.
No worries.
Patti (07:32):
As you too know, and and many folks who listen, I'm in
I'm in the business oftransformation, and it's been
just a lifelong thing for me,right?
And it's here's where I am,here's where I want to be, or
here's where we are, here'swhere I'd like to take us, you
know, from a leader perspective.
And I have to go from where Iam and all those things I
believe and do, and all thosehabits that put me in the
(07:53):
current to put me in the future.
And, you know, it kind of makesme wonder, as I'm thinking of
you, Lynn, you're absolutelyright.
We put so much pressure onourselves, and it's kind of like
I don't like going out on NewYear's Eve either.
I just I've never liked that.
It felt just fake and false.
And so I'm wondering, you know,do is New Year's the only time,
(08:15):
like Dan, you said birthdays,is New Year's the only time that
you make resolutions?
And for you, are thoseresolutions something about a
transformation, something youwant different for yourself
because you feel you'd be abetter version?
And then here's another one,you know me, I like to put 15
questions into one.
(08:36):
Um, why do we put so muchpressure on ourselves?
Right.
I love Lynn that you're like,and I'm not sharing it.
And I think, but if you're notsharing it, why have all the
pressure?
Because you're not accountableto anyone but yourself.
So I'm wondering kind of like,what's your thought process?
And do we just maybe change thenarrative and make many
resolutions throughout the year?
Dan (08:58):
I love the idea of birthday resolutions.
Like, why isn't that a thing?
That might be like that feels atimely opportunity to make some
resolutions.
I mean, the difference is wedon't all have the same
birthday, right?
So I'd be making mine in March,and you're making yours in a
different month, as opposed toall doing it together in
January.
And I wonder if that's one ofthe reasons why we do have this
(09:19):
New Year's resolution becauseit's a shared date.
You know, we all get togetherto make them and then and then
probably ignore them and breakthem uh all at the same time.
But I kind of dare I'm I mightmake a birthday resolution this
year.
Uh check in again with me onMarch.
Lynne (09:35):
I love the idea of birthday resolutions.
Um, and Patty, you you got methinking about, you know, why is
it that I want I don't want tosay it out loud?
Um and who are we making theseresolutions for?
Are they really for ourselves,or are they about who we think
we should be based on some, Idon't know, something, what
(09:59):
society tells us, uh whatpartners or friends are telling
us?
Dan (10:04):
So is it about transformation or is it about
identity, like what we want tobecome or or who we are?
And maybe there's is there aconnection between
transformation and identity?
Patty, that sounds like a lotof the work that you do.
Patti (10:16):
It does.
And, you know, it'sinteresting.
When I think about New Year'sresolutions, I tend to put them
in the category that I would putLent in, where you're giving
something up.
And a lot of New Year'sresolutions, and and you know,
let me know what you think, butthey feel almost like I have a
vice and it's not good for me,right?
And so I'm just gonna say myNew Year's resolution is
probably going to be not toswear as much as I do, which I
(10:39):
break, Dan.
You know, Lynn, I've told youthis by noon, usually.
Sometimes I make it to noonactually on January 1st, usually
by about 10 a.m.
when I drop something and youknow, say a swear word.
Um, I'm clumsy.
It is what it is, it's mynatural reaction.
So, so, but are theseresolutions about actually
making us better in some way?
And in, you know, going, whoare we doing it for, right?
(11:02):
And do we need to maybereclassify a resolution?
Because this really is aboutI'm someone, and I know each of
you are, and if you're listeningto this podcast, chances are
you too, someone who works atour lives, right?
Who is always trying to do newexperiences, see things through
a different set of eyeballs thatmaybe have held us back before?
(11:23):
And I like that.
I like, you know, this is theyear's birthday, right?
So I like that we're doing thiswith someone else's birthday.
What I don't love is why somuch pressure?
Why worry about it?
And also, why choose a netresolution that you think you're
gonna fail at anyway?
And is that just like a thing?
Is something magical gonnahappen at, you know, the stroke
(11:45):
of midnight when the ball drops?
But do you feel that?
Do you feel with resolutionsit's advice that it's dealing
with something negative?
Could it be something positive?
And why do we put so muchpressure whether we share it
with people or not?
I'd also love to know thehistory of New Year's
resolutions.
Like when's that start?
And let's go find that personand beat them up.
Lynne (12:05):
Right.
All right, we're not going allEarl of Sandwich on this
episode, right?
We're not gonna dive, temptingas it is, into the history of
resolutions.
But Patty, I was I I sort ofgot stuck on something I heard
you say earlier around giving upswearing.
And I was just curious, likewhen we make these resolutions,
(12:26):
and we'll take that one as anexample, like what about doing
it, or in this case, not doingsomething, is important to you?
Do we take the time to think,what about this is important to
me?
Dan (12:40):
Right?
When we think about ourresolutions, I think one of the
questions we probably should beasking ourselves is, is this
important to me, or am I makingthis resolution because I think
it's important to somebody else?
So I I've decided to startswearing more, Patty.
How about that?
You and I will just balance itout, right?
Patti (12:57):
I feel like that resolution is dedicated to me.
And I say that I feel seen andheard and understood.
Dan (13:05):
Right.
Well, and and I do wonder too,uh, because I mean, full
disclosure, I tend to be the guywho who keeps his resolutions.
Like I do generally like Ofcourse you do.
I I I I tend to live up to themfairly uh most of the time.
But I wonder about the peoplewho do keep their resolutions,
what's different about them ordifferent about the types of
(13:25):
resolutions that that we make?
You know, are some types ofresolutions more likely to be
kept and remembered and andfollowed throughout the year
than others?
And does does that matter?
You know, is it is it helpfulto set certain resolutions
knowing that you're gonna makethem?
Or is there something goodabout setting a resolution
knowing I probably won't makeit, but it's it's worth trying
(13:47):
anyway?
Patti (13:47):
And why do we see it as a perfection thing?
Because when I do the work oftransformation, it's progress,
not perfection, right?
It's the little things, and youwork at it, and if it doesn't
work, you learn from it and youfigure out why.
And then you figure out how thewhy of it not working.
And is that the mindset?
Right?
(14:07):
And I love when I think aboutthe swearing.
This is from my mother whopassed away a year and a half
ago.
At this point, I don't thinkshe gives a you know what's
it's, right?
And she probably didn't reallyuntil I, you know, when I was
younger, okay, fine, it'sembarrassing.
Lynne (14:20):
But you know, good job on not swearing there, Patty.
Patti (14:25):
Validation.
Patricia.
Um, but but like what do youLynn?
Like when you're thinking aboutyour New Year's resolution and
why you don't like them, isthere a perfectionist thing?
Is it all or nothing?
Lynne (14:39):
Yes, Patty, I think so.
That's such a good question.
Um I think it is it like whatmakes a resolution different
than a goal?
There's a different feelingwhen you don't achieve a goal
versus achieve a goal.
A resolution is like I amresolved to do this.
Uh and I think it's justsomething about that that, yeah,
(15:00):
maybe it is the perfection.
Um maybe it's just the I alwaysbreak it, like I don't ever
succeed at it that makes me notwant to do it.
Dan (15:12):
Right.
So one of my favorite questionsfrom like, I don't know,
probably 20 years ago, ifsomebody asked me this question,
what would you do if you knewyou wouldn't fail?
And it's about encouragingpeople to try something that's a
bit of a stretch.
And if you knew this was gonnasucceed, what would that uh
attempt look like?
And in my book Punk, I reframedthat question and said, What
would you do if you knew itwould fail?
(15:33):
Like, would you write that bookeven if you knew nobody would
buy it?
Would you record that song?
Would you take that a try, evenif you know, hey, this isn't
gonna work out the way I Iwanted it to?
I'm gonna try it anyway.
What's what's in that categoryof actions, of goals, of
resolutions, even?
Um, because I do like thatframing of, you know, some
things are worth trying evenwhen the odds of success are are
(15:57):
low or or zero even.
You know, how does that changeour relationship to things like
resolutions?
Patti (16:03):
I'm wondering if we're future podcasts we could ponder
the question is there somethingDan's not good at?
Dan (16:09):
Um yes, I'll I'm I'm gonna answer that one right now.
There's definitely a thing I'mgood at.
Uh it's music.
Um, my my wife, my wife wholoves me very much, says, Dan,
you're good at a lot of things,but but music is not your your
skill set.
So my musical education was uhsorely um uh neglected, uh,
(16:30):
which is why I like punk somuch, because you don't have to
be good at music to be intopunk.
Patti (16:34):
I love it.
So so Dan, just following upwith that, and then I'm
wondering because I'm takingthat in too, right?
And I do, I loved yourquestion, Lynn, about is a
resolution different than agoal?
And in my head it is.
And right, and because Iapproach it differently, a
resolution feels like adeclaration, or as a goal feels
like something I'm workingtoward.
And Dan, when you were justdescribing what who cares if I
(16:57):
fail, right?
And that's that's I think likea question we should ask
ourselves.
Who cares if I fail?
Right?
I feel it stuff all the time.
Who cares?
Who cares?
I'm learning stuff, I'm meetingpeople.
So is it about the resolutionor is it about the pressure for
perfection going back to thatand how we are all like set up
to fail when we don't change ourmindset about what a resolution
(17:20):
is and instead put it toward aI have a goal this year too.
And maybe it's an experienceversus an achievement.
Like Lynn, is your thinkingwould that change?
Because it would change for me,I think.
Lynne (17:33):
100% it would change, and that I love that.
I'm gonna change the way Ithink about setting goals or
heading into a new year, andmaybe just banish the word
resolution from my vocabulary.
Yeah, thanks, Patty.
Dan (17:50):
So, what words might we use instead of resolution?
That's that's an interestingquestion to to for everybody to
think about.
What might you call this thingother than a resolution?
Patti (18:01):
One thing I do in September, and this started back
in like kindergarten, I don'tknow.
And I would think about becauseI was so nervous about the
school year and would I havefriends and and all that stuff.
And so I would start everyschool year and I still do every
September.
What will I know in June?
Which up here in Massachusettsis the end of the school year
that I don't know today.
(18:22):
And then I started, you know,as I got older and and started
working and going intopositions, I probably had no
reason to be there.
I don't know why I was hired.
I missed the day at school whenI was supposed to know what I
was doing.
It became this whole thing if Iam this person with this role
and this responsibility, what doI believe are the new values I
(18:44):
should have?
What do I believe the newbeliefs?
And everybody tells you, asyou're a woman, oh, you know,
fake it till you make it.
That never worked for me,right?
It felt like imposter syndrome.
Instead, it was act as if.
So I started asking thequestions around what would that
future patty need to believeand value?
And I would set those as goals,literally just act as if I was
(19:06):
already that future patty.
So it wasn't a goal I wasworking toward, it was a belief
system and an identity changethat I had.
And I'm wondering if theresolution or what we should
call it is something more alongthose lines, right?
Around, and I don't have a wordfor it.
And so I'll say 15,000 instead.
(19:27):
Um, but like, what could thatbe?
And what do you all think ofthat?
And Dan, like, does thatresonate when you think about
how you view resolutions, adifferent or future version of
yourself that you take on thatidentity?
Dan (19:40):
Yeah, oh, I love that.
We'll keep using the wordresolutions now for a moment,
but these these things um thatshape the way we act and also
who we are.
And it's it's a little bit ofboth.
So yeah, I think why haven't wecome up with a better word than
resolution?
Uh, maybe because we haven'tasked the question, what is a
better word than resolution?
unknown (19:59):
Um
Dan (20:00):
But Patty, I also want to pull a thread on something you
said earlier.
It wouldn't be an episode oflistening for the questions if
we didn't talk about genderinequity, right?
So what I'm wondering here isare New Year's resolutions
equally accessible to everyone?
And really, are they equallyburdensome to everyone?
Do some of us find these lessburdensome and more accessible
(20:20):
than others?
Like, do women feel morepressure to make resolutions or
like certain kinds ofresolutions than than men?
That's kind of my eternalquestion in this uh podcast is
what is the the role of genderand gender equity and other
types of equity in the in thetopic?
Lynne (20:36):
Huh.
Well, I mean, we could do somedeep dive research into that
some other time, and I'm I wouldbe fascinated to see what we
came up with.
I mean, I think I know we don'tanswer questions, but Dan
probably the short answer isyes, right?
There probably are culturaldifferences in resolutions as
well as gender differences.
I mean, different cultures havedifferent New Years, for one
thing.
Um, I'm just I'm wondering,like, what's the question we
(21:00):
should be asking about genderdifferences and this concept of
New Year's resolutions?
I I don't know what thequestion is.
I I don't I don't think it hasanything to do with New Year's.
Patti (21:14):
I I think it is that that um new me thing.
And you know, going back to anearlier question, one of you
asked, which is, and who is theresolution for anyway?
So, Dan, when I think about NewYear's resolutions and Lynn,
this might resonate with youbecause we're both women.
I have heard countless mymother, my aunts, my friends, me
(21:35):
as I got older, my New Year'sresolution, I'm gonna stop
eating blah.
I'm going to lose blah.
I'm gonna go to the gym, blah,right?
And it was always that.
It was never about I'm gonna bestronger, but it was trying to
live up to someone else's idealof what I should look like.
And that was my resolution thatwould be broken by probably
(21:57):
that second week in January,where I was paying the
membership and that was notright, I wasn't cashing that in.
Dan, did you grow up as a man?
Thank you, you know, forrepresenting, but did you grow
up as a man with that same kindof, I'm just gonna say it
superficial kind of thing wherelike there are commercials about
(22:18):
it, right, Lynn?
Like, like like beating into usthe diet pill commercials, the
gym commercials, the clothingcommercials, all that.
Did you face that pressure as aman to align a New Year's
resolution with how you look andare perceived by the rest of
the world based on your physicalappearance?
Dan (22:35):
Yeah, what a great question, Patty.
And I have no recollection ofever feeling that my New Year's
resolution should be somehowrelated to my appearance.
That's I have zero recollectionin my 52, 53 years of you know
life on this planet.
That's that's never been athing that I've been aware of.
Lynne (22:54):
That's why I want to go back, Patty, to the question you
asked a couple of minutes ago.
I wrote it down because Ithought this this question, I
feel like, is the question ofour episode.
What will I know or believe orvalue at the end of the year
that I don't know?
Nothing about appearance inthat.
(23:14):
I just love that question.
And the end of the year can beDecember, it can be when your
birthday comes, it can be June,it can be where whenever the
hell you want it to be.
But it's that question (23:26):
what will I know or believe or value
at the end of the year that Idon't know?
I love that question, Patty.
Dan (23:35):
And that is a brilliant, perfect question.
What if we ask New Year'squestions instead of making
resolutions?
And this feels very on-brandfor this podcast.
Patti (23:43):
It changes everything.
And look, let let's just take,for example, the superficial,
completely unobtainable view ofwhat we should look like as
women.
And Dan, I'm so happy that youanswered that question,
honestly, when I asked you.
So instead of um, my resolutionis to stop eating like crap,
(24:03):
start working out, and thereforeI'm going to be a size,
whatever my size desired sizeis.
Instead, what about?
I wonder what it would be liketo eat for my body type in this
point in time and to find outhow that feels inside of me.
Is it fueling my brain?
And I'm of a certain age now,right?
You know, my looks are, they'vealways kind of been for me.
(24:24):
But it's more like, how am Ifeeling?
Am I performing optimally?
Am I able to kind of, you know,get up off the ground, that
kind of stuff, right?
And so, like, it's it's likeone is an external validation
requirement that many women Iknow, I know Lynn, you're the
same as me, don't actually care,even though the pressure is out
there, right?
(24:44):
And then it wasn't always likethat for me.
Whereas the other, when itcomes to a curiosity that you
want to learn more about, is aninternal kind of thing.
And I love that.
I love, love, love that.
And all of a sudden, the thestuff you know becomes
different, the stuff youquestion becomes different, but
(25:06):
it's so much more of anadventure instead of a mandate
that feels makes me honestlyfeel bad about myself.
And why do resolutions make usfeel bad about ourselves?
Because we're not leading withcuriosity.
Lynne (25:18):
Yes.
So I love this idea, Dan, thatwe have a New Year's question
and the New Year's startswhenever.
And that also I think addressesyour question about different
cultures.
Having a New Year's questionall of a sudden makes it
accessible to everybody becausewe can all ask a question.
We can all be curious aboutsomething that's important to
(25:38):
us.
Dan (25:39):
I love that.
I think I'm gonna shift anyresolutions that I was already
planning uh up until this point.
I did write a couple of themdown.
I'm gonna see if I can phrasethem in the form of a question
for the year ahead, and I thinkthat's gonna be a much more
interesting approach to the endof the year and the start of the
new year.
Patti (25:56):
So you know you two have been waiting for this.
Dan brought up gender equity ashe does, and guess what?
I'm gonna bring up AI.
AI.
Oh my gosh.
Oh, and next year we are, I'msorry, this year, excuse me, we
are having so many questionsabout AI.
I'm going to demand it.
So many because of the rolethat it's now playing in our
(26:20):
lives.
So there is, um I'm starting totrain, um, I'm starting to
train Google Gemini right nowbecause I use chat so much that
I'm training Gemini.
And I put in a question forGemini around what should my New
Year's resolutions be?
Or what if I had to pick oneNew Year's resolution, what
(26:40):
would it be?
And it's questions, it gave mequestions in order to help me.
Isn't that interesting?
And I thought, wow, right?
That is decision interruption.
Pretty soon after that, that Isaw that I don't know if you saw
it, but that chat GPTcommercial, which is brilliant,
by the way.
Excellent job to thosemarketers and and ad agencies
(27:01):
that came up with it.
And it's essentially a guy thatwants to learn how to do
pull-ups by the end of the year.
And so it gives him, it acts ashis almost human coach, starts
from where he is, gives him thisprogram, right?
So he doesn't have to hire anexpensive coach.
You know, he's doing these heldaccountable, it's very clear.
And again, it's based in hislife, but it's these broken down
(27:22):
kinds of steps.
And so I don't remember whatthe resolution was, but it ended
up breaking it up into stepsfor me.
January, you're gonna focus onthis.
It's a foundation, February,right?
So it was just such aninteresting thing.
And so I guess my question isif we're, you know, one of the
things, Lynn, I love that you'rehonest.
I'm not sharing my resolutionwith you, right?
Lynne (27:42):
I'm not the beginning of the show.
Patti (27:43):
I do have you're transformed now, right?
But but right.
And so, like, when it comes toAI, what it did for me was
decision interruption.
It made me rethink.
Like, I would have asked thosequestions to myself in September
when I do the what will Ilearn, but not in in January.
So, what are your, and I'llI'll do a little thing, maybe
(28:05):
put it in my my um my post withthis around like how many people
went to AI for New Year'sresolution help.
Would you trust AI to help youwith your New Year's resolution
formation?
Like, is there a role for thistech that's becoming so personal
and our our second little bestfriend?
Lynne (28:22):
So I did I did ask.
Um, I I call Claude Maud.
So I asked my Maud, um, whatquestions I should be asking
about New Year's resolutions?
And I guess because I havetrained her to know me enough,
one of the things she said was,she asked a question.
She said, I'm curious, which Iwas like, really?
Are you?
Um I'm curious, are youapproaching this new year
(28:45):
differently than you might havein previous years, given your
journey from constant forwardmotion towards learning how to
rest?
Dan (28:54):
Wow.
Right?
That's amazing.
I I love that these AIs aremoving into a question mode
rather than an answer mode.
Uh last year we did a littleexercise where we were exploring
the question (29:04):
how do we avoid being harmed by AI
hallucinations?
You know, where AI is justmaking stuff up and putting out
things with great confidencethat are actually not based in
fact.
And one of the techniques wecame up with was what if we
asked AI for questions insteadof asking AI for answers?
So that seemed like a good wayto avoid being harmed by AI
(29:26):
hallucinations.
And I love that you both havehave mentioned that and the AIs
are coming back to you with goodquestions and prompts to get
you thinking and interruptingthose decisions rather than just
coming and just telling you,well, your resolution should be
this.
Patti (29:41):
I can't not say this though, right?
So there is a reason AI wantsyou to wants to ask you
questions and have you, becausewe're ultimately training it,
right?
And everyone in the AI willtell you AI is never going to be
as worse as it is right nowbecause it's constantly
learning.
So for AI, it's thosedecisions.
And so just keep in mind thequestions Lynn and I got as
(30:02):
follow-ups for a decisioninterruption is simply the
algorithms training themselvesto understand what they need to
do to interact with humans.
And also, I do need to make adisclaimer.
So many are starting to use AIfor mental health help.
Do not do that.
That is not what we're talkingabout.
It is not a trained therapist.
(30:22):
Had to say that PSA, but it'sso critically important.
And so, what I really like is,you know, I'm hearing you, Lynn,
and I'm going, but AI can behelpful to help us be more in
touch and be more human, right?
To help ask those questions.
So is AI something that each ofyou, and and Dan, I love that
(30:43):
you said instead of asking foranswers, give us prompts, give
me questions, poke holes in howI am thinking, which I ask AI to
do all of the time, right?
Act as if you are, I don'tknow, Steve Jobs and you are
looking at my idea.
Poke, you know, poke, pokeholes in that.
Um, is that do we see AI takinga bigger role in our lives when
(31:06):
it comes to creating change inour lives, right?
Creating the new curiosityfactors that we should have.
Dan (31:14):
Yeah, that's a terrific question.
As much as I would love tospend some time answering it, I
think we're gonna call it there.
So that is our time for today.
Listeners, thank you forjoining us on this first episode
of season two.
And before we close out ourfinal episode, we want to leave
you with a few final questionsto ponder and to think about.
Uh, first, what if you asked aNew Year's question instead of
(31:35):
setting a New Year's resolution?
Lynne (31:37):
And then ask yourself why that question and whose values
does it reflect, and who mighthelp you with it, or who would
be helped by it, and who mightyou ask it with?
Dan (31:49):
So thanks for joining us at the start of season two.
Be sure to tune in next episodewhen we actually will be asking
questions about misinformationand disinformation.
Lynne (31:58):
Finally, for reels, for all our all our eagle-eared,
it's a term I just made up, uh,listeners who first heard us
publicize that we'd be askingquestions about mis and
disinformation all the way backon our building and rebuilding
episode.
It's finally here.
Patti (32:17):
And what are those questions we should be asking
when we talk aboutmisinformation and
disinformation?
Lynne (32:23):
Today's episode was sponsored by Fresh Starts.
Fresh Starts when any day canbe January 1st.
Dan (32:30):
Our music was composed by Jake Cupernall.
Lynne (32:33):
Our cover art was created by Matt.
Catch you next time.
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