October 7, 2024 • 20 mins
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How can embracing emotions transform your leadership style? This episode promises to unlock the untapped potential of emotional intelligence in leadership, from the significance of continuous learning and humility to the profound impact of authenticity and vulnerability. We challenge the traditional discomfort many leaders feel about emotions in the workplace, advocating for a deeper understanding of how our tone and body language, as explained by Professor Albert Mehrabian's 7-38-55 rule, can create a more connected and expressive work environment. Listen as we explore how genuine emotional expression can break free from superficial professionalism, building trust and deeper connections within your team.
We provide insights into balancing when to hold back and when to express emotions, and how incorporating emotions into feedback can create more meaningful communication. This episode is your guide to creating a safe space for emotional expression, proving that emotional openness is not just beneficial but essential for building a cohesive and satisfied team. Tune in and redefine your approach to leadership by embracing the power of emotions.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jolynne Rydz (00:00):
The moment you think you're the expert, you're
doing your team and yourself adisservice.
This was a quote that Iremember so strongly from a
leadership program that I was apart of and one of the
executives was presenting onemotional intelligence, and
(00:22):
that's what he said the momentyou think you're the expert,
you're doing your team andyourself a disservice, and it
was such a profound moment forme because I had, up until that
point, thought I was great atemotional intelligence, but it
was so true there's alwayssomething that you can learn,
there's always a nuance that youcan improve on, and when you
(00:45):
stop doing that, it actuallyimpedes your ability to connect
with people.
There's so much, I guess, needand desire to build emotional
intelligence or EQ in leaders,and I often get asked to delve
(01:05):
into EQ or things like criticalthinking or database
decision-making, and the thingis, we so often focus on the
tools and on others.
So what do you do when theperson you're giving feedback to
gets really emotional?
That's probably one of the mostcommon questions that I receive
(01:28):
from leaders when I'm runningworkshops, and it's interesting
because we find it reallyuncomfortable to be confronted
with emotion in a workplace.
There's this overarching needto be professional and
expectation even, and itobviously varies depending on
(01:48):
different industries, but insome industries it's almost like
you need to be a professionalrobot.
Don't show emotion, and theproblem with this is that when
we hide our emotions, or onesother than the positive ones and
the happy ones, we get a reallylopsided view of things and we
(02:11):
lose the chance to connect, tosee people as people and to
create trust, because we have toshow off a false mask and hide
our true self.
Off a false mask and hide ourtrue self, which can lead to
this situation where there's areally high judgment placed on
(02:31):
leaders because of this lack ofconnection.
So I know there's a lot ofleaders that I'm hearing which
are uncomfortable, leaning intovulnerability and showing
emotion because they're worriedabout what people think both
their peers, both their directreports and both the people that
they're reporting into.
But it's almost like thisuntested fear.
(02:56):
Now we have to be soprofessional and when we hold
this really professional line asa leader, sometimes it can
create a distance between the usand them kind of scenario, and
what can then happen is thepeople that you're leading can
(03:18):
create these really highexpectations of you that you are
therefore this perfectsuperhuman, when in fact, leader
or not, title or not, we areall humans with emotions and
needs and differentpersonalities and different
triggers.
So emotions are not the issue,even though they get treated
(03:39):
like they are.
The lack of emotionalregulation is the issue.
So the lack of understanding ofour own emotions, what triggers
us, and awareness of how itimpacts others.
There's been so many times whereI've seen emotion come out in
(04:00):
the workplace, and when it's astrong emotion.
So, for example, often everyyear you can't cry in a
workplace.
People go and do that in thebathroom.
You do it in private.
You don't show people that youare upset, but you might show
people that you're angry.
And there seems to be moreacceptance of that kind of
(04:21):
emotion in the workplace.
And then the positive ones hey,yeah, let them out, but don't
let them out too much.
Yeah, don't get too excited,because we've got to be
professional.
So when we don't understand andwe're dampening things and we
don't understand how theseemotions impact other people, we
(04:41):
can be doing serious damagewithout even realizing, and I've
seen it.
I've seen people cower and jumpand not know what to expect from
a leader who's explosive oneday and lovely to chat to the
next, and so the issue is thatwe also lack strategies to
embrace our emotions all of them, the full spectrum of our
(05:05):
emotions in a healthy way, in away that's authentic, in a way
that allows people to connect.
So what I've found is that youcan build trust through emotion.
So when you tap into yourmagnetic authenticity, you're
going to naturally let some ofyour emotion out.
(05:25):
Let people see the real you.
Let people see how you'reexperiencing the world right now
.
Let people see what ischallenging you in the moment.
Let people see what's excitingyou, what's lighting you up, and
it gives people permission tonot always be a mask of okay,
and that goes so much deeperthan some of the events that you
(05:48):
can put on for like are youokay?
Day, and all of the, thewellbeing initiatives that we
put in at the tail end.
If we just allowed people toshow their emotion and connect
on that and really understandsomeone's experience of the
workplace and experience of yourleadership and our leadership
(06:09):
workplace and experience of yourleadership and our leadership,
then you kind of don't needthose tail end fixes.
You can preempt and preventsome of the issues right from
the start, because when you showemotion and you see emotion in
others.
It creates connection.
It creates this situation whereyou go oh geez, I feel like
(06:31):
that too sometimes.
Huh, right, and you can havethat empathy and it makes us
human.
So before you learn all thetechniques and tools you can use
for empathy, we have tounderstand our own emotions, and
when we understand our ownemotions we can build trust
through emotion.
(06:52):
Professor Albert Mehrabian, Ihope that's how you pronounce it
, I'm not actually sure of thepronunciation from the
University of California spenthis career studying
communication and he is theperson that coined the 73855
rule or theory aroundcommunication, which is around
(07:14):
when we're talking aboutfeelings and attitudes.
7% of that comes from the wordswe say, 38% comes from the
feeling and attitude in our toneof voice, so the way we say it,
and 55% of that feeling comesthrough our attitude and our
facial expression, so our body.
(07:36):
So if we limit and dampen theemotion, we don't even say it or
we don't show it in our tone,or we hold it back in our body
and our facial expressions,we're basically dampening all of
our communication.
(07:56):
No wonder that we havemisunderstandings in the
workplace.
No wonder that we haveengagement issues from time to
time, and no wonder we haverelationship issues in the
workplace if we can't actuallyconnect and see people's real
emotions.
Because at the end of the day,an emotion is simply a signal
from the body that something'syou know working for us or not
(08:21):
working for us, or we need topay attention to something.
It's literally like a signal tosomething.
It's literally like a signal Iremember for most of my life
really, I was an incrediblyemotional person and it wasn't
until recently that I realizedthat I was just picking up on
other people's emotions, becausewhen I was on my own, my
(08:45):
emotions were pretty neutral,but as soon as I came around
other people, they wouldincrease, they would decrease,
they would go all over the place.
It was to the point where Iwould be watching a show like
Grey's Anatomy and after I watchan episode I would be wondering
why am I feeling all of theseweird feelings?
(09:05):
They're literally the feelingsthat came out in the show, but
they would stick with me.
So for a lot of my life I heardsayings like you're too
emotional or no one wants to seeit, or it's unprofessional to
show that kind of emotion.
So I would literally tamperdown my emotions.
I would try and not get tooexcited.
(09:27):
I would if I was really upset.
I mean, there was many timesthat I cried from stress because
my body just needed to releasethe emotion.
So I would go and cry in thebathroom where no one could see
and I was wondering why?
Why was I the only one that wasstruggling?
What was wrong with me?
Why was I the only one that wasstruggling?
(09:51):
What was wrong with me?
And now I know that that's notthe case.
I know I'm not the only personthat might feel like crying at
work or getting upset or needingto let out some emotion, but
back then I didn't and I spentso much energy trying to quell
my emotions that I thought itwas a weakness and I would stick
to the facts when I wascommunicating and try and set
boundaries, when I was usingjust words and I would wonder
(10:14):
why people wouldn't get it,people wouldn't hear me, what I
was saying wouldn't resonate, itwouldn't land, it wouldn't
connect, and it wasn't until Icame across this incredible
leader who has changed my life,who was someone who openly
shared their emotions.
(10:35):
So they would tell the team howthey were feeling.
They would tell the team ifthey were going well.
They would tell the team ifthey weren't going well and why
and what they were doing aboutit and what support they needed
going well and why and what theywere doing about it and what
support they needed.
And these regular conversationsand regular displays of emotion
(10:58):
really created permissionwithin the team to feel emotion,
to be human.
We could share and we feltheard and I'd never been so
empowered to be me until Ilanded in this environment.
I felt accepted for who I wasand it was magnetic.
There were people across theorganization that wanted to be
(11:21):
in this team, even if they hadno experience in the area.
They were knocking the doordown trying to get in the team
and we would have always a hostof volunteers for any kind of
project they were working on,because people just wanted to be
in that proximity.
So when we understand our ownemotions first, we create space
(11:43):
to understand and respect theemotions of others.
Space to understand and respectthe emotions of others, we
enable people to literally feelthe excitement we feel, the
energy we have, the sadness wefeel, the injustice we feel.
We can better understand whatpeople are experiencing, what's
driving their behavior and theirmotivation, and we can start to
(12:05):
build that trust throughemotion, and I think that's so
much more powerful than runninga survey to ask how people are
going to check in on engagementsatisfaction.
Whilst those things are great,I think they're absolutely
needed and important needed andimportant I think the power of a
(12:33):
real conversation with emotionis totally underrated right now
in today's society.
So if you want to build trustthrough emotion, if you want to
start to notice your ownemotional regulation or lack of
like mine was, it was all overthe place emotional regulation
or lack of like mine was it wasall over the place I've got some
(12:54):
reflection questions for you toconsider.
The first one is to just focuson how could you start being
more open with emotion?
So to do this, the first thingyou can do is notice when do you
feel emotion and when do youhold it back in the workplace,
and you can do this in life aswell.
And, as you're noticing, I'dlove for you to ask these
(13:17):
questions Is there a genuineneed to hold that emotion back
Like?
Are you actually doing it foryour safety, and it's necessary
to keep you safe?
If it is, then great, hold itin, because there certainly are
environments where it is unsafe,whether that is in terms of
your career or your emotionalsafety, or sometimes even your
(13:39):
physical safety.
It's unsafe for you to be thetrue you and reveal all of you
and reveal those emotions.
So the question, though, is toactually stop and judge.
Is there a genuine need forthat safety?
Or, like I like to tell my kids,our amygdala likes to think
that everything's a lion, right.
(14:00):
Everything that could possiblyimpact our emotions, our
identity, our self-worth, ourego.
Basically, it thinkseverything's a threat like a
lion, but it's not actually alion, right.
A lion could actuallyphysically attack us and do some
damage, but these emotionaldangers sometimes and often are
(14:22):
perceived or we expect them, butwhen we actually try it out in
reality, I've often found and myclients have often found that
that reality we pictured, theone that we were anxious about,
doesn't actually eventuate orrarely does.
So that's the first one is isthere a genuine need for you to
hold back that emotion?
(14:42):
The second one, as you'renoticing, is to just see if it's
a habit.
Am I just doing this onautopilot, or is it something
that you think you actually doneed to do?
So it's a very rational andlogical and purposeful sharing
(15:05):
of that emotion or holding backof that emotion.
So that's step one to reallynotice.
So the second step in buildingtrust through emotion and
starting to be more open withyour emotions is to do a small
test Let some emotion out, andthe safest way to do it is
obviously to be your morepositive, happier emotions.
(15:27):
Be a little bit more excitedabout something that you're
sharing, like a win that theteam has had.
When you're presenting to theexecutive, and just notice what
happens.
Maybe play with some strongerones when you're feeling
frustrated.
Don't take your frustration outon someone, but just let them
know I am so frustrated rightnow and see what happens.
So you can do that by usingyour words, so describing how
(15:50):
you feel, or you can show it inyour tone, or you can show it
using your facial expressionsand your body.
And now the third thing that youcan do to build trust through
emotion and start being moreopen with your emotions is to
notice, then, what happens onceyou do these things.
How do people actually respondto these little tests?
(16:13):
Are they judging you?
Are they looking at youstrangely, like what's going on,
or do they just go throughouttheir day as if nothing's
changed because maybe the testwas so, so small that they
couldn't even notice.
Or is it possible thatsomething might surprise you in
a positive way, that you mightget someone to pause and think
(16:36):
and notice and reflect forthemselves, that that you might
get someone to pause and thinkand notice and reflect for
themselves, that maybe they feelthat way too, or maybe you've
been able to articulatesomething that they've been
feeling, that they hadn't beenable to put their finger on, or
maybe you've opened up apermission and a space to have
an open conversation about thetrue impact that things are
(16:57):
having on someone.
And this brings me to anotherpoint.
I was going to wrap it up there, but I want to make this point.
I was facilitating a workshoptoday and I often facilitate on
things like giving and receivingfeedback in a really impactful
way, and one of the key thingsin that is actually sharing what
(17:21):
the impact is of someone'sbehavior or actions when you
give someone feedback.
Now, if you're in a workplacethat is not allowed to actually
share emotion, it becomes muchharder to understand the impact
when we're just using words andwe're trying to pare back the
emotion and keep it reallylogical and neutral and
(17:42):
professional, and that makes itso much harder to give
meaningful feedback, but also toreceive it in a way that people
really understand.
We're literally taking away apart of our human language by
diminishing our emotions.
So if you're wondering, as aleader, why maybe someone isn't
(18:03):
getting what you've told them,why they're not understanding
what they need to do, or maybewhy their performance has
dropped and they're not engaged,my question to you is have you
created an environment wherepeople can openly show and talk
about their emotions and thereal impact that things are
(18:25):
having on them?
Because that is so, so powerful.
When you can show and bringyour whole self and talk about
those real impacts.
That's when you can get to theroot cause and actually design
initiatives that are going tohelp turn around people's
satisfaction and theirengagement, more so than what's
topically on the news at themoment.
In terms of returning to work.
(18:47):
To get that cohesion andengagement going, I think
there's more to it thanphysically being present in the
office.
Look, I love being present withpeople, but I also have been in
incredibly strong, healthycultures that are completely
online and remote.
So, whilst being present canhelp, I don't think it's the
(19:10):
necessary solution.
That emotion and a safe spaceto express that emotion is
critical for connection.
The moment you think you're the expert, you're
doing your team and yourself adisservice.
This was a quote that Iremember so strongly from a
leadership program that I was apart of and one of the
executives was presenting onemotional intelligence, and
(00:22):
that's what he said the momentyou think you're the expert,
you're doing your team andyourself a disservice, and it
was such a profound moment forme because I had, up until that
point, thought I was great atemotional intelligence, but it
was so true there's alwayssomething that you can learn,
there's always a nuance that youcan improve on, and when you
(00:45):
stop doing that, it actuallyimpedes your ability to connect
with people.
There's so much, I guess, needand desire to build emotional
intelligence or EQ in leaders,and I often get asked to delve
(01:05):
into EQ or things like criticalthinking or database
decision-making, and the thingis, we so often focus on the
tools and on others.
So what do you do when theperson you're giving feedback to
gets really emotional?
That's probably one of the mostcommon questions that I receive
(01:28):
from leaders when I'm runningworkshops, and it's interesting
because we find it reallyuncomfortable to be confronted
with emotion in a workplace.
There's this overarching needto be professional and
expectation even, and itobviously varies depending on
(01:48):
different industries, but insome industries it's almost like
you need to be a professionalrobot.
Don't show emotion, and theproblem with this is that when
we hide our emotions, or onesother than the positive ones and
the happy ones, we get a reallylopsided view of things and we
(02:11):
lose the chance to connect, tosee people as people and to
create trust, because we have toshow off a false mask and hide
our true self.
Off a false mask and hide ourtrue self, which can lead to
this situation where there's areally high judgment placed on
(02:31):
leaders because of this lack ofconnection.
So I know there's a lot ofleaders that I'm hearing which
are uncomfortable, leaning intovulnerability and showing
emotion because they're worriedabout what people think both
their peers, both their directreports and both the people that
they're reporting into.
But it's almost like thisuntested fear.
(02:56):
Now we have to be soprofessional and when we hold
this really professional line asa leader, sometimes it can
create a distance between the usand them kind of scenario, and
what can then happen is thepeople that you're leading can
(03:18):
create these really highexpectations of you that you are
therefore this perfectsuperhuman, when in fact, leader
or not, title or not, we areall humans with emotions and
needs and differentpersonalities and different
triggers.
So emotions are not the issue,even though they get treated
(03:39):
like they are.
The lack of emotionalregulation is the issue.
So the lack of understanding ofour own emotions, what triggers
us, and awareness of how itimpacts others.
There's been so many times whereI've seen emotion come out in
(04:00):
the workplace, and when it's astrong emotion.
So, for example, often everyyear you can't cry in a
workplace.
People go and do that in thebathroom.
You do it in private.
You don't show people that youare upset, but you might show
people that you're angry.
And there seems to be moreacceptance of that kind of
(04:21):
emotion in the workplace.
And then the positive ones hey,yeah, let them out, but don't
let them out too much.
Yeah, don't get too excited,because we've got to be
professional.
So when we don't understand andwe're dampening things and we
don't understand how theseemotions impact other people, we
(04:41):
can be doing serious damagewithout even realizing, and I've
seen it.
I've seen people cower and jumpand not know what to expect from
a leader who's explosive oneday and lovely to chat to the
next, and so the issue is thatwe also lack strategies to
embrace our emotions all of them, the full spectrum of our
(05:05):
emotions in a healthy way, in away that's authentic, in a way
that allows people to connect.
So what I've found is that youcan build trust through emotion.
So when you tap into yourmagnetic authenticity, you're
going to naturally let some ofyour emotion out.
(05:25):
Let people see the real you.
Let people see how you'reexperiencing the world right now
.
Let people see what ischallenging you in the moment.
Let people see what's excitingyou, what's lighting you up, and
it gives people permission tonot always be a mask of okay,
and that goes so much deeperthan some of the events that you
(05:48):
can put on for like are youokay?
Day, and all of the, thewellbeing initiatives that we
put in at the tail end.
If we just allowed people toshow their emotion and connect
on that and really understandsomeone's experience of the
workplace and experience of yourleadership and our leadership
(06:09):
workplace and experience of yourleadership and our leadership,
then you kind of don't needthose tail end fixes.
You can preempt and preventsome of the issues right from
the start, because when you showemotion and you see emotion in
others.
It creates connection.
It creates this situation whereyou go oh geez, I feel like
(06:31):
that too sometimes.
Huh, right, and you can havethat empathy and it makes us
human.
So before you learn all thetechniques and tools you can use
for empathy, we have tounderstand our own emotions, and
when we understand our ownemotions we can build trust
through emotion.
(06:52):
Professor Albert Mehrabian, Ihope that's how you pronounce it
, I'm not actually sure of thepronunciation from the
University of California spenthis career studying
communication and he is theperson that coined the 73855
rule or theory aroundcommunication, which is around
(07:14):
when we're talking aboutfeelings and attitudes.
7% of that comes from the wordswe say, 38% comes from the
feeling and attitude in our toneof voice, so the way we say it,
and 55% of that feeling comesthrough our attitude and our
facial expression, so our body.
(07:36):
So if we limit and dampen theemotion, we don't even say it or
we don't show it in our tone,or we hold it back in our body
and our facial expressions,we're basically dampening all of
our communication.
(07:56):
No wonder that we havemisunderstandings in the
workplace.
No wonder that we haveengagement issues from time to
time, and no wonder we haverelationship issues in the
workplace if we can't actuallyconnect and see people's real
emotions.
Because at the end of the day,an emotion is simply a signal
from the body that something'syou know working for us or not
(08:21):
working for us, or we need topay attention to something.
It's literally like a signal tosomething.
It's literally like a signal Iremember for most of my life
really, I was an incrediblyemotional person and it wasn't
until recently that I realizedthat I was just picking up on
other people's emotions, becausewhen I was on my own, my
(08:45):
emotions were pretty neutral,but as soon as I came around
other people, they wouldincrease, they would decrease,
they would go all over the place.
It was to the point where Iwould be watching a show like
Grey's Anatomy and after I watchan episode I would be wondering
why am I feeling all of theseweird feelings?
(09:05):
They're literally the feelingsthat came out in the show, but
they would stick with me.
So for a lot of my life I heardsayings like you're too
emotional or no one wants to seeit, or it's unprofessional to
show that kind of emotion.
So I would literally tamperdown my emotions.
I would try and not get tooexcited.
(09:27):
I would if I was really upset.
I mean, there was many timesthat I cried from stress because
my body just needed to releasethe emotion.
So I would go and cry in thebathroom where no one could see
and I was wondering why?
Why was I the only one that wasstruggling?
What was wrong with me?
Why was I the only one that wasstruggling?
(09:51):
What was wrong with me?
And now I know that that's notthe case.
I know I'm not the only personthat might feel like crying at
work or getting upset or needingto let out some emotion, but
back then I didn't and I spentso much energy trying to quell
my emotions that I thought itwas a weakness and I would stick
to the facts when I wascommunicating and try and set
boundaries, when I was usingjust words and I would wonder
(10:14):
why people wouldn't get it,people wouldn't hear me, what I
was saying wouldn't resonate, itwouldn't land, it wouldn't
connect, and it wasn't until Icame across this incredible
leader who has changed my life,who was someone who openly
shared their emotions.
(10:35):
So they would tell the team howthey were feeling.
They would tell the team ifthey were going well.
They would tell the team ifthey weren't going well and why
and what they were doing aboutit and what support they needed
going well and why and what theywere doing about it and what
support they needed.
And these regular conversationsand regular displays of emotion
(10:58):
really created permissionwithin the team to feel emotion,
to be human.
We could share and we feltheard and I'd never been so
empowered to be me until Ilanded in this environment.
I felt accepted for who I wasand it was magnetic.
There were people across theorganization that wanted to be
(11:21):
in this team, even if they hadno experience in the area.
They were knocking the doordown trying to get in the team
and we would have always a hostof volunteers for any kind of
project they were working on,because people just wanted to be
in that proximity.
So when we understand our ownemotions first, we create space
(11:43):
to understand and respect theemotions of others.
Space to understand and respectthe emotions of others, we
enable people to literally feelthe excitement we feel, the
energy we have, the sadness wefeel, the injustice we feel.
We can better understand whatpeople are experiencing, what's
driving their behavior and theirmotivation, and we can start to
(12:05):
build that trust throughemotion, and I think that's so
much more powerful than runninga survey to ask how people are
going to check in on engagementsatisfaction.
Whilst those things are great,I think they're absolutely
needed and important needed andimportant I think the power of a
(12:33):
real conversation with emotionis totally underrated right now
in today's society.
So if you want to build trustthrough emotion, if you want to
start to notice your ownemotional regulation or lack of
like mine was, it was all overthe place emotional regulation
or lack of like mine was it wasall over the place I've got some
(12:54):
reflection questions for you toconsider.
The first one is to just focuson how could you start being
more open with emotion?
So to do this, the first thingyou can do is notice when do you
feel emotion and when do youhold it back in the workplace,
and you can do this in life aswell.
And, as you're noticing, I'dlove for you to ask these
(13:17):
questions Is there a genuineneed to hold that emotion back
Like?
Are you actually doing it foryour safety, and it's necessary
to keep you safe?
If it is, then great, hold itin, because there certainly are
environments where it is unsafe,whether that is in terms of
your career or your emotionalsafety, or sometimes even your
(13:39):
physical safety.
It's unsafe for you to be thetrue you and reveal all of you
and reveal those emotions.
So the question, though, is toactually stop and judge.
Is there a genuine need forthat safety?
Or, like I like to tell my kids,our amygdala likes to think
that everything's a lion, right.
(14:00):
Everything that could possiblyimpact our emotions, our
identity, our self-worth, ourego.
Basically, it thinkseverything's a threat like a
lion, but it's not actually alion, right.
A lion could actuallyphysically attack us and do some
damage, but these emotionaldangers sometimes and often are
(14:22):
perceived or we expect them, butwhen we actually try it out in
reality, I've often found and myclients have often found that
that reality we pictured, theone that we were anxious about,
doesn't actually eventuate orrarely does.
So that's the first one is isthere a genuine need for you to
hold back that emotion?
(14:42):
The second one, as you'renoticing, is to just see if it's
a habit.
Am I just doing this onautopilot, or is it something
that you think you actually doneed to do?
So it's a very rational andlogical and purposeful sharing
(15:05):
of that emotion or holding backof that emotion.
So that's step one to reallynotice.
So the second step in buildingtrust through emotion and
starting to be more open withyour emotions is to do a small
test Let some emotion out, andthe safest way to do it is
obviously to be your morepositive, happier emotions.
(15:27):
Be a little bit more excitedabout something that you're
sharing, like a win that theteam has had.
When you're presenting to theexecutive, and just notice what
happens.
Maybe play with some strongerones when you're feeling
frustrated.
Don't take your frustration outon someone, but just let them
know I am so frustrated rightnow and see what happens.
So you can do that by usingyour words, so describing how
(15:50):
you feel, or you can show it inyour tone, or you can show it
using your facial expressionsand your body.
And now the third thing that youcan do to build trust through
emotion and start being moreopen with your emotions is to
notice, then, what happens onceyou do these things.
How do people actually respondto these little tests?
(16:13):
Are they judging you?
Are they looking at youstrangely, like what's going on,
or do they just go throughouttheir day as if nothing's
changed because maybe the testwas so, so small that they
couldn't even notice.
Or is it possible thatsomething might surprise you in
a positive way, that you mightget someone to pause and think
(16:36):
and notice and reflect forthemselves, that that you might
get someone to pause and thinkand notice and reflect for
themselves, that maybe they feelthat way too, or maybe you've
been able to articulatesomething that they've been
feeling, that they hadn't beenable to put their finger on, or
maybe you've opened up apermission and a space to have
an open conversation about thetrue impact that things are
(16:57):
having on someone.
And this brings me to anotherpoint.
I was going to wrap it up there, but I want to make this point.
I was facilitating a workshoptoday and I often facilitate on
things like giving and receivingfeedback in a really impactful
way, and one of the key thingsin that is actually sharing what
(17:21):
the impact is of someone'sbehavior or actions when you
give someone feedback.
Now, if you're in a workplacethat is not allowed to actually
share emotion, it becomes muchharder to understand the impact
when we're just using words andwe're trying to pare back the
emotion and keep it reallylogical and neutral and
(17:42):
professional, and that makes itso much harder to give
meaningful feedback, but also toreceive it in a way that people
really understand.
We're literally taking away apart of our human language by
diminishing our emotions.
So if you're wondering, as aleader, why maybe someone isn't
(18:03):
getting what you've told them,why they're not understanding
what they need to do, or maybewhy their performance has
dropped and they're not engaged,my question to you is have you
created an environment wherepeople can openly show and talk
about their emotions and thereal impact that things are
(18:25):
having on them?
Because that is so, so powerful.
When you can show and bringyour whole self and talk about
those real impacts.
That's when you can get to theroot cause and actually design
initiatives that are going tohelp turn around people's
satisfaction and theirengagement, more so than what's
topically on the news at themoment.
In terms of returning to work.
(18:47):
To get that cohesion andengagement going, I think
there's more to it thanphysically being present in the
office.
Look, I love being present withpeople, but I also have been in
incredibly strong, healthycultures that are completely
online and remote.
So, whilst being present canhelp, I don't think it's the
(19:10):
necessary solution.
That emotion and a safe spaceto express that emotion is
critical for connection.
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