August 6, 2025 • 37 mins
Overcoming Trauma & Finding Healing: Natalee's Journey - Episode 1
Join Marvae as she welcomes special guest Natalee Garay Espinal, an associate licensed clinical social worker and crisis intervention specialist. In this first episode of a three-part series, Natalee shares her life story, discussing her early years, experiences with trauma, PTSD diagnosis, and the path she has taken towards healing and personal growth. Discover how lifelong learning, spirituality, and mental health support have shaped Natalee's journey. Don't miss this insightful conversation and stay tuned for the upcoming episodes. Like, subscribe, and leave your questions or comments below!
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Hi, it's Marvae.
Thank you for tuning in with metoday.
I am so delighted to haveNatalie Garay Espinal.
She is an associate licensedclinical social worker and
crisis intervention specialist.
Today, she's gonna discuss herlife experiences and share her
insights into lifelong learningand honesty through healing.
(00:23):
This will be the first of athree part series to engage in
meaningful conversation aboutliving through trauma and how
it's transformed her life.
I hope you enjoy, and if youlike the content of this video,
please like and subscribe.
Marvae (00:40):
Hi Natalee.
Thank you for joining me today.
I'm super excited that you'rehere.
So why don't we start with youtelling our viewers what your
content is gonna be about.
Natalee (00:51):
Perfect.
Thank you for having me.
I'm super excited to be here andjust my story, kind of going
through a, a life review firstis my plan for this talk, and
then the following one.
Be strictly about my educationand my process to get there in
case anyone's interested andwants to know how I got to being
(01:12):
a crisis intervention specialistand also working to pursue a
licensure in social work.
So, I'll be talking about thatin the next video.
And then the third video isgoing to be about a more recent
pretty traumatic experience thatI had where I was attacked by a,
a dog and, was a prettysignificant amount of damage to
(01:36):
my leg, and so I just wanted togive that its own importance
because it was a recent, reallytraumatic thing that happened.
And so, you know, I thinkthere's some viewers out there
that could, appreciate just theprocess of healing and the
things that I did to get back togrounding myself after kind of
being immobile for a good month.
(01:58):
So yeah, that's gonna be theprogression of what I'm gonna
share.
So, without further ado, wouldyou like me to just get started?
Marvae (02:09):
Absolutely.
Let's get rolling
Natalee (02:12):
let's get rolling.
Okay.
So who am I?
So let's see.
I basically grew up in the BayArea.
I moved around a lot from what Ican remember when I was younger.
So this is like, elementaryschool age
Marvae (02:27):
Mm-hmm.
Natalee (02:28):
My most probably vivid memories, I would say would be
middle school and on.
And the reason I say that isbecause I do have lived
experience.
I was sexually abused as achild, and so a lot of that,
really played a part in kind ofhow I absorbed memories and lost
memories.
(02:48):
so later on, which I will getto, I was diagnosed formally
with PTSD and started tounderstand.
Why I was not able to accessthose memories, and just be able
to put timelines together beforemiddle school.
So, but from what I can rememberand from what I've talked about
(03:10):
with my family members, is thatwe moved around a lot, but
basically stayed in the BayArea.
and the bay area's always beengood to me.
I mean, it's just great weather.
Like I never really wanna leave,but.
Marvae (03:25):
Yeah, California weather.
Natalee (03:27):
Yeah, who knows where, where my journey will take me.
And I was very shy as a child.
Now if you were to meet me inperson, you would probably say
something different, but yeah,all throughout childhood
elementary age and going leadingup into middle school, I was a
very shy person.
I liked to keep to myself.
(03:48):
And I still like to do that now.
I find that it's very groundingfor me.
But I think part of that too wasbecause of just what I was going
through at the time and I reallyfelt safe being within myself
and my own space and mind spenta lot of time in my room.
I was a very studious, a verystudious student.
I liked to get A's, and I justliked to get my work done.
(04:11):
But I do remember a, a vividhome that I lived in, in
Millbury.
And this was right before I wentinto middle school and we had a
just a really.
Beautiful, kind of whimsicalbackyard and I just remember it
being a very safe place for me.
I loved being outside and beingaround nature, and that's very
much a part of my healing story,which I'll get into later on in,
(04:33):
in another talk.
But I just remember that spacebeing just the most beautiful
backyard.
It had a little playhouse in itand it was just, there was just
nooks and crannies.
and.
don't know why, but I'm verydrawn to just kind of fairies
and gnomes and just, you know,this kind of magical space that,
you know, I think is there in,in my imagination.
(04:55):
So when I was younger I reallyplayed a lot on that.
Going into middle school wasagain, you know, it was very
isolating experience because Ijust didn't really like to be
social.
And so there were somesignificant things that happened
in middle school betweenstudents that really kind of set
the tone for.
(05:16):
the experience I was gonna havethere.
And that was hard.
You know, kids can be mean, kidscan be,
Marvae (05:23):
Yeah.
Natalee (05:24):
you know, and it's, it's a hard thing to navigate.
So, but I got through it, youknow, and went into high school
with kind of the same energy.
I wasn't very involved in anyclubs or anything like that.
And, yeah, just had a very smallgroup of friends.
My ethnicity is I would sayprobably 70% Nicaragua and the
(05:46):
other 30% is Danish and a mix ofsome other things.
I mean, I could.
totally off.
But people meet me, they alwaysask me that question, you know,
what is your ethnic background?
Unfortunately I don't speakSpanish as well as I understand
it so I can understand aconversation.
That's definitely something onmy bucket list to get done is.
(06:09):
Learn how to speak Spanishproperly outside of
conversation.
fun fact, I did spend four yearstaking Spanish in high school
and I still still struggle.
But I say that because, know,you would think that I would
have wanted to like, join a clubbased on my ethnicity in high
school, but I did not.
And that's okay.
You know, I still, there stillwas a, a nice, healthy Latin
(06:33):
community in high school, whichwas nice.
So I didn't feel isolated oralone or anything like that.
And it was overall like astudious experience.
And then once I finished highschool, it was kind of like, bit
of an open window.
I didn't really know what Iwanted to do or where I wanted
to go.
I just didn't really have asolid kind of knowing of myself.
So, of course, in your twenties,in my perspective, we make a lot
(06:58):
of mistakes, right?
We just, we're just trying tofigure it out.
So, you know, I ended up workingfor the first time and just kind
of navigating what it.
Feels like to be a taxpayer andyou know, like and, you know
talk to coworkers and justnavigate that space of working
together as a team.
which was interesting because,you know, I, as a shy person and
(07:23):
basically being isolated,choosing to be isolated from
being social.
Now when you're working, youdon't have a choice.
So that's something that you areexpected to do.
So I learned a lot about how tocommunicate with people through
my employment.
And I had my son when I was 24,so I was, I was young.
(07:44):
definitely wasn't a plannedthing, but a beautiful,
beautiful experience and entryinto parenthood.
He is now 21, and thriving.
He's very handsome and activeand just doing a lot of things.
but at the time, you know,again, managing PTSD, managing a
(08:05):
tumultuous childhood and goinginto parenthood, I had a, a
refocus.
And so now I was like, okay, Iknow what my purpose is.
I am meant to rear thisbeautiful human being.
And so that was my target.
and watching him grow has been.
The most amazing.
(08:27):
Experience, it's been veryhealing.
Even though relationships inbetween that time were happening
and not necessarily functioningthe way that I would've liked
them to, I still had my son.
And so I spent a lot of timewith him.
And I, at that time I wasactually working in childcare,
and the bulk of the first halfof probably the first 17 years
(08:48):
of employment.
c childcare, ended up getting adegree, in early childhood
education, which I'll talk moreabout in the next video.
But that really did help kind ofbuild a foundation for me as a
mom.
I hadn't quite figured out whatit meant to work through,
through trauma and, and mentalhealth.
I didn't really know a lot aboutthat, but I'd heard about it
(09:10):
from friends and social mediaand just, you know, outside
conversations.
So I had already had those seedsplanted within my environment,
but I didn't act on it.
I didn't know that I could goout and get help.
I didn't know that there weretherapists out there.
I didn't know that there wasthis whole nother informational
space where I could talk withpeople and connect with groups
(09:32):
and network to figure out how doI live my life with PTSD.
How do I live my life withtrauma?
What do I do, right?
So I invested all of my energyin being a parent and being a
mom, that was still somethingbig that was in my life that
really needed attention andprobably was part of the reason
why.
I had different levels of.
(09:53):
We'll say depression, and thatwasn't really named until later,
but that's what it felt likeduring the times that I wasn't
addressing my trauma.
And four years after my son wasborn, I had my daughter.
And that was a little bit moreof a, of a deeper and, entry
into being a mom again, becauseI didn't know what postpartum
(10:14):
depression was.
I didn't have any awareness ofit.
and of course, you only knowwhat you know, right?
So if I didn't know about it.
didn't ask about it.
So, I ended up starting to justfeel these very heavy, heavy
bouts of sadness and I didn'tknow where that was coming from.
(10:35):
lack of energy, not wanting toget up, not wanting to do
things, not even wanting toengage with my kids.
It was a pretty, a pretty toughfirst year.
You know, again, rearing asecond child.
And of course a daughter, youknow, having a son different,
you know, different experience.
Having a daughter, differentexperience.
I loved that I had a boy and agirl, but navigating that was,
(10:56):
was a hard time.
and so, you know, again.
with PTSD and just
Marvae (11:04):
Yeah.
Natalee (11:05):
that I had in childhood, was a lot that I was
carrying with me, and I didn'trealize that until later on when
I finally decided to addressthis, know, mental health.
that I had.
and so moving forward there weresome key and experiences that
(11:25):
happened in between my son beingborn and my daughter being
bored.
and I wanna say it because it'svery, it was a very significant
time in my life where I was.
Very deep sadness.
My brother passed away tosuicide and that was before my
daughter was born.
And so was just a really hardtime for the family, you know,
(11:48):
navigating that sadness of loss.
me being the oldest in myfamily.
Purposefully wear the hat ofbeing the eldest.
But that energy still stayedwith me.
That responsibility, that kindof like taking on the, the, the
guilt and the shame forsomething that happened that
again was just, was out of mycontrol, but I still felt the
(12:12):
sadness of not being able to fixor help that situation and my
brother.
And so I was navigating that.
And between having my son andthen having my daughter.
So my brother didn't get to meetmy daughter, but I have had
multiple conversations about whohe was just him as a person and
(12:33):
just the light that he was inour family.
And know, I talk about him likehe's right next to me.
You know, I, I carry his spiritwith me everywhere that I go.
and I think it's, it's beautifulnow to have passed through that
heaviness and sadness and, andloss that we felt to now be in a
(12:54):
space of remembering his life,right?
Remembering his story andremembering what he brought to
our family and who he was.
So I'm always reminding myselfof that especially when I'm in
meditation and prayer.
And so, you know, these weresome heavy things that were
happening in my life and I wasreally trying to navigate that
(13:14):
just as a human being, you know,aside from being a mother, you
know, and then also being anemployee in society and managing
friends, right, and managing,you know, my other siblings, it.
There's so many things tojuggle, right?
How the heck do you do this whenyou also have all of this heavy
mental health stuff that you'redealing with?
It's not easy.
(13:36):
and the reason I say that, andI, and I want to let viewers
know that, is because you're notalone.
You know, as humans, we, we arenot promised that we're not
gonna go through hardship.
And we have many outlets to beable to help us, but I think the
biggest thing is choosing totake the help.
Right.
Choosing to want to, to gethealthy and get help and find
(13:59):
those spaces where you can findthe healing that you need.
And so after my daughter, Igotten.
Out of that relationship a shorttime, and then got into another
relationship where I ended upmarrying that person.
And I was married for about 12years.
(14:19):
and, and I got divorced.
And, and that's okay.
You know, I have made peace withthat.
It was a, it was an experienceit was 12 years of being in
relationship with someone andbeing cohesive and rearing.
These two amazing kids.
He didn't have kids of his own,so he basically took on a little
(14:41):
mini family.
So I'm forever grateful forthat.
But in between that time, didn'treally understand necessarily
what I was going through, andthat's not his fault, right?
Because I didn't communicatethose things I didn't want to.
was something that I felt that Icould deal with on my own.
And I've learned over time thatthat is the backwards way of
(15:04):
thinking about it, right?
Because there's many.
Ways that we can outreach,right?
That we can outsource and findhelp.
We don't have to be alone inanything, but it's always a
choice.
And so for me, I didn't feelsafe enough and vulnerable
enough to invite him in tounderstand what pain I was going
(15:26):
through.
So during that time of mymarriage, I ended up needing to
reach out to get into somepsychotherapy, and I'm glad that
I did because that was.
Basically my first introductioninto what is therapy?
What is a therapist?
What does that even mean?
And how are they going to helpme with my internal pain?
(15:48):
Right?
And so I want to also mention,because it's very important that
anyone who's going to findpsychotherapy, you wanna find a
goodness of fit.
Right.
It's not a one and done.
This is a relationship that youhave with someone, so you wanna
make sure that it is tailored toyour needs.
(16:11):
How you feel with that person,because you're gonna be
communicating with them probablyweekly or biweekly, And you're
gonna be sharing some veryintimate things.
So it took me a little while tofind a sweet spot to find
someone that could reallyunderstand and hold space for
me.
but once I finally found someonethat could do that, was
(16:34):
diagnosed with PTSD and alsomajor depressive disorder.
Which totally made sense.
I've been carrying all of thesepast experiences with me and
this really heavy energy and Ijust didn't know what to do with
it.
this individual helped me workthrough my mind.
Work through things that werefacts and things that were
(16:57):
fallacies, helped me learn howto be more holistic with myself,
right?
Tap into the things that Iabsolutely enjoy doing, I
realized that I had already beendoing 99.9% of that, which was
singing Dancing, yoga,meditation.
(17:18):
I mean, I did it all.
I just didn't know that it wasbasically holding me this whole
time until I actually got totalk with a therapist and
actually speak this pain, right?
Give it some language of keepingit here, translating it from
here.
To hear, give it its importanceand give and honor it.
(17:41):
Honor it for what it was, andthen release it.
that was a beautiful process andwe'll talk more about that in
the next video.
When I talk about mental health,
Marvae (17:51):
Okay.
Natalee (17:53):
and so.
Yeah, it was, it, it was areally good journey, I would
say.
You know, some rough patchesthere, trying to find a good
sweet spot with apsychotherapist, but at the end
right.
There is a goodness of fit.
You know?
There is.
And so I just wanna give peoplethat information and that hope
that it, it's not necessarilythe person, it's just how they
(18:18):
interact with you, right?
And how you connect with them.
And so.
I would say also something elsethat, that really has been kind
of like a, a red threadthroughout my life has been
spirituality.
now I preface it as spiritualitybecause I was raised in a
(18:38):
Christian non-denominationalhousehold, so the foundation and
roots of religion come fromChristianity.
But I had to make peace withwhat that meant to me.
And as a.
Human being in the world.
I am absolutely 100% okay withthat.
And I invite anybody who'sgrappling with religion and
(19:00):
spirituality and what those twomean, you will find your answer.
You just gotta go on a journeyto find it, whatever that is for
you.
now that I name it asspirituality, what I mean by
that is that I had to kind of goin search of what did it mean to
be outside of four walls.
I've always known four walls.
(19:20):
That's the church, thecommunity, the congregation, the
pastor, the, the body of thechurch, right?
That's where you go to get thatsource and that energy and that
fellowship, but.
I wasn't connecting with thatanymore and I couldn't
understand why.
And so instead, went andresearched and found out about
(19:44):
other religions and otherpractices and started to learn
more about them and just give itits space.
Not that I necessarily dove deepinto spending years.
Practicing these things.
I just wanted to know about it.
I, I was curious.
Right.
And so going on that journey wasinteresting because I, I
(20:04):
experienced different things.
And again, I'll leave that forthe next video'cause I, I wanna
give it its depth, but.
Marvae (20:11):
Okay.
Natalee (20:12):
It is a journey, right?
It's a, it's a, it's aninvitation to about yourself and
be curious about yourself andwhy it is your heart, your mind,
your soul is moving you throughand guiding you to these
different modalities, right?
And so is the epicenter of, of.
(20:35):
Everything that I am and hasbeen there throughout this life
journey.
I pray every day.
I have meditation every day.
I am in gratitude every day, didI just wake up and be like that?
Absolutely not.
It has taken discipline andpractice put my mind in that
(20:57):
state.
To be open, to receive and to beopen to heal, to be open, to
forgive all of those larger,abstract components of mental
health and just, we'll call itlife in general.
So.
That is of all encompassing, Ithink of, of my, of my life
(21:21):
examination so far.
Presently I do hold the title ofcrisis intervention Specialist.
I am a practice.
Practicing clinician.
I also am a salsa teacher andI'm also a yoga teacher.
And if your viewers haven'tfigured out already, I am a
Virgo through and through, whichmeans I love to work and I love
(21:46):
to work against myself, right?
It's me against me.
So if I want to do something,I'm gonna do it right?
Like it's just my energy.
So I think being studious and,and, and being shy and being
self isolated really was kind ofa, a, a beautiful way of.
(22:06):
Of, of getting me in the zone,kind of that, that, that zone of
learning.
And I've always had thatthroughout my life.
It's, it's been my, my comfortzone is to learn and absorb new
content and new information.
So are the hats that I wearright now, including being a mom
full-time you know, both mykids.
(22:28):
I'm actually working towardsbeing an empty nester to be
honest.
My kids are.
They're just thriving.
My daughter's gonna graduatefrom high school next year.
My son just got a great job, soI'm extremely proud of them.
And it's beautiful because anempty nester, I just, I'm so
excited for the next chapter ofmy life, you know, whatever that
(22:50):
is, you know, whatever I'm drawnto.
so I have a little bucket listof things that I wanna.
Tackle.
Marvae (22:59):
Okay.
Natalee (23:00):
I am in a relationship, a very healthy relationship.
One that was unexpected, thatwas, I think in my mind,
divinely orchestrated one thatwas gifted to me for.
Many reasons, but I think themost important to teach me how
(23:22):
to learn to loveunconditionally.
And this individual knows melike the back of his hand.
Sometimes I don't even have tothink.
He, he knows what I need.
He knows what I'm thinking.
He knows how I feel.
That takes some time to get tothat level of a relationship
where you can know someone,without even speaking.
(23:45):
Right.
So I am very blessed to be inthat relationship.
He is the the supporter of meand everything that I do,
including my children.
it's a, it's just a, it, it's soto experience this many facets
of, of a supportiverelationship.
I'm, I'm so internally gratefulto all of the angels and the
(24:10):
heavens for this because I thinkthat I.
I didn't know that I was workingtowards this.
I didn't know that I was gonnabe granted this blessing.
So makes that gratitude like 10times more potent for me.
And I feel that we are on thispath, right, of moving towards
(24:33):
the goals and the things that wewant to accomplish together.
And that's essentially abeautiful thing to happen in a
relationship when you're both onthe same wavelength and you know
what you want and you know whatyou wanna do for the world.
just such a beautiful feeling.
So that's where I'm at today.
And you know, I'm lookingforward to sharing with you
(24:56):
these other videos.
There, there's some really goodcontent that I wanna share and,
I encourage your viewers to askquestions like if they have
anything that they wanna followup on or ask me, because all of
these things that I've sharedtoday, they're, they're heavy
hitters, right?
And so I'm sure know that peoplehave questions about certain
(25:17):
things and how I through certainthings.
And I'm happy to answer thosequestions.
but yeah, I just.
Thank you for giving me thisplatform.
This is the first
Marvae (25:30):
Absolutely
Natalee (25:32):
talked about my life like this in review,
Marvae (25:36):
and so fluid about it.
Natalee (25:37):
Yeah.
I, I, I, I, before we got on, Iwas like, Hmm, I wonder how many
times I'm gonna stop and have togo back, stop and go back.
So
Marvae (25:46):
all just very fluid.
But I do have one question.
I didn't wanna interrupt youbecause I wanted our viewers.
To get an idea of the broaderscope of everything for the
second and the third episode,but so my immediate question is,
given that everything you'vebeen through throughout your
life, the trauma, the obstacles,the despair, the.
(26:10):
How do you separate that nowwith, in your current position?
Like how do you, ma are they, doyou marry the two together and
just kind of move forward?
So kind of go into that a littlebit.
Natalee (26:24):
Yeah, that's a great question.
So I think what I'm hearing youask is how do I separate my
professional life from mypersonal life?
And so, to be honest with you,it's, it's not an easy thing to
do.
And sometimes they do meshtogether, unfortunately, because
when you're dealing with peopleand.
(26:47):
Their own worries, right, andtheir own traumas and their own
experiences.
invite that energy in, right?
You, you invite thatvulnerability in and there's no
way to not react and feel intopeople's things that they're
going through.
Like it's just, I am a veryempathic person, so.
(27:09):
always invite that in because Iknow what it feels like to, to
be in that head space of notknowing what to do or who to
turn to, or just like the wallsare caving in and there's no way
out.
I.
Physically and mentally.
And so I have to remember to dothe things that I teach, right?
(27:33):
If I'm gonna talk the talk, Ihave to walk it.
that means using my copingskills.
So when I do deal with heavytraumas and I am communicating
on a weekly basis with differentindividuals and different
struggles.
I disconnect from work, I goback home and then I mentally
(27:55):
just process and kind of sitwith it.
Is it something I need to getout physically of my body?
Then I'll walk or I'll dance.
Is it something that I want tojournal?
Is, is there something therethat caught my attention that I
wanna create something for?
Like, for example, a poem,because I love to journal and I
love to write.
(28:16):
Is it something that I want tosee visually?
Right?
I use art often.
I love to paint, so I willchoose my coping skill for the
helper in that situation or thatenergy, or whatever mood I'm in,
and I do have to actively tellmyself that that is out of my
control.
(28:37):
I don't claim to fix anyone.
I am here to hold space forpeople people choose to walk
through that with me.
I am grateful, very gratefulbecause for someone to come and
share their life and lifeexperience with me and, and be
safe enough to tell me you, youknow, their deepest, darkest
(28:59):
secrets is, is a special thing.
and so I do not take that forgranted.
So I think professionally andpersonally, it's always kind of
like in tandem with each other.
You're always trying to balancethe scales, and sometimes you
get to an even spot, right?
But nine times outta 10, you'realways just keeping it on
(29:21):
balance, and that's okay.
I actually think that that is agood space to be in because then
you're always reminded to do thework, right?
You're never left in a comfortzone where you're stagnant.
You are pulling from thoseresources that push you to move
(29:42):
that energy out and rethink.
What is it doing for me?
Why is this here?
Why am I feeling this way?
that could be something assimple as watching the
television, right, the news andexperiencing that from, from the
tv.
I remember when nine 11happened.
I turned 21 I turned on the TVthat day, and all I saw was.
(30:06):
Smoke people jumping out ofbuildings, just chaos.
And I'll never forget that daybecause it was supposed to be a
beautiful day, right?
Turning 21, this kind of like,you know,
Marvae (30:21):
Yes.
Natalee (30:21):
ushering me into adulthood.
And here I am looking at thistragedy.
And for years I didn't celebratemy birthday on September 11th.
And so.
I say that because again, itdoesn't necessarily have to be
in therapy, that I amexperiencing this kind of
energy.
(30:42):
We experience it all around usin our environment, so it is our
job as people to choose how wewant to navigate through that,
and that's how I choose.
I purposefully use my copingskills to move me through those
hard times.
Marvae (30:55):
So Natalee, do you find that it's easier to deal with
the emotions and the issuesfrom.
For example, someone you don'tknow versus a family member.
I, I'm thinking that familymembers, the emotion is, is it's
(31:16):
a different kind of emotion andsometimes that's hard to
navigate.
It.
It's, you know, it's easier todeal with.
Your friends' problems, you canlogically walk them through
steps that you think would be agood fit, would be an a, a an,
an end all good.
(31:36):
But with family, it's, it'scompletely different that
dynamic.
So I, I curious to hear whatyour thoughts are regarding
family issues.
Natalee (31:50):
Yeah, I think that's a great question and it's a tricky
one, right?
Because family is a sacredspace, right?
It's a, I would say it's a, it'sa different kind of love.
It's an elevated love, right?
We, we have been and
Marvae (32:04):
Yeah.
Natalee (32:04):
time with these humans for most of our lives, right?
If we have that family dynamic'cause not everybody does, but
if you do, whatever that dynamicis, we'll say you get close,
right, and you get vulnerableand you express a different type
of like higher love, I'll say.
It can hurt right?
(32:25):
When, when energy is notreciprocated, right?
And so I think for me workingthrough and communicating.
Is an important part of anythingthat humans do a
psychotherapist.
That is what I communicate to myclients, is having an open line
(32:47):
of communication and boundaries,right?
still my own person.
I love my family members and Ialways will, I've learned over
time, especially being someonewho has experienced trauma, that
it is important to be your ownperson whatever context that is.
(33:08):
If you're respectful and you'respeaking from your.
you know who you are, yourvalues, your beliefs, and that
working system that guides you,that epicenter.
anything that you communicate.
Is going to be received.
Now we have no control how it'sgonna be received.
(33:28):
And that could be familialfriend, stranger, it doesn't
matter, right?
And so for me as a personnavigating that as an older
sister, there will always bethings that you know, we will
need to work through.
You know, things that we didn'tknow that might still be there
(33:48):
and lingering that we need totalk about.
You know, and, and that willalways be because they're the
closest things to me, right?
They're in my family bubble andin my family unit, have
experienced, when I've cried,they've experienced when I've
gotten hurt.
holidays together and traditionstogether.
All those things are beautifulmemories that make up our
(34:12):
relationship.
that is separate from being justthe human Natalee and just me
and who I am and who I want tobe in the world.
So it's not a necessarily aneasy thing to do, it's just a
gentle reminder, you know, thatit's, it's something to work
towards, you know, learning tobe your authentic self in
(34:34):
whatever context that is.
Stranger friend or family.
It's not to say that we don'tfight and we don't have tiffs
and we don't wanna not talk toeach other for weeks and months.
just how life is, right?
Like I don't have control overhow anyone is gonna receive what
(34:55):
I say.
if I know who I am and I'mstanding my ground for the
reasons that I choose to standthose grounds, then that has to
be enough for me.
Marvae (35:04):
That's, that's pretty insightful, very insightful.
I think that, for example, me, Ihave evolved.
I don't think we ever stopchanging.
I don't think we ever stoplearning until we're not here
anymore.
So there's an evolution untilyou die.
(35:27):
There's always something new tolearn,
Natalee (35:29):
Yeah.
Marvae (35:30):
Whether it's it's education or with people.
Things that I wasn't interestedin years ago that.
I'm interested now in, you know,so it's, it, it is an evolution
to me.
Natalee (35:45):
Absolutely.
100%.
I agree with that.
I really like how you said that.
Always evolving.
Marvae (35:52):
Well, are we nearing the end or are, do you still have.
Natalee (35:57):
are.
Marvae (35:58):
Okay, our viewers have to look forward to Natalee's
second episode and we are goingto provide links and your
website and how to get ahold ofyou down below so we will chat.
First of all, as you know, I amvery grateful that you have
(36:20):
shared as much as you have, andI'm excited that we're gonna get
into our second and thirdepisode, and there's gonna be a
broader sense of what we'regonna talk about.
What.
What we, what you would like totalk about in those episodes.
So that's very exciting to meand I'm sure to viewers that are
looking forward to it as well.
(36:40):
So thank you.
Thank you, Natalee, for beinghere.
Natalee (36:44):
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Thank you for giving me thisplatform.
I'm looking forward to it.
And yes, links will be providedto where you can find me and any
follow up questions that yourviewers have, please let me
know.
if I'm.
Able to offer any insightfulthings other than what I've
talked about or they havequestions about anything, having
(37:04):
to do with mental health.
Before we have that talk, pleaselet me know'cause that'll help
to preface the next video.
so thank you.
I
Marvae (37:13):
Okay.
Natalee (37:13):
this time.
Marvae (37:15):
Thank you Natalee, and we will talk again very, very
soon.
Natalee (37:19):
Okay, you're welcome.
Hi, it's Marvae.
Thank you for tuning in with metoday.
I am so delighted to haveNatalie Garay Espinal.
She is an associate licensedclinical social worker and
crisis intervention specialist.
Today, she's gonna discuss herlife experiences and share her
insights into lifelong learningand honesty through healing.
(00:23):
This will be the first of athree part series to engage in
meaningful conversation aboutliving through trauma and how
it's transformed her life.
I hope you enjoy, and if youlike the content of this video,
please like and subscribe.
Marvae (00:40):
Hi Natalee.
Thank you for joining me today.
I'm super excited that you'rehere.
So why don't we start with youtelling our viewers what your
content is gonna be about.
Natalee (00:51):
Perfect.
Thank you for having me.
I'm super excited to be here andjust my story, kind of going
through a, a life review firstis my plan for this talk, and
then the following one.
Be strictly about my educationand my process to get there in
case anyone's interested andwants to know how I got to being
(01:12):
a crisis intervention specialistand also working to pursue a
licensure in social work.
So, I'll be talking about thatin the next video.
And then the third video isgoing to be about a more recent
pretty traumatic experience thatI had where I was attacked by a,
a dog and, was a prettysignificant amount of damage to
(01:36):
my leg, and so I just wanted togive that its own importance
because it was a recent, reallytraumatic thing that happened.
And so, you know, I thinkthere's some viewers out there
that could, appreciate just theprocess of healing and the
things that I did to get back togrounding myself after kind of
being immobile for a good month.
(01:58):
So yeah, that's gonna be theprogression of what I'm gonna
share.
So, without further ado, wouldyou like me to just get started?
Marvae (02:09):
Absolutely.
Let's get rolling
Natalee (02:12):
let's get rolling.
Okay.
So who am I?
So let's see.
I basically grew up in the BayArea.
I moved around a lot from what Ican remember when I was younger.
So this is like, elementaryschool age
Marvae (02:27):
Mm-hmm.
Natalee (02:28):
My most probably vivid memories, I would say would be
middle school and on.
And the reason I say that isbecause I do have lived
experience.
I was sexually abused as achild, and so a lot of that,
really played a part in kind ofhow I absorbed memories and lost
memories.
(02:48):
so later on, which I will getto, I was diagnosed formally
with PTSD and started tounderstand.
Why I was not able to accessthose memories, and just be able
to put timelines together beforemiddle school.
So, but from what I can rememberand from what I've talked about
(03:10):
with my family members, is thatwe moved around a lot, but
basically stayed in the BayArea.
and the bay area's always beengood to me.
I mean, it's just great weather.
Like I never really wanna leave,but.
Marvae (03:25):
Yeah, California weather.
Natalee (03:27):
Yeah, who knows where, where my journey will take me.
And I was very shy as a child.
Now if you were to meet me inperson, you would probably say
something different, but yeah,all throughout childhood
elementary age and going leadingup into middle school, I was a
very shy person.
I liked to keep to myself.
(03:48):
And I still like to do that now.
I find that it's very groundingfor me.
But I think part of that too wasbecause of just what I was going
through at the time and I reallyfelt safe being within myself
and my own space and mind spenta lot of time in my room.
I was a very studious, a verystudious student.
I liked to get A's, and I justliked to get my work done.
(04:11):
But I do remember a, a vividhome that I lived in, in
Millbury.
And this was right before I wentinto middle school and we had a
just a really.
Beautiful, kind of whimsicalbackyard and I just remember it
being a very safe place for me.
I loved being outside and beingaround nature, and that's very
much a part of my healing story,which I'll get into later on in,
(04:33):
in another talk.
But I just remember that spacebeing just the most beautiful
backyard.
It had a little playhouse in itand it was just, there was just
nooks and crannies.
and.
don't know why, but I'm verydrawn to just kind of fairies
and gnomes and just, you know,this kind of magical space that,
you know, I think is there in,in my imagination.
(04:55):
So when I was younger I reallyplayed a lot on that.
Going into middle school wasagain, you know, it was very
isolating experience because Ijust didn't really like to be
social.
And so there were somesignificant things that happened
in middle school betweenstudents that really kind of set
the tone for.
(05:16):
the experience I was gonna havethere.
And that was hard.
You know, kids can be mean, kidscan be,
Marvae (05:23):
Yeah.
Natalee (05:24):
you know, and it's, it's a hard thing to navigate.
So, but I got through it, youknow, and went into high school
with kind of the same energy.
I wasn't very involved in anyclubs or anything like that.
And, yeah, just had a very smallgroup of friends.
My ethnicity is I would sayprobably 70% Nicaragua and the
(05:46):
other 30% is Danish and a mix ofsome other things.
I mean, I could.
totally off.
But people meet me, they alwaysask me that question, you know,
what is your ethnic background?
Unfortunately I don't speakSpanish as well as I understand
it so I can understand aconversation.
That's definitely something onmy bucket list to get done is.
(06:09):
Learn how to speak Spanishproperly outside of
conversation.
fun fact, I did spend four yearstaking Spanish in high school
and I still still struggle.
But I say that because, know,you would think that I would
have wanted to like, join a clubbased on my ethnicity in high
school, but I did not.
And that's okay.
You know, I still, there stillwas a, a nice, healthy Latin
(06:33):
community in high school, whichwas nice.
So I didn't feel isolated oralone or anything like that.
And it was overall like astudious experience.
And then once I finished highschool, it was kind of like, bit
of an open window.
I didn't really know what Iwanted to do or where I wanted
to go.
I just didn't really have asolid kind of knowing of myself.
So, of course, in your twenties,in my perspective, we make a lot
(06:58):
of mistakes, right?
We just, we're just trying tofigure it out.
So, you know, I ended up workingfor the first time and just kind
of navigating what it.
Feels like to be a taxpayer andyou know, like and, you know
talk to coworkers and justnavigate that space of working
together as a team.
which was interesting because,you know, I, as a shy person and
(07:23):
basically being isolated,choosing to be isolated from
being social.
Now when you're working, youdon't have a choice.
So that's something that you areexpected to do.
So I learned a lot about how tocommunicate with people through
my employment.
And I had my son when I was 24,so I was, I was young.
(07:44):
definitely wasn't a plannedthing, but a beautiful,
beautiful experience and entryinto parenthood.
He is now 21, and thriving.
He's very handsome and activeand just doing a lot of things.
but at the time, you know,again, managing PTSD, managing a
(08:05):
tumultuous childhood and goinginto parenthood, I had a, a
refocus.
And so now I was like, okay, Iknow what my purpose is.
I am meant to rear thisbeautiful human being.
And so that was my target.
and watching him grow has been.
The most amazing.
(08:27):
Experience, it's been veryhealing.
Even though relationships inbetween that time were happening
and not necessarily functioningthe way that I would've liked
them to, I still had my son.
And so I spent a lot of timewith him.
And I, at that time I wasactually working in childcare,
and the bulk of the first halfof probably the first 17 years
(08:48):
of employment.
c childcare, ended up getting adegree, in early childhood
education, which I'll talk moreabout in the next video.
But that really did help kind ofbuild a foundation for me as a
mom.
I hadn't quite figured out whatit meant to work through,
through trauma and, and mentalhealth.
I didn't really know a lot aboutthat, but I'd heard about it
(09:10):
from friends and social mediaand just, you know, outside
conversations.
So I had already had those seedsplanted within my environment,
but I didn't act on it.
I didn't know that I could goout and get help.
I didn't know that there weretherapists out there.
I didn't know that there wasthis whole nother informational
space where I could talk withpeople and connect with groups
(09:32):
and network to figure out how doI live my life with PTSD.
How do I live my life withtrauma?
What do I do, right?
So I invested all of my energyin being a parent and being a
mom, that was still somethingbig that was in my life that
really needed attention andprobably was part of the reason
why.
I had different levels of.
(09:53):
We'll say depression, and thatwasn't really named until later,
but that's what it felt likeduring the times that I wasn't
addressing my trauma.
And four years after my son wasborn, I had my daughter.
And that was a little bit moreof a, of a deeper and, entry
into being a mom again, becauseI didn't know what postpartum
(10:14):
depression was.
I didn't have any awareness ofit.
and of course, you only knowwhat you know, right?
So if I didn't know about it.
didn't ask about it.
So, I ended up starting to justfeel these very heavy, heavy
bouts of sadness and I didn'tknow where that was coming from.
(10:35):
lack of energy, not wanting toget up, not wanting to do
things, not even wanting toengage with my kids.
It was a pretty, a pretty toughfirst year.
You know, again, rearing asecond child.
And of course a daughter, youknow, having a son different,
you know, different experience.
Having a daughter, differentexperience.
I loved that I had a boy and agirl, but navigating that was,
(10:56):
was a hard time.
and so, you know, again.
with PTSD and just
Marvae (11:04):
Yeah.
Natalee (11:05):
that I had in childhood, was a lot that I was
carrying with me, and I didn'trealize that until later on when
I finally decided to addressthis, know, mental health.
that I had.
and so moving forward there weresome key and experiences that
(11:25):
happened in between my son beingborn and my daughter being
bored.
and I wanna say it because it'svery, it was a very significant
time in my life where I was.
Very deep sadness.
My brother passed away tosuicide and that was before my
daughter was born.
And so was just a really hardtime for the family, you know,
(11:48):
navigating that sadness of loss.
me being the oldest in myfamily.
Purposefully wear the hat ofbeing the eldest.
But that energy still stayedwith me.
That responsibility, that kindof like taking on the, the, the
guilt and the shame forsomething that happened that
again was just, was out of mycontrol, but I still felt the
(12:12):
sadness of not being able to fixor help that situation and my
brother.
And so I was navigating that.
And between having my son andthen having my daughter.
So my brother didn't get to meetmy daughter, but I have had
multiple conversations about whohe was just him as a person and
(12:33):
just the light that he was inour family.
And know, I talk about him likehe's right next to me.
You know, I, I carry his spiritwith me everywhere that I go.
and I think it's, it's beautifulnow to have passed through that
heaviness and sadness and, andloss that we felt to now be in a
(12:54):
space of remembering his life,right?
Remembering his story andremembering what he brought to
our family and who he was.
So I'm always reminding myselfof that especially when I'm in
meditation and prayer.
And so, you know, these weresome heavy things that were
happening in my life and I wasreally trying to navigate that
(13:14):
just as a human being, you know,aside from being a mother, you
know, and then also being anemployee in society and managing
friends, right, and managing,you know, my other siblings, it.
There's so many things tojuggle, right?
How the heck do you do this whenyou also have all of this heavy
mental health stuff that you'redealing with?
It's not easy.
(13:36):
and the reason I say that, andI, and I want to let viewers
know that, is because you're notalone.
You know, as humans, we, we arenot promised that we're not
gonna go through hardship.
And we have many outlets to beable to help us, but I think the
biggest thing is choosing totake the help.
Right.
Choosing to want to, to gethealthy and get help and find
(13:59):
those spaces where you can findthe healing that you need.
And so after my daughter, Igotten.
Out of that relationship a shorttime, and then got into another
relationship where I ended upmarrying that person.
And I was married for about 12years.
(14:19):
and, and I got divorced.
And, and that's okay.
You know, I have made peace withthat.
It was a, it was an experienceit was 12 years of being in
relationship with someone andbeing cohesive and rearing.
These two amazing kids.
He didn't have kids of his own,so he basically took on a little
(14:41):
mini family.
So I'm forever grateful forthat.
But in between that time, didn'treally understand necessarily
what I was going through, andthat's not his fault, right?
Because I didn't communicatethose things I didn't want to.
was something that I felt that Icould deal with on my own.
And I've learned over time thatthat is the backwards way of
(15:04):
thinking about it, right?
Because there's many.
Ways that we can outreach,right?
That we can outsource and findhelp.
We don't have to be alone inanything, but it's always a
choice.
And so for me, I didn't feelsafe enough and vulnerable
enough to invite him in tounderstand what pain I was going
(15:26):
through.
So during that time of mymarriage, I ended up needing to
reach out to get into somepsychotherapy, and I'm glad that
I did because that was.
Basically my first introductioninto what is therapy?
What is a therapist?
What does that even mean?
And how are they going to helpme with my internal pain?
(15:48):
Right?
And so I want to also mention,because it's very important that
anyone who's going to findpsychotherapy, you wanna find a
goodness of fit.
Right.
It's not a one and done.
This is a relationship that youhave with someone, so you wanna
make sure that it is tailored toyour needs.
(16:11):
How you feel with that person,because you're gonna be
communicating with them probablyweekly or biweekly, And you're
gonna be sharing some veryintimate things.
So it took me a little while tofind a sweet spot to find
someone that could reallyunderstand and hold space for
me.
but once I finally found someonethat could do that, was
(16:34):
diagnosed with PTSD and alsomajor depressive disorder.
Which totally made sense.
I've been carrying all of thesepast experiences with me and
this really heavy energy and Ijust didn't know what to do with
it.
this individual helped me workthrough my mind.
Work through things that werefacts and things that were
(16:57):
fallacies, helped me learn howto be more holistic with myself,
right?
Tap into the things that Iabsolutely enjoy doing, I
realized that I had already beendoing 99.9% of that, which was
singing Dancing, yoga,meditation.
(17:18):
I mean, I did it all.
I just didn't know that it wasbasically holding me this whole
time until I actually got totalk with a therapist and
actually speak this pain, right?
Give it some language of keepingit here, translating it from
here.
To hear, give it its importanceand give and honor it.
(17:41):
Honor it for what it was, andthen release it.
that was a beautiful process andwe'll talk more about that in
the next video.
When I talk about mental health,
Marvae (17:51):
Okay.
Natalee (17:53):
and so.
Yeah, it was, it, it was areally good journey, I would
say.
You know, some rough patchesthere, trying to find a good
sweet spot with apsychotherapist, but at the end
right.
There is a goodness of fit.
You know?
There is.
And so I just wanna give peoplethat information and that hope
that it, it's not necessarilythe person, it's just how they
(18:18):
interact with you, right?
And how you connect with them.
And so.
I would say also something elsethat, that really has been kind
of like a, a red threadthroughout my life has been
spirituality.
now I preface it as spiritualitybecause I was raised in a
(18:38):
Christian non-denominationalhousehold, so the foundation and
roots of religion come fromChristianity.
But I had to make peace withwhat that meant to me.
And as a.
Human being in the world.
I am absolutely 100% okay withthat.
And I invite anybody who'sgrappling with religion and
(19:00):
spirituality and what those twomean, you will find your answer.
You just gotta go on a journeyto find it, whatever that is for
you.
now that I name it asspirituality, what I mean by
that is that I had to kind of goin search of what did it mean to
be outside of four walls.
I've always known four walls.
(19:20):
That's the church, thecommunity, the congregation, the
pastor, the, the body of thechurch, right?
That's where you go to get thatsource and that energy and that
fellowship, but.
I wasn't connecting with thatanymore and I couldn't
understand why.
And so instead, went andresearched and found out about
(19:44):
other religions and otherpractices and started to learn
more about them and just give itits space.
Not that I necessarily dove deepinto spending years.
Practicing these things.
I just wanted to know about it.
I, I was curious.
Right.
And so going on that journey wasinteresting because I, I
(20:04):
experienced different things.
And again, I'll leave that forthe next video'cause I, I wanna
give it its depth, but.
Marvae (20:11):
Okay.
Natalee (20:12):
It is a journey, right?
It's a, it's a, it's aninvitation to about yourself and
be curious about yourself andwhy it is your heart, your mind,
your soul is moving you throughand guiding you to these
different modalities, right?
And so is the epicenter of, of.
(20:35):
Everything that I am and hasbeen there throughout this life
journey.
I pray every day.
I have meditation every day.
I am in gratitude every day, didI just wake up and be like that?
Absolutely not.
It has taken discipline andpractice put my mind in that
(20:57):
state.
To be open, to receive and to beopen to heal, to be open, to
forgive all of those larger,abstract components of mental
health and just, we'll call itlife in general.
So.
That is of all encompassing, Ithink of, of my, of my life
(21:21):
examination so far.
Presently I do hold the title ofcrisis intervention Specialist.
I am a practice.
Practicing clinician.
I also am a salsa teacher andI'm also a yoga teacher.
And if your viewers haven'tfigured out already, I am a
Virgo through and through, whichmeans I love to work and I love
(21:46):
to work against myself, right?
It's me against me.
So if I want to do something,I'm gonna do it right?
Like it's just my energy.
So I think being studious and,and, and being shy and being
self isolated really was kind ofa, a, a beautiful way of.
(22:06):
Of, of getting me in the zone,kind of that, that, that zone of
learning.
And I've always had thatthroughout my life.
It's, it's been my, my comfortzone is to learn and absorb new
content and new information.
So are the hats that I wearright now, including being a mom
full-time you know, both mykids.
(22:28):
I'm actually working towardsbeing an empty nester to be
honest.
My kids are.
They're just thriving.
My daughter's gonna graduatefrom high school next year.
My son just got a great job, soI'm extremely proud of them.
And it's beautiful because anempty nester, I just, I'm so
excited for the next chapter ofmy life, you know, whatever that
(22:50):
is, you know, whatever I'm drawnto.
so I have a little bucket listof things that I wanna.
Tackle.
Marvae (22:59):
Okay.
Natalee (23:00):
I am in a relationship, a very healthy relationship.
One that was unexpected, thatwas, I think in my mind,
divinely orchestrated one thatwas gifted to me for.
Many reasons, but I think themost important to teach me how
(23:22):
to learn to loveunconditionally.
And this individual knows melike the back of his hand.
Sometimes I don't even have tothink.
He, he knows what I need.
He knows what I'm thinking.
He knows how I feel.
That takes some time to get tothat level of a relationship
where you can know someone,without even speaking.
(23:45):
Right.
So I am very blessed to be inthat relationship.
He is the the supporter of meand everything that I do,
including my children.
it's a, it's just a, it, it's soto experience this many facets
of, of a supportiverelationship.
I'm, I'm so internally gratefulto all of the angels and the
(24:10):
heavens for this because I thinkthat I.
I didn't know that I was workingtowards this.
I didn't know that I was gonnabe granted this blessing.
So makes that gratitude like 10times more potent for me.
And I feel that we are on thispath, right, of moving towards
(24:33):
the goals and the things that wewant to accomplish together.
And that's essentially abeautiful thing to happen in a
relationship when you're both onthe same wavelength and you know
what you want and you know whatyou wanna do for the world.
just such a beautiful feeling.
So that's where I'm at today.
And you know, I'm lookingforward to sharing with you
(24:56):
these other videos.
There, there's some really goodcontent that I wanna share and,
I encourage your viewers to askquestions like if they have
anything that they wanna followup on or ask me, because all of
these things that I've sharedtoday, they're, they're heavy
hitters, right?
And so I'm sure know that peoplehave questions about certain
(25:17):
things and how I through certainthings.
And I'm happy to answer thosequestions.
but yeah, I just.
Thank you for giving me thisplatform.
This is the first
Marvae (25:30):
Absolutely
Natalee (25:32):
talked about my life like this in review,
Marvae (25:36):
and so fluid about it.
Natalee (25:37):
Yeah.
I, I, I, I, before we got on, Iwas like, Hmm, I wonder how many
times I'm gonna stop and have togo back, stop and go back.
So
Marvae (25:46):
all just very fluid.
But I do have one question.
I didn't wanna interrupt youbecause I wanted our viewers.
To get an idea of the broaderscope of everything for the
second and the third episode,but so my immediate question is,
given that everything you'vebeen through throughout your
life, the trauma, the obstacles,the despair, the.
(26:10):
How do you separate that nowwith, in your current position?
Like how do you, ma are they, doyou marry the two together and
just kind of move forward?
So kind of go into that a littlebit.
Natalee (26:24):
Yeah, that's a great question.
So I think what I'm hearing youask is how do I separate my
professional life from mypersonal life?
And so, to be honest with you,it's, it's not an easy thing to
do.
And sometimes they do meshtogether, unfortunately, because
when you're dealing with peopleand.
(26:47):
Their own worries, right, andtheir own traumas and their own
experiences.
invite that energy in, right?
You, you invite thatvulnerability in and there's no
way to not react and feel intopeople's things that they're
going through.
Like it's just, I am a veryempathic person, so.
(27:09):
always invite that in because Iknow what it feels like to, to
be in that head space of notknowing what to do or who to
turn to, or just like the wallsare caving in and there's no way
out.
I.
Physically and mentally.
And so I have to remember to dothe things that I teach, right?
(27:33):
If I'm gonna talk the talk, Ihave to walk it.
that means using my copingskills.
So when I do deal with heavytraumas and I am communicating
on a weekly basis with differentindividuals and different
struggles.
I disconnect from work, I goback home and then I mentally
(27:55):
just process and kind of sitwith it.
Is it something I need to getout physically of my body?
Then I'll walk or I'll dance.
Is it something that I want tojournal?
Is, is there something therethat caught my attention that I
wanna create something for?
Like, for example, a poem,because I love to journal and I
love to write.
(28:16):
Is it something that I want tosee visually?
Right?
I use art often.
I love to paint, so I willchoose my coping skill for the
helper in that situation or thatenergy, or whatever mood I'm in,
and I do have to actively tellmyself that that is out of my
control.
(28:37):
I don't claim to fix anyone.
I am here to hold space forpeople people choose to walk
through that with me.
I am grateful, very gratefulbecause for someone to come and
share their life and lifeexperience with me and, and be
safe enough to tell me you, youknow, their deepest, darkest
(28:59):
secrets is, is a special thing.
and so I do not take that forgranted.
So I think professionally andpersonally, it's always kind of
like in tandem with each other.
You're always trying to balancethe scales, and sometimes you
get to an even spot, right?
But nine times outta 10, you'realways just keeping it on
(29:21):
balance, and that's okay.
I actually think that that is agood space to be in because then
you're always reminded to do thework, right?
You're never left in a comfortzone where you're stagnant.
You are pulling from thoseresources that push you to move
(29:42):
that energy out and rethink.
What is it doing for me?
Why is this here?
Why am I feeling this way?
that could be something assimple as watching the
television, right, the news andexperiencing that from, from the
tv.
I remember when nine 11happened.
I turned 21 I turned on the TVthat day, and all I saw was.
(30:06):
Smoke people jumping out ofbuildings, just chaos.
And I'll never forget that daybecause it was supposed to be a
beautiful day, right?
Turning 21, this kind of like,you know,
Marvae (30:21):
Yes.
Natalee (30:21):
ushering me into adulthood.
And here I am looking at thistragedy.
And for years I didn't celebratemy birthday on September 11th.
And so.
I say that because again, itdoesn't necessarily have to be
in therapy, that I amexperiencing this kind of
energy.
(30:42):
We experience it all around usin our environment, so it is our
job as people to choose how wewant to navigate through that,
and that's how I choose.
I purposefully use my copingskills to move me through those
hard times.
Marvae (30:55):
So Natalee, do you find that it's easier to deal with
the emotions and the issuesfrom.
For example, someone you don'tknow versus a family member.
I, I'm thinking that familymembers, the emotion is, is it's
(31:16):
a different kind of emotion andsometimes that's hard to
navigate.
It.
It's, you know, it's easier todeal with.
Your friends' problems, you canlogically walk them through
steps that you think would be agood fit, would be an a, a an,
an end all good.
(31:36):
But with family, it's, it'scompletely different that
dynamic.
So I, I curious to hear whatyour thoughts are regarding
family issues.
Natalee (31:50):
Yeah, I think that's a great question and it's a tricky
one, right?
Because family is a sacredspace, right?
It's a, I would say it's a, it'sa different kind of love.
It's an elevated love, right?
We, we have been and
Marvae (32:04):
Yeah.
Natalee (32:04):
time with these humans for most of our lives, right?
If we have that family dynamic'cause not everybody does, but
if you do, whatever that dynamicis, we'll say you get close,
right, and you get vulnerableand you express a different type
of like higher love, I'll say.
It can hurt right?
(32:25):
When, when energy is notreciprocated, right?
And so I think for me workingthrough and communicating.
Is an important part of anythingthat humans do a
psychotherapist.
That is what I communicate to myclients, is having an open line
(32:47):
of communication and boundaries,right?
still my own person.
I love my family members and Ialways will, I've learned over
time, especially being someonewho has experienced trauma, that
it is important to be your ownperson whatever context that is.
(33:08):
If you're respectful and you'respeaking from your.
you know who you are, yourvalues, your beliefs, and that
working system that guides you,that epicenter.
anything that you communicate.
Is going to be received.
Now we have no control how it'sgonna be received.
(33:28):
And that could be familialfriend, stranger, it doesn't
matter, right?
And so for me as a personnavigating that as an older
sister, there will always bethings that you know, we will
need to work through.
You know, things that we didn'tknow that might still be there
(33:48):
and lingering that we need totalk about.
You know, and, and that willalways be because they're the
closest things to me, right?
They're in my family bubble andin my family unit, have
experienced, when I've cried,they've experienced when I've
gotten hurt.
holidays together and traditionstogether.
All those things are beautifulmemories that make up our
(34:12):
relationship.
that is separate from being justthe human Natalee and just me
and who I am and who I want tobe in the world.
So it's not a necessarily aneasy thing to do, it's just a
gentle reminder, you know, thatit's, it's something to work
towards, you know, learning tobe your authentic self in
(34:34):
whatever context that is.
Stranger friend or family.
It's not to say that we don'tfight and we don't have tiffs
and we don't wanna not talk toeach other for weeks and months.
just how life is, right?
Like I don't have control overhow anyone is gonna receive what
(34:55):
I say.
if I know who I am and I'mstanding my ground for the
reasons that I choose to standthose grounds, then that has to
be enough for me.
Marvae (35:04):
That's, that's pretty insightful, very insightful.
I think that, for example, me, Ihave evolved.
I don't think we ever stopchanging.
I don't think we ever stoplearning until we're not here
anymore.
So there's an evolution untilyou die.
(35:27):
There's always something new tolearn,
Natalee (35:29):
Yeah.
Marvae (35:30):
Whether it's it's education or with people.
Things that I wasn't interestedin years ago that.
I'm interested now in, you know,so it's, it, it is an evolution
to me.
Natalee (35:45):
Absolutely.
100%.
I agree with that.
I really like how you said that.
Always evolving.
Marvae (35:52):
Well, are we nearing the end or are, do you still have.
Natalee (35:57):
are.
Marvae (35:58):
Okay, our viewers have to look forward to Natalee's
second episode and we are goingto provide links and your
website and how to get ahold ofyou down below so we will chat.
First of all, as you know, I amvery grateful that you have
(36:20):
shared as much as you have, andI'm excited that we're gonna get
into our second and thirdepisode, and there's gonna be a
broader sense of what we'regonna talk about.
What.
What we, what you would like totalk about in those episodes.
So that's very exciting to meand I'm sure to viewers that are
looking forward to it as well.
(36:40):
So thank you.
Thank you, Natalee, for beinghere.
Natalee (36:44):
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Thank you for giving me thisplatform.
I'm looking forward to it.
And yes, links will be providedto where you can find me and any
follow up questions that yourviewers have, please let me
know.
if I'm.
Able to offer any insightfulthings other than what I've
talked about or they havequestions about anything, having
(37:04):
to do with mental health.
Before we have that talk, pleaselet me know'cause that'll help
to preface the next video.
so thank you.
I
Marvae (37:13):
Okay.
Natalee (37:13):
this time.
Marvae (37:15):
Thank you Natalee, and we will talk again very, very
soon.
Natalee (37:19):
Okay, you're welcome.
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