Join us for an inspiring and heartfelt conversation on the Maternal Wealth Podcast as Ashlee shares her unique journey into motherhood. From her unexpected pregnancy announcement to the chaotic moments during labor and delivery, Ashley's story is a rollercoaster of emotions and experiences that many mothers can relate to.
In this episode, host Stephanie engages with Ashlee of The Homesteading Hunny as she recalls her vibrant love story with Frank and how it evolved into parenthood. You'll hear about her discovery of pregnancy amidst the bustle of work and life, her thoughtful reflections on the process of bringing a child into the world, and the unexpected challenges that came her way during labor.
Ashlee’s honest narrative brings the realities of postpartum recovery into focus, emphasizing the need for support and understanding during this transition. Her experiences serve as a reminder of the strength it takes to navigate the complexities of motherhood and how vulnerability can connect us.
This engaging discussion not only sheds light on Ashlee’s unique experiences but also encourages listeners to reflect on their own journeys and foster open dialogues about motherhood and care. We aim to break the stigma around maternal health issues while offering valuable insights and support to women everywhere.
If you enjoy the conversation or have been touched by similar experiences, consider sharing the podcast with others or supporting our mission through donations. Join us as we continue to create a space for authentic dialogue and empowerment among women. Motherhood is a beautiful journey, and we invite you to embrace every moment with us!
Would you like to be a guest on our show? Send us a message here!
Become a Maternal Wealth Provider Today. Search and Find Maternal Wealth Providers Near You. Visit www.maternalwealth.com
Don’t forget to subscribe, share, and leave a review!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Welcome to the Maternal Wealth Podcast, a space
for all things related tomaternal health, pregnancy and
beyond.
I'm your host, stephanie Terrio.
I'm a labor and delivery nurseand a mother to three beautiful
boys.
Each week, we dive intoinspiring stories and expert
insights to remind us of thepower that you hold in
childbirth and motherhood.
We're here to explore the joys,the challenges and the
(00:32):
complexities of maternal health.
Every mother's journey isunique and every story deserves
to be told.
Please note that this podcastis for entertainment purposes
only.
It is not intended to replaceprofessional medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment.
Always consult with yourhealthcare provider for medical
guidance that is tailored toyour specific needs.
(00:53):
Are you ready?
Let's get into it.
Today we have a very specialguest, my cousin Ashley.
Welcome to the show.
Thank you so much for having me.
(01:17):
I'm so excited to be here.
I was reminiscing earlier todayand I can remember when my mom
told me that you were born.
Really, I really can.
I was thinking about it todayand we were still living at Bow
Street and I remember her comingin and saying Auntie Vicky had
(01:38):
the baby and her name is Ashley,and then myself, rachel and
Christopher.
We grabbed hands and we ranaround in a circle.
We were all so excited to havea new little cousin.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
My gosh, what a happy memory.
That's so cute, oh my goodness.
Oh my goodness, that's so cute,that's so funny.
Me being the one of theyoungest, I don't have any neat
memories of gaining a new cousinor anything like that.
The youngest is my sister andthat's it.
Never knew what that was like,but that one must have been very
(02:05):
exciting.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
I don't know if you've heard, but for other
episodes I really like to startwith a love story.
So if you could share with ushow you and Frank met.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
Yeah.
So Frank and I met just likethrough a mutual friend, and
when I first met him in person,it's like we just hit it off
right from the get-go.
It's quite funny.
We were at a restaurant and Iwear hair extensions and on this
particular night when I had myhair extensions in, I had a long
(02:39):
night of you know, maybe somealcohol consumption and I was
not looking the best.
My hair was tattered, theextensions were quite dangling
off of my head, just quiteliterally dangling off my head,
and one of the first thingsFrank said to me was I can see
your fake hair.
It was the funniest thing, justthe way he said it.
(03:01):
Frank has a great sense of humorand just the way he says things
that you know maybe makesomebody feel uncomfortable or
something like that.
He just has a way about it.
That is just he's.
He makes it funny and he makesit you feel great about it, even
though you know he's likecalling me out for my hair
extensions that are dangling offmy head.
It was like almost like acompliment.
(03:24):
I'm like, oh, thank you.
After that we hit it off.
I didn't see him after thatnight for quite some time and
then we ended up going to a fairtogether and we spent a few
hours just walking around andseeing the animals and eating
fair food.
It was just like if I had knownhim my entire life.
(03:45):
I've not really gotten thatfrom many people in my life and
I don't think he had either atthat point.
The conversation just never endsbetween Frank and I and I think
that's just one huge thingabout us that we noticed right
away is that him and I can talkand talk and talk and talk and
talk about anything, primarilyanimals and agriculture and
(04:05):
business stuff.
We love the same stuff and atthat fair the first time it was
just him and I really sittingtogether and talking and
learning about each other.
I definitely have known him ina past life and that's how it
started and we were a longdistance relationship for a long
time.
We were a long distancerelationship for a long time.
(04:44):
I in at that point of my lifehe was definitely a keeper
because it was not easy and itjust made us even stronger going
through that together.
It kind of blossomed from thereand now here I am down in
Massachusetts.
So that's kind of how it allbegan.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
You were living in New Hampshire prior.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
Yes, and so I still live there part-time.
I'm usually there at leastevery other week because New
Hampshire's always got to behome.
That was kind of the deal of mebeing down here more full-time
is that he had to be kind of onthe same page that New Hampshire
, no matter what, the end of theday, is always going to be home
(05:24):
a little bit more homier thandown here.
So I go back and forth quite abit, but it's worked out
perfectly.
It's an absolute perfectsituation.
I'm very, very, very lucky forit.
But that's the tale of howFrank and I got started to where
we are now.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
Tell us a little bit more about yourself.
What are your hobbies?
What brings you joy?
Who was Ashley before LittleScarlet?
We are now.
Tell us a little bit more aboutyourself.
What are your hobbies?
What brings you joy?
Who was Ashley before LittleScarlet?
Speaker 3 (05:49):
My goodness.
So Ashley, before LittleScarlet, was a workaholic.
I was very success driven.
I really wanted to be somebodyand have success to do greater
things in life.
I absolutely love being able todo things for other people.
Even from literally a young age.
(06:09):
I just wanted to be somebodysuccessful so I could have a
good life, but also I couldprovide a good life for somebody
else.
So even though Scarlett didn'thappen until I was 30, when I
had Scarlett, so I just knewyounger Ashley had to be
successful.
So I just knew younger Ashleyhad to be successful.
So when someday I had a child,it was going to be a heck of a
lot easier than not having asolid foundation of work.
(06:34):
So I had been planning for myfuture since I was a very, very
young girl.
My hobbies have always beenanimals, agriculture, my love
for being creative.
My creativeness was put on theback burner for a long time
because I was working so much tobe able to support this farm
(06:54):
lifestyle that I was not grownup around except for going to
horseback riding lessons andstuff like that.
But I've loved animals since Iwas just a tiny little girl.
That was how my mom was able toget me through school is the
promise of Ashley you can gohorseback riding if you go to
school and study for your testand do homework.
(07:16):
Animals have always been thedriving force behind wanting to
be somebody and success andworking towards being able to
have freedom to do what I wantwith animals and anything to do
with farming and agriculture.
So I had been planning evenwhen I was a young girl, just
(07:36):
knew what I want and had been sofocused for years up until
Scarlett was born, and I'vealways had just a free spirit of
never really working foranybody but myself.
When I became 21, 22 is when Ireally decided I kind of wanted
(07:56):
to be outside the mold of whatwould be considered maybe safe
and secure and think outside thebox of how to be successful.
It all kind of came to a headright when I got pregnant with
scars?
Speaker 1 (08:09):
How did you find out that you were pregnant with
scarlet?
Speaker 3 (08:12):
So I randomly thought to myself, hey, I'm really
tired.
It was seriously just like arandom Tuesday and all of a
sudden just was like wow, I'mreally really tired and I've
been somebody who alwaysfunctions off very little sleep.
I think that's just like thisweird God-given talent I have is
(08:35):
I can seriously be up all night, sleep for two hours and get up
and be totally good to go forthe next like 15, 16 hours, and
so for all of a sudden, for thatto just kind of stop very, very
abrupt.
I'm like this is weird and atfirst I thought I was maybe
(08:55):
getting sick but it continuedover the course of a couple days
and I'm like, oh my God, I haveto nap.
It was really strange.
And actual pregnancy reallywasn't even a thought of mine,
because during the time when Igot pregnant was a really
stressful, busy, crazy time.
I had recently opened up abranch of my business that I
(09:19):
co-owned down in Massachusettswhen I moved down here and I had
only been down here for likesix or seven months, I believe.
At the time I was never home, Iwas up all night working.
I was here, there, everywhere.
I never thought in a millionyears I would have been even
like healthy enough to getpregnant just because I was not
(09:42):
taking care of myself, I waseating horribly, I wasn't
sleeping, I was stressed, I wasnever home, and so it was just a
recipe for not getting pregnant.
I would think when the fatigueand being so incredibly
exhausted continued and then itwent hand in hand with I didn't
(10:04):
get my period, and then thelight bulb went off and I was
like, oh, maybe I'm pregnant.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
We paused this episode for a quick message from
our sponsor At Maternal Wealth.
We aim to ensure that you haveaccess to the best and the most
appropriate care.
That's why we created amaternal health care provider
database.
Maternal health providers caneasily create profiles to
promote their services andbusiness, helping to increase
(10:37):
access for those seeking theircare.
This is a one-of-a-kinddatabase that offers a new and
exciting way for women to searchfor and find maternal health
providers near them and tailoredto their specific needs.
Profiles feature badges thathighlight various services, such
as TODAC-friendly practices,all-female practices, lgbtqai
(11:00):
plus inclusivity, languageoptions, access to vaginal
breach services and more.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
I ended up taking a test and I was pregnant.
I was like, oh my gosh.
This may sound a little wild,but I'm a very spiritual person
and I had been dreaming, forthis was before the sudden onset
of being completely fatiguedand exhausted.
(11:33):
I was having these very, veryvivid dreams about being
pregnant.
It was the strangest thing.
I woke up some morningsrandomly being like wait a
minute.
Was that a dream?
I don't really know the termfor it, maybe lucid dreaming?
I mean, I was dreaming of goingshopping for maternity clothes
and just random, random, veryrealistic dreams.
(11:56):
I remember so vividly dreamingabout if I needed to get a
certain seatbelt random.
You know how you can get thoseseatbelts for when you're
pregnant.
I don't know if they're safe ornot, the one that goes in
between your legs instead ofacross your belly, or something
like that.
I just remember having such avivid dream about getting this
seatbelt because I was pregnantand I just have never forgotten
(12:16):
it.
Then I ended up being pregnant,maybe a few months later after
having these dreams.
As soon as I found out that Iwas pregnant, I was like, oh my
God, that's so weird.
I had a dream about getting aseatbelt because I was pregnant
and for it to actually happenwas quite crazy.
I was actually kind of moreshocked of me having these
dreams and finding out that Iwas pregnant, that it actually
(12:37):
happened.
It was a shock, but also morejoyful than being like oh my God
.
It was like, oh my God, yay.
I know people love to say itwasn't the right time or it was
the perfect time, but for me I'mjust like there is no time for
anything with something likethat.
I feel like it's when it'ssupposed to be.
It's kind of supposed to beultimately, whether you feel
(13:00):
that in the moment or even theyears after having a baby,
you're like, okay, it all madesense for it to happen like that
.
How did you tell Frank?
I kept it to myself for a fewdays because I was going to be
gone working like a 48-hourshift straight, and so I didn't
want to tell him over the phone,and so I finally got done
working and I got home and I hada while to kind of stew on how
(13:22):
I was going to do it.
I wanted to make it somewhattheatrical.
I had taken quite a bit ofdifferent pregnancy tests.
I must have taken eight,because you know, I feel like
maybe not all women do this, butI feel like a lot of us.
Not that we're in denial, butwe want to double check.
You know, you're like wait aminute, let me just get like 16
different tests just to see ifthey're all positive.
(13:43):
And so that's what I did.
I headed to Walgreens and I gotevery different type of test
you can get.
I had an array of tests.
It's like okay, I'm going tosurprise Frank in a really very
Ashley and Frank way.
So we have this old tractorthat's like out in the back of
our field and Frank is like veryprotective over this tractor.
That's quite literally justlike rotting in the ground.
(14:04):
I went back there and I put abunch of the pregnancy tests all
over the tractor and it's inthe seat, it's like on the
ground, it's like up on the dashand whatever.
I wanted to put many out thereso he wouldn't miss it, because
you know how some men couldmaybe be looking at something
and they're not.
They're like like where is it?
(14:25):
You know that situation.
He's very famous for that.
So I was like, okay, I'm gonnaload this tractor up with
pregnancy tests.
I called him and I said, hey,there's a guy like out in the
back field and he's looking atthat tractor.
He's like wait, what I was like, yeah, there's some guy out
there.
He's in the field and he'slooking at the tractor like I'm
(14:46):
not confronting him, you have tocome here.
So he like he like left what hewas doing and he, he like sped
home and he went right out thereand he like called me and he's
waiting.
He's like he's not out thereanymore.
I'm like I don't know where hewent.
You know, maybe he's, you can'tsee him, or whatever.
He just thought nothing of itgoing to confront the said guy
out in the field.
(15:06):
So when he got out there and I'mwatching him from our window I
can see him walk up to thetractor and he's like looking
around and I'm like is he notseeing all of those pregnancy
tests?
Are you kidding me?
No phone call or anything likethat.
And so I'm like he did not seeseriously, like one of 12 that
are out there.
(15:26):
He walks back and he comes in Idon't see anything in his hand
and he walks in and we're likesilent, looking at each other.
I'm just waiting for him to saysomething and he pulls it out
of his pocket.
He goes.
Really, that's how you told me.
I'm like I thought it was great.
It was like I thought somebodywas trying to rob, take the
trailer, take the tractor.
I'm like well, I'm like well,that's like.
(15:48):
That's, that's what makes itspecial, frank.
You're never going to forgetthat.
And so he was automatically.
He was super, super happy.
We had talked about it a bunchtoo, like we knew it was on the
horizon for us.
We were both in a place where,if it happened, we were going to
embrace it.
Obviously, we were both in aplace where, if it happened, we
were gonna embrace it.
Obviously, we were both likeafter the height of everything,
(16:09):
you know, when everything calmeddown, we were like sitting down
, eating and we were just like,wow, like this is, this is wild,
this is crazy, this ishappening.
And I think he knew deep down abig purpose for him in this
world was to be a dad.
He's a very, very, very kind,patient person and we had always
said, you know, jokingly, whowould be the better parent?
(16:30):
You know, people joke aboutthat and stuff like that and it
was always like Frank.
Frank is such a wonderful,wonderful, patient, kind guy,
he's going to make the best dad,and so that's always been a hot
topic of ours, and so it wasalmost kind of like he was ready
for his time to shine.
When he found out that I waspregnant 100%, he was probably a
little more secure overbecoming a parent than I was
(16:55):
during the whole pregnancy.
But also when I found out too,after telling him, the reality
of oh my God, what if somethinghappens?
Sunk in what if something goeswrong?
You know, I know it's reallycommon for those first two
months that things can miscarry,so that all started to kind of
sink in within the first week orso of me being pregnant.
(17:17):
That was not something I wasexpected, and so then obviously
my anxiety about that then gotput on Frank and he's like, oh
my God, you're right.
So I bet we're like okay,ashley, don't let your your
intrusive thoughts ruin thisspecial first couple weeks of
this wonderful news.
It was pretty theatrical and wetell the story to anybody who
(17:41):
is here and they're like oh,what's that tractor back there?
Frank will be like, oh my God,listen to this story.
And there's actually still acouple of pregnancy tests back
there on the tractor.
There's no real reason, butthere's maybe one or two still
out there.
Frank just probably keeps themthere for memory or something,
I'm not sure how was thepregnancy for you?
Speaker 1 (18:12):
did you have any morning sickness, any
difficulties?
You know what.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
I was so blessed and so lucky to have an absolutely
amazing pregnancy, aside from myinitial fatigue and exhaustion.
Once I kind of got over thathump, I felt like a million
bucks.
I did not have one ounce ofnausea.
I had a wonderful, wonderfulexperience and I was very, very,
(18:38):
very thankful for that, becauseI know for a lot of women that
is not the case, and I had acouple people around me who were
also pregnant at the same timeand they went through it.
Oh my God, those poor people.
Oh my God.
But it was wonderful.
I felt great.
I didn't really have any foodaversions.
I was great.
I was feeling good.
I kept really really active, nointerruptions with work or
(19:02):
slowing down or anything likethat.
It was very, very, very lucky.
Honestly, I'd never felt betterabout myself being pregnant,
cause you know you're, you knowyou've got this big belly and
you can wear whatever you want.
It's just like oh my God, Ifelt, I felt fabulous.
I did, I felt fabulous right upto the end.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Pretty much.
How did you decide who youwanted to deliver your child,
like OB or midwife?
How did you find a birthprovider?
Speaker 3 (19:31):
So pretty much I knew absolutely zero about that
whole process.
I only have, I want to say,three or four friends who have
kids that are around the sameage as me.
I have a lot of friends, peoplewho are like 50, 55, just not
my age, and so, you know, thingsare different back then and so
(19:54):
as far as all these differentoptions that we have and for the
people I did talk to, like mymom, was like I don't you know,
I had an OB and that was thatand that was kind of the general
consensus with people that Iwere in my life that have had
children 30 years ago.
And so with my few friends thatI have that are my age and have
(20:15):
children who are younger, theywere like you could do this or
that and you could get a doula,a midwife or just an OB.
It was kind of overwhelming andso I was like I think I'm just
gonna Google, review differentOBs and hospitals that are
within my network and kind of gofrom there, and I felt very
(20:41):
blind the entire process.
I genuinely felt like I waswearing goggles that didn't
allow me to really see anythingother than black and white.
You have an OB and you go tothe doctor, and that's that it
really came down to me.
Just looking at differentproviders that were in my
network and choosing one thatwas decently rated on Google, I
(21:06):
really didn't think much more ofall the other options that I
could have had.
I think I had told you I didn'teven know what a midwife really
was, and that's on me for notlooking into it deeper and
further.
I didn't know what a midwifewas until it being in the
hospital and there was a midwifekind of in charge of everything
.
One thing I didn't know untildeep into my appointments was I
(21:29):
wasn't going to have the doctorthat I had been primarily seeing
and I was like, okay, which Iprobably should have known that.
But I was so comfortable withher and you know I was like, oh,
I wish I had like kind of known.
You know, in the beginning itwas a pretty quick decision of
being like, okay, I feel like Ishould probably get right in and
(21:50):
and be seen and kind of go fromthere, but that's that's all I
really did.
And looking back, I'm like, oh,I wish I maybe had researched a
little bit more, whether it'slike podcasts like yours, or
watch some YouTube videos ofwhat other women do and stuff
like that, because my experienceended up being not the best.
But, going into it blind, Ijust kind of did what was, I
(22:14):
guess.
But going into it blind, I justkind of did what was.
I guess the very traditionalthing to do is just find an OB
and go from there.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
Your OB who was seeing you in the office.
Did she not deliver you becauseshe only saw patients in the
office, or was she just not onthe floor that day?
Speaker 3 (22:43):
She was a doctor who this should have been like not a
red flag by any means, but likeI should have caught on to.
It is.
She was an older doctor who wasonly there like two days a week
, if that, and so I just thinkshe didn't deliver anymore.
I think she did on call maybelike once a month.
She was an on-call delivery OBdoctor very rarely, I think.
She just primarily didappointments.
She was a very knowledgeableperson.
She was very, very thorough ineverything that she ever talked
to me about in the appointments,but I think she really only did
(23:04):
deliveries when she was on call.
That on-call schedule for herwas very slim.
I tend to kind of get the shortend of the stick for everything
and I'm like I would.
This would be like my case.
You just want that person thatyou've been seeing for months
and months and months and monthsto be there or at least know
what to expect, cause I Idefinitely did feel a little
(23:25):
like oh wait, and I actuallythought to myself when I found
that out.
I was like should I switch?
You know, do I?
Should I go to a smallerpractice where I know that the
doctor's going to be the onethat's delivering the baby.
It was so late in the game I waslike, oh my God to start fresh.
But I'm like, but does it evenmatter?
Because this doctor's not goingto be there unless it falls on
(23:47):
the very slim day that she'sgoing to be there.
It's definitely not a goodfeeling at all to know like, oh,
oh, okay, I'm going to feeleven more blind going into this
with the person that I've beenspeaking to this whole time.
Not that she even knows mepersonally or would maybe even
remember my name because it wasat a bigger practice, but a
(24:08):
familiar face would be nicedefinitely let's get into your
birth.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
Did you go into labor where you were scheduled
induction?
What happened?
Speaker 3 (24:17):
Yes, at 40, about 40 weeks I started I finally felt
I'm like, okay, I'm starting tofeel different.
I'm finally starting to feellike uncomfortable.
I was kind of a late bloomer inuncomfortableness, like I was
very comfortable up untilliterally 40 weeks and it was
like almost definitely within afew until literally 40 weeks,
and it was almost definitelywithin a few hours.
(24:37):
All of a sudden it was like,okay, I'm feeling different.
I'm very, very uncomfortable.
I'm not getting around as easy.
I'm so out of breath.
My stomach started to feelcrampy.
I'll never forget I was sittingin our bedroom watching TV in
my rocker chair and I had myfeet up and they were so swollen
I had no swelling or anythingup until 40 weeks.
(25:00):
And so I'm like, oh my God,things are working.
My feet are like swelling, ifthat's like even a thing.
I was like I don't know ifthat's like a good thing or a
bad thing.
I remember thinking that and Iremember Googling it, being like
is that a sign of labor?
My feet's falling and my shoesweren't fitting anymore.
Like randomly, all of a suddenI started to feel some, I guess
(25:20):
like this crapping, and so I'mlike okay, things are, things
are going to happen.
Things are going to startmoving along now.
So that happened for a coupleof days and I went in and got, I
think, at like my 40 weekappointment.
I remember going in and themchecking to see if I was dilated
and there was nothing.
I just remember the doctorbeing like okay, so you're not,
(25:43):
you're not dilated at all yet.
And I'll always remember thisdoctor saying there's no good
reason for a baby to be in therepast 41 weeks.
So we want to induce you at the41 week marker no longer than
like a day or so after.
And I was like, okay.
So then I remember going homeand everything that I had been
(26:04):
feeling just stopped.
There was no feeling asuncomfortable as I was.
There was no more cramping,there was no, nothing other than
her being able to see her footup against my stomach and stuff.
She was very active, thankfully.
But all my other symptoms oflabor, anything that made me
(26:24):
think that, oh, I could go intolabor today or tomorrow, it just
stopped.
I just remember being likethat's kind of weird Every day.
My due date not that a duedate's super accurate, that
would be really cool if she'sborn on a due date but it came
and went, which I think wasprobably pretty common, and she
was due on december 22nd.
And then christmas rolledaround and it's so funny because
(26:47):
frank had gotten her like afirst christmas ornament.
My parents did like she had achristmas outfit because in my
mind i'm'm like there's no wayshe won't be here before
Christmas, naive Ashley.
So Christmas came and went andnothing, no, anything.
But actually one little tale isso on Christmas for the company
(27:09):
that I used to own.
It's an elderly home carecompany and so we're open 24
hours a day Every holiday.
We never shut down.
So holidays are a big stressfultime for the people involved
running the business.
So come Christmas Eve, we had amassive call out for a client
down here in my area that I wasin charge of and this person was
(27:34):
going to be out Christmas Eve,christmas Day, christmas Day,
overnight, and literally nobodycould go.
And at the end of the day, forthat type of business, if nobody
else can go and this client,she cannot be alone.
You're going, me going.
And I remember being in such ablind panic and everybody was
(27:54):
like calm down, calm down,you're about to pop, don't be
stressed, don't be stressed.
And I was so incredibly unwell.
I was pacing around, I wascrying, I was like I cannot
believe this.
I'm overdue Not overdue, but Icould pop at any time.
I was so, so angry that thatwould happen to me, not even on
(28:17):
a holiday, but just in general.
I was just so angry.
But after that day then thingsstarted kind of moving a little
bit.
I started to not feel wellagain and I don't know if it was
the stress that that caused,but that sparked something.
And I don't know if it was thestress that that caused, but
that sparked something.
So it's a funny story.
I tell to everybody Just anexample of how stressful being a
(28:41):
business owner can be.
It literally did something tome for pregnancy.
I really think that's when mybody started to maybe try to
start the process.
But I remember I ended up nothaving to go and somebody came
in and like saved the day, whichwas an absolute miracle.
And every time I see this womanwe usually talk about it.
I'm like, oh my God, rememberthat time where you came in and
(29:04):
you saved the day on Christmas.
But that night is when thatwhole process again kind of
started coming back.
My stomach started to be crampyand everything, and I'm like,
yay, yay, yay.
The stress made me like isinducing labor?
On the 26th it kind of subsideda little bit and so I was
disappointed because I reallydidn't want to be induced.
(29:27):
I was like what's wrong with mybody, why is this not happening
?
When did I go in to be induced?
Oh, on her birthday, the 30th.
I was like, wait, when did I goin?
And so the few days afterChristmas I continued to feel
like that Nothing was happening.
I was like what's wrong?
You know, you start kind ofgetting in your head and
everything like that.
And doctor's office called andsaid okay, well, we're going to
(29:49):
go ahead and do the induction,so come in on the 30th, call in
the morning and we'll tell youwhat time to come in.
We ended up going first thing onthe 30th and headed to the
hospital, which was so scary andso frightening because you hear
horror stories of just beinginduced.
As you know, I was out for atleast a week on Google every
(30:13):
night.
I'm like, should I be inducedor should I not be induced?
When I got to the hospital, Iliterally walked in, was getting
(30:35):
undressed into a Johnny and assoon as they put the heart
monitor around my belly.
It went to hell in a handbag.
It was not good.
It was not good.
That was the start of thescariest thing I have ever been
through in my entire life.
It started within just a fewminutes of being in the hospital
(30:58):
.
The nurse had hooked me up andI was sitting in the bed and she
said are you feeling likeyou're having a contraction?
And I said no, no.
And she's like oh well, on themonitor, you're having a mild
contraction.
And I thought to myself maybethis would be my situation,
where I do come into thehospital for a induction and I
(31:20):
end up not needing one.
You know, like that's myimmediate thought of what was
going to happen.
And that was not the case.
She's like okay, I'll leave youto it to get changed.
You know you are having a mildcontraction and then so I'll be
right back.
And so I went to the bathroomto get changed and pack my bag
and whatever.
And I was Snapchatting thehospital room and like, oh, this
(31:41):
is so cute.
And so then I get back into bedand no sooner of me getting
back into bed, an absolute teamof people rushed in the room.
That's when things like kind ofnot get fuzzy, but it just all
happened so quickly and so itwas just so intense.
(32:01):
It was so intense the next fewhours that some of it I've kind
of I don't know if I've likeblocked off or I was just so out
of it because I was.
So I felt disorientated becauseit was just so much going on so
quickly and so intensely.
But a whole team of people camein and they said her heart rate
(32:22):
had dipped down to whatever adangerous number is for that I
don't remember.
So they ended up having me getlike on my side and that kind of
happened a few times within thefirst like literally hour of me
being there.
(32:42):
And I remember Frank and Ilooking at each other and being
like uh-oh, like what, what isgoing on?
Like this is quite, quite wild.
It would kind of go in likewaves for the first hour or so
of me being fine and on, youknow, her heart rate being fine,
and then all of a sudden themonitor dinging and this and
(33:04):
that, and then the whole groupof people would come in again
and reposition me and one time Iwas like on my hands and knees
but the induction still hadn'tstarted.
Hands and knees, but theinduction still hadn't started,
and I remember that the doctorthat was there, she was
apprehensive to start theinduction because of her heart
rate, and so for the firstcouple of times that happened,
(33:27):
they were kind of leaving it upto me of what I wanted to do.
If I thought, do we just wantto see what happens for over the
next you know hour?
Maybe let me try to go intonatural labor?
I'm not really sure what theintentions were for the first
few hours of that.
And then finally, after thathad happened a couple times and
(33:48):
a couple I mean like probablymaybe five times finally the
doctor came in and was like,okay, I think we should start
the induction.
And I remember being very, veryunsure, being like is this the
right decision?
Should I be waiting?
Is this normal?
I was so confused and Iremember just telling Frank I'm
(34:10):
like Google, this is normal, amI being pressured into something
that I shouldn't be doing?
But also, at the same time,this is so scary and if they're
telling me, like you know, weneed to do this, I guess that's
what we need to.
I guess, like I don't know, Ijust I'm putting my faith into,
obviously, this doctor who is adoctor, I think because it was
(34:32):
taking a little while.
I was like well, why aren't westarting sooner?
There were so many questionsmixed with being disorientated
with what's going on.
The whole process was reallyconfusing.
For the first couple hours itwas very, very confusing up
until the induction.
After that, when they startedthe induction, things escalated
(34:54):
super quickly.
My body responded to themedicine very strongly.
Speaker 1 (34:59):
Was it Pitocin through the IV Yep?
Actually thinking back, aboutit.
Speaker 3 (35:04):
I believe maybe there was a halt in the induction
because they couldn't get astick, couldn't get a needle in
me.
Everything was horrible thatwas going on.
But I will never, ever, ever,ever, ever forget the fear of
God in this woman's eyes ofdesperately trying to get a
needle in my arm.
My God, steph, I knew it was anemergency situation, obviously,
(35:29):
but this woman, I know she wastrying to keep it together.
This woman was sweating bullets, trying to get a needle in me.
That scared me and I thinkbecause, also working in a
hospital the majority of myadult life and knowing when
things are kind of slippery,seeing a nurse and she was an
(35:50):
older nurse sweating bullets,struggling to get a stick in me,
the panic surrounding trying toget a needle in me, was very
frightening.
It was very, very frightening.
They had one of those machinesthat showed where your veins
were.
I mean, they end up having tohave somebody from a different
department come in.
But I remember my whole arm,within just not even an hour,
(36:13):
was so bruised and just so.
Oh my God.
But you know what?
It kind of kept my mind off ofother pain that was happening
because I was dilating soquickly.
I think I went from no dilationto seven centimeters dilated
within like 30 minutes, yeah,and without a fedora.
(36:34):
I think, looking back, maybethat's why the induction was
taking a while is because theycouldn't get a needle in my arm.
I don't know why.
Maybe I was really dehydrated,or I've never had trouble
getting blood taken or anythinglike that.
So, yeah, I went from zero toseven centimeters within half
hour, a little more I was.
(36:54):
I was going through it, noepidural yet and being in
intense pain, just like goingthrough it.
They had thrown out the wordc-section a few times.
Even though I was so super,super out of it because of the
pain and just the panic that wasin the room, I thought to
myself oh my god, I would, Iwould almost fully dilate and
(37:17):
not have an epidural and feelevery ounce of that, just to end
up getting a C-section.
That would happen to me.
But they ended up needing tobreak my water and I remember
seeing it come out and it waslime green.
When they did that, they putlike a more accurate monitor on
(37:37):
her head.
Then I finally got an epiduraland I remember when the doctor
came in to give me the epiduralhe was like, so I don't work
here.
I just remember being like what, what do you mean?
But I remember he didn't say itlike to me, but he was saying
to, like everybody else, that hedoesn't work here and he
(37:59):
doesn't really know whereeverything is, but just
essentially, get the hell out ofhis way so he can do this.
And I was like, oh my God, it'sjust adding to the adding to
the situation.
Oh my God.
So that went actuallyrelatively very smoothly.
He did a great job.
Just the entrance was a littlestrange from coming into the
room and saying that, yeah,definitely, definitely lacking,
(38:22):
like the bedside, not evenmanners, but bedside common
sense.
Just maybe not come in and savethat to a very, very intense
situation.
So, poor Frank, he's sittingnext to me as close as he can
because there were just so manypeople constantly around me.
He stood right behind them thewhole time in the sheer, sheer
(38:43):
horror on this poor guy's face.
Oh my god, that's somethingI'll never forget either.
Just kind of looking throughthe crowd and seeing Frank in
the background, like totally youcould tell he was so scared, oh
my god.
And when I got the epidural wedid one last final, putting a
(39:04):
ball in between your legs andthey had me on my side.
And while I was doing that,everybody finally left and I
don't really know how much timepassed.
Time was just.
It felt like it was standingstill, but probably flying by,
and the crowd cleared out andfinally I was able to just kind
(39:24):
of relax and the epidural waskicking in.
The pain went down and startedto feel very lucid.
Almost my body was just shakingtremendously.
But then finally my nervoussystem, you could tell, was just
like finally calming down and Ithought, okay, you know what,
maybe things are better.
They have the accurate heartmonitor on Scarlett now, and
(39:47):
let's see where this takes us.
I kind of came back to reality alittle bit, but still felt a
little out there because I wasjust so calm all of a sudden.
And so then the doctor came inand said this happens one more
time, we'll do a C-section.
And I remember signing thepaperwork and I was so scared.
I remember being so incrediblyfrightened, just so so.
(40:08):
I've never felt more like it'sin God's hands.
I felt so defeated and soincredibly exhausted and I was
just in the let's just, let'sjust get this baby out.
At this point I'm like.
I remember thinking I'm likehow am I going to?
I don't even know if I haveenough strength to push this
baby out Like I could barelybarely even keep my eyes open.
(40:31):
And when the doctor came in andsaid we're going to do the
c-section if it happened again,ike went to go use the bathroom
and within two minutes of himbeing gone, the piece was over
and the alarm started going offagain, and it was even worse
than the other time it happened.
Her heart rate went way downand I remember, out of all the
(40:56):
times that that had happened,this was like the worst one.
Just to remember, it felt moreserious than all the other times
and they had me again get on myhands and knees.
I had the epidural so I couldbarely hold myself up and they
were like okay, you're going,we're rushing into surgery.
Frank hadn't even come backfrom using the bathroom yet and
(41:19):
they were wheeling me out of theroom.
Oh, and they wanted me to stayon my hands and knees, like
going down the hallway.
As soon as we got to the doorwayof my room, my bed broke.
Yeah, yep, and so I justremember there were literal
maintenance men there helpingdrag my bed down the hallway.
I don't know what was wrongwith the bed, I don't know if it
was like the brakes orsomething, but I remember they
(41:42):
had me like off the heartmonitor and it was because they
were like they were moving meand I don't.
I maybe I guess it wasn't liketransportable, I don't know, but
it took forever to get me tothe hallway.
And, my god, stephanie, thepeople, the panic of scraping
the hell out of the floorgetting my bed down the hallway
(42:05):
is like it was so, so bad, andthey're all angry at each other
because the bed's not workingand so they're like, like
yelling at each other and oh, mygod, it was so bad, it was so
bad.
And I just remember, finally,we're like halfway down the
hallway and this older nurse shemust have been Jesus, she must
(42:27):
have been like late 70s.
She's probably just working perdiem.
You know what I mean Liketotally, totally.
I don't know if she was avolunteer, I don't know if she
was an older nurse, I'm not sure, but she appeared out of
nowhere and she had a MinnieMouse scrub top on, like with a
matching little bonnet thing onher head, these little details.
I remember she had like reallybeautiful cross necklace on and
(42:49):
she had these gigantic,beautifully painted, vibrant
pink nails.
She disappeared out of nowhereand she's holding my hand.
Oh, and by this time I hadfallen and I was not on my hands
and knees, I was on my side.
Now I couldn't hold myself upwhen they're desperately trying
to drag my bed down the hallway.
(43:10):
And so this woman, she'sholding onto my hands and
everything and she's like it's,you know, we're almost there,
we're almost there.
And I looked at her and I havetears in my eyes.
I'm like is she going to beokay?
And I'll never forget her beinglike we'll be there soon, you
know, just just, we're almostthere.
I know this is, this is I don'tknow what word she used,
(43:31):
whether it was like if thisnever happens, you know, like
your bed not working, like weshould end the OR.
You know, maybe this is wild orthis is odd or something like
that, but she wouldn't answerthe question of.
Things were like okay, I don'tlike, oh my God, oh my God, oh
my God.
And so she's just holding myhand, she's like telling me it's
you know, we're almost there,we're almost there.
(44:02):
When I got to the OR, I was verydazed and confused.
I really had not had any anytime to really process what
happened or what was going on.
Essentially, frank wasn't withme.
It was like I had mentionedthat cute older nurse with the
Mickey Mouse scrubs who wascomforting me, telling me we're
almost there, we're almost there.
Everybody was really panickyand next thing I know is I'm
kind of being strapped down tothis cross and they asked if I
(44:26):
wanted to have the sheet withthe window or not, if I wanted
to see what was going on, and Iremember barely really answering
but just was like, just likemumbled no.
At this point I then started tobecome in and out of
consciousness and I think it wasjust purely from I don't know.
I don't know if it was like themedicine, I don't know if it
(44:47):
was just the sheer panic orthat's just maybe how my body
was processing it.
I'm not, I don't really sure.
So I was kind of in and out ofconsciousness, but I remember
Frank not being there and Iremember having a couple of
doctors around me, like theanesthesiologist, telling me
like okay, you know, you're notgoing to feel a thing, this like
(45:08):
trying to really, you know,make me feel okay, make me feel
safe and whatnot.
Next thing I know is I'm kind ofbeing what feels like ripped
and kind of tugged around andthen I hear she's out, she's out
, or something like that, andthen silence.
And then somebody said get me ablanket.
And then finally a cry, andthen everybody, just like you,
(45:42):
could feel the sigh of reliefkind of around the room and I
think a couple nurses even likeclapped around the room and I
think a couple nurses even likeclapped, and the
anesthesiologist behind me beinglike look, look, like there she
is, she's over there, and I waslike I just couldn't even
respond.
And so then finally I see thisburly guy come in in a scrub
(46:05):
setup and I then put two and twotogether like oh, it's Frank.
Literally then dawned on me thatFrank wasn't in the room for
any of this and I can only seehis eyes.
Somebody pulls up a chair nextto me for him to sit in and I'm
looking at him and even in mydelusional state I can see that
there's like something not rightwith him.
(46:27):
I just remember thinking, ohGod, he's not well.
So they bring Scarlett over andthe nurse is like here's
Scarlett.
And I remember her pushingScarlett right against my cheek
and one of the nurses had herphone and was like taking photos
.
And then Frank, he's kind oflike physically spitting, like
you can just see him, like not,not right.
(46:48):
And so the nurse like hands offScarlett to somebody and she
was like are you okay, frank?
Like Frank, are you okay?
And Frank just like shakes hishead like no.
So two nurses help Frank up andliterally help him out of the
room.
I kind of go back into like okay, let's just concentrate on
trying to stay awake and try andtake in everything that's going
(47:12):
on.
Now, this huge wave of reliefthat's you know that Scarlett's
out.
I remember the nurse sayingshe's okay, and so I just
immediately started to feel muchmore safe and being like okay,
everything is okay, like this isokay.
And so then I kind of startedto come out of that fog that I
was in.
So then I still don't know whatthis is.
(47:35):
I felt like they were countingon my body, the rhythm of what
the doctor was doing.
It felt like she was pushing inand counting like a sequence,
if that makes sense In my head.
I was like is she doingstitches?
And then counting how manystitches she's doing.
But I remember needingsomething to hyper-focus on and
so I focused on them doing somesort of counting.
(47:59):
I don't know if they wereaccounting for instruments that
they were using too, becausethere was lots of banging and
stuff going around with you knowtools and their little kit or
whatever.
I was uncontrollably shaking,like uncontrollably shaking, and
they just kept pying blanketson me.
It felt like absolutely forever, but just kept focusing on
(48:20):
whatever the doctor was doingand doing whatever their thing
that she was doing down thereand a lot of pressure like a lot
of pushing and stuff justtrying to breathe.
And Frank wasn't there becausesomething was going on with him.
And then they transferred me toa new bed and that worked.
That worked.
Scarlett had been brought backdown to the room already when
(48:41):
they were stitching me back upand when I was brought back into
the room, frank was holdingScarlett and there was a nurse
there and I remember the nursesaying, oh my gosh, she looks
like a porcelain doll and shehad one dimple and she was like
I can't get over how much shelooks like you, frank.
I remember one of the firstthings you know now that I'm
totally conscious and like no,it's going on looking at
(49:04):
Scarlett and being like shelooks nothing like me.
She does not look like my childwhatsoever.
I remember being like, oh myGod, she even has hair, because
I don't have the best hair.
And when I was born I was bald,bald, bald, bald, bald for like
two years.
And she was just this reallytan, olive skin, dark hair,
(49:26):
little baby.
And I was just like, oh my gosh, it hit me so quickly as soon
as I saw her.
This is now real.
It was so hard to picture herphysically being here, but she's
here and she is just sobeautiful, oh my goodness.
So then I didn't even have timeto really process what had even
happened, because everythingjust went from zero to 100, back
(49:50):
down to zero.
She was born at 321 in theafternoon, and so things
happened very quickly at the endand then, when everything was
fine, everything just all of asudden it's like a switch turned
and it was calm and peacefuland relaxing.
And I remember the first timewhen the nurse left the room and
it was just Frank, scarlett andI us just looking at each other
(50:15):
and being like what justhappened.
Him and I just kind of startedto process the whole thing while
just trying to soak in everymoment.
Our phones were absolutelyblowing up because this was also
during COVID.
I think actually we could havehad one guest at a time, a
certain period of time, butFrank and I chose to just wait
(50:37):
and see how things go.
It was like all these otherstipulations too, and we didn't
want to have to have people tojump through hoops just to come
and visit us.
It turned into be a really justspecial experience for Frank
and I that made us a totallydifferent couple when we left
the hospital, going throughsomething like that together,
and wouldn't want anybody tohave like gone through that with
(51:01):
us Like I.
I think if my mom, especiallymy mom if she had seen
everything and had gone throughthat, oh my God, it would have
traumatized her.
It would have really scared herand my dad.
They only saw the beautifulside of it.
It's beautiful in its own way,the whole experience, but I
(51:26):
think on the outside, looking in, it would have created so much
fear and so much more anxietyfor everybody.
And for that to be like Frankand I's special experience that
we went through I think it makesit that much more special, I
guess.
So over the next 24 hours.
It was mainly me resting in bed, spending as much time as I
could with Scarlett.
None of the real pain hadreally kicked in.
Yet I had a nerve block in.
(51:47):
The doctor was like, oh yeah,this will wear off in like
exactly 24 hours, and it, likeon the dot, did that's.
When I got my catheter out, Ifinally got out of bed and then
just slowly, slowly, slowlystarted to gear up getting ready
to leave the hospital and I waspetrified.
I was so scared to leave.
(52:09):
I was in so much pain and themedicine that they gave me I
tried once and it made me sosleepy and so out of it and this
is actually a really fun story,like little side note about
this medicine.
So I again nobody had heardfrom us Going on like probably
(52:31):
eight, nine, 10 hours at thispoint, and once Scarlett was
here and I'm comfortable in bed,and this was like later at
night when I was given thismedicine to help with some other
pain.
Speaker 1 (52:44):
Do you remember what the medication was called?
I?
Speaker 3 (52:48):
don't, I have no idea .
I want to say everything wasgiven through IV, so it's some
kind of IV medicine.
Okay, I wish I knew that.
You know, if I do have anotherchild, not to have that because
me and that medicine did notwork.
So I'm like sending photos outto everybody of like, oh, like
Scarlett.
So I hadn't even realized it,but I sent because again, I'm
(53:12):
like on this medicine that'smaking me feel super loopy and
tired.
I sent out a photo to everysingle person that I know and
like on my snapchat, a photo ofjust like me, naked, with
scarlet, like not evenbreastfeeding or anything.
And one of Frank's friendsmessaged me.
(53:35):
He was like do you?
Speaker 1 (53:37):
know what you just sent and I was like no, it was
so bad it was so funny.
Speaker 3 (53:44):
I was like god, it was so funny.
And I was wow, and I just likehad to play it off, like it was
on purpose.
I was like oh yeah, like oops,like that's.
You know, I meant to send it tosome people but I guess, like
like too many people, but reallyI was just like super loopy on
the medicine.
(54:05):
Oh my God, that is so funny.
Oh my God, yep.
And so I went digging throughall the photos that I had saved
and I was like wow, like youknow, those beautiful, like you
know, first moments ofbreastfeeding photos, sharing
those wonderful, all for it.
But this photo was not, was notit?
So that's just a side notestory of that.
(54:26):
That.
Just people, we still all talkabout it to this day, so funny.
So after that, this was so.
The next day was New Year's Eve.
(54:46):
Scarlett was such a funnylittle girl.
She was sleeping super well, notrouble, breastfeeding, which
was.
I was really worried about thatbecause I felt like I went into
that whole thing super blindtoo.
I was just kind of like, well,I'm going to wing this and not
like one drop of research,nothing.
I just kind of prayed for thebest for that which and that
(55:07):
worked out beautifully.
We just kind of hung out.
I was really worried to leavethe hospital because I was in so
much pain At one point I thinkthis was just everything kind of
coming to a point that lastnight on new year's eve I was
like, oh my god, I'm scared toleave tomorrow.
Maybe let's try to convince thedoctor to let me stay one more
night.
And so the doctor said you knowyou can stay one more night,
(55:29):
but you're doing well Like youshould probably like leave.
I was like, yeah, you're right.
We watched the fireworks fromour hospital room.
The hospital that I gave birthto Scarlett in is like kind of
in like a downtown, not the bestarea hospital, and so we
actually think there were likestreet fireworks of just like
people like setting off in thestreet, which was really nice
(55:50):
though it was right outside ourroom.
Overall, that part of my birth,the aftercare, was really good,
minus the medication, but Imean, at the end of the day it's
not like it hurt anything otherthan like embarrassing me once
I took it.
I'm like, okay, never again.
So that part of the hospitalstay was really really beautiful
and really nice, and to takethat time with Frank and myself
(56:13):
and Scarlett, the first 24 hourswas so nice.
I enjoyed just the peace andquiet.
I'll always remember they tookScarlett out to do a hearing
test and they were like, oh, doyou want her to stay in the
nursery a little while so youcan get some sleep?
And Frank and I were like, oh,do you want her to stay in the
nursery a little while so youcan get some sleep?
And Frank and I were like, sure.
So I remember sleeping for alittle while and then the nurse
(56:34):
kind of creaking open the doorand bringing Scarlett in the
little the bassinet and Scarlettwas obviously laying on her
back and she was looking aroundlike her eyes were wide open and
she was looking around the roomas nurse was wheeling her in,
and so she wheeled her rightnext to the bed I was in and
Scarlett like just rolled herhead over and was just staring
(56:56):
at me and I was staring at her.
I'm like, oh my gosh, she'slike she's hi.
You know, she just like lookedlike she was gonna talk for a
second.
It was so funny you could tell.
She's like, wow, where am I?
But that was just a littleprecious moment that I'll always
, always, always remember is herbeing wheeled and her being
like wow, where am I?
(57:18):
We left New Year's Day and weare getting ready to leave and
they're trying to figure out thecar seat, or you know, and
you're trying to like okay, likelet's make sure the car seat
fits.
Is it normal for a nurse to belike no, no, no, like this is
your car seat, you have tofigure this out.
Like you can't leave until youfigure this car seat out.
(57:40):
It's almost like we felt likeif it was like a test, because
we had tested the car seat, likefiddled around with it and
stuff, before you know, we wentto like learn a little bit about
it, you know, put like a dollin there and figure out how it
works in general.
But the nurse would be like,okay, put Scarlett in the car
seat and, you know, buckle herup and you tell me if this is
(58:03):
right, and if it's right, youcan go.
So we were like okay, so I'mlike like barely able to stand.
Frank's kind of like sweatingbullets trying to make sure this
car seat buckled up correctly.
And she came and went like fourtimes and like oh, nope, that's
not right, try it again andthen would leave and then frank,
and I'm like, okay, we likefiddle around with the car seat
(58:25):
again and then we ring the bellshe'd come back in.
No, no, that's not right.
Then she'd leave again and callme when you think you've done
it.
We're like, okay, I'll neverforget being like like literally
sweating bullets.
We're concerned.
We're like, oh my god, it'sjust like not even gonna work.
I'm like on youtube trying tolook up direction.
(58:47):
It was unbelievable, the car'srunning out front.
So then finally we got the okayand we left in that first car
ride home after a C-section.
Oh my goodness, oh my goodness,the bumps.
Frank driving no good.
And I was dangling off the.
You know the little handlethat's in the back of the car.
(59:07):
I was dangling off the.
You know the little handlethat's in the back of the car.
I'm like trying to not put mybutt on the seat just because it
felt every single bump.
And I, that was just somethingI did not expect and I don't
think it really sunk in until Igot home that I had like major
abdominal surgery either.
Like I just it just didn't like, didn't click.
Obviously I was in pain and Iwas barely able to walk and but
(59:30):
it didn't hit me until I gotback to my you know, my home.
I was like, wow, this is goingto be a recovery, not just a
simple like oh, I'll walk thisoff type thing.
I didn't realize how how muchit was going to affect me doing
like anything.
I'm like, oh, okay, I'm notgoing to be able to drive for
(59:51):
weeks.
So that was not expected at all.
And after talking to a fewdifferent women who have also
had c-sections, it seems likeeverybody has a really different
experience.
Some people are like, oh, itwas like nothing, like what do
you mean?
You couldn't pull up your ownpants for a week, I think.
Think maybe for mine, becauseit was I don't like to use the
word violent, but it kind of waslike leading up to it, I was
(01:00:15):
tossed and turned and it was notthis like soft and gentle
situation, it was very chaoticthing and I wonder if that made
it that much more hard on mybody.
It wasn't this like easy thingand I wonder if that made it
that much more hard on my body.
It wasn't this easy thing.
And some of the people thatI've talked to they've gone in
for their planned C-sections andeverything goes perfectly and
(01:00:37):
the recovery for them isliterally nothing.
I remember looking back after Ihad talked to some women being
like, oh, why was mine not likethat?
I think that's kind of normalof when you're comparing your
situations to somebody elsebeing like, wait, why couldn't I
tie my shoes and bend down andanything like that.
(01:00:58):
For weeks I was down fordefinitely the first two and a
half weeks I was seriouslyimmobile.
It was not good.
It was a slow, slow at firstrecovery.
It was also too a period ofrecovery but also a period of in
my head going through.
(01:01:18):
I can't believe that happened.
And then, kind of it, now thatI could breathe and I was at
home, I kept holding on to thislike I cannot believe that
happened.
I've gone through life very,very, very blessed that I have
not had anything very supertraumatic happen, Like I count
my blessings every day.
(01:01:39):
I really don't hold a lot oftrauma and this was like my
first huge life-alteringtraumatic thing I've ever been
through and I was having atfirst, when I got home, a
definitely difficult timeprocessing it, being like what
went wrong was something wrongwith me.
Did I do something?
(01:02:00):
And even though the nurses werelike no, this like literally
happens all the time.
But it was just a reallydifficult thing to process at
first and kind of mad too.
You know, wow, I wish it wentthe way that I thought it was
gonna go and get I don't know,just a huge, huge, weird up and
(01:02:20):
down of feelings like thank god,I'm so thankful, like
everything was okay, but alsolike geez, like why, why did
that have to happen?
And again, what did?
What did I do and what waswrong?
What's wrong with my body?
Almost kind of like you feellike you failed yourself a
little bit.
But then, after really taking astep back, after a few weeks of
being angry and sad and mad, Iwas like Ashley, you need to get
(01:02:44):
over this.
Like you were, you left with avery healthy baby.
You're okay, it's.
You have to like move on fromit.
And so slowly I started to findhumor in it and a little bit
just being like you know whatthat was a whirlwind.
I share my experience whenpeople want to hear it, cause I
also don't want to like scarepeople.
But also I wish I knew thatthis was a possibility that
(01:03:06):
could have happened.
Going into it, I mean it wouldhave been nice to know that,
like hey, if labor isn'tprogressing or this happens or
that happens, these are maybesome things that could be used
during labor.
That would have been a littlenice to have a little bit of
education about that, but maybethat's just kind of not typical
nowadays.
(01:03:26):
Definitely a unique experiencefor my life.
I had not been throughsomething like that before, but
at the end of the day I'vebecome thankful for it because
it's just made it a specialexperience in my life.
Now, and for a long time, I waslike I will never, ever, ever,
ever have another child.
(01:03:46):
It turned me off to ever havinganother child, ever have
another child.
It turned me off to ever havinganother child.
And I remember saying somethingalong the lines of like I'm
never doing this again to theanesthesiologist during that
period of when I was beingstitched back up or whatnot, and
him being like oh honey, youjust wait.
Whether it's a year, two years,three years, four years, this
will be just a memory.
(01:04:07):
And that's exactly what it'sbecome just a memory.
So yeah, and also, too, onething I really didn't realize or
even think was going to happentoo, after we got home and
started.
You know our normal routine.
As Frank, I was hurting so badlyand I was in so much pain and
going through it mentally too ofthe whys and the what ifs and
(01:04:30):
this, and that I didn't reallyrealize that Frank was also
struggling a little bit mentallywith the whole thing, seeing
his partner in a great deal ofpain but also in a really scary
situation, I took like a, took atoll on him, and that's one
thing that it took me a littlebit to realize, because he
(01:04:50):
wasn't like hey, I'm not well.
He was seriously my caretakerfor and Scarlett's both of ours
for a few weeks.
And actually another fun littlething, too fun little story.
Remember how I said he wasquite doozy and dizzy and had to
leave.
Well, come to find out this wasa long time after this.
(01:05:13):
He kind of kept it to himselffor a while when he walked in
the room, the way that theoperating table was positioned,
the doors that you come in areright in the middle of the room,
and so when you came in you saweverything.
And when he came in he saidthat my organs were essentially
on a sheet on my stomach.
(01:05:34):
He said he was cool, calm andcollected up until he walked in
and he saw that he's like Ashley.
I was fighting for what seemedmy life to not drop on the floor
After all that time.
I don't know why him and I hadnever talked about like hey,
what was wrong.
And it was because he walked inand he saw that he was very
bothered by that for a long timeand I think he was also
(01:05:57):
bothered too that he had toleave the room.
I think him not being able to bethere for me really also
bothered him.
I didn't really think anythingof it because it was such a
tense situation and I was neverfelt any sort of way about it.
Definitely wasn't expectingFrank to kind of have like the
baby blues afterwards too, notregardless of that experience
that he had, seeing me like that, but I'm sure there's probably
(01:06:19):
other men who feel the same wayto just such a crazy time.
That was something that was, Ishouldn't say, not expected,
because they're human beings andseeing their person they love
in a really vulnerable situationand scary situation I'm sure is
(01:06:39):
really hard, and especially forsomebody who is just over the
moon to be a dad and to see notonly just like the person that
they care about deeply but alsotheir new baby going through it
too.
I can't imagine I'm somebodywho would rather be like taking
the worst of it.
I don't like to see people thatI love in pain or hurting or
(01:07:02):
like that.
It's just that is something Ihave a really hard time dealing
with.
I'd rather be the person goingthrough it, hurting whatever it
is, and so putting myself in hisshoes must have been really the
poor guy.
I think it still bothers me tothis day.
Speaker 1 (01:07:19):
So, looking back on everything that you went through
, what are you most proud of?
Speaker 3 (01:07:25):
I'm proud of being able to be the mom that I always
worked to be.
I'm really, really, reallyproud that I can give Scarlett a
good childhood, of me beinghere all the time, Because, even
though I've not gone throughanything big medical trauma or
anything like that or havetrauma of losing somebody, I've
(01:07:50):
gone through it to finally bewhere I am now and my personal
life just gone through theringer in a lot of ways.
Looking back, none of thismakes sense.
Why is this happening?
None of it used to make senseand all of it now has come
together and it all makes senseof everything to be exactly
where I'm supposed to be, andI'm just so proud of little
(01:08:12):
Ashley to then now be mommy,Ashley, to be home and to do,
you know, try to do all theright things and give Scarlett a
really, really good childhood,Because I think being a really
good person and a really goodpart of society and for Scarlett
(01:08:32):
to someday have a really goodfuture starts at home, to give
her a really good foundation.
It's really important becausethat's what I had with my mom
and my dad.
My mom was home all the timewith us growing up and treasure
that.
So, so, so lucky that I grew upwith a mom who was able to be
home and you know it was astruggle back then, but I just
(01:08:55):
I'm so thankful that Scarlett'sable to have that.
I'm really, really proud ofthat.
And I would also, too, I wouldsay, proud of my recovery too.
As far as the birth, I literallynever thought I was going to be
able to be strong again, Tocome back from that, from being
so down and weak oh my God, Ifelt so weak for so long and to
(01:09:21):
gain strength and to get kind ofback to my baseline.
Very proud that I did that.
In the moment and for a longtime after that I was like
there's no way.
There's no way that I'm goingto feel strong again.
But I somehow did so I'm reallyproud of that.
It took a long time and I'mstill not where I would love to
(01:09:44):
be, but the fact I even got to amindset of being like I'm good
and then also physically beingstrong and being healthy super
proud of that Cause that stufffor me.
I am not somebody who can likeeasily work out or eat the right
portions and the right stuff.
That's just not my forte.
(01:10:05):
So the fact that I did is likea miracle.
Speaker 1 (01:10:09):
Very proud of that.
Well, thank you, Ashley, fortaking the time to sit down and
chat with me about your storyand to be open and to be
vulnerable so people who listento the stories can grow and heal
and learn and become moreempowered and be in a space
where we deserve to be.
Speaker 3 (01:10:26):
Yes, no, thank you so much for having me.
Hopefully the story somebodycan resonate with.
I always love hearing peoplewho've been through similar
situations because it makes mefeel not so alone in the
experience.
Hopefully somebody hearing thiswill be like oh my God, that
happened to me too, you know.
(01:10:46):
So it always feels better notto be alone with something like
that.
Thank you so much.
I really loved it.
Speaker 1 (01:11:13):
Hey there, amazing listeners.
If you love what we do and wantto see our podcast grow, we
need your help.
By making a donation, you'll besupporting us and bringing you
even more great content.
I truly believe creating thisspace for women all across the
globe to share their story willallow us to collectively heal,
grow and become more empoweredin the space that we deserve to
(01:11:36):
be.
Motherhood, womanhood andhowever that looks and feels for
each and every one of us, Everycontribution, big or small,
will make a huge difference.
If you can head over to supportus today, there's a link in the
bio to support the podcast.
From the bottom of my heart,thank you for being a part of
this journey.
Thank you for listening.
(01:11:58):
Be sure to check out our socialmedia.
All links are provided in theepisode description.
We're excited to have you here.
Please give us a follow.
If you or someone you knowwould like to be a guest on the
show, reach out to us via emailat info at maternalwealthcom.
And remember stay healthy,embrace your power, and you got
(01:12:21):
this as the sun slowly creptinto the sky.
(01:12:49):
It filled the morning air withwarmth and light.
Welcome to the Maternal Wealth Podcast, a space
for all things related tomaternal health, pregnancy and
beyond.
I'm your host, stephanie Terrio.
I'm a labor and delivery nurseand a mother to three beautiful
boys.
Each week, we dive intoinspiring stories and expert
insights to remind us of thepower that you hold in
childbirth and motherhood.
We're here to explore the joys,the challenges and the
(00:32):
complexities of maternal health.
Every mother's journey isunique and every story deserves
to be told.
Please note that this podcastis for entertainment purposes
only.
It is not intended to replaceprofessional medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment.
Always consult with yourhealthcare provider for medical
guidance that is tailored toyour specific needs.
(00:53):
Are you ready?
Let's get into it.
Today we have a very specialguest, my cousin Ashley.
Welcome to the show.
Thank you so much for having me.
(01:17):
I'm so excited to be here.
I was reminiscing earlier todayand I can remember when my mom
told me that you were born.
Really, I really can.
I was thinking about it todayand we were still living at Bow
Street and I remember her comingin and saying Auntie Vicky had
(01:38):
the baby and her name is Ashley,and then myself, rachel and
Christopher.
We grabbed hands and we ranaround in a circle.
We were all so excited to havea new little cousin.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
My gosh, what a happy memory.
That's so cute, oh my goodness.
Oh my goodness, that's so cute,that's so funny.
Me being the one of theyoungest, I don't have any neat
memories of gaining a new cousinor anything like that.
The youngest is my sister andthat's it.
Never knew what that was like,but that one must have been very
(02:05):
exciting.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
I don't know if you've heard, but for other
episodes I really like to startwith a love story.
So if you could share with ushow you and Frank met.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
Yeah.
So Frank and I met just likethrough a mutual friend, and
when I first met him in person,it's like we just hit it off
right from the get-go.
It's quite funny.
We were at a restaurant and Iwear hair extensions and on this
particular night when I had myhair extensions in, I had a long
(02:39):
night of you know, maybe somealcohol consumption and I was
not looking the best.
My hair was tattered, theextensions were quite dangling
off of my head, just quiteliterally dangling off my head,
and one of the first thingsFrank said to me was I can see
your fake hair.
It was the funniest thing, justthe way he said it.
(03:01):
Frank has a great sense of humorand just the way he says things
that you know maybe makesomebody feel uncomfortable or
something like that.
He just has a way about it.
That is just he's.
He makes it funny and he makesit you feel great about it, even
though you know he's likecalling me out for my hair
extensions that are dangling offmy head.
It was like almost like acompliment.
(03:24):
I'm like, oh, thank you.
After that we hit it off.
I didn't see him after thatnight for quite some time and
then we ended up going to a fairtogether and we spent a few
hours just walking around andseeing the animals and eating
fair food.
It was just like if I had knownhim my entire life.
(03:45):
I've not really gotten thatfrom many people in my life and
I don't think he had either atthat point.
The conversation just never endsbetween Frank and I and I think
that's just one huge thingabout us that we noticed right
away is that him and I can talkand talk and talk and talk and
talk about anything, primarilyanimals and agriculture and
(04:05):
business stuff.
We love the same stuff and atthat fair the first time it was
just him and I really sittingtogether and talking and
learning about each other.
I definitely have known him ina past life and that's how it
started and we were a longdistance relationship for a long
time.
We were a long distancerelationship for a long time.
(04:44):
I in at that point of my lifehe was definitely a keeper
because it was not easy and itjust made us even stronger going
through that together.
It kind of blossomed from thereand now here I am down in
Massachusetts.
So that's kind of how it allbegan.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
You were living in New Hampshire prior.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
Yes, and so I still live there part-time.
I'm usually there at leastevery other week because New
Hampshire's always got to behome.
That was kind of the deal of mebeing down here more full-time
is that he had to be kind of onthe same page that New Hampshire
, no matter what, the end of theday, is always going to be home
(05:24):
a little bit more homier thandown here.
So I go back and forth quite abit, but it's worked out
perfectly.
It's an absolute perfectsituation.
I'm very, very, very lucky forit.
But that's the tale of howFrank and I got started to where
we are now.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
Tell us a little bit more about yourself.
What are your hobbies?
What brings you joy?
Who was Ashley before LittleScarlet?
We are now.
Tell us a little bit more aboutyourself.
What are your hobbies?
What brings you joy?
Who was Ashley before LittleScarlet?
Speaker 3 (05:49):
My goodness.
So Ashley, before LittleScarlet, was a workaholic.
I was very success driven.
I really wanted to be somebodyand have success to do greater
things in life.
I absolutely love being able todo things for other people.
Even from literally a young age.
(06:09):
I just wanted to be somebodysuccessful so I could have a
good life, but also I couldprovide a good life for somebody
else.
So even though Scarlett didn'thappen until I was 30, when I
had Scarlett, so I just knewyounger Ashley had to be
successful.
So I just knew younger Ashleyhad to be successful.
So when someday I had a child,it was going to be a heck of a
lot easier than not having asolid foundation of work.
(06:34):
So I had been planning for myfuture since I was a very, very
young girl.
My hobbies have always beenanimals, agriculture, my love
for being creative.
My creativeness was put on theback burner for a long time
because I was working so much tobe able to support this farm
(06:54):
lifestyle that I was not grownup around except for going to
horseback riding lessons andstuff like that.
But I've loved animals since Iwas just a tiny little girl.
That was how my mom was able toget me through school is the
promise of Ashley you can gohorseback riding if you go to
school and study for your testand do homework.
(07:16):
Animals have always been thedriving force behind wanting to
be somebody and success andworking towards being able to
have freedom to do what I wantwith animals and anything to do
with farming and agriculture.
So I had been planning evenwhen I was a young girl, just
(07:36):
knew what I want and had been sofocused for years up until
Scarlett was born, and I'vealways had just a free spirit of
never really working foranybody but myself.
When I became 21, 22 is when Ireally decided I kind of wanted
(07:56):
to be outside the mold of whatwould be considered maybe safe
and secure and think outside thebox of how to be successful.
It all kind of came to a headright when I got pregnant with
scars?
Speaker 1 (08:09):
How did you find out that you were pregnant with
scarlet?
Speaker 3 (08:12):
So I randomly thought to myself, hey, I'm really
tired.
It was seriously just like arandom Tuesday and all of a
sudden just was like wow, I'mreally really tired and I've
been somebody who alwaysfunctions off very little sleep.
I think that's just like thisweird God-given talent I have is
(08:35):
I can seriously be up all night, sleep for two hours and get up
and be totally good to go forthe next like 15, 16 hours, and
so for all of a sudden, for thatto just kind of stop very, very
abrupt.
I'm like this is weird and atfirst I thought I was maybe
(08:55):
getting sick but it continuedover the course of a couple days
and I'm like, oh my God, I haveto nap.
It was really strange.
And actual pregnancy reallywasn't even a thought of mine,
because during the time when Igot pregnant was a really
stressful, busy, crazy time.
I had recently opened up abranch of my business that I
(09:19):
co-owned down in Massachusettswhen I moved down here and I had
only been down here for likesix or seven months, I believe.
At the time I was never home, Iwas up all night working.
I was here, there, everywhere.
I never thought in a millionyears I would have been even
like healthy enough to getpregnant just because I was not
(09:42):
taking care of myself, I waseating horribly, I wasn't
sleeping, I was stressed, I wasnever home, and so it was just a
recipe for not getting pregnant.
I would think when the fatigueand being so incredibly
exhausted continued and then itwent hand in hand with I didn't
(10:04):
get my period, and then thelight bulb went off and I was
like, oh, maybe I'm pregnant.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
We paused this episode for a quick message from
our sponsor At Maternal Wealth.
We aim to ensure that you haveaccess to the best and the most
appropriate care.
That's why we created amaternal health care provider
database.
Maternal health providers caneasily create profiles to
promote their services andbusiness, helping to increase
(10:37):
access for those seeking theircare.
This is a one-of-a-kinddatabase that offers a new and
exciting way for women to searchfor and find maternal health
providers near them and tailoredto their specific needs.
Profiles feature badges thathighlight various services, such
as TODAC-friendly practices,all-female practices, lgbtqai
(11:00):
plus inclusivity, languageoptions, access to vaginal
breach services and more.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
I ended up taking a test and I was pregnant.
I was like, oh my gosh.
This may sound a little wild,but I'm a very spiritual person
and I had been dreaming, forthis was before the sudden onset
of being completely fatiguedand exhausted.
(11:33):
I was having these very, veryvivid dreams about being
pregnant.
It was the strangest thing.
I woke up some morningsrandomly being like wait a
minute.
Was that a dream?
I don't really know the termfor it, maybe lucid dreaming?
I mean, I was dreaming of goingshopping for maternity clothes
and just random, random, veryrealistic dreams.
(11:56):
I remember so vividly dreamingabout if I needed to get a
certain seatbelt random.
You know how you can get thoseseatbelts for when you're
pregnant.
I don't know if they're safe ornot, the one that goes in
between your legs instead ofacross your belly, or something
like that.
I just remember having such avivid dream about getting this
seatbelt because I was pregnantand I just have never forgotten
(12:16):
it.
Then I ended up being pregnant,maybe a few months later after
having these dreams.
As soon as I found out that Iwas pregnant, I was like, oh my
God, that's so weird.
I had a dream about getting aseatbelt because I was pregnant
and for it to actually happenwas quite crazy.
I was actually kind of moreshocked of me having these
dreams and finding out that Iwas pregnant, that it actually
(12:37):
happened.
It was a shock, but also morejoyful than being like oh my God
.
It was like, oh my God, yay.
I know people love to say itwasn't the right time or it was
the perfect time, but for me I'mjust like there is no time for
anything with something likethat.
I feel like it's when it'ssupposed to be.
It's kind of supposed to beultimately, whether you feel
(13:00):
that in the moment or even theyears after having a baby,
you're like, okay, it all madesense for it to happen like that
.
How did you tell Frank?
I kept it to myself for a fewdays because I was going to be
gone working like a 48-hourshift straight, and so I didn't
want to tell him over the phone,and so I finally got done
working and I got home and I hada while to kind of stew on how
(13:22):
I was going to do it.
I wanted to make it somewhattheatrical.
I had taken quite a bit ofdifferent pregnancy tests.
I must have taken eight,because you know, I feel like
maybe not all women do this, butI feel like a lot of us.
Not that we're in denial, butwe want to double check.
You know, you're like wait aminute, let me just get like 16
different tests just to see ifthey're all positive.
(13:43):
And so that's what I did.
I headed to Walgreens and I gotevery different type of test
you can get.
I had an array of tests.
It's like okay, I'm going tosurprise Frank in a really very
Ashley and Frank way.
So we have this old tractorthat's like out in the back of
our field and Frank is like veryprotective over this tractor.
That's quite literally justlike rotting in the ground.
(14:04):
I went back there and I put abunch of the pregnancy tests all
over the tractor and it's inthe seat, it's like on the
ground, it's like up on the dashand whatever.
I wanted to put many out thereso he wouldn't miss it, because
you know how some men couldmaybe be looking at something
and they're not.
They're like like where is it?
(14:25):
You know that situation.
He's very famous for that.
So I was like, okay, I'm gonnaload this tractor up with
pregnancy tests.
I called him and I said, hey,there's a guy like out in the
back field and he's looking atthat tractor.
He's like wait, what I was like, yeah, there's some guy out
there.
He's in the field and he'slooking at the tractor like I'm
(14:46):
not confronting him, you have tocome here.
So he like he like left what hewas doing and he, he like sped
home and he went right out thereand he like called me and he's
waiting.
He's like he's not out thereanymore.
I'm like I don't know where hewent.
You know, maybe he's, you can'tsee him, or whatever.
He just thought nothing of itgoing to confront the said guy
out in the field.
(15:06):
So when he got out there and I'mwatching him from our window I
can see him walk up to thetractor and he's like looking
around and I'm like is he notseeing all of those pregnancy
tests?
Are you kidding me?
No phone call or anything likethat.
And so I'm like he did not seeseriously, like one of 12 that
are out there.
(15:26):
He walks back and he comes in Idon't see anything in his hand
and he walks in and we're likesilent, looking at each other.
I'm just waiting for him to saysomething and he pulls it out
of his pocket.
He goes.
Really, that's how you told me.
I'm like I thought it was great.
It was like I thought somebodywas trying to rob, take the
trailer, take the tractor.
I'm like well, I'm like well,that's like.
(15:48):
That's, that's what makes itspecial, frank.
You're never going to forgetthat.
And so he was automatically.
He was super, super happy.
We had talked about it a bunchtoo, like we knew it was on the
horizon for us.
We were both in a place where,if it happened, we were going to
embrace it.
Obviously, we were both in aplace where, if it happened, we
were gonna embrace it.
Obviously, we were both likeafter the height of everything,
(16:09):
you know, when everything calmeddown, we were like sitting down
, eating and we were just like,wow, like this is, this is wild,
this is crazy, this ishappening.
And I think he knew deep down abig purpose for him in this
world was to be a dad.
He's a very, very, very kind,patient person and we had always
said, you know, jokingly, whowould be the better parent?
(16:30):
You know, people joke aboutthat and stuff like that and it
was always like Frank.
Frank is such a wonderful,wonderful, patient, kind guy,
he's going to make the best dad,and so that's always been a hot
topic of ours, and so it wasalmost kind of like he was ready
for his time to shine.
When he found out that I waspregnant 100%, he was probably a
little more secure overbecoming a parent than I was
(16:55):
during the whole pregnancy.
But also when I found out too,after telling him, the reality
of oh my God, what if somethinghappens?
Sunk in what if something goeswrong?
You know, I know it's reallycommon for those first two
months that things can miscarry,so that all started to kind of
sink in within the first week orso of me being pregnant.
(17:17):
That was not something I wasexpected, and so then obviously
my anxiety about that then gotput on Frank and he's like, oh
my God, you're right.
So I bet we're like okay,ashley, don't let your your
intrusive thoughts ruin thisspecial first couple weeks of
this wonderful news.
It was pretty theatrical and wetell the story to anybody who
(17:41):
is here and they're like oh,what's that tractor back there?
Frank will be like, oh my God,listen to this story.
And there's actually still acouple of pregnancy tests back
there on the tractor.
There's no real reason, butthere's maybe one or two still
out there.
Frank just probably keeps themthere for memory or something,
I'm not sure how was thepregnancy for you?
Speaker 1 (18:12):
did you have any morning sickness, any
difficulties?
You know what.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
I was so blessed and so lucky to have an absolutely
amazing pregnancy, aside from myinitial fatigue and exhaustion.
Once I kind of got over thathump, I felt like a million
bucks.
I did not have one ounce ofnausea.
I had a wonderful, wonderfulexperience and I was very, very,
(18:38):
very thankful for that, becauseI know for a lot of women that
is not the case, and I had acouple people around me who were
also pregnant at the same timeand they went through it.
Oh my God, those poor people.
Oh my God.
But it was wonderful.
I felt great.
I didn't really have any foodaversions.
I was great.
I was feeling good.
I kept really really active, nointerruptions with work or
(19:02):
slowing down or anything likethat.
It was very, very, very lucky.
Honestly, I'd never felt betterabout myself being pregnant,
cause you know you're, you knowyou've got this big belly and
you can wear whatever you want.
It's just like oh my God, Ifelt, I felt fabulous.
I did, I felt fabulous right upto the end.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Pretty much.
How did you decide who youwanted to deliver your child,
like OB or midwife?
How did you find a birthprovider?
Speaker 3 (19:31):
So pretty much I knew absolutely zero about that
whole process.
I only have, I want to say,three or four friends who have
kids that are around the sameage as me.
I have a lot of friends, peoplewho are like 50, 55, just not
my age, and so, you know, thingsare different back then and so
(19:54):
as far as all these differentoptions that we have and for the
people I did talk to, like mymom, was like I don't you know,
I had an OB and that was thatand that was kind of the general
consensus with people that Iwere in my life that have had
children 30 years ago.
And so with my few friends thatI have that are my age and have
(20:15):
children who are younger, theywere like you could do this or
that and you could get a doula,a midwife or just an OB.
It was kind of overwhelming andso I was like I think I'm just
gonna Google, review differentOBs and hospitals that are
within my network and kind of gofrom there, and I felt very
(20:41):
blind the entire process.
I genuinely felt like I waswearing goggles that didn't
allow me to really see anythingother than black and white.
You have an OB and you go tothe doctor, and that's that it
really came down to me.
Just looking at differentproviders that were in my
network and choosing one thatwas decently rated on Google, I
(21:06):
really didn't think much more ofall the other options that I
could have had.
I think I had told you I didn'teven know what a midwife really
was, and that's on me for notlooking into it deeper and
further.
I didn't know what a midwifewas until it being in the
hospital and there was a midwifekind of in charge of everything
.
One thing I didn't know untildeep into my appointments was I
(21:29):
wasn't going to have the doctorthat I had been primarily seeing
and I was like, okay, which Iprobably should have known that.
But I was so comfortable withher and you know I was like, oh,
I wish I had like kind of known.
You know, in the beginning itwas a pretty quick decision of
being like, okay, I feel like Ishould probably get right in and
(21:50):
and be seen and kind of go fromthere, but that's that's all I
really did.
And looking back, I'm like, oh,I wish I maybe had researched a
little bit more, whether it'slike podcasts like yours, or
watch some YouTube videos ofwhat other women do and stuff
like that, because my experienceended up being not the best.
But, going into it blind, Ijust kind of did what was, I
(22:14):
guess.
But going into it blind, I justkind of did what was.
I guess the very traditionalthing to do is just find an OB
and go from there.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
Your OB who was seeing you in the office.
Did she not deliver you becauseshe only saw patients in the
office, or was she just not onthe floor that day?
Speaker 3 (22:43):
She was a doctor who this should have been like not a
red flag by any means, but likeI should have caught on to.
It is.
She was an older doctor who wasonly there like two days a week
, if that, and so I just thinkshe didn't deliver anymore.
I think she did on call maybelike once a month.
She was an on-call delivery OBdoctor very rarely, I think.
She just primarily didappointments.
She was a very knowledgeableperson.
She was very, very thorough ineverything that she ever talked
to me about in the appointments,but I think she really only did
(23:04):
deliveries when she was on call.
That on-call schedule for herwas very slim.
I tend to kind of get the shortend of the stick for everything
and I'm like I would.
This would be like my case.
You just want that person thatyou've been seeing for months
and months and months and monthsto be there or at least know
what to expect, cause I Idefinitely did feel a little
(23:25):
like oh wait, and I actuallythought to myself when I found
that out.
I was like should I switch?
You know, do I?
Should I go to a smallerpractice where I know that the
doctor's going to be the onethat's delivering the baby.
It was so late in the game I waslike, oh my God to start fresh.
But I'm like, but does it evenmatter?
Because this doctor's not goingto be there unless it falls on
(23:47):
the very slim day that she'sgoing to be there.
It's definitely not a goodfeeling at all to know like, oh,
oh, okay, I'm going to feeleven more blind going into this
with the person that I've beenspeaking to this whole time.
Not that she even knows mepersonally or would maybe even
remember my name because it wasat a bigger practice, but a
(24:08):
familiar face would be nicedefinitely let's get into your
birth.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
Did you go into labor where you were scheduled
induction?
What happened?
Speaker 3 (24:17):
Yes, at 40, about 40 weeks I started I finally felt
I'm like, okay, I'm starting tofeel different.
I'm finally starting to feellike uncomfortable.
I was kind of a late bloomer inuncomfortableness, like I was
very comfortable up untilliterally 40 weeks and it was
like almost definitely within afew until literally 40 weeks,
and it was almost definitelywithin a few hours.
(24:37):
All of a sudden it was like,okay, I'm feeling different.
I'm very, very uncomfortable.
I'm not getting around as easy.
I'm so out of breath.
My stomach started to feelcrampy.
I'll never forget I was sittingin our bedroom watching TV in
my rocker chair and I had myfeet up and they were so swollen
I had no swelling or anythingup until 40 weeks.
(25:00):
And so I'm like, oh my God,things are working.
My feet are like swelling, ifthat's like even a thing.
I was like I don't know ifthat's like a good thing or a
bad thing.
I remember thinking that and Iremember Googling it, being like
is that a sign of labor?
My feet's falling and my shoesweren't fitting anymore.
Like randomly, all of a suddenI started to feel some, I guess
(25:20):
like this crapping, and so I'mlike okay, things are, things
are going to happen.
Things are going to startmoving along now.
So that happened for a coupleof days and I went in and got, I
think, at like my 40 weekappointment.
I remember going in and themchecking to see if I was dilated
and there was nothing.
I just remember the doctorbeing like okay, so you're not,
(25:43):
you're not dilated at all yet.
And I'll always remember thisdoctor saying there's no good
reason for a baby to be in therepast 41 weeks.
So we want to induce you at the41 week marker no longer than
like a day or so after.
And I was like, okay.
So then I remember going homeand everything that I had been
(26:04):
feeling just stopped.
There was no feeling asuncomfortable as I was.
There was no more cramping,there was no, nothing other than
her being able to see her footup against my stomach and stuff.
She was very active, thankfully.
But all my other symptoms oflabor, anything that made me
(26:24):
think that, oh, I could go intolabor today or tomorrow, it just
stopped.
I just remember being likethat's kind of weird Every day.
My due date not that a duedate's super accurate, that
would be really cool if she'sborn on a due date but it came
and went, which I think wasprobably pretty common, and she
was due on december 22nd.
And then christmas rolledaround and it's so funny because
(26:47):
frank had gotten her like afirst christmas ornament.
My parents did like she had achristmas outfit because in my
mind i'm'm like there's no wayshe won't be here before
Christmas, naive Ashley.
So Christmas came and went andnothing, no, anything.
But actually one little tale isso on Christmas for the company
(27:09):
that I used to own.
It's an elderly home carecompany and so we're open 24
hours a day Every holiday.
We never shut down.
So holidays are a big stressfultime for the people involved
running the business.
So come Christmas Eve, we had amassive call out for a client
down here in my area that I wasin charge of and this person was
(27:34):
going to be out Christmas Eve,christmas Day, christmas Day,
overnight, and literally nobodycould go.
And at the end of the day, forthat type of business, if nobody
else can go and this client,she cannot be alone.
You're going, me going.
And I remember being in such ablind panic and everybody was
(27:54):
like calm down, calm down,you're about to pop, don't be
stressed, don't be stressed.
And I was so incredibly unwell.
I was pacing around, I wascrying, I was like I cannot
believe this.
I'm overdue Not overdue, but Icould pop at any time.
I was so, so angry that thatwould happen to me, not even on
(28:17):
a holiday, but just in general.
I was just so angry.
But after that day then thingsstarted kind of moving a little
bit.
I started to not feel wellagain and I don't know if it was
the stress that that caused,but that sparked something.
And I don't know if it was thestress that that caused, but
that sparked something.
So it's a funny story.
I tell to everybody Just anexample of how stressful being a
(28:41):
business owner can be.
It literally did something tome for pregnancy.
I really think that's when mybody started to maybe try to
start the process.
But I remember I ended up nothaving to go and somebody came
in and like saved the day, whichwas an absolute miracle.
And every time I see this womanwe usually talk about it.
I'm like, oh my God, rememberthat time where you came in and
(29:04):
you saved the day on Christmas.
But that night is when thatwhole process again kind of
started coming back.
My stomach started to be crampyand everything, and I'm like,
yay, yay, yay.
The stress made me like isinducing labor?
On the 26th it kind of subsideda little bit and so I was
disappointed because I reallydidn't want to be induced.
(29:27):
I was like what's wrong with mybody, why is this not happening
?
When did I go in to be induced?
Oh, on her birthday, the 30th.
I was like, wait, when did I goin?
And so the few days afterChristmas I continued to feel
like that Nothing was happening.
I was like what's wrong?
You know, you start kind ofgetting in your head and
everything like that.
And doctor's office called andsaid okay, well, we're going to
(29:49):
go ahead and do the induction,so come in on the 30th, call in
the morning and we'll tell youwhat time to come in.
We ended up going first thing onthe 30th and headed to the
hospital, which was so scary andso frightening because you hear
horror stories of just beinginduced.
As you know, I was out for atleast a week on Google every
(30:13):
night.
I'm like, should I be inducedor should I not be induced?
When I got to the hospital, Iliterally walked in, was getting
(30:35):
undressed into a Johnny and assoon as they put the heart
monitor around my belly.
It went to hell in a handbag.
It was not good.
It was not good.
That was the start of thescariest thing I have ever been
through in my entire life.
It started within just a fewminutes of being in the hospital
(30:58):
.
The nurse had hooked me up andI was sitting in the bed and she
said are you feeling likeyou're having a contraction?
And I said no, no.
And she's like oh well, on themonitor, you're having a mild
contraction.
And I thought to myself maybethis would be my situation,
where I do come into thehospital for a induction and I
(31:20):
end up not needing one.
You know, like that's myimmediate thought of what was
going to happen.
And that was not the case.
She's like okay, I'll leave youto it to get changed.
You know you are having a mildcontraction and then so I'll be
right back.
And so I went to the bathroomto get changed and pack my bag
and whatever.
And I was Snapchatting thehospital room and like, oh, this
(31:41):
is so cute.
And so then I get back into bedand no sooner of me getting
back into bed, an absolute teamof people rushed in the room.
That's when things like kind ofnot get fuzzy, but it just all
happened so quickly and so itwas just so intense.
(32:01):
It was so intense the next fewhours that some of it I've kind
of I don't know if I've likeblocked off or I was just so out
of it because I was.
So I felt disorientated becauseit was just so much going on so
quickly and so intensely.
But a whole team of people camein and they said her heart rate
(32:22):
had dipped down to whatever adangerous number is for that I
don't remember.
So they ended up having me getlike on my side and that kind of
happened a few times within thefirst like literally hour of me
being there.
(32:42):
And I remember Frank and Ilooking at each other and being
like uh-oh, like what, what isgoing on?
Like this is quite, quite wild.
It would kind of go in likewaves for the first hour or so
of me being fine and on, youknow, her heart rate being fine,
and then all of a sudden themonitor dinging and this and
(33:04):
that, and then the whole groupof people would come in again
and reposition me and one time Iwas like on my hands and knees
but the induction still hadn'tstarted.
Hands and knees, but theinduction still hadn't started,
and I remember that the doctorthat was there, she was
apprehensive to start theinduction because of her heart
rate, and so for the firstcouple of times that happened,
(33:27):
they were kind of leaving it upto me of what I wanted to do.
If I thought, do we just wantto see what happens for over the
next you know hour?
Maybe let me try to go intonatural labor?
I'm not really sure what theintentions were for the first
few hours of that.
And then finally, after thathad happened a couple times and
(33:48):
a couple I mean like probablymaybe five times finally the
doctor came in and was like,okay, I think we should start
the induction.
And I remember being very, veryunsure, being like is this the
right decision?
Should I be waiting?
Is this normal?
I was so confused and Iremember just telling Frank I'm
(34:10):
like Google, this is normal, amI being pressured into something
that I shouldn't be doing?
But also, at the same time,this is so scary and if they're
telling me, like you know, weneed to do this, I guess that's
what we need to.
I guess, like I don't know, Ijust I'm putting my faith into,
obviously, this doctor who is adoctor, I think because it was
(34:32):
taking a little while.
I was like well, why aren't westarting sooner?
There were so many questionsmixed with being disorientated
with what's going on.
The whole process was reallyconfusing.
For the first couple hours itwas very, very confusing up
until the induction.
After that, when they startedthe induction, things escalated
(34:54):
super quickly.
My body responded to themedicine very strongly.
Speaker 1 (34:59):
Was it Pitocin through the IV Yep?
Actually thinking back, aboutit.
Speaker 3 (35:04):
I believe maybe there was a halt in the induction
because they couldn't get astick, couldn't get a needle in
me.
Everything was horrible thatwas going on.
But I will never, ever, ever,ever, ever forget the fear of
God in this woman's eyes ofdesperately trying to get a
needle in my arm.
My God, steph, I knew it was anemergency situation, obviously,
(35:29):
but this woman, I know she wastrying to keep it together.
This woman was sweating bullets, trying to get a needle in me.
That scared me and I thinkbecause, also working in a
hospital the majority of myadult life and knowing when
things are kind of slippery,seeing a nurse and she was an
(35:50):
older nurse sweating bullets,struggling to get a stick in me,
the panic surrounding trying toget a needle in me, was very
frightening.
It was very, very frightening.
They had one of those machinesthat showed where your veins
were.
I mean, they end up having tohave somebody from a different
department come in.
But I remember my whole arm,within just not even an hour,
(36:13):
was so bruised and just so.
Oh my God.
But you know what?
It kind of kept my mind off ofother pain that was happening
because I was dilating soquickly.
I think I went from no dilationto seven centimeters dilated
within like 30 minutes, yeah,and without a fedora.
(36:34):
I think, looking back, maybethat's why the induction was
taking a while is because theycouldn't get a needle in my arm.
I don't know why.
Maybe I was really dehydrated,or I've never had trouble
getting blood taken or anythinglike that.
So, yeah, I went from zero toseven centimeters within half
hour, a little more I was.
(36:54):
I was going through it, noepidural yet and being in
intense pain, just like goingthrough it.
They had thrown out the wordc-section a few times.
Even though I was so super,super out of it because of the
pain and just the panic that wasin the room, I thought to
myself oh my god, I would, Iwould almost fully dilate and
(37:17):
not have an epidural and feelevery ounce of that, just to end
up getting a C-section.
That would happen to me.
But they ended up needing tobreak my water and I remember
seeing it come out and it waslime green.
When they did that, they putlike a more accurate monitor on
(37:37):
her head.
Then I finally got an epiduraland I remember when the doctor
came in to give me the epiduralhe was like, so I don't work
here.
I just remember being like what, what do you mean?
But I remember he didn't say itlike to me, but he was saying
to, like everybody else, that hedoesn't work here and he
(37:59):
doesn't really know whereeverything is, but just
essentially, get the hell out ofhis way so he can do this.
And I was like, oh my God, it'sjust adding to the adding to
the situation.
Oh my God.
So that went actuallyrelatively very smoothly.
He did a great job.
Just the entrance was a littlestrange from coming into the
room and saying that, yeah,definitely, definitely lacking,
(38:22):
like the bedside, not evenmanners, but bedside common
sense.
Just maybe not come in and savethat to a very, very intense
situation.
So, poor Frank, he's sittingnext to me as close as he can
because there were just so manypeople constantly around me.
He stood right behind them thewhole time in the sheer, sheer
(38:43):
horror on this poor guy's face.
Oh my god, that's somethingI'll never forget either.
Just kind of looking throughthe crowd and seeing Frank in
the background, like totally youcould tell he was so scared, oh
my god.
And when I got the epidural wedid one last final, putting a
(39:04):
ball in between your legs andthey had me on my side.
And while I was doing that,everybody finally left and I
don't really know how much timepassed.
Time was just.
It felt like it was standingstill, but probably flying by,
and the crowd cleared out andfinally I was able to just kind
(39:24):
of relax and the epidural waskicking in.
The pain went down and startedto feel very lucid.
Almost my body was just shakingtremendously.
But then finally my nervoussystem, you could tell, was just
like finally calming down and Ithought, okay, you know what,
maybe things are better.
They have the accurate heartmonitor on Scarlett now, and
(39:47):
let's see where this takes us.
I kind of came back to reality alittle bit, but still felt a
little out there because I wasjust so calm all of a sudden.
And so then the doctor came inand said this happens one more
time, we'll do a C-section.
And I remember signing thepaperwork and I was so scared.
I remember being so incrediblyfrightened, just so so.
(40:08):
I've never felt more like it'sin God's hands.
I felt so defeated and soincredibly exhausted and I was
just in the let's just, let'sjust get this baby out.
At this point I'm like.
I remember thinking I'm likehow am I going to?
I don't even know if I haveenough strength to push this
baby out Like I could barelybarely even keep my eyes open.
(40:31):
And when the doctor came in andsaid we're going to do the
c-section if it happened again,ike went to go use the bathroom
and within two minutes of himbeing gone, the piece was over
and the alarm started going offagain, and it was even worse
than the other time it happened.
Her heart rate went way downand I remember, out of all the
(40:56):
times that that had happened,this was like the worst one.
Just to remember, it felt moreserious than all the other times
and they had me again get on myhands and knees.
I had the epidural so I couldbarely hold myself up and they
were like okay, you're going,we're rushing into surgery.
Frank hadn't even come backfrom using the bathroom yet and
(41:19):
they were wheeling me out of theroom.
Oh, and they wanted me to stayon my hands and knees, like
going down the hallway.
As soon as we got to the doorwayof my room, my bed broke.
Yeah, yep, and so I justremember there were literal
maintenance men there helpingdrag my bed down the hallway.
I don't know what was wrongwith the bed, I don't know if it
was like the brakes orsomething, but I remember they
(41:42):
had me like off the heartmonitor and it was because they
were like they were moving meand I don't.
I maybe I guess it wasn't liketransportable, I don't know, but
it took forever to get me tothe hallway.
And, my god, stephanie, thepeople, the panic of scraping
the hell out of the floorgetting my bed down the hallway
(42:05):
is like it was so, so bad, andthey're all angry at each other
because the bed's not workingand so they're like, like
yelling at each other and oh, mygod, it was so bad, it was so
bad.
And I just remember, finally,we're like halfway down the
hallway and this older nurse shemust have been Jesus, she must
(42:27):
have been like late 70s.
She's probably just working perdiem.
You know what I mean Liketotally, totally.
I don't know if she was avolunteer, I don't know if she
was an older nurse, I'm not sure, but she appeared out of
nowhere and she had a MinnieMouse scrub top on, like with a
matching little bonnet thing onher head, these little details.
I remember she had like reallybeautiful cross necklace on and
(42:49):
she had these gigantic,beautifully painted, vibrant
pink nails.
She disappeared out of nowhereand she's holding my hand.
Oh, and by this time I hadfallen and I was not on my hands
and knees, I was on my side.
Now I couldn't hold myself upwhen they're desperately trying
to drag my bed down the hallway.
(43:10):
And so this woman, she'sholding onto my hands and
everything and she's like it's,you know, we're almost there,
we're almost there.
And I looked at her and I havetears in my eyes.
I'm like is she going to beokay?
And I'll never forget her beinglike we'll be there soon, you
know, just just, we're almostthere.
I know this is, this is I don'tknow what word she used,
(43:31):
whether it was like if thisnever happens, you know, like
your bed not working, like weshould end the OR.
You know, maybe this is wild orthis is odd or something like
that, but she wouldn't answerthe question of.
Things were like okay, I don'tlike, oh my God, oh my God, oh
my God.
And so she's just holding myhand, she's like telling me it's
you know, we're almost there,we're almost there.
(44:02):
When I got to the OR, I was verydazed and confused.
I really had not had any anytime to really process what
happened or what was going on.
Essentially, frank wasn't withme.
It was like I had mentionedthat cute older nurse with the
Mickey Mouse scrubs who wascomforting me, telling me we're
almost there, we're almost there.
Everybody was really panickyand next thing I know is I'm
kind of being strapped down tothis cross and they asked if I
(44:26):
wanted to have the sheet withthe window or not, if I wanted
to see what was going on, and Iremember barely really answering
but just was like, just likemumbled no.
At this point I then started tobecome in and out of
consciousness and I think it wasjust purely from I don't know.
I don't know if it was like themedicine, I don't know if it
(44:47):
was just the sheer panic orthat's just maybe how my body
was processing it.
I'm not, I don't really sure.
So I was kind of in and out ofconsciousness, but I remember
Frank not being there and Iremember having a couple of
doctors around me, like theanesthesiologist, telling me
like okay, you know, you're notgoing to feel a thing, this like
(45:08):
trying to really, you know,make me feel okay, make me feel
safe and whatnot.
Next thing I know is I'm kind ofbeing what feels like ripped
and kind of tugged around andthen I hear she's out, she's out
, or something like that, andthen silence.
And then somebody said get me ablanket.
And then finally a cry, andthen everybody, just like you,
(45:42):
could feel the sigh of reliefkind of around the room and I
think a couple nurses even likeclapped around the room and I
think a couple nurses even likeclapped, and the
anesthesiologist behind me beinglike look, look, like there she
is, she's over there, and I waslike I just couldn't even
respond.
And so then finally I see thisburly guy come in in a scrub
(46:05):
setup and I then put two and twotogether like oh, it's Frank.
Literally then dawned on me thatFrank wasn't in the room for
any of this and I can only seehis eyes.
Somebody pulls up a chair nextto me for him to sit in and I'm
looking at him and even in mydelusional state I can see that
there's like something not rightwith him.
(46:27):
I just remember thinking, ohGod, he's not well.
So they bring Scarlett over andthe nurse is like here's
Scarlett.
And I remember her pushingScarlett right against my cheek
and one of the nurses had herphone and was like taking photos
.
And then Frank, he's kind oflike physically spitting, like
you can just see him, like not,not right.
(46:48):
And so the nurse like hands offScarlett to somebody and she
was like are you okay, frank?
Like Frank, are you okay?
And Frank just like shakes hishead like no.
So two nurses help Frank up andliterally help him out of the
room.
I kind of go back into like okay, let's just concentrate on
trying to stay awake and try andtake in everything that's going
(47:12):
on.
Now, this huge wave of reliefthat's you know that Scarlett's
out.
I remember the nurse sayingshe's okay, and so I just
immediately started to feel muchmore safe and being like okay,
everything is okay, like this isokay.
And so then I kind of startedto come out of that fog that I
was in.
So then I still don't know whatthis is.
(47:35):
I felt like they were countingon my body, the rhythm of what
the doctor was doing.
It felt like she was pushing inand counting like a sequence,
if that makes sense In my head.
I was like is she doingstitches?
And then counting how manystitches she's doing.
But I remember needingsomething to hyper-focus on and
so I focused on them doing somesort of counting.
(47:59):
I don't know if they wereaccounting for instruments that
they were using too, becausethere was lots of banging and
stuff going around with you knowtools and their little kit or
whatever.
I was uncontrollably shaking,like uncontrollably shaking, and
they just kept pying blanketson me.
It felt like absolutely forever, but just kept focusing on
(48:20):
whatever the doctor was doingand doing whatever their thing
that she was doing down thereand a lot of pressure like a lot
of pushing and stuff justtrying to breathe.
And Frank wasn't there becausesomething was going on with him.
And then they transferred me toa new bed and that worked.
That worked.
Scarlett had been brought backdown to the room already when
(48:41):
they were stitching me back upand when I was brought back into
the room, frank was holdingScarlett and there was a nurse
there and I remember the nursesaying, oh my gosh, she looks
like a porcelain doll and shehad one dimple and she was like
I can't get over how much shelooks like you, frank.
I remember one of the firstthings you know now that I'm
totally conscious and like no,it's going on looking at
(49:04):
Scarlett and being like shelooks nothing like me.
She does not look like my childwhatsoever.
I remember being like, oh myGod, she even has hair, because
I don't have the best hair.
And when I was born I was bald,bald, bald, bald, bald for like
two years.
And she was just this reallytan, olive skin, dark hair,
(49:26):
little baby.
And I was just like, oh my gosh, it hit me so quickly as soon
as I saw her.
This is now real.
It was so hard to picture herphysically being here, but she's
here and she is just sobeautiful, oh my goodness.
So then I didn't even have timeto really process what had even
happened, because everythingjust went from zero to 100, back
(49:50):
down to zero.
She was born at 321 in theafternoon, and so things
happened very quickly at the endand then, when everything was
fine, everything just all of asudden it's like a switch turned
and it was calm and peacefuland relaxing.
And I remember the first timewhen the nurse left the room and
it was just Frank, scarlett andI us just looking at each other
(50:15):
and being like what justhappened.
Him and I just kind of startedto process the whole thing while
just trying to soak in everymoment.
Our phones were absolutelyblowing up because this was also
during COVID.
I think actually we could havehad one guest at a time, a
certain period of time, butFrank and I chose to just wait
(50:37):
and see how things go.
It was like all these otherstipulations too, and we didn't
want to have to have people tojump through hoops just to come
and visit us.
It turned into be a really justspecial experience for Frank
and I that made us a totallydifferent couple when we left
the hospital, going throughsomething like that together,
and wouldn't want anybody tohave like gone through that with
(51:01):
us Like I.
I think if my mom, especiallymy mom if she had seen
everything and had gone throughthat, oh my God, it would have
traumatized her.
It would have really scared herand my dad.
They only saw the beautifulside of it.
It's beautiful in its own way,the whole experience, but I
(51:26):
think on the outside, looking in, it would have created so much
fear and so much more anxietyfor everybody.
And for that to be like Frankand I's special experience that
we went through I think it makesit that much more special, I
guess.
So over the next 24 hours.
It was mainly me resting in bed, spending as much time as I
could with Scarlett.
None of the real pain hadreally kicked in.
Yet I had a nerve block in.
(51:47):
The doctor was like, oh yeah,this will wear off in like
exactly 24 hours, and it, likeon the dot, did that's.
When I got my catheter out, Ifinally got out of bed and then
just slowly, slowly, slowlystarted to gear up getting ready
to leave the hospital and I waspetrified.
I was so scared to leave.
(52:09):
I was in so much pain and themedicine that they gave me I
tried once and it made me sosleepy and so out of it and this
is actually a really fun story,like little side note about
this medicine.
So I again nobody had heardfrom us Going on like probably
(52:31):
eight, nine, 10 hours at thispoint, and once Scarlett was
here and I'm comfortable in bed,and this was like later at
night when I was given thismedicine to help with some other
pain.
Speaker 1 (52:44):
Do you remember what the medication was called?
I?
Speaker 3 (52:48):
don't, I have no idea .
I want to say everything wasgiven through IV, so it's some
kind of IV medicine.
Okay, I wish I knew that.
You know, if I do have anotherchild, not to have that because
me and that medicine did notwork.
So I'm like sending photos outto everybody of like, oh, like
Scarlett.
So I hadn't even realized it,but I sent because again, I'm
(53:12):
like on this medicine that'smaking me feel super loopy and
tired.
I sent out a photo to everysingle person that I know and
like on my snapchat, a photo ofjust like me, naked, with
scarlet, like not evenbreastfeeding or anything.
And one of Frank's friendsmessaged me.
(53:35):
He was like do you?
Speaker 1 (53:37):
know what you just sent and I was like no, it was
so bad it was so funny.
Speaker 3 (53:44):
I was like god, it was so funny.
And I was wow, and I just likehad to play it off, like it was
on purpose.
I was like oh yeah, like oops,like that's.
You know, I meant to send it tosome people but I guess, like
like too many people, but reallyI was just like super loopy on
the medicine.
(54:05):
Oh my God, that is so funny.
Oh my God, yep.
And so I went digging throughall the photos that I had saved
and I was like wow, like youknow, those beautiful, like you
know, first moments ofbreastfeeding photos, sharing
those wonderful, all for it.
But this photo was not, was notit?
So that's just a side notestory of that.
(54:26):
That.
Just people, we still all talkabout it to this day, so funny.
So after that, this was so.
The next day was New Year's Eve.
(54:46):
Scarlett was such a funnylittle girl.
She was sleeping super well, notrouble, breastfeeding, which
was.
I was really worried about thatbecause I felt like I went into
that whole thing super blindtoo.
I was just kind of like, well,I'm going to wing this and not
like one drop of research,nothing.
I just kind of prayed for thebest for that which and that
(55:07):
worked out beautifully.
We just kind of hung out.
I was really worried to leavethe hospital because I was in so
much pain At one point I thinkthis was just everything kind of
coming to a point that lastnight on new year's eve I was
like, oh my god, I'm scared toleave tomorrow.
Maybe let's try to convince thedoctor to let me stay one more
night.
And so the doctor said you knowyou can stay one more night,
(55:29):
but you're doing well Like youshould probably like leave.
I was like, yeah, you're right.
We watched the fireworks fromour hospital room.
The hospital that I gave birthto Scarlett in is like kind of
in like a downtown, not the bestarea hospital, and so we
actually think there were likestreet fireworks of just like
people like setting off in thestreet, which was really nice
(55:50):
though it was right outside ourroom.
Overall, that part of my birth,the aftercare, was really good,
minus the medication, but Imean, at the end of the day it's
not like it hurt anything otherthan like embarrassing me once
I took it.
I'm like, okay, never again.
So that part of the hospitalstay was really really beautiful
and really nice, and to takethat time with Frank and myself
(56:13):
and Scarlett, the first 24 hourswas so nice.
I enjoyed just the peace andquiet.
I'll always remember they tookScarlett out to do a hearing
test and they were like, oh, doyou want her to stay in the
nursery a little while so youcan get some sleep?
And Frank and I were like, oh,do you want her to stay in the
nursery a little while so youcan get some sleep?
And Frank and I were like, sure.
So I remember sleeping for alittle while and then the nurse
(56:34):
kind of creaking open the doorand bringing Scarlett in the
little the bassinet and Scarlettwas obviously laying on her
back and she was looking aroundlike her eyes were wide open and
she was looking around the roomas nurse was wheeling her in,
and so she wheeled her rightnext to the bed I was in and
Scarlett like just rolled herhead over and was just staring
(56:56):
at me and I was staring at her.
I'm like, oh my gosh, she'slike she's hi.
You know, she just like lookedlike she was gonna talk for a
second.
It was so funny you could tell.
She's like, wow, where am I?
But that was just a littleprecious moment that I'll always
, always, always remember is herbeing wheeled and her being
like wow, where am I?
(57:18):
We left New Year's Day and weare getting ready to leave and
they're trying to figure out thecar seat, or you know, and
you're trying to like okay, likelet's make sure the car seat
fits.
Is it normal for a nurse to belike no, no, no, like this is
your car seat, you have tofigure this out.
Like you can't leave until youfigure this car seat out.
(57:40):
It's almost like we felt likeif it was like a test, because
we had tested the car seat, likefiddled around with it and
stuff, before you know, we wentto like learn a little bit about
it, you know, put like a dollin there and figure out how it
works in general.
But the nurse would be like,okay, put Scarlett in the car
seat and, you know, buckle herup and you tell me if this is
(58:03):
right, and if it's right, youcan go.
So we were like okay, so I'mlike like barely able to stand.
Frank's kind of like sweatingbullets trying to make sure this
car seat buckled up correctly.
And she came and went like fourtimes and like oh, nope, that's
not right, try it again andthen would leave and then frank,
and I'm like, okay, we likefiddle around with the car seat
(58:25):
again and then we ring the bellshe'd come back in.
No, no, that's not right.
Then she'd leave again and callme when you think you've done
it.
We're like, okay, I'll neverforget being like like literally
sweating bullets.
We're concerned.
We're like, oh my god, it'sjust like not even gonna work.
I'm like on youtube trying tolook up direction.
(58:47):
It was unbelievable, the car'srunning out front.
So then finally we got the okayand we left in that first car
ride home after a C-section.
Oh my goodness, oh my goodness,the bumps.
Frank driving no good.
And I was dangling off the.
You know the little handlethat's in the back of the car.
(59:07):
I was dangling off the.
You know the little handlethat's in the back of the car.
I'm like trying to not put mybutt on the seat just because it
felt every single bump.
And I, that was just somethingI did not expect and I don't
think it really sunk in until Igot home that I had like major
abdominal surgery either.
Like I just it just didn't like, didn't click.
Obviously I was in pain and Iwas barely able to walk and but
(59:30):
it didn't hit me until I gotback to my you know, my home.
I was like, wow, this is goingto be a recovery, not just a
simple like oh, I'll walk thisoff type thing.
I didn't realize how how muchit was going to affect me doing
like anything.
I'm like, oh, okay, I'm notgoing to be able to drive for
(59:51):
weeks.
So that was not expected at all.
And after talking to a fewdifferent women who have also
had c-sections, it seems likeeverybody has a really different
experience.
Some people are like, oh, itwas like nothing, like what do
you mean?
You couldn't pull up your ownpants for a week, I think.
Think maybe for mine, becauseit was I don't like to use the
word violent, but it kind of waslike leading up to it, I was
(01:00:15):
tossed and turned and it was notthis like soft and gentle
situation, it was very chaoticthing and I wonder if that made
it that much more hard on mybody.
It wasn't this like easy thingand I wonder if that made it
that much more hard on my body.
It wasn't this easy thing.
And some of the people thatI've talked to they've gone in
for their planned C-sections andeverything goes perfectly and
(01:00:37):
the recovery for them isliterally nothing.
I remember looking back after Ihad talked to some women being
like, oh, why was mine not likethat?
I think that's kind of normalof when you're comparing your
situations to somebody elsebeing like, wait, why couldn't I
tie my shoes and bend down andanything like that.
(01:00:58):
For weeks I was down fordefinitely the first two and a
half weeks I was seriouslyimmobile.
It was not good.
It was a slow, slow at firstrecovery.
It was also too a period ofrecovery but also a period of in
my head going through.
(01:01:18):
I can't believe that happened.
And then, kind of it, now thatI could breathe and I was at
home, I kept holding on to thislike I cannot believe that
happened.
I've gone through life very,very, very blessed that I have
not had anything very supertraumatic happen, Like I count
my blessings every day.
(01:01:39):
I really don't hold a lot oftrauma and this was like my
first huge life-alteringtraumatic thing I've ever been
through and I was having atfirst, when I got home, a
definitely difficult timeprocessing it, being like what
went wrong was something wrongwith me.
Did I do something?
(01:02:00):
And even though the nurses werelike no, this like literally
happens all the time.
But it was just a reallydifficult thing to process at
first and kind of mad too.
You know, wow, I wish it wentthe way that I thought it was
gonna go and get I don't know,just a huge, huge, weird up and
(01:02:20):
down of feelings like thank god,I'm so thankful, like
everything was okay, but alsolike geez, like why, why did
that have to happen?
And again, what did?
What did I do and what waswrong?
What's wrong with my body?
Almost kind of like you feellike you failed yourself a
little bit.
But then, after really taking astep back, after a few weeks of
being angry and sad and mad, Iwas like Ashley, you need to get
(01:02:44):
over this.
Like you were, you left with avery healthy baby.
You're okay, it's.
You have to like move on fromit.
And so slowly I started to findhumor in it and a little bit
just being like you know whatthat was a whirlwind.
I share my experience whenpeople want to hear it, cause I
also don't want to like scarepeople.
But also I wish I knew thatthis was a possibility that
(01:03:06):
could have happened.
Going into it, I mean it wouldhave been nice to know that,
like hey, if labor isn'tprogressing or this happens or
that happens, these are maybesome things that could be used
during labor.
That would have been a littlenice to have a little bit of
education about that, but maybethat's just kind of not typical
nowadays.
(01:03:26):
Definitely a unique experiencefor my life.
I had not been throughsomething like that before, but
at the end of the day I'vebecome thankful for it because
it's just made it a specialexperience in my life.
Now, and for a long time, I waslike I will never, ever, ever,
ever have another child.
(01:03:46):
It turned me off to ever havinganother child, ever have
another child.
It turned me off to ever havinganother child.
And I remember saying somethingalong the lines of like I'm
never doing this again to theanesthesiologist during that
period of when I was beingstitched back up or whatnot, and
him being like oh honey, youjust wait.
Whether it's a year, two years,three years, four years, this
will be just a memory.
(01:04:07):
And that's exactly what it'sbecome just a memory.
So yeah, and also, too, onething I really didn't realize or
even think was going to happentoo, after we got home and
started.
You know our normal routine.
As Frank, I was hurting so badlyand I was in so much pain and
going through it mentally too ofthe whys and the what ifs and
(01:04:30):
this, and that I didn't reallyrealize that Frank was also
struggling a little bit mentallywith the whole thing, seeing
his partner in a great deal ofpain but also in a really scary
situation, I took like a, took atoll on him, and that's one
thing that it took me a littlebit to realize, because he
(01:04:50):
wasn't like hey, I'm not well.
He was seriously my caretakerfor and Scarlett's both of ours
for a few weeks.
And actually another fun littlething, too fun little story.
Remember how I said he wasquite doozy and dizzy and had to
leave.
Well, come to find out this wasa long time after this.
(01:05:13):
He kind of kept it to himselffor a while when he walked in
the room, the way that theoperating table was positioned,
the doors that you come in areright in the middle of the room,
and so when you came in you saweverything.
And when he came in he saidthat my organs were essentially
on a sheet on my stomach.
(01:05:34):
He said he was cool, calm andcollected up until he walked in
and he saw that he's like Ashley.
I was fighting for what seemedmy life to not drop on the floor
After all that time.
I don't know why him and I hadnever talked about like hey,
what was wrong.
And it was because he walked inand he saw that he was very
bothered by that for a long timeand I think he was also
(01:05:57):
bothered too that he had toleave the room.
I think him not being able to bethere for me really also
bothered him.
I didn't really think anythingof it because it was such a
tense situation and I was neverfelt any sort of way about it.
Definitely wasn't expectingFrank to kind of have like the
baby blues afterwards too, notregardless of that experience
that he had, seeing me like that, but I'm sure there's probably
(01:06:19):
other men who feel the same wayto just such a crazy time.
That was something that was, Ishouldn't say, not expected,
because they're human beings andseeing their person they love
in a really vulnerable situationand scary situation I'm sure is
(01:06:39):
really hard, and especially forsomebody who is just over the
moon to be a dad and to see notonly just like the person that
they care about deeply but alsotheir new baby going through it
too.
I can't imagine I'm somebodywho would rather be like taking
the worst of it.
I don't like to see people thatI love in pain or hurting or
(01:07:02):
like that.
It's just that is something Ihave a really hard time dealing
with.
I'd rather be the person goingthrough it, hurting whatever it
is, and so putting myself in hisshoes must have been really the
poor guy.
I think it still bothers me tothis day.
Speaker 1 (01:07:19):
So, looking back on everything that you went through
, what are you most proud of?
Speaker 3 (01:07:25):
I'm proud of being able to be the mom that I always
worked to be.
I'm really, really, reallyproud that I can give Scarlett a
good childhood, of me beinghere all the time, Because, even
though I've not gone throughanything big medical trauma or
anything like that or havetrauma of losing somebody, I've
(01:07:50):
gone through it to finally bewhere I am now and my personal
life just gone through theringer in a lot of ways.
Looking back, none of thismakes sense.
Why is this happening?
None of it used to make senseand all of it now has come
together and it all makes senseof everything to be exactly
where I'm supposed to be, andI'm just so proud of little
(01:08:12):
Ashley to then now be mommy,Ashley, to be home and to do,
you know, try to do all theright things and give Scarlett a
really, really good childhood,Because I think being a really
good person and a really goodpart of society and for Scarlett
(01:08:32):
to someday have a really goodfuture starts at home, to give
her a really good foundation.
It's really important becausethat's what I had with my mom
and my dad.
My mom was home all the timewith us growing up and treasure
that.
So, so, so lucky that I grew upwith a mom who was able to be
home and you know it was astruggle back then, but I just
(01:08:55):
I'm so thankful that Scarlett'sable to have that.
I'm really, really proud ofthat.
And I would also, too, I wouldsay, proud of my recovery too.
As far as the birth, I literallynever thought I was going to be
able to be strong again, Tocome back from that, from being
so down and weak oh my God, Ifelt so weak for so long and to
(01:09:21):
gain strength and to get kind ofback to my baseline.
Very proud that I did that.
In the moment and for a longtime after that I was like
there's no way.
There's no way that I'm goingto feel strong again.
But I somehow did so I'm reallyproud of that.
It took a long time and I'mstill not where I would love to
(01:09:44):
be, but the fact I even got to amindset of being like I'm good
and then also physically beingstrong and being healthy super
proud of that Cause that stufffor me.
I am not somebody who can likeeasily work out or eat the right
portions and the right stuff.
That's just not my forte.
(01:10:05):
So the fact that I did is likea miracle.
Speaker 1 (01:10:09):
Very proud of that.
Well, thank you, Ashley, fortaking the time to sit down and
chat with me about your storyand to be open and to be
vulnerable so people who listento the stories can grow and heal
and learn and become moreempowered and be in a space
where we deserve to be.
Speaker 3 (01:10:26):
Yes, no, thank you so much for having me.
Hopefully the story somebodycan resonate with.
I always love hearing peoplewho've been through similar
situations because it makes mefeel not so alone in the
experience.
Hopefully somebody hearing thiswill be like oh my God, that
happened to me too, you know.
(01:10:46):
So it always feels better notto be alone with something like
that.
Thank you so much.
I really loved it.
Speaker 1 (01:11:13):
Hey there, amazing listeners.
If you love what we do and wantto see our podcast grow, we
need your help.
By making a donation, you'll besupporting us and bringing you
even more great content.
I truly believe creating thisspace for women all across the
globe to share their story willallow us to collectively heal,
grow and become more empoweredin the space that we deserve to
(01:11:36):
be.
Motherhood, womanhood andhowever that looks and feels for
each and every one of us, Everycontribution, big or small,
will make a huge difference.
If you can head over to supportus today, there's a link in the
bio to support the podcast.
From the bottom of my heart,thank you for being a part of
this journey.
Thank you for listening.
(01:11:58):
Be sure to check out our socialmedia.
All links are provided in theepisode description.
We're excited to have you here.
Please give us a follow.
If you or someone you knowwould like to be a guest on the
show, reach out to us via emailat info at maternalwealthcom.
And remember stay healthy,embrace your power, and you got
(01:12:21):
this as the sun slowly creptinto the sky.
(01:12:49):
It filled the morning air withwarmth and light.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.