What does it truly mean to feel empowered during childbirth? Katy Featherstone Coombs takes us on a remarkable journey through her two vastly different birth experiences, offering wisdom that extends far beyond the delivery room.
After meeting her husband through Ultimate Frisbee, Katy approached her first pregnancy with careful preparation, choosing hypnobirthing and planning a home delivery. Her labor story unfolds with unexpected twists – from laboring peacefully at home to delivering a surprising 10lb 8oz baby boy. When postpartum complications arose requiring hospital transfer, Kate faced challenging moments that would fundamentally shape her approach to her second birth.
The raw vulnerability in Katy's storytelling emerges when she recounts hospital staff continuing an examination despite her requests to stop – a moment that still carries emotional weight years later. This experience transformed how she advocated for herself during her daughter's birth, where she confidently set boundaries and ultimately caught her baby herself.
Katy's reflection on the beauty and power of birth and its challenges is most compelling. She articulates how birth partners need recovery time too, how hospital stays can sometimes be unexpected blessings, and why maternal voice matters at every stage of the journey. Her pride in her body's capabilities and her unwavering appreciation for supportive care shines through every anecdote.
Through Katy's experiences, we're reminded that birth empowerment looks different for everyone – whether laboring at home or in hospital, with or without interventions. The constant thread is the importance of feeling heard, respected, and centered in your own birth story.
Music Credit
https://uppbeat.io/t/aaron-paul-low/homestretch
https://uppbeat.io/t/hartzmann/she-likes-you
https://uppbeat.io/t/infraction/live-it
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Welcome to the Maternal Wealth Podcast, a space
for all things related tomaternal health, pregnancy and
beyond.
I'm your host, stephanie Terrio.
I'm a labor and delivery nurseand a mother to three beautiful
boys.
Each week, week, we dive intoinspiring stories and expert
insights to remind us of thepower that you hold in
childbirth and motherhood.
We're here to explore the joys,the challenges and the
(00:35):
complexities of maternal health.
Every mother's journey isunique and every story deserves
to be told.
Please note that this podcastis for entertainment purposes
only.
It is not intended to replaceprofessional medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment.
Always consult with yourhealthcare provider for medical
guidance that is tailored toyour specific needs.
(00:56):
Are you ready?
Let's get into it.
Welcome back to the MaternalWell Podcast.
Today we have KatieFeatherstone Coombs.
She and I connected a couple ofweeks ago over Facebook.
(01:19):
I was looking for some women tocome and chat with us about
their birth stories and Katiewas all about it.
She reached out, we chatted, weconnected and she is here today
to share her birth stories withus.
Welcome, katie.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Hi, thanks for having me.
It's exciting to be here.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
I'm excited to have you here.
Let's start off with youtelling us a little bit about
yourself, where you're from andwhy you wanted to be on the show
.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
So I'm from Southampton in the UK, I'm 32
and I've got two kids.
They are six and three.
So I've got a boy called Oswald, who's six, and a girl called
Pandora, who's three.
I am super passionate aboutbirth and sort of being in
control of your birth andfeeling in control of your birth
.
I know that that can look inlots of different ways, but just
(02:10):
want women to feel reallyempowered by their birth.
I think it's an amazing andfascinating thing that women go
through.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
One of the ways I really enjoy starting the
podcast is talking about a lovestory.
How did you meet your husband?
Speaker 2 (02:24):
We actually met through Ultimate Frisbee, which
I think is much bigger inAmerica than it is here.
So yeah, we both he had leftuni, I think, and I was still at
uni doing my teaching degree atthe time and I joined a local
team so that I could play a bitmore and he happened to be at
that local team and yeah, we metthere and kind of.
(02:44):
The rest is history.
We still play frisbee together.
We've been together 10 years.
I love the fact that we metthrough a hobby and that we've
got like that shared passion andinterest.
He is much better than me, butI still love playing.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Is it intense sport?
Speaker 2 (02:57):
yeah, super intense.
What I love about it is thatyou don't know you're exercising
, though, like it's really hardand you do get really out of
breath and it is really intense.
But because it's self-referredum, here in the uk, the way you
relate to one another and theway that you have to build
relationships is really lovely,so it's a really kind sport.
Generally, everyone's reallylike, nice to each other and
everyone works really hard andcheers each other on, but it's
(03:18):
always a really safe space and areally nice place to be like we
can take kids to thetournaments and it's just a
really nice way to exercisewithout really like you're
having fun at the same time.
So it's really nice.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Yeah, that sounds really fun and you're able to
take the kids and they watch andthey want to get into it.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
They love like cheering us on and, like my son,
if he doesn't come for like theday of a tournament, he wants
like a lowdown of exactly whathappened and who did what and
who threw what.
And yeah, he's very into it.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
That's so cute, I love it.
So you have two kids.
When did you find out you werepregnant with your first?
Speaker 2 (03:51):
Yeah, so we decided we were away for my birthday and
we decided we had a chat and wewere like, okay, let's think
about trying for a baby.
So I was 24.
Yeah, I was 24 24 and we hadthis conversation.
It was the 6th of August and Iwas 25 on the 10th of August.
We were having thisconversation about it and we
(04:15):
were like, let's start trying.
And then we got pregnant likethat night.
So, which is obviously superexciting and we're really really
, really fortunate, butmassively overwhelming and I
thought it took like a year ortwo to get pregnant.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
Yeah.
So it's interesting because I'mreally into numbers and my
children.
I have three boys.
Their birthday is August 6th,september 6th and October 6th,
and I just recently interviewedsomebody and she was talking
about September 6th.
You're talking about August 6thand October 6th, and I just
recently interviewed somebodyand she was talking about
September 6th.
You're talking about August 6th, so I'm just like these numbers
keep coming up.
(04:50):
I feel like it's just meant tobe that I'm chatting with you
and chatting with these otherwomen on this podcast.
Just find it fascinating hownumbers, these numbers, keep
repeating themselves.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Yeah, what a strange, but that's so cool, that's so
cool, so you found out you werepregnant.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
How was your first pregnancy?
Speaker 2 (05:07):
Yeah, I think I was really fortunate.
Really, I found out I waspregnant when I was away.
No, I just got back from theEdinburgh Fringe Festival, which
is a massive comedy festival inEdinburgh, in Scotland, and I
didn't drink when I was thereand I knew, I just didn't, I
just didn't feel like it.
And then I got home and wefound out I was pregnant.
But we were going to Madridlike the next day or something
(05:28):
and I didn't know at the timethat Joss was going to ask me to
marry him.
So it was like this massiveproposal holiday and it was
really exciting and everyone hadbeen in on this plan, but I had
no idea and I was so grumpy,like I was grumpy and I was
hungry and I was fed up, and hewas like we need to go to this
park, it's only open on a Sundayand it's only open at this time
, and like all this about thispath, and I was like I just I
(05:49):
can't walk, I don't want to go,I'm fed up, I'm hungry, like I
was so miserable.
But yeah, then he proposed tome and obviously I was felt
guilty about being so grumpygenerally like was very smooth
sailing, I was, I would say,emotionally I struggled, like I
definitely struggled with at thesame time that I was about 12
(06:11):
weeks, maybe a bit less.
They do a thing in the UK and Idon't know if it's traveled to
America, but it's called a waveof light and everyone likes
candles for those that have lostbabies and it's.
There's a lot of talk on socialmedia about miscarriage and so
I was super anxious that and Ijust remember saying to Joss the
(06:32):
whole time like we can'tcelebrate, we can't be happy
because we don't know that we'regoing to make it like that
being really, really challenging.
But overall, like physically, Iloved being pregnant, like I
loved feeling pregnant and beingpregnant.
I loved waddling around, I wasgigantic, I could drive like by
(06:53):
the end, but I loved the feelingof having a little human inside
of me.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
For your delivery?
Were you planning to have ahome birth?
Did you want to go to a birthcenter hospital, birth providers
, too.
What were you thinking?
What did you want to go to abirth center hospital birth
providers, too.
What were you thinking.
What did you want?
Speaker 2 (07:06):
so I don't know how much you know about how it works
in the UK, but over here yougenerally just contact your
midwife and then because it'sall run by the NHS, so you
generally just contact yourmidwife.
It's not the only way you cango via a private midwife, but
generally people contact theirmidwife and then make decisions
with them, sort of by your side.
But I don't know how I workedit out or what I saw or who I
(07:30):
came into contact with, butsomeone suggested home birthing
to me and hypnobirthing.
It must have been at a verypoignant time because I went
away and did loads of researchinto it and did a hypnobirthing
course which we got stuck in thesnow for and it was all a bit
dramatic but it was brilliantand like I loved it and learned
so much and was quite thenpassionate about having a home
birth.
(07:52):
I measured normal typically Idon't know in, you know as
normal as a normal person can be, I guess, whatever that means
during my pregnancy.
So I was kind of allowed, givenpermission which again I don't
really like that word like Idon't think.
I think you're in control.
It's so easy to become apatient when you're pregnant and
(08:13):
I tried really hard to not be apatient and I requested a home
birth and sort of set things upfor a home birth and that's what
we did.
We were obviously spoken toabout the risks associated with
it and I did go nine days over.
There was lots of conversationswhen we got to the later stages
about it being more risky, butI was really passionate about it
(08:34):
and I also don't really believein due dates, but I don't
really think they're somethingthat we can go off of.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
They're not very, um, like reliable such I want to
ask you when you say you contactyour midwives, did you already
have a midwife for like gyn care, or you're finding someone new
to you?
Speaker 2 (08:55):
yes, it's completely new to you.
So you basically each doctorsurgery in your area has a
midwife associated with thedoctor's surgery and then you
just get given that midwife andthey only tend to do community
care, so they are onlyresponsible for your care during
your pregnancy.
Outside of the hospital.
We don't have continuity ofcare generally, although there
are more teams set up now thatfollow you all day through and
(09:17):
will try and follow you intohospital.
But again, so I was a studentmidwife for a couple of years
and from my experience of thatthe continuity of care midwives
often aren't called in time anddon't end up being there at the
end.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
Did you go into labor ?
Do they induce for a?
Speaker 2 (09:31):
home birth.
So they don't induce.
They don't really do anythingbecause of the risks associated
with inductions.
They just kind of leave you toit.
So I went into labor.
When I was getting my nails done, my contractions started and I
was in this massive shoppingcentre and I was with my friend
and I was like, oh, that'shappening.
And she was really pregnant too.
Oh yeah, her baby was born inJune, so mine was born in May.
(09:56):
So we were about eight weeksbetween us, but we were walking
around H&M and I was like just aminute and then I'd carry on
walking.
I knew that potentially itcould take some time, so I
wasn't panicked and I was quitechill, like I just drove home
and said to Joss and we got homeand just like, stuck new girl
on, which I love, and I laughedand laughed and ate loads of
(10:18):
pasta because I knew I had tocarb load and get my energy up
when I could and just ate andchilled and cuddled on the sofa.
And then when it got darkerthat evening and things were
kind of ramping up a bit more, Igot in and out of the bath and
lots of relaxing music andthings.
And then you do so if you selectto have a home birth here, you
(10:40):
you do meet the home birthingteam of midwives before you go
into labor and they assign you.
Well, you meet, you meet oneand they kind of assign them to
you.
So you stop using yourcommunity midwife and you start
using the home birth one,probably around 28, 30 weeks and
then but any of the team couldobviously come, depending on
(11:02):
who's working on that day.
And I called about seveno'clock that night and they sent
me a lady who was obviouslyvery adamant I wasn't a neighbor
, was older, was quitedismissive and really smelt of
cigarette smoke and she cameinto our bubble and that was
(11:26):
really hard.
I found that really challengingbecause I didn't I didn't want
challenging because I didn'twant that smell.
I didn't want that disruptionin my beautiful, calm bubble.
But she didn't stay very long.
I can't remember how long shestayed, for she didn't stay very
long the first time and thenshe came back because things
ramped up a few hours later.
So she came back a few hourslater and then she did stay
(11:46):
until the shift change at halfseven in the morning and then
she did stay until the shiftchanged at half seven in the
morning and then it all startedat 10am on the 10th and I gave
birth at 3.48 on the 11th in theafternoon.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
So she stayed with you in your home the whole night
.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
She stayed, yeah, probably from about 3am till
seven when the shift changed.
She stayed for about four and ahalf hours in our home.
Yeah, she was just in thekitchen.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Okay, so at seven o'clock then a new midwife came.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Yeah, and this one came with a.
So two midwives came this time,because they generally send to.
If you're like imminently goingto give birth, they send two
midwives.
So two came, but they alsobrought a student with them, so
(12:34):
they had three and they werewonderful, absolutely wonderful,
and they just hung out in thekitchen because I'd made them
loads of cakes and food to keepthem busy.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
We've got cats, so they just stroke the cats and
hung out when I didn't need them.
That sounds lovely, yeah, yeah,I wanted to ask you before we
get to the birth.
For those who are listening,who don't really know about
hypnobirthing and are curious,could you talk a little bit
about how you used it while youwere labouring?
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Yeah, of course I think it's fascinating and it
really requires the work to beput in before you go into labour
.
But during my labour I used thepower of my thought and my
brain and music and myenvironment to make sure I was
in a calm space and I'd trainedmy body into that calm sort of
emotional state.
(13:13):
I'd relaxed my nervous systembefore I went into labor so my
body was, as soon as it had themusic, as soon as it had the
cues, it kind of automaticallythen relaxed.
Also, what hypnobirthing taughtme was to make decisions based
on what I knew my body wastelling me and to listen to my
body and to make my decisionsalong with the information I was
gaining from my environment andfrom the midwives and my
(13:35):
research.
To make sure that I feltempowered and that Joss, my
husband, was a huge advocate forme.
He knew what to say and what Iwanted and we really laid out
what we wanted and how we feltabout different things and how
to have a discussion shouldsomething come up that wasn't
necessarily like planned.
We knew how to have thatconversation in a way that I
felt supported.
(13:56):
So I guess that's probably likehow I used it lots and lots of
breathing techniques and I thinklots of people just think
that's what hypnobirthing is,but I think there's so much more
to it.
But the breathing techniques,the music, are probably the big,
the really big things for me.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
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Did they check you at all tolet you know you were fully
(15:26):
dilated or did you start?
Speaker 2 (15:27):
to get the urge to push.
How did that go for you?
Yeah, so they did.
They did check me and I thinkbecause my labor had been quite
long, they were probablychecking me more often like he,
um, he did the typical like comedown, we can see him.
Then he went back up again.
He did that quite a lot but atthe time we had no idea how big
he was.
(15:48):
So, you know, we just thought itwas, it was, it was standard.
But they, they did check me andthey have got waterproof.
So I was in a birth pool athome now so I'd got into the
pool at home that I'd hired.
So I was in a birth pool, theywere checking me underwater and
they had a waterproof sonogram.
So, yeah, that was, that wasall fine.
They were checking and Iremember them using a mirror and
(16:10):
checking for his head and theyweren't really disrupting me or
making me move in particularpositions.
They were really good at givingme my space and letting me sort
of flow with what was going onwith my body how about breaking
your water?
Speaker 1 (16:24):
did it break naturally?
Speaker 2 (16:26):
so no, this is probably where we had to have
one of those conversations whichwe obviously hadn't really
foreseen.
My waters didn't break and theythought that might be why
things were taking so long.
Um, because my waters hadn'tbroken, so they did break them
for me, and that did speedthings up.
I think I was about sevencentimeters when they broke my
waters and that obviously rampedthings up because I was seven
centimeters already.
Yeah, that they did break themfor me and I was fine with that.
(16:48):
Actually, I was reallycomfortable with it because I,
you know, made the decisionbased on the information at the
time how long did you push for,like actively pushing?
yeah, I can't remember, but I doremember it being longer than
they would have liked, becausethey said to me, if you don't
get him out on, I got out of thepool in the end because I was
pushing in the pool and hewasn't coming.
(17:08):
So then they changed my positionand got me out onto the sofa
and I remember them saying to meif you don't get him out within
the next like five minutes,we're going to have to take you
into hospital.
And I think they said thatbecause, say, one of the
midwives was going to be,another wasn't another shift
change.
But I know one of the midwiveswas starting to get a bit more
(17:29):
worried about, like, how long ithad taken, and they they
couldn't, because you get to apoint where it's very then
becomes quite difficult to readthe baby's heart beat right
because of the position they'rein, and they started to feel a
bit more conscious of that, Ithink.
So they were saying to me, likeyou really need to work hard
and get him out now, and I didlots of down breathing and, you
know, did get him out likewithin the next push, and then
(17:52):
everybody realized why he tookso long, because he was gigantic
and when you say gigantic, howbig was he?
he was 10 pound 8 that's ahealthy size baby.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Yeah, when he came out and they put him on you,
were you like?
This kid is heavy.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
I remember thinking like he's so slimy.
And I also remember I droppedit because I have just seen it
on telly right, you watch birthon telly and the midwives put
the babies on the mums and thebabies just stay there, and so I
didn't think I was so tired andI just didn't think about the
fact that I'd have to hold him.
So they put him on me and hejust slipped down my tummy and I
(18:29):
was like oh, and I rememberlike catching him and being like
oh, I have to hold him.
And he was so like limit, likehe just he was so limmy and big,
he wasn't this like tiny thingthat you see, he just he took up
the whole of my torso, likelaying on me.
Oh, my goodness like, yeah, it'samazing thinking back to like
how amazing they are when theyfirst come out into the world
(18:51):
and they're just.
He was very chill.
He wasn't, you know,particularly stressed about his
entry to the world.
He was quite calm, which wasreally nice.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Yeah, when he seemed he seemed good and healthy.
So because he was a little big,did you have any complications
with bleeding afterwards?
Speaker 2 (19:07):
yes.
So I obviously birthed aplacenta, which again is another
thing that I didn't know I'dhave to do, which seems mad,
right, but they never show thatbit on telly, people don't
really talk about it.
But I remember her being likeso now you need to birth a
placenta.
And I was like, sorry, it'sjust that you need to push more.
And I was like, no, I can'tpush anymore, I've been doing
this for way too long, I'm tired.
(19:27):
And, um, she's like, okay, juststand up then and we'll try and
let gravity do its thing.
And they gave me the injectionto help speed it up.
So, and I was okay with thatagain, that's a choice here.
So I was like I was okay withit.
Um, and it came out and shetried to catch it.
It fell on the floor and leftthis huge bloodstain on my
carpet.
Um, but it's just one of thosethings.
(19:49):
It was all funny.
And then, um, and then I wasbleeding a lot.
So then then they realized thatyou know, they tied me.
You know they were having alook and checking it up and
tidying everything up andcleaning everything up, and then
they realized that theycouldn't really do what they
needed to do at home because wewere at home but they weren't
like massively panicked.
But I probably lost about oneand a half liters of blood, so
not heaps, but like enough tomake them think you know I was
(20:12):
losing blood.
We should probably go tohospital so that we can get this
sorted out and stitched up.
I think it was a third degreetear.
It was okay.
We went to hospital and then myexperience hospital was not so
positive, unfortunately.
Before I went to surgery it wasreally really awful and quite
traumatic, but after that theywere very kind to me how did you
(20:41):
get to the hospital?
Speaker 1 (20:42):
did they call ambulance or did you go in your
car?
Speaker 2 (20:45):
yeah, so they had an ambulance there like waiting for
me outside, and I rememberbecause the ambulance people
came in and they also had astudent with them, so they had
two paramedics and then astudent paramedic.
So we had six medicalprofessionals in our house and
we don't have a particularly bighouse and we had a birth hall
in there, right.
So there wasn't much room and Iwas like delirious, like happy,
(21:07):
but, like you know, deliriousand covered in blood, and like
just in my dressing gown theywere like you need to walk out
the ambulance.
I remember being like what myneighbor's gonna think, like
they just had me like howling,like mooing to the world, and
now that I'm just like coveredin blood, I think people say
it's scary, but I didn't feelscared at all, like I felt
really content and just like,yeah, this is the best thing,
(21:27):
this is nice, people are caringfor me, like I felt looked after
.
So it wasn't a bad thing.
I went in the ambulance.
I remember finding it quitedifficult.
I couldn't hold him in theambulance.
I wasn't allowed to becausewhere I was losing blood he had
to go in a car seat, um, andthen my husband drove to
hospital.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
He followed us up in the car and your baby stayed
with you in the ambulance orwith your husband.
No, my baby said yes, he stayedwith me in the ambulance all
right, you had to get to thehospital, and who helped with
the repair?
Was it your midwife or was it ahospital employee?
Speaker 2 (21:59):
no.
So then we went over to a sortof consultant like an
obstetrician.
Um, okay, we then go over tothem.
So he or she I think it was ahe, but I think my husband said
it was a she, I can't rememberbut basically they came in and
checked how bad the tear was.
So I arrived in hospital, gotput in a like private room.
(22:21):
They came in and checked, but Iremember them when they were
checking.
It really really hurt and Iasked them to stop and I was
holding my son.
I um, adjust, I just finished.
I was in the middle of mypsychology masters at this point
so I was learning loads aboutbrain development.
I knew quite a lot about braindevelopment anyway, but baby's
(22:43):
brains and emotions and allsorts.
And I remember having him in myarms and crying and then he
started crying.
I remember saying to themyou're really hurting me, and
now my baby's crying becauseyou're hurting me.
It was making me feel reallyemotional now and he, he was
(23:04):
okay, but I was so worried thatI was making his like beginning
hours not great for him and Iwas in a lot of pain and they
didn't stop and that's quitehard to process, like they
should have listened to me andthey didn't.
And that's hard, that's hard tohear.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
Yeah, sorry, it's okay, take a moment.
I can imagine that it's hardfor you to share, and I want to
thank you for sharing because Iwant women to hear what's going
on and how our actions affectother people.
So thank you for sharing.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
That's okay.
Thank you for listening to meand holding space for it.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
When you asked for them to stop, they did not stop,
they just continued andrepaired you, and then that was
that.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Yeah.
So she finished her likeinvestigation she didn't stop
and then when she'd finishedlike checking, she obviously
stopped and then she said, okay,we need to go through surgery
and they gave me a spinal block,um, to do the surgery.
And they were really lovely inthe theater, so like it did only
get better from there, likethey were so lovely.
I remember them telling me thatI had beautiful hair and
thinking like how do I havebeautiful hair?
(24:13):
I must be like the sweatiestthing in the world.
And they put music on and itwas just a really happy place
and they were all really chilland really like I felt really
comfortable and really safethere.
Like that was really lovely.
And the anaesthetist yeah, justeveryone was that I kind of
interacted with.
That was talking to me duringthe process was really I kind of
interacted with.
That was talking to me duringthe process was really really
(24:33):
lovely.
And then they transferred mearound to kind of a recovery
room again.
I was on my own.
Joss was looking after the babyat this point and then he came
in with us after I had come outof surgery and then my son was
sick.
He was sick a few times and oneof the like support, maternity
support assistants spotted hissick on a muzzied.
(24:55):
It was like bright yellow, butI didn't really think anything
of it because I didn't know andhe hadn't really opened his eyes
much.
And this is gonna sound reallynaive and like feel free to
laugh at this point but I justthought that he they were like
cats like because cats don'topen their eyes when they're
first born and I just kind ofthought like maybe his eyes will
start to open more as he getsbigger, I don't know um, so I
(25:18):
hadn't really questioned it.
Like he acted fine and like hehad fed you know he'd breastfed,
so he was alert and awakeenough to do that.
So I hadn't really thought muchof it.
But anyway, that this maternity, she took the muzzy and she
took it to somebody else andthey said oh, we think that's a
sign of an infection or thatsomething might be going on
(25:38):
inside his tummy and I was like,right, okay.
But obviously I'm knackered atthis point.
I haven't really slept.
Like my labor started, likewhat, 10 o'clock the day before.
I hadn't slept.
We're now like 8 pm, 9 pm thefollowing day.
So I'm exhausted and miles awayand I was just like okay.
And then I remember I think wemust have been more like 2 am by
(25:58):
the time I come out of surgery.
I remember my friend coming thenext day and I remember them
saying to me we need to, andJoss had gone home by this point
, I think, to make sure thehouse was sorted out.
And I remember them saying youknow, he was there when they
told us this that they needed totake him downstairs or to a
different hospital to check him.
And we were at a hospital whichhas a really brilliant NICU
(26:21):
ward, like a really reallybrilliant neonatal care facility
, and they took him in this likeit looked like a pod, like a
like a rocket ship pod, it waslike a travel incubator and they
took him to the main hospital.
So from our building to themain hospital in this like
travel incubator thing and theyput loads of tubes down his
(26:45):
throat and like had to check histummy hadn't flipped, and I
just remember being like milesaway.
Yeah, I don't know what's goingon, but I just need him to be
okay, like I wasn't worried atany point.
I don't know, I haven't reallythought about it till now.
This is a lot more emotionalI'm sorry than I thought it
(27:08):
would be.
I feel like there's a lot morethat I haven't really thought
about than more to it.
I think I was so proud ofbirthing such a gorgeous,
beautiful big baby and we'd hadsuch a brilliant birth.
I was probably on a bit of ahigh from that and I just
watched them do the put thesetubes down his throat and it was
awful.
My friend was cuddling me andsaying like he'll be okay, like
(27:30):
they'll check him and he'll befine, like they'll make him
better, he's in the best place,and they took him away and I
couldn't see him and they justsaid to go back up to my room.
They'd given me a private roomwhich was really lovely.
I wasn't on a ward and that wasreally kind of them.
They were really, really lovelyto me and they said just go
back up and we'll let you knowwhen he's back.
(27:52):
And I remember I don't know whattime it was it's a bit like,
you know, when you're like soovertired that you just feel
like you're on another planet.
I just didn't know really whatwas going on around me.
And I remember showering andthen them saying I remember them
saying I showered and I think Iremember them coming up and
saying, oh, you can come and gethim now.
But I was.
So I don't know if I was inshock, I don't know where I was,
(28:15):
but it took me.
They came back like three moretimes to say you can come and
get him now.
And then I think I'd left likean hour ago past, after they'd
first told me, because I justwasn't aware of the time and I
was on my own, and I think thenJoss came back and he was there
with me I can't really rememberand we went and got him and his
tummy hadn't flipped, he justhad an infection and he was
(28:37):
going to be put on antibioticsfor hopefully three days, but
ended up being five.
So we were, we were kept in forfive days with him being on
antibiotics, with this littlelike IV in his hand and this
little like splint on his arm tokeep the IV in, so he didn't
pull out, keep his arm straight,and we went with him every time
he was given any antibiotics.
There were lots of other babiesthat were having the same
(28:58):
treatment as him, but we werethe only parents that went every
time he had his antibioticsgiven to him.
I didn't leave him.
No one could take him away fromme.
I didn't let anyone after thattime.
I didn't let anyone take him orlike see him without me being
with him.
I was quite like, keen to keepclose to him, but we saw it as a
real gift being kept inhospital for those five days
(29:20):
because obviously we planned tobe at home, but we, because we
were at hospital, people couldcome and visit us and they had a
broken off space.
They were coming in to see usin a different space, which was
really nice.
They kind of didn't break ourbubble, we didn't have to host
them, which I think is a lot ofpressure that gets put on people
after they've had babies.
They fed me and kept meshowered and clean and looked
(29:41):
after me, so actually I wasreally well cared for after my
stitches.
I had time to heal and torecover slowly and they kept
really close eyes on both of us.
It meant joss could go home andtake our washing home and wash
it, and he could rest too andrecover, because obviously he
hadn't really slept either, um,and he could eat properly and
look after himself and get somespace, which I think so
(30:03):
important.
Like the men, if you are, orbirth partners whoever you have
supporting you does so much tosupport you during your birth
and they don't get the hormonesor the you know, the same, maybe
view from other people.
They need time and space to torecover and to re-energize and
be ready for what the next dayholds for the newborn.
So, yeah, we were quite luckyreally that we were in those
(30:27):
five days.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
I appreciate your saying you bring attention to
birth partners resting andrehabilitating, especially if
there's a little bit of traumato the mom, because it's
overwhelming.
It's very overwhelming for them.
It's somebody that they loveand there's a new baby coming in
, so I appreciate that you bringthat up, that we also need to
(30:51):
hold space for partners torecover also yeah, I think it
gets missed quite often thatthey are going through something
big too.
Yeah, absolutely so.
Five days passed, everythingwas good, discharged home.
How was going back home?
Speaker 2 (31:09):
yeah, it was exciting .
We had this onesie that we'dbought.
We were so like adamant he wasgoing to be in it.
It was from this lovely shopand it had these embroidered
rainbow stars on it.
It was beautiful.
We put him in it but likehonestly, it obviously didn't
fit him.
So he's all this like scrunchedup baby, like squashed into
this onesie.
But it was like we were likewe're getting him in it.
We wore it home, I think, andthen obviously we took it off
(31:30):
him.
But it was so exciting to gethome.
It was just like a breath offresh air, like going into our
space with this little baby.
You know, we'd only been twoand now we were three in our
home and like we just cuddled onthe sofa and sat and we said no
to visitors.
You were quite clear like wedon't want people over now, like
we just want to settle for atleast a week just the three of
(31:52):
us, so we can really find ourfeet.
We just I just remember a lotof he was so sick like I don't
know if it was because of thetube stuff or whatever, but he
was just sick like constantly,you know, 30 times a day.
He was just sick, but he washappy and he was growing, so no
one was concerned.
He wasn't poorly, he was justjust threw up all happy and he
was growing, so no one wasconcerned, he wasn't poorly, he
was just just threw up all hismilk all the time um was
(32:15):
breastfed, but he didn't matterhow much.
That's the other thing, right,he was massive.
Like feeding a gigantic babyand holding a gigantic baby is
quite hard work, breastfeedingwise, and he required a lot of
milk.
So, yeah, he was fed a lot.
Remember, if all, I think all Idid was feed him, I just felt
like a cow.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
After your son was born, did you all just decide to
take some time before thinkingabout baby number two, or were
you like that was amazing.
I want to go and do that again.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
Yeah, like I loved I absolutely loved giving birth to
him, but I absolutely lovedbeing just a mummy of one and I
also found the adjustment tomotherhood quite challenging.
Like I loved him and I lovedeverything he brought to me.
But I really struggled with theidentity shift.
Like I didn't realize thatbecause I've been a nanny for
years, I'd looked after hundredsof children and I've worked
with kids my whole life andeveryone always said to me which
(33:05):
I don't think really helped, tobe honest but like you'll be an
amazing mom.
And then when I had him, theywere like oh, you know what
you're doing, like you're goingto be fine, you've got this.
And I just felt this intense,huge pressure to be an
incredible mom to him and I likedidn't know where I fit in
society anymore.
Like there was a huge identityshift and it took me a long time
(33:27):
to rediscover myself inmotherhood and to understand who
I was and how I showed up inthe world when I had this small
human I was now responsible for.
But also he was full of life.
(33:52):
Like he didn't stop.
He started talking at 16 monthsand he just didn't stop.
He was everything and anything.
He wanted to be everywhere andall the places all of the time
and understand everything that'sgoing on in the world.
So he took so much of ourattention and then we knew we
wanted more babies.
We've always wanted more babiesand we were like I was a
(34:12):
student midwife so I was seeingbabies obviously all the time.
At this point, for a few yearspast, I was loving, you know,
being involved in pregnancy andbirth, and I just think it's a
real privilege to be a part ofsomeone's labor and delivery.
I just think it's, it's hugeand pregnancy, to be honest, and
I think it's a real gift and ahuge responsibility and a really
nice place to be and I loved itand I saw all of these women
(34:35):
giving birth and it just waslike I need to be pregnant again
, like this is beautiful.
And Ozzy was asking for a baby.
You know he loves other kids.
He's loved like he'd have 15 wehave 15 children if it was by
him.
He was desperate.
So you know we were just feltlike the right time he was going
to start school.
He was how was he?
(34:56):
So?
There's about three year agegap between them, so it was
another year before he startedschool, but there was some time.
You know he was bigger.
We were out of COVID, it justfelt like a good time.
Speaker 1 (35:05):
You want to talk us through your second pregnancy.
Was it pretty similar or was ita little different?
Speaker 2 (35:14):
I think I definitely felt more sick in the first bit
with my daughter.
We got pregnant quite quicklyagain and, yeah, I definitely
felt quite sick in the first bitwith her.
I wasn't as big this time, butalso because I'd been flagged in
the system as having a big babyokay.
So that made things a littlemore challenging and I was a
student midwife at the time,which was fortunate actually,
(35:36):
because it meant I got to hearher heartbeat really early and
whenever I wanted, because I wasat the hospital all the time.
It was amazing like I lovedbeing pregnant with her.
She was beautiful, she grewbeautifully, it was comfortable.
I was very lucky.
I had a very positiveexperience and I was.
I had all the obviously all thestandard aches and pains.
I had a bit of pelvic girdlepain.
(35:56):
I, you know I say mypregnancies were beautiful and
they were because I got to growhuman.
But that does sort of diminishthe fact that it is exhausting
and it is hard work and you aretired and you can't do much.
But I just really allowedmyself to lean into that and
gave myself space to be, youknow, more chilled and to not
rush everywhere and to sit downbecause I needed to, but also to
(36:21):
redecorate my house, becausethat's what everyone seems to do
when they're pregnant.
Did you opt for another homebirth?
So I did with her.
That was the plan.
But I'd watched so many womenget um epidurals in hospital and
just like, have a relief inacross their faces.
I'd seen and and have somereally positive births from
having an epidural.
I'd seen some go not sopositively but I was, you know,
(36:43):
I was happy with the idea.
I had this really intense hippain when I was at home which I
just couldn't shift.
Ozzy remembers my son.
He remembers being collected bymy mum about half five in the
morning.
So I started labouring in thenight this time and it was much
quicker.
It was probably about 2am Istarted labouring and I remember
Joss went downstairs and hejust cooked this massive bowl of
pasta again and he honestlymust have cooked like 500 grams
of pasta and I ate like fourmouthfuls of it.
(37:06):
I remember I was in the loungeand he would, aussie, walk past
me and he always says to me oh,mummy, you were sleeping on the
sofa and you were going to give,giving birth to panda, and it's
lovely that he saw me and sawthe calm and then I had this hip
pain.
I couldn't shift it, couldn'tshift it and it was so painful.
I knew from having Aussie thatit wasn't to do with my labor,
like it wasn't a labor pain, itwas.
(37:26):
It was painful, whereas Ididn't find labor pain the same
kind.
I found it like achy, not pain,okay.
So then I remember the phone,the hospital, saying look I'm.
I remember being reallyconfident, almost on the edge of
too confident, and saying tojust call the labor line,
because that's how it works here.
You call the labor line, yousay I'm in labor and they say
I'll come on in.
They ask you, you know what'sgoing on.
(37:46):
And they say come on in.
And I said to them say to themthat I'm not in labour, because
I know I'm not in labour, I'mfine, I've just got this really
uncomfortable hip pain and Iwould like an epidural to help
with the hip pain.
And can I come in for thatreason?
And they said, yeah, come in,come see us and we'll see where
you're at and we'll see what wecan do to help.
Was there Libby, who is anincredible midwife and woman.
(38:10):
She's just a powerhouse, she'sjust incredible.
She's so kind, so pro-women,she's everything you'd want to
be in a midwife.
And she was there and shedoesn't work in a hospital,
she's a community midwife.
But she was doing asupernumerary shift in the
hospital.
So she happened to be there andshe was free.
She had set my room up becauseshe knew I wanted a home birth
and she had set the room up withlike twinkly lights and like
(38:33):
the projector on and like lovelymusic and like made it all dark
and she just cuddled me sotight and I remember cuddling
her and just crying and beinglike, oh my God, I'm so happy
you're here, I'm being so happyto see her.
And she got me into the roomand she just asked I said I've
got this pain.
I, she just asked.
(38:54):
I said I've got this pain, Ijust can't go to it.
She said, okay, where is it?
And I showed her and she said,okay, put your foot up on this
stool and then just let you know, let your next contraction
happen, we'll see what happens.
And it went like obviously herhead was pressing something
funny or whatever, but it wentlike she moved and it went in
the next contraction.
So the hip pain had gone butbecause I've got it in my head
that I was going to have anepidural.
I was still like, right, libby,get me an epidural, like I'm
having it.
You know I've made thatdecision.
(39:14):
Now it's happening.
She was like, fine, I just needto like check how far along you
are first, really, because weneed to know that if we're going
to give you an epidural.
And I was like, okay, but Ihadn't had any one check so far,
and and then she did and Idon't know, this is okay to
share with like the public world.
She did the typical midwifething where she was just like
(39:37):
I'm gonna get them.
I'm definitely gonna get themgoing.
I'm gonna go get them now.
And he was busy, to be fair,the um anaesthetist to do the
epidural, but I think I justwasn't a priority because she
told me afterwards I was alreadyeight and a half centimeters so
I wasn't getting enough.
But she obviously needed toplease me and not let me shout
at her and be like why is it nothappening?
So she just kept being likethey're coming, they're gonna be
(39:57):
there soon.
I love it.
And I literally gave birth toher.
Like what?
We got there at like uh, maybehalf eight, and I gave birth to
her by 10 o'clock.
Okay, you know she was coming,I was, I just it.
My delivery with her wasbeautiful.
I was on all fours on the bed,I caught her myself, no one
touched me and I I delivered her.
I just brought her off my chestand rolled over and cuddled her
(40:20):
and it was wonderful.
That's so beautiful, that'samazing.
It was really, really lovely.
I think the fortunate thing wasbecause I was issued at midwife,
(40:42):
I could really be really clearwith what I wanted, and I think
that's the one thing I'd say towomen is be you know, get your
confidence, be really clear withwhat your body's telling you
and what you want, because theywere conscious of her heartbeat,
as they always are when you'removing around a lot and it's
harder to read.
But I knew in my body she wascoming and I knew confidently
that I was going to give birthto her and she was going to be
okay.
They did try to put a IV in, Ithink, because I'd said about
(41:07):
the epidural and they need toput one in for your epidural in
my wrist, but I was so sweaty itwas like 30 degrees in this
room and I it just kept comingout because I was really sweaty
and I remember them saying, just, I just said to them just leave
it because she's coming out, sojust leave it because I'm going
to be fine.
And then they did.
But I think if I didn't havethe confidence in that space, I
would have let them carry on andI think that could have
(41:29):
disrupted the flow.
Yeah, um, but it was beautiful.
I did a hundred times over.
It felt amazing and I think tolots of people that's going to
sound crazy, but it was just.
It was incredible.
The whole experience like itwas beautiful and she was
delicious and wonderful howabout bleeding?
Speaker 1 (41:49):
did you have any bleeding or tearing because of
your first?
Speaker 2 (41:53):
Yeah.
So I did tear again and becauseof my first experience of them
looking to check, I was reallyadamant they weren't going to
look like even look to check howbad the tear was.
I said to them like you're not,you can check, but I need to
have a spinal for you to check.
Because it was too traumaticlast time and again I haven't
really held onto that.
And they said, well, we don'tknow if we're going to have
(42:14):
space and you know it might notwork out and we can't just give
you an episode.
And I said, well, I'm not,you're not checking.
Otherwise, like I was very, youknow, I did have to really put
my foot down and I let Libbyhave a brief look.
I just really didn't want thatexperience that I had last time
and they took me into theatreand they did stitch me up.
They probably didn't need tohave done it in theatre but
because I'd had my pastexperiences, they were very kind
(42:36):
and they did accommodate me,which I was very fortunate for,
which probably meant my recoverywas a little bit longer because
obviously I'd had the spinal,but actually I enjoyed the lay
down.
Speaker 1 (42:46):
You did have a spinal for the recovery for your
second.
Speaker 2 (42:48):
Yeah, I did, but only because I'd had my previous
experience, not because I reallyneeded it.
I think it was only a seconddegree tear, so it could have
been done by the midwife.
I'm very grateful they did andI hope talking about it means
that more people feel confidentto say and to put their foot
down and say and make it clearwhat they need in that moment
and to express how they'refeeling and how they if they
(43:09):
feel safe or unsafe and makethat clear how long were you in
the hospital for recovery beforeyou went home?
um, I just had to wait till mylegs came back.
Really, I think I think we were, I don't know.
I think we were in till like 11, 12 o'clock midnight that night
.
So we were in, because Iremember ordering takeaway to
(43:30):
the hospital.
I remember being transferredthird round to the ward and then
ordering takeaway and we hadwagamamas, which was great
because we love wagamamas um,and my husband and I being, yeah
, just saying any wagamamas andthen we got discharged, I think
about midnight that night.
The midwives were quite keen toget me home because I was fine,
like I was, you know,recovering well and I've been
okay, and Ozzy was staying at ummy parents, so he was all right
(43:52):
, he was sorted, and it was niceto be in a little bubble and
just have the three of us comehome and tuck up into bed when
we got home curious as to whatis Wagamamas it's a noodle
restaurant.
It's like they do like noodlesand um like curries and stuff
and I love like I love theirnoodle dishes.
They did like a really goodyeah, a really good um like pad
(44:12):
thai okay, okay, yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:15):
And then how was little Ozzy meeting his baby
sister?
Speaker 2 (44:19):
he came to the hospital to meet her, actually
when I'm still in the labor ward, so when I was still recovering
my legs were a bit dead stilland he came in and we've got a
video of him coming in andseeing her and he just like,
well, actually I was eatingchocolate cookies at the time he
came in and he looked at herand he was so happy to see her.
And then he looked at mycookies and he was like, can I
have a cookie?
(44:39):
I was like, is that what you'reexcited about?
And then he had a cookie and hewas so excited about having
this cookie.
But he was so happy to see herand he he loved her, like he,
you know, he we'd we've done alot of preparation with him
having a baby sister and he wasexcited to have her and I think
he was surprised she didn't playenough, um, but he was three,
so like that's pretty normal,isn't it like?
(45:00):
But yeah, he was happy to bethere and then, and then he came
.
He must have come home the nextday, but to be honest with you,
I don't remember much afterthat, yeah, those first days
feels like six weeks postpartum,right after a baby, is such a
blur.
Speaker 1 (45:14):
Looking back on your two births and your late births,
what are you most proud of?
Speaker 2 (45:19):
Like my body, like my voice, my power, my babies.
The fact that they are strong,beautiful, beauty things that
are in the world, the fact thatmy body could do it and that my
body made them, was incredible.
My husband was like anincredible support.
He just was an absolute rock.
He, he advocated for me, heheard me, he gave me space, he
(45:45):
cared for me, he put me on apedestal like.
He made me feel like a princessand he did, did everything he
could to help look after ourlittle creatures.
But, yeah, my voice, the factthat I could understand what I
needed and make myself heard,yeah, I think it's an incredible
(46:07):
thing that women do.
I think any woman that's notjust any woman that's given
birth, but any woman that's helda child for a long time and
they're their child, whetheryou've adopted or not, being a
mother is an incredible, amazingfeat and I think it's inspiring
all women that give birth andhowever which way they do it,
however which way that childenters their life, I think it's
(46:28):
incredible.
Speaker 1 (46:29):
Well, katie, thank you so much for taking the time
to sit down and open up with usand be vulnerable and to share
your story so that together, wecan heal, grow and learn.
So thank you very much, thankyou so much for listening to me
and having me.
(46:54):
Hey there, amazing listeners.
If you love what we do and wantto see our podcast grow, we
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By making a donation, you'll besupporting us and bringing you
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I truly believe creating thisspace for women all across the
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(47:17):
be.
Motherhood, womanhood andhowever that looks and feels for
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If you can head over to supportus today there's a link in the
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(47:38):
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Thank you for listening.
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(47:59):
And remember stay healthy,embrace your power and you got
this, thank you.
Welcome to the Maternal Wealth Podcast, a space
for all things related tomaternal health, pregnancy and
beyond.
I'm your host, stephanie Terrio.
I'm a labor and delivery nurseand a mother to three beautiful
boys.
Each week, week, we dive intoinspiring stories and expert
insights to remind us of thepower that you hold in
childbirth and motherhood.
We're here to explore the joys,the challenges and the
(00:35):
complexities of maternal health.
Every mother's journey isunique and every story deserves
to be told.
Please note that this podcastis for entertainment purposes
only.
It is not intended to replaceprofessional medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment.
Always consult with yourhealthcare provider for medical
guidance that is tailored toyour specific needs.
(00:56):
Are you ready?
Let's get into it.
Welcome back to the MaternalWell Podcast.
Today we have KatieFeatherstone Coombs.
She and I connected a couple ofweeks ago over Facebook.
(01:19):
I was looking for some women tocome and chat with us about
their birth stories and Katiewas all about it.
She reached out, we chatted, weconnected and she is here today
to share her birth stories withus.
Welcome, katie.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Hi, thanks for having me.
It's exciting to be here.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
I'm excited to have you here.
Let's start off with youtelling us a little bit about
yourself, where you're from andwhy you wanted to be on the show
.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
So I'm from Southampton in the UK, I'm 32
and I've got two kids.
They are six and three.
So I've got a boy called Oswald, who's six, and a girl called
Pandora, who's three.
I am super passionate aboutbirth and sort of being in
control of your birth andfeeling in control of your birth
.
I know that that can look inlots of different ways, but just
(02:10):
want women to feel reallyempowered by their birth.
I think it's an amazing andfascinating thing that women go
through.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
One of the ways I really enjoy starting the
podcast is talking about a lovestory.
How did you meet your husband?
Speaker 2 (02:24):
We actually met through Ultimate Frisbee, which
I think is much bigger inAmerica than it is here.
So yeah, we both he had leftuni, I think, and I was still at
uni doing my teaching degree atthe time and I joined a local
team so that I could play a bitmore and he happened to be at
that local team and yeah, we metthere and kind of.
(02:44):
The rest is history.
We still play frisbee together.
We've been together 10 years.
I love the fact that we metthrough a hobby and that we've
got like that shared passion andinterest.
He is much better than me, butI still love playing.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Is it intense sport?
Speaker 2 (02:57):
yeah, super intense.
What I love about it is thatyou don't know you're exercising
, though, like it's really hardand you do get really out of
breath and it is really intense.
But because it's self-referredum, here in the uk, the way you
relate to one another and theway that you have to build
relationships is really lovely,so it's a really kind sport.
Generally, everyone's reallylike, nice to each other and
everyone works really hard andcheers each other on, but it's
(03:18):
always a really safe space and areally nice place to be like we
can take kids to thetournaments and it's just a
really nice way to exercisewithout really like you're
having fun at the same time.
So it's really nice.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Yeah, that sounds really fun and you're able to
take the kids and they watch andthey want to get into it.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
They love like cheering us on and, like my son,
if he doesn't come for like theday of a tournament, he wants
like a lowdown of exactly whathappened and who did what and
who threw what.
And yeah, he's very into it.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
That's so cute, I love it.
So you have two kids.
When did you find out you werepregnant with your first?
Speaker 2 (03:51):
Yeah, so we decided we were away for my birthday and
we decided we had a chat and wewere like, okay, let's think
about trying for a baby.
So I was 24.
Yeah, I was 24 24 and we hadthis conversation.
It was the 6th of August and Iwas 25 on the 10th of August.
We were having thisconversation about it and we
(04:15):
were like, let's start trying.
And then we got pregnant likethat night.
So, which is obviously superexciting and we're really really
, really fortunate, butmassively overwhelming and I
thought it took like a year ortwo to get pregnant.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
Yeah.
So it's interesting because I'mreally into numbers and my
children.
I have three boys.
Their birthday is August 6th,september 6th and October 6th,
and I just recently interviewedsomebody and she was talking
about September 6th.
You're talking about August 6thand October 6th, and I just
recently interviewed somebodyand she was talking about
September 6th.
You're talking about August 6th, so I'm just like these numbers
keep coming up.
(04:50):
I feel like it's just meant tobe that I'm chatting with you
and chatting with these otherwomen on this podcast.
Just find it fascinating hownumbers, these numbers, keep
repeating themselves.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Yeah, what a strange, but that's so cool, that's so
cool, so you found out you werepregnant.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
How was your first pregnancy?
Speaker 2 (05:07):
Yeah, I think I was really fortunate.
Really, I found out I waspregnant when I was away.
No, I just got back from theEdinburgh Fringe Festival, which
is a massive comedy festival inEdinburgh, in Scotland, and I
didn't drink when I was thereand I knew, I just didn't, I
just didn't feel like it.
And then I got home and wefound out I was pregnant.
But we were going to Madridlike the next day or something
(05:28):
and I didn't know at the timethat Joss was going to ask me to
marry him.
So it was like this massiveproposal holiday and it was
really exciting and everyone hadbeen in on this plan, but I had
no idea and I was so grumpy,like I was grumpy and I was
hungry and I was fed up, and hewas like we need to go to this
park, it's only open on a Sundayand it's only open at this time
, and like all this about thispath, and I was like I just I
(05:49):
can't walk, I don't want to go,I'm fed up, I'm hungry, like I
was so miserable.
But yeah, then he proposed tome and obviously I was felt
guilty about being so grumpygenerally like was very smooth
sailing, I was, I would say,emotionally I struggled, like I
definitely struggled with at thesame time that I was about 12
(06:11):
weeks, maybe a bit less.
They do a thing in the UK and Idon't know if it's traveled to
America, but it's called a waveof light and everyone likes
candles for those that have lostbabies and it's.
There's a lot of talk on socialmedia about miscarriage and so
I was super anxious that and Ijust remember saying to Joss the
(06:32):
whole time like we can'tcelebrate, we can't be happy
because we don't know that we'regoing to make it like that
being really, really challenging.
But overall, like physically, Iloved being pregnant, like I
loved feeling pregnant and beingpregnant.
I loved waddling around, I wasgigantic, I could drive like by
(06:53):
the end, but I loved the feelingof having a little human inside
of me.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
For your delivery?
Were you planning to have ahome birth?
Did you want to go to a birthcenter hospital, birth providers
, too.
What were you thinking?
What did you want to go to abirth center hospital birth
providers, too.
What were you thinking.
What did you want?
Speaker 2 (07:06):
so I don't know how much you know about how it works
in the UK, but over here yougenerally just contact your
midwife and then because it'sall run by the NHS, so you
generally just contact yourmidwife.
It's not the only way you cango via a private midwife, but
generally people contact theirmidwife and then make decisions
with them, sort of by your side.
But I don't know how I workedit out or what I saw or who I
(07:30):
came into contact with, butsomeone suggested home birthing
to me and hypnobirthing.
It must have been at a verypoignant time because I went
away and did loads of researchinto it and did a hypnobirthing
course which we got stuck in thesnow for and it was all a bit
dramatic but it was brilliantand like I loved it and learned
so much and was quite thenpassionate about having a home
birth.
(07:52):
I measured normal typically Idon't know in, you know as
normal as a normal person can be, I guess, whatever that means
during my pregnancy.
So I was kind of allowed, givenpermission which again I don't
really like that word like Idon't think.
I think you're in control.
It's so easy to become apatient when you're pregnant and
(08:13):
I tried really hard to not be apatient and I requested a home
birth and sort of set things upfor a home birth and that's what
we did.
We were obviously spoken toabout the risks associated with
it and I did go nine days over.
There was lots of conversationswhen we got to the later stages
about it being more risky, butI was really passionate about it
(08:34):
and I also don't really believein due dates, but I don't
really think they're somethingthat we can go off of.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
They're not very, um, like reliable such I want to
ask you when you say you contactyour midwives, did you already
have a midwife for like gyn care, or you're finding someone new
to you?
Speaker 2 (08:55):
yes, it's completely new to you.
So you basically each doctorsurgery in your area has a
midwife associated with thedoctor's surgery and then you
just get given that midwife andthey only tend to do community
care, so they are onlyresponsible for your care during
your pregnancy.
Outside of the hospital.
We don't have continuity ofcare generally, although there
are more teams set up now thatfollow you all day through and
(09:17):
will try and follow you intohospital.
But again, so I was a studentmidwife for a couple of years
and from my experience of thatthe continuity of care midwives
often aren't called in time anddon't end up being there at the
end.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
Did you go into labor ?
Do they induce for a?
Speaker 2 (09:31):
home birth.
So they don't induce.
They don't really do anythingbecause of the risks associated
with inductions.
They just kind of leave you toit.
So I went into labor.
When I was getting my nails done, my contractions started and I
was in this massive shoppingcentre and I was with my friend
and I was like, oh, that'shappening.
And she was really pregnant too.
Oh yeah, her baby was born inJune, so mine was born in May.
(09:56):
So we were about eight weeksbetween us, but we were walking
around H&M and I was like just aminute and then I'd carry on
walking.
I knew that potentially itcould take some time, so I
wasn't panicked and I was quitechill, like I just drove home
and said to Joss and we got homeand just like, stuck new girl
on, which I love, and I laughedand laughed and ate loads of
(10:18):
pasta because I knew I had tocarb load and get my energy up
when I could and just ate andchilled and cuddled on the sofa.
And then when it got darkerthat evening and things were
kind of ramping up a bit more, Igot in and out of the bath and
lots of relaxing music andthings.
And then you do so if you selectto have a home birth here, you
(10:40):
you do meet the home birthingteam of midwives before you go
into labor and they assign you.
Well, you meet, you meet oneand they kind of assign them to
you.
So you stop using yourcommunity midwife and you start
using the home birth one,probably around 28, 30 weeks and
then but any of the team couldobviously come, depending on
(11:02):
who's working on that day.
And I called about seveno'clock that night and they sent
me a lady who was obviouslyvery adamant I wasn't a neighbor
, was older, was quitedismissive and really smelt of
cigarette smoke and she cameinto our bubble and that was
(11:26):
really hard.
I found that really challengingbecause I didn't I didn't want
challenging because I didn'twant that smell.
I didn't want that disruptionin my beautiful, calm bubble.
But she didn't stay very long.
I can't remember how long shestayed, for she didn't stay very
long the first time and thenshe came back because things
ramped up a few hours later.
So she came back a few hourslater and then she did stay
(11:46):
until the shift change at halfseven in the morning and then
she did stay until the shiftchanged at half seven in the
morning and then it all startedat 10am on the 10th and I gave
birth at 3.48 on the 11th in theafternoon.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
So she stayed with you in your home the whole night
.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
She stayed, yeah, probably from about 3am till
seven when the shift changed.
She stayed for about four and ahalf hours in our home.
Yeah, she was just in thekitchen.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Okay, so at seven o'clock then a new midwife came.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Yeah, and this one came with a.
So two midwives came this time,because they generally send to.
If you're like imminently goingto give birth, they send two
midwives.
So two came, but they alsobrought a student with them, so
(12:34):
they had three and they werewonderful, absolutely wonderful,
and they just hung out in thekitchen because I'd made them
loads of cakes and food to keepthem busy.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
We've got cats, so they just stroke the cats and
hung out when I didn't need them.
That sounds lovely, yeah, yeah,I wanted to ask you before we
get to the birth.
For those who are listening,who don't really know about
hypnobirthing and are curious,could you talk a little bit
about how you used it while youwere labouring?
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Yeah, of course I think it's fascinating and it
really requires the work to beput in before you go into labour
.
But during my labour I used thepower of my thought and my
brain and music and myenvironment to make sure I was
in a calm space and I'd trainedmy body into that calm sort of
emotional state.
(13:13):
I'd relaxed my nervous systembefore I went into labor so my
body was, as soon as it had themusic, as soon as it had the
cues, it kind of automaticallythen relaxed.
Also, what hypnobirthing taughtme was to make decisions based
on what I knew my body wastelling me and to listen to my
body and to make my decisionsalong with the information I was
gaining from my environment andfrom the midwives and my
(13:35):
research.
To make sure that I feltempowered and that Joss, my
husband, was a huge advocate forme.
He knew what to say and what Iwanted and we really laid out
what we wanted and how we feltabout different things and how
to have a discussion shouldsomething come up that wasn't
necessarily like planned.
We knew how to have thatconversation in a way that I
felt supported.
(13:56):
So I guess that's probably likehow I used it lots and lots of
breathing techniques and I thinklots of people just think
that's what hypnobirthing is,but I think there's so much more
to it.
But the breathing techniques,the music, are probably the big,
the really big things for me.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
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Did they check you at all tolet you know you were fully
(15:26):
dilated or did you start?
Speaker 2 (15:27):
to get the urge to push.
How did that go for you?
Yeah, so they did.
They did check me and I thinkbecause my labor had been quite
long, they were probablychecking me more often like he,
um, he did the typical like comedown, we can see him.
Then he went back up again.
He did that quite a lot but atthe time we had no idea how big
he was.
(15:48):
So, you know, we just thought itwas, it was, it was standard.
But they, they did check me andthey have got waterproof.
So I was in a birth pool athome now so I'd got into the
pool at home that I'd hired.
So I was in a birth pool, theywere checking me underwater and
they had a waterproof sonogram.
So, yeah, that was, that wasall fine.
They were checking and Iremember them using a mirror and
(16:10):
checking for his head and theyweren't really disrupting me or
making me move in particularpositions.
They were really good at givingme my space and letting me sort
of flow with what was going onwith my body how about breaking
your water?
Speaker 1 (16:24):
did it break naturally?
Speaker 2 (16:26):
so no, this is probably where we had to have
one of those conversations whichwe obviously hadn't really
foreseen.
My waters didn't break and theythought that might be why
things were taking so long.
Um, because my waters hadn'tbroken, so they did break them
for me, and that did speedthings up.
I think I was about sevencentimeters when they broke my
waters and that obviously rampedthings up because I was seven
centimeters already.
Yeah, that they did break themfor me and I was fine with that.
(16:48):
Actually, I was reallycomfortable with it because I,
you know, made the decisionbased on the information at the
time how long did you push for,like actively pushing?
yeah, I can't remember, but I doremember it being longer than
they would have liked, becausethey said to me, if you don't
get him out on, I got out of thepool in the end because I was
pushing in the pool and hewasn't coming.
(17:08):
So then they changed my positionand got me out onto the sofa
and I remember them saying to meif you don't get him out within
the next like five minutes,we're going to have to take you
into hospital.
And I think they said thatbecause, say, one of the
midwives was going to be,another wasn't another shift
change.
But I know one of the midwiveswas starting to get a bit more
(17:29):
worried about, like, how long ithad taken, and they they
couldn't, because you get to apoint where it's very then
becomes quite difficult to readthe baby's heart beat right
because of the position they'rein, and they started to feel a
bit more conscious of that, Ithink.
So they were saying to me, likeyou really need to work hard
and get him out now, and I didlots of down breathing and, you
know, did get him out likewithin the next push, and then
(17:52):
everybody realized why he tookso long, because he was gigantic
and when you say gigantic, howbig was he?
he was 10 pound 8 that's ahealthy size baby.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Yeah, when he came out and they put him on you,
were you like?
This kid is heavy.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
I remember thinking like he's so slimy.
And I also remember I droppedit because I have just seen it
on telly right, you watch birthon telly and the midwives put
the babies on the mums and thebabies just stay there, and so I
didn't think I was so tired andI just didn't think about the
fact that I'd have to hold him.
So they put him on me and hejust slipped down my tummy and I
(18:29):
was like oh, and I rememberlike catching him and being like
oh, I have to hold him.
And he was so like limit, likehe just he was so limmy and big,
he wasn't this like tiny thingthat you see, he just he took up
the whole of my torso, likelaying on me.
Oh, my goodness like, yeah, it'samazing thinking back to like
how amazing they are when theyfirst come out into the world
(18:51):
and they're just.
He was very chill.
He wasn't, you know,particularly stressed about his
entry to the world.
He was quite calm, which wasreally nice.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Yeah, when he seemed he seemed good and healthy.
So because he was a little big,did you have any complications
with bleeding afterwards?
Speaker 2 (19:07):
yes.
So I obviously birthed aplacenta, which again is another
thing that I didn't know I'dhave to do, which seems mad,
right, but they never show thatbit on telly, people don't
really talk about it.
But I remember her being likeso now you need to birth a
placenta.
And I was like, sorry, it'sjust that you need to push more.
And I was like, no, I can'tpush anymore, I've been doing
this for way too long, I'm tired.
(19:27):
And, um, she's like, okay, juststand up then and we'll try and
let gravity do its thing.
And they gave me the injectionto help speed it up.
So, and I was okay with thatagain, that's a choice here.
So I was like I was okay withit.
Um, and it came out and shetried to catch it.
It fell on the floor and leftthis huge bloodstain on my
carpet.
Um, but it's just one of thosethings.
(19:49):
It was all funny.
And then, um, and then I wasbleeding a lot.
So then then they realized thatyou know, they tied me.
You know they were having alook and checking it up and
tidying everything up andcleaning everything up, and then
they realized that theycouldn't really do what they
needed to do at home because wewere at home but they weren't
like massively panicked.
But I probably lost about oneand a half liters of blood, so
not heaps, but like enough tomake them think you know I was
(20:12):
losing blood.
We should probably go tohospital so that we can get this
sorted out and stitched up.
I think it was a third degreetear.
It was okay.
We went to hospital and then myexperience hospital was not so
positive, unfortunately.
Before I went to surgery it wasreally really awful and quite
traumatic, but after that theywere very kind to me how did you
(20:41):
get to the hospital?
Speaker 1 (20:42):
did they call ambulance or did you go in your
car?
Speaker 2 (20:45):
yeah, so they had an ambulance there like waiting for
me outside, and I rememberbecause the ambulance people
came in and they also had astudent with them, so they had
two paramedics and then astudent paramedic.
So we had six medicalprofessionals in our house and
we don't have a particularly bighouse and we had a birth hall
in there, right.
So there wasn't much room and Iwas like delirious, like happy,
(21:07):
but, like you know, deliriousand covered in blood, and like
just in my dressing gown theywere like you need to walk out
the ambulance.
I remember being like what myneighbor's gonna think, like
they just had me like howling,like mooing to the world, and
now that I'm just like coveredin blood, I think people say
it's scary, but I didn't feelscared at all, like I felt
really content and just like,yeah, this is the best thing,
(21:27):
this is nice, people are caringfor me, like I felt looked after
.
So it wasn't a bad thing.
I went in the ambulance.
I remember finding it quitedifficult.
I couldn't hold him in theambulance.
I wasn't allowed to becausewhere I was losing blood he had
to go in a car seat, um, andthen my husband drove to
hospital.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
He followed us up in the car and your baby stayed
with you in the ambulance orwith your husband.
No, my baby said yes, he stayedwith me in the ambulance all
right, you had to get to thehospital, and who helped with
the repair?
Was it your midwife or was it ahospital employee?
Speaker 2 (21:59):
no.
So then we went over to a sortof consultant like an
obstetrician.
Um, okay, we then go over tothem.
So he or she I think it was ahe, but I think my husband said
it was a she, I can't rememberbut basically they came in and
checked how bad the tear was.
So I arrived in hospital, gotput in a like private room.
(22:21):
They came in and checked, but Iremember them when they were
checking.
It really really hurt and Iasked them to stop and I was
holding my son.
I um, adjust, I just finished.
I was in the middle of mypsychology masters at this point
so I was learning loads aboutbrain development.
I knew quite a lot about braindevelopment anyway, but baby's
(22:43):
brains and emotions and allsorts.
And I remember having him in myarms and crying and then he
started crying.
I remember saying to themyou're really hurting me, and
now my baby's crying becauseyou're hurting me.
It was making me feel reallyemotional now and he, he was
(23:04):
okay, but I was so worried thatI was making his like beginning
hours not great for him and Iwas in a lot of pain and they
didn't stop and that's quitehard to process, like they
should have listened to me andthey didn't.
And that's hard, that's hard tohear.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
Yeah, sorry, it's okay, take a moment.
I can imagine that it's hardfor you to share, and I want to
thank you for sharing because Iwant women to hear what's going
on and how our actions affectother people.
So thank you for sharing.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
That's okay.
Thank you for listening to meand holding space for it.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
When you asked for them to stop, they did not stop,
they just continued andrepaired you, and then that was
that.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Yeah.
So she finished her likeinvestigation she didn't stop
and then when she'd finishedlike checking, she obviously
stopped and then she said, okay,we need to go through surgery
and they gave me a spinal block,um, to do the surgery.
And they were really lovely inthe theater, so like it did only
get better from there, likethey were so lovely.
I remember them telling me thatI had beautiful hair and
thinking like how do I havebeautiful hair?
(24:13):
I must be like the sweatiestthing in the world.
And they put music on and itwas just a really happy place
and they were all really chilland really like I felt really
comfortable and really safethere.
Like that was really lovely.
And the anaesthetist yeah, justeveryone was that I kind of
interacted with.
That was talking to me duringthe process was really I kind of
interacted with.
That was talking to me duringthe process was really really
(24:33):
lovely.
And then they transferred mearound to kind of a recovery
room again.
I was on my own.
Joss was looking after the babyat this point and then he came
in with us after I had come outof surgery and then my son was
sick.
He was sick a few times and oneof the like support, maternity
support assistants spotted hissick on a muzzied.
(24:55):
It was like bright yellow, butI didn't really think anything
of it because I didn't know andhe hadn't really opened his eyes
much.
And this is gonna sound reallynaive and like feel free to
laugh at this point but I justthought that he they were like
cats like because cats don'topen their eyes when they're
first born and I just kind ofthought like maybe his eyes will
start to open more as he getsbigger, I don't know um, so I
(25:18):
hadn't really questioned it.
Like he acted fine and like hehad fed you know he'd breastfed,
so he was alert and awakeenough to do that.
So I hadn't really thought muchof it.
But anyway, that this maternity, she took the muzzy and she
took it to somebody else andthey said oh, we think that's a
sign of an infection or thatsomething might be going on
(25:38):
inside his tummy and I was like,right, okay.
But obviously I'm knackered atthis point.
I haven't really slept.
Like my labor started, likewhat, 10 o'clock the day before.
I hadn't slept.
We're now like 8 pm, 9 pm thefollowing day.
So I'm exhausted and miles awayand I was just like okay.
And then I remember I think wemust have been more like 2 am by
(25:58):
the time I come out of surgery.
I remember my friend coming thenext day and I remember them
saying to me we need to, andJoss had gone home by this point
, I think, to make sure thehouse was sorted out.
And I remember them saying youknow, he was there when they
told us this that they needed totake him downstairs or to a
different hospital to check him.
And we were at a hospital whichhas a really brilliant NICU
(26:21):
ward, like a really reallybrilliant neonatal care facility
, and they took him in this likeit looked like a pod, like a
like a rocket ship pod, it waslike a travel incubator and they
took him to the main hospital.
So from our building to themain hospital in this like
travel incubator thing and theyput loads of tubes down his
(26:45):
throat and like had to check histummy hadn't flipped, and I
just remember being like milesaway.
Yeah, I don't know what's goingon, but I just need him to be
okay, like I wasn't worried atany point.
I don't know, I haven't reallythought about it till now.
This is a lot more emotionalI'm sorry than I thought it
(27:08):
would be.
I feel like there's a lot morethat I haven't really thought
about than more to it.
I think I was so proud ofbirthing such a gorgeous,
beautiful big baby and we'd hadsuch a brilliant birth.
I was probably on a bit of ahigh from that and I just
watched them do the put thesetubes down his throat and it was
awful.
My friend was cuddling me andsaying like he'll be okay, like
(27:30):
they'll check him and he'll befine, like they'll make him
better, he's in the best place,and they took him away and I
couldn't see him and they justsaid to go back up to my room.
They'd given me a private roomwhich was really lovely.
I wasn't on a ward and that wasreally kind of them.
They were really, really lovelyto me and they said just go
back up and we'll let you knowwhen he's back.
(27:52):
And I remember I don't know whattime it was it's a bit like,
you know, when you're like soovertired that you just feel
like you're on another planet.
I just didn't know really whatwas going on around me.
And I remember showering andthen them saying I remember them
saying I showered and I think Iremember them coming up and
saying, oh, you can come and gethim now.
But I was.
So I don't know if I was inshock, I don't know where I was,
(28:15):
but it took me.
They came back like three moretimes to say you can come and
get him now.
And then I think I'd left likean hour ago past, after they'd
first told me, because I justwasn't aware of the time and I
was on my own, and I think thenJoss came back and he was there
with me I can't really rememberand we went and got him and his
tummy hadn't flipped, he justhad an infection and he was
(28:37):
going to be put on antibioticsfor hopefully three days, but
ended up being five.
So we were, we were kept in forfive days with him being on
antibiotics, with this littlelike IV in his hand and this
little like splint on his arm tokeep the IV in, so he didn't
pull out, keep his arm straight,and we went with him every time
he was given any antibiotics.
There were lots of other babiesthat were having the same
(28:58):
treatment as him, but we werethe only parents that went every
time he had his antibioticsgiven to him.
I didn't leave him.
No one could take him away fromme.
I didn't let anyone after thattime.
I didn't let anyone take him orlike see him without me being
with him.
I was quite like, keen to keepclose to him, but we saw it as a
real gift being kept inhospital for those five days
(29:20):
because obviously we planned tobe at home, but we, because we
were at hospital, people couldcome and visit us and they had a
broken off space.
They were coming in to see usin a different space, which was
really nice.
They kind of didn't break ourbubble, we didn't have to host
them, which I think is a lot ofpressure that gets put on people
after they've had babies.
They fed me and kept meshowered and clean and looked
(29:41):
after me, so actually I wasreally well cared for after my
stitches.
I had time to heal and torecover slowly and they kept
really close eyes on both of us.
It meant joss could go home andtake our washing home and wash
it, and he could rest too andrecover, because obviously he
hadn't really slept either, um,and he could eat properly and
look after himself and get somespace, which I think so
(30:03):
important.
Like the men, if you are, orbirth partners whoever you have
supporting you does so much tosupport you during your birth
and they don't get the hormonesor the you know, the same, maybe
view from other people.
They need time and space to torecover and to re-energize and
be ready for what the next dayholds for the newborn.
So, yeah, we were quite luckyreally that we were in those
(30:27):
five days.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
I appreciate your saying you bring attention to
birth partners resting andrehabilitating, especially if
there's a little bit of traumato the mom, because it's
overwhelming.
It's very overwhelming for them.
It's somebody that they loveand there's a new baby coming in
, so I appreciate that you bringthat up, that we also need to
(30:51):
hold space for partners torecover also yeah, I think it
gets missed quite often thatthey are going through something
big too.
Yeah, absolutely so.
Five days passed, everythingwas good, discharged home.
How was going back home?
Speaker 2 (31:09):
yeah, it was exciting .
We had this onesie that we'dbought.
We were so like adamant he wasgoing to be in it.
It was from this lovely shopand it had these embroidered
rainbow stars on it.
It was beautiful.
We put him in it but likehonestly, it obviously didn't
fit him.
So he's all this like scrunchedup baby, like squashed into
this onesie.
But it was like we were likewe're getting him in it.
We wore it home, I think, andthen obviously we took it off
(31:30):
him.
But it was so exciting to gethome.
It was just like a breath offresh air, like going into our
space with this little baby.
You know, we'd only been twoand now we were three in our
home and like we just cuddled onthe sofa and sat and we said no
to visitors.
You were quite clear like wedon't want people over now, like
we just want to settle for atleast a week just the three of
(31:52):
us, so we can really find ourfeet.
We just I just remember a lotof he was so sick like I don't
know if it was because of thetube stuff or whatever, but he
was just sick like constantly,you know, 30 times a day.
He was just sick, but he washappy and he was growing, so no
one was concerned.
He wasn't poorly, he was justjust threw up all happy and he
was growing, so no one wasconcerned, he wasn't poorly, he
was just just threw up all hismilk all the time um was
(32:15):
breastfed, but he didn't matterhow much.
That's the other thing, right,he was massive.
Like feeding a gigantic babyand holding a gigantic baby is
quite hard work, breastfeedingwise, and he required a lot of
milk.
So, yeah, he was fed a lot.
Remember, if all, I think all Idid was feed him, I just felt
like a cow.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
After your son was born, did you all just decide to
take some time before thinkingabout baby number two, or were
you like that was amazing.
I want to go and do that again.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
Yeah, like I loved I absolutely loved giving birth to
him, but I absolutely lovedbeing just a mummy of one and I
also found the adjustment tomotherhood quite challenging.
Like I loved him and I lovedeverything he brought to me.
But I really struggled with theidentity shift.
Like I didn't realize thatbecause I've been a nanny for
years, I'd looked after hundredsof children and I've worked
with kids my whole life andeveryone always said to me which
(33:05):
I don't think really helped, tobe honest but like you'll be an
amazing mom.
And then when I had him, theywere like oh, you know what
you're doing, like you're goingto be fine, you've got this.
And I just felt this intense,huge pressure to be an
incredible mom to him and I likedidn't know where I fit in
society anymore.
Like there was a huge identityshift and it took me a long time
(33:27):
to rediscover myself inmotherhood and to understand who
I was and how I showed up inthe world when I had this small
human I was now responsible for.
But also he was full of life.
(33:52):
Like he didn't stop.
He started talking at 16 monthsand he just didn't stop.
He was everything and anything.
He wanted to be everywhere andall the places all of the time
and understand everything that'sgoing on in the world.
So he took so much of ourattention and then we knew we
wanted more babies.
We've always wanted more babiesand we were like I was a
(34:12):
student midwife so I was seeingbabies obviously all the time.
At this point, for a few yearspast, I was loving, you know,
being involved in pregnancy andbirth, and I just think it's a
real privilege to be a part ofsomeone's labor and delivery.
I just think it's, it's hugeand pregnancy, to be honest, and
I think it's a real gift and ahuge responsibility and a really
nice place to be and I loved itand I saw all of these women
(34:35):
giving birth and it just waslike I need to be pregnant again
, like this is beautiful.
And Ozzy was asking for a baby.
You know he loves other kids.
He's loved like he'd have 15 wehave 15 children if it was by
him.
He was desperate.
So you know we were just feltlike the right time he was going
to start school.
He was how was he?
(34:56):
So?
There's about three year agegap between them, so it was
another year before he startedschool, but there was some time.
You know he was bigger.
We were out of COVID, it justfelt like a good time.
Speaker 1 (35:05):
You want to talk us through your second pregnancy.
Was it pretty similar or was ita little different?
Speaker 2 (35:14):
I think I definitely felt more sick in the first bit
with my daughter.
We got pregnant quite quicklyagain and, yeah, I definitely
felt quite sick in the first bitwith her.
I wasn't as big this time, butalso because I'd been flagged in
the system as having a big babyokay.
So that made things a littlemore challenging and I was a
student midwife at the time,which was fortunate actually,
(35:36):
because it meant I got to hearher heartbeat really early and
whenever I wanted, because I wasat the hospital all the time.
It was amazing like I lovedbeing pregnant with her.
She was beautiful, she grewbeautifully, it was comfortable.
I was very lucky.
I had a very positiveexperience and I was.
I had all the obviously all thestandard aches and pains.
I had a bit of pelvic girdlepain.
(35:56):
I, you know I say mypregnancies were beautiful and
they were because I got to growhuman.
But that does sort of diminishthe fact that it is exhausting
and it is hard work and you aretired and you can't do much.
But I just really allowedmyself to lean into that and
gave myself space to be, youknow, more chilled and to not
rush everywhere and to sit downbecause I needed to, but also to
(36:21):
redecorate my house, becausethat's what everyone seems to do
when they're pregnant.
Did you opt for another homebirth?
So I did with her.
That was the plan.
But I'd watched so many womenget um epidurals in hospital and
just like, have a relief inacross their faces.
I'd seen and and have somereally positive births from
having an epidural.
I'd seen some go not sopositively but I was, you know,
(36:43):
I was happy with the idea.
I had this really intense hippain when I was at home which I
just couldn't shift.
Ozzy remembers my son.
He remembers being collected bymy mum about half five in the
morning.
So I started labouring in thenight this time and it was much
quicker.
It was probably about 2am Istarted labouring and I remember
Joss went downstairs and hejust cooked this massive bowl of
pasta again and he honestlymust have cooked like 500 grams
of pasta and I ate like fourmouthfuls of it.
(37:06):
I remember I was in the loungeand he would, aussie, walk past
me and he always says to me oh,mummy, you were sleeping on the
sofa and you were going to give,giving birth to panda, and it's
lovely that he saw me and sawthe calm and then I had this hip
pain.
I couldn't shift it, couldn'tshift it and it was so painful.
I knew from having Aussie thatit wasn't to do with my labor,
like it wasn't a labor pain, itwas.
(37:26):
It was painful, whereas Ididn't find labor pain the same
kind.
I found it like achy, not pain,okay.
So then I remember the phone,the hospital, saying look I'm.
I remember being reallyconfident, almost on the edge of
too confident, and saying tojust call the labor line,
because that's how it works here.
You call the labor line, yousay I'm in labor and they say
I'll come on in.
They ask you, you know what'sgoing on.
(37:46):
And they say come on in.
And I said to them say to themthat I'm not in labour, because
I know I'm not in labour, I'mfine, I've just got this really
uncomfortable hip pain and Iwould like an epidural to help
with the hip pain.
And can I come in for thatreason?
And they said, yeah, come in,come see us and we'll see where
you're at and we'll see what wecan do to help.
Was there Libby, who is anincredible midwife and woman.
(38:10):
She's just a powerhouse, she'sjust incredible.
She's so kind, so pro-women,she's everything you'd want to
be in a midwife.
And she was there and shedoesn't work in a hospital,
she's a community midwife.
But she was doing asupernumerary shift in the
hospital.
So she happened to be there andshe was free.
She had set my room up becauseshe knew I wanted a home birth
and she had set the room up withlike twinkly lights and like
(38:33):
the projector on and like lovelymusic and like made it all dark
and she just cuddled me sotight and I remember cuddling
her and just crying and beinglike, oh my God, I'm so happy
you're here, I'm being so happyto see her.
And she got me into the roomand she just asked I said I've
got this pain.
I, she just asked.
(38:54):
I said I've got this pain, Ijust can't go to it.
She said, okay, where is it?
And I showed her and she said,okay, put your foot up on this
stool and then just let you know, let your next contraction
happen, we'll see what happens.
And it went like obviously herhead was pressing something
funny or whatever, but it wentlike she moved and it went in
the next contraction.
So the hip pain had gone butbecause I've got it in my head
that I was going to have anepidural.
I was still like, right, libby,get me an epidural, like I'm
having it.
You know I've made thatdecision.
(39:14):
Now it's happening.
She was like, fine, I just needto like check how far along you
are first, really, because weneed to know that if we're going
to give you an epidural.
And I was like, okay, but Ihadn't had any one check so far,
and and then she did and Idon't know, this is okay to
share with like the public world.
She did the typical midwifething where she was just like
(39:37):
I'm gonna get them.
I'm definitely gonna get themgoing.
I'm gonna go get them now.
And he was busy, to be fair,the um anaesthetist to do the
epidural, but I think I justwasn't a priority because she
told me afterwards I was alreadyeight and a half centimeters so
I wasn't getting enough.
But she obviously needed toplease me and not let me shout
at her and be like why is it nothappening?
So she just kept being likethey're coming, they're gonna be
(39:57):
there soon.
I love it.
And I literally gave birth toher.
Like what?
We got there at like uh, maybehalf eight, and I gave birth to
her by 10 o'clock.
Okay, you know she was coming,I was, I just it.
My delivery with her wasbeautiful.
I was on all fours on the bed,I caught her myself, no one
touched me and I I delivered her.
I just brought her off my chestand rolled over and cuddled her
(40:20):
and it was wonderful.
That's so beautiful, that'samazing.
It was really, really lovely.
I think the fortunate thing wasbecause I was issued at midwife,
(40:42):
I could really be really clearwith what I wanted, and I think
that's the one thing I'd say towomen is be you know, get your
confidence, be really clear withwhat your body's telling you
and what you want, because theywere conscious of her heartbeat,
as they always are when you'removing around a lot and it's
harder to read.
But I knew in my body she wascoming and I knew confidently
that I was going to give birthto her and she was going to be
okay.
They did try to put a IV in, Ithink, because I'd said about
(41:07):
the epidural and they need toput one in for your epidural in
my wrist, but I was so sweaty itwas like 30 degrees in this
room and I it just kept comingout because I was really sweaty
and I remember them saying, just, I just said to them just leave
it because she's coming out, sojust leave it because I'm going
to be fine.
And then they did.
But I think if I didn't havethe confidence in that space, I
would have let them carry on andI think that could have
(41:29):
disrupted the flow.
Yeah, um, but it was beautiful.
I did a hundred times over.
It felt amazing and I think tolots of people that's going to
sound crazy, but it was just.
It was incredible.
The whole experience like itwas beautiful and she was
delicious and wonderful howabout bleeding?
Speaker 1 (41:49):
did you have any bleeding or tearing because of
your first?
Speaker 2 (41:53):
Yeah.
So I did tear again and becauseof my first experience of them
looking to check, I was reallyadamant they weren't going to
look like even look to check howbad the tear was.
I said to them like you're not,you can check, but I need to
have a spinal for you to check.
Because it was too traumaticlast time and again I haven't
really held onto that.
And they said, well, we don'tknow if we're going to have
(42:14):
space and you know it might notwork out and we can't just give
you an episode.
And I said, well, I'm not,you're not checking.
Otherwise, like I was very, youknow, I did have to really put
my foot down and I let Libbyhave a brief look.
I just really didn't want thatexperience that I had last time
and they took me into theatreand they did stitch me up.
They probably didn't need tohave done it in theatre but
because I'd had my pastexperiences, they were very kind
(42:36):
and they did accommodate me,which I was very fortunate for,
which probably meant my recoverywas a little bit longer because
obviously I'd had the spinal,but actually I enjoyed the lay
down.
Speaker 1 (42:46):
You did have a spinal for the recovery for your
second.
Speaker 2 (42:48):
Yeah, I did, but only because I'd had my previous
experience, not because I reallyneeded it.
I think it was only a seconddegree tear, so it could have
been done by the midwife.
I'm very grateful they did andI hope talking about it means
that more people feel confidentto say and to put their foot
down and say and make it clearwhat they need in that moment
and to express how they'refeeling and how they if they
(43:09):
feel safe or unsafe and makethat clear how long were you in
the hospital for recovery beforeyou went home?
um, I just had to wait till mylegs came back.
Really, I think I think we were, I don't know.
I think we were in till like 11, 12 o'clock midnight that night
.
So we were in, because Iremember ordering takeaway to
(43:30):
the hospital.
I remember being transferredthird round to the ward and then
ordering takeaway and we hadwagamamas, which was great
because we love wagamamas um,and my husband and I being, yeah
, just saying any wagamamas andthen we got discharged, I think
about midnight that night.
The midwives were quite keen toget me home because I was fine,
like I was, you know,recovering well and I've been
okay, and Ozzy was staying at ummy parents, so he was all right
(43:52):
, he was sorted, and it was niceto be in a little bubble and
just have the three of us comehome and tuck up into bed when
we got home curious as to whatis Wagamamas it's a noodle
restaurant.
It's like they do like noodlesand um like curries and stuff
and I love like I love theirnoodle dishes.
They did like a really goodyeah, a really good um like pad
(44:12):
thai okay, okay, yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:15):
And then how was little Ozzy meeting his baby
sister?
Speaker 2 (44:19):
he came to the hospital to meet her, actually
when I'm still in the labor ward, so when I was still recovering
my legs were a bit dead stilland he came in and we've got a
video of him coming in andseeing her and he just like,
well, actually I was eatingchocolate cookies at the time he
came in and he looked at herand he was so happy to see her.
And then he looked at mycookies and he was like, can I
have a cookie?
(44:39):
I was like, is that what you'reexcited about?
And then he had a cookie and hewas so excited about having
this cookie.
But he was so happy to see herand he he loved her, like he,
you know, he we'd we've done alot of preparation with him
having a baby sister and he wasexcited to have her and I think
he was surprised she didn't playenough, um, but he was three,
so like that's pretty normal,isn't it like?
(45:00):
But yeah, he was happy to bethere and then, and then he came
.
He must have come home the nextday, but to be honest with you,
I don't remember much afterthat, yeah, those first days
feels like six weeks postpartum,right after a baby, is such a
blur.
Speaker 1 (45:14):
Looking back on your two births and your late births,
what are you most proud of?
Speaker 2 (45:19):
Like my body, like my voice, my power, my babies.
The fact that they are strong,beautiful, beauty things that
are in the world, the fact thatmy body could do it and that my
body made them, was incredible.
My husband was like anincredible support.
He just was an absolute rock.
He, he advocated for me, heheard me, he gave me space, he
(45:45):
cared for me, he put me on apedestal like.
He made me feel like a princessand he did, did everything he
could to help look after ourlittle creatures.
But, yeah, my voice, the factthat I could understand what I
needed and make myself heard,yeah, I think it's an incredible
(46:07):
thing that women do.
I think any woman that's notjust any woman that's given
birth, but any woman that's helda child for a long time and
they're their child, whetheryou've adopted or not, being a
mother is an incredible, amazingfeat and I think it's inspiring
all women that give birth andhowever which way they do it,
however which way that childenters their life, I think it's
(46:28):
incredible.
Speaker 1 (46:29):
Well, katie, thank you so much for taking the time
to sit down and open up with usand be vulnerable and to share
your story so that together, wecan heal, grow and learn.
So thank you very much, thankyou so much for listening to me
and having me.
(46:54):
Hey there, amazing listeners.
If you love what we do and wantto see our podcast grow, we
need your help.
By making a donation, you'll besupporting us and bringing you
even more great content.
I truly believe creating thisspace for women all across the
globe To share their story willallow us to collectively heal,
grow and become more empoweredin the space that we deserve to
(47:17):
be.
Motherhood, womanhood andhowever that looks and feels for
each and every one of us, Everycontribution, big or small,
will make a huge difference.
If you can head over to supportus today there's a link in the
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will make a huge difference.
(47:38):
From the bottom of my heart,thank you for being a part of
this journey.
Thank you for listening.
Be sure to check out our socialmedia.
All links are provided in theepisode description.
Please give us a follow.
If you or someone you knowwould like to be a guest on the
show, reach out to us via emailat info at maternalwealthcom.
(47:59):
And remember stay healthy,embrace your power and you got
this, thank you.
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