June 11, 2025 • 44 mins
What does motherhood truly look like before we even conceive? How can we prepare emotionally and spiritually for one of life's most profound transformations?
Midwife Audrey returns for the second installment of our powerful four-part series, diving deep into the conscious preparation for bringing new life into the world. Beyond nursery decor and baby registries lies the crucial inner work that shapes our journey as mothers.
We explore how our first models of motherhood form passively in childhood, creating templates that influence our expectations. When the time comes to consciously create life, we have the opportunity to intentionally craft our motherhood experience, learning from the past while forging new paths.
The conversation takes a vulnerable turn as we discuss the expectation versus reality of maternal bonding. Many women anticipate an instant connection at birth, only to discover that motherhood unfolds on its own timeline – sometimes immediate, sometimes gradual, always valid. This frank discussion liberates mothers from unnecessary guilt and recognizes the uniquely individual nature of every mothering journey.
Perhaps most revolutionary is our examination of how modern society's emphasis on the nuclear family has isolated mothers and created unsustainable burdens. By reintegrating grandparents and extended family into our living arrangements, we rediscover the village that once made motherhood sustainable. This traditional model distributes childcare responsibilities, creates richer environments for children, and provides more fulfilling lives for elders.
In this episode, Midwife Audrey tenderly addresses motherhood after loss and the complex experience of carrying rainbow babies. For women navigating pregnancy after miscarriage or stillbirth, healthcare providers who recognize both the clinical and emotional dimensions of their journey become essential companions.
Join us as we reimagine motherhood not as a burden that restricts freedom, but as a profound, multidimensional journey supported by community, ancestral wisdom, and authentic connection. Your path to motherhood deserves thoughtful anticipation – let's embark on this sacred journey together.
Would you like to be a guest on our show? Send us a message here!
Become a Maternal Wealth Provider Today. Search and Find Maternal Wealth Providers Near You. Visit www.maternalwealth.com
Don’t forget to subscribe, share, and leave a review!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Welcome to the Maternal Wealth Podcast, a space
for all things related tomaternal health, pregnancy and
beyond.
I'm your host, stephanie Terrio.
I'm a labor and delivery nurseand a mother to three beautiful
boys.
Each week, we dive intoinspiring stories and expert
insights to remind us of thepower that you hold in
childbirth and motherhood.
We're here to explore the joys,the challenges and the
(00:36):
complexities of maternal health.
Every mother's journey isunique and every story deserves
to be told.
Please note that this podcastis for entertainment purposes
only.
It is not intended to replaceprofessional medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment.
Always consult with yourhealthcare provider for medical
guidance that is tailored toyour specific needs.
(00:57):
Are you ready?
Let's get into it.
Welcome back to the MaternalWealth Podcast.
This episode is series two ofthe four-part series with
(01:18):
midwife Audrey.
To recap, she wrote Can youfeel the shift?
Women, mothers and birthingpeople are eager for change and
ready to take their power backand walk in their sovereignty.
Join us for this four-partseries of powerful and
enlightening conversation thatwill arm you with the knowledge
(01:38):
of your options about consciousprocreation, birth empowerment,
family wellness all of this andmore with conversations with
midwife Audrey.
Series two anticipation Todaywe'll have conversations about
trying to conceive, preparationand space to create a baby,
including rainbow babies, andconceiving after a loss.
(02:01):
I hope you enjoy theconversation as much as I did.
What are we anticipatingMotherhood?
It's something that we don'ttalk about much among our
(02:22):
community.
What does motherhood look like?
How are we preparing formotherhood beyond the
materialistic things?
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Thank, you for having me back.
I'm really excited to get intothis awesome conversation.
How can we?
Speaker 1 (02:35):
start preparing for what motherhood will look like,
even before we're pregnant.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
One.
It kind of happens passivelywhen we're a kid, you know from
the models that we see around uswhether or not our parents had
other babies and we weresiblings, so we got to see what
that modeling looked like.
I remember for myself seeingpregnant bellies and seeing
someone hold and nurse a baby.
(03:01):
I would then mimic and kind ofplay around with that and I
think that, without realizing,weighed into how I viewed what
motherhood would likely be likefor me, because it was what I
saw.
Now, after being a mother andseeing all the different types
of mothering that there is tothat each and every one of us
(03:24):
embody, I've come to see so manydifferent examples and so many
different types of mothering.
That then has expanded myperspective on motherhood and
what that could look like and belike for myself.
So I think for many of us itstarts passively just through
(03:46):
seeing what is represented inour communities.
And if there's a lack ofmotherhood represented in our
communities, I think then itkind of leaves a more emptier
template for what that could be.
And then should we then thinkabout consciously creating a
human being?
Then that's where I think theintentional thought of what
(04:10):
motherhood can look like.
That's when we start drawing onour past exposures and what we
grew up seeing and also startdoing some research, hopefully,
about what are some bestpractices and what are some
things that you know, justlearning up more about it so
that we don't tend to repeat theissues of the past.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
In your practice with your patients prenatally?
Do you have these conversationsduring your visits, talking
about motherhood, whatmotherhood looks like for them,
what they're expecting frommotherhood?
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Briefly, sometimes in the clinical space it tends to
be more so about pregnancyeducation, but yes, especially
at some point in the thirdtrimester, having a discussion
of the realities of what alittle being needs and thereby
what you will undoubtedly bedoing.
(05:05):
But within that, how do you wantto be doing that?
What are the things that willhelp you do that the best?
Sometimes we can get sohyper-focused, you know,
especially when we're going infor our appointments with our
provider, and we're so focusedabout the pregnancy and growing
of the baby, and growing of thebaby versus like, oh my goodness
, once this being is out, I willbe being with this being, you
(05:30):
know, so that we don't tend togive a lot of thought about.
And so I do like to centerpeople's thought process in
terms of okay, imagine thosedays with them.
These are the type of supportsyou're going to need because,
realistically, this is the timeand the way bonding will likely
(05:53):
look like for you, and so Ithink that then starts to give
them the opportunity to thinkabout like, oh wow, oh yeah,
that makes sense, I didn't thinkabout that and start preparing.
You know otherwise.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Talking about motherhood, speaking from
personal experience.
When I gave birth to my firstson I believe this is a common
experience I expected, when hecame out, that I would feel like
a mother, just like that, andthat didn't happen.
Do you think that that's acommon experience?
Didn't happen.
Do you think that that's acommon experience?
And what advice would you havefor women who don't feel that
(06:28):
immediate bond or feel thatimmediate motherhood?
Quote unquote.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
when the baby is born , yeah, that is a really, really
great question.
Motherhood is so, so highlysubjective, but yet entirely and
utterly universal.
Every single human being thatexists either has been a mother
or came from a mother.
(06:53):
Each and every human beingcomes from one right or comes
from the womb.
So that connection, and whenthat bond and connection happens
, is highly dynamic for eachpair and for different reasons,
and I know for my own experience.
I can totally relate andresonate with what you're saying
(07:14):
too, in terms of like okay, sonow what?
They're beautiful, I love them,you know.
But it was a lot of otherfeelings that was dominating the
space.
So I think that, judging it interms of right or wrong,
becoming a mother should feellike this and the bond should be
X, y, z.
(07:34):
That's where we sometimes putthe pressure on ourselves and
that's where then theconversation starts with
thinking something is wrong orfeeling bad because now we've
put an expectation on it.
Motherhood is like thisincredible beginning, this great
unfolding of just so manythings where that's expected,
(07:55):
like okay, it's a human beingthat's going to eat, it's going
to poo, it's going to variousother things, but also so many
unexpected things, usually fromour side of perspective, because
, again, we had an idea orexpectation or in some way you
know, just didn't know that wewould develop or experience what
(08:17):
we experienced on the journeyof motherhood and in that is
kind of like the development ora blossoming of a rose bush
which is both the bush and therose itself.
And so when we're pregnant it'skind of that same notion where
it's one being in the one body,but once they're born now it's
(08:37):
two beings still occupying thesame kind of like energetic
field in space, same kind oflike energetic field in space.
And so the heart and the brainsensation of my baby, that
connectedness is anywhere in thespectrum from this child
(08:57):
doesn't even exist yet.
They're just a being, an energyin your thoughts that you then
bring into fruition all the wayto it's been a few months and
they look at you and smile acertain way or have some kind of
reaction, and then all of asudden you have this like
universe shifting connection.
You're like, oh my gosh, almostlike a delayed response kind of
(09:18):
thing.
So long as we understand thatthere are certain things that
can disrupt connection andbonding, or things that you know
, environments that you knowmake it either impossible or
very difficult, if we are inessence prepared for those and
there's proper support, eitherwith like postpartum doulas,
(09:42):
family members, and whatever thecase is, then the bonding will
happen on its own time, wheneverthat time is the same as the
baby latching for the first time, same as, eventually, when we
say our first word or take ourfirst walk.
These are things that happen ona spectrum or continuum on its
(10:03):
own timing and we know for afact that there are certain
things that disrupt that bondingand so if we mitigate that,
then the bonding, however ithappens, whenever it happens.
So long as we encourage andfacilitate it, it will happen.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
And it's a universe changing, shifting moment when
you just connect with this beingon such a conscious, visceral
way.
What does motherhood look likefor mothers who don't have their
children, mothers who losttheir children either by
termination, whether it'selectively or spontaneous.
Mothers who don't have theirchildren due to a fetal demise
(10:57):
or stillborn.
Mothers who've lost theirchildren once they have been
alive and their children havepassed on?
It's a heavy topic and one thatwe don't talk about much.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Very, very good question.
It is so, so dynamicallydifferent and each and every one
deserves space to beexperienced.
In every single scenario youmentioned it's still one that
changes you mind, body andspirit, and so how that
(11:28):
transformation looks like, thereare certain things that we can
kind of like, expect on aspectrum kind of like oh okay,
joy, happiness, grief, you know,anxiety, like you know, these
are all emotions that everysingle human being has
(11:49):
experienced, and when you have achild it's like a built-in
empathy or compassion to vaguelyunderstand.
But the true knowing of thatexperience can only be known by
the person who's experiencing it, which is literally
life-changing.
It changes With every baby thatwe carry.
(12:11):
A part of their genetics willforever be within our bodies and
so we literally carry all ourchildren with us, whether they
be still alive or have passed inutero or have passed outside of
the womb.
Like, however that happens,that connection is forevermore.
(12:32):
Motherhood, I truly believe, isa path, and on that path and
continuum there are justdifferent twists, turns and
experiences on that, and soreally I can't speak to the
experience of like what thatlooks like in women in general,
but I can imagine and empathizewith some of the experiences.
(12:56):
But I think what is soincredible about women and
motherhood in general is that wehave mitochondrial DNA which is
only specifically it's like theDNA marker of our mothers and
our grandmothers and ourgrandmothers and mothers and so
on and so forth, all the way tothe beginning of human time.
(13:18):
We're starting to understand alittle bit more and more that
even in our DNA, which is, inessence, information our
experiences, in our emotions andthe type of experiences we live
in our lifetime, if they areimpactful enough, they will be
recorded.
That's something where we allknow, without maybe consciously
(13:41):
knowing, but when we can bethere for each other through
every experience of motherhood,it then reinforces the being
able to cope with all thedifferent ways motherhood looks,
whether it be joy all the waydown to grief and sadness
experience, the multidimensionalof all kinds of experiences
(14:03):
that there is to have on this.
But motherhood looks differenton each person and I think
that's a beautiful thing,because we're all different
people, and what's even morebeautiful is that we're all
human.
The spectrum of humaning andmotherhood is only so big too,
but yet infinitely diverse.
(14:24):
So, yeah, I think we're open towhat motherhood can look like
and feel like for us, especiallyif we are consciously,
intentionally trying to build aparticular experience, then
that's amazing.
That's amazing.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
And humanity is only going to be better for it.
Even though our children aren'tphysically present with us, our
children never truly leave us,and I think that's an experience
that we can't explain, but, asit's said, it's an experience
(15:18):
that's understood.
Would you agree with that?
Agree with that?
We pause this episode for aquick message from our sponsor.
At Maternal Wealth, we aim toensure that you have access to
(15:39):
the best and the mostappropriate care.
That's why we created amaternal healthcare provider
database.
Maternal health providers caneasily create profiles to
promote their services andbusiness, helping to increase
access for those seeking theircare.
This is a one-of-a-kinddatabase that offers a new and
exciting way for women to searchfor and find maternal health
providers near them and tailoredto their specific needs.
(16:01):
Profiles feature badges thathighlight various services, such
as TODAC friendly practices,all-female practices, lgbtqai
plus inclusivity, languageoptions, access to vaginal
breach services and more.
Additionally, be sure to checkout our Not your Average Birth
(16:23):
course.
In this course, I discuss thevariations that exist in
hospital practices based onpolicies, staffing and budgets,
all of which can directly affectyour birth experience and
outcome.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Yeah, sometimes it's a knowing and you don't need to
have the words to know it, andyou don't necessarily need to
have lived that experience toalso have it felt and resonate
internally, because it is a partof us, in the thread of the
(17:07):
very fabric of what we are, inour DNA, literally.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Yeah, Speaking of people who don't leave us.
You mentioned earlier a littlebit about the influence of
generational motherhood, ourancestors, our grandmothers.
So much in society have theemphasis on the nuclear family,
the mother, the father, thechildren, the parents.
(17:34):
I wish we had more emphasis onkeeping the greater family
together the grandparents, thegrandmothers, the importance to
establish that relationship andto integrate those relationships
with the new coming childrenand having that dynamic back in
the homes.
(17:54):
I think if we honor that andrecognize the importance of that
in society, set up systems tosupport having the grandparents
housed, I think the transitionand how motherhood looks for
women today would be muchdifferent for women today would
(18:16):
be much different, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
You know right now the attitudes towards motherhood
in the upcoming generation andwe touched on this in the last
episode largely looked atnegatively, like oh geez, that's
so much work, I'm going to losea loss of myself.
I'm going to lose ability to dowhat I want when I want an
element of autonomy.
There's just going to be allthese extra added pressures.
(18:46):
It seems like such a headache.
Why would I want to change mylet's say, the freedom and the
excitement and the self-reliance, why would I change that?
To then like for ball and chainis almost what the attitude is
(19:06):
like for the youngerup-and-coming generation who are
not yet childbearing, andthat's largely because their
representation of motherhood andmothering in their world is one
in which women are overworkedand the maternal load on them is
(19:27):
ridiculous and we lack supportstructures and systems and all
these other things.
So it totally makes sense andit's understandable.
Yet this is a creation that wehave created because of the
cultural norms we have adopted.
(19:49):
So it's almost like, well, ifwe just kind of change your
ideologies a bit and our socialways of how we integrate, or
lack of integration of mothersin just everyday life and having
support systems for that, thenit would look totally different.
And one of the major corecomponents of that is the
(20:09):
intergenerational family.
You're absolutely right, likenormalizing homes that have
grandparents and taking it astep further, great grandparents
, that's one where that model,which is not you see, well, this
is actually more in alignmentfor longevity of life for many
(20:41):
people into your old age.
This helps spread the effortand how much work it takes to
live the same standard andquality of life for each person,
so then thereby they haveactually a little bit more
resources and time and otherthings to enjoy life in other
ways.
When we actually look at it,we're like that has a better
(21:02):
receipt than the nuclear familything, than we're doing over
here in America, which is thenormalized perspective.
But really, when we look athumanity over the last 100 years
and then last 200 years, we cansee how things have changed and
kind of have evolved to what itis now and we can see what we
(21:25):
have to show for it.
And so the nuclear family wasreally something that became big
during the time of, like, theindustrial revolution and then,
you know, starting to like workin factories and now we're
building homes and now in orderto continue to have homes to
sell.
It's this whole idea of keepingup with the Joneses and where
(21:48):
we started to go from like acommunity and relying on each
other and having interdependenceand villages, to now
self-reliance or ruggedindividualism, kind of this
whole pick yourself up by yourown bootstraps, which is like
what this exponential growthdidn't happen because one person
(22:10):
decided to go to school, get agood job and then make X, y, xyz
money and then boom, they'reliving this way.
If we can actually realize towhat degree each and every human
being has been colonized inthis perspective, then we can
start to look at thingsrationally and see, well,
(22:33):
actually it's not helping usthrive in all these other ways,
which is having a largelynegative impact in just how
we're living.
And if we realize that our NorthPole is each and every one of
us being able to live a highquality of life, where we have
(22:54):
all the things we need and wehave the ability to reach our
highest potential, naturallythat's not the direction we'd be
going in, because we would justbe doing the things that worked
better, which then starts to bebuilding back that community
which first starts with havingthe structure and support of
(23:14):
grandparents and in some homes,aunties and uncles and great
grandparents and whatever socialgroup, or maybe even in your
neighborhood, and then hopefullyexpanded out even further city
and then expanded out evenfurther state and then the whole
world.
That's a beautiful model.
That's a model where we wouldsee wellness across the planet
(23:40):
that we can't even imagine whatthat kind of world would look
like, because it would just beso much better than this If we
can be able to get back to thatcore structure that you
mentioned.
That is the start.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
Speaking of motherhood and birth, I find
that so many times societiesfocus on differences, the
difference of how people look,how people live, how people
speak.
And if we bring it back tomotherhood and birth and how
(24:25):
women we are so connected andit's the one commonality that we
have that we can connect toeach other and have common
understanding is in giving birth.
It's a universal event that wecan just look at each other and
be able to communicate andunderstand one another.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
Yeah, 90% of communication, they say, is
nonverbal, right, and sosometimes I think we have
forgotten that we're more thanlike the roles that we're doing
and running around and so on andso forth.
And so when we can be presentwithin our bodies, and present
consciously, that's when youit's almost like telepathy you
(25:14):
can look, you can look atanother woman.
Here's an example You're at thepark and this child falls and
you literally hear and feel itand the mother runs up to go
grab her baby.
I bet you, all the othermothers around there probably
would have a similar level andstress, cortisol levels, if we
(25:35):
were to draw everyone's bloodright then and there.
Because we all have a sharedexperience where, like it's a
knowing, like I know, feel thatin my gut, even though it's not
my kid, you know, quite oftenwhen we speak about it and share
it with each other, it's likeyou too, you know many of us,
(25:55):
like it's not something youchoose, it's just something that
is because you're part of thisthread of motherhood, like your
nipples tingling or lactating,all because you hurt a newborn
and it's not even your newborn.
That's the incredible invisiblethread that I think weaves
humanity together and is part ofthat protective mesh, and so
(26:19):
that's just really cool thathumans are set up this way.
That's part of oursocialization.
I think in a lot of ways we'veforgotten or it doesn't really
have a space and place of valuein our culture just yet, but
that's definitely part of how wecommunicate without even having
to communicate.
It's just that knowing.
(26:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
In today's society, so much of the preparation of a
newborn is put intomaterialistic things the baby
shower, the materials that weneed, the physical space that we
need.
Yes, those things are important, but how and why should we
start changing our focus increating, as opposed to the
(27:02):
physical space, creating more ofa emotional, spiritual space
for this newborn coming into ourlives?
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Yeah, that is going to look wildly different for
each person, but it's definitelygoing to consist of the same
component parts, which isdedicated time, you know, and
how that dedicated time is spent.
For one person, it can bejournaling.
(27:36):
For one person it can bepraying or meditating.
For someone else, it can begoing out to their favorite spot
and just touching their womband breathing deep and
connecting that way.
Each and every one of us have adifferent way that we have the
ability to make the space,different way that we have the
(27:58):
ability to make the space, butit's going to take the same
building blocks for each of us,which is the intention and the
dedicated time to put our wholebeing, our mind, body and spirit
, to that intention of exploringthat question and exploring
what it feels like within us.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
One of the topics we have is exploring the experience
of motherhood without a partner.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
So women who are going into motherhood either by
choice or not by choice, withouta partner- If there is or isn't
a partner, is having a village,is having a village, and
usually the inner circle of thatvillage is your parents, the
(28:42):
grandparents and so on and soforth.
And then it's your people you'vemade connections with across
your family lines and that'swhere really we could still see
that the bond of these twobeings and that their capacity
for growing in a healthy way canstill be possible.
Partners are in fact in many,many ways absolutely necessary,
(29:07):
but they're especially necessaryin the connected human
emotional ways.
But when it comes down to isthis mother going to be able to
survive, is this baby going tobe able to survive, we have a
huge odds and huge chances ofincreased survival and thriving
(29:29):
for each mother and baby if theyhad a village.
So I think that really speaksto the need of reinforcing our I
guess you can say our nuclearfamily so that if something
should happen to the partner orlet's say, there are people who
(29:49):
are unpartnered, we still have ahealthy, thriving humanity that
can grow.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
Talking about conception, pregnancy after a
loss, with your patients withinyour community.
How can we help support womenwho are pregnant with a child
after a loss?
How does motherhood look forwomen who are pregnant after a
loss?
Speaker 2 (30:29):
That path within.
It is kind of like a Holt'sitywithin it, where there tends to
be addition and subtraction thatyou're holding within your
experience On the one hand, theheights of joy and on the other
hand, the dips of despair, andsometimes it's hard to even
(30:52):
allow oneself to feel either.
And so sometimes we'll see somemoms just kind of like stay in
the middle those of us on theoutside surrounding her.
Truly, the only way to know isto ask what it is that they need
from us, because it looksdifferent on each person, and
(31:14):
what they need, and from who andhow, is also different.
So one of the greatest giftssometimes we can do is being
available, but being availableto help the way they need us to
help.
Now, that's on top of the basicunderstanding that they're going
to need food.
(31:35):
They're going to need food,they're going to need financial
support, they're going to needtime and space, and so if in any
arena, you're able tofacilitate that, a conversation
doesn't have to be had just tomake sure that that thing
happens, but anything past thatcan really be then the targeted
(31:58):
tool that person going throughthat experience could utilize to
help them transform andcontinue to integrate the
experience.
I don't think we ever are justlike ah over it.
It's a process.
Just like I said earlier,motherhood is a path.
It's just an ongoing processthroughout our whole entire
(32:21):
lifetimes that takes varioustwists and turns and looks
different for each and every oneof us.
But, especially after a loss ofa child, there are certain
things that we can know withoutknowing, from an empathetic
standpoint, and can providesupport and compassion, which
looks a little different butalso looks the same.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
Speaking from a midwifery model of care, do you
find or do you believe thatwomen will receive a different
kind of prenatal care with amidwife as opposed to an OB
coming from?
Speaker 2 (32:57):
this loss.
So there's the clinical sideand then there's the relational
side.
Whenever someone has gonethrough a fetal loss, there is
the medical aspect ofdetermining the cause and then
being able to mitigate that comethe next pregnancy.
(33:21):
And so that's where midwiferylooks at risk factors, looking
at do you have a previoushistory of having had a
miscarriage or stillbirth?
Okay, what was the cause ofthat?
Your hormones were low?
Okay, great, so maybe goinginto the next pregnancy, that's
(33:43):
something we're going toadditionally look after from the
beginning and maybe go a littlebit further than the standard
of care of just basic lab workon your initial appointment.
Now let's monitor and make surethat the processes that maybe
had not happened efficiently orcorrectly the first time around,
let's make sure that they arehappening as they should.
(34:03):
Recommendations or overseemaybe a complication or a
potential risk of a complication, because we've had that
complication in the lastpregnancy.
So from a clinical standpoint,that's what that looks like with
(34:27):
a midwife, and the end goal isto get to a healthy, developed
baby with a low-risk pregnancythat was healthy and well,
barring the need for anyadditional outside help or
anything like that.
And if that is needed, thenthat's where collaborations with
(34:50):
hospitals and maternity care.
Specialized maternity careproviders.
Like maternal fetal medicine, iskey and can address all of that
clinically.
Now on a relational component,I know that when I'm seeing a
client who has experienced aloss of a child or a fetal loss
(35:15):
in pregnancy, those appointmentshave a different kind of level
of care and empathy, that onethat is conscious to be aware of
their healing wounds and beingable to have a holistic approach
that still helps them heal andintegrate that while growing
(35:37):
another human being and creatingthe space for those emotions
and for those anxieties andworries and all of that.
So it is such a dynamic and yetdualistic experience to be
carrying a rainbow child.
I have learned so much as amother and a midwife, especially
(35:58):
serving clients who have beenin this experience, and I've
also learned so much too interms of the being in the moment
and loving and accepting eachand every little joy that
happens, because it can be sofleeting.
Especially they would be awareof how quickly things can change
(36:20):
, and so to learn certainlessons through their experience
is also beautiful and tragic atthe same time.
Speaker 1 (36:30):
We're talking about anticipating motherhood, so it's
not just from null of theprimate so someone who's never
had a baby to having a baby.
We can also take time toanticipate a new motherhood,
from going from one child, fromtwo children to three children.
I think it's important to takethat time to recognize the loss
(36:54):
of having just one child to yoursecond, because it's a
transition.
Every time you're pregnant,every time you deliver, it's a
transition into a new you.
When you and I originallystarted chatting and you came up
with having a four part series,why did you want to speak to
(37:15):
anticipating motherhood?
Why is this topic so importantfor you and something that you
think that other women shouldtake a moment and prepare for?
Speaker 2 (37:25):
Well, one.
I felt that, you know, thediscussion of motherhood was
just too too big to do oneepisode justice, and so, you
know, I was like, oh, let's makeplenty of space and room.
And this is, you know, comingfrom my experience as a mother
(37:46):
and a midwife, you know.
So I kind of have the gift ofhindsight, being 2020.
And also, should I have beenable to have done this again,
what is it that I wish that Ihad as a resource?
Or what are the things thatI've seen that, because this was
represented or talked about forthis person, I see how it
(38:11):
impacts them on this part.
Or, oh, the lack of thatdiscussion of representation.
Look at what this looks like,so dynamic and so different for
each and every single person,and yet we're all human, so the
spectrum of that is only so many.
(38:32):
And getting to, you know, atthis point, serve thousands of
clients, and getting to see whatthat looks like in front of me,
both in a clinical perspectiveand a relational perspective, is
what has weighed into why Ithought it was so important to
especially talk and highlightthis as its own series, and
(38:58):
there's a saying that if we knowbetter, we can do better.
I think, when it comes to makinga human being, we don't have
the thought of making a humanbeing with the intention of like
being, like pardon my Frenchbut like half-assed, and with
the intention of just screwingit up.
(39:19):
We're like, oh my gosh, oh mygosh, I've created another human
being.
So already, like ouraspirations in the version that
shows up is always the bestversion of ourself, whether or
not we know it or not.
Right, but when we literallyalso know better, then we can do
(39:42):
better, even if our best thatwe had done could be better, and
that's only hindsight.
So if we can talk about it andanticipate it and all of those
things, then it really justgives more resources and tools
and increases the probability ofus being able to actually more
(40:04):
reliably strive and reach ourgoal, which is a healthy, happy
being who is a good addition tosociety and humanity in general.
I think that's what we allstrive for in one way or another
.
When we have a human being,it's like I just want them to,
(40:24):
we want the best for them, wewant them to feel well.
Like it hurts our hearts andsometimes our physical being
when our babies are sick or whenthey have a runny nose or this
or that like that doesn't everchange, no matter how old they
are, and so I just know thatthat is kind of the North star
of every mother.
(40:45):
I just know that that is kindof the North Star of every
mother.
So then if we can then learnmore information that helps us
align with that, so we couldactually reach that goal, then
we would.
Now it's like we should bespeaking more with each other
and discussing our pitfalls andsharing best practices so that
we can increase like theprobability that we can continue
(41:09):
to hit that margin for ourchildren, which is the highest
quality of life possible.
Speaker 1 (41:16):
Is there anything else you'd like to go over for
Anticipating Motherhood?
Speaker 2 (41:21):
No, that was great.
Yeah, no, that was.
That was really good.
I think the energy of it wasgood.
It was fun.
It's cool to.
It'll be cool to hear the soundbites we talked about some
heavy things too.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
So there's weight to the conversation, which is
really good, because I thinktopics that we need to talk
about.
Speaker 2 (42:08):
Well, frankly, to not talk about it is to do no
different than I guess you cansay colonizers, right, by being
like that's not important.
We could just leave that out ofthe picture, you know, and just
like know that it's a part ofthe human experience and just
allow it to have the space inplace for it to just be the
whatever it is is the wholepoint is what I've come to
realize.
Like I got it.
Our judgment of it is whatcreates the issue, the wound,
the then legislation, the thisor that.
Like just let it be human, andwe all know humans need XYZ to
(42:33):
thrive.
Like that's it, that's it.
Speaker 1 (42:36):
Yeah, that's so good.
Hey there, amazing listeners.
If you love what we do and wantto see our podcast grow, we
need your help.
By making a donation, you'll besupporting us and bringing you
(42:58):
even more great content.
I truly believe creating thisspace for women all across the
globe to share their story willallow us to collectively heal,
grow and become more empoweredin the space that we deserve to
be.
Motherhood, womanhood andhowever that looks and feels for
each and every one of us, everycontribution, big or small,
(43:22):
will make a huge difference.
If you can head over to supportus today, there's a link in the
bio to support the podcast.
From the bottom of my heart,thank you for being a part of
this journey.
Thank you for listening.
(43:43):
Be sure to check out our socialmedia.
All links are provided in theepisode description.
We're excited to have you here.
Please give us a follow.
If you or someone you knowwould like to be a guest on the
show, reach out to us via emailat info at maternalwealthcom.
And remember stay healthy,embrace your power and you got
(44:06):
this, thank you.
Welcome to the Maternal Wealth Podcast, a space
for all things related tomaternal health, pregnancy and
beyond.
I'm your host, stephanie Terrio.
I'm a labor and delivery nurseand a mother to three beautiful
boys.
Each week, we dive intoinspiring stories and expert
insights to remind us of thepower that you hold in
childbirth and motherhood.
We're here to explore the joys,the challenges and the
(00:36):
complexities of maternal health.
Every mother's journey isunique and every story deserves
to be told.
Please note that this podcastis for entertainment purposes
only.
It is not intended to replaceprofessional medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment.
Always consult with yourhealthcare provider for medical
guidance that is tailored toyour specific needs.
(00:57):
Are you ready?
Let's get into it.
Welcome back to the MaternalWealth Podcast.
This episode is series two ofthe four-part series with
(01:18):
midwife Audrey.
To recap, she wrote Can youfeel the shift?
Women, mothers and birthingpeople are eager for change and
ready to take their power backand walk in their sovereignty.
Join us for this four-partseries of powerful and
enlightening conversation thatwill arm you with the knowledge
(01:38):
of your options about consciousprocreation, birth empowerment,
family wellness all of this andmore with conversations with
midwife Audrey.
Series two anticipation Todaywe'll have conversations about
trying to conceive, preparationand space to create a baby,
including rainbow babies, andconceiving after a loss.
(02:01):
I hope you enjoy theconversation as much as I did.
What are we anticipatingMotherhood?
It's something that we don'ttalk about much among our
(02:22):
community.
What does motherhood look like?
How are we preparing formotherhood beyond the
materialistic things?
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Thank, you for having me back.
I'm really excited to get intothis awesome conversation.
How can we?
Speaker 1 (02:35):
start preparing for what motherhood will look like,
even before we're pregnant.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
One.
It kind of happens passivelywhen we're a kid, you know from
the models that we see around uswhether or not our parents had
other babies and we weresiblings, so we got to see what
that modeling looked like.
I remember for myself seeingpregnant bellies and seeing
someone hold and nurse a baby.
(03:01):
I would then mimic and kind ofplay around with that and I
think that, without realizing,weighed into how I viewed what
motherhood would likely be likefor me, because it was what I
saw.
Now, after being a mother andseeing all the different types
of mothering that there is tothat each and every one of us
(03:24):
embody, I've come to see so manydifferent examples and so many
different types of mothering.
That then has expanded myperspective on motherhood and
what that could look like and belike for myself.
So I think for many of us itstarts passively just through
(03:46):
seeing what is represented inour communities.
And if there's a lack ofmotherhood represented in our
communities, I think then itkind of leaves a more emptier
template for what that could be.
And then should we then thinkabout consciously creating a
human being?
Then that's where I think theintentional thought of what
(04:10):
motherhood can look like.
That's when we start drawing onour past exposures and what we
grew up seeing and also startdoing some research, hopefully,
about what are some bestpractices and what are some
things that you know, justlearning up more about it so
that we don't tend to repeat theissues of the past.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
In your practice with your patients prenatally?
Do you have these conversationsduring your visits, talking
about motherhood, whatmotherhood looks like for them,
what they're expecting frommotherhood?
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Briefly, sometimes in the clinical space it tends to
be more so about pregnancyeducation, but yes, especially
at some point in the thirdtrimester, having a discussion
of the realities of what alittle being needs and thereby
what you will undoubtedly bedoing.
(05:05):
But within that, how do you wantto be doing that?
What are the things that willhelp you do that the best?
Sometimes we can get sohyper-focused, you know,
especially when we're going infor our appointments with our
provider, and we're so focusedabout the pregnancy and growing
of the baby, and growing of thebaby versus like, oh my goodness
, once this being is out, I willbe being with this being, you
(05:30):
know, so that we don't tend togive a lot of thought about.
And so I do like to centerpeople's thought process in
terms of okay, imagine thosedays with them.
These are the type of supportsyou're going to need because,
realistically, this is the timeand the way bonding will likely
(05:53):
look like for you, and so Ithink that then starts to give
them the opportunity to thinkabout like, oh wow, oh yeah,
that makes sense, I didn't thinkabout that and start preparing.
You know otherwise.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Talking about motherhood, speaking from
personal experience.
When I gave birth to my firstson I believe this is a common
experience I expected, when hecame out, that I would feel like
a mother, just like that, andthat didn't happen.
Do you think that that's acommon experience?
Didn't happen.
Do you think that that's acommon experience?
And what advice would you havefor women who don't feel that
(06:28):
immediate bond or feel thatimmediate motherhood?
Quote unquote.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
when the baby is born , yeah, that is a really, really
great question.
Motherhood is so, so highlysubjective, but yet entirely and
utterly universal.
Every single human being thatexists either has been a mother
or came from a mother.
(06:53):
Each and every human beingcomes from one right or comes
from the womb.
So that connection, and whenthat bond and connection happens
, is highly dynamic for eachpair and for different reasons,
and I know for my own experience.
I can totally relate andresonate with what you're saying
(07:14):
too, in terms of like okay, sonow what?
They're beautiful, I love them,you know.
But it was a lot of otherfeelings that was dominating the
space.
So I think that, judging it interms of right or wrong,
becoming a mother should feellike this and the bond should be
X, y, z.
(07:34):
That's where we sometimes putthe pressure on ourselves and
that's where then theconversation starts with
thinking something is wrong orfeeling bad because now we've
put an expectation on it.
Motherhood is like thisincredible beginning, this great
unfolding of just so manythings where that's expected,
(07:55):
like okay, it's a human beingthat's going to eat, it's going
to poo, it's going to variousother things, but also so many
unexpected things, usually fromour side of perspective, because
, again, we had an idea orexpectation or in some way you
know, just didn't know that wewould develop or experience what
(08:17):
we experienced on the journeyof motherhood and in that is
kind of like the development ora blossoming of a rose bush
which is both the bush and therose itself.
And so when we're pregnant it'skind of that same notion where
it's one being in the one body,but once they're born now it's
(08:37):
two beings still occupying thesame kind of like energetic
field in space, same kind oflike energetic field in space.
And so the heart and the brainsensation of my baby, that
connectedness is anywhere in thespectrum from this child
(08:57):
doesn't even exist yet.
They're just a being, an energyin your thoughts that you then
bring into fruition all the wayto it's been a few months and
they look at you and smile acertain way or have some kind of
reaction, and then all of asudden you have this like
universe shifting connection.
You're like, oh my gosh, almostlike a delayed response kind of
(09:18):
thing.
So long as we understand thatthere are certain things that
can disrupt connection andbonding, or things that you know
, environments that you knowmake it either impossible or
very difficult, if we are inessence prepared for those and
there's proper support, eitherwith like postpartum doulas,
(09:42):
family members, and whatever thecase is, then the bonding will
happen on its own time, wheneverthat time is the same as the
baby latching for the first time, same as, eventually, when we
say our first word or take ourfirst walk.
These are things that happen ona spectrum or continuum on its
(10:03):
own timing and we know for afact that there are certain
things that disrupt that bondingand so if we mitigate that,
then the bonding, however ithappens, whenever it happens.
So long as we encourage andfacilitate it, it will happen.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
And it's a universe changing, shifting moment when
you just connect with this beingon such a conscious, visceral
way.
What does motherhood look likefor mothers who don't have their
children, mothers who losttheir children either by
termination, whether it'selectively or spontaneous.
Mothers who don't have theirchildren due to a fetal demise
(10:57):
or stillborn.
Mothers who've lost theirchildren once they have been
alive and their children havepassed on?
It's a heavy topic and one thatwe don't talk about much.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Very, very good question.
It is so, so dynamicallydifferent and each and every one
deserves space to beexperienced.
In every single scenario youmentioned it's still one that
changes you mind, body andspirit, and so how that
(11:28):
transformation looks like, thereare certain things that we can
kind of like, expect on aspectrum kind of like oh okay,
joy, happiness, grief, you know,anxiety, like you know, these
are all emotions that everysingle human being has
(11:49):
experienced, and when you have achild it's like a built-in
empathy or compassion to vaguelyunderstand.
But the true knowing of thatexperience can only be known by
the person who's experiencing it, which is literally
life-changing.
It changes With every baby thatwe carry.
(12:11):
A part of their genetics willforever be within our bodies and
so we literally carry all ourchildren with us, whether they
be still alive or have passed inutero or have passed outside of
the womb.
Like, however that happens,that connection is forevermore.
(12:32):
Motherhood, I truly believe, isa path, and on that path and
continuum there are justdifferent twists, turns and
experiences on that, and soreally I can't speak to the
experience of like what thatlooks like in women in general,
but I can imagine and empathizewith some of the experiences.
(12:56):
But I think what is soincredible about women and
motherhood in general is that wehave mitochondrial DNA which is
only specifically it's like theDNA marker of our mothers and
our grandmothers and ourgrandmothers and mothers and so
on and so forth, all the way tothe beginning of human time.
(13:18):
We're starting to understand alittle bit more and more that
even in our DNA, which is, inessence, information our
experiences, in our emotions andthe type of experiences we live
in our lifetime, if they areimpactful enough, they will be
recorded.
That's something where we allknow, without maybe consciously
(13:41):
knowing, but when we can bethere for each other through
every experience of motherhood,it then reinforces the being
able to cope with all thedifferent ways motherhood looks,
whether it be joy all the waydown to grief and sadness
experience, the multidimensionalof all kinds of experiences
(14:03):
that there is to have on this.
But motherhood looks differenton each person and I think
that's a beautiful thing,because we're all different
people, and what's even morebeautiful is that we're all
human.
The spectrum of humaning andmotherhood is only so big too,
but yet infinitely diverse.
(14:24):
So, yeah, I think we're open towhat motherhood can look like
and feel like for us, especiallyif we are consciously,
intentionally trying to build aparticular experience, then
that's amazing.
That's amazing.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
And humanity is only going to be better for it.
Even though our children aren'tphysically present with us, our
children never truly leave us,and I think that's an experience
that we can't explain, but, asit's said, it's an experience
(15:18):
that's understood.
Would you agree with that?
Agree with that?
We pause this episode for aquick message from our sponsor.
At Maternal Wealth, we aim toensure that you have access to
(15:39):
the best and the mostappropriate care.
That's why we created amaternal healthcare provider
database.
Maternal health providers caneasily create profiles to
promote their services andbusiness, helping to increase
access for those seeking theircare.
This is a one-of-a-kinddatabase that offers a new and
exciting way for women to searchfor and find maternal health
providers near them and tailoredto their specific needs.
(16:01):
Profiles feature badges thathighlight various services, such
as TODAC friendly practices,all-female practices, lgbtqai
plus inclusivity, languageoptions, access to vaginal
breach services and more.
Additionally, be sure to checkout our Not your Average Birth
(16:23):
course.
In this course, I discuss thevariations that exist in
hospital practices based onpolicies, staffing and budgets,
all of which can directly affectyour birth experience and
outcome.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Yeah, sometimes it's a knowing and you don't need to
have the words to know it, andyou don't necessarily need to
have lived that experience toalso have it felt and resonate
internally, because it is a partof us, in the thread of the
(17:07):
very fabric of what we are, inour DNA, literally.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Yeah, Speaking of people who don't leave us.
You mentioned earlier a littlebit about the influence of
generational motherhood, ourancestors, our grandmothers.
So much in society have theemphasis on the nuclear family,
the mother, the father, thechildren, the parents.
(17:34):
I wish we had more emphasis onkeeping the greater family
together the grandparents, thegrandmothers, the importance to
establish that relationship andto integrate those relationships
with the new coming childrenand having that dynamic back in
the homes.
(17:54):
I think if we honor that andrecognize the importance of that
in society, set up systems tosupport having the grandparents
housed, I think the transitionand how motherhood looks for
women today would be muchdifferent for women today would
(18:16):
be much different, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
You know right now the attitudes towards motherhood
in the upcoming generation andwe touched on this in the last
episode largely looked atnegatively, like oh geez, that's
so much work, I'm going to losea loss of myself.
I'm going to lose ability to dowhat I want when I want an
element of autonomy.
There's just going to be allthese extra added pressures.
(18:46):
It seems like such a headache.
Why would I want to change mylet's say, the freedom and the
excitement and the self-reliance, why would I change that?
To then like for ball and chainis almost what the attitude is
(19:06):
like for the youngerup-and-coming generation who are
not yet childbearing, andthat's largely because their
representation of motherhood andmothering in their world is one
in which women are overworkedand the maternal load on them is
(19:27):
ridiculous and we lack supportstructures and systems and all
these other things.
So it totally makes sense andit's understandable.
Yet this is a creation that wehave created because of the
cultural norms we have adopted.
(19:49):
So it's almost like, well, ifwe just kind of change your
ideologies a bit and our socialways of how we integrate, or
lack of integration of mothersin just everyday life and having
support systems for that, thenit would look totally different.
And one of the major corecomponents of that is the
(20:09):
intergenerational family.
You're absolutely right, likenormalizing homes that have
grandparents and taking it astep further, great grandparents
, that's one where that model,which is not you see, well, this
is actually more in alignmentfor longevity of life for many
(20:41):
people into your old age.
This helps spread the effortand how much work it takes to
live the same standard andquality of life for each person,
so then thereby they haveactually a little bit more
resources and time and otherthings to enjoy life in other
ways.
When we actually look at it,we're like that has a better
(21:02):
receipt than the nuclear familything, than we're doing over
here in America, which is thenormalized perspective.
But really, when we look athumanity over the last 100 years
and then last 200 years, we cansee how things have changed and
kind of have evolved to what itis now and we can see what we
(21:25):
have to show for it.
And so the nuclear family wasreally something that became big
during the time of, like, theindustrial revolution and then,
you know, starting to like workin factories and now we're
building homes and now in orderto continue to have homes to
sell.
It's this whole idea of keepingup with the Joneses and where
(21:48):
we started to go from like acommunity and relying on each
other and having interdependenceand villages, to now
self-reliance or ruggedindividualism, kind of this
whole pick yourself up by yourown bootstraps, which is like
what this exponential growthdidn't happen because one person
(22:10):
decided to go to school, get agood job and then make X, y, xyz
money and then boom, they'reliving this way.
If we can actually realize towhat degree each and every human
being has been colonized inthis perspective, then we can
start to look at thingsrationally and see, well,
(22:33):
actually it's not helping usthrive in all these other ways,
which is having a largelynegative impact in just how
we're living.
And if we realize that our NorthPole is each and every one of
us being able to live a highquality of life, where we have
(22:54):
all the things we need and wehave the ability to reach our
highest potential, naturallythat's not the direction we'd be
going in, because we would justbe doing the things that worked
better, which then starts to bebuilding back that community
which first starts with havingthe structure and support of
(23:14):
grandparents and in some homes,aunties and uncles and great
grandparents and whatever socialgroup, or maybe even in your
neighborhood, and then hopefullyexpanded out even further city
and then expanded out evenfurther state and then the whole
world.
That's a beautiful model.
That's a model where we wouldsee wellness across the planet
(23:40):
that we can't even imagine whatthat kind of world would look
like, because it would just beso much better than this If we
can be able to get back to thatcore structure that you
mentioned.
That is the start.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
Speaking of motherhood and birth, I find
that so many times societiesfocus on differences, the
difference of how people look,how people live, how people
speak.
And if we bring it back tomotherhood and birth and how
(24:25):
women we are so connected andit's the one commonality that we
have that we can connect toeach other and have common
understanding is in giving birth.
It's a universal event that wecan just look at each other and
be able to communicate andunderstand one another.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
Yeah, 90% of communication, they say, is
nonverbal, right, and sosometimes I think we have
forgotten that we're more thanlike the roles that we're doing
and running around and so on andso forth.
And so when we can be presentwithin our bodies, and present
consciously, that's when youit's almost like telepathy you
(25:14):
can look, you can look atanother woman.
Here's an example You're at thepark and this child falls and
you literally hear and feel itand the mother runs up to go
grab her baby.
I bet you, all the othermothers around there probably
would have a similar level andstress, cortisol levels, if we
(25:35):
were to draw everyone's bloodright then and there.
Because we all have a sharedexperience where, like it's a
knowing, like I know, feel thatin my gut, even though it's not
my kid, you know, quite oftenwhen we speak about it and share
it with each other, it's likeyou too, you know many of us,
(25:55):
like it's not something youchoose, it's just something that
is because you're part of thisthread of motherhood, like your
nipples tingling or lactating,all because you hurt a newborn
and it's not even your newborn.
That's the incredible invisiblethread that I think weaves
humanity together and is part ofthat protective mesh, and so
(26:19):
that's just really cool thathumans are set up this way.
That's part of oursocialization.
I think in a lot of ways we'veforgotten or it doesn't really
have a space and place of valuein our culture just yet, but
that's definitely part of how wecommunicate without even having
to communicate.
It's just that knowing.
(26:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
In today's society, so much of the preparation of a
newborn is put intomaterialistic things the baby
shower, the materials that weneed, the physical space that we
need.
Yes, those things are important, but how and why should we
start changing our focus increating, as opposed to the
(27:02):
physical space, creating more ofa emotional, spiritual space
for this newborn coming into ourlives?
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Yeah, that is going to look wildly different for
each person, but it's definitelygoing to consist of the same
component parts, which isdedicated time, you know, and
how that dedicated time is spent.
For one person, it can bejournaling.
(27:36):
For one person it can bepraying or meditating.
For someone else, it can begoing out to their favorite spot
and just touching their womband breathing deep and
connecting that way.
Each and every one of us have adifferent way that we have the
ability to make the space,different way that we have the
(27:58):
ability to make the space, butit's going to take the same
building blocks for each of us,which is the intention and the
dedicated time to put our wholebeing, our mind, body and spirit
, to that intention of exploringthat question and exploring
what it feels like within us.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
One of the topics we have is exploring the experience
of motherhood without a partner.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
So women who are going into motherhood either by
choice or not by choice, withouta partner- If there is or isn't
a partner, is having a village,is having a village, and
usually the inner circle of thatvillage is your parents, the
(28:42):
grandparents and so on and soforth.
And then it's your people you'vemade connections with across
your family lines and that'swhere really we could still see
that the bond of these twobeings and that their capacity
for growing in a healthy way canstill be possible.
Partners are in fact in many,many ways absolutely necessary,
(29:07):
but they're especially necessaryin the connected human
emotional ways.
But when it comes down to isthis mother going to be able to
survive, is this baby going tobe able to survive, we have a
huge odds and huge chances ofincreased survival and thriving
(29:29):
for each mother and baby if theyhad a village.
So I think that really speaksto the need of reinforcing our I
guess you can say our nuclearfamily so that if something
should happen to the partner orlet's say, there are people who
(29:49):
are unpartnered, we still have ahealthy, thriving humanity that
can grow.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
Talking about conception, pregnancy after a
loss, with your patients withinyour community.
How can we help support womenwho are pregnant with a child
after a loss?
How does motherhood look forwomen who are pregnant after a
loss?
Speaker 2 (30:29):
That path within.
It is kind of like a Holt'sitywithin it, where there tends to
be addition and subtraction thatyou're holding within your
experience On the one hand, theheights of joy and on the other
hand, the dips of despair, andsometimes it's hard to even
(30:52):
allow oneself to feel either.
And so sometimes we'll see somemoms just kind of like stay in
the middle those of us on theoutside surrounding her.
Truly, the only way to know isto ask what it is that they need
from us, because it looksdifferent on each person, and
(31:14):
what they need, and from who andhow, is also different.
So one of the greatest giftssometimes we can do is being
available, but being availableto help the way they need us to
help.
Now, that's on top of the basicunderstanding that they're going
to need food.
(31:35):
They're going to need food,they're going to need financial
support, they're going to needtime and space, and so if in any
arena, you're able tofacilitate that, a conversation
doesn't have to be had just tomake sure that that thing
happens, but anything past thatcan really be then the targeted
(31:58):
tool that person going throughthat experience could utilize to
help them transform andcontinue to integrate the
experience.
I don't think we ever are justlike ah over it.
It's a process.
Just like I said earlier,motherhood is a path.
It's just an ongoing processthroughout our whole entire
(32:21):
lifetimes that takes varioustwists and turns and looks
different for each and every oneof us.
But, especially after a loss ofa child, there are certain
things that we can know withoutknowing, from an empathetic
standpoint, and can providesupport and compassion, which
looks a little different butalso looks the same.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
Speaking from a midwifery model of care, do you
find or do you believe thatwomen will receive a different
kind of prenatal care with amidwife as opposed to an OB
coming from?
Speaker 2 (32:57):
this loss.
So there's the clinical sideand then there's the relational
side.
Whenever someone has gonethrough a fetal loss, there is
the medical aspect ofdetermining the cause and then
being able to mitigate that comethe next pregnancy.
(33:21):
And so that's where midwiferylooks at risk factors, looking
at do you have a previoushistory of having had a
miscarriage or stillbirth?
Okay, what was the cause ofthat?
Your hormones were low?
Okay, great, so maybe goinginto the next pregnancy, that's
(33:43):
something we're going toadditionally look after from the
beginning and maybe go a littlebit further than the standard
of care of just basic lab workon your initial appointment.
Now let's monitor and make surethat the processes that maybe
had not happened efficiently orcorrectly the first time around,
let's make sure that they arehappening as they should.
(34:03):
Recommendations or overseemaybe a complication or a
potential risk of a complication, because we've had that
complication in the lastpregnancy.
So from a clinical standpoint,that's what that looks like with
(34:27):
a midwife, and the end goal isto get to a healthy, developed
baby with a low-risk pregnancythat was healthy and well,
barring the need for anyadditional outside help or
anything like that.
And if that is needed, thenthat's where collaborations with
(34:50):
hospitals and maternity care.
Specialized maternity careproviders.
Like maternal fetal medicine, iskey and can address all of that
clinically.
Now on a relational component,I know that when I'm seeing a
client who has experienced aloss of a child or a fetal loss
(35:15):
in pregnancy, those appointmentshave a different kind of level
of care and empathy, that onethat is conscious to be aware of
their healing wounds and beingable to have a holistic approach
that still helps them heal andintegrate that while growing
(35:37):
another human being and creatingthe space for those emotions
and for those anxieties andworries and all of that.
So it is such a dynamic and yetdualistic experience to be
carrying a rainbow child.
I have learned so much as amother and a midwife, especially
(35:58):
serving clients who have beenin this experience, and I've
also learned so much too interms of the being in the moment
and loving and accepting eachand every little joy that
happens, because it can be sofleeting.
Especially they would be awareof how quickly things can change
(36:20):
, and so to learn certainlessons through their experience
is also beautiful and tragic atthe same time.
Speaker 1 (36:30):
We're talking about anticipating motherhood, so it's
not just from null of theprimate so someone who's never
had a baby to having a baby.
We can also take time toanticipate a new motherhood,
from going from one child, fromtwo children to three children.
I think it's important to takethat time to recognize the loss
(36:54):
of having just one child to yoursecond, because it's a
transition.
Every time you're pregnant,every time you deliver, it's a
transition into a new you.
When you and I originallystarted chatting and you came up
with having a four part series,why did you want to speak to
(37:15):
anticipating motherhood?
Why is this topic so importantfor you and something that you
think that other women shouldtake a moment and prepare for?
Speaker 2 (37:25):
Well, one.
I felt that, you know, thediscussion of motherhood was
just too too big to do oneepisode justice, and so, you
know, I was like, oh, let's makeplenty of space and room.
And this is, you know, comingfrom my experience as a mother
(37:46):
and a midwife, you know.
So I kind of have the gift ofhindsight, being 2020.
And also, should I have beenable to have done this again,
what is it that I wish that Ihad as a resource?
Or what are the things thatI've seen that, because this was
represented or talked about forthis person, I see how it
(38:11):
impacts them on this part.
Or, oh, the lack of thatdiscussion of representation.
Look at what this looks like,so dynamic and so different for
each and every single person,and yet we're all human, so the
spectrum of that is only so many.
(38:32):
And getting to, you know, atthis point, serve thousands of
clients, and getting to see whatthat looks like in front of me,
both in a clinical perspectiveand a relational perspective, is
what has weighed into why Ithought it was so important to
especially talk and highlightthis as its own series, and
(38:58):
there's a saying that if we knowbetter, we can do better.
I think, when it comes to makinga human being, we don't have
the thought of making a humanbeing with the intention of like
being, like pardon my Frenchbut like half-assed, and with
the intention of just screwingit up.
(39:19):
We're like, oh my gosh, oh mygosh, I've created another human
being.
So already, like ouraspirations in the version that
shows up is always the bestversion of ourself, whether or
not we know it or not.
Right, but when we literallyalso know better, then we can do
(39:42):
better, even if our best thatwe had done could be better, and
that's only hindsight.
So if we can talk about it andanticipate it and all of those
things, then it really justgives more resources and tools
and increases the probability ofus being able to actually more
(40:04):
reliably strive and reach ourgoal, which is a healthy, happy
being who is a good addition tosociety and humanity in general.
I think that's what we allstrive for in one way or another
.
When we have a human being,it's like I just want them to,
(40:24):
we want the best for them, wewant them to feel well.
Like it hurts our hearts andsometimes our physical being
when our babies are sick or whenthey have a runny nose or this
or that like that doesn't everchange, no matter how old they
are, and so I just know thatthat is kind of the North star
of every mother.
(40:45):
I just know that that is kindof the North Star of every
mother.
So then if we can then learnmore information that helps us
align with that, so we couldactually reach that goal, then
we would.
Now it's like we should bespeaking more with each other
and discussing our pitfalls andsharing best practices so that
we can increase like theprobability that we can continue
(41:09):
to hit that margin for ourchildren, which is the highest
quality of life possible.
Speaker 1 (41:16):
Is there anything else you'd like to go over for
Anticipating Motherhood?
Speaker 2 (41:21):
No, that was great.
Yeah, no, that was.
That was really good.
I think the energy of it wasgood.
It was fun.
It's cool to.
It'll be cool to hear the soundbites we talked about some
heavy things too.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
So there's weight to the conversation, which is
really good, because I thinktopics that we need to talk
about.
Speaker 2 (42:08):
Well, frankly, to not talk about it is to do no
different than I guess you cansay colonizers, right, by being
like that's not important.
We could just leave that out ofthe picture, you know, and just
like know that it's a part ofthe human experience and just
allow it to have the space inplace for it to just be the
whatever it is is the wholepoint is what I've come to
realize.
Like I got it.
Our judgment of it is whatcreates the issue, the wound,
the then legislation, the thisor that.
Like just let it be human, andwe all know humans need XYZ to
(42:33):
thrive.
Like that's it, that's it.
Speaker 1 (42:36):
Yeah, that's so good.
Hey there, amazing listeners.
If you love what we do and wantto see our podcast grow, we
need your help.
By making a donation, you'll besupporting us and bringing you
(42:58):
even more great content.
I truly believe creating thisspace for women all across the
globe to share their story willallow us to collectively heal,
grow and become more empoweredin the space that we deserve to
be.
Motherhood, womanhood andhowever that looks and feels for
each and every one of us, everycontribution, big or small,
(43:22):
will make a huge difference.
If you can head over to supportus today, there's a link in the
bio to support the podcast.
From the bottom of my heart,thank you for being a part of
this journey.
Thank you for listening.
(43:43):
Be sure to check out our socialmedia.
All links are provided in theepisode description.
We're excited to have you here.
Please give us a follow.
If you or someone you knowwould like to be a guest on the
show, reach out to us via emailat info at maternalwealthcom.
And remember stay healthy,embrace your power and you got
(44:06):
this, thank you.
Popular Podcasts
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show. Clay Travis and Buck Sexton tackle the biggest stories in news, politics and current events with intelligence and humor. From the border crisis, to the madness of cancel culture and far-left missteps, Clay and Buck guide listeners through the latest headlines and hot topics with fun and entertaining conversations and opinions.