Holy Gabbana: From Chasing Clout to Following God

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
I was in jail when I had an encounter with the Holy
Spirit and I was still a cloutchaser.
I was still on drugs, I wasstill a criminal at heart and I
still had an encounter with God.

Speaker 3 (00:15):
All of us have had moments where we've made that
decision to accept the Lord.
You actually recorded yours oncamera.

Speaker 2 (00:23):
What's been your biggest adjustment since
transitioning or beginning?

Speaker 1 (00:26):
to walk with God.
I try to be more understandingwith how I love people, how I
treat people.

Speaker 2 (00:32):
I don't know if it was soon after or immediately
after you got into arelationship, really public
relationship, with Woviki right.

Speaker 1 (00:38):
Victoria.
She blessed me a little bit,but I believe she was more of a
distraction than anything.
In that moment when I was afresh Christian, I was probably

(01:01):
good for probably like three,four months, but then I got hit
with reality.

Speaker 3 (01:15):
what's up, everybody?
Welcome to another episode ofmavericks on the mic.

Speaker 2 (01:19):
I'm jj I'm norman and we have our guest with us today
, homlin Gabama.

Speaker 3 (01:24):
What's up?
Aka, formerly known, used to beknown as Blue Gang man.

Speaker 1 (01:30):
I'm just so glad you're here I'm, your whole lot
of gang star.

Speaker 2 (01:35):
It's good to have you here today with us, man.
I appreciate it.
Thank you, how was the trip?

Speaker 1 (01:38):
up Quick, fair, it was fair, it was quick.

Speaker 2 (01:43):
I know it's a lot of bad weather down in Florida.
How have y'all made it throughthese past few days, past few
weeks?

Speaker 1 (01:49):
Fortunately, jacksonville ain't really
getting touched up like that.
There's more Tampa, Sarasotaand everybody, but we getting
some rain and some wind but weain't really getting touched up.
I got it.
I got it.

Speaker 3 (02:02):
Yeah Well, man, I'm excited to have you on the
podcast, excited to talk aboutyou.
Why don't you set us up?
Who are you?
Where are you from?
Tell us a little bit of yourstory, I'm still trying to
figure it out.

Speaker 1 (02:12):
I know, I know, honestly, I'm still trying to
figure it out.
When I started to become anadult, I thought I knew who I
was.
But as I get older I'm comingto realize I really don't know
who I am.
And the closer I get to God,you know I'm just discovering
new things about myself.

(02:32):
But I'm just a man seekingpurpose and seeking my identity
in the Lord, and that's honestlywho I am.
So I'm a soul just trying tofind myself in Jesus.

Speaker 2 (02:47):
That's a beautiful thing.
How is that?
I think one of the interestingthings that a lot of people
don't understand is that it's ajourney with God, Not to jump
too quickly or too fast, but thejourney when you are newly

(03:07):
coming into a relationship withGod or you're newly coming into
a relationship with communitiesin the faith.
It can be difficult at timesbecause of the pressure that you
put on yourself as well as thestandards that you want to
uphold and live by and what youbelieve in other people that you
see walking with God, Like itjust happened overnight with

(03:27):
them.
And so I think I wanted to say Ireally admire your consistency
and your consistent message andyour boldness.
Those are the things that justreally stand out to me.
It's like your boldness prior,when you were a boot gang now
coming to Holy Gabon.

(03:48):
It maintained, it remained, andone of the things my pastor
told me when I was getting savedwas that you don't lose who you
are.
It just manifests differentlyin the spirit in Christ Jesus,
and that's the beautiful part ofit.
So I think one of my firstquestions would be what's been

(04:09):
your biggest adjustment?
What's been your biggestadjustment since getting saved
or transitioning or beginning towalk with God.
How I treat people.

Speaker 1 (04:19):
Got it.
How I treat people and just myattitude, my attitude towards
myself, my attitude towardsfamily.
That's my biggest suggestion,brother, respond on that.
For example, say I be Like Iused to have a mentality when If

(04:52):
somebody Sides me up, look atme wrong, then I borrow.
I don't have the same type ofmentality.
So I don't care how you look atme.
You know, I really don't carehow you look at me.
I really don't care how youspeak towards me, in a way, just
as long as you don't put yourhands up for me.
So it's certain stuff like that, or just my patience, how I'm

(05:18):
more patient with people.
I used to really have a hatetowards my family.
So I don't have that same look.
I don't view them the same howI used to Before.
I used to view my peoplethrough the lenses of pain and
hurt and trauma.
So it's like now I look at themwith understanding.

(05:43):
They're human.
Look at them with understanding, they're human, you know.
So I don't know what my mom, mydad, experienced when they was
younger, before they had me.
I don't know what they wentthrough, but whatever they went
through, it caused them to altertheir mind, alter who they are.

(06:05):
And if they don't have Jesus,then of course they're going to
be screwed up.
So it's like now, as I getolder, I have more understanding
when it comes to people.
It's like we all are broken inour own way.
When it comes to people, it'slike we all are broken in our

(06:27):
own way, and you're even morebroken if you don't have God
working on the inside of you.
So before I started forming arelationship with God, I didn't
see that.
So I just looked at a person asyou, a man, and you did this to
me.
So now I'm going to get youback Because you hurt me.

(06:48):
Now I'm going to get you back.
So I don't look at people thatway anymore.
I look at people as a man who'sbeen affected by sin, and it's
not that person's fault thatthey were born into a sinful
situation.
They didn't ask to be born.
None of us have.
We just was born into a sinfulsituation and we're doing the

(07:11):
best we can with what we've beengiven.
And if you don't have Jesus,it's like bro.
You know why are you putting somuch expectations on that
person?
Expectations on that person?
So you know just the way I lookat people, the way I look at
myself, the way I look at theworld.
I just I try to be moreunderstanding with how I love

(07:36):
people how I treat people.

Speaker 3 (07:42):
I'm glad you brought that moment up because I think
all of us have had moments wherewe've made that decision to
accept the Lord.
But you actually recorded yourson camera and I was telling you
earlier I think that moment wasprobably one of the most
touching moments I think I'veever experienced, just watching
you give your life to God, andit felt real.
But it also felt like I couldeven see just a lot of the

(08:06):
heaviness, a lot of pain justkind of going away.
Could you talk us through thatmoment, like what was going on,
like how did that happen?
Like yeah, maybe just talkthrough that moment.

Speaker 1 (08:16):
Well, for me it was a moment.
It was a moment that God gaveme but nah, bro, all my pain
didn't go away, All my hurt.
But nah, bro, All my paindidn't go away, All my hurt nah,
bro, that didn't go away.
I've been walking with God fora little over three and a half
years and I'm still scarred alittle bit.

(08:36):
But that moment for me was arealization of God.
He still got to take me througha process dog, and I'm still
going through that process.
I'm not the nicest person allthe time, but I'm nicer than
what I was before.
I'm not patient all the time,but I'm more patient now than I

(08:58):
was before.
So it's a process.
But, that moment that you seen,was a genuine moment of me
confessing my sins and me saying, hey, from this day forth I'm
going to do everything I can toget right with God, to become a

(09:19):
better version of myself.
That's all.
That was All the pain, all thetrauma, all the anger that
didn't go away.
Then, you know, it's stillbeing released from this temple
every single day, and I meanthat's the truth.

Speaker 3 (09:36):
Yeah, it was a beautiful moment too, because I
felt like, you know, there'sthese verses in the Bible where,
you know, jesus will ask thedisciples who do you say that I
am right?
And they say you know?
We say that you're the Lord,and he would say to them blessed
are you, for flesh and bloodhasn't revealed this to you, but
my Father in heaven.
It just felt like I waswatching a miracle and just

(10:00):
compared to like where you hadbeen that moment and then to see
where you are.

Speaker 1 (10:04):
I just you know when I, and in that moment it's like
we go through seasons.
So in that moment, when I was afresh you know, a fresh
Christian, I was probably.
I was probably good forprobably like three, four months

(10:26):
, you know, thinking stuff sweet.
But then I got hit with realityand it's like your walk with
Christ is not all peaches andcream.
I got hit with reality.
I start questioning God.
I start where you at why am Igoing through this?
What is this for?
I start where you at why am Igoing through this?

(10:46):
What is this for?
But is God showing me what'sreally inside of me, putting me
through the fire, putting methrough trials?
What do James say when you facetrials?
To rejoice.
I believe that, st James.
I believe that.
But I know the Bible when you,when you have trials because at

(11:09):
the end you will be mature andcomplete need of nothing.
So obviously trials and firereveal something inside of you.
So you could see what's insideof you.
And it's like, uh, you knowgod's been taking me through
different seasons.
So for for probably like fourmonths, I was on a clean roll

(11:31):
and I get, you know, thinkingI'm the holiest man on earth.
Then sure, I get a little hornyand I stumble.
Then I'm like hey, I'm not theholiest man on earth.
You know, maybe I should shutmy mouth before I start talking
about sexual sin and and waittill I get this out of me,
because it's still inside of me.
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (11:51):
What you say there.
I want to keep you there for agood reason.
What you say there is reallyinteresting because you feel as
if and this is just yourperspective do you feel people
should wait until they'veovercome absolutely that they
deal with before they speakagainst it, or do you believe?
No, absolutely you do.
Yeah absolutely.

Speaker 1 (12:10):
Why do you believe that?
Because that one.
Because if you speak onsomething before you've overcome
it, then you're going to bespeaking of a place from
hypocrisy, okay, you know Isaying so.
It's like, now it's one thingto say, hey, bro, you know, man,
we shouldn't be in sexual sin.
Now it's another thing to belike man, that person living in

(12:34):
sexual sin, casting judgment,man, saying whatever, but
secretly you doing that.
It's like, bro.
You know, we all have our ownstruggles.
But if you're not being honestwith what you're struggling with
and you're preaching, castingjudgment, then, bro, you're a

(12:54):
hypocrite.
My dude, how I'm going tolisten to you.
When you live in a secret life,you know what I'm saying and
you telling me what not to do,but you really enjoying, you
enjoying it at home.
You know I'm saying so me, uh,I'm real with all my struggles

(13:18):
now.
What I was struggling with whenI first gave my life to Christ,
I'm not struggling with now.
Okay, but at the same time, Ido believe that you know, coming
into the faith, that we shouldprobably keep our mouth closed
before we speak on it.
Well, if we cast judgment, ifit's coming from a place of

(13:42):
judgment, then not.
But I know at any point of yourwalk that God can use you, but I
would just say to, before youspeak on anything, to check
yourself and to make sure thatit's coming from a genuine spot
and not a place of judgment,because you're going to be
judged the same way you'rejudging the person.

Speaker 2 (14:06):
I think the reason I ask is for two reasons.
I think one of the things thatgenerally happens in the faith,
especially when people are newlysaved and they've had, like I
use the term precarious pastnewly saved and they've had like

(14:27):
, uh, I use the term precariouspast is that the world tries to
shame them into being, um, heldup by who they used to be, or
even if those things.
You used a good example, aswhen you were talking, you said
that uh, um, I was more patientthan I was.
I was more patient than I was,I was more, I was nicer than I
used to be, and what I would sayis that sin persists regardless

(14:54):
of where you are in your roadto sanctification.
Right, jesus was the onlyperfect person.
We don't just throw up ourhands, I'm just saying forever.
You know what I mean.
We don't use grace as atrampoline, but we also don't
allow sin to hold us in bondage.
And so, um, as I hear you talk,what, what?

(15:15):
What I feel, what I sense inthe, in the spirit, is that the
I had I just have a differentopinion is that like I want, if
I'm dealing with sexual sin, theperson that I want to talk to
me about it is someone who'sdealt with it and the reason is
because they understand.
You know what I mean and whatyou're talking about is having

(15:38):
compassion, having empathy.
You know being on iron,sharpening iron with somebody
and saying like, hey, I've beenthere.
I know what that's like.
It could be more recently thanyou would ever imagine, but I
wouldn't just because, like myson, right, my son, you know my

(16:00):
son, he might tell a lie.
I'm not going to not tell myson not to lie because I might
still be struggling with lying.
Does that make sense?
It's because it's almost fromthe standpoint of if he in the
road, and just because I'm anadult and I can play in the
street, he can't play in thestreet.

(16:21):
And what I'm really saying isthat, because of where we've
been through, we can see thingsin other people sometimes before
they happen.
It's a lot of times with JJ andI, me and him, apollo the most.
Our struggles with Apollo arethe most different struggles in
the world.
You know what I mean and that'sbecause of how we grew up, the

(16:43):
way we grew up, our parents, allof the things you talked about.
And a lot of the times, you know, when we're having
conversations, I'll say, bro,please don't fall in.
You know, don't let thattemptation, even like the other
side of giving in is somethingyou would never want to
experience, and that's whatyou're really speaking to.

(17:05):
That when we become newChristians, we get so fire hot
that our compassion, our passionfor keeping someone away from
something can come across asjudgment and we got to be
careful to say, hey, man, mypassion for ministering to you
about this is because, bro, I'vebeen, I done, you know, I done
have a fine chick or two and Iyou.

(17:26):
That ain't what you want to godown, because the bondage that
brings to you is somethingthat's really difficult to get
out of yeah, sure, I'd rather belike this I, if I know I'm
struggling, and then say you,you, you stumble.

Speaker 1 (17:40):
Instead of preaching to you, I'm gonna be like, bro,
let's pray, because I'mstruggling with the same thing.
That's what I do.
Instead of trying to preach theword to you, I'm like bro,
let's pray.
We need each other.

Speaker 2 (17:55):
Help me stay out of this too, bro, guess what.
That's good, that's really good.
That's a good spot, because Iknow many people that catch this
.
You know they're going to wantto know you.
I mean, I don't know if it wassoon after or immediately after
you got into a relationship,really public relationship, with
Woviki right, and one of thethings that kind of was

(18:19):
circulating was you know whattook place during your
relationship?
And I would say from myobservation, regardless of what
took place, her life seemed totransform as well.
I don't know her personally,but it did seem that you were
walking her on a similar journeythat you were on.
I've still seen her on variousshows and she speaks very boldly

(18:40):
about her faith even to thisday.
From what I recognize, and Ithink I don't think I know God
used you as an instrument tousher her into her new season as
well.
How do you?
Is there any additionalcommentary you have on kind of

(19:02):
how that relationship with you?
Are there things that you wouldadvise a young man that's
recently saved sure, a young manthat's recently saved against
or towards as they begin to dateand as they go on that journey
with their partner or theirgirlfriend, whatever you know
what I mean.

Speaker 1 (19:22):
I'll probably, honestly, I'll probably say, dog
, just, you know, just wait tillyou're really secure in your
faith, wait till you're groundedbefore you get in a
relationship.
Yeah, you know, because Ibelieve you know, victoria, she
blessed me a little bit, but Ibelieve she was more of a

(19:42):
distraction than anything, okay,so you know, I just, bro, you
know women always going to bearound 100%.
So just chill, dog, you know.
That's all Like.
If I could go back, I probablywould have not gotten into a
relationship.
Go back, I probably would havenot gotten into a relationship.

(20:03):
So if I tell any younger dudeor any newer Christian wanting
to jump into a relationship, I'dbe like, bro, just wait, that's
what I'd say.

Speaker 3 (20:16):
Tell us about this newfound experience you have
with Jesus.
You're kind of coming back intothe world.
What was some of the reactionof your friends, people around
you, and how was it?
Being an instrument that Godwas using, as you were kind of
fresh in your journey, maybestill making mistakes, maybe
still learning Like what wasthat?

(20:37):
What was that process like?

Speaker 1 (20:38):
It was challenging.
It was challenging and just howso many people came up to me
and just be like man boom game,I'll be ready to fight.
You know, it's just me.

(21:00):
How broken I was.
Me how broken I was because inreality, but like to for me to
been receiving my healing, likeI have to go and watch all my
old content that I uploaded whenI was in that mind frame of I'm
Boone Gang.
Now, in reality, I'm not BooneGang.
In reality, I'm John RobertHill Jr.

(21:20):
That's my name.
But I, at 21 years old, I madeit's like I conditioned my brain
to believe that I was BooneGang.
So to get out of that, uh, thatmind frame, to like recondition
my mind so I could tap into whoI actually am.

(21:42):
It's been taking a process andit's still going on, because for
a year or two, I believed thatI was a character that I created
online, but in all actuality,my, my god, that's not who you
are.
But in my brain I believe that.
So when I began to to wake upand because, dog, I remember out

(22:09):
of nowhere, like I'm, like I'mlost, and I deleted everything
off my social media and the guywho was my manager, then he like
bro, why you deleted everything, like something.
Don't feel right.
Like I knew, I used to look inthe mirror.

Speaker 3 (22:28):
This just happened in an instant.

Speaker 1 (22:30):
Yeah, because I knew I didn't feel right, I knew
something was wrong.
And every time I looked in themirror, I stare in the mirror
for so long and I'm like, whoare you?
Like?
I looked in the mirror for solong searching for myself.
So when people come up to meand they say, like you know,

(22:52):
they'll probably come up to metrying to congratulate me.
But if they mentioned Bunk Gang, like it would trigger
something, because I was like, Iwas scarred, I was broken, I
was hurt and I was trying tofind myself.
But I knew Bunk Gang wasn't it.
I didn't want nothing to dowith Bunk Gang, I didn't want to
hear it.
So it was a trigger.

(23:14):
So when people came up to mewanting advice or trying to
congratulate me or just aboutanything, I was ready to fight.
I get upset, I get angry and Ididn't like myself.
But you know, uh, it was achallenge because there was time

(23:34):
.
Uh, there was those moments.
But then at home, you know, Istill pursue God and in pursuing
God, he'll, like I could seemyself how angry I was, how hurt
I was, how broken I was and I,I pray and I cry and I tell God
that I don't want to be thisperson, I want to find myself.

(23:55):
You know, I don't want to beangry, I don't want to treat
people like this and just it'sjust like he has sent people my
way just to trigger me, mm-hmm.
And you know, just over time,bro, it just gotten easier, you
know.
But it was a challenge.
You know it still is achallenge, sometimes Not as much

(24:19):
as it used to be, but thiswhole thing has been a challenge
because god, he's, he's healingme and he's restoring me,
because I believed a lot and youknow I was so captivated in
that lie, you know, only heknows how, how scarred I really
am.
And you know, while I'm on thissubject, it's like, in pursuing

(24:47):
God, there's things that Iwanted, that I wanted him to do
for me.
You know, god, I want this, Ithink this needs to be happening
, I want this, I want this, but,in reality, god, he, like bruh,
you need healing, that's whatyou need.
You need restoration, and Isaid that to, I said that for
everybody who are who's pursuingGod, and they, like you, like

(25:09):
you know they, they think theywant this from god, they want
that from god, they need thisfrom god, but in all actuality,
though, you need some healing,you need restoration, you need
freedom.
You know that's what we, that'swhat we really need, and, uh,
you know.
But just to see how god isworking in my life, even in the
process of healing me andrestoring me, I could see him,

(25:31):
uh like building me up, uh andshoot and and pursuing a, a
career, or and uh, in my gifts,should I say, you know, he's
building me up, uh, alsorevealing my gifts and
everything.
It's just, but yeah, I'vealways been a challenge bro.

Speaker 3 (25:52):
When you went back and looked at some of the old
videos of Boone Gang, do youremember that stuff?
Was it hard to even look at it,to be like who is this guy?

Speaker 1 (26:00):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like a part of my brainwas just black.
I literally counseled out thatpart of me, but when I look at
it I'm like it's like I deleteda version of me that I actually

(26:23):
kind of need.
You know what I'm saying,because that's me.
It's a younger version of me,but it's still.
It's like it's still me.
I need that half's me.
It's a younger version of me,but it's still.
It's like it's still me.
I need that half of me.
So I could, you know, I need toaccept that version of me.
You know I don't need to hatebecause that's me.
I'm hating myself.
So I need you know what I'msaying, like I need to love that

(26:46):
person as I need to love thatperson.
So what I was lost, so what Iwas wilding out, so what I was
committing crimes, so what, Idon't care, I shouldn't care.
That's me, that's me.
I was making mistakes, butthat's still me and I need to
love me at every version Hurt,angry, broken, abusive, whatever

(27:20):
.
Love me at every version hurt,uh, angry, broken, abusive,
whatever.
But once I accept that that'sme, then I could be healed from
that and be a better version.
You know, it's like uh, youthink, uh, uh, you think a
butterfly is upset with himselfbefore he became a butterfly,
before a butterfly is acaterpillar.
You think the butterfly isupset that he was a caterpillar?
Nah, you was a caterpillar atfirst, but now you're a

(27:41):
beautiful butterfly.

Speaker 2 (27:42):
You wouldn't appreciate the beauty of the
butterfly if it wasn't acaterpillar.
That's good.

Speaker 1 (27:46):
So it's like, man, I just got to accept that I was
destructive.
I was, you know, but that's notwho I am today, but that's who
I was, and I just have to acceptthat.

Speaker 2 (28:02):
I think that's some interesting things about your
story that could really helpsome people, because we know,
you know, on these little fancycards here they talk about like
addiction, like dealing withaddiction, and the reason I kind
of want to hit on some of thewhat I may feel like harder
things is because your story oftransformation is one that

(28:27):
resonates with beyond the cookiecutter status quo question.
Right when you get down to thenitty gritty and this podcast
interview comes out, there'sgoing to be people that watch
this, that are sitting there,whether it's marijuana, whether
it's ecstasy, whatever, whetherit's pornography, whatever.

(28:49):
They're dealing and sitting inaddiction.
They don't know the pathwayforward.
They believe they're bound andthey'll never get over it.
What would you give them as asign of that?
So what were some things thatyou used or you're currently
using to remain free fromaddiction?

Speaker 1 (29:12):
First off, before I even get on that, you know the
reality is.
So I'm going through thisprocess of sanctification, of
being clean and to accept who Iwas, and when I found God, the
reality is I was still thatperson, Of course.
So if who I was then Godaccepted, then we should all

(29:38):
accept ourselves in the dirtiestversion of ourselves.
Well, I love that.
That's good.
You get what I'm saying.
It's like my dirt didn't stop.

Speaker 3 (29:49):
God, accepting it didn't disqualify you yeah, it
didn't.
Kind of ties back to what youwere saying about you can look
back and love that person, yeah,but you're just a God-loving
person Exactly so.

Speaker 1 (29:58):
I mean, if a person is stuck in addiction, shoot.
Love yourself because God lovesyou, honestly Shoot.
I was in jail when I had anencounter with the Holy Spirit
and I was still a cloud chaser,I was still on drugs, I was
still a criminal at heart and Istill had an encounter with God.

(30:22):
So it might be a struggle but Ibelieve if you start just uh,
with accepting who you are andthen making an intentional
decision of not being thatperson anymore, then they get
better.
So for me to answer thequestion is just being

(30:43):
intentional with not dealingwith that stuff, being
intentional with not surroundingmyself with people who could
invite that in my atmosphere,invite that in my life, and
being intentional with notinviting certain temptations in
my life.
So no, that's really good.
That's I mean in this world.

(31:04):
You got to be intentional.

Speaker 2 (31:06):
So do you have like accountability partners?
Do you have?

Speaker 1 (31:10):
like accountability partners?
Do you have, uh, I mean to, tobe honest, bro, like I got
friends who I could call but I'mintentional with with just not
inviting certain things becauseI'm like this calls too much
pain, this calls uh you knowjust too much in my life that I

(31:34):
don't want to deal with.
Uh, you know, even with it comewith sexual sin shoot.
I stumbled a few times but Igot to a point where I'm like,
bro, if I fall, it's like mymind it's not the same, because
I don't look at sex the sameanymore.
So I, I, you know, I'm just notgonna deal with that.

Speaker 2 (31:54):
Expound on that that's a good one.
Expound on that, like I mean,however you want to like, how do
you see it like?
Yeah, how do you see itdifferently from how you saw it
before?
Bro?

Speaker 1 (32:06):
like, uh, before I could sleep with anybody, like,
shoot.
Like that's how I used to live.
I used to sleep withprostitutes, shoot.
I used to use my Instagram topull a woman.
When I first got famous dog, Iused to just go into a city.
I'd be like hey, I'm in Cali,hey, I'm in Vegas, hey, I'm in

(32:29):
Texas.
Anybody want to pull up up?
Like talking to all the women.
Be like, uh, girls, pull up,get a hotel.
Got about 10, 10 women at thehotel.
Shoot.
I'm hitting as many as I can onall type of drug.
Wake up, do the same thing.
But it's like, nah, uh, it'slike now, even if I don't have

(32:52):
respect for myself, my love forgod makes me respect myself.
You get what I'm saying.
It's like I respect god so much.
It's like, okay, I ain't gonnado that.
Then, when I stumble, I'm likedang.
I don't feel the same becausemy respect for God says that
this is wrong.

(33:12):
You get what I'm saying, so,even.
But then I'll be like this,this, how, this, how I used to
think I'd be like dang.
But man, sex is so good, itfeels so good, like God you're
talking about wait to marriage,man?
what are you talking about?
But then I'm like you know whatI respect God.
I respect God, I love God.
So if God say wait, then I'mgoing to wait.

(33:33):
A time period go by, I feel thetemptation.
I'm like man, god, I don't know, man Stumble.
Then I feel some type of wayI'm like dang man.
You know what.
I really need to stop this.
But over time it's like.
Over time, the pleasure that Iused to have from fornicating,

(34:01):
it's like it began to cease.
It's like God began to strip itaway from me, took the taste
away from me.
Yeah you know what I'm saying.
And so now at this, now today,john, I'm like bro.
When I used to look at women, Iused to look at the booty, I
you know, I used to look at thewaist, I used to look at the
face, but it's like I'm likedamn man, she's so fine.

(34:24):
But it's like now, when I lookat a woman, it's like now I look
at it as God's creation.
So first, that's good, when Ifirst looked at a woman, I'm
already imagining the sex.
But now when I look at a woman,it's like when I see God's door
.
So you know what I'm saying.
But that the process that I justexplained, like it went from

(34:49):
being able to to sleep aroundwith whoever to stumbling in my
walk, getting convicted for it,and then, over time, so it's
like it began to do somethingwith my mind and it's like, it's
like it don't feel the same.
And even after, it's like mymind is just going to bubble,

(35:13):
even in knowing that I receivedGod's forgiveness, that even
while knowing that before Godgave me an encounter, he seen I
was going to stumble, so healready noticed.
So he ain't tripping.
If I just confess my sins, it'sdone, I'm forgiven, cool.
But even after knowing thatit's like my mind is all messed
up so I'm like you know what.
I'm just done with itcompletely.

Speaker 2 (35:36):
Basically, this is good man Like a lot of the time.
This is why I want to do thisand I used to always tell JJ
it's that there's not enoughfresh perspective on the actual
journey of learning, loving,walking with God.

(35:57):
There's so much fear aroundtalking openly and transparently
about what you just did,although we have churches and
ministries full of peoplewalking through that exact same
journey.
Oh man, I was.
I gotta get up and go serve inkids ministry and I'm getting

(36:19):
out of the bed with some dude.
I ain't supposed, but becauseof the lack of transparency and
authenticity and freedom, it'slike what you talked about
earlier, that instead of whenwe're preaching and we're having
conversation about yo um, I'mnoticing something in you that I
seen in myself and I want topray with you about sexual sin.

(36:40):
Instead of that, it's more girl.
You need to, and you need tostop going over that boy house,
and you know if you keep doingthat, you ain't.
Stop going over that boy houseand you know if you keep doing
that, you ain't.
It's like it's coming from andit's not.
I went, I cautioned to use theword judgment because it's such
a.
It has such connotation in thechurch, right, but what happens

(37:01):
is, instead of the aunties orthe uncles or the or the elders
of the church, speaking from aplace of experience, what
they've overcome, what they'vebeen through and what they could
still be going through, justbecause you're 60, 70, whatever
the case may be, a commonstatistic that's not well known
is that the highest rates ofSTDs are in nursing homes and

(37:27):
those type of facilities.
Is that true?
Yes, like per capita, they havesome of the highest rates of
STDs, and that's because at thatage, you begin to believe like
you believed when you were young.
Well, it doesn't matter, I donelived my whole life.
There's nothing else serving.
When you're young, you think Igot my whole life to live.

(37:47):
It's the same paradigm, just onthe other side, and so I mention
that to say we have to be veryhonest, authentic, integral and
truthful about the fact that,man, when you get saved, some
people I won't say God can't doit, like the one with issue of
blood.
Some people have an account andwhat they've been going through

(38:08):
just fall off of instantly andI can say what I got saved,
certain things did, like the onewith issue of blood.
Some people have an account andwhat they've been going through
just fall off of instantly andI can say what I got to say.
Certain things did.
I went from like I went fromcussing every day to I didn't
curse, basically for the nextdecade.
It just happened in an instant.
And then I got around somejokers you know what I'm saying
that kind of messed my languageup for a minute.

(38:28):
But, in and of itself, like somethings, like when you had your
account, there was some thingsabout you.
I'm sure you just neverstruggled with them again.
Like they just they literallyfall like the wind and there's
some thorns that take a lot morepruning where you just got to
trust his grace.
But I love what you said whenyou said that even though I know

(38:48):
, if I repent, I know he'salready died for it, you still
have that conviction becausethat's one of they seem to have
um, uh, we.
We don't have the same uhfundamental.

(39:16):
Like you got to pray five timesa day.
You gotta, you know, you gotta,you gotta, you gotta wear this,
or it's not as restrictive aswhat, as what many would say and
what I often I mean.
I used to have this debate incollege all the time.
I'm well past those years andwhat I would say to people and I
say this lovingly is that whenthe devil already got you, he

(39:37):
has no reason to come after youfurther.
The Christians are.
Christians are under an attackbecause he doesn't want to see
us give our life to God, becausehe doesn't want to see us give
our life to God.
If you find yourself okay insin and you find yourself just
chilling in sin, if you findyourself just good going about

(39:58):
life with no forks in the road,you might not be on that
straight and narrow path,because that straight and narrow
path is full of trials, it'sfull of tribulations, it's full
of opportunities to show thatyou get, you're going deeper
with them, you're getting betterwith them, your, your
relationship is going with them,and that you require him daily,

(40:20):
no matter how.

Speaker 3 (40:22):
We require him every day to maintain what we are, no
matter what it is and I lovewhat you said because, because,
because, transformation isn'tjust behavior modification,
right, it's, it's the renewingof your mind.
Well, it says we're transformedby the renewing of your mind,
and I love that.
You said like, on the otherside of this, like some things

(40:43):
would happen, but I saw itcompletely differently.
It was like it's like I can'teven I'm like that person that
was doing that stuff.
It's like I see it from God'sperspective.
That is the sign to me oftransformation, of God literally
helping you renew your mind.
So that you see it the way hesees it.

Speaker 1 (41:03):
I used to pray for that.
God show me, I want to look atpeople how you see people.
I want to see myself how yousee me.
Joe, this man said that hewould never look at a woman, uh,
lustfully, or the rightscripture, hey, I'm paraphrasing
.
But Joe said that he wouldnever look at a woman lustfully,

(41:27):
something like that.
Um, but I'm like, dang, uh,that he would never look at a
woman lustfully, something likethat.
But I'm like, dang, I need tocheck how I look at women.
And to even get back on what yousaid for me, in my first two
years I had mentorship.
You know, uncle Reese, I do notWorship Till I Pass Out, the

(41:50):
gospel song.
He's a gospel singer.
I've heard the song WorshipTill I Pass Out, but I'm not
familiar with it.
Okay, yeah, so, uncle Reese, hementored me for like two years,
but you know, as I began tomature in my walk, you know he's
not really over my shoulder asmuch as he used to be.

(42:11):
But accountability, Idefinitely, uh, agree with that.
It's just, you know medifferently.
Like God, he's, he's working inmy life the way he's working in
my life.
You know, we we all different,bro, you know, for for me.

(42:32):
I was really stubborn.
I was really stubborn, and thatcome from me having to just
survive on my own in 16, 17, ata very young age.
So it wasn't too many.
It wasn't too many stuff.
People could tell me how Ilooked at another man.
It was bro, is you a man?
I'm a man.
Like you got your old mindset.

(42:53):
I got my mindset like, shoot,I'm living in the world of
survival and here I always livedin the world of survival.
So when it came to when I gotsaved and it was it came to
accountability, I couldn't, Iwasn't comfortable with telling
people certain stuff.
I wasn't comfortable withcertain people speaking into my

(43:14):
life trying to tell me what todo.
Like bro, who are you talkingto?
You know what I'm saying?
Like God, like God, he had totake me through that.
You know what I'm saying andhumble my like.
I had to be humbled, I had to behealed.
I had to be humbled.

(43:36):
I had to be healed.
I had to.
So it's like now uh, um, so oh,in the early process I had
mentorship but too, on the backend, I had to go through a lot
of experiences where I'd be like, yeah, this is not for me no
more.
But if you want to escape them,experiences not really, or just
uh, I really want to say,because you know you might have

(43:58):
some shortcomings, butaccountability, somebody who
could like be in your life daily, to really like help pick you
up so you won't fall on yourface so much, then
accountability is great.
But I fell on my face so muchbecause I wasn't comfortable
with a man being over myshoulder all the time.

(44:19):
Well, what?

Speaker 2 (44:20):
do you think that that that I mean.
One thing we didn't do early onis we didn't really come, we
didn't, we didn't start at thebeginning.
So like, take, take us through.
Like what you think framed agood bit of you.
Like you talk about being onyour own at 16, 17, struggling
with you know authoritativefigures and struggling with

(44:42):
authority.
Like, how did you grow up?
Were you in the hood?
Like, what was life like?
Were your parents stilltogether?
Did you go out with yourgrandma?
Talk to them.

Speaker 1 (44:54):
I'm still laughing at talking about it.
When I was like I say, my momand friend used to be like who
you talking to and you're like Iunderstand.

Speaker 2 (45:05):
I mean, I understand, you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (45:10):
I mean listen man, I did it.

Speaker 2 (45:12):
And I speak to it.
But I'm going to come back tothat.
But like for real, like I meanthis music thing, this Marriott
City thing, for me, man, it cameout of nowhere.
Man, like I did it.
I'm not a church boy, you knowwhat I'm saying.
I'm about as rough around theedges as they come.
My brother, you know what Imean.
Like I went to church on secondand fourth Sundays only when I
was growing up, you know what Imean.

(45:33):
My dad, you know he was a veryinteresting guy, you know what I
mean.
I had a very interestingexample of what a husband,
father, you know all of that wasgoing to be.
So for me, man, coming intochurch at 31, I had lived and I
had somebody really, and Imentioned it, kirk Franklin.
He spoke into my life at a timewhere I needed somebody to kind

(45:58):
of explain to me, like, bro,I've been living before now.
Like living, I mean well, Imean you know you describe some
various scenarios.
They're not for all.
I say that to say like God canrescue you from anywhere, but
that, what is necessary forcertain people, what Kirk said

(46:19):
to me.
He said the hard thing aboutwhen you get saved late is that
you got all of these old modelcars on the road, right.
So imagine, there's the normandealership, right, and my old
life, I got all of these oldnormal cars.
I don't got no nickname, theycall me birdman, so that's my.
I got all of these birdman carson the road and now I get saved

(46:44):
and I start a new factory andI'm now making norman cars.
The Birdman cars don't go away.
So when somebody see me from mycollege years or when somebody
see me from high school orsomebody see me when I was up
here in Atlanta, I ain't know,you know that's.
I still know, I still got thatBirdman car.

(47:06):
So you talking about Norman,like what is that?
I want the new version of theOU.
And the difficult part in thatis that my sister used to say
this to me all the time that,like, there will be this
emptiness inside of you whenyou're not with God.
And, frankly, I didn't feelthat I had fun.

(47:27):
Me too didn't feel that I hadfun, me too.
Like, I enjoyed my life before,like it was exhilarating, it
was fun.
Like, and I would often, becauseboth my, both my brothers was
the past, I would say like Inever woke up and I knew I'm
talking.
My mama, my daddy, mybrother-in-law, they pastors,
these are the people I talked to, they praying for me.
I never woke up like, oh, Iwish I was living like them,

(47:49):
that's not, that's not how,that's not praying for me.
I never woke up like, oh, Iwish I was living like them.
That's not how.
That's not what was in me.
I never woke up like, oh my God, why these girls like?
I never felt that until Ididn't feel those things, until
after I got saved.
Before I thought they was weird.
I thought that, like you knowwhat I'm saying, I was like are
you just mad because you're aChristian?

Speaker 1 (48:10):

Speaker 2 (48:12):
So what I'm saying, I understand where you're coming
from, Like bro, what you mean.

Speaker 1 (48:17):
Bro.
I understand that, becausepeople they'll be like I see
comments.
They'll be like, oh well, it'sgood.
You know, it's easy to find Godafter you done got some money,
or after you done did it, butgot some money, or after you did
it.
But I'm like, bro, I neverwanted to be a christian, though

(48:38):
I didn't just wake up and belike, oh, I want to be a
christian, but no, I had.
I had a real encounter withjesus, and then after, in
pursuing him, you know, then I'mhaving desires to be married.
I never decided to have a wife,though, but now, in pursuing,
in pursuing god, god say, eachman should have his own wife.
Fornication is a sin.
You know what I'm saying andcertain stuff.
And now I have a desire to beholy, to live a certain way, but

(49:03):
before that was none of mydesire.
All I've seen was people professa faith they didn't live up to.
All I've seen was a group ofreligious people.
I don't want to be religious.
I don't want to just live mylife with a suit and tie.
That was my lenses then.
But now that I'm actually inthe faith, I'm like.
You know what, honestly, thisway of life is actually better

(49:26):
than the other way.
But before I had an encounterwith god and I started pursuing
god, that wasn't in my heart,that wasn't in my mind.
It was my actual encounter withgod and I was having fun before
.
You know, and some people theymight be too holy to say they
was having fun before.
But if it wasn't fun, why wasyou doing it in the first place?

Speaker 2 (49:46):
you know what I'm saying, and the reason why
that's important is because, asa body, as people that actually
want to go and save the lost, wegot to recognize sometimes they
don't know they lost, theydon't.
They, looking at you andbecause of sometimes our lack of
honesty, like you, just ahypocrite, dude you with, like,

(50:07):
and if we aren't able to say,hey, man, like, look you, speak
to it, like people often say,like man and I, we were
successful, my wife and I, priorto like really giving our life
to God, gave our life to God,basically lost everything.
And now we've become successfulagain.

(50:28):
And what I say is that, havingexperienced it all the fast life
, slow life, church sold out Imean serving the church all day,
every day, all night long,driving seven hours every day to
just go work at my church forfree you know what I mean.
Like doing that, the joy ofwalking with God is second to

(50:53):
none.
I mean there is nothing.
There's no sweeter joy outsideof and there's no sweeter joy, I
don't want to say, outside ofanything.
There's no sweeter joy thanthat.
The only thing close, marryingyour wife and having a child,
like those things are the onlythings that come even close in
experience.

(51:13):
And the reason I think thatthese conversations are
important is because, man, welive in such a diverse
generation now.
People have so many differentstimuli and so many different
echo chambers that they'relooking for truth, they're
looking for authenticity,they're looking for real stories
, real journeys.
That's like, man, you know whatI get it Like for the dude that

(51:40):
catches this, and he looked atme and you and he said, man, I
really, I really resonate withthese dudes, like and they
giving their life to Christ andthey used to be able to get
whatever girl they want.
Yeah, man, ain't no girl asgood as the love of Christ.
You know what I mean?
It's like that's the, that'swhat I want.
To jump off the screen withpeople like that.
There's enough podcasts outhere that's telling people oh,

(52:02):
you shouldn't be doing that, youshouldn't be doing that, or you
know, you need to watch out forthat.
What I rarely see in our spaceand I hope that God allows us to
be the place what we rarely seeis this type of dialogue.
Man, yeah, just keeping itabove.

Speaker 1 (52:18):
But I mean and I'm'm gonna go back to how I grew up,
I didn't forget about thequestion but it's like when I
first gave my life to christ, Iused to try to be holy man and
speak on stuff like on scripture, and then it's like shoot, I
got hit with reality gettingevicted, you know I'm saying

(52:38):
having to get, uh, my binsrepoed or losing money, or being
in situations where, uh, I'mlike my nigga, life is still
real out here, bro, life isstill real.
You know, I'm saying like, hey,I love god, but, man, life is
life, bro.
So you know what man?
Hey, I'm a, I'm a christian, Ilove god.

(52:59):
But guess what, bro, amen, therest of the world.
They gonna have to see thisauthenticity because, but this
is real out here, bro.
It's too real out here to tryto try to act like you hold it
in down dog like you, out oftouch with reality, bro, like
people want god, they won't love.
I mean, they won't, they won'tgod, they won't truth, they
won't love.
But people struggling to paytheir bills, bro, you got people

(53:22):
on the street with no roof overtheir head, man, people talking
about something.
You got people mentality likewhat could God do for me.
I can't even bathe, I can'twash my clothes, I ain't had no
meal in a week.
Like that's real life.
Like I love God, but people man, it's like it's real life.

(53:42):
Like I love god, but people manis like it's.
It's real out here, bro, andI'm not here trying to hit
somebody with religious rulesand tell you to change this and
change that.
No, I'm not here to stump you,uh, to stump your head with some
religious rules.
Nah, dog, your situation maynot change now, but I know
somebody who can give you peacewhile you're going through this.
That's what I'm here to say.

(54:05):
Yeah, shoot, you might not haveno food, but I know somebody
who could give you the grace youneed to get through this season
.
That's what it's about.
When I lost my career, I had thefaith to say man, this is going
to change tomorrow.
But I went through a seasonwhere my life ain't changed.

(54:29):
But God changed me and I didn'tsee that till like six months
after.
I'm sitting here each and everyday.
I'm like man, my life is goingto change.
I believe the God I believe in.
He don't want me living likethis.
He going to change thistomorrow.
Like, shoot, you know what I'msaying I'm still who.

(54:49):
I am Like I get a checktomorrow, but each day ain't
nothing changing, ain't nothingchanging.
But I'm like I'm still seekingGod, I'm pursuing God.
I'm like I'm still seeking God,I'm pursuing God.
I'm like, bro, let me just get,let me just read some scripture
.
You know I'm saying let me just, let me just get the faith that
I need to get through this day.
My, my, my life gonna bechanged.
Man, I'll just be able to buyanother car every single day.

(55:11):
That's my life the past year,but the whole time he really
changing me and I didn't seethat until a year later so I'm
here to say dog, so it's likethe version you get from me, the
Christian version, but soauthentic is because I went

(55:33):
through a year of rebuilding mylife in reality, going through
struggle, but pursuing God.
Man, I'm being changed on theinside, but I'm still faced with
reality, still faced withtrials, still faced with losses,
still faced with struggles, andon the inside I'm pursuing God

(55:54):
because I'm believing that mylife going to be changed any
minute.
Man, you're all you meant, bro.
But, I'm being changed the wholetime, being saved by it.
So it's like man.
It's like in all this in thepast year, it's like when I
first, almost four years ago now, when I first gave my life to
Christ, I used to just be likethis and just quote scripture
and everything like that.

(56:14):
But then, you know, my prayersstart strengthening.
I just used to be, I used topray, for I want to see myself
in reality and, just like I usedto just pray certain things and
I believe that God, he shook mylife up so I could, I could be
who he needed me to be.

(56:34):
It's like, hey, I ain't withall that fake religious stuff,
like you could try to act likeyou holy and stuff and
everything.
But hey, I understand that weall fall short of God's glorious
standard and, look, this iswhat people need to see.
They need to see authenticity,they need to see that I relate
to them, I love God, but Iunderstand that we still live in

(56:56):
a messed up world.
Like I understand that.

Speaker 3 (57:00):
Well, how did you because I mean, you have this
transformation moment, get toknow the Lord, and then, like
you were saying, stuff justisn't going the way it should be
.
Like, how did you stick thatthrough?
Like, how did you keep it going?

Speaker 1 (57:14):
Well, it's like my mind of God was distorted.
My mind of God was distortedLike I'm like.
I believe that God he want meto live comfortable, which he
does, but he care more about mycharacter and who I am than my

(57:34):
comfort.
And like no, still today, Idon't believe God want me to
stay on the street.
Shoot, john don't want to stayon the street.
Shoot, John don't want to stayon the street.
And if John don't want to stayon the street and I believe that
God want the best for me, thenI believe God's vision for my
life is greater than my vision.
So, even as I was, you know, andfor me, I'm like, bro, I'm

(57:57):
doing what I gotta do, I'mmanaging this, I'm managing that
.
What's going on, bro?
So I'm like, as in the naturalworld, my life started to be
shaken up, my faith.
I'm like you know God, even ifI wrestled with God, I'm like
God, you tripping man, what'sgoing on?

(58:18):
I don't see you tripping man,what's going on, man, I don't
see you.
You know I'm saying I stillpray in that, but it's like my
faith in that God, he want me tolive a certain way is what kept
me going.
But I began to.
I began to see reality, bro,you know I'm saying and like God
, he like not.
I don't want this in your life.
I don't want this in your life.

(58:38):
I don't want this in you.
I don't want that.
I really want you to resembleChrist.
That's what I care more aboutthan you driving this or you
having this, or you being withthis lady or you.
So that's what kept me going.

Speaker 2 (58:52):
I mean we run in short on time.
But I know you definitely gotto fight a little while.
But you spoke to a journey Iwent on very similar I used to.
Really I used to just servemoney.
It was so bad at certain pointsin my life If I didn't have
money in my account I couldn'tget out of bed, I couldn't eat,
I couldn't sleep.

(59:13):
Like money was my God, it wasmy idol.
And when he prunes you and wetake that thing from you, man
like I remember my wife and I.
We went from.
I think she had a Porsche, Ihad an Audi, we had our own
house too.
We was living with my mom, shepregnant, we got a kid and her
parents had gifted her like a2005 Infiniti that was falling

(59:37):
apart.
I'm serious business.
I went from I'm money man, I'mbig shot, I'm all this too.
I ain't got no house, we ain'tgot no cars, but the one we got
gifted and what, what.
What happened in me was myidentity as the guy that always
had money, the guy, the big shot.
My identity transformed intothe guy that's integral, the guy

(01:00:01):
that will work hard, the guythat will go get what he needs
for his family, because before Iwas four, my mom paid off my
bills.
I was 28 years old, everysingle one.
I never got nothing in my nameprior to me getting married
serious business nothing, noteven an apartment.
And to go from that to now, myfamily like everybody retired
besides me and my brother weable to, like, really give back

(01:00:23):
what I want.
I really want to commend you forthe season you're walking
through, because the other sideof that season is one of real
freedom, like that's, where,once you're free from those
identity things that used tohold you, that used to make you
John you know what I'm sayingand now you become John in

(01:00:45):
Christ, you'll find out that,yeah, he going to bring some of
those things back, but, like youtalked about, when it comes to
sexual sex, it won't have thesame taste to you.
It'll be.
You'll hold it with your handopen, like now today.
You want Maverick City it'syours.
You want this crib it's yours.
You want these cards it's yours.
They don't define who I am,like they would have had he

(01:01:07):
given them to me earlier.

Speaker 1 (01:01:09):
Yeah, that sound like me and what?
You know what I'm saying?
The season that God has takenme through.
Yeah, honestly, bro, real spill, but man to answer your
question, because I wanted toanswer it.
But man to answer your questionbecause I wanted to answer it,
please.
Then we're done.
So I just my father, he wasn'tin my life, my stepdad, he
raised me but he died when I was14.
And at 14, you know, I'm a kid,you know, don't even know who I

(01:01:32):
am, don't know how to be a man.
So I didn't necessarily grow upin a hood environment.
It was a house.
My mom had an apartment, butthe environment in the household
, the atmosphere, it was demonic.
And it's just my mom.

(01:01:54):
She was mean-spirited, shealways beat us, she kept us
sheltered, so I didn't havefreedom just to hang out with a
friend.
You know, she just really keptus enclosed.
So you know, she always beat us.
Or I didn't have a chance toexpress myself.

(01:02:16):
When I did, you know my mom,she would punch me in my face.
So I always suppress myemotions.
So in my videos when I wasyelling boat gang, you know,
you'll see a lot of wild.
It's just, I was rebelling, youknow yeah, what you never?
yeah, you felt like you nevergot to exactly so, uh, and then,

(01:02:41):
uh, just hanging around withthe wrong friends, uh, uh, oh
yeah.
And then the reason why I say Istruggle with authority to
figures in my life is because,um, at 16, you know, I was in
the streets, uh, begging peoplefor change for food.
You know what I I'm saying,stealing food, washing my butt

(01:03:04):
at Burger King bathroom.
At 17, my mama, she reallykicked me out and then, shoot,
I'm sleeping in abandonedbuildings.
Shoot, breaking in buildings tofind somewhere to sleep.
Breaking in abandoned houses tofind somewhere to sleep.
Breaking in abandoned houses tofind somewhere to sleep,
sleeping outside of the U-Haulspot, you know so, sleeping

(01:03:27):
outside, so really just havingto be in survival mode at a
young age, me being my own guyand it's like when another man,
you know, trying to challenge me, is like I didn't know how to
accept that because I didn'thave, as a kid, shoot my mama,

(01:03:52):
she didn't, she wasn't sittingnext to me telling me how to
deal with anger or how to talk,how to express yourself.
It wasn't that, she justpunched me.
So how I really felt was alwaysstuck inside, suppressed.
Then, when I got in the streets,I'm surviving, you know, doing
all this at a young age, tryingto figure out life on my own,

(01:04:14):
with nobody guiding me.
It's like I was lost, I washurt.
Me is like I was lost, I washurt, I was broken, I was
desperate, trying to get money,trying to get on.
So, even while making my videosshoot, I'm 20 years old.
I really got famous at I was 20, getting the name for myself.
I blew up at 21.

(01:04:35):
So at 21, I'd been through allthat surviving.
So at 21, I'd been through allthat surviving, struggling,
being my own God, or desperatefrom sleeping in the streets for
so long.
I'm like I got to get somemoney, I got to get on.
I got to get on.
My life got to change and menot really having a plan.

(01:05:01):
It's like when somebody cameinto my life who was mature,
they saw something in me that Ididn't see in myself and was
just trying to guide me in theright ways.
I'm like bro, even if I didn'tagree, I didn't know how to
disagree maturely, I didn't knowhow to talk out my
disagreements.
It was just always ah, justfrom always having my emotions

(01:05:27):
suppressed me, feeling like youknow, not feeling loved, like
man you don't really care aboutme, you're just trying to use me
.
You know what I'm saying andstuff like that Me from me being
broken by my mama and thehousehold I was in.
I looked at everybody else thesame way, so it was.

(01:05:47):
It was really hard for me.
How's that relationship beenShoot?
Honestly, it still needs to bemended.
So God, he's working on me.
God, he's working on me, and ifI'm ever in a situation with my
mom to where you know thingscould be made right, then I'll

(01:06:09):
make it right.
But the thing is is God stillneeds to work on her because,
you know, though she's my mom,it's like she still looks at me
like a little boy, but it's likebro, it's like this mentality
is like it's not the same littleboy where she could just punch
on and I just shut up.
See, I'm a lot different now.
See, I'm a man now.
So I'ma say something, and it'snot what I say.

(01:06:32):
It's not gonna be disrespectful, but it's gonna be some truth.
And no, I'm not, even though mymom, she's my parent and I'm
not her parent.
It's like it's like hey, youknow, ma, it's like it's certain
things that I'm not going toallow you to say, you know, it's

(01:06:52):
certain things, uh, we're like,hey, we need some, we need
there need to be some respect inthis conversation, and she's
not at that point to where wecan have that type of dialogue,
you know.
So that's how it is.
It's like once she could getpast that and respect me, then

(01:07:12):
you know, we just gonna, we'regonna come together.

Speaker 2 (01:07:17):
Yeah, man, we're gonna be praying for you, man,
absolutely your family man.
This is probably we just going.
We're going to come together.
Yeah, man, we're going to bepraying for you, man, absolutely
your family man.
This is probably one of theit's like I'm looking in the
mirror, it's crazy.
It's one of the bestconversations I could talk to
you, literally for probably sixhours.
We got to do this again.
Yeah, we got to do this again.

(01:07:37):
I think, man, like, thank you,like man, god has laid so much
on my heart as it pertains toyou, man, it's just, it's
beautiful man, like your journey, man, you don't know that, bro,
what you are going to revivalin a generation, only you can do

(01:08:01):
.
And, like we've been telling you, we got your back, we're by
your side.
One last question we askeverybody is what do you feel
like was your maverick moment?
Like what was that moment whereyou know, feel like you broke
away from the herd?
You know you found it was thatmoment where you know, feel like
you broke away from the herd.
You know you found it was thatmoment that you crystallized on

(01:08:24):
your new journey.
Like what was the moment thatyou had the realization that,
all right, I'm headed on thatright path.
Like I'm headed down the pathI'm supposed to be on, and it
could have been that moment whenyou gave your life to Christ.
So it could have been thatmoment when you gave your life
to Christ, so it could have cameafter Our bond, came after my
salvation point.

Speaker 1 (01:08:45):
It's moments like this, it's moments like this,
just because you know I believeyou love God.
I believe you love God.
But what makes this even betteris I can see myself in y'all.
You know I'm saying so.

(01:09:06):
I could I connect with y'all,because I'm like, okay, wow, you
know y'all love god, but youknow you still got you still got
some drip on or yourpersonality is not religious,
which I don't.
I don't feel you know religiousvibes from y'all.
I still see that y'all arepeople.
So it's moments like this whereI'm like, okay, wow, you could

(01:09:30):
be a Christian, you could be aperson that love God, but you
could still be a personAbsolutely.
Because it's like before Ididn't look at religious people
or people who love God as people.
It's like it was hard to lookat them like that because I'm
like how you relate to me, Ican't connect with you.
You know what I'm saying, butjust to see people still be them

(01:09:53):
authentic selves and still knowthat they have godly morals and
characters, I'm like man.
You know what it's like.
Okay, wow, I can keep on goingbecause there's other people out
there like me.
That's good.

Speaker 3 (01:10:07):
Yeah, I think that's one of the hopes of this podcast
is that we're able to highlightthe people that God's using,
and I think a lot of timesbecause in super religious
situations it's like a lot oftimes people don't see that
personal, authentic.
It's like if you're a Christianand you follow God, you feel
like you have to be a certain.
Yeah, bro, god is using so manypeople that don't look like you

(01:10:31):
, that don't know me, that don'tlook at him, that looked just
so different.
And what I want us to do andwhat I love about you, is that
we're celebrating the God thatis working in your life in ways
that, man, that's your ministry.
You're made in the image of God, you have a calling, you have a
purpose, and I'm so proud ofwhat you're doing and glad to
have this conversation.

Speaker 1 (01:10:51):
Yeah me too, yeah me too.

Speaker 2 (01:10:54):
Well, that ends this episode of Mavericks on the Mic.
We want to thank our brother,john, popping in here with us.
We're going to do this again.
This is part one.
We got to have a part two ofthis.

Speaker 3 (01:11:07):
We might have to throw a collab in there too.

Speaker 2 (01:11:09):
Y'all might see some music.
Y'all probably definitely goingto see some music out of this,
but we thank y'all.
Stay tuned, like, share,subscribe, comment on the
Instagram post.
All of that Tick tock.
We really want this to spread.

(01:11:39):
We really want this to get tothe people that it's intended to
reach.
One love you.

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