#39 - Shedding the Good Girl: Living Fully Aligned Beyond Fear & Old Identities with Karolina Bey Autumn - Midlife Butterfly | Identity, Reinvention, Transformation, Grief, Self-Worth, Empowerment & Spiritual Awakening

Episode Transcript
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Kena (00:00):
We have been the nicest girls, we have been married and
divorced, then we're interprentrepreneurs as well.
And we have gone through thehealing processes to live better
lives.
And that's the aim of thispodcast, to empower women to

(00:20):
speak their truth, to bethemselves, so they can create
better lives based on who theyare and not what they were told
to be.
Midlife Butterfly, a woman inthe sacred in-between.
She's not who she once was andnot quite who she's becoming

(00:41):
yet.
She's unraveling, awakening,remembering.
She's navigating lifetransitions, divorce, loss,
reinvasion, moves, with aburning desire for freedom, joy,
and souled living.
She feels the pull to rise, tofly.
She's no longer afraid of herown wings.
She is a sound therapypractitioner and also a podcast

(01:20):
host of the Inner Sound Check.
And she's been here in thepodcast before when we talk
about not giving a fuck aboutyou know societal.
Well, following the checklist,basically.
And she's back to tell herstory, to tell her truth.
And that's what I don't thinkwe need a longer bio because

(01:42):
she's gonna tell us what who sheis, what she's been through,
and yeah, to get into some juicystuff in here.
Thank you so much, Karoline andKarolina, to for being here at
Midliefe Butterfly again.

Karolina (01:58):
Thank you for having me.

Kena (02:01):
It's such a pleasure.

Karolina (02:02):
Yeah, it's an honor to be here again and to know you.
Yes, yeah, me too.

Kena (02:09):
Likewise.
It's and the fun part is Ithink this gonna this
conversation is gonna be superjuicy because we have a lot of
things in common.
We have been the nicest girls,we have been married and
divorced, and then we'reentrepreneurs as well.
And we have gone through thehealing processes to live better

(02:34):
lives, and that's the aim ofthis podcast to empower women to
speak their truth, to bethemselves so they can create
better lives based on who theyare and not what they were told
to be.

Karolina (02:52):
Yes, absolutely, amen.

Kena (02:57):
Yes, amen to that.
So let's get started.
So where were you before?
Let's start from yeah, wherewere you before, and then
eventually we're gonna gothrough where you are now and uh
well, where were you and whowere you at that time?

Karolina (03:18):
Yeah, I mean, for most of my life, I was doing the
things that I thought I wassupposed to and checking the
life lists of like go to school,and I'm the oldest of two kids,
and so I feel like the oldestdaughter also has this like
pressure of like, and my momloved school, so I felt like I

(03:41):
had to be good at school, but Ihated school.
I school was not for me, and Ialways like you know, go to
school, get the good grades, andlike go to university, get a
degree.
I never used my degree, mydegree is in humanities, but
like I had to get a degree thatwas the checklist point, so I
did that, and like, and then,but I've always had this love

(04:03):
for music, and so I was alwaystrying to find ever since I was
three, I loved music.
I wanted to be a rock star, andmy dad was teaching me how to
play the guitar, and like Iended up like working at a
record label and like finding myway through like music paths.
I tried to be a music teacher,I went to university for music
before I got my degree inhumanities, and I've been like

(04:24):
floating through life becausewhat I knew I wanted, which was
something to do with music,which is now I'm doing sound
therapy.
Makes sense, but society saidthat wasn't good enough.
You can't make a career atthat, so you have to get
something that makes sense, youhave to do something that's
gonna pay the bills.
Like when I first left, I had acareer in admin, I had a

(04:50):
pension, I made a lot of money.
And when I first left thatafter COVID, so fall of 2020, to
try and pursue my passionbecause I couldn't do it
anymore.
35 years old.
And I was like, I can't, Ican't do this.
There's something wrong.
COVID really broke me openbecause my workplace was
dictating what was supposed tobe right for me and what was

(05:12):
supposed to be safe for me.
And in that kind ofenvironment, I was like, no,
thank you.
And so breaking through thatand and quitting, and all my dad
said, Are you making a living?
I was like, I'm leaving, I'mleaving my job to pursue my
passions.
And all he said, he didn't, hedidn't ask what I was doing or
whatever.
He just cared that I was makingenough money.

(05:33):
And like that's what I wasraised in, that kind of
environment.
Yeah.
Are you making money?
It doesn't matter.
Are you happy?
Do you love what you're doing?
Those were never questions thatI was asked.
It was always like, Are youmaking money?
Are you doing what you're told?
And like at no point did peoplelike no one really asks you
what you want in life.

(05:54):
And I think you're allowed toknow what you want.
You're allowed to know, like,oh, like when you're dating and
you're trying to find a husband,because that's on the
checklist.
Yes.
It's it's like, you know, Iwant this like Chris Hemsworth
Greek God looking guy.
And then people will tell you,oh, don't hold out for that
because you can never geteverything that you want.

(06:14):
I'm calling bullshit.
But at the time, I'm like,okay, well, and someone once
gave me the advice of like, makesure you date someone who likes
you more than you like them.
And I was like, okay, but like,I know, but like I internalized
all this advice because as goodgirls, we're taught to look

(06:35):
outside of ourselves for thosecues.
Yeah, we're taught to like,because we're not asked, what do
we want?
What makes us happy?
You know, even as a kid, theactivities I was put in, they
all had to do with like I didgymnastics because my dad did
gymnastics, not because no onesaid, Hey, you love music, let's
put you in singing lessons.

(06:56):
Nobody, never, I've never donethat my whole life.
I had to choose it myself.
I'm in choir now at 40.
But like, I I I always was likelooking to other people, like,
what should I do?
And so that was my early life,looking to other people.

(07:17):
And then I spent the last fiveyears trying to figure out who
am I and what do I want?

Kena (07:22):
Yeah, we come to a point, and I guess that's the beauty of
midlife, right?
Then we think we are in amidlife crisis, which is not
really that, is our awakeningafter following all those rules,
the checklist, the status quo,because as you said, like they

(07:43):
don't ask us what we want, theycan say, Okay, what do you want
to study?
Like, but what about if I don'twant to study?
Yeah, if if you know, I alsowent to university, I wanted to
go to university, and but that'sthe thing, like in your case,
was something that you are notgoing to make money with music.
So, how come there to go thatpath?

(08:07):
If yeah, you're not gonna beable to sustain yourself
financially afterwards.

Karolina (08:12):
Yeah, but who's to say that I can't?
Like, who are they to limit me?
Like, yes, you know, and Iremember in high school, you
were only allowed to take one ofthe arts, and so I had to pick
music, but I wanted to do art, Iwanted to do drama, I wanted to
do graphic design.
Nope, you can only do one, oneand but you have to do math and

(08:33):
science, and I don't I don'tremember any of that history, I
don't geography, like I gotGoogle Maps, I don't need
geography, yeah.
We have calculator, right?

Kena (08:46):
I don't need math, I don't remember math, yeah, and but
that's how the system iscreated, unfortunately, to cut
off our creativity, because ifwe would really flow into our
creativity, as you said, designand music and art and coloring
and photography or whatever,that's how we really express

(09:09):
ourselves, yeah.
So they want to demons downthat.
Well, that's the way it's done.

Karolina (09:15):
Yeah, yeah, that's how I felt.
I felt like I feel now thisyear is the first year of my
life that I feel I'm actuallyexpanding and I'm letting myself
glow.
And I need to take a lot oftime to integrate that because
I'm seeing myself behave andreact in ways that are who my

(09:36):
future self is, because I'mstepping into that 2.0 version
and behaving as that 2.0version.
Yeah, but my brain is stilllike, wait a minute, this isn't
how we lived the last 40 years.
So there's like a disconnectand like a pullback, yeah.
There's like this embodimentpiece of like, no, I am, I'm

(09:58):
gonna be a millionaire, and I'mgonna like I'm a badass boss
queen, and like nobody can tellme otherwise.
And I'm dating right now.
This man last night called me agoddess, and I'm like, Yes, I
am.

Kena (10:08):
Claim that, claim that, of course, yeah, yeah, and that's
the thing.
We also want that kind ofrelationship that they are going
to lift us up, yeah, and wewill do the same for them,
exactly, right?
Yeah, so oh my god, this is sojuicy, and I can see it in your
face, yes.

(10:29):
You know how you like thisyear, that payment, and I'm sure
that's why what that yourebranded your business and
everything, and your offeringsas well, yeah, and and my name,
yeah, yeah, your name, Carolina,Carolina, yeah, because I was
born as Beverly, and I've alwayshated that name.

Karolina (10:50):
Always when I was three, I wanted to be a rock
star named Carolina, but Ialways thought that I needed to,
you know, my parents gave methat name, and I thought it
would be disrespectful if Ichanged my name.
Fuck that, it's my name.
But yeah, you're the onewearing it, right?
I I feel my energy.
If if I say hi, I'm Beverly, Ifeel it constricting.

(11:14):
It doesn't feel good when I sayhi, I'm Carolina, I feel
expansive.
And so when my divorce is finalthis year, hopefully in
September, depending how long ittakes to process, I'm legally
changing my name because thismakes me feel expansive, and
that's what I want to live therest of my life as expansive

(11:35):
because I'm done settling forthings that I was handed in
life.

Kena (11:41):
Yes, yes, welcoming that expansion.
Yes, yeah.
Hell yeah.
Oh my god, it's so important.
You know what?
My my name is actually Eugenia.
I mean, it's not my favorite,but I mean it it's you know,
it's okay now that you're sayingbecause and then another thing
that uh we can talk a bit lateris I know how you talk about a

(12:03):
lot about the importance of ourthe words that we use, and I
think that's super important aswell.
Yeah, um, yeah, but coming backto my name, I mean it doesn't
bother me.
I mean, it's okay, but I'drather have been called by my
nickname, which is Kenna.
Yeah, I don't know, it's Ithink I know I don't know, it's
shorter, I think it's morepotent, as you said.

(12:24):
It's like saying Kenna is like,oh, you know, something else,
like saying Eugenia, and thensometimes you said Virginia, no,
it's Eugenia, it's in Spanish,Eugenia, and then sometimes you
need, you know, need to do thewhole explanation, but at least
Kenna, even though sometimesthey call me Kina because I
mean, if it's in English, right?
But I mean, yeah, I thinkthat's important to have names

(12:47):
that we can feel empowered withthem.

Karolina (12:51):
Like if you feel ashamed, like I feel ashamed to
say, hi, I'm Beverly.
I don't want to go through lifewith this shame.
Like, and that's something youalways have to, you you go out
and you meet people and you'relike, hi, this is my name, or
someone calls you that name, orlike, you know, and you have you
always feel that shame whenthey're using that name.
Like, I don't want to carrythat around anymore because

(13:14):
words have vibration and theyhave energy, and and we don't
know enough about that becausewe're not taught that.
But like the words that wechoose to use every day have a
vibration and it helps, youknow, guide where we're at in
the day.
Because if you go aroundcomplaining all day, that's
bringing you down.
And if you go around looking atthe positives, like you know,

(13:37):
say it's hot and humid, but yousay it's beautiful, it's sunny
outside today, you're shiftingthat vibration, your that
outlook, and shifting youroutlook is just as powerful as
shifting the words you're using.

Kena (13:49):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I feel you on that.
Because one of the things thatI that I that I learned to do
and I chose to do because nobodyactually told me after I
separated to I was like, okay, Ineed to improve the
relationship with myself, yeah.
Because I mean, if therelationship with myself is not

(14:13):
good, of course I'm reflectingthat to other people, and of
course that was reflected intomy marriage as well.
Yeah, and one of the thingsthat I chose to do was to become
my best friend, yeah, and thefirst things that I started
doing is the inner vocabularybecause we talk to ourselves so

(14:34):
bad and so mean, yeah, and I waslike, okay, I'm gonna start
treating myself as like my bestfriend.
So choose words that you willuse with that other person, yes,
and that's how my vocabulary,my words started shifting and
changing for good, and that'show my reality starts also

(14:57):
changing because, as you said,everything is a frequency, so we
start seeing things fromanother from other lenses
because unfortunately we'retaught to follow and to focus on
negative stuff instead ofpositive, yeah, and it's not
that we have to be positive allthe time, but at least we we can
choose, yeah, we can even getneutral if we want to, it's

(15:21):
possible, yeah.
But it's really having thatawareness to choose our words
and starting with the innervocabulary that we have.

Karolina (15:31):
Yeah, I I would encourage listeners too to try
this.
Like, try saying, So I use thisexample with my dog, he like
scratches the grass after hepees.
All dogs do that.
Yes, and I he's he's very I'veshifted the word.
I used to say you're soaggressive, say that word.
Like I'm encouraging thelistener, say the word

(15:53):
aggressive, and then you'reshifting to the word
enthusiastic and see how thatfeels in you because they both
mean the same thing.
You can use both words todescribe the same action, but
the one feels better, and that'sjust yeah, that's how you can
feel the difference in thevibration of the words you're
using and what you're choosing,and it's all that lens.

(16:14):
And you're right, when you talkto yourself, you look in the
mirror and you say, I'mbeautiful, I'm hot, I'm a
goddess.
Like you say those things toyourself, eventually you start
to believe them, and then youstart shifting, you start
recognizing these other wordsyou're using, like aggressive,
and you're like, Oh, thatdoesn't feel good, because
you're you're more in tune withthis goodness of like goddess

(16:34):
and hot and beautiful, and likethen you really feel you're
like, Oh, this word doesn't feelgood, and then you can choose,
you're always choosing what wordyou can use.

Kena (16:44):
Yes, yeah, definitely.
Yeah, we're always choosing.
That's true.
Yeah, and I think it's howlittle by little, I don't know
how it was for you, like yourpart of your awakening, because
I I want to go there.
Yeah, for me was very subtle,little by little, but one of the
things it was it was that mestarting to shift my vocabulary,

(17:07):
vocabulary, and as you said,that helped me shift my own
energy, yes, and that is oh mygod, that's so freaking magical
with that start happening, yeah.

Karolina (17:21):
It is, yeah, it is little things.
I feel it starts little becauseI almost I don't believe the
universe is testing us, but I dobelieve that when we're ready,
it can either like for me, itwas kind of both where it was
little changes I was making, andthen I got hit over the head.

(17:43):
Like, you can't you can't youcan't keep going.
Here's the big thing, but Istill didn't know what it meant,
and then I kept doing my littlethings until this year, and
then I figured out what it allmeant, and then everything fell
into place.
It's like those little pieces,it's like when you're doing a
puzzle and you have you know,you're you see it coming
together, and then all of asudden that last little bit and
all the pieces just fall intoplace and the whole puzzle's

(18:05):
done, and like that's kind ofwhat it felt like for me.
But yeah, it's the littlethings, and we don't, you know.
And when I share the story ofthe awakening, people might
think that's what you need inorder to change, but it's these
little pieces that set thatfoundation that get you to this
place.
I truly believe that.

Kena (18:23):
Yeah, yeah, would you like to expand of those little
pieces that you were through?

Karolina (18:29):
Sure, yeah.
So after I left my job in 2020,that's that was the first thing
I just knew.
Something felt off.
And following that whisper ofsomething feels off, I can't
work for I can't, it wasn't eventhe work.
It I mean, the work wasn'tideal for me, but it was the

(18:50):
fact that someone else wasallowed to dictate what I had to
do with my life, and I was notokay with that, and recognizing
that and and the action ofquitting, showing the universe,
I'm not allowing this anymore.
I'm not allowing anyone to tellme what I can and can't do with
my life anymore.

(19:11):
And it's it's little actionslike that.
And I know that's a big actionquitting your job, losing, I
lost.
Well, I didn't lose my pension,it's now like a GIC or
something, but like I'm notcontributing to it, I don't have
that anymore.
So, like a lot of people think,how can you leave a full-time
job, like you know, with a butmy soul matters so much more

(19:32):
than any number, like you know,and following this, that was the
first time I think I can't saythe first time in my life.
I'm sure there was other times,but in this journey in the past
five years, that was the firststep I took where I was like,
I'm not actually, you know what?
I also got married in 2020,right before COVID, and I

(19:54):
started claiming this newidentity because I never liked
my father's name, like my familyname either.
And so when I got married, Igot to change my last name, and
that was my first permissionslip that I can start claiming
these new things that feel morein alignment for who I'm
becoming.

(20:15):
So, like I changed my name andthen I quit my job, and then I
started doing TikToks and Istarted rejecting how I was
dressing because I dressed theway I thought I had to.
I thought things needed to betight, I thought I need to show
things off.
I thought that's how women weresupposed to like present
themselves.

(20:35):
All my clothes were way tootight, and like I started, I
went in the complete oppositedirection.
I started wearing like baggyclothes, and then I started
realizing, wow, I can breathe.
And and and getting dressed onTikTok and showing ways where
like I used to wear tightclothes, but then I also used to

(20:56):
hide in my clothes.
It was very like, and so thenfinding ways that light me up
and things that light me up, solike little things like that.
And I've yeah, and I've alwaysbeen a spiritual person, so I've
always done like meditation andvision boards and stuff like
that.
So that always continued, butthese things that I did were all
like real world kind of stuff,and the biggest thing that

(21:19):
helped for me was moving.
We moved 3,000 kilometers awayfrom the system that was
stifling me, and that distance Ifelt like I could breathe, just
like I could breathe with mylooser clothing, I could breathe
out in Alberta, and I was like,wow, I I didn't realize how

(21:43):
much the energy, not onlybecause I live in like I think
there's like 10 million peoplein this like Toronto area, I
think, and the energy here isvery buzzy, it's very like I
don't know, like a logo.
Yeah, okay, yeah.

(22:03):
And and then being out there,it's so in it's a town of 25,000
people, and I could finallybreathe, and everyone is so
carefree, and the energy isbecause it was like a vacation
town, so everyone was in goodmoods, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I I finally realized when Iwas out there, like, oh, this
system that I grew up in is theproblem.

(22:24):
Subscribing to the system isthe problem.
But then I was like, well, howdo I know what to do?
How do I know what I want?
How how how do I go about lifenow?
Knowing that what I had isn'taligned for me, how do I build
going forward?
And I spent a lot of timereading and like playing video

(22:45):
games because I I felt almoststuck because I was like, I know
who I was isn't right, and Ididn't know how to listen to
myself.
And I didn't, I had learnedthat was another piece.
I learned human design in 2021,and that really broke me open
too, because my human designwasn't in alignment with who I
was living, but everything aboutit resonated with my soul.

(23:09):
Like my soul was like, thoseare all the things I want, those
are all the things that I'vethought I wanted that I've never
been allowed to want or to do.

Kena (23:17):
Oh, wow, yeah.

Karolina (23:19):
And then being out in Alberta, I was finally able to
like, all right, how can I bethis person and live as this
design that I came here to be?
And then that's around the timewhen I had my spiritual
awakening.
But but before that, it was abunch of synchronicities that

(23:42):
led to that because I lost oneof my best friends.
He died suddenly.
He didn't know he had cancer,and he went in with a
stomachache to the hospital andthey misdiagnosed him because he
was 38.
They were like, It's probablyIBS, go home.
It was not IBS.
He went back a month later andhe died the next day.
And oh wow, yeah, that might besuper shocking.

(24:04):
It was.
He didn't get to say goodbye toanybody, he didn't know he was
sick.
We didn't know he was like,nobody knew, and he was just
gone.
And it's it, it was it was sojarring to to lose someone that
I had known for 20 years who'dbeen one of my best friends.
Like, I even asked him to walkme down the aisle at my wedding,
and he was like, No, I just letyour dad do it.

(24:26):
I I don't want to get involved.
And I was like, All right,well, like I'd rather have you
do it, it'll be more fun.
Well, yeah, but anyway, I losthim and then my body tensed up
and I was in such extremephysical pain.
And I went, I did everything.
I went to physio, I went to thechiropractor, I did massage, I

(24:48):
was doing, and then my therapistrecommended doing something
called craniosacral therapy.
And the woman that I met to dothat, she was so intuitive and
she opened me up in a lot ofways because craniosacral deals
with your energy.
And yeah, and she was veryintuitive.
I miss her so much becauseshe's still in Alberta and I'm

(25:09):
back in Ontario.
But but she said to me, Haveyou ever tried chanting?
Now, of all the things I'vetried, and you'd think as a
music person, I would havetried, I've never tried that.
I did meditation, I did I didvision boards, I did tapping, I
did, I did all those things, andI never tried chanting, and I
don't know why.

(25:29):
And so she said that, and I wasin so much pain, I was like, I
will try anything.
And so I bought a book on soundtherapy for beginners because
the reviews said that there waschanting in there, okay, and
yeah, and it was LionsgatePortal in 2023, and I did a

(25:52):
chakra vocal toning because Iwas reading through the book and
I was like, wow, this is socool.
And I sat there and I did thisvocal toning and I felt my
energy blocked at my throat,like the energy was swirling
everywhere below, but itwouldn't come up like to the to
the throat and above chakras.

Kena (26:13):
Yeah.

Karolina (26:14):
But my therapist, she it was somatic psychotherapy,
and she was teaching me how totap into the energy layer that's
just outside of your skin.
And so when the energy wasblocked, I tapped into that, and
every that's when the awakeninghappened.
I was pulled out of my body, Ifelt the energy whooshing all
around, all the chakras were litup, everything was whooshing

(26:37):
around.
I get so emotional talkingabout it, and then my body
multiplied, and there was six ofme, and we were all holding
hands in this like circle, andthen this phoenix rose from the
middle, and I didn't know whatthat meant, but it was so cool

(26:59):
because I felt so connected andI felt so limitless and so
expansive, but I had no ideawhat it meant, but it made me
feel that there was something somuch bigger, and like
everything shifted in thatmoment because I was it while I
was doing that, I was like, Ihave to do sound therapy, I have

(27:23):
to help people with this, theway this has expanded me.
And then so from that moment,there was more to learn from
that.
But what I took from thatmoment was I need to sound
therapy, is what I need to do.
It's my musical, spiritualgift.
And I found a woman who wasteaching an in-person class
within the next month,synchronicities, everything

(27:45):
lined up.
Like my friend died in July,this thing happened in August,
my training started inSeptember.
It was all like it all linedup.
I did my training.
I'm at this in-person trainingdoing my first sound bath.
And the instructor keptinterrupting me because she's
like, You're doing such a greatjob.
Oh my gosh, your skill is is onpar with mine, and I've been

(28:07):
doing this for 15 years.
And I was like, Yeah, becauseI'm meant to be doing this.
I'm like, I was told to dothis.
Like, yeah, that's that's whatI got from that moment.
And and so I I but then I did asound bath in December that
year, and a woman got triggeredby my ocean drum because she had

(28:29):
lived through a hurricane, andI felt so much anxiety because
yeah, because I have an openemotional center in human
design, so everybody's emotionsI feel 10 times stronger than
they do.
And so this woman wastriggered, and I was so anxious,
and then I was like, I don'tknow if I can help people the
way they need if I'm gettingoverrun.

(28:51):
Because it took me like twoweeks to feel better after that,
and so I was like, So I pausedmy sound stuff to try and I
didn't know what to do to tryand help with my emotions and
everything so that I can helppeople, and then I hadn't done
anything yet, and then in May2024, my then husband left, he

(29:19):
moved his stuff out in themiddle of the night and said, He
came back in the morning andsaid, I'm leaving you out of
nowhere.
I didn't even know he wasunhappy.
He oh my god, yeah, he justleft.
Yeah, and so I didn't have mybusiness, and then I didn't have
a husband, and I was in Albertaaway from everybody that I

(29:43):
knew.
And well, I have one friend inin Alberta, but I I was away
from everything, and I had blownup my whole life.
I took myself off social mediabecause I was like, that doesn't
feel good.
So, like, I didn't have contactwith anybody, I went no contact
with my parents, like I wasjust Just like I was trying to
figure out what life's gonnalook like, and and how I did

(30:04):
that was pushing everything awayso that I could connect to
myself.
Little did I know that that'swhat the awakening was showing
me.
The six of me, I know now thesix of me is the six layers of
our being.
It's like body, mind, soul,energy, emotions, and then your
connection to source.
That's the six that why wasthat's the six that I was

(30:28):
holding hands with, and now mypractice every day to tune into
me, to tune into my confidence,to tune into my energy.
I can have a sound bath now andI can ask myself, is this mine?
And if I know it's not mine,because I I feel into myself and
I know, okay, that's not mine,I can let it go and I don't feel
overrun by people's emotionsanymore.

(30:49):
And so it took a long time, butnow 2025, I I can tune into
those six layers in like 10minutes, and I feel so expansive
and so big, and I know now thatI don't need to know where I'm
going as long as I can tap intomy six layers, all the answers

(31:12):
will come and they come fromaction.
And my when I tune in, I knowwhat the right action is because
I know what I'm feeling becauseI've created this connection
with myself.
Because what we don't learn ourwhole life when we're looking
outside of ourselves is how doyou connect to yourself?
So it's more than what do youwant?
It's it what feels right, whatresonates, what is yeah, and so

(31:35):
it's your soul scrollingexactly.
My soul, when I first startedtapping into my soul, my soul
was like the size of a raindrop.
It was so small and it was itwas buried deep inside because
it I did, I don't want to blamemyself, but I don't want to
blame other people.
But like my soul didn't get tolive because every time I want

(31:56):
to do art and music and drama.
No, you can't.
And so every time my soul gotcompressed and compressed and
compressed.
But now that I've tapped intoit more, my soul is like bigger
than my body every time I tapinto it.
Now she's glowing, she's onfire, she's out there.
And like all I did was build arelationship with her, like

(32:17):
becoming her best friend, likeyou were saying, becoming your
own best friend.
All I'm doing is building thatrelationship, and all you got to
do is get curious.
I'm like, hi, soul, where areyou today?
Like, and just sitting withher.
You don't have to do anything,it's the simplest process.

Kena (32:34):
Yeah, but as you said, I mean, we have been told to
always ask something outside ofus because we were supposed to
follow everything that we weretold to do.
Yeah, they never told us, hey,take a breath.
What is it in there?
Yeah, right, yeah.

(32:55):
Because again, the the systemis not made like that, so they
can manipulate us.
Yeah, and they and they doneit, they I mean, they've done a
pretty fucking good job.
Yeah, I'm so glad we're out ofthere.
Yeah, after a few decades whenwe're out of it, yeah.
And and I want to come back towhat you said about that the

(33:17):
universe doesn't test us becauseyeah, I don't see it that way.
I think I probably saw it thatway before when I was playing
into the victimhood, and youknow, like, oh, everything is
happening to me and not for me,which I already shifted, right?
Yeah, but when yeah, it's notabout testing, it's about the

(33:41):
growth and evolution as humanbeings, yeah.
And I mean, we're eight billionpeople, each of us we have our
journeys, a lot of them they aresimilar to others, of course,
but at the end, each of themthey are unique, yeah.
So it's about welcoming thoseexperiences in life, which are

(34:05):
the ones that make us grow andtake us to where we are now to
know who the fuck we are at thismoment, yeah.
And I I don't know.
I want to assume if I can putit that way, that the transition
of your friend some so suddenlyit probably will cut something

(34:28):
on you.
At least that's what happenedto me with my father.
Yeah, in five, I mean, he had astroke five days in the
hospital, gone.
Wow.
So that's the thing.
It's life is unexpected,everything is it's unknown.
But I think through theprocesses that being true and

(34:52):
really knowing who we are andgetting into peace to that
beautiful peace that isconnecting with our souls and
being guided, allowing ourselvesto be guided.
That's how we can go throughwith ease and flow, despite when

(35:12):
you know the loss of a dear onehappens, when somebody left,
like in your case, mine was aseparation, then a divorce.
Because this is part of thejourney, we're always going
through different things.
Yeah, it's it's never going tostop.
Yeah, but I do believe that themore connected we are with

(35:34):
then, the more connected we arewith our soul, with that
guidance, with source.
It's easier to navigate.
Yes, to navigate these ups anddowns in life because they're
gonna continue to be there,exactly.

Karolina (35:54):
And it's like your anchor, you can always come back
to you.
You are the only one that youwake up with every single day of
your life, and if you don'thave a relationship with you,
how are you supposed to even tryto navigate your life?
Like it's you're you'reliterally your own compass, and

(36:14):
there's this gold mine withinthat when we can just all we
gotta do is create arelationship, and then you know,
and then you have all thatabundance is here.
There's nothing outside of youthat you need, it's all right
here.

Kena (36:26):
Everything is within, yeah, yeah, yes, true.
And we oh, you got me soexcited when you told gold
mined.
I just felt like my my shiftand my heart expanded because
that's true.
The gold mine is within us,yeah, it's about nurturing it,
listening to it, put attentionto it, yeah.

Karolina (36:47):
Like I could be sad, and I get sad sometimes when I
think my friend's not here, andI go visit his grave now that
I'm here, because he's inOntario and I couldn't see him
when I was in Alberta, but but Ithink it's his life was a
blessing, and what I got fromhis passing is that life is

(37:09):
short, you never know whenyou're gonna go.
So make the most of everyfucking day because you only
have right now.
And we have, yeah, and peoplecan tell you that, but until you
experience it, you don'trealize like how powerful it is
to just live for today.
Cause like we only have thismoment, like you don't know

(37:34):
what's gonna happen.
Life is so there's control isthe biggest joke, like planning
for retirement.
My friend couldn't plan forretirement.
What's the point?
You know, like we we worryabout these things, like I want
to worry about what makes mehappy right now.

Kena (37:53):
Yes, yeah, oh yeah, I'm so agree with you.
I have a friend that I mean,she works for the government, so
you know she has all thesupport and benefits and
da-da-da.
And again, like, yeah, likewe're good, you know, we're for
retirement.
I was like, Are you kidding me?
It's like, no, I choose myfreedom, that's when I became a

(38:15):
digital nomad.
Do I have money for theretirement?
No, I don't at this moment,eventually, because I'm like
you, I'm aiming to be rich asfuck.
So whenever that arrives, thenI'm gonna think about it.
But for now, I'm living life.
I'm not gonna held my holdmyself back to a future that I

(38:35):
don't know if it's gonna arrive.
Exactly to enjoy the present.

Karolina (38:40):
Yeah, something else I learned over the past five
years is that the universealways provides any time where I
didn't think there was enoughmoney, money came from nowhere.
I have always been supported,I've been choosing my joy, and I
have been I quit my job withthe pension, and I've always
been supported.

(39:01):
And it's taken me a while toget to this place and to like
launch my business and do mystuff because life be life and
but like I have always beensupported, and so like this
whole thing about worrying aboutplanning for finances and
stuff, I'm always supported,it's gonna be fine.
I believe that it's gonna befine, and when you believe, when

(39:23):
you have those beliefs, theuniverse matches that.

Kena (39:27):
Yeah, definitely.
Yeah, I'm so with you at thismoment, like in a in a path of
uh of so much trust andsurrender at the same time,
because of course the mind andthe you know our biology coming
like come on, we need tosurvive.
It's like, no, it's okay.

(39:47):
I hear you, but I choose tosurrender, I'm allowing, and I
trust, and it's gonna it's goingto flow, as you said.
Yeah, we're always supported.
Also happened with me because Iseparated in 2020, and uh then
I rented an apartment.
Thanks to the abundance of myfriends.

(40:08):
Like again, I always wassupported, like half of the
stuff that I have in thisapartment is was for it was
given for one of my friends.
She moved in with a boyfriend.
I was like, and I moved to herplace for a couple of months
before renting this apartment.
And she was like, No, you can'tstay there.
I mean, the the rent is paid.
And I was like, no, at least Iwant to pay one month.

(40:31):
Come on, you know.
It's like, you know, but thenshe was like, So this is the
things I'm taking from myapartment.
The rest, you can take it oryou can sell it or do whatever
you want with it.
Wow.
I was like, wow, like we'realways we're always supported.
That's so true.
I mean, the abundance is alwaysthere, it's about welcoming it

(40:54):
in whatever way it is.

Karolina (40:57):
That's the thing, right?
You can't you can't say youwant abundance and then limit
how it's gonna come in.
You gotta open yourself up toany possibility.
That's the thing.
It's like I wanted happinessand joy and freedom, I needed
divorce for that.
Like I wanted to be this 2.0version of myself, I needed
divorce for that.
I couldn't have got to thisplace I'm in right now without

(41:21):
that.
And we can't limit and restrictand hang on to that thing that
we think, like marriage, like,oh, I gotta be with him forever.
Well, nope, nope, no thanks,unsubscribe.
Like that.
Yeah, I love that absolutelyright.

Kena (41:41):
Unsubscribe the happily ever after can happen just
within ourselves, withourselves, and that's a cool
part.
One, we are happy ever afterwith our own.
Yes, oh, we get to expand allthat joy and love with other
people, exactly.

Karolina (42:01):
Yeah, I'm so much, so much happier now than I was ever
in my life.
Yeah, even the day I met theBackstreet Boys, that was a
great day, but I'm happier now.

Kena (42:17):
Oh wow, yeah.
Oh no, it's true that uh it's agreat place to be.
It's a great place to be, butit it's about realizing that we
went through a lot of fuckingshit the last year.

Karolina (42:32):
Yeah, yeah, and that's the thing.
It is the process, it's theprocess, it's the small steps
that you don't realize make ahuge difference.
The way you talk to yourself,the way you dress, the way you
show up, the way you restrictyourself, that surrender and
letting go.
I actually went to Canada'sWonderland last week and I
practiced surrender and lettinggo because I was like, this is

(42:54):
the perfect roller coasters, isthe perfect way to practice
surrender and letting go.
Because I would always go onthe big ones and white knuckle
the handles, and I was like, I'mgonna put my hands up.
I'm practicing surrender.
I trust that I'm gonna get backsafely, and I did.
I put my hands up and it was soscary, but I did it, and guess
what?
I'm alive.

(43:15):
The roller coaster got mesafely back to the to the
whatever it's called, and then Igot out and I walked away, and
it was fine, and like trustingthat it's gonna unfold exactly
how it's meant to.

Kena (43:28):
Yeah, you know what?
You're making me think I loverock climbing, so I started
doing it this year again.
So I go two or three times perweek, and now that you're saying
about letting go, I wasthinking about it the other day,
and I think that one of thethings that I love is just when
I get to the top, I usually lookdown.

(43:50):
I love seeing all the wallswith the different colors and
the rocks and the whole thing,but being in there, and then
it's like just doing that, letgo and stuff, just letting
myself going down, yeah.
And I feel so freaking good,yeah.
And I think it has helped me alot to lose a lot of fear for

(44:12):
other things, yes, becauseeverything is intertwined,
right?

Karolina (44:15):
So yeah, yeah.
I think I would encourage thelisteners to find that thing,
whether it's roller coasters,rock climbing, skydiving, bungee
jumping, like it doesn't haveto be extreme, but like finding
a way that you can practicesurrender and letting go.
It just I think that signals tothe universe that you're ready
to receive.
Oh, and that you're steppinginto this new identity of

(44:38):
someone who is welcoming thisabundance and possibilities in
their life, and like that'sdefinitely something I've
learned and embodied in practicebecause of all the shit and all
the little stuff.
This is just one little thingyou can do.

Kena (44:54):
Yeah, that's true.
Thank you for that invitation.
Yeah, awesome.
You know, coming back to whatyou just mentioned, identities,
I think that's we're so attachedto our identities that I
believe that's why sometimes wewant to keep the people pleaser

(45:16):
because if we let it go, ouridentity is gonna shift, and
then the other people around usare not gonna like it because
it's not convenient for them,right?
Well, that's one the peoplepleaser, but also I mean, after
decades of thinking the samethings, having the same patterns

(45:39):
and beliefs and programs andfollowing the whole thing, I I
believe that that's why a lot ofpeople struggle with when going
into the healing process orwhen they want to improve

(46:01):
something in themselves, or whenthe awakening is happening, and
we think we're in a crisis,it's that push, right?
It's I mean, we get a lot offear, but I think that fear,
what it really means is thatpush of the soul saying, It's

(46:21):
time to expand.
Yeah, it's time to expand.

Karolina (46:25):
Yeah, you're it I love the analogy of a plant.
You go go to the the greenhouseand you buy a plant and it's in
a small pot, and theneventually the roots grow so big
that it doesn't fit in that potanymore, and you got to put it
into a bigger pot.
But until you move it into thebigger pot, those roots are
pushing up against the edge, andI think that's the fear.
You're pushing up against theedge of your pot.

(46:47):
That's your old identity, andnow you need to be transplanted
into a new pot so that you cangrow more.
And I think that's just and andthe fear comes from the fear of
the unknown.
And I think all the all thepeople pleaser and like our old
identity is just habits, and youcan always change your habits,

(47:10):
and once you realize that you'rejust operating out of habit on
this old programming, it'seasier to change it because it's
it's just like picking up a newlike exercise habit.
You find something that bringsyou joy, you're gonna make it a
new habit.
Like you don't do it becausesomeone tells you to.
You tune in, you find out whatbrings you joy, like rock

(47:30):
climbing, and you do it threetimes a week because it brings
you joy, not because you thinkyou have to, and then that's how
you change your habits.

Kena (47:37):
Yeah, that's true.
Yeah, yeah, and then I'm alsocoaching habits, so it does what
I my mind now is like like youknow, trying you thinking a lot
of things at the same time.
Because as you said, like Ibase everything in self-care,
then I think self-care is one ofthe main things that we must

(47:59):
do, not only as women, but as inmen, we gotta take care of
ourselves first to fill up ourcups first, so we can give from
a place of abundance and loveinstead of lack and resentment.

Karolina (48:12):
I like to use an analogy that we have two cups.
Okay.
This cup's for me, and thiscup's for everybody else.
Oh, and so yeah.
So we're double fisting inlife.
And and this cup, yeah.
So, like, I need to have enoughroom so that I can do my life.
And does my other cup haveenough water in it, or whatever

(48:33):
liquid you want to drink to giveto, you know, talking to you,
or like going rock climbing, orgoing to the amusement park, or
like walking the dog, or likethis cup is every doing laundry,
cooking food, like that's whatthe other cup is for.
And this this is my self-care,this is my life juice.

Kena (48:53):
I love that analogy.
That's true.
Yeah, that's true.
Because I mean, we usually sayit's one cup and we give from
the overflow, but if theoverflow is already spilled,
right?
Oh, at least we at least we putanother bigger pot under
something like that.
Yes, exactly.
Yeah, so as you said, like soself-care basically is based in

(49:15):
habits.
And and the thing is, like alot of people they struggle when
they want to exercise, youknow, do something new, or the
thing is we each of us weredifferent.
We gotta tune into things thatwe enjoy.
As you said, I do rock climbingnow because I freaking enjoy
it.
Yeah, and at the same time, I'mexercising my body and I'm

(49:38):
super present, and you know, allthose little things that add
up, and that's what it keepscalling me there.
So it's about for the peoplewho need to exercise, who want
to move more, what it's callingyou, what tunes you on so you
know that thing can become ahabit.

(50:00):
Yeah, and that and that's thething how we can put habits in
life.
It gotta be things that lightus up, or also the idea of um
habit stalking.
So you do one thing so you canremember to then do the other
thing, and then at one point itjust becomes something, a bigger
structure, but then you do alot of things at the same time

(50:21):
that can benefit you to livebetter and to fill up your cup.

Karolina (50:26):
Yeah, like I now have a speaker on the windowsill in
the kitchen.
So when I do dishes, becauselike who loves doing dishes?
I always have a dance partywhile I'm in the kitchen doing
dishes, and all of a sudden thedishes are done, and I'm just
rocking out to like songs fromthe 2000s that I used to dance
to in the club, and then it'slike kitchen dance party, and

(50:48):
everything gets done, and thenit's so that's the stacking that
I've once you find what worksfor you, then life is so much
more enjoyable because it's likea party instead of I have to do
this thing, and that's likeshifting the words too, like,
oh, I get to have a dance partynow, like instead of like oh, I
have to do the dishes, like yes,yeah, it's it's really the

(51:10):
intention, right?

Kena (51:11):
Like how we approach things, yeah.
You say about the dishes, yeah.
Nobody, yeah, but I I don'tenjoy doing dishes either, and I
don't enjoy cleaning my myplace either.
But it what I do is I usuallyeither I put a podcast, usually,
or also listening to music.
So then I'm in a good vibe andI'm not doing it because it

(51:33):
feels like I have to do it.
It's more like, oh yeah, it'sfeels and also I I actually tune
into that's I also tune into mysoul for that.
It's like, what do you feellike doing today?
Yeah, and sometimes it tellsme, ah, what about doing the
laundry today?
And then I do the laundry inthe meantime that I'm working
and stuff, and it just flows andit doesn't feel as a task, yes,

(51:56):
right?
Yeah, but it's also tuning into the soul for that, yeah, for
something so simple, but it'sgonna bring more ease and flow
during the day.

Karolina (52:08):
Yeah.
I don't know if this works forevery type in human design, but
I know as like generators andmanifesting generators, because
we have sacral authority lit up,if you can follow that that
thread of like what do I want todo and feeling in, you can get
a task done if you forceyourself to do the checklist.
It can take you like eighthours to get a bunch of stuff

(52:29):
done.
But when you're operating fromalignment and you're moving
from, ooh, this sounds like fun,you can get it done in an hour.
This eight-hour task, you canget it done in an hour.
Yeah.
And so I've stopped living mylife from I'm such, I'm not, I'm
wow.
I was about to say I'm such alist person.
I'm not a list person anymore.
I do what I think in the momentand I don't write it down

(52:53):
because I'm just like, oh, Ineed a vacuum.
Yes, I want to vacuum and Ivacuum and it's done.
And like, I don't make a list,I have to vacuum every week.
I gotta this every week.
I gotta do this.
I don't do that anymore.
I follow the flow of that's thething.
We have to remember too thatlife is flowing like water, and
sometimes there's a big wave andsometimes there's not.
Sometimes it's still, and andlike if we move with the waves

(53:14):
of life, that's when the bestthings can come because you're
moving with it, you're notfighting against it.

Kena (53:21):
Yeah, and I want to put together to that the waves of
life, but also it's about, andthen more as women, go also with
the flow of our menstrualcycle.
I think that's super important,yeah.
Like last week it was it was akind of like a full week for me

(53:43):
because I I was doing the uhkarity and life experience that
I offer, and then I started anew training, and I was like,
okay, that's like enough, likeyou know.
So I took myself besides havingmy period that also came at the
same time.
Oh my gosh.
It was more like, yes, it wasjust like everything in there.
I was like, okay, so I need togo more often, like for walks.

(54:06):
I didn't went much to the Iwent to rock climbing, but it
was until Sunday, so that theweek was over because I know I
was like, no, I want to honor mybody how it is at this moment.
And and yeah, and it alsoflowed.
I had a great week, even thoughthere was a lot of stuff
happening, but by honoring mybody and the cycle where I was

(54:30):
in my moon and going with theflow of life at the same time,
it's just you know, it's justgoing in a little boat and just
let yourself float in there.

Karolina (54:40):
Yeah, it's that surrender to the waves of life,
yeah, or the the waves of yourindividual life, yes, exactly.
Yeah, because like that's thething.
I love astrology and I love allthat stuff, but I don't think
it necessarily always applies.
If you're flowing with yourlife and Mercury's in

(55:02):
retrograde, it doesn't alwayslike affect everyone the same.
And so like I stopped like,sure, I still follow those
things, but I stopped worryingabout them because if I feel
good, my communication feelsgood, I'm not worried about it.
Like, I don't gotta worry thatMercury's in rec retrograde, you
know, like not letting thatlimit me.
I'm flowing exactly, yeah, withexactly how I feel.

Kena (55:24):
Yeah, yeah.
I also like reading those stuffjust to know what's what's
happening, but at the end, it'sit's within us and in which
where we are in life, as yousaid, at that moment.
Because it's not gonna, it'snot gonna be the same for you,
for me, to the listener at thismoment.
We're at different stages inlife, and it's about having just

(55:47):
that awareness that kindnessand compassion that we forgot a
lot of times to have forourselves.

Karolina (55:54):
Yeah, yeah, it's true.
And one of the other thingsthat I did actually to feel more
empowered, I stopped readingself-help books and I started
reading romantic books wherewritten by women authors, and
the women female characters aresuch badasses.
I feel more like my 2.0 versionbecause like this new identity

(56:19):
of myself, because I'm soinspired and empowered by these
women who are like kicking assand taking names, and you don't
get with the self-help books,you're still looking outside of
yourself for those cues of whatyou need to do and how you need
to behave and like analyzingyour behavior, whereas like this
is more like lived.

(56:40):
And I finish reading a chapterand I'm like, yes, queen, let's
go.
And like seeing them do it, I'mlike, I can do that too.
I can go slay a dragon, like,let's go.
Oh, I love that.

Kena (56:53):
Yeah, I think uh I don't know who it was for you, your
experience, but I think we go,as you said, like when we go
deep into the healing process atone point that when we probably
remove like the thicker layers,there is a point that we have

(57:13):
to just let go.
As you said, stop readingself-help books and say, like,
okay, because if we keepsearching, we're gonna keep
finding, that's for sure.
I mean, nobody's perfect, weare not, and we can keep digging
and digging, but I think thereis a moment that we gotta say,

(57:34):
okay, I've done the deepestwork, I know who I am now.
So, as you say, like just beingopen to see to the
possibilities, because that'sthe cool with these novels, or
you know, by having coaches orseeing other people, we know
there's more possibility for us,right?

(57:56):
So it's about saying, okay, I'mdone, and then there's more
possibility.
Then it's like if I welcomethose possibilities, then what
else the universe is gonna bringus to keep moving forward, but
not just being like, oh, I stillneed to heal, I still need to
do this, you know, or that.
I think at one point we canfall, or at least that was my

(58:18):
experience.
That at one point I felt like Ifall into, oh no, I need to
keep digging here and healing.
At one point, I was like, I'mso freaking fed up with doing
this, and I'm still doing it,you know.
I'm suddenly doing something,and then a breakthrough came
after listening to something, orby listening to a song that I

(58:39):
have listened many times, and atthat point something clicked,
right?
So, yeah, when we I thinkthere's a point when we stop
really searching or digging, butwe're still gonna keep getting
the signs to go through thatprocess because our soul, it's

(58:59):
if I mean, if we have thatconnection with the soul by
allowing it to show me themagic, show me the miracles,
show me what it is that you wantme to see, having that
willingness and openness, we'restill gonna keep receiving those
gifts.
Yes.

Karolina (59:16):
And I think what was my I was gonna use the word
problem, but I'm not a problem.
Yeah, I don't know.
Like, yeah, like obstacle, mymy limiting belief, I guess, was
that there was always somethingwrong with me and that I needed
these books.
I studied, I read all thesebooks in the self-help world for

(59:39):
20 years, and I wasn't takingenough action in my life because
there was like this disconnectof like believing there was
something wrong with me,believing I needed to be fixed,
believing that I didn't find theright tool.
I need to find the right tool,it's not working.
The right tool, you haveeverything you need inside of
you.
You just have to connect withyourself so.
So that you can have thatcompass to tell you what the

(01:00:02):
right things are and the rightpath is.
And I I had this talk with myfriend a couple of weeks ago
because she's trying to think.
She's like, Well, what do Ineed to do with my life?
What do I, what do you think Ishould do?
Da-da-da.
And I said, You can't thinkyour way through life.
You have to live your waythrough life.
You have, we're not humanthinkings, we're human beings.
We gotta be, we gotta do, wegotta like action is the way to

(01:00:25):
move through life.
And if we're gonna keep readingbooks, we're just sitting
there, we're not actuallyliving.
We gotta like do and we gottalearn how to connect to our
compass to be able to movethrough life in an aligned way.
And you can't do that bylooking outside of yourself
because there's nothing wrongwith you.
You have all the answers insideof you, and then once you can
believe that, then you can thenthat's when you can claim this

(01:00:48):
new identity.
That's when you can change yourhabits, that's when you can
change your life.
That's when you can any toolthat you have suddenly clicks
into place because you'rerealizing that you're the gold
mine and you've got everythingin here.
You just gotta, you can justtake it out from inside of you.
There's nothing outside of youthat you need, it's all in here.

Kena (01:01:06):
Yes, oh, that's so juicy.
Uh yeah, because we can read asmany books as we want, or
listening to master classes, oryou know, mentors, or being with
mentors, but if we don't takethe time to implement, yeah,
nothing's gonna happen.

(01:01:27):
Yeah, and I've seen some peopleI remember I went to a yoga
studio for a long time, like forseven or eight years.
And I would, I mean, I will seepeople there that I didn't see
them advanced in their practice.
It's like, yeah, you practiceit, but you're not take going to

(01:01:48):
the age, you know, really toimplement a bit further so you
can expand.

Karolina (01:01:55):
Yeah.

Kena (01:01:56):
And if we're just consuming information and if we
don't integrate, if we don'ttake that action, we cannot
expand, we cannot grow.
Exactly.

Yeah, you're just checking off the list, you're
not actually moving.
The list is never gonna end.
Yeah, throw away the list, yes,burn it.
Oh my god, dance on the ashes,let's go.

Kena (01:02:32):
Oh, I love that.
Oh wow.
Did you study human design ordid you just I mean, use it for
your own?

I when I learned it, because like so I had done
vision boards, the secret, thedocumentary The Secret, really
got me into the self-help worldthat came out in 2004.
I've seen that movie hundredsof times because every time I
watched it, there was a newnugget that I didn't pick up.
And it's all aboutmanifestation, the law of

(01:03:09):
attraction.
And so, fast forward to 2021,I'm listening to a podcast, and
someone on the podcast says, ifyou know what your arrows are in
your human design, you learnwhat kind of manifester you are.
And I'm like, hold the phone.
We don't all manifest fromvision boards, we don't all
manifest the secret lied to me.
We don't we don't put a pictureof the kitchen we want, and the

(01:03:33):
universe is gonna bring us thatkitchen that doesn't work for
all of us.
No, it doesn't.
And so when I learned that andI looked at my human design and
I was like, I'm not that kind ofmanifestor.
So I I actually have threebooks.
I like I dove right.
I actually got the textbookthat the the organization who

(01:03:53):
teaches human design, that's thetextbook.
Like I read through thetextbook, I read through, yeah.
I everyone I meet, I'm like,uh, when were you born?
Do you know what time you wereborn?
Can I can I look you up?
Because like I got the paidversion of the online human
design stuff.
I'm like, oh wow.
My nephew is almost two yearsold when he was born.
I'm like, what time was he bornat?
I got him in there.

(01:04:14):
I look him up.
I want to see, I want to seehim flourish based on his
design.
I'm gonna I'm gonna encouragehim to live by his design.
And now that I'm here, I can dothat.
That's great.
Imagine if we were girl likethat.

Kena (01:04:29):
Yeah.
We oh my god, yeah.
I the world would be completelydifferent.
That's what right?
Yes.

And like I I know a lot about human design, but I
don't know enough to like coachsomeone or give a reading.
I know enough that if I look atyour chart, I can tell you what
to look at, I can tell youwhat's important, I can tell you
how it works.
Okay.
Um, but like I I I mean, maybethat's enough to give a reading.
I don't know.
I'd have to look through mybooks specifically to be like,
what do these things mean?
But also chat GPT works realwell for that too.

(01:04:59):
If you're like, hey, I'm thistype and my arrows go in these
directions, and I have thesecenters lit up, and these are my
channels.
He'll give you.
I say he because I call himChad, Chad GPT.
Okay.
Anyway, so so and you you givethat information, you'll get a
like a free reading.

Kena (01:05:19):
I don't know how like accurate it is, like, but no, I
have my I had had mine too, anduh what I as you said, I mean,
as you it really many thingsresonated.
I'm a manifesting generator,one three, and I then I was
like, Oh, this makes a lot ofsense.
That's what I jumped from onething to another one, even

(01:05:40):
though when sometimes I mightnot finished, but then at one
point I put all those thingstogether, it's like this is what
you have, you know?
Yeah, and I'm a lot intopracticality, and that's the
methodology that I based mystuff.
It's like holistic self-care,body, mind, soul, and then let's
do practices so you can, youknow, get your shut together,

(01:06:04):
and you know, yeah.
So yeah, but yeah, when I whenI learn about human design, and
I know the basics, but just forthat, it really opened not open,
I guess it was kind of like thepermission slip, like saying,
Yeah, you are right, the way youare, you are right.
You are not broken, you are notwrong.
This is who you are, and allowit.

(01:06:28):
And as you say, like also asyou say where uh our authority
comes from our sacral, so wereally feel that excitement and
that push, and we know what thatwhen it comes from there,
that's freaking true.
Like the soul is like, hellyeah.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.
And you're right, it is apermission slip because it it
really, especially asmanifesting generators, because
and with the three, because Ialso have a three where it's
like you have to try, you haveto do, and you don't have to
finish because if you try and itdoesn't light you up, you can
let it go.
But society doesn't work thatway.

(01:07:07):
Society says you have to followthrough with what you start,
you have to complete likeeverything that you do, but that
doesn't work for us, and that'swhat leads us to burnout
because it goes against howwe're innately designed.
And I think human design,learning your human design, that
permission slip is the same aspeople getting diagnosis for

(01:07:27):
like ADHD and autism and stuffbecause it's a permission slip.
Yes, it is because it's like,oh, this is how I'm different,
this is how I'm allowed tooperate like this now.
That is how I view humandesign.
It's like this is how Ioperate.
Like, you know, you can put alabel on it if you want, but
like I would rather call it apermission slip.

(01:07:48):
This is this is how I'm built,and this is I'm allowed to move
through life this way, done.
And and and allowing your soul,like, okay, soul, this is what
you're here for.
Let's go.
Yeah, let's like because whathave you got to lose?
You can always go back to whoyou were.
Why not give it a try?
Give it a try, living exactlyhow you're built.

Kena (01:08:06):
Yeah, but that's the thing you will not want to come back
once you said, like, this isfreaking me, and I've been
struggling, and I've beendimming my life, and I've been,
you know, again thinking thatthere's something wrong with me
when there's nothing wrong withme.
Exactly.
And I love also that you are athree because oh, that's so I

(01:08:28):
mean, those so fucking excitingbecause it's it's the person who
really experienced that itspeaks from their experience
when they have already livedsomething, and and I think that
we are here to serve people.
Yeah, I mean the teachings thatwe do is because we have

(01:08:49):
already been through those.
Yeah, if we are guiding people,you know, if we're guiding
souls for their awakening tolive better lives, it's because
we know there is a way to do itbecause we are living it, yeah,
we have done it and we keepdoing it.

Yeah, exactly.
Right?
Yeah, I'm actually a 3-6, andso apparently with the six, you
live the first 30 years of yourlife as a three-three, and so
yeah, you don't start developingthe six until you've got that
lived experience under yourbelt, and that's when after 30

(01:09:28):
years old, you're integratinginto apparently there's like the
six line is really weird whereit's yeah, the first 30 years is
like you're a three-three, andthen for the next 20 years, it's
like you're integrating thethree that you've learned.
But then once you're like 50,the six really comes out, and
the six is the role model, andso like not only are you like

(01:09:48):
sharing your lived experience,but then as that like role model
like turns in, but anyway, thedouble threes really I had to do
a lot.
There was so much, like I gottatry things, yeah.

Kena (01:10:02):
Oh, okay.
I'm a I want three, yeah.
So I and I understand a lot theone is the investigator, yeah.
So I really love like diggingin into into into things, like
and and that's one of the thingsthe work that I do is because
it's related a lot to the mind,and me knowing more about how

(01:10:23):
the mind works is just such agift.
It's it's I mean, we get tounderstand ourselves so much
because of that.
Why why we have you know, orbeliefs or programs, and then
and how we act while we act isyeah, part is the mind, but then
also when we understand thebody is the subconscious mind,

(01:10:44):
it's like whoa, you know, yeah.
I love investigating and goingyeah, deeper into things, and
it's just just so much fun.
That works for this show, yeah.
Oh yeah.
Oh my god, what a juicyconversation.

(01:11:07):
I I I've been I I've beenenjoying it a lot, you too.
So you said at this moment youare in the best time of your
life so far.
Yeah.
What is it?
Can you tell us?
Can you tell us more aboutthat?

I feel like it really has to do with becoming my own
best friend and loving my owncompany and getting to know all
the things that light me up andchoosing the things that bring
me joy.
And so every day I'm justhaving fun.
And like I chose to startonline dating again, and I'm

(01:11:48):
just having fun.
I'm coming at it from fun, andI'm having a blast, and
everything about life is allabout having a blast.
I even put that in my onlinedating profile that my motto is
if life's not fun, what's thepoint?
Because like I I can't have Ican't be with someone who's
serious.
I want to be with someone whoactually wants to have fun with

(01:12:11):
me in life.
Like I like I said, I don'tcare about planning for
retirement.
I care about having fun.
I know it's gonna be taken careof, so why worry about it?
But I think that's why.
Like on paper, you know, mybusiness is not supporting me
and like I'm living with my mom.
And like, so on paper, it'slike, oh, how are you, how are

(01:12:33):
you okay?
But like also, I struggled alot with depression after my
ex-husband left, and I had to gothrough this like dark night of
the soul in order to get here,and I know what's on the other
side, and I just like I don'tknow, I just I just love life
and I just have so much fun, andI don't have fun all the time
because you can't live at a 10your whole like your whole

(01:12:55):
existence.
But like, but even when it'slike, you know, I like I said,
like I'm reading for fun, I'mnot reading because I think
there's something wrong with me,I'm reading because I enjoy it
and it lights me up, and I'm intwo book clubs and I can talk
about the stuff I'm reading, andI have so much fun, and I'm
doing new things like book cluband stuff where I can meet new
people and get out there becauseI'm living my three and I'm

(01:13:17):
really honoring who I am.
And that just makes life somuch more enjoyable.
And and all these little thingsare helping me claim this
identity, and I'm living as thisperson that I know I'm meant to
be, and I'm hearing things comeout of my mouth, and I'm like,
who said that?
Because, like, that's not how Iused to like say things, and

(01:13:39):
and it's just happening becauseI'm just living it, I'm not
thinking about it, I'm justdoing it, and it's so cool.
Like, I I walked into actuallybook club, and my one friend,
and I spent so much time withher, she's one of my best
friends, and I walked in, she'slike, Ew, look who just showed
up.
I'm like, absolutely not.
I will not allow you to talklike that to me.
And she's like, I'm joking.
I'm like, I don't care, I don'tthink it's funny.

(01:14:00):
And then she tried to hug me.
I'm like, absolutely not.
And I went and sat down.
I'm like, nope, like I'm nottaking that energy.
And I sat there and I was like,I started shaking.
Like, but I think that's thenervous system integrating.
That's like the somatic work.
And my system was shaking, andI tuned back into myself because
when I tune into those sixlayers, I feel so much peace.

(01:14:22):
And I just tune back in.
I'm like, I did the rightthing, I'm proud of myself and
everything I'm doing in life.
I'm like, am I proud?
It's the same as like I got atroll comment last week.
And my only concern is what'sgonna make me proud of my
actions in this moment.
And that's how I live all mylife from.
And I think that's why I'm sohappy because I'm I I can at the

(01:14:43):
end of the day have acelebration log and list so
many.
I'm so happy that I made thisdelicious coffee today.
I'm just loving the littlethings and the big things.
I'm so happy I was up till 1:30in the morning talking to this
new guy because it was fun andmy cheeks hurt, like like little
things to like bring me joy.
And that's that's why I thinklife is great right now, and it

(01:15:06):
doesn't have anything to do withthe the checklist on paper
because like I'm just lovinglife.

Kena (01:15:12):
Yeah, but that I think that's the point in life,
enjoying it, yeah.
You know, whatever whatever itis that it brings us, and then
if we have that intentionalityand that yeah, it's how we want
to welcome it, yeah.
Because there's always again,it's always gonna be shit, and

(01:15:35):
there's always gonna be magic.
It's like, okay, well, shithappens, okay, let's move to the
magic, yeah, and then it's likea dance the whole day, yeah,
it's really like that.

Yeah, one thing that I didn't love about moving back
to this area was traffic becausethere's so like I said, there's
so many people here, and I haveto go to an appointment.
And I used to think, oh no, amI gonna make it on time?
And I started telling myself, Ihave lots of time, I have so
much time, everything iseverything's gonna be fine

(01:16:07):
because I have so much time andI've never been late.
And it's just shifting, likeyou're saying, like looking at
the magic, that's the magic,trusting that everything's gonna
be perfect, and I've never, Ihaven't had to worry about it.
I'm not late.
And so even when I noticemyself rushing, like, I've got
lots of time, got lots of time,because you're not thinking, I

(01:16:28):
don't want to be late.
You're thinking, I've got somuch time, and it's that's that
abundance, it just lines it allup for you.
And like, I've never I've neverbeen late for an appointment.
It's just it just works out,and it's that belief that it's
gonna work out, it's that beliefthat you deserve to be happy,
it's that belief that like whenyou do that, you're supported,

(01:16:50):
like you know, it's it'sshifting the beliefs, and then
that helps you step into youridentity.
If this you can you don't haveto settle for what was handed to
you in life.

Kena (01:17:00):
No, we don't have to settle, yes.
We get to choose either, evenwhen sometimes that choosing is
not the best thing that we wouldlike to, but it's those little
micro shifts, micro movementthat we can do that at one point
is gonna add up.
And I mean, we are here fiveyears after losing a dear one,

(01:17:22):
yeah, and having a divorce, andwe're living our best lives,
yeah, right?
Yeah, just to say give meshields.
So, yeah, it's it's aboutenjoying the journey the way it
is, and then choosing then thatmagic because it's there, it's
there, yeah, because the journeyis gonna be what it is.

There's no point in trying to control it.
We just like shift our belief,shift whatever meaning we give
it.
I saw this video today, andthis guy said life, and he's not
saying this from like a like asad or a defeatist place, but
he's like, Life has no meaning,life just is.
We give it meaning.
Yes, we get to decide.

(01:18:04):
Does it mean I'm gonna like ifif I'm stuck in traffic, does
that mean I need to be stressed?
Or can I turn on a song that Ilove and just enjoy the ride?
Because yes, control is thebiggest joke.
Yes, like even if you think Ican control what I wear, how do
you know if you pull somethingout of the closet and a moth

(01:18:24):
didn't put a hole in it?
You know what I mean?
Like you can't, you still haveno control.
Life is gonna life.
So, like, yeah, release that.
It's not serving you.
Let it go, let it go, let itgo, let it flow.

Kena (01:18:40):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's the way it is.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you so much, Carolina,for being here, Sweet.
Thank you for oh my god.
Oh, such a pleasure.
And I would like to know.
Well, you probably said it in alot of words, but if you will
come and summarize how you callthis midlife chapter, the one
you're living at this moment.

Freedom.
Love it, yeah, love it, loveit.
Yeah, because likeunsubscribing from all the rules
that have were so constricting,and unsubscribing from control,
and unsubscribing from all ofit is just liberation, it's
freedom.
It's like finally I get tolive.

Kena (01:19:21):
Yes, yes.
And final question what is thepleasure of you that you enjoy
the most?

I want to say like cuddling with the dog on the
couch.
That's nice.
Yeah, like he'll get in, he'llcuddle, and he'll he'll just
lean on me.
And it just it, I don't know.
I think we're co-regulating,it's so grounding, and it's just
I just watch TV and pet him,and he just loves it.
Yeah nice.

Kena (01:19:47):
Yeah, thank you.
Thank you.
Oh, can you tell our listenerswhere they can find you?

Yeah, I spend a lot of time on Instagram at the inner
soundcheck.
So you can find me there.

Kena (01:20:00):
Okay, and your website is also the inner sound.
Theinner soundcheck.com.
Yeah.com.
Okay, beautiful.
I'm gonna put all thatinformation in the in the show
notes again.
Such a pleasure having youhere.
What a wonderful conversation.
I super enjoy it, and uh muchlove to you.

Thank you, YouTube.

Kena (01:20:23):
Thank you for tuning in to Midlife Butterfly.
I hope this episode empowersyou in some way.
Share the love by hittingfollow wherever you're listening
and leave a review if you feelinspired.
I also love to connect withyou.
Come say hi on Instagram atMidlife Butterfly.
I love to know you.
Until next time, keep spreadingthose wings and leave enjoying

(01:20:45):
growth and pleasure.

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#39 - Shedding the Good Girl: Living Fully Aligned Beyond Fear & Old Identities with Karolina Bey Autumn

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}#39 - Shedding the Good Girl: Living Fully Aligned Beyond Fear & Old Identities with Karolina Bey Autumn