#44 - First You, Without Guilt: Reclaiming Your Energy and Inner Peace

If you’ve spent years fixing, organizing, and caretaking before you even check in with yourself—this one is your homecoming. We name the quiet ache of overgiving and replace it with a grounded, guilt-free “first you” practice that turns scarcity into overflow. Through simple morning rituals, energetic boundaries, and self-honoring choices, you’ll feel how awareness shifts your entire day—and your life. We talk midlife empowerment, identity shifts, and the standards that rise when you finally remember your worth. By the end, you’ll know how to set your tone for the day, protect your energy like it’s sacred (because it is), and move from reaction to creation. Come breathe, recalibrate, and choose yourself—so the ripple you send into your world is love, joy, and alignment. 

 

✨ In This Episode You’ll Learn

• How a 5–90 minute morning ritual shifts you from reaction to creation. 
• Why “first you” ends resentment and fuels overflow for everyone. 
• What happens when you protect your energy with boundaries and breath. 
• How to return to center fast when life wobbles you. 
• The truth about worthiness: higher standards change your world. 

 

🦋 Reflection Questions

1. Where am I still overgiving from emptiness instead of overflow?
2. What would shift if I woke up for myself and not for everyone else?
3. Which boundary — with myself or others — would honour my energy right now?

* * * * *

✨ First You: Boundaries for Joyful Holidays

The holidays don’t have to drain you. Step into a space where your peace comes first, your energy is protected, and your joy gets to lead.

Inside this on-demand masterclass, you’ll learn how to create loving, guilt-free boundaries that keep you grounded, present, and actually enjoying the season — without overgiving, overextending, or abandoning yourself.

- Watch the Masterclass: http://midlifebutterfly.ca/firstyoumasterclass

Song: Reborn by Alexander Nakarada

Episode Transcript

Kena Siu (00:00):
Welcome beautiful soul.
This is Midlife Butterfly, thespace where you remember who you
truly are beneath all theworld's responsibilities and
expectations.
I'm your empowerment guide,Kena Siu, and I hold this space
for women in midlife who areready to rediscover themselves,
reclaim their joy, and livefully aligned.
If you are new here, welcome toour cocoon.

(00:22):
You've just enter a place wherechoosing yourself isn't
selfish, it's sacred.
In today's episode, You First,Without Guilt, we'll explore how
awareness transforms overgivinginto overflow and how putting
yourself first becomes the mostloving thing you can do for
everyone around you.

(00:42):
So take a deep breath, dropinto your heart, and let's dive
into this truth together.
If you listen to my previoussolo episode, which it was
episode number 42, I talk a lotabout the myths of putting
yourself first.
And yes, I know I said a lot offuck that.

(01:03):
But the truth is, it's finallytime to shift the paradigm.
It has to be about the selffirst.
Okay?
Because let's be honest, howmany times had you found
yourself running around foreveryone else, giving, fixing,

(01:25):
organizing, and realizinghalfway through the day, you
haven't even checked with you.
You haven't even checked, youhaven't even checked in with
you.
Right?
So no, we gotta start with theself.
With the self.

(01:47):
And when I'm saying starting,I'm aiming from the moment that
you just wake up.
And even if you can do itbefore, when you go to bed, also
do that.
So you go to sleep in a betterstate and get to sleep the best
that you can as much aspossible, right?

(02:07):
But I'm gonna start with in themorning.
Why morning practices are soimportant, and I'm focusing on
this because it changed my life.
When I start doing that morningpractice, I felt more grounded,
I felt more aware during theday, I felt less triggered, you

(02:34):
know, and I was able to handlemuch better my day.
And since then, I've been ithas shifted for many years.
I mean, it keeps shiftingstill.
Like some of the practices thatI do now is meditation,
journaling sometimes, not everyday, but then I have movement,
I'm doing breath work, sometimesit's just yoga.

(02:56):
You know, it's whatever it isthat you can do in the morning,
but is focused in you, instillness, or even if you're
going for a walk, it's you andyour thoughts.
You are not listening tosomething, to somebody.

(03:16):
That time with yourself is sucha precious gift because then
from there you can set your daywith intention, you know,
because from there, from yourmorning practice, you uh
literally set the tone for yourday, and you set the state that

(03:43):
you want to fill in instead ofreacting all the time.
So I highly recommend you tostart with a morning practice,
even if it's five minutes.
I promise you that it feels sofreaking good that you're gonna
keep increasing it, increasingit, and increasing it.

(04:04):
Like seriously, I remember Istarted meditating like for 10
minutes.
Now my average is 20, but mymorning practice itself during
the morning, it's of minimum onehour and a half.
And yeah, I freaking put analarm in the morning, so I have
the time, the precious beautifultime to nurture myself first

(04:28):
before everything else.
So, this is really aboutfilling your cup first.
Which are your needs as soon asyou wake up?
How is it that you want to feelduring the day?
Which are the goals or thetasks that you're having during
the day?

(04:49):
That hopefully you look at themthe night before just to have a
quick idea of how your day isgoing to be, right?
But then you know, okay, sothis is what I'm expecting to
have tomorrow.
So I'm filling up my cup.
So then you don't run up on anempty cup and then burn out.

(05:12):
Because the truth is when wegive from an empty cup, we give
from scarcity and resentment.
Have you ever felt resentmenttowards someone because you

(05:33):
actually did or didn't dosomething that you wanted or you
didn't want to do, and then youblame the other person?
Like, really?
No, it is your responsibility,my love.
It is yours and yours only.
So fill up your cup so you givefrom a place of love and
overflow.
And the cool part about this isthat when you put yourself

(06:00):
first, these create a rippleeffect in your exterior world.
Because since you when you arewaking up in the morning and
having that morning routine withyou, and already, I don't know,
having again like meditating,probably you also reading
something that is nourishingyou.

(06:20):
You probably have affirmations,right?
You already set the tone overthere of how you want to
approach the day.
And the thing is, we areenergy, you are energy,
everything is energy, so itdepends how we act outside, how
we are living outside.

(06:41):
That's the energy we're goingto get back.
Because if you have noticedsometimes that you are grumpy,
you're gonna notice thateverything, everyone around you
is fucking grumpy.
And is it them or is it you?
There's just it's it's it's areflection.
So really, really, is againwhen you fill up your cup, when

(07:07):
you have that full cup with theoverflow, that effect of joy, of
abundance, of peace, ofharmony, or even if it's
neutral, that's what you'regonna get from the external
world.
And yeah, this is aboutenergetics.

(07:29):
What can I say?
I'm still kind of like puttingall these things together, you
know.
But well, so this is what itis, and then the other thing
when you know how you wannafeel, what your state is, and if
you already know how your dayis gonna be in general, if

(07:50):
you're gonna know who you'regoing to approach, uh you don't
know, at work or a family memberor whatever, you can prepare
ahead of time by settingboundaries.
Yes, it's up to you to setthose boundaries, to put limits
before somebody else crossesthem.

(08:11):
So if you know if you're gonnameet someone that triggers you,
then be mindful with that.
Meaning, and this is one of thethings that I tell my clients,
really kind of practice.
Because if you know how more orless how the situation could be

(08:32):
with this person every time youinteract with them, just be
prepared.
You know it's gonna happen.
So, one of the things that youcan actually do is when you are
meditating, when you are in yourspace of stillness, imagine
that you have either a shield infront of you of or like if you

(08:55):
put yourself in a bubble,imagine yourself that you are
protecting your energy.
Your energy is precious andit's up to you how you want to
keep it.
Yeah, life is gonna continue tohappen and people are still
gonna be there.
But the thing is, the moreaware you are, the better you're

(09:18):
gonna be at protecting yourenergy, and the better you're
gonna be at setting yourboundaries.
Okay, so that's why it'simportant also to put yourself
first.
Because, yes, like I justmentioned, there's gonna be
situations where you're gonna bewobbling, you know, that

(09:43):
probably things or circumstancesthat you are more used to
react.
The cool part is when you havealready a morning practice where
you feel grounded, instead ofreacting, you actually act, or
even if you are on fire insideto the other person or to the

(10:09):
circumstance, you're gonna showup in a calmer way, you're not
going to explode, and even ifthat happens, I mean, so the
idea is yes, you're gonnawobble.
Yes, things are gonna happenoutside that it might trigger
you, that it's gonna be like,what the heck is happening right

(10:32):
now?
The thing is, it's up to you tohave that awareness to come
back to center as fast as youcan.
Or if you can, there's asituation and you can actually
walk away from it and say, youknow what, give me one moment,
I'll be back to you.
You know, freaking do it.

(10:52):
It is your right.
You can go away, go to thewashroom, scream over your arm,
or to a pillow if you if youfind it, you know, just to
process that uh anger orfrustration that I can come come
through to you.
Okay, because this life is aroller coaster and it's gonna

(11:16):
continue to be like that, thebetter you get a grounding
yourself in the morning to getinto that alignment, into that
force that is within you, andmore when you are grounded to
Mama Gaia, and also you know youare grounded and connected to
Source, to God, to the universe,the easier it's gonna be for

(11:41):
you to recalibrate every timethere is a situation, there is
someone who is just getting intoyour nerves.
And at the same time, it's veryimportant that just notice that

(12:02):
you are the observer.
Okay, so observe thoseemotional fluctuations with
compassion and with kindness.
Because sometimes a lot ofthese reactions that we have,
they don't even come from us,they don't even come from you,
they come from the collective,you know, from the news, the bad

(12:24):
news that are always there.
They can come from the reactionof your mom, you know.
And I'm giving this examplebecause I remember I used to be
a very grumpy person to gettriggered very fast.
And it's something that Ilearned unconsciously from my
mom.
Right?

(12:44):
So that's why it's importantthat compassion and that
kindness towards yourself whenthings like this happen.
But again, the more you have,the more you put your first
first by filling up your cup,the better you're gonna be at

(13:05):
coming back, you know, to thatalignment within you.
The other cool part is the moreyou take care of yourself, the
more you start loving yourselfmore.
Your standards are gonna startgetting higher, and you're gonna

(13:28):
be clearer on which yourstandards are.
And yes, I'm talking here aboutworthiness.
Because unfortunately, most ofus we think that we are
unworthy, which is also afucking program that we have
been given, because just byexisting, just by being you here

(13:51):
alive right now, you arealready worthy.
And even when you might notbelieve it, I know I've been
there, it's about remembering,it's about healing those layers
that doesn't allow you to seewho you truly are at this at the
core.

(14:11):
Because the more you get toknow you at a deeper level and
get to love yourself, you'regonna notice how those standards
are going to keep increasingand increasing and increasing.
Because you're gonna want tokeep your energy and being more

(14:36):
aware also with whom you arespending your time, right?
I assure you this is gonnahappen because this happened to
me, and a lot of women that Italk to, they are like, oh yeah,
I used to go out with thisbunch of people very often and
stuff, and it's like, I'd ratherdon't go.

(14:58):
Exactly.
Because you know at a deeperlevel who you are, you're taking
care of yourself.
So of course, you're not justgoing out there to talk to known
on people or acquaintance whenyou know that it's not
nourishing, that is notsupporting your lifestyle

(15:19):
anymore.
So, yeah, that's that's areally cool part of putting
yourself first, let me tell you.
Because then also from therecomes this creator mindset,
which means when you actuallymake choices from your deep

(15:43):
consciousness.
I mean, because we are allconscious, right?
So that's what I mean, is adeeper consciousness because the
more you're taking care ofyourself and nourishing yourself
every day, filling up your cup,being more aware, noticing how
your energy shifts, then youexperience life at a different

(16:10):
level.
It's so fucking cool.
Because you don't have time towaste, you don't have energy to
waste, not in drama, not invictimhood, not with other
people that might be drainingyou, because at one point you're
gonna be setting betterboundaries, as I mentioned

(16:31):
before, actually.
And those boundaries are withyourself and they're also with
other people.
And the cool part about thiscreator mindset that you grow
the more care you have aboutyourself, is that you recognize

(16:52):
that that awareness that youhave by prioritizing you, by
putting yourself first withoutguilt, without shame, this
precedes transformation.
It transforms you.
It transforms your world insuch a magical way, then you're

(17:20):
gonna understand what I'mtelling you.
Why morning practices andfilling up your cup?
It's essential, it's gotta bepart of your day today.
Because first, you sister,first you once you put yourself

(17:41):
first, the rest follows.
It follows because you stopliving in autopilot, because you
have that awareness of what ishappening in your day and what
you can create in your day, andyou understand that life doesn't
happen to you, it's actuallyhappening through you and for

(18:04):
you, because you are in a betterstate of being, you know, in a
better emotional from theemotional scale, you you scale,
you are on the highest levels.
More often, I mean, on thepositive emotions that we call
between codes, because they arenot good or or bad, they're not

(18:28):
positive or negative, they arejust there to show us where we
are, but then you are more awarewhere you want to be.
Because yeah, yes, I mean,again, I mentioned before, life
is a roller coaster, andsometimes you might be in a peak
and high a lot of joy, andsomething's gonna happen, it's
gonna bring you a moment ofsadness or grief.

(18:49):
But again, it's up to you to,with that awareness, with that
structure and groundness thatyou're gonna build in the
morning to come back to thatalignment, to come back to that
peace, to that moment ofneutrality, if that's what you

(19:10):
need.
Because it's not also aboutbeing like in this, I don't call
it like in this happyexcitement all the time.
No, we cannot live thereeither.
I mean, like we I mean, that'sthat's what I think emotions are
so beautiful, because if wewill not have sadness, we will

(19:31):
not have, we will not know whatjoy is, what happiness is.
And if we will not have grief,we will not know how precious it
is to be able to love someonebecause grief is another kind of
love, you know.

(19:53):
So sorry, I guess I deviate abit, but my point is here.
First, you that's the only waythat you can come home to
yourself, and that's why Icreated a three-day activation

(20:16):
from November 18th to the 20thto help you come back home to
yourself.
It's important that you comeback to you to fill up your cup,
so then you can transform yourlife, and from there you can

(20:37):
create that ripple effect ofjoy, of abundance, of ah, bliss,
pleasure, peace to everyone andeverything around you.
And once somebody comes to youand tell you, oh wow, your

(20:57):
energy is different, please comeand tell me.
That keeps happening that to meoften and often, and it's just
so fucking beautiful toexperience that.
And I want you to do it too byputting first you.
So come and join me at theactivation.
I'm gonna be sharing the linkin the show notes.

(21:20):
I hope to see you there.
And please DM me in MidlifeButterfly, tell me on Instagram,
tell me what you think aboutthis episode, tell me if you're
already doing some morningpractices, which is your morning
practice.
Yes, I would like to know that.
And since I'm also a coachinghabit, not only well, it's part

(21:41):
of my empowerment guide, youknow, tools that I have here.
I'm a coaching habit, so Iwould be happy to help to guide
you how to actually create amorning routine that it fits to
your needs, to your lifestyle,because everyone has a different

(22:02):
type of lifestyle, and I'll bemore than happy to support you
with that.
Thank you so much for beinghere in the Live Butterfly
Podcast for listening.
I hope to see you soon.
And if you feel like writing areview in Apple Podcast, that
would be more than cool.
And if you want to write acomment and Spotify, you can do
that too.
As usual, I send you a lot oflove.

(22:24):
Take care.