When the Jeans may still fit but the dream doesn’t…..

Outgrowing Old Realities & Whispering New Truths

It’s wild, isn’t it?

When your favourite piece of clothing—the one that once made you feel unstoppable—still fits, technically… but it just doesn’t feel right anymore. It pinches in places you didn’t notice before. It clings where you now crave softness.  You suddenly realise: maybe it’s not the fabric that changed, maybe it’s you who’s changed.

That’s where I’m at. Growing out of old dreams, is like retiring a pair of trusty jeans that rode with me through the wild nights and even wilder plans. They served their purpose. But now? I’m daydreaming new ones.  Midlife, this time, they’re stitched with quieter threads—less toxicity and strife, more harmony and less stress.

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I used to chase rooms filled with the right people. You know, the ones who looked good on your insta feed or a LinkedIn brag or a dinner party name-drop. But the spaces I crave now? Just need to be filled with the right energy. The kind of people who don’t just see the highlight reel, but the whole damn blooper reel too—and stay anyway.

Yes, my dreams still involve cool places and people… but my definition of “cool” has evolved. These days, it’s less rooftop parties and more rooftop solitude. Less VIP lists, more inner peace. I mean I am not a recluse or becoming one—as every now and then, you can catch me OUTSIDE.

I know I’m not the same. I can feel the shift, tugging at the edges of who I used to be. And while I’m excited to meet the next version of me, I also know I can’t skip the messy middle. In the words of JAY Z on his smash hit with Linkin Park “ encore” There’s no grand “opening” or  grand “closing.” Just layers being peeled back, one truth at a time. I’m a work in progress. Forever.

Genuine Joy (Even When You’re Falling Apart a Bit)

Let’s keep it a buck: being genuinely happy for someone else when your own life feels like it’s being held together by chewing gum, dry shampoo, and ever decreasing faith is hard…  That’s not just emotional maturity—that’s advanced-level adulting. That’s emotional Pilates, some kind of stretching that hits parts of your soul you didn’t even know were tight.

Truth is celebrating someone else’s joy doesn’t shrink your own. In fact, it plants it. Quietly. Like hope with a long germination period.

Being happy for someone—even when you’re bruised, in a funk, or just emotionally crusty—takes guts. It means you’re starting to accept (or at least wrestle with the idea) that life isn’t a Pinterest board or linear.

Full transparency here—I still fall face-first into the puddle of “Why not me?” sometimes. I spiral. I scroll. I sulk. I whisper “when God?” under my breath more than I care to admit. I’m not proud of it. But I’m human. The path to healing isn’t a linear journey either—it’s a bloody roundabout.

But comparison? Oh, that B***H is  a slick thief. An “OLE” as we say in Lagos. Out here in these streets stealing hope, peace, and joy.  Sometimes she looks like inspiration until she starts whispering, “You’re behind.” Your mates have done XYZ and you haven’t.  Mindfuck!!!! 

Real joy for others is radical. It punches scarcity in the face—the same scarcity mindset that tells us there’s only so much love, success, money, or visibility to go around (just like the mindset of those who bullied that US Substack author off the platform last week... you know the one 👀).

Nah. The universe isn’t stingy. But it does respond to energy. And when your energy says,

“There’s enough for all of us,” it listens.

So yes, clap for them. Even with shaky hands. Even from the back row. Joy is contagious—and when it’s your turn, you’ll want people who clapped for you when they had every reason not to.

We Rise by Lifting Others (Not Just a Cute Quote)

“We rise by lifting others,”I heard Davido mention this in an interview on the Breakfast club a few days ago and it stuck with me. Not just because I love a well-dropped wisdom bomb, especially one I think I have heard before but can’t place where, but because it reminded me how powerful we can be when we shift the spotlight off ourselves for a moment and shine it on someone else.

But what does that actually look like in everyday life? Like beyond the emojis and messages of support on social media to see?

Here’s a starter pack for you - These are simple non “performative” acts of lifting others 

* Send the damn message.“Saw your launch—you're killing it.” Not because you want something. Just because you mean it.

* Make intro